#and I’ll find something interesting to read | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vibelladonna · 9 hours ago

Text

𝒸𝒽𝓇𝒾𝓈𝓉𝓂𝒶𝓈'𝓈 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓁 𝜗𝜚 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒸𝒽𝑜𝒾𝒸𝑒!

· ─────── ⋆⋅ 🝣 ⋅⋆ ─────── ·

This Christmas special was inspired by Valentine's Special [2nd Love Interest] by @fantasia-kitt (the creator!)

For this Christmas, I decided to write this fanfic while running errands with family for the holidays, so please bear with me if there are any mistakes.

I was thinking about writing something for New Year’s Eve, like a party fic, but I feel like this Christmas special is enough for now while I take a short break and catch up on some upcoming projects (three of them with deep plotlines!). Also, this ties in with Tkatb’s 1st anniversary, which was yesterday, the 23rd! I’m super proud of how far this little game has come.

And yes, I saw the update on the plans and progress. It looks like I might start working on some of my other favorite fandoms since the game will be on hold until the major update! I’ll still be keeping an eye on the progress as a Soulmate on Patreon, and you can always ask for a fanfic if you’d like! I’ll be responding to the messages in my ask box soon!

Anyway, happy reading! Wishing you all a wonderful holiday season!

The crisp, cool December air wrapped around you like a familiar embrace, the kind that reminded you of winter's quiet power. You stepped out of the lecture hall, your final class a fading echo behind you.

The world, for a moment, felt as if it had been held in stasis: college was finally behind you, and relief surged through your veins like a slow, satisfying exhale.

You almost burst out laughing at the thought. Thank God that's fucking over. It totally drained you, and ate away at your insides until you felt there was nothing left but pure exhaustion. But then, as it all started to sink in, this weird emptiness crept up, like that quiet moment right before a storm hit.

The goodbyes, those last waves, and parting words were still stuck in your chest, kinda just out of reach, weighing on you like you were still tied to something that wasn’t done.

Then your phone buzzed, snapping you out of your thoughts. You looked down at the screen and spotted Brittney’s name.

— Brittney: REMINDER! Gift exchange on Christmas Eve, my place at 7! Don’t be late, or you’ll owe me extra cookies.

You scoffed and let out a soft chuckle. Brittney had this incredible thing for making demands with a level of authority that was, somehow, oddly charming. As much as you rolled your eyes at her, you couldn’t deny that her quirks always brought a smile to your face. Still, as your gaze flicked back to the message, a groan bubbled up in your chest. You scrolled back through her earlier messages to confirm what you already knew.

"Great," you muttered under your breath. Brittney had really gone all out this year, assigning everyone a specific person to shop for, and, of course, you ended up with Crowe.

You exhaled, frustration bubbling up. It wasn’t that you didn’t like him—he was one of your closest friends—but trying to find a gift for someone who had everything felt like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands. You could almost hear his voice in your head, teasing, cutting through whatever you picked out: “Really? This is what you think of me?” Of course, he’d never say anything like that—but what if he didn’t like it? What if he hated whatever you got him? The thought twisted uncomfortably in your chest.

You shook your head and continued walking toward the bus stop, the weight of the decision hanging over you. Simple wouldn’t cut it, but anything too over the top would make him throw a sarcastic comment at it. You had to find something that hit that sweet spot—the kind of gift that felt thoughtful without making him retreat into one of his jokes.

As if your thoughts weren’t already tangled enough, your phone buzzed again. You hesitated, almost instinctively glancing down.

— Hyugo: Hey, what are you doing Christmas Eve? Sol and I are planning to check out the lights walk at the park. You should come!

A smile tugged at your lips. Typical Hyugo—direct, unfiltered, full of energy. His message was as breezy as his personality. And then there was Sol’s name, and that grin only deepened. The two of them together were a comedy show on legs—Sol’s quiet balance countering Hyugo’s endless whirlwind of ideas and antics.

You stood still, fingers hovering over the screen. Christmas Eve.

Oh no… For a moment, the thought of walking through the park with them, bathed in twinkling lights, was tempting. It would be the perfect kind of distraction, a night filled with laughter, just as you’d imagine. You pictured Hyugo pulling you and Sol into whatever wild antics he’d planned, Sol trying (and failing) to keep everything in check with his usual, resigned eye rolls.

But then, as your thumb hovered over the screen, your thoughts drifted back to Crowe.

Last week, in the group chat, Crowe had mentioned something cryptic about "making big plans" for the holiday. He’d shrugged it off when Brittney pressed for details, but you couldn’t help but wonder if he had something in mind that involved the whole group. You felt the weight of his words in your mind. Would it be weird to bail on him now?

You sighed, tucking your phone into your pocket as the bus stop loomed closer.

"Why is it never simple with these friend groups?" you muttered under your breath.

Now, you had two conflicting decisions on your hands: find the perfect gift for Crowe, and decide whether you were spending Christmas Eve with him and his friends or tagging along with Hyugo and Sol on their sparkling adventure.

Your mind raced with the uncertainty, and the thought of making the "right" choice felt more elusive than ever.

The mall was buzzing with the kind of chaotic energy only the holiday season could bring—families weaving in and out of stores, the sound of Christmas music drifting from every corner, and glittering displays of tinsel and fairy lights winking at you from every window.

You hadn’t stepped foot in a mall in ages—mostly sticking to the convenience of online shopping and the hunts of thrift stores—but here you were, begrudgingly dragging Brittney along in your quest for the perfect gift for Crowe.

“I still don’t get why you’re this stressed about it,” Brittney said, effortlessly balancing a caramel macchiato in one hand while gesturing with the other as she walked beside you. “It’s Jericho. He’ll probably be smiling no matter what you give him. Honestly, wrap up a rock, and he’ll love it anyway.”

You let out a long, drawn-out groan, clutching your coat tighter as you passed yet another store that screamed not Crowe enough. “That’s exactly why it’s stressful! If I give him something random, he’ll think I didn’t put any thought into it. And if it’s too thoughtful—well, you know how he gets.”

Brittney raised an eyebrow, her heels clicking against the tile floor like the beat of a very judgmental drum. “You’re overthinking it, as usual. But fine, we’ll find him something perfect.” She paused dramatically, then grinned like the cat who’d just caught the canary. “Right after we fix this.”

She motioned toward you like you were a mannequin in need of serious intervention.

“What are you talking about?” you asked, narrowing your eyes, already dreading whatever plan she was about to hatch.

“Oh, come on,” she said, practically yanking your arm as she steered you toward a clothing store. “You cannot show up to my place tomorrow night wearing your same old flare jeans-and-sweater combo in dull colors. It’s festive! It’s Christmas! You need to bring your A-game.”

“I thought this was supposed to be a small get-together,” you protested, resisting her tug.

“It is. Small but fabulous. Which is why I, as your friend, am going to make sure you don’t look like you just rolled out of bed.” She pulled a sequined dress from a nearby rack with the kind of flourish reserved for Broadway stars. “What do we think? Too much?”

You stared at the dress in horror. It was so sparkly it could probably be seen from space. You shot her a flat look. “If I wear that, Crowe will definitely never let me live it down.”

“Fine, fine,” Brittney said, laughing and tossing the dress back on the rack with the grace of a fashionista throwing a tantrum. “But you’ve got to admit, you’d turn heads.”

“You’re impossible,” you muttered, though a small smile tugged at the corner of your lips as she tossed another, more reasonable outfit your way.

After what felt like an eternity—and after Brittney vetoed every “boring” outfit you tried to pick—finally, you emerged from the dressing room with a pretty outfit, you both agreed with.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” Brittney said, clapping her hands in approval. “Chic, confident, and just a little bit mysterious. You’re welcome.”

You glanced at yourself in the mirror, tilting your head. “I guess it’s not bad.”

“Not bad?” she repeated, feigning offense. “Please, you look amazing. Crowe is going to have his jaw on the floor.”

You shot her a look, trying to hide the heat creeping up your neck. “Why are you bringing him into this?”

Brittney smirked knowingly. “Oh, please. Like you don’t know.”

You rolled your eyes, but her grin was infectious, and you couldn’t suppress the smallest of smiles.

After leaving the clothing store—with Brittney carrying your new outfit like it was her triumph—you wandered into a cozy little shop filled with knick-knacks and handcrafted items. It had that eclectic, artsy vibe that immediately made you think of Crowe.

Brittney was busy examining a shelf of scented candles when she asked casually, “So, do you ever think about dating?” You froze, nearly dropping the ceramic figurine you were holding. “Excuse me? Where did that come from?”

“I mean, it’s the holidays,” she said, shrugging as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “Romance is in the air. And you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with a certain pair of guys.”

Your stomach flipped. “Brittney...”

“Come on,” she pressed, leaning against the shelf with a teasing grin. “It’s Jericho, isn’t it? Or wait—maybe that dude with the green streaks in his hair?” She paused, thinking, “What’s his name again…?” She asked. You rolled your eyes, “Sol.”

“Right, the quiet one that likes to draw…” She mentioned, “So? The prince or the artist?”

You hesitated, your mind a whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

Sol, with his warm, easy-going nature, always made you feel like you could be yourself. But Crowe... Crowe had a way of drawing you in, his sharp wit and creativity sparking something you couldn’t quite name.

“I... I don’t know,” you admitted finally, your voice barely above a whisper.

Brittney’s expression softened, her teasing giving way to genuine curiosity. “Hey, no pressure. I just think... whoever you pick, they’re lucky to have you.”

As you walked through the mall, still thinking about her words, you stumbled upon something that made you stop in your tracks.

It was a gorgeous, handcrafted music box, intricately carved with a winter scene. You’d seen it before on display, months ago, and fallen in love with it. But the price tag had always kept it just out of reach. You’d told yourself it wasn’t practical—your money had to go toward rent, groceries, and textbooks, not something so frivolous.

Yet here it was, glimmering in the soft light as if waiting for you.

“What’s that?” Brittney asked, peeking over your shoulder.

You swallowed hard. “It’s... something I’ve wanted for a while. But it’s too expensive.”

She raised an eyebrow, glancing at you, then back at the music box. “Maybe it’s time to treat yourself for once. It’s Christmas, after all.”

You shook your head, stepping away reluctantly. “I can’t. I need to stick to my budget.”

Brittney frowned but didn’t push. Instead, she linked her arm with yours and said, “All right, let’s go. We’ve still got to find gifts.”

By the time you left the mall, you were exhausted but triumphant. You’d found the perfect gifts—Brittney had, of course, insisted on adding a bow to each package.

With the gifts secured, you headed home, your thoughts kept drifting back to the music box—and to the question, you couldn’t quite answer. Crowe or Sol?

Standing in front of your mirror, you smoothed the soft fabric of the outfit Brittney had picked out for you—a cozy yet stylish off-shoulder sweater black sweater dress paired with maroon tights, and a matching bow that sits on your nightstand.

It fit perfectly, hitting all the curves, and you had to admit, Brittney had an annoyingly good eye. When she handed you the bag earlier, she had waved away your protests with a grin.

“Think of it as a gift,” she’d said, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “I had no clue what to get you anyway, so this counts. You’re welcome.”

You laughed at the memory as you reached for the maroon bow. It was a small, thoughtful gesture from her, but it carried more weight than she probably realized. Brittney always had a way of showing her care through actions, even if she hid it behind sarcasm.

Your gaze shifted to your phone on the dresser, the screen still lit up with Hyugo’s text. You tapped your nails on the dresser, reading the message again and again. The idea of strolling under the glowing canopy of Christmas lights was tempting. Hyugo’s steady, dependable presence had always been a source of comfort, and Sol...

Your chest tightened slightly at the thought of Sol. He wasn’t the loudest or the most expressive, but he had a quiet way of showing he cared. Whether it was walking on the side of the road closest to traffic or remembering your favorite snacks when you studied late, Sol went out of his way to protect you in the subtlest ways.

But then there was Crowe.

You glanced at your reflection in the mirror, sighing softly as you adjusted the collar of your sweater dress. Crowe was the opposite of Sol in many ways—charismatic, quick-witted, and always so present. He had a way of being there when you needed him most, whether it was cracking a joke to pull you out of a bad mood or reminding you to take care of yourself when you pushed too hard. Crowe didn’t just care about you; he saw you.

Your brush stilled in your hand as your thoughts tangled. Sol, with his quiet strength and unspoken devotion, versus Crowe, whose vibrant energy and unwavering support had become a constant in your life. It wasn’t the first time you’d felt torn like this, but tonight, with everything hanging in the air, the question loomed larger than ever.

You placed the brush down and reached for your phone. Your thumb hovered over the screen, Hyugo’s text still unanswered.

The truth was, both options held their kind of magic. You could picture yourself with Sol and Hyugo, laughing as Sol attempted to grab a runaway balloon from a vendor at the Christmas lights. But you could also imagine spending the night with Crowe and the rest of the group, his familiar presence anchoring you as the chaos of the party swirled around you, perhaps playing games and catching up.

Would Crowe be disappointed if you didn’t go?

You bit your lip, closing your eyes for a moment as you let out a long breath. There wasn’t a perfect answer, and no amount of overthinking would make the choice any easier. Finally, you set the phone down with a soft thud and looked back at your reflection.

“Just go with your gut,” you murmured to yourself.

As you adjusted your clothes in the minor one last time, you headed to your living room. You put on your leather boots, then grabbed your coat, and you made your way toward the door. No matter what decision you made tonight, you knew one thing for certain: the holidays weren’t about the lights, the gifts, or even the plans—they were about the people who mattered most to you.

And whether that person was Crowe or Sol... maybe the night would help you figure that out.

If you picked Crowe!

You stood in front of your front door, staring at your phone screen as your thumb hovered over the keyboard. Hyugo’s invitation sat open on your messaging app, the words staring back at you like a challenge.

Spending Christmas Eve with him and Sol sounded wonderful. The idea of walking under glowing lights, sharing laughter and stories, and basking in the quiet warmth of their presence was so tempting. You could already picture Sol’s quiet, steady energy and Hyugo’s easygoing humor, balancing each other out like always.

But then there was Brittney’s party. She had been planning it for weeks, texting in all caps about the details and how “NO ONE was allowed to skip out unless they wanted to face my WRATH.” And Crowe… well, Crowe had been unusually involved in the group chat about the exchange. You could sense his subtle excitement, even though he’d never admit it outright.

Your heartfelt caught between two equally important choices. One evening with Hyugo and Sol would mean stepping away from the rest of your friends, missing out on the little traditions that had brought you all closer. And yet, declining Hyugo’s invitation felt like a lost chance to make a special memory with him and Sol.

Biting your lip, you finally typed out a reply, your fingers moving hesitantly:

— You: I’d love to, but I think the crew is planning something. Maybe next time?

You stared at the message for another moment before pressing send, a pang of guilt twisting in your chest.

It wasn’t long before your phone buzzed with Hyugo’s response:

— Hyugo: Got it. Have fun!

You smiled softly at the screen, some of the tension in your chest easing. Hyugo was always so understanding—steady and reliable, no matter the situation. But before you could set your phone down, it buzzed again.

The name flashing on the screen made your stomach flip.

Sol.

You hesitated for a beat before answering. “Hey,” you said, keeping your tone light despite the sudden tightness in your throat.

“Hey,” he replied, his voice calm but noticeably quieter than usual. “I just wanted to check... So, you’re not coming tonight?”

Your chest tightened further at the faint thread of disappointment in his tone. “I’m really sorry, Sol,” you said, sighing softly. “I already have plans with others friends. I don’t want to bail on them.”

There was a pause, long enough for your heart to sink. When Sol spoke again, his words were careful, and understanding, but there was no hiding the sadness that laced his tone. “It’s okay. I get it. Maybe we can hang out another time.”

The lump in your throat grew heavier. “We definitely will,” you promised quickly, wishing you could say something to lighten the weight you could feel in his words.

In the background, you heard Hyugo’s voice. “Is that them? Gimme the phone.”

There was a rustling sound before Hyugo’s familiar warmth came through the line. “Hey, don’t worry about it,” he said with an easy chuckle. “We’ll survive without you. But next time, no excuses, okay?”

The lightheartedness in his tone made your shoulders relax slightly. You couldn’t help but laugh softly, relieved by his usual charm. “Thanks, Hyugo. Have fun tonight, okay?”

“You too!” he teased before adding, “And try not to let Brittney drag you into too much chaos. See you soon.”

The line clicked, leaving you standing in the quiet entryway of your apartment. You lowered the phone slowly, staring at it for a moment longer as an ache settled in your chest. Sol’s voice lingered in your mind, soft and careful, and you couldn’t help but wish things could have been different.

But tonight, you reminded yourself, was about being with the others, about keeping the traditions you’d built with them alive. With a deep breath, you slipped your phone into your pocket and grabbed your coat, stepping into the night air with a mixture of anticipation and bittersweet longing swirling in your heart.

The evening of the party arrived, and as you approached Brittney’s house, the warmth and energy of the gathering spilled out onto the deck porch. Golden light glowed from the windows, the cheerful hum of music and laughter drifting into the chilly December air. You paused for a moment at the door, pulling your coat tighter around yourself as you gathered your thoughts.

With a steadying breath, you knocked. A moment later, the door swung open, and there was Brittney, her face lighting up with her signature, effervescent grin.

“Finally! I thought you’d never get here,” she said, already reaching to help you with your coat.

“Sorry, I was—”

“Fashionably late,” she interrupted, her eyes scanning your outfit. A satisfied hum escaped her lips as she appraised you. “Now this is what I’m talking about. You’re stunning.”

You laughed softly, slipping out of your coat to reveal the sleek ensemble Brittney had insisted on picking for you—a soft, flowing top and fitted trousers that made you feel both elegant and confident. She handed you a pair of house shoes, the ones you knew she kept around for occasions like this.

“I feel like I’m overdressed,” you said lightly, but Brittney shook her head, waving a dismissive hand.

“Overdressed? Please. It’s Christmas. You’re perfect.”

Before you could respond, a familiar voice cut through the cheerful din behind her.

“Hey, you made it.”

Your gaze shifted, and there stood Crowe. For a moment, you simply stared, taking him in. He wore an azure button-up shirt, paired with a black vest that complemented his rich brown skin, the deep hue drawing out the warm tones of his deep blue eyes. A sapphire brooch glinted at the center of a meticulously tied black bow around his collar, and his long hair was pulled into a low ponytail, tied back with a matching azure ribbon.

In his hands, he held a small bouquet of blue irises.

Your breath caught, and as he stepped closer, you couldn’t help but let your eyes wander over his ensemble. “Wow,” you murmured. “You look... princely.”

Crowe raised an eyebrow, his usual smirk faltering as a flicker of warmth crossed his expression. “And you look...” He paused, his gaze lingering on you before softening. “Really beautiful.”

“Only tonight?” you teased, raising an eyebrow and tilting your head.

His eyes widened, and he stumbled over his words, flustered in a way you didn’t see often. “No, I mean—you look beautiful every day, but tonight you just—” He stopped, rubbing the back of his neck as a sheepish laugh escaped him.

You both burst into laughter, the tension easing in an instant. Brittney rolled her eyes dramatically, patting Crowe’s shoulder as she passed. “Well, my work here is done,” she said, her tone dripping with mock exasperation. “Don’t mess this up, princeling.”

As Brittney disappeared into the crowd, Crowe turned his attention back to you, holding out the bouquet. “These are for you,” he said simply.

You took the flowers carefully, the soft petals brushing your fingertips. Your eyes widened slightly as you studied the blooms. “Blue irises,” you said, your voice thoughtful. “They’re beautiful.”

He tilted his head, his smirk returning. “I thought you’d like them. They’re supposed to mean hope and trust—or something like that.”

“And wisdom,” you added, looking up at him with a smile. “The iris has been associated with wisdom and truth because of the Greek goddess Iris, who was a messenger for Zeus and Hera. And nobility, too—it’s been connected to royalty throughout history.”

Crowe’s brow lifted, clearly impressed. “Well, aren’t you just a walking encyclopedia?”

You grinned. “Maybe. But you picked well. Thank you.”

The warmth in his gaze deepened, and for a moment, it felt like the noise of the party faded away.

“You’re welcome,” he said softly.

Soon the room was buzzing with anticipation as the gift exchange began. Brittney, playing hostess to perfection, had everyone seated in a loose circle, with the mountain of brightly wrapped presents taking center stage. You were perched on the edge of a couch, trying to calm the slight flutter in your chest as the turn order worked its way closer to Crowe.

When his name was finally called, he shot to his feet with his usual flair, bowing dramatically as the room cheered. “Thank you, thank you,” he said, waving his hand like a performer accepting applause. “But this isn’t about me—it’s about you all witnessing the unveiling of my superior gift-giving skills.”

Brittney rolled her eyes. “Just get on with it, princeling.”

Crowe smirked at her before his gaze flicked to you. A mischievous glint lit his deep blue eyes as he strode toward you, a carefully curated basket in his hands. He stopped in front of you, his grin softening into something a little more sincere.

“This one’s for you,” he said, holding the basket out with a slight flourish.

You blinked, surprised as you took the basket from him. “For me?”

He tilted his head, his smirk deepening. “Well, yeah. You’re hard to shop for, so don’t judge me too harshly, okay?”

You set the basket on your lap and began pulling back the tissue paper, and your eyes widened as you took in the contents. Inside were all your favorite things—snacks you couldn’t resist, small trinkets in your favorite color, and even a notebook that perfectly matched your aesthetic.

“Crowe...” you murmured, already feeling a warmth spreading in your chest. But as you moved the tissue paper aside further, your gaze landed on something at the center that made your breath hitch—a beautifully crafted music box.

“You...” You looked up at him, your voice barely above a whisper.

Crowe shifted on his feet, rubbing the back of his neck in a rare display of nervousness. “I wasn’t sure what to get you,” he admitted, his voice quieter than usual. “You’re always saying you have everything you need, and every time I offer to get you something, you turn me down like I’m trying to buy your soul or something.”

A ripple of laughter spread through the room, and you couldn’t help but smile. “So, I figured I’d just... cover all my bases. You know, a little bit of everything. And, uh... I remembered how much you like little tunes and stuff, so...” He motioned awkwardly to the music box, looking anywhere but directly at you.

Your chest tightened as a wave of emotion swept over you. The thoughtfulness behind the gift—the way he’d paid attention to all the little details about you—left you speechless. Without thinking, you stood up, leaned toward him, and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you, Crowe,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

For a moment, Crowe froze, his eyes wide as the room erupted into a chorus of whistles and teasing laughter. His hand flew to his cheek, and the tips of his ears turned a faint shade of red.

“Well, well, well,” Brittney said loudly, holding up her phone and snapping a picture. “Looks like Crowe’s the real winner tonight.”

Crowe groaned, glaring playfully at her. “Don’t you have a party to host or something?”

Brittney smirked. “This is hosting. Carry on, lovebirds.”

The teasing didn’t stop there. Someone shouted, “How about a speech, Crowe?!” and someone else chimed in with, “Yeah, tell us how it feels to win Christmas!”

Crowe sighed dramatically, but the small smile tugging at his lips betrayed how much he appreciated the attention. “It feels like... a conspiracy,” he quipped, shooting you a quick, fond glance.

As the laughter died down and the gift exchange continued, you found yourself clutching the basket tightly. You caught Crowe looking at you a few times, and each time, he offered a soft, almost shy smile.

As the night wore on, the room buzzed with laughter and excitement. You sat quietly, watching the group banter back and forth, their camaraderie filling the space with a warmth that rivaled the glow of the twinkling fairy lights strung across the walls. Brittney flitted from group to group, her laughter ringing out as she teased someone about their gift-wrapping skills. Crowe’s voice cut through the chatter every so often, his witty remarks earning groans and snickers alike.

You smiled at their antics, but the warmth in your chest was tinged with a bittersweet ache. The ease with which they all interacted—the history they shared—sometimes made you feel like an outsider, no matter how much they cared for you. You blinked quickly, willing away the sting in your eyes, but the knot in your throat tightened.

A quiet voice broke through your thoughts.

“Hey.”

You looked up to find Crowe standing beside you, his brow furrowed, concern softening his usually playful expression. He crouched slightly to meet your gaze, his hand brushing lightly against your arm.

“You okay?” he asked, his voice low so only you could hear.

You nodded quickly, forcing a smile as you wiped at your eyes. “Yeah,” you said, though your voice wavered. “I just need some fresh air.”

He didn’t ask any more questions. Instead, he held out a hand, helping you up. “Come on,” he said softly, guiding you toward the door.

Outside, the crisp night air greeted you, sharp and refreshing against your skin. The muffled sounds of music and laughter from inside felt distant now, replaced by the soft rustling of trees and the faint twinkle of stars overhead.

You leaned against the railing of the porch, closing your eyes for a moment as you took a deep breath. When you opened them again, Crowe was watching you, his expression unreadable.

A tear slipped down your cheek before you could stop it. Crowe noticed immediately, his brow knitting in concern. Without hesitation, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue handkerchief.

He stepped closer, his movements gentle as he raised the handkerchief to your cheek, wiping the tear away. His touch was warm and deliberate, his fingertips barely grazing your skin.

The tenderness of the gesture caught you off guard, and when he realized how close he was, his hand faltered. “Sorry, I—”

You leaned into his touch, closing your eyes as a small, shaky breath escaped you. “Thank you,” you murmured, your voice barely audible.

His hand lingered for a moment longer before he pulled back, his lips curving into a small, lopsided smile. “You don’t have to thank me,” he said softly.

The two of you stood there in comfortable silence for a while, the cool night air brushing against your faces. Eventually, Crowe leaned against the railing beside you, his arm brushing yours as he tilted his head back to look at the sky.

“Do you know much about constellations?” he asked, his tone lighter now.

You glanced at him, grateful for the change in mood. “A little. Why?”

He pointed upward, his hand tracing the shape of a cluster of stars. “That one right there—that’s Cassiopeia. The queen who bragged about how beautiful she was and got herself in trouble with the gods.”

You laughed softly. “Sounds like someone I know.”

Crowe gasped in mock offense, pressing a hand to his chest. “I’ll have you know, I am humble to a fault.”

“Sure, princeling,” you teased, nudging him gently with your shoulder.

He grinned, his gaze drifting back to the stars. “Anyway, you’re more like Andromeda. You know, the princess who was chained to a rock but ended up becoming a constellation. Quiet strength, endless beauty... and the kind of person you can’t help but notice.”

Your breath hitched slightly at his words, and when you turned to look at him, his eyes were already on you, warm and sincere.

“I...” You hesitated, your emotions threatening to spill over again. But instead of speaking, you reached into your pocket and pulled out a small box.

“I almost forgot,” you said, your voice steadying. “This is for you.”

Crowe blinked, surprised, as he took the box from your hands. When he opened it, his expression softened even further. Inside were two matching necklaces, one in gold and one in silver, with interlocking stars at the center.

“They fit together,” you explained, taking the gold one and clipping it around his neck. “Yours is gold and mine’s silver. I thought...” You hesitated again, suddenly shy. “I thought it’d be a nice reminder.”

Crowe’s fingers brushed the charm, his gaze flicking between the necklace and you. “It’s perfect,” he said, his voice low. “Thank you.”

The two of you stood close, the distance between you barely enough to breathe, yet it felt like the world had narrowed down to just the two of you. Your hands brushed as you admired the matching necklaces, an unspoken connection flickering between the two of you. Crowe’s lips parted, as if he was about to say something, but then he suddenly laughed, his eyes catching something in the distance.

“What’s so funny?” you asked, your head tilting curiously, the soft flicker of the holiday lights casting a warm glow on your face.

He pointed upward, his eyes mischievous. “You didn’t notice?”

Following his gaze, your eyes landed on a sprig of mistletoe hanging directly above you, its green leaves almost glowing under the lights. The realization hit you, and heat surged to your cheeks, a soft flush spreading across your skin. You looked back at him, your heart suddenly racing, and found him raising his hands in mock surrender, his lips curling into that knowing smile of his.

“You don’t have to,” he said, his tone playful but edged with something deeper, like he was daring you to take the plunge. “It’s just tradition, you know.”

But you didn’t let him finish. Without a second thought, you stepped closer, closing the gap between you until you were mere inches apart. Your fingers gently cupped his cheek, and as his breath hitched, you pressed your lips to his.

The kiss was electric. Crowe froze for the briefest of seconds, as if surprised by your sudden boldness, but then he melted into it, his hands settling onto your waist, his touch firm yet careful. The world around you seemed to vanish, the only thing that existed was the sensation of his lips against yours, the warmth of his breath mingling with yours. It was soft, tender, but there was an intensity to it—like a fire that had been smoldering, just waiting for the right moment to ignite.

His lips moved against yours, slow at first, savoring the closeness. The kiss deepened, and you could feel the steady rhythm of his heartbeat through the way his chest pressed gently against yours. You pulled him in closer, your hands tangling in the fabric of his jacket, as though afraid that if you let go, the moment would slip away. His body was pressed against yours now, his chest flush against yours, his strong arms securing you in place, as if to make sure you didn’t fall.

When you finally pulled back, the air between you seemed charged, crackling with unspoken words. His eyes were softer than you’d ever seen them, dark and warm with something that made your heart race. He smiled, a slow, genuine curve of his lips, his voice low and tender when he finally spoke.

“I’ve been waiting for that,” he whispered, his words almost lost in the space between your lips. His hand remained at the small of your back, holding you close, his fingers warm against your skin.

Before you could even process the weight of his words, a loud voice broke through the fragile moment.

“Got it!” Brittney crowed from the window, waving her phone triumphantly as if she had just captured a moment of great importance.

You groaned, your face immediately hiding in your hands, embarrassed, but Crowe just laughed, the sound warm and carefree, his arm effortlessly wrapping around your shoulders.

“Let them watch,” he said with a grin, pulling you closer, his breath tickling your ear. “I don’t care.”

And for the first time that night, as his arm pulled you tighter against him, you didn’t care either.

If you picked Sol!

You stood motionless, phone resting in your hand, as you stared at the glowing screen.

— You: I’d love to come. When should I meet you?

Hyugo’s response came almost immediately.

— Hyugo: 6:30 at the park entrance. Can’t wait!

A small smile tugged at your lips, the kind that didn’t quite reach your eyes. You knew tonight would be special; Hyugo and Sol had a way of making even the simplest outings unforgettable. But as your gaze drifted to Crowe’s name in your contacts, the smile faded.

Crowe.

He deserved to know you wouldn’t be there. You owed him that much.

Your thumb hovered over the call button, hesitating as a pang of guilt settled in your chest. This wasn’t an easy decision, but you couldn’t be everywhere at once. Taking a steadying breath, you pressed the button and lifted the phone to your ear.

The line rang twice before Crowe answered, his familiar voice as warm and teasing as ever. “Hey, what’s up? Please don’t tell me you’re chickening out on me for tonight.”

A soft laugh escaped you, but the guilt in your tone was unmistakable. “Not exactly chickening out, but... I can’t make it. I have other plans.”

The silence that followed stretched long enough to make your chest tighten. You checked the screen to make sure the call hadn’t dropped, but then Crowe’s voice returned, quieter now.

“Oh. I see. Well, that’s okay. I mean, we’ll miss you, but it’s not Christmas without options, right?”

His attempt at lightness only deepened the ache in your heart. You could hear the subtle disappointment beneath his words, even if he was trying to hide it.

“I’m sorry, Crowe,” you said softly. “I really hope you have a great time. Merry Christmas.”

He chuckled lightly, though the usual energy in his laugh wasn’t there. “Yeah, you too. Take care, okay?”

When the call ended, you stared at the blank screen for a moment, the weight of your choice pressing on you. Crowe’s voice lingered in your mind, and for a fleeting second, you almost reconsidered. But tonight was about something different—something you couldn’t quite name yet.

Later that evening, you arrived at the park entrance, the crisp night air nipping at your cheeks as the scent of pine and roasted chestnuts filled the air. Strings of twinkling lights turned the trees into glowing sculptures, and the cheerful hum of holiday music mingled with the sound of children laughing and families chatting.

Your breath puffed in the cold air as you scanned the crowd. It didn’t take long to spot Hyugo leaning against a lamppost, his tall frame relaxed and his hands tucked casually into his coat pockets. He gave you a small wave, but it wasn’t Hyugo who drew your attention.

A few steps away stood Sol.

He was dressed impeccably, his white button-up shirt and green suit jacket tailored perfectly to his lean frame. The deep green of the jacket brought out the striking shade of his eyes, and his neatly styled ponytail only emphasized the sharp lines of his face. His bangs framed his expression, highlighting the glint of the piercings lining his ears.

But it was the bouquet in his hands that truly caught your attention. A cluster of green roses, delicate and vibrant against the cold winter backdrop.

Your heart skipped a beat as you walked toward him, your eyes widening. “Green roses,” you said softly, taking the bouquet from his hands with care. “They’re about life and growth. Hope, too.”

Sol blinked, his lips parting slightly in surprise before his expression softened. A faint blush crept up his neck as he scratched the back of his head. “Yeah... I thought you’d like them.”

You couldn’t help yourself. Without thinking, you leaned forward and hugged him, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

Sol froze, his body going stiff as his blush deepened to an almost crimson hue. He stammered incoherently for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck as if to ground himself.

“Well, this is already adorable,” Hyugo said, his calm voice laced with amusement as he walked up. “Thanks for officially making me the third wheel tonight.”

You laughed, clutching the roses to your chest as you turned to Hyugo. “Don’t be so dramatic. Here, I have something for you.”

Reaching into the small gift bag in your hand, you pulled out a silver katana necklace. Hyugo’s brows lifted as he took it, his fingers brushing the delicate chain.

“Wow,” he said, holding it up to catch the light. “This is... really nice. Thanks!”

“Only the best for you,” you teased, grinning as he slipped it on. The chain glinted under the lights, and he adjusted it with a satisfied nod.

“Looks good on me, doesn’t it?” he said, striking a mock-serious pose.

You rolled your eyes, laughing. “It does. But let’s not let it go to your head, okay?”

As the three of you began walking into the park, the weight of the earlier phone call began to ease. The twinkling lights, the crisp air, and the warmth of your friends’ presence all blended into a moment you wouldn’t forget.

The world around you transformed into a glowing wonderland of twinkling lights. Strings of bulbs wound through the trees like cascading stars, and lanterns in festive shapes lined the paths. The air was filled with the sounds of cheerful laughter, holiday music, and the occasional jingling bell from a passing sleigh ride.

Hyugo walked ahead, his easy stride and relaxed demeanor making him seem like he belonged in this magical setting. Occasionally, he pointed out displays, his commentary a mix of genuine appreciation and sarcastic humor.

“See that?” he said, gesturing to a particularly gaudy reindeer display. “That’s exactly what my family’s yard looks like. Overachieving neighbors are a real thing.”

You laughed, falling into step with Sol, who had remained quieter than usual. He walked beside you, his hands tucked into his jacket pockets now that the bouquet was safely cradled in your arms. His reddish-orange eyes flitted between the lights and you, his expression thoughtful.

“You okay back there, Sol?” Hyugo called over his shoulder, smirking. “You’re way too quiet. I’m starting to think the roses did all the talking for you.”

Sol’s cheeks flushed again, but he managed a small smile. “I’m fine. Just... enjoying the view.” Hyugo snorted. “Yeah, sure you are.”

You glanced up at Sol, catching the way his gaze lingered on you before darting away. Your heart skipped slightly, and you decided to give him a reprieve from Hyugo’s teasing. “The lights are beautiful,” you said softly, gesturing toward the canopy of stars above the path.

Sol nodded, his voice equally quiet. “Yeah, they are.”

The three of you continued along the winding path, pausing occasionally to take in the more elaborate displays—a massive tree covered in golden lights, an archway adorned with glittering ornaments, and a whimsical snowman family that had children running circles around it.

Hyugo excused himself after spotting a nearby food stall. “I’m getting hot cocoa. Anyone want some?”

You shook your head, and Sol muttered a soft, “No, thanks.”

“Suit yourselves. I’ll be back in a bit,” Hyugo said with a casual wave, leaving you and Sol alone under the shimmering lights.

The silence that followed wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was charged with something unspoken. Sol glanced at you, his hands fidgeting slightly in his pockets.

“You look really nice tonight,” he said suddenly, his voice shy but earnest.

You turned to him, surprised. “Thank you. You do, too.”

He smiled faintly, the corners of his mouth twitching as if he wasn’t sure how far to let it go. “I mean it,” he added, his gaze dropping for a moment before meeting yours again. “You always look nice, but tonight... I don’t know. You’re so pretty.”

Your breath caught at the sincerity in his voice. For a moment, you didn’t know how to respond. “Thank you,” you said again, your voice softer this time.

The lights overhead cast a soft glow on both of you, the world feeling smaller and quieter. Your thoughts began to wander, and a faint ache tugged at your chest.

You’d spent so many Christmases surrounded by family, their familiar warmth and chaos filling every corner of your childhood home. This year was different. You’d made a life for yourself in the city and built relationships and traditions with your friends, but the distance from your family suddenly felt heavier than ever.

Sol noticed the shift in your expression immediately. His brows furrowed, and he tilted his head slightly, stepping closer. “Hey,” he said gently. “You okay?”

You blinked quickly, realizing tears had started to well in your eyes. “Yeah,” you said, wiping at them with a quick smile. “I’m fine. Just... thinking about home.”

His concern deepened, and for a moment, he hesitated, like he wasn’t sure if he should say anything. Finally, he reached out, resting a hand on your shoulder. “It’s okay to miss them,” he said softly. “You don’t have to hide it.”

The warmth in his voice unraveled something inside you, and you nodded, swallowing hard. “Thank you, Sol,” you murmured.

A small smile returned to his face, and he pulled his hand back, letting the moment settle. After a few moments, you reached into your bag, a spark of excitement cutting through the heaviness in your chest. “Actually, I have something for you,” you said, pulling out a small box.

Sol blinked in surprise, watching as you handed it to him. “What’s this?”

“Open it,” you said with a grin.

He carefully lifted the lid to reveal a miniature horse keychain, painted green and black to match his colors. Sol’s eyes widened, and a small, genuine smile spread across his face.

“For me?” he asked, his voice almost disbelieving.

You nodded. “And this one’s for me,” you added, pulling out a matching keychain—a small cat painted in your favorite colors. “Now we’ve got matching keychains. To think of each other, you know.”

Sol stared at the tiny horse in his hands, his fingers brushing the smooth surface. “I love it,” he said finally, his voice quiet but full of emotion. “Thank you.”

Before you could respond, Sol reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a neatly wrapped box. “I, uh... have something for you too,” he said, handing it over.

You unwrapped it carefully, and your breath caught as the lid lifted to reveal the music box you’d been dreaming about for months.

Tears sprang to your eyes again, but this time they were filled with pure joy. You couldn’t quite believe what you were seeing. “Sol… how did you…?”

He stood there, his hands twitching nervously at his sides, the usual confidence he carried nowhere to be found. He took a tentative step closer, and the vulnerability in his eyes made your heart ache. “I remembered you talking about it once,” he said, his voice faltering, tinged with uncertainty. “I just thought you should have it.”

His words, the meaning behind them, hit you all at once. He was so thoughtful, so careful. But it was his panicked expression that really caught you off guard. His hands hovered awkwardly in the air, unsure whether to comfort you or retreat, his green eyes wide with worry, silently questioning if he had done too much. “I—was this too much? I just thought you’d—”

You couldn’t bear to see him like that, unsure and vulnerable, so you stepped forward, closing the distance between you. Slowly, you rose up onto your toes, your hands resting gently on his broad shoulders, grounding yourself in his presence.

Before he could finish his thought, you pressed a soft, lingering kiss to his lips, letting your emotions guide you. His breath hitched, and for a long moment, everything seemed to pause. The twinkling lights that decorated the trees, the distant laughter of other parkgoers, even the crisp winter air—all of it faded away, leaving only the heat of his skin and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat that somehow synced with yours.

Sol froze at first, his lips still under yours, as if his mind hadn’t caught up with what was happening. But slowly, you felt him relax into the kiss. His hands, unsure at first, settled lightly on your arms, and then, as if he was grounding himself in the moment, they tightened just slightly, pulling you in closer.

His touch was gentle, but you could feel the depth of his feelings in the way his fingers brushed against your skin—like he was afraid to let go, as if the moment might slip away if he did.

When you finally pulled back, the air around you felt charged, alive with the emotion you both had been holding back. Sol stood there, his wide eyes locked on you, his cheeks flushed so deeply that even the tips of his ears had turned a deep shade of red. His chest rose and fell quickly, like he couldn’t quite process what had just happened.

“I… uh…” he stammered, his voice barely a whisper, as if words had momentarily escaped him.

A soft laugh escaped you, breaking the intensity of the moment. You wiped away the lingering tears from your cheeks, trying to steady yourself. “Thank you, Sol,” you said, your voice steady despite the rush of emotions swirling in your chest. “For everything. For the music box, for being here… for being you.”

Sol’s lips parted slightly, as if he wanted to respond, but instead, all he managed was a shy, lopsided smile. The kind that made your heart flutter, as if his very soul was laid bare in that simple gesture.

You smiled back, your cheeks still flushed with warmth despite the winter chill, and there was something about the way his gaze lingered on you that made everything feel right, in a way you never expected.

“And for the record,” you added softly, your tone more serious now, “I care about you. So much.”

Sol’s smile deepened, and his eyes seemed to glow with a mixture of disbelief and quiet happiness. His voice, when it came, was so soft, so full of emotion, it felt like a secret meant just for you. “I’m just glad you’re here,” he murmured, his hand gently brushing a stray lock of hair from your face, his touch warm and tender. “You’re the best muse I’ll ever have.”

His words hung in the air between you, and it felt like time itself had slowed down, each second stretching into eternity as you stood there, lost in the quiet connection you shared. The world, the winter, the chaos of everything else—it all melted away in that one moment, leaving only the feeling of his hands, his heart, and the soft glow of your shared affection.

Before either of you could say more, Hyugo’s voice cut through the tender moment, laced with amusement.

“Well, I feel like I should leave you two lovebirds alone, but... I also don’t want to walk home alone, so…”

The interruption made you laugh, the sound light and genuine as the heaviness in your chest fully lifted. Sol’s blush only deepened, and he looked down, scratching the back of his neck in his usual awkward fashion.

Your hand found his instinctively, your fingers lacing together as you turned to face Hyugo. “You’re hopeless,” you called teasingly.

“Yeah, yeah,” Hyugo said with a mock sigh. “Glad you’ve finally figured that out.”

As the three of you continued along the path, Sol’s grip on your hand remained firm, his thumb brushing lightly against yours as though to reassure himself this wasn’t a dream. The lights above reflected in his eyes, making them shine like rubies against the backdrop of the winter evening.

After a few moments of quiet, Sol glanced at you, his gaze steady but laced with a familiar shyness. “Thanks for being here,” he said, his voice low but full of meaning.

You looked up at him, warmth blooming in your chest. “Of course. Where else would I be?”

He hesitated for just a second, and then, with a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, he added, “…And I’m glad I didn’t have to shed any blood to win you over.”

You stopped in your tracks, staring at him in mock disbelief before bursting into laughter. “What a charmer,” you said, shaking your head.

Sol chuckled softly, his grip on your hand tightening just slightly. “What can I say? I aim to impress you alone.”

The teasing gave way to a comfortable silence as the two of you continued walking, your hands still intertwined. The world around you felt warmer, and brighter, like the holiday lights above had found a way to settle into your chest and glow from the inside out.

For the first time that night, you felt completely at peace, the bittersweet ache of the season replaced by something sweeter: the quiet, steadfast warmth of someone who cared for you deeply.

You two reached Hyugo, who was waiting by another set of light displays with two steaming cups of cocoa in hand.

You couldn’t help but think that this chilly winter night had turned into something magical.

The soft hum of your phone was the only sound in the stillness of your room, the faint light casting long shadows across the walls as you lay there, scrolling through the pictures from the night of Christmas Eve. Each image flickered before your eyes like a fragment of time—memories that felt both distant and vivid, frozen in the glow of your screen.

The liveliness of Crowe and his friends, the way their energy seemed to fill the room and make the night brighter. Or the warmth of the park, the laughter of Hyugo and Sol, their voices mingling with the cold December air.

You felt an unexpected peace settle deep in your chest, a quiet kind of comfort.

College may have been over, for now, but something else had started to take root—connections that would stretch far beyond the walls of classrooms and lectures. Friendships that felt solid, steady, like something that might stand the test of time.

Just as you set the phone aside, your eyes began to flutter shut, your body sinking into the softness of the bed, drifting completely off to sleep.

Afterward, the soft sound at the window—a quiet rustle of fabric, the faintest click of the latch being undone. Then, a shadow moved across the room, sleek and fluid, dressed entirely in black. The figure moved with practiced ease, slipping silently through your window as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Sol.

His silhouette was barely visible against the darkness, but you could feel the presence of his mischievous grin even before he stepped into the soft pool of light in your room. He was quick, and efficient as if he had done this a hundred times before, and yet there was something undeniably thoughtful in the way he moved—careful not to disturb anything, as if he didn’t want to interrupt the calm of the night.

He stood there for a moment, just watching your sleeping figure, his eyes heart-shaped, glinting with quiet amusement. You could feel something warm in his gaze. Then, he crossed the room, slow enough not to startle you, and crouched down at the edge of your bed. His black clothing blended into the shadows, the outline of his lean figure and the small smile playing at the corners of his lips.

You were deep in sleep, the world around you a blur of comforting darkness. And yet, in that dreamlike space, you could feel his presence, like a whisper threading through the silence.

"You made it through the year," his voice murmured, a soft, velvety tone that carried a weight of something unspoken—something meaningful. His words were like a gentle caress, and though you could barely register them in your dream state, they stirred something inside you, something warm, something that made you feel understood.

A movement—delicate, almost reverent—pulled you from the haze of sleep. His hand, steady and sure, reached out to you, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face. His touch was feather-light, as though he was afraid to disturb the fragile peace of the moment. You could feel the warmth of his fingertips lingering on your skin, a soft, lingering touch that made you feel protected, and cared for, even in your slumber.

"Wishing you the best in the new year," he whispered, his voice barely audible but thick with intent.

You didn’t stir, caught in the embrace of sleep, but somehow, his words echoed through your mind like a distant lullaby. His hand dropped, and then there was a shift, the movement of him leaning forward, his presence closer now, filling the space between you.

His lips brushed against your cheek, the kiss so gentle it felt like the flutter of a butterfly’s wings. It was brief, fleeting, but tender—an unspoken promise, woven into the light touch, something that lingered on your skin even after he pulled away. His warmth stayed with you for a heartbeat, then another, the feeling of him still hanging in the air like a quiet echo.

For a moment, everything was still. His expression remained unreadable, as it often did, but there was something else there—something deeper, more sincere than you were used to seeing. He didn’t need to say more; his presence was enough.

"Happy New Year~” he said, his voice soft but carrying a quiet smile, one that tugged at the corners of his lips as though he knew something you didn’t. And then, as swiftly as he had come, he was gone—leaving behind only the lingering warmth of his touch and the faintest trace of his words, woven into the fabric of your dreams. Still, a smile tugged at your lips as you thought about the promise of the new year—of fresh starts and endless possibilities.

Whatever moments the future held, you knew they'd be all the more meaningful depending on who you chose to share them with.

· ─────── ⋆⋅ 🝣 ⋅⋆ ─────── ·

#the kid at the back x reader #the kid at the back crowe #the kid at the back sol #tkatb #tkatb crowe #crowe ichabod #crowe x reader #tkatb sol #solivan brugmansia #jericho crowe ichabod #jericho ichabod #the kid at the back jericho #sol brugmansia #sol x reader #the kid at the back vn

55 notes · View notes

crimmsonflower · 1 day ago

Text

This is such a good analysis and reading of the mcd characters!

im a mcd garroth fan for life. he’s my little guy because I have a thing for characters who give their entire soul to their loved ones (totally not projecting). But I haven’t watched mcd in a while though so noticing details that really solidify characters personalities and ideals is great to see as a reference

I really agree with your analysis of garroth. With how I view canon and a bit of headcanons. Garroth’s role as a protector and provider is so important to him and is the foundation of his character. I’ve always thought of garroth to be a romantic, someone who holds hope for an idealized view of love, so his possessiveness of aph is built off that fairytale love (that doesn’t make the weird shit better but yeah). The idea of soulmates, on true love, someone loving you will be what rescues you. I read a post here that said garroth viewed marriage/love as his escape and then marriage being weaponised has him run away, and that completely altered my brain chemistry+my perception of garroth (I’ll link it if I find it again)

these are interesting and well noted inferences. Understanding garroth as a lawful good character and someone who abused by his law code was like wow! Like oh that makes so much sense with his character and I subconsciously knew that but it never fully surfaced. Laurdad and the parallels between him and Malachi is something I never caught onto actually. You really surfaced ideas that were there in my mind but were just below the waves.

I’m really surprised that you managed to find a reasoning for garroth’s betrayal that did not make me want to hurl. I’ve always seen it as bad writing, still kind of think it cause I doubt it was written to fit, but you’ve managed to explain it in a way that fits him so well. This was such a fun read and really makes me want to rewatch mcd so I can take my own notes on everything. I can’t wait to see another one, continuing on with garroth or focusing more on other characters! The Aphmau and Aaron analysis were interesting because I don’t think about them that deeply

It’s time for part 2 of my in-depth character analysis of Garmau, Laurmau, and Garrance relationship dynamics and development!! Part one is here, and this is a very very long post, just like last time. I am going to go until I hit the image limit of a single tumblr post. With no time to waste, let’s jump straight back into it!

Something that occurred to me after I posted the first part was an idea about Garroth’s decision to create the rule of “any guard that turns into a shadow knight is forced by honor to take his own life the moment he returns from the Nether,” and it’s that I think he did that not out of a lapse of brief, cold heartlessness for Laurance, but out of love. Love for Aphmau, obviously, mainly, but I don’t think Garroth himself thought of something like that as…harsh. I think he genuinely held this shared understanding with Laurance, this assumption of their mutual bond as knights, that he believed he knew Laurance is perfectly well aware of the way this shit goes, this job they’ve pledged their lives to. Laurance’s life is to protect his Lord above all else, Garroth’s life is to protect Aphmau’s at any cost. So of course, if you as a knight have become something so monstrous and bloodthirsty that you are an imminent danger to your own Lord’s life… you either resign, or die. And if someone else was trying to murder their Lord, I imagine the natural thing to do would be to kill that person, so if you eliminate the threat… you save your Lord’s life. Laurance did something incredibly noble by sacrificing himself for Aphmau. That was, effectively, his life’s entire purpose. There’s a sense of being… disposable, as a guard. One that Zenix himself even pointed out and criticized, I believe.

Guards are made to be expendable. It’s the nature of the business. Laurance’s purpose was to give his life to Aphmau. Laurance’s purpose in life was to be expendable. Garroth isn’t purposefully trying to abandon him while he’s being tortured and horrifically broken down to pieces, Garroth highly values the role of a guard and therefore highly values Laurance’s sacrifice, because it is the epitome of the most important thing any guard can ever do in their life. So of course he’s going to make sure Laurance honors that choice. In that way, it’s something twisted and rotten and wrong that a guard would then come back from the dead, especially as an undead threat designed only to kill the very Lord he’s made to protect. To become a Shadow Knight is to become a total inversion of what it means to be a Guard. If any part of the original Laurance still remained inside his heart after his transformation, it only makes sense that his only option remaining would be to take his own life, to sacrifice himself once again to ensure his Lord is safe, it’s not even a matter of how “dark” or “horrific” this may be—it’s just business. And Garroth sees it as that, Garroth sees this as not only incredibly necessary, but as the utmost thing he can do to honor Laurance’s life. He probably thinks Laurance would be relieved to hear about the new rule he’s made, because he trusts he would understand this principle as much as he does. He isn’t casting him out—he’s tenderly taking the last remaining piece of Laurance’s humanity into his hands and sending it back to him like the boat of a funeral pyre. He’s laying him down to rest with a kiss on the head, telling him not to worry anymore. He’s making sure Laurance doesn’t destroy himself in the worst conceivable way possible. He’s trying to save him.

He’s protecting the love of his life, yes, but… he’s protecting Laurance from himself, too. And what relief would it be, to come back in a horrifying bind he struggles to grapple with, struggle to know what to do with or which direction to choose, the old truths or his new instincts as an undead creature—and to realize that he doesn’t need to worry about any of it at all. Because Garroth is there, to build in the safety railing. To create the mattress that cushions his fall. This is the most loving thing Garroth could do for Laurance, in a dilemma like this. To remove the dilemma entirely, and take care of it, take care of his life, take care of their purpose and their Lord, for him. To them, this isn’t something horrific—this is intimate.

Garroth would kill him, if Laurance asked him to. Because Garroth understands what must be done. Because he (believes he) knows what Laurance would want, if he were human again. Where guards like Zenix rebuke their expendability and demand independence and worth of their own, Garroth upholds it as something reverent, something special, something important, something morally good and right and correct that Laurance should adhere to. I wonder how that lesson went, during mentor-and-apprentice training sessions lmao.

…it is still horrifying and fucked up to witness on the outside, though. And Aphmau, who is not a guard, she wasn’t taught any of this. She didn’t have this ingrained in her through years of bootcamp. From her perspective, this is a “WHAT THE FUCK NO!!!! DONT KILL HIM!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM??” moment, because if Laurance has been hurt and is currently in a dire and horrible situation, then naturally the good and kind and right thing to do would be to fucking rescue him. Even if he isn’t human anymore, it doesn’t matter what he is now or how he’s changed, he’s their friend and any good and caring friend would save him. Thats what it means to give a shit about him, to rescue him from his perilous situation and bring him home so they can tend to his wounds and take good care of him. She doesn’t think of him as “his purpose as a soldier,” she thinks of him as a goddamn person who deserves better. There’s a very staunch difference in what Garroth and Aphmau believe to be the definition of highest moral good, what it means to be kind (Lawful vs Neutral moment let’s go), and they clash over this. But in the end, she also knows Garroth as a source of wisdom and rational, responsible knowledge in her life, and he is her bodyguard. He knows best about keeping her safe. She knows, rationally speaking, that there’s a danger to letting an undead monster into her home, it’s like she’s trying to bring a bear into the house just because it’s wounded and she wants to help it, and Garroth is saying to her, “no, don’t fucking do that, it’s our house and that thing will KILL YOU” and she’s conflicted on whether or not she should listen to him. She does for a while, though she consistently keeps trying to bring it up and convince him otherwise. Maybe if they were given enough time before Laurance’s return, she would have reached a point where she said “fuck it” to Garroth’s ideals and gone off on her own to bring Laurance back herself, without Garroth.

That being said, no matter what his beliefs are, its still really fucked up and wrong to try to pressure someone actually kill themself, and Garroth should never be doing that to anyone no matter the reason. Especially if that person is very depressed and in need of help. There are better ways to handle the dangers of effectively having a werewolf/vampire in the house. He should have at least tried to search for alternative means to help Laurance or handle his transformation into a Shadow Knight, and I’m very glad and relieved that continuity-wise, Garroth forgot his own fucking rule once Laurance actually returned. I’m glad we left that as a forgotten part in canon history. It’s fascinating to me how Garroth’s own system of morals justifies this behavior so staunchly in his mind, and it reveals to me more of the inner workings of how he works internally as a Lawful-aligned character, and honestly it’s pretty cool that two of our main characters have such different methods of thinking of morality and the greater good and believing in it wholeheartedly, but oh my god man please never do that again. what a way to reunite with a friend, my god

Anyway, we’ve now reached episode 56, and this is where shit gets real.

So the plan to pretend to be Garroth’s girlfriend didn’t work out so hot. Aphmau keeps having this bad habit of almost getting arrested lmao, this is the second time in S1 where Garroth and Laurance have to step in to save her from getting arrested. It’s also our second ever solid Aphmau/Garroth/Laurance interaction as a trio, to see how they clash and mold and mix with each other once they’re all together as a unit.

I’d like to point out, Garroth is willing to cut his brother to pieces if it means protecting Aphmau. MCD!Garroth doesn’t have anywhere near as much affection for his little brother as he does in Mystreet, in Mystreet he’s much more doting and loving, while in MCD he seems to regard Zane with this disgust, fear, and disdain. He says he’s uncomfortable being in the same village as him, says Zane has always displayed “disgusting” personality traits since long before his father’s corruption, and generally regards him with disgust, contempt, anxiety, discomfort, and terror. Not to say that that’s the only thing MCD!Garroth feels about Zane, but it’s definitely there at the forefront. So I suppose it’s not terribly surprising that if Zane merely talked shit about Aphmau, let alone threatened her very life, he would be a hair away from murdering him in favor of defending his Lord lol. But still, I find it interesting. His family has most certainly moved elsewhere. Zane isn’t his family, not as much as Aphmau and Levin (COUGH and Zoey COUGH) are.

And then Laurance pulls this.

This is so impactful of a shock to Garroth that we even get a dramatic angle shot of him, with all the limited “film equipment” they had at the time. You just know Jess had to break a block right in front of the NPC and get into this one-block-hole so she could get the right angle looking up at him lmao, and then probably had to fill that hole and move back to her spot to continue filming. Maybe she even went into creative mode for it. Teasing lmao

Anyway, I do think this was a smart move on Laurance’s part. He recognizes The High Priest of O’khasis through the commands and speech of the guard and Zane himself, probably realizes “oh shit, HE’S here? Oh fuck, this is really bad,” and keep in mind he has NO CONTEXT for what’s going on!! No one has told him a damn thing about Zane being here, or the fake relationship between Garroth and Aphmau, he has no idea what they’re all talking about, he just knows that O’khasis means really bad news and if he doesn’t act fast, Aphmau will be in some serious trouble, and he may never see her again. And unless he and Garroth had some sort of intimate off-screen conversation before this, this would also be how Laurance finds out in the moment that Garroth is the brother to Prince and High Priest of O’khasis, Zane Ro’meave—and therefore, Garroth is a Prince. Instead of reeling over these realizations and losing his shit, his clever mind comes up with a plan on the spot and starts twisting the fuck out of Zane’s arm to make him leave.

He listens to what Zane is saying, and Zane says that Aphmau was implying that Garroth might have a woman in his life, and Zane assumed that she was talking about herself, but doesn’t have any proof more than speculation, and is using said speculation as grounds for an arrest. Laurance hears this, understands that they don’t actually know if Aphmau is dating anyone, so Laurance calculates taking advantage of that confusion and swoops in with a claim that completely destroys Zane’s entire argument. Aphmau can’t be guilty of espionage, if she’s actually dating Laurance instead, so he pounces.

I don’t think he did this to get some sort of cheap win of “ooooh look at me I got the girl, lemme rub it in Garroth’s face while we’re here, ooh look I’m forcing her to be my fiance all of a sudden without even asking for her consent,” he actually feels really bad for suddenly jumping this on them and likely wishes he could have at least discussed it with them beforehand, but again, no one explained a damn thing to him, and they wouldn’t have expected this to happen anyway. There was no possible preparation for this beforehand, and frankly, he needed the others to believe him too, in order to convince Zane he was telling the truth.

He doubles down hard, acting with complete confidence and cold, determined certainty.

Clever and sly as a fox, he starts blackmailing Zane immediately. Picking apart his arguments to peel back the veneer that Zane’s crafted for himself and reveal the sheer extent of his lies and his own acts of treason underneath, and he uses that to scare Zane into shutting the fuck up. Laurance sees Zane for who he truly is, in the same way Zane sees Laurance for the Shadow Knight he really is. He’s not afraid to call him out on it, saying “hey, you think you have grounds to arrest her? You should remember I have grounds to tear your life apart, you son of a bitch.” And when Zane threatens to destroy Laurance’s life in turn, he says that’s fine, because if it means protecting Aphmau, he has nothing left to lose. He is a Shadow Knight, after all, he’s pretty much lost everything he could’ve held onto before. He lives under a ticking timebomb. There’s nothing Zane can take away from him that he won’t inevitably lose, once his time is up. If Zane wants to destroy him, he’ll fuckin take him down with him.

I love Zane calling him, “you of all people.” They don’t have any history together, he doesn’t know who Laurance is. So I think when he says “you of all people,” he’s referring to Laurance’s identity as a Shadow Knight. Zane may have dirtied his hands with his own demonic magical dealings, but he’s still a High Priest. This is a holy man, and the highest holy man of Ru’auns biggest empire. It’d make sense that he’d look down on Laurance as a Shadow Knight, seeing him as a form of lesser vermin under his superior shoe. Laurance is a demonic creature, and Zane is a holy priest. There’s a hierarchy, a superiority, there between them. I love this moment as Laurance revealing his hand as a demonic creature, meeting this holy man and seeing him for the sinful, filthy beast he really is, and reflecting it back for all to see. He knows what Zane is, he knows all about people like him. “I know a fellow sinner when I see it,” he says to him, “You can’t escape me that easily. You think you’re better than me? I’ll show the world exactly how holy you really are.” It’s the first thing Laurance does as a Shadow Knight, imo. The priest meets his match against the demon who can smell his sins a mile away.

Anyway. Laurance lied when he said he was Aphmau’s fiance, but he was telling the truth when he called her the love of his life, the only light in the dark, the one person he would sacrifice his entire life and well-being for time and time again. In a way, he’s offering up his own neck for the chopping block a second time here. He may be horrifically traumatized by what came of it afterwards, but one thing he’ll never regret is giving up his life for Aphmau, and here he’s insisting he can and WILL do it again and again if it meant keeping her safe. He just got back, and he’s already shoving her out of the way of the bullet and taking the glare of Zane’s rage for himself, putting himself under the blade and offering himself up for the feasting. “Here, you want a bite?” He challenges, “Take one from me. I have nothing left to lose. There’s nothing left for me. I’m expendable, remember? I’m the disposable one. If you want someone to destroy, choose me.”

Boy needs therapy.

He really does love her, though. It seems there was some level of genuine affection that he developed for her in the time where they were barely more than strangers, trying to flirt with some strange maiden he found and getting vehemently rejected at every turn. I don’t know why he would, but it seems it was enough to let his love for her multiply tenfold since his sacrifice.

In his confession earlier, he says he clung to the thought of her as his only solace keeping him sane through his transformation. In doing so, he formed this feeling of dependence upon her that forged as strong as a dog’s love for their master. She has become his definition of comfort.

Zane does a really mean thing by asking Garroth, of all people, if they have his “permission” to get married. (…not that they would ever in a million years need his permission to get married… considering he’s not their dad or a family member or anything, he’s just their friend,,, his opinion would mean nothing and changes nothing… but Zane’s specifically trying to be a jerk here, so)

And Garroth says yes. It takes him a long time to force it out of his lips, though. And I’m wondering if maybe this is purely a moment of circumstance, where he can recognize that Laurance is specifically saving Aphmau’s life in this situation, and if he says no, he fucks everything up. The reason why I feel like he’s forcing himself to say yes due to the circumstance, and not being 100% genuine here, is because in later instances, Garroth does NNNOOOOT take kindly to Aphmau hooking up with other people. Like with his betrayal in the S1 finale, he takes Aphmau kissing Laurance soooo incredibly personally and very very badly. And again later on, when Aphmau tells him she’s pregnant with Aaron’s child, he doesn’t take THAT well EITHER. Garroth, to me, feels like someone who believes Aphmau should be his and his alone, and when someone else interferes with that, holy fucking hell does he have a PROBLEM with it. He doesn’t exactly strike me as the kind of guy who likes to share, I suppose. He’s always been a much more territorial soul than say, Laurance, and especially more so than Aaron. So to me, I see this and I think he is using every single nerve and bone in his body to restrain himself from losing his cool. He is doing everything in his power not to scream or cry or start shouting right now lmao.

He recognizes Laurance is currently trying to save Aphmau’s life, which, again from before, is something that means a lot to Garroth and something he really really admires in Laurance. (it’s kind of the only thing he admires about laurance, actually… at this point in S1, at least.) So there’s this conflict between bringing out and exemplifying the thing he admires most in Laurance and knows he’s very trustworthy and honorable with, but also like. that’s the girl he likes, so he’s upset she’s.. dating someone else or whatever. To be honest, he probably does suspect that Laurance is lying. Because when Laurance dropped the act and admits he’s lying and apologizes, Garroth doesn’t show ANY surprise over it. He says it’s okay, he knows he was just trying to save her life.

He knows they’re not actually getting married. He’s just that upset to even witness or hear anything suggesting the hypothetical that they would. It really does distress him quite a bit. (which will become a problem later……)

This is the beginning of their rivalry/competition over Aphmau, though.

And with the beginning of the actual competition, I’d like to set a disclaimer: I’m a very polyamorous/open person. I do not take the “ship war” bullshit seriously lmao. If you asked me which “side” I’m on, I would say I’m on Aphmau’s side, honestly. The girl is her own individual human being and a person who deserves to have a right to her own autonomy and personal choice, and it is both hilarious and deeply concerning to me that Garroth and Laurance think they have any control or say over who Aphmau chooses to kiss and sleep with. Especially since she’s still single and not actually dating either of them, so she has NO REASON to be “committed” to either of them. Garroth and Laurance are like investors crying over a bidding war for a plot of land, and I do not take their “””heartbreak””” seriously. It is quite literally the definition of a manchild crying over spilled milk to me. Aphmau is her own person whose free will deserves to be respected, not a piece of territory that they can claim ownership of or dictate the decisions of. Garroth and Laurance have literally zero right to get angry or upset with her for romantically choosing someone else, and to do so is not only very dehumanizing/objectifying towards Aphmau, but also just…generally extremely emotionally immature. The correct reaction they both should have had is to congratulate her, say they’re happy for her and her happiness, wish her well, and then just…continue going about their day. And if they did cry about it later, they cry about it very far away from Aphmau and her happy new life and continue to treat her respectfully, appropriately, and professionally the next time they see her. Buuut I also understand that respectful and emotionally mature behavior doesn’t always breed the best drama for a plot, and we are dealing with the Aphverse and its number one favorite kind of drama to write, so it is what it is.

So know that when I assess the ship war as, unfortunately, a pivotal core of the majority of Garmau and Laurmau interactions across the Aphverse, know that im coming from an impartial place who does not favor any side any way. When Aaron gets introduced, this will also apply to him, and I’ll be analyzing his character and Aarmau’s relationship with equal levels of care and respect and fairness (especially since I honestly kinda like Aaron as a character… he’s a really chill and cool guy, once you look past any “cringe factor” of him being a mega buff self-insert character whose the Ultimate Alpha Werewolf and Super Sexy lolol, or any lapse in the writers own personal judgment in regards to whether or not it’s appropriate for a freshman to date a senior ((it’s really really not)). But I’m not here for the writers own lapses and judgments, im here for the character. And I like Aaron Lycan the character, so I wanna give him a fair chance) I like all of them, and I love this series, so I’m not gonna like…favor any side in particular, and if anything, I’m against the competition itself as a whole and im not gonna be afraid to call Garroth and Laurance out on the moments where they’re being total assholes about it. Aphmau deserved better lmao. I’m glad that in Mystreet she got married to the only character in the entire cast who doesn’t actually give a shit about any of this lol, she deserves better than to worry about territorialism bullshit

I do like that their rivalry isn’t really a hostile one, though. Garroth and Laurance don’t make enemies out of each other despite the situation, they actually find a really close bond in each other through it all. They’re not perfect, but they’re kind to each other, and I like that approach. It’s different from a lot of other “love competition” plots I’ve seen, where the men are locked in an embarrassing, perpetual toxic-masculinity-ragefest pissing-on-each-other contest lolol. It cuts in half the potentially debilitating level of second-hand embarrassment I’d get just by watching them, and personally I feel like it’d make more sense for two knights to be chivalrous with one another and honor one another than anything else. So if this is the first note we’re introducing their rivalry on, it’s a wonderful one, and I love this scene as a whole. They can be very adorable sometimes.

Laurance immediately apologizes once Zane leaves them be, like a sweetheart he feels horrible for doing something like that to them so suddenly <3

I love Garroth treating him civilly, he recognizes the situation for what it is, and though I imagine he got quite the upsetting scare that he’s still feeling shaken up by, it’s overpowered by Garroth’s own immense admiration for Laurance’s actions as an honorable knight. He knows he can trust him with Aphmau’s life, he knows that Laurance will take good care of his loved ones and do anything he can to make sure that they’re okay. That’s a big deal, especially since Laurance’s loyalties as a guard would technically belong to Meteli, as its Head Guard. But Laurance’s care and good heart doesn’t apply only to the people under Meteli’s jurisdiction—the people he’s required to guard as part of his job. Phoenix Drop isn’t his business, he would have reason to leave and go back home and not give a shit about Aphmau and her troubles, but he doesn’t. His principles and his heart apply to anyone in need, no matter who they are or where they’re from or who they serve. That’s a true honorable man/knight, someone who does it not just for a job, but because it’s in his nature to tend to everyone in need, no matter what. He’ll always look after you, whether you’re a child of O’khasis or the Lord of Meteli, his heart knows no boundaries. And Garroth sees this in him, sees this on full display that night when he stepped in to save Aphmau—and it’s incredibly important to recognize who he’s standing up to. He’s not only willing to go to blows with a Goddamn Prince Of Motherfucking O’khasis, seeing him for his corruption and not being afraid to defend underdogs in need, even standing up to other fellow guards who chose their greed and pride over doing good by serving Zane (contrasting Laurance’s choices), but he’s willing to confront Zane Ro’meave, Garroth’s brother. He is, unintentionally, in a way, defending Garroth as well, from his abusive family members. Zane is hellbent on hurting Garroth by taking Aphmau away (thus ensuring Garroth would come with him and return to O’khasis), and Laurance stops that shit from happening.

It’s unspoken, but in this scene, he’s protecting Garroth as much as he’s protecting Aphmau. He just saved both of their asses. And I feel like that would mean a lot to Garroth, to see Laurance stand up to his terrifying, overpowered family in order to protect Garroth and his loved ones, putting his own neck on the line despite the massive risk, despite how much power and money he could gain if he followed in the other, corrupt guards’ footsteps and chose to defend Zane instead. It must feel incredibly cathartic and even emotional for Garroth, to see someone defend him from his family with all the strength and bravery and balls he doesn’t have to stand up to Zane himself—and also have the incredible wits enough to make it work!!! This is an incredible and miraculous feat Laurance has just pulled off here!!! He outsmarted Zane Ro’meave!!! Made the High Priest of O’khasis run for the hills with his tail between his legs!! Laurance would, without question, stand up to your bullies and defend the underdog no matter what, and he would WIN <3

Ironically enough, if there’s any moment where Garroth would decide that Laurance is a keeper, I think this scene would make a pretty damn good contender.

Which I think is why Garroth doesn’t get angry with him for this. He’s not happy at all that Laurance would claim to be Aphmau’s fiancé, even if he knew for certain that he was blowing smoke, but everything else about this scenario overpowers that anger/upset, so he chooses to be civil and gracious instead. He‘s feeling the brunt of a bruised heart and ego, yes, but he also came out of this with the knowledge that he could most certainly trust Laurance with both his and Aphmau’s lives.

Which would probably throw some conflicted feelings into the mix of the whole “Laurance is a shadow knight designed to murder the mother of my son” thing lmao.

Also I love to picture Garroth looking like he’s on the edge of tears here, and Laurance internally thinking to himself throughout the entire confrontation “shit fuck damn it Garroth im so sorry im so sorry DONT BELIEVE ME YOU DUMBASS IM SO SORRY MAN AAAUUUUGH” and then apologizing to him so earnestly once Zane left, trying to console him because he knows what a dick move doing that to his crush in front of him would be and he feels SO BAD. And meanwhile Garroth sniffles and says “it’s okay, really, it’s fine… you saved her life, I can’t thank you enough…” and Laurance gives him a hug

Garroth wanting to hurt, maim, or potentially even kill his own brother because he threatened and insulted Aphmau. Wanting him to just disappear, to go away, to get rid of him or scare him off somehow. Their relationship is significantly worse in MCD than it is in Mystreet.

chat I love them so much <3 Laurance flirting with Aphmau purely just to taunt her and be a teasing little shit, Garroth laughing along and teasing Aphmau alongside him, so Aphmau turns the tables to tease Laurance by saying she’s gonna make Cadenza dye his hair blue next time, and Garroth backing her up by saying it already is blue. There’s a beat between Laurance’s “WHAT?!” And “YOU GUYS ARE JERKS!” So I can’t help but imagine he uses that beat to reflexively take his hair and try to check what color it is, only to realize he can’t fuckin’ see and that’s why they’re saying it’s blue to tease him back, and then he calls them jerks for it lmao. Garroth and Aphmau laugh, and then Aphmau drags them both back to the party to dance and have fun together as a trio for the rest of the night.

GUYS THEY’RE BESTIES NOW!!! THEY’RE BESTIES TOGETHER!! THE THREE MUSKETEERS!! Laurmau, Garrance, and Garmau work really well as individual pairs, but when they’re together as a trio is when they start to really shine and boost each other up in their happiness. I love the teasing and mischief and chaos that naturally blooms between the three of them when they feel comfortable and relaxed with each other, it heavily contrasts the strict, sterile professionalism they normally have to keep up for the sake of their jobs and their safety and gives them this real sense of…being human, together. In those moments, they’re not “knights doing their job” or a lord trying to maintain order, they’re dumb young adults playing and fucking around and enjoying the time they have together—especially in a world where time is, often, cut short. No wars, no politics, not even much about their inner competition. Just them, as they truly act when they’re at their happiest and most comfortable, embracing the time they have together. A family.

Garroth cuts loose his usual shy, strict, closed off exterior and goofs off, something that’d normally be very rare if not at all possible to witness with the man, if it wasn’t for Aphmau and Laurance bringing out his more snarky, playful side. Laurance continues to be a flirtatious tease, but this time it’s not because he wants something out of Aphmau, it’s because he’s being a dork who’s trying to be funny and stupid and silly to make her or Garroth laugh. He’s taunting her. It’s much more light-hearted and genuine and sincere than the “fuckboy” style flirting he was keeping up earlier, and I think that’s why it works better with Aphmau. Because it’s coming from an entirely different place. It’s not spoken with the intent of “I wanna get something out of you ;)” (which makes her uncomfortable) it’s spoken with the intent of two best friends taunting and teasing each other back and forth in order to have fun and be little shits to each other and ultimately make the other laugh. And that, Aphmau most CERTAINLY can get behind.

Something I like to notice in MCD!Aphmau is that all Aphmaus, in every universe, have a very core personality trait of “playful.” They’re mischievous, they’re chaotic, they cause trouble, they tease others, they love puns, they’re always the first to start laughing and the loudest to laugh. But most Aphmaus have some sort of variation in the specifics of how that playful core nature manifests. Like, Void Paradox Aphmau might veer a little more likely to literally set herself on fire if she thinks her hypothesis will work, but Mystreet!Aphmau has a liiiittle bit of a stronger fear of death lmao. MCD!Aphmau is the least playful out of all the Aphmaus, due to circumstance. When you’re in the middle of a war and spending every day slaving away at your unrelenting job trying to make sure everyone you love and care for doesn’t get literally fucking murdered in the next week, and if they do it’s your fault as a leader—you kinda end up not having as bright and bubbly of a spirit on main anymore! MCD!Aphmau is also one of the oldest Aphmaus in terms of meta, real-world time. MCD came before Mystreet and its more light-hearted tone, and it came well before the extreme tone shift of Cocomau/Aphmau SMP content. The difference between the original Diaries Aphmau and Cocomau Aphmau is very night and day.

MCD!Aphmau is the most emotionally mature. She’s more serious, more stern, more cautious, more depressed and anxious and traumatized and stressed out, she’s more jaded, she forms trust issues that struggle against her constant desire to be forgiving, she’s a military leader, she’s constantly locked in violent combat where she fights for her life on the regular against a myriad of foes constantly trying to kill her, she creates battle plans and military strategies and political tactics and allegiances with other nations. One of the things war forces its newest soldiers to do is to grow up. And as MCD progresses, you can see the gradually increasing toll it takes on her. S2 Aphmau carries herself with a much more emotionally scarred and stressed out demeanor than she did at the beginning of S1, and by S3, she’s seen the love of her life die. She’s lost too much to be…bubbly, silly, air-headed, clumsy Aphmau anymore.

So to have someone in her life that can bring out the more innocent heart buried deep inside her… It’s fucking beautiful. To remind her of who she used to be, to put a smile on her face in a time of dire trauma and depression, to make her laugh and stop worrying about the world for just a moment… To bring back to the surface the kind of Aphmau we see in Mystreet, and make her feel free… She needs her boys. She really, really does. She depends on them more than they depend on her. Her boys are her soft place to land, her grounding comfort, who make her feel human again and keep her from losing herself in it all. They keep her afloat. Especially Laurance, whose number one gift is laughter. He may be clever, or brave, or resilient, or doggedly loyal, but by far, Laurance’s greatest strength and greatest asset is his ability to bring laughter. Joy and whimsy and innocence and love that comforts above all else. For someone who struggles so much to find his own sense of humanity, he sure is good at bringing out everyone else’s humanity. I’d kill to have someone like that be by my side during my darkest hour.

Their happy, carefree moments are so rare in this series. It’s always a treasure to find them.

They’ve grown a bond now, but it’s not easy knowing that Laurance is still a monster of the undead. Garroth feels conflicted now, when previously he was utterly resolved in his determination to make sure Laurance, as a Shadow Knight, stayed away from Aphmau and their town, now he knows and likes and admires Laurance as a person. Now he doesn’t know what to do. He’s terrified of the possibility that Laurance could turn at any moment and attack them, he’s much more scared of it than Aphmau is. He trusts Laurance the person with their lives, but Laurance the Shadow Knight…

Meanwhile, Aphmau does not give a shit lmao. Garroth confides in her that he’s scared Laurance might actually kill her, and Aphmau’s like “lmao is this because ur jealous he got to flirt with me last night and u didn’t” and teases him for it. Girl is NOT worried at ALL. (even though it’s her life on the line…) It’s almost like it doesn’t fully click in her mind that this man, one of her closest allies, the man she plays and jokes around with so easily even now, he will be the one to draw her blood. She’s playing with the wolves, as their number one prey, with the number one predator chosen to devour her and her specifically, with the carnivorous beast that craves nothing but her and her blood, his only desire for the feasting, and she just…has no fear. Not really, not deeply, not truly. Not like Garroth does. Maybe as the cat curling up on the crocodile tongue, it still exists in her mind the possibility that those jaws could snap down on her at any time. But she knows Laurance, she trusts Laurance, she knows he won’t. He holds her life in his hands, and she trusts him so much to feel completely comfortable with how he holds her. His jaws could hold themselves over her throat, and she wouldn’t begin to sweat. She still holds on tight to him. She’s the one who feels in control, despite all the odds. She knows he’s not going to hurt her, not like this. She knows he’s tamed. So of course she teases Garroth, taunts him for his concerns.

(aphmau likes her boys to be a lil,,, a little monstrous <3 …… a lil bit deadly, a little bit inhuman…… lil bit a fangs, little bit a claws… monsterfucker aphmau real…… ily monsterfucker aphmau……)

Laurance is currently reveling in the joy and relief of being out of the Nether, recovering his sight, he’s starting to get his old self back. So he plays along with their banter, laughing and having the time of his life. He doesn’t feel like much of a Shadow Knight right now. But he does take Garroth’s concerns seriously, seriously enough to offer to leave Phoenix Drop completely if he starts to really scare them. The weight of this offers kinda glossed over in canon, but like…I want to bring your attention to how heartbreaking that’d be. Aphmau is his number one comfort person, the love of his life, the light in his darkness, the woman that makes him feel human, the close friend that brings out his truest self and holds him dear. He’s offering to give all of that up, everything that makes him happy, everything that makes him feel human, if they would feel safer and more comfortable living without him in their lives. I can only imagine how quickly he would make a dramatic turn for the worst if he did actually leave Phoenix Drop like this, how fast he would deteriorate, the deep depression he would be allowing himself to slip into, all to make them happy. He would give up everything, if it meant they would be happier without him. Guys I want to cry.

AND HE SAYS “It’s just nice to have a place to call home.” GUYS!!!!!!! AAAUAUAUAUUUGUGUGHG HH!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS ?!?????? He has Meteli, doesn’t he? If he still considered Meteli a home he could return to, why the fuck would he talk like he DOESNT HAVE ANYWHERE ELSE TO GO ANYMORE—!!-!!!!!!!

Joh was murdered by Sasha, a Shadow Knight. Hayden and Cadenza were both kidnapped by a Shadow Knight. He has, quite literally, become the very same thing that has broken and traumatized his family the most. He resigned as the Head Guard of Meteli after his return from the Nether. It would make a whole lot of sense if Laurance chose to withdraw himself from Meteli, his hometown, and his only-surviving father, in an effort to protect them. Do you think Hayden even knows? Do you think Hayden was told that his son figure was lost to the Nether? Do you think anyone told him? I don’t think Cadenza or Hayden know that he’s a Shadow Knight now—the very thing that murdered his other dad. Do you think Laurance chose to leave his home behind, in an effort to conceal the horrible truth and protect them too? Do you think he resigned as the Head Guard of Meteli because he doesn’t trust himself to protect Hayden, because if he was already incapable of protecting Joh before, how bad do you think it’d be now that he’s the same breed as his killer? Do you think he believes he wouldn’t be fit to be the Head Guard of a town already so traumatized and scarred by Shadow Knights in its past? That he doesn’t belong there anymore? How traumatic would that be for him? To become his own worst nightmare? To let go of his own hometown, to let go of his family in a way, to keep the truth from them, because he knows how they would react if they found out what he had become? Do you think he believes they wouldn’t trust him anymore? Wouldn’t think so highly of him anymore? Do you think he thinks of telling Cadenza the truth, sometimes? How she would react, if she knew?

He doesn’t consider Meteli a home he can return to anymore. Phoenix Drop is the only place he can stay, with the only two people who know the truth and are still willing to keep him around. So if he left PD, he would become a homeless wanderer, with nowhere to stay, no one to trust, nowhere to go. He really wouldn’t have anything left. So Laurance does everything he can now to help out around the village and help Garroth with his work, likely to prove that he’s worth keeping around and to make up for any loss that his new identity may cause. Aaaoouguhhuhhhhhghhh gguhhuhhhhhgggggggggggg

ALSO!!! LAURANCE IS PLAYING WITH HER SON!!! LAURDAD!!! LAURDAD!!!!!! EVERYONE TURN ON THE ALARM BELLS, WE HAVE DAD LAURANCE BEING ADORABLE!!!!!!!

With all of that said, don’t get too attached to all the gutpunching goodness of these episodes’ moments, because we’re about to cover the most fucking hilarious and utterly embarrassing Garmau/Laurmau moment in the entire series. To me, at least.

That’s right, we’ve reached the “witnessing your WORST FEARS!!” episode. And this is Garroth and Laurance’s worst fear, right here.

Excuse my burning, autistic passion for a moment: LOOK AT THESE LOSERS!!! LOOK AT THESE UTTER DUMBASSES!!! LOOK AT HOW THEY SUCK ASS!!!!! They’re so embarrassing to witness I want to SCREAM. I want to tear them to pieces with my teeth like a dog upon a chew toy, LOOK AT HOW FUCKING STUPID THEY ARE!!! This is the lowest point Garroth and Laurance’s intelligence has EVER hit (thus far) and to me, honest to god, it’d be less embarrassing if they pissed themselves. What fuckin’ losers. I’m so unreasonably peeved by their idiocy (says the person writing 10,000 words of yapping about everything these fuckin Lego blocks do and think and say………)

But seriously you honest to god could not make me believe that “aphmau kissing a stranger they’ve never met” is the worst fear of both Garroth and Laurance. Bullshit. I call absolute fuckin bullshit. I REFUSE to believe that, fuck that shit. Do you have any idea what these bitches have been through???? Laurance witnessed his own father figure be horrifically MURDERED in front of his very eyes, when it was HIS JOB AND SOLE RESPONSIBILITY to make sure he stayed alive, and he FAILED. Not only that, his father figure was murdered by his own and only BESTEST FRIEND, after he WATCHED HER BURN ALIVE IN A POOL OF LAVA, and then he returned to the very same realm he watched her die in, gave up his LIFE to SLOWLY DIE IN A HORRIFICALLY TRAUMATIC PROCESS OF PHYSICAL TORTURE AND UNGODLY LEVELS OF PAIN that gave him SEVERE PTSD in the very same realm that she died in, only to become the SAME EXACT BREED OF MONSTER THAT HE WATCHED KILL HIS FATHER, and forever be faced with the reality of INEVITABLY FOLLOWING IN HER FOOTSTEPS AND REPEATING THE SAME CRIME BY MURDERING THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE!!!!!

AND GARROTH???? OHOHO THIS BITCH AINT FREE EITHER!!!! Garroth was raised in a highly dysfunctional, possibly even abusive household with a vicious and cruel father that looms over his life and legacy like the world’s most mortifying shadow of every expectation he COULDN’T MEET because he was so goddamn upset and scared and disturbed by the ways his father tried to remove his personal agency and consent (by marrying someone he didn’t want to, entering a romantic, possibly physical relationship he did not consent to) that he faked his OWN DEATH to RUN AWAY FROM HIS FAMILY, only to be rendered incapable of meeting the expectations and hopes of all the people in Phoenix Drop, too. He disappoints them like he disappoints everyone, and everything goes wrong because it’s his fault, and he never stops feeling guilty for his own cowardice or his loving heart that can’t see people’s true corruptions until it’s too late, he loathes himself for every sin that he carries upon his shoulders. Even if it’d be personally reasonable that he didn’t know, or he was only trying to take care of himself in a dire moment of need, etc. He’s lost his brothers, he’s lost Zenix, who he still terribly mourns to this day. He still believes in Zenix, he still grieves losing him, this monster he believes he created. He watched Phoenix Drop burn, because of Zenix, because of him. He thought he was safe, before Zane came around, before his only place of safety and security away from his mortifying family was completely breached and torn wide open by his ravenous brother, hunting him down like a bloodhound upon rabbits, there’s nowhere safe for him to hide anymore. He’s not safe from his family, no matter how far he tries to run, how much he tries to hide. He’s not safe from Zane taking everything away from him just for the kicks and giggles of it, he’s not safe from his father taking away his life and his personhood, he’s not safe from his legacy or his ever-looming shadow, he’s not safe from his sins, from the shadow of Lord Malik, from the weight of Zenix upon his shoulders, from losing his mommy, from losing Vylad… Garroth lives in a perpetual state of seeing his world, his safety, his security, crumble to dust all around him. Garroth lives in fear. Garroth lives in shame. Garroth can’t stop running, no matter how close the hounds get to snapping at his hooves, Garroth can’t stop hiding, no matter how many times his family pries open his security measures and breaks down his walls and invades every last space they weren’t allowed to open up. He belongs to his father and his wicked throne. The noose never stops looming, never stops closing tighter and tighter around his throat, no matter how hard he thrashes or struggles—or straight up just…gives up. His family tells him he means nothing, that he should be ashamed, that he’s stupid and worthless and only good for continuing the monarchy, and he believes them.

Garroth and Laurance’s “worst fear” would never be “aphmau kissing another man,” and in comparison to everything else we know about their character arcs by this point, the sheer childish, shallow pettiness of this choice feels like someone spitting on everything else these boys have been through. Not to mention the fact that we’re toeing the line of toxic, territorial heteronormative bullshit and toxically possessive behavior with shit like this. Genuinely it is not okay in any degree for Laurance or Garroth to actually attack and try to physically or violently harm anyone Aphmau wants to hook up with, especially since she is single and can date whoever she pleases, and they have zero ownership over her, nor do they deserve ANY control over her love life just because they like her. Thats fucked up, man. If this were actually really happening and Aphmau really did want to kiss Dante, and Laurance and Garroth tried to fucking maim him for it, Aphmau would have every right to fire them and kick them out of her guard. She would have every right and frankly should kick them to the curb for ever even attempting such a thing. What the fuck.

And on slightly more analysis-based terms, I believe Aphmau’s presence in their lives does make up an aspect of their overarching tapestry of trauma and fear and concerns and thoughts. If you put them through a nightmare sequence that covered all of their worst fears, I believe she should definitely make an appearance! But not like this. Not in the context of “ohh what if she romantically gets with someone else,” bro wtf they’ve got SOOOOO much bigger fish on their plates to worry about rn wtf. How about “I hope Zane doesn’t try to execute the love of my life and take me away from my son,” huh? What about “I hope I don’t worsen my greatest failure tenfold by becoming the exact same as my father’s murderer, even though im struggling against the inevitable explosion of a timebomb destroying everything I hold dear all over again”? How about you start worrying about the actual war looming on the horizon, instead of childish middle school drama bullshit? How about you start worrying about who you might watch die in the next coming months? You’ve got a son being hunted for his blood by monsters beyond all human strength and power, one of them being your own little brother/son figure who you love more than life and dearly miss and mourn despite his ultimate betrayal, and you’re worrying about your crush? What are you, 13 years old?

Anyway. Taking deep breaths now. Drinking a nice cup of tea like Zoey Taltatheil would want me to. I love this series with a very strong fiery passion, so like. If ever I go off about Garroth and Laurance’s worst actions or certain writing decisions, know that im not like,,, talking shit, especially not just for the sake of talking shit, yknow? I see so, sooo much infinite worlds of potential for these characters, so much so that I need to write thousands and thousands of words about them on a regular basis just to get the magnitude of how much they mean to me out of my chest, or else I explode lmao. So know I’m coming from a place of love with all of this, I say this because I love these characters and I love these stories and I want the best for them above all else. They truly are something beautiful, and a pivotal piece of my life, I’d give anything to these guys, and I don’t wanna be perceived as like… a negative person or harsh or anything like that whenever their…more dubious moments get me all fired up. But with all of that out of my system, back to legitimate character analysis, because this scene does actually have some interesting pieces I’d like to unpack as well:

Putting aside whether or not they should be reacting like this at all, I want to bring attention to how drastically different their reactions are, and how that’s used to contrast the two and their core personalities/demeanors. We’re also getting into how this arc is kind of the first time we see how Laurance’s transformation starts effecting him. So it’s very likely his anger is being heightened by his SK transformation, as it does for him later in this same arc when he argues with Garroth. But this exemplifies how, to me, Laurance is a lot like fire, and Garroth is a lot like water. Laurance’s anger is explosive, he’s shouting and screaming violent threats while Garroth stands in horror, speaking in quiet, broken up, whimpering, wounded phrases, barely anything at all. Where Garroth draws quiet and pulls away in his hurt, Laurance snarls and screams and explodes outwards, kicking and fighting against whatever bind you put him in. Maybe his SK side invents this in him, or perhaps it simply exemplifies and draws out an inherent character trait of how Laurance handles his temper, whenever it spikes.

That’s not to say that Garroth is incapable of reaching a high temper and shouting at people as well, he often does! But genuinely it feels like the dynamics of fire and water to me when he does. Like during his betrayal in S1’s finale, Garroth gets angry, but he handles his anger by withdrawing. Stepping back, turning quiet and reserved and cold. Backhanded, passive aggressive, still snarky, but not in the quippy, clever way that Laurance is. He feels like ice, cold and sharp and potent and deadly. While Laurance seethes, he blisters with his grudges and his grumblings under his breath and the sour glares he burns into your soul, only to shout at you once you poke his temper like a bear and a stick. Where Garroth is quiet, Laurance is loud, where Garroth is a sharp, singular, calculated point digging where he knows it’ll hurt the most, Laurance is an explosion that burns up everything around him in his vicinity, destroying his life piece by piece without much care for all the people it hurts when he finally blows up, all the people he pushes away at once. It’s present in the ways they act when they’re at their complete worst, but it’s also present in how they act when they’re at their best: The spark of laughter, the kindling of a warm and happy home. The comfort in the quiet stillness of a lake, in the gentle lapping of ocean waves by the shore.

(my god they got the red and blue homosexuals …… bro the fire/water red/blue elemental theming…… bro it’s everywhere……)

There’s also something fascinating to note about how it’s like… maybe this is just on Laurance’s side of things, maybe it’s both of them, but it’s like the competition for “who gets to be Aphmau’s lover” only extends to Garroth and Laurance in these two’s minds. Like, to them, they see each other as the only exceptions. Because there’s a contrast in their behaviors when it’s each other “succeeding” vs watching someone else, unrelated to their personal rivalry, “succeeding.” Garroth kisses Aphmau in a dream, and Laurance’s reaction is to teasingly say, “Hey, do you think if I showed up in his dreams, he’d be so excited to see me again that he’d kiss me too?” But Laurance watches Dante almost kiss Aphmau, and he loses his shit. Like it’s fair game for Garroth, his close friend and fellow rival, to kiss Aphmau, but once someone else he’s never seen before starts to “get in on it” so to speak, he’s FURIOUS. I wonder if that factors into why Laurance and Garroth dislike Aaron so much later on. Because he’s technically “”winning the game”” (i really don’t like referring to Aphmau like she’s a “game/prize” to be “won” and not like. a person, just making decisions. but like this is what exists in their heads and i gotta communicate how these boys think somehow) but he’s not been like… officially sworn into the match lmao. He’s an outsider, I guess. Either that, or it’s a matter of how familiar Laurance is with Garroth that he trusts him to be able to take good care of Aphmau and love her properly, so his protective nature doesn’t really extend to Garroth as a “potential threat,” but he hugely distrusts everyone else he doesn’t really know, so he doesn’t trust them to take good care of Aphmau, and therefore gets much more riled up about it. Just overall he has a much greater distaste and distrustful, angry and violent contempt for people he doesn’t personally know and trust trying to date Aphmau, a possessive/overprotective contempt that doesn’t apply to, say, Garroth, for some reason. Garroth doesn’t have this internal phenomenon as much, he’d still be like. Incredibly bothered if Laurance kissed Aphmau, this doesn’t apply to Garroth anywhere near as much as it does for Laurance, Garroth just doesn’t want anyone else “winning” her heart in general

To touch on what I mentioned with Aphmau being an aspect of Garroth and Laurance’s Concerns TapestryTM I think of Aphmau as representing something important to them in their lives. For Garroth, Aphmau is all the love that he never got growing up. For Laurance, she’s his humanity, his keystone of truth and sincerity and what it means to feel safe, to feel like yourself. She’s the guiding beacon back home. So if Laurance lost her, like say through murder or death or someone else taking her away or what have you, he’d be losing his only lighthouse of where to go in a world shrouded with darkness. Without her, he becomes lost, wandering through the shadowed and foggy wastes in his mind, slowly losing himself more and more and becoming everything he fears the most. He loses his humanity, he loses himself, he loses his heart, he loses all the love in his life that she (and his family + Garroth) brings. He needs her in the way a drowning man clings onto a rock, in the way a ship needs its lighthouse on the stormy, cloudy nights.

For Garroth… There’s a reason why im going on a character analysis journey, because I genuinely don’t know him as well as I know Laurance. He’s a big fan of keeping his true thoughts and feelings smothered wayyyy down out of sight, so it’s a lot harder for me to read what Aphmau means to Garroth on a real, complex, multi-faceted level. Beyond the simplicity of just a surface-level “oh he loves her.” Why does he love her? What, specifically, does he love about her, and what does he dislike? What kind of influence does she represent and cause in his life? Is she what home feels like to him? Is she the ideal form of the wife, the love, the family, he’s always wanted, but could never find in O’khasis? Is she the physical embodiment of the very reason why he left Nicole? When he looks at Nicole (later on), does he see Aphmau in her and think of an alternate timeline where those pieces were all he clung to to try to find solace in justifying that this arraigned marriage was okay? Or does he see a void in every way Nicole is vastly different from her and realize just how deeply unhappy he would have been, in every way they would have clashed as a couple, and everything he would yearn for that she could not give him? Is he disturbed by the differences, or relieved by them? Did he always wish and yearn for someone like Aphmau to love him, or did he rebuke the very idea of love growing up? Is this the first time it’s ever pounced upon him, startling him out of the blue? Does he struggle against its pull, in his mind? Does he think of all the ways that this would be a terrible idea, for someone to love him now, or does he put it on a pedestal? Is he so completely consumed by the appeal of being loved, that he doesn’t actually know what a relationship looks like? Does he refuse to believe that a being as wonderful as Aphmau would ever love something as disgusting as him? Is that why he kept quiet for so long? Is that why it stung so badly when the idea in his head that Aphmau could never be his, would never want to belong to something so foul and flawed and hideous, comes true? (in his personal perception, I mean, of the illusion of laurance kissing her in the woods)

Is she security, to him? Or is she the feeling of the thrill, of dangers unseen? Is she safety, or is she the terror of everything he’s scared to lose? Is she his master, of any kind? His leader, the one who paves the path that a measly dog like him can only follow? How much does he dedicate himself to her as an utter servant, bent to every beautiful and illustrious word she could ever say—or does he wish to control her himself? How he wants her to be his, and only his, does he want to claim her, mark her, forever emblazon her as his own claimed territory, an extension of his pride? Is there a vicious and cruel leader that lives on in him, that demands ownership of all he sees, that’s greedier and pettier and more prideful and wicked than he would like to admit, and he’s terrified of ever awakening it? Is that why he stays so quiet, why he draws away from others, why he keeps them at arms length and refuses to open up too much? Why he refuses to ever become a leader of anything—because he knows what he would be summoning if he did? The knowledge that, in truth, he has the potential to not only capture Garte’s legacy, but take it to new and terrible sights no one could ever imagine? Do you think it scares him? Do you think he’s desperate to never become the man he could be, and yet it gets drawn out of him anyway? In his pettiest moments, when the worst of him gets dragged out by the most insulting of circumstance, when his ego is bruised enough, it comes out anyway and he embraces it in the meanest way he can, in all his blinding rage and his stubbornly bleeding pride?

Do you think Aphmau is his guide through the dark, in a very similar way to Laurance, in all the ways she influences him to be better, to be kinder, to be more merciful and forgiving instead of strict, to have empathy beyond his warped moral code, in the ways she encapsulates everything he wishes, desperately, he could become instead? And when he rejects her, he strides strong and direct into the dark, to become the worst version of himself, to dominate and control, to turn to higher ambitions (joining the jury of nine) and closer to the throne than ever before, to embrace his dark role in the family unit, his powerful role in the family unit—do you think he and Laurance are opposites, in that way? Why Laurance had to be the reminder of empathy and heart and forgiveness and mercy, to find him in the dark and drag him back to what’s real, as opposed to what’s right?

I don’t think of canon MCD!Garroth as some woobified ditsy adorable golden retriever boy, like what he,,quite literally becomes in mystreet lmao. I used to, but then I started my rewatch and realizing a lot of his behaviors and decisions in the canon series are not actually that “Boy Scout” of him? And in my personal opinion, he feels a lot closer to having potential of becoming a mean and gritty villain in a slightly different timeline than having any sort of potential for being a,,,cute, innocent, “oh no so saddd :((“ golden retriever prettyboy with a heart of gold. My man does not have a heart of gold, and I will die by that. He has a heart of fiercely believing what he thinks is right, and valuing that + his pride over things like empathy and love. He’s a man of his own personal law, not a man of sweet adorable innocence. He’s not your pookie, he’s one hell of a bitch.

He’s most of the reason why im going through the whole series to create a perfect, detailed tapestry of every way Garroth speaks, thinks, ticks, moves, feels, what he believes, what his morals are, where he aligns himself, his best and worst personality traits, why he’s loved by others and why he loves Aphmau in the first place, why he turns on her, how he feels about Zane, whether or not he values his pride above anything else, including love and care and empathy for others. I understand Laurance and Aaron like the back of my hand, but Garroth? Not so much. I’m always guessing with this man. So like… at this point in my research, the data is unclear. I’ll get back to the question of, “What does Aphmau mean to Garroth exactly? What would it mean for him to lose her?” when I figure out the rest lmao

Plus, it’s a little harder to approach the question of “what would it mean for him to lose her” when it comes to Garroth specifically, because he like. totally throws her to the wolves later, he kicks her ass to the CURB lmao, so like- whatever he gets in losing her, it’s clearly not terrifying or dire enough for him to actually give a shit about keeping her around when his ego gets tested lmao

(It’s also harder for me to understand MCD!Aphmau as a character, so im also going down this character analysis journey for her sake as well, but anyway)

Aphmau, surprisingly, isn’t really phased at all by what she just witnessed, in terms of seeing her boys react so embarrassingly. To be fair, she is the author, so if their reactions are ethically fine to Jess, then they’d be ethically fine to Aphmau, and I fully think that’s why. But there’s also the fact that she’s not really having any reaction at all in general, she doesn’t talk to the boys about it, she doesn’t confront them about it, she doesn’t check on them to ask what that was about and if they’re okay, and I think that’s because, narratively, this scene isn’t intended by design to leave much of an impact on Aphmau personally. Most of them aren’t. Sometimes MCD!Aphmau is a character more than anything else, but a lot of the time she functions as little more than a walking camera for the audience. That scene wasn’t designed to leave a lasting emotional impact on Aphmau as a character, as a complicated, in-depth person, that scene was designed to allow the audience to watch a juicy moment of drama where we get to see the boys witness their “worst fear!!!” and get mega jealous. If I were to come up with how Aphmau would be feeling about her boys’ reaction to the illusion, I would probably be extrapolating into the land of variable subjective headcanon and, to a degree, starting to make shit up. Which is what I mean about how she’s harder to read as a character because she’s more of a vessel than anything else, half of the time. She’s a camera for her YouTube audience to see what she’s written, and she’s the author reacting to dialogue and events as if she were immersed in the world, but throughout S1, Aphmau’s not really fully a character yet. I think S2, when we drop the video cam in the corner and treat her more like a narrative pov instead of a YT streamer’s camera, is when her personality starts to get a lot more fleshed out and she starts reacting to things and being impacted by things more properly.

In a way, you could use that as fuel to write an arc for her that’s based on the concept of what makes us a person. In others eyes (Irene correlation), in our loved ones’ eyes (with all the general objectification done by Garroth and Laurance if you’re keeping that in), and in our own.

Anyway, Aphmau does something super sweet and adopts Malachi as her own. New son gained! Where the others see a dangerous and unpredictable threat, Aphmau sees a child playing with things it doesn’t have the emotional maturity/capacity to understand. This proves her high empathy, forgiving nature, and,,,uh. maternal instincts, probably.

I do love Laurance calming the fuck down to see this from a more empathetic perspective as well. He says he’s an orphan too (he’ll be a 2x orphan after the timeskip🔪) so he can’t help but sympathize with the little lad. He reacted the most violently to the illusion, but he’s also the quickest to open up to the idea of Malachi being his new baby, so,,, I. I dunno. Hey I’ll take a Laurdad moment wherever I can get one lmao

It’s sweet that he’s at least trying to do the same thing Garroth did when he found out Aphmau would be taking in a kid to raise as her own. He wants to make sure she isn’t handling it alone, that he shares some of the burden and helps her out, supports her in this responsibility and journey.

Lmao i feel bad for Dante. What a way to make a first impression on your newest little friend lmao. “Welcome to the guard!!! (WE WILL BOTH PERSONALLY EVISCERATE YOU AND TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB IF YOU EVER SO MUCH AS THINK OF ROMANTICALLY PURSUING OUR CRUSH. ONE WRONG MOVE AND WE’LL FUCKING KILL YOU)”

also right after Aphmau and Dante get down from their position up above witnessing Laurance and Garroth’s fear responses, Dante tells Aphmau, “Aphmau, that child is a spectre! get away from it, be careful!!!” and Laurance retorts to him with a “SHE can do WHATEVER she WANTS, EXCUSE YOU”

and i can’t help but like… laugh at that, coming from laurance lmao. like. i know it’s related specifically to handling the ghost and he’s just being snarky here, but. laurance my guy you are the exact reason why she can’t do whatever she wants. like you and Garroth are single-handedly the number one reason why Aphmau actually isn’t allowed to do “whatever she wants” with her life and her choices. like you just barely proved that pretty damn strongly lmao. if there’s any way Aphmau is being unreasonably restricted from being free to do whatever she wants with her life, it is like. most certainly your own fault my guy

I have literally drawn this moment because of how much it means to me. It is the banner for my profile, as of writing this. I fucking love Laurdad. I do like that the boys kinda have their own favorite kid that looks like them, Garroth has Levin as his number one favorite son with the blonde hair and blue eyes, and Laurance has Malachi as his favorite son, and though i know Mal looks a lot more like Vylad than anything else, I think he’s based on Laurance in the same way Levin is obviously based on Garroth. He has brown hair like Laur, and though he has green eyes and currently Laur has blue, he used to have bright green eyes before the Nether. And if the orange was hair dye, then that means Laurance’s natural, unaltered appearance would be brown hair with green eyes. Just like Mal. Not to mention the fact that Malachi and Laurance also share an orphaned past and a life bound by the supernatural, creepy, and even disturbing undead. Of course Laurance “The Doomed One & Our Vampire Allegory” Zvahl’s kid would be the creepy undead one <3

This move also integrates Laurance solidly into Aphmau’s family unit. Previously, he could have just been seen as Levin’s occasional babysitter, or an uncle figure, but now he is solidly one of the dads. And with it, I wanna bring attention to one of my utmost favorite things in Minecraft Diaries by far—The Aphmau family unit. Let me spell something out for you: We have four children, only one that’s biological and three that are all adopted, one that’s a supernatural former ghost, with two moms, and two dads, four parents in total. That is NOT a heteronormative nuclear family unit. That’s a weird-ass family unit to have!! Three adopted kids, one biological kid, two moms, two dads, and NONE of them are married, or even officially dating. And the narrative never views them as weird!!! It’s never commented on by any of the characters how strange it is that these adopted kids have 4 parents at once, or even that they have a single mom as their only “official” parent! It’s never questioned! It’s never judged! They’re treated as normally and kindly as anyone else, and you know what’s really awesome? Instead of judging and scorning Aphmau for being a single mom, everyone in her vicinity immediately offers up as much support as they can. The whole village cares for her and her wellbeing and success. Logan (and probably Donna and their children by proxy as well) takes good care of her kids whenever the town is in danger, and he helps Zoey raise and take care of the boys during the timeskip. The town throws baby showers to celebrate each child and give Aphmau all these gifts, probably to make her life easier as a mom! Garroth and Laurance never question her ability to raise her children on her own, instead they automatically take the extra responsibility of helping out as co-parents without any fight or hesitation or apprehension or scorn. They just…automatically sign themselves up as parents, because Aphmau’s a mother now. They recognize that being a single mom is a lot of work and a lot of responsibility to carry—so they choose to help!!! Just- automatically!!! Without any resistance!!! And they LOVE being dads!!!!! They’re not even married!!!!!!!! Do you have any fucking clue how rare odd/unusual and arguably revolutionary family units are in fiction??!?!?!?! The only non-traditional family unit in fiction I can remember seeing consists of like…all the tragic shows and movies and video games I’ve seen out there about a single father or mother + their kids, which is still much more normal than whatever Aphmau’s got going on, and like… Steven Universe, with one kid, four moms, and one biological dad, and the only people who are married in that situation are two of the lesbian moms that are not biologically related to Steven. That’s the only family unit in fiction I’ve seen that’s comparable to MCD!Aphmau’s. Aphmau’s family means soooooo sososo fucking much to me man.

(oh! and Aaron has a biological kid of his own that he had from a different marriage, so Alina and the others have a half-brother through him, and Zoey has a son that we never ended up seeing, so he’d probably count as some kind of,,,,uh,,,half,,step brother? from her? so in reality there are six kids, with the extra two being from previous marriages, one widowed and one basically divorced. those other two kids are just. uh. out of commission, so to speak)

Also, that means Vylad and Zane are uncles to Aphmau’s children, and Cadenza is their aunt. And Hayden, Joh, Zianna, and Garte are all grandparents. Levin should meet his uncle Vylad at some point, I think that’d be really sweet

...Speaking of Aaron~

THE MAN!!

THE MYTH!!

THE LEGEND!!

ABS MAN!!!

Its the alpha male of your dreams (or your worst nightmares), the man who refuses to let his Sick Fit conform to the ways of “time periods” and “a medieval fantasy setting” or heaven forbid the laws of “temperature and body heat,” the man blinded by his scarf who somehow still has perfect aim, the definition of mysterious brooding tall dark and handsome, the insufferable jackass with a true heart of gold, the man whose flashing the biggest sword out of all the other sexy boys in the cast and yes im talking about the weapon— AARON LYCAN!!!!

Hate him or love him, it’s good to see you again, man.

Dude, MCD Aarmau is wild when you actually look back at it. You thought Laurance and Aphmau got off on a bad foot? Try these two. They’re strained and clashing for a looong time before they become close. They are a rollercoaster.

Aaron is cold, stern, and completely closed off from the world. He lives in an abandoned, arctic wasteland without any hope for human civilization miles away. He’s completely isolated himself, and he’s hellbent on staying that way. He’s brash and harsh and icy to those around him in an effort to push them all away, because of the trauma in his past. He has trust issues and a hellish amount of anger in his system because my man is not handling the mourning and grief of his wife and son well at all. There was a severe amount of injustice in how they died, they were innocents murdered by a man causing destruction just for the fun of it, for kicks, and he’s furious that they’re gone and furious with Zane and furious with trusting strangers ever again, and it bleeds out a lot into everything else. But I think he also harbors a lot of self-loathing and guilt (exactly like Garroth and Laurance) over the death of his family and his village. I think he blames himself for it. He blames Zane, yes, he’s furious that Zane murdered an entire innocent village, including his wife, his son, his childhood friends, and the head guard that raised him (sounds an awful lot like agent r to me, but that’s just a headcanon) and burned down his childhood home and likely any remnants of his father and family and anything he ever held dear—but he also feels like it was his fault that it ever happened in the first place. Maybe if he hadn’t taken the amulet, maybe if he had just taught his son to be slightly more wary of strangers, maybe if he had found Zane first, none of that would have happened. Maybe if he hadn’t failed, they would all still be alive. I wouldn’t be surprised if Aaron was a victim of survivors guilt as well, feeling guilty that he was the only one who survived, when they all had such potential for wonderful lives they should have been allowed to live, not him. The life his son was supposed to live, how his son was supposed to outlive him, not the other way around. Maybe he hates himself for surviving. The grief of all of that would be fucking crushing. I can see how, in a depressive state that far down, a man like him would isolate himself, cut himself off from ever loving or caring for anyone again, because he’s so fucking terrified of losing them the same way—of losing them because of a mistake he made. So it’s better to be cold, to not care, to never give a shit about anyone else and spend the rest of his days utterly, miserably alone, punishing himself with his isolation in the freezing cold that could very well kill him at any moment. Fighting werewolves, something that could very well kill him if he made one wrong move, and only holding onto his anger as the only emotion that could possibly keep a man that depressed and traumatized and psychologically torn to shreds still standing, still moving, still pressing onwards despite the weight of it all. Because what else does he have to live for, if not to avenge everyone that died? Maybe if he avenged them by killing Zane, it would make right his sins. Maybe then, he could finally allow himself to rest, to stop moving and searching for him, to lay down in the snow and finally join his family in peace.

His self-imposed isolation is supposed to make him look all cool and mysterious and brooding, but I can’t take that seriously for the life of me lmao, so I’m gonna see it for what it really is: Self-destructive behavior. Constant, never-ending self-destruction, harming himself and his livelihood out of blood-bleaching terror, guilt, shame, grief, anger, fatigue, and despair. He is not handling his trauma well at all, so he pushes everyone away all the time…but that’s never going to be enough to erase his heart. Not completely.

He could have left Aphmau to die. It would have been easy. But what kind of person would he be, if he let someone else die, again? If he had the ability to stop it, and once again, he fucking failed them? He couldn’t possibly. He doesn’t want to be seen as nice, he doesn’t want anyone to like him, to grow attached to him and try to keep him around. Maybe because he doesn’t intend on sticking around. But no matter how hard he tries to smother it out, he still has a big heart underneath. The heart of someone who desperately yearns for love, for human connection that he hasn’t experienced in years, the whimpering and weak man who just wants his wife back, who wishes he could be a father again. Who has enough compassion to help out those in need, even if he tries to convince them he’s actually not very nice. Who has enough compassion and quiet, tender, shy, soft fatherly love in him left to treat Nekoette with a gentle patience and kindness, who would wholeheartedly participate in a tea party picnic with Nekoette if she begged him to. And you just know he would take that princess tea party very seriously, only to snark Aphmau, Laurance, or whoever found him sitting on a tiny plastic pink chair with a teacup perfectly poised in his hand, pinky raised. Aaron as a character is wise, emotionally mature, much more so than Aphmau, Garroth, Laurance, or like,,, most of the entire fkin cast lmao. In every universe, Aaron is the one who holds the brain cells. Notably, in MCD only, he’s also a former Lord. This gives him a level of experience and wisdom that Garroth and Laurance and most others don’t have, and it puts him on equal footing with Aphmau, as opposed to the imbalance of servant x idol that’s embedded deep into Laurmau and Garmau’s relationships, mainly due to being her knights. So if ever Aphmau needs help or advice or aid in handling Lordship, Aaron is the one who can and would give it to her, and MCD!Aaron isn’t gonna sugarcoat that shit. (yes I know Garroth is “technically” a lord in canon but he never went back to take his throne, so he’s literally never served a day in his life as a lord. he has zero experience and rejects that role as much as humanly possible. he does not count)

His design in MCD is hilariously laughable (look at them big and plump frostbitten blueass man titties. his skin doesn’t have nips on it because he’s already lost them to the arctic tundra. look at that pyramid stud-lookin hot topic belt with those emo black ripped skinny jeans. do you think his jeans are skin-tight to the curvature of his ass. do you think that whole ass is out, in the snow, in the mountains, in -0 degrees weather. do you think it claps when he walks. you can hear it echo across the mountainside from miles away. it’s his calling card. the abs count as armor plating, they deflect the blades of swords and even the hardest of werewolf claws. why? because the steel of the sword may be hard but aaron is harder. he leaves behind adidas footprints when he walks) but I do like him as a character lmao. We’ve entered DILF territory from here on out guys

nevermind guys I take back any prior frustration. i love them. guys look at them they’re so fucking CUTE aaAAUUGH they love each other <3

I love love love that they included an apology. I love that they fight, but then they make up!! They step back to cool off, and when they do, they come back to each other and apologize earnestly for everything they said and did while they were arguing. They really don’t like fighting each other. It’s SO sweet. It’s so sweet that they care about each other that much to admit they were wrong, for their love for each other they’ll forgo their prides and beg for forgiveness. I love seeing a glimpse into Garroth’s softer side in how he treats Laurance. He was the one getting insulted the most in that fight, and yet he’s the one who first turns right around and apologizes earnestly and insists that he was the one in the wrong, no matter what. He really does feel bad, he regrets what he’s done wrong and returns to Laurance to tenderly beg for forgiveness. And Laurance is more casual and carefree about it, shrugging off Garroth’s insistence that Laurance was justified and apologizing too for his own brash attitude. With how he’s talking here, i could almost vividly, perfectly capture the small smile on his face as he’s speaking. They should hug and hold hands and Garroth should cup his face in his big ol palms and they should hug and clutch each other close and then they should get married /silly

This episodes also an important point to spotlight the beginning of Laurance’s descent. Oh, to be doomed to become someone’s Judas.

In his description, Laurance paints an image that is honestly horrifying, with losing literal control over your body but being forced to watch as something else, something well beyond your mortal control, a worse and warped, inhuman version of you, takes over your body and your words and does everything it can to destroy everything around you. It’s like he’s getting possessed. It removes your inhibitions and your filter and pushes you to be so much angrier than you normally are, artificially pushing you over the edge and encouraging you to spit venomous words and do everything you can to start a fight and draw blood and get violent. I wonder how much regret and fear Zenix feels, if that’s true. But it does imply that Laurance’s angrier moments, the times he’s meaner and sharper and crueler, they’re unlike him and a deviation from his natural state, artificially caused by his demonic descent into madness and bloodlust.

i luv men <3

Laurance being petty and snarky, he’s the one who always starts fights, Dante isn’t the one who starts them but he’s the one who gets caught up in them, and Garroth is always the one to settle them. Garroth’s the one in the group with enough maturity to tell them all to stop fuckin bickering over meaningless things. And Aphmau’s outside of the arguments—but she insists she wasn’t the one who got them lost. But as a whole she prefers to stay away from any and all bickering in general. Garroth keeping track of where their priorities and responsibilities really are and yanking them back on track when Laurance veers off on a distraction and Dante easily follows.

Then Aphmau gets arrested/almost arrested for the third time now.

Aphmau gets turned into a dog per Lucinda’s escape plan, and i love the contrast in Laurance and Garroth’s reactions. Garroth gets mega worried and freaks out, and meanwhile Laurance just trusts Aphmau to always know what she’s doing, even if shit gets wacky and weird, he’s still down! He’s all for it! Let’s get weird! He says she’s lookin’ good! Garroth asks that she PLEASE be safe PLEASE please be SAFE and meanwhile Laurance is just like “knock ‘em dead baby 👉👉” Garroth is a worrywart pacing a path into the floor of the cell, while Laurance is much more adventurous and always down to clown. They’re opposites!

these two are a never ending rollercoaster on studying the portrayal and varying extent of empathy vs ego. Maybe i need to rethink prior assessments about these two. I’m learning just as you guys are as you follow me along this journey, I’m making this up as I go, so naturally I expect myself to start getting certain shit wrong. Maybe my previous assessment of “Garroth has lower empathy than laurance” wasn’t entirely correct. But I still feel like I need to figure out some sort of solid, in-depth explanation for why Garroth betrays them later on… It’s this interesting dichotomy Garroth’s character poses to me. Perhaps I need to shift my paradigm. I’m focusing on the wrong things, simplifying my assessments based on surface-level reactions and traits, looking at the equation from the wrong angle.

Here, Laurance reiterates the idea I’ve so far assumed, and it’s that Garroth is a very pride-based man. Not as in he’s particularly arrogant or haughty or full of himself, not in the slightest. Just that his pride, his ego, is one of his highest priorities. When it’s wounded, it cuts him so much deeper than it would for other characters, like Aphmau or Aaron or Dante. And that was my explanation for why he behaves the way he does in certain circumstances, especially and mainly at his worst, and how it affects his view of Aphmau. When he’s at his worst, from what I remember and presume, he seems to act very pridefully, and there’s a consistent emphasis on “Garroth’s pride” throughout the latter half of S1, like right now. So it’s certainly at least…an aspect of him, of his values and core pieces that influence his decisions and the way he thinks. He’s not full of himself at ALL, he’s actually severely insecure, and that’s why he’s a man of wounded ego, and men of wounded egos can often do… drastic and unfortunate things. Like leaving his loved ones and his entire town to die in a critical time of war, or even sacrificing his life because he sincerely feels like his loved ones are better off without him.

But I think where I assume incorrectly about his character is in the latter half of what Laurance points out: His pride doesn’t stem from selfishness. His pride stems from selflessness, and an extreme, empathetic excess of it.

That’s fascinating. I’m gonna need to chew real hard on that.

Laurance says, “What he’s most proud of is the people he cares for - he invests too much of himself in them and while I don’t believe that to be a bad thing, he invests ALL of himself into them, which IS a bad thing.” What this demonstrates is high empathy, or empathic behavior. And I do trust that Laurance knows Garroth intimately enough by this point to know Garroth’s real and honest flaws, I think he’s fully telling the truth about him and would make a brutally honest, accurate assessment of his character. I trust Laurance’s assessments of Garroth more than I’d trust anyone else in the cast and much more than I’d trust my own lmao. He’s painting the picture of how Garroth has such immense empathy and intense love and care and compassion for everyone around him, that he doesn’t see them for the swindling or wicked or heartless people they really are. I don’t feel like Laurance is correct or telling Hard Objective Facts when he claims his own method and approach is better than Garroth’s, but he is correct when he assesses that Garroth’s sensitive heart may lead him to falter with or possibly refuse to do something like killing Zenix, if push came to shove. I doubt that Garroth is exactly a doormat? He doesn’t seem to be much of a doormat to Zane, I mean. Or to any of the other more run-of-the-mill threats they come across. And it’s not exactly doormat behavior to betray your father’s commands by escaping your toxic family to a brand new, healthier, better life for yourself. He’s not a doormat, I think Laurance is referring to Garroth hesitating before taking a crucial strike, because he loves Zenix with his whole heart, while Laurance wouldn’t hesitate to kill Zenix on sight (ironic lmao).

And maybe this is more true than my theory of Garroth not caring as much as he seems. In how Mystreet!Garroth still smothers Zane in love despite all the years of unrelenting insults and bullying and cruelty his brother throws on him, because he sees the best in his brother and struggles to think that he would actually hate him. In how MCD!Garroth worries and paces holes into the floor as he desperately tries to think of a way to get everyone out alive, and how he frets when Aphmau gets turned into a wolf pup. In how he comes back to apologize earnestly to Laurance and struggles to wrap his head around how Laurance could be in the wrong, too, even if he so obviously is. In how he dedicated his life to the woman that gave him a guard tower, because he’s so immensely grateful for her gifts and occasional kindnesses that he tries to give his life to her in return.In how Garroth saw the way Zenix acted and spoke and behaved, which was rude, crass, insulting, rebellious, rebuking him and challenging him regularly and being difficult and always suggesting unethical or morally shitty alternatives to doing anything (if Rebirth is anything to go by) and it had never occurred to Garroth that he could be a bad person or a jackass or anyone who would betray him.

Which is why I actually really dislike Rebirth!Garroth much more so than MCD!Garroth, because where Garroth is occasionally cold and prideful, Rebirth!Garroth is straight up harsh and angry and resentful and bitter. When I think of Rebirth!Garroth losing Zenix, deadass you’d have to write me an essays worth of proof just to convince me his reaction to losing Zenix wouldn’t be “Oh, thank god. I’m so glad that insufferable brat is gone.” Where MCD!Garroth is tender and soft and redeemable at his worst, Rebirth!Garroth is severely annoyed with everyone and anything and hates his life and doesn’t want to be here and never wants Zenix to speak ever again lmao. Man im FAR from a Garroth fanboy and even I feel like Rebirth butchered my boy.

Garroth is a more lawful character, especially when you contrast him with Laurance, but that doesn’t mean he’s…a stern, no-nonsense, disapproving prude. He redirects their focus when Laurance takes them off track, and he dislikes how inappropriate Laurance behaves when he’s acting like a misogynistic fuckboy and harassing girls who don’t want his advances lmao, but there’s never been a point thus far where he criticizes Laurance’s chaotic or adventurous or playful personality. He doesn’t like him sexually harassing others who feel uncomfortable with his advances, he thinks of it as ungentlemanly of him, but have you noticed that he hasn’t brought that up even once since Laurance’s return from the Nether? Aka, when Laurance dropped the fuckboy act? Laurance still flirts with Aphmau on the regular now, but Garroth doesn’t speak of it as inappropriate anymore. He just gets flustered and jealous, but that’s all. And later on, he even admits to envying and admiring Laurance’s confidence to speak his mind. He admires Laurance’s boldness, just when it’s appropriate and not breaking anyone else’s boundaries. Once Laurance cuts the shit and starts flirting much more respectfully and kindly, he doesn’t mind so much. He’s not mortified by it, because he knows Aphmau is comfortable with it. He sees how he makes her laugh, and he’s grateful for it. He’s just a shy man who struggles to be that confident in his own life and relationships, so he wishes he had some of Laurance’s self-assurance and bravery. Maybe he shows some more disdain for Laurance’s,,,~promiscuity~ (lol) in the future and I just haven’t come across it yet, in which case I’ll correct myself if I do, but like. I’m just saying. We’re 71 episodes in now and he hasn’t talked shit about Laurance’s sexuality yet.

Like, I feel like if canon-accurate Garroth saw Laurance in some like,,,super sexy, revealing leather fit, his reaction would NOOOOOT be prudish shame clutching his pearls with disdain and disgust for how bold and Crude and Outlandish laurance is being. His reaction would be him shyly or nervously not knowing what to say, maybe stuttering, maybe getting flustered, and saying something about how he admires Laurance’s confidence and wishes he could be that cool. Maybe muttering under his breath about how he wonders if he could get Aphmau to look at him like that if he did the same, and then immediately shaking away the idea and shooing it away as quick as it came. Mystreet!Garroth would probably react more with a, “Woooow… Sexy! Hehehe, this’ll win you all the girls for sure!” ((REMINDS YOU LOUDLY OF THE TIME GARROTH CANONICALLY WORE NURSE LINGERIE FOR A COMEDY SKIT LAURANCE WAS FILMING)) At worst, his reaction would be a deadpan, neutral “Wow. Now that’s something you don’t see every day… Why am I not surprised?” but frankly if it were me, I’d give that reaction to Aaron! If you tweaked the dialogue a little, it’d suit Aaron much better than it would suit Garroth. And they’re supposed to contrast each other. Aaron is the stern, cold, “judgy,” deadpan one. Not Garroth. Laurance is adventurous and chaotic, Garroth is orderly and shy and a highly empathetic worrywart with a rare playful side when he’s comfortable (a side that’s completely brought to the focus in Mystreet), and Aaron is the deadpan, mature, wise, no-nonsense serious one that’s blown away by their crazier antics every time. Laurance is clever but not really wise, (MCD)Garroth is…uh. Mainly emotionally intelligent above anything else but not an idiot, responsible but not exactly wise, and Aaron is the wisest one out of all of them but lacks in other areas that the other two fill. ((—that being said, I do see a lot of people adding on Catholic guilt and shame to their versions of rewritten Garroth, and I think that’s cool <3 it suits him, fits in snug with his canon characterization, and in that case giving him more sexual shame and prudeish behavior would be very fitting. sadly im doing everything I can to not cover headcanons though lmao))

He never talks shit about Zenix’s more rude, judgmental, obnoxious, and brash behavior either, by the way. He never talks shit at all about how he used to act and behave, now that I’m thinking back. That’s something that’s entirely new to Rebirth. They cropped that in, that annoyance with Zenix’s behavior didn’t exist before. (it’s because they made Zenix more of a misogynistic creep in rebirth and didn’t want to seem like they were endorsing it lmao, but like. you could’ve easily salvaged their original, close, intimate bond by just. not making Zenix act like a misogynistic creep all the time. and then Garroth would have nothing to be angry about lmao. like that was optional. we could’ve gone without that just fine)

Laurance says, “what he’s most proud of is the people he cares for.” Most proud of the people he cares for… What does that mean? I don’t think he means that in any form of selfish way. I think he means that Garroth invests soooo so so much of himself into other people, to the point of not fully taking care of himself and his own needs. Maybe that’s how Lillian was able to get to him so easily. Because he doesn’t take care of himself first. Everyone else in the world is his priority before he’d invest in his own personal wellbeing. Aphmau is his highest priority above all else, pretty much everything he does is for Aphmau’s sake. He feels cautious and apprehensive about Laurance’s SK transformation because he’s worried for Aphmau’s sake. He stops their bickering for her sake, leaves PD to travel to the arctic for Aphmau’s sake, adopts a son for Aphmau’s sake, it’s in everything he does. So of course he would put himself as the last on his list, of course he would give up his own life for Aphmau’s. Maybe what Lillian was able to convince him of was make him see just how little he does something for himself. Maybe he was simply just…wounded, plain and simple, by Aphmau and Laurance getting together, no further resentment or vehement rage, maybe he felt betrayed that they progressed their relationship so much behind his back, despite how present he was in this three-way rivalry situation they have going on, despite Laurance knowing how much it all meant to him. He found them kissing in the woods, confirming a relationship. He saw them staying together at night and keeping secrets and growing all the more close and intimate, and meanwhile Laurance never told him a word, when he was so certain that he trusted he would. He was part of this strange, three-way waiting game, and surely it looked exactly like all of a sudden he’d been booted out of the group dynamic with zero explanation, like getting kicked out of your best friend’s group chat, and they start drawing away from you and ghosting you and never think to tell you why. That would make him feel wounded and betrayed, and if his heart is as big as Laurance says, if he invests soooooo so so so fucking much of his extremely loving heart into his relationships, suddenly getting kicked out by your dearest friends and isolated would feel horrible. And Garroth likely didn’t understand why they would do something like that, and it’s not like they’re communicating with him the answer lmao, they’re not even aware that he’s upset!! They just think he caught the flu!!! And Laurance assumes that’s why he’s upset, because he’s sick!!! Perhaps that makes it even more insulting, that it doesn’t occur to them that anything would be wrong. Of course they wouldn’t even notice that he’s gone. And when they do notice his absence, they STILL don’t acknowledge getting together or what they’ve actually done, it doesn’t occur to them at all that he’d be upset about them leaving him behind. I can see why he’d be angry. Garroth thinks he’s been abandoned, this sensitive and already very reserved and bad-at-talking-about-his-feelings man who struggles so much to feel like he deserves to be loved, he assumes they don’t want him as their intimate companion anymore and shuts himself away from the world from how horribly his heart is broken—and that’s when Lillian meets him.

Maybe Lillian puts the idea in his head that this was an intentional move on Aphmau and Laurance’s part, that they were excluding him on purpose, because they don’t like him anymore. Because Laurance betrayed their entire previous bond and agreement and competition not by finally “getting the girl,” but by never telling Garroth and silently booting him out of the group by keeping Aphmau all to himself and abandoning Garroth, never even telling him or communicating with him or checking on him to see if he’s okay with everything going on, or letting him know the news of what’s been going on and checking how he feels with it all. Instead of handling it with the kind of equal respect and open, honest communication and,,,frankly, love and close intimacy, that they were treating each other with before, he feels like Laurance just… swooped in, took his prize, and both he and Aphmau completely dropped Garroth, both as a lover but as their friend, when he was no longer relevant to them anymore.

Maybe Lillian reminds him of how little he does anything for himself. Maybe she shows him how much he did for them and how much he loved them both, and told him how little they love him in return, and such a revelation would be crushing for a heart like his. And poor, wounded, isolated, naive Garroth believed her, because the damage had been done, and then anger brewed. Anger that made him stubborn, anger that made him want to close off his heart in an extremely volatile way. I wonder if Lillian had never been part of the equation after the initial illusion, he still would’ve shut himself away from the outside world for a few days, but maybe he wouldve been less angry, as he would’ve had more time. Maybe like the apology he gave Laurance in the manor when they were fighting, he would eventually cave to his heart and come out, reach out to Laurance, assuming he already knew everything that was going on, and beg him to simply talk to him and explain why he doesn’t want him around anymore—only for Laurance to immediately correct him and insist no no no no, why would you ever think that? you and Aphmau are the most special and dearest people in the world to me, why would you ever think I don’t want you around anymore? And then they’d figure out that there was an illusion, Aphmau and Laurance would explain the whole secret amulet nightmare hell they’ve been tangling with lately, apologize profusely for accidentally making Garroth feel like he was worthless by keeping him out of the loop with all of that, and they’d clear it all up and have a good cry and everything would be happy hunky-dory and they go beat Zane’s ass.

I think Lillian’s influence is what brought out, seeded, and festered Garroth’s anger. The heartbreak was the unfortunate coincidence of two things colliding, Laurance and Aphmau accidentally drawing away by keeping secrets and Garroth distancing himself like the reserved and shy/uncertain man he always is, and the illusion Lillian planted to make Garroth think Laurmau getting together was why. And not what it really was, which was like… crazy espionage death threat spy bullshit making them grow more private and secretive than before. And in reality, Aphmau and Laurance still really deeply loved Garroth during all of that and were really really worried about him when he withdrew and locked himself away to cry in his bedroom for 42 hours (which is a reasonable response). Maybe if Lillian hadn’t been there, when Aphmau came to check on him and try to speak to him and just…letting him know that they miss him and they’re here for him whenever he’s ready to come out, maybe he would have actually gotten up and answered the door and spoken to her then, and they would’ve worked things out.

I can’t help but think about how Garroth probably was raised to believe that he was unloveable, growing up. Especially if everything Zane tells him in all/both universes is anything to go by. He did say that Zane started copying and learning from his father’s terrible behavior, once Garte started turning more corrupt. Perhaps they made him believe that no one would ever want to love someone as stupid, naive, gullible, useless, incompetent, foolish, bumbling, childish, oversensitive, dramatic, emotional, soft, and weak as him (based on how Zane insults him). So when Lillian and Zane come in while he’s vulnerable, while he feels heartbroken and betrayed and isolated and abandoned, and he doesn’t know why, and he can’t understand this difference in their behavior, they swoop in and whisper in his ear the idea that all the things the cruel voice in his head says to him is true, that it’s always been true that no one would ever love him, and only now, now that Aphmau and Laurance have left his worthless heart behind, can he see the truth. But not to fear, because Zane sees his potential for what it truly is. Zane’s always been right about him, he knows his brother better than anyone else, and no matter how far he tries to run, Zane will always find him, and be here for him. See, Zane has a place for him. Lady Aphmau may not want him anymore, but Zane does. His family wants him. They have a purpose for him, a way for him to mean something, a home he can never run away from, a home that will hold him, even if their hands are cold and their hearth is even colder, even if it’s nothing like what he really wanted—but what he wanted out of love and life and family was impossible to achieve, now was it? Nothing but the stupid, silly, childish dreams of a bumbling, foolish man that made up a fantasy that could never happen in the first place. His family will always be here, behind him. Waiting for him. Pulling him back. His family will always be the only thing that’s true.

So he comes back. He drops his home at Phoenix Drop, he returns to Zane’s side, and he joins the Jury of Nine. In his despair, he lets go of the new family he’d made, his children, his loved ones, his home, the town he raised Zenix in, the friends he’d made, the memories he’d made over the years, everything he’d ever cared for and needed and valued most above all else, he throws it all away and it kills him on the inside, but he burns with anger for how he was betrayed. Much like Aaron’s poor handling of his own grief turning into anger that pushes everyone else away, he pushes everything away, isolates himself even further, continues to spiral down this lonely pit of utter self-destruction, because he believes every word Zane tells him. He’s furious, he’s grieving, he’s depending on Zane as his only direction left, the only family and home and love he could ever have left, like a dog licking for love off of knives. Not because he doesn’t actually give much of a shit about Laurance and Aphmau, but because he loves them so fucking much. Because he can’t imagine any other life without them, and he’s furious that they burned that to shreds in front of his eyes, because goddamn it they were all he had. He’s angry that they didn’t seem to love him as much as he loved them, and now he has to settle for his worst nightmare, because his executioners and abusers are the only ones who actually want him in their grasp. And if no one else will hold him, then he might as well settle for the embrace of his killers. And that’s horrible, that’s unfair, that’s unjust, that’s wrong, but it’s all he has now. And that’s why the moment Laurance starts confronting him like he cares about him, starts breaking down the manipulation Lillian and Zane fed to him and indirectly proving to him that, oh, wait, they do care about him, wait, they do want him back and in their lives, and he realizes the mistake he’s made.

And that’s why he immediately turns on Zane and starts fighting him instead, dedicating the rest of his life to undoing the damage he’s done by saving his loved ones and fending off Zane. The real reason why Laurance gets through to him, and why he feels like he needs to sacrifice his life for them, and why he finally fucking tells Aphmau how much he loves her. And oh, god, how much that means for him to say.

Ok i’ll flesh out the details of that and work that into something way more closely aligned with canon when we actually get to those scenes, but like. i need you guys to realize something lol. I went on this journey to better understand the relationship dynamics of Garmau, Garrance, and Laurmau so I’d feel more comfortable rewriting my MCD rewrite fic to include more of them, yes, but I also went on this journey purely just to convince myself to actually like MCD Garroth Ro’meave. Before this point, with this Laurance screenshot forcing me to rethink everything, I was a bigtime MCD!Garroth hater. I have despised him up to this point. And all of that just changed my mind completely. I chained myself by the wrists to forcibly hold myself in Garroth Appreciation Purgatory until I reconsidered how I felt about him and Understood why MCD!Garroth was so widely beloved by the community. Until I knew every way he ticked and every way he thought and everything he ever felt, in hopes of convincing myself to appreciate him too, and my plan has succeeded. I have switched sides. I am a Garroth fanboy now. I get it now. I Understand him. I can finally unlock my chains and frolic here freely from this point onwards. I have learned to love my domesticated dog-coded boy who definitely listens to too much fuckin mitski. I get it now. you have no idea how much fucking work I’ve been doing to stay as impartial and nice and respectful with his character as possible lmao, I have had to step back and take breaks from how angry he was making me and now I am free. now i am. liberated. now i am. homosexual

No but genuinely I thought he only betrayed them because he was a bitchy jackass manchild crying over losing the dumbass game he’d literally been agreeing to play this entire time, but he didn’t end up having the emotional maturity or the balls to handle actually “losing.” guys I thought he was just a misogynistic possessive piece of shit crying over literally nothing of meaningful value and actively, spitefully, pettily choosing to burn it all to the ground, despite the mounds of logical evidence against his entire argument. i thought he was a fucking asshole this entire time. thats why I kept insisting he was a bitch and a prideful piece of shit. now I need to rethink everything. Disregard (almost) everything critical or deprecating i have said about Garroth Ro’meave before this point, I am wiping the slate clean, I am starting over with new lenses, and I will do my boy better proper justice now, i. i need to reassess everything now. goddamn it

I would like to return to a previous question I proposed about “How does Garroth feel about Aphmau exactly?” And answer part of it. And it’s the question I posed of, “is he truly more of a servant at his core, a loyal and domesticated obedient dog to those he idolizes and loves dearly? or does he harbor a dark side underneath, of the cruel and corrupt king that’s run by his pride, who wishes to possess and own all things as he desires and is petty and backhanded and cold?” And now that I see him more clearly—the answers entirely and absolutely the former. He is a servant. He is desperately begging for affection wherever he can get it, as silently as he can. If he has any Evil King bone in his body, there’s only like. one of them, and it’s outvoted every time by the hoard of other bones in his body that would cry if he accidentally stepped on his dog’s paw. The latter is a cool idea for an au, the former is closest to canon. In my opinion. My ever-shifting and evolving opinion.

When Garroth is upset and heartbroken, he listens to mitski. When Laurance is upset and heartbroken, he listens to The Neighborhood. I don’t know what Aaron listens to, but I feel like he’d listen to something from the old era of rock. But I’m not familiar with that genre at all, so old rock fans will have to fill in the gaps for me there

I know I said I’d go until the image limit, but oh my god I’ve written so much and I think I have at least 11 or 10ish more images/scenes to go. I’m so fkin tired. believe it or not I do in fact have a yapping capacity LOL

Before I fuck off to continue in a part 3, I want to leave you guys with just a fun little factoid of semi-canon information:

Garroth’s a lot like Fluttershy, Laurance is a lot like Rainbow Dash, and Dante is like Applejack, in Jess’s mind. Now, mind you, I have much more complicated opinions on what pony Aphmau is most like that im still working out, and personally I feel like it’s stupid and inane to only pick her pony based entirely and only off of the idea of “is it purple” and I feel like after reading all of this you would be able to tell exactly why im the kind of person who doesn’t like basic, surface-level character choices LOL, but atm im fighting somewhere between “aphmau is a LOOOOT like pinkie pie in personality” vs “oh but MCD!Aphmau specifically and uniquely shares a lot of the leadership and anxiety and some minute character details that Twilight Sparkle has, plus twi is purple” vs “I should examine the side/supporting/background cast of MLP:FiM to search for The Perfect Match for Aphmau because none of the mane 6 quite fit her perfectly exactly” so yaknow. it’s whatever. Rarity isn’t even an option I would consider for Aphmau. Rarity is Cadenza, Cadenza is Rarity, and that’s that lmao. Garroth = Fluttershy and Laurance = Rainbow Dash and Garrance = Flutterdash, and im very happy with that

But Zane is Princess Luna. Zane is in every conceivable way an exact replica of Princess Luna. Zane is Luna. End of story

32 notes · View notes