#i’ve been adding pins for many months. maybe years idk. and i have about three sentence fragments describing scenes

[imaginarypasta]

i want to write this fairy-medieval romance au but my medieval romance knowledge extends to necrophilia and gay werewolves and just does not fit with the fairy aspect

[legendrarryficrecs]

Give Me a Quiet Mind

Author: calrissian18

Rating: G

Word Count: 16,260

Tags: Non Magical Au, Assistant Draco, Business Man(i think? Idk what else to tag him) Harry, pinning, Ron/Draco Friendship

Summary:

Draco is Weasley’s assistant. Except for the week he’s not. Whose brilliant idea was that again? Featuring offices in Edinburgh, an epic Measley Bromance (that no one will admit exists), several unrequited crushes, fantastical revenge scenarios, coffee snobbery, the dreaded – yet adorable – toddler terror, promises of organ swapping, a play about Scottish history (no one cares), sequins, and the League of Snarky Secretaries!

Excerpt:

Potter wasn’t the only one waiting downstairs in the lobby when Draco arrived the next morning. (Draco noted his still-knobbly knees with vicious pleasure.) Weasley was there as well, with some flimsy pretence about meeting a client for coffee. Potter was as severe today as he had been yesterday – and as gorgeous – and he held out his hand for Weasley to shake, saying, “It was nice meeting you yesterday, Mr. Weasley. I hope we get the chance to work together in future.” It sounded like a challenge.

Weasley was obviously gritting his teeth and Draco wouldn’t have been surprised if there was a bit of bone crushing in that handshake. He vaguely remembered how close Potter and the Granger girl – the one Weasley had been hung up on for literal years – had been in school. Maybe Weasley had remembered that as well since their brief meeting the day before.

Potter grinned for the first time since he’d arrived and pulled his hand back. It was a man’s grin now though, rugged and emphasising the square of his jaw, rather than the one he’d had as a boy that highlighted his innocence and youth. “Sorry to steal your assistant out from under you, by the way, but he’s a bit of a catch, isn’t he? Did you headhunt him yourself from Snape + Co.?”

Draco cleared his throat and stepped in. “I left the company voluntarily actually.” To get away from Blaise. Who had followed him three months later like the possessive arsehat he was.

Potter frowned over at him, like he couldn’t understand why Draco would insert himself into a conversation that was about him.

Weasley’s smile was more of a grimace. “No hard feelings. I’ll have him back before long, I’m sure.”

“I’m sure Marty could use the break though,” Draco put in, mainly because it seemed to annoy Potter when he spoke.

Potter’s brows furrowed a bit. “Oh. I thought your first name was Percival or something.”

Weasley pulled a face. “Wow. No. That’s my brother Percy.” Draco sniggered but quickly covered it with a cough. He couldn’t think of a worse Weasley to be compared to. “It’s Ronald, actually. Ron.”

“So ‘Marty’ comes from?” Potter asked, screwing up his face.

“A prick who lives to make my life miserable,” Weasley growled.

Draco shot him an obnoxious grin.

“Still. It’ll be nice to have him back when the time comes,” Weasley added, sending a significant look over at Potter, smiling grim.

Potter smiled back but it was much sharper than before. He turned to Draco and said dismissively, “I’ve been given a temporary office up on twenty-five, back left corner. I’m sure you’ll be able to find it.”

He didn’t even wait for Draco to respond before he was stepping onto the lift.

“I hate that guy,” Weasley snarled after him.

Rec Notes:

If you have a thing for Ron/Draco friendship you might as well skip this rec and go straight into reading folks! This is an au of a lifetime!!

I'll be honest here, I haven’t read that many non-magical au's in my life. It never felt right to read our wizard babies being muggles before but this, this fic opened my eyes for the better! I honestly forgot they even knew magic canonically while reading this. Everything fitted so well! From the world building to the dialogues, from the perfectly fitted professions(more assistant Draco, yes please!) to the worlds best fucking bromance (Dron all the way!) this fic had it all!

Draco was stunning in this! Every word out of his mouth was sharp and hilarious, dipped in steller sarcasm that had me in a giggling fit every single time! And Ron(yes Ron, Harry comes third in this fic I'm sorry!) ahhhhh! Best Bromance ever! This was the friendship I didn’t know I needed in my life! Just give it a read yeah? I'll be here gushing about this for hours! Harry was also fine as hell with his fitted suits and his cold gazes.(I'm not giving much away about him for reasons, but he was amazing! Trust me.)

Loved every second of this story. And to think the author wrote something so good in only 16k?? Mind. Blown. *boom*

It's because of @gameofdrarry that I went looking for a non-magical au in the first place! They deserve all the love!

READ ON AO3

[pagingevilspawn]

stick it

What even is this fic? Idk, but i was missing gymnastics, so this is what y’all get. Its super bad, super weird, and not a whole lotta jolex, but whatever. 

Also, nobody cares, but the way I'm giving the scores is (most likely) different than what is averaged for Washington. I’ve never competed in Washington so i don’t know how hard their scoring is, but I did compete in one of the hardest regions in the US for gymnasts, so scoring was always a LOT more harsh than it was in other states and areas of states. Even though nobody is gonna pay attention to that I just thought I'd say something lol. 

And fun fact- our girl is a (much) better gymnast than i ever was, so… tea 🍵🍵  

~*~

Jo watched her husband do their daughter’s hair from the doorway, some kind of a braided bun she didn’t know the name of. She smiled at the sight. It never failed to bring a smile to her face, even though it had become pretty common these past few years. She cradled the bottom of her six month baby bump in the palm of her left hand, her right holding her piping hot tea in a thermos. Once Alex was done putting in all of the excess pins, she watches as he puts a hand over their daughter’s eyes, pulling out the can of hairspray and spraying it into her hair. 

The almost nine year old girl lets out a giggle, commenting on how the hairspray smelt funny. Alex pulls out an Amped Up brush, combing back any flyaway hairs that might have escaped the spray. She snaps out of her trance when she hears her phone alarm go off, alerting the other two in the room of her presence. 

“Mommy!” her daughter exclaims, running over to her to give her a quick hug, much to the dismay of Alex. He was just thankful that he was already done with her hair. Even after three years of doing hair it still took a long ass time to do buns, especially when his daughter was the perfectionist she was. 

“Hey Dyl,” Jo reaches down, returning her daughter’s hug, giving her a tight squeeze before she watches Dylan retreat back to her dad, sitting in front of the mirror once again. 

Jo looks at Alex, who’s attention was focused on adding the shiny black scrunchie into the little girl’s hair. “I’m gonna get Aub up.” she whispers to him, watching him nod before she turns and makes her way down the hall, where their three year old daughter was sleeping. It was only five-thirty, so she knew what a hassle it would be. Aubryella was exactly like her parents in that way, a complete night owl. It was always a hassle to get the girl down at night, but even tougher to wake her up in the morning. She flicks on the small night on the girl’s bedside table, the lamp shade casting a soft pink glow around the all pink room. 

Much like her name, Aubryella was the definition of a girly-girl. She was all about pink, barbies, fashion, makeup… anything that would be described as girly, the three year old liked. Alex always gave props to Jo for that, since while she was pregnant with their youngest daughter she claimed that the tiny life growing inside of her was going to be an ‘all that and a bag of chips little diva’, so she thought it was only appropriate to give her a name to suit that title. (Good thing her mommy instincts were correct. She knew that if she gave Dylan that name and not Aubryella she would hate it more than life itself.) 

She shakes the girl lightly, hoping that it was enough to wake her up, which it ultimately wasn’t. She begins to run a hand through her hair, which ends up failing too. Jo lets out a sigh. 

“Aub. Aubrey. Elle. Ella. Ree. Aubryella. Get up sweetie.” she shakes the girl harder, finally stopping when the tiny blonde lets out a loud groan of protest. Yep, definitely a Karev.

“No mommy,” the girl says, her word muffled since her face was buried in her soft pink pillow case, using one hand to sleepily push her moms face away. It was too close to her ear, and she just wanted to sleep.

Jo chuckles, rolling her eyes at her daughter's antics. “It’s state’s day.” she whispers, knowing that that would get Aub’s attention.

As expected, the little girl gets up immediately, rubbing her tired as, not looking as asleep as she probably should, the talk of the upcoming meet more than enough to get her blood rushing. Though Aubryella wasn't a gymnast herself (she had started dance class a year ago and had found her calling then), watching gymnastics was something she loved to do, especially when it was her own sister competing. Not to mention, it was the topic of nearly every dinner for the past month and a half.  

The mom watches as the girl hassles out of the bed quickly, picking up her blanket and rushing to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Jo stays behind, making the bed. Normally, Aub would need to do it herself, but since they were on a time limit, she decided it would be best if she did it instead. When the girl gets back in the room Jo picks out her clothes, a dusty rose sweater and black jeans, both wasting no time in putting them on. She runs a comb through her daughter’s long dirty blonde hair, a trait she inherited from her Aunt Amber and Grandma. Aub actually looked more like the two than her own parents to most people, with her dirty blonde hair and blue-green eyes. But anyone who actually looked at the girl could see that she had Jo's nose and Alex’s chin. Not to mention, that crooked grin was all Alex Karev.

Jo picks up her daughter from her spot on the bed, grabbing a jacket that was hung on a hook before heading out of the door and down the hall, stopping when she went down the stairs and entered the living room. She sets the girl down by a chair in the kitchen, going to the cabinets and pulling out the doughnuts and cereal. “Which one?” she asks, holding up each dessert in a different hand. 

The girl grins mischievously, making the mom let out a small chuckle before pulling a powdered sugar doughnut out of the box. She didn’t know why she expected anything else. 

Aubryella accepts the doughnut gratefully, giving out an absent minded thank you before shoveling the treat in her mouth, getting the white sugar all over her face. Jo doesn’t need to wait long before she hears two sets of footsteps come down the stairs, Dylan dressed with her white and light blue leotard on, black warm ups on over it, Alex in a simple pair of jeans, back t-shirt, and the damn black jacket that he never got rid of, no matter how many protests he got from his wife. 

“Ready?” Jo asks, all three of them nodding in response. “Okay, you got your bag, shoes, extra hair ties, water bottle, lucky bear, extra bobby pins, thera band, notebook, phone, mascara, lip gloss, hair brush, wallet, tiger paws, ankle brace, knee brace, and wrist brace?” she questions again, going over the list she had memorized from years of training. 

Dylan rolls her eyes impatiently. She didn’t want to be late. She couldn’t be late. It was States for god’s sake! Everyone in the state of Washington (who qualified) would be there. The judges would be scoring harder, and some of the competition was going to be new. She was going to go up against girl’s she hadn’t before. Her goal was to win everything. Maybe it was extreme, but it was true. This season she had done well, really well actually. Her first season as a level seven had started off in the best way. She swept the first competition clean, getting first on vault, floor, and all around, second on bars, and third on beam. As the season went on she just got better, scores getting higher and snatching more golds with each meet. She knew she wasn’t going to be in the Olympics one day, but getting a college scholarship was looking more promising with every first place medal she had stacked around her neck. 

“Yeah, now let’s gooooo,” Dylan drags out, grabbing her dad’s hand and pulling him to the door, not even waiting for her mom and sister to follow. The four Karev’s shuffle into the car and drive an hour and fifteen minutes to the convention center where the meet was being held. They pile out of the car and check in, Alex taking a few minutes to add an extra layer of hairspray to Dylan’s hair while Jo puts a light coat of mascara on the girl’s eyelashes and dabs the lip rosy gloss on her lips. 

Before the eight year old can run off her coach, her parents kneel down in front of her, her eyes letting them know how scared she was behind her calm facade. “Hey,” Jo grabs a hold of her little girl’s shoulders, making her hazel eyes that were identical to her own stare deeply into hers. “You got this. Go out there and have fun, alright? You know your routines, you won’t mess up. Okay?” she reassures her. Jo pulls her daughter into a hug, “I love you baby.” she whispers into her ear, passing her off to Alex. 

Instead of staying on the ground, he picks her up and puts her on his side, much like you would do a small child. Dylan had always been on the smaller side, since neither one of her parents were very tall, but gymnastics had definitely stunted her growth a fair amount. For most people it would be a curse, but as all gymnasts know, it was a blessing. 

“We’re right here if you need us. Go kick some ass Dyl, and win that state title. You want that banner right?” he teases. Dylan did want a banner though. At her gym, whoever won a state, regionals, sectionals, or nationals title got a banner hung up from the ceiling. She had one from last year, when she won floor, vault, and the all around as a level six, and even more from the years before that in levels three, four, and five. 

But a banner as a level seven? Now that would be a dream come true. Why break the streak now? And not to mention, her group would be the last level seven group to go for the weekend, so if she got a high enough all around score, it could be factored in for the team’s total, which could mean another banner (this one provided by the competition) and trophy, if their total score was in the top three. And believe me, she was determined to win that banner, not for her, but for her team. 

Another thing she inherited from her parent’s, their competitiveness. 

Dylan gives her parents and sister one last hug and ‘I love you’ before ducking under the chain and meeting her coach and teammates on the floor.  

...             

“Camera, camera, camera.” Alex mumbles, fishing through Jo’s bag until he pulls out the phone. Dylan was about to go up on bars, and he was designated photographer, since his wife couldn’t film for the life of her. The one time she tried, she ended up shooting the ceiling instead of Dylan’s floor routine. Their daughter was not very happy about that. 

He presses the start button just as the girl salutes, flashing the judges a smile before she begins. She rolls her neck and then adjusts her grips, stepping onto the mounting block and taking a deep breath before swinging her arms and launching into a kip, drowning out all of the excess noise in the background. 

“Legs, legs, legs.” Jo mumbles to herself. It was Dylan’s biggest deduction, having her legs separated. 

Straight legs, pointed feet. Kip cast handstand, hit the 180 degree mark, hold it, clear hip, hit 180 again, hollow body, her feet don't hit the ground, cast up to a squat on, she catches sight of the high bar before jumping to it, keeping her legs together as she goes into another kip, casting up into handstand, holding it at 180 for a second without an arch before hollowing back and beginning her giants, hollow body, tap, feet up, over, and again, see the toes in front, release, layout flyaway. Stick. 

Dylan beams as she salutes the judge again, going over to her coach and giving her a large hug, finally hearing the cheering coming from her family. A series of whoops and whistles come from her mom and dad, while her little sister claps her hands and gives her a wide smile. 

She waits a minute and a half for her score to flash up on the screen, a 9.725. The cheering from her section gets louder, and her teammates engulf her in hugs. It was a hell of a way to start off the meet. 

…

Alex pulls out the camera again when Dylan salutes the beam judge, trying to mask her nervousness behind a smile. Alex and Jo both knew how she felt about the beam. She hated it with every fiber of her being, no matter how good she was at it. She glances over at her family, who all give her encouraging smiles. It was just enough to give her the confidence she needed. 

He watches as she places her hands on the beam, going from a support to a press handstand for her mount. She stands, doing a few different moves and poses before swinging her arms up by her ears. 

“C’mon Dyl.” he whispers to himself. His daughter didn't mind cheering on any other events, but beam was a different story. She was always worried whenever she was on the apparatus, so whenever a sudden noise came through, she struggled. It was something she was working on, but it was going to take time. 

She lifts up her left leg, beginning her connection, a back walkover to a back handspring step-out. The girl circles her arms behind her immediately to prevent any balance checks. Jo and Alex both let out audible sighs of relief, knowing that if there was one thing that could go wrong in the routine, it would be that. From the looks of it, Dylan seemed relieved too. Her movements were less tense, she completed her jumps with perfect form, a split jump to a sissone. Her leap hit 180, and her full turn was controlled. All that was left now was her dismount. All three Karev’s sat on the edge of their seats, the baby in Jo’s belly kicking non stop, letting her know that it was in on the action as well. 

Dylan kicks her leg into the air, toes pointed, knees locked. Cartwheel step-in, back tuck. Stick. She lets out a breath, turning to the judges and saluting, flashing them a smile, giving her coaches a hug before darting to her family, who had moved closer for the event.  

“You did so good.” Jo says, pulling her into a hug over the plastics chains that separated them, Alex doing the same after. 

“What score do you think I got Bree?” Dylan asks her little sister, who lets out an adorable giggle before holding out her hands. 

“Ten!” she says, making her family laugh. One could dream. 

The score flashed up on the screen then, 9.775. 

Well, this was going to be a damn good meet. 

…

The camera was locked on Dylan as she made her way to her spot on the floor, striking her beginning pose before her music blared through the speakers. She dances around the floor, gliding with an ease neither of her parents had ever experienced themselves. It was a wonder really, how both of their daughter’s were good dancers while they couldn't move for shit. 

Her first pass was her hardest, a roundoff back handspring back layout. The family holds their breath as the girl sets high, finishing the rotation with ease, dancing around more before her leap pass, a switch leap to a straddle jump. She dances more, making eye contact with the judges as she moves. Floor was where she had the most confidence, being able to express herself through her music and choreography, that’s why it was always her favorite. 

“C’mon Dyl!” 

“You got this Dylan,” 

“Yay Tissy!” 

The family cheered before her second pass, a front handspring front pike, which she had a small step on, but nothing that would make a large difference in her score. She did some floor work, showing off her flexibility in her back with a series of rolls, standing up and doing a full turn. She makes her way to the corner, Jo and Alex watching the scene intently, Alex having Aubryella perched on his knee. This last pass sealed the deal. She runs, hurdles into a front pike, and connects to a front tuck. Stick. 

A smile breaks out on the little girl’s face. She moves her limbs in unison to her ending pose, hitting it just as the beat dropped. A series of cheers come from everyone around her. Her family, teammates, coaches. She doesn’t need to wait long for her score to flash up on the screen. A 9.675. 

…

Dylan’s last event was vault, her personal best. She had already done her warmups, and now she was just waiting for the judge to hold up the green flag. She adjusts her tiger paws after she salutes, just as Alex starts the recording. She sprints down the runway, hurdling into a roundoff, and pushing back into a back handspring. Her vault was a yurchenko drill. She keeps her form, legs together, knees locked, toes pointed. She finishes, salutes, then goes again. The three in the stands cheer. It was the last event. Her all around score depended on these vaults. 

When she does her finishing salute a second time, she knows that it was even better than the last. She looks over to her family and gives them a smile, wanting nothing more than to run over to them, but she knows she can’t, they were too far away. 

Her score takes a while to come up on the screen, which could either be a bad or good thing. The Karev’s hold their breath in anticipation, Jo stroking her baby bump with one hand, while holding Alex’s with the other. Even Aubryella was on the edge of her seat, well, more like the edge of her dad’s lap. Her hair was no longer down, but in a braided bun similar to her sisters, since she insisted that she wanted to look just like her. Alex was thankful Jo had packed extra hair ties in not just Dylan’s bag, but also her purse.

A series of loud cheers come from this section as they see their daughter’s score. A 9.800, a personal best. 

…

“And now, your vault state champion in the eight to nine year old category with a score of 9.800 is… Dylan Karev!” The announcer cheers as the little brunette makes her way up to the first place podium, an abundance of applause coming from the crowd. A gold medal is placed around her neck by an assistant, who she thanks with a megawatt smile. 

“These are your 2029 vault state champions, gymnasts salute.” the announcer says, causing all the girls to raise their arms to the position, all the families in the crowd taking photos of their daughters. Jo, Alex, and Aubryella cheer the loudest, more than proud of Dylan. 

As awards went on, more categories were called. 

“Your bar's state champion in the eight to nine year old category with a score of 9.725 is... Dylan Karev!” 

“Your beam state champion in the eight to nine year old category with a score of 9.775 is… Dylan Karev!” 

“On the floor, in second place with a score of 9.675 is… Dylan Karev!” 

“And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Your 2029, eight to nine year old all around state champion, with a combined score of 38.975 is… Dylan Karev!” The audience erupted into applause, her parents, her teammates, coaches, and even her teammates parent’s cheering for her. She accepts her fifth medal with a wide smile, hopping down from the podium and back into the crowd. She had just won her ultimate goal, an all around title. 

After a few of the older groups were called, it was time for the team awards.  

“In first place, with a combined total of 115.575 is… Seattle Gymnastics Academy!” Another first place team award. The team accepts the banner and trophy and poses for photos alongside the second and third place team, proudly showing off their trophy by raising it above their heads.  

When she gets down and the awards finish, she runs to her parents, crashing into Alex with a gigantic hug. When she finally lets go, she hugs her mom and sister. 

“I’m so proud of you Dyl.” her mom says, touching her cheek affectionately. Gymnastics was her daughter's passion, something she lived and breathed for. Seeing that light in her eyes and that grin was something she would never get tired of. 

Aubryella hugs her big sister’s legs, “good job Tissy.” The name came from when the tiny blonde was younger and couldn’t say ‘Sissy’, and had stuck to it ever since. 

The family of four makes their way out of the convention center, the drive back to their house was peaceful, the limited hours of sleep they got the night before catching up to them. They all crash onto their respective beds, the girls in their rooms and Jo and Alex in their’s. 

Alex runs a hand through his wife’s hair, his other tracing circles on her baby bump, feeling the little life inside of her kick like a crazy person. 

They stay like that for a while, savoring the quiet. With two kids in the house, it was a major rarity these days. Jo hums, nuzzling into his embrace. “I love you.” she murmurs into his shirt, on the verge of sleep. He reaches down and places a small kiss on the top of her head. 

“I love you too.”

[quokkacore]

danse macabre [park jinyoung]

summary: park jinyoung is your everything, but he’s not everything you thought he was. in fact, he’s something much, much worse.

pairing: vampire!jinyoung x gender neutral reader

genre: angst, horror

warnings: violence, slight gore, fainting, mild language, that weird vampire hypnosis thing that they sometimes have in movies ,, idk what its called

song rec: got7 - not by the moon

word count: 2.8k

a/n: this was originally posted to my old writing blog on october 30th, 2018. i made some minor edits in this repost, but nothing too major. this work is low key darker than what i usually write, so pls proceed with caution.

masterlist

Distance.

That’s what had triggered the chain reaction to come. Distance.

You hadn’t seen him in weeks. You were beginning to think that Jinyoung, your boyfriend of over two years, was avoiding you on purpose.

You’d try, and try, and try. But Jinyoung was persistent. No, I’m busy. No, I’m going out with Jaebum. No, I have to study. No, I’m tired. I can’t today, jagiya. I’ll make it up to you next week.

So were you of his constant brushing you off, as if you were a piece of lint on his coat that was bothering him.

So, after almost a month of not seeing him, you’d decided that enough was enough. And you picked up your phone, dialing his number.

It rang maybe three or four times, before he picked up. “Hello?”

You frowned. His voice was raspy, and had that slur to it, the slur of tiredness and being worn down.

“Hi, baby,” You murmured, glancing at the alarm clock on your nightstand. 10:12 PM. It wasn’t too late yet. “…I miss you.”

He hummed softly into the phone, and you felt your mouth morph into a small smile.

“So do I,” He answered, coughing between sentences, “I’m sorry I’ve been blowing you off these past few weeks.”

“You sound sick,” You replied, changing the subject, “Are you okay?”

Jinyoung cleared his throat, and you sat up on your bed, listening to him. “I’m fine… I-I’m just down with the flu, nothing too serious.”

“Is Jaebum there to help you?”

“He’s out, but I’ll be fine,” He laughs softly, “I’m a big boy, jagiya, I can take care of myself.”

You felt yourself pout at the thought, your sick boyfriend all alone with no one to help.

“I’ll come over, I really don’t want you to be all alone like that, Jinyoung.” Your voice was quiet, but firm, as you lifted yourself off of the bed to pull on some shoes and a sweatshirt.

“Really, Y/N, it’s fine, you don’t have to—”

“Babe, I insist. I don’t want you all alone while you’re sick.”

“No, wait, Y/N—!”

You were out the door before he could finish, and you’d hung up as well.

On the ride to Jinyoung’s apartment, via the Uber you’d called, you mentally relayed all of the things you missed about him. His hands, his voice. The way he looked at you. The way he’d cover his mouth when he laughed. His eyes, his lips. His kisses most of all. The way he held you.

Jinyoung was reserved, a sensible young man. He was rather abrasive when you’d first met, but you’d managed to bring him out of his shell. And in the two years you’d been together, all doubts you’d had before had simply withered away; you were almost sure he was the one for you.

When you arrived at his apartment building, you quickly exited the car, and entered the building before rushing up the steps, thinking about how well you were going to take care of your boyfriend. Make him some soup, help him with his blankets, cuddle him and maybe watch a movie.

He was on the third floor, and when you arrived at his door, you paused to catch your breath before pulling out your copy of the key, that he’d made you about a year ago.

As you entered the apartment, which was completely dark, an unsettling feeling washed over your body. The lack of light only added to the effect, and you swiftly pulled out your phone, unlocking it so the glow of the screen lit up the entry hallway enough for you to see.

“Jinyoung?” You murmured as you entered the living room, head moving back and forth as you searched for your boyfriend.

You looked towards the kitchen, and saw nothing in the darkness. Turning your head towards the bedroom, you raised an eyebrow.

“Jinyoung?” You mumbled again, pursing your lips as you began to slowly tread towards the bedrooms.

Jinyoung’s bedroom was on the left, facing Jaebum’s. The door was shut, and the nerves in your gut began to stir. Straining your ears, you frowned as you heard no response, once again. Had he fallen asleep?

Tiptoeing into his room, you knocked on the door softly, knuckles rapping across the wood.

“Babe?” You asked, slightly quieter as you pressed your ear to the door to hear. You furrowed your eyebrows as you listened attentively for any sort of sound.

Some shuffling, a soft whimper.

Jinyoung.

Taking a deep breath, your fingers gripped the knob, and you opened the door slowly, creeping into the room. By now, your eyes had adjusted to the dark, and your gaze went to your boyfriend’s bed.

The same bed you had slept in and been loved in so many times, was empty. Even though Jinyoung said he was sick. If he were sick, well, then it would be common sense for him to be in bed.

But you’d heard a noise from the room. Where was he?

“Jinyoung?” You called softly.

“Y/N,” You heard a familiar voice murmur, and your eyes drifted towards where the voice came from. There, in the far corner, was your boyfriend, huddled, on his knees. Even from where you were standing, you could see he was trembling.

“J-Jinyoung?” You asked, slightly louder, feeling your heart lurch as he flinched at the sound of your voice. You automatically lowered the tone of your voice. “What are you doing on the floor, baby?”

“Y-Y/N, y-you shouldn’t have come,” Was his reply, as he refused to meet your gaze. You winced at the sound of his voice. His voice, usually soft and warming, like chocolate and honey, was now hoarse and trembling. As you approached, his face came became easier to see in the dim light.

He looked so much paler than usual, the dark circles under his eyes so much deeper than they usually were. He looked gaunt, one foot in the grave — in that moment, the only thing you wanted to do was grab his hands and pull him out of it, pull him away and into your arms.

Taking a few steps closer, he seemed to snap out of his daze, holding up his hands and trying to back into the corner even more.

“Y/N, please don’t come any closer. Please,” He cried, and you crouched to get on his level.

By now, your anxiety was spiking. This definitely didn’t seem like the flu. It seemed like he was going through some kind of mental breakdown, and the last thing you wanted was for him to panic even more. So you did what he asked, and remained in your spot.

“Baby, whatever’s happening, it’s okay, I’m here—”

“You don’t understand… y-you need to leave. I’m f-fine.”

“Jinyoung, I don’t want to leave you like this. Come on, baby, talk to me.”

He pressed his hands to his ears, shutting his eyes tightly and shaking his head. “Everything is so loud… you’re whispering but it f-feels like y-you’re screaming at me, I-I could smell you from the moment you entered the apartment…”

Your heart was pounding in your chest, your brain desperately trying to make sense of all of the things he was saying but failing. Smell you?

“…I-I’m so h-hungry, Y/N,” He whispered. You felt tears welling in your eyes, frustration taking over as you couldn’t comprehend what he was trying to tell you.

“I-I’ll order a pizza, or something, baby, please just calm down—”

Your voice died down as Jinyoung finally met your gaze. The mere look in his eyes was the only reason why. His gaze was primal, manic. As if you were some simple guppy and he was a great white shark. Animalistic. He’d stopped trembling, and was now very still. You could hear a pin drop in the silence, and every hair on your neck stood up.

Because with a great white shark, came great white teeth.

Jinyoung all but pounced on you, knocking you to the ground as your phone fell out of your hands. Your head hit the floor and you groaned in pain. Your fight or flight instinct seemed to kick in, beginning to squirm in his grip.

“Jinyoung, let me go, you’re hurting me—”

He growled, and your eyes widened as he buried his face into neck, as he’d done a million times before. But this time was different, as he was pinning you down in a way in which you couldn’t move, or escape. You felt a tear roll down your cheek as he groaned in ecstasy. It was loud, guttural.

And it made your blood run cold, as you realized, that this was not your Park Jinyoung.

Suddenly, pain. Piercing into your neck as something sliced into its side, and you cried out as you felt your blood run in rivulets down your skin. He’d bitten you, you realized, and your panic took over. “Let me go,” You wailed, thrashing in his grip, “Jinyoung, please! Let me go, it hurts!”

You whimpered as you felt him mouth over the spot where he’d bitten you, before bringing his mouth up to your ear. “Be quiet and hold still,” He murmured, and you cringed, the smell of iron heavy on his breath. His tone was deep, different. Sultry.

Your arms and legs, out of nowhere, had begun to feel heavy. Your head fell back, your voice died in your throat. And the tears began to fall even harder, your body trembling as you began to think that maybe you’d die like this.

He released his grip on your arms, and despite your logic screaming at you to push him away, to punch him and run, you couldn’t. Your limbs felt like jello, you were practically paralyzed. And worst of all, the blood flowing from your neck wasn’t stopping.

With his hands free, he lifted your neck for better access, mouthing along the broken skin as you sobbed silently, your voice gone, stolen away. At this point, you weren’t sure if your vision was blurred due to your tears or your dizziness, starting to set in from all of the blood loss. Last of all, accompanying the rest of your limbs, your eyelids. The temptation to let them fall, and for sleep, or something even worse, to overtake you began growing with each passing second.

But you knew you had to keep awake, or it was game over. You’d never really considered how you’d die, but the idea of having it be in your boyfriend’s death grip as he drank your blood wasn’t exactly the best way to go. Sounds were fading, your vision was blurry. Your lungs felt like they were full of sand, too heavy for you to continue breathing.

You lurched out of Jinyoung’s grip, falling to the floor as something caused him to drop you.

“What did you — out of it! — She’s — can’t believe — almost killed her—”

Movement returned in your fingertips, but not before darkness overtook you.

Heavy.

Heaviness. Falling. No, not falling. Sinking, into the bed.

That’s what it felt like. Your head was killing you, the throbbing incessant. But it was something else that woke you up.

Fear, and the pain. Fear of what had happened to you. Jinyoung. The look in his eyes. The smell of blood. Teeth. Paralysis.

Pain, sharp in your neck as you sat up in the bed. You whimpered as your hand went up to touch the spot, brushing over swollen skin and, to your surprise, two clean puncture wounds, rather than an entire bite mark as you’d expected.

You took a shaky breath, and opened your eyes, squinting as they adjusted to the sunlight coming in through the window in the early morning night. It was then that you realized that someone was next to you. Much to your dismay, it proved a very painful task.

“Don’t move your neck too much,” Jinyoung muttered as he came into view, “I don’t want you to hurt anymore.”

Now this, this was your Park Jinyoung. You knew as much from the way he was speaking, quiet yet firm, in that gentle timbre you adored so much. From the way he looked at you. But how much of a difference was there between the Park Jinyoung that had attacked you and your Park Jinyoung?

“D-don’t look at me like that,” He murmured, looking down. You realized then that you’d been staring at him, wide-eyed and unmoving.

“Please don’t look at me like you’re scared of what you see.”

You didn’t reply. You didn’t want to lie to him and say that you weren’t. You swallowed the lump growing in your throat, grimacing in discomfort at how dry your throat felt. Sighing, you let your eyes flutter shut, before opening them again a few seconds later.

“What happened to you?” You asked, your chest tightening. He went to place his hand over yours, but you watched his face fall and your heart fall as you pulled your hand away before he could. He took a deep breath, gazing at you earnestly. “I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

You leaned back against the headboard of the bed, frowning. “What are you saying, Jinyoung?”

“What I’m saying, Y/N, is… I’m a vampire.”

You stared at his face, unsure whether to laugh or cry. Slowly, your hand went to the wound on your neck, fingers ghosting over the two incisions on your neck. Your mouth fell open, and you met his gaze. He was tearing up, something that rarely happened. “I love you so, so much,” He said, voice cracking, “And I never meant to hurt you.”

“But you did,” You choked out, beginning to cry as well, “Y-you could’ve killed me. I-I was terrified, Jinyoung.”

He moved towards you, and you pressed yourself against the wall. You heard a sob fall from his lips, as he realized that you couldn’t tell him that you weren’t scared, because you were.

“Please don’t touch me.” Your shaky voice was barely higher than a whisper

“Y/N,” He said softly, “Please. I know it’s fucked up, and J-Jaebum told me that I should be ready to—”

“Jaebum?” You asked, staring at him. “Was he the one who pulled you off of me?”

Jinyoung wiped his tears, nodding. “I didn’t even realize what I’d done until he pulled me off, Y/N. I hadn’t eaten in weeks. A-and I told you not to come, b-because I was afraid that this would happen.”

He’d moved away from you, to the edge of the bed, giving you the space you so desperately needed as the room began to feel too cramped, too small for you and the man you loved. You stared at your lap, vision blurry with tears.

“Does Jaebum know what you are?” Your voice was almost too quiet for even you to hear. Jinyoung nodded, eyes blank and empty. “He’s one too. H-he healed you.”

You nodded in response, pursing your dry lips. “I have to leave, I-I have to get out of here.” Your tone had a certain finality to it, and he got up at the same time you did.

“Please tell me you’ll come back,” He pleaded softly, “I need to hear you say it, jagiya, I’m begging you.”

“I-I can’t tell you that, Jinyoung.” Your voice was trembling, as he walked towards you. He fell to his knees in front of you, and you broke out into tears. “Please don’t leave me,” He begged, “I-I love you. I adore you, I need you. You’re my everything.”

“I love you too,” you sobbed, and he smiled as you said it. Taking a deep breath, you walked up to him. towering over him as he looked up at you, teary-eyed, delirious at the idea of living without you. His eyes fluttered shut as you pressed your hand to his cheek, and he pressed himself into your palm. You hiccuped through the tears, and his eyes opened to gaze up at you.

He looked at you as if you’d hung the moon, and all the stars in the sky. And that was the worst part, you thought, as you stepped away from him, letting your palm fall back to your side. His face fell, and you shook your head, tears streaming down your face.

“But I can’t trust you anymore.”

You hoped, heartbrokenly, that that was the last time you’d ever see your Park Jinyoung, on his knees in front of his bed, crying for you as you exited the room.

Because love and fear, both of the things you now felt when you looked at him, were a deadly mix.

You learned that the hard way. And so had he.

[clevercatchphrase]

2019 year in review

So… The 2010’s are almost over. Huh. What a decade it’s been. Hard to comprehend how much has changed in 10 years. I can barely believe that I was in high school at the beginning of this decade, and now I’m a college graduate with 2 degrees who’s been working at the same job for the last 3 years. But trying to summarize the past 10 years in a single post is a good way to give myself an existential crisis, so let’s not do that! Instead, let’s just focus on 2019 because there has been more than enough shit that’s happened to me in this year to talk about.

PART 1 OF 2: 2019 AND 2020 GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS

Huh, looking back through my archives, I apparently didn’t make a tumblr post about my goals this year. I definitely had some, though. Lemme list ‘em off real quick, and then we’ll go through them point by point.

1)      Pay off all my student loans 2)      Finish some song comics 3)      Make art for my Redbubble account 4)      Finish the first rough draft/script of a game I wanted to make 5)      Practice ASL 6)      Sew some stuffed animals 7)      Finish some fan fictions 8)      Work on Ghost Switch 9)      AMVs 10)   Do some original writing 11)   Make illustrations for my fan fictions

Okay, first off, the student loans. I was actually SO CLOSE to successfully completing this one bUT THEN MY CAR HAD TO BE A WHINEY PISS BABY AND HAVE ITS ALTERNATOR DIE ON ME WHILE I WAS ON THE HIGHWAY AND THEN A BLOW OUT THREE WEEKS LATER.

GOD, if I had to summarize this year in two words, for me it would be “Car troubles”. I swear I spent more on auto repair in the first third of this year than I ever have just freakin’ OWNING a car. All four of my tires had to be replaced, my alternator failed and my car literally just SHUT OFF while I was driving, and I was barely able to coast into a gas station. Both my front breaks and rear breaks were worn down the metal and I only learned this when my car was barely able to stop after I had to slam the petal down full force!  I went in for an oil change, and they found some problems and then I didn’t get my car back for three days! I don’t even like owning a car! I hate driving! I hate my country’s refusal to provide universal, free public transportation! I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!

Oh-kay… number 2. Finish some song comics. I didn’t finish any. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t work on them. I have made tiny progress, but that’s certainly better than no progress. One of these song comics I hope to be realizes is going to be a collab with one of my friends. It’ll be a long-time coming as it’s pretty low priority for the both of us, but if anyone else out there was disappointed with KH3’s ending, we’re gonna have ya’ covered… With SONG!

3. Make some redbubble art. I actually did this one! Not in the way I expected, but I added (technically) 3 new designs to my redbubble in the middle of the year. If you like butterflies and dragons, I got some product for you~!

Number 4, finish a script for a game I want to make. I… thought about this. I thought about this a lot, but I never put pen to paper, so… oops. It almost happened! I debated making this my main writing project for NaNoWriMo this year, but ended up having more inspiration for another story. Maybe next year? (god, I hope not. I don’t want to wait a full year just to write something)

Number 5, practice ASL. I just straight up didn’t do this and I only have myself to blame. Still keepin��� up that Danish Duolingo streak, though. 4 years going strong and not a day missed yet.

Number 6, sew some stuffed animals. Again, another one I just straight up didn’t do, but I have an excuse of trying to save money while my car crashed and burned in every other sense except literal this year. Hopefully 2020 will be different. I’ll definitely be able to pay off this last loan within the first half of 2020, and then I can start saving for whatever I want to buy.

Finish some fan fictions was number 7, and I did this! Well, I only finished, 1, but it was a story I’ve been working on for over 3 years, and it came out to over 200 THOUSAND words long, which is the longest thing I’ve ever written, and I’m quite proud of myself. Now that the big story is out of the way, and I’ve gotten into a good rhythm of working on Ghost Switch, maybe I can squeeze in some short writing sessions more frequently. (either that, or just wait for my car to break down again and then go on a writing spree in a pepboys. The lord and the fan fic discord know that’s solely why I finished my other fic this year)

Speaking of Ghost Switch, working on it was a goal this year too, and I did that! I kept it up all year and took a vacation in November and it was wonderful. While the major plot points have been in place since before I started drawing, I still need to script each arc beyond Snowdin, but hey, by the time we get there, it’ll be 2022 so I got time. (Note, don’t do this, kids. Script your stories and comics thoroughly before publishing. The road I’m on is paved with misery and pain and it will only end in tears unless I change lanes soon)

Number 9, amvs. Do people make AMVs anymore? Idk… the last one I made was... Jesus, 5 years ago? (it was a gravity falls/fall out boy crossover, if you were curious) I’ve been wanting to do 2 more for just as long, but in order for me to do that, I’d have to spend time re-watching the shows to find the footage, and then actually edit them together, and I just don’t…. feel like it. Maybe someday, but not any day soon.

10; do some original writing. I did this! For nanowrimo! I wrote the first draft of some original fiction I’ve been planning for a year or two now and it completely sucks! But it’s on paper now and I’m happy. Will I revise and edit it? Sure, but not for a while. I want to let it sit and forget about it and look at it with new eyes months from now so I can be sure I can make it better when time comes to rewrite.

11, make illustrations for my fan fics. Now that You Monster is done, I want to go back and add pictures to it. I didn’t do any this year, but I did keep a list of scenes I wanted to draw, so I have plenty of ideas to do as warm up sketches next year~ I kinda want to stream them~

So, that was 11 goals, and I successfully fulfilled 4 of them! That’s! Not a very good ratio… QmQ So, goals for 2020. Some I’m gonna keep from this year, some I’m gonna drop and some I’m gonna add. In short I would like to,

1)      Finish paying off that last student loan 2)      Put more stuff on my redbubble 3)      Illustrate my own fan fics 4)      Sew at least one stuffed animal 5)      Make an enamel pin 6)      Read one new book a month 7)      Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic 8)      Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make 9)      Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch 10)   Boost my patreon

Most of these I think are pretty self-explanitory, but I’ll go into detail just a bit because I’m on a roll and typing my thoughts helps me feel less alone in the middle of the night when you’re super tired and you know you should probably go to sleep, but the toddler in you is throwing a tantrum and doesn’t wanna go to sleep just yet, but you can’t fight the progression of time either way.

Number 1- I should be able to reach this goal by the end of March. End of June at the absolute latest. Once that goal is met, my secret new year’s resolution will be unlocked as well!

Number 2- I want to put more art of my OCs on redbubble. These OCs are tied to the game I want to make. There’s already some art of them up there, but I want at least one piece for each character.

Number 3- Mostly for You Monster. Embrace the cardinal rule of fan fic and apply it to fan art. If you want to read about see art about certain ideas, scenarios, or what-ifs, you gotta make it yourself.

Number 4- I have 3 potential ideas to sew. One is definitely leagues easier than the other two and will probably be chosen if/when I have the time and materials.

Number 5- This year I got really, REALLY into the idea of making enamel pins. Unfortunately it’s a pretty big investment (like, $350 to make 100 pins you  might not even sell). If this happens, it’ll probably be towards the end of the year, and if I get enough interest. I’m currently torn between making an original enamel pin and one based off Undertale. We’ll just have to see where this goes.

Number 6- Back in 2018 when I paid off one of my many student loans, I rewarded myself by spending over 200 dollars in used books. All these books had a theme; they were focused on dragons because I have a problem. I have not yet read a single one of these books I have bought, and I would like to fix that. I have, like, 20 unread dragon books, and even if I only read 12 out of 20, I would consider that an amazing accomplishment and money well spent.

Number 7- I currently have about 8 different WIPs I could work on. (well, I don’t know if I can even call them wips. More like, a general idea and a title written down.) I want to build good writing habits, and if I can write just 200 words a day, hell, even 200 words a week and just one of my 8 stories done, I would consider this goal met.

Number 8- I’m torn between making my game in unity or ren’py. I know jack shit about both. Ren’py is more user friendly, but unity will allow me more customization. (Lol, can you guess what kind of game I want to make yet?)

Number  9- I really just want the full story to be done and written incase anything goes horribly terribly wrong in my life and I find myself unable to continue making ghost switch in comic form. Then at least I can finish the story by other means, you know?

Number 10- It always surprises me every month when I get that patreon email saying I got paid. Sure, I don’t even make double digits on it, but it still awes me enough to know that people out there like my work enough to throw me a tip. I can’t thank my patrons enough for supporting me and I hope to one day be in such a good place I can update my comic/song comics/writing frequently enough without need for goals or milestones. But until that magical day arrives, money is always a great incentive for anything, I suppose. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 ALRIGHT. PART 2 OF 2: SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2019

Cheesus crust what a year. This year started off great! Back in late January Kingdom Hearts 3 FINALLY released, and let me tell you a little story. Back in the summer of 2006 I was a 13 year old middle schooler with no way of making money other than by doing house hold chores at a rate of 25 cents a task. A few weeks ago, I had a sleep over at a friend’s house and they let me play this weird game called “Kingdom Hearts” and god, I was instantly hooked on it. That summer, I did over 800 chores, enough to earn myself 200$ and buy myself a playstation 2 (just in time for the ps3 to come out, gg me) The only games I had for the ps2 were KH1, 2, Re:CoM and Okami, and I beat them all… except Okami. Miffed that the PS3 wouldn’t allow for backwards compatibility, little 13-year-old me made a promise. I looked myself in the mirror and said “I will not buy the next playstation console until KH3 comes out, AND BOY that was probably a good choice for me to make with my level of gaming. I’m even less of a casual gamer than the average casual gamer, but I have been waiting 13 years for this piece of closure, and I even told my friends and family that “the day Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out is the day I will buy a playstation 4”. My dad apparently thought this was the funniest shit, because he literally took the day off from work that Friday to drive me on base to get the game and console (he thought it would be less crowded than a regular walmart, I suppose). I paid $400 on a ps4 pro while he bought me the game. Again, I have an impecible sense of timing seeing as the PS5 is now right on the horrizion, but just like before, I’m not buying a new console until the next KH game is released. See you in 2045, sony~. While I was at the gamestop on base, I also picked up Okami HD and The Last Guardian. For all of February and even early March, I took my time playing through KH3. And…! It was the best disappointment I’ve ever played. After a month away from gaming, I started The Last Guardian and finished it in a couple weeks. I love trico and would die for him, but trying to get 100% completion on that game is udder insanity. Okami, HD, however… again after a month break after finishing TLG, I started replaying Okami. I think I had only managed to get about halfway through the game before I just… stopped playing it on my ps2 version. I am currently SO CLOSE to getting a 100% on the ps4 version. In fact, I’ve beaten the game. I only (techinically) need 2 more trophies to be done; 1st, escape the water dragon without being eaten, 2nd, I need to beat that dumb stupid race with Kai, in order to get the last bead on my rosary, as well as the top dog trophy. I hate her so much. I hate this race so much. It’s awful and bad.

Flash forward to December! Earlier this month I was at Barnes and Noble, buying myself a planner for 2020. I exit the store and notice that there’s a gamestop across the street. For shits and giggles I go inside to look at their game selection, and I find KH 1.5 and 2.5. Now, my PS2 died a few years back (it just won’t read my discs anymore, I don’t know why) and I haven’t been able to replay any of my other kingdom hearts games since. If you had seen me the day I finished kingdom hearts 3, after the ending credits rolled, you would have heard me say “Man…. I wish I could play kingdom hearts 2 again”. AND NOW I CAN, ALONG WITH BBS which I had never even played yet, but knew the story of. I’ve restarted playing kh1, and I was so happy to hear that familiar music when I booted the game up for the first time. While at the game stop, I also picked up Rime and Tearaway, two games that had looked interesting to me. At the time of writing, I’ve finished Rime and am 25% done with tearaway. Rime was…. An interesting experience. I learned about it through Jacksepticeye’s channel a couple years back and thought the art style was enticing. For a super casual gamer like me, I found the puzzles just the right level of challenging and exploring was a blast! The music gave me VERY strong Princes Mononoke vibes, but the overall story left something to be desired. Overall I had fun, and enjoyed completing this game to 100%. Now for tearaway. Can I just say this game is super fucking adorable? I know the original was on the ps vita and the gameplay there was arguably more diverse and imaginative, but this game is just so fucking cute I don’t care?? ALSO, this game’s sound track is ABSOLUTELY incredible and I’ve only heard the first fourth of it! Listen to The Orchards, Pig Riding, and Gibbet Hill Pilgrimage for a taste of their wonderful beats and fantastic use of string and woodwinds! God, I’m so excited to get some more games in 2020. I’m proud to say I currently own more ps4 games than I ever did with my ps2 (and now the majority AREN’T Kingdom Hearts titles!), and I’m still hoping to play Journey, The Witness, and Abzu before everything becomes ps5.

What else happened to me this year. Oh, I went to a doctor for, like, the first time in seven years. I also had my blood drawn for the first time ever, and the nurse said the most disturbing thing to me while she did it. Now, whenever I get shots, I refuse to look. I did that here. So she thought it would be appropriate to say to me “Can you feel your blood leaving your body?” Lady… You can clearly see I am uncomfortable with what is happening here. Why, of all the things you could say, did you choose to say that. Unfortunately, while my doctor is nice, she keeps wanting to run tests on me, that I just cannot afford with my current salary, and my monthly insurance is about to go up to 200$ a month, so I’ve cancelled my next appointment with them, and don’t plan to go back until it’s absolutely necessary. Capitalism is fun, guys. Preventative healthcare is for wusses.

I started going to a chiropractor on a monthly basis. Story time- I don’t know when it started, but sometime late last November I began to notice that I had a headache that just... wasn’t... going away? And each day it was starting to get a little worse. It made it hard for me to find a comfortable position to sleep, it made it hard for me to be in bright areas or move fast. So I said to myself “Okay, if this headache persist through the month of december, then something is proooobably wrong and I should go see someone about it. And hoo-boy were thing wrong with me. By the time this January rolled around, I couldn’t even stay on my feet for more than a few hours without it physically hurting to just BREATHE. So I started going to this chain called The Joint (A+ name, I know). THey aksed me “How are you doing?” I said “I’m in pain” and they said “We can help fix that!”. I’ve only been to a chiropractor once before in my life a few years back after my freshmen year of college because I began to notice my hips weren’t able to support me? LIke, I would lie on my back, and I couldn’t push my hips up when my feet were flat on the floor. I also couldn’t climb anything steep, because my legs just couldn’t push me up if my knee had to bend more than 90 degrees when I lifted my leg up. (Turned out both my hips were apparently out of place). This time only one of my hips were out of place (which they fixed. they said one of my legs was an inch “longer” than the other because I had been leaning all my weight on one leg when I stand). But two of my ribs were apparently “Stuck” which was why it was hurting for me to just breathe, and one of my shoulders was missaligned too, causing one of my trap muscles to constantly be streched, which was pulling on my skull, and causing the headache. Anyway, after they popped all my bones back into place, I still felt terrible, but by god, that night was the first time in weeks I was able to sleep without a migrane. A chiropractor can’t magically heal your arthritis, or fibro, but I definately think they have merit to keeping your posture good and helping your body with things like circulation. 10 outa 10, would recomend. It’s all the fun of getting your neck snapped without the dying!

Earlier this month I got together with two of my friends and we baked Christmas cookies. It was a lot of fun, as well as a great learning experience. A member of my family has a gluten allergy, so we used rice flour for most of the cookies. We learned this is a bad idea! The cookies will just fall apart! A few member’s in one of the friend’s family have nut allergies. Other friend and I knew this and were careful to avoid cookie recipes with nuts, bUT THEN COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT ALMOND MILK AND ALMOND EXTRACT COUNT AS NUT. IN FACT, ALMOND EXTRACT IS PURE CONCENTRATED NUT JUICE AND WE FELT SO BAD FOR ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY POISONING THE FAMILY.

Earlier this year me and these same friends took a field trip to Hobby Lobby and just dicked around the store for a couple of hours. It was super fun, 11 outa 10, would recommend, a great date idea for your artsy S.O.

Back in May I went to a wedding for the first time in my life. (well, not true, but the first one I could remember) we left at 5am, drove 5 hours to get there, hung out at a zoo and spent the night in a la quinta before the wedding day. I slept on the bathroom floor because my mom was snoring too loud in the main room and keeping me awake, and the rest of the day was just spent me trying to keep myself together because I was pissed off and tired.

Other than all of that, nothing really major happened to me this year. I guess one more thing I’ve tried to do this year is started the process of breaking certain internet addictions so I can use my free time for more personal projects. Seriously, I found myself watching way too much youtube and following blogs that didn’t even make me happy. I had a personal intervention with myself where I sat down and asked myself, “why do you watch these videos and youtubers? Why do you follow these blogs? Do you really enjoy their content? Do you really care? If you stopped watching/following them, would you even notice?” After critically thinking it over, I’ve found myself unfollowing several channels and blogs and suddenly I feel so much happier. I thought I would miss it, but I realized I didn’t really care if I saw their content or not. I wasn’t missing much. And now I feel like I have more time to draw, read and write. If you think you spend too much time consuming and not enough time creating, I suggest you try and de-clutter your internet habits as well. It’s done wonders to un-fuck my headspace.

And… well, that about sums up my year. How are your holidays going? Anything fun, exciting, dramatic happen to you this year? I hope your new year is warm and safe! Good night, everybody!

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Sweet Pea & Fangs//Figure it Out

Request: Some kind of sweets x fangs polyamory but thy are afraid to do it or soemthing idk. maybe in the polyamory relationship they protect the reader somehow or like she gets injured or soemthing

Request: Can you do another poly fic with sweets and fangs

“Okay?” You started hesitantly. You, Sweet Pea and Fangs stood in your bedroom looking at each other awkwardly. You had been dating for four months and had all decided that you were going to take your relationship to the next level. You had been been planning this all week, where it would happen, what time, who would bring protection all that. However the only thing you hadn’t really thought about was how you were going to do it. There were so many options the three of you had but you were all too anxious to talk about it. The three of you had all concluded in your head that it would just come naturally when you were in the moment. But that wasn’t the case, you were stood in front of each other not entirely sure what to do. “Why don’t we start with talking our shirts off?” You asked. 

“Yeah okay.” Sweet Pea and Fangs both nodded in agreement. 

“Should we take our shirts off, or take each others off?” Fangs asked and you all exchanged awkward glances. 

“Errrr.” Sweet Pea wondered and looked at you helplessly. 

“Okay...why don’t I take your shirt off.” You directed your comment at Fangs and he nodded. “Then you take Sweet Pea’s off, and then he takes mine off?” You suggested and they nodded quickly. You walked towards Fangs, fully aware that your heart was beating a million miles per second, you looked at Fangs and then at Sweet Pea and could instantly tell that they were feeling the same way.

Once you were stood directly in front of Fangs, your hands trailed along the hem of his shirt, his breathing started to quicken making you look at him quickly. 

“Are you okay?” You asked him and Sweet Pea was instantly behind you looking at Fangs with the same amount of concern. 

“Yeah. Fine.” He reassured you. “Just nervous.” He shrugged. 

“Same.” You sighed and sat down on your bed. Fangs sat beside you, his chin resting in the palm of his hand. You played with your fingers while Sweet Pea stood in front the both of you. 

“Same.” Sweet Pea admitted and sat on the other side of you. He lay back on your bed and stared at the ceiling, you and Fangs joined soon after and you spent a few minutes in a very awkward silence.

“Maybe we should have thought about this a bit more.” You sighed. 

“Yeah.” 

“Maybe.” 

“Why is it so difficult?” You huffed. 

“Well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but there is one more person in this relationship than what is usually deemed as the ‘social norm’.” Fangs replied sarcastically. 

“Shut up.” You muttered. 

“Its not fair though.” Sweet Pea said angrily. 

“What do you mean?” You and Fangs asked. 

“Well, if this was just two of us, it would be much easier to figure out. We would just do it.” He sighed and you and Fangs agreed. “It just makes me feel less normal.” He mumbled. You and Fangs turned so you were both facing him. Fangs’ arm had wrapped around your middle so he was spooning you while holding Sweet Pea’s hand and you were cuddling into Sweet Pea’s side. 

“You are anything but normal Sweet Pea.” You replied sarcastically and he rolled his eyes. 

“I mean you joined a gang at like 12. You have a tattoo of a snake on your neck. You’re a literal giant, everything you pick up looks tiny in your hands and you are constantly scowling at everyone who isn’t me, Y/n and occasionally Toni.” Fangs rambled. 

“Is this supposed to be helping?” He asked and you smiled at him. 

“But what doesn’t make you ‘abnormal’ is who you love and how many people you love.” You reassured him.

“Love makes you very normal.” Fangs added and squeezed his hand. 

“Now. I’m gonna go to the shop and get us some snacks and then we can watch tv and have an impromptu date night.” You kissed both boys before sitting up. “And don’t worry Pea. We’ll figure this out eventually.” You smiled at him before standing up and leaving your room. 

“What do you think?” Sweet Pea asked Fangs, both of them still lying on your bed. 

“I think we’ll figure it out, it’ll just take us a bit longer, but when we do, it’ll be so much better than with just two people.” He winked making Sweet Pea laugh loudly. “And we can always try different things until we figure out what’s right.” 

“Yeah I suppose so. We can always take it slow.” Sweet Pea smiled to himself, feeling a bit better. He sat up and looked around your room for the remote for your tv however he stopped when he noticed your phone and purse on your bedside table. “Has she left?” Sweet Pea asked and stood up, picking the two items up. 

“Yeah. I think I heard the front door close. Why?” 

“She’s left her phone and purse.” Sweet Pea rolled his eyes and Fangs laughed. 

“She’d forget her head if it wasn’t screwed on.” Fangs teased and Sweet Pea laughed. “I’m sure we can catch up with her.” 

Sweet Pea and Fangs had walked the short five minutes to the shop near your house but there was no sign of you. 

“Has she gone to a different shop? Like, in a different universe?” Sweet Pea wondered aloud. 

“Y/n!” Fangs whisper shouted and looked in a bush. 

“We’re not looking for a stray cat.” Sweet Pea looked at Fangs confused. 

“I know. I’m just worried.” 

“What would she even be doing in a bush?” 

“Well I dunno do I? I was just checking.” Fangs argued as they continued to look for you. Their searching was stopped by a familiar voice coming from behind a corner. Both took their knives out and walked towards the corner. Fangs stopped Sweet Pea from going straight in, they had to figure out how many there were and if they needed back up.

“Fuck off.” You snapped at the couple of Ghoulies surrounding you. 

“What you gonna do about it? Serpent slut.” One of them argued and you rolled your eyes. 

“What are you? Five? I’ve been called worse by my nan. Why don’t you go scurry back underground where you weirdos live and then come back to me when you have better insults. Maybe one’s that didn’t come from a bunch of two year olds.” You tried to walk past them but one of them pinned you against a wall. 

“What are you gonna do now? You haven’t got your boyfriends here to protect you? What are they gonna think when you go back to them all bruised and cut up? How about we teach them a lesson about what a normal relationship is by sending their bitch back with only one of their names carved into her. Who do you like more? Sweet Pea or Fangs?” He snarled. 

“You really shouldn’t have said that.” You sighed. 

“Why? You gonna cry?” 

“No actually. But you are.” You replied. “Hi boys.” You noticed Sweet Pea and Fangs storming round the corner, their knives in hand. Now that the Ghoulie pinning you to the wall was distracted you could easily get out of this. Elbowing him in the stomach he let go of you completely.

“You fucking bitch.” He muttered. 

“Shut up.” You told him and kicked him in the balls. Sweet Pea and Fangs were taking care of the other two while you continue to kick this one. After a few minutes you decided that they had got what they deserved (not really but you didn’t want Sweet Pea or Fangs to kill anyone). They both walked over to you and hugged you tightly. 

“I can’t breathe.” You stuttered and they let go quickly. 

“Sorry.” They apologized quickly. 

“Are you okay?” Fangs asked. 

“Yeah I’m fine. I’ll probably just have a few bruises and scratches.” You shrugged. “Now lets go the shop. Oh shit. I left my purse.” You cursed and patted your pockets. Sweet Pea held it up to you and you smiled at him. 

“Thats why we came looking for you.” Fangs laughed. 

“See. You guys always complain that I’m forgetting stuff even though it rarely happens. But if I had remembered that then you would have never had come looking for me and then I would have had to be the only hero in this situation and you two would have been jealous that I got to beat up some Ghoulies and you didn’t.” You teased and started walking away from the Ghoulies who were getting up. Fangs and Sweet Pea followed you, but not before Fangs kicked another Ghoulie in the ribs. 

“Thats for pinning our girl against a wall. Thats are job.” He growled before catching up to you and Pea. 

“Is it just me or was that extremely hot?” Sweet Pea mumbled in your ear and you laughed loudly. 

“What you laughing at?” Fangs asked once he had caught up with you completely. 

“I think we’re figuring it out.” You replied with a wink and Fangs’ smile turned into a smirk. 

“Do you wanna skip the shop and just go back to yours?” Fangs asked. 

“Absolutely.” Sweet Pea replied. 

“Not.” Both you and Pea said at the same time. 

“I wanna get some snacks. I’m not coming all the way here and be threatened by Ghoulies for nothing. I’m getting my snacks.” You told them and they smiled as they followed you into the shop.  

[beyainica-blog]

Weight today 1/31/19

It actually 110.4 calibrating and my phone. I’m a 243

Where to begin. So much was supposed to be typed out yesterday but I spent the whole day cleaning then fell asleep.

The Binge

I binged for two days and it was an eye opening, learning, as well as a humbling experience.

Why did I binge? Well it started out harmless. I was just going to have one cup of elote. But then I also had a coupon for free chicken tenders at Chick fila. All of that was under 600 calories. The problem was why did I think I just HAD to have the elote? I tried to convince myself that “well I’m never in the area, so I might as well” why? If you are 240lbs at 5’5 why do you feel like you deserve it? Thats the mindset someone should have if they’re a healthy weight. YOU’RE NOT. Having a bit here and there is harmless to someone who is HEALTHY. Not someone who has 90lbs to lose.

I realize that I’m not allowed to have that way of thinking because I haven’t earned it yet. I felt cocky. “Well I lost 10lbs in three days” sis you were 250lbs and you’re now 240lbs. You’re still fucking fat. To me it felt like alot of weight but in reality it was only 10lbs. Not much has changed.

Idk how I went from elote to a box of pizza. The voice in my head was extremely loud and convincing. I’m not strong enough yet to fight it. I shouldn’t give them room to manipulate me. If I start thinking of food some how I will be convinced to eat more than I set out too. I have a food addiction and use it to cope with all my emotions. I have emotions because I live in a toxic environment. I will continue to be fat if I don’t make changes and acknowledge my triggers.

I felt so mad at myself I talked myself into a panic attack. Only to binge again the next day. I know why. Because it was around me. Food in my room will trigger a binge. If I had put it down stairs in the freezer I wouldn’t have eaten it. So why didn’t I take it downstairs? I was full and stuffed to the brim I had no energy to do it. I thought I had the will power to do it the next day. But I didn’t. How could I? I only JUST started this diet.

Realizing I have no self control as much as I thought I did humbled me alot. I thought it was enough to see progress on the scale but it isn’t its actually worse. If I see progress on the scale I will convince myself, I deserve a treat. Hence the elote. I don’t deserve anything until I get out of the 200’s maybe not even then but its a start.

I need to stop thinking I should treat myself with food. The ultimate treat is fitting into smaller jeans. Getting to my goal weight. Start getting attention from guys like I was.

What to take away from this.

Take it day by day

Don’t reward yourself with food

Humble yourself

The food didn’t even taste good. It really is true that nothing taste as good as skinny does. Honestly its the truth. Putting on weight for temporary satisfaction is not worth it. Especially when I was doing so good. Now I’m behind. I could have been in the 230’s going back to work. Skinnier than the last time they saw me. Made my boss like me even more. But no. I HAD to eat. I’m ashamed of myself.

Weight loss: When do you see it?

Another thing to note is when I lost that 10lbs I didn’t really see it until 2 days later. I lost it over the weekend Friday-Sunday. Didn’t see it until Tuesday. It takes time for the body to adjust to weightloss.

Motivation

I completely forgot what I started this journey. I want to be a cam girl. I’m not going to be successful at the weight I am so thats why I need to lose weight. I want my own place. The reasons I eat is because I’m in such a toxic environment. It is dangering my mental health the longer I stay here. I’m only realizing it now. I HAVE TO GET OUT. My uncle told me this 2 years ago and it didn’t register until now.

I will never get out of this house if I don’t get money and I will never get money until I lose weight.

The next time I want to binge I’m going to remember this. Remember how much weight I gained. Remember the urges to continue binging the next day. Remember the triggers. Remember the money spent. Remember the bloating.

All I need is about 10k to fully move out and furnish my apartment. I can live there a good 5 months. I know I will be happier. Imagine how bad home life has to be that you would rather pay rent than live free.

My mother.

I’m realizing just how toxic she is. As much as my father is physically and mentally abusive so is she. I will always hate him more though. But she is a sick individual. She will tell me to pay the light bill with her card but also tell me its my fathers bill to pay. She knows I will get angry, but told me anyway. The light shuts off, and I told her the light is out. She tells me to stay out of it. All these months you dragged me into the drama but when I say one thing you tell me to stay out of it!?! How would I have even known it was his bill if you didn’t tell me?! And when I call her out on it she says then maybe we should help pay the bill. Fuck you. I’m not paying for shit in that house I will pay for my own. And when I leave who will you direct the bill towards? Not my brother lmao. You never bother him. Its just so funny. If I think long enough I can probably pin point a whole bunch of manipulative stuff she does. Honestly she was happier when I was 300. She controlled me. She knew I had low self esteem and I was easier to manipulate same with my father. He used my car added mileage to it for 7 months and not once did he ever tell me to get a job or lose weight. He didn’t care as long as he had a car. As I get older I realize just how sick these people truly are. My own parents. And how living with them has affected me mentally. School isnt an option right now. Though I do want to go back. I have to do what I got to, to get out.

I am not waiting for another incident. I need to get out as soon as possible. That alone should be my motivation to get out. If I sit there and cry and eat I will be stuck here like I have been. Its time to TRY, my life is at stake.

WEIGHT

I gained 5lbs and so far lost 2lbs. I should be at least 237lbs now but I’m not because of the choices I made. I’m not going to keep thinking about it. Just moving forward I can’t afford (literally) to do it anymore. Restart.

Keep myself busy

I’m trying to get out of this house. I should try multiple avenues to get money. I have so many clothes and shoes to sell and haven’t started listing them yet. That could bring extra income. When I’m not busy I tend to think of food. I need to do more I am not doing enough

Privacy

Another incentive to losing weight and getting my own place. I’ve had opportunities to do skype calls for money but I can’t be overheard doing them because I don’t have any privacy. Someone will ask what am I doing. If I have my own place I don’t answer to anyone.

What else. I think thats it. For this portion.

[weaselle]

I want to share something hidden about myself.

I’m sort of a girl? so I started this tumblr as just, like, a catch-all and curation: anything I miss on other social media usually makes it’s way to my dash here, and it’s also full of cute animals and cool art - win. And I have almost no cross followers and irl friends here, like close to zero people from my facebook friends know me here, so it’s… almost like an alone place with imaginary friends. Anyway, I’ve slowly been filling with this desire to say something about myself for years, I want it out in the universe but I don’t necessarily want a bunch of people in my life to know it, so this seems the right platform, maybe. I’m going to be talking about being… some kind of non-binary. And I would like to start with a kind of disclaimer: I don’t want to move into spaces that I feel are best left for others, people who need those spaces more than I do. I’m not trying to join any communities or participate in other people’s identity situations. This disclaimer will make more sense as I go on. I’m 40 years old (still pretty tho ;) ) and I’ve always presented myself as, and mostly conceived of myself as: cis white male. But I’ve also always been … other than that. On the inside; like, both things. I feel, idk, like… I read about two-spirit shamans, and I think about how that kind of identity must have always been a reality for some people since the dawn of humans, and I feel something on that spectrum, maybe. And there’s a whole other dimension to it, which is that my mother died when I was young - I was very lucky to be adopted right away by her sister, but, since I was 6 years old, I have actively tried to let her spirit live on this earth through me. This is part of the reason for my disclaimer- I don’t necessarily think my experience is very representative of many people who are non-binary. Or maybe it mostly is, I’m more of an accepting-my-friends-as-being-who-they-present-as and less a delving-into-the-deep-personal-exploration-of-WHY-they-are-who-they-are kind of friend, but at least, I don’t think housing the ghost of a dead parent inside your own soul is a component for most people. Anyway, that’s certainly not the whole story with me, either, but I definitely started from a place of trying to live life how a woman would live it. Like, especially when I was in 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th grade, I was intensely curious about what it would be like to be a woman. In 7th grade I carried around books like Are You There God It’s Me Margaret  - which fact didn’t create a lot of social capital for me (but I feel ultimately that was a far better investment in socialization than I knew at the time). Along with LOTR and everything else a person who loves books reads, I read romance novels and stuff like Clan of the Cave Bear. Books by women that dealt with sexuality and women’s points of view - like The Mists of Avalon, which I devoured over the summer before freshman year. And the whole time I was exploring my sexual awakening, this curiosity of what it would be like to be a woman was present, and sometimes the focus. Women’s underwear, for example, feels super sexy and exciting to wear, if only it didn’t look ridiculous to me on my male anatomy. The thing is, I am DEFINITELY attracted to women. Like, I find some men attractive in a non-sexual way, the way a leopard in peak condition is beautiful, if that makes sense.. and I’ve known three or four men that I’ve thought “if only I wanted to fuck you, I would totally date you” - but, I’ve sucked a couple dicks over the years, and I’m just not that into it. I remember standing naked in the mirror trying to imagine what it would be like to just BE a girl, thinking about how as a late-blooming 14 year old physical body there seemed very little difference anyway, but I wanted so much to experience the entire reality… and trying to reconcile that desire with the fact that no matter how I tried to get into that fantasy, boys just weren’t sexy to me. In 1992 in a small town, with no internet access, I was definitely unknowingly trapped in binary preconceptions of gender and sexuality, while I tried to understand the possibility that I was a lesbian inside. But I never let that thought develop much. I mean the thought has been pretty omnipresent on the back burner of my being, but I’ve always kind of overlooked it with a “not really though”. The reasons are difficult to pin down, but … I had friends who were guys, and I heard their take on things, and I sort of felt that me getting off on pretending to be a lesbian would be participating in something similar to things I found kind of gross about the ways some of these boys were about women. I still wrestle with that. And, while I was lucky enough to have friends and family that I knew were sufficiently supportive that I could tell them I felt like a girl inside, I felt like that understanding would instantly shift to skepticism if I added “and I’m sexually attracted to women”. Like, that felt, and still feels, like one solid step too far to be taken seriously by most of my friends and family, hell, I barely comprehend it myself. Like, if I want to be a girl, but the girl I want to be would be described as a tomboy and I’m attracted to girls… what even am I doing? (It was weird, when I was young and imagined myself as a girl, I wanted to be a girl doing “boy” things like skateboarding and climbing trees and playing video games and fighting and playing in the mud - but when I imagined myself as a boy, I wanted to be a boy doing “girl” things, dressing up and singing and cooking and dancing and being the hub of a spy-network gossip circle. Now, as an adult in this the year 2018, with the exception of social-progression issues, it is utterly unimportant to me what things are “man” things and what things are “woman” things so this isn’t the same; like, I know men are often super gossipy and I’m no longer stuck thinking of ballet as a “girl” thing, so that part of my situation has resolved.) So I went on with my life, as a boy. I mean, sometimes people wondered if I was gay, and my theater-kid ass didn’t get into the overt parts of male culture by any means, but I was definitely a boy. And, as much as I fantasized about being a woman, I fantasized about growing into a man, too. A tall, lithe, broad-shouldered, slim-hipped, ninja-werewolf man in a killer business suit with a harem of super talented funny smart women who were all lovers and let me be their beloved bodyguard and sex parter. Or whatever, I’ve never been good at having realistic goals. And I definitely grew into a man. Like, I still have to consciously check myself to make sure I’m not interrupting women or talking over them, because I didn’t learn how inherent a quality that was in me until I was an adult, because I grew up in modern America AS a MAN, in ways that are undeniable and very real. And while I still STRONGLY wish I could experience life in a woman’s body (y’know, for three weeks out of the month) I’m very comfortable with my male body. Despite my lifelong social and mental issues (or maybe because of addressing them my whole life?) I’m pretty well-adjusted. I like myself, physically, spiritually (liking myself mentally is a 50/50 proposition, but whatever). I’ve come a long way. From a clumsy, socially inept, tantrum throwing, ugly duckling with a scalp condition and a bunch of warts on my hands, I’ve grown into a physically and socially skilled, wart-free healthy-scalped adult man, with slim hips and decently broad shoulders (still no luck on the werewolf thing) and a good handle on my anger management; fit and kind and thoughtful and only a little crazy… I’m pretty damn happy and comfortable with who I have become. I have even wound up in a couple romantic relationships with women who almost exclusively prefer dating other women, and that has been a wonderful low-key way to sort of be this other thing I feel I am. I just ALSO feel this desire to be a woman on the outside, sometimes, because I still feel like a woman on the inside, in many ways. And that leads me right back around to my starting point. I have a huge amount of privilege, and I don’t want to give it up. I feel like it’s my duty to use that privilege on behalf of those who don’t have it, but I do have it, and I take full advantage of it, so, I don’t think it’s fair of me to “come out” as any kind of trans or non-binary person. I feel like I would be taking space away from people who need it more than I do. I am, for all intents and purposes, a cis white male, and I have enjoyed every advantage that comes with that: I get to talk about being attracted to the people I’m attracted to, and it is the “cultural norm” for them to be attracted people who look like me… I don’t even really have any body dysphoria or anything. I’m just mostly comfortable with who I am while wishing I could be more, and isn’t that the human experience anyway? And part of that privilege is getting to not have this, whatever this gender sexuality non-binary thing I experience in my soul, not be society’s defining characteristic of me - I get to have it NOT be the main thing that everyone insists on bringing up with/about me. I’m grateful that it doesn’t have to be what takes all my time and energy, because I have a lot of other things I want to focus on. I have a very real socio-economic revolution I’ve spent almost 25 years putting together that I’m finally starting to get off the ground, in fact- I can’t really afford to get derailed over this. I just… I don’t want it to be THE part of my reality, but the older I get, the more I feel like I need to acknowledge that it is A part of my reality, a real part of me. Somewhere, on the inside, and to whatever extent regrettably not on the outside, I am a lesbian woman… in as much as a person can be who has grown up being treated by society as a cis man. As much as it makes me furious and sad that I cannot avoid adding such an addendum, that I cannot simply say “I feel in my soul that I am a lesbian woman” the plain fact is I have spent 40 years enjoying the privileges of a cis man, and that experience does not a lesbian make. But just here. Just this once. I want to say it anyway. To just accept this part of myself without all those qualifiers and conditions. I am a woman who loves other women. It has literally made me cry now, to have typed that simple sentence alone. So thank you, Tumblr, for being the void I can say this into.

[handonhaven]

So people are making it seem like Aria won't be in 3x15 because he wasn't mention in the synopsis or in the promo for it. That doesn't make sense because there were episodes where Aria wasn't mention or seen in the promo and he was still in the episode. So that's the only thing that's having me hold out hope that'll he'll be in 3x15. I don't even care who he would play as or even care if what he's playing as is connect to Hope or not. I just want him to be in because he loves Star Wars. And if he's not I will so mad at the writers for him and for doing that to him.

So I know that there are already people are mad that they saw Ethan and Lizzie kiss in the promo. But I think I could really get behind that if it was to ever happen for real. I think I would like them more that Mizzie.

There are still people who just don't seem to understand why Landon is acting a bit off. I mean come on this dude has PTSD. I literally saw someone say "Landon was only in the PW for like a week,the only way it would it make sense for that Landon to be that off is if time travel was involved and he was actually there for years." Time travel really? That would literally make no sense. So there's no doubt in my mind that the writers didn't go that way. But anyways what does it matter how long he was there. He was fighting for his life everyday. Probably didn't get much sleep or any because he could have been too scared to close his eyes(I could keep going but imma stop there). Not to mention that before he was in the PW he was in malivore for what felt like years to him even if in reality it was only like three week. And people still can't seem to understand why he's a bit off right now, honestly I can't. I'm just surprised he's not more of a mess right now. And I just think that just shows and proves how strong Landon actually is.

I'm really hoping at some point we'll get a flashback episode that shows us what happened to Landon in the PW. Or even a voice over type of thing of Hope reading the journal that Landon kept while he was there. Something is better than nothing right. But sadly I feel like we might not get that at all.

Yeah, just because he wasn’t in the synopsis or promo doesn’t mean he won’t be in the episode. He wasn’t supposed to be in 3x05 or 3x06 either and he was. They just didn’t mention he was because it would’ve spoiled it. So I’m really hoping that’s the case for 3x15. Right? He has to be in it! I don’t care how either, I just want it for Aria. I will also be so mad at the writers if he’s not. Can you imagine how Aria would feel if they excluded him from that? Like they literally made an episode based on one of his favorite things and to not let him be involved in it would be so beyond mean.

Are they? Idk, I’m kind of indifferent about other ships in the show tbh. I don’t think I’d mind seeing Lizzie and Ethan happen though. Yeah, I’m not really sure how I feel about Mizzie anymore, so maybe Lizzie and Ethan could be good if happens. I had wondered if that could have something to do with the “unexpected turn” in 3x16 with the whole rebound thing... they could be setting up something with Lizzie and Ethan, not just in the hallucination.

How can they not understand why Landon is acting different? Exactly, he has PTSD, he was stuck in Malivore and then the prison world, he’s traumatized. It’s really not the hard to grasp, but people would say awful things about Landon and his trauma before, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. But what?? Yeah, time travel makes no sense and it’s impossible for him to have been in the prison world for years. Time works the same way, it’s just the same day over and over again. And I don’t think he was there for a week. I thought it maybe could’ve been a few weeks. But exactly, it doesn’t matter even if it was a week or even less. He was still fighting to survive that whole time. He had to learn how to fight, was completely alone, and yes, I thought the same thing about him probably not getting much rest. And who knows how he ate, there’s just so many things he probably went through that we don’t even know about. And however long it was, it was all still traumatizing. And yes, he was in Malivore before, for who knows how long. But it still felt like years to him, which would be terrifying enough on its own, without adding his time in the prison world after. And then when he got back to the real world, he was still alone and isolated for weeks. People not being able to understand why he would be affected by all of that is baffling to me, not to mention disturbing tbh. And same, he’s doing amazingly well considering what he’s been through. I agree, that really does show even more how strong he is.

Oh me too. Besides a Handon reunion obviously, that’s what I want the very most for the rest of this season (or I guess including the start of season 4 now). Yes! I thought the same thing about the journal! And I’d love flashbacks as Hope is reading it. That would be ideal imo. But I’m worried we won’t get it at all either. I’ve wondered if they’re focusing more on the girls in this last episode and next episode, and then maybe the episodes after will be more Landon focused? So maybe it’s possible we’ll get something then? But I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up. It’s just so bizarre to me that they set up that whole storyline for him for half a season and then aren’t even gonna show what happened? And they went to all the effort of pinning Aria’s hair back for months just for like one shot? And had his hair longer for the posters without really showing him during the time he had longer hair? It makes absolutely no sense to me.