#and I went to the doctor with a 2 year old cause the mom was also sick so that was a lot of close contact

[neeneen]

I'm actually sick again...

3rd time in 3 months yay..

[gallusrostromegalus]

How old's everyone by the time canon bleach rolls around?

Well that's an interesting question that I have devoted way too much thought to.

Most people in soul society age at the normal pace of one year per year, so they only have One Age, but even a tiny excess of spiritual energy can make some age much slower, and in Seireitei, which is full of Spiritually Potent People, most people have two ages- Calendar and Living Age. Calendar is how many years someone has existed, Living is approximately what developmental age they're at. Most Shinigami age at about one year for every 2-5 Lived, with average "died of natural causes and not in the line of duty" lifespans coming to 200-400 years. Power Level has a HEAVY Inverse correlation to aging, but once you hit the power levels associated with Seated officers and captains, things get Weird. Also fatal. Very few captains have died of Natural Causes.

But re: Everyone's ages in June 2000, when the series starts under the cut:

Karakura Gang:

The Kids are not dead yet, so not Subject to the extended lifepsans yet, but I did age everyone up a bit- Ichigo and his Human Friends are all Juniors in High school- age 17... ish.

Ichigo's 18th birthday occurs a couple weeks after he meets Rukia. He was held back from starting Kindergarten for a year because he was too short to reach the drinking fountains.

Chad was tall and his parents were both working full time so his mom persuaded his school to let him in early, so Chad only had his 17th birthday the month before he meets Rukia.

Kon: CA: 132 (9 years in his body) LA: 3, but in cat years, so really more like 22 in human years. An grad student in charge of a pack of teenagers.

Rukia: A Member of the Karakura Gang by association (i.e. my staging notes), Rukia is CA: 73 and LA: 20. She and Renji entered the academy when they were CA:25 and LA: 16. Like many high-powered shinigami, her rate of aging is slowing as she accumulates power, so she will likely live to see at least 500 (unless something happens)

Renji: See: Rukia. Rukia is eight months older than Renji and NEVER lets him forget it.

Kisuke Urahara: CA: 328 LA: 32.4545454545- Urahara is aging at one year for every 11 lived which pleases him because at least once a century his ages will line up and he'll have a straight shot of numbers and that's CLEARLY an excuse to have a MEGA birthday party and give him extra presents! He'll be 333 AND 33 in 2005, so Ichigo should start planning his surprise party!

Yoruichi Shihoin: CA: 329 LA: 28 Yoruichi is 365 days older than Kisuke (He was born in 1672) a leap year) and NEVER lets him forget it.

Isshin Shiba: CA: UUUH- LA: UUUUUUUH- Isshin Shiba was born to the Shiba Clan in 1846, was 154 when he vanished in 1980, appears to be in his mid-forties now, and can only actually REMEMBER the last 20 years of his life with any Clarity. The battle with White left his soul so damaged that when he fused with Masaki, he lost all his spiritual powers and forgot damn near everything- he remembers his given name, the name and face of Kaien Shiba but not how he knows him, that shinigami and hollows exist... but when he overheard Ryuken Ishida lying to the hospital staff that this was his friend from medical school who had been in a terrible car accident, he believed him, and assumed he WAS a doctor that had been in a terrible accident. Masaki was just as frightened of the Shinigami coming after the Quincy. While she could keep her relatives at bay, she couldn't fool the shinigami, so she asked the others to make sure Isshin never tried to return to spirit world... and they went along with it. As far as Isshin knows, Urahara was a guy he worked for as a teenager who helped him set up shop as a doctor after the accident. Yoruichi really is someone he used to be on the intramural volleyball team with back in college. Shinji is some guy who knew his parents, and decided to stay a friend of the family even after after they died in the accident. He and Masaki were married in a beautiful ceremony some weeks ago... Shame they lost all the pictures... Ichigo's promotion to Substitute Shinigami and the confrontation about "You used to be a CAPTAIN?? Why didn't you warn me and the twins about anything???" is one HELL of a shock for him.

Soul Society:

Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto: CA: 2,146 LA: 75 He was enjoying a Long Prime Middle Age until his Divorce in 1196, at which point he went bald, went gray and lost a significant amount of his muscle mass in under a decade, and has looked like an Old Man since.

Chojiro Sasakibe: CA: 1,358 LA: 66 (debated). Chojiro was barely 100 years old when he turned up at Yamamoto's Post Officer Self-Defense Dojo and refused to leave. His Lived Age is a secret known only to Unohana- the debate rages because Sasakibe was born with his Silver Fox hair, and with that removed, shows very little signs of aging. He insists he "-Just keep myself very well." and refuses to elaborate. He has a standing agreement with the SWA that his LA over various years may be revealed after he dies, so they may let people lay bets, on the condition that they give him a percentage when laid to support his Black Tea Habit.

---

Soi Fon: CA: 201 LA: 29 Soi Fon has genetically terrific skin and if her mother is any indication, she'll look like a twentysomething until she hits menopause. THEN she'll look like a Silver Fox.

Marechiyo Omaeda: CA: 102 LA: 24 Omaeda has only been Lieutenant for 14 years, taking over the position early after his father (the previous 2nd Division lieutenant) had an extremely unexpected stroke. He's recovering well, but doesn't want to return because he's so proud of Marechiyo.

---

Ichimaru Gin: CA:DEBATABLE, but at least 357 LA: 21 Gin has several days that *could* count as his "Birthday" but he's existed in his current body for as long as Rangiku has known him.

Rojuro "Rose" Otoribashi: CA: 312 LA: 37 Rose was promoted to captain a bare 2 years ago when TBTP happens, and is considered Young for a captain. In terms of Living Age, he's one of the oldest Visored.

Izuru Kira: CA: 89 LA: 23 He was a bit older than Rukia and Renji in CA and LA when he entered the Academy. He could have entered sooner but he was the sole caregiver for both his parents, who died premature deaths of chronic illnesses.

---

Retsu Unohana: CA: 804 LA: "As old as my tongue and a little older than my teeth." According to the official records, Retsu Unohana enrolled in Shin'o Academy in 1198, and when asked her age, said "I became as I am last year" Which the intake officer interpreted to mean that she died and appeared as an adult in Spirit World in 1197, and she has absolutely failed to correct that misconception. Or update the public records regarding her age.

Yachiru Unohana: CA 1,497 LA: 37 To her credit, Unohana DID die when she was 17 and appeared in the afterlife at the age she died at. Then she barely aged by the time Yamamoto recruited her in 998. She served as Kenpachi of the 11th Divisison for 199 years, until her battle with an as-yet-unnamed young man in 1197. Shortly after her 200th year as Kenpachi passed, she came to terms with the fact she was no longer the fighter she was, and fell in battle to her lieutenant. With that, "Yachiru" Unohana died, and the following day she enrolled in the academy under the name Retsu to study medicine.

Isane Koetetsu: CA: 282 LA: 28 Isane and her sister Kiyone are unusual for Shinigami in that the Koetesu clan has some of the slowest-aging shinigami in it, and the slowed aging STARTS as infants. Isane couldn't even enroll in Shin'o Academy until her 100th birthday, and even then she needed special dispensation to let what was functionally a 10-year old take college classes.

Hanataro Yamada: CA: 141 LA: 23 Hanataro is the younger brother of Former 4th div Lieutenant Seinosuke Yamada, who now runs the Seireitei Medical Center i.e. The Rich Bitch Hospital. Hanataro entered the academy at a very young age like Isane and graduated with honors, but people tend to compare him to his more accomplished older brother, which both of them think is Unfair seeing as Seinosuke is a whole 112 years older than him. Hanatarou started in the 4th division at the tender age of 42/14, and some of the other medics decided to prank the lieutenant's baby brother by sending him to do the initial medical checkup of newly-appointed 11th division captain Zaraki. When he failed to return for six hours, Seinosuke went into a panicked rage and ran to the 11th, ready to make Zaraki the shortest-serving captain ever if need be, only to discover Hanataro patiently vaccinating and enthusiastic Zaraki for EVERYTHING, a process that was taking a while because Zaraki's spiritual pressure kept breaking the needles. Hanataro has been the 11th Division Pocket Medic ever since, to the detriment of Seinosuke's blood pressure. Zaraki encouraged his interest in Toxicology by bringing him dozens of venomous snakes to milk while on field expeditions, also much to the detriment of Seinosuke's blood pressure.

---

Sosuke Aizen: CA: 432 LA: 47 Aizen was born an identical twin, but was the only brother to inherit any spiritual powers. The boy's mother was caught and killed by an enraged shopkeep stealing food to feed a half-starving Sosuke when they were young children. The boys managed to get jobs in another city working at a candy store, and did so well that the owner left the store to them when he retired. Sosuke's marketing talents and Sosato's culinary skills made "My Brother's Candy" a wild success, and soon they were opening franchise stores, and became popular minor celebrities in their district. Sosuke even married and had children- and grand children, and was an active member of his district government and merchants council, personally opening up several schools and water treatment facilities. Then, shortly after he and Sosato celebrated their 88th birthday, tragedy struck. There was a massive flood that lead to a massive crop failure that lead to a massive disease outbreak, which lead to major political upheaval, which lead to Sosuke and his brother having to flee their home. Unfortunately, Sosato dearly loved his brother, and when the hail of arrows came down on them from the soldiers pursing the civilians, Sosato decided that he was near the end of his life anyway, while Sosuke- still functionally in his 20's- had so much to live for, and put himself between his brother and the onslaught. And so Sosuke Aizen went from Revered Councilor, Celebrated Candymaker, beloved Great-grandfather and Twin to an Exile and the sole survivor of his name. He joined the Shinigami, determined to make the Soul Society a better place where what happened to him would never happen again- only to discover that he was at the mercy of a corrupt and incompetent government, and worse, an apparently uncaring God. Until one night when he had a dream- all the pieces of his study of Kido came together and he realized there WAS a way to fix all this- He just had to become God. With that, Gin slithered away into the night and deep into the far districts, so he could assume a human form and forge an identity Aizen wouldn't question when they met back up again.

Shinji Hirako: CA: 412 LA: 31 Shinji genuinely thought he could get away with impersonating a high schooler to spy on Ichigo- after all, he still looked like he was what, 22? With the right clothes and some recent slang- "Why is there some creepy old guy wearing the school uniform?" Ichigo asks his friends the second he sees Shinji. "He looks like some kind of weird hipster who's trying to relive his youth." Sighs Mizurio. "-Or a really deluded pervert who thinks he can sneak into the locker room." says Tatsuki, cracking her knuckles. "He doesn't look THAT old-" Keigo protests, and there is the briefest glimmer of hope for Shinji's Ego. "-Maybe he's some kind of super-senior who got held back a bunch because he's dumb as a brick." Shinji crumples to the ground, defeated by the direct hits to his insecurities.

Hinamori Momo: CA: 66 LA: 26 Momo has an extreme case of babyface but is secretly ripped under her uniform and well on her way to MILFdom from the waist down. The first time Hiyori sees her in shorts is a psychological and spiritual awakening.

Hiyori Sarugaki: CA: 126 LA: 20 Hiyori is the youngest Living Age and slowest-aging visored. She gets mad about her youthful appearance but also uses it to get children's discounts at theme parks.

---

Byakuya Kuchiki: CA: 181 LA: 26 Byakuya was married quite young, and Widowed soon after. He's still in his prime, and exceptionally hale for a Kuchiki- Despite the exceptional spiritual power of the clan, the centuries of inbreeding have given them severe health issues and very short lifespans for their power. Byakuya's grandfather Ginrei only lived to 486, and his father Sojun died at 200 from Hemophillia. Byakuya is still working up the nerve to tell Rukia that she will likely outlive him by a considerable margin, and the fact that Rukia hasn't got a nibling to spoil was His medical problem, not Hisana's.

---

Sajin Komamura: CA: 712 LA: 22 Komamura is somehow both Older AND Younger than everyone thinks he is, and that's not even getting into the "Wait, is that in human years or wolf years?" Debacle. When Yamamoto met Sajin for the first time in the 1400's he was extremely impressed with the giant warriors skill and courage, and before Sajin had a chance to greet him properly, asked the warrior to join his Academy. "I- I'm really old but I'm actually eight." came the voice of a small boy from behind the helmet and Yamamoto had to go stand with his face pressed into the wall for a minute.

Love Aikawa: CA:345 LA:33 Love Aikawa is one of the few shinigami who came into his spiritual powers so fast that he did NOT have a creer before becoming a Shinigami.

Tetsuzaemon Iba: CA: 154 LA: 30 Testsuzaemon was still a small boy when Komamura was appointed to the third seat of the first division, and got to know his mother Chikane Iba. Chikane worked extremely hard, but held Yamamoto in high regard, and Komamura in similar regard by extension. So now Tetsuzaemon is lieutenant to a man he still secretly thinks of as his "Favorite Babysitter".

---

Shunsui Kyoraku: CA: 856 LA: 48 Shunsui was forced to join the academy before his 100th birthday by his noble family because they had not actually planned on actually having a third son survive to adulthood and didn't really know what to do with him. Both Shunsui and Ukitake are old enough to remember when Unohana was still Yachiru, and Shut The Fuck Up about that fact.

Nanao Ise: CA: 141 LA: 28 When she first arrives in Seireitei, Yachiru Kusajishi is LA Eight, and quickly makes friends with Nanao, who is the other little girl close to her age with spiritual powers: "You're my baby sister now, but you'll be my Big sister sooner than later." Yachiru explained. "What do you mean?" Nanao blinked at her. "You're what, Living Age Seven, right?" Yachiru asked, squinting at her. "Yeah, but I'm really Forty-One!" Nanao insisted. It bothered her when people refused to take her seriously because of her age. "Right. I'm like Living Age Eight, so I'm your big sister. But I'm actually Four hundred and six." "…What?" Nanao gaped. "but, but that means you must be aging at…" She frowned, trying to do long division in her head. "-I age about one year for every fifty lived, yeah." "You- oh god." Nanao realized. "You outlive everyone you know." "Not everyone! Ken-chan and I are both aging at the same pace." Yachiru explained, wobbling a bit as she walked the log over the creek. "I guess I'm lucky- there aren't that many of us who age this slow so most of us don't have anybody who's really a 'life-long' companion, and I might be only one with a parent that's got a similar lifespan!" She grinned. "I age at about one for five, so in- ...in less than ten years I'll be older than you." Nanao hummed with concern. "Yep! But until then, you have to do everything your Big Sister says!" Yachiru grinned.

Lisa Yadomaru: CA: 427 LA: 36 Even though they're not REMOTELY related, Lisa bonded very strongly to Nanao when she was Shunsui's lieutenant. This causes some dispute with Yachiru when she returns to Soul Society because according to yachiru, Nanao is her Little Big Sister, owing to the difference in CA, to therefore Lisa is her Big-Big Little Sister, and Lisa thinks she doesn't have to support Yachiru's Candy Habit.

---

Kaname Tousen: Calendar age: 499 LA: 32 After the events of the Winter War, during which Kaname turned 500, Kaname disputes that he is only 350, because he spent the last 150 years under Aizen's Curse and "-You call that living?" Everyone (except Sajin) regularly forgets when Kaname's birthday is because he doesn't celebrate it- it was also his sister Kakiyo's birthday and he hasn't really felt like 'celebrating' since she was murdered, and Ichigo is the first person to REALLY understand his feelings on the matter, his own mother dyind so close to his birthday and how visiting her Memorial wasn't exactly a celebration, but it wasn't exactly mourning either.

Shuuhei Hisagi: CA:119 LA: 27 Renji entered the Academy the year Shuuhei was due to Graduate and still thinks of Shuuhei as his "Senpai". Shuuhei entered the academy the same year Rangiku was due to graduate, and still thinks of her as his "Senpai". Renji once called Rangiku his "Grand-Senpai" She and Shuuhei both beat him with shoes about it.

Kensei Muguruma: CA:469 LA: 29 Kensei supports Kaname's declaration that he's only 350 because finding out Kaname is older than him brings up all the insecurities Kensei developed from being the MUCH younger brother to five sisters, and he can't handle being "The Baby" again.

Mashiro Kuna: CA: 506 LA: 25 It took 47 rounds of Janken with Yachiru for Mashiro to finally be the first to get to three victories and declare herself The Biggest Sister. She also saw Kensei's meltdown about Kaname being older than him and is quietly holding onto the fact she's older than both of them until the moment it will cause her beloved captain the maximum amount of Psychological Damage.

---

Rangiku Matsumoto: CA: 357 LA: 29 Rangiku measures her Calendar Age from the date she appeared in Soul Society at age 14, which is an accepted practice, but sometimes people want to add their years in the living world as well. Rangiku supports Kaname's claim to be 350 because they let HER knock 14 years off her CA for an even more arbitrary reason, and also it means she doesn't have to get him a belated 500th Birthday gift for another 150 years.

Toshiro Hitsugaya: CA: 60 LA: 12 Hitsugaya is FAR AND AWAY the youngest Shinigami to achieve a seated officer's position by any age, and this was 100% done as a political maneuver by Yamamoto. Hitsugaya is no Slouch- he graduated salutatorian of his class and is the youngest person ever to achieve Bankai, but Yamamoto slapped him into the lieutenant's position 20 years ago (Hitsugaya graduated within weeks of Isshin Shiba's Disappearance) SPECIFICALLY to put Rangiku between him and any unscrupulous noble houses looking to forcibly adopt him/marry him to a spare heir/straight-up kidnap Hitsugaya to prop up their failing genetic lines. One of the clans tried it anyway and the resulting smoking crater where the clan compound used to be put the fear of Haineko into everyone and has so far discouraged further attempts.

---

Kenpachi Zaraki: CA: 1,477* LA: 42 Like Gin, Zaraki has several dates that could count as the start of his existence, but when asked how old he was at the first moon-viewing party he went to- "...How d'ya guys measure that?" Zaraki asked, studying Shunsui with his good eye in a way that made the hair on the back of his neck prickle. "Uh- well, for most people, it's when you were Born in Soul Society, but if you died and appeared here it's the day you first existed in Soul Society." he explained, feeling like he was missing an important dimension to the question. "Oh! In that case I'm- wait, shit. What day is it today?" "It's November 18th." Unohana smiled. "Ah, fuck! With all the chaos I forgot-!" Zaraki laughed. "Turned 1,377 last Monday." The assembled Shinigami all stared blanky, save for Unohana, who appeared to be trying to not laugh into her cup. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure I heard that correctly..?" Jushiro asked, entirely sure he had. "One Thousand Three Hundred Seventy-Seven." Zaraki repeated slowly, grin cracking across his face. "-Can't say I've done as good a job lookin' after myself as Sasakibe here though." "I- good heavens! The only person you're younger than is Yamamoto himself!" Aizen exclaimed, eyes wide behind his glasses. Zaraki frowned at that for a moment and then nodded. "...If you say so." Unohana made a small snuffling noise as she tried to not snort sake up her nose laughing. "How old are YOU, Mr. Glasses?" Yachiru asked. "Hm? Oh, I'm 332! And how old are y-" Aizen began to reply before he was interrupted by Yachiru jabbing her finger into the tip of his nose, cackling. "HAH! you're seventy- uh- seventy four years younger than me! You're a little baby man!" She clapped her hands with glee. "Unohana-sama? Are you alright?" Ukitake asked as the chief medic coughed suddenly. "I'm having a great time!" She wheezed, eyes watering from accidentally inhaling her drink.

Yachiru Kusajishi: CA: 506 LA: 10 Yachiru was Very Loved by her parents. Zaraki tells her this. When he found her, he found her in an otherwise abandoned house, with her parents, who had obviously died protecting her from the late-winter cold snap. She was still in her mother and father's arms when he came to investigate her cries. Her parents were wearing kimono that had the bottom third cut off, just above their knees, even though it was the middle of winter. She was wearing a double-layered baby Kimono made of the fabric they had cut off, to make sure she stayed warm. He took her into the nearest village, in hopes someone there could nurse her and tell him what her name was. She was lucky- there was a woman nursing her own daughter who agreed to take on her as well. But the Village elder hung his head in shame- he knew the couple the vagrant described- they lived far up the mountain, and only went by the name "Kusajishi", the name of the district, as was the style of many poor and illiterate farmers. They only came down from their farm once or twice a year to sell the special herbs they grew up there- the elder had seen the woman pregnant, but they had not come down to tell him the girl's name for the village records. So that day, the vagrant became Kenpachi Zaraki, and gave to her the name Yachiru as any parent should name their child, and the name Kusajishi, after the parents that loved her so. She only ever calls her adopted father Ken-chan, and is the only person who is allowed to call him that, because a parent should be called something special by their child. In deference to her parent's sacrifice, she does not call him "father". That was another man, who died for her. Zaraki does not lie to Yachiru, ever. Everything he told her about how they met is true. He has omitted one detail from the story, however. Her parents died from the cold snap because they had to be at least eighty, and not blessed with spiritual power like her. She had outlived her parents as an infant. And after speaking to the village elder about how, to his shame, he'd never managed to ask the little girl's name, even since he was a little boy, and failed to send anyone up there to check on the family, The vagrant with no name sat near the fire in the village hall, holding the little girl with no name. He thought about how terribly lonely it was, to not have a name. and how lucky he was that he had a mother who also had an extremely long lifespan that was able to live through raising him, and that he could still visit and speak to. and how unlucky this little girl was, that she did not. "How d'ya get a name?" the vagrant asked the village elder. "Well, here you just tell me what your name is, and I write it down in the village records." the elder said, watching him with curiosity. "...if I tell you a name, will you show me how to write it?" He asked, voice barely above a whisper. "Of course." The elder nodded. The vagrant was silent for a while. "Then her name is Yachiru Kusajishi." Said the vagrant. "...And yours?" The elder asked, picking up the record book and inkstone. "Mine?" the vagrant asked. "You're giving her a name because she hasn't got anyone else to do it, aren't you?" The elder asked, gaze steady. "If you name something, it's your responsibility forever, and you're going to have to be responsible for yourself if you're going to be responsible for her." The Vagrant considered this for a while. "My name-" he started and stopped, throat clicking like he was literally choking on the words. "-My name for her is Kenpachi Zaraki."

---

Mayuri Kurotsuichi: CA: 132 LA: 267 Mayuri is the only shinigami aging faster than the expected rate. This is because he escaped from Hell, and Hell would very much like to get his ass back there ASAP.

Nemuri Kurotsuichi: CA: 20 LA: 20 Nemu has been twenty for twenty years now, ever since she was pulled from the goo of her incubation tube by her father Mayuri, and will be 20 for the foreseeable future. The static lack of aging is something Mayuri hopes to fix in future drafts- Nemu is the seventh Nemuri, and the most successful one so far- She's the second Nemuri to actually make it out of her incubation tube, and the first to survive more than a year, but Nemuri Hachigo is already developing in the basement of the 12th in case something happens to her. The knowledge of her 'Little Sister' is something that brings Nemu comfort, like already knowing what you're going to be reincarnated as. "That's really fucked up." Says Uryuu Ishida in the rubble of Las Noches as she puts his intestines back inside his thorax where they belong. He's on a lot of drugs he'd like to know less about. "-It's also kind of cute. In a away. but really fucked up."

Kirio Hikifune: CA: 617 LA: 35 Kirio is one of a handful of people in on Unohana's double identity, but would NEVER betray her beloved Senpai's personal information! She served under Unohana in the fourth and developed her flesh-to-food technique with Unohana's help.

Tama Nikuya: CA: 1,477 LA: 26 Despite being the same age as Zaraki and Unohana and was aging at the same slow rate, the process that turned her into a Puca also caused her to go into bio-hell-fuckery that has effectively stopped her from aging at all. Or rather, she IS aging but every time she dies, she reappears as the LA age she was when she underwent The Flesh Change. She says the process is not infinite- she WILL eventually run out of spare lives, and if she manages to live long enough to die of old age in this body, she will NOT respawn at all. Also- it HURTS! She does die, which hurts, and comes back, which hurts EVEN MORE, and each time she comes back, she's confronted with the prospect of either outling all her friends or putting them through a similar hell to stay together. All in all, DO NOT ATTEMPT. I am speaking to you specifically, Kisuke. Akon Akon: CA: 119 LA: 27 Akon only has the one name but the archives don't like that so he uses it Twice. He was imprisoned without trial in the Maggot's nest for being part Yokai when he was a small child, and sprung to work in R&D By Mayuri shortly after Urahara's disappearence. He's friends with Yachiru and Nanao because there weren't hat many kids in the social circles of the Gotei-13's upper ranks, and all three of them shared a mutual interest in the Dinosaurs that were being discovered at the time. He's friends with Shuuhei because he was forced to take Remedial "if you work in the 12th instead of just R&D you need to actually know how to be a shinigami" classes the same year Shuuhei was accepted to the academy and they were dorm mates. Akon intermittendly draws weird one-panel cartoons for the Seireitei bulletin under a pen name, often about strange scientific jokes and on one notable occasion, bovine anthropological artifacts.

---

Jushiro Ukitake: CA: 857 LA: 44 Ukitake is genuinely unsure if, when or HOW he will die, given that he is host to a Divine Being. Once that particular cat is out of the bag, it gives him something to commiserate about with Tama. Already, Shunsui is starting to outpace his age- is he doomed to bury his friend? or will circumstance force Mimihagi to consume him entirely? Mimihagi is sympathetic- the Left Hand of God is also not sure what this fusion entails for him- it's possible that if Jushiro dies by any other means besides Mimihagi consuming him, that Mimihagi will die with him, and neither is sure what kind of impact that might have on the universe at large. Still, if it weren't for Mimihagi's intervention, Jushiro wouldn't have this time at all, and Mimihagi will never have had these experiences, so neither regrets the choice they made, regardless of how it ends.

Hachigen Ushoda: CA: 278 LA: 32. Hachigen is appearing under the 13th Division because the Kido Corps got absorbed into the 13th while he was away. Hachi consistently fools people into thinking he's way older than he actually is because he has to tailor-make all his clothes for his massive frame, so why NOT go all the way and make something Special for all this effort?

...this post is already three miles long, I'll do the Arrancar and Quincy next.

[flnpushy]

Classic Story...

all birth stories

My old Story: Anna's Birth Struggle Anna had recently graduated and was college bound. Being 18 was fun for Anna and she enjoyed the graduated life. Her boyfriend Tom was also looking forward to college as well, but the two would be separated as they had been accepted to different schools. On the final night before moving away for school, they spent the evening together. Alone. Three months had gone by since the two had been together. Things were going well for him, but no so well for Anna. She was sick most mornings, and just felt off. A couple more weeks went by before she finally called her mom. She told her about her morning sickness and other symptoms. Her mom asked if she had taken a pregnancy test. To that she answered “Are you nuts?” “I’m not pregnant.” A few more days passed, she finally gave in and took a test. The test said she was indeed pregnant. She didn’t believe it so she took another. Same result. She called her mom in disbelief. “Mom I’m Pregnant.” Anna said. “OH my goodness....” Her mother replied. “What about school?” She asked Anna. “I don’t know mom, I don’t know what to do.” Regardless her mom was actually very excited, but Anna was far from excited. She had waited years to go to college and now it was all at risk. She visited the doctor where they confirmed she was about three months along. Much to far to go back now. Anna Couldn’t believe it. A baby? She didn’t want to have a baby! She then had to let Tom know. She didn’t know how he would react. She was very nervous making that call. “Tom, Its me, Your going to be a dad.” Anna said. There was a brief silence on the line.... “Oh my god are you serious?!?” He said excitedly. “Are you mad.” Anna asked. “Of course I’m not mad, Im absolutely ecstatic.” “Why would I be mad Anna, Its my fault your pregnant!” He said. “Oh thank god your happy.” Anna said. “What about our schooling?” “Its ok Anna, we will make it happen no matter what, I’m here for you!” Tom said. Most days Anna had morning sickness and other issues. Pregnancy was not easy for her. Anna was a petite brunette. She was small overall. She has a small frame, tiny arms, and she was only 5 foot 2. She was still just a girl in reality, but she now was going to become a woman faster then she had ever imagined. She continued her studies as best she could. Eventually the ninth month had arrived. Annas belly was like a basketball protruding from her body. Anna knew she would birth at home as this was her wish. Her mom Mary had been preparing thier home for months. Everything Mary could afford to get she got in preparation for the birth. Finally summer break arrived and a very pregnant Anna returned to her home, and Tom did to. One morning Anna awoke early to pains in her belly. This wasnt unusual for her as the baby frequently moved around in her belly causing discomfort. These pains were different however. She felt around the top of her belly. She could feel a little baby foot squirming around within her. Anna was grossed out by the babies movements, she didnt like the idea that a baby was inside her. She was ready to be done, ready to give birth and be back to being a normal girl again. Anna prepared a breakfast and joined her boyfriend Tom on the front porch for a Saturday morning conversation. Tom asked how Anna was doing and knew that she was in some type of pain. “I think it may be happening.” Anna said “Ok honey, lets get things ready.” Tom replied. Tom prepared her bed with clean sheets and comfortable pillows. He also layed out towels in the bathoom and on the bed to catch fluids during the birthing process. A couple hours later Anna was in real pain, labor had begun and her belly squirmed wildly as the baby moved toward the birth canal. The contractions were sharper and shaper and it wasnt long before Anna was really hurting. She layed sprawled out on the couch, trying her hardest to bear

through each contraction. She was wearing a light shirt, bra, and panties. She fought the pain as best she could, but still yelped in pain with each contraction. Tom had read up on birth and was going to school to be a doctor. He figured this would be a good training opportunity.

“My poor baby girl.” Tom said, sitting beside her. Anna continued to struggle through the pain. Anna entered transition, this was the worst pain she had ever faced. “Oh my god, oh oh oh, help me, ahhhhhhh” Anna yelped. She continued her struggle. Till finally transition had ended. The baby was now low in her belly and engaged in her pelvis. “Ok its time to check your cervix to see if you can push.” Tom said Anna sat upon the bed and Tom inserted a finger to check Anna. “Good girl Anna, your right on the money, 10 centimeters!” “So now what do I do?” Anna asked. “Time to push that baby out hun!” Tom replied. “Im scared.” Anna said. “I know baby girl, but its so close to being done now.” Tom said. Anna endured another couple of contractions. She was ready to get over to the bed, but the next contraction brought a tiny gush of fluids. “Whats happening!?!” Anna shrieked. “Your water broke baby, The baby is coming now!” Tom replied. Anna and Tom went to the bed, Anna waddled as it was so strange to her having so much pressure between her legs. They arrived at the bedside. Anna took off her shirt, bra, and panties, then climbed into bed. “Wow look at my beautiful baby girl” Tom said. “You are so beautiful.” “Ok how do I do this.” Anna asked. Tom put several pillows behind his pregnant girlfriends head, he put an absorbent pad under her butt as well. “Lift your butt baby.” Tom said as she slid the pad underneath. “Ok now we wait for a contraction and you push.” Tom said. “I will teach you how to push.” Tom stated. Tom put a finger in her opening. “Feel my finger?” Tom asked. “Yes.” Anna replied. “Ok when a contraction comes, your push like your having a bowel movement right at this spot.” He said “Ok” Anna replied. It was time to put her newly acquired knowledge to the test. A contraction came. “Ok baby, pull your legs up toward your chest and push like your pooping.” Tom instructed. Anna pulled back her little legs and pushed. “Grrrrr.” she grunted out. She then stopped. “Good girl Anna.” Tom said. “Hold those pushes good and long.” Tom stated. Anna pushed again. “mmmmmm grrrrrr ahhhhhh.” She grunted hard. The contraction ended. “Good girl baby!” Tom said. “Now relax.” “How many pushes will I have to do?” Anna asked. “Could be a few minutes, could be a few hours babe.” Tom said. “A FEW HOURS!” Anna yelled. “Yes baby, pushing a baby out is a long process. Your young and small, The baby has to stretch you out to get free.” Tom said. “You will be ok. Just breath and relax.” Another contraction came.

“Ok baby girl, here goes.” Tom said. Anna pulled back her legs and grunted. She pushed good and hard this time, curling her little toes in protest of the pain. “Good push girl! And again!” Tom said. Anna pushed again and again till the contraction was over. “Ok babe, lets see what we can see.” Tom said. Tom used both hands to open her opening. He poked around a bit. ‘“Ok girl, heres a contraction, push hard.” He said Anna pushed with all her strength. “Ohhhh!!! We have something here!” Tom said. “I see something!” Tom said again. “We have a little baby head!” “I wanna see the baby!” Anna said. Tom grabbed a large mirror and placed in in front of her, she then pulled back her opening once more. “Ok push hard and watch the mirror” Tom said. Anna pushed, in the tiny little back of her opening a tiny spot of hair was visible. As the push stopped the spot went away. “Where did my baby go?” Anna asked. “Back in your tummy.” Tom said. “Why in my tummy, I want her out!” Anna stated. “Birth is a two steps forward, one step back process baby. The baby will come out a bit, then go back in a bit, remember she is stretching you out so she can get free.” Tom said. “ I want her out!” Anna said. “Honey, she will come out, you have to push her out. “ Tom said. Anna dropped her legs as the contraction ended. Tom grabbed more pillows as it was a struggle for Anna to push and hold her legs open. He put pillows under Annas legs to support them. Then another contraction came. Anna moaned as she pushed, she struggled and quivered. Her perineum however was starting to bulge a bit with each push. “I’m uncomfortable.” Anna said. “Change positions honey, you have the whole bed.” Tom said. “Try side laying, I’ll support your upper leg when you push.” Anna slowly moved from laying on her back to laying on her side. Her cute little Belly touching the mattress. Another contraction came. Tom supported her upper leg as she began to push again. Anna dug deep and bored down with all her strength, the perineum slowly bulged outward. As the push ended the perineum bulge disappeared. The contraction continued so Anna pushed again. Once again the bulge appeared, and then slowly disappeared as the push ended. “Good girl Anna, your making her move in there!” Tom said. “With every push your helping the baby escape from your womb.” Tom laid down first and let Anna lie down on his lap. He did this to comfort Anna and help her push the baby out. The mirror was positioned so that Anna and Tom could see the progress. Little did Anna know this was just the beginning of the battle. Another round of contractions Hit Anna. Assisted by her boyfriend she began pushing again. Anna drew back her legs and let out a push. She curled her toes as she pushed, her Tummy shook and quivered as she pushed hard to free the baby. Her perineum bulged as she continued to push the baby. The next push brought the bulge out further. It was becoming evident that the baby's head was close to the opening. A few moments later another push came over Anna. She strained and struggled, but her efforts were awarded. She pushed again, the perineum bulged farther this time. Anna continued to struggle, however she was about to be rewarded. As in her vulva, a tiny tuft of hair protruded. “Good Girl baby!” We can see that little Head! Tom said.

As the push came to an end the tuft of hair receded from view. The contraction ended. Anna relaxed in between the waves. Less than a minute later the next contraction started. Tom assisted Anna in drawing her legs back. Anna pushed with all of her strength. The tiny tuft of hair appeared in the opening once more.

“Reach down and touch the baby.” Tom said Anna reached down with her hand, and for the first time touched her baby's head. “Ewww its slippery and gross!” Anna said. Tom just laughed. The next contraction started. Anna Drew back her legs once more and pushed. The baby's head became slightly more visible this time. However as the push ended the baby's head drew back inside of Anna’s tummy. She was so close, but yet so far. When pushing she could see her baby, but the battle was far from over. “Ok baby girl, the next stage is the tricky one. The babies head will fight your perineum to get out. When you push the head will come out, but when you stop it will roll back. The perineum skin will hold the baby inside of you. You must overcome this skin to get the baby out.” Tom instructed. It was time for Anna to dig deep. Her baby's head was stuck in between her legs, and only she could free it. It did not matter how much assistance her boyfriend gave her, it was totally up to her to give birth to the babies head. Anna knew that Tom could not pull the baby from within her. It had to be done on her own. The next contraction came. Anna's Little body strained as she began to push. Below her belly the tiny baby Head was starting to emerge. It seemed so much more fluid in her. The head was more responsive to her pushing now. Even a tiny push had a reaction on the baby. Tom layed behind her and watched the action unfold in the mirror. He was so proud of what his girl was doing, and slightly aroused. Anna pushed again which revealed the baby's head once more, however as she stopped the head receded back in. The battle between baby and skin had begun. Every push moved the head into the opening, but at the end of every push the baby went back inside of Annas tummy. The battle continued. Anna pushed down hard, the baby responded this time, and the head protruded quite far. However with the end of the push the baby went back into her tummy. Anna made tiny moaning sounds as she pushed hard to free her baby. She needed a position change to see if she could push the head free in a different position. Lying on her back was obviously getting her nowhere as the baby continued to go in and out. She once again switched to side lying. Tom supported her upper leg as she pushed. The baby's head came into view then slowly rolled back in as Anna stopped pushing. The little baby head was not coming anytime soon. It's almost as though the baby preferred Annas tiny little Tummy. Anna continued to struggle, but the babies head remained firm in her. It had now been two hours since Anna began pushing. She had made good progress, but the babies head was still within her. The baby had made an appearance several times, but refused to stay in the opening. Anna's Young perineum skin just was not allowing the baby to come forth. Anna was becoming desperate. She wanted the baby out of her badly but no matter how hard she struggled the head would not come free. Still on her side she began to wiggle her tiny hips back-and-forth. “Good girl Anna. Move those hips, it may help her out.” Tom said. “Follow your instincts.” Anna resumed another push. As she wiggled her hips back and forth the baby's head started to make more headway. The tiny tuft of hair head become the top of the babies skull. A tiny teardrop shape was starting to happen. Anna's perineum skin was finally starting to stretch. “Good job baby girl, wiggle that tummy and get that baby out!”Tom said. “Uhh, uhgrrrm, ooh god, mmmmm.” Anna moaned as she pushed. Anna was getting tired And frustrated. It was time for an all out massive push. “Im going for it.” Anna said. “Hold me open.” Anna waited for the next contraction to set in, Tom held her opening below to allow more space for the babies head. Anna breathed in any gathered all of her strength. She dug her feet into the mattress, strained as hard as she possibly could and let out the biggest push she had

ever done. She wiggled from side to side as she pushed. The baby's had came far into the opening. The furthest it had been yet. Even a small portion of the babies forehead was visible. However at the end of her massive push, the babies went back inside the tummy. “Wow honey, I was for sure that would have her out!” Tom said.

“I dont think I can get her out.” Anna stated. “You can honey, I will coach you.” Tom said. Tom began the coaching. He came around from behind her to assist the perineum in opening. “Ok baby, hard push.” Mary said “1 2 3 4 5... “good let go.” Tom continued coaching her for another 15 minutes. The baby's head continued into yo-yo action. Slowly coming visible with the push, and receding back in with the end. Finally after a few more pushes the head was starting to come forth far into crowning. Even though the baby's head was starting to crown, at the end of the push the head was still receding into Anna's tummy. Tom continued to coach his girlfriend, but the head refused to come free. The perineum skin was still fighting to keep the baby inside. No matter how hard Anna pushed the baby continued to recede in at the end. Tom assisted her by pulling back the skin as she pushed. Anna was taking a real working over and Tom knew that she would soon tire to the point of exhaustion. “I cant get her out.” Anna said. “Ive been in the same spot now for 45 minutes and the head is still stuck.” “I know baby girl, you have worked so hard, your perineum is just so tight.” Tom said. The babies head remained in the vulva. Visible, but not able to get free of the perineum. “Help me, I cant get her out.” Anna wailed. Anna began to doubt, she had worked so hard, but with no avail. Tom had doubts as well, seeing his poor girl struggle was starting to make him wonder as well. They took a break for a few minutes and regained composure. “Help, help me.” Anna said. “There is nothing I can do to free the baby honey, you just have to keep going.” Tom said. Anna let out a tiny grunty push. The head moved, but barely. She pushed again. Once again the baby responded, but it was little effort against the tight perineum. The baby receded back into Annas tummy. Once again becoming clenched by the Tight perineum. It was time to take a break and give up for a while, it was becoming apparent that Anna was not going to be able to free the baby. She was simply too tired, and her skin too tight. Anna drew her legs together and the baby disappeared from the Vulva back into her tummy. Anna stood up. It was time to take a break and walk. The walking motion and the movement of her hips might help the baby get into a better position to get free. The baby now back firmly in the tummy made Anna upset. She had carried this baby for the last nine months, and now it was so close to coming out, but yet she was unable to get it out. She could feel the baby moving within her, she could feel it kick and struggle to get free of her tight skin. She began to wonder if the baby would actually fit out of her. Anna endured more contractions as she paced around the bedroom. She could feel the babies head just inside her rubbing the perineum as she walked. It was a strange feeling. After 30 minutes of walking around, it was time for the inevitable. Anna needed to starting pushing again. Anna returned to the bed with Tom at her side. She drew back her legs and began pushing once more. She breathed in and bored down, her skin bulged below. She pushed again, the skin bulged farther and the vulva opened. She pushed again, the head came back to view then slowly receded with the end of the push. The next contraction came. Anna pushed hard and the head came to view, as the push slowed the head went back. Anna was grunting will all her might to free the little baby, but it was stuck. The tiny head held tightly in place. She took a breath. The head slipped slowly back in. “Good girl Anna, it will happen, just stay with it.” Tom said. However after several hours of pushing Tom was starting to get worried she would not be able to get the baby out on her own. Secretly he was turned on by this. Anna kept at it though, pushing hard to get the head moving, then watching it go back inside. She knew she really had no other choice but to get the baby out. The morning turned in to afternoon as Anna continued

to push the baby out. The head had now been going in and out for two long hours. Anna had now been pushing for five total hours. Anna’s body was covered in sweat, and she was becoming very exhausted. “Tom, the baby isn’t coming out.” Anna said. “I’ve been at this for hours.”

“I know babe, but the head is right there in your opening, It will come.” Tom replied. “Yes I know Tom, but her head has been there for two hours!” Anna said. “Are you enjoying seeing me like this?” “No babe of course not, I mean you are quite cute when you push, but I want the baby to come out to.” Tom said. Anna returned to pushing, she grunted hard and long. The babies head was right there at the opening, but just refused to come out any farther. Anna tried and tried again to get the baby out but with no prevail. “Ok Tom, I’m throwing in the towel.” Anna said. “Your baby isn’t coming out.” Anna felt trapped by this. She had a baby stuck in her, she couldn’t get it out, she began to feel anxious. Her anxiety made her tense up. This made the baby retract back inside her. As the baby retracted her tummy got bigger. “Looks like your still pregnant.” Tom said. “Yes, but I’ve been trying to get un-pregnant now for hours!” Anna said. “Why did you have to put such a big baby in me Tom? Anna asked. “I’m not sure its a size issue, I think there is another complication.” Tom replied. Anna went to say something again but was stopped by a contraction. She pushed hard and the head moved out to its farthest yet. The head stayed in the opening for a few seconds before slowly retracting back inside. “See babe, your getting it, that was the farthest its been out yet.” Tom said. “Well ok, I’ll keep trying.” Anna said. Anna pushed again with the next contraction, the head came slowly into view. The babies hair was dry now, it had been in the same spot for so long. Feeling the head going in and out was starting to become natural to Anna. It was actually starting to become slightly pleasureable. She pushed again feeling the head push against her opening. She was becoming aroused. Tom noticed this. “Starting to like it babe?” Tom asked. “Well.... I mean I want it out, but the feeling.....” Anna said. Anna continued to work the baby in and out of her. The head would slowly decend and push her opening, then retract back within her. Anna continued this until she could handle the pleasure no more. Her body shook and quivered with pure sensation. As the sensation overtook her she pushed, her opening contracted in and out. The babies head did the same, however it wasn’t popping out as she thought. The tension of the contractions held the baby tight within her. “Ok Tom thats it, your baby is stuck in me and I want it out now.” Anna said. “Get this baby out of me or else.” “Ok ok, lets see whats going on in there.” Tom replied. Tom reached in Annas opening, he felt around the babies stuck head with his finger. He got around to the bottom of the head and found the problem. “Ok so first of all we have a hand here, and second of all the baby is face up.” Tom said. “Theses two conditions make birth just about impossible.” Tom then withdrew his finger. “I suppose I could pull the hand free making birth much easier.” Tom said as he took a step backwards. “Ok so do it then.” Anna said. “Nah your ok babe, Just keep pushing.” Tom said as he stepped farther away. “Are you nuts Tom!” Anna said. “Your just so cute when you push.” Tom said. “Tom I command you to pull that hand out.” Anna said straining to push. “You’ll get it babe.” Tom said.

“TOM!!” Anna yelled. Tom slowly sat back down at her side. Anna desperately reached down and tried to feel for the babies hand. She could get her fingers just inside, but her belly was to big to be able to reach far enough inside. She gave up and moaned in protest. “Good girl Anna, just keep pushing.” Tom said. “Oh I’m going to get you for this!” Anna said. Anna went to move toward Tom but was hit with another painful contraction. She pulled her legs back and pushed as hard as she could. “Mmmmm Ahhhhhh, COME OUT BABY!” She yelled. She pushed hard again. “OHH MMMM AHHH, COME OUT!” She was gaining traction on the baby, moving its head ever farther out of her opening. However the babies little hand was preventing escape. She pushed hard again, her belly covered in sweat. She could feel the baby kicking and squirming inside to try and get out. Anna put her legs up on the headboard of the bed and continued to push with all her might. She pushed on her belly with her hands to help the baby. But it wasn’t moving. The baby was stuck just prior to full crown. The forehead was visible, but the face had yet to come. “TOM!” Anna said. “Good effort babe, But your still pregnant.” Tom said. “Make you a deal.” Tom said. “Ok what.” Anna said. “If I can impregnate you again in the future, I’ll pull that hand free.” Tom said. “NO, I don’t want another one of your babies inside me!” Anna said. “Ok keep pushing then.” Tom said. “Quick tip, wiggle your hips.” Anna stood up and got on all fours. Then went into a squat. She pushed and wiggled her hips as much as she could. The babies head began to come forward. She pushed harder and harder, the head began to finally stay down. With the next push the face came forth. It retracted a bit with the end of the push. The next push was a struggle but the baby was moving. “AHHHH MMMM.” Anna grunted as she pushed. The head was coming slowly out. The babies ears started to show. The end of the push had the ears disappear back in, to Toms pleasure. “Good Girl Anna, just keep pushing.” Tom said. The baby was coming but it was also continuing to recede back at the end of the pushes. The next push was finally the one that Anna had been waiting for, with a epic push and struggle, the head finally emerged. It was a relief to Anna to finally have the head out. She wiggled and pushed again, the first shoulder popped free. With the next push the other shoulder and body slipped free. Anna was elated to finally have the baby out. She got to know the new baby, and allowed Tom to bond as well. “So, when can we have another Anna.” Tom said. “Don’t get any silly ideas.” Anna said.

[alj4890]

Asked and Received

A Tobias Carrick/Open Heart one shot for Tobias Carrick Appreciation Week

Day 3: WWTD? Tobias buys an old lantern at an antique store. When he gets home and places it on his shelf, a genie appears and offers to grant him three wishes. How does he react? What does he ask for?

A/N going back to Book 2's canon and my HC for Tobias's family for this one. And of course, there's no doubt what or rather whom I HC for him will also be a part of this 😉

Masterlist

"Don't worry." Tobias readjusted his phone. "I'll be there."

His attempt to juggle multiple gift bags, his phone, and the Chinese takeout he'd bought all while trying to unlock his garage door did not end well.

His phone slipped out from between his ear and shoulder. He dropped the gift bags to try and catch it, thus causing all of them to dump out on the garage floor.

The only thing he managed to save was his dinner.

His younger brother's anxious voice could be heard buried beneath the bags.

"You okay?!" Phillip yelled out.

Carefully setting his takeout down, Tobias began to gather everything else up.

"Sorry about that." He told Phillip once he found his phone. "Dropped a few things."

"A few?" Phillip muttered in disbelief. "Sounded like your whole house crashed down around you."

"It wasn't my house." Tobias snorted. "Only the gifts I bought for Tabitha."

Phillip's daughter was turning five the following weekend. The Carrick's were gathering at the family home in Greenwich to celebrate as they did with everyone's birthday. Tobias even cleared his schedule for the week just so he could spend extra time with everyone.

He needed a break. After all the turmoil of Mass Kenmore losing its funding and the mad dash he'd recently done to save a young Edenbrook doctor, he knew he needed some time to decompress. The stress of the problems growing with possible shutdowns and layoffs had finally gotten to him.

Phillip chuckled. "You should see all that Jasmine has picked out for Tabitha. Between her and Mom, my girl is going to be the most spoiled five year old in the world."

Tobias grinned at the thought. His sister-in-law went through a lot to have her two children with Phillip. Jasmine had seen many fertility specialists and had multiple procedures for a slim chance at becoming pregnant. Tabitha was the first miracle for the couple. Spoiling the little girl became the norm in the family. It wasn't difficult to do given how sweet she was.

He was beyond the proud uncle of all his nieces and nephews. He made certain that their gifts revealed just how crazy he was about them and that he actually listened to all they told him. Tobias enjoyed spending time around Christmas and their birthdays to search for special presents that lined up with their interests.

This year, his niece was currently obsessed with the Disney movie, Aladdin. Phillip joked that it was because her mother's name was Jasmine which was why the little girl wanted to be that particular princess.

Tobias didn't care what the reason was. He only knew he had to find something special for her big day.

He spent the day at various toy stores around Boston, buying new dolls, puzzles, and games. Walking past an antique store, the idea to try and find her a real oil lamp struck. He went inside and as luck would have it, he found exactly what he'd hoped to find.

After dropping all his packages on the kitchen table, he took the lamp out of the box and set it on one of his couch cushions. He squatted down to see just how it would look to Tabitha.

The old brass lamp turned out better than he'd hoped. The engravings along the sides added more to the imagined mysticism one could pretend the lamp contained. He could easily see it sitting in some forgotten cave filled with treasures from long, long ago.

"Not bad." He said, running his thumb along the intricate engravings.

"Thank you." A voice said from within.

Tobias fell back with a gasp as silvery black smoke pooled out. It swirled around the room as sounds of thunder boomed and flashes of lightning penetrated the smothering darkness. Once it cleared, a man in a three piece suit was sitting next to the lamp.

"What in the actual hell was that?" Tobias breathed. "Who are you?"

"Isn't it obvious?" The strange man replied. "I'm the Genie of the Lamp."

"Right." Tobias got to his feet. "And I'm the man who is about to force you out of his home."

The stranger clucked his tongue. "I wouldn't try that if I were you, Tobias."

Tobias cursed as he reached down to yank the intruder off his couch.

He went right through the man and hit the couch cushion.

"I told you that you shouldn't try to remove me." The genie chuckled over Tobias's fruitless attempts.

"This is a prank." Tobias said, looking around for one of his friends. "This is nothing but an image projected into my living room."

"No, I'm, as they say, the real deal." The genie got to his feet. "I can see though that you're a doubting man."

"You got that right." Tobias muttered while looking for what was causing this hallucination.

"I thought dressing like this would be less startling to a man like you."

With a snap of his fingers, the genie now looked like one from storybooks, complete with turban, a long pointy beard, and lack of a lower body. The shimmery black smoke swirled where his legs had once been.

Tobias rubbed his hands over his face in an attempt to get his vision clear of whatever the hell was going on in his living room.

When he lowered his hands, he saw the genie still waiting with his arms crossed.

"Is this better or can I look more like a man of today?" Genie gestured towards his body.

"Do whatever you want." Tobias gave up and sat down. "It isn't like I really have a say in the matter."

"I wouldn't say that." The genie snapped his fingers and was once again a man in a suit.

Straightening his tie, he smiled at Tobias.

"Now then, you are the lucky individual of three wishes."

"Yippee." Tobias grumbled. "So I can wish for you to get out?"

"My my, aren't we an unwelcoming host?" Genie responded.

"Forgive me for not wanting a weird has to be some drug induced hallucination I somehow was cursed with in my house." Tobias bit out.

"Do you do drugs?" Genie asked.

"No." Tobias said. "But I could have been slipped something in my coffee from earlier."

"True." The genie conceded. "But you weren't."

Tobias continued to glare at him.

"Make your wishes and I will leave, never to return again." The genie promised.

"Then I'll take this lamp back for another." Tobias added. "There's no way I'll let you near my niece."

The genie let out a boisterous laugh.

"Ah, Tobias. I won't appear before Tabitha. She doesn't need me."

"What?" Tobias muttered in disbelief.

"She's a happy child who has all her needs met." Genie explained. "I only appear to those who have a great need for my assistance in their lives."

He smirked while watching the doctor get irritated over hearing that he needed help with anything.

"And," the genie pointed out, "this lamp isn't my only home."

Tobias leaned forward. "Like I said before, what?!"

"All oil lamps belong to me." He continued. "How do you think I appear before people from all over the world?"

"I wouldn't even begin to guess what a character from a story does." Tobias told him.

"Where do you think all the stories came from?" Genie smiled at him with a hint of mischief. "You don't think someone like me could possibly be a work of fiction, do you?"

Tobias lowered his head in his hands. He knew he had two options. One, he could continue arguing with this thing or he could take advantage of what could be his good fortune and make some wishes.

Lifting his head he gave in to the latter. It would probably save his sanity in the long run to just let this scenario play out.

"About these wishes," he hesitated, "this isn't some Monkey Paw type wish is it?"

"Meaning something horrific must happen to get your wish?" The genie clarified.

Tobias nodded. "Is it?"

"Not at all. My wishes are free and clear of any ill intent." He leveled his dark eyes upon the doctor. "Unless your wish is one that is to harm another."

"Not my style." Tobias told him. "My wishes have nothing to do with hurting anyone."

"Excellent!" The genie rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "Now then, let's discuss some possible wishes."

"Discuss?" Tobias smirked. "Am I not capable of making my own?"

"They will still be yours," Genie replied, "but I have never taken advantage of one's ignorance when it comes to making wishes."

"For instance?" Tobias prodded.

"For instance, if you told me your first wish was to be in the perfect profession then I would point out you are currently in the perfect one for someone like you." He explained. "No need to waste a wish on something you already have."

"I see." Tobias's brow furrowed in thought. "Hmm."

"Might I make a suggestion?" Genie prompted.

"Sure."

"You are currently worried about funding for your hospital. Correct?"

"Correct." Tobias answered.

"Then I can fix that!" Genie motioned towards him. "Simply say the words and--"

"Can you fix two hospitals?" Tobias interrupted.

"Two?"

"Mass Kenmore and Edenbrook are both going to be shut down if someone doesn't intervene." Tobias explained. "And the people of Boston would suffer because of it."

"I see." Genie shrugged. "That can all be easily taken care of."

"Then for my first wish, I wish that you would make Mass Kenmore and Edenbrook have the funding needed to remain open and functioning at their best."

Genie nodded in approval before snapping his fingers. Within seconds, Tobias phone rang.

His eyes widened to see Mass Kenmore's Chief of Medicine calling him.

"Hello?" He listened to the excited doctor explain that the Board had made a deal with Solomon Health.

"We're saved!" She exclaimed. "We won't be dependent on state funding again."

Tobias ended the call. He couldn't quite believe that his wish had come true.

"Who ended up helping Edenbrook?" He asked.

The genie snapped his fingers again and an image of a man Tobias knew appeared in a puff of smoke.

"That's Leland Bloom." He turned back to the genie. "What does a tech billionaire have to do with anything?"

"He'll end up buying the hospital and keep all the staff." The genie explained. "In fact, he's now talking to Edenbrook's Chief of Medicine and their Board right now."

"Wow." Tobias sat back in awe.

"I know." Genie winked at him. "I am that amazing."

Tobias began to laugh. Only he would be the one to find a genie with an ego similar to his own.

"Now then, what shall be your second wish?" The genie prompted.

"I'm not sure." Tobias told him. "Honestly, all I've thought about lately is Tabitha's birthday and the whole funding fiasco."

"Hmm." The genie began to stroke his beard while thinking of something Tobias might need or want.

"Could I wish for my family to remain healthy and happy?" Tobias asked.

"You could." The genie responded. "But I don't see a reason to do so. They all have what they need for that to happen."

"I still wish it. Just to be on the safe side."

"Very well." The genie snapped his fingers. "Done."

He then leaned forward, a mischievous glint back in his eyes. "Now let's make this final wish more interesting."

"Interesting?" Tobias cocked an eyebrow. "Meaning?"

"Meaning something specifically for yourself." The genie explained. "You've already done your good deeds to those you care about and the city you reside in. Let's get something that will be only yours."

Tobias chuckled. "I can't think of anything I need."

The genie humphed. "I bet your mother would say differently."

"You don't mean--"

"Oh I do." The genie grinned with glee. "One of my favorite things to grant someone is the perfect mate."

"Hold on!" Tobias held his hands up. "I don't think I'm the marrying kind."

"You're wrong." Genie's smile grew larger. "You think that now, but there is someone out there made for you."

"Uh-huh." Tobias doubted that. "If you don't mind, I think I'll wish for something else."

"Such as?" The genie was quite curious what could be better than his own suggestion.

"How about a new challenge?" Tobias offered. "Something to push me on to succeeding."

The genie stroked his beard once more in thought. "A challenge, eh?"

He looked up at Tobias. "Say the words."

"I wish for a new challenge in my life, one that requires all my expertise to succeed."

An amused expression flooded the genie's face as he snapped his fingers to make it happen.

"So?" Tobias asked. "What's my challenge?"

"To win the heart of this woman." The genie waved his hand through the smoke until another familiar face appeared.

"Is that who I think it is?" Tobias gasped.

"It is." The genie responded, completely delighted to turn the wish into what he knew the man before him needed.

Tobias glared at him. "I thought I told you I wasn't the marrying kind."

"You will be once Chris gets a hold of you." The genie teased.

As he began dissolving into the silvery smoke he'd first appeared in, the genie spoke once more.

"Don't fight it, Tobias. Enjoy your life with those you love."

His dark eyes sparkled before disappearing.

"And that includes, Dr. Valentine." His voice echoed.

Tobias sat there staring at the empty spot on his sofa where the genie had been sitting. Still in disbelief over all that happened within the last few minutes, he reached over and picked up the lamp.

Giving it a slight shake, he chuckled to himself.

"Nice try, but there's no way Chris Valentine is meant for me."

He set the lamp down to begin wrapping Tabitha's presents.

A mystical voice spoke from the lamp causing him to stop mid step.

"Wanna bet?"

[huntersmoon1]

MAGI:THE LABYRINTH OF MAGIC X LOVE AND DEEPSPACE CROSSOVER IMAGINE IDEA!

The lads men meet their genderbent counterparts who are in a similar situation to Alibaba’s mom only none of them get sick and die.

(Edited: reworked the kids ages.)

(Edited again cuz they made I pic for Xavier and Rafayel too!)

Ok I just saw this great fan art right after watching the episode of Magi:The labyrinth of magic where it explains Alibaba’s past and about how his mother caught the eye of the king and they had an affair,she leaves and becomes a prostitute,gets sick and dies,all that. And that gave me a request idea.

If you wanna write this for me please hit me up. 🙏

I can’t write I just come up with the outline, the blueprint if you will.

This is the fan art the artists twitter is linked click on the picture to go to the page.

•So what if Sylus,Zayne,Rafayel,and Xavier meet their genderbent counterparts in the world of Magi that are in a similar situation in the way that they are prostatutes in the slums in order to survive like Alibabas mom only none of them get sick and die like Alibabas mom did.

You know the three princesses of the brothel in apothecary dairies? Well think of them in that way in the sense that they are the most beautiful and desired, well known prostitutes but not in a brothel and are instead in the slums of balbad. Even if they can’t dress luxuriously they are still the most beautiful. And instead of three there’s five,Sylys,Zayne,Rafayel,Xavier,and Mc.

Most of them will be disowned by their families for getting pregnant out of wedlock since that was VERY frowned upon way back then.

•They know MCs counterpart but she’s not genderbent and is instead a sister figure to them and an aunt to their children.

She is also a prostitute,they found her in the slums wandering around with amnesia when she was (they guessed) 17 years old and soon found out she was pregnant,

they tried to talk her out of becoming a prostitute but knew it was likely her only shot at surviving given the state Balbad had been in since the former king died and his short pudgy son took the throne,

eventually they gave in and showed her the ropes and how to work this job without getting hurt by customers or getting sick from them, how to spot the good,healthy,and rich customers, and how to send away the ones that are trouble or could get her or her kid sick,they helped her when she first arrived.

Mc has one 4 year old and one on the way.

•They all live together or very close by each other. Sylus’s counterpart knows Luke and Kieran,they are genderbent and they were her handmaids.

•Sylus’s counterpart has a 9 year old daughter who looks like her dead lover,a 2 year old daughter who looks like her, and has one more on the way.

She was a high class noble lady and fell in love with a soldier and got pregnant but he died before they could get married so her family disowned her and his family blamed her for his death and chased her away.

She took what little money her family gave her and left for the slums and became a prostitute since no one wanted to hire a ruined woman for any other job.

Her loyal handmaids who are Luke and Kieran’s female counterparts went with her,whether or not they became prostitutes too is up to you but they are her assistants and big sister figures to her daughters.

Her daughter can’t learn as fast as the other kids and has trouble learning and understanding certain things like for example math,or learning and memorising the rules to a new game, due to developmental delays caused by her mother not being able to get enough nutrition while she was pregnant with her since she lives in the slums as well as being born too soon.

She makes enough money so she and her children don’t starve now since she’s more well known by the noble class and not just the men in the slums.

•Zayne counterpart has twins,a girl and a boy. They are none identical but they both look like their mother.

She was a middle class lady, daughter of two doctors,Her husband was a kind medicine peddler, he died after being attacked by bandits not long after her twins were born since he couldn’t get the required medical treatment in time.

Her twins are 6 years old and were born in a land where there was plenty of food to eat so they came out normal and not early.

Their mother came to Balbad with them after she heard their were many sick people there that needed help and didn’t have anyone to leave them with,

She thought she’d be able to make enough to get by without having to charge the poor people by treating rich nobles,

but she didn’t know just how bad Balbads money troubles were so she ended up poor too and moved to the slums since she could no longer afford their living arrangements in the middle class.

She makes a little money as a doctor in various classes of the hierarchy but most of her money comes from prostitution since men of all walks come for her services.

•Rafayels counterpart has one 5 year old girl and a newborn son.

She fell in love with a rich man and he got her pregnant, he said he’d come back for her but he never did and she found him courting another woman,he abandoned her.

She was in the middle class, the daughter of an art dealing merchant, but she didn’t have the funds to support herself and a child, and her family cut her off and disowned her for getting pregnant out of wedlock,

so she sold her house and went to the slums so she’d have a decent amount of money for a while but eventually she had to find a way to make ends meet and since jobs aren’t offered to people in the slums very often she turned to prostitution since that’s the only profesión from the slums the nobles and middle class will pay decently not well but decent. She’s pretty well known by the nobles.

•Xavier’s counterpart has one 3 year old son.

She was a middle class noble lady who fell in love with a soldier and as soon as he found out she was pregnant he kicked her to the curb and when her family found out she was pregnant out of wedlock they disowned her so she moved to the slums with enough money she saved to get by for a while and be able to get enough to eat from the middle class so she would have a healthy full term baby.

But after her son was born eventually that money ran out and she turn to prostitution since no one in the middle or upper class would give someone from the slums a job unless it’s a prostitute looking for clients. She’s pretty well known among the nobles.

[sir-arlieosaurus-lung-struggler]

the holidays are always really fucking weird, i dont like many of them but specifically December is just- ew

Anyway ill just thro my mini pitty party real quick:

These song explains how I feel about christmas time *perfectly*

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas by mother mother (christmas playlist)

From heres basically a trauma dump about being in the hospital, but i typically talk about this in a tone more like "oh yea! i nearly died lmao"

When i was like, just turning 6 I had 💫pneumonia💫 & needed to go to the 💫hospital💫. So I spent like, 12/11-31/15 in the hospital. along the way i had these treats happen (not really in order, 💜=story from family member, ❤=i actually remember this)

💜being diagnosed by my sisters 16 yo boyfriend by looking at my gums, whereas medical staff took 4 days

❤Some mcdonalds, cool auntys banana bread, jello & making popin cookin sets w/ my older sister

💜a 5 day medically induced coma

lung surgery therefor cool fuckin scars on my back (WHICH I CANT FUCKING SHOW ANYONE CAUSE I WAS CURSED W/ TITS AND 2/3 ARE UNDER MY BRA)

💜waking up from said coma periodically only to say "im scared" w/ my mom trying to comfort me but i had ear shit going on

💜Finnaly actually woke up, yelled "IM DEAD", which is reportadly the scariest shit my dad has ever heard, my mom asks if i hurt, i say yes, she like "ur not dead honey" again i was 6 & in & out of a coma 😂 (idk why but I've always found that story funny)

💜my parents being thretened w/ truancy by my dumbass school

❤Christmas, I had *2* mini christmas trees in my hospital room 💅 1 was cool but my cool uncle & aunty got me a pink 1 which I still have to this day as a lamp

💜only trusting 1 of my doctors cause he looked like my grandfather who'd been deceased for 2years at that point

❤💜going on walks around the kids floor in a wheelchair & stealing a little gingerbread beanie baby ornament but they didnt care so they just let me keep it & i still have it somehwere.

💜my mom met a lady who had a son who was a few months old & they didnt expect to live past a couple weeks but he *did* (more on that later)

💜had food in the cafeteria and i proceeded to rub the pizza i got *into my hair*. My response? "Its just cheese" my family and I quote that to this day lmao.

💜being reverted to a toddler for a good minute (someone asked my age i said i was 3, i was not) & needing to relearn walking, talking, the little bit of reading i knew & getting into a shower w/out being scared of being pulled down the drain

❤said dude who asked my age worked at the hospital cafeteria & we visited him after most of my appointments. miss u uncle (that was what he went by), wish u well. Dont know where he since covid cause the part of the building cafeteria was in was torn down.

❤and after all that later and i got releaced on new years eve :>

results:

From there forward i had a 20-30minute nebulizer to do every 4 hours (which my parents had to wake up at like 2am for a half hour for), 2 twice daily inhailers, 2 nasil sprays, "the tire" (tastes like shit and makes me feel anxious) (that isnt even all of it my mom counted 8 meds at one point) and i slowly dropped them year by year till they had me down to just rescue inhailer as needed & if my lungs r really shit for a min i go on the tire. (Tire=prednisolone but what 6 year old is remembering that name lol)

specialist appointments every week, then 2 weeks, then every month, 3 months, 6 months, now im at checkup every year and check in as needed

"Look whos inside again" by bo burnham is my life in a nutshell

To this day the smell of a consentrated area of hand sanatizer just has me stop in my tracks lol.

seeing a picture of tiny me on my parents facebook feed yearly of me unconscious in a hospital bed w/ tubes in mah face

couple of close friend i met post hospital (keep in mind i was like 7) didn't believe me so i ran around the playground cursing them the fuck out (never did get in trouble for that 😂) ((I still talk to 1 of them shes cool))

Idk where to put this but about that kid I was talking about before, I found out last year around this time he had just died- of 💫pneumonia💫. yea that fucked me up for a good minute, he was around 6 too which didn't help, I never even met the kid and I still had a weird form of survivors guilt.

Anyway have a merry fucking christmas i really dont get this holiday lol, treat yourself kindly, feel free to be the grinch you are and explain in detail why u hate the holidays u arent alone lol

[skippyv20]

Our Prayer List🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend.  She was her father’s caregiver until his passing and now is her mother’s caregiver.  She is feeling very overwhelmed and is having difficulties with her family.  She struggles with her faith at times.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s nephew who is mending a broken heart.  We pray he meets his special “one” and finds love.

Prayers and good thoughts for Kylee who has run away.  Kylee is facing many battles, and is 16 yrs old.  Kylee has attempted suicide twice before and there is great fear she has tried again.  We pray for her to be found safe, and that she is kept out of harm’s way.  Her mother is at a loss and desperately needs prayers as well.

Our friend’s husband is now facing a medical situation.  Our friend and her husband have been facing so many trials, from her husband getting hurt when the deck fell on him, to losing their financial stability.  These are very hard times for them.

Our friend needs prayers.   I found out in February I have uterine cancer. I am having trouble to get all of my doctors approval to get the DNC and hysterectomy. The DNC is scheduled for June 19th. My Cardiologist in Texas would not approve the surgery. Because of the divorce I had/ have no place to live. My sister, God Bless her, has taken me in, in Indiana. The struggle I continuously have is my health. I have been hospitalized at least 8 times since January 10th. I black out and fall- and ended up with a broken back. They discovered cancer, and I continue to battle my water pills and my potassium levels. So please pray for my heart, and my kidneys. Please pray I can find new doctors here in Indiana. My doctors in Dallas will no longer help me. Pray I can get 3 years of Cobra insurance in the divorce. Please pray I don’t have cancer. And please pray God will show me why I am still alive. My 2 daughters have blocked me in every way, and have told my sister to take care of me when her husband is dying of heart failure. I pray I can save enough to pay attorneys, and my health needs. Thank you so very much for all the prayers. Losing a husband of 33 years and both my daughters all at the same time is a great trauma in my life right now. I pray they will come back to me. And please pray for my sister and mom who are taking care of me.

Our friend’s BIL can barely eat and is exhausted. He has to strengthen his heart muscles, so he can have heart surgery. They have not scheduled it and won’t until they are sure he will survive. He died on the table his last open heart surgery and was in a coma for 2 weeks, so he is understandably scared to have the surgery. Please pray for him and my sister.

Our friend is mourning the loss of her mother, and facing financial problems.  She is very overwhelmed at this time.

Our friend’s 6 yr old granddaughter has pneumonia….on antibiotics, so see how that goes. Prayers and good thoughts for little girl Riley who needs prayers, she has cancer and there are no options left.  Please pray for Riley to have a peaceful passing, as we are now calling on all angels.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend that is struggling with faith.  She feels God isn’t with her.  She is lost and frightened and feeling alone.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend whose husband is very, very ill.  Prayers for the whole family.  They are facing many obstacles for healthcare at this time.  Her husband’s pancreas is all but dead tissue but it keeps swelling and then going down, this has caused his liver to start failing.  He is facing many medical issues. Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s friend and her daughter and her husband.  The daughter has lupus, and risked her own life to have a baby as she so wanted to be a mother. Their little son was born prematurely weighing 500 grams on Friday and sadly he died on Monday evening. They are absolutely heartbroken.

Prayers and good thought for our friend’s friend Marjorie. She went into hospital for a gallstone operation ended up with part of her bowel removed. She went into kidney failure and is still there.  She is 86 years of age bless her.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is mourning the loss of her cousin.  Also, prayers for her aunt (who is feeling suicidal from the loss of her daughter), prayers for her husband and her children.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s former sister in-law and brother in-law.  She was diagnosed with tongue and throat cancer in January and in March he was diagnosed with lung cancer.    Also for their 2 daughters who are taking care of them.  

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is mourning the passing of her beloved mother.  Prayers for her mother’s journey home

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend, she needs prayers for better health and financial succour.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend.  She is suffering from an anxiety and fear.  She is in desperate need of another job, and is worried about her finances.  She is being bullied and stalked.

Prayers and good thoughts for Baby Roy’s family as they mourn his loss.  Praying for them to have peace and to feel God’s loving presence as they continue to mourn.

Prayers and good thoughts for our dear friend, who is suffering from severe back pain & pain in other hip

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who has been facing many trials, and is in need of prayers. The last 18 months have been hard, and things still not what they should be.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s family friend who had a stroke. His right side is paralyzed, but he has some sensation.  He is very down at this time.  He will now face new trials because of his condition.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s family member who we pray will join AA.  We pray for success.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is in financial despair.  She is really struggling as she has no one to turn to in real life.  She is out of work, and there are no jobs to be found.  All of her savings are almost gone and she is afraid she may lose her home.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who is having surgery next week after a 4 year battle with chronic pain brought upon by a medical malpractice procedure.  She is very nervous.  She can’t even remember what it is like to live without pain daily.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s husband who has not been well.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who has severe iron deficiency and the treatment is very harsh and makes her sick.  Her husband has been unfaithful during her illness and her family is ignoring me. She feels very alone.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s brother in Spain.   He is healing and it looks like he may be starting rehabilitation exercises soon.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who suffered from sciatica.  The sciatica has resolved itself now, but she has 4 ruptured disks, 2 of which are torn. They have done a laser ablation of the nerves in her upper lumbar region which helped some. Also, she has had several epidurals in her lower lumbar & sacroilliac joints but that hasn't helped. She has an appointment with a neurosurgeon on the 14th.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend who has been battling depression long-term due to trauma and the resulting difficult circumstances.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s son-in-law’s mother.   She has cancer in her spine, leg and lung.  She will be having surgery on her spine.     This woman raised 4 boys by herself, her now 23 year old son is  severely autistic and needs 24/7 care, which his mom has provided him his entire life.    She is only 64 years old, a wonderful person, warm, loving and very independent.  My heart breaks for her.  Please also pray for my son in law - he is in the Navy, fortunately stationed only a few hours from his mom.  He has power of attorney for his mom and his brother’s care - he has some very difficult and no doubt heart wrenching decisions to make.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s friend whom was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer called Myelodysplastic Syndrome, or MDS is now in remission.  She is still doing chemo and is still waiting for the bone marrow transplant.

Prayers and good thoughts for our friend’s daughter who is struggling.  She is in much pain mentally. We prayer for her family as well as they try desperately to help her.

Prayers and good thoughts for Baby James and his heart brother Matthew.  Also their heart brother Conrad

[tuxedokit]

If you could relive any of your memories, which would it be?

weve been mulling this over like all day but we have so many good ones from this lifetime its hard to decide. im gonna ask around and we'll compile the best ones here - [AR] Autopilot 💾

last summer on our familys annual beach vacation we did shrooms and saw through the fabric of the universe and befriended The Horrors. that was pretty cool. id like to relive being high off my gourd stargazing in a place with such little light pollution - Starlight 🌌

im gonna say when we were in tennessee like almost 2 years ago. we had flown out to visit our friend (now qpp & partner system) seepy and heart's so small they're shorter than us and i dunno it was the first time doing something like that and she was so small in my arms and i could honestly have just held him forever. i love you seeps ◇ - Carpet ✨️

yesterday for our friend bears birthday we went to an enchanted forest escape room and it was so well put together and ethereal and it was the best 40 minutes of my life in this physical realm ive never felt so at home. there were puzzles and mushrooms and music and gnomes and my bestest friends were right there too!!! oh it was so wonderful - Sayakura 🧚‍♀️

confessing to luci. nuff said. but i wanna say more so im gonna: it was me realizing i was in love at the same time as confessing cause i kinda just asked for advice in a group server w them fdsgjsksl. we were already qpps and apparently my family thought we were already dating (i mean we called beem our soulmate like - ✨️) but like i wound up spending the whole afternoon just thinking about them and being giddy. it was nice - Luna 🌙

mine's gotta be the first time we climbed that abandoned water tower past the ravine. we had spraycans and i wrote trans rights on the side of it. the wind gave us such a thrill, it was incredible. and the view was definitely worth it - Waks 📹

im claiming that time in grade 11 when our gr9 science teacher + gr11-12 bio teacher mr coulter approached me and asked if i wanted to go on a field trip to the science centre that was intended for the grade 12 kids. i didnt know anyone but i didnt care bc mr coulter was there and i wore my new animaniacs shirt and i got to run around the science centre itself during the lunch break and play with genetics stuff (i was such a nerd about punett squares and all that its no wonder he asked me specifically). i think the best part was the feeling i had when i was sitting next to mr coulter on the bus ride there and back. he let me take a selfie with him.... mr coulter was like a father to me, so it meant a lot. - Quinn ✉️

i wanna relive when we were playing with shanny and teagsi and we climbed the big tree near the ice rink by our school. i used to read up there too :) - Little One 👾

the body's nanna flew us out to grenada in march... i would like to relive swimming at that beach, on that little island in carriacou. the water was clear and a such beautiful blue, the air was just a little too warm and humid, and sitting on that beach reminded me of my old home - Riku/Shore ⚔️

mine's gotta be the second year we went to camp mini yo we! specifically, reading the letters mom wrote me for each day of the week. she wrote a little story about me; i was the doctor's daughter but i didnt know it, and i had powers that warped me through space and time seemingly at random. she wrote that i found a place and led a revolution against tyrannical oppressive overlords. not single-handedly taking down the villains, but helping empower the people so they could fight for themselves. by the end of the week we had found a crowd of invested listeners in the other girls at camp. it was nice... i think about those letters a lot - Secret 🧩

we were bodily sitting alone in the grass at a local park, it was right as we were discovering our plurality. i could see all of us all over the park, as if we were all there. the kids were playing tag, some were poking around in the forest right there, quinn was in that big tree we like to sit under... scrooge and quinslap were off smoking a joint, sitting on a tree trunk that had grown a little horizontal before it remembered to grow up. it wasnt in our view but we know the path and it was in the area enough that they could be there while our body simply sat in the grass. it was a fascinating and beautiful feeling. like a family picnic, but with only one person present. - [AR] Autopilot 💾

might add more later

[never-not-ever]

How’s it going? Thinking of you

Hmmm it’s going, thanks for asking 🖤.

The day shift (7am-3pm) 1:1 ended on Friday but like mid shift. Over the weekend it was so nice at 7am to shut my door and be able to actually sleep without the door open. Albeit I’m still on 5’s but the towel on the door makes it harder to hear it open so often.

Yesterday she took off the night shift 1:1 (11pm-7am) so now I’m only on the 1:1 during the evening shift. She was going to take me off it all together but this afternoon I’m seeing my mother…

So a little back story:

My mother lost custody of me when I was 2. My Nana and my Aunt raised me. My Aunt was like my mother figure. My Nana was always the stern one, always angry, never was the lovey dovey type. She loved/loves me and is so supportive but there was just never that maternal love. My Aunt on the other hand.. we’d watch tv on the couch and my head would be in her lap and she’d brush my hair back. She passed away when I was 19. I watched her take her last breath and then afterward I climbed onto the bed with her and took her dead hand and brushed my hair back one last time. Morbid huh?

Anyways growing up my Nana (who had legal custody of me) allowed me to try to have a relationship with my mother. It started out with exchanging Christmas gifts in the car then being able to go out for the day with my mother. Which my mother took advantage of and decided to sneak me to her one room place (literally just a room). Of course as a kid I was going to do whatever she thought was right. And I remember it was nice during the Summer not having to find places in town to cool off or use the bathroom. Doesn’t sound that bad right? Except this place was crawling with cockroaches. And when I would shy away from them she’d scold me cause I was making her boyfriend “feel bad”.

Years later she moved to my town and got an actual apartment and I would visit and stay overnight. It was then that I realized she was still using drugs, the reason she lost custody of me. My mother being out of her mind, thought that after all those years I would want to live with her. It was then that she started talking badly about my Nana and Aunt, the people I went home to. They never talked badly about her. They let me see and find out the type of person she was for myself and that was when was I decided to cut off contact with her for good.

That was, I think the summer after my freshman year of high school, so I was maybe 15 years old. Fast forward to winter of 2013/2014 and my mother was living with her sister/my Aunt and my cousin. Our mothers are sisters and my Aunt who raised me was adopted. Funny how the good ones die. My cousin had a baby in November 2013 and I spent so much time at her house that a winter. Naturally I’d have to see my mother and exchange a few words. One day I called her by her first name instead of mom, and she replied with so much anger and hatred “Donna? They trained you well”. To which I said “they? My real mother is dead”. And she replied in a completely opposite tone “I know baby, I’m so sorry about Auntie, I wish it was me instead”. That back and forth emotion was just too much.

That’s the last real conversation I remember. And that was about 10 years ago.

I’m seeing her later. Here. At the hospital... Last week I was talking to my doctor and I said “can you imagine if my mother came here as a patient” and she said “I think your mom should come here, for a visit”. I laughed. She said she was serious. I thought about it for a second and replied with seriousness that I’d think about it. Which didn’t take much thinking. I’m on a 1:1, I’ve been in the hospital for almost 6 months. I’ve thought about it before, reaching out, trying to have a conversation and see what happens. So why not do it here? I’m in a safe place surrounded by idiots that care about me.

This just goes to show just how much I like my doctor for me to have agreed to this. Even though I just said how I was thinking about it before, it’s been a while since I wondered about it and definitely did not think it would happen in here.

It’ll be good to get this over with but I am petrified it’s going to set me back.

[cozy-comfy-cuteness]

So... I fucked up

I went to the doctors and he said i likely had lupus. i got blood work done and he was sure about it. i asked to be referred out to a rheumologist, for a second opinion before doctor #1 didn't think I needed medication.

she... didnt think i had lupus. she ran her own tests and came back and said it wasnt lupus. that it would probably never be lupus. to stop worrying about it, when people have lupus, they will know.

it doesnt matter that damn near every afab and some amab people on my mom's side has lupus. she said i had a positive ana because of the autoimmune diseaes that run in the family and losing weight would help the inflammation and cardiac risk (which was very very high).

so... i started tracking again. it lasted a week and a half. it only took that long before i was panicking about what to eat, crying in the car while eating lunch. it made me feel fucking terrible. i let the fatphobia in the medical field almost cause me to relapse. hell, it might even be considered a relapse. i dunno. but i know better.

and when i was looking up the causes of inflammation in the body, weight can have some relation to it, but you know else does? depression, anxiety, trauma, ptsd, and other shit like that. things that i have had since i was 8 years old. and tracking my calories is going to cause me way more stress and mental health issues than it would help with whatever i wanted to change.

so i will focus on health promoting habits, which i already knew is better. eating more fruit and veggies, is good. getting more movement, is good. getting more and better sleep, is good. managing my stress, is good. tracking my calories and freaking out and rocking back and forth because i ate something i "shouldnt have" is NOT going to help my wellbeing. at all.

I am happy i have a good therapist and an amazing husband that i can talk about all this stuff with. i was sending him the food log at the end of the day to prevent myself from restricting. i just wanted to track where i was at and what changed i could make. 2 days ago i told him that i had cake and i felt horrible. we got cake because at work we won an award and they got cake for everyone. my husband asked if it was that the cake didnt make me feel good, or if eddy was trying to fuck shit up lol. i told him i didnt know but i didnt think tracking was helping. he was understanding but also was worried it was my ed trying to be lke "oh dont track, just dont eat." next day i told him now i was feeling during lunch and he agreed it isnt best for me and i needed all the snuggles and cuddles and wanted to make me feel better.

he is amazing. he doesnt know anything about tracking and it was me who wanted to share it with him to make sure that i wasnt relapsing. it honeslty helped. part of the ed is hiding and lying about shit, so when my ed wants me to hide stuff, i tend to tell my husband because i know its the first step to a relapse.

i am not back at square one, but i am working on getting back to feeling more like myself.

fuck medical fatphobia.

[blueberriesjust]

Bad Decisions

Pt 1

Trigger Warning

Mentions of cheating and birth complications

This is a fanfic about a love hate relationship with Peter Criss that never seems to go right.

You were never one to stay in the same spot for more than a year but when you met Peter all of that changed. He seemed perfect. Oftentimes you and Peter messed around without protection. After two years of hopping you wouldn't get pregnant, it happened. You woke up every morning sick and you started craving random things. You decided to tell Peter about it.

The day seemed off and the weather was dreary as you pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building. You had an odd feeling in your chest as you walked up the stairs and unlocked the door. It only got worse when you walked into his room and everything seemed to stop. Peter was cheating on you with another girl and your heart broke. You stayed calm and just turned around and walked out slamming the door behind you. He ran after you pulling his pants back on yelling but you didn't hear a word. You tried to stay in New York but since you didn't have that anchor you drifted away. You hopped from town to town just trying to find someone or something to keep you afloat. You were close to your due date and you had wandered back to New York. You had told your parents a while ago and they were happy to let you stay.

"You know (y/n), I was just like you when I was younger." You mom said with a fond look on her face. "I hated staying in one place for too long. I had found your father but he cheated on me causing me to go off traveling again." 

"You've told me this a million times"

"I know, I know, I just want to make sure you don't feel like you're alone" she teared up "I felt like I was alone but in reality I could have always gone back to my parents. Yet I didn't and I regret it they both passed before I could see them again."

"I will always come back."

A month passed before you went into labor and it definitely was chaotic. Your mom was freaking out, your dad passed out. You were in so much pain. Everything was going smoothly though. You delivered a beautiful healthy little boy. Then everything changed. You were giving birth to a second child. He wasn't healthy at all. You screamed you couldn't lose him. The doctor and nurses rushed to save the baby. They tried everything and eventually it worked. The baby had to stay in the hospital until it was healthy but other than that he was alive. You named baby number 1 Charles and baby 2 Christopher. 

As soon as Charlie and Chris were old enough to travel you set off again. From town to town and place to place. You had met Stacy, Gwen, and Tarra along the way. You all decided to form a band called Hysteria. Eventually the boys got to the age where they had to attend school so you went back to New York and set up shop. It was 1973 the boys were 5. Years passed and your band was gaining traction by 1975 you had millions of fans.

"I have a wonderful idea but I'll need your opinion on it" this caught everyone's attention the manager usually did things and apologized later.

"Well, what is it?" The lead singer Stacy asked.

"I think we should ask your fans if there is a band they would like you to collaborate with on an album."

"I'm surprised you asked" you stated getting a glare from the manager

"I just wanted to warn you that you have an interview at 5 am" he said quickly before ducking out of the room.

"5 AM!" the Lead Guitarist shouted

"Calm it Tarra you knew there was going to ba a some sort of surprise" Gewn the Bassist said 

"It's already 3am two hours of sleep isn't enough" you stated blandly already done with the whole situation. 

After you all had gotten ready, which took Tarra the whole two hours, you arrived at the news station late as usual. Hair and makeup moved fast and before you knew it you were infront of the camera. 

"So Stacy your the lead singer how does it feel to be up front and center in front of millions of people?" 

"It's stressful but also fun wouldn't trade it for the world" 

"Gwen your bass is great and so are the backing vocals" the reporter fan girled "and Tarra absolutely amazing rifts I don't know how you do it" she was so excited when she got to you "The drum solos and song lyrics are better than anything else I've heard" 

"That's very kind of you" you said you were always the nicest in the band at least to fans. 

"So I heard from a little birdy that you are planning a collaboration album" the reporter said slyly. Your bandmates looked around at one another. They decided to let you take the reins on this one. 

"Yeah that is true, we just thought it'd be fun for the fans to see two of their favorite bands collaborate." you continued after a pause "unfortunately we don't know what our fan bases other favorite band is so we decided that we will ask them" you looked over at your manager who was holding up a magazine. You took the magazine from him and displayed it to the camera. "You can tell us who your favorite band is by getting one of these magazines and sending in the information card with your favorite band on it and why the band should be picked." In reality the manager didn't care why the band should be picked he just cared which band had the most cards. 

Eventually the interview ended and you all headed back to the studio. By the time you had gotten back to the studio there were already millions of information cards sent in the bands ranging from Queen to ABBA and even some bands that were entirely different from your band's sound. It took days to count the cards you and your band mates helped but you had to get other people's help too your parents even helped. After days and days of counting and more and more cards being sent in the manager chose to cut off the cards and count only what they already had. 

"The top three bands were" he looked over at you "drumroll please" you sighed but did it anyway. 

"At number 3 with 50,000 votes we have..... Queen" Stacy sighed she thought the would have won.

"At number 2 with 60,000 votes we have..... ACDC" Gwen and Tarra were heartbroken; they wanted them to win.

"And at number 1 with 60,001 votes we have…. KISS." The room went quiet, they all knew your opinion on the drummer. Everyone waited for your response. 

"Well it's what the fans want, we have to give it to them" 

"Are you sure we don't have to we can just say ACDC won" Stacy said 

"No no, it's fine I'll just keep my distance and everything will be ok" you were heartbroken by this news you had been trying everything to stay away from Peter. The boys were fine with not knowing their dad; there was no reason for him to be in your life.

[ga-u-1737]

The Silent Idol: Stuck in a mind of Stardom

Chapter 2

February 24th 2016

“Hey Vev,”

“Yeah?”

“What would happen if one of us got hurt?”

“Why are you asking such stupid questions? We all scrape our knees and give ourselves paper cuts before, it's not a big deal.”

They sat on the couch  in the living room, trying to watch some tv to be distracted from today. Velvet was in enough of a bad mood already, considering her last argument with her mom a few hours ago and the kids at school, and the way she acts sometimes makes people think she’s an entitled bratty kid.

“While Veneer on the other hand, is a bit if not a lot more gentle and kind, always being obedient to his parents especially his mother, always trying to make her a bit proud of him although it mostly fails. 

While he does have his limits and does defend himself when needed, the kids at school still seem him as a target to bully and torture sometimes, but his ‘older’ sister is here to help

“No, I mean what happens if something seriously injures us.” He shouted, mimicking a possible way to get injured.

 “Like, we break many bones in our legs, or we get a really bloody scab or we could have blood coming out from our heads!” The thought of seeing blood coming out their heads haunted and grossed him out.

Velvet groaned in annoyance, “That's not gonna happen!” She yelled out of anger, her eyes darting back to the tv. “You should stop watching those horror movies dad, their making you think of stupid that’s possibly not gonna happen

Besides the tv, there was nothing but silence.  Veneer squatted on the couch with his arms hugging his knees, a bit upset at Velvet's response. 

He looked at her again, as if he wanted  to say something else.

“But, what if we do get hurt?”

Velvet’s eyes widened, taking a note about Veneer’s response with surprise. She averted her gaze from the tv, looking at Veneer with disbelief. 

“Wha-What?” She sputtered

“I said that what if we do get hurt,” Veneer went silent with a sad frown before continuing, “Really get hurt this time.” He added.

He scooted closer next to Velvet to get more of her attention.

“You know how many people died due to their injuries, remember Aunt Marybelle, she died due to a car accident dad told me and she was only 31 years old.”

“Well that's because Aunt Marybelle was reckless driving and had 3 DUIs.” Velvet corrected, arms crossed. “And besides, like I said earlier, that's not gonna happen.”

“How do you know that though” Veneer questioned 

Velvet rolled her eyes at Veneer’s question, already annoyed  with everything around her. “Because our parents are dentists.” She grunted, grabbing a picture of their parents dressed in their dental uniform.

“And they have medical insurance AND they hired the best doctors in town to help us whenever we get a twisted ankle or rashy eye.” She explained further, “So were fine”

While yes, Velvet did remind Veneer that their parents work as dentists and was able to give him and Velvet the best doctors so they wouldn’t have to worry about complications or long term effects, but refused to be convinced by her words, even if they have perfect medical insurance.

“How can you be so certain that nothing horrible will happen to us?” Veneer responded firmly, his voice betrayed with apprehension.

“It's still possible to get hurt in a horrific bloody gross way.” He also added, Velvet went unfazed and averted her eyes back to the tv.  

“‘Cause a lot of kids our age or even younger end up in the hospital or die due to their injuries.” He continued, his face firm, “Didn’t you see the news about the 8 year old girl that ended up in the hospital for getting shot?”

“Well that’s because someone stupid decided to use a gun.” She groaned, “And she survived, she's not dead.”

“But she still got hurt and still went to the hospital.” Veneer corrected, raising his voice a bit and  moving closer to Velvet.

“And also,” He trailed off for a sec, he knew it was gonna be a bit vulnerable to her,  but he needed to say it in order to give her full attention.

Veneer’s face saddened with grief, his hands clenched as he hesitantly spoke again

“Some kids hurt themselves…and some ended up taking their lives…just like how Vin-”

“Don't you dare say his name!” Velvet interrupted sharply, her face darkening with anger as she held her brother’s arm tight.

Veneer flinched at the unexpected outburst by Velvet, it was something both him and her still haven't recovered from, especially Velvet.

“Sorry.” He said timidly, looking away from her, “It still happened, he still did it…even though we all tried to stop him…well, except for mom.”

Velvet exhaled slowly, calming herself and eventually letting go of her brother’s arm. She looked away from him, still clearly upset and a bit hurt by what Veneer said. 

Veneer took a deep breath, slightly cursing himself for mentioning their late older brother Vin-it was always a sensitive topic to his sister, he knew better than to bring it up again.

He knew and it was very obvious Vin and Velvet were close, and shared an amazing sibling relationship that was very special to her. It was evident that Vin taking his own life, at only 16 years old, devastated Velvet a lot. However, Veneer understood that  it's important to address an issue even if it might upset her or himself.

There was silence between the siblings, the only sound was the tv and the blowing wind hitting the window. The living room bright lights glowing all over the room and the radio next to them playing music 24/7.

Velvet sighed again and sat up straight, breaking the forever silence.

“Well.” She began, “If we do get seriously injured like you said, we’ll do this together.” She smiled.

“Veneer looked at her, curious. “What do you mean?” He asked 

“I mean that, if we go down, we go down together.” She explained, holding her hand to Veneer. “We were both born together, and we share lives together, so why the hell should we get hurt or die alone.” She gently put her hand on his, gesturing a heart on his palm. 

“If one of us are going through something terrible or horrific even, then the other one will be with them no matter what happens, it's like twin telepathy, the other twin knows what the other twin is going through and feels the same way as them.”

“So when we get really hurt or something extremely horrendous happens, it's gonna be together, not alone, not a few years apart, together.”

Veneer’s frown turns into a bright smile, holding his sister's hand and gesturing a small heart on her palm as well. 

“I wouldn't mind going through something if I was with you sis.” Veneer beamed, curling up a huge smile.

Velvet chuckled, glad to see her ‘little’ brother happy and not full of worry and the constant thought of getting hurt. 

“I wouldn’t mind too Veneer.”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An annoying ring by his alarm woke Veneer up from his slumber. 

He grunted and groaned as he slowly put his hand to turn off the alarm, he looked around to see his surroundings, only realizing that him being back with his sister and at their parents house again was only a faded and distant memory he dreamt in his mind.

He sighed slowly as he looked outside of his window, the sun was beaming bright and no clouds were in sight out in the light blue sky, little wind blew across and the light of the sun shined all around his bedroom, glistering and sparkling.

But the happy outside and how nice it was didn’t make him form a slight smile. Velvet was still in the hospital, feeling what even god himself can’t describe the pain she’s in, the Rage Dome Show still happened…the accident that led to Velvet's near demise still happened.

Veneer held on to the blanke  trying his best to not remember yesterday, but the image of Velvet, and the blood, and how pale she looked, still haunted his mind. It’s like it’s eating him alive to the point there's nothing left of him 

He check his phone, all of his meet and greets, interviews, and his next concert that he and velvet were gonna attend ended up being postponed to the next month or later than that.

He sighed, he was glad that he didn’t need to attend anything or be interviewed right now, all he wanted was to go back to  sleep, hoping this whole thing is just a little nightmare and everything will go back to where it was.

But he knew it was impossible to go back in time and stop from happening. It happened and now it's over, however the lasting effects that Velvet will have due to her injuries is still here. 

Veneer laid there unable to do what to do, he gotta be there for his sister, she’s suffering from the amount of discomfort and agony from her head and might even not recover from this at all. 

He got up and pulled himself out of bed, getting ready to go to the hospital to see Velvet again. He has to be with her today, tomorrow, or even her entire life. 

It's like she said earlier when they were younger

“it's gonna be together, not alone, not a few years apart,” 

“together.”

This is younger Velvet and Veneer and I added an Mount Reagon Oc named Vin who was Their older brother before he committed suicide at 16

Aka, Velvet loses the only person who she sees as a parental figure

Part 3

[skinnyblogsworld123]

I know that nobody reads these but here I go

.

.

10/27/2022

.

So I've been overeating lately a lot and I mean a lot. It's 5:18 in the evening right now. And I've ate chips and salsa and I've drank a rainbow machine smoothie and a watermelon aloe vera drink. And my stomach feels full already but it's like there's something else inside of me that just tells me that I need to eat more and it makes me f****** miserable. And I don't know how to stop it. It's like a never ending cycle and it makes me want to literally kill myself. And nobody understands how bad my eating disorder is because nobody really pays attention to that s*** anymore. They don't take our Eating Disorders seriously whether you're an anorexic or bulimic. And it makes me so angry because eating disorders are one of the world's most leading causes of death and depression. Along with a bunch of other things.

And we're being evicted from our apartment. Because my grandmother does know how to pay her f****** rent. We had this rental assistance helping us pay rent but she hadn't been checking up on that making sure that they were actually paying our rent. And so now we're Skyping money I'm using all of my paycheck to buy s*** for the house. And my fiance just got his job he's been working this is his second day now. I mean me and my fiance are only 19 years old and we're having to help my mother try and find a place as soon as we can. Because my grandmother sure as hell is not owning a house for we are all living in it because she already holds this apartment over our heads because she's the one who pays the rent on it and owns it. We don't. So now that we're being evicted because of her I'm pretty sure we have less than like 2 weeks to get all of our s*** moved out of here. And we don't even have a car anymore because the bottom ball joint on the front passenger side went out on me as I was driving and it skidded across the road and made white streaks across the black top. I mean guys I'm struggling so hard right now. To be honest all I care about right now is losing weight so that I can make myself feel better. I want to focus on myself and make sure that I have enough money to do what I want to do. I have $130 in savings right now and I hope that it stays there but if I have to use it then I will because situations have called for using money out of my savings but I have to be careful about transferring it because I only get certain amounts before they won't let me transfer it anymore. What I mean by transfer is that I have to take it out of my savings and put it back into my checking account through the app that my bank goes through. And right now my fiance doesn't get off work until 10:00 tonight so I got to figure out what I'm going to be doing. My mom is supposed to be back here before 6:00 because I have to go to urgent care so I can get a doctor's excuse for missing work today.

I mean f*** this is the most amount of struggle that I have had to deal with in a long while. I mean I'm already past 200 lb. I weigh like 240 pounds. And it f****** kills me of how fat I look and how fat I feel that all of my fat just Jiggles every time I walk or when my fiance tries to do the deed with me. And I can't get into it because I'm focused about how I look. It literally murders my soul inside out every single day. That I Can't Get Enough control to just stop. I mean I even told my mom to pick me up a burger from McDonald's. It's the Daily Double with no cheese add mustard and ketchup, because I'm lactose intolerant basically I have a milk allergy so I can't really have any dairy products which is really sad since I've drink milk my entire life. I honestly really f****** ate myself I feel like I could do so much better in life but if I wasn't so fat I feel like I could do so much more without being shy and I could be confident with myself and I can do what I need to do to get s*** done.

[chanterelledreams]

What's been happening lately- CW- death of a loved one, abuse (not in details), childhood neglect

Feel free to ignore! Long, long post. Sorry for any typos.

My father passed away unexpectedly on September 27 this year. He had been sick starting saturday night with what he thought was a stomach virus.

I went to see him at 9:30pm on monday night, and he was ok- just said he had terrible stomach cramps.

My mom texted me early the next day to call her. She had called the ambulance around 5:30am on Tuesday morning, as my dad was trying to stand up and couldn't, and wasn't completely lucid. At that point, we didn't know what was wrong other than his heart was beating very fast.

I went to see him at 2:30pm in the hospital- he was talking and making sense, but still had bad cramps and kept gasping for breath. We spoke briefly and I gave him a kiss, saying goodbye and that we'd be back later. Visits are limited to 15 mins due to covid, and he was going in for more tests. The nurse told me his heart was beating fast, and they found out he had a bad infection, and would most likely spend the night at the hospital.

His doctor called me as we drove away from the hospital, he re-iterated the heart and infection thing and that while he was stable right now, just to be aware this situation could change at any moment.

I went to my mom's house and helped her cancel a trip they were taking down south (their plane was scheduled to leave early the next morning).

When I finally convinced my mom to come to the hospital to see him, we were taken to a room with the doctor. He explained that my dad was septic, and they found a blockage or a twisted area in his intestines. He explained that his heart was beating too fast (around 198) and they had to shock it to slow it down. It took 6 tries. He also explained that they had induced a medical coma, and he was being transferred to another hospital in intensive care.

My mom flat out refused to go to the other hospital, despite the doctor's insistance, so she had me go.

I arrived there before my dad. Saw his being rushed in on the hospital bed. Saw a nurse running out of the room then back in. The nurse, inhalotherapist and doctor that had supervised the transfer came to see me and told me he was not doing good at all. I was trying hard to hold it together at that point.

The doctor came to see me an hour later. My dad had crashed- his heart rate high and blood pressure low. They stabilized him after an hour- but it was the last time. The meds were all maxxed out, and to call the family.

I lost it then.

My spouse called my sister and my mom, having them come over to say goodbye.

My mom stayed for maybe 10 mins, until my sister arrived, then left.... and doing so, forced me to be the one to take the final decision, to turn off the machines that were keeping him alive.

His organs had been without blood for an hour- and that's without counting the previous crash that happened. His kidneys were failing when he first got to the hospital. There was nothing they could do.

He had septic shock, caused by mesenteric ischemia- a blood clot blocked a major vessel in his large intestine- which was dying by that point.

It was a shock. A slap in the face. He was 67 years old.

I never had a great relationship with my parents. They were both neglectful and abusive- moreso my mom. Verbal abuse was a daily thing, and she poured beer on my head more than once when i was a child. She also broke a plate on my head when i was a teen. My dad never hit me, my sister or my mom, but raised his fists at me once. He was verbally abusive in a certain way- angry, raised voice and curses directed at me was not uncommon.

There was no love between them. I saw my mom punch, slap, hit my dad on more than one occasion. She knew he wouldn't hit back. She called him terrible things, threatened him into doing whatever she wanted. He changed from the person I knew as my dad as a kid to an empty, unhappy husk.

They were millionaires- winning the lottery a while ago. My mom was thrilled- the only thing she loved in life was money. They spent most of it by now, and i've never seen a cent of it.

All this lead to the realization that a part of me was holding on to a sliver of hope that my dad would one day be back. If only the version my child mind had made up. When he passed, that chain snapped. I will never have the dad I thought I had. I will never have the parents I needed.

My mom has already started her manipulation, passive-aggressive tactics with me. She wants things done -now- and if you dare not do them, she WILL take it out on you.

This is the first time in my life that I've stood up for myself. I've always done whatever was needed to make her (and other abusive people in my life) happy. I was raised to make sure that people around me had what they wanted. Never question. Never say no.

This made me vulnerable to certain types of people, and destroyed any self esteem i had.

While I've made progress in the last decade or so recognizing these types of people, and how to protect myself, my dad's passing rocketed me forward. I feel more grounded than I've ever felt. I feel like i'm finally allowed (or allowing myself?) To be a person. To live. To have boundaries.

I've come a long long way, and there's still a while to go, but i'm getting there.

[herearemythoughtsjustincaseidie]

My name is pat and, for as long as I can remember, I've had an intense fear of death

It has caused me sleepless nights, panic attacks, and so so many tears. I like to keep busy, because it helps to avoid the thoughts. But they become so loud in the dead of night, where nothing can distract me from the simple fact that someday, i will die.

.

The first time I realized that I was going to die, I was maybe 5 or 6, I cried to my parents about it. They didn't help me much, all my mom said was That's just how life is; Similarly to plants we will all eventually grow old and pass away.

I've no idea why they thought that would be comforting to a small child, but their confirmation just scared me even more. That was the night that I started praying, begging, to the Lord: Please make everyone immortal. I don't want to die, and I don't want anyone I know and love to die. Every night until the eventual end of my faith, I would beg Him over and over and over again. Please. I don't want to die.

.

Eventually, I learned how babies were made, and it confused me. I couldn't understand why anyone wanted kids. If parents loved their children so much why the hell would they subject them to the experience of death by bringing them to life? I couldn't wrap my head around it.

That was when I started resenting my parents for giving birth to me.

.

When I got my first job straight out of college, I was in the worst mental state I'd ever been. I was struggling at work due to my then undiagnosed ADHD and I was in a relationship with someone who couldn't relate and would keep implying that I just needed to try harder. That was the first time the thought dying wouldn't be so bad had ever popped into my mind.

When I realized that it was there, I didn't know how to feel.

.

Seeking out help was hard. Being in a country that doesn't really prioritize mental health as much as other countries do, and being so uneducated about how and where to look, it would take me a couple of years and a pandemic for me to eventually look for a psychiatrist.

My first psychiatrist was a lady who was nice enough, but gave off some slight red flags that made me uncomfortable. Like being 30 minutes late to a 1 hour appointment that lasted for like 10 minutes. And also immediately diagnosing me with ADHD and giving a prescription for Ritalin on our first meeting.

After that experience, I took the meds and it actually helped me with my work. I realized that maybe I did actually have ADHD even though her assessment was kind of bullshit. But because I was so turned off by my doctor I never went back. It would take me 2 more years and a couple of layoffs/terminations for me to seek out help a second time.

.

My second psychiatrist was kind and gave off motherly vibes. She was sweet and understanding and understood my concerns with how quickly my first doctor recommended drugs to me. She made me go through a relatively thorough assessment, that involved getting other people to answer questions about me, and a ton of expensive lab tests before she recommended me to try Ritalin again. She even helped me get a PWD ID so that it wouldn't affect my wallet as much as it would have. I told her about my trouble sleeping, and she gave me recommendations that actually helped.

To this day I'm still with her. And if I'm going to be honest, my productivity at work has improved, and my sleep is at least somewhat controllable now.

.

Looking back at the whole mental health journey, I kinda wish I never found out I had ADHD. Or at least that I never got help for it.

Now that things are looking up, now that I'm in a better healthier relationship with someone I'm madly in love with, now that I have 2 dogs that I care for with all my heart, now that I'm actually becoming happier, the bad nights have returned. Louder. Scarier.

.

When I was suffering, I at least didn't mind dying, you know? At least the thought didn't kill me as much anymore. I was starting to be more accepting of it even though I was still scared. At least I could lean on the thought of when I die, at least I won't hurt anymore

.

Now, I have so much I don't want to lose and so much I don't want to leave behind. So much I still want to do. The older I get the worse the fear has gotten.

And you know, sometimes I think of just getting it over with. I hate the anticipation. The suspense. The sinking feeling I get whenever I realize it could happen any time. If I just get it over with, I'll at least have control of it. I get to decide and I won't have to think about it anymore.

But at the same time, I'm not sure if I can ever be strong enough to do it.

.

.

.

My name is pat and, as of writing this, I am 26 years old. I have an intense fear of death, and I think my fear will eventually be the thing that kills me.

So here are my thoughts, just in case I die.

[bllsbailey]

'Meth-Prescribed' Long Island Mother Who Killed Child In Wrong-Way Crash Has License Suspended For 57th Time, Denied Bail

During her arraignment on Wednesday afternoon, prosecutors revealed that a mother from Long Island who is accused of killing her young son in a wrong-way crash while “high on methamphetamines” has now had her license revoked for the 57th time.

Following Kerri Bedrick’s arraignment, in which she entered a not guilty plea to murder charges, Suffolk County Judge Richard I. Horowitz ruled that the 32-year-old’s driver’s license would be suspended until the case was resolved and detained her without bond privilege.

When Bedrick drove the wrong way on the Southern State Parkway at 2:15 a.m. on August 22nd, causing a four-car collision that killed her 9-year-old son, investigators stated that her license had already been revoked 56 times, making this the 57th.

When a deputy sheriff first saw Bedrick driving the wrong way, he attempted to pull her over, but she accelerated faster and drove around the deputy’s car, according to the prosecutors.

As she hit 100 miles per hour into oncoming traffic in eastbound lanes, the deputy followed her for more than five miles in a westbound lane from a safe distance, according to the prosecution. Eventually, according to the district attorney’s office, Bedrick’s car hit other vehicles so hard that her engine launched into the woods.

Eli D. Henrys, her 9-year-old son, was discovered unconscious in the 2022 Mitsubishi Eclipse’s backseat. He subsequently passed away from his wounds in the hospital.

Prosecutors claim that after the crash, authorities discovered a prescription bottle inside the defendant’s car with the label ripped off, “seemingly proving” she was under the influence when the defendant went on her driving rampage.

Last month, Suffolk Assistant District Attorney, Laura Newcombe, claimed that the driver allegedly told police that the night before the fatal collision, at around 8 p.m., she had taken methamphetamines. However, her lawyer claims that she was prescribed them. It is unclear if he was referring to the drugs Desoxyn, Adderall, or something else. Drugs of that nature typically treat individuals who suffer from Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or narcolepsy.

She is charged with murder as well as manslaughter, aggravated vehicular homicide, and other connected offenses, such as aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle.

Prior to the collision, Bedrick’s license had already been suspended 56 times on eight separate days. On Wednesday, she received yet another suspension. State law also permits a driver to receive several suspensions in a single day for a variety of reasons.

The several charges, according to Suffolk County District Attorney Raymond Tierney, show “the severe nature” of the crime, which he also described as a “heinous act.”

“The loss of life in this incident, particularly that of a young child, is heartbreaking,” Tierney said in a statement.

Meanwhile, Bedrick’s attorney, Scott Zerner, labeled the incident a “tragic accident.”

“No one on this planet is more upset about it than she is,” he told reporters. “She suffers from ailments and has been prescribed the methamphetamine properly by a doctor, and she was not under [the] influence of any alcohol or any non-prescription drug that she was not prescribed.”

After the crash, while Bedrick’s son was being rushed to the hospital, she and the other two drivers received medical attention for their injuries.

The negligent mother, whose next court appointment is October 22nd, faces a maximum sentence of 25 years to life in prison if proven guilty of the top count. She is being held without bail.

The deceased boy’s grandmother, Diane Bedrick, has set up a GoFundMe to pay for his funeral costs.

“We have asked for help with Eli’s funeral expenses here. But also if you prefer Eli and his Mom loved to foster animals from the shelter. Donations can also be made to your local shelter or wildlife refuge,” the grandmother posted.

Kerri Bedrick pleaded not guilty and faces 25 years to life in prison she is accused of driving in the wrong direction high on drugs on Long Island and killing her nine year old son. The story @1010WINS. pic.twitter.com/kDFdvyyRDT— sophia_b_hall (@sophiabhall1) September 4, 2024

Kerri Bedrick, charged in a wrong way crash that killed her 9-year-old son, is taken by state Police into custody on charges of driving while impaired by drugs pic.twitter.com/uH6RGMySRM— John Asbury (@JohnAsbury) August 22, 2024

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