#and I like the gerbil man

[heartfall-syndrome]

I binged dungeon meshi, and I just needed to doodle this man.

He’s definitely my favorite atm lol

[rex101111]

Doctor, looking at Insider:...you look like what wet white bread tastes.

Insider: Well, I-

Doctor: If I hit you with a truck you’ll get transported to a generic fantasy world and gain at least a dozen girls with maybe like 2 personalities between all of you put together.

Insider: Now just wait a min-

Doctor: If you grew your bangs out I MIGHT say you look like a hentai protag, but those guys get laid and I don’t think you could convince a tentacle to have its way with you.

Insider: Did you just bring me here to insult-!

Doctor: YOU LOOK LIKE A GACHA PROTAG FROM MAHOYO WITH NONE OF THE COLOR OR LIFE.

[akascow]

wearing rings normally freaks me out and i dont wear them ever because im too scared my finger is gonna swell up for whatever reason and the ring is gonna cut off bloodflow and im gonna have to saw the ring off (or my finger) because thats so embarassing to think about being in that situation

bUt i do love clinking them against counters and glass cups its so fun

[chromanticore]

Guys help I need to be reminded that I do NOT want or need bangs.

[lesbianbishounen]

me when i remember that i actually have to draw things for them to exist and not just think about it really hard

[kakashixhatakesxwhore]

omg I just find you and your writings are amazing♥️

Can you please do some husband headcanons please?

surely, i can try my best, thanks for the ask!!

Husband Headcanons I

for Iruka, Kakashi, and Itachi (with wildcard appearances from Jiraiya and Obito) (GN!Reader)

Your fav isn't mentioned? Check out Husband Headcanons 2!

Warnings: couple swear words, couple sexual references (Reader Discretion advised), fluff, lmk if this sucks

Masterlist💿

Iruka

Would suggest the springtime for the wedding, but Iruka would still happily marry you whenever your heart desired

Danced with you throughout the entire reception, only getting tipsy (enabling you to get comfortably inebriated)

Begs to carry you over the threshold like a gentleman, and the two of you spent the whole night consumating the union

Best sex you had ever had, and Iruka was of the same mind - both of you were totally in your element on your wedding night, and couldn't stop until noon the next day

Honeymoon takes place in the Land of Flowers, within a small settlement near the coast

Iruka pays for a week's stay at an Inn, and the two of you spend the days watching the water and walking through wildflower fields, collecting colourful, fragrant bouquets as you went

Domestically, such a teamplayer - Iruka will happily do the dishes after you cook dinner, and vice versa, he'll mop after you sweep, he turns on lights for you while you open windows

Would happily have a pet, probably a cat (orange or calico), but wouldn't be opposed to something a bit more spunky like a gekko or a rat

Dances with you in the living room while it rains, takes you (and your pet) out in the sunshine - he just loves to spend time with you and be with you

Kakashi

The wedding was small, kept to just close friends and your immediate family, probably just within the courthouse with a nice little reception after

Kakashi would carry you all the way from the reception to your shared apartment, right over the threshold, and it would take only a Hokage-level emergency to get him away from you after

Can't take a very long honeymoon because of his duties as Hokage, but will take you out for a long weekend in one of the coastal villages of the Land of Fire

Despite the long hours he works, Kakashi is the most attentive husband ever

Fresh flowers decorate a crystal vase on the coffee table, replaced every week, the trash is always taken out without you having to ask, he'll surprise you with full breakfasts on the weekends AND do the dishes after

Gets all bubbly every time he hits someone with a my spouse and is constantly bringing you up in conversation just to do so

Many nights are spent cuddling on the couch after dinner, reading independantly

You want a dog? Lovely! Kakashi wants a dog. You want a cat? Great! Kakashi wants a cat. A bird? A snake? A gerbil? Bring it on, that sounds fun.

Such a funny man, still needing to parade around the village with you in his arm, as if not everybody is already aware

Itachi

We're doing an Everything'sFine!AU because I'll cry otherwise

Massive wedding, so many floral arrangements, easily half the village shows up, Itachi cannot stop smiling the entire day

Literally tears up at the altar when he sees you, can't contain himself, you're such a vision

Takes you to the Land of Waterfalls for the most peaceful honeymoon of all

You two spend a week, or two, meditating with each other, drinking special teas, swimming for hours, wrapped in a lover's embrace that knits your hearts together even closer

Of course, in the hustle and bustle of the weekdays, Itachi establishes Saturday as Cleaning Day, and will clean the entire house, top to bottom, by himself (but will very much appreciate any help you provide)

Sunday is the day Itachi reserves to spend with you, either out on the town, or in the house, resting and relaxing together

Compliments every single look of yours as if it's the first time he's ever seen you, Itachi just can't believe his luck, and gets heart palpatations every single time he hears you call him your husband

Gets way more vulnerable after marriage, allowing himself to open up with a different level of confidence

Jiraiya

Destination wedding so people don't want to come, he wants the ceremony to be perfect and intimate

Gets so fucked up at the reception that you have to carry him over the threshold

He's such a sweetie about it when he wakes up though, apologising and fucking you reaaal good the entirety of the next day

Takes you on a month of travel, literally to every single Land

Writes you special poems and stories to wake up to while he's cheffing up the best breakfasts ever

Writes an entire book about you, and it was a best-seller

No one makes a better cup of tea than Jiraiya, and he's always got a tea ready for when you wake up, when you come home, after dinner

The absolute king of being in the same room while doing separate things, you're in his lap or holding his non-dominant hand, and every once in a while you'll share a brief kiss that might evolve into something a bit more distracting

Hugging and kissing as soon as you come home - he missed you so damn bad and needs to let you know

Is a very organized messy, but not at all dirty, Jiraiya doesn't mind when you clean up after him but would honestly prefer you didn't (he can't find things after, even if you tell him exactly where you put things)

Birthdays, Anniversaries, any opportunity to shower you in love and gifts, Jiraiya will take it and run with it

He just adores you and lets everyone know about it

Obito

Goofball gets an Officiant Certification and marries the two of you, himself

His vows are so long and so sweet that you can't even get yours out without stuttering and crying

Obito whisks you away to the Land of Hotsprings for nearly a month, immediately after the rings are exchanged

Finds nothing more fun than going out on dates with you while married, he almost likes it more than when you two were just going steady

Can't stand to let you sleep while he's awake, no matter how poorly he feels about depreiving you of sleep

Kisses and hugs every time the two of you are reunited

Obito won't ever shut up about you when you're apart, and it gets on everyone's nerves but Konan who finds his musings sweet

Lives, loves, laughs domestic life - he will do anything to make you happy, including the most grueling chores (those fucking baseboards)

Always makes you laugh, no matter how you're feeling, and he loves your laugh more than anything

[kaleidofreak]

sometimes i forget how fucking weird and unhinged some south park episodes are like imagine your non south park friend walks into the room as your explaining and your just like ‘yeah and so the b plot of the episode is that lemiwinks the gerbil gets shoved up mr slaves ass and has to journey up the digestive system whilst previously shoved-up-his-ass dead animal spirits guide lemiwinks through the gay mans body’ like i’m sorry what

[vilhelios]

— IF YOU'RE THE SACRED SCRIPT, I AM THE HIEROPHANT.

( if you're the holy church, i'm gonna worship . ) ; the old, dusty tomes that amund gives you state that the lemurian gods are perfect, flawless beings. not a single scar or freckle adorns their skin, no emotion creases their hallowed faces.

cw: fluff !!! ; established relationship ! ; abysswalker!rafayel <3 + brief mentions of god of the sea rafayel; slight spoilers for rafayel's sea of golden sand and forgotten sea (?) myths + siren's song anecdote; i am the self-proclaimed ceo of lemuria world building (lemuria lore headcanons!) 💪 ; not beta-read !!!

" THE GODS ART PERFECT BEINGS — FLAWLESS IN FORM AND IN ESSENCE ; THEIR SKIN IS UNMARRED, NAY SCAR OR FRECKLE ADORNS THOSE DIVINE. NAY LINE OF EMOTION MARKS THEIR HALLOWED, PRISTINE VISAGE. "

"RAFAYEL?" you ask, your voice so loud in the quiet dark of night. a hum, a shift in the arms that hold you. "i heard that the gods are perfect."

“they are supposed to be, yes.” rafayel murmurs, hands gently carding through the strands of your hair. the desert is quiet tonight, not a single howl of wind, or a curious fennec fox or gerbil, race across the expanse of sand. the only sounds in your ears are the mingled breaths and synchronised heartbeats of you and your dear abysswalker, tangled beneath the sheets in your shared tent.

his blue-pink eyes stare, searching your gaze. the dark circles beneath them are prominent in the shadows cast by the silvery moonlight. you watch as he takes in a deep breath, and then exhales: "... what books did amund give you today, my love?"

"you know very well that all amund gives me are books and scrolls about lemuria," you huff, thinking of the stack of dusty old books the old man had shoved into your hands at noon, "which would not bother me, if he did not sneer so condescendingly while he gave them to me."

"alright, alright." he sighs, there will be things to discuss with amund in the morning, if the slight exasperation in his tone is anything to go off of. and then, he asks, voice gentle: "what did you learn about the gods, my heart?"

" OUR GOD OF THE TIDES HATH BEEN TAINTED. HIS SKIN HATH BECOMETH SPECKLED. HIS HEART HATH BEEN SURRENDERED. NAY LONGER PERFECT IS HE, WHO IS'T HATH, IN LOVESICK FOLLY, GIVEN BOTH LIFE & DOMAIN. "

"they say you are no longer perfect." you murmur, brushing your lips against his jawline, "using their definition, perhaps they are right. you have scars, and little beauty marks."

"the scars are inevitable. you should know it yourself, my heart." he sighs, solemn, "but they dissolve with us during each seamoon ceremony — i am not reborn with the scars of my past."

"and the beauty marks?"

he hesitates, a bit. there's a far-away look in his eyes that you've grown used to seeing. "they persist and accumulate." rafayel states eventually, as if it's fact, "new ones appear, but i never lose them."

"you never lose them?" you echo, and he nods.

leaning into him, you inspect his face as best as you can in the moonlight. your lips graze his cheek, right above where one lies below his eye. another lies at the tip of his nose, and you repeat the action, rafayel's breath hitching beneath your touch. another sits at the bridge of his nose, and you feel his eyelashes flutter against your skin as you continue.

"there is something about them, in the books." you start, a hand coming up to cup his cheek. rafayel leans into the warmth of your touch (after all, you think, grimly, a stray dog will take all the food it is offered, afraid to go hungry again), and you continue with a smile against his skin, "they say that they represent where your lover loved to kiss you, in your past lives."

rafayel hums, holds you ever closer in his arms, considers the thought. when he falls silent, you know he is aeons away; somewhere below the waves, somewhere thirty thousand years away—you patiently wait for his return, like the shore that welcomes a weary sailor home. a gentle kiss is pressed to right above where his heart should be, and another in the middle of his collarbone. it's instinct, second nature, as natural as the way waves lap at the shoreline and leave seafoam in their wake.

"perhaps there is some truth in that." he finally says, returned to your side from his reverie. he presses a kiss to your temple, a gentle smile against your skin, "after all, it seems you still do as you used to, even now. determined to uphold tradition, are you?"

( & aeons ago, beneath the waves, lies the first mark; the first bearer of sin in eden. a young god of the sea laughs, a rumble in his chest, as his beloved kisses right above where his heart should be. every touch is reverent, like tending to an altar. it is no wonder, then, that he entrusted his heart to such a devout worshipper — after all, it will be in loving hands. )

a/n : hi hi hi i think lnd needs to CALM DOWN with all the rafayel banners or i'm gonna intervene. quite rushed and not as deep symbolism woooo as the last one because i was in a haze.... abysswalker my beloved is as odd to write as usual but i think it's not too ooc... also this is just a little manifesting/tribute thing for my god of the sea rafa myth pulls today i want him to come home !!! i'm so so excited for the myth story !!!! good luck to anyone pulling! may the god of the sea give us his heart without us needing to open our wallets 🫧💕 if you sent in a request recently for the follower event, thank you! it'll still be a bit until i can answer them, but it shall be done !!! <3 will be crossposted to my ao3 if you prefer the fic being in actual capitalisation and in normal text!

update: i had to drag him home with 130 pulls ,,,, i also spedran the myth,,, guh buh,,, whadahell,,, someone please talk to me about them,,,,

[msgexymunson]

The Food Of Love

Description: Eddie and his love for food (and you) 

A/N: just a sweet little piece to sate you before some other chunky fics are posted! Plus, I know the way to a man's heart is through their stomach, and I want to feed this boy. 

Warnings: language, just fluff really, allusions to smut, established relationship. Gender neutral reader. (Any issues please let me know!)

1.2k words

Masterlist

The first time Eddie says he loves you, it's with a mouthful of the food you made him.

"Sweetheart, what you doing?" 

Strong arms snake around your waist as you face the kitchen counter, mixing ingredients in a bowl with a scavenged spatula. The kitchen in the trailer is rough and ready, but you bought the ingredients and goddamn, you just need to feed this boy. If only to thank him for the countless orgasms he's given you. 

"I'm making pancakes." 

You smile, his hands wandering over your waist and hips as he crowds your back. God he smells good; bodywash, and skin, and weed, and Eddie.

"Really? I don't see pancake mix." 

Laughing, you turn to face him. 

"It's called cooking babe. I'm making them from scratch. Just sit down and let me feed you." 

With a smirk and a peck to your lips he perches on the tiny table top, long legs swinging like a child. 

You turn to finish mixing, and put the gas on, heating up a frying pan lined with oil and butter.

One, two, three pancakes finished; flipped and stacked onto a plate. Adding some maple syrup and chopped strawberries, you hand him the plate and a fork. 

Turning to start your own pancakes on the heat, you hear Eddie literally moaning behind you. 

"That good babes?" 

"Umph." 

Laughing, you turn to face your boyfriend. His cheeks are stuffed full of pancakes like a gerbil, and he's staring at you with wide wet eyes. His words are muffled with food, but unmistakable.

"I fuckin' love you sweetheart." 

Goggling at him with your mouth slightly parted, you can't help but say, "I think you just love the food." 

He swallows the enormous mouthful and smacks his lips. 

"Nope, that just… pushed me over the edge, I guess. I love you." 

Throwing your arms around him, you envelop his maple smeared lips in a sweet kiss. 

"I love you too Eddie." 

He grins, and your eyes begin to grow wet, so you turn away to flip your pancakes, and to wipe away the clandestine tears. 

********************

The first time Eddie says he wants to marry you, he's shovelling your food into his mouth. Again. 

You place the plate down in front of him, and watch his little nose wrinkle. 

"What… is that?" He says disgusted, pointing to a green bit sticking out of the spaghetti and meatballs you made him for dinner. 

"It's spinach babe, it's good for you." 

He pokes it as if it's about to jump and attack, and looks back at you, gazing with a defeated expression.

"Do I have-" 

"Eddie, I made this just for you. So, if you don't eat it, I'll be upset. OK?" 

You knew that would work. He twirls a meatball in his fork, gathering some pasta, and even makes sure to add the offending spinach leaf. 

When it reaches his mouth, the noise he makes is reminiscent of his orgasm sounds, just slightly muffled. A large hand encapsulates yours, gripping firmly as if you'll float away if he doesn't. 

"I'm gonna marry you sweetheart." 

It's cloaked in food, but you hear it. How couldn't you?

"Eddie-" 

Swallowing, he grasps you with his other hand, forcing you to meet his gaze. 

"I'm serious, I'm gonna marry you, and have kids, and they are gonna love these meatballs. Spinach and all." 

Laughing, you pull your hand away, and start to eat your own food, warmth in your tummy expanding and enveloping you at his words. 

********************

The first time you tell Eddie he'll be a great husband, it's with a mouthful of food. 

Coming home from a hard day at work, you kick your shoes off and rub your aching feet for a moment.

"Eddie, baby I'm home!" 

"I'm in the kitchen sweets!" 

You follow his voice, through the tiny hallway of your shared apartment and into the living space. The entire kitchen is in disarray. Pots and pans are laying around with remnants of meals inside, used and forgotten. Grody cooking utensils have been deposited on any available side. Somethings dusting the floor; maybe flour? 

You approach the love of your life, taking in his unexpected outfit. His usually unruly hair is swept back into a low bun, and he's tied one of your stripy cooking aprons around his waist. It should look weird, since he's not wearing a shirt, but with the muscles in his shoulders fully displayed and the tattoos playing peekaboo with you, you can't find it in you to mind. 

A stray dusting of flour is on his cheek. Reaching him, you swipe it away with your thumb. 

"Eddie, what are you doing?"

"I'm making dinner! Chicken pie, just like you made before. And dessert is in the fridge!" 

His smile splits his face in half, warming your insides. 

"Well, ain't I lucky." 

"Damn straight. I even got wine, here you go." 

He hands you a glass, filling it from wine in the fridge. It's a crisp white, one you've bought before that he remembers you like. 

You perch at the small dinner table, the solid wood one you rescued from a neighbour's yard that just needed a little love, and you're waited on. 

The chicken pie is great; the pastry could've had more time in the oven but the filling was perfect. When you're finished, Eddie hands you a chocolate mousse, with whipped cream and a swirl of orange peel on the top. 

"It's chocolate orange mousse, I got it out of a recipe book I bought. You like it?" 

Eddie's practically on tenterhooks, bouncing both knees with his eyes fixated on you. 

Honestly? It's incredible. Just the right texture and consistency, and the right amount of orange. One of the best desserts you've had. 

But, it isn't just that. It's the restless demeanour, the keenness of his smile, the deep eyes full of feeling. 

With a mouthful of chocolate orange mousse, you stare at him with wet eyes. 

"You're gonna make a great husband one day." 

You swallow, and stare again. 

"Wait, scratch that. You're gonna be a great husband to me, one day." 

He grins manically at you, pride etched in his face.

"Yeah?" 

"Hummm." You turn your head as if deliberating something. 

"What?" 

'Just thinking, could we take the rest of this dessert to the bedroom? I could show you how grateful I am."

You wink, and Eddie's eyes nearly roll back inside his head. 

"Oh, if this is being your husband then fucking sign me up!" 

[bitterkarella]

Identifying furries by their fursonas

Fox- this is the default fursona for the default furry, namely a twink with a blown out fucked to death asshole

Vixen- Girl fox referred to as a vixen is an egg, girl fox just referred to as a fox is an out trans woman

Kistune - the same as above but weeb flavor

he-wolf - a greasy guy who weighs 12 pounds soaking wet and wears a fedora. republican.

she-wolf - the butchest bull dyke you ever saw

coyote - manic depressive. always on something. the drug connection at any furry party

Cat- always a woman

black cat - could be any gender but always goth

kitten/kitty - a trans sex worker, has an only fans they really want you to know about.

bobcat - older dude. wants people to think he's ex-military

Jaguar - an older black guy. will probably have the word "black" in his fursona's name

lion - just a huge asshole

tiger - another asshole. old. wants you to believe he's ex military or ex-police, probably a member of the dorsai irregulars. major grill dad vibes

jackal - a huge asshole and a slut. white gay racist, probably transphobic

cougar - either a trans woman or a terf. there's no in between

Horse - white woman who identifies as 2 Spirit or a guy who wants to be stomped on

Pony - gay nazi

unicorn - either the absolute gayest dude you can be or a 9 year old girl. sometimes a late in life transition

Tanuki - latino

badger - either a huge lesbian or an old avuncular straight guy. possible sex pest

Raccoon - nature's greatest mistake. too normie to be furry, too furry to be normie. dilf.

bat - either a goth or a real annoying shit (some overlap). invader zim fanboy. doesn't drink alcohol but claims to act crazy on "sugar highs." definitely has dabbled in webcomics

cow - a woman. maternal. mom friend or mommy dom. milf. possibly trans femme

steer - a big strong fat rough trade gay guy

sheep - mom vibes

pretty much any farm animal - mom vibes

domestic pig - wild card. might be a wet and messy fetish thing tho or a trash eating thing. loves to be stinky. loves to talk about being stinky.

wild pig - trans masc

skunk - either a fat beardy guy who has a tumblr blog about animation squash & stretch or a stoner gal. very straight. the straightest. a kinsey 0. has strong feelings about what the fandom used to be like before there were all these kids in it.

rat - is a huge asshole as a front, probably likes talking cigars

lemur - autistic

sloth - 420 blaze it. will never finish any commissions

chakat - an older cishet man who thinks the fandom is too political & refers to "anime" as "japanimation"

sergel - nazi

citra - the biggest dipshit you've ever met

procyon - furry equivalent of the thomas jefferson miku binder pic. you should not be talking to this person, this is a literal child

weasel - a girl with cluster b personality disorders

ferret - a person who has at least one pet ferret, but probably many

mole - this person thinks they're in a beatrix potter story

guinea pig/chinchilla/jerboa/gerbil/any kind of fat rodent you can keep as a pet - the sweetest person you will ever meet

armadillo/pangolin/anteater/aardvark - smug, contrarian. "i just wanna be different"

mouse - vore fetishist, prey. sub.

hyena - vore fetishist, pred. probably trans masc

otter - a dommy twink, possible enby

bear - gay

panda - absolutely a white person pretending to be asian. probably running a gofund me scam with a suspicious story about how they're a professional nintendo gamer who injured their hand or something

bullfrog - a huge fat hairy straight guy

any other frog - inflation or rubber fetishist

axolotl/newt/salamander - genderfluid enby

rabbit - trad wife trans woman

squirrel - autistic and gay

deer - gay

gazelle - zootopia megafan

monkey - punk DIY artist type, definitely loves weed

ape - absolutely baffling. nothing this person does or says makes any sense. you will be left wondering whether you're speaking to a child, a person with severe mental issues, or someone who doesn't have english as a first language

elephant - mom friend

hippo - a fat fetishist or a transformation fetishist

rhino - an older cishet dude who wants to project a curmudgeonly yet approachable aura

kangaroo - definitely not an australian person. extremely focused kinkster, usually feet or inflation. more STDs than should be possible to carry

koala - an asian woman

virginia opossum - anarchist/communist punk trans man who makes zines and/or comics

australian possum - just here to have fun. wants everyone else to be having fun too. wacky funster. (sugar gliders and flying squirrels fall under this category)

any other marsupial - poser

monotremes - extreme poser, don't even bother

doberman- gay dude who tops from the bottom or a cop (there is some overlap)

german shepherd - a nazi or a cop (there is substantial overlap). definitely a furry raider. he will wear his cop uniform to con and after con will post videos pretending that someone was rude to him

afghan - arch femme

basset hound - racist

puppy - sub, probably an egg. extremely draining. cries a lot

all other dogs - just dudes being bros (gender neutral)

dragon - the furries of furries. like to talk about eating "sammiches" and "chocklit." probably an adult baby lifestyler. they will send DMs that just say "hi." they like to RP and when they contact you about a potential commission they are actually just trying to trick you into RP

griffin - the same as above but also a brony

snake - sissy hypno fetishist

turtle - an old man, probably southern. an ironic grandpa.

other scalies - furry in denial. either a child or an old person from CYD. the world's last something awful goons

any fursona with latino vibes - white

any fursona with asian vibes - latino

any fursona with native american vibes - eastern european

avian - girl who's not like other girls. hippie. vegan.

raven/crow - agender voidgoth

chicken - mom vibes

dinosaur - the absolute biggest nerd. probably has an actual degree in paleontology. definitely dresses like miss frizzle.

any invertebrate - not a real furry, their girlfriend just made them get a furaffinity account before they could get ass. either that or they've never even heard of furry, they just came up with the idea of anthropomorphics from first principles. a biology teacher or weirdo (there is some overlap)

amoeba - this is a troll

[apclyptc]

i’m coming clean. i am OBSESSED with johnnie guilbert. also jake webber but johnnie is in my heart forever. my guilty pleasure is an emo boy cos i was HEAVY on the emo shit when i was younger. even now i am like if u put pierce the veil on or all time low imma buss down.

also a PSA to say that i also love zach justice like i would ride that man all night he is my white man of the year. i need him like a gerbil needs a running wheel.

i am a woman who has a variety of men on her influencer roster. not one of them looks the same.

also TARA YUMMY IS MY IDOL IVE LOVED HER FOR YEARS AND IM SO HAPPY SHES GETTING THE ATTENTION SHE DESERVES

[sunshinesvr]

criminal minds incorrect quotes

Penelope: Pressing snooze so many times that they throw me in jail

Rossi: Everyday at work I redefine the bare minimum

Reid: You know whats crazy that's not illegal? you can buy 6 gerbils from petsmart and start grilling them in the parking lot

Emily: I hate being gay I can't even say a normal sentence like "i'm hungry" its always some bullshit like "eating would be a slay right now"

Reid: Everyone knows i'm the smartest one here

Derek: Oh yeah then who has the right of way at a 4 way stop

Reid:

Emily: The strongest.

Derek: Bro... the ramifications....

Emily: I forgot about the rammys bro

Reid: Self undiagnosing. I'm fine.

[JJ and Will texting]

Will: i dont know if anything else happens

Will 🥺

JJ: you're a grown man don't send me that emoji

Will: Ok sorry

[trash-and-trash-accessories]

The reason I relate so much to Dale Gribble isn’t because he’s a hilarious little gremlin they keep around for comic relief.  There are a lot of hilarious gremlins out there.

I like that there is so much TRUTH in his character.  He isn’t a complete paranoid headcase character who doesn’t trust anyone ever no matter what.  He fiercely and intensely trusts the people he loves to the point that when that trust is broken he is broken.  He loves and trusts his wife and his friends so deeply that he simply cannot acknowledge it when they betray him.  Cognitively, this man is fully capable and KNOWS that his wife is having an affair that Joseph isn’t his, that his friends are lying to him about his wife.  But emotionally, he can’t handle that.  So he tucks it in the vault and does what he does best: He builds an elaborate conspiracy theory alternate reality that explains everything so he can continue living in a world where his wife and friends would never betray him.

And yeah, he can’t trust anyone else and lives and breathes conspiracy theories.  But he has good reasons to be untrusting!  He lives in a country which has committed many, many genocides against its own citizens from the gay genocide of the 80s to the Native American genocide from the 1600s to today, to slavery and Jim Crow.  He is NOT crazy to believe that his government is shady and evil because they ARE.  They really, truly are.  And Chuck Mangione really IS living in the Mega Lo Mart!

But he doesn’t let that make him a bad person too.  He doesn’t let the horrible world he lives in twist him into a monster.  Sure, he has some episodes - the rabies incident comes to mind - but on several occasions he uses his special interests and skills to help the people in his life.  He helps John Redcorn fight the government to get land from them.  He helps Hank (eventually) when he is misgendered at the DMV.  When they volunteer as firefighters, Dale switches Hank’s oxygen tank and his own so Hank gets the full one.  He transfers a swarm of fire ants onto his own body to save Bobby Hill.  He saves the entire Arlen Gun Club from a violent maniac with a clever ruse.  His knowledge of military equipment saves Bill from being court martialed when he helps return a stolen tank back to the military base!

Coward though he is by nature, he always changes his mind in the end and comes to his friends’ rescue.  He would do anything for his friends.  He goes against his very nature as a paranoid coward to help the people he loves time and time again.

Everywhere Dale goes is hostile to him.  Of course it is!  He is a neurodivergent little freak!  This man farms gerbils for meat and raises show turtles and has a special interest in conspiracy theories and guns.  He’s a weirdo.  Even in his social clubs he is engaged in constant power struggles.  The ONLY friends who stick by him, who he doesn’t have to be suspicious of are Hank, Boomhauer, and Bill.  He would be completely lonely and isolated if those three fucking messy ass dudes didn’t hang out with him.  The four of them are all deeply broken, and they need each other.  And despite the boys many many flaws, their friendship is beautiful.

[via-l0ve]

Hi I want to request Spn boys dating someone who is a few years younger than them (They almost have to be in crowley and castiels case) and they sometimes use slang that they don't get at all. I loved the way your wrote Gabriel in latest work so could you add him.

I understood that reference! (SPN pref!) 🩷

A/n: hi anon! i love this idea!! i hope you enjoy :)

warnings: swearing, modern vine/tiktok references

Dean:

“no, y/n!! you don’t understand! this is important, you could’ve died back there!! you need to be more careful! i’m tired of-“

“no need to shout. no need to yell. shut your eyes, take a deep breath.”

“…”

“aww look! you’ve gone all quiet.”

“what the fuck was that?”

you take it to your advantage when he’s arguing and just slip in some vine references (idk if anyone understands that one but i love it.)

“y/n, you want avocados on your toast like a heathen?”

“it’s an avocado! yayyy!”

“are you having a stroke? it’s just an avocado.”

one time a demon came through and a fight broke out and the table broke

“the tables broken. i’ll have to go out and get a new one in the morn-“

“oh no!! our table! it’s broken!!”

“…i just said that.”

the poor man is SO confused

Sam:

side. eye.

he’s flabbergasted

let’s say he’s mad about something okay?

he’s ranting and ranting and then he turns to you

“woah. calm down there jamahl. don’t pull out the nine!”

he’s giggling tho

he thinks it’s entertaining how you just say things for fun and it confuses everyone in the room

also also also

he tells you the most depressing news about the world and you go

“oh. slay.”

“slay? i just told you 20 people died y/n are you okay? are you high?”

“i wish i was.”

“what.”

lmfao i’m sorry but imagine in the middle of a hunt you get punched in the face by a demon or something and he turns to you and

“you okay?”

“oh! oh! call an ambulance! call an ambulance! but not for me!!!”

and then you kill it.

he falls in love even more.

Castiel:

poor baby is so confused

“where are you going, y/n?”

“wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy.”

“w-what? weather boy? i’m an angel of the lord-“

it’s not even vine. if you use slang he is so confused

“she thought she ate that up.”

“ate what up? what was she eating y/n?”

“no… no she wasn’t eat-“

you do it just to mess with him lol

“cas, you’re such a snack.”

“huh?”

your humor makes him so confused

“cas! look at this video of a gerbil running up to the camera and it freezes right on his dumb face.”

“y/n you concern me.”

“i was laughing for ten minutes.”

crowley:

he is so confused

he thinks your dying

but he also just goes along with it

any vine references he giggles a little bit ngl

he thinks you’re so funny even if he dosent get it too much LMFAOO

he gives you the look every time you reference something.

“was that a vine thing?”

he says meme like sebastian stan

“mee-me.”

“was that a mee-me?”

“meme, crowley.”

“oh. meeh-me.”

“no🩷.”

i’m cackling

i feel like he sucks at texting bro.

“hey bestie how was ur day?” - you

“good bestie i am not your bestie i am crowley your lover”

“use punctuation.”

he dosent understand your new language but he tries to keep up.

[inkbagel]

Teen titans 2003 is the reason creativity will never die. Who on earth came up with the Fourth of July special. What the heck.

A freakish old British man hypnotizes the entirety of America into thinking the American revolution never happened and America is a part of the United Kingdom. The old man then grabs Robin and steals all his age to become a bratty sixteen year old with red hair. Robin is now incapacitated for the entirety of the episode since he’s old and frail. Beast boy got hypnotized and is now British. The rest of the teen titans argue over how to save the country and settle over a democratic vote for a plan, because in cyborgs words “this is still America.” Beast boy got unhypnotized at some point bc he’s American again.

They find old man Robin and go to save him except that was actually a hologram. The freak British guy with red hair is now dressed as king George. He sends the entire american turned british army after the titans and makes old man Robin watch.

The titans all go through each of their plans to save America and each plan fails. Beast boy wants to train an army of gerbils to fight for them. Nobody likes this plan. Cut to chase scene montage with knockoff Beatles music over it. The animators are having a blast and you can really tell. The montage ends looking at old man Robin making weird grunts and groans.

They find the Declaration of Independence?? In jump city??? Starfire gives a Motivational Speech™️ and they come up with a new plan.

The freak British guy is still brainwashing Americans into calling cookies biscuits for some reason. They’re having a parade. The titans break all the hypnotizing tv screens and all the citizens run away. The titans battle the British army. They all get captured but beast boy saves them bc that was their plan all along.

Old man Robin steals the freak British boys magic cane (did I mention he has a magic cane?) and reverses the age magic and the British magic. Robin says one of his cool funny one liners and they take the freak old man to prison. The titans saved the day! The end. That is literally where the episode ends.

WHO came up with that. They’re brilliant. They should be president. Please it would be so funny.

[ang3l0fde4th4ndd0gs]

The Marauders as things I've said today:

James: That's not a door. BUT IT COULD BE.

Sirius: I sold my braincells on the black market.

Remus: You put the twat in Brainrot.

Regulus: I'm too french for this.

Barty: Ah yes. Shibari. My favorite food.

Sirius: I'm older than your mom. Pipe down.

James: Is height an age?

Sirius: *You* can't say that. Doesn't mean *I* won't.

Sirius: You are the epitome of twink culture. Still can't beat me.

Barty: Seeing stars yet? No? Look *closer*

Regulus: Ever wake up in a trunk?

Regulus: Twinkerbell.

Sirius: *sings* You'reee. You're gonna be fineeee. But not if you stay hereeee.

Remus: I'm too sober for this. BUT I CAN FIX THAT.

Sirius: I *have* Gucci boots. I only wear them to step on idiots. AND YOU QUALIFY. Congrats, you fuckwad.

Remus: The word fuck is like swimming. If I don't say it, I'll fucking die.

Barty: If you don't shut up I'm going to piss on the thing you love most.

Regulus: You love me? Wow man. Must be a low point.

James: ThAt'S sHaRp. WELL HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT UNLESS I DROPPED IT FIRST?

Evan: You're built like a squinky.

Evan: You fuckin gerbil shit.

Remus: Dicks. *Everywhere.* and look. Plastic penises too.