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#and I keep hearing I could ask for more
elektroyu · 2 years
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Oh shoot. You know what I just realized?
If I move out in the next months and I'll have to pay for everything myself like internet, rent, electricity and all that...
... that means I'll HAVE to raise prices really soon after opening the shop 😓 and that really sucks?
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necrotic-nephilim · 24 hours
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in lieu of having posted any writing/headcanons/asks in the past few days because i have been *so* busy and unable to do anything fandom-related which is terrible and evil, i have a poll out of morbid curiosity and self-indulgence. i've been meaning to ramble here about how i feel about DC's lack fo Deaf representation and which Batfam members i would personally make Deaf, but i am mildly curious about the larger opinion and now i will subject you all to the question, i would love to hear thoughts/opinions/headcanons on any specific choices. (would love d/Deaf/HoH opinions esp but i'm mostly expecting this to reach the hearing crowd, so opinions from hearing ppl are ones i'm very curious about. if you've never given it thought before you are going to now or else /lh)
#necrotic nuisance#<- new tag for nonserious shit like this#batfamily#batclan#deafculture#i think not including bruce in this poll bc i ran out of options is *so* fucking funny so i'm keeping it#bc realistically i could bump off more tertiary characters like harper or jpv to include him#but i won't.#hearing people are seriously invited to reblog and share opinions or headcanons i'm so genuine#just like. behave about it.#i have personal headcanons but i will save sharing them until the poll is finished#as not to skew results#i also have a hunch on who will lead. based on popular headcanons i see#but i will also not share that as to not skew it#i'm using the Deaf identity as an umbrella term that can include Hard of Hearing as well btw#so if your headcanon is more HoH leaning it is counted#i do believe this is something most fans haven't rlly thought about#but i *really* want to write fics with Deaf rep and i have been waffling on who to make Deaf#so. this poll is also a field test of who you would like to see me (a Deaf bitch) write as Deaf.#and i totally pinky promise not to project super duper hard on them. (i'm so lying)#i will get back to writing and the ask games i promse!#tomorrow i have the day off after 4 bc someone else is watching the baby so ic can just chill#also *please please* if you have disabled headcanons for any batfam (or DC in general) character#send them to me. i want to see them. i would love to talk about them with you.#as an anon ask as a message as a reblog idc#gimme.#this isn't my usual content but shhh lemme be self indulgent.#both bc i'm curious and bc i wanna write Deaf shit so. we take a break from my usual nonsense for this.#i'll post writing tomorrow to make up for it#also i have to remind myself this is my blog i can do what i want with and not just be a content machine. yk
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actual-corpse · 18 days
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きみとそらをとぶ / feat. 初音ミク & 巡音ルカ
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Y'all... why does this give me intense nostalgia for a time I know I can never get back to?
Like... That's THE Pokémon song! The one you hear at the end of your journey. The one that makes you wanna go back to your mom and show her your Pokémon badges.
I really do love Pokémon lol. I love the games even though I hate battling. I'm actually in the process of trying to complete my Pokedex in Let's Go! Eevee, before I build my dream team for the Elite Four. I love my Eevee, I named her after my cat (as you do).
Idk... I'm tired, and in pain, and in my feelings about this song.
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jrueships · 22 days
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Bought one of my lil nephew giannis shoes for his birthday bcs he loves giannis and these are some of the ugliest fucking things I have ever laid my eyes on in my life. anyways it's his bday today so i gave them to him. but they are so ugly. he loves them
#i am not a sneakerhead#i wish i could be . finacially i can be. but mentally i cannot#i am not a car guy either. i could. but i cant mentally#bcs the only time id get smthing pretty is to look at it. and keep it safe#and then id want to km$ for not using smthing thats intended to be used bcs i hate wasted potential#once i got these rlly nice shoes#ive worn them once when i was trying them on#and i hate myself every day for doing that but also i just cant get them dirty#BUT I HATE THAT#some ppl can do that. they get a million things and only use it once and yea i COULD but psychologically i just CANT#im friends with a lot of sneakerheads and chain wearers and while i cant mentally make myself one#i can understand why they can#like ppl always wanna excuse not helping ppl by pointing at the stuff they already have#like oh u can buy urself a chain but cant buy ur momma and u a nicer place to live#like ok so credit scores are not existent then. especially when ppl use that phrase against ppl growing into crime like#yes they are making money now but is it good clean money? no. thats not gonna go into smthing long term n hefty like a house#chains are a rlly big thing bcs sometimes some jewelers just dont ask questions. hence bmf's jeweler getting roped into their crime schemes#any business can be like that btw. like michael jacksons doctor getting paid to kill him. the difficulty lvl just changes#and also. random ppl make fun of the stuff they can see or hear right in front of them#random ppl can and will make u feel bad abt any little thing they know or see the best bcs theyre assholes like that#u wear shoes all the time everywhere. thats more and more eyes noticing how old/dirty ur shoes are#or ur cars old n busted or ur phones a fucking android like it doesnt matter. the more ppl can see. the more theyll know#the more sensitive u get abt whats actually small to u at the start but big 2 them n then it gets big 2 u#anyways yea so like. i get it. i dont do it but i can see why others do#anyways yea these shoes are so ugly lol like i dont buy merch of my favs unless the style matches mine personally#he just liked them bcs they were giannis tbh n then i pointed out they were modeled after 1 of the jerseys#which made he rlly want them a while back so i surprised him today#but yea these things are ugly lol im glad he likes them but ew LMFAO
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dykedvonte · 6 months
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The Khans - My Introspective
I don't like the Military and I don't support a lot of the actions the NCR does to the Mojave in New Vegas but in terms of the Khans I feel like the fandom infantilizes or diminishes the fact that they are or at least one of the most violent raider groups in the Mojave.
What happened at Bitter Springs was a tragedy, innocent lives were lost and the fact that the NCR swept it under the rug and continued to hunt down Khans that are truly trying to back down and resettle is horrendous, but there is a history to the NCR's aggression towards them.
The Khans first appear in Fallout 1, the main faction of raiders in the game besides the mentioned Vipers (who don't actually appear if I remember correctly). They came from Vault 15 along with the members that would form rival groups; The Vipers, The Jackals, and Shady Sands. They are a very large and foreboding raiding party, known for burning towns and encampments they attack and taking survivors as their slaves or slaves to sell. They are a big reason why the Jackals and Vipers are actually so small in New Vegas, they wiped them out.
Their main targets where Shady Sands and Junker town, the former of the two would be what became The New California Republic. This explains a big part of their animosity towards the Khans, only furthered by the fact the Khans kidnapped Tandi as a young girl, the girl that would go to offically found the NCR out of Shady Sands. When the dweller saved her and killed much of the Khans, this allowed the NCR to develop into what it currently is as they no longer needed to focus on fighting off constant raids.
When the Khans became the New Khans in Fallout 2, they barely resembled the Khans as they were led by Darion, Garl Death-Hand's son (former leader of the Khans). They were smaller and refortified vault 15, still planning to take down the NCR (at this time nowhere near as imperialist as they are in FNV) as mostly a revenge/power ploy. They manipulate The Squat, a group of y'know squatters, that lived in the upper levels, promising and lying about repairing the vault and offering them ransacked caravan resources if they kept the NCR away. Being their only life line The Squat had no choice. Still the chosen one got rid of them and they left New California for the untapped Mojave.
The Great Khans, the most current iteration, continued in the path as the original Khans, regrouping and gaining information from the Followers who hoped they'd use their new medical knowledge to heal themselves. They gained more members and a substantial part of Vegas territory before they were run out by the three families. They were pushed to Bitter Springs where they first and foremost continued to pick off and attack NCR settlements, most of which consisted of caravans, towns, and camps as they saw them as easy like in their old days. It was the killing of four influential Republic members (non-military) that brought on Bitter Springs.
Bitter Springs was the result of years of hatred and animosity and likely the goal to send a final message to the Khans. It does not excuse the fact that innocent men, women, and children were slaughtered with few survivors. It does not excuse the fact that the NCR has yet to make amends for this and continues to try and persecute the Khans even in moments of surrender.
This post is not to defend what happened but to give a quick rundown of the Khan's history and their history with the NCR. It's to remind people that the NCR is not just their military power but an actual group/settlement of people that were also attacked indiscriminately by the Khans. It's to point out that the Khans were not a band of indigenous people (no matter the comparisons) driven from their homes but raiders who fed into the brutal cultures of the west coast wasteland and were in turn treated to the same things.
My frustration comes from the fact that FNV has so many comparisons to indigenous struggles but the groups it chooses are not comparable at all. Their oppression hinges on not being familiar with their past, which explains why they have the reputation they do in canon. The "tribes" are often not even groups of minorities or have goals/desires out of acquisitions of power and I feel like it is important to both acknowledge that this is bad indigenous rep because it is not supposed to be. It is supposed to be a comparison of the in-game groups and how they all do the same things and justify it in their own fucked up ways, some better at it than others.
FNV of all the Fallout games (in light of it being heavily Western based) distastefully uses indigenous imagery and theming for groups that are sad mimicries of American indigenous cultures at best and outright offensive at worst.
#this is also to say the NCR is barely different but they imply New California is a city and safe and that once the NCR military leaves#they will properly try to settle and revitalize the area unlike the goals of almost every other group#the issues arise from the tensions of the hoover dam battles the legion and the corrupt leaders chosen in what is a terse time#but the khans are interesting to me and I like the named khans we have in FNV but they are treated to be almost innocent at points due to#all the Ls they keep taking despite admitting to their raider roots and being PROUD#they partnered with the Legion and before i hear they didnt know they were slavers at a point too and likely didnt care if they believed it#would not affec their own. the Mojave is an unforgivnig place and sometimes you make unforgivable alliances since they alienated all their#other options through their continued and consistent behaviors#like i could go on how bad the native rep is but I would not use any of the tribes cause they barely count the only difference from the NCR#is they organize themself differtently like id use the tribes in Honest Hearts cause holy shit is it bad and racist like at least the Mojav#tribes are just white dickheads brutalizing each other and not the characatures of native people the Sorrows Dead Horse and White legs are#like yikes I hated playing white savior the dlc#this is also semi personal because i dont see a lot of POC people in the fandom talking about the Khans and so I dont know if the proper#perspectives can be added because just because something can represent a culture or group doesn't mean it does or that it was the primary#thing they were trying to get across#like feel free to ask and talk to me more about it cause grrr#fallout#fallout new vegas#the great khans#the khans#new california republic#the ncr#fallout 1#fallout 2#papa khan
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"i mess up things and then i don't have the energy to fix them up" yes brain true sentence but no brain the appropriate response is NOT "therefore i should kill myself (and here's how)"
#tw suicide#i wish i was joking#i am just so so tired of keeping myself alive! can't someone else do it for a change? or better yet kill me??#said something to the emergency room psych#she queried it and i confirmed i had said precisely what i intended#she blinked and said 'i usually hear that from jaded forty year olds not twenty year olds'#i won't share what because it was a highly specific explanation of precisely how i might see myself suiciding or how/whether i thought i#could. she asked me and i answered. apparently she wasn't expecting that level of detail and confidence#is it funny to anyone else that i always struggle with confidence but i can confidently tell her specifics about suicide thoughts?#this is reminding me of the fifteen year old yesterday i was conversing with and he randomly started listing all the suicide methods he#could think of and i was internally like you missed a dozen i can think of. didn't say that obvs#i don't know i am. tired. of everything. and i had a long and good conversation with an older woman from church last night (mother of the#boy. i have confided in her before she's great)#she's hte only person irl who now knows about the second suicide attempt (tho she doesn't know it was the second) and she was encouraging m#to see the psych and escalate care#but all day ive been regretting telling the psych or bro or anyone honestly#it would be so much EASIER to have said nothing and gone through with my plan#i wouldn't trust myself not to rn if i had access#i mean. i know multiple ways in this room i could kill myself. but i won't#there's a couple of specific methods that are most of the thoughts usually so they're the specific ones i gotta watch out for more if that#makes sense#ooh gosh im rambling i should shut up xD#personal#puddleglum hours
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medicinemane · 2 months
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I don't know... horrible things happen all around the world and it's not a competition
Atrocities are committed against multiple groups in multiple parts of the world at the exact same moment, and none of them erase each other. They all matter, all the people in this world who are being brutalized matter. There shouldn't be any line you draw where one group doesn't actually matter as much as another
You're welcome to prioritize your energy towards helping one group or another, but what's not ok is invalidating or dismissing people who are actively being harmed
Same goes for trying to figure out which social group has things worst (and lets be honest, always using a US lens)
Like... maybe the important thing is to prop each other up and help everyone get on their own feet rather than trying to... pick fights about if physical disabilities or mental illness are less respected (I'm trying to pick a more absurd example but sadly I've seen exactly that argument happen before). Maybe it doesn't really matter and what matters is helping who we can when we can
I'm tired of it, I'm just fucking tired of it. Support people, champion them when the world is just brutalizing them, but you don't need to throw a single other person under the bus to do that
Which seems to be an absolutely impossible lesson for people to learn
#I won't say anything else on this; but I will say that to me one of the groups that it feels like is most forgotten is Syrians#including by me if I'm honest#I don't know what's currently happening in Syria... but... my understanding is it still hasn't really gotten better#assad is still brutalizing people last I had heard#so rather than saying anything else I'd prefer to simply focus on some people it feels like were forgotten back during Obama#and... and have remained forgotten#and I'm sorry I can't do more to help with the suffering in the world#but... you notice what I'm not having to do here?#I'm not having to throw a single other person under the bus#I'm able to just focus on how much I wish for Syrians to be ok (which is a hollow gesture on my part in many ways I think)#and I can keep all the focus on Syrians rather than throwing anyone else under the bus or doing any whataboutism#and that's literally all I'm asking of you fucking people#don't downplay human misery to try and make your thing seem more important#they're both fucking important... they're all important#there's so much suffering I can't even keep up with it#there's so much of it that I can only name without knowing the details; Congo; I believe Sudan is still suffering; Haiti#I don't know how things are in Ethiopia right now... I can't keep track#and none of these situations and the horrible things they're dealing with; things I haven't even been able to follow#none of it detracts from and of the issues I am following more closely#I don't need to compare them and say 'well it's not as bad'; because... bad is bad and any is too much#and nothing I say here will do a damn thing; no one'll hear and even if they did they'd ignore it or get pissed#that's what my evidence shows me about how people behave#but suffering isn't a competition; the correct amount is zero#and... perhaps I'd have more tolerance if I hadn't watched how you behave with stuff#...the worst part is the person I adore who... man... I wish I could just get them to really think through their words#they mean well; they're coming from a place of love; but I just haven't been able to paint the picture for them of the harm#and I'm flawed; I don't have all the answers; I could be wrong here#but... can you at least see why I feel that maybe we shouldn't pit misery against each other#that the people suffering have more in common with each other than opposed and... maybe westerners aren't fucking helping#eh... too fucking drained thinking about this; end of tags
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good-beans · 1 year
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What do think of a Milgram next generation au? Like an AU where the prisoners (excluding amane) have kids?
Ooh, what an interesting concept! I've never thought of that before (besides crying over Mahiru’s dream family she mentioned lol) so this was real fun to think about >:) I’m assuming the Milgram events all occur, but somehow everyone makes it out and tries to move on with their lives as best as they can. It'd be really cool story of all these kids meeting up and slowly uncovering their parents trauma/secrets...
For a lighter tone, it could be a very cute “kid detectives meeting up and making a little club to talk about mysteries of the past with their weird pet rabbit :)” But of course you could keep the darker canon tone, and have these ordinary children from wildly different walks of life discovering the bloody secrets that have haunted their family.
Either way, it'd be cool to set it up the same way we’re discovering the crimes: the children get pieces of information here and there as their parents let things slip, they check a story from an old news site, they catch details here and there from the locals. The group tries to put all the pieces together with limited snapshots and comments. There are no judgements -- it definitely leans into the mystery/story elements.
I'm sure their time in Milgram would drastically change the original prisoners, so some of their children would be shocked to find out what their parents were doing back in the day... I think a few of them would move far away, or want nothing to do with the others, so it takes their children a bit of digging to track down the other kids like them. Even if their parents are enemies, the children can all get close over their unique situation. I'm also a sucker for siblings who aren't close to find a better relationship through discovering the family secrets.
For an even darker tone, though, the original prisoners could have been wrongfully released or escaped back into the real world -- so years later, Milgram collects the children into the prison to judge them instead (sins of the father and all that). Instead of extracting mvs from them, the child and warden are forced to watch their parents’ videos and are interrogated about that. In this case, there'd be a weird dynamic in which they're learning to hate their parents (for the cruel things they did or for being the reason they're currently imprisoned) while also working really hard to defend them to the warden so that their family is forgiven. Similarly, there's an interesting relationship between them and the warden: these new prisoners criticize their decisions while also working together to solve the details of the parents' crimes.
I don't have a ton of specific headcanons on the cast, but a few roles in the group I can picture:
Kazui becomes much more honest after everything -- his children end up with leader roles because they have the most information on milgram/his crime.
Alongside them, Kotoko's kid would take after her mannerisms and become a leader as well. Out of Fuuta, Mahiru, and Mikoto's kids, half of them don't mind their parents' conflicts, while the other half act like they should carry on that legacy. I don't think Kotoko's kid themself feels the need to carry on her work, but will definitely defend her actions no matter what.
Shidou’s child would be put in a really weird spot, hearing how much he mourned those that came before. Feeling like a replacement, or not living up to the idea of his previous family, they act just as melancholy as him. Yuno's child also has a strange survivors guilt sort of thing going on.
In a normal-world setting, Fuuta's kid is the one to track the others down and get in touch with them. (But they're just as hotheaded as he was at that age, so another member has to do the actual recruiting lol)
Mahiru tries to move on from the events of Milgram, so her child is the most shocked that their mother was involved in a death and trial like this.
I think there'd be a solid mix of kids who are exactly like their parents, and the complete opposite. I like the idea of Haruka’s kid becoming the friendly, talkative one who really brings the group together <3
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sillyfudgemonkeys · 3 months
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Sounds like you've got a right bitch of a co-worker based on those post tags lol
ajfksdljf TT0TT Oh that was like my 3rd version of a post I made. I had to talk myself down and censor myself akljsdflkfa orz
But yes he really is. I cannot stress it enough that everyone hates his guts and he's created such a hostile work environment.
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#silly asks#the junpei coworker#silly answers#god i hate him so much#he's not the first jackass i've had to work with but god he is the most recent#i should've called HR last night#i literally told him “do NOT fucking finish that sentence or train of thought”#and then he kept ALLUDING to what he wanted to say and i had to keep telling him to stfu#then he hid in the bathroom for 30 min (which pissed me off mORE because it meant he got a free 30 break and was paid for it)#all while i was left alone to wrangle a circus by myself#he was watching anime fyi...cause I could hear it when I had to go to the back room to get stuff#like we had a store meeting and my boss listed a bunch of stuff that needed to be minded#and like HALF of it was directed at junpei (he didn't look at him but WE ALL KNEW)#my boss even confirmed it when everyone else left#he only confirmed it because as soon as they left I turned to him an was like 'when is that mfer getting fired?????!"#my boss wants to fire him but HIS boss says he can't until they find a replacement#the bar is in hell rn#it's so bad that me and my other coworker made a bingo of shit he likes to pull on shift (HE'S THAT CONSISTENT)#*looks at sched* oh thank god I dont need to see him today or tomorrow-#WAIT NO I HAVE TO WORK WITH HIM THE ENTIRE CLOSE FRIDAY NOOOOO FUCK save tme this is gonan suck#i'm kinda hoping he gets “sick” again I'd rather work alone TT0TT#*inhales* it'll be fine it'lle be fine it'll be fine it'll be fine#zen zen centered i am zen...I'll listen to an audio book or video i'll be ok#i'll just ignore him like i've been doing TT0TT#silly vents#vents#irl bs
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i swear the list keeps getting bigger every time i look at it
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meownotgood · 10 months
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MAGS UR SUPPOSED TO TELL US IN ADVANCE SO WE CAN PREPARE FOR IMPORTANT EVENTS LIKE THE QUEEN’S BIRTHDAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY WIFEYYY! Words cannot thoroughly express how much I love ur work. I’ve actually had a rough past few years and I was really going through it when I first found your blog. Your work took me to a world where there was comfort, ease, and love. I was inspired by many of your works to confront difficult aspects of my life and prepare myself to accept love in a vulnerable and meaningful way. I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me this safe space and place of comfort. You are far more appreciated than you know. ❤️‍🔥
don't make me tear up... I appreciate that so much, I'm so glad you could enjoy my writing and my blog like that, when I hear that it just pushes me to want to write even more... thank you so very much 💗
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girlcrushau · 6 months
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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,,
#lmao another thing that sucks so fkn bad and is pathetic af#is that like yeah i dont have any friends or anyone to talk to#he has been the person closest to me for a year....#and bc i have these feelings for him#i want comfort from him 💀 which obviously i cannot ask for#but i *want* him to reassure me and tell me that i'll be ok probably maybe#like i've tried so hard to not be a 'brat' (tbh a part of me that i... felt so close to him and wanted to be closer#and feel comfortable w letting out w him. but thats a door that will remain closed and i mourn it)#and told him not only my hurts but also stuff like i support him and hope for him that he'll have what he wants now#i dont expect anything in return but i realized that i feel so sad and down#bc deep down i want him to do the same for me 🥲 like i want him to say anything mainly#but yeah... idk it sucks bc i look up to him and his advice is always so grounding and helps me a lot#so even if im unhappily in love w him i still want to look to him for advice and some sort of guidance#and i know how this sounds. it is how i feel regardless.. feelings are pesky >.<#at the very least i just wished he could say at least smth...#and i feel even more stupid having tried and then ... nothing#which again reminds me that yeah... i wont be .. like i wont be#hmm... how do i phrase this.. like i want him to see me in pain and struggling and want to give me any feedback asap#as to not keep me in pain without hearing anything back for too long. kinda like that#but i wont be that bc im not the one he'll put what he has in. which obviously i intellectually understand#i still just hurt bc of it bc i still wish for it (which is smth i have to learn how to not do)#and it hurts bc lol.. i wait and wait for him to say anything and then it hurts more bc it doesnt happen so T-T#also it really sucks that i dont have any friends bc having friends helps u try to stay sane and not completely be submerged in these thing
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b0ngwatertearz · 3 months
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#tw sui ideation#the longer that im alive the more i feel like i shouldn’t be#i can never catch a fucking break#within three months i my mom dies#then i get dumped by the love of my life on my first mother’s day after her passing#and then i get diagnosed with type 1 diabetes#facsism is on the rise#our country is being run by a genocidal dementiated zionist#our choice for the next presidency is that genocidal war criminal or a somehow worse genocidal war criminal#all of our rights are being stripped away#we’re in a cost of living crisis#im not even living paycheck to paycheck#i regularly have to borrow money from my friends to survive till next payday#and that’s with all the government assistance im on#so i’m really struggling to understand why i should bother staying to find out what happens#i know my friends love me#i know people care about me#that does nothing to relieve the suffering i live through everyday#my friends loving me does not take away the fact that i’m disabled and transgender in this hellscape#and actively working a full time job#with no fucking help#do i have a little financial assistance? sure. but not nearly enough to survive#75% of my needs are not being met most of the time because i can’t fucking do it#and no one believes i’m disabled enough to need help#or they don’t care enough to help#bc all day everyday i hear how strong i am and how none of my friends could ever go through what i do#and yet whenever i ask for help i often get met with irritation or annoyance#im just so fucking tired#i can’t keep doing this#i can’t live like this forever
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cosmicmakos · 2 years
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imagine going for a romantic walk in the park with your f/o, holding hands and talking the entire time
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binders-and-beanies · 4 months
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#sry I need to vent more abt my tattoo pain bc I physically cannot do anything productive rn im completely and totally incapacitated#can’t read anything beyond short posts or texts. can’t eat or move at all#tried to sleep through it so it would at least Be Tomorrow so I can get medical help. but the jolts of pain make me like Jump#hence me being sent home from work early today like it’s not even that I was complaining I was just flinching involuntarily so much#and was unable to work or function at all. thank god I don’t work retail rn I remember the pain of tattoo infections in that context#it’s so Abrupt it feels like I’m being stabbed or repeatedly bitten#literally trying not to scream bc I have a roommate. but he almost certainly hears me crying and saying ouch#which sucks bc I barely know the guy lol he has no context. At least on my drive home I could scream as much as I needed#literally would go to the ER if I could afford it and that sounds so dramatic bc it is#it doesn’t feel like it can wait. genuinely don’t know how I’m gonna get through the night#I haven’t slept in like 60 hours and I doubt I will tonight. but it hurts too much to even tell if I’m tired#and I don’t have time for this!! I have so much I need to be doing. I hate that the only way I can have Time is to be Extra Disabled#in a way that leaves me completely unable to do the things I normally can fight through despite burnout#and I was just at health services yesterday asking them to do insurance paperwork that they couldn’t do#it’s embarrassing having to be like hey I was just there but can I come back#I have Another tattoo infection but I pinky promise I take such good care of them#and my artist is like the best of the best too. it’s like it doesn’t matter what either of us does to keep me safe#and I know if anyone responds to this it will be to tell me to stop getting tattoos#but that’s literally like telling me not to get top surgery if I’m immunocompromised n might have recovery complications#both are equally important gender affirming medical procedures to me I’m not joking#and I hate always having to justify this whilst in agonizing pain. I hate answering the same things every time bc still no one believes me#I say this as someone who lives every moment in baseline pain that would have your average person writhing on the floor and I ignore it#this is truly unbearable if I hadn’t been through it a million times I would think it was life threatening#just needed to get it out ig. bc it’s all I can physically do. until health services opens in 12 hours#PLEASE let them have availability tomorrow bc i have literally no option on weekends#this is just. so upsetting and embarrassing. I don’t have time or emotional capacity for this#personal#mine#vent post
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