#and I felt a lot of guilt for pulling away from him as he developed Alzheimer's and got sick

[thebrokengate]

TW for vertigo!

Of all four diamonds, Blue Diamond is my favorite. As someone who recently lost a loved one and also felt grief and guilt over it, Blue's own grief and guilt is easy for me to process mine through.

Audio: je te laisserai des mots by Patrick Wilson (edited by me)

[kimikitti]

In honor of the new Book 7 part I present to you all the right and honorable Lord Calibearn the Pretender. Briar Valley's premier overworked government employee.

Former court jester turned Royal Advisor, he's wrangled almost three generations of Draconia royalty in vastly different ways. He's twisted from the forest animals in sleeping beauty taking over the Prince's coat. Yes, he is made up of a bunch of animals in a fancy stuffed outfit. There's a lore dump below the cut

Unique magic: "Flock Together"- Allows user to control and manipulate groups of small animals. Advanced application allows conscious transfer of the soul

Background:

Calibearn came from a relatively poor background in Briar Valley. He used to sing and play the lute for some extra coin on the streets. When the Royal Court held a competition for a new jester, Calibearn decided to try out. He was successful on account for the unique harmonies he could conjure with forest animals and was appointed as a companion to a young princess Malenoar. It was through this that Calibearn met Raverne and Lilia.

War: (I'm not too set on his lore yet) During the invasion of the Silver Owl, Calibearn was taken hostage trying to evacuate civilians. He was never supposed to be near the front lines, due to his weak nature. While in captivity, Calibearn was forced to give up his original form and escape using his unique magic "Flock Together".

He never found his original body.

Upon his return, Calibearn took on a more ruthless political role under the senate. His sharp tongue and wit led to a meteoric rise in political circles (plus a shit ton of blackmail).

During the seige of Malenoar's castle, Calibearn was faced with a terrible choice. Send more troups to defend Malenoar or move the supplies to secure civilians. He made a choice he'll never forgive himself for.

Relationships:

Malenoar: On account of a shared childhood, they were quite close. Malenoar would frequently tease Cali about his shyness when they were young. Calibearn also entertained the princess with the sordid affairs that happen amongst the nobles in her court. Calibearn was also involved in a lot of the mischief Maleanoar would pull on potential suitors.

Lilia: Calibearn developed a minor crush on Lilia growing up. He holds Lilia in very high regard. After the war, Calibearn and Lilia's relationship deteriorates. Lilia, though still believing in Calibearn as a friend, cannot forgive him for abandoning Maleanoar. Calibearn doesn't believe that Lilia is wrong about that, but also refuses to explain himself. While Lilia is banished, Calibearn constantly petitions the Senate for a repeal of his punishment. He continues to support Lilia indirectly and would often send gifts for Silver through Malleus.

After nearly centuries of healing, Lilia wants to finally have an open conversation of Calibearn about the past. Calibearn runs away from this constantly. Much to the chagrin of literally everyone involved.

Malleus: Due to the fact that the Senate sucks and Lilia was not often allowed to see Malleus, Calibearn self appointed himself to be a tutor and mentor to the young prince. He would often help Malleus sneak out to see Lilia. He wanted the prince to at least have some semblance of a childhood.

Calibearn was not always the best role model at times. He taught Malleus how to curse like a sailor once and got his ass kicked by Lilia. Though he is fond of Malleus, Calibearn felt himself to be a temporary figure in prince's life. The guilt he carried made Calibearn feel that his love for the prince paled in comparison to the love Lilia could give. As such, he kept some amount of distance between him and Malleus.

Malleus on the other hand, grew to respect Calibearn as a mentor. Though that doesn't stop the prince from teasing Calibearn at every opportunity. (Btw the I love DILF mug is from Malleus, Cali has no idea what DILF means no one tell him.) Also, Malleus is constantly trying to get is divorced dads back together. Silver gets enlisted into this fight on account for him being the youngest and cutest.

[randxmthxughts]

All For You - Neteyam x Ta'unui ! reader (enemies to lovers) - pt. 1

*Ta'unui is the Eastern Sea water clan that was attacked by Quaritch

masterlist

part 2

summary: When Quaritch attacks the Ta’unui water clan looking for Jake Sully, the clan’s Tsahik forces her younger sister, Y/N, to escape and seek refuge from the Metkayina clan. As Y/N deals with the trauma of losing her home, she discovers that she isn’t the only outlander in the village. She develops conflicted feelings for Neteyam but the tensions grow when Y/N finds out that Neteyam is the son of Jake Sully - the man she hates. 

genres/tropes: angst, romance, enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, grumpy x sunshine, slowburn

other pairings: Loak x Tsireya, Kiri x Ao’nung, platonic relationships (Y/N x Kiri x Tsireya, Y/N x Jake, Y/N x Neytiri)

warnings: war, mentions of blood, PTSD, trauma, survivor guilt, character near-death experience, slightly aged up neteyam, dialogues are supposed to be in na'vi, not english, lots of side eyes, braids swaying, and neteyam appearing out of nowhere like the batman lol

word count: 30,2k (ik this is insane)

a/n: i’m so sorry because this is so long but i spent about two weeks working on it night and day, and i have never been so hyper fixated on a character before. i would love for this not to flop bc otherwise i might feel a little dumb, so if you enjoy it, please spread some love :) i always go through the reblogs to see if anyone said anything in the tags, so… 

the set up is a little slow but bear with me

____

It all happened in a blur. You always believed that in a time of danger, you would be skilled and strong enough to protect your clan. But as you watched the sky demons, disguised as Na’vi, pointing their weapons at your people and burning your homes, you felt like a useless coward. If it wasn’t for your sister’s, Tsahik’s, quick thinking of causing a distraction and pushing you into the water, you would have been dead by now. She sacrificed herself for you to live.

You can’t make out how much time has passed since you finally made it to the unfamiliar reefs, as you collapsed on the sand, breathless and disoriented. You could only hope that you reached the correct destination: the Awa’atlu village. The distant sounds of horns announced your arrival, and strangers started to surround you in a circle. When the Olo’eyktan approached you, you managed to summon the rest of your strength to stand up and greet him.

You’re weak, and judging by his face, you’re sure that the explanation you give him is too vague. You hope that despite your mumbling, he understands that you were asking for refuge to escape from the sky demons. As the villagers around you start whispering, the only thing that comes to your mind clearly is “Jake Sully.” They killed your people, set your village on fire, shot your ilus... All because of Jake Sully. 

“Jake Sully,” you repeat in a low whisper, your eyelids suddenly feeling heavy. 

“Where is your ilu, child? Did you swim here by yourself?” Olo'eyktan asks, examining you with a hint of worry.

You wince at the mention of your ilu, the painful memory of its death still too fresh. It seemed unfair that you weren’t fast enough to save both of you. You had underestimated the demons, thinking you were too far away when a bullet suddenly pierced through your companion, acute pain reaching you simultaneously through the bond. You ilu did its best to swim through, bringing you to safety before you felt its body sink underneath you with a final shriek. Yet you couldn’t even mourn. 

You were still in the open water, alone, unsure of where to head. You screamed as you pulled yourself together and started to swim, pushing through exhaustion and soreness in your muscles. You couldn’t afford to stop until you reached the unfamiliar land. You owed your sister to survive this.

“They killed my ilu,” a sob escapes your throat, your knees suddenly going weak.

“Easy there,” you hear a low voice beside you, as a pair of warm hands snake around your waist, supporting you to stand on your feet. You glance down at the hands, and realize that they are different. Blue-skinned.

“She needs to rest. She must have been swimming for hours,” Tsahik steps out, “What clan do you belong to, child?”

“Ta'unui.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Your first night in Awa’atlu, you’re too weak to get out of bed. The Tsahik had placed you in a small empty marui, close to hers, so she could easily check on you. In moments of consciousness, you catch glimpses of people and snippets of conversations. When they ask you questions about your arrival, you can only answer by nodding and shaking your head.

Ronal, Tsahik of the Metkayina clan, says that you could have died out in the open water. She thinks it’s a miracle, and whispers prayers to Eywa while massaging your muscles with various balms. You can’t protest really, even when the balms start stinging and making your muscles clench and burn.

Tsireya, the daughter of the Tsahik, always remains by her mother's side, carefully observing her actions, and joining her in prayer. You guess that she is the tsakarem. Watching Tsireya reminds you of the time when your sister was a tsakarem, following your grandmother around to learn from her.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

On the second day, you feel better. You gradually regain consciousness and start to move your limbs. Despite the pain and the slowness of your movements, you feel the life return back to your body. Tsireya stays with you even after her mother leaves.

“Are you feeling better, Y/N?” Tsireya perks up at your movement. 

“Yes,” you’re surprised by the hoarseness in your voice.

“Don’t worry, your voice will be back to normal soon,” Tsireya finds your reaction amusing.

You’re not a big talker but Tsireya is a pleasant company. You don’t feel pressured to react or reply, as she talks to you about her village and her clan. You can see how hard she tries to keep you distracted from the pain. 

“You'll be just fine here. There is even a family of forest Na’vi who joined our clan a while ago,” she says, “You can imagine how difficult it was for them to learn everything from scratch! Oh, but they were so determined!”

Your ears involuntarily perk up, as you listen to Tsireya’s story. It’s really the first thing she tells you that intrigues you. Encouraged by your interest, Tsireya continues.

“You will recognize them right away. They are blue,” she giggles, covering her mouth, “But they have been accepted and are a part of the Metkayina now. I am very happy they’re here.”

A faint memory of blue-skinned hands supporting you reappears.

“When I arrived… Was it a forester who caught me?” you ask.

“That’s right! Neteyam,” Tsireya nods, “He is the oldest son. You might have hurt yourself if he didn’t catch you in time.”

“Neteyam” you repeat to yourself. 

Tsireya tells you just a little more about the foresters, until her brother Ao’nung fetches her back home.  

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

On your third morning of isolation, Tsireya visits you with a girl, who seems to be around her age. It’s not hard to guess that she is a forest Na’vi, her blue skin and yellow eyes giving it away immediately. But there’s something else you notice about her: she has an extra finger on each of her hands. You think back on the demons that had five fingers, and feel a shiver run down your spine. When she notices you staring at her, she hides her hands behind her back.

“This is Kiri, Kiri this is Y/N,” Tsireya introduces you with a smile, “Kiri is from the forest. Remember I told you about the family?”

Kiri doesn’t seem to be as talkative as Tsireya, perhaps even a bit shy. You greet each other but she keeps her distance, clearly still uncomfortable around you. Despite her similarity with the sky demons, you feel like you can trust her. Kiri is strangely beautiful, not like your sister or Tsireya, but there’s something about her that fascinates you. You’ve never really seen a forester up close before, so…

“Is your voice back?” Tsireya grabs your attention, kneeling next to you.

“I think so,” you breathe out, “It’s getting there.”

“Oh, it has gotten much better! I can’t wait to hear it, once you’re fully well. I bet you have a great singing voice,” she beams, and Kiri lets out a chuckle. You can’t help but smile at that. 

It takes some time for Kiri to warm up to you. With the Tsahik’s approval, Tsireya took over today’s checkup on you. She knows the order of the balms by heart and works in confidence, while Kiri watches. From time to time, Kiri gives her a recommendation, and Tsireya gladly engages.

“Were you a tsakarem as well?” you ask Kiri.

“I used to be. My grandmother is the Tsahik of Omatikaya,” Kiri sighs with slight disappointment. 

“And since you moved here, you can’t do that anymore?” you continue logically. She nods.

“My grandmother had to find somebody else to replace me, right before we left.”

You notice how Tsireya throws a sad look at her but Kiri only reacts with a forced smile. She doesn’t like to be pitied. 

“Actually, Kiri’s doing better than all of us,” Tsireya suddenly adds with a proud smile, “Kiri has a special connection with the Great Mother.”

“It’s not a big deal, really,” Kiri protests but Tsireya shakes her head, disagreeing.

“When we were out swimming the other day, we suddenly lost Kiri. We were looking for her for hours and found her asleep at the very bottom. Even the most skilled Metkayina swimmers can’t stay in the water with no air for so long!” Tsireya articulates with her hands to convince you, “And she was completely fine. Oh! And Kiri can also make fish follow her, it’s so funny!” 

Tsireya giggles recalling the memory, and for the first time, Kiri joins her. 

“You have to show me, I’ve never seen anything like that,” you smile.

“We’ll go together this evening. I know you’ll be fully recovered by then,” Tsireya excitedly claps her hands. Kiri only nods.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Tsireya was right. By the evening, you have confirmation from Ronal, and you’re free to explore the village with her daughter as your guide. You find that while Awa’atlu is not similar to your village, it’s also not too different. But the water around the island seems calmer than what you are used to. It makes you slightly anxious.

Tsireya tries very hard to make you feel at home. She introduces you to everyone on your way, including her brother’s friends. Among them, you notice another forester who doesn’t stare at you like the locals do. Even when you catch his gaze, he doesn't seem overly curious. Just like Kiri, keeping his distance.

That’s Lo’ak, Tsireya reminds you, the third forest-child. It takes a fool not to catch on the chemistry between her and Lo’ak. The way she talks to him almost makes your teeth hurt, while he gets shy every time he is caught staring at her. But they seem to pretend to be just friends in a social setting.

Now joined by Ao’nung, his friends and Kiri, you all go swimming together. Tsireya and Kiri walk protectively next to you, with the boys ahead. 

“Let’s see if you can swim faster than Lo’ak,” Ao'nung teases you, his friends laughing. Lo’ak playfully hits him in the arm.

“She’s from a water clan, you skxawng,” Kiri comes to your defense, and you have to suppress a smile. 

“I didn’t mean to anger you, oh daughter of Eywa,” Ao'nung continues to tease, pretending to kneel in front of Kiri, “Please have mercy on me!”

Kiri rolls her eyes, and shoves him, as she walks ahead. You catch Ao'nung watching after her, and exchange a knowing smile with Tsireya. 

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Swimming helps you regain strength in your body and in your mind. Just the way you noticed, the water here was calmer than back home, relaxing the soreness out of your muscles. This was going to be your new home. Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad.

Surprisingly, the boys’ teasing doesn’t bother you. While Kiri jumps to your defense ever so often, you think it was more of a distraction than anything else to you. As the sun starts setting, you float on your back, watching the sky, the painful memories slipping away. Your moment of peace is interrupted by shouting coming from the shore. Your ears perk up at the sound of your name, and with a hope that it might be someone from your village, coming back for you, you quickly turn to look. But it’s not. Instead, you see a tall blue-skinned Na’vi, waving you over. 

“Y/N! Tonowari wants to see you!” he shouts again.

“It’s Neteyam, come on,” Tsireya passes by you, swimming to the shoreline. You follow her. 

Once closer, you can see Neteyam more clearly. He greets both of you with a warm smile, his intricately braided hair swaying around, as he moves. 

“Father wants to see Y/N?” Tsireya asks, as she gathers her long hair to squeeze out the water.

“I saw him on my way over here,” he says, his soft gaze lingering on you, “He wanted me to get the ‘new girl’ to talk to him.”

Unlike his brother, Neteyam seems to be more intrigued by your presence, his gaze sweeping over your features, one by one, as if trying to memorize them. While it’s not as intrusive as others’ staring, you find his attention to be way too forward. You protectively cross your arms on your chest.

“I’m Neteyam, by the way,” he offers you a formal greeting, that you’re forced to reciprocate.

“Y/N.”

“I guessed so,” he chuckles, like it’s the most obvious thing you could have said, “Everyone knows about you.”

Tsireya interrupts your exchange by gently pulling you by your wrist.

“Come, Y/N, I’ll walk you to our home,” she smiles, then throws a look over her shoulder, “By the way, Lo’ak is currently getting talked to into sneaking out at night to swim with Payakan.”

You see Neteyam’s face change, as his warm smile gives way to anger, and he turns on his heel, heading towards the water.

“Lo’ak!” you hear him shout before diving in. Tsireya giggles beside you.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

When you first sit down in front of Tonowari, you can’t help but feel dwarfed by his intimidating presence. So you’re grateful when Tsireya asks if she can stay in the room with you. Tonowari’s gaze softens, unable to deny his daughter, and Tsireya gives you a reassuring smile before blending into the shadows.

You’re not surprised that he wanted to talk to you. Sure, he was aware of what had happened from your first interaction, and from Ronal, who gathered more information while you were under her care, but he wanted to clarify every detail. You take a deep breath and begin to recount everything. 

Tonowari rarely interrupts you to ask questions but for the most part he simply listens with unwavering attention. You see his expression change from understanding to concerned, the more he hears.

“Was there any warning to their attack?” he frowns.

“Nothing,” you shake your head, trying to get rid of the painful memories, “My theory is… whoever they were looking for, our village was the first one to suffer. We heard nothing from the neighboring clans, so I’m guessing it’s only because we are on the very eastern coast.” 

“You think they’re moving from east to west?” he asks. You nod.

“It’s why I came here, really. I think your village is quite far from ours.”

Tonowari hums, deep in thought. You sit in silence for a while, another reason nagging at you. You’re not sure if you need to tell him this but you do.

“And because I used to hear about your village. My sister and I lost my mother when we were kids but we knew that she wasn’t a local back home,” you hesitate before continuing, “My sister thinks she would have relatives from here.”

“It’s not impossible,” Tonowari nods his head, “We heard many stories of Na’vi from different clans mating and moving across the islands. We might even find someone from your mother’s family.”

You hear Tsireya’s soft gasp, clearly the thought of it appearing more intriguing to her than to you. You nod to express gratitude but you’re not really sure you want to meet anyone. It’s always been just you and your sister, no one can replace her.

“And you said they were looking for him, huh?”

“Jake Sully? Yes, he’s the reason they attacked us,” you answer, feeling your face flush with anger, “They had weapons, and were shooting anyone who resisted or tried to run. Then they started to burn our homes, repeating his name over and over again. There was also a human kid with them who translated.”

Tonowari’s face falls so suddenly, you would have thought that he has been hiding Jake Sully himself this whole time. You hope that wherever that man is, the sky demons find him before they can reach you. Tears begin to well up in your eyes. Tonowari notices and leans in.

“Don’t worry, child. We do not want war, but if they come here, we will be protecting our land and our Na’vi. Including you,” he hesitates before patting your head, “You’re one of us now.”

You lean into his touch, allowing him to slightly mess up your hair.

“For now, let’s keep this to ourselves, so that there is no panic. I have to think.”

You take that as a signal to stand up, and quickly wipe your eyes before Tsireya can see.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

That night you can’t seem to fall asleep. It feels lonely in your marui, and you start considering asking to be moved to a more crowded location. You turn on your mat a few times before catching a movement of two shadows on the other side of the wall. You sit up alerted, looking out. Eventually voices catch your ear.

“Lo’ak, if you don’t come back right now, I will wake up dad,” somebody whispers.

“He doesn’t care anyway, he’ll only get mad at his favorite,” you hear Lo’ak, and see one of the two shadows disappear.

The other shadow stands still, still in front of your wall. You don’t have to guess that it’s probably his brother Neteyam, whom you met earlier. 

“Psst,” you hear his voice, his shadow moving.

And again. He moves closer to the entrance of your marui, as you stare in silence. What does he want? 

“Y/N? Are you asleep?” you hear his very apparent accent.

“What?”

Your glance falls to his figure now leaning against the entrance to your room. He gives you a sheepish smile.

“What do you want?” you squint to make out his features. His eyes and freckles glow in the dark and you notice his ears perk up, as if he’s excited.

“It’s Neteyam,” he gestures to himself.

“I know,” you’re annoyed. You know who he is, does he think you can’t see him?

“Oh, right. I just didn’t want to scare you, so I…”

“Starting with ‘psst” certainly didn’t help,” you bite, “Shouldn’t you be checking on your brother anyway?”

“Technically, I can’t do anything except wait. Then, if it gets suspiciously long, I follow him,” he grins like it’s the funniest thing.

You stare at him quietly, wondering what he's doing in your room, in the middle of the night. Neteyam shifts uncomfortably under your gaze.

“Uh, right. Sorry if we woke you up,” he scratches his head, “I was going to check on you anyway, just didn’t mean to at this hour.”

“Why would you check on me?” you frown.

“I thought you might like someone to talk to you, about moving and stuff.”

“I can talk about it to Tsireya, I’m fine.”

“I know, she’s nice,” Neteyam crouches down, to bring himself on your eye level. He looks embarrassed, “But she thought it would be a good idea for me to talk to you.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re both new here. You see, my family and I moved here a few months ago -”

“I know,” you interrupt him.

“And I get what you’re going through.”

This frustrates you. According to Tsireya, Neteyam is the son of the sixth Toruk Makto. She didn’t tell you much but they left their clan on their own, they wanted a fresh start. As far as you can tell, you and him had nothing in common. You were forced out of your home and had to give up on your life without a choice. How can he get what you’re going through? He has a family. You have no one. 

“Just because we’re both outlanders doesn’t mean that you have to pretend to relate to me, Neteyam. We’re not the same,” it comes out more aggressive than you intended. You notice his ears lower, along with his gaze, “I don’t need a forest boy teaching me the way of water. You’re not my savior.”

Neteyam’s face falls, like you hit a cord with your words. But he didn’t mean to offend you, he only meant good. From the moment he saw you, he thought he recognized something familiar in your expression: longing for home. So when Tsireya suggested one of the foresters befriending you, he thought that you would easily get along. Right now, though, this seemed like a horrible idea.

“Not trying to be a savior, just a friend,” he mumbles, standing up, “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You scoff, as Neteyam walks out without a glance back. 

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

The morning is disturbed by the loud sounds of horns, announcing something important. You quickly walk out of your marui to find groups of Na’vi heading towards the center of the village. Tsireya told you that it’s where her father calls for meetings. When you spot Kiri, moving along, you join her. She’s holding hands with a kid.

“Hey, Y/N, this is Tuktirey,” Kiri gestures.

“Tuk,” the kid corrects with a smile and greets you.

“Nice to meet you,Tuk,” you smile back. Judging by her skin, you guess that Tuk belongs to the family of foresters.

“So, should I be worried?” you ask Kiri, motioning to the Na’vi in front of you. It’s really a little crowded for your liking.

“Not sure,” she admits, “These announcements confuse me, I can’t tell when it’s good or bad thing. Often it’s nothing bad though, don’t worry.”

Despite Kiri’s reassurance, you approach the center with a feeling of worry. The feeling in your gut is confirmed as soon as you catch a glimpse of Tsireya with a troubled look on her face. You notice her holding someone’s hand. Blue, five fingers. You can’t see him but you’re sure it’s Lo’ak. When she meets your eye, you mouth to her.

“Is it bad?”

She shakes her head in disappointment. It’s very bad, you think.

When Tonowari clears his throat and steps into the center, everyone falls silent. He keeps it brief, retelling about the attack of the demons on your village. Tonowari suspects that it’s only a matter of time before the sky demons attack again, so everyone must be prepared. It is now prohibited to be alone in unsafe areas, going out in the open water, or too deep into the trees. 

You feel knots forming in your stomach, when panicked questions pour on him.

“The Metkayina needs to be prepared for any outcome, even war,” Tonowari raises his voice again, “Start proofing armors, repair your weapons. Always be on the lookout.”

“This is crazy,” Kiri whispers to you, “I can’t believe that we escaped here to live in fear again.”

It confuses you. You knew that her family moved to live with Metkayina but Tsireya didn’t tell you why. It is bizarre now that you remember that Kiri’s father is Toruk Makto. Why would he leave his home? You make a mental note to question her about it once you’re alone. 

“Kiri, are we going to leave again?” Tuk tugs at her sister with a sniff.

“Mawey, Tuk,” a gentle voice replies instead, as a hand slips around Tuk, caressing her cheeks, “Tuk, Tuk, Tuk.”

Your eyes follow. It’s a tall beautiful woman with bright yellow eyes. You can’t shake off the feeling of how familiar she looks.

“My mom,” Kiri says to you, “Neytiri.”

Right. She looks very similar to Neteyam. Neytiri’s eyes flicker to you, and she graces you with a smile. You bow to greet her.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Once dismissed, you and Kiri fall into the same pace. You don’t talk but you instinctively follow her to the beach, where a group was seated, working on their weapons. Tsireya, Lo’ak, Neteyam, Ao'nung, and Ao'nung’s friend Roxto. You and Kiri sit with them, closing the circle. Sensing that the silence is caused by the same reason you’re feeling anxious, you follow their example and take out your knife. You didn’t have a polishing rock like the others, so instead you focus on reattaching the loosened up string to the handle. You feel Neteyam’s watching you but once you catch him, he looks away.

Kiri meddles with her belt, deep in her thoughts, and you can tell she’s just as anxious as you are.

“Okay, I’m going to say what I think,” Kiri breaks the silence, grabbing everyone’s attention, “This is not good, right? There’s something else they’re not telling us.”

Tsireya’s eyes snap to you but both of you remain quiet.

“No shit, Kiri,” Lo’ak mocks her.

“Shut up, skxawng,” she reaches forward to slap him.

“Hey, you two,” Neteyam gently pushes Kiri away from his brother.

You notice how the younger siblings shoot him an annoyed look but calm down anyway. Last night, Neteyam didn’t seem to hold much power over Lo’ak but right now it appeared that he had some sort of authority. It’s like the possibility of danger made the dynamic between them shift. 

“Nothing’s going to happen, they’re probably lying so that the youngsters stop sneaking out to the forest at night,” Roxto breaks the silence with a snort, then looks at you for support, “Come on, if it was that serious we would be probably doing much more right now.”

There’s some truth to his words, you think. Tonowari did not even come close to explaining how dangerous it could get. Taking measures, like staying within the perimeters of the islans, is hardly something that would keep you safe. Deep in your thought, you continue tightening the string. Neteyam shoots you another glance, and when you look back up, he pushes his polishing stone towards you. You nod at him in appreciation, as you take the tool.

“It’s because of your conversation yesterday with my father, right?” Ao'nung suddenly asks, turning to you. Tsireya tsks at her brother but you sense it is too late.

“Y/N? What do you know?” Kiri adds, concerned.

You sigh, feeling their eyes on you, examining your every small movement. You can almost hear Tsireya’s quiet gasp, as you open your mouth to answer.

“Look, I’m not supposed to tell you this, so keep it to yourself… It’s bad. The demons had many powerful weapons, it took them minutes to burn down my whole village. I don’t know how strong the defense can even be to keep them away. It’s going to be an unfair fight.”

“What do they want? The islands?” Ao'nung pushes for more information.

“They’re looking for a man, who they think is hiding in a water clan,” you answer, noticing how everyone’s ears perk up.

“Do you know who he is?” Lo’ak asks.

“Lo’ak, don’t -” Tsireya tries to interrupt him.

“His name is Jake Sully,” your voice turns with anger, “I’m not sure what he did to them but they were set on killing him. And killing anyone who’s protecting him.”

Dead silence hangs over you, and you suspect that there’s something they’re not telling you. The forest-siblings hang their heads, and you notice Tsireya squeezing Lo’ak’s hand. 

“Wait, so they’re looking for your dad,” Roxto turns to Kiri, “They’re looking for you.”

“Your dad?” you turn to Kiri, “Is Jake Sully your dad?”

Kiri nods, almost ashamed. You feel your throat hurt, as realization washes over you. You escaped exactly where Jake Sully was. It was his kids now sitting in front of you, in their new home, enjoying their care-free life, while your village was burned down to the ground.

“It’s your dad!” you feel anger escalating. You stand up, “I’ve lost everything because of him! The demons thought we were hiding him but he was here all this time!” 

“Y/N, it’s the demons’ fault,” Tsireya stands up too, trying to calm you down, “He only wanted to keep his family safe, he doesn’t want war.”

“We didn’t want war either, but here we are,” you throw your hands in the air, feeling your body shake out of resentment. 

“My father has done nothing wrong,” Neteyam stands up as well, his voice low.

“Your father is wrong for hiding here, while the other clans are at risk of being wiped out!” you’re so frustrated, you wish this was a joke they were playing on you.

But why isn’t anyone agreeing with you? You look at their faces for support but no one dares to speak. Lo’ak keeps his head hanging, and Kiri storms off without a word. A chuckle of disbelief escapes from your lips.

“I guess the great Toruk Makto isn’t that great after all,” you throw bitterly. Neteyam clenches his jaw.

“Y/N, don’t say that. He just wants peace,” Tsireya starts again. 

“We all want peace!” you protest.

“You think it’s so easy, huh? You think he’s hiding?” Neteyam raises his voice at you, “He’s not to blame for their vengeance!”

You hiss at him, more angered. How dare he protect the man who caused all of the chaos? How can they ignore the fact that soon enough they will be losing their homes just like you did?  

“It is easy!” you hiss again, “Let him go out there and face them alone, before they burn down this village too!”

“That’s unfair, I’m not losing my dad,” he growls.

“I lost my home!” 

You’re not sure how things escalate this quickly but one second you’re at a distance growling at each other, and in another instance you lunge at him, catching him off guard. Neteyam falls on his back, as you hold him down with your legs but he’s quick enough to catch your arms before you can even touch him. You hear concerned voices in the background but your only focus is punching him.

The two of you snarl, and as you struggle to free your arms from his grip, he flips you over. Your back hits the ground with a sharp pain but it gives you just enough room to kick him in the gut. Neteyam winces in pain, yet quickly regains his composure by pinning you down, this time paying special attention to having your knees locked together.

“Skxawng,” you let out, frustrated. 

He doesn’t hit you back but he does just enough to stop you from moving, his skin feeling hot against yours.

“Dude, dude,” Lo’ak runs up to him, putting his arms over his shoulders, “Get off her.”

“Not unless she calms down,” Neteyam hisses, completely unaware of the group of adults headed towards the two of you. You try to move but he pins you down again.

You catch a glimpse of Roxto and Ao'nung chuckling at the fight, while Tsireya covers her mouth in concern. Then, you spot Neytiri.

“Neteyam!” she shouts. Neteyam pauses at the sound of her voice, ears perking up.

“Shit,” Lo’ak whispers, backing away, “Neteyam, get off.”

��That’s right, get off me, you skxawng,” you say, humiliated by the position he put you in.

Defeated and angry, Neteyam shoots you a quick look, before finally releasing you from his grip. You huff out of frustration, as you sit up, trying to recover your breath. By the time Neytiri approaches the scene, Neteyam’s already standing with his head hanging low. Lo’ak stands a little behind, as if to avoid the confusion of who’s at fault.

Neytiri’s eyes run you up and down, then examine her sons, as if trying to piece together what happened. She remains quiet, before kneeling down in front of you, and taking your hand in hers. You’re all surprised by her gentle demeanor.

“Are you hurt?” she asks you, lifting your arm to examine it. Then moves to get a look at your back.

“I’m good,” you shake your head, freeing yourself from her grasp.

“Neteyam,” Neytiri stands up, now turning to her son, anger evident in her voice, “Apologize. Now.”

“Mom, they were just joking,” Lo’ak tries to tone down the situation but she shuts him up by raising her hand.

Without a second of hesitation, Neteyam nods and meets your eyes, before saying loudly for everyone to hear.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” you hiss, annoyed.

“Mother, can we go now?” Lo’ak asks.

Neytiri nods, and three of them walk away. Soon enough, you can hear her scolding her oldest son. Tsireya runs up to you, helping you up to your feet.

“Y/N, are you hurt? You just recovered!” she sounds genuinely upset.

“I’m not hurt, he didn’t do anything.”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about that. I didn’t know,” she lowers her eyes to the ground, “Not until the talk you had with my father.”

“I know, I don’t blame you,” you sigh, “But why would you send him to talk to me?”

“I thought he could help,” she explains, hoping you’d understand, “Lo’ak is not talkative, and Kiri’s hasn’t been taking the change very well. Neteyam’s the only one who likes it here. So I thought he’d be the best to talk to.”

You nod. She makes a good point. But his whole attitude, the pretentious novelty, it pisses you off. Acting tough and proper when his mother is around, but in reality, selfish. He doesn’t care that you’ve lost everything because of his father. He has a new home he likes. And siblings, and parents... You feel jealous. 

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You are a good hunter. You have a good aim, and you’re fast. You used to think that you would be a good asset in danger but the way you froze, when you were attacked by the demons, makes you hesitant. What if that happens again? What if you come face-to-face with them and freeze? 

The air outside of your room is refreshingly cold. You watch the dark sky hang over the sleepy Awa’atlu. In an attempt to clear your head, you start wandering around the village, eventually stopping at the terrace blending into the beach. Your ears perk up at faint voices, and as your eyes follow, you find two Na’vi by the water, oblivious to your presence. It looks like they are pretending to wrestle each other, letting out occasional laughs. You recall your earlier not-so-pretend fight with Neteyam and sigh out of frustration, taking a seat on the grass. 

As one throws the other one to the ground, you think you recognize Neteyam. He laughs, swaying his hair, then gives a hand to help out his companion to his feet. The other Na’vi is taller than him, with broader shoulder, longer hair. Your breath catches in your throat, as you guess who that might be.

“Yeah, that’s him,” you hear a confirmation, and almost jump up.

Lo’ak is standing next to you, his gaze forward.

“Jake Sully?” 

“My dad,” he confirms again.

You turn your attention back to the two Na’vi wrestling, and you watch them for a moment. Eventually, Lo’ak sits down next to you.

“Neteyam’s his favorite,” he says, “He’s the perfect son. The mighty warrior.”

“The mighty warrior?” you repeat.

“He likes to call himself that,” Lo’ak explains, “To piss me off.”

“Does it work?”

“Yeah,” he chuckles, “It pisses me off.”

“Why aren’t you pissed off at me?” you turn to face to him.

“Why aren’t you?” he asks in return, “You’re angry at Neteyam but not at me.”

You pause. You’re not really sure why Lo’ak joining you didn’t frustrate you, the way Neteyam’s presence would. Maybe it’s because Lo’ak seemed guilty earlier. He didn’t stand up for his dad, so there must be something both of you agree on.

“He pisses me off too,” you answer, turning your gaze back to Neteyam in the distance, “I don’t like when people pretend to care. Because once something threatens their peace, they really show how they don’t give a crap about you.”

“Neteyam doesn’t pretend about caring,” Lo’ak disagrees, “Sure, he pretends all the time but not when it comes to caring. He cares.”

“Not about me anyway,” you scoff. 

Lo’ak falls silent. You got him there, you had a point. Thoughts race through your mind, as you try to comprehend what to make of this. Perhaps you judged too quickly, not knowing the whole story. What if it was your sister? Would you be willing to put at risk the peace of your village to protect her? No, that would never happen. She would face the enemy herself, not even letting you have a say in the matter. 

“My father is not a bad guy,” Lo’ak interrupts your thoughts, “I’m not saying that he does everything right but… we’re all he got.”

You don’t react. You don’t really want to hear him justify his dad, make him seem vulnerable.

“He turned down his whole life for my mom. Left everything he believed in behind because he wanted to be with her,” Lo’ak continues, “Even became one of us… He is one of us.”

“Is that why…” you instinctively glance at his fingers, and Lo’ak shifts, “Is it true? Tsireya said that Eywa blessed him.”

He nods. You let out a tired sigh. It’s exhausting to think about it. His father was blessed by Eywa, he is the Toruk Makto. Who are you to disagree with the Great Mother? 

“I don’t know anymore,” you admit defeated, “I just don’t think it’s fair… that others get punished. More harm can be avoided.”

“I know,” Lo’ak agrees with you, “But the demons are stronger, they never give up. We woke up to war every day back home.”

You listen to him with curiosity. You don’t know much about their past life but you wonder if the war really was a constant in the forest.

“It’s why we moved, you know?” his voice hitches, “My father knew that they were never going to let us live peacefully, so we tried hiding here instead.” 

You hum. You’re not sure if it’s the tiredness creeping up on you, or genuine empathy, but you feel sorry for Lo’ak. He seems to feel at fault for the consequences of his father’s choices. It’s almost like he speaks more to himself than to you. Justifies things to ease his heart.

“Seems like they’re done,” Lo’ak gets up, “I’m gonna go before dad catches me sneaking out.”

You force a small smile, as you watch Jake and Neteyam dust the sand off their bodies. It takes you a while to move from your spot, but not quickly enough, as Neteyam spots you from a distance. He keeps his eyes on you, and you can almost feel your blood boil.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

For the next few days, things change rapidly. You notice that everyone is busy with their chores, rushing, and preparing, the feeling of danger weighing down on them. Tonowari orders for the hunters and skilled fighters to divide into pairs, assigning them to guard the island every night. Divers work on protective armors for their ilus. There is a big shift in the air.

Speaking about these measures to Tsireya gives you an unsettling feeling. You don’t talk about the Sully’s to her, even though they’re constantly on your mind. You just can’t believe that Tonowari agrees to protect them. 

Tsireya’s still hesitant to bring them up when you question her about her father’s plans, even though you’re well aware that Jake Sully actively participates in the matters of protection. She doesn’t know that it’s been keeping you up every night. To trust this man to protect you, when he is the reason for the attacks. His name alone forces painful visions of your sister and her mate, crouched down on the sand, with a weapon pointed at them. 

“Have you talked to Kiri, since the…?” Tsireya starts hesitantly. You haven’t. It upsets you because in a short time, you had begun to see Kiri as a friend. 

“Not really,” you hang your head, “I didn’t want to attack her, it’s just…”

“I’m sure she knows,” Tsireya nods, “She protects her father but she feels guilty too. When she heard about your fight with Neteyam, she kind of scolded him.” 

Tsireya bites down on her lip, hiding a small smile. You can’t really help a smile stretching your lips too. You would have loved to see Neteyam getting scolded. Just the thought of it makes you feel a little better.

“I feel bad, it’s not her fault,” you admit.

“Maybe you two can talk it out?” Tsireya asks hopefully.

“Maybe.”

“I’ll let her know.”

Unlike the other siblings, you’ve seen plenty of Lo’ak in the past few days. Mostly because you’re only hanging out with Tsireya, and, well, Lo’ak wants to be around her. It’s silly excuses, when they sneak away, leaving you alone. She even got in trouble for wandering with him around the guarded areas.

Lo’ak doesn’t make you feel awkward. The two of you don’t really talk but neither of you feels pressured to. You like to think that you and him reached some sort of understanding the other night. Partially, you feel bad for him for having Jake Sully for his father, and Neteyam, as his older brother. As a younger sister to Tsahik, you can relate to the pressure of always reaching for, yet never getting it all.

But when it comes to seeing Neteyam in the village... The angry looks that you exchange with him when passing each other just make your whole body ache. You barely hold yourself back from hissing at him. It’s bad. You already had not one, but two people you hated.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

That evening, when you return to your marui, you’re surprised to find Kiri waiting for you. She stands up, as you approach, and the two of you look at each other for a moment before you pull her into a hug. 

“I didn’t mean to yell at you, the other day,” you admit, pulling away from her, “It’s not your fault.”

“I get it,” she sighs, “If I were you, I’d be mad. I’m kind of mad now.”

While you dreaded this conversation, it goes quite smoothly with Kiri. You don’t feel judgment on her side for disagreeing with her father. You think it’s unfair that the only person who makes you feel less of an outsider has to be the daughter of Jake Sully. 

“I feel angry because I can’t get used to the thought of just sitting here and waiting?” you finish on a higher note, hoping that she can relate, “Because while we’re here, the demons are killing innocent Na’vi. Village by village. It’s terrifying. I just wish I could do something to protect them.”

Kiri nods and stares off into the distance, deep in her thoughts. You can feel the guilt she beares on her shoulders but she fights it to protect her family. Suddenly, she turns her head, yellow eyes glistening, like she has the brightest solution.

“Y/N, how well do you know the islands?” she asks.

“Um, there are about hundreds of them but I know roughly where the settlements."

“So if we wanted to warn them about the intruders, do you think you would be able to map them out and guide us there?”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Now that you think about it, you feel like a fool for not figuring it out earlier. Why didn’t anyone?

Sure, news would travel between neighboring villages but you were forgetting that the Awa’atlu was on the very far ends of the islands. And, by the time the others were warned about the possible attacks, there would be nothing left. 

When you and Kiri propose the idea of swimming to the islands, and first-hand warning their Olo’eyktans, Tonowari hesitates. Not many in his clan are familiar with the other settlements, especially within the Eastern reefs, and underestimating the time frames could cost him lives. 

“We don’t have to warn everyone, just as many as we can,” you plead, “And what if we the close-located clans fight back in unions. Surely, they would respect your advice as the Olo'eyktan.”

“It worked when Toruk Makto did it,” Tonowari hums in agreement, “It would be difficult to unionize all of the islands but there is a better chance of surviving for smaller unions.”

“They at least deserve to know what’s coming, please,” you push further, and eventually gain an approving nod from him.

Quickly, small groups of the best Metkayina swimmers are formed to be assigned for the realization of the plan. While most of them are familiar with the neighboring islands, you’re the one mapping out the Eastern Sea settlements for them. And although Tonowari immediately turns down your offer of joining them, you feel slightly better for at least contributing.

You go over your roughly drawn map on the sand one more time with the final group of three Metkayina swimmers, your goal to ensure that they are aware of the safest paths to approach the villages. The group is gathered around you, listening carefully, and as you talk, you feel someone watching you from afar. It’s Neteyam. You take a moment to refocus before finding the track of your words again.

“Thank you, Y/N, we got it from here,” Sokxot, one of the swimmer says, when you finish up.

You stay to watch as they swim away on their ilus, in your mind, praying to Eywa to guide them safely to their destination. When you think you’re left alone, you’re surprised to find Neteyam here. You frown at him. What does he want? Intimidate you with his staring? You’re taken aback when he decides to approach you.

“Y/N,” his greets you with a calm voice, then points to the map you drew, “This was your idea?”

“Kiri’s,” you correct him.

“Still, you helped a lot,” Neteyam stares at the map, as if trying to memorize it. You roll your eyes at him.

“Guess I don’t like sitting and waiting for danger,”

“I really hope this makes a difference,” he says, sounding almost sincere.

You watch after him as he walks away, and let out a sigh. The two of you were too grown to act like kids. 

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

On the third day since their departure, two groups of Metkayina swimmers return with updates. Tonowari immediately calls for a meeting, and it's revealed that a significant number of villages have already been warned of the impending danger. The warned clans also started sending out their own swimmers, forming a whole network between the hundreds of villages.

But more importantly, you had the first case of a union between three smaller clans on the Eastern islands that managed to prepare just in time for the attack. Taken aback by the preparedness of Na’vi, the sky demons suffered greatly in numbers. Of course, the clans had casualties, but they managed to force the enemy to back away, and keep their homes safe. 

It's the first good news that the Metkayina have heard in weeks, and you can see the happiness on their faces. You feel a sense of satisfaction with what you've achieved, and even Tonowari can't help but sneak a smile as he urges everyone to remain careful and calm.

To celebrate your little victory, Tsireya invites you to swim with her and the rest of her friends somewhere special. You didn’t mind that the Sully’s, especially Neteyam, were joining. You thought you would ignore him and allow yourself to enjoy being a little carefree. 

Tsireya takes you to a sacred place - the Cove of Ancestors, where you could express your gratitude to Eywa by the Spirit Tree. Mesmerized by the beauty of it all, you can’t stop looking around. And judging by the reaction of the Sully kids, it’s probably their first time here too. Tsireya excitedly watches your faces, when showing you the Spirit Tree from afar. Underneath the surface of water, its roots glow with unique undertones, breathing in and out. 

“Tsireya, this is incredible,” you awe, as she gives you a giddy smile.

“Come,” she waves you over, disappearing under the water. 

With Tsireya, Kiri, Lo’ak, and Ao’nung disappear too. Distracted by the sight around you, you fall a little behind, and find yourself not too far from Neteyam. He is not a bad swimmer but he is definitely slow compared to you. 

You’re not really thinking about it, when you stay back to watch him. It’s almost entertaining how greedily his eyes take in the surroundings, seeming almost golden in this light. A smile tugs at your lips.

Your skin shivers, as a cool wind wraps around your body. Then you notice it. A single woodsprite appears in the air, flying around you and grazing your skin. You feel blessed to witness a sign of the Great Mother, but as you reach out to gently touch it, it moves away. Your smile fades, when the seed starts floating around Neteyam’s head. Is Eywa trying to tell you something? Maybe you were being too harsh with him. 

With another blow of the wind, the woodsprite disappears, leaving Neteyam completely oblivious to what just happened. When he turns around and meets your gaze, your throat tightens. His expression is unreadable. What is he thinking?

“I should probably catch up with the rest,” you clear your throat.

Neteyam only nods, and as you swim past him, it almost seems like you catch a hint of disappointment on his face. You can’t be distracted by the sign right now. 

When you reach the Tree and submerge, you find Tsireya, Lo’ak, and Ao'nung already linking their queues to the roots. Trying not to disturb them, you quietly swim to the opposite side, bringing out your queue. From the corner of your eye, you spot Neteyam but you decide to ignore him.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Words cannot describe how healed you feel, when you open your eyes. As if your inner and outer worlds have finally merged again, making you whole. With a smile, you swim up to the surface to reunite with the rest of the group, ready to share your happiness, when you notice troubled expressions on their faces.

“Did anyone see Kiri before we came here?” Lo’ak asks, and everyone shakes their heads, “Shit, Neteyam.”

“She said she’d swim a bit more before joining us by the Tree,” Tsireya replies.

“Alright, everyone, let’s divide and start looking for her,” Neteyam orders, calling out to his ilu.

It doesn’t take much convincing, as quickly, one by one, all of you get on your ilus and disperse. 

Tsireya’s story about Kiri falling asleep in the water resurfaces in your mind. It happened before, right? Kiri is probably fine, you try to convince yourself, but you can’t help the nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach.

As you swim up for a breath, you take a deep dive again, determined to search for Kiri in the depths of the water. Silent prayers to Eywa express your gratitude, when your gaze is drawn to a small figure hidden between tall leaves. Your heart skips a beat as you realize what you are seeing: Kiri's whole body is glowing with an otherworldly light. In all your years, you have never seen anything quite like it.

Noticing that she has begun to violently shake, you quickly swim to Kiri, and gently pull her queue away, forcing her body to go limp. Desperately, you try to get her out of the leaves, but it seems that the harder you try, the tighter they grip her limbs.

Your mind starts racing, and panic begins to set in, when you suddenly see a pair of hands cutting down the leaves around Kiri's body with a small knife. Right, a knife! You take out yours and start helping. With the last of the leaves cut, Kiri's body begins to float upwards. Neteyam quickly wraps his arm around her middle, and signals for you to follow, as he places her on his ilu and swims to the surface. 

You race after him, your heart pounding in your chest. As you break the surface, Neteyam’s already positioning Kiri’s body on a flat rock, gently shaking her. You join him, noting how calm and collected he seems.

“Neteyam, there’s something wrong. She was still linked and shaking, when I found her,” your voice breaks. 

“Shit,” he curses, and checks for Kiri’s breath.

You watch as he starts performing something strange: Neteyam breathes air into Kiri’s mouth, then starts counting as he presses down on her chest in an unfamiliar rhythm. A wave of fear washes over you, when you notice his hands start shaking.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Neteyam curses again, “Help me, please.”

“I don’t know what to do, Neteyam,” you panic, “She’s not breathing!”

“When I stop pressing, just try to breathe out as much air as you can into her mouth,” he orders, and continues counting.

“Alright, alright,” you try to calm yourself down.

You do your best following his instructions, and it seems to put him back on track too. But as time drags on, and Kiri still doesn't respond, both of you begin to feel a sense of despair. 

Just as you're about to give up hope, Kiri moves weakly beneath you, and finally takes a breath on her own. You let out a sigh of relief, tears streaming down your face.

“It worked,” Neteyam’s eyes glisten, as he checks for her breathing.

"We need to take her to Tsahik, right now," you breathe out, and he nods.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Everything afterwards happens in a blur of confusion. Your heart races, as you nervously pace around Tsahik’s marui, where Kiri is getting examined by a group of strangers: a Na’vi wearing human clothes, and two sky people who arrived on a flying ship. Jake and Neteyam are with them in the room, talking and talking, but you can’t quite understand. 

There is a tension in the air when Neytiri returns with Ronal. She raises her voice at them, and before you can even begin to wonder what's going on, the men exit the marui, leaving the women alone. You catch a glimpse of Jake as he passes by you, and for a moment, you feel struck by his presence. 

He looks tired and scared, like he has been suffering for a long time now. You recall your conversation with Lo’ak. While in your mind you are convinced that he is the bad guy, seeing him in this state makes you feel a twinge of sympathy for him. 

“You don’t have to wait,” Neteyam pulls you out of your thoughts. His words are not necessarily ill-intended, but you still feel out of place.

“I want to make sure she’s alright,” you explain. Neteyam only nods, “What are they saying?”

He falls silent, as if contemplating whether he needs to reveal to you whatever he knows. 

“She’s going to be better, right?” your voice hitches.

“Hey, hey,” he crouches down next to you, “Of course, she will. Kiri is very strong.”

It’s only a second of vulnerability showing on his side, before the usual mask slips back onto his face, and you can’t tell what he’s thinking. At all. Both of your attentions are quickly drawn back to the marui, when Ronal steps out. Jake rushes to her side, with Neteyam and you close on his heels.

“She is weak but the Great Mother granted her another chance,” Ronal answers, “Now, she needs her rest.”

“Thank you,” Jake expresses with sincerity in his voice, before disappearing into the marui. From the inside, you hear soft sobs. Neteyam hesitates to take a step, glancing back at you.

“Go in, see for yourself,” you encourage him, and he complies.

At the risk of interrupting their family moment, you sit down slightly far from the marui, waiting. You’re not sure how much time passes, when Jake walks out. You shift uncomfortably when he approaches you.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he clears his throat, as he crouches in front of you, “You saved my daughter.”

“I only found her,” you admit, “If it wasn’t for Neteyam…”

“You did well, you got to her just in time,” Jake interrupts, “Neteyam said that you even helped him with chest compressions.”

“I don’t know what that even was,” you genuinely chuckle. You only guessed it was something borrowed from the sky people.

“Yet you saved her, thank you,” he insists with a small smile.

You look at him, trying to read his face. There’s something in his eyes that suggests he’s being genuine. He breaks the silence again, this time his tone more careful.

“I know about your fight with Neteyam. He didn’t want to tell me the reason but I guessed it was something serious. There’s really not many things to get him to act like that.”

“I can’t possibly agree or understand your decisions,” you remain calm, despite the rushing heat to your face, “I think it’s unfair.”

“I know, I’m not always making the best decisions,” he shakes his head, “And I get why you don’t like me much but I can’t risk losing my family.”

“You don’t have to,” you interrupt, “If you just go out there alone, they’ll stop hurting everybody else.”

“I wish it had been that easy. I don’t even care about my own death anymore, but I just know it won’t be enough,” he seems defeated, “They will come for my family next. Everything that I care for, and more. They did once already.”

“But aren’t you the one they’re looking for?”

“It’s grown beyond vengeance at this point,” Jake shakes his head, “They caught Lo’ak and Kiri once, and Tuk… they had Tuk. If anything happened to them, I don’t know what I would have done. We barely got them out, it was…”

“Must have been terrifying,” you finish for him. You think back to your sister getting caught, held at a gunpoint, and your chest hurts with sudden empathy for him.

As a father, it must be times more terrifying for him to see his kids in the hands of an enemy. It makes sense now: the great Toruk Makto had a weak spot. 

“I think I get it,” you nod in understanding, “When they captured my sister... I have never been more scared in my life. It still keeps me up every night.”

“I’m sorry,” Jake sighs, “Do you know if she’s…?”

“Alive? I don’t know. She promised to come looking for me, once it’s safe but it’s been weeks now,” your voice hitches, “When they were about to capture me, she pushed me out of the way, which really pissed them off. Especially their chief.”

“I hope you get to see her again,” Jake reaches out, to pat you on your shoulder. You let him, “It is honorable to sacrifice yourself for the other to live. Eywa will bless her for keeping you alive.”

“I feel like I failed her, hiding here,” you look away in an attempt to hide the tears filling up your eyes, “I should have stayed there.”

“It’s not your fault, kid, you did your best,” Jake gently touches your chin to turn your face back to him. When he notices your tears, his eyebrows knit together in worry, “She would be proud of you.”

A small sob escapes your lips, and you feel ashamed to break down in front of him. You’re caught off guard, when Jake pulls you into a hug. It’s strangely comforting how tight it feels in your throat, as you bury your face in his chest, letting yourself silently cry. You feel him pat you on the back, until you can finally slowly recover your breath.

“Dad?” Neteyam’s voice grabs both of your attention. He leans against the entrance of the marui, looking confused between the two of you.

You instantly pull away from Jake, hanging your head in a mix of strange emotions. It’s not every day that you receive comfort from the very person you thought was your enemy. 

“I’ll be right there,” Jake says, standing up, “Do you want to see her, Y/N?”

You nod in gratitude, wiping away your tears before following Jake. As you enter, Neteyam gives you a puzzled look, like he’s trying to figure out what the hell you and his father were talking about. Your eyes land on Neytiri, sat by Kiri’s side, holding her hand in hers. 

“How is she?” Jake asks, sitting down next to his mate and pulling her into his side.

“She is going to be better, once she rests,” Neytiri answers quietly, returning her eyes to Kiri, and stroking her cheek, “My child.”

You feel out of place in the presence of the Sully family. Just a few days ago, you thought you hated Jake, and now you find yourself caring for his family. 

You suddenly realize that if he knows about your fight with Neteyam, then Neytiri surely knows too. You can't help but wonder if she hates you. Standing there, you feel like an intruder, interrupting their vulnerable moment.

“Y/N,” Neytiri's voice pulls you out of your thoughts, “Thank you for saving my child.”

“You did good, kid,” Jake adds, then turns his gaze to Neteyam, “Both of you.”

As you open your mouth to protest, Neytiri cuts you off with a firm tone. 

“Get some rest. You too, Neteyam.”

As much as you want to say something, anything, there's a strange authority in Neytiri's voice that makes it impossible to disobey. It's strange because she reminds you of your mother - strong, stubborn, yet caring. You were never able to disobey your mother.

“It’s okay, kid, you can check on Kiri later,” Jake encourages.

With a grateful nod, you leave the marui. Neteyam silently follows you out.

“Um, I should probably go tell the others now,” he grabs your attention.

“Yes, Lo’ak must be worried,” you agree with him.

Lo’ak wasn’t allowed to be with you in the marui. He was staying with Tuk, until further instructions, whereas Tsireya and Ao'nung got scolded by their mother for not keeping an eye on Kiri, and were sent home right away. Neteyam and you were the only ones who were overlooked in the matter.

“Thank you for helping me back there,” he scratches his head, “If it wasn’t for you, I could’ve lost her.”

“I don’t think I deserve the credit here, ‘Teyam,” you pause.

Did you just call him by his nickname? ‘Teyam? Do you think you’re friends? Shit. 

His eyes widen and you catch just a tiniest hint of a small smile before he bites down on his lip to hide it.

“Neteyam,” you correct yourself, “I froze when I couldn’t get her out of those leaves. I can’t believe I forgot about my knife.”

“Hey, and I panicked. But in the end, we kind of made a good team,” he snorts.

“Right,” you chuckle at the irony.

Because you’re both headed in the same direction, Neteyam and you walk together in silence. After a while, he catches your attention again.

“I saw you talking to my father,” he hesitates before meeting your eyes, “Can I ask you about it?”

“You can ask him if you want.”

“So it went badly?” Neteyam guesses.

“No, not half as bad as I expected,” you stop in your tracks, before admitting, “Actually, I think I kind of get it.”

Neteyam only nods but you’re not sure if he really understands the value behind your words. He hopes that it means a change of your perception but deep down, he still feels a little scared. You don’t talk for the rest of the way but you don’t seem bothered by his presence, your thoughts now occupied with the woodsprite you saw earlier. Maybe Eywa was right and the two of you can mend this after all.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“Y/N,” Tsireya’s soft voice wakes you up. She has a bright smile on her face, “Kiri’s awake! I thought you’d like to see her.”

Together, you make your way towards Tsahik’s marui, already noticing the Sully’s and friends coming and going. Tsireya pulls you along with her, but miscalculates her grip, causing you to bump into someone. It’s Neteyam. You can feel your cheeks flush with embarrassment. 

“Mawey, Y/N,” he grins, as he steadies you by your shoulders. You can hear Ao’nungs low chuckle but ignore him.

“Sorry, Y/N,” Tsireya whispers to you. 

“I’m fine,” you smile at her, then turn back to Neteyam. He still keeps his hands on you, “Neteyam.”

“Good morning to you too,” he says, finally lowering his hands. Still, you’re too close to each other. 

Before things get more awkward, Kiri’s voice breaks the tension. She calls out your name, and you rush to join her by the mat, taking her hands in yours with worry. Kiri weakly smiles in response. 

“I promise, I am doing better,” she reassures you, “And for that I have to thank my saviors! You hear that?” she loudly asks.

“I was worried sick for you, and you’re joking,” you roll your eyes at her, but can’t help a giddy smile. You’re glad she’s back to her normal self. You stay with her for some time, questioning her about her health, as she tries to swat you away.

“Out, out, Kiri has to eat!” Neytiri’s voice interrupts your small exchange, “And rest!”

She walks in with a bowl of cut up fruits in her hands, on her way managing to usher out some of the visitors. 

“Mom,” Kiri whines annoyedly.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

That night you’re haunted by a nightmare. You’re swimming in the crystal-clear water, the warm sun rays piercing your eyes with a satisfying itch. From afar, you make out the beach which you would recognize anywhere: you’re back home, in your village. As you dive into the depths, you suddenly feel a hand clasping yours but the feeling is familiar. It’s your sister, swimming alongside you.

You smile. It reminds you of the old times, when you were little, spending your time swimming and holding hands with your sister, so none of you gets lost. Suddenly, the darkness engulfs you, making it hard to see. You look up to find a massive cloud forming in the sky, and you try to pull your sister with you to the surface. But she doesn’t budge, instead letting go of your hand with a small smile. Gasping for air, you break the surface, before diving back in for her, but this time she’s even farther away from you. You try to reach her again again and again, but each time the air in your lungs gets thinner, as she slips further away, eventually hitting the bottom. 

You wake up, with your sister’s name lingering on your lips. It’s still dark outside, and too early for the morning. To clear your head, you head towards the trees, deeper on the island. 

As you push through the dense bushes, you finally reach a small clearing nestled between tall trees. Then bang! All of a sudden someone throws you off your feet, hitting your back against the ground, and you see a familiar face hover above you. He’s so close, you can feel his braids grazing your skin. Neteyam. You growl.

“What the hell?” you slap his chest angrily, but he doesn’t budge, his arms firmly planted by the sides of your face. His knee rests between your thighs, restricting your movement.

“This is a familiar pose,” he smirks, and you roll your eyes at him, “Why aren’t you asleep?”

You notice a headpiece he’s wearing that you’ve never seen on him before. It looks like the ones that guardians assigned by Tonowari wear during their shifts.

“I was trying to clear my head. Why aren’t you?”

“I’m guarding,” he smiles, “This very same area, by the way.”

“You’re a guardian?” you snort.

Neteyam shakes his head amused, swaying his braids over your skin. Almost mocking you.

“Get off me,” you lightly slap his chest again, but he has something else on his mind. To tease you further, he pins your arms, and pushes his knee against you, right between your thighs.

You know that it’s innocent on his side, but your body reacts differently, separate from your mind. You feel blood rush to your face, as your ears, like a pair of wings, suddenly flutter in pleasure. Of course this doesn’t escape his eyes. You can see his pupils dilate, and an unreadable expression covering his face. You want to hide and scream out of embarrassment.

“Please,” you plead, and he pulls away from you so fast, it’s almost like he takes a leap. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to,” he apologizes, keeping a small distance between you.

He’s embarrassed too, you think. He doesn’t meet your eyes, but you can almost see how hundreds of thoughts are rushing through his brain in an attempt to change the subject. You sit up, dusting off your skin in uncomfortable silence, until he finally dares to speak up. 

“Do you want me to walk you back?” he scratches his head, “You’re not supposed to be here.”

“No,” your voice is so low. Shit, “I need to clear my head.”

“Did you have a nightmare?” he asks gently.

You stand up, to dust the remains off your back and knees. You feel Neteyam’s eyes roaming over your body. 

“I saw my sister in my dream,” you finally answer, “It just confused me more.”

“Confused you about what?” 

“The signs. I can’t figure out what Eywa is trying to tell me.”

“Tell me,” Neteyam offers, it’s not an order. 

You hesitate. Opening up to him out of all Na’vi? To be fair, you’d rather tell someone who doesn’t care about you, who would just listen for the sake of curiosity, not pity or empathy. But also he looks so sincere and trustworthy. Is the tiredness suddenly affecting your perception of him?

“Well,” you sigh, “Ever since my parents died, I could feel their presence whenever I talked to Eywa. And the other day, by the Spirit Tree, I thought that if my sister were dead, then I’d feel her too. But I couldn’t.”

“And the nightmare makes you think otherwise?” 

“Yes. In the nightmare, we were swimming but every time I tried pulling her with me to the surface, to get her out, she wouldn’t budge. It’s like she didn’t want to be saved.”

“A nightmare can be just a nightmare, Y/N,” Neteyam pats your shoulder to comfort you.

“This was different,” you shake your head in disagreement, “I can feel it. I just wish I didn’t get my hopes up.”

Faint voices catch your attention. Neteyam’s ears perk up, as he focuses on the sounds in the distance, suddenly very aware of his surroundings.

"What do you hear?" you ask but he brings his thumb to your lips, shushing you. 

“If the other guards hear you, they’ll take me off the duty.”

It feels like an eternity as he keeps his thumb over your lips. He stares off into darkness but all you can do is look at him. You admire how the moonlight highlights his features, his freckles  and eyes glowing in the dark. His breathing is slow, strangely calming. You can’t help but think that the headpiece suits him even though it doesn’t prevent some of his braids escaping and framing his face. It’s almost funny how they seem to have a life on their own, swaying from left to right with every small movement he makes.

There is a flutter in your chest, as you realize how handsome he is. Shit. Maybe you’re just tired. 

You wrap your fingers around his wrist, lowering his hand from your face, and it finally seems to catch his attention. You let your fingers linger on his skin for a little longer before letting go. 

“Your purpose is to get me in trouble, isn’t it?” Neteyam smiles.

“What?” you frown at him.

“First, it was the fighting, now you happen to sneak away to the area I guard, so I get busted?” 

“I didn’t intentionally -” you start justifying yourself but he’s quick to interrupt.

“I know, I’m kidding.”

Kidding. You admit that, given your history, it is a little funny. You can’t help but smile back.

The exhaustion seems to creep up on you, as you let out a yawn.

“I am probably going to regret this,” Neteyam mumbles, as if more to himself, than to you, “You know how Kiri sometimes falls asleep in random places?”

“Yeah?” 

“Since you don’t want to go back to your bed, you can crash here,” he scratches his forehead, slightly embarrassed, as he points to the patch of grass in front of you.

“You want me to sleep here?” you snort.

“I’m just saying, give it a try. I promise I will be on the lookout.”

You consider it for a second. It sounds ridiculous but the lush grass does seem inviting, softer than your bed. Another yawn creeps up on you. Is it bad that you want to stay here for a while?

“I-I’m not sure I can sleep here,” you admit. Not under his gaze anyway.

“Oh, come on, it’s easy,” he suddenly warms up.

Neteyam stretches out on the grass and waves you over with the biggest grin.

“This is what Kiri does. She just lies down, relaxes, and just like that, she’s off to her dream world,” Neteyam imitates his sister, “Come on.”

“Alright,” you give up, as you walk over to him.

You know it’s innocent but you still feel nervous. Neteyam pats the grass next to him, encouraging you to lay down. You comply, and he watches you relax, as he tousles some of the grass beneath your head. This was a bad idea. 

“Feels good, right?” he asks, propping himself up on one elbow so he can look at you.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath. It does. 

“I’m starting to understand why Kiri falls asleep so easily,” you say, and hear him chuckle.

“Right? Sleeping outside is way more fun. There is just something about the open sky,” he sighs, “It reminds me of home.”

You keep your eyes closed but you can sense Neteyam’s still watching you.

“What is it?” you ask.

“Oh, nothing,” he sounds flustered, like he got caught, “I just thought you had fallen asleep already.” 

“Neteyam?”

“Hm?”

You turn your head to look at him, meeting his curious golden eyes.

“Can you tell me something? I’m not too sleepy yet,” you admit. 

“What would you like to hear?” his voice is soft. So soft, you have to tense your ears to hear him. 

And he talks. It was easy to guess that Neteyam would speak about the things he values the most, about his family. You’re conflicted between hearing him out and discovering this new world you never knew existed, or leaving him here alone to avoid the guilt weighing down on you. 

He tells you about his mother with pride, about her accomplishments and how she stood up for the things she believed in. He mentions that her clan was closely acquainted with the ‘good’ sky people who lived near the rainforest where he was born. These were the ones that tried helping Kiri yesterday. He also tells you about his father, who came from a star, and how he was almost killed by his mother before being saved by Eywa. He speaks fondly of his grandfather, whom he was told to look like, and who was a skilled warrior and protector of his clan, despite never having known him personally. And he tells you about his grandmother, who was strict but deeply loving. He missed her everyday since moving.

As Neteyam talks about the rainforest, his eyes light up with excitement. His descriptions are so vivid and detailed that you can almost see the towering trees, the creatures, and the weapons used by the Omatikaya. At times, he has to articulate with his hands and body to explain it. You feel your tiredness slip away. The more he talks, the more intrigued you get by his life, his stories.

At some point, you overtake the conversation, telling him about your home. You’re rushing through your words because there is so much you want to share. As if its pure existence depends on how much you can recall. At first, Neteyam has a guilty expression that eventually turns into a curious one. Sure, he’s been living with a water clan for months now but the way he reacted to your stories could make you think that he had never even seen water up close. 

Hours pass, as your voices get smaller, and drowsiness completely takes over the two of you.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

When you wake up, you feel slightly restrained around your middle. You’re holding onto Neteyam’s arm, wrapped around your middle, and your legs intertwined. Shit.

“Neteyam,” you turn around, slightly shoving him, “”Teyam.”

He slowly opens his eyes, blinking the sleep away. It takes a moment for him to focus on you. So close, you think. Too close.

“Do you mind?” you gesture at his arm.

Neteyam’s a little slow in the morning, you notice. His eyes lazily follow your movement, roam over your body, as if trying to understand what happened, until he finally realizes. You swear, for a second you hear a faint flutter of his ears.

Your eyes snap back at him, and he sheepishly smiles, pulling away.

“Finally,” you mumble, as you get off the grass, “I should…I should go, I promised Tsireya that we’ll do this thing, um, in the morning.” Why can’t you lie? 

“Right, and my shift’s over, so my mom will be looking for me,” Neteyam nods his head.

“Uh, well, I’ll see you around then?” you hesitate.

“Sure.”

Is he brushing you off? Slightly embarrassed, you turn around and walk ahead. When you hear his voice call out to you, your heart skips a beat.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Friends?” 

You pause for a second, then nod with a smile. His face lightens up. Let’s try. 

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Trying is definitely a good word to describe this new friendship you’re developing with Neteyam. Within a group, you still keep your distance. So much, that it almost seems like your friendship is supposed to be a secret. You’re scared of being called a hypocrite if you get too close. But you were on good terms with Lo’ak, and basically best friends with Kiri, so there’s really no reason for anyone to call you that. Ugh, but it’s different. Neteyam is different.

When you’re hanging out with the group, you’re always distracted, keeping an eye on him. He doesn't seem as interested in you though. On the contrary, his attention is divided between disciplining his siblings and breaking apart Ao’nung and Kiri from biting off each other’s heads.

Very rarely, in those quiet moments when you go to swim by yourself, you can catch him watching you from a distance. You find it hard to read his expressions, Neteyam is too good at hiding whatever he’s feeling. You, not so much. 

Ever since your talk with Jake, and the night you spent with Neteyam, you have conflicted feelings. You’re not sure where you stand anymore. Having voiced your opinions loudly on your first days, you almost expect to pick another fight with him. But you also kind of dread it. 

And the tension between you is not anger anymore. He’s still annoying at times but you learned to find it amusing, rather than frustrating. Sometimes, when he looks at you, your heart jumps. And well, it’s not looking good for you.

In those rare moments when you two are left alone, you bicker. It’s strange because you’re almost convinced that he enjoys provoking you on purpose. Neteyam thinks that his responsibility as a guard gives him some sort of control over you. He likes to play the savior.

“Hey, I’m neither Lo’ak, or Kiri, you can’t boss me around!” you frown, after he suggests you don’t go for a swim past the curfew.

“As a guardian, I make sure that everyone’s staying safe,” he raises his eyebrows, like he already won the argument.

“Isn’t your job looking out for the outsiders? Like humans? With weapons, you know? Not terrorizing me for wanting to swim!”

“I sometimes really think you’re doing this on purpose just to see how far you can push me.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Time really seems to stretch out when you don’t get news from the other islands for a few days. Tonowari doubles the guardians around the village, and sends out a small group of swimmers for updates. It must be bad.

“Do you know anything?” you ask Tsireya.

Tsireya tries to be the best daughter to her parents but hanging out around you, the Sully’s, and her brother even, really challenges her sometimes. She knows she’s not supposed to tell you anything but when you all look at her in anticipation, she gives up eventually. To be a good brother, Ao'nung beats her to it from time to time.

“Tsireya?” Lo’ak pushes, knowing just the tone to use on her.

“You can’t tell anyone, I mean,” she looks at Kiri, “The last time the demons attacked one of the villages was a few days ago. The reason we didn’t get any news was because they wiped it out. Completely.”

You see her eyes glisten with tears, and hang your head in defeat. There really isn’t anything you can do, huh? No matter how hard you try. Nothing at all.

“Tsireya, what else?” Kiri wraps her arm around her shoulders.

“And… our attempts to save these clans are turning out to be more damaging,” she sniffles, “Now that the sky demons know that Na’vi are armed, they have doubled their forces. And they are more brutal. Some of the clans think of running from the islands before they get caught.”

“Shit,” Lo’ak curses, “But your dad must have a plan, right? My parents were with him the whole day yesterday. I can tell they’re hiding something.”

“Lo’ak, I can’t tell you,” Tsireya pleads with him.

“They want to take out their chief,” Ao’nung suddenly speaks, “They suggested luring him out and killing him.”

“But your father said he won’t be attacking first,” Lo’ak frowns.

“That’s right, my father won’t. But your father considers it.”

Ao’nung words send the group into a panic, as everyone starts talking, asking for more information. You gulp down, trying to ignore this anxious feeling in your chest. Once again, painful images of your burning home appear in front of you. 

Knowing that your plan has caused the destruction of another village makes you feel like shit. This can’t be happening. You can feel yourself losing your grip on your breathing as your body begins to shake. The others continue to talk, but their words become muffled and indistinct, drowned out by the noise in your ears.

“Mawey,” Neteyam whispers to you, taking your hand in his, “Just breathe, Y/N.”

You nod but your body won’t comply. The longer you can’t seem to breathe, the shakier you get. Neteyam squeezes your hand, and starts loudly breathing in and out of his mouth.

“Just follow my lead, alright? Breathe in,” he waits for you to repeat after him, “And out. Right, just like that.”

After many attempts of repeating after him, you finally seem to calm down your breathing, and your heartbeat slows into its natural rhythm.

“Good girl,” he gives your hand another squeeze, “Are you alright?”

“I need to get out of here,” you whisper to him.

“Then let’s go,” he says, pulling you to your feet. You don’t protest.

When both of you walk away, still holding hands, you feel everyone’s eyes turn to you. Ugh. You’re definitely going to be questioned to death for this by Kiri and Tsireya, though right now you don’t care. You just want to be somewhere else.

Neteyam leads you towards the trees. When you reach a small stream, he comes to a stop. 

“Hey, you feeling better?” he asks softly, still holding your hand. You nod, looking down at his fingers tightly wrapped around your palm.

“I feel so guilty, for causing more pain,” your eyes start filling up with tears, as you rush through your words, “ I’m scared that we won’t be able to stop them. And I do this thing where I freeze in the most dangerous situations, it’s like my mind takes me to a bad place.”

“Y/N,” Neteyam’s voice is concerned, “I promise, nothing will happen to you.”

“But it’s nightmares every night. I swear, I sometimes can’t tell them apart from the reality,” you admit, looking back at him.

“Mawey, you’ll get through this,” Neteyam comforts you, “I trust you because I know you have a strong heart. But Y/N… what’s happening to you is very familiar.”

“In what way?” Neteyam sighs before opening his mouth. 

“My father has this same response sometimes, like panicking and losing your breath. The nightmares. He says that it can happen when one suffers through something very bad, like war, or losing someone close.”

“Well, how did he stop it?” you frown at him.

“He didn’t. You can’t really stop it,” he shakes his head, with a pained expression on his face, “But my mother helps him.”

“How?”

“She talks to distract him. Reminds him that it’s in the past.,” Neteyam answers, then gestures at your hands still interlocked, “She holds him.”

You nod, and squeeze his hand in appreciation. A few tears escape from your eyes, as you look away. Neteyam brings his hand to your face, wiping them away. 

“Don’t cry.”

“Am not,” you sniffle.

“Seriously, don’t,” Neteyam grazes your cheek with his thumb, “It upsets me.”

“Why would you care?” you snort.

“Oh, because it’s creepy!” he teases, making you smile, “Seeing you cry is probably going to send the rest of our friends to Eywa.”

“Shut it,” you smack him, but he only laughs. 

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Tsireya suggests adding beads into your hair, as she works on your braids. Usually, you would have your hair in small braids, but she convinced you to try out a hairstyle similar to hers: braids at the roots, to prevent hair from falling into your eyes, and letting the rest flow in its natural way. You roll your eyes at the way Tsireya beams at you but you’re secretly happy to be distracted. 

The two of you sit on the grass terrace, with two Elderly Na’vi not too far. They seem to enjoy watching Tsireya’s wonders on your hair, and you feel infinitely thankful to them, when Kiri plops down in front of you. She can’t grill you with her questions in their presence. 

“Kiri, are you next?” Tsireya asks her, a hint of hope in her tone.

“No, my hair’s too short for all of that,” Kiri gestures at Tsireya’s long curls.

“Nonsense, I think it would look very pretty on you.”

Tsireya continues convincing Kiri, while she works on your braids, when suddenly you sense a movement. The Elderly Na’vi, now seemingly disinterested, walk away, leaving the three of you to yourselves. Oh, sweet Eywa, please don’t.

“So…Y/N,” Kiri beats you to your silent prayer, “You and Neteyam.”

“What about me and Neteyam?” you quirk your eyebrow at her. You’re going to play dumb. 

“What’s happening between you?” she squints at you, “And please don’t tell me that you’re in love with him.”

“Oh but I think they would look great together,” Tsireya adds in her dreamy voice. Shit.

“What are you two talking about?” you roll your eyes, heat rushing to your cheeks, “He’s annoying.”

“But like in a cute way?” Kiri tries to crack you. 

“In a way that makes your heart flutter?” Tsireya adds.

“Are you thinking about Lo’ak right now?” you turn to look at Tsireya with a sly smile. If you just get to switch the topic, you will give yourself a small window to flee. She looks taken aback.

“Hey, don’t distract us!” Kiri interrupts, waving at you, “It’s alright, Tsireya, we all know he likes you back.”

Tsireya gulps down in embarrassment but doesn’t say anything. Kiri stares at you expectantly.

“What?”

“You were holding hands,” she states.

“I hold hands with Tsireya all the time too,” you’re definitely overplaying, “Neteyam and I are just trying to be more…civil.”

“Yet when you were panicking, it was Neteyam, and not Tsireya, holding your hand and taking you to the trees,” Kiri notes.

Is she playing a smartass? Caught off guard, your eyes widen.

“Why did you go into the trees, Y/N? Were you doing something you didn’t want us to see?” Kiri pushes, trying to crack you.

“Stop it,” you hiss at her.

“I just find it disgusting that he would go for my friend, right after Lo’ak already stole Tsireya from me,” Kiri crosses her arms in front of her chest, “All of you are inconsiderate.”

“A brother for a brother,” Tsireya whispers, and you can’t help but laugh.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Kiri raises her voice.

“Come on, Kiri. Ao'nung is always flirting with you,” you explain, then wince in pain, as Tsireya pulls on your hair.

“Sorry!” she apologizes immediately, “I was just agreeing with you, didn’t mean to pull your hair.”

“You two are unbelievable. Ao’nung is terrible. No offense, Tsireya,” Kiri denies, “And don’t switch topics here, Y/N! You and Neteyam were jumping at each other’s throats since you met, now suddenly you consider him a friend? What happened?”

“Well, there was this time when we had to team up to save your ass,” you tease, enjoying Kiri’s escalating anger, “No, but really. I think we were just really scared for you.”

“Ooh,” the two of them awe in unison, “So that’s it?”

“And Eywa,” you mumble under your breath.

“Eywa?” Kiri’s ears perk up, as she leans in. Right away, Tsireya drops your hair, as she quickly positions herself next to Kiri, her attention now fully on you.

“Well… back when we went to the Spirit Tree, he and I fell a little behind. Then I saw a woodsprite floating around us. Neteyam had his back turned, so he didn’t even notice.”

“Do you think Eywa wants you two -” Kiri doesn’t finish.

“No, it was more of a sign for me to stop resenting him,” you shake your head in embarrassment, “So now I’m trying to listen and be nice to him.”

“That makes sense. Eywa wouldn’t bless you as a couple anyway, it’s too soon,” Kiri says.

“No, it’s not,” Tsireya disagrees, “They’re both capable of choosing mates before Eywa.”

Kiri opens her mouth to protest but then decides against it. 

“Doesn’t matter. It’s not the time,” you shake your head, and the girls seem to agree with you, “And Neteyam is not the one. He is my friend. So please stop teasing me for giving him a chance.”

Content with your answer, Kiri drops it. You suspect that Tsireya hasn’t been fully convinced by your words but she is too kind to keep pushing you. You give her a grateful smile for understanding. If anything, she can relate in some way.

Speak of the devil… When you see Neteyam approaching you, you can feel the girls’ eyes on you, looking for a reaction. Neteyam throws a quick look at you, slightly surprised by your hair, but says nothing. He doesn’t like it? You feel a little insecure.

“Hey,” he bows quickly, “Kiri, mother wants you back at home for dinner.”

Kiri rolls her eyes but gets up from the grass. Tsireya follows. 

“My family is probably waiting for me too.” 

“You’re lucky you have no one telling you what to do, Y/N,” Kiri blurts out, then covers her mouth. 

“Kiri!” Tsireya tsks at her, but it’s a little too late.

When it came to dinners, you were mostly having them alone, or sometimes skipping them at all. For your first two weeks, Tsireya would drag you to her house for every single meal but eventually you restarted hunting and actually enjoyed preparing your own meals. 

“Y/N, you coming to our place tonight?” Tsireya encourages.

You prepare yourself to politely decline her invitation but Neteyam beats you to it.

“Actually, what do you think about joining us instead?” he asks softly.

Both Tsireya, Kiri and you look at him in surprise. He had never invited you directly in front of others. Not even Kiri has. And the idea of you spending the evening with his father. Yikes. Sure, you somewhat felt more comfortable seeing Jake in the village but sitting in front of him for dinner is totally different.

“Um, I don’t think it’s a good idea,” you mumble.

“Nonsense, Y/N, now that I think about it, I should have invited you a long time ago,” Kiri suddenly jumps in, “And after you saved my ass. Mom and dad would love to thank you.”

“Especially my mom,” Neteyam adds.

If they think they’re making a good point, they must be completely unaware of how uncomfortable you feel around Neytiri. She is intimidating, you think. You can never even talk to her. 

“Well?” Neteyam nudges you with a warm smile.

You bite your lip, trying to think of an excuse. Any excuse. But your head is empty, as the three of them look at you expectantly. Tsireya nods her head at you with an encouraging smile.

“If you’re sure,” you admit your defeat.

Happily, Kiri swings her arm around you, leading you towards their marui.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Sully's marui is bigger than yours, it’s not surprising. They are a family of six after all, you are a single child. Still, you think that you could never live with so many people: losing your parents at a young age made you well acquainted with sharing a room with only one person at a time. Now you share it with no one.

When you shyly walk in, you think your heart is going to jump out of your chest. Kiri pulls you by your hand.

“Mom, dad,” Neteyam grabs their attention, “We invited Y/N to share today’s meal with us.”

“Hey, Y/N,” Jake’s ears perk up, as he stands up with a small smile. You bow. Little Tuk copies her father as she runs up to you, curiously examining you. 

“I hope it’s okay,” you smile sheepishly.

“It’s good that you came. You need to eat well,” Neytiri walks up to you with a bowl of food in her hands.

“Mom,” Kiri rolls her eyes, “Y/N eats fine, stop.”

“Not fine enough for a hunter,” Neytiri turns to you, “A good hunter must look after themselves. So eat.”

You nod your head with a small chuckle escaping your lips, as you take the bowl from her. Neteyam gives you a proud smile. 

When all of you are seated to eat, Lo’ak rushes into the marui, barely catching his breath.

“Sorry I’m late,” he throws, quickly sitting down next to you, “Oh, hi, Y/N.”

You greet him back, then notice a non-verbal exchange between the siblings. They seem to be doing this way too often. Lo’ak shoots a questioning look at Neteyam, but Neteyam just rolls his eyes at him, and returns to his food. Lo’ak tries again with Kiri. Kiri shrugs her shoulders, then smiles pointing at Neteyam with her eyes. Lo’ak snorts.

“Lo’ak,” Jake grumbles.

“Sorry,” Lo’ak gets back to his bowl without being able to retrieve his smile.

At first, you feel awkward. While they exchange some news with each other, you don’t participate, simply observing them from underneath your lashes. Tuk excitedly tells about her new friendship with a young ilu. Lo’ak shares that he was swimming with Payakan. Jake gives him a displeased look but doesn’t say anything. You think that the food is very good. It’s a shame that you can’t enjoy it because you feel uncomfortable. Why did you have to agree? 

“Y/N,” Neytiri turns to you, “I’ve seen you hunt near the trees. Do you prefer it to the water?”

“It depends,” you feel like she is testing you but you don’t want to lie, “I feel most comfortable in the water. But sometimes it gets boring, so I look for the prey in the green. It’s more challenging.”

Neytiri nods, and you notice Jake’s and Neteyam’s approving smiles on you, which makes you feel like you passed the test. Whatever the test was.

“Mom is an excellent hunter,” Kiri adds, “You should join her sometime.”

“I will only be a distraction,” you try to disagree, as you hear Lo’ak chuckle next to you. Is he enjoying how much more uncomfortable his family can make you?

“Lo’ak,” Neytiri slaps the back of his head, “Have you tried hunting on an ikran, Y/N?”

“No, I’ve never even flown,” you give her a sheepish smile, as her eyes widen in surprise. You suppose it’s pretty common, since you grew up around the water.

“You’ve never flown!” Tuk exclaims, as if you are missing out.

“Then it’s decided,” Jake announces, exchanging a knowing look with Neytiri. Oh no.

“Next time I go flying, I will take you with me. You will enjoy it more than swimming,” she smiles.

You and Neytiri. Going to fly. You can’t even speak looking into her eyes, are you sure you will be able to fly with her in the air? At a height? While she hunts? 

“Don’t worry, Y/N, you have nothing to be scared of,” Neteyam encourages you with a smile, “I’m sure you will love flying.”

Tuk nods in agreement, clapping her hands together. Neteyam finds his sister’s reaction amusing and lovingly pats her on the head. You enjoy this side of him a little too much, as you watch the interaction with a small smile.

“Like what you see?” Lo’ak whispers to you with a grin.

“What?” it’s hard for you to play cool when he just caught you.

“Nothing,” Lo’ak acts disinterested, biting down on the piece of fish, “Just warning that you’re being too obvious.”

“Just like you’re obvious with the chief’s daughter,” you whisper back, and watch as Lo’ak chokes on his food.

“Eat slower, Lo’ak,” Neytiri scolds him.

As the evening goes on, you feel slightly more at ease. Although the thought of you dying while flying with Neytiri nags at you, you try to push it to the back of your mind for the time being. You and Kiri eventually find a thread of your own conversation, and you occasionally catch Neteyam’s gracing you with his proud smiles.

When you’re finished with thanking them for having you over, Kiri stands up instinctively to walk you out. You’re both confused when Neteyam jumps to his feet, gently pushing his sister out of his way.

“It’s too late for you to be out, Kiri,” he says, his accent thick, “I will walk Y/N home.”

“Since when am I not to be out at this hour?” Kiri is baffled, as she turns to Jake with an expectant look, “Dad?”

“Since you started falling asleep underwater, Kiri,” Jake throws her a knowing look.

When you exit the marui with Neteyam close on your heels, you’re caught by surprise, feeling his arm snake around your shoulder. As you’re about to react, you almost stumble in the dark, and Neteyam helps you keep your balance.

“It’s a bit uneven here, especially in the dark, many stumble,” he explains, as he lets go of you. 

“Thanks,” you mumble, looking at him, “Why did you have to invite me?”

“Did you have other plans?” Neteyam quirks at you. You shake your head.

“Still, after everything I said and did, I feel like you all must hate me.”

“You gave me a second chance, right?” Neteyam smiles, “Why wouldn’t I give one to you?”

You shrug your shoulders. 

“And just so you know, no one hated you.”

“Not even you?” you tease.

“Especially not me,” Neteyam’s voice is serious. You shy away from his gaze.

As if being unseen in the darkness is equivalent to being unheard, the two of you walk slowly, quietly. You notice how the last bit of sun sets down behind the horizon, and watch in admiration. 

“I love it here,” Neteyam admits, following your gaze, “I miss home, and the sky in the forest. But there’s something about the water…”

“What is it that you like about the water?” you ask him curiously.

“I don’t know, it just makes my heart race,” he whispers, looking back at you.

“I would love to see the forest. But I think I like it already,” you whisper back, meeting his golden eyes.

There’s a moment when you think something is going to happen. You’re both terrified and impatient for him to do anything. When did he become so different? Were you just blind before?

Neteyam’s eyes jump all over your face and your hair, like he’s trying to take it in. You hope that you’re not giving away how much you think you’re growing to like him at this moment.

“Your hair looks pretty like this,” he says, reaching for one of the locks draping over your shoulders.

Your heart skips a beat when he twirls a strand of your hair, watching it curl around his long fingers.

“Very pretty,” he smiles, looking back at you.

“Tsireya talked me into it,” you smile sheepishly, as you gently pull your hair back from his grasp.

He turns his head to the side, braids swaying with him. You have to force yourself not to reach your hand to tug them. 

“Well, we’re here.” It takes you a second to realize that you’re in front of your marui.

“Right,” you gulp down, “Thanks again for inviting me, it was surprisingly delightful.”

“Wait till you fly with my mother,” Neteyam chuckles, noticing your terrified face.

“Oh, sweet Eywa,” you bite your lip.

“Don’t worry, she won’t let you get hurt,” Neteyam backs away, ready to leave, “I can be there to look after you.”

“I’ll take you up on that offer.” 

“Sweet dreams, Y/N.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

In a long time, since you had arrived, this is the first time you see Metkayina so overjoyed. From afar, you were all watching as their soul-sisters and soul-brothers, the Tulkuns, were returning home. The Sully’s were looking at the water mesmerized. Being foresters, they probably never even seen Tulkuns before.

You think back to your soul-sister whom you had seen many years ago. You were still a little girl back then but the memories you had with her kept your heart warm all this time. Sadness graces your face when you imagine her returning home and finding your village destroyed, with you nowhere to be found. 

And although your soul-sister wasn’t among the Tulkuns, you still enjoy watching their interactions with the Metkayina clan. You swim in between them with a giddy smile, catching glimpses of silent conversations and excited exchanges, especially between the younger Na’vi. Not too far, Neteyam catches your eye. He is unlinked from his ilu, which swims around him with a delighted noise.

“Y/N, this is incredible!” he gestures.

“It is,” you agree, returning his smile.

You spend more time swimming and taking in the scenes unraveling in front of you. What’s even more entertaining is watching Neteyam and Kiri admiring the Tulkuns, and trying their best to understand what they’re saying. Of course, for foresters who had never seen Tulkuns, it was difficult to differentiate the subtle changes of tones and sounds they made. Lo’ak seems more comfortable, and you guess that it’s due to his bond with Payakan.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

That evening, the Metkayina celebrate. While there were no new attacks from the sky people in the past week, you can’t help but feel uneasy, suspecting that something worse is going to happen soon. Like this short moment of happiness is just the calm before the storm begins.

The celebration of the return of Tulkuns is similar to the one you used to have back home. The clan gathers at the beach in big and small circles, around fire. They cook and share food and drinks together, while singing and dancing to the songs of Eywa. Many wear festive patterns on their faces and bodies. It didn’t take Tsireya long to convince both Kiri and you to get your faces and arms painted with beautiful shapes and colors. 

As the evening goes on, Kiri tells you that back home their celebrations were almost the same. You sense that she’s truly enjoying it, feeling the familiarity. When she is pulled into a dance, you watch her with a big smile, clapping your hands. The rest of her family looks just as happy, especially Neytiri. Almost relaxed. You feel a little jealous that you had no one to share this moment with.

With everyone distracted, you slip away to the far end of the beach to be by yourself. Feeling the warmth of the sand, you enjoy the waves washing over your feet in a calming rhythm. You watch the horizon, and spot some movement from the Tulkuns performing their own celebratory dance, as they swim around each other. Occasionally, their tails resurface and disappear under the water with big splashes. 

“Why aren’t you dancing with the rest?” you hear Neteyam’s voice, as he sits down next to you.

“Why aren’t you?” 

“Let’s just say that dancing is not my strongest suit,” Neteyam smiles.

“Is the mighty warrior finally admitting to being bad at something?” you tease him, “Lo’ak would be delighted when I tell him.”

“Lo’ak is a worse dancer than I am,” Neteyam laughs, pointing at his younger brother in the distance.

You look over to find Lo’ak awkwardly circling around Tsireya. It seems like he is going to fall into the fire any second now. They’re holding hands, as she tries to guide him to move his feet like her but Lo’ak seems so out of place, it makes you laugh too. It’s kind of cute, you think. He tries for Tsireya because there is no way he would ever do this in front of so many Na’vi. 

“He’s a lost cause,” you shake your head at the sight.

“Anything for love,” Neteyam turns his gaze back to you with a small smile.

You almost get a deja vu of how similar this moment is to the one you shared among the trees. There is something unspoken between Neteyam and you. He holds your gaze, slowly moving closer. You gulp down nervously, when he raises his hand to your cheek. Neteyam pauses for your approval before making contact. His fingers trace a pattern of paint on your face, before he cups your cheek.

“Neteyam,” you whisper, “If anyone sees…”

If anyone sees, you will definitely gain at least several suspicious questions tomorrow morning. You can only imagine how this looks from afar, and you wonder if he wants it to look that way. Is it bad that you hope he does?

“I don’t care,” Neteyam whispers back, his face now closer to yours, “Can I ask you something, Y/N?”

You feel too nervous to talk. Instinctively you raise your fingers, wrapping them around his wrist, then nod your head. Neteyam takes a deep breath.

“Are you promised to someone?” his eyes jump all over your face, trying to read your thoughts. 

“No,” your voice hitches, as you hold his gaze, “Are you?”

Neteyam softly shakes his head, one of his braids falling on his face. You find that makes him look more handsome. 

“Y/N,” his voice is hypnotic, pulling you closer to him, “I know we didn’t see eye to eye when we met but now I think it’s because both of us felt something. Y/N, I -”

“Neteyam,” you interrupt him with a firm tone, “Don’t say anything.”

You avoid his gaze, lowering his hand from your face. You still keep your fingers around his wrist but you don’t dare to look at him.

“Why?” Neteyam sounds so confused, you feel an ache in your stomach, “Am I wrong? Don’t you feel it too?”

“Neteyam, this is not the time,” you sigh, avoiding his question, “I can’t. Please.”

He pulls his hand from yours, instantly putting a small distance between you. You feel like you’re going to scream. He doesn’t deserve this. 

“I don’t understand,” he whispers, shaking his head.

“I can’t promise you anything, Neteyam. I don’t even know if my sister is alive. What if I go back home? What if the demons attack us tomorrow, and I die?” you start rushing through the hundreds of reasons, “I can’t risk this. Having a friend like you is more than I deserve already, ‘Teyam. I don’t want you to get stuck with me. I am not reliable like you. I will mess it up.”

“Y/N -” he looks so confused, trying to follow the line of your words, “I disagree -”

Your intimate moment is disrupted with loud noises of Roxto and Ao’nung running past you into the water. The rest of the group, with Lo’ak and Tsireya, are close on their heels with accompanying shouts. You guess they’re headed to swim with the Tulkuns before Tonowari declares an end to the celebration.

“Neteyam, come join us!” Lo’ak shouts, interrupting his brother. 

“Please, let’s just pretend that everything’s back to normal. Whatever ‘normal’ means anyway,” you sigh, standing up. Neteyam’s pained eyes follow your movement, as you leave him there, sitting alone.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

part 2

tumblr won't let me post the rest of the fic in the same post, so go to part 2. if you have any thoughts or comments and you haven't finished reading yet, i would still appreciate you sharing them with me. i'm so impatient for feedback, although i know it will take a lot of time to read this whole thing, anyways

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

taglist (also tagging some blogs that i think might enjoy it, and some of the authors, whose works i’ve been reading non-stop to keep myself motivated): @fucksnow ; @heaven1oo4 ; @fanboyluvr ; @ngayawneluoer ; @aquila-de-l-ocean ; @aoteyam ; @moonpetrichors-blog ; @vinnieswife ; @eywascall ; @lxvvvllyy ; @iloveavatar ; @neteyamdarling ; @gloryy-vs ; @girasollake ; @mayhemories ; @suuuupernovaaa ; @love-chx ; @the-demon-soul ; @cosmictheo ; @victoirey ; @your-averagewriter ; @starkeysmoon ; @openpandorabox ; @urlocalfeiner ; @neteyams-tsahik ; @angelltheninth ; @sweetsbfreex ; @forever--darling ; @arachine ; @nyctophicbtch ; @jeojake ; @isabellapaul37 ; @melbee ; @loaksky ; @luvsellie ; @loakism ; @lizziesfirstwife ; @jakesullysbabygirl ; @theseuscmander ; @love13tter

[s0urw00lf]

Twisted luck

Not alone

Sam Winchester x reader

Warnings: angst, just lots and lots of angst and a little but not really fluff

AN: this is kind of a filler chapter, so i can develop Sam and readers relationship. Were kinda like very very slowly seeping into building their relationship.

Last chapter — Next chapter

Today was the day you're supposed to meet with Jason's family. His mom, dad, and older sister are all waiting to hear the story from you. The story of how it happened, of how you came home to your apartment covered in his blood, how it seemingly seeped through your skin and into your soul painting it red.

You felt like you were just waiting to wake up from this nightmare. Waiting to open your eyes and be greeted by Jason’s soft brown eyes and that stupid lopsided smile he wore all the time. But you knew that was wishful thinking.

Sam and Dean were out again, researching, trying to find what killed Jess and Jason. Usually you'd be with them but the meeting was in an hour and you could barely drag yourself out of bed. You weren’t ready to face his family, to face that internal guilt that you couldn't save him.

Eventually you got up, making your way to the bathroom. Your face cold due to the air conditioning blowing on your wet cheeks. When you looked in the mirror you finally noticed how bad you looked, dark circles around your red eyes and you were pale like you haven't seen the sun in months, and the frown on your face seemed to be imprinted there, the tip of your nose was red from crying. Now that Sam and Dean aren't around, you finally let yourself cry.

You didn't understand why. Why you left, why you couldn't save him, why you had to have been born into this hell of a life. Why you didn't tell him you loved him before you left, why you hesitated, why this had to happen to him.

Your phone ringing broke you out of your trance, you pulled it out of your pocket, answering without much thought. “Yeah” you answered, trying your hardest to sound like you haven't been crying. “Sam and I are heading back now, you need anything?” Dean asked.

You wiped your stuffy nose absentmindedly “uh no, im supposed to be leaving out soon anyway” you replied. Dean nodded to himself on the other side of the phone “yeah ok, hey you sure you don't want me to drive you?” he asked, his tone was full of pity and it was starting to irritate you. You sighed “yeah dean im sure, i'll call you later” you said before hanging up.

When you arrived at the address they gave you, you contemplated calling Dean to come get you. But your gut told you that you needed to do this.

To give his family closure even if you couldn't have it. You let out a breath before ringing the doorbell and only a few moments later the door opened revealing Katherine, Jason's sister.

She gave you a small attempt at a smile but you couldn't even bring yourself to attempt one yourself. “y/n, it's good to see you” she said, bringing you in for a hug which you reluctantly returned. “Come in,” she said after pulling away. You followed her to the living room where their parents were sitting on the couch holding each other seemingly to ground each other. When they saw you they stood to greet you, giving you hugs of their own.

You could tell Jason's death had been hard on them, as cliche as it sounded he was a light in such a dark gloomy world, and the absence of it seemed to show everywhere. “y/n i would ask you how you're doing but, given the circumstances…” Jason's father Mark trailed off. They asked you to sit and you obliged.

Jane and Mark looked at each other before Jane started to talk. “We already heard what happened from the police, but we’d like to hear it from you i-” Jane was cut off by Katherine “mom” she hissed. You shook your head “no its fine, i uh. Yes it's fine”.

Katherine grabbed your hand “you don't have to y/n seriously i can't even imagine how terrible it was” she said, her eyes were soft and gentle. You gave her an attempt of a smile “no it's okay, id want to know too if it was me” you said. You gently pulled your hand away from Katherine, adjusting in your seat. “A- a few days before it… happened, I left on a trip with my… cousins.” you started, wincing at your lie.

“And when I got back… when I got back I found him. In the living room. Bleeding. It was everywhere, the blood. And I could smell it, it was so strong” your voice broke as the tears began cascading down your face, you didn't have any care to wipe them away.

This was the first time you let yourself think about it and remember. “I held him and he was still-” you abruptly stood up shaking your head. “No, no no no. I'm sorry I can't. I- i thought i could but this is too much. I'm so sorry.” you quickly said, before seeing yourself to the door. You could barely see through your teary eyes.

When you got outside you took a deep inhale, you felt like the air had been completely sucked from your lungs and like you were fighting to get it back. With shaky hands you reached in your pocket pulling out your phone. Deans contact was already on the screen when you opened the screen thankfully. You pressed call, holding the phone up to your ear breathing hard as you listened to the phone ring. Voicemail. That seemed to be a recurring thing.

You sighed, hanging up. The next person in your mind to call was Sam, so you did, the phone didn't ring for long until you heard Sam's voice “hello” he answered, sounding empty.

You sniffled, trying to clear your vision of tears “Sam, i tried to call Dean but he didn't answer and i really need somebody-” your panicked words were cut off by sam. “Wait- y/n calm down. Talk to me, what happened?” he asked, sounding worried. You let out a shaky breath “i tried, i tried- but i can't. Sammy, I can't do it. Just- just please come get me” you pleaded shakily.

You could hear shuffling around in the back and muffled talking. “Okay i'm coming, just uh, just hold on ill be there soon, okay?” he said, before you heard a door slam in the background. You nodded, even though he couldn't see you “yeah okay” you said, hanging up the phone.

You sat on the stairs of the front porch for a while before you heard the door open. Your heart dropped slightly, “hey, i'm heading out, where are you staying i'll give you a ride” you heard katherine’s gentle voice say from behind you.

You turned around to look at her through your tears. You shook your head politely declining her request “no it's okay, i called someone” you said. She gave you a sad smile, “well mind if i sit with you while you wait?” she asked. You scooted over and she took that as an invitation.

“You know, he was really happy with you. He talked about you like you hung the stars in the sky” she said. You played with your fingers, not sure what to say back. “He was a bright boy and you made him brighter” she said before she paused.

“y/n, look at me please” she asked. You did as she asked, looking at her and it almost hurt how much she looked like Jason, the same soft brown eyes, and light freckles littered over her face. “I can't imagine you feel having to see him like that, nobody should ever have to go through that.” she started “But I can see it in your eyes. You think it's your fault and it's not. What happened to Jason couldn't have been prevented and there's a chance if you were there you wouldn't have made it out either” she said.

But she didn't know what you're capable of. She doesn't know that if you would've been there the house would have been covered in someone else's blood. She didn't know that Jason would see you as a monster. “You can't blame yourself, it will tear you apart from the inside out and drain you of everything you are” she finished.

You looked away from her, throat burning as you held back tears. “Jason deserved better, and when they find who did this to him I will make sure they never see the light of day again” you said, though you meant it differently from how she would take it.

The two of you continued talking, well she talked and you listened, until you heard the familiar sound of the impala rolling down the street until it stopped in front of the house.

You stood dusting your pants “this is my ride” you said turning away, eager to get away and breathe. “y/n” she called you. You squeezed your eyes shut before turning around “don't be shy okay? Call or text. We can get dinner sometime.” she said. You nodded “okay” you said before turning around and walking to the car.

When you got in the car you sighed, placing your face in your hands. You wanted to scream, or break something, and cry all at the same time.

Sam looked at you worriedly “you okay?” he asked. You nodded in your hands before sitting back up, as he pulled off. “How do you do it?” you asked.

Sam looked at you in confusion, urging you to explain. “How are you so… controlled. I feel like I'm dying inside” you said.

Sam sighed, “we all deal with our grief differently, i feel like that too, and i'm angry, and i want revenge so bad it's almost consuming me” he said, not taking his eyes off the road.

It's poetic almost, you and Sam once again bonding over someone you lost. “Why, why did they have to die? If whoever this demon is, wants us so badly, why does it keep targeting people around us. The ones that can protect themselves.” you asked, looking at sam.

His face was stone cold “I don't know. But I know once we find dad and your mom and find the demon we're gonna make sure it pays” he said. You couldn't agree more.

The two of you were silent for a whole before he spoke “you know i still feel like i'm there sometimes. I can feel the heat on my skin and I can see her.

I can hear her begging me to save her and all I do is just lay there.” he said, you could see the tears in his eyes. You didn't say anything, because you felt it too.

You still felt the blood on your body. You still felt the warmth of his skin under your fingertips. You paused “we don't have to do this alone.” you said looking at him. “I mean we have Dean but more so we have each other. We know what each other is going through and selfishly i don't think i can handle this alone. I don't think I can carry this alone, sammy."

Sam pulled into a diner parking lot, parking before he turned off the car. He looked at you for the first time since he picked you up “okay” he agreed.

“I'm glad you said that because I don't think I can take much more of the silent grief and dean might just leave us because of all the emo angst” he said, attempting a joke. You gave him a half smile, feeling a little relieved. “You hungry? Deans paying” he asked, giving you a small smile. You nodded “starving” you answered, before you both exited the car.

Your grief was nowhere near over. But knowing that you weren't alone and that you had someone to lean on who knew what you were going though dulled that ache a little.

[mandoalorian]

delicate

Pairing: High honour Arthur Morgan x F!Reader

Summary: When Arthur and the gang are out in Valentine, you can’t help but notice that he left his journal by his bedside, unattended. You’re aware that Arthur is never careless enough to leave something so valuable to him in camp and see you see it as an opportunity. Upon reading his journal, you discover something that changes everything…

Word count: 2,000

Author’s note: My first Arthur fic! It’s been a long time coming. This is also cross-posted on my AO3. I do not consent to my fics being posted anywhere else, or translated without permission. If you enjoyed this fic please reblog as it helps increase support!<3

Masterlist 

You saw it as an opportunity.

Arthur, John, Micah, Javier and Sadie were out in Valentine, following Dutch’s well-convoluted plan to rob the local bank. They’d been gone for three hours already and with Micah part of the team, you dreaded to think how they were getting on. Dutch and Hosea had gone to scout out a manor northwest of Lemoyne, in Scarlet Meadows. Hosea was following a lead he’d heard from a guy at Emerald Ranch – that apparently, a well-off family were residing over there. An excellent opportunity for a cash grab, Dutch was also sure. Lately, any possibility of getting money, Dutch got excited over. You didn’t understand why because the ledger appeared more filled out than ever. Perhaps it was merely nothing more than a sin of greed, although you were in no position to question it. 

Mary-Beth, Tilly and Karen were doing laundry as Miss Grimshaw supervised, and Miss Molly O’Shea was napping in Dutch’s cot. She’d been sleeping a lot recently, you’d noticed. Uncle was nowhere in sight, probably sleeping or drunk or getting himself killed by Raiders. And Abigail was with Jack, nursing him back to health as influenza he’d developed after your time in Colter hadn’t yet subsided. The camp was empty. Not a soul in sight.

There was a small crate in the corner of his tent and organised neatly atop was a framed photo of his mother Beatrice, a small vase of flowers that were native to New Hanover, and a beat-up leather journal that he kept close to his bedside. Arthur was so protective of his journal, you’d often tease him for it. Sometimes, you’d admire him from afar. After a hard day, he’d often sit by the lake, slumped against a tree, jotting down his thoughts or filling the pages with doodles of his ventures. 

And this time it was calling out to you.

You wondered why he hadn’t taken it with him. Had he really just ‘left’ it at camp? Forgot to put it in his satchel before he left this morning? You were hyper-aware that you’d more than likely never get this chance again. The curiosity was begging to be explored and you took one final glance around camp before slowly inching towards the crate by his bedside. Arthur’s tent was really just a canopy and once you were under you felt a pang of guilt in his heart. You shouldn’t be snooping around his business like this. He had done nothing to warrant you doing that.

It wasn’t malicious. It was harmless. Just a little peek…

You sat on the edge of Arthur’s cot and picked up the journal, feeling the worn leather between your fingers. Undoing the clasp, you pulled it open midway and were greeted with an illustration of a girl. It was the back of her, so there was no way of making out her face, but as you took a closer look at the pattern on her ranch boots, you couldn’t help but recognise the embroidered swirls and shapes. They were your ranch boots, and Arthur’s illustration was a depiction of you. It was dated noon, 5th July 1899, just a few weeks ago. It appeared to be a drawing from observation, and you were pictured helping Pearson put away an assortment of canned goods. 

It took a moment for it to dawn on you. He’d drawn you.

Now you were invested. You turned to the next page to see a verse of words:

‘Sometimes I wonder when she sleeps

Is she ever dreaming of me?

Sometimes when I look into her eyes

I pretend she’s mine all the damn time’

To the left of the words was another illustration of you but this one had a lot more detail. A delicate flower was placed in your hair and this time, you could see your face. You could see the shape of your nose and the creases in the corner of your eyes when you smiled. It had never been so clear. Your gaze flicked back towards the words as you reread them over and over again. Could they have really been about you?

Surely not. Arthur had never done anything to suggest that he’d had these feelings for you. As far as you were aware, he was still hung up on Miss Mary Linton. You’d never met her before. You’d only heard tales from Hosea, how Arthur was sweet on her and she broke his heart to the point he didn’t want to leave camp for days. You couldn’t imagine Arthur that way. You supposed that since then, he had changed, and maybe since meeting you, he’d changed again.

On the outside, Arthur was rough. His skin was sun kissed and his clothes were old, his boots were muddy and he could go months without shaving. You’d heard stories of his questionable temperance but with you, he was patient and soft and gentle. You’d seen him be kind around little Jack too, and that relationship spoke volumes since John was mostly absent from his son’s life. Arthur was a good influence on Jack. Hell, you could argue he was the best influence around camp in general. Although he was often gloomy and he would, on occasion, pick fights with Micah or Bill, you saw through that. He had a good heart, wether he believed it, that didn’t matter.

A loud cough interrupted your thoughts. You froze, and it was like you could feel time moving. Arthur’s journal was still in your hands and you could feel the eyes of a cowboy bore into your back. You hoped and prayed it was anyone but Arthur. At least then you’d be able to potentially mangle yourself out of the fact you went behind your friend’s back. You wanted to put the journal down, hell, you needed to, but it was like your feet were glued to the ground and your hands were locked in place.

“What you doing snooping through my stuff, girl?” 

Oh, it was Arthur. You winced under his question and took a deep breath. You carefully placed the journal back on his bedside, just as it was before you took it. Perfect. Like it hadn’t moved an inch. Not that it mattered anymore…

“Well?”

Fuck. You cursed under your breath. Say something. Anything.

“Arthur-I’m-so-sorry-I-don’t-know-what-I-was-thinking-I-just-saw-it-there-and-you-always-got-your-head-down-in-it-and-never-show-anyone-and-I-was-just-curious-and-I-know-it-was-wrong-but-I-just-“

“Now, why you talkin’ like that? Like I’m holdin’ you up at gunpoint? Turn around and look at me.” He cut you off, his question was rhetorical and his voice stern.

You immediately obliged and spun around on your heel. Your stomach was in knots. You wish you had never looked. Never betrayed him like this. Arthur’s eyes were a piercing blue like you’d never noticed, and his lips were curled into a frown. But still, he remained stoic. It’s like he was trying to appear unbothered, but you could see right through him.

“You know now why I let nobody look in here?” Arthur muttered, leaning over you and snatching the journal from his bedside.

You nodded apologetically and watched as he stuffed the journal into his satchel.

“I’ll be on my way now.” Arthur tipped his hat to you before turning around. He paused and when he was looking away he muttered, “’Am sorry if… you thought it was weird, miss…” 

Your mouth felt dry as you watched him walk away.

Weird? He was worried that you thought it was weird.

You chased after him and caught up pretty quickly, placing the palm of your hand flat against the broadness of his back. “Arthur, what you wrote in there was the sweetest thing… not weird at all, I promise.”

Arthur stopped and looked down at you, still frowning. 

“I just had no idea you felt that way,” You continued, shaking your head. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I overstepped your boundaries and we can just forget about it if that’s what you want…”

To clarify, forgetting about it was the last thing you wanted to do, but alas, this wasn’t about you anymore. You would do anything for Arthur’s forgiveness and if that meant pretending like today never happened, then so be it.

“Forget?” Arthur whispered. “You really expect me to forget about this?”

You pursed your lips together, holding back a sigh. “I don’t think you should. I know I’d struggle to forget what I saw in there… but also, I don’t want to forget. I… I’ve been sweet on you since the moment I met you, Arthur. Tilly and Mary-Beth would always tease me for it. Abigail knew too, but she said you’d never be interested in pursuing someone in camp. Hosea made it seem like you were still hung up on Miss Linton, and so I never said anything. Oh Arthur, you’ve always been so kind to me. So gentle and soft, you’re different to the others…” You placed a hand on his bicep and Arthur practically softened into your touch.

“I’m a bad man,” Arthur shook his head gruffly. “I’ve done bad things.”

“Haven’t we all?” you snapped back, exasperated. “I may just do the chores around camp but you forget my history, Mr Morgan. All of us are Van Der Linde’s and we are not good people. Hell, I struggle to even tell the difference between good and bad anymore. But when I’m with you, I feel good. Really good. I feel safe and protected and God, Arthur. When I saw you felt the same way… that you think about me in the same way…”

Arthur cut you off with a kiss. His lips were soft and plump and contrasted with the roughness of his stubble and quick-growing moustache. You let out a small gasp when his lips crashed atop yours but quickly melted into it, bringing your hands up to his head and running your fingers through his dark blonde hair. His tongue tasted like fresh mint and other herbs you couldn’t quite recognise, and you had never been closer to his musky familiar scent. Arthur’s big arms wrapped around your body and he held you tight against him. When he finally pulled away, he nudged his nose against yours and lingered for a moment, staring into your eyes.

“Forgive me for saying miss, but if it wasn’t already clear, I think I’m in love with you.”

The revelation made you giddy, your heart racing in your chest with the thrill of it all. You couldn’t believe it. Abigail…. Hosea…. They were all wrong. Arthur actually felt the same as you.

“I’m in love with you too,” you squeaked, tears filling your eyes as Arthur enveloped you in a hug.

When you finally pulled away from him, it was only to ask him another important question.

“Do you forgive me for what I did, Arthur?” you asked him sadly. Arthur could see the guilt; it was written all over your face.

“If you didn’t do that, none of this would have ever happened,” Arthur smiled, pressing his index finger to your chin and picking your face up so you were looking at him in the eyes. He was smiling. He was okay…

“I s’pose that’s true,” you shrugged. “I’m still sorry, and it won’t happen again.”

“I believe you,” Arthur said, lacing his fingers with yours. “Now let’s go grab some of Pearson’s broth and we can take it to the lake. I think we have a lot to talk about…”

You smiled, feeling your cheeks heat up. You and Arthur walked side by side to the campfire and the entire way you felt yourself bubbling with anticipation over what was to come next.

[dunkledog]

another gabriel post

this is him around when he finished combat training. He was officially contracted around mid-1959, but spent six months in combat and field medicine training by choice. (Usually they give former civilian newbies a lot less than that, but he insisted for as long as they would let him. Procrastinators, am I right?) He started actually fighting in 1960. Oh, also for reference this is pre-medi gun. I think in this little world I mess with that won't be created until 5-8 years later. I have not decided.

didn't go so well.

1960 really wasn't his year, because not long after he settled into his first team, he witnessed his first respawn failure. I like to call it "The Incident." (Gets a little prose-y and descriptive beyond this point, so I'll add a cut to keep the post neat.)

[TW for graphic descriptions of body horror.]

[also just a little emetophobia warning.]

His team was wiped by the enemy; all got sent to respawn at around the same time. For reference, it was a full team of 12 counting Gabriel. The only reason he survived was because the RED soldier that had him cornered felt bad about killing doctors, and let him go. He ran back to the base in hopes that at least one of them was back by now. The shutter to respawn seemed to be stuck, but there was banging on the other side. Gabriel slid his fingers beneath the inch of it that was jammed open and pulled. What came out was not his teammates. You ever see the circus clown chymus from Mystery Flesh Pit National Park? The fusion experiments from Steven Universe? Sorta like both those things. Their bodies, or at this point body, was one but incompletely printed. They leaked fluids from partial veins, bled all over from every orifice. They struggled to support their weight even on all those limbs and lumbered for the team's only doctor, who at this point was still very alive and anything but well. Many hands came toward him, begging and pleading without any words to be helped. To be healed. I'm imagining the layout as like if you tried to make the body plan of a starfish, but with human spines and ribs as the armature. Ribs are fused together, and can't hold the organs in. I've tried to draw it before, but nothing looks quite like what I'm thinking. I'll get around to it one day. By the time Gabriel snapped out of the initial freeze response, they were basically on top of him and there wasn't much else he could do but scream his head off, apologize, and try to get the hands away. He might've drowned in the blood and vomit if that enemy soldier from earlier hadn't followed him and shot them off. The blast burst an exposed stomach and splashed Gabriel's leg with the acid. He still has trouble with the skin on his knee being tight.

In the aftermath, there was an armistice in the local area in case other units were affected. The eleven who suffered the failure had to have their corrupted 'profiles' deleted (as is typical with a disaster of this magnitude) and were officially lost forever. The body was dissected in a bi-faction investigation under the supervision of Hoch (RED) and Greybeard (BLU.) Which was... certainly something, to say the least. Greybeard wanted to keep it a BLU-only affair, but upper managements with more power than he insisted that Hoch be involved as the machine's other developer. Hoch also insisted to be involved.

Gabriel was interviewed about what he saw, which is likely a long tape of him sitting there, staring a thousand yards into the distance and saying nothing in response to various questions. Regardless, Greybeard decided to invite him to the dissection. Which, he actually attended, though he still couldn't say anything, and wasn't exactly... there. Greybeard wanted him there to make diagrams. Gabriel didn't go there to draw pictures for himself. He felt some responsibility to be there. For his teammates, as their former doctor. Out of guilt for being unable to help them. To appreciate their contribution to this... horrific branch of medicine. Maybe just for closure. To say goodbye. Or, to ensure himself that they were, in fact, dead.

Anyway he's just more haunted than he began with. So that's... cool. I guess.

[ourloveiselectrifying]

Gosh your game is extremely interesting and twisted (in an enjoyable way!), I love how exhilarating it is (havent felt this way for a game since BTD 2 LOL) and how you have developed your characters into individuals that stand out with their own respective thought out, unique, personalities and storylines that we can also interact and mess with as we see fit, being the MC. The underlying story that seems to be happening simultaneously to the romance one with Kevin has got me hooked too >:3 I can’t wait to see what youre planning for this game. much loveee from me, and i hope you keep producing stuff in the future if you can, youre very talented imho. Also, I just finished the demo and I have some questions for u that’ve been bouncing around in my pea brain

Let’s say the MC got Kevin bathed, treated them with kindness, didn’t try to put the collar on them, got him comfortable to their home, etc., but at the same time teased him ruthlessly as long as he stayed as a dingo, while the MC was also still unaware that hes not actually a normal dog yet, what would he do? Although in this scenario the MC doesn’t do mean things to him with any malicious intentions, but instead does so in an attempt to see him react because MC finds it very cute and fun when he does or something. (Think of likeee cuteness aggression.) for example, doing things like blowing on his ear or face, offering him food with their palm just to pull it away last second, or lifting him up to their chest while spinning around the air, just stuff that would probably annoy a regular dog lol. Would Kevin keep note of that and retaliate later when he reveals himself? or just ignore it because the delusions he has of mc are that strong XD

Along w that, on a more “adult” note :3, does Kevin go through heat and mating seasons like certain animals do or does that not affect them because of their human side? And if he does go through that, can he control himself enough to respect any boundaries MC has, if they are allowed to have any, or nahh?

-Z

I'm sorry this took me forever to respond to!! I really like the btd games so I was super flattered to hear someone enjoyed OLiE that much! I just

Sometimes I go into my inbox to read this ask and a few others when I'm not feeling motivated enough heheh

I have quite a lot planned storywise heheheh, I hope I don't dissapoint! I'll try to keep making stories, I already have a second OLiE story in my head heheh

For the first question Kevin would play along for a little bit out of curiousity, they'd find some of the things cute and some light punishment worthy! Kevin would transform back at the point MC takes their paws and tries to lift him, so they can hold MC's hands

Then he'd partake in his own cuteness aggression, gripping MC's hands tight while they're still in shock and pulling them to the floor to tease them for being so silly "Don't you know not to rile a big stray dog up? Animals can be unpredictable MC! You're so silly..." He'd be crouching down above them playing with their face like a puppies, and giggling while he makes fun of MC

I actually drew something for the first question but I lost it, so I made a scribble for the next question!

Kevin goes into heat!

Depending on the relationship with MC, Kevin will either not respect any boundaries at all, or respect some boundaries but not personal space, guilt trip MC, be very pushy and whiny, and try to subtly rub as many phermones and and dingo guy stink on to MC in the hopes it'll get them in the mood

They'd be quite bitey and scratchy too >:))

[urlocalmultigroupfan]

without you (pt. 6)

pairing: lee felix x female reader

summary: you have been best friends with the 00 liners+chan for a while now. now everyone is in college and when you begin to develop feelings, its getting hard to choose...l

tags/warnings: college skz, liking multiple people at a time, fluff, angst, reader struggles with anxiety and depression, cussing, partially proofread

a/n: yesterday i had been listening to no doubt by enhypen for hours while working... but GIANT CAME OUTTTT OH MY LORDD... *saves to yt music library* anyways this one is going to be on hyunjin 😚 love yall

The air outside had cooled by the time you made your way to the campus courtyard, but the warm golden light of the late afternoon still clung to the edges of the horizon. You were meeting Hyunjin today—another one of your closest friends—but unlike Chan, your time together had become a rarity. The last few weeks had been a whirlwind, and you'd found yourself bouncing between study sessions, gym dates, and nights out with a growing group of new friends. Somewhere along the way, you'd unintentionally let Hyunjin slip through the cracks.

Hyunjin was already sitting at one of the tables, his phone in hand as he scrolled through something on the screen. When you approached, his gaze flickered up to meet yours, and a smile tugged at his lips, though it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Hey," you greeted, settling across from him. "Sorry I'm late. Was just finishing up a study session."

He nodded absently, not looking up from his phone. "It’s fine."

You felt the weight of his response, the slight tension in his posture, and it made the smile on your own face falter. Something was off. It wasn’t like Hyunjin to be so distant—not to you. He’d always been playful, easygoing, and full of life when the two of you hung out. But today, there was something muted about him.

"Everything okay?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah," he said, though his eyes didn't meet yours. His voice was flat. "Just tired, I guess."

You weren’t buying it. You'd known Hyunjin long enough to know when something was bothering him, and it was obvious there was more on his mind than fatigue.

"Hyunjin, come on. You can tell me what's up." You leaned forward slightly, giving him your best serious look.

He hesitated for a beat, then let out a deep sigh. He finally put his phone down, folding his arms on the table and leaning back in his chair, eyes on the sky. "I just… I don’t get it," he muttered.

You blinked, taken aback by his tone. "What do you mean?"

"It’s like…" He ran a hand through his hair, clearly struggling to find the right words. "You’re always with everyone else now. Chan, Felix, your new friends, all the time. You barely have time for me anymore."

Your heart skipped at the bluntness of his words. You’d been so caught up in the hustle of school and new connections that you hadn't noticed how much distance had started to grow between you and Hyunjin. Guilt immediately crept up on you, but you tried to keep your voice calm.

"I’m sorry, Hyunjin. I didn’t mean for it to happen like that. It’s just—everything’s been so busy lately. I didn’t realize I was pulling away." You hesitated, feeling a lump form in your throat. "You know you mean a lot to me, right? You’re my friend, too."

He finally turned to look at you, his dark eyes softer now, though there was still a faint edge of hurt beneath them. "I know," he said, his voice quiet. "But it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. I don’t know. I guess I just… miss hanging out with you like we used to."

You let his words settle between you, a heavy silence hanging in the air. You missed it too—the easy way you could talk with him, the days you spent together doing nothing but laughing and playing around. You wanted that again. You wanted to be there for him, to make sure he knew that even though things had gotten complicated, your friendship hadn't changed.

"I get it," you said softly. "And I’m sorry for letting things slip. You’re right, I’ve been kind of all over the place. But I’m here now. And I really want to spend more time with you. How about we go grab some dinner after this? Just the two of us. No distractions."

Hyunjin’s expression softened, though he still seemed a little guarded. He gave a small nod, his lips curving upward slightly, though the smile didn’t reach his eyes the way it normally did.

"I’d like that," he said quietly, his gaze flickering down at his hands. "I just don’t want to feel like I’m… second place, you know?"

You felt a pang in your chest at that. You’d never meant to make him feel like he wasn’t important. "You’re never second place, Hyunjin. You’re one of my closest friends. I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel like that." You reached across the table and placed a hand over his, offering him a reassuring squeeze. "I’m really glad you said something. I don’t want to lose touch with you."

His gaze met yours again, and this time, his smile was a little more genuine. "Thanks. I just needed to know that you still care."

"Of course I care," you said with a light chuckle, though your voice was filled with sincerity. "You’re stuck with me, okay?"

He laughed softly, the tension between you easing just a little. "Yeah, yeah. But you’d better make sure you keep your word." He leaned back in his chair, looking a bit more relaxed now. "And just so you know, I’m expecting you to beat me at Mario Kart tonight. You’re not getting off that easy."

You smiled, feeling the weight of the conversation lift. "I’ll take that challenge. But if I win, you’re buying me dessert."

"Deal," Hyunjin said, his eyes brightening. "And if I win, you’re giving me an hour of uninterrupted karaoke."

You laughed, shaking your head. "Alright, fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you."

The rest of your time together was spent in easy conversation, the air between you lighter than it had been when you first sat down. You promised to make more time for each other, to reconnect and rebuild the bond you both shared. As you walked away, heading to the arcade for your Mario Kart and karaoke session, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief.

Hyunjin’s jealousy wasn’t born from a place of malice, but of longing. He had simply missed his friend—and now that you were both aware of the distance that had crept between you, you were determined to close that gap.

And, as the night stretched on, with the sound of laughter and playful arguments filling the air, you couldn’t help but feel grateful that your friendships, though sometimes strained, were strong enough to withstand anything.

please don't reblog without permission!

[austonwithan-o]

“Honey you’re my medicine”- Ethan Edwards

————————————

Bro idk this just popped into my head…

TW: HEAVY HEAVY DEPRESSION IN THIS. LIKE DON’T READ IF DEPRESSION TRIGGERS YOU. A lot of this was channeled from my experiences with depression -Drugs -alcohol

Lowkey inspired by the song People by Libianca

Proofread once!!

——————————————————————————

I guess your depression wasn’t as obvious as you thought. You were life of the party, the light of everyone’s life. That’s why when you decided to take the second semester of your sophomore year off to focus on your mental health people were absolutely shocked. You were bombarded by texts asking if you were okay, if people could come over to hangout and see how you were doing but your phone was on dnd. For a whole 3 weeks. Your absence hit Ethan the hardest mostly because he was your best friend since you were toddlers. His sadness turned to anger which turned to guilt.

Why didn’t you tell him how you were feeling?

What could he have done to help?

When did you start feeling like this?

He should have saw the signs earlier. The first semester at Umich you went to almost every frat party with him and hardly ever drank but one night you got absolutely shit faced. One night turned into 2 which turned into 3 which turned into 4 and so on. Ethan always took care of you after always driving you back to your dorm if he didn’t drink or called an Uber for you both, helping you into pajamas and taking your makeup off and putting you to bed. Sometimes one of the other hockey boys helped him as well just to make sure you were extra safe getting home. He just saw it as you finally getting over the freshman nerves and letting loose. He started getting concerned after you started mixing in some marijuana. He never knew you to get into drugs but shrugged it off when you told him to stop worrying and that you were just having fun. Being away from home, your family problems and dealing with the growing pains just got to be too much to handle. Everyone in your life felt so distant and so out of place. The feeling of being a burden and opening up to people made you pull away from them. You started to cope with alcohol and weed. Being on a college campus it was all pretty accessible. Part of you thought the change of behavior might open a position for Ethan to ask you what was going on but he only egged you on and invited the behavior. The developing feelings for him came crashing down on you faster than you could have imagined and you tried pushing them away not wanting to ruin the friendship you had but as fast as they came they imploded when rumors of him and a girl hooking up on the down low surfaced. It sent you over the edge in a way you never thought would or could ever happen. You decided to confront Ethan about it one night in his Jeep on your weekly late night drive and he just laughed about it asking, “what are you jealous or something?” He obviously meant no harm but you didn’t know how to respond. A few minutes later you asked him to drop you off at your dorm since you were tired. When you got back you got so crossed you didn’t even remember the conversation the next morning. Just the feeling of a bad hangover and migraine overtook you which you would take any day over whatever he made you feel that night.

You stopped going to classes after a while and switched to online because you could “focus on other things outside of school” is what you told Ethan. He again shrugged it off.

You wondered how long it would take him to approach you and ask what was going on. You were screaming for his attention, your cries for help weren’t loud enough to him. He carried on with the parties always inviting you but you turned them down time and time again.

It was 11 o’clock at night. The meals your mom prepared for you sat on your nightstand untouched and cold. A slight breeze blew through your open window and the sound of a car pulling into your driveway merely background noise didn’t even phase you.

A light knock on the door went unheard by you. Your mom answering the door,

“Please Mrs. Y/l/n I need to see her. I can’t handle another week of this.” Ethan’s eyes were bloodshot. His hair wet from a shower. He was holding a hoodie. A hoodie you always stole from him when you went out. He kept it in his Jeep just for you.

“Ethan she won’t talk. I’ve tried to talk to her. She has an appointment tomorrow. Trust me honey I’ve tried everything.” Your mom was slightly distraught by the boy showing up so late but he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

“Please let me try and talk to her. I need to see her I’m begging you.” He pleaded with the woman. A sigh of defeat left her mouth as she stepped aside. He didn’t hesitate. Making his way up your stairs he stood outside your door slightly letting guilt and fear take over his body.

Maybe I shouldn’t? He thought but his hand hand already opened the door.

There you laid in your bed. Your room a mess and the smell of food filled his senses. You opened your eyes laying your sight on the boy standing in the doorway. Normally you’d be embarrassed letting someone that close to you look at you and your space in such a messy state but you couldn’t even muster up a greeting. Tears started streaming down your face but no noise or movement came from your small figure.

It broke him seeing you in such a vulnerable state. He made his way over putting the hoodie on your dresser and crawled over you pulling the covers off you slowly, slipping in and pulling them over you both. His arms snaked around your waist pulling you into him. You weren’t even wearing pants, your t-shirt clad body pressed against his. The smell of you and the lack of a shower in days filled his senses only making his heartbreak more. God what happened to you? Is all he could think.

“Ethan,” You managed to croak out.

“Y/n I’m here. You don’t have to talk. You don’t have to do anything. I’m just here to lay with you.” He whispered into your ear placing his face in the crook of your neck slightly kissing it sending a shiver down your spine.

“Ethan I’m sorry.” Is all you could say, the tears ran from your eyes like a river soaking your bedsheets once again.

“Don’t ever apologize y/n. You’ve done nothing wrong just let me help you in whatever way I can.” Ethan felt the tears coming down his face, they soaked your hair.

“I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t stay there. I don’t know why but everyone. Everything it just got too much. The rumors of you. Everything.” Your voice was small and hard to understand over the sobs.

“Baby I know. I’m so sorry the world hasn’t been kind to you. You don’t deserve this. I’m always gonna be here for you, me, Marky, Rut, Lukey, Seamus. All of us have been worried sick over you. We all love you so much y/n God I wish you could feel that. The rumors are rumors y/n you know I would never do anything like that and especially never to you. I love you too much to ever do that. I’m yours and will only ever be yours.” His voice was shaky but he kept it together. He didn’t want his crying to overwhelm you to much.

You turned around burying your face into his chest making him hold you closer. His hand traveled down your back stopping at the small of it massaging light circles. His other one wrapped around your head lightly massaging it too. You felt an overwhelming sense of warmth cascading through your body at his touch. You needed your best friend and even more he needed you.

“Ethan I love you.”

“My girl I love you even more. More than you’ll ever know.” He planted a kiss on your head. The sound of his heartbeat lulling you to sleep and the warmth and knowledge of your safety in his arms sent him into sleep as well. Both broken in different ways but both healing with the same medicine. Each other.

[connoisseursdecomfort]

Side Mission vs Family: a chronological order of Twilight’s developing internal conflicts

SxF starts with a mission - Operation Strix, and because of the mission, the Forgers family is created. Before we get to the point where Twilight has to choose between his goals and his family (hopefully not unless you really want ANGST, and I know you do), another problem is seriously endangering his family mission - his side missions.

His side missions constantly take him away from his family, and we see the increasing guilt he’s been harbouring for leaving his family for side missions since the doggy crisis arc, and it’s not surprising that one day it has finally become a problem that could endanger his family main mission.

[Manga spoilers after the keep reading link]

0. The Beginning: “I will start a family for Operation Strix”

As early as in chapter 2, his side mission almost destroyed his pact with Yor:

Chapter 7 establishes that Twilight would miss some of the family activities because of his spy job.

The penguin chapter further establishes how busy Twilight in fact is. He’s away from his family a lot, and his family doesn’t really blame him because he looks as if he’s dying when he finally goes home.

This is the first time he brings his family with him while being on a side mission. It’s really about work-life balance balancing the two missions. Hence, we see how the idea of Loid “for the mission” Forger is conceived in this chapter. 

Even so, Twilight doesn’t necessarily feel guilty to be constantly away from his family because of his side missions. He’s just blindly falling in love. We all just didn’t know how much he would hold onto this stupid excuse as if his dear life depends on it later on.

1. “For the mission”: the Doggy Crisis Arc ~ the Tennis Arc

The doggy arc, basically another side mission Twilight had, is the first arc to reveal his internal conflicts among his mission/family. This is also the first time he really worries about his side mission affecting his family life main mission. Understandably, since he’s literally summoned when he’s in the middle of a family activity.

On one hand, this is the first time we see how he refers to the Forgers - not in spy terms, he simply calls them his family.

On the other hand, it is really the first crisis that forces him to step back and reevaluate his relationship with “his family”.

He consciously knows he should choose his missions over his family - in the next panel, he told himself this is for the “best future for everyone”.

He should certainly prioritise his missions, side missions included, over Yor and Anya, right?

In the manga the panel (in Short Mission 2) in which he has a drink with Franky happens before the doggy crisis arc. But it doesn’t really matter if happens before or after the arc. The incident only confirms that what he’s thinking about has been right all along: that he can’t afford to really have a relationship with Anya or Yor. At least for now.

This point onward, Twilight is slowly revealing his true identity as a character - the unreliable narrator. 

He has been a cool liar from the very start, but he was easy to read. It’s quite straightforward that he’s falling in love with his new family before the doggy crisis arc. It’s very easy to decipher what he really means judging from his expressions.

But at some point, he has decided to pull back and simply starts lying to himself. He starts to find excuses to justify his actions when it comes to his family. His worries over losing the family have been interpreted as fears of failing the mission.

This is really when the “for the mission” joke comes to shape, because it’s glaringly obvious to others that he’s SOOOOO in love.

What he says doesn't match up to how he acts:

The Tennis Arc is really the first arc a side mission really creates a tangible threat felt by both Yor and Anya. A side mission that could really take "Loid” away from this family.

But he has created such a strong excuse for himself to maintain the Forgers’ family continue the main mission, he has never considered carrying out his mission in ways other than the only way in his mind - to do it with Yor and Anya.  

(Of course, logically, Anya has already been enrolled. Everyone, especially people in Eden, knows that Yor is the mother. The Handler feels fine about the progress. There is no reason for him to change his mind.)

And he feels fine hiding in this comfort zone he’s created for himself, while doing stupid things like this:

Yes. We all see how swimmerly your main mission is going, Twilight.

2. For what mission: the cruise arc ~ the backstory arc

The cruise arc is interesting in many many ways. For Loid, it is the first time Endo takes away his stupid excuses. It is also the first time he shows guilt for leaving his family for other stuffs - and he doesn’t make up excuses for that.

It is first hinted when they had their first dinner on the cruise (Chapter 46).

We know that there are times he would be home late for his side missions and stuffs and miss dinner for that - “You miss dinner all the time”. We also know that if Yor is late, Loid and Anya tend to wait for her to have dinner.

This is the first time Endo shows us the hint of loneliness he feels when he is the one left alone. This could have added to the guilt he felt later when he had to leave Anya behind.

This time it’s not even his side missions that pulled him away - it’s his “for the greater good” goal. The realisation that he feels guilty for “abandoning his family” for other crises immediately throws him into a loop.

What is this family: a mission or something else? It is quite a dangerous revelation - he’s still had his priorities straight after the doggy arc, but towards the end of the cruise arc, his guilt is almost too noticeable for him to justify his action of “abandoning his family”. He quickly retreats and this is what he told the Handler:

As if we all don’t know he’s an idiot:

After tearing down his “for the mission” excuses, Endo went on to show who Twilight is, and more importantly, what his mission really is. Twilight was abandoned by the world, and in turn he abandons the world to work on his mission.

It has never been about WISE or Westalis. Even less about Operation Strix. It’s always been about what this little boy has lost.

The question if Twilight will ever be able to abandon the family always creates tensions, even among readers. And it’s even sadder to see that he would have to abandon Anya for the greater good - that the same thing has to happen again. A vicious cycle of abandonment issues.

But the difference is Twilight couldn’t stop his family and friends being taken away from him, and he could never get them back ever again. But for Anya, they are pretty much still here. Despite the fact that her parents have always had to leave for different missions, they come back to her.

Now of course this could just be something she sees via Bond. Anya is somehow weirdly optimistic that if Twilight doesn't know about the secrets of Yor and herself, they’ll be fine. She’ll just try her very best to complete the mission, and the family would just stay together.

Twilight, on the other hand, is the one who’s harbouring guilt for being away from them too often. With this guilt that is created by the side missions, and a bigger fear of “failing the mission” (whatever that means), now we have come to the bus arc. 

3. Retreat and progress: the bus arc ~ now

Twilight and Yor didn’t appear for the most part of the bus arc. Yor was simply kept in the dark, and Twilight was again on a side mission. He wasn't there until Chapter 75. All we know is that Twilight got back in time, brought another colleague with him, and sneaked into the strike team.

Now Endo left a lot of unresolved questions in this arc: how did he know? How did he get back? He went directly against the Handler’s order:

Sneaking into the strike team is the direct opposite of staying behind the scenes.

And after that we get bits and pieces of him being a good father: he bought a new car and decided to drive Anya to school instead. He brought Anya with him to a meeting with the Handler because she “really wants to play”. He’s actually very careful with what Anya eats, and is mindful of his sugar intake. It’s no longer for show - why on earth does he have to show off to his boss?

Bits and pieces of descriptions or evidence of how affectionate he really is has been deliberately placed in short conversations/dialogues since the bus arc started.

I said “deliberately”, because everyone on Endo;s team, including Lin and himself, would have known what the audience wants. Look at the merch. Everything is about the family being very happily together. And Endo just wouldn’t give us that.

If we look back, the side missions are just practice runs of him leaving - in every arc, at some point he would have to leave to solve a crisis. And every time he comes back with more and more guilt.

He has grown from this man who got the penguin so he could pretend that this was a happy family, to the man who gets his family cakes after he finishes a mission. He went from doing it for show, to actually lamenting himself for abandoning his family for other things.

He knows the side mission is taking him away from his family. And then the bus arc happened while he’s on a side mission. And this time, when Yor’s trying to have a conversation about him being away too much, he has to leave. For the mission.

Right after Yor accuses him for abandoning his family for work.

I’m just saying that’re really a lot of coincidences if Endo’s not up to something. 

I still don’t know if this arc will make up for all the deliberate void Endo has created. Maybe. But I’m just very excited to see what happens next, and how he deals with his relationships with Yor and Anya.

[scariusaquarius]

ghost on the shore. 5.

Nixie! Leon Kennedy x Fem! Reader

Summary: After the sudden death of your nephew, a sudden detail about that strange lake within the woods piques your curiosity. Unable to withstand the temptation, you decide to see if the legends of the lake were true. Do you wish to reap what you sow?

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A/n: life hit the fan again, but no worries, slowly but surely i will get us back on track again. Here is the long-awaited chapter 5 <3

Chapter 4

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Genre: Folklore, Horror, Angst

Rated: Mature

Warning: Death, Drowning, Child Death, Cursing, Nudity, Graphic Depictions of Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Slight Gore, Vehicle Accident, Graphic Depictions of Injuries, Blood, Graphic Depictions of Blood, idk what else

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Author: ScariusAquarius

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You didn’t tell John about your visions and the Man in the Lake. You weren’t sure how to explain the situation, if it was even real, and not only that, you weren’t sure if John would even believe you.

Growing up, you weren’t one to believe in the paranormal. In fact, you were the sibling that laughed at all the horror movies that Arthur would play for you and John growing up. Haunted houses during Halloween never phased you, nor did John's measly attempts at jumpscaring you and Arthur. You just weren't one to be easily scared.

At the thought of Arthur, your mood worsened.

Arthur Morgan was an enigma that had been a blessing upon the earth. He had been like an older brother to you and John when you two were growing up; taking care of you and getting you two out of trouble when your mischievous antics became too much for you two to handle whenever the gang he was apart of wasn't forcing him to answer every beck and call.

Arthur had been there for you when your parents had died, taking care of you and John until you got to a point where you could take care of the two of you and then some. He had been kind; giving you both the guidance you two had needed to keep going.

Then John got involved with Arthur's dark secret and the gang.

Shit had gone awry, Arthur had developed lung cancer, and suddenly, Arthur just....wasn't there anymore. John hadn't given you details, but he held a lot of guilt over his shoulders about Arthur's death, and though you didn't ask questions, you had a vague idea of what had happened.

Power could be corruptible, and unfortunately, Arthur had been following an eloquent madman.

Making a face at the mirror, you splashed cold water against your skin to wash away the bitter memories before sighing. There was tension in your shoulders, a noticeable knot in the middle of your back, and you groaned slightly as you began to get a headache.

The migraines had been getting considerably worse since the camping mishap; since your encounter, and you didn't know what to make of it. Were you finally going crazy? Were you experiencing a mental break?

While Life wasn't very easy on you, it hadn't been bad either. Work was great, you had a vehicle and a home, you still had your brother and nephew, so why did it feel like everything was crashing down and fall apart?

Why did it feel like you were drowning?

Maybe you needed to get out more. Slipping out of the bathroom, you threw on your coat and shoes before locking up the house and getting into your truck. Grabbing your notepad from the glove box, you beganbto write down a to-do list for the day.

Just a few groceries, lightbulbs for the bathroom, some more camping supplies for John and Jack, and a few little extras that you were sure wouldn't hurt your wallet too badly.

Just as you were pulling out of the driveway to start heading towards the store, you had a strange feeling go through you. A sense of foreboding, of something was wrong, caused ice to roll down your spine, and your knuckles turned white as you gripped the steering wheel.

Cold sweat beaded at the nape of your neck, your heartbeat spiking and eyes darting back and forth from the rearview mirror to the road in front of you, you felt almost like jelly. It was as if someone had placed a fog around your mind, and you jerked the steering wheel when you realized you were going off of the road.

Within a flash, the feeling was gone, and you shook your head in disbelief. What the fuck was that?

You became distracted when you noticed police sirens and lights flashing by the library, and you winced when you noticed there was an ambulance.

"Damn, that looks pretty bad."

Slowing down to heed the officers directing traffic, you frowned at the sight of a motorcycle wheel.

Your blood froze.

Slamming on your brakes, you disregarded the police officer beginning to yell at you as you jumped out of your vehicle. Running past the police, you screamed out when you noticed the EMTs working on a man that was unconscious and bleeding heavily from his head.

"Johnathan!"

It was John. He was lying on his back, his leg and arm facing in awkward directions and half of his humerus sticking out from his arm, blood still pouring from the wound. His face was badly bruised and scratched up, looking as though he had been mauled by an animal.

Pushing past an EMT, you collapsed onto the ground next to him, yelling his name.

"Johnathan, answer me, open your eyes!"

You shook Arthur's body, tears streaming down your face as you called his name.

"Wake up! Fuck, please don't do this to me, you're all I got!"

He felt so cold, his face so peaceful as he slept in his makeshift coffin, and you could hear a voice softly whispering to you that 'there's nothing we can do for him now.'

"Ma'am, you need to step back."

A hand on your shoulder had you jolting, and you swatted at his hand, hysterical as you fought with the officer.

"No, I can't leave him, that's my little brother!"

It was strange to you how people could be so unsympathetic in such harrowing times, the officers grip unforgiving as he hauled you up and away so the EMTS could load John into the ambulance, and though you fought all the while, not a single word of sympathy left the officers mouth.

You couldn't breathe, the panic and hysteria settling deep into your bones, and you only paused when you noticed a singular little puddle in the middle of the road, water still dripping from John's totaled motorcycle.

Had he hydroplaned? Did he spill something and panic and lose control of his bike? You were left numb with so many questions as the officer nudged you away.

"I'm sorry this has happened, ma'am, but the EMTs know what they are doing."

"What the fuck happened?"

You wiped the back of your nose on your sleeve, wiping away snot and tears, and the officer looked uncomfortable for a moment as townfolk began to gather.

"We're unsure. It just happened a few moments ago, but we think he hit the puddle wrong and hydroplaned. With the extensive damage to the motorcycle, it's possible he hydroplaned at maybe 50 miles per hour?"

You stared blankly up at the officer, and though he didn't say a word, you could see it in his eyes.

He didn't believe a word of what he was saying.

He truly didn't know what had happened. Grasping at straws like a desperate animal claws for food, he was just as ignorant as you were. However, salve for a wound could only work for so long. Tears filled your eyes again, and when the ambulance began to take off, you wordlessly got back into your truck to follow.

You tried desperately to ignore the whispers around you.

"The puddle just showed up out of nowhere," one voice said. "I saw a white stallion jump in front of him," another voice recalled. "It's the Man in the Lake. He's come back again," one more voice whispered, and you clenched your jaw.

Why was there a random puddle on the ground in the road?

This time, I'll be different too.

The water rippled gently.

-A FEW HOURS LATER-

You were sitting next to John's hospital bed, clasping his hand tightly within your own as the heart monitor beeped monotonously in the background. He was hooked up to life-support, the machine pumping the oxygen in and out of his lungs, giving the impression he was breathing on his own.

John looked dead. His face had been stitched up and bandaged, his leg and arm in heavy casts, and he had a neck brace on. His skin was unusually pale, and there was a bit of sweat running down his neck from a fever the doctors were trying to break.

Infection had settled in fast, but from what, the doctors didn't know. They were running on borrowed time and nobody was sure how long John had.

It was like reliving Arthur all over again.

Tears filled your eyes again, and you almost jumped from tbe feeling of a hand on your shoulder. Glancing up, you were shocked to find Chris.

"Chris? What are you doing here?"

You wiped your eyes quickly, and Chris hummed gently, handing you a coffee.

"I heard about what happened from the grapevine. You know how this town likes to get into people's business all the damn time. I just wanted to check in on you and Johnny."

His voice was sympathetic and concerned, and you could only just nod before whispering.

"They theorized that he hydroplaned. From how bad his injuries are, they think he was going 65 miles per hour and jumped the curb before slamming onto the ground."

Chris muttered to himself softly, sitting down next to you as you continued.

"Almost all of his ribs are either fractured or broken, his leg and arm are broken, his neck is badly sprained, cracked his skull pretty bad, and he's got some serious bruising. John's already got an infection as well, and they're working on trying to break his fever."

Your lip trembled and you sobbed quietly to Chris.

"I can't lose him, Chris. He's all I got."

Chris wrapped an arm arpund you, saying gently.

"I know what it's like to lose people you care about. You know my background. Being a captain in the military hadn't been easy, but you gotta do what you gotta do to get through it. He's gonna pull through."

"What if he doesn't, Chris?"

Chris shook his head, shaking your shoulder slightly.

"You can't think like that. You gotta stay strong. If not for John nor yourself, then for Jack."

Your eyes widened at the mention of your nephew, and Chris' blue eyes widened slightly from your change in demeanor.

"Oh god, Jack. What am I gonna tell him?"

Chris shook his head.

"You tell him the truth. He's old enough to understand that his father got hurt and doctors are going to make him feel better. I'm sure my sister has already given him a rundown."

You perked up, asking him.

"Claire? I thought she was out of the country for her latest journalism scoop?"

Chris hummed, sitting back in his seat.

"She got the scoop she needed and came back a few days early. I hope that....you didn't mind I had her go pick Jack up from school and all."

You sniffled, wiping your wet cheeks.

"No, I....I really appreciate it. Honestly. You've been more than a great help, Chris."

Chris smiled softly before shrugging.

"Anything for the ladies."

You guffawed and nudged him.

"Typical."

Chris chuckled before wincing when his phone rang.

"Sorry, gotta take this one. Hang in there, (Y/n), alright?"

You nodded before becoming quiet, and Chris left the room without another word, closing the door quietly. When it was just you and John, you began to spiral again, falling victim to your thoughts as you stared at John.

If the Man in the Lake was real, then he could had something to do with John's accident. Why else would there be a random puddle on the road when there was no rain in the morning nor during the night? It didnt make any sense.

Grabbing John's hand and giving it a kiss, you decided that you would get to the bottom of things.

"I'll put an end to this, John. I promise."

Getting up, you slipped out of his hospital room, making sure to duck out of Chris' peripheral vision and exit the hospital. Getting into your truck, you took a deep breath before starting it up and turning up the radio.

As Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks began to play, you could feel the sensation of being watched the whole time you drove. As the town transitioned into woods and winding dirt roads, you turned off where you, John, and Jack had entered to go camping at.

The sensation of being watched intensified, and there was a distant violin playing; becking you into the lion's den.

Come back to me, little dove. Listen to my song.

I need you so badly.

There was a haze growing within your mind, and willingly, you allowed him in.

The water rippled gently.

[stygiansun-totaleclipse]

💗 GROWING HEART - if they have a crush, is it noticable? what changes when they’re in love?

Kieran: Kieran’s story is one of unrequited love. They love deeply and are very loyal, but most of that love has never been returned. They never met their mother, their father is rather indifferent to them, and their adoptive sister harbors complicated feelings regarding Kieran. They are a bit insecure when it comes to loving others, never really knowing if they love them back. They’ve never been in romantic love before, and with their added insecurities, they would have a hard time recognizing their own feelings and if their affections are returned, though their behavior towards you would slowly change as they start to care about you. They would have to allow themselves to be vulnerable with their feelings with you to see if their feelings are returned, and during a crushing period they’d be careful around you because they aren’t sure if you feel the same. Once they have confirmed you feel the same, they’d be much more gentle and relaxed around you than with strangers.

Aurynn: It likely wouldn’t be super noticeable, especially not to Aurynn himself. Aurynn is rather disillusioned with love and while he wants to love and be loved, he doesn’t know what that is supposed to look or feel like and doesn’t believe he is capable of loving someone or that someone is capable of loving him. It would take a lot for him to be able to believe someone actually loved him and to realize he loved them too. But once Aurynn realizes it, he’s going to be very protective of that love—it’s the first time he’s ever been in love and felt loved, and I don’t want to spoil all of his backstory and how that’s affected him, but being loved (whether platonically or romantically) is going to affect him very deeply and he will be extremely devoted to you, feeling he even owes his life to you.

Samira: Samira admires the MC as a friend, as a royal, and as a religious symbol. She would feel rather guilty about her feelings for you turning romantic as she knows you’d never be able to marry a commoner and she would feel her feelings for you are wrong and that she would have to try her best to suppress them. She also carries a secret regarding the circumstances of her father’s death which she fears would change how you view and treat her and that would add to her guilt over her feelings. As her feelings grow, her guilt and shame would be harder for her to hide and would affect how she interacts with you; she might start pulling away and closing herself off. If the MC were to return her feelings and every secret was laid bare and it didn’t change things, Samira—though she isn’t a shy person—would probably be a bit shy about the new development in your relationship as she figures out how to navigate this change.

Nihm: Nihm would struggle with accepting their feelings. They’ll feel terribly guilty since the MC is engaged to their charge’s older adoptive sibling. They are a romantic at heart and they are monogamous, so they’d suppress their feelings while you are engaged, feeling that they are wrong. They also are struggling with a very dark and difficult personal problem that scares them, and they’d fear that getting close to you could put you in danger. They wouldn’t be able to accept their feelings and act on them until you were out of your engagement and if you returned their feelings, they’d want to court you properly, taking the time to do things right with you.

Lucien/Lilith: Depending on whether you’d prefer to have a romantic or platonic relationship with L, L may or may not have a crush on MC from the start. They’ll be pretty forward about their interest in you and will cockily flirt and compliment etc but if MC dishes it back out to them they’re going to get pretty flustered. They don’t really expect you to feel the same so if you tease them they’re going to be embarrassed and assume you’re probably joking. They would prefer to act like their feelings are just a joke and they’ll keep you at arms length despite their interest in you because they fear you getting too close will result in a……disastrous outcome. Once in love, L will still be pretty cocky and flirty with you but they’ll be more confident when you reciprocate affection (though if you know what buttons to press you’ll still be able to embarrass them).

[wangxianficrecs]

The Housewife's Guide to Causing Chaos by dvasva

The Housewife's Guide to Causing Chaos

by dvasva (@dvasva)

M, WIP, 117k, Wangxian

Summary: “Of all the rotten luck I could have!” Outside, in between the gentle embrace of an imposing misty mountain and the caress of soft wind, stood the Cloud Recesses. It wasn’t a section that Wei Wuxian had recognized from his time in the sect, but the motifs of clouds and cranes in the buildings, the impeccable feng shui and carefully manicured paths, and the utter silence as the sect members slept peacefully, all burned themselves into Wei Wuxian’s eyes. No wonder the curtains were so firmly nailed to the walls! Any bit of demonic energy escaping the room could call down a veritable army of righteous cultivators! What sort of person in their right mind would dare to summon a spirit into their own body using resentful energy in the Cloud Recesses of all places? What kind of person would scoff so rudely at the Lan Clans most important rule, ‘Do not fraternize with evil?’ After being dead for four years, Wei Wuxian wakes up in a body he doesn't really feel comfortable with, in a place that he's sure wants him dead, and married to a man who surely hates him. Kay's comments: Another story that I'm currently following and which always makes me shout in excitement when the notification for an update comes! A story in which Wei Wuxian gets brought back to life way earlier, but a) now he's stuck in a woman's body, b) it's a woman of the Meishan Yu Sect and c) he's married to Lan Wangji. I really love the character developement in this and the life this story gives to background characters and it's always good to see Wangxian reunited and married sooner. Poor Wei Wuxian only has to deal with a dysphoria and transphobia now, but at least the Lans are supportive and help him to the best of their abbilities when it comes to this. I also really love the relationship between Wei Wuxian and Lan Sizhui here - our little radish is a lot younger too after all. Excerpt: “Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji said it so softly, so tenderly. It almost hurt to hear. Wei Wuxian had never heard Lan Wangji’s voice so soft, and yet it felt so familiar and inviting. Any guilt that Wei Wuxian felt for being on the receiving end of such care was whisked away. He wanted to melt right there. Instead, he tensed. “Ah, isn’t interrupting people breaking the rules? How did you guess so fast? I barely made it a single day without someone recognizing me. What gave it away?” He blabbered, fast paced and without a breath. “Listen, Lan Zhan, I’m really not going to do anything bad, I’m not eve-“ Lan Wangji grabbed his hand, and Wei Wuxian stopped in his tracks. It wasn’t a very strong grip. If he wanted to, Wei Wuxian could break free or tug his hand back. Lan Wangji’s hand seemed to tremble as if ready to pull back at any sign of discomfort. But, Wei Wuxian did not move, simply waiting. With no resistance, Lan Wangji turned Wei Wuxian’s hand over so that his palm was up, then placed the jade token on it. With both of his hands, he closed Wei Wuxian’s fingers over the token and pushed it towards Wei Wuxian’s body. “What?” “I will not trap you here.” Lan Wangji stood up. “Please let me attend to your wound.”

pov alternating, canon divergence, trans male character, trans wei wuxian, love confessions, getting together, transphobia, good parents lan wangji & wei wuxian, mutual pining, misunderstandings, arranged marriage, gender dysphoria, cultivation sect politics, hurt/comfort, corporal punishment

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[whoredmode]

On Johnny and Anteros

like i was saying. i’ve been working on something.

There's something inside Johnny and Anteros’ dynamic that has plagued me for the longest time, an element of their relationship that I just haven’t been able to put into words. It, to an extent, can be said of Anteros and his dynamics with other men from SR1 (Dex and Troy), but the key difference here is that Johnny and Anteros never develop any sort of romantic feelings for each other. That, despite everything, the love itself is rooted in friendship. Perhaps something almost fraternal. This feeling being the expression of love and masculinity. 

As I said, this feeling can be seen in Anteros’ relationships with Dex and Troy in SR1/SR2. The walls begin to crumble between the respective partners because of mutual romantic feelings, though each held back by particular hurdles of the time (for Dex, period-typical homophobia and his own closeted feelings keep the two from being as open as they could be, instead left to love each other behind closed doors. Not to mention Dex’s growing feelings of envy towards Anteros for becoming what is essentially Julius’ favorite, a title he’d long been working for and felt most deserving of. For Troy, his own feelings of guilt and inadequacy, as well as fear that Anteros does not reciprocate keeps him from initially moving forward, only reaching their climax after a particular practice fight in the abandoned theater lot. Perhaps the fights were only a means to touch him). But I'll be here all day if I sit down and dissect those two dynamics (though I'd happily do so if anyone wanted to hear about that).

This is about Johnny and Anteros. This is about a man open about his love for other men, his love for his friends, his own relationship with masculinity and femininity. This is about a man who introduces himself by describing his cock, a man who channels his feelings into violence, a man who will never get over the death of his wife (of which he blames himself and the Saints for). 

What do you do when you have all these feelings but no outlet for them? When faced with the one person you wanna confide in, you instead find yourself held back by your own self-doubt and adherence to masculine social norms? In the most basic sense, Johnny and Anteros do not speak the same language. The “I love yous” are only ever said when the other isn’t listening, when the other cannot understand. They do not and maybe will never express their love for each other in a way that makes sense to the other. 

So instead Johnny and Anteros will find themselves in a constant push and pull. They fumble through the motions, doing what they can and hoping the vague conversations can get across what they mean. Johnny’s outlet for his feelings is violence; he struggles to be emotionally open like Anteros is. Violence will give you an end result. Talking about things, as far as he can tell, won’t change anything. He can’t wear his heart on his sleeve like Anteros can. In the same vein, Anteros can’t hide his feelings no matter how hard he might try. He will tell his life story to a stranger. 

The Boss and Johnny Gat are mirrors of each other. And when they look into that mirror, when they look within that reflection, they become more aware of their own faults. 

“The Saints failed me. They failed Aisha. I failed her.” 

“How could I be the leader of the Saints? I’m just some stripper who walked on the wrong street corner.” 

How do you express that when you’ve spent your whole life putting up the mask of machismo, of being the indestructible magnet of power that is Johnny Gat? As Anteros, how do you express that to the one person whose opinion you want most of all, to the person who��s been by your side the longest yet still feels a million miles away? The connections they make will always be fragile. Anyone could die tomorrow. Both understand this well. But neither wants to be alone.

Perhaps the great irony, the echo to Johnny’s toughness, is that Anteros fears appearing weak to Johnny. He needs to be the boss for the Saints. He needs to be the boss for Johnny. 

In many ways, at one point in time, Johnny and Anteros were each other’s last friend in the world. Close enough to comfort. And to hurt. 

We see how Anteros’ decisions weigh down on Johnny as time goes on. During the events and ending of the LoP Story and through the beginnings of SRTT, we see how Anteros changes and how it impacts the people around him. None more so than Johnny. Shaundi and Pierce can adapt. Johnny cannot—in this way once again mirroring Anteros as we knew him in SR2. They are men both haunted by their respective pasts, unable to let go of certain events and people and times. What do you do when you can’t express that to your only friend left in the world? How do you tell him he’s changed? What do you say when the reflection in the mirror is unrecognizable? So many of their actions are rooted in this desire to reach out to the other in the only way they know how, trying to prove to each other that they are what’s worth fighting for, worth loving, that they know they need each other. Johnny is more than capable of showing love. Anteros is more than capable of showing his strength. But they’ve locked themselves in this stalemate, this impasse in which showing vulnerability, insecurity to the other is unthinkable. They need to be strong for the other’s sake. Failure for Johnny manifests as guilt and aggression. Failure for Anteros manifests as humiliation and grief. 

Maybe there isn’t one grand conclusion to it all. As the years go on, as they experience more tragedy and joy together, perhaps the barriers begin to fall gradually. As they hit their 40s in the modern day, I find myself thinking about how similar they’ve grown to be by that point, both bored by the lack of excitement in their lives now that the Saints have a steady hold over Stilwater. In recent years, they’ve found themselves genuinely confiding in each other about that, spending more time together one-on-one, reenergizing the friendship and brotherhood that started all those years ago in 2006. 

I just find it interesting is all. Examining male friendships and love under the expectations of manhood, comparing it to the expression of feelings in romantic relationships. How it impacts them both.

Johnny and Anteros need each other in a way so uniquely theirs that I’ve found it so hard to explain for so long. Maybe I’ve gotten those feelings across. Maybe not—the latter being the more apt answer, ironically.

[that-rackin-frackin-varmint]

#31 — 07/29/2022 8:47 AM

We need to talk about The Looney Tunes Show's depiction of Daffy and Porky’s friendship, cuz it’s pretty funny if not sad to watch at times

Like, Daffy never even realized how much trauma Porky caused him, but because he isn’t good at internalizing his emotions — he doesn’t let it affect his friendship with Porky. Like even tho he remembers his highschool trauma, it never affects how he treats Porky (for better or worse), and in his own weirdo way — he still holds him high enough in importance that he’ll go to him for help.

Also, Daffy not even considering Porky in his top 5 feels like a case of Daffy’s words not accurate to his actions. He goes to Porky for a lot of things. If not Bugs, he’ll take him out on a date. If not Bugs, he’ll rant off to Porky. If Bugs isn’t available, he’ll often reach out to Porky instead. Everyone else he listed is sweet, but Marvin and Peter barely interact with him, and Foghorn Leghorn probably is a father figure to him. Tina would be tied for #2 or #3.

Porky does deserve the acknowledgement from Daffy that he’s his best friend. But I also wouldn’t put it past Daffy to be kidding Porky in a cruel way when he seems to disregard him as an option in front of him. He does to Porky what og Bugs does to og him. Cycle of frequent gaslighting 😔😔😔

All in all, Best friends redux was one of a handful of episodes in tlts which I feel made significant development in addressing Daffy and Porky’s relationship, and not undermining it all throughout. It feels like one with thorough development tbh over Daffy and Bugs’ — since those two kinda flip flop between progression to regresssion to stagnation — idk, episodic shows can just be like that. These two can be nice to watch when Daffy isn’t being absolutely dickish to him, but when Daffy does pull through for him, it feels all the more rewarding. So yeah, I enjoyed their friendship here. Good stuff.

I think it’s a guilt thing Porky had over Daffy. I think he also thought Daffy knew (which to him coulda been why he was passive to Daffy being shitty to him) — cuz he mighta felt like he deserves it for the way he treated him in highschool. Idk if Porky knows Daffy only just then remembered this in the highschool reunion episode — regardless, it doesn’t change the fact that Daffy kinda uses Porky’s meekness as an advantage.

Also it’s interesting to note that between Porky and Daffy, compared to Porky and Bugs — Porky is more likely to go at odds with Bugs than with Daffy. Porky, in spite of how he generally acts, does seem to have a spine when it comes to anyone else. But with Daffy, I think it’s an emotional vulnerability for him. Something Daffy keeps taking advantage of. I like to think after Best Friends Redux, Porky would become less meek — but this show ain’t focusing on linear storytelling so… hcs away!!!

Present day thoughts:

The Looney Tunes Show kinda made everyone think Porky's a doormat submissive type, which I still get petty about. But this show was good at making unexpected development between his and Daffy's dynamic.

I think a lot of the charm of this show comes from the implied backstories of the characters, as well as the loose continuity of its episodic nature. I liked the development between Daffy and Tina's relationship, and enjoyed seeing how Daffy seemed to make strides in developing friendships with the other characters.

The Dafpork energy of this show is miniscule compared to Baffy, but the incline in their friendship beats Duck Dodgers where the opposite happens (but that's a whole 'nother ramble).

[next-autopsy]

A/N: Well, hi there! Chapter 6! Read! Enjoy! Or don't, I can't tell you what to do. This story is the slowest of slow burns and I'm trying to build up and develop Birdies friendships between the other ladies and Easy men before any romance is brought up, just so y'all know...

Based on the actors portrayal/hbo show and written with no disrespect to the real life veterans. Also all images found on Pinterest.

TW: Meal skipping, gossiping (but like nicely?)….. maybe that’s it?

Made of Glass

Chapter six: Oh, The Guilt Gossip Brings.

Richard Winters was a respectable man and functioned well in the military. He didn't question ridiculous orders and never spoke out of turn, he put up with a lot.

But even he knew when enough was enough, unlike his commanding officer; Herbert Sobel.

The punishments he was giving Bernadette were testing the boundaries of enough. It was making Winters consider telling on his CO like a schoolboy ratting on a bully.

Richard didn't interfere when Sobel had pushed Bernadette to her physical limits on the obstacle course. He didn't say a thing to the man in charge when he assigned the girl a full night of guard duty, even though he wanted to. He knew this was her chance to prove her strength and determination to the men, so he let it happen. He didn't bat an eye as he watched Sobel bend over and draw a circle of chalk on the floor of the mess hall at breakfast. Winters observed quietly as she was made to stand inside it at lunch as well.

And now, the redheaded lieutenant was at his limit.

The specific targeting of the only woman in the company was becoming too much. She hadn't slept at all the previous night and was being denied a full days worth of food, so when Sobel approached her as she stood obediently inside the circle at dinner that evening, Dick was apprehensive. What else could he possibly pile on to her already hefty punishment?

Nixon sat across from him yet both men were peering at the woman and the officer, completely disinterested in their meal. They watched as Sobel sneered at her and she took it all in her stride, chin held high. They were far enough away that neither Winters nor Nixon could hear the words he was barking at her but they took note of her clenched fists held by her side and the displeased looks on several of the eavesdropping men's faces, so whatever it was, it wasn't good.

Swiftly and without explanation, Sobel swiveled on his heel and exited the mess hall.

Birdie visibly relaxed at his departure but stayed in her spot, just in case he returned or someone grassed on her. She attempted to start up a conversation with Toye and Guarnere, who never seemed to be far away from the girl anymore.

To anyone watching she was clearly trying to lighten the mood of her two new friends but they were holding the grudge closer to their hearts than she did.

“Maybe he's trying to starve her out.” Nixon turned away from the scene, pulling Richard's attention with him.

“Wait until she passes out, then discharge her for failing to complete orders.” Lewis rolled his eyes, he pitied the poor girl but she was holding up well enough that he'd felt confident to take a bet on her outlasting the cruel punishment. Something Dick had chastised him for.

The hall was filled with the usual amount of chatter and movement so no-one blinked an eye when Eugene Roe got up from his seat and shuffled towards the center table. He motioned for Toye to make room for him and sat in the vacated space. He didn't miss the curious look from Bill or Toye straightening up his shoulders when Eugene leaned closer to Bernadette.

“Here.” The medic held out his hand in Birdie's direction and laying in his palm was a Hershey's bar.

Upon catching sight of the chocolate treat, Birdie's head shot up and she hurriedly scanned the room before looking back at the kindhearted man in front of her and shaking her head vigorously.

“He's not here.” Roe kept his voice low, noticing her worry in her dinner plate sized eyes.

“It's not him I'm worried 'bout.” She whispered. She didn't think anyone would rat on her, but you couldn't be too sure of these kinds of things. It was safer not to disobey the pigheaded CO.

Roe sighed, “It's not going to do anyone any good if you pass out halfway up Currahee.” She gazed at the offered food longingly, the tips of her fingers tingled with anticipation. She had never in her life wanted anything more than to reach out and take the chocolate. Birdie had to physically shake her head to break the trance the bar had put her in.

“I can't. Thank you, but I can't.” Her words were final, she wouldn't take the bar.

——————————————

Standing at attention with a full pack on as the sky dimmed was a nightmare for Bernadette.

She was beginning to feel delirious, the lack of sleep and food was one thing but adding the slowly darkening sky and gentle quiet lull of nature and she was done for. She wasn't sure if she was about to fall flat on her face and sleep or scream, cry and throw a tantrum but something was about to break.

Sobel paced the lines of Easy company, yelling about the conditions of the weekly nighttime march. Absolute silence, no water, typical stuff.

Honestly, Bernadette had stopped paying attention to the things Sobel screamed about. She just focused on the horizon and prayed her didn't call on her. Which he always did.

“Private Coldwell.” Right on time, as expected.

The looming officer stood in front of her, “You will identify the man who tried to sneak you food during dinner and you will identify him now.” It wasn't a question, someone had told him.

Birdie knew she couldn't give Eugene up. She was still gaining the trust of her fellow soldiers and tattling on one of them would do nothing for her. Besides, Roe was only trying to help her and she would felt guilty spitting in the face of his kind gesture.

“Uh.... Sir, no man snuck me food durin' dinner tonight.”

“Are you calling Sargent Evans a liar?” Sargent Evans. She should've known he's go running to Sobel and report every little thing she did.

“No, sir.”

“Then explain yourself, Private.”

“I-” How could she explain herself? “I asked one of the men for somethin' to eat, and thankfully he reminded me of the rules you laid out, so I didn't take it.” Would that work? She could only hope Sobel was dumb enough to buy it or she'd be branded a liar in his eyes.

“Identify the man, Private.” Sobel's voice was venom dipped. Bernadette looked dumbly at his face, how was she supposed to weasel her way out of this?

“It was me, sir.” Roe's Cajun accent was easily recognisable. Birdie held her breath, waiting for some sort of punishment or reprimand.

“Is she lying?” His words were directed at Eugene but he didn't turn his face away from the woman. She needed the medic to go along with her lie but couldn't send him an unspoked message while she was occupied in a staring competition with the angry commander.

“No, sir.” Thank God.

Sobel took the information in, mulling it over and finally moved away from the Easy company riflewoman.

“You have latrine duty tomorrow, don't you?” The CO asked Eugene.

“Yes, sir.”

“Not anymore. Private Coldwell has volunteered to cover your shift.” Well that sounded about right.

“Yes, sir.” Roe responded, his glare did not go unnoticed by Bernadette.

“Dismissed.”

And their twelve mile Friday night march began.

————————————

Sleep came easy to Birdie that night.

The thin mattress and itchy blanket felt like resting on a fluffy cloud wrapped in silk. The gentle chatter that filled the women's barracks acted like soothing background noise settling her into some much needed sleep. The lights were still on but that didn't stop Bernadette from shutting her eyes and switching off her brain.

“Poor things really been through it.” Lucy, the dark haired Fox girl spoke, noticing Birdie's unconscious state. She sat at the end of her bed across from the sleeping figure while Blythe had made herself comfortable at the head of Lucy's bed.

“What do you mean?” Constance asked, she and Harriet had been sent to a medical seminar almost everyday that week and were yet to hear the rumours. Harriet heard the commotion and moved closer to the forming group, choosing to sit on the floor next to Lucy's bed.

“Her CO's totally got it out for her.” Blythe commented, flicking through a comic she'd found in Lucy's footlocker. Barbara rolled her eyes and ignored them, scribbling away in her journal, while Betty listened in but kept quiet in her corner of the room.

Connie sauntered over to the bed separating Lucy, Blythe and Harriet from Charlotte, who scrubbed her boots vigorously, and sat, curious to hear the stories about Easy company's woman.

“He's making her run the obstacle course ten times more than the guys and last night she had ALL five guard shifts. By herself.” Lucy explained to Connie and Harriet seeing as they missed the action. The girls widened their eyes, unbelieving of the harsh treatment by her own CO.

“Yeah, and apparently, he makes her stand in a circle in the middle of the mess hall so she can't eat.” Blythe added on to Lucy's statement.

“Nah, I think that one's made up, B.” Lucy told the redhead laying on her bed.

“I heard he's trying to force her to quit.” The Able woman uttered one bed away from the group. She was still polishing her boots and didn't look up from her work but the conversation had piqued her interest.

“Well, someone told me, he flirted with her and she turned him down so now he's punishing her.” Blythe announced, lazily tossing the comic to the end of the bed so Lucy could finish reading it. The duo of blonde medics gasped scandalously.

“No way. Some guy told me, that some guy in Easy told him-”

“Jesus. You ladies never stop yapping, do you?” Francesca exhaled a stream of smoke and tossed the end of her cigarette into the drum. She was leaning against the wall with her knee bent and foot propped up behind her, her usual scowl sat on her face.

She wasn't exactly best friends with the southern woman but she couldn't tolerate good people being gossiped about while they couldn't say anything to defend themselves. She had no time for rumours and hearsay.

Birdie was kind to her and always smiled at Francesca even when all she did in return was glare. Out of all the woman here, Francesca could endure Birdie's presence the longest. Her sunny disposition was ever so slowly growing on the broody woman, though she would rather die than admit it.

“Oh no, we didn't mean-” Harriet spoke up, defending the idle talk shared between growing friends.

“Mhm sure, but would you have said it if she was awake?”

The room fell silent allowing the sound of Francesca swinging open the door and exiting to echo through the women's ears.

A certain level of guilt crept over the room.

Charlotte continued working on her boots, Connie and Harriet found their way back to their respective cots and Blythe and Lucy resumed their senseless chatter about the comic book.

Constance toyed with the corner of her blanket, glancing at Birdie as she dozed peacefully in the bed next to hers. She admired the woman and hadn't meant to engage in the whispered tales but hearing what her comrade was going through impressed her, even if half of it wasn't true, she was still achieving more than the others combined.

Constance decided she would ask her friend about it when she woke up. Francesca was right, if she couldn't say something to her face why would she talk about it while Birdie slept, unaware to what was being said about her?

A/N: Thoughts? Comments?

~ next-autopsy ~

Chapter seven