#and I couldn't make out which one is true

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC Heritance

There's not much left for Tim in his parents' wills. Or, well, not much by his standards - the rest of the family, barring Bruce and Damian, think he is absolutely loaded and too full of himself to care. Which is maybe a little bit true; receiving about a dozen properties across the world, a trust fund and a wide collection of artifacts that his parents have accumulated through years of their archeological escapades is a lot by middle class standards.

But Tim knows how much money Drakes actually had, and a few old houses and an assembly of junk seems like not much in comparison.

In any case, it's all rather useless in Tim's position. He has no interest in traveling aside from when he has to for a mission, and he couldn't give less shits about archeology even if he tried. The trust fund is fine, he guesses, but it's not like he needs it, what with being the CEO of Wayne Enterprises and one of the Wayne Wards.

So, as morbid as it is, the best reaction he can muster at his inheritance is a shrug and a mention in his mile-long list of 'things I need to figure out when I have time'. Which basically means he'll maybe get to it when he's old and retired, and not any sooner, because Tim Drake the CEO and Red Robin the vigilante are both very, very busy people who never have time.

Naturally, his life has other plans, and it's only two or three months later that Tim finds himself breaking through the balcony window of his own apartment in Praha.

It's at that moment, when he's lying on top of a soft persian rug, surrounded by glass shards and wondering if this move was enough to lose his tail that he realizes his inheritance might be slightly more than just a few properties and some boxes with old things.

Because, through his own heavy breathing, he hears a thoughtful, slightly sarcastic voice from inside the room, "I guess the door was too hard to figure out for you, wasn't it."

He sits up, turning his head so sharply it almost snaps. His eyes immediately fall on a boy not much older than him, sitting with one leg thrown over the other on the dark red couch near the wall. He looks like he clearly belongs here: white, vintage collar shirt and black, high-waist trousers, a silver ring on his thumb that looks too old to have been bought in this century, dark raven hair and perfect porcelain skin.

And he is reading a newspaper. Like a slightly bleeding costumed guy in a domino mask breaking the window and falling onto the carpet is just another Tuesday.

Hold on, this is Tim's house! He double-checked the address, there's no mistake!

"Who are you?" He demands, frowning, as his hands reach to the birdarangs out of habit.

"Keeper of Doors," the boy answers, not looking up and flipping the page, "And you're the Drakes' heir, I assume."

Tim blinks. The response provides no actual answers, it only creates more questions. "What doors?" He asks because the rest of the points can most likely be addressed later. Like the issue of his busted secret identity, right.

The boy sighs and closes the newspaper, folding it in half and uncrossing his legs to sit a bit straighter. "Doors, capital 'D'. The ones that lead everywhere you want."

"The what?.." Tim repeats, dumbfounded and lost in this unexpected nonsense. The boy gives him a truly unimpressed look, his eyebrow twitching. Then, he stands up - Tim's fingers close around the birdarang again - and steps towards the nearest door, grabbing the handle. His feet make absolutely no sound.

"Drake manor," the boy announces and pushes the door open. He doesn't step through, however, instead just standing in the doorway and turning back to Tim, gesturing for him to look.

Tim does.

Seeing the familiar hall, the one he's seen so many times, the one he walked through every day before he moved out, makes him realize a few things at once. One, he needs to revise the list of houses he inherited since it looks like they are not just properties but a map of teleportation points, most likely. Two, his parents knew full well he didn't need the trust fund, it wasn't for him, it was probably for this boy, who may or may not be the, well, gatekeeper. Three, if the first part of his inheritance turned out to be this, he is going to need to call in Zatanna to sort through the collection of his parents' artifacts lest something turns out to be actually cursed in there.

Four, he's been staring at the boy and gaping like a fish for longer than its socially acceptable.

"...What's your name?" He asks, suddenly conscious about the fact he was kind of rude before. The boy snorts, a ghost of a smile on his lips as he closes the door back.

"Danny," he introduces and snaps his fingers. The glass shards around Tim move all at once, rising from the ground and going back towards the window, like a reversed video recording. A second later, the balcony window looks as good as new, not a crack in the glass. "And you?"

"Red Ro-" Tim starts, but then pauses. Fuck it, he might as well, "Tim."

Danny waves his hand in the air, like snatching something out of nowhere, and, just like that, there's a box that looks suspiciously like a first-aid kit in his hands.

"Nice to meet you, Tim. Now, get over here and stop ruining my carpet with your blood."

[evermoreness]

wingman | james potter

pairing: james potter x reader!

summary: james definitely has a crush on you, but he won't admit it. so his best friend sirius steps up to be his wingman.

masterlist

If Sirius Black had one true passion in life—aside from pranks, Quidditch, and being generally insufferable—it was meddling. Specifically, meddling in James Potter’s disastrous love life.

The problem wasn’t that James lacked charm. No, James was overflowing with charm, much to the dismay of every professor at Hogwarts. The problem was that James refused to acknowledge that he had feelings for you—his best friend, his ultimate rival, his favorite person to annoy.

And, as Sirius often pointed out (loudly, in the middle of breakfast), you were just as bad.

Which is why, after months of watching you and James dance around each other with an infuriating amount of tension, Sirius decided enough was enough.

It was time for some intervention

Step number one

It started in Transfiguration.

You strolled into class, fully expecting to take your usual seat next to Lily, but before you could sit, a strong arm slung around your shoulders.

“Ah-ah,” Sirius drawled, spinning you around and gently shoving you into the seat next to James instead. “New seating chart, love. Professor's orders.”

You frowned. “Professor McGonagall never changes the seating chart.”

“She does now,” Sirius said, smirking before plopping down beside Lily, effectively blocking your escape route.

You turned to James, who was lounging in his chair, grinning like the cocky little git he was. “Look at that. You’re stuck with me.”

You groaned, turning to Sirius. "You look suspicious"

"When do i not?" Sirius said, grinning like he was planning something.

"Fair point." You said, before turning to James. “Merlin help me,”

James gasped dramatically, clutching his chest. “How dare you? I am an absolute delight to sit next to.”

“You poke people with your quill and hum off-key when you’re bored,” you shot back.

“I serenade,” he corrected.

“You butcher perfectly good songs.”

James leaned in, his face just a little too close, and smirked. “Admit it. You’d miss me if I wasn’t here.”

You rolled your eyes, ignoring the way your heart did a stupid little flip. “Sure, Potter. I’d be devastated.”

“You could just admit you love spending time with me,” James offered.

You scoffed. “Or I could stab you with my quill.”

James leaned in, lowering his voice to a teasing whisper. “Kinky.”

McGonagall just ignored them all, she had learned a long time ago she couldn't keep up with the Marauders antics. So she just let them. It was best for her mental health. But she still could hear you and James bickering every time she turned to write something on the black board.

James, completely unbothered, leaned closer to you, elbow on the desk, chin resting on his hand. “Well, you heard the professor. We’re partners now. Best get used to staring at me all class.”

You rolled your eyes, flicking his forehead with your quill. “Merlin, you wish I stared at you.”

James grinned. “You’re staring at me right now.”

You huffed. “Because I’m contemplating how best to Transfigure you into a ferret.”

Sirius cackled from behind you. "Oh, young love" he said, making you and James glare at him.

"Don't you have a boyfriend to annoy or something?" James asked, rolling his eyes.

"Remus is recovering from the full moon, idiot" Sirius said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He was about to say something more but McGonagall glared at the three of them.

McGonagall sighed again. “I don’t get paid enough for this.”

At least, step one of Sirius' plan was definitely a success.

Step number two

The next part of Sirius’s plan required a little more... creativity.

Which is how you and James ended up in detention, standing outside McGonagall's office, glaring at a very pleased Sirius Black.

“Explain. Now,” you demanded.

Sirius shrugged. “Professor McGonagall may have received an anonymous tip that you two were planning to sneak into the kitchens after hours.”

“We weren’t,” you said flatly.

“Well, you should’ve been,” Sirius said, looking entirely unbothered. “Really, it’s your own fault for being so predictable.”

James groaned. “For Merlin’s sake, Padfoot.”

“Oh, don’t act so ungrateful,” Sirius scoffed, draping an arm around James’s shoulder. “I’m simply giving you both what you want. Quality time. Candlelit settings. Romance.”

“You’re sending us to detention,” you deadpanned.

“Exactly.” Sirius grinned. “Do you know how many legendary couples started with forced proximity? This is the perfect setup.”

James scoffed, running a hand through his already-messy hair. “You’re delusional.”

“And you are hopeless.” Sirius turned to you, wiggling his eyebrows.

You crossed your arms. “And what exactly do you gain from this?”

“An evening of uninterrupted flirting, obviously.”

James scoffed. “We don’t flirt.”

Sirius blinked. “Right. And I’m the Minister of Magic.”

Soon enough, Sirius was gone, and McGonagall assigned the two of you to polish the entire trophy room. Without magic. Which was, quite frankly, a crime against wizardkind.

“I think I’ve inhaled enough dust to choke a hippogriff,” you muttered, scrubbing at a particularly stubborn smudge.

James, sprawled dramatically on the floor, groaned. “This is actual torture.”

You snorted. “Oh, please. You’ve been lying there for twenty minutes. I’m doing all the work.”

James grinned lazily. “I’m providing emotional support.”

“Oh, how noble.”

“I try.”

You rolled your eyes and flicked a damp rag at him. He yelped as it smacked him in the face.

“Oi! That’s rude.”

“I’m so sorry, did I offend the Great James Potter?” you said, smirking.

James leaned on his elbow, smirking right back. “Oh, love, you offend me constantly.”

“And yet, you keep coming back.”

James’s smirk faltered for half a second—just long enough for you to notice.

His hazel eyes flickered over your face, something softer in them now. Something that made your heart do a completely unnecessary little flip.

Before you could overthink it, James groaned and rolled onto his back dramatically. “I cannot polish one more bloody trophy.”

“You’ve polished one,” you pointed out.

“Exactly!”

You snorted. “Oh, poor baby, suffering through a whole hour of detention.”

James gasped, clutching his chest. “You wound me.”

“Oh, shut up and hand me the polish.”

But James didn’t move. He was staring up at the ceiling, brows furrowed.

“Oi. Potter. Earth to James.”

James blinked and turned his head to look at you.

“Have you ever thought about it?” he asked suddenly.

You frowned. “Thought about what?”

He hesitated. Then smirked. “How gorgeous I am.”

You groaned. “Oh, for the love of Merlin—”

“I mean, really,” James continued, grinning now. “It must be exhausting for you, being constantly exposed to this level of handsomeness.”

“Exhausting, yes,” you said dryly. “Mostly because of your ego.”

James laughed, and it was so genuine, so warm, that you almost forgot why you were annoyed in the first place.

Almost.

By the time detention ended, you were both covered in dust, exhausted, and slightly delirious.

You both stumbled out of the trophy room, stretching like freed prisoners.

“Well, that was awful,” James said cheerfully.

You sighed dramatically. “If I never see another trophy again, it’ll be too soon.”

James turned to you, smirking. “You know, we should really thank Sirius for this.”

“Oh, absolutely,” you deadpanned. “Maybe hex him as a thank-you.”

James grinned. “You do have the best ideas.”

You smirked up at him. “I know.”

James’s smirk softened slightly. His hazel eyes flickered down to your lips—just for a second.

Your heart definitely did not stutter. Absolutely not.

Neither of you spoke for a moment.

Then James cleared his throat. “So.”

“So,” you echoed.

James shifted on his feet, then suddenly grinned. “Race you to the common room?”

You snorted. “Please. You’d lose.”

James gasped. “Oh, is that a challenge?”

You smirked. “You tell me.”

James took a step closer. “Winner gets bragging rights.”

You took a step closer. “Loser has to buy Butterbeer next Hogsmeade trip.”

James grinned. “Deal.”

He started running before even counting to three, and you really tried to get into his pace but he was much faster than you. James got in front of the painting that guarded the Gryffindor common room, breathless, you got there second, just by some seconds of different.

James grinned, looking far too smug. “I win.”

You gaped at him. “That’s cheating!”

“Strategic advantage, love.”

“Oh, you’re insufferable—”

James laughed, grabbing your hand and pulling you toward the common room. “Come on, loser. You owe me a Butterbeer.”

You groaned, but you were smiling. “You’re impossible, Potter.”

James squeezed your hand. “You love it.”

And, Merlin help you, maybe you did.

Step number— Intervention!

By the end of the week, you had reached your limit.

You slammed your hands down on the Gryffindor table, glaring at Sirius. “I know what you’re doing.”

Sirius, mid-bite of toast, blinked innocently. “Doing what?”

“Every time I turn around, James is right there. Transfiguration. Potions. Detention.”

Sirius smirked. “Weird how that keeps happening, huh?”

You jabbed a finger at him. “Admit it.”

Sirius leaned back lazily. “Admit what? That my best mate is tragically in love with you and needs a little push?”

James, who had just sat down, immediately choked on his pumpkin juice. “SIRIUS!”

You and James turned bright red at the same time.

“I—You—” You spluttered, words failing you for the first time in your entire life. “He is not—”

Sirius just grinned wider.

James, still coughing, thumped his chest and pointed an accusatory finger at Sirius. “Mate. What the hell.”

“Oh, please,” Sirius scoffed. “We all see it. You two are basically a couple already.”

Remus, sipping his tea across the table, nodded. “He’s not wrong.”

Sirius put an arm around his boyfriend. "Thank you, Moony, at least one person on this table actually supports me"

Remus gave him a look "I never said that"

Sirius gasped in mock horror "Hey! I told you all my plans to make those two," He pointed at you both "Start dating and you actually said it was a good idea"

Remus just swallowed a piece of bread "You have no actual proof i said that"

James buried his face in his hands. “Merlin, kill me now.”

You groaned, rubbing your temples. “We are not dating.”

Sirius waved a hand. “Yet.”

You and James simultaneously threw a piece of toast at him.

It bounced off his head. He didn’t even flinch.

Sirius just grinned. “Give it a week.”

Step number... five?

The Gryffindor common room was unusually peaceful that evening. No firework explosions, no magical pranks, no Sirius Black laughing maniacally while being chased by McGonagall. Just a cozy fire, the occasional page-turning of a textbook, and the low murmur of students finishing their homework.

It was exactly the kind of peace Sirius Black found unacceptable.

He leaned over to Remus, whispering conspiratorially, “It’s time.”

Remus, who had been this close to finishing his Transfiguration essay, sighed. “Time for what?”

Sirius grinned wickedly. “Operation: Get James Potter a Girlfriend.”

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sirius, for the love of Merlin—”

But Sirius was already in motion, zeroing in on James and you, who were currently seated across from each other at the Gryffindor table, mid-banter as usual.

James leaned back in his chair, twirling his quill between his fingers. “You keep looking at me like that, love. Starting to think you fancy me.”

You scoffed, flipping a page in your textbook. “Oh, absolutely, James. Nothing gets my heart racing like watching you struggle with fourth-year level Charms.”

James gasped dramatically. “You wound me! I am excellent at Charms.”

You smirked. “Oh, of course. Remind me again, how many times did you accidentally set your own tie on fire last week?”

“Once,” James muttered. “And in my defense, the spell was successful. Just...with extra flair.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Hopeless.”

Sirius plopped himself down between you two, grinning like a madman. “Wow, the flirty tension in this room is suffocating.”

Both you and James immediately groaned in unison.

“Sirius—”

“Nope,” he cut you off, slamming a hand down on the table. “I refuse to sit idly by while you two idiots continue this will-they-won’t-they nonsense. So, I’ve decided to help.”

James narrowed his eyes. “Help how?”

Sirius smirked. “Oh, just making sure you two spend as much time together as possible.”

Before either of you could protest, he waved his wand.

Suddenly, the two of you lurched forward, an invisible force yanking you towards each other until your noses were barely an inch apart.

You blinked. James blinked.

“What. The. Hell.”

James tried to lean back, but something—no, Sirius—kept you stuck together.

“Black, if you don’t undo this spell right now, I swear to Merlin—” you started, your face rapidly heating.

Sirius just beamed. “Ah, young love.”

“Padfoot,” James hissed through gritted teeth. “If I hex you right now, will you undo it?”

Sirius shrugged. “Dunno. You could try, but you are currently nose-to-nose with your one true love, so any sudden movements might result in an accidental kiss.”

You and James immediately went rigid.

“You're so dead, Black.” you shouted.

Remus, watching from the sidelines, sighed deeply. “You do realize McGonagall is going to kill you for this.”

Sirius waved a hand dismissively. “Nah, this is romantic. I’ll probably get an award.”

James turned back to you, his lips twitching despite himself. “So… reckon we just stay like this forever? Seems like Sirius has finally found a way to actually make you stare at me all day.”

You groaned. “Unbelievable. I’d rather kiss a Dementor.”

“Ouch,” James said, dramatically clutching his heart. “That’s cruel. I’d at least make a handsome Dementor.”

You huffed, crossing your arms—which was a bad idea, because now your hands were even closer to James’s chest.

Sirius gasped. “Oh, Merlin! Are you about to hold hands? Is this a moment?”

“I will kill you,” James said.

Remus, who was now actively ignoring the situation, muttered, “I’ll alert the authorities.”

Lily, walking past with a book, glanced at the scene, sighed, and kept walking. “You two deserve this.”

James grinned at you. “C’mon, admit it. This is the best day of your life.”

You tilted your head, pretending to consider. “Hm. Ask me again when I’m not glued to your face.”

Sirius sighed dramatically. “Fine, fine. I’ll undo it. But only if you both admit you like each other.”

James and you both froze.

Silence.

You turned to James. James turned to you.

And then, at the exact same time, you both blurted out:

"Absolutely not.”

Sirius groaned. “Hopeless. Utterly hopeless.”

And with that, he flicked his wand, releasing the spell.

The moment you were free, you shoved James off of you, and he—completely unprepared—toppled off the bench and onto the floor with a very undignified yelp, making everyone laugh at him.

Step number 10? (Sirius has definitely lost counting)

It was pouring outside.

The Quidditch pitch was soaked, the thunder rumbled, and the storm showed no signs of letting up. You both had just gotten out of the game, and everything would’ve been fine, except you and James were currently locked in the Gryffindor locker room.

Courtesy of Sirius Black.

James banged on the door. “Pads, you absolute menace, open this door right now!”

Sirius’s laughter echoed from the other side. “Not until you both admit you’re in love with each other!”

You groaned. “You child!”

“Nope, just a genius. Have fun, lovebirds!”

And then—silence.

James sighed, running a hand through his soaked hair. “He’s never letting this go, is he?”

“Nope.”

You both stood there, dripping wet, silence stretching between you.

And then James said, “We could just… do it.”

You turned to him. “Do what?”

James shrugged. “Kiss. Just to get him off our backs.”

You raised an eyebrow. “So now you’re willing to waste your first kiss on me?”

James laughed softly. “I never said I didn’t want to kiss you.”

Oh.

The air between you shifted. His usual smirk was gone, replaced with something softer, something almost shy.

Your heart hammered. “Well… if we have to.”

James took a step closer. “Right. Just to get Sirius to shut up.”

Another step.

“Obviously.”

His hand brushed yours.

“No other reason.”

You swallowed. “None at all.”

And then he kissed you.

It was soft at first, tentative. But then you grabbed the front of his stupid Quidditch jersey, pulling him closer, and suddenly—it wasn’t just to get Sirius to shut up anymore.

When you finally pulled away, breathless and dizzy, James just grinned.

“So,” he said, “how mad would you be if I told you Sirius left five minutes ago?”

You blinked.

And then you shoved him.

“POTTER!”

James stumbled back, laughing as you shoved him again, harder this time. “You knew?” you accused, hands on your hips, still breathless from the kiss.

He grinned, looking far too pleased with himself. “Well, I suspected.”

“You absolute menace!”

James only laughed harder, dodging as you lunged for him. “Come on, love, don’t be mad—”

“Oh, don’t you ‘love’ me, Potter! You tricked me into—” You stopped mid-sentence, suddenly realizing what you were saying.

James smirked. “Into what?”

You scowled. “Into… into…”

His grin widened, and he leaned in. “Into kissing me?”

Your face burned. Damn him.

James stepped even closer, so close you could smell the rain still clinging to his skin. His voice was lower now, teasing but softer. “You did kiss me back, you know.”

You huffed, crossing your arms. “Only because you kissed me first.”

He nodded solemnly. “And you’re saying you hated it?”

You opened your mouth. Shut it. Opened it again. “That is not the point.”

James just laughed, and before you could shove him again, he caught your hands in his. His thumbs brushed over your knuckles, and suddenly, the air between you wasn’t just playful anymore.

You swallowed. “Potter—”

He leaned in again, close enough that your noses nearly brushed. “I think,” he murmured, “we might have to do that again. You know, just to be sure.”

You rolled your eyes, but your heart was pounding. “Oh, for research purposes?”

“Exactly.”

And then he kissed you again—this time slower, sweeter. No tricks, no games. Just you and him.

Outside, the storm raged on, but in that moment, all you could feel was warmth.

[portraitofalinkonfyre]

Oh my God I'm such a twilight girlie you write him so good!!! Like I'm a blushing mess here giggling kicking feet the whole nine yards. Also making him thic is such a accurate power move 🤭🤤 one of these days I'd love to hear all your thoughts on the different 🍆 sizes for the links I just know it'd be glorious until then I shall devour all your writing repeatedly while imagining hot blondes (your four rut one is my absolute favorite I must confess)

Anon you flatter me!!

Hyrule: 4.9 inches. Now, before you come at me in the comments for making our fairy prince smaller than Four, hear me out: like I've said before, and continue to say, penis size is heavily affected by both genes and external factors, and even a slight discrepancy in either one can had mixed outcomes. 'But Fyre, we came here for sin, not a biology lesson!!', some of you may gripe, but I promise there's method to this madness. Ever since starting his first adventure at the ripe age of 9 or 10, Hyrule has been on constant alert because of 1) the literal cult trying to steal his blood to reincarnate a giant pig man and 2) the fact that his world is quite literally a wasteland with minimal food/tainted water/and all sorts of other nasty things. I can't even imagine the stress he was under during those frankly crucial developmental years, so it's highly likely that his body just... didn't fully develop due to a combination of him not getting enough to eat/drink and being on the run for most of his life (i.e lots of stress + probably a horrific sleep schedule). Moreover, both of these factors are what's known as endocrine disruptors, which can heavily affect mental and physical growth.

But now onto the dick-cannons: while he may not be the largest or thickest, I like to think Hyrule has a pretty good handle on what he's doing regardless*. Definitely not circumcised, considering his background (someone please tell him how to wash).

*(I once saw a headcannon that Hyrule probably used sex as a form of payment when things got tough, which I think is very underrated and absolutely true.)

Four: 5.5 inches. So I DEFINITELY did too much research on Four's, but I think y'all need to hear this. While I love the headcannon about Four's dick being 4 inches because his name is quite literally 'Four', I'm not sure anyone has tried to tackle this conundrum with his heritage in mind. Typically, penis size is influenced by parental genes, the person's own unique genes, and a combination of other external factors. For Four, we know for certain that he has Hylian parents, BUT he's also part Minish because of the events of Minish Cap. The Minish are typically described as anthropomorphic mouse people, so we can comfortably use mice as the basis for this genetic addition. Now, mice typically have a penis size of 10% of their body length (tip of nose to base of tail), which would concurrently put Four at 0.458333333 in feet, or 5.5 inches.

Dick-canons: probably circumcised. He's got the vibe of being pretty unassuming, but then he whips it out and everything suddenly makes sense. Balls* are on the bigger side (BREED), but no one's complaining.

*(Have you seen mice balls?? They're fucking [tee hee] massive. View at your own risk, but I couldn't have stopped the idea of Four like this if I tried. Yes yes I know this is a rat, but close enough!)

Wild: 5.6 inches. This one was probably the most difficult, because Wild's just... an average guy*. He doesn't have any non-Hylian transformations or crazy evolution history under his belt (tee tee), so all that really leaves is his height–which isn't a truly reliable measure of penile length, BUT we take what we can get in this blog–and background. It's somewhat implied that his father was a knight/someone who worked for the kingdom, which means he and Warriors were likely raised in very similar situations, though Wild's likely was a bit more stressful. For one, he pulled the Master Sword from its pedestal at the ripe old age of 12, and was immediately shipped off to guard Princess Zelda while she attempted to awaken her powers. While not as extreme as Hyrule's backstory, this is still a great deal of pressure for a child who arguably had a very peaceful life before finding the Master Sword, but I don't think he suffered any developmental conditions; even with the stress of finding out you're the Hero of Hyrule before you even finish puberty, it's reasonable to assume that Wild was physically cared for by the royal family, if only for the fact that his destiny was to defeat Ganon. Not just that, but there's the whole other issue of being stuck in a shrine for 100 years after dying; I'm no doctor, but that doesn't sound like favorable conditions for anyone. Obviously, the shrine heals him, but is that all it does? It's a well-known fact that water isn't good for skin**, especially considering he laid in it without moving for a century, so it's hard to imagine how his dick looked after the bath to end all baths.

Dick-canons: it glows– assuming he actually does have a penis, it's fairly average looking. Probably circumcised for military/cleanliness reasons, but he does have a very lovely vein running up the side of the shaft that always looks like it's about to pulse out of his dick. He should probably get that check out. Average sized balls, maybe a bit on the small side due to 100 years of cold water exposure.

*(I'm just going to come out and say this: all the Links are, at their core, average guys. Twilight was a goat herder. Time may or may not have been birthed by a tree and raised by tree people. Hyrule is just a simple traveler. Wind wasn't even chosen, he just wanted to save his sister. That's why they're so likable... they're not born special, or heroic, or anything. They're just dudes. Regular, selfless, boring, amazing dudes. Anyways enjoy the rest of my insanity.)

**(Is it wrinkly? Dried up? Completely and totally detached?? Laying in water for even a few days can cause severe medical complications, such as open sores, loss of skin elasticity, bacterial and fungal infections, and tissue decomposition. Cold water can temporarily slow the effects of decomposition because of adipocere formation, which is a phenomenon in which a waxy substance forms over the skin as a byproduct of fat decomposition, but not for 100 years. By this logic, Wild shouldn't be on this list because he shouldn't have a dick.)

Legend: 6 inches. Y'all already know where this is going. Unlike his successor, Legend didn't begin his first adventure until the age of 12, and lived a fairly stable life before hand thanks to his Uncle. This means that there likely wouldn't be too many developmental factors to worry about in determining the dick-cannons, so now we must turn to his rabbit-ifying encounter from his first adventure. I'm going to use the eastern cottontail rabbit (Sylvilagus floridanus) for this example because they're one of the most widely studied/available rabbit species. Now, cottontails typically reach 14-19 inches in length, but I'm going to go with 20 inches for Legend because he is CHONK, and also 20 is a lot easier to do math with. Keeping this in mind, WikiVet has informed me that rabbit penises can range from 20 to 45 mm in length. I'm going with 45 mm (4.5 inches) because he's a big boy and I also want him to have a big dick, so, when paired with the 20 inch body length, you'll find that approximately 8.86% of a rabbit's length is dick. Now that we know dick-to-body ratio, all that needs to be done is put that against Legend's height of 5'6", which leaves us with 5.8476 inches, but I added an extra 2 in to account for the fact that he is also hylian. It just feels right.

Dick-canons: Definitely a good choice if you're not sure what you want; bunny boy has many talents. Definitely has some breeder balls*, and I firmly believe he's curved just right for maximum pleasure. Probably circumcised because of his uncle, but he's secretly glad because it means he doesn't have to clean it like he would if he wasn't.

*(Yup, we're doing this again. Scientifically, rabbits have some of the highest sex drives of any animal, and are capable of breeding six hours after giving birth [WTF], which means this absolutely applies to Legend. He is never not down for a fuck.)

Sky: 6.3 inches. Prepare yourself because this one is very speculative. So, Sky was born on Skyloft, a set of islands in the sky. He was trained as a knight for most of his life and had a generally very peaceful life, so no endocrine disruptors or developmental discrepancies to worry about. Moreover, we know he started his journey at seventeen, which means he's at the tail-end of development. Now, instead of turning to some type of animal encounter, I'll turn to his Hylian heritage to answer this conundrum. I doubt there's anything out there with Skyloft's exact elevation, but it does appear to be a decent few thousand feet above the cloud barrier, which I've discovered are most likely altocumulus clouds, which typically form at an elevation between 6,000 to 20,000 feet. To calculate this, I watched a Skyward Sword gameplay video and determined that, in-game, it takes approximately 1:02.87 to reach the surface, and, assuming Sky/Link, is going at terminal velocity (the fastest an object can go while in motion, which happens to be 120 mph for belly-to-earth skydiving), this would put Skyloft at a roughly 7,544.4 foot elevation, which aligns with the altocumulus cloud prediction. There are only so many places on Earth that match such a high elevation, but I'm going to choose the Himalayas (which are inhabited by the Tibetan people, which are already known to have more capillaries and a more specialized hemoglobin function due to living in higher altitudes) as our comparer-region. Using this information, we can safely assume that Skyloftians, though fictional, who evolved in a very similar environment, may exhibit some similar traits to the modern-day Tibetan people.

While researching, I also discovered an incredibly interesting phenomenon called "airplane boners", which is a scientific occurrence where changes in pressure can cause erections (i.e. flying on a place), and decided that this would be perfect fuel for my scholarly degeneracy, which leads me to my next point: Sky has a big dick as an evolutionary response to what is colloquially known as the 'airplane boner'. Not convinced? Let me explain. When a penis is erect, arteries in the pelvic/penile region dilate to allow for greater blood flow, which thus increases the size of the penis itself. Now, imagine being at a high elevation for your whole life, surrounded by people whose ancestors have never lived anywhere else. I firmly believe that Skyloftians are well-endowed as an evolutionary response that allows the sustainment of larger blood vessels as a sort-of defense against high air pressure. Natural selection favors these traits because they ultimately lead to reproduction, which is the single-most important characteristic of evolution. 6.3 inches was a bit of an educated guess, but I believe that because the people of Skyloft evolved in a closed high-altitude ecosystem, it's entirely reasonable for Sky to be THICC because his body has a adapted to handle a greater hemoglobin factor and increased vascular capacity, likely in the penile region.

Dick-canons: due to the blood-vessel evolution, Sky's dick is likely thicker than average, with some very visible veins running up the sides; so many that it likely makes his dick appear incredibly flushed when erect. Contrary to what some of you may think, I don't think he has large balls, because it is likely more advantageous to have a smaller scrotum to combat the elements/conserve heat. So no breeder balls for him, but that doesn't mean he can't breed you just as good ;)

Twilight: 6.8 inches. I feel like this goes without saying, but he's a country boy. He's hung. Twilight grew up in Ordon, a close-knit community where everyone takes care of everyone, which means he most definitely had a very good childhood. Like some of the others, I see no reason to bring up developmental challenges due to being chased by a cult or some similar bullshit, so we're going to skip right to his transformation of a wolf at the beginning of his journey. Contrary to Legend and Four, I do not believe that this transformation affected him significantly in terms of penis appearance/size. Twilight was 17 when his adventure began, which means he already is at the end of physical development from a biological standpoint, and, in Linked Universe, his tattoos appear to be the only true physical mark on his hylian body, so it's safe to assume that we don't need to take this into consideration. Now, some of you may say: "Fyre, but your theories were so crazy for the other ones and now you're saying Twilight's hung because he's country??" Yes. Yes, I am saying that.

BUT.

There's a pretty solid theory running around that Twilight is a very small part Gerudo, due to Talon (Malon's father) having married/banged a Gerudo woman in secret. In LOZ, it's fairly obvious that the Gerudo are supposed to emulate modern-day Middle Eastern culture, which a study by the National Institute of Health states have an average penis length of 14.34, or 5.6 inches. Obviously, this is nowhere near 6.8, but this is also a race of mythical female warriors, so everything's a little skewed. However, in every iteration we see of the Gerudo, they're always tall, somewhat aggressive, and visibly muscled, which are all indicators of above-average levels of testosterone. This is highly important because, in addition to being required to build muscle mass, testosterone is heavily responsible for penis growth during puberty, meaning that Twilight could very well be the way he is because of this naturally-increased testosterone production (i.e why he's so visibly muscled compared to the other Links), plus an assumed more efficient vascular system due to his heritage. Adding on to this, Twilight likely already has booming levels of testosterone due to his very physical, very labor-intensive occupation as a rancher, plus the fact that he's in the prime of his life. In short, he's doing everything right: he eats well, works out, and has fairly decent emotional and mental health, all of which can be correlated with optimal penile development.

Dick-canons: Breeder balls to the MAX. All that extra testosterone has got to go somewhere, and it ain't his head. Fairly girthy, so prep is a necessity. Has one big vein right under the head that honest-to-god throbs when he's turned-on. Probably not circumcised because Ordon is fairly closed-off and I can't see them as being sticklers for that.

Warriors: 7 inches. While height isn't directly correlated with dick size, it is reasonable to assume that Warriors would be a bit higher on the list because of this, as well as his overall health in comparison to Hyrule and/or Legend. It's hinted that Warriors was raised in a very military-esque lifestyle, so it's not a surprise that he wouldn't have any true developmental setbacks in terns of penile length. Now, that doesn't mean we can't analyze the reasons why he's like this. Being raised in a militant environment means he was fed appropriately, participated in training regularly, and was likely taught stress-regulation habits (does he use them? no, but at least he knew them during his developmental years). Like Twilight, increased muscle mass is typically linked to elevated testosterone levels, and since Warriors has been training his whole life, it's reasonable to assume that these factors had a positive impact on his penile development. He and Twilight are very similar in this regard, except Twilight's size comes a bit more from favorable, wack genetics, though they both make sure to take care of themselves. However, Warriors is shown to be somewhat vain in Linked Universe canon (to the point that the other heroes have a running joke on it), which means it shouldn't be put past him to try more... under-the-table methods to ensue his 'perfection' reaches all aspects of his body, dick absolutely included. I'll leave it up to y'all on whether it's actual herbal/medical enhancements or sheer force of arrogance, but it's still a fun thought!

Dick-canons: Definitely circumcised (if not, definitely obsessed over keeping that shit squeaky clean). He's not as girthy as Twilight or Sky, but it'll definitely feel like he is from the way he wields it* during the deed. Doesn't have the biggest balls, but they'll definitely smack against any ass he can get his hands on.

*(There's a lot of speculation on whether Warriors is a manwhore or not, but I believe he's got experience. Definitely not in relationships, but one-night stands? Tavern hook-ups? He's done more of those than he's [un]willing to admit, but when it's someone he honestly, truly cares about? Slap a blush on him and call him a virgin, because he sure acts like it!)

Time: 7.3 inches. I saved the best for last. I want to preface this by saying that Time is HUGE, so obvious he's got to have a bitchbreaker in those britches, right? Right? Not exactly, because the version of Time we see in Linked Universe is the 'second' version; the one who got sent back in time by Zelda for Majora's Mask. This is HUGELY relevant because, honestly? Time likely took terrible care of himself over the course of Ocarina of Time, or at least somewhat neglected his needs in favor of completing his quest. Then, when he was sent back to being 12 years old in a new timeline by Zelda (Majora's Mask), you cannot convince me that he didn't have a major epiphany on how to actually take care of himself now that he was literally given another chance to get it right. He still trains, hard, but also knows his limits and, for the first time in his new life, he actually makes a point to start eating vegetables and drinking milk*, which give him all the essential nutrients to bridge the gap between surviving and living, especially during these crucial developmental years. Time genuinely makes an attempt to try. For himself, this time. And it pays off in the form of that fat-ass cock ;)

Dick-canons: a true bitchbreaker that will rail you six ways to Sunday. Not circumcised (bro was basically birthed by a tree), and definitely has breeder balls; he basically acts like he's in rut, and Twilight's got to get that trait from somewhere. Probably pretty veiny, like his hands (HNNNN), with just the slightest curve that'll have him hitting all the right spots.

*(Lon Lon milk all the way, my good readers.)

And, of course, I had to consult google:

[max1461]

Ok, so obviously this is not going to convince the people who already don't agree with me on this, who find it contradictory or unsatisfactory, but I'm merely stating and not defending the position in this post:

I care about about people, I care about the general population of every country equally, and I don't care about countries or nations as entities. Actually this is not quite true—I believe that caring, if coherent, has to involve some degree of adopting others' ends as your own. @tsarina-anadyomene thinks this is one characteristic of love, and I would indeed like to be able to say that in at least some minor degree I love every person (indeed every creature) in the world. Uh, Serbian nationalists care about Serbia and therefore I care about Serbia, at least a little bit.

But governments, well, first of all fewer people care about governments qua governments as much as they care about nations in the abstract, but more importantly I think that governments as individual entities do a lot of really heinous shit that makes it impossible for me to like them. This is distinct from any anarchist position that the state should not exist—it's more like, point at any individual national government. Do I like those guys? Do I think those are good guys? Well they do some good stuff, they keep the roads paved, hopefully, deliver the mail, all that's great. But they also do a lot of killing and torture, and economic sabotage and shit like that, that hurts a lot of people. And the closer you get to the top, the closer you are to discussions of "grand strategy", the more you're explicitly or implicitly talking about shit like economic sabotage and killing people and the less you're talking about delivering the mail. I guess building roads definitely comes up, and that's good, but it's always "building more roads than the other guys so we can sabotage and/or kill them better" which is :/

I've always been a little contrarian on governments. I've always been a little bit of the famed "median voter" on governments. Get me talking about my preferred system and I'll sound sound like those peasants from Monty Python. Uh. I've made a bunch of posts about it. I want some kind of decentralized, directly democratic, cooperative, federated bullshit like the ancoms talk about for real life and the techno-libertarians talk about for software. Everything other than that is, uh, bullshit, it's the man keeping you down, man. But second place, if we don't get that? I'll take a well-run oligarchy, I'll take the façade of democracy to reduce political violence and attract foreign investment while a party of crony-capitalist technocrats actually runs the show, I'll take the 1955 system before the Plaza Accords, you get the idea. Representative democracy is a sham, basically, it's a sham. So if you're not going to give me freedom, which none of the liberal democracies do, at least give me peace, stability, and prosperity—which they're pretty good at!

But this means I look at, say, China, and I think... sucks they don't have freedom of speech, that's a big issue for me. I mean not so big an issue that I couldn't live there, just a big issue. I'd strongly like it to be otherwise. But the rest of it? Single party state? Who cares. Standard of living is high (for the urban middle class—actually this is my biggest issue with Chinese policy at the moment, they need to do massive wealth redistribution towards the rural poor) but anyway, standard of living is high, there's political stability, it's fucking fine. I hung out with a tone of Chinese international students in college and none of them were like, unhappy with the state of China, although the really wealthy ones all wanted to park their wealth abroad for pretty obvious reasons—

Right, that's another thing China needs to fix: fears about overall stability lead the local elites to siphon money out of the economy and park it abroad. I think, as a non-expert, it seems like Xi's rise and centralization of power have been worse for this. Go back to Deng, go back to term limits and power sharing! God I love Deng Xiaoping.

Uh, freedom is a ruse, uh, Ted K was lowkey right that in a modern techno-world freedom is kind of a ruse. I mean people have to be uh, we have to act or be made to act like worker bees if we want a hive this big and cantankerous to function. Uh, sucks man, sucks that we had to choose between freedom and antibiotics. Maybe we don't, right, that's my whole idea. You know how they had the Juche idea, Kim and his assholes had the Juche idea, well I also have an idea. Maybe we can have decentralized, directly democratic control of economic and civil institutions and still maintain a modern industrial economy. Maybe we can escape Ted K's trap <- new name for it I am inventing. Well one can dream, one can solve a lot of math problems and maybe one day I'll read a bunch of econ books and solve the right math problems and discover the answer. Marx, I love Marx I'm a genuine Marx fan but he doesn't have it. Sorry. Just does not got it. Soviet Union was in a Ted K trap just like all the others. They drained the Aral sea bro! That's hard to forgive...

[kittendreaw]

Actor! Satoru x F! Reader.

Mainlist

Pt.2

Satoru was on top of the world, he was the prince of Hollywood, the new heartthrob of the big screen, sounds fantastic, doesn't it?

It was for everyone except you, his poor manager, the only reason you haven't quit is because of how ridiculously good the pay is.

"Just Please make my job easier Satoru." You couldn't help but be frustrated, Dealing with Satoru was sometimes like dealing with a spoiled brat and sometimes it was just worse.

"Well, I'll pay you for that."

"You pay me to be your manager, not your babysitter so please stay here and cooperate."

And of course he didn't because it was complicated, no matter how long he had been in the industry he was still a pain in the ass for assistants, makeup artists, directors, photographers, etc. Basically anyone who had the misfortune to work with him.

It was always the same, you should be used to it by now but it was impossible.

"What do you mean you're not going to come with me?"

"It's not that hard to understand."

He rolled his eyes while his arms crossed over his chest. No matter your size or how high your heels are, Satoru was simply giant in front of you. "Don't be a Smartass, Yn, you're my manager, you have to come with me."

"Nanami will do the job of going with you that night."

"but I don't want Nanami! "

"I'll be busy with some paperwork that night."

" Well, have Nanami do the paperwork and you come with me."

" It's not that easy."

Yes, it was that easy but you hated big events and going to the Oscars was torture for you, you had managed to get away on most occasions but Satoru was getting more and more insistent.

"Why?"

You let out a sigh, you could make up as many excuses as you could he just always kept asking.

"Satoru, look, I don't want to go."

"Why?"

"I don't know I just-" You could deal with people, that was no longer the problem but you still don't get used to all the cameras ready to capture every second.

"Why do you mean? It's not that hard, you just have to get pretty and come with me, you can do that."

"But I don't want."

"But you don't want." He repeated, clearly he was not happy and clearly not the day was not going to end without him getting what he wanted. There was a pause in which no one said anything. "I'm your boss, you can't tell me no."

"You should review workers' rights, Satoru."

"Dammit." He muttered. "Just say yes, please. I swear it won't be so terrible, besides I already bought you a dress, it would be rude of you to refuse it."

A pair of puppy eyes and a few more pleas and just as he wanted it, there you were with the pretty burgundy dress, the high black heels and gloves of the same color.

"Look at you, you are beautiful."

Satoru approached you, observing every detail of your appearance. It was true that the dress was pretty and that the makeup artist had done an excellent job, but you couldn't help but make your stomach churn every time you remembered the place you were going.

"But I know how to do it even better."

Satoru called one of the attendants who held out a box from which he pulled out a diamond necklace. It was beautiful and also damn expensive, it was the kind of thing you'd never pay for but always admire from afar. Satoru put it around your neck giving the final touch to your look that night.

"I-" It was too much for you, you couldn't accept it.

"Not a single word, tonight you have to stand out, after all you are my date." You felt your soul leave your body for a few seconds, you had planned to stay as hidden as you could but Satoru wanted you next to him posing for the cameras, this was definitely too much, much more than you were ready to do, you couldn't, Your mind was only thinking about all the negative possibilities this could bring and all the embarrassing things you could do. You wanted to throw up, was it too late to get back to the paperwork plan?

"What?"

[severus-snaps]

Snape: Points and Punishments

Snape has something of a bad reputation when it comes to discipline at Hogwarts, and is, I think, often accused of being unfair in his treatment of his students (especially if that student is Harry).

So, I've turned to science.

Using potter-search.com, I searched the terms: "snape points", "snape detention" and "points from gryffindor". What follows is a list of instances I've identified where Snape dispenses discipline in the form of point deductions and detentions, what the detentions entail, and what causes Snape to react to the students in the first place.

I'll tally points taken by Snape in each book, and also compare some of his methods to other Hogwarts professors.

This post will cover books 1-4, since there's quite a lot I've collected for the later books, which I haven't read in a while so I couldn't remember all of the context, 1-4 are the pre-Voldemort years, JKR took a break writing them at this point, and most importantly - it was getting long.

So, to quote Ron:

"Snape’s Head of Slytherin House. They say he always favours them — we’ll be able to see if it’s true."

Favouring Slytherin

First, we never see Snape in the books awarding points - to Slytherins, or to anyone else. With that out of the way, let's see how he disciplines the students - not just Harry - including docking points, detentions, revoking privileges, expulsion, and threats of doing the same - categorised by book.

Philosopher's Stone

Points & detentions

There was a sudden rummaging for quills and parchment. Over the noise, Snape said, “And a point will be taken from Gryffindor House for your cheek, Potter.”

One single point taken in Harry's first potions class for talking back, and telling Snape to ask Hermione a question instead of him.

“You — Potter — why didn’t you tell him not to add the quills? Thought he’d make you look good if he got it wrong, did you? That’s another point you’ve lost for Gryffindor.” *

* Worth noting as well that nobody considered this particularly outrageous - Ron tells Harry not to "push it", because he's heard that "Snape can turn very nasty" and later tells Harry that Snape's always taking points from the twins. So Ron, whilst on Harry's side, clearly does not consider this incident to be especially nasty behaviour.

Unfair, sure - Snape had put everyone into pairs, but Harry had been working next to Neville with Ron, not in Neville's pair (Neville was paired with Seamus).

As we'll see as we go through, this is one of the few occasions where Snape is being petty and ignoring the rules, and one of the few occasions where Snape doesn't give a valid reason.

But then again, it's only one point - and if we're thinking in-universe, Harry's been cheeky to him already, and Snape is probably feeling all kinds of weird about having Harry in his class, as the son of his bully and his former best friend, who was supposed to have been something of a potions prodigy herself.

“Library books are not to be taken outside the school,” said Snape. “Give it to me. Five points from Gryffindor.” “He’s just made that rule up,” Harry muttered angrily as Snape limped away.

We don't know whether Snape made the rule up or whether Harry's being indignant here at having Quidditch Through the Ages taken from him. It doesn't seem like an unreasonable rule not to take library books out of the building, where they have a greater chance, perhaps, of getting lost or damaged - especially if they are rare or expensive.

I personally think it's unlikely that Snape made it up, and it's definitely the sort of thing Madam Pince might insist on - she certainly seems like a real stickler for that sort of thing, spending her time polishing gilded spellbooks (e.g. CoS). However, it could be a rule Madam Pince insists on but nobody else really enforces.

Final conclusion: we can't be sure whether Snape made it up or whether it's a legitimate rule (unless someone can remember another time Harry has a library book outside near a teacher).

Contrast this to Filch in CoS (admittedly, post-petrification of Mrs Norris - though this isn't especially far from Filch's usual behaviour):

When Filch wasn’t guarding the scene of the crime, he was skulking red-eyed through the corridors, lunging out at unsuspecting students and trying to put them in detention for things like “breathing loudly” and “looking happy.”

We'll see continually that Snape tends to stick to the rules:

Ron dived at Malfoy just as Snape came up the stairs. ... “He was provoked, Professor Snape,” said Hagrid, sticking his huge hairy face out from behind the tree. “Malfoy was insultin’ his family.” “Be that as it may, fighting is against Hogwarts rules, Hagrid,” said Snape silkily. “Five points from Gryffindor, Weasley, and be grateful it isn’t more. Move along, all of you.”

Snape obviously didn't believe or care for Hagrid's explanation here, which is fair when you consider that even though he's just the groundskeeper, Hagrid's a 50-ish-year-old staffmember who could've stepped in before it reached Ron throwing himself at Draco. Five points also isn't too harsh, given that when Snape arrived, Ron had started the physical fight.

It's also worth noting that McGonagall doesn't listen to excuses either - it is, obviously, down to staff to resolve issues like that, without students resorting to fistfights:

“Provoked you?” shouted Professor McGonagall, slamming a fist onto her desk so that her tartan biscuit tin slid sideways off it and burst open, littering the floor with Ginger Newts. “He’d just lost, hadn’t he, of course he wanted to provoke you! But what on earth he can have said that justified what you two — ” “He insulted my parents,” snarled George. “And Harry’s mother.” “But instead of leaving it to Madam Hooch to sort out, you two decided to give an exhibition of Muggle dueling, did you?” bellowed Professor McGonagall.

And she follows it with:

"I do not care if he insulted every family member you possess, your behavior was disgusting and I am giving each of you a week’s worth of detention!"

Favouring other houses

Snape had just awarded Hufflepuff a penalty because George Weasley had hit a Bludger at him. Hermione, who had all her fingers crossed in her lap, was squinting fixedly at Harry, who was circling the game like a hawk, looking for the Snitch. "You know how I think they choose people for the Gryffindor team?" said Malfoy loudly a few minutes later, as Snape awarded Hufflepuff another penalty for no reason at all.

"For no reason at all". Are you sure, Harry? Moments ago, he was having Bludgers hit at him.

Things didn’t improve for the Gryffindors as the Potions lesson continued. ... He swept around in his long black cloak, watching them weigh dried nettles and crush snake fangs, criticizing almost everyone except Malfoy, whom he seemed to like. He was just telling everyone to look at the perfect way Malfoy had stewed his horned slugs when clouds of acid green smoke and a loud hissing filled the dungeon. Neville had somehow managed to melt Seamus’s cauldron into a twisted blob, and their potion was seeping across the stone floor, burning holes in people’s shoes. Within seconds, the whole class was standing on their stools while Neville, who had been drenched in the potion when the cauldron collapsed, moaned in pain as angry red boils sprang up all over his arms and legs. “Idiot boy!” snarled Snape, clearing the spilled potion away with one wave of his wand. ... “Take him up to the hospital wing,” Snape spat at Seamus.

More of an honourable mention really in terms of Snape favouring Slytherin, but I think there's a few things to note here. We never really see Snape giving out compliments, but here we do. As someone from a well-to-do family, one which in CoS it's revealed has illicit potions to get rid of, Malfoy might really have been more prepared than the others - and Snape was criticising almost everyone, which includes some of his own Slytherins. Slytherin was also not awarded any points for this. Snape also does not punish Neville for his mistake but instead sends him to the Hospital Wing (although he does punish Harry, so I'm not sure how fair it is really. Harry is a 'special case', to quote Sirius).

Moving on.

“Cheer up,” said Ron, “Snape’s always taking points off Fred and George. Can I come and meet Hagrid with you?”

I think it's safe to assume that Fred and George are breaking rules and not quietly minding their own business, keeping their heads down at all times. Seems fair.

“Will you stop messing around!” [Oliver Wood] yelled. “That’s exactly the sort of thing that’ll lose us the match! Snape’s refereeing this time, and he’ll be looking for any excuse to knock points off Gryffindor!” ... “We’ve just got to make sure we play a clean game, so Snape hasn’t got an excuse to pick on us.”

Probably true that Snape would take points where he could - but I (and Oliver Wood) think he'd play it like he apparently does throughout the rest of this summary, and "knock points off" by carefully adhering to the rules. I wonder what that means for the second penalty for Hufflepuff, mentioned above, in terms of Harry's biased narration.

“You want to be more careful,” said Snape. “Hanging around like this, people will think you’re up to something. And Gryffindor really can’t afford to lose any more points, can it?”

This occurs when the trio are hanging around inside on a nice day. It's post-dragon-smuggling, after McGonagall gave Harry, Hermione, Neville (and Draco) detention in the Forbidden Forest (which I'll circle back to shortly), and docked each of them 50 points. But Snape does not make up a rule here, nor does he actually dock any points.

Snape's face was twisted with fury as he dropped his robes quickly to hide his leg. Harry gulped. "I just wondered if I could have my book back." "GET OUT! OUT!" Harry left, before Snape could take any more points from Gryffindor.

Harry hasn't broken any rules by approaching the staffroom. And still, Snape is flustered and probably in pain, but he does not take points - once again, it's someone else (Harry) thinking that he would.

“You can’t!” said Hermione. “After what McGonagall and Snape have said? You’ll be expelled!”

Re: Harry going to get the stone.

Honourable mention:

“But this is servant stuff, it’s not for students to do. I thought we’d be copying lines or something, if my father knew I was doing this, he’d — ”

It's entirely possible that other teachers have given Draco lines, but it's also possible that Snape himself gives his students lines as detentions (especially if their father is both influential, on the Board of Directors, and an "old friend") - but I'll circle back to this later. Here, McGonagall deducted 20 points from Draco (and 50 points from Neville) for what she believed was Harry telling Draco a story about a dragon for the explicit purpose of getting Draco in trouble:

“Detention!” she shouted. “And twenty points from Slytherin! Wandering around in the middle of the night, how dare you — ” “You don’t understand, Professor. Harry Potter’s coming — he’s got a dragon!” “What utter rubbish! How dare you tell such lies! Come on — I shall see Professor Snape about you, Malfoy!”

Followed by:

“I think I’ve got a good idea of what’s been going on,” said Professor McGonagall. “It doesn’t take a genius to work it out. You fed Draco Malfoy some cock-and- bull story about a dragon, trying to get him out of bed and into trouble. I’ve already caught him. I suppose you think it’s funny that Longbottom here heard the story and believed it, too?”

Like... if anything, in her mind, Draco and Neville should be at lesser fault here; Harry and Hermione were out of bed, telling stories to get other students out of bed and into trouble for a laugh. She must think that Harry did this deliberately, and the others are caught up in it. It's giving The Prank in that she probably gave the Marauders detentions (that didn't deter them, obviously) for telling Snape stories, but then would've also punished Snape for believing the cock-and-bull story about a werewolf beneath the Willow. Also worth noting, however, that McGonagall takes 20 points from Draco and 50 each from Neville, Hermione, and Harry, and sent them all to the forest to hunt for a dangerous creature. And she thought Neville had nothing to do with this and was a victim of a prank.

But Snape gets the worst reputation.

Anyway.

Points deducted during PS: 12

Punishments given: Snape might have agreed to send the students to the Forest, or he might have been outranked by McGonagall.

Chamber of Secrets

Points & detentions

Absolutely no mention of "Snape" + "points" on potter-search.com; Harry technically does not get a detention, either. The best I could find is:

Harry had been held back in Potions, where Snape had made him stay behind to scrape tubeworms off the desks.

Not sure whether this was for a particular reason pertaining to that lesson, or whether someone had to clean the tubeworms and Harry is Snape's 'favourite' (unlikely; I'm sure Snape could've cleaned it with a lazy flick of his wand), or - because this was immediately after the scene in which it's discovered that Mrs Norris has been Petrified, which is listed below* - whether Snape knew Harry had been lying to him and wanted his own punishment where Minerva had prevented it.

Preferential treatment for Slytherins

“But I booked the field!” said Wood, positively spitting with rage. “I booked it!” “Ah,” said Flint. “But I've got a specially signed note here from Professor Snape. I, Professor S. Snape, give the Slytherin team permission to practice today on the Quidditch field owing to the need to train their new Seeker. ’ ”

He also allowed Lucius to buy his entire team new brooms - but then, how and why would Snape have stopped him? And what would stop Harry from doing the same for Gryffindor? And who bent the rules and probably got Harry a broom despite first-years not being allowed brooms and never making the House teams?

Suggested punishments

“Silence!” snapped Snape again. “Most unfortunately, you are not in my House and the decision to expel you does not rest with me. I shall go and fetch the people who do have that happy power. You will wait here.”

Re: Harry and Ron flying to school in the enchanted car and breaking not only the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry but also the Whomping Willow. He gives them a lecture, but deducts no points, perhaps expecting them to be expelled - or perhaps waiting for McGonagall, whose decisions he tends to respect (which we see again when McGonagall returns from St. Mungo's in OotP).

“Professor Dumbledore, these boys have flouted the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry, caused serious damage to an old and valuable tree — surely acts of this nature — ”

A sad day for Snape when Harry was Sorted into Gryffindor, otherwise he'd have been out on his ear in CoS.

Snape prowled through the fumes, making waspish remarks about the Gryffindors’ work while the Slytherins sniggered appreciatively. Draco Malfoy, who was Snape’s favorite student, kept flicking puffer-fish eyes at Ron and Harry, who knew that if they retaliated they would get detention faster than you could say “Unfair.”

Some people say that Snape ignores his Slytherins taunting the trio, which is a fair accusation - he did so in PS when Ron went to fight Malfoy and again in GoF when Malfoy and Harry duel in the corridors. But one could also assume - based on some quotes I'll go through later - that Snape also punishes his Slytherins in private, because in later books especially, the Slytherins wait until his back is turned in Potions before doing any taunting, and his Slytherins do receive detentions, which Harry wouldn't ordinarily know about (i.e. Crabbe and Goyle in HBP).

I also wonder whether Snape was being intentionally waspish to the Gryffindors or whether Harry interpreted it as Snape making waspish remarks when really he was just critiquing all of the incorrect potions and Harry noticed it more because he felt it was unfair when directed at a Gryffindor. Harry can be rather indignant - but so can Snape.

“I suggest, Headmaster, that Potter is not being entirely truthful,” he said. “It might be a good idea if he were deprived of certain privileges until he is ready to tell us the whole story. I personally feel he should be taken off the Gryffindor Quidditch team until he is ready to be honest.” *

Quickly shot down by McGonagall because she saw "no reason to stop the boy playing Quidditch", Mrs Norris "wasn’t hit over the head with a broomstick", and there was "no evidence at all that Potter has done anything wrong"... but really probably because she's competitive with Snape over Quidditch (which might also be why he suggested it lol).

BUT I was reading here that Snape is doing something else: Snape knows Harry isn't telling the truth; he wants Harry to tell the truth; he knows that points aren't as important to Harry as Quidditch, and so threatening to withhold Quidditch was Snape's attempt at getting Harry to be truthful. It's Minerva who takes it as a threat to her House's Quidditch score, not Severus. The explanation here also suggests that this is perhaps how Severus punishes his Slytherins - not with points, but by withholding things they want/enjoy.

“Midnight,” said Harry. “We’d better get to bed before Snape comes along and tries to frame us for something else.”

But...Snape asked for the truth and pointed out, correctly, that Harry was not telling the whole story. That's hardly framing Harry for Petrifying Mrs Norris.

“I think I’d better do the actual stealing,” Hermione continued in a matter-of-fact tone. “You two will be expelled if you get into any more trouble, and I’ve got a clean record. So all you need to do is cause enough mayhem to keep Snape busy for five minutes or so.”

Hermione seems to think that Snape would get his way, and that McGonagall would expell them for messing around again and stealing from a teacher for the sake of making a potion they're not supposed to be making, just to break into another House's common room. For Snape's sake, I hope that's true - stealing from a teacher to spy on other students and not being expelled would have Snape like:

“If I ever find out who threw this [firework into a cauldron],” Snape whispered, “I shall make sure that person is expelled.”

Snape's greatest dream is, as we all know, to expel Harry. I'm certain that given the events of the year Snape knew Harry/the trio had set off the firework in class, stolen from his personal stores(?), tricked Lockhart out of a signature to enter the Restricted Section to get a book, illegally brewed Polyjuice Potion, etc - but they received no punishment. Even in GoF, when Snape reasonably suspects Harry, he still waits for proof:

Hermione had taken the boomslang skin back in their second year — they had needed it for the Polyjuice Potion — and while Snape had suspected Harry at the time, he had never been able to prove it.

Points deducted during CoS: 0

Punishments given: maybe scraping tubeworms off a desk. A quiet year for Snape.

Prisoner of Azkaban

Points & detentions

“This lesson began ten minutes ago, Potter, so I think we’ll make it ten points from Gryffindor. Sit down.” “Five more points from Gryffindor, and if I have to ask you to sit down again, it will be fifty.”

Harry was late, Harry didn't sit down. Typical school rules; nothing out of the ordinary here.

“That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger,” said Snape coolly. “Five more points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all.”

Hermione spoke out of turn twice (but no points were taken the first time).

“You asked us a question and she knows the answer! Why ask if you don’t want to be told?” The class knew instantly he’d gone too far. Snape advanced on Ron slowly, and the room held its breath. “Detention, Weasley,” Snape said silkily, his face very close to Ron’s. “And if I ever hear you criticize the way I teach a class again, you will be very sorry indeed.”

Ron's detention turns out to be cleaning out bedpans in the Hospital Wing.

Snape doesn't tolerate speaking out of turn, yet both Hermione and Ron seem keen to do just that, repeatedly, despite Snape's reputation and strict classroom manner - even if your hand is up, you wait to be selected to answer, you don't just shout out. Worth noting, however:

“We told you,” said Parvati suddenly, “we haven’t got as far as werewolves yet, we’re still on — ” “Silence!” snarled Snape.

Snape doesn't deduct points for the first time speaking out of turn - but he does so immediately in response to insubordination and rudeness (especially if it is Harry).

Snape, looking sour, pulled a small bottle from the pocket of his robe, poured a few drops on top of Trevor, and he reappeared suddenly, fully grown. “Five points from Gryffindor,” said Snape, which wiped the smiles from every face. “I told you not to help him, Miss Granger. Class dismissed.”

Ah, The Trevor Incident, favourite of Snaters the world over. I've talked about this method of teaching not being unusual for the context of Hogwarts/old schools here, but essentially giving Neville something to care about and a reason to pay attention was probably Snape's game here, not just to mess with Neville. As such, the points were taken from Gryffindor because Neville was asked to work independently, and he and Hermione disobeyed him - which Snape helpfully tells them at the time. It's only five points, Trevor was always going to be fine, and nobody in the fandom would care, except for the fact it's Snape. Nobody else cares about the other animals mistreated at Hogwarts - for example, the presumably real hedgehog that Dean was just...stabbing with pins for lessons on end:

“Miss Granger remains the only person in this class who has managed to turn a hedgehog into a satisfactory pincushion. I might remind you that your pincushion, Thomas, still curls up in fright if anyone approaches it with a pin!”

Or even when Flitwick used Trevor as an example:

Professor Flitwick announced in Charms that he thought they were ready to start making objects fly, something they had all been dying to try since they’d seen him make Neville’s toad zoom around the classroom.

Sure, Snape sounded way more menacing about it and - given that some of the ingredients in potions are, like, pickled frogs, cockroaches, and the like - Snape was probably not that bothered about a dead toad. But Snape can tell at a glance whether or not a potion is in good condition, so he knew Trevor wasn't going to die. We don't know whether Snape looked sour because Trevor got to live (unlikely), whether he was sour because Hermione and Neville had disobeyed him, or whether that's just his face.

Malfoy spent much of their next Potions class doing dementor imitations across the dungeon; Ron finally cracked and flung a large, slippery crocodile heart at Malfoy, which hit him in the face and caused Snape to take fifty points from Gryffindor.

I think in my old school if you threw something at someone's face you'd get sent out of class and possibly suspended, so... fair. However, Snape was either ignoring Malfoy's taunting (which he's done before) or Malfoy did it behind Snape's back; we're simply not told which on this occasion. And, once again, Malfoy provoking retaliation is ignored in favour of punishing an actual behaviour. McGonagall taught Snape as a student; he probably got that from her.

Suggested punishments

One of the essays, a particularly nasty one about shrinking potions, was for Harry’s least favorite teacher, Professor Snape, who would be delighted to have an excuse to give Harry detention for a month.

Probably true, but he's not actually given Harry a detention in this book.

Malfoy didn’t reappear in classes until late on Thursday morning, when the Slytherins and Gryffindors were halfway through double Potions. He swaggered into the dungeon, his right arm covered in bandages and bound up in a sling, acting, in Harry’s opinion, as though he were the heroic survivor of some dreadful battle. ... “Settle down, settle down,” said Professor Snape idly. Harry and Ron scowled at each other; Snape wouldn’t have said “settle down” if they’d walked in late, he’d have given them detention. But Malfoy had always been able to get away with anything in Snape’s classes; Snape was head of Slytherin House, and generally favored his own students above all others.

Harry does walk in late to class in this book and again in HBP - and gets 10 points deducted each time, not a detention. Harry is quite an unreliable narrator, as we've said before, and is also prone to being indignant when Snape gives him largely reasonable punishments.

The above passage is shortly after Draco was injured by Buckbeak in Hagrid's first lesson. In this book, Harry was late because of Quidditch practise, not an injury, and in HBP he was pacing in front of the Room of Requirement instead of getting to class, so there's really no excuse here. Harry can be such a drama queen (unreliable narrator) when it comes to Snape.

Further, if one were being charitable, one could say that Madam Pomfrey kept Malfoy in the hospital wing all that time, and therefore Snape would have good reason not to punish Malfoy for reappearing when Malfoy was feeling better. However, there's a very strong chance Snape let Malfoy milk it for all it was worth, and it's probably the same reason that Madam Pomfrey/the school wouldn't tell Draco to get his shit together: Lucius Malfoy, rich and influential helicopter dad, whom Draco tells every little inconvenience, and who's more trouble than it's worth to provoke.

And, some things to note here.

Snape's explains the reasons behind his threatening of punishments; he likes to stick to (and exploit) the rules

Typically, Snape goes from a proportionate punishment to threatening something more severe for continued misbehaviour

“And if I ever hear you criticise the way I teach a class again, you will be very sorry indeed.” / “Five more points from Gryffindor, and if I have to ask you to sit down again, it will be fifty.”

“Miss Granger, you are already facing suspension from this school,” Snape spat. “You, Potter, and Weasley are out-of-bounds, in the company of a convicted murderer and a werewolf. For once in your life, hold your tongue.”

Snape, as already discussed in CoS, also waits for proof of an accusation - even when Draco has informed him that Harry was in Hogsmeade, and he could've easily taken Draco at his word:

Harry stayed silent. Snape was trying to provoke him into telling the truth. He wasn’t going to do it. Snape had no proof — yet.

Points deducted during PoA: 75

Punishments given: One detention for Ron, cleaning the bedpans in the Hospital Wing - and threatening a toad

Goblet of Fire

Points & detentions

“Fascinating though your social life undoubtedly is, Miss Granger,” said an icy voice right behind them, and all three of them jumped, “I must ask you not to discuss it in my class. Ten points from Gryffindor.” “Ah . . . reading magazines under the table as well?” Snape added, snatching up the copy of Witch Weekly. “A further ten points from Gryffindor … oh but of course …” Snape’s black eyes glittered as they fell on Rita Skeeter’s article. “Potter has to keep up with his press cuttings. …”

Talking in class and reading things other than the work is standard "not allowed" stuff in school. Fair enough. What follows - reading it out to the class - is no more heinous than a teacher reading the notes we all passed in class when we got caught. Not fun for the students, but hardly one of Snape's greatest crimes. Read it on your own time, guys, and this wouldn't have been an issue.

Snape and Karkaroff came around the corner. Snape had his wand out and was blasting rosebushes apart, his expression most ill-natured. Squeals issued from many of the bushes, and dark shapes emerged from them. “Ten points from Ravenclaw, Fawcett!” Snape snarled as a girl ran past him. “And ten points from Hufflepuff too, Stebbins!” as a boy went rushing after her. “And what are you two doing?” he added, catching sight of Harry and Ron on the path ahead. Karkaroff, Harry saw, looked slightly discomposed to see them standing there. His hand went nervously to his goatee, and he began winding it around his finger. “We’re walking,” Ron told Snape shortly. “Not against the law, is it?” “Keep walking, then!” Snape snarled, and he brushed past them, his long black cloak billowing out behind him.

Clearly cavorting in the bushes is not allowed at school dances, otherwise there wouldn't be chaperones and staff present at Muggle ones. Fair.

Interesting that Snape doesn't dock points for Ron talking back like he has done in the past - he simply tells them to fuck the fuck off. Perhaps it's the one-time rule we've seen with Parvati and Hermione - if Ron had spoken back again, he'd have gotten points docked. I wonder if Snape adheres to this rule with everyone (except Harry).

It was lucky, perhaps, that both Harry and Ron started shouting at Snape at the same time; lucky their voices echoed so much in the stone corridor, for in the confused din, it was impossible for him to hear exactly what they were calling him. He got the gist, however. “Let’s see,” he said, in his silkiest voice. “Fifty points from Gryffindor and a detention each for Potter and Weasley. Now get inside, or it’ll be a week’s worth of detentions.”

Post Densaugeo-gate, where Snape insulted Hermione's teeth. Their detention: forced to pickle rat brains in Snape’s dungeon (probably for potions, not just out of spite). Once again, his punishment starts reasonable (one detention for shouting/swearing at a teacher) and would escalate with further retaliation (multiple detentions).

Obviously, insulting a student's appearance was not his finest moment. It's also slightly out of character. I've written about this already. Snape doesn't seem to value appearances; every other insult he gives throughout the books are skill/character/competency based, not appearance-based; he is described as unattractive himself in ways that could presumably be magically or normally altered, i.e. with potions (or even with shampoo) but he doesn't care to alter them; and he has even been bullied on account of his appearance. Theories range from him just being spiteful/finding it funny - even though his typical M.O. is to ignore Hermione until she annoys him by speaking out of turn - to him doing it as a 'cover' because Draco is there and his Dark Mark is returning, and has been for some months; to my personal favourite - doing it so that he could punish Ron and Harry within the confines of the rules.

And also my other favourite headcanon: he's autistic as fuck, and pickling rat brains sets off his sensory issues.

The next two days passed without great incident, unless you counted Neville melting his sixth cauldron in Potions. Professor Snape, who seemed to have attained new levels of vindictiveness over the summer, gave Neville detention, and Neville returned from it in a state of nervous collapse, having been made to disembowel a barrel full of horned toads.

Another one I've seen some drama about, made worse by the fact that JKR doesn't know what a horned toad is, so she described the aftermath as Neville removing "frog guts" from beneath his nails:

The horned toad, or "horned lizards, horny toads, or horntoads" according to Wikipedia. Definitely horned; definitely not a toad (or a frog). Even assuming that horned toads are some sort of toad/frog-like creature in the Wizarding World, it's just another potion ingredient, and nobody cares when Ron was made to pickle rat brains (although it is funny to me that both Snape and Harry might have been imagining doing the same to Peter Pettigrew).

Suggested punishments

Snape loved taking points from Harry, and had certainly never missed an opportunity to give him punishments, or even to suggest that he should be suspended from the school.

True, but Harry also rarely missed giving him the opportunity to suggest it by doing things that are anywhere from against the rules (e.g. fighting, misbehaving in class) to actually illegal (i.e. flying an enchanted car, theft).

Harry didn’t answer. He knew Snape was trying to provoke him; he had done this before. No doubt he was hoping for an excuse to take a round fifty points from Gryffindor before the end of the class.

True, but even Harry/the narration now accepts that there's mostly an "excuse" (read: reason) that Snape docks the points. Harry's hardly a saint.

“You were out of bed on the night my office was broken into!” Snape hissed. “I know it, Potter! Now, Mad-Eye Moody might have joined your fan club, but I will not tolerate your behavior! One more nighttime stroll into my office, Potter, and you will pay!”

Again, Snape's waiting for proof, even though he knows (strongly suspects) that Harry was out of bed. But, even now, he's still giving a warning - only this time accompanied by the (probably very real) threat of Veritaserum:

[Harry] didn’t like the sound of that Truth Potion at all, nor would he put it past Snape to slip him some.

Points deducted during GoF: 70 from Gryffindor, 10 apiece from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff (90 total)

Punishments given: One detention for Ron and Harry pickling rat brains, disembowelling horned toads for Neville (which are not toads)

Summary (so far)

Snape never awards points - not even to his own house

Snape does sometimes reward the other houses in other ways (who aren't Gryffindor), e.g. awarding Hufflepuff two penalties when he refereed Quidditch, praise for Slytherins

He also punishes other houses, not just Gryffindor e.g. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff at the Yule Ball

He tends to follow the school rules, and will typically use/exploit them to punish students within the confines of these rules, rather than making things up/punishing for non-issues (with exceptions; the exception being Harry)

He also waits for proof of accusations against Harry - e.g. when he suspects Harry's stolen his ingredients from his personal stores in CoS, again in GoF, and even in PoA when Harry has left Hogwarts to visit Hogsmeade

Often, he will give a warning before taking points. Then, the initial point deduction/punishment is proportionate to the misdeed

He threatens further punishments if the student(s) do not listen the first time and behave after the first punishment; he threatens punishments he would give if Harry were in his house (e.g. expulsion in CoS)

Harry often thinks that Snape will punish him, and then Snape ultimately doesn't

Harry also takes things personally. If he's late to class, for example, and he gets points docked as a result, Harry believes that that is unreasonable, in the same way he assumes that the book rule in PS is made up

Snape's neutral or fair actions are overlooked, like his proportionate punishments early on in the series, not punishing Ron for being disrespectful at the Yule Ball, etc

Harry exaggerates Snape's cruelty and personal vendettas, and dismisses when Snape behaves like other strict teachers. He merely notices when Filch is threatening detentions for students breathing; Filch's threats of physical punishments on the students are normally overlooked; Harry finds it amusing when Hagrid or 'Moody' are cruel to Draco; Harry finds McGonagall's much more severe punishments acceptable because he admires her

With the Slytherins waiting until Snape's back is turned to misbehave, it's hinted that Snape deals with Slytherin discipline privately. This is also confirmed in the later books, because Crabbe and Goyle have received detentions - and, ovbiously, Harry wouldn't know about it most of the time

Snape takes far fewer points than other teachers - namely, McGonagall - and also does not use or threaten excessively harsh or unfair punishments like 'Moody' or McGonagall (e.g. turning Draco into a ferret and physically harming him, docking 50 points each in the first book and sending them to the Forest, threatening the students with chains, etc)

Snape's crimes

Snape does exhibit bias and favouritism by overlooking Slytherin cheek and misbehaviour (especially Draco's), whilst simultaneously cracking down on similar behavior from Gryffindors - especially Harry

He's more likely to praise Slytherins and criticise Gryffindors. He's even more likely to praise Draco and criticise specifically Harry and his friends

This is particularly obvious during Densaugeo-gate, where he punishes only Gryffindors, despite Slytherins being involved - and even may have provoked the students so that he could punish the Gryffindors, by upsetting Hermione, Ron, and Harry. Which leads me to...

Snape can be cruel. Sometimes I think he's just being blunt - Snape's "waspish" comments are probably just blunt feedback on their potions. Sometimes it's how Harry perceives what would otherwise be normal dialogue if delivered by another teacher (e.g. McGonagall) - but at other times, Snape resorts to cruelty to try and get a message across, or specifically to needle Harry

Snape has a tendency to assume Harry is up to something (but can this be considered a crime? Harry is usually up to something, and he also usually gets away with it). but...

Snape has a tendency to 'confuse' Harry for James, especially from PoA onwards - and this makes him also assume the worst of Harry. It also makes him more volatile, and prone to meltdowns and extreme measures like the use of Veritaserum, especially as the stakes increase for both Snape and Harry with the impending return of Voldemort

Final conclusion: Snape is a strict and blunt teacher, and although he does particularly dislike Harry and is more prone to singling him out for punishment, it is not (in his first four years at school) always the case. Harry has a tendency not only to misbehave, but to imagine punishments Snape might give him, and also to overreact and feel indignant if Snape punishes him reasonably for something he's actually done wrong. It's never really acknowledged when Snape lets things slide, either because he can't find proof or presumably when Dumbledore silences him (a notable exception being his shrieking accusation that Potter had something to do with Sirius Black's escape, but... Snape was a little bit beyond reason at that point)

At some stage, I'll finish re-reading the series so I can comment on OotP and beyond, hopefully add some more context to GoF, and pick out any further threats or punishments I've missed. In the meantime if there's anything essential that I've missed, I'd love to know.

[useless-catalanfacts]

Re the ask about whether pro-Catalan/independence supporters tend to be left-wing, weirdly I've had Spaniards try to convince me that pro-Catalanism/independence is a right-wing movement, but they've never been able to take that further than a bald assertion -- it sounds more like a thought-terminating cliché, and it doesn't square with anything I've seen as an outsider.

Depends on who you ask, Catalans are stereotyped in opposite ways. Speaking Catalan or having a Catalan accent makes us "villagers", "poor and uneducated", and "stupid farmers" until it's the left wing who wants to criticize us, then Catalan makes us "bourgeois" and "never worked a day in their life" and "Catalonia was a flat land with nothing until Spanish people arrived and worked to build it". Catalan is "basically dead", "nobody even speaks it anymore", "it's only spoken by elderly people in villages and everyone else hates it and hates to be associated with it" but when it's more convenient it's "all-powerful", "if you don't speak Catalan they mistreat you", "everyone speaks Catalan all the time just to exclude Spanish speakers". Catalan independence is a "radical anti-capitalist extremist movement full of terrorists" and often gets mixed with "anarchist terrorists" until the person who wants to criticize it would think that's cool, then it's a "right-wing movement based on greed". Everything always has two completely opposite stereotypes, which allows them to criticize without having to actually listen to our experiences or what we have to say, they can decide simply based on their prejudiced beliefs.

They right-wing stereotype is a newer one, it started gaining popularity about 15 years ago at most and lots of Spanish nationalists have been obsessed with it since, even going as far as trying to fund a right-wing Catalan independence movement into existence. It's very strange because it comes out of nowhere, they're just obsessed with wanting it to become true because that would make their argument easy. Catalan people have always (for centuries) been stereotyped as greedy merchants (think the Jewish stereotype, in Spain many of the "jokes" that in English are "a Jewish man does x" in Spanish they're exactly the same word by word but with a Catalan instead; in fact in the 1900s in Spain there was a significant movement of antisemitic Spanish "intellectuals" who argued that Catalan people are "racially Semites") and this stereotyped is deeply believed in by many people in Spain. Thus, it's very easy to wave off pro-independence concerns with "ah see but it's just that they're being greedy! The whole point of independence is that they're secretly rich and don't want to share!". This is an easy way to make Spanish people not need to listen and rethink their prejudices, because holding on to the prejudices is seen as somehow "sticking it to the power", and it breaks leftist solidarity.

An example of how this belief manifests is some of the tweets posted by the Spanish actress Karla Sofía Gascón (the main actress in Emilia Pérez movie):

Translation from Spanish:

1. I'm following the NASA press conference. There's water in Mars. Wow! Luckily NASA aren't Catalans, they would have kept it to themselves.

2. They invited a Catalan pro-independence man to a wedding and he ended up eating alone in a corner, he couldn't stand seeing food be shared with all the guests.

She was literally tweeting about imagined hypothetical horrible Catalan people she imagined. These people aren't real, this didn't happen, she just wanted to talk shit of Catalan people based on stereotypes. (There's another tweet by her calling Catalan independentists Nazi rats and saying she hopes we all die or rot in prison, which is not directly the stereotype we're talking about here but it goes to show where these beliefs end up taking the person who has them).

These aren't unusual and the only reason I'm pulling them out as examples is because she's a famous person and I think it's a better example than random people, but this is a widely-held belief in Spain. It doesn't make sense to paint a whole culture like this, and if we were to look for any clues I think we would find all the opposite, solidarity has always been very important in Catalan culture (like in most cultures throughout history!).

[darklinaforever]

He (Lestat) doesn't express an ounce of feeling for Claudia until she is literally dying. That feeling might be regret or guilt or shame, but we have no way of knowing based on what's on the screen that he *loved* her. Or maybe its the realization that his mistreatment of her led to the destruction of his marriage and her death.

Sorry... but... what ? 😅

So, some people see all of episode 4 of season 1 of IWTV as well as Lestat's behavior towards Claudia throughout 2x07 and 2x08... And are unable to find scenes that could indicate that Lestat express an ounce of feeling for Claudia ? Or Lestat would have affection / love for Claudia ? Really ? None ? Really nothing ?

Bad faith is visibly at its peak...

And like an anon said to me :

that's the whole point of iwtv ! Two parents grieving ! Louis and lestat both loving claudia and both losing her violently ! And that bonds them in grief in a way they can't share with anyone else but each other. They were a family.

And as I answered her :

Indeed, the goal of this story with Claudia is to show two grieving parents. It wouldn't make sense that Lestat never loved Claudia as a result. As Lestat tells Louis, he can't get Claudia out of his head, even after more than 70 years. He asks Louis if he has the same problem, and yes, Louis has the same problem. And Louis loved Claudia. And so Lestat loved Claudia. Only together can they succeed in grieving because they understand what the other feels. Once again, no point if Lestat hadn't loved Claudia. Why try to limit their relationship like this ?

To say that we have no way of knowing based on what's on the screen that he (Lestat) *loved* her (Claudia) is to be absolutely disingenuous.

Because you have lots of little touches which in the dialogues, gestures and actions who tend towards that (Lestat who loved Claudia), and it's even more obvious when you understand that what Claudia's story tells is the death of a child and the mourning by her parents. It would fall apart a bit without love from one of the two parents for the child...

Everything we have in the show will lead to Lestat's future statement about his relationship with Claudia, which should normally be true to the book from his point of view, namely that he loved her. Like the book about Louis, we couldn't be sure what Lestat felt about Claudia, it's the book about Lestat that will give us the answer. But believe me that nothing in the show could contradict that Lestat loved Claudia, on the contrary it is perfectly consistent with this idea, which is canon according to the book.

Once again, I don't even understand why this is a real debate. There is no debate on this subject, it should seem obvious. It would be like having a debate on the fact that Daniel & Armand will end up together. We all know it from the books, and we already have subtle clues through the show. It's not very complicated things to understand all that.

[rekino2114]

I've got a few Lacey requests, if you don't mind! Could you do either: 6. or 20. for Jay with a male reader 12. for Lacey with an equally insecure transfemme reader. You can do any or none of them if you like! Thank you for considering!

Jay being your secret admirer

Pairing:Jay x male reader

A/n:Sorry, I don't write for trans readers just because I'm not trans myself and don't think I could write them well. Hope you still enjoy this. Also, I did this because I wanted to start writing for Jay and Maisie too to celebrate the lacey games trailer. Also, all of my lacey posts will take place in the same au where all of the main girls are dating their own version of y/n cause they need love.

Lately, you've been receiving some weird things on your doorstep. It's nothing creepy, quite the opposite, in fact, it's very romantic things.

It's mostly love letters in which the mysterious sender writes about how much they admire you and love everything about you. They describe everything about you in details and compliments.

The letters are always signed "your secret admirer" and are often accompanied by flowers, your favorite type nonetheless.

While the content isn't creepy in on itself, the fact that your dear friend Lacey had a similar experience with a stalker, which she thankfully managed to get out of, made you uneasy to accept the letters as actual love notes so you decided to talk to your friends about it.

"You have a secret admirer? Dude That's so cool"

"Is it? It kinda makes me uncomfortable"

"O-oh does it?"

"Yeah i mean, remember what happened to Lacey?"

"......yeah"

"It's not that bad, thankfully but still"

"Don't worry if you're ever in danger just tell us, we can help you"

"Thanks girls, you're the best"

"Don't mention it, it's the least we could do"

You all fist bumped each other and then you started talking with Jay, which seemed uncharacteristically nervous

"Hey Jay, wanna go skating today I know-"

"N-no it's fine I'll just hang out with Lacey and Maisie"

You looked at her a bit suspiciously but shrugged and left, saying goodbye to everyone. Jay breathed a sigh of relief seeing you go away, since she probably couldn't have kept a straight face anymore around her crush, but quickly got worried again as she saw her friends approaching her with teasing smirks on their faces

"Soooo when are you gonna tell him?"

"Eh? W-what are you talking about dude, I don't have to tell h-him a-anything"

"..............."

".....is it that obvious?"

"I mean........."

"It's a miracle he didn't find out yet"

".....y-yeah"

"Why didn't you just confess?"

"You have any idea how hard it is? I was sweating just writing the letter"

"But why? I'm sure he loves you too, you two basically always hang out"

"I don't think so, he probably thinks of me as just a friend"

"Why do you think so?"

"I mean I'm not girly like you two I don't think he-"

"Stop it there, Jay, you're amazing in your own way, and if y/n really loved you, then he'll do it because of who you are"

"Oh.....thanks lacey...i-i didn't expect you to say that"

"O-oh thank you, m-my partner says stuff like these all the time to me so......it just stuck I guess"

"Well did you hear her? Go and get your man, it's even valentine's day so it's perfect"

"Yeah! Thanks dudes!"

Jay said goodbye to her friends and quickly skated away to pick up another bouquet of your favorite flowers and one of the letters she had already written, then rang the doorbell to your house and took a deep breath to calm herself as she saw the door opening

"Hm? Jay? What's with......the....flowers"

"Hey dude, i-i mean y/n, so yeah I'm your secret admirer, please don't think I'm weird I wasn't stalking you or anything I just really know your face, a-and was too scared to confess. I want you to know that everything I said in the letters was true, I really, really like you.....a-and so....wanna be my boyfriend?"

"......I'd love to"

".....wait seriously?"

"Of course, I love you too Jay, I never confessed cause I thought you only thought of me as a friend"

"Really dude!? Me too! I thought I was way too boyish to be your type"

"What are you saying? I love tomboys and you especially"

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're so cool, I love how boyish you are if anything, it makes you special and so I love that"

"W-wow that's great! So are we like a thing or something now?"

You smiled and hugged her, making her blush, then proceeded to kiss her on the lips. She loved your lips so much that she couldn't help but feel disappointed when you pulled back

"Does that answer your question?"

"D-definitely"

"OK so now wanna go skate? As a couple"

"Sure thing dude! I bet it feels so much better than skating as just friends"

"I'm sure it does"

[carefreecoffee]

┊͙ ˘͈ᵕ˘͈Fluffbruary Day 8: Daydream w/ Denki Kaminari┊͙ ˘͈ᵕ˘͈

Word count: 412, Gender-neutral reader

Class had been a bore for Denki. He was trying to pay attention, he swears! However, there was something that kept distracting him, you. The you who sat just a seat away, clicking your pen absentmindedly as the teacher lectured up front. His mind couldn't help but wander off, eyes drifting to the tiled ceiling. 

Denkis imagination began to run wild. He started to imagine different scenarios in which you accepted his ever longing feelings, smiling to himself as he pictured each one. One scenario that he kept coming back to was the idea of taking you out on a date. He imagined them going to a nice restaurant, laughing and chatting over a delicious meal. Afterwards, they would take a stroll, holding hands as the sun set.

Another was the idea of going on a picnic. They would find a pretty spot in a park, and spread out a blanket and some snacks. They would talk and laugh, enjoying each other's company as the trees blew in the warm breeze that passed by them. He also thought about watching a movie together. They would be curled up on the couch, snuggled up close, sharing popcorn and blankets. He couldn't help but imagine that they would maybe even share a quick kiss during a romantic scene. He even daydreamed about making you laugh. He pictured himself telling jokes, funny stories, and seeing your face light up with laughter. The sound of your laughter ringing out due to his efforts and becoming the most beautiful thing in the world…

“denki....Denki!” You alert him out of his daydream, standing next to his desk, bag in hand.

Denki is snapped out of his daydream, quickly sitting up in his seat, his cheeks slightly flushed. "W-what? Ah, y/n? What is it?"

“The bell rang like two minutes ago, dummy” you nudge his shoulder softly

Denki blinks a few times, realizing that the bell had indeed already rung. He quickly stands up, gathering his things. "Oh, shoot, I didn't even notice. Sorry." He scratches the back of his head sheepishly, still feeling the aftereffects of his daydream. Denki follows behind you as you two walk out of the classroom, still deep in thought. He glances at you as you strode next to him. He can't help but admire your gentle movements, knowing he wasn't even your boyfriend, hell, he hasn't even confessed his feelings for you. Maybe one day he’ll make his daydreams come true. 

[mimikoolover]

"the lack of support only being in your head." they literally told us in plain words (and was obvious with their actions during the solo period ) that they weren't keeping in touch much /at all. Jm, For someone who has "historically" made time for his team members, literally went to his friend's apartment at midnight to wish him on his birthday, "couldn't make time" is weird. but if he says so , there maybe , just maybe is no other private, behind the cameras scenario going on. And he really didn't specifically keep in touch with jk. Is that thought something you will ever be comfortable with or not because it will go against something which is so deeply believed by the jikook fandom, that they are always close. I mean, it just seems that the ball was in Jimin's court, and he really wasn't making/trying to make contact with jk during his solo period.

so he enlisted with jungkook for shits and giggles and because he had nothing better to do? he went to staff to make AYS happen because he didn't want to see jungkook? he asked jungkook to sing the background vocals on the most intimate song on an album he said he doesn't want anyone else's voice on because he couldn't care less about him? it's nice to see you pivot away from "jungkook didn't want to see jimin" to "jimin didn't want to see jungkook" because it shows how much you're scrambling. so which is it? oh jungkook didn't support jimin enough so jimin didn't want to see him? neither of those two assumptions are true.

"he didn't specifically keep in touch with jungkook" yet vmin didn't speak and jimin didn't even want tae to go to jeju. and no one's out here being melodramatic about it and saying they hate each other.

you are uncomfortable admitting how close jikook are because you dislike jungkook. you don't want them to be close. what you want does not matter, sorry.

stop repeating the same tired ass shit. next time you're blocked because people will hate me for publishing all this nonsense for the 100th time.

[tsukii0002]

"Anything new?"

"Nothing new, Satan is a complicated person, you know?"

"Sure, I know better than you"

The human in front of him sighed, the way he treated them was stressful, the mere fact of relating with him was.

"Well that's it, I'll keep you informed"

"Okay"

The human stared at him, he snorted at the look.

"What?"

"Are you all right?"

"Eh?"

"You seem a little… Different than normal"

"It's nothing, now go before Lucifer notices you're gone"

Another sigh.

"Okay, okay, I'm going… Why do you have to be like that?"

“Because he likes you”

As the sound of the footsteps moving away grew fainter and fainter, the voice in his head grew louder. Belphegor squeezed the pillow between his arms.

"Aggg what the hell are you saying?"

“You're still denying it?

"The what????"

“That you like that human”

The demon slowly opened his eyes, however he immediately gritted his teeth and stood up and walked away from the door that held him captive.

"That's stupid, something like that will never happen"

“Are you sure? because I think they've started to notice it”

Belphegor stopped dead in his tracks, nothing could be heard, but he noticed stares from every corner of that empty room. He was starting to become paranoid.

"No, I'm just using them, when they gets me out of here…"

“What will happen then? Will you kill them?”

"Yes, I'll finish them off and this will never happen again"

“Oh you can try to fool yourself, but you can't hide how your pupils dilate at the sight of them”

He tenses at those words, his knuckles are white, he doesn't want to listen anymore.

“The way your pulse races, the little smile that tugs at your lips when you see them appear and the fact that they're the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you think of when you go to bed”

"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, they're nothing but a human, a miserable, ridiculous human… because of them Lilith…"

He brings his hands to his ears shaking his head with all the strength he has, falling to the floor, he doesn't want to hear it, he doesn't want to, but he can't stop it.

“Don't lie to yourself, they are a ray of light in your miserable life, they're the only thing that separates you from madness, the only person who cares about you… if it weren't for them-”

"Stop it!!! I would never fall in love with a human!!!"

Silence

"I would never… make that mistake"

“You wish you could tell her that the same thing happened to you, that you understand her now, you wish Lilith knew”

He bit down on his lip, blood had begun to well up, but it wasn't the only thing spilling onto the attic floor, his eyes were filled with tears. It wasn't true, it couldn't be, it was impossible, he, of all demons, would never love a human.

"You can't convince me, I… I…"

“I don't need to convince you Belphegor, you're the only one here.”

The demon looked around, he was alone. As he had been until that human answered his call. He got up and started looking for something he knew he wouldn't find, he looked in the mirror, he seemed on the verge of insanity. Maybe he was already crazy.

"Are you all right?"

From the tears that bathed his face, a smile gave way to a laugh, a broken laugh mixed with a desperate cry. He would get out of there, end that stupid exchange program and everything would go back to normal, he would never see their face again.

He stopped, silence, the attic seemed again as empty and cold as ever.

.

.

Well, this is an idea that reflects a situation in which Belphie fell in love with Mc before leaving the attic, and how this clashed with his convictions, his plan and the feelings he had had for centuries. Reflected in the loss of sanity that being locked in the attic by his own brother meant, and the clash of his desires, which would be the two voices speaking in his head.

How deep I've gotten so suddenly😂😂😂, if you've made it this far thank you for reading 🩷

.

.

[doonalli]

The Point of Alice's Death in 3-1 (Mini-Analysis)

Gonna start trying a new thing where unlike my other analyses where instead of making a long post about specific characters i make shorter ones about particular scenes in the chapter.

So while it may not be as long I still hope I'm able to make you appreciate the chapter a little more bit by bit regardless With that said I want to talk about a specific (controversial?) moment, being the Yabusames death in 3-1

I'll be focusing particularly on Alice because I'm an Alice router lmao, but I'd love if any Reko'ers were able to add their own input too!! So a common criticism of the Yabusame's death is that it "comes from nowhere". Not in the sense that Ranmaru killing them came from nowhere (I've explain already why that's just not true in my Ranmaru analysis) but in the sense that it makes no sense why they specifically were targeted rather than anyone else.

At first glace it seems like it has nothing to do with their arcs at all and the easiest answer is to just say "they just so happened to be there" but this is a story and Nankidai could have chosen anyone to be there. Yet it was them specifically, so why is that? Disregarding the fact that it couldn't be anyone else REALLY for plot reasons, (Qtaro already being dead, Keiji being trapped, Gin being needed for the Banquet and Sou because it's likely he'll be necessary for 3-2) because that doesn't feel like a real answer to me, and because I feel like there is more to it than just that. One important note to call attention to is that Alice dies exactly in the same spot as Hinako did. Obviously, this already draws a connection as Alice was the one who doomed Hinako in the first place by leaving early and "betraying" her in the First Trial.

But this also leads into what in my eyes is the most important aspect of this death, which is the fact that Alice never found out that he killed Hinako in this route. Now that may seem like a point against this death, as it kills Alice before this moment in his arc, which should be important, but stay with me for a second. One of the major points of Alice's arc is the way his character asks the question of if your even better of knowing in the first place. This is shown in one of the first major changes in his route where he actually ends up using Safalin's machine where Reko didn't

Gin tells him that it doesn't seem right what he did while Safalin affirms that she still believes her machine is one way to achieve happiness.

In particular she says "If all you have is burdens, that isn't life..."

And it's this question that seems to loom over Alice over his arc for the next chapters.

Later Alice is face to face with Midori, someone who is responsible for ruining his life, right after finding out he didn't really kill him at all, and earlier in a similar situation he acted very aggressive towards Gashu

and you'd expect him to be way more mad because he has more reason to fight with Midori. Yet when he fights...

Alice is awfully calm, something he even notices himself, and it just goes to show the change between the before and after of his choice.

Even Reko, when faced with the same choice, was fully ready to fight.

And this leads Sara to question something important

So why am I even bringing this up? Well, it's because Alice's death brings up the most extreme form of this question. When he dies here, he dies not knowing he killed Hinako, but he DOES know he didn't really kill Midori

At this point Alice is in a state where he is fully oblivious to the murder he committed, thinking that he didn't kill anyone. In a way you could call this Alice's happiest state, dying not as a "real murderer", but as an "innocent person".

But is that really a happy ending? He IS dead after all; sure he isn't a murderer anymore but still. And that's what I think his death wants to ask; Is that happiness a good thing?

Maybe once 3-2 drops we'll be able to actually get an answer to the question in Kanna's route but for now it's interesting that the possibility could even happen in the first place, and I think that will make whatever the answer is end up being, hit all the harder knowing that this was a real possibility.

But another part to death in YTTD is the effect it has on the people alive, and Alice's death does this too.

After the death Sara will think about who Alice was and what he meant as a person (and Reko too, maybe even more for her)

And their death is what finally pushes Sara to swear not to be who Midori says she is.

This scene genuinely means something to everyone in the cast, it shows Sou refusing his emotions, Gin and Sara's relationship and calling attention to his sin, showing us that YTTD won't just write him off as a kid and respects his agency in the situation, and a major moment for all the dummies (which I've talked about in each of their respective analyses).

On a more sentimental level the Yabusame's were also the ones who consistently helped Ranmaru with accepting his humanity and self-confidence, so by having him kill them specifically it shows how Ranmaru ignores those words they said representing how he denies his humanity.

And most importantly it leads us to a very important scene from Q-taro where he talks about how we are all carrying sin.

And who better as a backdrop for this moment then Alice Yabusame. Someone who spent so much of his life burdened by his sin and being unable to forgive himself for it. Reko fits in a way too with her past actions and her regretting not forgiving/believing in Alice when she had the chance. Thematically it just makes sense for them to be there, just to really hit home the message Q-taro presents.

So ultimately, I think it just makes sense for the Yabusames to have been the ones who died there and that it isn't indicative of "bad" or "lazy" writing but instead actually really well done and clever in the way it adds to their arcs while also acting as a good full stop to it too.

Through how it brings together many other characters to add a note into quite literally everyone who is present's arc, and through how it completes Alice's arc in a truly poetic way, I think not only is it not a bad choice to kill them there but actually one of the best examples of YTTD using one of its most unique strengths in its split routes for its character writing.

And I hope I was able to express just why I think that is here.

================================================================================================ AFTERWORD: So yeah, I think there is more to Yabusame's death than it can seem at first and maybe I've helped you see that too or maybe you think there is something more to add or you just think I'm insane and there isn't actually anything to it idk lol

I also understand that some people like the Yabusames and are simply mad that the route they chose ended up killing them for something they felt was out of their control, but at the end of the day this is a story and characters dying is a part of it, you can feel saddened by their death, its expected even, a death SHOULD affect you in that way, but I hope you can see how this death is so much more than that and the way its masterfully woven into the themes of their characters.

It's pretty common to see criticism of this death as "pointless" or "just for shock value" and it saddens me because there is far more to it and to Alice and Reko as characters then that and so I wanted to write this in an effort to show off just how much thought is put into them even in CH3 when it's possible they aren't even there. either way I hope you enjoyed reading this mini analysis and that I got you to think about it even a little bit more!!! See you next time for a bigger analysis more akin to what you'd usually see here.

[valar-did-me-wrong]

1. Stop putting words in my mouth please.

My statment "..to give every other character's traits, arcs, achievements and plot points to Sauron.." doesn't imply I don't want Sauron to be important.. it just means stop making other characters less important to try and highlight a character who is already a main villian for 2 whole ages of the world.. Sauron doesn't need to be in Adar's tent disguising as Elrond for a kiss to be important in the story of middle earth.. he already is pretty darn important as himself!

2. Celebrimbor was a High Elf.. I've seen atleast 2-3 people already try and tell you that high elves have powers innate to themselves..

So yes I know Celebrimbor without Ainur power is amazing and layered.. because he is a high elf & the grandson of the Greatest Elven Smith in the Legendarium.. who made Silmarils that even the Valar (literal GODS higher than Sauron) couldn't make & who made the Palantir that's in Numenor rn. Celebrimbor himself is the best elven smith in Middle Earth in 2nd age & he's a Freaking Feanorian, ofcourse he's amazing and complex, all of them are in their own rights!

But he also is more than half the maker of the 3 elven rings in the show, you cannot take it away from him without making the whole story of middle earth stop making sense..

Feanor made the Silmarils (the things that could have revived the Two Trees themselves, the cause of all the problems of the first age & that affected even Melkor) without any Ainur or Valar's aid, all by himself! His grandson can damn well make 3 magic rings mostly by himself.. especially if Galadriel can make the Phial & Mirror.. unless you want to make all of Galadriel's powers and creations not her own too?? Because those two are the same kinda of elves and family of Feanor, whichever rule applies to Celebrimbor applies to Galadriel & Feanor too!

3. Sauron is NOT Morgoth's slave. This again many people have tried to explain to you before, pulling out line after line from all the books..

"..Now Melkor knew of all that was done; for even then he had secret FRIENDS and spies among the Maiar whom he had converted to his cause, and of these The Chief, as after became known, was Sauron, a great craftsman of the household of Aulë.." -Morgoth's Ring, Vol.10

Sauron joined him willingly because he was impressed by him and because he agreed with Melkor's worldview. And when Morgoth was captured for Centuries by the Valar, Sauron ruled over his fortress in Middle Earth and experimented with breeding orcs.. the only Morgoth's slaves (and sauron's too) in ROP are Adar & his uruk.. maybe he was even a sex slave for all we know..

- Morgoth's Ring, Vol 10.

Sauron was a whole demi god in his own right, who defined 2 whole ages of Middle Earth all by himself.. imo calling him a helpless slave is reducing him, his achievements and ambitions too. Because whatever his dynamics with Morgoth had been, even the ones implied in the show, they weren't slave & master and Morgoth didn't take him and tortured him from Mairon into Sauron, he himself became Sauron by choosing Melkor over Eru!

4. Despite all this^ I've never said I want Sauron to be 100% unredeemable.. I am from a culture and religion where there is no hell, because we don't believe anyone is unredeemable.. you have your Karma and it is in your hands and you get infinite chances/rebirths to do better.. you just need to work on yourself without expectations in return to actually be a good person..

..which Sauron currently isn't doing in most part of these series.. and he's doing the exact opposite since S2E1, despite Diarmid telling him a simple and true way to be good.

So I don't see anything wrong in calling a villain a villain, when he is doing villian stuff unapologetically despite getting another chance 🤷🏽‍♀️ he's even proud of his work, I don't know why you all aren't tbh! I'm very proud of his manipulation skills growing from the days of flimsy Ginger Mairon of S2E1 to cunning Annatar in Eregion!

And I am not saying this villian thing about Sauron because I hate him or something and have a personal vendetta against him, a fictional character 😂 the only fictional character I HATE and have all the personal vendetta against is Danzo from Naruto 🍥

And here in lies the problem you see.. imo you didn't read my previous reblog & try to understand it, but just skimmed it and typed a response based on your preconceived notions that I'm "anti- this or that".. just like you might have done with all those 2-3 other people before me who have tried to explain Tolkien's lore to you on other posts many a times 🤷🏽‍♀️

And Tolkien lore is important to the show in some ways because it's based on that lore and exists in between the first and 3rd ages of that lore so it has to make some sense in context with those things!

"This is perhaps an unpopular opinion, but I'm getting tired of this Elrond!Sauron theory. I'm all for discussions and headcanons, but it irks me how fans are quick to demolish Elrond's personhood only to have Sauron kiss Galadriel. Elrond is as kind as summer, but summer can be scorching hot, and we saw that on the battlefield. His family always opposed Morgoth and Sauron. He has that fire in him. Also, Sauron disguising himself as Lúthien's descendant, living reminder of his past humiliating defeat? Would he really do that? I can see Sauron going to taunt Galadriel in Adar's camp as himself, not as Elrond. He was so confident during the siege that he left Celebrimbor unsupervised."

[lurafita]

Going Commando

Izzy: "Ugh! This is so frustrating!"

Alec: "What?"

Izzy: "I'm want to know why not wearing underwear is called 'going commando', but the internet has about 8 different origins for it and none of them have a definitive verification."

Clary: "… Maybe it's more comfortable? For soldiers? I mean, it does stem from military usage, right?"

Izzy, turning to the guys: "So? Is it more comfortable, or does it just swing around down there and chafe more?"

Alec, Jace and Simon, red in the face and stuttering: "Y-y-you can't just ask stuff like that!"

Magnus: "Barring any strenuous activity, you don't really notice the swinging. It depends on what you are wearing, mostly. Tracksuits and other softer material pants are fine. Jeans can get a little chafy. And then there are some pants where you just don't want to have any underwear lines showing through. Like silk pants."

Alec: "… You are wearing silk pants right now."

Magnus, smirking: "I am."

[screwpinecaprice]

Just a silly guy, with silly silly thoughts.

@glowweek Day 2

Casual | Surprise

A casual surprise?😬😬😬