#and I Can't Fucking Go There

[heph]

The tech guy in movies

[tsoachilles-nsfw]

"you're so tight", "you feel so good", "you're so pretty like this, all fucked out, all mine", and "you're mine to use as i please", "be a good little whore", "pretty little fucktoy" can and should coexist for me

[cesium-sheep]

honestly how little energy I've had for music is a good measure of how sick I am. before I got sick I used to sing literally all the time. people had to make an active effort to stop me and it didn't always work. I sang at school, in choir and out of it. I sang on the street. I sang in the car. I sang at home. I sang at piano lessons. I sang All. The. Time.

even in the military, we had cadences. and I'd play human radio all the time, whenever we weren't duty bound to be stoic.

and that's when I got sick.

I still sang some, but we were in apartments and I didn't want to bother arin, or the neighbors. so it would mostly be at work. but I was too sick to work at the bakery so it was just when I'd walk out to run some errands. then I was too sick to walk around for errands so there were no chances to sing full out anymore. then I got more and more tired, and more and more sad, and I didn't even sing that much at home.

I want to. my god do I want to. at least in a house I can sing full out whenever I want unless my partners are sleeping, and even then we might have it structured right so I can sing anyway. and I can have a piano. it didn't even occur to me until we saw a white baby grand in the window of the piano store this morning, I could even paint the piano. I've given up the one I was raised with for lost, so I can pick one that's For Me. like the one in the practice room, with the very light keys.

but at this point I'm so sick I can't fucking think. I don't have anything left. and it's the only thing that seems even kind of near my reach. cuz getting less sick sure fucking doesn't.

[castielsprostate]

i hate you "influencers", i hate you tiktok, i hate you "content creators", i hate you "unalive" and "s€x" and "dr/ügs", i hate you instagram, i hate you consumerism, i hate you family friendly, i hate you puritans, i hate you facebook, i hate you family vloggers, i hate you violating other people's privacy, i hate you modern day social media

[vivitalks]

freshman/sophomore year riz gukgak on three hours of sleep & five cups of coffee: vibrating out of his skin, one hand on his gun, talking at 100 words per minute, the poster child of paranoia

junior year riz gukgak on zero hours of sleep, nine cups of coffee, perfect grades, & twelve half-assed extracurriculars: literally whining his way through sentences just trying to piece enough words together to allow one coherent transfer of information while his brain melts out of his ears from stress

[inkskinned]

you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

[uncanny-tranny]

Fat people deserve mobility aids, too. No matter if it's connected to their fatness or not, because having a mobility issue that is connected to one's fatness won't change that they're still fat and still have the issue at hand. Fat people don't deserve to "tough it out" because fatness should be this divine punishment doled out to those who "deserve" it. Fat disabled people deserve to have the peace of mind that they can exist in whatever way is most comfortable and accessible to them

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

genuinely is my brain erasing itself or is google/tumblr censoring that post about notre dame and old growth forests.

[thecryptidzenith]

When Schrodinger was talking about the cat in box that's both alive and dead, he was talking about Kalina. She's a goddess's familiar, she's a plague, she worked for Fantasy MI6, she died, she came back, she got rage stared, she snapped her own neck, she came back as the companion for a god borne from a Fantasy Mormon child's misplaced belief. She's alive and dead, good and evil. She worked tirelessly for 800 years towards one goal and then fucking abandoned it (maybe.) Her goddess thinks she can fix her. Her goddess's wife always hated her. She is everyone's problem at all times and holy shit is she a Problem. What a fucking legend.

[starry-bi-sky]

on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.

Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.

Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.

Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.

There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.

[cherrywhite]

hey silt verses? I just want to talk

[tagerrkix]

Eden was their ✨disney princess era✨

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Look what we've become.

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[egophiliac]

do skully have pokemon?

Pumpkaboo is the obvious one, but y'know, sometimes the obvious one is the right one! (we'll say SUPER SIZE Pumpkaboo, just for fun. big pumpkin for big skeleton boy.) and another person actually also suggested Greavard, which I somehow hadn't considered, but feels so perfect that I feel like I should have. dangit.

(they can also have little Nightmare Suit costumes :D)

[welcometogrouchland]

(ID in alt) you guys even fuck w/ the flash on here???

[forgetfulmachineart]

[ID: A mostly cool colored, digital three page comic of teen Gojo Satoru talking to young Tsumiki Fushiguro. Page one: Gojo makes a sandwich for Tsumiki who's leaning on the kitchen island. Tsumiki says "Thanks for the snacks, dad" and Gojo responds "No problem, Tsumi." In the next panel Gojo complains "Man... I wish Megumi didn't hate me so much. At least you call me dad..." Tsumiki comments "Megumi does that too, though?" In the third panel, Gojo activates his Six Eyes like a flashlight and yells "When!? Where!? Do you have it on camera!?" to a surprised Tsumiki. Page two: Tsumiki thinks about the various times Megumi has called Gojo 'dad,' including when Gojo gave them a bad hair cut, when the divine dogs bit Gojo, when Gojo made soup, and lastly when Megumi asked Tsumiki to ask Gojo to make snacks which is all represented in blue tinted drawings. In the last panel she has a devious smile and is labeled "8 yr old who just realized how funny she can be" Page three: Tsumiki cheerfully says to a gleeful Gojo "In your dreams!" The second panel shows them zoomed out with a lighting strike going through Gojo's shattered heart while Tsumiki has a cat like smile. In the third panel with a light orange background, Tsumiki is smiling while Megumi comes up behind her and asks "Why's dad crying?" /End ID]

Before this happened

Edit: It has kindly been brought to my attention that Tsumi means sin in Japanese I'm so sorry Tsumiki I should've taken five seconds to check I just wanted matching nicknames with Gumi 😭