#and 2. it doesn’t fucking go away
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Can we start treating celiac like it’s a disability and not being “picky” or a choice.
No, it’s not a trendy diet, ingesting literal fucking crumbs leaves me with constant headaches and limb pain.
It’s an autoimmune disease so treat it like one.
#��u should just not eat gluten and the symptoms will go away#1. you’ve clearly never heard of cross contamination#and 2. it doesn’t fucking go away#btw it’s called coeliac in America im pretty sure idk I’m British#celiac#coeliac disease
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SAID HE LIKES CRAZY GIRLS,
BUT HE HATES WHEN I ACT CRAZY,
IT TAKES TWO TO TOXIC!
FINALLY!!! Finished these pics of jinx I’ve been working on!!!!! HOLY SHIT, these took so long…. But finally… they’re done… pls enjoy this art of my beautiful princess w a disorder. Featuring alternate colors for the big pic and also a closeup! Cuz I rlly like how both the lines and coloring on her face turned out… like the pink gradients w her eye… her deer in headlights expression,, like uve just startled a raccoon digging thru ur trashcan and r two seconds away from getting mauled.. m proud of it!
#arcane#league of legends#jinx#jinx arcane#arcane jinx#doodles#hate and love how hardcore I relate to jinx…#little sisters w dependency issues.. + a whole lot of other issues#anyway the ‘he’ in the ‘crazy girl’ lyrics is in my mind referring to both vi and silco lol#I’m sORRY! I keep seeing ppl hardcore pitting these 2 bad bitches against each other#and it’s like… silco is objectively. morally worse than vi.. vi is not like. a ruthless crime lord#vi IS 100% trying her best and loves her sister. but she still screwed up w jinx#and silco ALSO truly loves jinx. but also screwed up by fucking. trauma bonding w her ghgh-#like.. silco is too close. he’s like. yes go apeshit jinx I support and love you and understand u no matter what fucked up shit u do.#were the same. and that’s beautiful!!! I love how supportive he is…#but its like.. silcos too close. he just became a new person for jinx to glomp onto and base her self esteem around after vi left#and he doesn’t manipulate that on purpose but. he DOES effect that girls mental state. cuz he needs her too#meanwhile vi is too far away… she thinks she knows who jinx is. but jinx has changed… time marches forward. she’s not that little girl#anymore#and nOW! after the finale jinx has NOBODY TO BE CODEPENDENT W..#her mental state has always been so tied up in how the ppl she puts on pedestals view her#and now there’s no pedestal anymore. she knocked down the statues. she’s alone…#it’s interesting….#anyway I’m not trying to say vi is as bad as silco at ALL. just that she’s an equally important building block in jinx’s mind#that has made her into the fucked up lil person she is today. and I think that’s neat.#lol anyway! I’m hyped for season 2….#aLSO GOD DAMN THIS GIRLS OUTFIT IS COMPLICATED. WHY DO U GOT SO MANY BITS N BOBS JINX??? I mean I get it accessories rock.#but u take so much time to draw ghfhg- require so much brainpower#aLSO ADDENDUM. while silco is objectively morally worse than vi his relationship w jinx is genuinely. like. makes me emotional ghgh-#its not perfect. or healthy. but… it’s. the both of them. being seen. and accepted. and loved and understood.. and I love that shit.
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“It wasn’t your fault…” uh, yeah girl I know that already, can we just finish this print-out CBT worksheet so I can go home and cry…?
#with the utmost disrespect girl! leave it alone!#treating disobedient medical professionals like a disobedient dog#drop it girl! bad girl! put it down- that’s not your fucking toy?? LEAVE IT ALONE-#like can we not do a deep-dive into the complex ptsd in session 2 of a basic CBT course.#wasn’t even CBT for PTSD it was for OCD which we didn’t even want because we have already tried CBT a lot and it doesn’t help us#literally just pressured into taking the course because we weren’t given any other choices and didn’t want to be labelled as help-rejecting#‘we hate you mandatory-CBT-for-things-CBT-doesn’t-help with’ we say in unison#if CBT works for you good for you! not your post so go away#this post is for the CBT-haters who have been more damaged by it than helped#like no CBT will not fix my autism that I was born with. NEXTTTTT.#complex disability#mental illness#mental health#actually disabled#mhsn disability#autism struggles#autistic struggles#autistic experiences#autism spectrum disorder#autistic#actually autistic
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If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.
I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.
#you can see why I’m restarting meds#my brain is constantly convincing me that my teeth are about to actually finish rotting out of my mouth and I probably have an abscess#already that is going to give me a jaw or heart infection#which is VERY unlikely#and that my dog is deeply sick and I should rehome her and give her to someone who’ll take proper care of her and isn’t me#yadda yadda#it’s been fucking miserable#the only good part is 1) I’m going to get the worst part over with (starting the process) and#2) even if I completely flee and refuse to go back I’ll have one dental cleaning at least helping with plaque buildup and stuff#this is so fucking EMBARRASSING it’s all so EMBARASSING#it shouldn’t be this hard for me and I know it’s irrational#I’m just so scared because it’s so triggering for me for NO REASON and#I KNOW that this time when we get to the multiple fillings and at least one root canal and also my impacted wisdom teeth that it’ll be#different and I won’t go un-numb or if I do again they’ll have better checks in place for when I panic lie to their faces#but it doesn’t help#and I’m so sure they’re gonna tell me I need three or more root canals because I’ve waited way way too long#and I STILL can’t consistently keep up with brushing and flossing#which is the most embarassing and shameful thing in the world and I KNOW#but I’m scared shitless of all of it and it’s all a sensory nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway I’m not going to be okay later this week and I’m not particularly okay now#so if I’m not around online much#that’s why#but I’m happy news Aoife and I are having some lovely walks this week and she’s very cute and snuggly and we played tug a lot of times yest#*yesterday and she also stayed sniffing a bush while a bike went past two feet away#instead of getting startled and needing to hop or bark at it and then calm down#I’m so proud of her#and I wouldn’t be able to do this at all without my very kind partner who spearheaded scheduling the dentist (and researching places)#after my jaw pain nervous breakdown last week#health#personal
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hhhhhhhot chocolate
yummy
#why am I like this#I swear to god if this cough doesn’t go away-#it’s been 2 months and I’m still coughing and hacking goddamn#this isn’t even the worst one I’ve had before#longest one was 8 months#and yet somehow this feels worse#breathing sucks and I don’t even have any allergies >:(#stupidest shit ever#it’s either I go into endless coughing fits that hurt— or I breath so heavily I sound like I’m mad as fuck even when I’m not#crowrave rambles
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It has been the longest week and it’s not even over yet I’m gonna be so burned out next week
#Tuesday was prep for work event#Wednesday I got up at fuckin 4:45 and left home at 5:45 for said work event#which was a 3 hour drive#worked like 12+ hours#didn’t get home till 10pm#woke up early as fuck again this morning to go to my adhd appt 2 hours away#tomorrow I’m going back to work but I’m going in early so it’s gonna be another early day#plus therapy if therapist doesn’t cancel#lol#then on Saturday my bf made plans for us to hang out w his friend and his gf#which is fine it’s just I have to mentally prepare for it and honestly I feel spent and the week isn’t even over yet#:’)
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waiiiiit, now you made me think about other thing.... so, let's assume mermaids can get pregnant in human way right, but their child then has to be a merperson, because how would then a mermaid transform, if she turns into literal water... i can already imagine a pregnant mermaid and a baby with a littleee tail inside her LMAOOO.
no, actually, when mermaid transforms, the baby teleports to the backrooms /j
this goes sooo deep i just sought out a couple episodes of mako mermaids bc i remembered the guy was adopted and like. babies have to be brought up in that discussion right? And in the episode the teacher mermaid says “your mother was the only mermaid strong enough to stop you from getting your tail” which implies that????? they’re born without tails????????? How long are they babies with legs do the mermaids give birth on land and then return to the sea and their babies get tails then? do their tails slowly form as they grow older? if they have to become human to give birth why is it so unheard of for the mako mermaid girls to go on land for their mission? have they never seen any merbabies? there are canonically mermaids younger than them! And why does the h2o wiki refer to one of the characters as coming from a long line of mermen are mermaids not involved in the process do mermen get pregnant like seahorses????? why did they have to make mako mermaids and make everything so confusing?????? *cries*
putting mako mermaids aside because that’s a hot Mess. Would the baby also turn into water? it wasn’t in the moon pool but it’s parent was and the moon pool changes a person’s entire dna so like. it would change the eggs dna as well right? but the egg is only half of the dna and there would also be a human half that shouldn’t respond to water at all. does the mer dna overpower the human dna? would onlookers see a random tiny foetus floating in the air/water for a split second before the mermaid reappears around it?
yeah the baby goes wherever cleo’s coat went in the second episode
#dericelem#mako mermaids#h2o just add water#like. i get why the mermaids clothes change to their matching bra technically like if their trousers are going missing their tops should to#and it is not kid-show friendly for the mermaids clothes to rip werewolf-style every time they transform#but cleo’s coat was barely on her when she was in miriam’s pool it was floating up so much. lewis saw it disappear and he won’t tell me#where it went because he is a fictional character for a series that is almost 2 decades old and he had more pressing questions than ‘where#did the coat go?????’ in that moment and we understand that but it’s still upsetting#sorry the coat is another thing entirely#i think the lore-writing for this series was ‘if it’s cool and makes for a good episode we’ll incorporate it. if it’s a question#we can’t immediately answer or argue about and it doesn’t have to come up in the show we just wave our hand and say the moon did it’#and that is a valid way to move forward. they didn’t realise at the time how big h2o would be or that people would still be trying#to figure out the parameters of the world they made almost two decades ago lmfao#the babies have to survive though right???? like. we can’t emma’s horrible red hair away a baby#it would be absolutely fucked up though if the baby disappeared every time they got wet and then the pregnancy reappeared once they dried#off#’cleo you can’t transform this late into the pregnancy we don’t know what will happen!’ ‘but my back hurts!’#fun fact h2o takes place in the same universe as shape of water and this is how the fishman thing was made /j
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IM SO NORMAL ABOUT TELLTALE’S THE WALKING DEAD CHARACTERS- UGGHHHH ESPECIALLY KENNY. IN SEAOSN TWO HE’S SUCH A MORALLY GRAY CHARACTER WHO LASHES OUT ON THE PEOPLE WHO REMINDS HIM OF HIS PAST, HE DOESN’T WANT TO FEEL HOPELESS ANYMORE AND HE WANTS THE BEST FOR AJ- AAAAAAAAA
#bloo’s rambles#don’t mind me#I’m rewatching season 2 now and I fucking love Kenny and Clem’s dynamic#it’s not the same parental love like Lee and Clem but it’s similar to an uncle niece relationship#He’s so broken and he’s trying hard but he always relapses#mans been through a lot right away and he doesn’t want to see anyone else go through it too#IM SO NORMAL RAAHHHHH#telltale the walking dead#twd kenny#twd clementine
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what is my family going to do about the dishes when i move out. like this is insane.
#purrs#i understand that because im not contributing as much financially to the house + am not home most of the day doing dishes every night is a#fair reasonable way to expect me to contribute. but also i come home every day fucking exhausted and basically have to clean an entire day’s#worth of dishes (not allowed to leave them out to dry either i have to both wash and dry) for 5 people + put away all the food and#appliances + wipe down all the counters. like i clean up 5 peoples mess completely by myself. and it’s a lot and i constantly go to bed at#lkke 1:30-2am or later because im stuck doing dishes. my mom and siblings cook but they almost always do it together so it’s 3 ppl and then#i do this by myself and sometimes my dad helps me but he’s working all the time and all of his money is going to all of us so it’s fair that#he doesn’t have to help but. god. i have to be at work at 9 every day it’s not enough sleep and i am constantly late and so so so tired.#its 1:19am and i still have 2 sink fuls of dishes to do at least + have to put away all the food etc and it’s 1:19am. my body is screaming#at me to sleep but i am not allowed to leave it less than spotless. awesome#delete later#anyways yeah what i was saying initially is like.. what are they going to do when i move out and they can’t just leave the mess to me at the#end of the night. someone’s gonna have to stay up just as late to clean it all. lol#it takes me at least an hour every night to do all of this
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i hate my life fr
#im not doin very good#I am not where i want to be bc a man lied to me#and i let him#6 1/2 years later i am lost#so behind#everyone is ahead of me#I wanna disappear and cry#i feel trapped and stuck#can’t move out without a roommate#all my friends got a roomate while I put my trust in a man#who lied and used me and string me along#he never planned to get us a place he lied#im so fucked#I just want to go away#I hate everything#and I just saw where my best friend just moved in to a house with someone he doesn’t even really like#or used to talk about was a bad friend so#that hasn’t triggered me at all#im fine#not really i wanna kms
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seeing ppl say that dabi’s an emotionless sociopath just bc he says he is is actually annoying af to me 😭 like r u rlly gonna say the guy who thought so hard abt the families of the ppl he’s killed he went crazy, went berserk when twice died, and literally burned himself to death BC he was so emotional that his father didn’t come to see his quirk’s development is unemotional just bc he says he is? cmon babes be for fucking real 😭
#and bc ik there r counterarguments to the examples i listed:#1) he said that out loud to himself while wiping blood away from his eye scar which is used to symbolise his tears since he cant cry#so no it’s not him lying or faking it or acting. it’s dabi thinking out loud and expressing his feelings#in a scene btw that wasn’t necessary to that arc’s plot or anything - horikoshi decided to put it in for a different reason then#(perhaps to show the audience that just bc dabi says he’s emotionless doesn’t actually mean he is. but what do i know)#2) yeah he said he’s upset abt twice’s death bc it affects him negatively. but that doesn’t make sense#why high-five him then? that wasn’t necessary - u can argue it boosts twice’s morale but to do what? escape from hawks & help the plf?#twice has plenty of motivation to do that - he already was! so why else? throwing a dog a bone? dabi’s not the type to do that and even if#he was that implies some sort of pity or fondness which also disproves the emotionless thing#not only that but his reaction when twice died was not a ‘fuck i just lost a useful tool for my plan’#that was someone in the anger stage of grief and going mad w it#also we legit saw dabi’s touya reveal & it was obv not a plan he’d adjusted or created in the time btwn twice’s death and that moment#same 4 the video#and i mean we see dabi fight endeavor & shouto and he does all that alone - none of the plf help#if he doesn’t let the rest of the league help him then why woild twice have been the exception? and actually why would the guy who#told deku to stay out of the todoroki family’s business and didnt tell the league his identity til he revealed it to everyone want someone#else’s help??#it doesn’t make sense - more likely that dabi was mourning a friend/ally and emotional enough and he came up w a shitty excuse bc of it#3) i mean it’s basically canon that he lost control of his flames BC he was so emotional#and there r plenty more examples i just chose those 3 bc they’re bigger ones#but burning down toga’s family home burning down the orphanage returning to the todoroki family home in the first place etc#trying to inflict as painful a death as he could on hawks etc#all displays of emotion and shit#and tbh i could prbly argue that his constant reiteration that he’s a sociopath who doesn’t feel anything is all bluster and bullshit to#make himself be thought of as worse than he is bc itd hurt enji’s rep even more#i have more to say but u get the picture#if i see one more piece of dabi hate calling him emotionless and sociopathic im going to start biting#todoroki touya#dabi#me
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I like to think that if my tumblr pals came to my house, they’d have a good time
#random post#I don’t mean that as in ‘yea woo let’s party and get fucked up’ like no lol#I just mean. our house is a place where people get along#there’s no expectations here. wanna sit and talk? we can hang out and talk about whatever#wanna play a game? chances are a few other people do to#need to get away for a bit and maybe take a nap? we’ve got plenty of beds take your pick. we’ll make sure no one bothers you#hungry or thirsty? help yourself don’t be shy. we can always get more#like we had ppl over on Saturday and it was so FUN like ppl would talk all together and then different conversations would split off of that#we would go outside then back in. we had food and some ppl had alcohol#we were laughing SO hard about funny shit (like discovering that my sisters bf worked on the gas meter at grandpas but didn’t SAY ANYTHING#ABOUT IT LMFAO) my cousin brought his gf to meet everyone and she just fit in perfectly and so obviously had an obsession for animals#her and my sister were like sudden bffs it was hilarious. my brother and younger cousin ate at 2:40 and slept upstairs till 6:00#and all we did was turn of the light and put on a fan for em lol. crack up at how comfortable they were#me and my lil sister were walking up and down the driveway talking and looking at the stars. the nap duo were pointing out constellations#when most everyone left it was my household and my sister and her bf. she played uno flip and incoherent with me (usually no one does lol)#and we laughed very hard at all of the adult cards. one of the hints she gave for sidechicks was ‘sad used to have a lot of these’ and#I immediately got it. it was fun. we blasted music from the 2000’s and ate bread#I slept for 11 hours that night lmao and I was tired the next day but I wouldn’t have changed it. I like them lots#it’s days like that that make me think I’m more extroverted than introverted. just because I don’t always know what to say doesn’t mean#I don’t like to talk yn? anyways I’m writing a novel in the tags but I don’t care <3 I just love us and I wish#other people were able to have love and fun times often#I hope this doesn’t sound like me bragging about my home life. trust me I know it’s not some shining light in the darkness or whatever#but it’s something. and I don’t mind sharing my love with other people
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#im going to use these tags as a way to beat my soul about my job so if you come at me you’re a bitch and i hope you stub each individual to#i finally realized why im unhappy being a teacher and it’s because i don’t care about the future of these kids more than the cursory#‘I hope theyre ok’ you would feel for any stranger in the world#like i want to harm to come to them but i truly don’t care about them#like the kid that sleeps in class ? my thought is finally he’s fucking quiet the kid that’s got a 2% and doesn’t pay attention im like#whatever like im not motivated to get them motivated and if I wasn’t the kind of person that cared about her work id give them worksheets#for the rest of the year making them silently work while I r ead books all day#like I feel like at the beginning I did the calling home and the tutoring and the flipping over backwards to get as many of the kids to#their reading level and ensure they’re getting a great history lesson that’s going to reach every student and now im like#this is the lesson and if you like it great if you don’t idc you can pay attention or fail it’s on you#and part of me feels bad like I should want to dress up like x figure and get them engaged by doing xyz and like I just don’t want to#it’s like what’s the point im going to engage the same 9 kids in each class while the other 21 pretend to#pay attention while they’re texting under their desk and then they’re going to try to google or use ai the answers#and im like…. whatever i dont care turn it in don’t turn it in whatever#ik too young to feel this apathetic about teaching and it suck but also oof I don’t care#I want to quit at the end of the year before my apathy turns into hatred I’ve seen teachers that hate hate the kids and that can’t be me#like even if I stayed for 30 years it wouldn’t be me but the idea of it scares me#I don’t want this job to change who I am as a person but it’s taking away my care for the younger generation#I don’t hate them or wish them ill but I just genuinely don’t care about them or their progress or anything#it’s scary#anyways im rambling idk im just having a bad day ill see this tomorrow and be like wow girl get a snickers cuz this isn’t you#but rn that’s how im feeling
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Ah I just found out which gpu my brothers ordered
It starts with 40 and ends with 90.
Wtf um thanks but I’m still paying for it so why didn’t they ask me first 😬
Also my power supply isn’t strong enough for it.
So there’s that
Oh they ordered an atx 3.0 psu too oh okay haha oh wow that is an extra $200 oh ahah ok..
#I assumed it would be a used 30 series or one of the newer amd cards#that card costs more than my whole pc#if you don’t want to look it up the card is 1600#ERM..#I only gave them the $200 that I had and told them I’d give them the rest when I get paid Friday.#well that isn’t happening but if my mom temporarily stops stealing everything then I can pay it in like 2 months#the good news: I will have a working pc! with holy shit 24 gb of vram and the strongest card out there rn!#the bad news: that + the psu is $1800!! what the fuck!!!!!#good news part 2: they aren’t expecting me to pay it off right away and they are paying for the taxes which was like $100#I told them to never do that again thank you#assuming this thing doesn’t kill itself randomly like my current card then I’m set for easily over 5 years with this thing#you know. assuming game devs don’t keep the trend of 100+ gb games. lol. which they will.#but anyway this was really overkill cause I don’t have a 4K monitor it’s only 2k#but it does mean that blender is going to run smooth as fuck#amd cards kind of suck for blender because they don’t have full support like nvidia cards#I think I’m going to undervolt it because I don’t think I can even use 100% of it rn#it’s definetely going to be bottlenecked by my cpu and 16 gb of ram.#maybe next year I will upgrade to am5 and ddr5 since I’ll have this new psu anyway#but am5 is still expensive af rn#I am just trying to not think about that fact that this is almost my full months pay. aha.#to be fair they don’t know I’m trying to save up to move outta fl so I can’t be mad. they didn’t know.
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That I’ve already made 1 post being annoyed with the Spy x Family fandom and I could easy make 2 more, is really quite telling
#it’s just everything I hate so much in one fandom:#over abundance of fluff for the sake of fluff (gag) and uninformed attempted at political takes (also gag)#the first one would be-#1) oh my god I didn’t realize how aro I saw Loid and Yor’s relationship until the UwU fluffy ship people got involved#THEIR DEVELOPMENT IS NO WHERE NEAR THAT. IF IT EVER WILL BE#they RESPECT each other and work TOGETHER to create a nice family environment despite their nontypical family and they aren’t in ‘love’ yet#and you really want to strip that all away to go ‘uwu Loid is soooo in love with her as soon as chapter 10’ fuck off#2) (and this one’s the kicker) Are you really pondering the moral difference between the actions#of two people who#are use violent means in order to maintain geopolitical peace so that war doesn’t break out???#and the fucker who hijacked a bus of KINDERGARTNERS to make his political protest???#MAYBE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HOW WE SEE THESE CHARACTERS IS THAT LOID AND YOR DONT KILL CHILDREN!!#you know whose daughter is also dead fuckwit? The Handler. YOU DONT SEE HER TRAUMATIZONG SIX YEAR OLDS#I mean are you even /thinking/ at point?#also#no actually Loid and Yor would not ‘destroy the city for Anya’#they flat out wouldn’t#Loid is a character who cares a LOT about the bigger picture here and specifically about /not making kids cry/#he would never hurt other children; even for Anya’s sake#never#but ESPECIALLY not out of revenge#and the city take is especially in bad taste considering his background#are we even like reading the same manga?#OR have your reality divorced stupid fluffy headcanons rotted your brain?#I know the answer#my god#anyway I hope the Silm friends got a good laugh out of ready my salt for another fandom#NOT tagging this shit#don't mind me#tribble post
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#okay so i’m gonna throw myself a little pity party so skip these post if you don’t wanna know#first off: i should’ve moved for college#like i really fucking should’ve#like i know why i didn’t and i’m sure if i had make a decision again it would make sense to pick the same#but idk if i’d known that i could’ve gotten into a foreign university and somehow impressed them enough to get a scholarship then i would’ve#gone no question asked no second guessing literally nothing#and i’m not saying i didn’t like my college experience or whatever but fuck i’m so tired of living so far away from everything in a place#where i know i’ll never make a lot of money doing what i studied to do#and i know that i can change careers and i’m not forced to follow one path or whatever but fuck it’s so scary to think of the possibilities#i get so anxious just considering picking something else now bc i already wasted 6 ish years of my life in this and i’d have to start again#idk whatever point is i wish i lived somewhere else so i’d hopefully have better living conditions and so that i could go to more concerts#y’all music is such a big part of my life and it doesn’t look like it but it is and i’ll explain more in post 2 but#i missed so many concerts this summer bc i live in bum fuck nowhere and no one comes here (and the artists i like don’t even come to the big#city near me rip) and i’m just forced to see them announce tour dates to places close ish by but that i could never afford and i just#i wish i could go and i wish i had friends to go with and i wish i’d moved and i wish my life wasn’t so lonely and pathetic and sucked
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