#where it went because he is a fictional character for a series that is almost 2 decades old and he had more pressing questions than ‘where

[comixandco]

waiiiiit, now you made me think about other thing.... so, let's assume mermaids can get pregnant in human way right, but their child then has to be a merperson, because how would then a mermaid transform, if she turns into literal water... i can already imagine a pregnant mermaid and a baby with a littleee tail inside her LMAOOO.

no, actually, when mermaid transforms, the baby teleports to the backrooms /j

this goes sooo deep i just sought out a couple episodes of mako mermaids bc i remembered the guy was adopted and like. babies have to be brought up in that discussion right? And in the episode the teacher mermaid says “your mother was the only mermaid strong enough to stop you from getting your tail” which implies that????? they’re born without tails????????? How long are they babies with legs do the mermaids give birth on land and then return to the sea and their babies get tails then? do their tails slowly form as they grow older? if they have to become human to give birth why is it so unheard of for the mako mermaid girls to go on land for their mission? have they never seen any merbabies? there are canonically mermaids younger than them! And why does the h2o wiki refer to one of the characters as coming from a long line of mermen are mermaids not involved in the process do mermen get pregnant like seahorses????? why did they have to make mako mermaids and make everything so confusing?????? *cries*

putting mako mermaids aside because that’s a hot Mess. Would the baby also turn into water? it wasn’t in the moon pool but it’s parent was and the moon pool changes a person’s entire dna so like. it would change the eggs dna as well right? but the egg is only half of the dna and there would also be a human half that shouldn’t respond to water at all. does the mer dna overpower the human dna? would onlookers see a random tiny foetus floating in the air/water for a split second before the mermaid reappears around it?

yeah the baby goes wherever cleo’s coat went in the second episode

[bitchmael]

extremely half-formed thoughts hours but i like that black sails as a "villain origin story" (as it were) for long john silver, one of the most storied pirates there is (because among other things he's entirely fictional), shows us a series of pirate captains who have constructed larger-than-life personae for themselves to feature as the monsters in other people's stories, and shows us the (almost always) deeply personally painful histories that went into making them and then refuses to give us that for long john silver. he's not a monster from a children's story but nor does he have the kind of compelling personal history of (say) flint or vane or rackham or anne bonny. he's just fundamentally selfish in a way that's ultimately pretty banal & ordinary imo, but he's put into this position where his selfishness is able to exert a massive influence on the people around him that makes him seem like more than he is. & btw i don't mean this as like a criticism of his character i think it works really well. what if evil were just boring. what then.

[mcuamerica]

The Shadowsinger: Twenty-Three

Warnings: Healing wounds, mentions of parental abuse, mentions of death, ACOTAR series spoilers.

Pairings: Azriel x Fem!Reader

Summary: As an official part of the IC, and an Oristian Illyrian warrior, you heal with your mate as you fight battles for your Court.

Disclaimer: I do not own SJM’s characters or plot lines, only the ones I create for the purpose of this story. This is a work of fiction. I do not give permission to repost my work on any other platform or medium. Please be respectful.

Graphics are my own. If you use, please give credit!

Series Masterlist

Your leg and your wing were the two things that still bothered you. With the infection that took root in your calf, it was harder to heal. Meaning that you now limped just a little, and Madja said it may never fully heal. Your wing, as well, was still healing. The top tendon that went about halfway down your wing snapped. Madja did everything she could to piece it back together, but it was too thin. You could fly short distances. But not in the cold and certainly not with any other weight on you. You worked with Madja, Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel to get the strength back up, but nothing was really working. Not yet. You still had faith your wing would get better and you could fly in the Illyrian ranks one day.

You decided with Azriel that you wanted to wait to offer him food, to accept the mating bond. The flash of hurt in his eyes had you scrabbling to explain you wanted everything to be back to normal, to not be at war. You wanted Feyre here.

You didn’t want a large ceremony. But just a small one with your family. And then Az and you would go up to the mountain cabin and spend however long you needed to officially mate.

So you waited. As much as you wanted to accept the bond and mount him almost every minute of the day, you wanted to have a proper future. You didn’t want to be mated in the middle of a war. The prospect of losing him when the bond was accepted… you didn’t dwell on it too long.

So you waited. And fought alongside your family when the time came. The worst of it was the night Azriel returned with Elain, Feyre, and some human girl. Your heart almost shattered at the look of his wings. How badly he was hurt. Was this what it was like for him when you returned from the Blood Rite?

You sat by his bedside, forcing him down and keeping him from going off to spy or fight or whatever he wanted to do. Because he needed to rest and heal.

You stood on the battlefield as Illyrians died, as Nesta saved Cassian. As Amren unleashed herself onto the army and brought victory to you all. You watched by Azriel’s side as Rhys died, and was then brought back to life when Feyre pleaded for his life.

You spent the next Solstice with them all, watching as Feyre’s sister, Nesta, withdrew into herself more and more each day. You became somewhat friendly with her, while Azriel took to helping Elain. Not nearly as close as she was with Amren, though.

You stayed with Mor and Feyre as the boys had their snowball fight, Azriel coming out the victor (again). You were his reward that night.

Once Solstice had ended, you started planning the mating ceremony. Or dinner, as you called it. You planned to make Azriel’s favorite meal with Nuala and Cerridwen.

Azriel and you also started looking for a new place to live. Feyre and Rhys offered to let you stay in the River House once it was built, but you decided you wanted your own space. You didn’t want the House of Wind or the Town Home. You wanted your home. One you could build with Azriel. Neither of you have ever truly had the ability to call a place your home. It was always owned by others.

So you bought a decent sized home on the River, not too far from the River House, and began making it just that. Your home.

After getting a bed, the dining room was the main thing you focused on. You wanted everything to be perfect because this was where Azriel and you would officially accept the bond. You could technically stay in the house for your mating, but the cabin was better cause there was no one to hear you. And if you knew anything from the past year, it would be that Azriel and you would disturb your neighbors. Maybe even Feyre and Rhys down the street.

Your shadows were still gone. And you knew in your gut you wouldn’t get them back. Not unless something terrible happened.

When you came out of the Rite, you were a different female. You were an Oristian, which many of the Illyrian males wanted to reject, but they couldn’t argue with what was final. Above all else, you weren’t alone anymore. You think the moment you chose to defend your brother, almost dying because of it, was the moment your shadows knew you didn’t need them anymore. You had always been fiercely loyal to your chosen families, but never to your blood.

When you exited that cave many many years ago, you were lonely and desperate. You were lost and didn’t know where to turn, so you found comfort in the darkness and the shadows were the ones to be there for you through everything. But you didn’t need them now. You had your family, chosen and blood (though, it’s still just Varyn that you trusted). And you were finally happy with your life. Your family. You didn’t need the shadows for comfort.

You didn’t think the shadows came to Azriel for the same reason they came to you. Yours was in need of survival while his was a triumph in darkness. A way for him to make the best of the terrible situation he was in. Once you completed the Rite, proved to yourself that you could survive without anyone’s help, the shadows had done their job. They had made sure you were safe. And it was now on you alone to protect yourself.

You couldn’t winnow yet, but you tried every day with your Siphon. It never worked. So you relied on your mate and the rest of your family.

You went to group meetings with the priestesses, helping them through their trauma. And sharing your own. You even saw Gywn at a few of them, and you were glad to see her somewhat happy. Healing. Slowly.

And then came the day you were dreading. Before the mating dinner you wanted to go to Valorworth. First to invite Varyn and Wessian to join the dinner, but also to see your blood family. To announce to the new camp Lord that you would be coming once a week to check on the females’ progress in training. You would be visiting each camp and giving them the next month, to get their acts together before you and Cassian would return to fix it. And to quell the murmurs of rebellion.

You took Azriel’s hand, smiling up at him as he winnowed you both to Valorworth. The rest of the Inner Circle was at the River House. This was something you would do with your mate. And if you needed comfort, a drink, or a night out afterwards, they would be there for you.

You watched from the hill just south of the camp. The same smells from Windhaven were present. But it was different. The air was slightly thinner, higher up in the mountains. Though you weren’t scared. You wore your Illyrian tattoos now, going across your chest, shoulders, and mid back. You were an Oristian. One of the top warriors of Illyria. You were to be a commander of the first female unit in centuries.

You wore your Siphon proudly on your right hand, while the pure black dagger hung on your waist. Twin to Azriel’s Truth Teller. And you had two swords across your back. You took up archery, Rhys and Feyre being the ones to teach you. Rhys taught you how to maneuver the Illyrian bow while Feyre taught you proper aim. You were an Oristian. You would not be afraid of your father and elder brothers. Not when you were higher rank than them. Not when you went through so much to come to this moment.

You greeted the camp Lord, the son of the one that you remember. Marc, the male that your father wanted you to marry 150 years ago. His father died in the final battle against Hybern, and he took the title of camp Lord.

He was surprisingly respectful. Maybe it was your new title. But you bet it was your towering male mate that was scowling at every single person that looked at you the wrong way. Az was itching to accept the bond, and his need to protect you grew only more when you approached your father’s cabin and told him you would be back. He didn’t want to leave you alone with him, but he knew that if something went wrong, he would be there in an instant. And he sent a few shadows with you to be his eyes and ears.

“Father.” You said once you crossed the threshold. He survived the battle and so did your brothers. You weren’t sure whether to be relieved or upset. But chose not to dwell on it for too long. Your older brothers, Corin and Caden, were in the small sitting room as well, monitoring your every move. Scanning you over to see the steel on you. And your Siphon.

“(Y/N)… I see you’re still alive.” He said, standing up. “I’ve missed you. Why haven’t you visited?” He asked, a knowing smirk on his lips. You wouldn’t play into his games.

“You will be seeing much more of me now.”

“Is that so?” He asked and smirked. “Come to infiltrate our camp with your females?”

“No, I’ve come to teach the females how to be the warriors they want to be. If they choose.” You said and glanced around.

“Those your shadows? It’s a poor excuse for a Shadowsinger.” He motioned to Azriel’s shadows that swirled around your feet.

“I don’t need my shadows anymore. I’ve relieved them on their duty.” You said and looked down as Az’s shadows stayed close to you in a protecting manner. One swept up and brushed against the back of your neck in comfort. “These are my mate’s.” You said.

Your father scoffed, shaking his head. “I’m surprised the Spymaster would waste his time on you.”

“Unlike you, Rechard, most males like a female who can protect herself.” You said. “This is not why I’m here. I’m here to inform you that if I so much as hear about you helping these so-called rebels, you better believe I won’t hesitate to kill you. Or maybe I’ll let my mate do it for me, he certainly knows how to take his time with males that have hurt females.”

You turned around, walking straight out the door. They didn’t stop you.

A/N: only one more chapter left! (This format might be off, I’m posting from my phone)

Series Masterlist

Taglist

Tagging:

@cherry-cin @cleverzonkwombatsludge @nickishadow139 @complete-randomness2 @lilah-asteria @tele86 @mybestfriendmademe @mariahoedt @6v6babycheese@secretsthathauntus @krowiathemythologynerd @fightmedraco @he6rtshaker @kayla-rose15 @aelincaddel @mfri06 @hauntedstudentobservationus@brieflyclassymortal @read-write-sleep-startover @krowiathemythologynerd @ialwayscryatendings@chxosangxl @tanyaherondale @randombibitch @plants-w0rld @etsukomoonbeam @riorgail @herondale-lightworm @panther-girl-124

[watchmorecinema]

Yukio Mishima has been trending this week for uh, reasons. He was a world renowned Japanese author and all of his work is overshadowed by his actions on November 25, 1970. You might not want to read more about this guy because he is horrible and disgusting, but he's utterly fascinating and the movie about him is brilliant.

He's a really interesting character, to the point that he sounds fictional. He's gay, obsessed with ritualistic death, a right wing lunatic, led a private militia that was halfway to a cult, and also was a legitimately great author. His life is covered in the film Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters and it's easily the most beautiful film I've seen in my life. Look at the stills I posted above; every frame of this movie looks like that. It's all just a series of beautiful paintings with people living in them.

The way the film is structured is that it tells the story of his life in three ways. His past is told in black and white flashbacks with static cameras. This is closer to how a movie from the 50's would look like (specifically ones directed by Yasujirō Ozu). The events of three of his books are told with this beautifully stylized look, with sets that look like stage plays. The events of November 25, 1970 is told in an almost normal fashion, with regular colors and competent camerawork. The past is nostalgic, the present is mundane and only in fantasy can you truly come alive.

Through this movie we see the ideology of Mishima coming through. His nationalism, his sexual feelings and his thoughts on beauty and death all come together. Death isn't just a violent and tragic end, it is in itself a beautiful act. Beauty is the only true goal of life and creating beauty brings honor. Growing old and ugly is an act of hate; to die at your peak is to give love back to the world. It is therefore treasonous to live long enough to die peacefully. He pities what heaven must look like now; when men died young and beautiful it was paradise, but now it is filled with old men.

This is an objectively insane way to view the world but it is also fascinating. How much of this was what he believed, and how much of it was just begging for attention? In one instance when asked why he moved to the right politically he said "because the left was full". It was a joke answer, but he clearly wanted to be in the spotlight. His shield society was a paramilitary group dedicated to living a virtuous life of beauty, honor and old ideals. It was also a group of good looking, athletic young men led by a (barely) closeted, conservative gay man. So much of his life could have gone differently but also he was pretty much in control the whole time; he was independently wealthy and revered on the world stage. He could do whatever he wanted, and apparently the way his life went *is* what he wanted.

What's special about Mishima, both in the film and in real life, is that he's a smart and eloquent guy. In films the guy with a crazy worldview is someone like Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver or D-Fens from Falling Down. Travis couldn't understand the alienation and loneliness he felt and he couldn't find any healthy solutions. D-Fens was smart enough but not emotionally strong enough to confront his problems or deal with them maturely. These are people that could benefit greatly from therapy (other examples include Joker from Joker, Rupert Pupkin from the King of Comedy, Frank Murdoch from God Bless America, Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, Tyler Durden from Fight Club and so, so many more).

These are either 20 something year olds that are lost in the world, alienated and lonely, or 40 something year olds with a mid life crisis when they realize that everything has fallen apart. People who don't know where to go, or realize it's too late to change things. Travis Bickle had basically no friends, no family, no charisma with women and a lot of rage and anger. D-Fens lost his job, his self respect and was estranged from his ex-wife and daughter. These are people who's lives are shit at best (Patrick Bateman is a bit of a subversion. He is rich and successful, but his life is completely hollow, his relationships are shallow and he personally is very, very pathetic. I need to write about American Psycho later that film is great too.).

Mishima is different. He's smart enough to understand his issues and how to find help. He's got the money and means to do so. He's famous and rich enough that he could basically get away with anything weird or eccentric so long as it was harmless. On the world stage he was a popular author, and at home he led a life of political activism. If he was unhappy he could easily find healthy ways to fix it. His self destruction was the most avoidable of any of them, yet he's the only one that existed in real life. You expect these people to have serious personality flaws and unfixable (or seemingly unfixable) problems, not to be poetic writers that adhere to healthy living and regularly journal about their emotions, while enjoying respect from their peers and fulfillment in their work.

It's a hell of a film. Paul Schrader has not written or directed anything better (he actually wrote Taxi Driver too, so he had some experience with this type of character before) and it stands out as an incredible experience to watch. Like, Mishima's life is public knowledge and you can probably guess how it went, but I've purposefully not said what happened on November 25, 1970 because I don't want to spoil it. It's an event that actually happened but it's better for you to find out via the film than some wikipedia page.

[quetzalpapalotl]

Mikey: But that, you know, you bring up Prime, how do you view him in the middle of this? Because he's certainly the, probably the most debated version of the character I've ever seen. John Barber: Yeah, I mean… I hope so, I think he is… When I first started this stuff and I went back and I read all the IDW comics and tried to get a beat on who some of the characters were, and to some degree, kind of really tried to think through like, what if all this stuff happened? Even though in the concrete reality of the way the comics were made, Optimus acts differently because a different writer wrote him, you know. But in real life we don't always act the same. We act differently around different people even if we are intrinsically the same person at any point, we aren't as consistent as fictional characters are. So there's an element of reality to that that was kind of interesting and I was kind of trying to figure out, well, look if you have the way Mike Costa was writing him, plus the way Simon Furman was writing him and… gotta blame everything on Mike and Simon (laughs). But like, you know, and then a big dose of who do I think he is. And he wasn't in the first, year of RID, you know, a little longer than that even, first year and a half or so, two years almost. So it wasn't like I was-, I knew he would be there at some point, but it wasn't like… I mean, excuse me, I knew that if the series didn't get cancelled, he would be there at some point. But I didn't know that would happen, I didn't know we'd wind up going as long as we did. But yeah, so gave me some time to think about, you know, a guy that was a great war leader and somebody trying to be a good person, somebody that's not trying to do villainous things ever. I don't think that's ever a thing that he does, but in a reality where a lot of times there isn't a right choice, there's just a less wrong choice, you know, what choices can you have when being right is what you're all about? You know, like, when the honor and goodness is the main thing with you, where do you, I don't know, how do you maintain that in a world where the idea of right has shifted?

From: Moonbase 2 Interview John Barber 2018

[alexitheslayer02]

Fandoms: Please Read, I will rant a bit, but this is also a thank you to Lies of P and Jttw fans/fandoms. Be patient with me because I do go on a tangent hhh

So far, the fandoms I felt the most comfortable around have been the Lies of P fandom and the Jttw fandoms. I have not felt unwelcome with these fandoms, and that is a first. For context. I have seen Bnha (or Mha, aka. My Hero Academia), Creepypasta, ASOIAF/GoT. [Note: I'm a former member of Quotev, and I was young when I started interacting with fandoms. I was like, eleven to twelve, and not supposed to be on the internet at that time] Now, I know people have to know about some of these fandoms. Some are fairly infamous. My experiences with the ones mentioned above, specifically bnha and creepypasta, have lead me to say things like "I am a fan of the media, but I am NOT part of the fandom", because I never really felt welcome in the fandom, OR, people assumed things about BECAUSE I was in the fandom. For example. Bnha. Now, I hate confrontations. I hate conflict, and I just don't like to get involved in it. And I honestly could not care less what people ship because it's none of my business, that's their business and it's fictional characters. Bnha had the BIGGEST ship war I have ever seen when i got into the fandom. The war of Bakudeku was intense and brutal, to the point where I was like "fuck this shit I'm out". Cause some folks got mad at me for trying to play Switzerland.

Now, Creepypasta. This was my first fandom, and the people I met and interacted with were, thankfully, the chill half of the fandom. The casual enjoyers of the stories. This was during my phase when I was really into horror. I still am in all honesty. I watched horror films a lot. My dad is a big fan of horror. Specifically, my first slasher film was the og A Nightmare on Elm Street. Then my first paranormal film was The Conjuring. So there we go. Now, my problem here was, I was chill. I just found the stories fascinating as an aspiring writer. The characters were interesting to me at the time. My favorite was Candy Pop and BEN Drowned. What happened was people harassed me for being a fan. Cause apparently the fandom is infamous for being, fanatically, unhinged. These strangers, whom I never interacted with, claimed I was a "murder simp" because my account was BEN Drowned themed at that time. I would never simp after a murderer. I know the difference between right and wrong. But apparently, these people were so convinced of my supposed guilt, that they reported me, and I had to create a new account on Quotev, (you can join Q without an email). I never went Creepypasta themed again, because I was scared of getting harassed again, and I almost lost complete contact with my girlfriend (we were only friends back then, again, I was twelve at the time).

In the more recent months. ASOIAF has been frustrating to me. It has amazing fanart. I adore the series. My favorite characters are Robb, Arya, and Jon. I fucking hate so many of the fans though. Specifically how they talk about GRRM when it comes to Winds of Winter, like... I get it. You want to read the book, some of you have been waiting a long ass time. But as an aspiring writer, and someone who tries to be a decent person, it deeply bothers how they treat the man. WRITING IS HARD. The man was depressed because he had friends die back to back and had to rewrite the entire book. And I doubt anyone saying "he'll die before he finishes the series" is helping anything! Patrick Rothfuss' fans are another fanbase I have a grudge against for how they treat the author, and I have not even read Mr. Rothfuss' books. That man is a manic depressive and a perfectionist, yet fans keep shit talking him for not completing his book. WTF people, what is wrong with these so called 'fans'? Shit talking is not gonna make people write faster, in fact, if I was the writer anyway, I would be less inclined to write with those people on my case, I would get depressed! *cough*

Anyway.... I digress. I have problems with ASOIAF fans. SO what was the point of me bringing those other fandoms up? Because Lies of P and Black Myth Wukong fandoms have been so nice and so chill with their own brand of chaos that is honestly beautiful. Literally when it comes to the fanart cause my LORD these two fandoms in particular have some GORGEOUS fanart, I absolutely ADORE these artists! And like, they've been so welcoming as well. While I have not directly interacted with a lot of Lies of P fans, since it was before I officially started blogging, but I met some really nice people in comments. As for jttw, when I started blogging my reading progress with Journey to the West, I had a really fun conversation with someone who read it before. And when I saw a particularly gorgeous piece of fanart (it was for lmk, which I still have yet to watch), and the artist and I had a fun conversation as well about art and the show in question. WHICH, if I can find it, I will watch it with my little brother. I am intrigued because of what the artist said, I also talked to my girlfriend about it, and she said it was good. So don't worry lmk fandom, I'm gonna be on it soon. But yes. The Lies of P, and Jttw fandoms (including Lmk and Black Myth: Wukong, cause it all sort of merged into a beautiful amalgamation XD) have been real nice to me as far as first impressions go, and it is such a huge relief to me. This is one of the few times I can say I actually feel part of the fandom instead of a "fucking tourist" (as the Dragon Age devs would call me -_-)

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to these wonderful, chaotic people ^^ Some honorable mentions to certain people I talked to. (@un-dermask by the way is the artist in question. I highly recommend checking them out, they have some beautiful artwork for lmk, as well as an interesting au for the undertale fans)

(@weaverworks is the kind soul whom I spoke to while blogging my Journey to West progress. DON'T WORRY, I will continue to read it. I just have some work to get done. Though I don't guarantee I will blog it as much as I did yesterday. We'll see.)

[natlacentral]

'I've got to pinch myself': Paul Sun-Hyung Lee on playing Iroh in 'Avatar: The Last Airbender'

Presumably the people outside a local car dealership a couple of years ago who heard Paul Sun-Hyung Lee let out a “huge whoop” during a phone call with his agent didn't fully grasp the significance of that celebratory sound.

The Toronto actor beloved as the internet’s “Appa” thanks to “Kim’s Convenience” and a popular part of the “Star Wars” universe, too, was about to become the internet’s favourite uncle.

Lee had landed the role of Uncle Iroh in “Avatar: the Last Airbender,” Netflix’s much anticipated live-action reimagining of a well loved animated series (not to be confused with James Cameron’s “Avatar” films).

“Honestly, I have moments where I think I’ve got to pinch myself because, even as a youngster, I never would have believed that I could be a part of these things, because I never saw anybody who looked like me reflected in any of these shows,” the Korean Canadian actor said, reflecting on his roles in “Airbender” and the “Star Wars” spinoffs “The Mandalorian” and “Ahsoka,” in which he plays the popular Captain Carson Teva.

As Iroh in “Airbender,” Lee has stepped into the robes of another fan favourite character.

First, a bit of a primer: “Avatar: The Last Airbender,” which debuts Thursday, is about a 12-year-old boy, the “Avatar” of the title, on a quest to save the world from the rapacious Fire Nation, which has gone to war with the Earth, Water and Air peoples. Despite his youth, Avatar Aang (played by Vancouver actor Gordon Cormier) is a powerful “bender,” honing his ability to manipulate air, water, earth and fire.

Aang and his friends — Katara, a water bender (played by Indigenous Canadian Kiawentiio), and her brother, Sokka (American actor Ian Ousley) — are being hunted by fire bender Prince Zuko (American Dallas Liu), who’s accompanied by his wise and compassionate Uncle Iroh, himself a fire bender and a former Fire Nation general.

If that all sounds kind of geeky, well, that’s right up Lee’s alley.

The 51-year-old has well-established nerd bona fides as a fan of “Star Wars” and other science fiction (he shares his love of the genre on his Bitterasiandude Inc. YouTube channel). He caught up with the original “Avatar: The Last Airbender” (which aired on Nickelodeon from 2005 to 2008, then moved to Netflix) while he was still working on the CBC comedy “Kim’s Convenience” (2016-21), in which he played a South Korean immigrant who runs a convenience store in Toronto. 

In 2018, as new fans were discovering “Kim’s” worldwide after the series moved to Netflix, the streaming giant announced its remake of “Airbender,” setting in motion Lee's ascent into another dream role. 

“Almost immediately I got fan casted (as Iroh) by all these people on the internet,” Lee said in a Zoom interview. “I was very, very flattered, but I was doing ‘Kim’s.’”

A few years later, though, “Kim’s” had ended and Lee got an audition for what was billed as a basketball movie called “Blue Dawn,” as a coach who had come out of retirement to guide his nephew.

Although he’s “more of a baseball, hockey guy,” Lee taped the audition and then forgot about it, until a callback a couple of months later. Except now, the retired basketball coach Howard was named Iroh.

“There’s only one Iroh that I know of,” said Lee. “And so I remember thinking, ‘Oh my God, this is for “Avatar”’ … right away I got super nervous. The stakes went up and I really wanted this part.”

But, after doing a chemistry read with Liu and not hearing anything for a couple of weeks, Lee assumed he had missed out on the role, which is part of the lot of an actor … until his agent called just as Lee and his wife were about to sign a lease on a new vehicle.

“So I excused myself, leaving the salesman completely befuddled. I went outside and that’s when I learned that I landed the role. And immediately let out this huge whoop. I had forgotten that I was in a public area and there were lots of people outside, and they all suddenly looked at me and I said, ‘It’s OK. It’s good news. It’s great news.’”

There was one more hurdle to overcome, though. 

“Airbender,” which shoots in Vancouver, overlapped Lee’s schedule for “The Mandalorian,” which films in Los Angeles. And playing Iroh meant shaving off the middle part of the moustache that Lee sports as Captain Teva.

“Luckily I was able to have my cake and eat it at the same time,” said Lee. “Lucasfilm was like, ‘Oh, we’ll just build him a little fake moustache to put on while he’s shooting (“The Mandalorian”).’”

Lee isn’t certain how familiar the producers of “Airbender” were with his work on “Kim’s Convenience” — it's an established fact that “Mandalorian” producer and director Dave Filoni was a “Kim’s” fan before he cast Lee — but he considers his latest job to be another of the many blessings accruing from the CBC series.

“‘Kim’s Convenience’ was such a wonderful launching pad for my career,” Lee said. “I mean, that show was kind of my coming out party in terms of the film and TV world.”

Lee, who was born in South Korea but immigrated to Canada with his parents when still an infant, struggled to find good film and TV roles as a young actor in the 1990s and early aughts. 

After graduating from drama school at the University of Toronto, he did a lot of theatre work, but onscreen “I played a lot of doctors, a lot of store clerks, a lot of window dressing-type caricatures, not characters.”

And yet, he persisted. 

Despite not seeing himself reflected in the television he devoured as a kid and from which he developed his love of storytelling, “I thought, well, heck, if there’s nobody (else Asian) out there, maybe there’s a shot for me to get in … that was kind of foolish thinking because maybe you’re the only one because a lot of people have tried and haven’t been able to get through. But I was just too stupid and too stubborn to quit, so just kept at it.”

Now Lee hopes to provide inspiration for the young Asian actors coming up behind him.

On the set of “Airbender,” which has many Asian actors in its cast, Lee became particularly close with Liu, the 22-year-old Chinese-Indonesian-American actor playing his beloved nephew. Just as Iroh is protective of Zuko, for whom he becomes a surrogate father, Lee said he wanted to nurture Liu.

“Every chance that I got to just sort of give him little pearls of wisdom based on my experiences … I couldn’t help but want to see him succeed,” Lee said. “This kid is a superstar,” he added.

Now that Lee himself is part of two much-loved pop culture franchises, “my cup runneth over,” but he still has entries on his acting bucket list.

“Not to sound greedy, but I’d love to do ‘Star Trek’ because that's filming right in our backyard. I’d love to do a ‘Ghostbusters.’ All those geeky playgrounds I never got a chance to play in. I want to be in a rom-com. I want to be in a Western, the genres that I grew up watching …

“But I’ll take it as it comes and I’m grateful for what I have. And if this is the only thing I ever do again I will be thankful for it because a lot of people don’t get these opportunities.”

[farawaysoph-ie]

The Sunshine Court Incoherent Whatever (pt.1)

Okay. Okay.

I just finished The Sunshine Court and 1) Jean Moreau what have you done to me? 2) Jean Moreau what have(n't) they done to you?

I started this, then went and re-read tkm (bc the obsession was always latent and never gone), so I could compare both Neil and Jean pov and well, suffice to say I'm not okay and I feel too much.

Thank you Nora Sakavic, it was painful and amazing.

I have a long train ride so I might as well bring back my incoherent whatever after *checks the notes* 4 years :')

As always this will be so full of spoilers.

(Unrelated spoiler: the train ride wasn't enough)

Let's start with the general:

After loving Neil maybe too much the shift to Jean took awhile to adjust to but now I'm ready to fight at least three mafia families, every single hater (fictional or otherwise) and the FBI for him

Jeremy Knox was everything, but like everyone on here, what are you hiding Jeremy?? What's going on??

Cat and Laila, my beloved ™️ the care these two effortlessly gave made me cry

This whole book was a serious trigger for me, but I'm in too deep with this series, imagine me like that Simpsons meme, I did it for my new french son

Characters, thoughts:

I said before the Ravens were a cult, but I hadn't really understood that statement. Every time Jean spoke of them it hit deeper and deeper how messed up and unfair it all was.

Boy am I happy that Riko is dead, like I didn't really wish anyone the fate of being shot by an unfeeling older brother, until Jean's pov hit me like a high speed train.

Andrew spoke exactly one word in this, still was iconic and a scene stealer, how in character for him

I forgot how much I always want to slap Kevin Day when he's trying his best to be annoying, it's because I love him, I swear! (But seriously his relationship with Jean is so complex and well executed I will think about it for a very long while)

I didn't give much thought to Renee and Jean relationship in tkm, but it broke my heart here, it's when I started to actually tear up, I love them so much rainbows, a cool evening breeze. I can't.

"Tell me something"

"Where are you now?"

The whole dynamic of the Cat&Laila& sometimesJeremy's apartment

Cat teaching Jean how to cook + motorbike ride (open roads)

Laila taking him to shopping

Jeremy wanting to make Jean Moreau the Person his success story

Neil dragging Jean towards survival without giving him a choice, again and again: he sent Renee as gentle bait, closed a deal in his name with a mafia boss, promised him he would win against Riko in his name too, promised him again Riko was dead, ordered a hit on his rapist, offered to delay the talk with the FBI, linked his sister to his name, to survival and to what he deserved. I NEED more interactions between them, I am not above begging.

I have to get a better idea on the other Trojans, but for now the policule was cute, I need more Cody and less Lucas. Like I can understand where he was coming from? But he needs to shut up now, you made your mess man, now go play Exy like you were supposed to.

I miss the Foxes :'(

Wymack! I almost forgot everyone's favourite dad-coach: he showed up, brought alcohol, got more tired, delivered care to yet another traumatized child, spent a whole day on airplanes to bring him to Los Angeles, left him money for clothes&co. bc he's not doing this again, answered his call when he was having The Breakdown. Best dad-coach ever in the history of dad-coaches.

Plot things:

Jean at the beginning was so scared and in so much pain it took a while to get a clear picture of him as a person

Still loved all his salty comments and insults, he couldn't help himself

Renee sitting with him and caring with Abby and Wymack :')

Jean being afraid of going back and of not going back to Evermore, hating the ones that got to leave

The self harm and all the people in this that fought him to keep his hands from his neck, his scars, himself

"I am Jean Moreau. My place is at Evermore. I will endure."

Jean not believing in Wymack care, waiting for the act to end and the other shoe to drop

The disbelief at Kevin being away from the court and him admitting he went at knifepoint (and meaning it literally), sometimes this was a comedy

Wymack, Jean, and the burning of houses

Jean's opinion of the Foxes going from those mediocre fools to those mediocre madmen to the madmen that actually beat Riko Moriyama

Wymack putting Jean's phone in the freezer and hating computers

“That man is years overdue for a high-speed, head-on collision.” couldn't have said it better, but Neil was already on it at that point

"Jean knew better than to look for anger in his stare; the best Kevin could manage was bottomless guilt."

“It was my only chance,” Kevin said. “I knew you wouldn’t come with me.” “My place is at Evermore,” Jean agreed, “but you did not have to slit my throat on the way out.”

“Your blind loyalty to those clowns is exhausting.” “Some of them you like,” Kevin reminded him. “Don’t you dare,”

Nathaniel "Hello Jean" Wesninski vs Jean "Go away" Moreau

This whole conversation went very differently compared to tkm: like there Neil came, dropped a metaphorical bomb, glossed over the explanation and went away trying to convince Andrew they are something

Jean was ambushed by two of his most complicated acquaintances (???) and their "pet goalkeeper" (god I need Andrew's reaction to this "nickname", but I guess no one will ever say this to his face, Neil would be too busy fighting you at the suggestion to ever repeat it), had his worldwiew turned upside down with no chance of having a say in the matter, then was left alone with Kevin Day and the aftermath.

So yes two different conversation; also I kinda forgot of the deal about Neil and his smile

“Everyone who has tried to tame him has failed.”

All for the game: a summary

There was no getting away; there was only getting through.

Jean Moreau who (hasn't) hurt you, part some of too many

What really makes it messed up is that on one hand there was Riko and his mad cruelty and on the other there was an entire team of bystanders At Best: some people were an active part and then pretended, no sympathy for them; others decided to ignore the truth to survive and get what they wanted, which I can understand but I guess they still didn't have the decency to shut up when Jean got away. The anger that crawled through my skin when the smear campaign and the notebook/postcards/magnets thing happened. You should have stayed silent until the end you fucks.

“Do it, then. It wouldn’t take much; we all know I have brittle bones.”

Jeremy pov kinda gave you whiplash, with him waking up super early, helping homeless men, but then you start noticing all the things he avoids almost effortlessly and like, what are you hiding sunshine man??

What actually broke me about his povs was him noticing all these details about Jean, and then misinterpreting them, bc whatever he's been through Jean has had it 100 times worse and this doesn't even factor in Jeremy world. I'm pretty sure he'll get the whole truth in the end and I'm scared of what it'll do to him.

Also Jean being like Ravens always had to keep secrets and then spilling most of them almost unprompted, let's laugh in order not to cry

“He hasn’t played a clean game in years,” Kevin admitted, “but he knows how to follow orders. If you tell him to submit, he will.” “Literally the most awkward way you could’ve worded it,” Jeremy said.

This will keep coming back, Kevin please. (He 100% ships it, one of us)

The Foxes catching the too tired Trojans and Jeremy being like, you are all approved (I need the two teams to interact now)

Also the Trojans being like how are they still standing, Neil how are you still running??

Someone pointed out they wanted Neil to interact with Jeans closest teammates bc if he is a madman by Jean standards, what would normal people make of him? To which yes, but also guys consider this: Neil said to Cat and Laila that they were terrifying after the semifinal, he took a step back when Jeremy opened the door and silently invited him in. I need Neil and the floozies to interact so Neil can experience real fear.

Mafia bosses have nothing on wholesome people, the true weakness of one Neil Josten

Jean immediately hanging up on Jeremy will never not be funny

When you get to the title of the book and it's Jean insulting people <3

I will Never, NEVER, get over the "nineteen". Never.

I love Abby but when she told that bit about fighting back, It Hurt. She probably didn't really mean it and didn't know everything bc how are you supposed to keep fighting when you are fifteen, alone and forsaken in a place that is built to break you? As it has been pointed out, Neil had rebellion beaten into him by a mother that chose him and ran; Jean had a sister that he hoped to protect and parents that sold him away like property. Five months were actually a long time.

Dobson keeps being iconic, I don't know what to think about the I don't know how exy works bit: I mean I've been obsessing with this and still don't know how exy works (plz don't hate me), but at the same time it was such a power move and got Jean to talk

“Of course it’d be you, you tedious malcontent.” “Good morning to you, too.” Nathaniel held up an oversized bandage.

You see why I need more of their interactions, right?

Nathaniel was different; he always would be. He wasn’t a Raven, but he was, same as Jean. He was Jean’s misplaced forever partner, an unfulfilled promise Jean had stopped believing in years ago.

You can now be forever partners while you tear down your families :)

I think that I'm stuck on the two of them bc while Kevin broke a promise to save himself (to which no hate, when dealing with madmen like Riko you have to save yourself) and still couldn't, not completely, Neil was a promise made and broken by other people. Jean hates him bc they were supposed to share a destiny and all the misery, but I think very deep down he knows that if Nathaniel had come to the Nest they would still be nursing wounds and appeasing a tyrant. Neil is the one that stood against Riko when Kevin wanted to hide, the one that gave him courage by example, the one that dragged Jean away from the Ravens, both for selfish reasons (taking down Riko) and better ones (paying him back for saving his life a the Nest).

But still

“You are only here now because you are an abominable cockroach,”

Funny how Neil forgot to tell us about the breakdown about Kevin's tattoo, he was probably thinking about the match. Junkie.

The cheese drawer guys, ???

To this day I still can't decide what was more iconic: Kevin Day switching playing hand halfway through the game and pretty much scoring everything until the last second, Neil being so fast that it made up for him being a shitty defender, Andrew crossing the court to keep Neil from being murdered (I'm biased, but still iconic moments all of them)

Experiencing this match from Jean's pov was amazing writing, like the countdown of the last ten seconds, the Riko-Neil bit without volume but from a different angle (I didn't really realize everyone was able to see the King attempting murder live on TV, but hey perspective)

Run, Jean thought. He didn't know if he was thinking it at Andrew or Nathaniel. Run.

"That wasn't a miracle," Jean typed out. "That was the Foxes."

:')

When Jean found about Riko though :'(

The shudder that wracked his chest should have been revulsion, but it fell dangerously short. This didn't feel like joy or relief; it only felt like loss. [...] Who was he without them?"

I loved that he woke up to Renee and Neil though, the rainbow and the witness

Renee always hitting the point, this wonderful girl

"Maybe you're mourning the wreckage he made of your life. You're allowed to grieve what he took from you."

"It's impressive, isn't it? How easily these monsters die in the end."

Neil Abram Josten said I'm done letting monsters ruin my life and my people, he actually promised.

When he called him Neil guys, tears

Also I found peculiar that when thinking about the room he destroyed Jean calls it "Neil's dorm room", not Kevin's who he's known for actually longer. It's what makes me think that they have a chance at not being misplaced forever anymore.

Renee either hits you with hidden wisdom of the universe or with practical and brutal advice, and we love her for that

The two of them, the Two Of THEEEEEEEEM

Jean noticed how Andrew and Neil moved like they were caught in each other's gravity, in each other's space more than they were out of it, cigarette smoke and matching armbands and lingering looks when one fell out of orbit for too long.

Just leaving this here.

The airport bit :'(

"Men like Wymack didn't exist. They couldn't; they shouldn't."

Enter Jeremy Knox and his yo-yo in the middle of said airport. Flawless.

This man was put on Earth to test Jean, at least that's what he will keep thinking from here on

The rest of this book is Jean having conversations with people and not understanding them, bc he's been living for five (seven) years in a cult. It is an escalation pretty painful to watch, I think the Trojans are all of us :'(

Question: will Jean end up teaching Jeremy French? Will Jeremy learn by himself? I think I'd probably prefer the latter

Cat, the mess, the music, the tour, I love her so much

Jeremy "he's a little off" Knox, he was trying

Barkbark von Barkenstein

Jean Moreau and the real world (bubble tea? you have to shop for stuff? you sign things yourself? you leave campus? someone help this disoriented french bean)

"Something had gone horribly wrong at Evermore"

oh Jeremy

Watching Jeremy regret almost all his questions :'(

“Three fractured ribs. Sprained LCL. Twisted ankle. Broken nose. That’s most of it.” That’s most of it.

Laila, who pushed and got angry for Jean and didn't back down despite him lashing out, my beloved

You look like a Ken doll." + "This isn't blond."

"Not Grayson.[...] Please." that one made me sick, the writing made me feel even only a part of what Jean was feeling and it was enough to feel sick

The water :'(

Jean just leaving when confronted with Laila and Jeremy in swimsuits was very bi of him

Lucas coming in looking like a well know nightmare and the Ravens dropping like flies

I didn't ask.

It's not like I didn't know, right? But I still died inside

Zane and the betrayal

Jeremy didn’t let him get away with it. “That’s not the issue and you know it. I don’t want to crowd you.” “You are not them,” Jean said. “Kevin would not have sent me here if you were.”

Jean taking one look at the doctor sent by the coaches and going nope, Dobson will be definitely better

Jeremy seeing the nightmares and the scars and not being able to do much:(

A hand on his chin startled him into looking up. When he met Jean’s eyes, Jean only said, “Focus on what’s important.” “I am,” Jeremy said. Jean opened his mouth, closed it again, and let go of Jeremy without a word. Jeremy snagged his arm when he started to turn away. “Who did this to you?”

I'm sorry did he just

“It’s not about size, anyway.” “Defensive,” Jean said, tugging his glove straps with his teeth. Jeremy straightened in indignation. “I don’t have anything to be defensive about.” Jean lost his grip and bit his lip, and Jeremy hurried on before either of them could think too much about that double entendre.

“Say ‘yes, Jeremy’.” He had the distinct impression Jean wanted to roll his eyes. “Yes, Jeremy.” Jeremy forgot everything else he could have said in favor of staring. It was the first time he’d heard Jean say his name.

Are you seeing this? Yes? Good, let's go on

“If I ever make you uncomfortable or make you feel unsafe, will you promise to tell me? If you don’t trust me enough to tell me what’s wrong and why, at least trust me enough to tell me that something is wrong. I can’t fix things if I don’t know there’s a problem. As your captain and your partner, don’t I at least deserve the chance to not be a villain in your story?”

The pool bit :'( and after when they tell there are no pools at Evermore. Riko is so lucky to already be dead :)

You’re forcing us to hurt you without giving us any say in the matter.”

Watching Jean trying to navigate his interactions with the Trojans was painful, frustrating but also hopeful. This boy has been hurt so much and so often, he doesn't get what normal looks like anymore. But the Trojans don't let him get away with it (even if it breaks their heart and the coaches will probably get a lot of grey hair from this)

"Your safety and happiness will always be more important than our season.” “You are naïve.” “Maybe you’ll define success by how we do this season, but I’m not obligated to do the same. You are going to be my success story: Jean Moreau the person, not Jean Moreau of the perfect Court. You take care of one, and I’ll take care of the other.” “That is not how it works.” “Is there a rule against it?” “There is no merit to it. This is all I am.” Jeremy ignored that and asked again, “Is there a rule against it?”

Jeremy gay panicking and the photo of Renee

The floozy line!

Every time Jeremy goes "our coaches" or "our teammates" all I can think in my head is "someone will die" "of fun!!!!"

Jean wondering if the Trojans have something against recruiting tall players xD

“Thank you for worrying about them. You’re a good man, Jean Moreau.” “A ridiculous sentiment,” he said. “I mean it,”

This man didn't even second guess himself, he had to ask because he knew and it didn't even occur to him to be silent. Excuse me sir? Shut up you are a good man

“I assumed the Trojans were idiots,” Jean said. “Now I think you are all insane.” “It’s a step up,” Cody said. “I’ll take it.”

The practices, the scars pt2

“It is all I am, Coach.”

“We did not want outsiders at Evermore.” “Except Neil,” Cat said. “Neil was a special case,” Jean allowed.

#accurate

You’re hurting me.” “It has been toward for five years,” Jean said, looking past Jeremy at the scrimmage that was still going on without them. “It is not that easy to undo.” Jeremy frowned at him and echoed, “Five? You were only with the Ravens for three.” “I moved into Evermore two years before I enrolled,” Jean said, and hauled Jeremy to one side. The stray ball that had been coming for them ricocheted off his chest instead of Jeremy’s back, and Jean scooped it up on the rebound with a quick snap of his wrist. He hurled it across the court toward Cody one-handed before finally letting go of Jeremy. “I will try harder.”

The notebooks breakdown hurt so bad bc Cat and Laila being angry for him (they are all of us), Jeremy trying to mediate bc he's been there, he pushed and Jean broke and he doesn't want to hurt him, and Jean who confesses his secrets without meaning to, just to realize and panic. What a recipe for a disaster.

“How dare they blame you for anything after what they did to you. How dare you grieve them.” It hit like a sucker punch, but Jean’s frustrated rejoinder was worse: “They don’t know.”

They don't know, but they could guess. They could smell the blood. They joked about his brittle bones. He was sixteen. I'm not sorry for the mercy I don't have after finishing this book

Jeremy could only watch in wretched silence as Jean tried to walk himself back from the edge. He cast his phone aside in favor of catching Jean’s face in his hands, and the way Jean flinched at his touch was almost his undoing. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Hey. Jean. Look at me.” Jean refused, and Jeremy grasped desperately for anything that could bring Jean back to him. He seized on the only thing he could and threw Jean’s words back at him: “You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner. We’re supposed to be doing this together, aren’t we? Stop leaving me behind. Look at me.” It wouldn’t work, but it did. Jean opened his eyes to meet Jeremy’s stare. “I told you not to ask me about him.”

I had seen the quote before reading but no one told me what followed ç.ç

He felt a tremor in Jean’s hands, and for a blinding moment he was sure Jean would lean into the safety of this silent confession. But Jean only sucked in a slow breath and said, “Now I am not safe with you, captain.” Letting go of Jean was the hardest thing Jeremy had ever done. Everything in him railed against this, and for a moment he regretted giving Jean a way out.

I was not crying, I swear.

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said, because he didn’t have the strength for small talk or a softer approach right now. “Did Riko break your hand?”

That was one heavy conversation and it's just the start (Jeremy is Not Fine™️)

He is not used to having a voice, and he has never had power. I cannot promise he will ever talk to you.” “I will wait as long as it takes,” Jeremy said.

Still best boy

And maybe in many ways he still was, but a martyr could still be a monster when the cameras weren’t rolling.

Boy do I have news for you (do you think Jeremy will know that Riko didn't kill himself? Does it matter? I think not knowing this particular detail would be fine, I still don't really know how much this sunshine boy can take (more than I expected but still))

Did I mention that I really love the apartment trio? Cat and Laila agreeing to silence but still being angry (drag them girls, draaaaag them), the dinner and movie and Jean not getting up to leave

Did I mention Lucas is free to shut up and play? :) Because I get that you are angry, but 1) it's not your decision to make, we don't need your conspiracy theories 2) it's not Jean problem, he has enough of them leave him alone

“Ask him why he’s so sure the rumors are true. Ask him what his part in it was. If you’re going to believe him just because he’s blood, then at least make him tell you the truth.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Lucas demanded.

And Jean still deciding not to lie, he may be an asshole but almost everyone he has known didn't deserve him

Also I don't know where Lucas got the audacity? You think there is something the justifies breaking a player's ribs?? What is wrong with you, you are part of the sunshine court

The dread when asking if Grayson was home

The bike ride :')

Now that they were settled, he expected an interrogation or a reason for this unscheduled trip out. When she failed to explain herself, Jean finally asked, “Why are we here?” “I love it here,” [...] “I don’t know. I just felt like some fresh air would do you good. There’s nothing like a ride to get you out of your head and into the moment, you know?” Jean considered that for a minute. “Thank you.”

Jean waited until he was out of earshot. “I don’t understand.” “Trust us,” Jeremy said tiredly. “Neither do we.”

Jean vs the Trojans, a summary

The monster shows up and it was a mess and Jean has never had a break, literally never

Which was extremely literal bc Lucas wanted to talk and then Neil shows up

I need a separate post for the last pages bc I started this 24 h ago and I want to do it justice. So part 2 coming.

Edit: I misspelled Jean's surname *facepalms and goes to hide*

[saucy-mesothelioma]

I wanted to compile a very short list of some of my favorite M*A*S*H scenes and why I love them so much. It's a long post, so everything will be under the cut

Winchester and the Pianist. Season 8, Episode 19, "Morale Victory":

This was the scene that made me truly fall in love with Charles's character. This was his third season on the show, and in my mind he was still "Frank's cooler replacement"- stuck up but not as insufferable. He had his moments of course, but none of them truly got to me like this scene. Stiers puts the perfect amount of subtle passion that Charles has for the fine arts and uses that to not only connect with Private Sheridan, but with the audience as well. Charles, with all of his haughtiness that was very prevalent in his earliest seasons, went beyond caring for Sheridan's physical injuries but also the blows to his sense of purpose. He sees a man with as much passion for the arts as him, and he's determined to show Private Sheridan how much he really is capable of. He wants to keep that passion alive in the face of hardship, and the look on his face when he sits back and listens to Private Sheridan play says it all. He's done more that repair a man in the literal sense, but he's also done so with a man's hope. It was the turning point that made me see Charles as not just Frank's replacement in matters of minor antagonism and subject of Hawkeye and BJ's antics, but truly as his own character with so much more to him.

Father Mulcahy's Interview. Season 4, Episode 24, "The Interview":

This story was based on something a real army doctor that served in a Korean M*A*S*H unit told the writers, and it's such a visceral picture that even rewatching it I have to just stop and take it all in. And it's just a fragment of the horrible conditions that the doctors, the soldiers, the locals, and pretty much anyone in the line of fire in Korea at the time had to deal with. This show might be a dramady showing some of the antics of a fictionalized army hospital, but this is one of those moments where the show really just pulls you into the stark reminder that not everything they talk about or show in this series is fake. Despite all of the jokes and slapstick, at its core M*A*S*H is an anti-war commentary and it makes no attempts to hide it. This episode just happened to be one of the earlier instances where the majority of the comedy was removed in favor of really highlighting the brutality of war. Scenes like this cut deep, and that's exactly what they're supposed to do.

Sometimes You Hear The Bullet. Season 1, Episode 17, "Sometimes You Hear The Bullet":

I'm not afraid to admit that this scene made me cry. Not a full-out cry, but the kind that hits you so hard that you barely even register the fact that you're crying until you're already doing it. Even now I'm having trouble conveying how this scene makes me feel into words. It's another one of those scenes that holds nothing back when it comes to the message that war is a taker of so many lives, and it doesn't discriminate with its victims. Hawkeye's frustration with his disassociation with the deaths of his patients is just heart-wrenching, especially since it's something he essentially has to do because it's his job: "I've watched guys die almost every day. Why didn't I ever cry for them?". You can tell that it's not only the death of his friend that's affecting him, it's the fact that his job has forced him to distance himself to the idea that the people he operates on every day are people with lives, hopes, and dreams. When he's confronted with the death of a friend who died just as so many soldiers before him, Hawkeye is reminded of the fact that the soldiers suffering from unimaginable injuries that he operates on every day were just like him. It's a realization that I couldn't possibly fathom dealing with, and yet it's one that Hawkeye has to deal with every time he's in the operating room.

Through the Wisecracks. Season 11, Episode 5, "Who Knew?":

This episode is the one that hits me hard the most. I think what gets me about this episode is how it reminds me of the people in war who remain forgotten: the nameless soldiers, locals, surgeons, company clerks, and many others. And I think that's the point. We never see Millie. She is a faceless character who we know little to nothing about, and the people at the 4077th know little to nothing about her either. It's only when Hawkeye puts in the effort to learn about her and to read her diary, that Millie is given substance. We learn as Hawkeye learns, and it hurts for both him and the viewer. She almost went forgotten, just another casualty among a million other causalities, but someone took the time to remember her, and that's more than can be said about so many who died in war. Another thing that gets be about this episode is the same lesson Hawkeye learns: to care about each other and let the people you love know you care, because someday it might be too late for that. Millie was too shy to get close to anyone at the 4077th, so Hawkeye never knew that she cared about him until it was too late. Hawkeye reflects on how he hides behind his jokes, and we can see other examples of characters on the show doing the same thing such as Margaret hiding behind her military correctness and Charles behind his haughtiness. But Hawkeye refuses to hide behind his jokes during this moment and tells his friends just how much he cares for them. He knows that especially in their circumstance, the people that he grew to love in the 4077th could be dead tomorrow. So he decides he won't go a second longer without letting them know how much they mean to him. He ensures that not only Millie won't be forgotten, but neither will his friends.

[very-straight-blog]

Hello, how are you? I hope that well! Well, I recently started watching hotd and then I started following the tags here on tumblr (because I got interested :p)but seeing the fandom fights over Alicent and Rhaenyra, I saw that no one took a stance on Aegon being an abuser of women (which is disgusting by the way) what is your opinion on that? (I don't have a team, but as someone who went through what diana went through, it bothers me people forgetting this)

Hi, I'm fine, thank you for your question. I guess it's a very sensitive topic here. First of all, I'm really sorry to hear that you went through something like this, it's terrible. As for Aegon, yes, in the series he r*ped Dyana, and in the books he sexually harassed the maids. Did he do it? Yes, he did. Is he a bad person? Yes, he is. There can be no discussion here, these are just facts. The screenwriters made things worse, but he wasn't a role model in the books either. However:

He doesn't exist. We're not talking about a real human-being, we're talking about a fictional character, and characters don't have to be good to be worthy of attention. There are a million things I love about Aegon and the fact that he's an asshole doesn't make him less interesting and deep character. For me, at least.

This is a cruel story about cruel times. Even if we decide to talk about violence against women specifically, almost all the men here are r*pists. They went to brothels, where women often stayed against their will. They had sex with their wives for the sake of conceiving children, and their wives didn't always want this - it was a marital r*pe. Does this mean that we can't have favorite male characters in this story at all?

Each person has their own taboo topics and triggers, so you can like or dislike the characters for your own reasons. I personally remember who Aegon is and I still love him. I also think that the screenwriters tried in every possible way to highlight his actions in order to push away the audience. I can't say they didn't succeed.

[megabuild]

this isnt about the ask game but i need you to tell me more about your take on pausetho. i just binged starblight desert and theyre the worst /aff what do you have to say about them

the fact you've specified starblight desert is really interesting to me because not only it is a team canada series but it's also the most recent team canada series- which isn't a bad thing to be clear, because pausetho is eternal and forever, but it interests me because i think pause and etho's dynamic changes a lot in a way that i wouldn't consider applicable to other ships of his that have that long and ongoing history (eg. ethubs, beeftho).

when i think of pausetho i think. the two of them are fundamentally quite lonely characters. full disclaimer that i'm far from #educated on their respective mindcrack povs because i haven't watched them in a hot minute, but. etho is extremely lonely often through choice, especially imo with the way i interpret his time on mindcrack as being shortly after all the 404 nonsense on the lp (tldr he has just went through the most traumatic experience of his life and learned most of what he remembers prior is probably fabricated). etho is also known for his masks and during mindcrack i think a big one was being this very respected and almost famous guy.. a lot of it was in jest ofc but like he's Thee Etho's Lab! this in addition to the fact that he's sort of intimidating in the same way he was in 3l+ll because his uhc rankings were pretty solid.

meanwhile pause is also lonely but imo in a different way. because etho is a guy who chooses loneliness to avoid the eventual hurt that comes from connection whereas pause is a guy who chooses connection time and time again but never really properly connects. hes a lot harder to analyse so forgive me because i also have to tread the dreaded rpf/fiction line here and start pulling from examples most people wouldn't consider due to it being Too Real (also i dont care because its complicated but anyway) one thing that always sticks out to me is the various mindcrack podcast episodes where he ends up being outspoken? i dont have any actual numbers on hand but i Def remember it in regards to like, discussions of female gamers and gamergate and the like and pause often being the one guy to speak up and be like This is shitty actually. that in addition to some far more complicated things i dont have the words to get into right now eg. being the guy on the gayest straight server ever who is actually bisexual But anyway. my point is that among mindcrackers pause to me is in a weird situation where he certainly fits in very well but simultaneously sticks out like a sore thumb in ways he cant really do anything about without massively compromising himself, so despite not being lonely in the same way etho is, there is a certain Something there.. sorry this makes zero sense but this ask has been sitting in my drafts for like a week and im desperate to get rid of it. PLUS he also deals with this in the form of a mask (he is actually a very anxious and soft hearted guy imo but often plays up and is fiercer and shouts more to get laughs but also to come across as bigger and more intimidating than he actually is. not that he needs to because jesus have you seen this guys uhc stats? frankly i should have skipped this entire essay and just linked the various times that etho and pause have clashed in uhc)

anyway jesus this got long . all of this is literally not real btw the main reason i like pausetho is because theyre funny and pause is one of my favourite guys and i wish there was more content for him. but also generally like.. this is the complicated messy reason to like them but also yeah generally just watching team canada and seeing their dynamic is fun bc they are just really good friends ^_^

[positivelybeastly]

Does the x-office hate beast?

Cynically: yes.

Less cynically: it's complicated?

Like, here's the thing, right - Beast fans are . . . kinda rare. Sure, there's tons of people who saw the 90s cartoon and really liked him, there are tons of people who saw X-Men 3 and liked him there, there's a whole (almost separate) community of people who are still writing X-Men: First Class fanfic about that version of Hank.

But I'm talking about, will go out and write fanfiction about the character; will draw fanart of him; will actively go out of their way to talk about him on social media. I feel like that's been on the decline for the last . . . fuck, 30 years, probably? Ever since he went from this

to this.

Like, the difference is jarring and immediate, right?

And that lack of a dedicated fanbase made him an easy character to contort to fit stories that certain writers wanted to tell. The X-office doesn't have a ton of people gagging to write Beast, he doesn't headline his own series, he doesn't have a rabid Twitter populace who will fight and scream and shout like Emma Frost or Cyclops.

What do most people think when they see Beast? Like, normal people who don't read comics, who just consume maybe a Marvel movie twice a year, or saw a cartoon when they were a kid.

"Oh, he's cool. SO ANYWAY, MORE OF THAT WOLVERINE."

Beast is not a character with a strong base.

So he's just.

Disposable.

Who cares, throw Beast to Bendis or Ben Percy, I don't care, is what it feels like.

As for WHY he doesn't have that dedicated fanbase, well, I have theories.

A lot of Hank stories are just, sad. They're just so fucking sad and tragic and dark and about finding light where you can.

I often find them very cathartic, like, Hank leads such a troubled and harsh life, and he savours the pleasures where he can get them, and I really love that aspect of his character, that unyielding spirit, but that does not make for a popular character.

His feline era, from 2000 to 2012, is honestly my favourite for him because he is so nuanced and his themes of learning to love your body and control yourself, and his thoughtful, measured, deeply moralistic stories resonate with me and provide me with comfort, the idea that people can be tempted to do bad in the service of good but turn away is beautiful to me.

But that's not really an easily sell? People don't usually want to be sad when they read comic books. They want to be thrilled or horrified or made to laugh. Sad is . . . harder to sell.

Honestly, I also think there's a degree of assuming that he's a snobby asshole because he talks fancy. Like, I legit think that plays into it, and you sometimes see writers fall for the same preconception, they assume that Hank is a snob, and he really isn't, he's a lower-middle class kid from Illinois who grew up on a farm and whose dad was involved in a horrific radiation accident because of poor safety conditions, this is not a person who would be snobby.

It's so funny to me because the guy is from a fictional place in Illinois? It's never specified, which means, if anything, he probably sounds like he's from Chicago! Now, there's probably a degree to which he does speak more formally and has changed his voice, because Hank is extremely protective and conscious of the image he projects, always has been, but snobby? Pfft, nooooo. So yeah, absolutely, you see people assuming that he's a snob because he's smart. Snobby only plays well if you're Emma Frost.

I also have to say, I think there's a degree to which there's an anti-intellectual bias going on. If you look at pretty much all of the major genius characters, they are pretty much ALL unpopular because they are nerds and they are not usually portrayed as being great fighters or tacticians, which is an easy way for a character to become popular - that's why Cyclops is so popular, because he's right all the time and he's a badass, and that's an easy pop. Science solutions are inherently less visceral, harder to write and thus rarer, and do not stick in people's minds.

Moreover, what do you think of when you think of genius superhero? The reputation is of privilege and the image is of boring white guys, they assume it's just - boring. It's only interesting if it's cloaked in sarcastic wit, like House or Sherlock (during The Dark Times), or used in a martial sense, which is why Black Panther is the exception to the 'all the nerds are boring.' Bruce Banner also escapes this trap because he's had his own solo comics for 60 years and he's had a million people write absolutely amazing stories for him.

I also think that his almost complete absence from the Claremont era stories hurts his fandom reputation, because if you're an X-Men fan, you read Claremont, and Hank is not in those stories almost at all. He pops up during the Mesmero arc, during Dark Phoenix, here and there, but he spends 1974 to 1991 in the Avengers, the Defenders, X-Factor, he is so very rarely being written by who most people would consider the definitive X-Men scribe. There's also an element of the stupid X-Men vs. Avengers tribalism working against him thanks to that.

I think Claremont writes a pretty decent Hank when he does turn up, but there's a reason he picked Jean and Scott, and it's interesting that he chose to feature Hank more often than Warren and Bobby, and even then, Warren more than Bobby. I don't know if Hank was really heavily in demand so he just couldn't get him, or if he didn't know what stories to tell with him, but I actually kinda think it was the former, just because Hank always makes an appearance in his post-'91 work, especially his alternate timelines, and he was clearly interested in writing for him in X-Treme X-Men given he set up the Betsy romantic angle early, but then Morrison snatched him up.

Hank also got pushed into the role of the naysayer during the Fraction and Bendis era, which is an instant rock around the neck for your popularity. A lot of the arguments that Hank makes about why he doesn't like what Scott does and how he runs the X-Men and Utopia are not necessarily wrong?

Like, X-Force is just plain morally bad. It is.

You can make the argument that it's necessary, but these two things can exist at the exact same time, which appears to be a concept that people do not grasp! And especially, like . . . the X-Men are not an army. They are a voluntary paramilitary group that is, ostensibly, dedicated to mutant rescue, outreach, and general superheroics.

You are not obliged to stay.

Hank was suffering from legitimate PTSD flashbacks, he was wracked with guilt over the Skrull bioweapon (which, notably, sticks to Hank but does NOT stick to Scott), he was very obviously depressed, recovering from torture - and when he reached out to Bobby to try and explain how he was feeling, draw some comfort, Bobby basically just told him to deal with it!

But this made him SO FUCKING UNPOPULAR. You can go to comics sites that have comments under this issue, under the issue where Hank is having PTSD flashbacks, and they'll be like, THIS IS WHERE IT ALL BEGAN, and I'm like???????? The fuck are you saying to me?????? WHY ARE YOU BOOING HIM HE'S RIGHT.

There's also a degree to which I think that, whether the writers have realised it or not, they do not usually put in the work to establish that the X-Men are doing their due diligence to make sure that Hank is okay. They rely a LOT on off-screen things happening to fill in the blanks. A short list of things that we have never seen!

The reaction from the O5 when Hank first turned furry.

The reaction from the Mansion X-Men when Hank turned into a cat.

Anyone going to visit Hank in the infirmary when he was recovering from his fur and claws falling out due to torture.

Anyone expressing concern over the fact that during the whole time travel debacle, Hank was dying and did not tell anyone.

You don't see these moments, and these are fucking important! These make you sympathetic to the character! These are the moments where people look at Beast in pain, suffering because of what's happened to him, going through his emotional arcs, showing strength as he perseveres, THAT is what builds a fanbase and keeps a fanbase engaged with a character - but they just stop happening for Hank. You don't see them. He loses his characterisation moments, they just happen off-panel.

But what do you see? You see a lot of people walk into Hank's lab, they receive words of wisdom and comfort, or a scientific solution for their problems, and then they walk out.

Like, Hank from Avengers vs. X-Men onwards reads as just - psychologically unstable. He does things on impulse, he reacts without talking to people, he does not have strong relationships with anyone, he appears to have broken up with his long time girlfriend (for no specified reason, we still don't know why 9 YEARS LATER), he often appears adrift and lost and unhappy.

And we are TOLD during his intervention that people have talked to him about what's going on, and they were ignored, but, like, I'm sorry, FUCK OFF, SHOW YOUR GODDAMN WORK.

If you want your emotional moments to have any bite, then you need to ESTABLISH things!!! When Ororo says, oh, you're just ignoring everyone, I'm like, FUCKIN' SHOW ME WHEN YOU TALKED TO HIM. Because do you know what I DID see?

I saw Hank being the most comforting and lovely and soft individual in Storm's solo series, being there for her after Logan's death, BASICALLY BECOMING HER SECRETARY BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO FUCK OFF AND BE A THIEF, and then BOOM, suddenly, she's like, you're a fucking loose cannon.

This was, like, a few months apart. Editors? Hello? Does Ororo fucking hate Hank or not? Because Bendis seems to be of the opinion that she does, but Greg Pak does not appear to have gotten the memo! HELLO? EDITORS? There's a big fucking GAP here where a story arc is meant to go???

There's so much of Hank's 2012-onward story that we just AREN'T shown. Like, he and Scott just - patch up their differences over the revolutionary thing OFF-PANEL during Hickman's Avengers. You don't even see the conversation. He agrees to try and work on the M-Pox cure, MOVES TO ATTILAN TO HELP THEM, all because Storm (WHOM, LAST WE SAW, WAS THREATENING TO PUT HIM IN PRISON FOR CRIMES AGAINST NATURE) convinced him to . . . and WE DO NOT SEE THIS CONVERSATION.

Every time someone pulls out the 'oh, this has been an expertly played baton pass of writers depicting Hank's moral downfall,' I just want to fucking pick up shit and fling it in their face, because they could not be more wrong.

Do you know who's read more Beast comics than these fuckers?

Me. It's me.

Believe me, if there was an actual DEPICTION of ANY of these MASSIVE emotional moments in Hank's life, I would LOVE to talk about them and agree. But they do not exist. It's a character being used as a narrative prop to justify writing decisions that otherwise wouldn't make sense (Inhumans vs. X-Men, All-New X-Men), and no-one cares because he was never that popular to begin with.

And it just - frustrates me, because, like, did you know that Hank formed a political advocacy group for mutant rights?

Did you know he was present during sessions of Congress, giving his support to pro-mutant legislation and becoming long time friends with multiple politicians?

But because it's in New Defenders, because it's in Secret Avengers, and no-one READ those issues, they don't care! It doesn't matter to them! Hank has, by and large, within the narrative, done SO MUCH for mutant rights, he has ACTIVELY worked for them within the system SO HARD, but because it isn't done with an optic blast or a big punchy fist in an X-Men book, it doesn't count.

And like, I just . . . the last few appearances before he starts being focused on in X-Force, before the heel turn, he is NOT acting like an asshole!

Laura literally calls him the nerd she can trust and he takes pictures of her and Gabby being cute during a party!

He's helping Banshee recover from his Apocalypse corruption and teaching at Harvard, trying to actively retire from superhero work because he's exhausted!

He's telling Captain Marvel, hey, you're wrong about your precognition bullshit in Civil War II, and he's helping Spider-Man with science problems, and he SAVES THE INHUMAN CIVILISATION SINGLEHANDEDLY!

So many writers are trying to steer him back onto course. Not just Avengers books, either, X-Men books! There's, like, TWO, THREE writers who want to push evil, asshole Beast, and everyone else is just like, uhhh, nooo? But because the X-office do not care, they keep getting their chance. They don't care about protecting Beast's reputation, or his stories, or his legacy. He's just a character to be thrown wherever he'll fit.

So you get the narrative that he was always evil. He was decaying all along.

No, it's bullshit. It's literally the Scarlet Witch story again, where it just HAPPENS in fits and starts to kick off events and stories, regardless of whether or not it makes sense for past characterisation or continuity.

So, yeah. It's a combination of the X-office not really caring about protecting the image of the character, and certain writers just doing shoddy, shitty jobs of writing emotional checks that their asses weren't willing to cash.

[gonzo-rella]

Imagine: Joel Miller Saving You From An Infected

MASTERLIST | AO3 | KO-FI

Relationship(s): Joel Miller x gn!reader (unspecified),  Ellie Williams x gn!reader (unspecified; implied platonic)

Warnings: Canon-typical violence (Let me know if I need to add any)

(A/N: Initially, I wasn’t going to watch TLOU because I’m not really into video games aside from Pokémon and Animal Crossing, and for some reason I thought that my lack of investment in the game meant I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the show. However, when I saw the praise for episode 3- which I still think about almost daily- I decided to watch it. I was hooked from the first episode (the ending of the episode with the radio playing ‘Never Let Me Down’ gave me goosebumps), and I now adore these characters. Ellie has become like my fictional little sister who I want to protect at all costs, even though I’m guessing that she’d be the one protecting me, and Joel’s my... it’s complicated; all I know is that I love him. This realisation prompted me to write this. Sorry if they seem somewhat/very OOC; I’m just getting used to these characters and writing for them. Feel free to send me requests for the show, as long as you don’t send in any game spoilers (find my requesting rules linked here).)

It should have been a simple task, setting up camp in a seemingly uninhabited stretch of woodland. That’s why Joel had- albeit with mild reluctance- trusted you to survive for five or so minutes by yourself whilst he and Ellie went to gather firewood.

Kneeling on the ground, you inflated a sleeping mat with a series of increasingly wheezy breaths. The sound almost drowned out that of the slow, crunching footsteps approaching you, which you- too lightheaded to think straight- attributed to Ellie and/or Joel. You didn’t think to look up until you suddenly realised that you didn’t hear Ellie’s chatter or Joel’s hoarse muttering, but a strained cry. That’s when you found yourself staring at an infected. It stared back.

“Fuck.”

It lurched forward, jerkily rushing towards you. You sprang to your feet and darted away from it as fast as you could, all the while mentally cursing yourself for leaving your gun in your pack. 

“Oh shit oh fuck,” you panted. “Joel! Ellie!”

The pair of them came into view, seemingly making their way back to camp. Dropping the firewood, Joel called your name before reaching for his gun and taking several steps forward as he took aim. You quickly moved out of the line of fire, falling to your knees as booming gunfire prompted you to cover your ears. 

Through your hands, you heard a final thud.

This time, Ellie called your name and let her pile of wood come clattering to the ground. She raced over to you and knelt beside you. Joel trailed after her, though he stood a good few feet away from you.

“Holy shit! Are you okay?” she questioned, looking you over. “You didn’t get bit, did you?”

“I’m fine,” you confirmed between gasps. As you glanced up at her, you noticed a crease had formed between her brows. “Well... my knees are a little scraped.”

The expression of worry faded from her face and she smiled faintly. Joel rolled his eyes. You heard him take several steps away from you.

“Ellie,” he said gruffly. “Help me pick up all this wood.”

Ellie pushed herself up with a sigh.

“Sir, yes, sir.” she muttered.

Following suit, you dusted yourself off.

“Let me help.”

Once all of the wood was picked up, you began the short walk to camp.

“Sorry about that, you guys,” you groaned. “I should’ve had my gun on me.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Ellie shrugged. “None of us thought there’d be anything out here in the middle of who-fucking-knows-where, right, Joel?”

Joel didn’t respond.

“Joel?” Ellie repeated.

A huff fell from his nostrils.

“I leave you alone for five fuckin’ minutes...”

“I know. I’m really sorry.”

Joel cleared his throat.

“It ain’t your fault,” he replied, his tone softer than usual. “I should’a known better than to take that chance.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you insisted. “I made it out in one piece, right?”

“Guess so.” he muttered.

You huffed.

“Look, Joel, I know you really care about me and all, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up.”

“Don’t push it.”

You and Ellie exchanged a glance and giggled to yourselves.

“Jesus Christ...” Joel grumbled.

[cr1mson5returns]

I fell down a sudden and spiky rabbit hole wondering where exactly in my home state of Kansas the fictional town of Smallville is supposed to be. I checked the DC Wiki for comic book information and got nothing. Kinda pissed me off, because I didn't want to have to randomly assign a plot of land to Smallville. But when I checked the Smallville Wiki (TV series Smallville, that is), I found out that the show gave it the zip code which corresponds to Chase, KS. Chase is in Rice County, which is a few hours west of Wichita on the highways, putting it pretty solidly in South Central Kansas.

And guys.....as a bitch who was born and raised in South Central Kansas, you have to know that we're some characters out here. I can't speak for Rice County, never lived there, but there's this hilarious smattering of accents scattered about the south central part of the state. Some people have that flat Midwestern/Wichita way of speaking, where you can almost pretend they're not Midwestern if they didn't unironically say "lemme just squeeze by ya" so much. But other people have that Rural Kansas drawl that isn't quite as Southern as you can hear the closer you get to the Ozarks, and despite that you'd still be able to pick them out in a crowded room because they sound a touch out of place amongst everybody else. They say "color" like "collar" and talk about "y'all down on Green Street" and they warsh their clothes while they're drawling some pictures. And that's just the way we talk, don't even get me started on the very rigidly Baptist morality and the tense feelings about whether we should even root for the Kansas City Chiefs since they're Missouri's team, anyway.

Armed with this knowledge and context, I present to all of you: Clark Kent who hauled hay in severe thunderstorm warnings as a teenager because fuck, it had to get done somehow and half the time the National Weather Service was just being cautious. Clark who learned to drive at age 12 on the farm and the county sheriff saw fit not to ticket him when he was 14 and took Pa's truck into town to pick up some last-minute ingredients for a birthday cake at the store. Clark who went to Wichita State for a journalism degree and thought Wichita was a big city and complained about the stupid ass layout of the streets between clearly historic districts and newer developments. Clark who got on a domestic flight at Eisenhower Intercontinental Airport and took off for Metropolis intent on getting out of Bumfuck Nowhere. Clark who comes back to Smallville when it's all too much because the city's great, and Lois and Jimmy and everyone else are just as great, but Kansas has the most beautiful full moon nights and not as much light pollution on the horizon, and he can fly through the Flint Hills and pretend he's a kid again and things aren't so noisy and weird and terrifying.

[capevans3000]

Break Up - Bonus Chapter

A/N: Ahhhhh, where do I begin? I promised a bonus chapter months ago and I failed to deliver. I had good reasons though. My health took a huge hit over the last few months, where part of the few months I experienced sudden deafness in both of my ears due to a serious case of infection. The worst is over, although I am still trying to build my health back. Anyway, the bonus chapter is finally out! TBH, I am not too happy with the ending. I was stuck and I couldn’t get the ending the way I really wanted it :( I tried my best. But I am still really excited to hear what you think about it. Leave me comments/suggestions, like and reblog if you enjoyed this! :)

Fic may contain grammar errors. Characters are fictional and not based on any real persons.

TW: Mental health issues, medical emergencies, angst, jealousy

*Photo not mine!

Based on the following short series:

Break Up

Break Up - Sequel

Taglist/requests:

@ah-ri-young-deactivated20221202: It was midnight and I could not sleep. I was looking for a fic about breaking up and I found your fic and it was exactly what I wanted. You wrote everything very well. I cried while reading it. I could completely understand reader's feelings. Will you write another part for it? I liked Sam And I hated Chris so I thought how good it would be if reader move on from Chris and fall in love with Sam and Chris saw reader in a wedding dress with Sam and the happines in her eyes and the way she looks at Sam. I really want Chris to suffer because of his betrayal to reader. I hope you get this message because my tumblr doesn't work sometimes🎈

@atoosa22 : The Break up fic that you wrote is amazing. I'm team Sam btw. I almost cried and it means you're so good at writing. Will you write another part? I had a thaught that reader come back to Chris but nothing is in the way that it was. And she is in love with Sam. She left Chris and marry Sam and Chris SUFFERRRR and that makes me SATISFIED

You sat at your bed fidgeting with a rose gold necklace in your hand. Chris had given you the necklace during your first year’s anniversary. You had also given him a matching gold necklace, which he’d been wearing everywhere he went. Since that day, you had never once removed the necklace… not until that night when you left his property and left the relationship behind.

 You thought about returning the necklace to him before you left, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to. Your relationship with Chris may have met an untimely end, but it doesn’t negate the once-existence of the relationship. It was a meaningful take-away from the little time you had with Chris, and you wanted to keep it as much as you wanted to forget about it. Turning the necklace around, you traced the engraving with your fingers wistfully. Chris x Y/N. The same engraving sits on the back of Chris’ necklace. “This is so that you will always feel my heart beating next to yours.” Chris had said to you the day he put the necklace on you.

 The necklace had been sitting inside a box since you moved out. But Chris’ sudden appearance at your new apartment three weeks ago had rocked whatever solid ground you thought you had managed to rebuild since the break up. This was the power he had over you. All it took was seeing and hearing his voice again, and all your past resigns vanished like an ice cube on a hot’s summer’s day. As soon as he left your apartment that night, you crashed onto the floor of your room and sobbed. All of that plasters you had pasted over the wounds peeled off in an instant and they revealed each and every brokenness he left you. It was painful to learn that the wounds were nowhere near healed in the first place as you thought they were.

 While you hadn’t agreed to Chris’ preposition to get back together again, you had agreed to co-exist with him – as friends – and maybe see how things go. Sam was worried you’d get hurt by Chris again but he respected your decision. You felt bad for Sam. You knew Sam was interested in you, and you were starting to feel the same way about him. But with the recent turn of events, you had to put a potential relationship with Sam on hold on account of Chris. You didn’t think it was fair to Sam jumping into a relationship with him when you were not in the right mental state to fully devote and love someone else. Despite the hurt, you realized Chris still held a very special place in your heart.

 Chris had been trying hard to fight for you over the last three weeks. He’d put in effort to make small but familiar gestures – gestures that he used make when he was your boyfriend. Sending you texts throughout the day to let you know he was thinking about you, sending you lunch and dinner deliveries, sending you photos and videos of Dodger… He would appear at your doorstep with your favourite tea, wine and snacks. If not for the obvious hurt hanging thick in the air, you might even think nothing between you and Chris had changed. You enjoyed Chris’ company despite the circumstance, but your heart was guarded against him. There was still that part of you that was afraid to accept Chris again. Sam, and your best friend were there too, working as gatekeepers for your heart.

 It had been three weeks since Chris returned to your life, and his ex-girlfriend was never mentioned once. That was until one night while Chris was at your place with a bottle of wine, and the two of you were having a quiet night in.

“Hey, YN, can I run something by you?” Chris asked between sips from his wine glass.

 For some reason, you felt your heart clenched by his question. He sounded so serious all of a sudden. “Sure.” You tried to hide the fear and uncertainty in your voice.

 “[Ex’s name]… she would like to meet you. You know, to explain things with you.” Chris sounded hesitant.

 You gulped down the wine you had in your glass and set it down on the table, almost too hard. Your fear turned into anger. You couldn’t believe what you just heard. The cheek of that girl. She broke you and Chris, and now she’s trying to explain things to you? You can’t think of any reasons or explanations she could have for you that you could actually accept.

 “She feels bad. She just wants to clear the air and apologise to you.” Chris continued when you said nothing. You almost burst out into an angry laughter.

 “I didn’t know you were still in contact with her. And I can hear how much you’re trying to speak for her.” You replied curtly, while pouring yourself another giant glass of wine.  You were not proud of yourself, and you knew how childish you sounded. Chris could keep his contact with anyone and speak for anyone and it was none of your business.

 “No, that’s not –“ Chris stuttered nervously. “We both just thought we should clear the air between us.”

 “We? You mean you and her.” You said again, anger bubbling underneath your breath. Hearing Chris talk about her and referring to the both of them as “we” was rubbing you the wrong way. It shouldn’t as Chris wasn’t yours anymore, and even you knew it was ridiculous of you to be upset over the word “we”. But you couldn’t help it.

 “I don’t mean it that way.” Chris knew he had just made things worse. “I’m sorry. Can we forget about this conversation?”

 You took a deep breath to calm yourself. You tried to rationalized with yourself and the situation at hand. You had given Chris a second chance, and it was only fair for you to give her a chance to explain herself too. Whatever explanation she was going to give you. That was the mature thing to do. Even if you were not prepared to accept her apologies or explanation, the least you could do was try. You agreed to the meeting.

 Sam had learned about the dinner that you were about to have with Chris and [Ex’s name] and he insisted on coming along too. He didn’t feel comfortable about you being there alone. You were thankful for Sam for looking out for you and gladly accepted his offer to join you. You could do with a friendly face at dinner.

 Chris offered to pick you up for the dinner, but you declined. You went with Sam instead. When the both of you had reached the restaurant, Sam took your hand and gave it a tight squeeze. “I’m here, all right?” Sam gave you a reassuring smile. The two of you were led into a private dining room where Chris and [ex’s name] were already waiting. Your eyes met with Chris, and immediately you could feel his posture tense up. Chris didn’t know Sam was coming for the dinner too. He didn’t like seeing you together with Sam and his jealousy and anger was hard to hide. It didn’t help that Sam was holding your hand.

 “Why are you here?” Chris couldn’t help himself scowling at Sam.

 “What concerns Y/N concerns me too.” Sam responded, confident, cool and matter-of-factly, feeding Chris’ anger even more. Without missing a beat, Sam pulled a chair out for you before Chris could do it for you.

 You glanced at Chris and saw that he was fuming. His fist was clenched around his wine glass, his knuckles white. You looked over at his ex-girlfriend and your eyes met. She was smiling at you, but somehow you could tell her smile wasn’t sincere. She broke the eye contact quickly and knowing you were still watching her, reached out to stroke Chris’ hand gently, to comfort him. You wanted to scoff openly at the nerves of her, but you held yourself back. You were not there to fight. She could do whatever she wants with Chris as Chris wasn’t your boyfriend anymore. Although you had to admit that seeing that made your blood boil. Her touch brought Chris back. He fidgeted in his seat to regain posture.

 Chris looked at you and addressed you for the first time that evening. “Y/N, I’m glad we could have this dinner. Thank you for coming out to meet with us.”

 Again, with the usage of the word “us”. You bit your lip to stop yourself from being too sensitive with these pronouns Chris was using to group himself with her like they were still an item. It was just a word and it didn’t mean anything, you had to tell yourself.

 “Yes, Y/N, thank you for coming out tonight. Chris and I are really thankful for the chance to clear the air with you.” Chris’ ex-girlfriend spoke. You might have applauded her for her effort to sound sincere, if not for the fact that her hand was now stroking Chris’ shoulder as she was speaking to you. If Chris had noticed how disrespectful this was, he said nothing.

 “Sure.” You forced a smile. You could hardly believe what you were seeing. Sam was appalled at the nerves of her and he reached out to you and gave your hand another tight squeeze.

 “We’ve already placed our order for food for the three of us, but we didn’t know you brought a guest, Y/N.” The ex said, looking at Sam. “You must be Y/N’s boyfriend?”

 You looked up at her and swore you could almost hear the satisfaction and hope in her voice. Was she hoping you were already attached so she could stop worrying about Chris getting you back? Were you too sensitive?

 “That’s all right, I can order my own food with no problem.” Sam replied curtly. He completely ignored her second comment, not willing to feed her satisfaction.

 “I ordered you your favourite, Y/N. Mid-rare steak with extra spinach.” Chris smiled at you.

“I’ll have two cod fish, and if it’s not too much trouble, could you cancel the order for mid-rare steak, please? Could you also help to ensure that there are no peanuts in the salad as she’s allergic. Thank you.” Sam said to the waiter, who had come in to take his order.

 “Hey, I ordered the mid-rare steak for Y/N. That’s her favourite! What are you doing?” Chris snapped at Sam.

 “I don’t think I owe you an explanation. But if you would like to know, if you were at all observant and concerned about Y/N, you would have known she was advised by doctors to reduce intake of red meat because of her sensitive gastric. Now that you are aware, do we still have a problem?” Sam addressed Chris calmly.

 Chris’ face was distorted in anger and distaste for Sam. He hated that Sam seemed to know you so well, and maybe even better than him. His fist was clenched around his glass again when he saw the smile you gave Sam. Chris’ fear of losing you to Sam was increasing and he hated that. He looked away from Sam, not saying a word, not trusting the words he would use.

 “Oh, you’re allergic to peanuts, Y/N?” The ex-girlfriend asked you, which you nodded awkwardly. You were uncomfortable with her sudden interest in you.

 “Can we get to the point of the dinner tonight, so that we can end this early?” Sam asked when Chris was silent.

 “Yes. First of all, Y/N, Chris and I, we want to explain things to you.” The ex-girlfriend spoke up. You were confused by her words. Chris and her? Wasn’t this dinner supposed to be about her explanation and apologies? When had this become an explanation from “Chris and her”?

 You said nothing and waited for her to continue.

 “It’s a fact that Chris and I kissed and we are sorry you saw that.” She continued, again, reaching out to touch Chris’ hand when she said the word “kiss”. This time, you saw Chris moved his hand away from her uncomfortably. “It was just a kiss, and it didn’t lead to anything else more. You don’t have to worry.” She continued.

 She stopped when the waiter came back in with the food. By the time the food was set in front of you, you had lost your appetite. If that was an apology from her about exactly what she did, you had failed to hear it. All she did was apologise for the fact you caught them in the act. And all the hand touching was leaving a bad taste in your mouth.

 “I feel bad that you and Chris had broken up over this. I mean, I thought the both of you were pretty tight.” She commented.

 You looked at Chris, waiting for him to say something. Anything at all for this evening to make sense. For this “explanation” or “apology” to make sense. For now, you felt as though you were part of a sick prank show.

 “We’re sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I can understand you feel hurt and it’s all my fault. I hate that you feel betrayed by me and I take full responsibility for that.” Chris said to you, his voice breaking. You had already heard Chris’ apologies umpteenth times but you had yet to get one sincere apology from his ex. Not that an apology from her would erase the hurt, but it would at least show that she was aware of the damage she had done. Being here at this “apology”, “clear the air” evening was proving to be a mistake.

 “Thank you for the apology, Chris. If that’s all the both you have to say, I think we are done with the dinner.” You waited a while for Chris and his ex-girlfriend to speak and when they didn’t, you stood up, Sam following suit. Neither of you had even touched your food. He took out a bunch of cash and placed it on the table to cover for dinner. Sam took your hand tightly in his hand and led you out of the restaurant. You heard Chris stand up behind you but he didn’t follow after you. You wondered if his ex-girlfriend had tried to hold him back.

 As Sam walked you home, he allowed you time to process the evening in silence. You always appreciated Sam’s gestures like this. When you were almost home, you finally spoke up. “What… happened there? Did you even hear any explanation or apology from her? Or was I just too out of it to hear it?” You almost laughed at the ridiculousness of the evening. It was almost as if the dinner was her excuse to tell you she was nowhere near over Chris and she wanted Chris back.

 “All I can say is… and pardon my language, what a bitch!” Sam rolled her eyes and you burst out laughing. “So I am not the only one who thinks so?” You asked rhetorically, still laughing. You were feeling angry before, but Sam had helped you feel better, as he always did.

 “Let’s forget about tonight. Let’s go have something to eat, without a certain someone spoiling our appetite.” Sam said before leading you to one of both of your favourite hangs.

 “Sam, thank you. For being here with me tonight. I don’t know if I would have been able to do it by myself.” You told Sam when he walked you to your door.

 “I will always be here for you.” He smiled, leaning down to give you a kiss on your forehead. You felt something flutter inside your stomach and your face burning. As you closed the door behind you, you smiled to yourself. When you were finally settled in, you checked your phone and realized that Chris had left you numerous messages. You decided not to read them or respond until the next morning.

 After a night’s rest, it almost felt as if the dinner with Chris and his ex-girlfriend was a dream. That was until you received an unwanted visitor at your door.

 “Hey, Y/N, can I come in?” Chris’ ex-girlfriend stood at your doorstep. You cursed at her timing. Your roommate/best friend wasn’t home, and you knew Sam was out to run an errand so you couldn’t call him to come over. You were shocked to see her, but not wanting to be rude, you let her in.

 “Why are you here?” You asked, as you closed the door.

 “Well, you left dinner so abruptly last night. I thought I’ll drop by to check if you are okay.”

 “I’m fine, thanks.” You replied, without trying to sound too snappy.

 “That’s great then. Anyway, I made some cookies for you.” She said, fishing out a container of cookies from her bag.

 “Err, okay, thanks, but I am good.” You were slightly taken aback by her gift. Was it a peace offering?

 “Take it. I made it for you.” She insisted and pushed the cookies into your hands. “I’m not bragging but this cookie recipe is really good. Try it.”

 “Thanks, I’ll have it later.” You told her and set the container on your kitchen table.

 “No, please try it. At least let me know if they are nice, and I will get out of your hair, I promise.” She insisted again, harder this time.

 You wanted her to leave you alone so you took a cookie and took a bite. “Yeah, they’re great. Thanks.” You washed down the cookie with a glass of water. You didn’t even pause to taste the cookie. You practically swallowed the bite. “You should leave. Sam’s coming over in a while.” You lied.

 “All right then. I’ll go. Say hi to Sam for me.” You nodded and closed the door behind her. You were so weirded out by her sudden friendliness and visit. You took out your phone to call Sam to tell him all about it. Just as you hear Sam’s voice on the other end, you felt a strange tingling sensation around your mouth and throat. “Hey, Sam…” you pushed out the words from your throat painfully. Within seconds, you felt your throat tightening and your tongue felt as if it was bitten by a bee and swelling to twice its size. Your breathing became more laboured and difficult. You looked down and noticed hives all over your body.

 You hadn’t had an allergic reaction since you were a kid but you recognized the symptoms immediately. “Help… Sam.” You managed to call out before you fell onto the ground trying to breathe. You heard Sam calling out your name repeatedly through the phone but you couldn’t respond. You tried to crawl towards your bedroom to retrieve the epi-pen. You don’t remember how far you managed to crawl before you heard Sam’s voice again, this time a lot louder.

 You opened your eyes and saw Sam hovering over you. Worry written all over his face. “Y/N, are you okay?” You managed a weak nod. “Peanut… allergy…”

 “I know. I’ve called 911 and they are on their way. I’ve just administered your epi-pen. You’re going to be okay. I’m here.” You smiled weakly before exhaustion took over you and you passed out.

 The next time you opened your eyes, you were in an unfamiliar environment. “Hey, you’re awake. How do you feel?” Sam asked, as he poured you a glass of water.

 “Like death.” You groaned. You looked around and quickly registered that you were in the hospital.

 “What happened? Who gave you those cookies?”

 “Cookies?” You asked, trying to remember what happened.

 “In your kitchen. I saw it right as the paramedics were tending to you. It didn’t look store bought so I brought it along for testing. They tested peanut contents in it.”

 “Argh. Chris’ ex-girlfriend. She gave them to me and forced me to eat it. Said she made the cookies herself for me.”

 “That bitch!” Sam exploded. This was the first time you had ever seen Sam angry. “She knew you were allergic to peanuts and she gave you the cookies on purpose! I’m not letting her get away with this. If I hadn’t already reached our apartment building when you called, I don’t know what’s going to happened.”

 You rubbed your head, not believing that Chris’ ex-girlfriend had just tried to kill you on purpose. It was almost inconceivable.

 Before you could respond, you saw Chris approaching your ward, his expression grave with worry.

 “Y/N, oh my god, are you okay?” Chris burst through the doors and headed straight for you.

 “What the hell are you doing here?” Sam pulled Chris back from you angrily.

 “Get off me. The hospital called.” Chris tried to fight Sam off to get to you. You forgot that Chris was still listed as your emergency contact.

 “You don’t deserve to be here. Y/N is lying here because of you. Meeting you and your ex was a mistake. You do what you want with your ex, but leave Y/N the hell alone. You brought your ex back into Y/N’s life and now she’s tried to kill her.” Sam roared as loudly as the hospital would allow.

 Chris looked confused. “Tried to kill her?” He’s stopped fighting Sam by now.

 “She knew Y/N was allergic to peanuts. She asked about it over dinner. And the next morning she comes knocking with cookies she made containing peanuts and made Y/N eat it. What do you call this behaviour?”

 “No… no way.” Chris said in disbelief. “She... wouldn’t do that.”  

 “The hell she wouldn’t. She’s not going to get away with this. Y/N almost died because of her, Chris! Do you even understand what’s happening?” Sam was exasperated.

 “Chris. I think you should leave.” You told Chris. While it wasn’t all Chris’ fault and he had no control over his ex’s action, you were tired of dealing with him. Your heart was hardened and cold.

 “No, please. I want to stay. I want to talk about this.” Chris pleaded. His eyes had welled up in tears. “Please, Y/N.”

 You closed your eyes and swallowed the wave of tears that were threatening to crash through your eyes. “Fine.” You wanted to get this over with. You knew this was a conversation you’d have to have with Chris one day if not today. You just wanted this circus to end. Sam looked at you, concerned, worried. “Are you sure, Y/N?”

 You nodded at Sam. “I’ll be okay. I promise.”

 Chris dashed toward you as soon as Sam left the ward and reached out for your hand. You moved away, not allowing Chris to touch you. You were not ready.

 “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I really am. I had no idea she was capable of doing this.” Chris cried.

 You were so sick of hearing Chris apologise over and over again by now. “Stop, Chris. I don’t want to hear any apologies from you, anymore. Aren’t you tired? I’m so tired of hearing the same old apologies over and over. I don’t need your apologies. I don’t need your explanations. I don’t need anything from you. After what happened last night and this morning, I just want you and her to leave me alone. Please. I am tired.” You looked at Chris dead in the eyes as you said those words. You knew you were probably harsh on Chris, but you couldn’t hold it in.

 “I don’t know what else to say, except that I really am sorry that I brought her back into our lives. I had failed as your protector, your boyfriend.” Chris sobbed.

 “Chris. She… she needs help. And I think the only and the best person who can help her is you. I’m going to give her the benefit of doubt about the peanut cookies, and I won’t press charges. But I am sure she did what she did because she isn’t stable. Despite what she did, I shall choose to believe she is a good person who is in a bad place currently. Help her walk through this.” You were surprised, even by yourself that all the anger you had felt about Chris’ ex-girlfriend a minute ago was gone just like that.

 “I love you, Y/N. I don’t want to be with her to help her. You’re who I want to be with.” Chris implored.

 “Chris, maybe over the last three weeks that you were back in my life again, I did think there was a chance that we could be together again. But it is hard to think so anymore. I still love you, Chris. But I don’t think I can be in love with you. I admit that I had missed you so badly. I loved spending time with you over the last three weeks and I even toyed with the idea of us being back together. But I’m so tired.” You bit your tongue so hard to stop yourself from crying that you almost drew blood. “Call me selfish for pushing you away, but I think she needs you more than I need you. Help her get better, okay?” A tear escaped from the side of your eyes. The finality of the words was hitting you. You had made your decisions that you could never get back together with Chris. The pain of what happened, the sabotage from his ex-girlfriend, the whole circus show with her touching Chris at dinner… You just knew you couldn’t.

 “Y/N, no, please. Don’t push me away. I don’t want to lose you.” Chris whimpered.

 You reached out and gave Chris a hug. “I love you, Chris. You’ll always hold a special place in my heart and I know I do too in yours. This is where our relationship ends but I’ll never forget you, okay?” You felt Chris falter in your arms. “I love you, Y/N.” Chris whispered between sobbing. You hated breaking his heart but in the long run this might be kinder to him and yourself. You had no idea how long you stayed in embrace with Chris until a nurse came in and requested for Chris to leave the room so she could check on you. You looked away, refusing to watch Chris’ back as he walked out of the hospital ward. You hoped you made the right choice closing this door on Chris.

 When the nurse stepped out, Sam back came in. When you saw Sam, you immediately felt a wave of calm and security over the uncertainties. You knew you were going to be all right, with Sam there with you.

[evil-but-refined]

Night Vale has been the thing I go to for comfort since I finished it in January, and I feel like I know why

1. Night Vale has a protagonist who is very passionate about everything, even if he's passionate about hating something. He doesn't hate his job or his town, and is getting better at appreciating his family despite the stuff he and Abby went through growing up

2. The main relationship (Cecilos) has moments like A Door Ajar where there's a lack of boundaries surrounding sharing information with each other, but other than that (Which was delt with) their relationship is pretty healthy, and outside of the episodes where time was messed with it's not like they've ever had a point in time when they didn't like each other

3. The series has a wide and Diverse cast of characters. You get to know the residents of Night Vale on a very personal level, and they grow and change overtime. It makes them really stand out even though they don't always have speaking roles, and it's nice to hear about mundane day to day situations with a touch of Night Vale weirdness

4. The town itself grows and changes throughout the series and I find that beautiful. And it's not like most things where there will be one big change by the end of the series, I feel like when it inevitably reaches an end the town of Night Vale may be almost unrecognizable. And that's okay, one of the lines says something like: 'The world you're born into won't be the world you die in'

5. (This is a bit more personal), I've always been different from other people, and because of it it's hard for me to find communities that I feel welcomed into. Night Vale is a fictional town that feel like more of a home to me then anything else because it's a small town community I can be a part of without feeling like an observer. As weird as that sounds I guess. It's nice to hear these 'small town radio broadcasts' because you're pulled into that world and can feel a part of it

6. The actual irl community is also pretty chill, and I love that a lot