gonzo-rella

[gonzo-rella]

Superman (2025) characters when you're afraid of spiders

MASTERLIST | AO3

Relationship(s): Clark Kent/Superman x gn!reader (romantic if you squint, or platonic); Lois Lane x gn!reader (romantic if you squint, or platonic); Jimmy Olsen x gn!reader (romantic if you squint, or platonic); Guy Gardner/Green Lantern x gn!reader (romantic if you squint, or platonic); Kendra Saunders/Hawkgirl x gn!reader (romantic if you squint, or platonic); Michael Holt/Mr. Terrific x gn!reader (romantic if you squint, or platonic)

Warnings: Discussions of spiders and killing/not killing spiders. Author's only reference for these characters is 2025's Superman so there may be some inaccuracies/misinterpretations of the characters. (Let me know if I need to add any)

(A/N: I felt a little weird writing this one and having it be my Superman (2025) fanfic debut, I suppose because it's not a typical thing I've seen explored in fics- compared to, say, a character reacting to you getting hurt or something. I have no idea if it's something anyone would be interested in reading, but I thought I might as well post it regardless even if I can't convince myself this isn't hot garbage. This idea came from my own fear of spiders. I can coexist comfortably with certain kinds of spiders, mostly small and/or very skinny ones. Mind you, I used to be afraid of those too. But, I'm completely terrified of larger and/or chunkier spiders. I had a recent incident with a chunky/large-ish spider while I was trying to have a shower. With the spider still at large the following day, I distracted myself while showering to not let myself spend the whole shower worrying about a spider that has probably gone. Since I'm not normal about Superman (2025), I thought about how the characters might react to me bothering them about a spider. This is what became of those thoughts. I'm a little nervous that I've completely misinterpreted these characters, but hopefully I did a decent enough job. If you have any requests for Superman one-shots or headcanons please let me know!)

Of course, Clark won’t kill spiders. He values them like any other living thing. He’ll always try to leave spiders alone unless one is making you feel uneasy. He’s comfortable picking spiders up with his hands and taking them outside. Whenever he deals with a spider for you, he isn’t judgemental about it because he understands that there’s not much you can do to deal with your fear without hard work that will cause you deep discomfort. He does repeat those cliches like ‘it’s more scared of you than you are of it’, but it’s not belittling. It’s an attempt to reassure you. His priority is to alleviate your distress as best he can. If you’re still shaken up by it even after he’s gotten rid of the spider, he’ll do a thorough spider check to put you at ease.

Lois also won’t kill spiders. Her technique is the classic glass and paper method. She doesn’t have a problem with spiders- she might even kinda like them- so it’s not too much trouble for her. She isn’t judgemental about it, even if she might tease you a little- of course, it’s lighthearted and the last thing she wants is to make you feel bad or embarrassed. It’s more to lighten the mood. Her hope is that if she can make you laugh or bring some humour into the situation, it might make you feel better. She might suggest trying to take steps to conquer your fear or at least better manage it, like showing you a captured spider in the glass to get you more comfortable seeing spiders up-close. Like Clark, she tries to reassure you that there’s mostly nothing to be afraid of when it comes to spiders. But, she won’t push you too much unless you’re open to discussing it. If you don’t mind talking about it, she will ask you questions to try to get a clearer understanding of your fear. And, conversely, she’ll tell you why she thinks spiders are cool.

Jimmy is freaked out by spiders. He’ll leave them alone when they leave him alone. But, sometimes, you or he or both of you will get too freaked out to let it stay where it is. Maybe it’s in the bathtub or on the bedroom wall. The dread on his face is obvious when you ask him to deal with a spider. His feeling that this is an inconvenience for him is thinly veiled but he won’t be a dick about it. When you pick up on the fact he’s afraid of them too and that he isn’t at all eager to go near a spider, you tell him that you can try to deal with it yourself, not wanting him to go out of his comfort zone for your sake. Ultimately, he steps up to deal with it, not wanting you to be in that position. He’s not as staunchly opposed to killing spiders as Clark and Lois, but he would feel bad about it. His go-to is the peaceful cup and paper route, like Lois. Only, he’ll walk/run as fast as he can to get the spider outside and away from him as soon as possible, as though he’s carrying something that’s on fire. It will take him at least five minutes to calm down after the ordeal but he will try his best to pretend that he’s totally fine because he doesn’t want to make you feel bad.

I get the feeling that Guy is a little freaked out by spiders. However, it’s not nearly as much as Jimmy, and he does a far better job of disguising it. Even if there are other people around he will volunteer to deal with it (not that Kendra or Michael would be clamouring to get rid of a spider for you). He tries to make it seem like he’s being heroic or otherwise doing you a favour, but he does that Guy thing of being faux-humble about it, too. It’s another opportunity for him to save the day. To his credit, he tries to genuinely reassure you by insisting he can handle it and that the spider won’t get away on his watch. But, he is the kind of person to flinch or swear when a spider makes any sudden movement. He will kill spiders and not feel too bad about it, but he will listen to you if you protest against him killing it. He tries to appear cool by picking the spider up with his hands (I can see him doing this even with venomous spiders either unwittingly or to prove a point). But, he is clearly tense despite his insistence that he’s not. When he finally puts the spider down outside (he probably isn’t too gentle with it), he allows himself a shudder, but he’ll compose himself when he knows you’re there. When you thank him, he is beyond gleeful about it.

When you ask her to get rid of a spider for you, Kendra will groan but do it without protesting more than that. She seems like she wouldn’t be opposed to killing spiders. It’s the quick and easy method, after all. But, she isn’t freaked out by them, so she’s capable of humanely handling them and taking them outside without going out of her comfort zone. I feel like she’d think they’re a little gross, but she wouldn’t mind picking spiders up with her hands as long as it’s not venomous. I feel like at some point she would’ve killed spiders without a second thought. But, with Supes’ influence, she started to feel a little guilty about killing them. As much as she huffs and puffs about it when you ask her to get rid of a spider for you, she doesn’t actually mind it that much. She might not show it much but she does care about you. When you thank her for it, she’ll roll her eyes (again), but she’ll smile. She’s not as bad as Guy when it comes to relishing being a hero, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy playing the hero for you.

Michael is a little annoyed when he has to deal with spiders for you. He knows you can’t help your fear, but he doesn’t have much patience for it. At least, that’s how it seems. He finds it irrational. He’ll probably tell you as much. He might question if you really can’t deal with it on your own or let it be. Still, cold and insensitive as he might come across, he’ll get rid of spiders for you without much convincing. If the spider has gone missing in the time it’s taken for you to get him, he can use one of his gadgets to track it down. Every time you come to him about a spider, he will remind you that the vast majority of spiders don’t pose any real risk to you, so there’s no logical reason to be afraid of them. Of course, he knows that doesn’t change anything for you. He doesn’t see any need to kill spiders; the way he sees it, ethically, it wouldn’t be much different than killing Guy on the basis that he doesn’t like his presence. Every time he deals with a spider for you, he warns you that it’s the last time he’ll do it on the off-chance you’ll believe him and get someone else next time. As he’s likely told you, it’s a needless chore and he has more important things to do with his time. But, of course, he doesn’t honour that promise. He claims he isn’t into people’s emotions, yet it seems he must care a little if he still bothers to do this for you.

[gonzo-rella]

could we get a jimmy olsen x a reader thats like him in the sense they attract people and they like genuinely dont know it but jimmy sees it and mayhaps gets jelly over like the other half of the interns always staring at reader

plspls 😋🙏🏻

ooo i love that idea sm!! will definitely have a go at writing it.

[gonzo-rella]

anyone have any Superman (2025) requests? i'd mainly be interested in writing for (goddamn) Mr Terrific, Supes, Lois, Jimmy, Green Lantern and Hawkgirl. i've seen some fics based on the movie but a lot of them have fem!readers so i haven't really been able to read them because they'd make me dysphoric. also, feel free to link me any Superman fics with a gn!reader.

[gonzo-rella]

so uh should i write a fic/set of hcs where Rimmer and the reader are in a qpr? like i think it's a neat idea to have a hologram/human qpr maybe and i love the idea of asexual/aroace/arospec acespec Rimmer. and also i am dealing with some arospec stuff rn.

[gonzo-rella]

okay i'm retracting my announcement that i'm writing Pride Month fics this month to make up for only doing one Pride Month fic in actual Pride Month. i have written fuck all for this blog this past month and i don't want to rush out a fic just to stick to my promise.

i still have some queer fics in the works, so stay tuned for them!! i also have some gn!reader fics in the works. to be honest, a lot of what i write is for queer readers, regardless of whether or not it's June.

the main two fics i'm writing at the moment are Thunderbolts*-based. one's a Bucky x reader fic, the other features the whole team but focuses more on Walker (and the reader is nonbinary). i've gotten back into Red Dwarf again so i'm gonna work on the fics i started writing ages ago (and one i started writing more recently, based on Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers).

as always, feel free to send in requests. i'm currently introspecting about my place on the aro spectrum so requests based around that will likely work in your favour.

[gonzo-rella]

reblog this if you voted.

ammar is a deathly ill gazan infant whose condition has been allowed to severely deteriorate as a result of the israeli occupation. can you believe this? i can't show the images of his condition or the post will be suppressed. here are the photos.

my dear friend @murderbot has been in contact with his mother, samah, for months, and i can't begin to tell you how much she's gone through to desperately try and keep her baby alive. month after month after month, unable to keep him safe and healthy, unable to get his treatments consistently...this vicious cycle has left him incredibly weak. if she had access to consistent medical care from the beginning, i guarantee ammar would not be in the condition he is now.

and yet, here we are. ammar needs medicine weekly, and on top of that samah needs to pay to keep the medical tent she acquired for him. i'm serious, if he doesn't have this tent he could DIE. he is DYING.

NO ONE IS HELPING HIM.

i don't even know how to talk about this part. people just do not donate to ammar. i'm extremely grateful to everyone who helped cover his recent medication, truly, i am - it was the first time there were a significant number of donations outside the small number of people who have been pouring out their savings to save his life. but i can't emphasize enough, we are in this situation because he has never received regular crowdfunding support. the few people paying for his bills regularly are completely tapped out. we are not rich people. we cannot help him on our own. we need your help and it WON'T be someone else, if you ignore this then NO ONE else is going to help. i am quite literally begging you because i've watched ammar for a long time and i don't want him to die.

the payment to keep the medical tent he's in is was due days ago, the last time she missed the payment she only stayed in because her neighbors forced the tent owner to give her more time to pay. please, ammar will die if left entirely homeless.

$51 / $1091

more detailed explanation of the fee

post with her vetting and more info including her OK-ing use of this ko-fi etc

@000marie198 @dirhwangdaseul @bilal-sala7 @teriiblog @bug-slappy

@sealsdaily @jewfrogs @postanagramgenerator @vampiricvenus

@laz-laz-ace-pilot @kordeliiius @punkeropercyjackson @pureseasalt

@monstermashpotato @certifiedsexed @thatdiabolicalfeminist @rickybabyboy

@chokulit @foxgirltail @memingursa @whatcoloristhatcat @oh-hools

@pbscore @cfo-of-antifa @ophiocordyceps @featheredcritter @omegaversereloaded

@autisticmudkip @celadonwanderer @paparoach @papenathys

@halorvic @valtsv @d3adfreudian @antigonick @ramshackledtrickster

@colombogramme @theropoda @noble-kale @ghostofanonpast @turian

[gonzo-rella]

so, question time for people who read my fics and people who read and/or write reader-insert fanfiction.

ever since i started out as a reader-insert fic writer up until maybe last year (?) i used Y/N in my fics. i stopped doing that last year because i saw a lot of people in fanfic spaces discussing how they associate Y/N with low quality fics and how they don't like it because you can just use a nickname or pronouns instead. i admit there are ways to get around it, but a lot of the suggestions people give honestly don't always work, depending on the character or situation. so, as hard as i've tried to not include it, i feel like i do need to include it or a variation of it in some fics, because it make the dialogue seem more natural.

so, the question: should i go back to using 'Y/N', or is there a preferred alternative/way of writing it that works better for you?

i read a fic that uses _____ instead of Y/N, which i'm considering. but, since it's a change i've made solely for those reading my fics i'd rather have some input than make the choice entirely on my own.

[gonzo-rella]

re: this ask

i'm 1k words into something based around this prompt. i am not confident in writing for these characters nor the mcu generally just because i'm someone who gets stressed writing for worlds that heavily feature sciency shit and a lot of lore because i hate fucking things up. but regardless i'm happy with how this is turning out. it's self-indulgent and the reader is unapologetically based on the Hawkeye's adoptive kid prompt i came up with so i'm having fun. my apologies to the people who hate reader characters who get this specific.

[gonzo-rella]

I wanted to say I love our nonbinary Thunderbolts headcanons! I always enjoy x reader content that tackles gender identity because there usually isn’t content about that. I’m transmasc myself, so I appreciate the enby representation!!

I liked your version of Walker’s reaction to a nonbinary reader, it felt very in character of him. I was wondering how you think Walker would react to someone being transphobic towards Reader, outside of the group.

Anyway, I love your writing and happy pride month 🌈

happy pride month!! and ah thank you so much for this!! it means a lot. as someone who has existed for a decade in the space of reader-insert fanfic, as both a reader and a writer, representation has always mattered a lot to me. it's one of my key values as a writer in this space because i have felt that exclusion from other people's fics in the past. even before i was conscious of the queer facets of my identity, i sought out fanfiction that featured a plus size reader. i've always been fat and as a teenager fanfiction had the power to comfort me and make me feel worthy of being cared about and loved. but often that fat!reader representation was nonexistent in certain fandoms or kind of poorly written, in that it was melodramatic, out-of-character and samey. so, having been stuck reading that crap, and as someone who can rarely find fics with a specified nonbinary!reader, i do my best to write the fics i can't find but want to read.

and, thanks for the praise of my characterisation of Walker!! it's always intimidating writing for a character for the first time, so to be told i've done it 'right' really puts those worries at ease.

come to think of it, i feel like the Walker and reader dynamic i introduced in those headcanons would make for an interesting one-shot fic, one that charts Walker's progress from being an apathetic asshole to someone the reader can kind of rely on. i may well write a fic like that because i love writing dynamics that have that complexity. i can't sleep so i may well make a start on it after i've replied to this ask.

on the off chance i fail to write that fic, i'll answer this now. if i do manage to get the fic written, think of this as a preview of sorts. the dialogue may change but the sentiment remains.

so, i feel like his reaction would be dependent on how long he's known you. when he first meets you, like i said in the hcs, he's part of the problem for the most part. he's not an outright transphobe in the traditional sense of purposely invalidating trans people, but he sees it as going out of his way to afford you the basic respect of referring to you properly. he doesn't really like or respect anyone. it's nothing personal. he's got bigger things weighing on him, like his wife leaving him or the bad things he's done. it's no excuse but he doesn't realise just how harmful it is.

once he gets on board with affording you that basic respect (which happens quite quickly) and you become teammates, he becomes more able to see you as a fellow person. he isn't too clued up on the whole trans thing, so he doesn't pick up on things in the same way that your other teammates would. it's something he gets better at identifying with time, but i feel like in this earlier stage he would just kinda let you deal with things yourself, or let bucky and yelena help you deal with it instead.

but, i have a very strong image of him having a moment where everything shifts.

you're having some kind of meeting, and Valentina explains that she has concerns about you. in my hc/characterisation of the reader, they're a mutant from another universe (i'd like to think that's an apt edition to their nonbinary identity, in the same way that so many queer people align with mutant characters like the x-men). so, they're a powerful mutant, and they're openly nonbinary. it's something people aren't entirely cool with. and, Valentina expresses this in a way that indicates she probably sees some truth in it.

this is based purely on how i would react to a similar situation so apologies if this doesn't align with other readers' personalities. but, like the malice is unmistakable and he fully gets it's fucked up and he watches you just take it. you don't argue. you don't fight back. maybe you kinda agree with it too. he can see in your eyes that you're kind of resigned, as though you're used to it. that or you've shut down. normally, Bucky and Yelena will be the first ones to fight your corner. you can even see them going to retaliate when it's clear you're not going to do that for yourself. but, John beats them to it.

"Do you want to say that again?" he'd say.

and, it surprises you, that the guy who had to be goaded into gendering you correctly stepping in to defend you like that. it surprises everyone.

Val is taken aback and indignant.

"Excuse me?"

"They've saved people's lives and that's all that matters? Everyone in this room's probably killed someone, but the problem is that they're fucking nonbinary?"

you still don't say anything, and that really annoys him. he tells you to stand up for yourself, that you don't need to take this shit.

to him, this anger comes from his own experience in having to prove himself and falling short. he knows how soul-crushing it is. and, at the end of the day, he is someone who wants to do what's right. as an ex-soldier he respects people who put themselves on the line. he thinks it's barbaric that you've done that and you're expected to sacrifice part of your identity for the sake of being palatable.

hopefully, that feels in-character? i honestly can't tell. but, i'm looking forward to probably making this into a more fleshed-out one-shot.

[gonzo-rella]

Headcanons: Being Nonbinary and a Thunderbolt*

MASTERLIST | AO3

Pride Month 2025 #1

Relationship(s): The Thunderbolts/New Avengers x nonbinary!reader (platonic)

Warnings: Mentions of dysphoria, mentions of transphobia, possible typos because I'm trying to be less perfectionist about my silly little headcanon posts. (Let me know if I need to add any)

(A/N: My first MCU fic! And, my first Pride Month 2025 fic. I used to be really into the MCU back in 2019, but then my love of and interest in it dwindled post-WandaVision. I've spent the past 5 years wanting to get back into the MCU, and it was Thunderbolts* that convinced me to finally do it. I rewatched the Cap movies and the Avengers movies and finally watched Black Widow and TFATWS. I'll (probably) do a full watch through of the whole MCU ready for Fantastic Four next month. But, yeah, I really fell in love with these movies again and I can't wait to write for these characters. I wanna do a fic where the reader is Hawkeye's adopted kid and they come out to him as nonbinary, particularly with the reader having this backstory. If you'd be interested in that, let me know! Also, I wanna write romantically for Bucky, particularly with an enby reader with that same backstory. I wanna be Bucky's lameass nonbinary partner genuinely. As always, requests are open! I have no idea what to write, really, I'll add the MCU to my fandom list when I've done a full catch-up.)

You’ll be happy to know that everyone on the team is cool with the whole nonbinary thing.

Mostly.

Alexei is a little confused but has the spirit.

Definitely ‘his/her pronouns are they/them!’ energy.

He is curious but not judgemental, and if anything he thinks it’s pretty cool.

Yelena, Bucky and Ava are normal about it and don’t treat it like a big deal.

At first Bob is clearly nervous about messing up how he refers to you, so you might have to reassure him that it’s fine for him to mess up as long as he tries his best.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is Walker, who, when you first meet him, can’t give less of a shit about offending you.

He doesn’t go out of his way to do it, and he isn’t malicious about it, but I can imagine him thinking ‘oh, great’ and rolling his eyes about it.

He doesn’t strike me as someone who has queer friends. Or friends. Especially after he bashed that guy’s head in.

He misgenders you and the only apology he offers is sarcastic and otherwise insincere because he’s got bigger things to worry about, like his wife leaving him.

Of course, Bucky, Ava and Yelena will all tell him to shut up and stop being a dick.

I adore my silly little idea of Ava and Yelena misgendering him to piss him off and see how he would like it, and it isn’t long until he concedes that it’d just be less of a headache to show you some basic respect and refer to you properly.

And, he will actually come to not be bothered by referring to you properly in the end.

I feel like Ava’s main way of showing support is by being a dick to people who are dicks to you about the gender thing.

Bucky knew you long before the whole Thunderbolts/New Avengers thing.

(TLDR: My headcanon is that, after Civil War, you lived in Wakanda after Steve busted you out of prison, which gave you a chance to get to know Bucky and vice versa)

When he first met you, all he knew about you was that you had stuck your neck out to save him, something for which he was grateful.

And, if you had Steve’s stamp of approval, that was more than enough for him.

The whole ‘nonbinary’ thing was unfamiliar to him.

He’d noticed how you were referred to by Steve and the others.

He took the approach of not questioning it, despite being confused.

Not asking about it became unavoidable when you grew closer.

One night, when you were both sitting around a fire in Wakanda, he very awkwardly asked you about it, and you had a long conversation about it.

After that, he understands well enough and he gets the hang of gendering you correctly in no time.

(I’d like to think you help explain other queer concepts to him).

If someone is a dick to you, he will stand up for you.

Whether or not you can handle things yourself, he takes it upon himself to have your back, like you had his, and like he always had Steve’s.

It’s in his nature to stick up for the little guy, you know?

I’d like to think that, after Bucky and the rest of the population is revived post-blip, you remain close to him.

You wind up being his best friend by default.

And, he does his own research on queer shit because he cares that much about you and being a good friend to you.

He doesn’t admit it or bring it up.

Even though you’re friends, he feels awkward about asking you things directly too much.

Either way, it’s clear he’s done his homework.

I’d like to think, as a congressman, he does what he can to advocate for queer people like you.

I feel like Valentina would try to encourage you to be the LGBTQ+ New Avenger.

Even though, y’know, there’s probably a few fruits in that basket if you get what I’m saying.

Her image of you is one of a corporate Pride poster child- someone who can appeal to a demographic, rather than an actual person.

She will try to parade you around like her token queer associate.

Hopefully, you’ll have none of it.

Bucky and Yelena will advocate for you.

They will tell you not to do anything you don’t want to do or otherwise feel uncomfortable doing.

There’s something so compelling about a superhero who is given the opportunity to be positive, visible, real-life representation for their community whilst also knowing they’ll have to be palatable in a way that likely sacrifices facets of their own identity and experiences.

I haven’t seen much of The Boys but that’s a storyline in that show I think.

If you exclusively use they/them pronouns, or pronouns that aren’t ‘they’, ‘she’ or ‘he’, Val definitely fucks up your pronouns a suspicious amount of times for someone who likes to appear like an ally.

If you use any pronouns, she will default to the pronouns of your AGAB with the occasional ‘they’ thrown in for good measure.

She really is one of those kinds of people, I fear; someone who isn’t queerphobic but is performative in her allyship.

If/when you’re feeling dysphoric, Yelena will be there to listen to you vent.

I love the idea that Yelena will warn everyone that you’re not feeling great, and Alexei will take it upon himself to hype you up.

“Heyyy, if it isn’t the most not-woman, not-man person I know!”

He claps you on the back and looks to Yelena for approval that he just did allyship right.

Again, he’s a little confused but he’s got the spirit.

If you seem down and you’re clearly withdrawing from the rest of the team, I can imagine Bob asking you if you’re okay and stumbling over some clumsy words of comfort.

I feel like Yelena, Bucky and Bob would be more observant than the rest of your teammates when it comes to realising you’re reacting negatively to gender stuff.

They’re the ones who will catch you looking at your reflection for a few seconds too long, or obsessively readjusting your clothes or your hair, or doomscrolling through anti-trans headlines.

If you seem to be way too caught up in it, they’ll ask you if you’re alright, or otherwise try to distract you with something else (even if it’s obvious they know something’s up).

Ava will pick up on a lot of things but she is far less likely to say anything.

It’s not that she doesn’t care; it’s that she doesn’t think it’s her place to say anything because she wouldn’t be your ‘go-to’.

If she notices that you’re doomscrolling, though, I’d like to think she snatches your phone off you without a word.

You have to be so visibly bad for John or Alexei to notice.

And, even then, they might not realise it’s a gender thing.

But, if Alexei knows what’s wrong, he’ll try his best to comfort you.

He’s paternal like that.

John won’t bother saying anything.

His version of being nice is the bare minimum of not making you feel any worse.

Quickfire round:

If you’re transmasc, Alexei will offer to take you to do some stereotypically masculine activities.

He may also let you win an arm wrestling contest to make you feel better.

(If you couldn’t tell, I love the idea of Alexei being paternal to you).

If you ever want/need to go shopping for gender-affirming clothes, Yelena will be happy to go with you because clothes and other forms of self-expression mean a lot to her.

If you bind, Yelena and Bucky are really good at picking up if you’re doing it unsafely.

They will pick up on if you seem dehydrated or if your body language shows some discomfort, especially if you’re someone who isn’t great at taking care of themself.

In summary, you have some good teammates who look out for you.

[gonzo-rella]

Pride Month 2025 Masterlist

#1 - Thunderbolts*/MCU: Being Nonbinary and a Thunderbolt (headcanons)

[gonzo-rella]

apologies for the lack of pride month posts i promised!! at the start of the month i was really not well mentally for a couple of days. then, i've been sick for the past week and a bit (i feel better now!), and i've been working a lot these past couple of weeks. on a more positive note, i have been writing, just not stuff for this blog. i finally got the motivation to make a start on writing a couple of my books. i'm making slow progress but i'm still pleased with how it's going.

i am aiming to write a couple of things for this blog this weekend, or at least make a start. i'm only working three days next week so hopefully i'll get something done there.

again, feel free to send in requests!

[gonzo-rella]

do you suppose we could have a platonic thingy for wwdits where the reader meets the vampires for the first time and at one point says “fucking guy,” and it catches them all off guard?

(this is the first implication of them being one of Nandor’s descendants)

full disclosure, i haven't watched wwdits for ages now, but i intend to rewatch/finish it at some point this year. i absolutely adore this prompt so i may well do something with it when i've gotten back into the show.

[gonzo-rella]

A little late posting this, but Hani Almadhoun has posted the weekly update on the Gaza Soup Kitchen fundraiser page!

They're operating pop-up kitchens, delivering food and medicine to medical posts, and running water trucks wherever they can.

You should read about the good they're doing and donate if you can!

[gonzo-rella]

Guys I want to bring attention to the Revive Gaza’s Farmland initiative!!!! APN is working w farmers in Gaza to help restore Gaza’s agricultural sector. They’re just shy of being within 67% of their goal at the moment. Please show them some love by donating & spreading the word

[gonzo-rella]

Let me know if you have any Pride Month requests (i.e. fic requests that involve an explicitly queer reader). I have a Red Dwarf fic with an asexual reader in the works, and a set of hcs about being a nonbinary Thunderbolt. That's about it. I might write some hcs about being Clint Barton's nonbinary (adopted) kid because I want to pretend he's my dad. So, yeah, check out my requesting rules and my fandom list. I haven't put the MCU or X-Men on my fandom list yet just because I'm not 100% confident that I can write for those universes, but feel free to send some requests for those anyway.

[gonzo-rella]

That means the absolute world to me; thank you so much!! I'm so glad you got that out of something I wrote.

Not-A-Woman | Arnold Rimmer

MASTERLIST | AO3

Note: In this fic, the reader is AFAB and nonbinary. This fic positions the notion of being perceived as a woman as being the worst thing in the world for the reader. But, hopefully it is clear that this is because the reader is trans and they have a lot of dysphoria around how they're perceived, and not because there's something wrong with being a woman. I felt that making this clarification in-story would only read as clunky, so I decided to include it here.

Relationship(s): Arnold Rimmer x AFAB!nonbinary!reader (implied romantic); Dave Lister x AFAB!nonbinary!reader (platonic; mentioned)

Summary: Who would have known that Arnold Judas Rimmer wasn't so bad at the whole 'counselling' thing after all?

Warnings: Gender dysphoria, references to periods (reader is implied to have periods), references to misogyny (Rimmer makes a very Rimmer comment that reflects his character and not the views of this author), canon-typical humour (or a Gen Z's attempt at that), jokes about suicide (again, nothing more extreme than you'd get in canon). (Let me know if I need to add any)

Word count: 3k

(A/N: This is incredibly self-indulgent, written solely with my own personal enjoyment in mind. This is my first fic I started writing for Red Dwarf, about a week after I'd started watching the show. It's weird to think I've only had this show for a month and it's already so dear to me. I've finished writing a different Red Dwarf one-shot since then, which you can find here. Red Dwarf, and Rimmer specifically, has gotten me back into writing reader-insert fanfic and it's been a lot of fun to rediscover my love for it, and to have two fics that I'm so proud of. I have a couple of other Rimmer fics in the works, one of which is a sequel to my Terrorform fic, but feel free to send in requests. I want to write a Lister fic at some point but I'm stumped for ideas, so feel free to send in suggestions for him as well.)

It had been something innocuous that had set this whole thing off. Lister had saved you from the latest thing that meant you harm- it felt like a weekly occurrence at this point. Had he not intervened, you would have died, or at least gotten a nasty wound. Normally, you would have been suitably grateful that your friend hadn’t let you die, but something about this time bugged you. It really bugged you. It wriggled under your skin like a familiar parasite, feasting at your innards and your patience. Lister had saved you, like he had all those other times, and yet you could hardly look at him without wanting to tear off your own skin, or his skin for that matter. It was a strange kind of resentment. You were consumed by this restless annoyance, but you felt guilty enough about it to hole yourself up in your room to avoid saying something you would regret, as well as to be perceived as minimally as possible. You hid your body beneath a rotation of objects: a blanket you wrapped tightly around you (just not tight enough to fit the shape of your body), a cushion you hugged to your chest, and the most oversized top you owned.

No one thought much of it when you decided not to join them for a well-earned dinner and drinks. After all, you were tired- that’s what you told them, anyway. They didn’t have to know that you stayed up about as long as them, drinking alone in your room. But, they took notice when there was no sign of you the next day.

The first of them to check in with you was Kryten, who had gone through the trouble of making you lunch. He asked you if you were okay, an understandable question, and you assured him you were fine. He picked up that something wasn’t right, so he asked if you were sick. You decided to lie and told him that you were on your period. You hoped it would be enough of an excuse to explain away your absence without causing any alarm, and that your crewmates, all men or man-adjacent (besides Holly), would be too overwhelmed by the concept of a period to even think of bothering you.

Unfortunately, Lister wasn’t bothered by your fictitious period like you had hoped. Later that day, he turned up at your door. He invited you to do something- you weren’t paying attention so you had no idea what exactly it was, but you guessed it probably involved alcohol, curry and/or poker, seeing as that’s all you guys seemed to do. You declined, a little bluntly, using the excuse that you weren’t feeling up to it, whatever it was. ‘You know how periods can be,’ you had said. He wasn’t convinced that everything was fine- as fine as it could be while you were on your period- but it had only been one day. He could give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that you really were this wiped out. So, he left you to it. You’d be back to normal soon enough, you assured him. Anything to get him to go away. And, really, you had thought you’d be fine within the next couple of days.

But, you didn’t leave your room the next day, either. Kryten delivered you some food. And, Lister tried to coax you out again with some activity or another. You declined. So, he asked you if you were alright. You told him you were fine. But, he really didn’t believe it this time. He asked again. No luck. So, he told you to come talk to him when you were ready. That made you feel worse.

Another day went by and you hadn’t taken him up on his offer. If he wasn’t worried before, he certainly was now.

Nothing could have prepared you for Rimmer throwing his hat in the ring. Your best guess was that he had put himself forward. You could imagine Lister scoffing at the idea and Rimmer going ahead with it anyway. Thinking about Lister further soured your already displeased expression, which also came with an inevitable wave of guilt. Your lack of enthusiasm did nothing to deter Rimmer, who invited himself in without hesitation. You watched him from your bed.

“I thought it might be worth checking in. You haven’t left this room in days and it’s safe to say we’re all growing a bit concerned.”

You might have been touched and more receptive to his presence if he wasn’t speaking with the tone of a teacher.

“All of you? Even Cat?”

“Well, no. Perhaps not Cat. In fact, the next time you see him, you might very well have to re-introduce yourself.”

You rolled your eyes as he paced around the room, making a failed attempt at pretending as though he wasn’t closely examining it for any sign of whatever he was looking for.

“I think you’d better leave, Arnie. I know about the Lemming Sunday incident and with how I’m feeling right now I’m worried there’ll be a repeat of it if you keep talking to me.”

He was clearly caught off-guard by the comment. He thought for a moment, then let out a deep exhale.

“I suppose I can call a meeting and arrange a rota for suicide watch.”

Given he was discussing the topic of suicide watch, his tone was perhaps inappropriately casual.

You shot him a glare, already sick of him. Normally, you were the first to defend him, but this conversation was giving you a glimpse into how Lister, Cat and Kryten must have seen him.

“I was joking. Mostly. But, I wasn’t joking about wanting you to go away.”

“You know, whatever’s bothering you-”

“Nothing’s bothering me. I told Kryten, I’m on my period. So, I don’t want to be disturbed-”

He raised his finger to interject.

“Ah, about that.”

You squoze your eyes shut and rolled your head back. You were sure whatever he was about to say was going to annoy you. The last thing you needed was Rimmer’s input on the subject of menstruation.

“Holly says you’re not due a visit from Auntie Flo for another two weeks and three days. So, I’m afraid that’s the end of that excuse.”

You straightened up, eyes wide as you stared at him in bewilderment. 

“Holly tracks my cycle?”

“I’m sure she’ll start giving you a few day’s warning if you ask her to.”

“That’s not-”

“Now, I suggest you start talking.”

“For God’s sake, Rimmer, I’m depressed, not a prisoner of war.”

“Aha! So, you admit it. You’re depressed.”

He seemed far too gleeful about that revelation. You looked at him blankly.

“I thought you’d figured that out already.”

“It’s one thing to reach a conclusion based on pure intuition, but it’s another kettle of fish wrenching out a confession- so masterfully, might I say.”

“Okay, well, you’ve got your ‘confession’. Can you smeg off now?”

“I’m afraid not. This is what we call a ‘safeguarding issue’.”

“If you weren’t a hologram, I’d give you a ‘safeguarding issue’.”

“Now, now, there’s no need to get hostile,” Rimmer tried. He thought for a moment; you assumed he was trying to recall some advice he had read in a book about negotiation or interrogation. “Alright, would you rather speak to Lister about whatever this is?”

The glare you directed at him sent a chill down his spine, or the hologram equivalent of that sensation.

“No.”

Realisation settled on his features, and what followed was a wave of smugness. Amidst his pride, he smirked and folded his arms. He paced victoriously.

“Ah. So, you’ve fallen out with old Listy, eh? What is it, then? A playground squabble? A lover’s tiff?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

He wavered.

“Hang on a minute. Are the pair of you-”

“We’re just mates, Rimmer. I don’t fancy Lister and Lister doesn’t fancy me. Believe it or not, I can be friends with a bloke. Men and women can be friends. And, I’m not even a woman, so that doesn’t even apply here anyway.”

Rimmer, thankfully, was clueless as to what to say. Before he could attempt to string together a sentence that would most likely compel you lob a chair through him, you continued, softening your tone a tad.

“Look, Arnie, I’ll be fine in a few days. Give me some time and it’ll be like this never happened.”

“And, until then?”

“I don’t know. I’ll manage. I always do.��

Rimmer’s gaze landed on your wastebasket, which could best be described as a growing mountain of empty cans. His eyes widened in alarm. He hadn’t been observant enough to notice them before.

“Christ, are those from the past three days?”

You shrugged.

“That’s how I’ll manage.”

He sighed.

“Trust me, I can understand loathing Lister with the burning passion of a billion suns-”

“I don’t-”

“But, I’ve never withdrawn like a maladjusted hermit and stumbled down the slippery slope of alcoholism because of it.”

He seemed genuinely concerned, so much so that you couldn’t bear to keep looking at him. You were hyper-aware of the fact that he was looking at you- watching you with a softness you scarcely saw from him. It was kind of nice, but also mortifying. As tender as it was, you weren’t exactly in a mindset where you wanted to be perceived. You shifted uncomfortably and shook your head.

“You wouldn’t get it, Arn.”

“Go on. Try me.”

Maybe Rimmer would understand. He knew a thing or two about self-hatred and insecurity, after all. You took a deep breath before speaking.

“Lister always saves me from being killed or hurt or anything.”

Rimmer’s brows knitted in confusion.

“The bastard?”

You paused and shut your eyes for a moment.

“I know we’re mates and that’s why he bothers to not let me die, and I appreciate it. I really do. But, I dunno. Sometimes it feels like him and all the rest of you lot see me as a girl because I’m not a full-on bloke. And, I guess, whenever he saves me from things it’s like I’m just some damsel in distress to you guys- like no matter what, I’ll always be at least woman-adjacent.”

Rimmer exhaled from his nose.

“Trust me, if Lister saw you as a woman, he’d be on you like the foul odour on his… everything,” Rimmer insisted. “What does it matter what he thinks of you, anyway?”

“He’s my mate. And, the thought of him- or anyone- seeing me as a woman makes me feel a bit sick because that’s really not who I am.” You paused. “Do you see me as a woman, Arnie?”

“I thought this was about Lister.”

“So, is that a yes?”

“No. Were it a yes, I would have said, well, yes.”

“But, you didn’t say no. Not right away. You dodged the question. So now it feels like you do see me as a woman.”

There was an undertone of panic in your voice.

“I don’t see you as a woman.”

“Then, why didn’t you just say that straight away?”

“Because, no one ever cares to hear my opinion on anything. I was taken by surprise.”

You glanced at him, half-pitying, half-apologetic.

“Oh.”

There was a brief moment of awkward silence.

“Well, why does it matter if Lister sees you as a woman or if I see you as a woman?”

“When you phrase it like that, it seems like you do see me as a woman.”

He tipped his head back in frustration.

“Neither of us see you as a woman! But, I have to tell you, this hysteria really isn’t helping your case.”

Your growing fondness for Rimmer came crashing down. Of course it was too good to be true. And, oh, he had been doing so well.

“Misogyny. Nice. Can you actually smeg off now, you total-”

“It’ll take more than accusations about my character and childish insults to get rid of me.”

You could have throttled him. Well, technically speaking, you couldn’t.

“Are you really that stubborn that you won’t leave me alone?”

“This isn’t about me. You’re having some sort of crisis and I don’t think hiding in your room like a recluse and drinking enough to kill a horse is doing you any good.”

He had you there.

“Right, well, what do you want me to do, Arnie? Because, that’s all I feel like doing right now. I don’t want to be looked at. Not when people look at me and see me as something I’m not. And, not when he’s there to remind me of what a failure I am as… not-a-woman.”

Rimmer cleared his throat.

“Well, then, perhaps I’d better leave. I wouldn’t want my masculinity to make you feel inadequate.”

Well, you certainly hadn’t expected that. Your eyes widened with shock. You stifled a laugh. The corners of your lips stretched into a smile, one you hid behind your fist. You chewed on your finger and turned your head away from him. He sent you a look of confusion and mild indignation.

“What’s so amusing?”

You shook your head. 

“Nothing. Nothing.”

Rimmer placed his hands on his hips. Your body shook with laughter that you tried to keep as quiet as possible. You felt so mean but you couldn’t help it.

“You don’t think I’m masculine?”

You managed to compose yourself a bit to answer him, taking in several deep breaths.

“It’s not that! I’m so sorry, Arnie. You’re a perfectly acceptable man.”

“Then, why are you laughing?”

“It took me by surprise.”

Rimmer shook his head.

“I see how it is. Tell me, then, what is it that makes David Lister a veritable paragon of machismo?”

You chewed your nail, thinking for a moment. You paused. You sighed.

“I’m sorry for laughing at you, Arn. Will you please let me explain?”

After a moment of hesitation, he let out a huff.

“Very well. Go on.”

“Dave’s a proper laddy lad, you know? He’s confident in his own bloke-ish-ness. He’s, like, the quintessential bloke. He drinks beer, he tends to be handy to have around, he’ll shamelessly wear curry-stained clothes that haven’t been washed in a year,” you explained. “I mean, you’re far from laddy- and, no offence, you can be a bit pathetic sometimes- but you’re still a man. Cat’s a bit metrosexual but he’s taken seriously as a man. And, Kryten: he’s not even technically a man but that’s how we treat him and it’s probably right for him. You’re all men and you all do it so differently but it doesn’t change how people see that part of you.”

You folded your arms tightly over your chest.

“But, then there’s me. I’m not a woman. I’m not a man. But, it feels like because I’m not a man and all of you are, other than Holly, I’m a woman by default because I’m ‘closer to being a woman’ than the rest of you or something because that’s how I was born. So, I get it in my head that everyone sees me as a woman, because I’m driving myself mad with the ‘woman things’ I have. And, it really gets to me how you can all just be men so differently and effortlessly and I can’t have that for myself.”

You rolled your head back, squeezing your eyes shut.

“It’s no one’s fault how I was born or how I am- not even mine. But, I know it’s all down to me, to deal with how I’m feeling. So sorry for being a bitter, miserable prick. That’s why I was trying to avoid all of you until it stopped.”

You had been going on for so long about your abject misery that you had forgotten you were talking to Arnold Judas Rimmer, who Lister had once described as having all the gentleness of a prostate exam from Freddy Krueger. But, when you finally dared to look at him again, you were met with that same soft expression from earlier. Your shoulders sank, a sense of relief washing over you.

“You know, if you feel you must try to emulate Lister, his drinking habits certainly aren’t what I would attempt to mimic,” he finally said. “It makes him an idiot, not any more of a man.”

You laughed weakly. “I suppose you’re right.”

“And, for what it’s worth, I think you’re a perfectly acceptable… not-a-woman.”

“Thanks, Arn.”

He carried on looking at you, thoughtful. You stole another glance at him. When your eyes met, your heart skipped a beat and warmth flooded your stomach.

“You’re not actually going to do anything stupid, are you?”

“Probably not.”

He appeared dissatisfied by your answer.

“No. I’m not actually going to do anything stupid, Arn.”

“Good.”

You smirked.

“‘Good’ because me killing myself would somehow inconvenience you or ‘good’ because you care about me?”

He hesitated.

“A bit of both.”

You grinned.

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. I’ll take that.”

“So, are you feeling better, then?”

“A bit. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. And, I’d say you’ve earned the right to tell them they were wrong about you being able to help me.”

He knitted his brows.

“How did you know about that?”

“Intuition.”

– – –

“Hang on a minute, are you seriously saying that Rimmer made you feel better?”

Lister leaned back in his chair, eyeing you incredulously and with clear unease. 

You nodded. 

“Yeah. He did.”

After Rimmer had helped you feel better, you didn’t mind that he was eager to parade you in front of the crew to tell them that he’d done a good job despite their misgivings.

“Arnold Rimmer?”

“Yep.”

“Arnold Judas Rimmer?”

“Yes.” 

Lister got up and pointed directly at an indignant Rimmer.

“That git?”

“He might be a git-”

Rimmer folded his arms.

“Excuse me!”

“But I appreciated his help anyway.”

Lister huffed and sat back down.

“Well, I suppose all that matters is that you’re feeling better.”

Still, he seemed unsettled, while Rimmer was able to return to being smug. You thought it was kind of sweet, but it was obvious that Lister didn’t share that sentiment, judging by the way he was massaging his temple.

“And, to think,” Rimmer said with a self-satisfied smile. “You were so vehemently against me offering my counselling services.”

Cat casually strolled into the room, carefree as usual. When he passed you, he did a double-take, then he looked between Rimmer and Lister with confusion.

“Who’s that?”