#I am just trying to not think about that fact that this is almost my full months pay. aha.
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
bumblebeerror · 2 days ago
Text
I am not a professional researcher. I am an amateur googler.
When I look up something presented as fact, I have a few rules for me to accept that the statement is true:
Ideally, when you search the fact presented, every site that isn’t an ad SHOULD be saying almost the same thing. This isn’t a guarantee - still investigate those sources - but generally this is my first hurdle. Does the search page generally say that fact is true. If nothing seems to agree, there’s a good chance it’s not true.
After that, it’s time to move on to checking the sites saying it, and I have a sort of tierlist for sources. First just look through the presented URLs and determine if they’re majority .com/.net or if they’re .org/.edu.
.com and .net sites are not, generally, proper sources. .com denotes a community, and .net denotes a network. .org and .edu are my bread and butter, because .org denotes an organization and .edu denotes a school. In sources, I would consider this the bare minimum of a source. It’s likely to still be somewhat biased, .orgs especially.
If the thing I’m looking up is news, I want to find at least 6-9 articles from different news sources, .net and .com are acceptable for this so long as you recognize the news outlet (example: CNN, HuffPost). You want this spread because even though these are news orgs, they are biased news orgs. Find an array of sources to help you get a clearer picture of what is actually happening.
However, some sites are more credible because of the organization associated with them - The Mayo Clinic or the Cleveland Clinic are more reliable sources than just any old .org or .edu. This includes recognizable colleges, medical research, etc. Harvard, WHO, CDC, so on. These organizations have a reputation to uphold and are more likely to update or revise old information as needed to uphold that reputation. Just make sure the link actually goes to those orgs.
Wikipedia is not a source for schoolwork, BUT, under each article is a list of sources for the page, and these are generally credible sources. Often they lead to research papers, primary sources, and historical documents. If the thing you’re looking up has a Wikipedia page, check the sources here. Generally, when just fact checking, Wikipedia is good enough so long as the listed sources are legit. They usually are - often each page is independently reviewed by other users who care very deeply about the info being accurate, but just check anyways.
Finally, once you’ve found what you think are credible sources: actually open them up and read them. Dont just trust the headline - especially in news, they are trying to get your attention. Put in the effort and at least skim a few of your chosen sources.
I am becoming aware of the effect a lack of trust in the media has had on people, paired with a dearth of research skills.
13K notes · View notes
stllmnstr · 3 days ago
Text
sure thing – part one.
Tumblr media
pairing: yang jungwon x f reader
genre: coworkers au, underground boxer jungwon
part one word count: 12.9k
warnings: swearing, descriptions/depictions of physical violence, blood and minor injuries, jealousy, a bit of a love triangle I’m SORRY, blonde boxer jungwon because yes I think that does warrant a warning, I had to split this into 2 parts because post block limit got me everyone say BOOOOO TUMBLR!!!!!!
note: this is what happens when you watch the no doubt music video and then also listen to too much chase atlantic. ALSO let me duck before the sacred monsters readers start throwing tomatoes at me I PROMISE I am working on part 4 I just... had this idea and it would not leave me alone. but cheers to another fantastic enhypen release (daydream and no doubt are both on repeat for meeeeee) and to my first jungwon fic. enjoy!
⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖
An employee in the marketing department of a large company, your days are filled with poorly worded emails, unrealistic deadlines, and passive aggressive friendly reminders from your superiors. On a particularly awful afternoon, a chance encounter with a coworker from the programming department down the hall is the first thing to make you smile in weeks.
But the more you uncover about Yang Jungwon and his mysterious injuries, flimsy excuses, and always occupied Friday nights, the more you begin to realize that you really don’t know him at all.
⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖
The printer is jammed.
It takes a very exaggerated eye roll and an embarrassing amount of self control to refrain from kicking the damn thing. Besides, you’re pretty sure your previous wording was too kind. 
Because a more accurate depiction of the situation would be:
The printer is jammed. Again. 
You’re not sure which cruel deity is responsible for the creation of Monday afternoons, but you’re sure they’re laughing at you now. Dressed in business casual and praying against all odds that the clock hanging on the office wall will start ticking a little faster, you almost wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole. Spare you from your misery 
And it’s not like a jammed printer is the end of the world. From a logical, unbiased point of view, you’re sure it’s nothing but a small, easily solvable problem. 
But it’s four pm on a Monday afternoon and you’ve had back-to-back meetings since you clocked in at eight this morning. The only real break you had lasted twelve minutes. Most of which were spent dabbing coffee stains from your blouse after Terry from accounting knocked into you in the staff kitchen. 
Your head is pounding and your feet are aching and your bladder is overly full and your left bra strap is starting to dig into your shoulder in a way that is entirely too overstimulating. 
And you really, really just need this report to print. 
After all, your boss made it very clear that you would not be clocking out for the day, no matter what hour of the evening it is, until said document is laid on his desk. Never mind the fact that you weren’t made aware of this demand until a handful of hours ago. 
So yeah, the printer jamming – again – does kind of feel like the end of the world. 
The screen is still flashing with an angry reminder to fix the paper jam in Tray 2. The instructions are starting to blur a little as you furiously blink away hot tears. 
You won’t cry at work. You won’t.
But your exhaustion is catching up with you, and the first thing it usually takes with it is your control over your emotions. 
The more you try to will them away, the more insistently they want to escape. 
Bent over the printer, you’re in the middle of trying to dislodge a particularly stubborn piece of A4 when the first tear finally does escape. It falls in a thick, wet train down the length of your cheek, settling for a moment at the base of your chin before dripping, a little pathetically, right onto the stack of papers in the printer tray. 
Your hands go slack on the sheet you’re warring with. 
For a moment, all you can do is sigh. Hang your head and hope some higher power takes pity on you. 
Stressed, burnt out, overworked. This was not how you thought you’d be spending your early twenties. But a salary is a salary, and fighting with an inanimate object on the worst day of the week keeps your lights on and your stomach full. 
Hunched over, you’re suddenly glad that the printer is kept in a separate room outside of the main office space. That there are no witnesses to your slightly pathetic meltdown.
Save for a few, it’s not like you care all that much about what your coworkers think of you. But the last thing you need to add to this day is a fresh bout of humiliation. 
Just one more minute, you tell yourself. One more minute of silence before you pull yourself together and finish dislodging the stupid piece of paper. 
It must be at least 4:10 by now, which means you have less than an hour to go. You can do it. You can. You just need one more minute of silen–
“Everything okay?” 
The sudden intrusion is so startling that your head jerks up in a subconscious reaction. Only, of course, to be met with the open printer tray you’re currently trying to troubleshoot. 
The clunk that echoes through the tiny printer room as your temple comes in direct contact with hard plastic is almost as loud as it is painful. 
“Ah,” you wince, hand instinctively flying to the side of your head. 
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, ____.” You’re not sure if your hesitation comes from embarrassment or the fact that you head is still spinning. Either way, you’re slow to move as you look up at your sudden audience. 
Over your shoulder, Yang Jungwon has nothing but apologies written all over his delicate features. Brow pulling into a concerned frown, he’s quick to kneel to your level. 
If anyone was going to find you like this, you suppose you’re glad it was him. A recent hire fresh out of university, Jungwon has carved out a quiet kind of reputation for himself in the office. 
His presence isn’t commanding, but it is steady. The kind of person that you never see get worked up or angry or even annoyed no matter how many last minute deadlines are assigned or how many printers get jammed when he really needs to use them. 
And from what you’ve gathered, he mostly keeps to himself. It’s not from a lack of effort on your coworkers’ behalf. You know firsthand that he’s been invited to multiple post work gatherings and weekend events. 
His popularity doesn’t exactly surprise you. Even with his quiet demeanor, he has a striking presence. One that makes you curious, leaves you wanting to know more. 
Never mind the fact that he’s absolutely gorgeous. 
Still, despite their efforts, you also know that he’s politely declined each and every invitation without ever giving any real explanation. 
In all honesty, you’ve always just assumed there was a girlfriend he was eager to run home to. 
But even that is nothing more than a mindless assumption. After all, you’ve only had a few interactions with him, and nothing beyond the typical small talk all office workers develop a talent for. 
Even now, he makes the simple button down and slacks he’s wearing look like they came right from a runway. 
You’re not quite sure why, but it almost makes you want to cry harder. 
At the very least, you’re pretty sure you don’t need to worry about rumors of you having a minor meltdown in the printer room spreading through the office. Jungwon might be a hot topic of office gossip, but he’s not one to spread it.
“I am so sorry,” he repeats, “I didn’t mean to startle you.” His words are spilling out a bit too fast, blurring into each other around the edges. “I just saw you in here, and I couldn’t tell if you were okay or not, so I wanted to–”
“Jungwon,” you interrupt. There’s no kind way of telling him that his rambling is only making your headache worse. That it’s only making your tears fall faster. Instead, you abet his misplaced guilt. “It’s okay. I’m fine.”
A bit shakily, you muster up your most convincing smile. But your smudged mascara, slightly puffy eyelids, and still visible tear track suggest otherwise. 
Jungwon’s brow just pulls together a little further. “Are you sure?” He’s unconvinced. Taking a wary glance at the printer tray, he looks back to you with concern in his eyes. “That sounded like it hurt.”
“Really,” you force another weak smile. “I’m sure.”
“Can I at least take a look at it?” Guilt is still written plain as day across his face. 
Assuming he’s referring to the printer, you nod before taking one big scooch to the side. Within the confines of this tiny room, it only puts you closer to him. 
And it takes less than a second for you to realize your assumption was wrong. Because Jungwon doesn’t reach for that stupid piece of A4 still jammed inside Tray 2 or even the printer tray that just nearly concussed you. 
No, instead, his long fingers trek a steady path towards your hand. The one that still rests against your temple. Gently, he pries it away, replacing it with his own careful touch.
You’re all but immobile as gentle fingers press lightly against the side of your face, adjusting it slightly. His fingers are cool, soothing as he turns your injury towards the overhead light. 
Pliant in his hands, it’s all you can do to watch as his brow furrows in concentration, eyes scanning over your skin. Taking the skin of your bottom lip between your teeth, you pray he doesn’t notice the sudden heat in your cheeks. 
From this angle, with this proximity, you can practically count his eyelashes. They’re long, you notice. Long and wispy where they frame his dark eyes. 
“No broken skin,” he finally asserts. You can feel his breath against your skin. It takes nearly all your concentration to suppress the shiver that threatens to trace your spine. “But I wouldn’t be surprised if it bruises. There’s a bit of swelling, too. Keep an eye on it these next few days, and let me know if it doesn’t go down on its own.” 
You’re not exactly sure if Jungwon – quiet, gentle Jungwon – would be the first person you’d go to for first aid advice, but you nod anyway. 
And you’re not sure where it comes from, the sudden urge to cry again. But somewhere between the pain in your head and the soft probing of his fingers against your skin, emotions are starting to bubble beneath your stoic facade. 
It’s subtle, barely perceivable, but you can feel your bottom lip beginning to quiver. 
Much to your unending humiliation, you’re not the only one who notices. 
You’re not sure how he does, but he does. 
“Hey,” Jungwon tries. His hand is still on your face. His voice is impossibly soft, and it only makes you want to cry harder. You feel like a skittish kitten he’s trying to lure in from a rainstorm. 
His lips part as if he’s going to continue. They fall shut again before he can. 
Something in his brow softens. Concern is replaced with empathy. 
Hand falling back to his side, he suddenly changes the subject. “You’re in the marketing department, right?”
Lips still trembling, you turn your eyes towards the floor before giving him a small nod.  
From this angle, the only thing you see are his shoes. Standard leather work shoes, they’re slightly scuffed where they rest against the carpet. 
They still look formal, of course. Nothing that would raise any eyebrows in a professional setting. And from far away, you’re sure they appear pristine. 
But from this close, you can make out all sorts of rough edges. Little marks and dents and scuffs that serve as evidence of where he’s been. 
“Why don’t you head home for the day,” Jungwon suggests gently from above you. “I’ll let your team and your supervisor know that you’re not feeling well.” 
You take a deep breath, do your best to make sure your voice is steady before you respond. Shaking your head, you point out, “It’s almost the end of the day anyway–”
“Exactly,” Jungown nods, kind but firm. “There’s nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow.”
“Actually,” you grimace, trying not to let the truth inspire another round of tears. “I need the report I was trying to print. I have to turn it in before I leave today.”
There’s a beat of silence. You’re worried that Jungwon will keep offering you too much kindness, so you rush to fill it. “It’s fine, though. I think the paper jam is almost fixed, and I already sent the report to the printer, so I’m sure it will come through in a minute–”
“Perfect,” Jungwon interrupts again. “I’ll take it to your boss, then. Alan, right? I’ve spoken with him before. I’ll also let him know that you went home for the day.”
“Jungwon, you don’t have to–”
“I know.” At the interruption, your eyes snap back to him. There’s an intensity in his eyes when you match his gaze. Something so sincere that it’s hard to look away. Even though you know your eyes are still shiny with tears you wish you’d hidden better. Even if the stress and exhaustion and weariness are probably written plain as day across your features.
“I know,” he repeats. “I want to. Go home and get some rest, okay?”
It’s probably stupid, to agree so easily. But something in his eyes has you believing, even if just for a moment, that everything will be just fine if you do what he suggests. That all of your concerns and worries will work themselves out and you’ll be able to come into the office tomorrow feeling refreshed for once. For the first time in a long time. 
So you nod. You let him help you up off the floor and don’t bother hiding your face as you wipe the last of your unshed tears from your eyelashes. It probably only smudges your mascara further, but you can’t find it in yourself to care about that, either. 
The printer is still jammed and your report isn’t turned in and you’ll have to walk past your entire team back to your desk to get your things on your way out. 
But for this fleeting moment, those worries feel small. Distant. Manageable. Able to be tucked away and saved for later. 
You still don’t know much about Jungwon. The only knowledge you have comes from speculation and wishful thinking. But now, more than ever, you really wish you knew something of substance. 
But you have no idea how to tell him that. Don’t know if you even should. So instead, you say what you can. 
“Thank you, Jungwon.”
For a moment, all he does is smile. It’s small, but it reaches his eyes. Makes them sparkle a little brighter. 
His voice, like the rest of him, is gentle when he says, “Sure thing, ___.”
…..
Despite the fact that it accounts for roughly eighty percent of your job, you prefer to avoid your email inbox like the plague. 
Most days, by the time you do get around to checking it, it’s already jam packed with unreasonable requests and last-minute changes and passive aggressive friendly reminders from your superiors. 
When you sit down at your desk on Tuesday morning, you’re extra reluctant. After the printer fiasco yesterday, you’re feeling particularly sensitive to all of the potential bullshit. And you have the distinct feeling that a rather nasty message about leaving the office early unannounced is surely waiting for you. 
But the inevitable can only be delayed so long. With a wince and a final swig of coffee, you muster the courage to give the mail icon on your desktop a double click. 
The top of your inbox is filled with the usual nonsense. A request for a meeting tomorrow morning on a project idea you’ve had finalized for months. An RSVP form for the optional, but highly encouraged, upcoming staff party. A reminder from your boss that final quarterly reports need to be submitted by Friday at the latest. 
A few lines down, though, something out of the ordinary catches your eye. Checking the time stamp, you see that it was sent right as the day started. 
Subject: Printer Issue Follow-Up
Contemplating for a moment, you frown. The first floor of Vesselsoft is no stranger to printer jams. They’re typical occurrences, not major problems to be resolved via email. You didn’t think there was a printer issue to follow up on. 
But it’s far more intriguing than anything else on your work account. So, ignoring all of the other messages, you open the email from Jungwon. 
Good morning ____, 
I hope you’re doing well. I wanted to let you know that the workroom printer jam has been fixed, and your report was delivered safe and sound yesterday evening. I also wanted to check in and see how your head is feeling. 
Best, 
Jungwon
You reread it. Once. Twice. 
It’s a simple message, all things considered. But it has you searching for subtext where there likely isn’t any. If anything, this serves as a confirmation of what you already knew about Jungwon. 
He’s kind. Considerate. The type of person that would help you fix a jammed printer and check in on you the next morning. Right when he clocks in. 
The type that could probably tell that your head was the least of your concerns yesterday, but still chooses to ask how you’re doing  without drawing excess attention to it. 
For a moment, you almost wish he would make a habit of attending after hours work events. You have the distinct feeling that sucking up to your superiors would be a little less awful if someone like him was around to do it with you. 
From: You
Subject: Re: Printer Issue Follow-Up
Good morning Jungwon, 
Thank you for resolving that printer issue! And thank you for checking in. My head is feeling much better today. 
Thanks again, 
____
After a final once over, you press the send button, watching as the animation shows the message flying out from your inbox. 
You imagine it flying into his. It’s subconscious, the way you start to picture what his face will look like when he sees it. 
You know he’s in the programming department, which is on the same floor as your office. Honestly, you’re a bit surprised you haven't seen him around more. 
Will he smile, you wonder. Will he have that same, gentle fondness in his eyes he seems to carry with him everywhere?
You don’t get an answer to that particular question, but you do learn that Jungwon is an incredibly prompt communicator. 
It’s barely been ten minutes before your inbox is chiming again. 
Subject: Re: Printer Issue Follow-Up
Sure thing, ___. Glad to hear it. 
Jungwon
You can’t hide the small smile that threatens to turn the corners of your lips upward. It’s not like he’s done anything particularly groundbreaking. But even bits of kindness have become a bit of a rarity for you these days.
You can’t think of anyone else in the office that would insist on sending you home thirty minutes early and offer to finish up your work for you. You can’t think of anyone else who would have navigated yesterday’s fiasco with as much gentle care as he did.
You can’t remember the last time someone bothered to consider you. To lighten your load when they noticed you starting to sink under the weight of it. 
So you’re smiling. Despite the fact that it’s still a Tuesday morning and you have a long week ahead of you. Despite the fact that you’re still very much locked into a job you mostly despise. 
Mentally, you make a note to give some gesture of your gratitude. To do something that will brighten his day a bit, too. 
But you don’t know him. Don’t know how he takes his coffee or if he has a favorite brand of ballpoint pen or if he could use an extra favor from someone in the marketing department. All the sorts of things that coworkers do to show a little bit of appreciation. 
But the universe, at least in part, seems to be on your side today. 
When you head into the staff kitchen for your mid-morning coffee refill, you find it already occupied. 
It’s a bit ridiculous, the way you suddenly feel flustered. Have the urge to smooth your hair, fix your blouse. 
He has his back turned to you, and it takes you nearly half a minute of contemplation to decide whether or not to say something. In the end, the decision is made for you. 
Your phone lights up with an urgent request that you check over the second half of the report you – well, Jungwon – submitted last night. 
Sighing, you turn away from the kitchen. Your second cup of coffee, and a conversation with a certain programmer, will just have to wait. 
You do, however, notice one last thing before you go. Watching silently, you can’t help but smile a bit as you watch Jungwon add two sugar packets to his mug. 
Sweet, you think. Just like him. And now you have at least one bit of information to work with. 
After submitting the edits on your report, you decide to use your recently earned knowledge. Deciding that he’s worth the splurge, you open the delivery page of the cafe down the street, the one that’s ridiculously overpriced but undoubtedly makes the best coffee in the area. 
And when you order it in his name, a hot coffee with two sugars, you ask the barista to attach a note. 
Thank you again for yesterday. I hope this is how you like your coffee! 
An hour later, your inbox chimes with another message. 
Subject: Thank You
You’re too kind, ____. Thank you for the coffee. How did you know just how I like it?
All the best, 
Jungwon
If his words make you smile a little too hard, well, you figure no one ever has to know. 
The universe, however, would seem to have other plans. 
Of everyone in the marketing department, you find your coworker Grace to be the most bearable. A few years older than you, she was by far the most welcoming when you joined the team. 
And you have the sneaking suspicion she has just as much disdain for your supervisor as you, even if the two of you have never openly discussed it. 
Unfortunately, she does have the fatal flaw of never being able to finish her work day without getting herself involved in someone else’s business. For the most part, you’re spared from her nosiness. 
Mostly because your life doesn’t carry the same flair for drama that she loves most. But today, she decides to give it a shot anyway. 
Standing behind your office chair, she nearly startles you out of your seat when she asks, “Who’s got you smiling like that?”
Closing the email as quickly as you can, you turn to face her. 
“No one.” It’s too rushed, too evasive. She sees right through it. 
“Mhmm.” 
Heat rising in your cheeks, you double down. “No, really.” Scrambling for a lie, your eyes land on one of your desk photos. One that shows your childhood cat, affectionately named Mr. Snuggles by your elementary school self. “I just heard from the vet that my cat is feeling a lot better. I was worried she was really sick.”
It’s a bold faced lie. Mr. Snuggles has been dead since your third year of high school. 
“Ah,” Grace says. Her features fall slightly as she realizes she won’t be getting a worthy scoop from you. Realizing that’s probably not an appropriate reaction, she forces a smile. “That’s great! I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks,” you nod, hoping it will mark the end of the conversation. 
But Grace isn’t quite ready to let it go. “That does remind me, though. I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”
Uh oh. 
“You’re not seeing anyone, right?” You’re not sure how a sick cat would remind her of your dating life, but you suppose there are larger mysteries to be solved. 
And on second consideration – oh. Is it really that obvious? “No,” the syllable drags as you attempt to tread carefully. “Why?”
Grace shrugs, but the conversation feels more calculated than nonchalant. “I was at my friend’s baby shower a couple of weeks ago, and her younger brother just moved back to the city. He’s been living abroad since high school. He’s around your age and a total catch. I didn’t talk to him much, but he reminded me of you a bit. I think the two of you would get on.” 
“Oh,” is all you say. Your uncertainty must be written all over your features, because Grace is quick to continue.
“No pressure, of course. But let me know if you’d like me to pass his number along.”
Do you? It’s been ages since you went on a date. And even longer since you went on a date with someone you’d describe as a total catch. 
And apparently, your single-ness is painfully visible to the people around you if Grace was able to pick up on it so easily. 
Besides, it might be nice, you think. To have a conversation with someone that isn’t about quarterly reports or upcoming deadlines or jammed printers. 
But then your mind wanders to the last conversation you had about a jammed printer. To a set of pretty, dark eyes and a pair of gentle hands. 
To a string of email conversations that don’t really mean anything. But you almost wish they did. 
It’s messy, you think. Far from ideal. JUngwon might not be in your department, but he still works just down the hall. Inter company relationships aren’t forbidden, but they do carry a certain amount of risk.
Jungwon isn’t petty. He wouldn’t make your life a living hell if things were to end badly. But you might start feeling awkward in the staff kitchen and you might have to start timing your walks to the parking lot so that they don’t coincide with his.
Small adjustments. Minor inconveniences more than anything.
Besides, it’s all conjecture. 
You can count the conversations you’ve had with Jungwon on your fingers, and the majority have been channeled through your work email. 
It’s hardly romantic. 
But even as you try to see things from a detached, logical perspective, one thought keeps swimming back to you.
You think you could talk about jammed printers forever, as long as it was with him. 
Sighing, your heart can’t decide if it wants to sink to your stomach or crawl up your throat at the realization. 
Turning back to Grace, you just offer her a tight smile. “I’ll let you know.”
…..
In the coming weeks, your coincidental run-ins with Jungwon start to become more and more frequent. 
First, it’s the two of you just so happening to need a coffee refill at the same time. When your path cross in the staff kitchen, you raise an eyebrow at the sugar packets he adds to his mug and he shakes his head as you take a long sip of your plain, bitter drink of choice. 
Then, it’s the morning in the parking lot when the two of you just so happen to arrive at the same time, pulling into adjacent parking spots. His smile is gentle, albeit a bit sleepy, when he bids you, “Good morning.” 
Your heart flutters a bit when you return the sentiment. You do your best to ignore it. 
Next, you stumble across him in the staircase on an otherwise quiet afternoon. This time, however, he’s already deep in another conversation. Or, you realize at second glance, trying very hard to wiggle his way out of another conversation. 
For all intents and purposes, Jenna from the legal department is a sweet girl. A bit overbearing at times and doesn’t always take well to being told no, but she’s harmless for the most part. Smart and driven and you admit a little glumly, quite pretty. 
Even underneath the overhead fluorescents in the stairway, she manages to avoid looking washed out. 
They’re already talking by the time you get there, and the only thing you catch is the tail end of their rather one-sided conversation. 
“It’s a great place, really,” Jenna insists, smiling a little too brightly. “And the food is to die for. They’re always running really unique specials. I think you’d really like it.”
And you could just turn around and pretend not to have seen anything. You could just take the elevator instead. In fact, you probably should. 
But suddenly, it’s as if your shoes have been filled with lead. Feet frozen to the earth, all you can do is watch. 
“Oh,” Jungwon reaches for the back of his neck. “Thanks for thinking of me, Jenna, but I don’t think I’ll be able to make it.”
“Oh, really?” she pouts. “Is there another night that would work bett–”
“Jungwon!” Your voice is too loud, reverberating off the walls of the stairway in a way that has two pairs of eyes immediately darting towards you. And interrupting had seemed like a good idea a few seconds ago, but now you realize your fatal mistake. 
You have no plan. No idea what to say next. 
Still, you force a smile. “Just the person I was looking for.”
You don’t think you’re imagining it, the immediate wash of relief that colors Jungwon’s features. 
“Hey, ___,” Jenna waves, a bit dejectedly. She doesn’t exactly look pleased to see you, and you can’t really blame her. “Could you give us a minute? I was just in the middle of–”
“Sorry, Jenna,” you shake your head. “This is kind of urgent.”
“Right,” Jungwon nods, looking at you again. “We’d better go then.”
“But I–”
“See you around, Jenna.” You’re tone is too bright as you spin around, making a beeline back towards the door. A flicker of satisfaction warms in your chest when you realize Jungwon is right on your heels. 
He waits until the two of you are back in the empty hallway, closed door serving as a barrier between you and Jenna, before he speaks. 
Looking at you, he quirks his head to the side. “So, what’s the urgent thing you need help with?”
Oh. Right. 
Sighing, you decide honesty, or at least partial honesty, might be your best bet. 
“Sorry,” your smile is sheepish, “did I read that wrong? There’s nothing urgent. I just…” you trail off, searching for the words. “It just looked like you might have needed an exit.”
For a moment, he says nothing. The silence gives your mind too much room to spin
Maybe you did read things wrong. Maybe he was enjoying a perfectly pleasant conversation with perfectly pleasant Jenna. Maybe he was looking forward to going to a nice restaurant with her and trying all sorts of unique specials and–
“Thank you.”
“What?”
Jungwon’s eyes soften. If you didn’t know any better, you’d almost describe his expression as… fondness. “An exit,” he clarifies. “I did need one. So thank you.”
“Right.” Your voice is suddenly breathless, and you can’t think of a good excuse for it. Feigning a nonchalance you don’t feel, you wave off his gratitude, “Anytime.” 
“Careful,” Jungwon warns, but the same hint of teasing, the same glimmer of affection, is still there. “I just might take you up on that.” 
“It’s a good thing I meant it, then.”
Jungwon’s features soften into a smile. A small one, meant just for the two of you. Reaching up, he pushes a stray strand of hair from his eyes. 
It’s only natural that you follow the movement. His hands are nice, you think. Long, lithe fingers, and–
You frown, eyes zeroing in on the knuckles of his right hand. 
Bruises, you realize. Dark, purple bruises span the length of his knuckles. Angry and mottled and from what you can tell, recent. 
And so many. You can’t imagine what he could have possibly done to earn them. 
Gaze still trained on the injury, your eyes widen. “Are you okay?”
It’s Jungwon’s turn to be confused. “What?”
“Your hand,” you nod at it. “Are those bruises?”
“Oh.” He shrugs, brushes it off like it’s nothing. But his hand falls to his side, obscured from your sight, all the same. “Yeah, I just slipped the other day trying to hang a picture in my apartment. The frame caught me funny when it fell.”
“You… slipped.”
Your disbelief must be apparent, because Jungwon is quick to add, “My hand slipped, really. My phone started ringing, and it caught me off guard.”
“Ouch,” you grimace. “That sounds like it hurt.”
Again, Jungwon shrugs. But his eyes are doing that thing again. Sparkling. “It’s not so bad.”
“Still,” you insist. “You should be more careful.”
“Yeah,” Jungwon agrees. It’s just the two of you, alone in a dimly lit hallway. His gaze is trained on yours. The distance between you is respectable, appropriate. Suggests that the two of you are coworkers and nothing more. But you have the distinct feeling that he’s not entirely talking about hanging pictures when he says, “I probably should.”
…..
The next morning, Grace is the first person you see as you walk into the office. And she’s already waiting for you. As soon as you come in, she hands you a coffee with an apologetic smile. 
“Uh oh.” You hang your coat, accepting the cup from her hands. It’s not unusual to receive coffee from a coworker, but it usually comes as a form of consolation. “What’s this for?”
“It’s from Alan, actually.”
Your lips flatten. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”
“It’s not that bad, really.” Grace’s smile is less than convincing. “He just wants us all to get together this Friday night after work at that bar down the street. Y’know, to network.”
You groan internally. There go your plans for a relaxing Friday at home. 
“How is it networking if it’s just our team? We see each other every day.”
“That’s the other part,” Grace nods towards the cup in your hand. “Didn’t you notice he pulled out all the stops? That’s from the shop down the road. The one that charges eleven dollars for a small latte.”
“Oh god,” you groan, this time audibly. “What else does he want?”
“We’ve all been strongly encouraged to invite people from different teams around the company.”
You suppress a strong urge to roll your eyes. “Of course we have.”
Privately, you think that if Alan wants to network so bad, he should be responsible for creating the guest list himself. Outwardly, you just sigh. 
As if you didn’t have enough on your plate already. Now you need to schmooze some other poor employee into wasting their Friday night talking about work. 
Sitting down at your desk, you take a sip of your coffee. It is admittedly delicious. The thought only makes you want to bang your head on your keyboard even more. 
The problem of finding a plus one follows you all the way through the afternoon. All the way to the workroom, where you once again stumble into a certain blonde programmer that’s beginning to feel like part of your daily routine. 
This time, Jungwon is alone. 
He’s frowning at the printer, brow furrowed. 
“Don’t tell me it’s jammed.” 
When he sees that it’s you, his features immediately soften. He smiles and something tugs at your heart. It’s enough to have you forgetting about Friday night, even if just for a moment. 
“No, thankfully. My computer just doesn’t seem to want to connect to this printer.”
“Mm,” you hum. “Send it to me, and I’ll try printing from mine.”
Jungwon shakes his head. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll just go up to the accounting department and try their printer.”
“Jungwon,” you level him with a look. “You are the last person to be telling me I don’t have to do you a favor. It’s really no problem. Just send it over.”
“Okay,” he finally relents. 
Waiting for it to ping through on your end, an idea suddenly strikes you. You’re not sure if it’s a good one or if your judgment is starting to be warped by all of the toner cartridge fumes, but here, in a quiet workroom with nothing but Jungwon and a half-working printer to keep you company, you find a bit of your bravery. 
“I know this probably isn’t your idea of a perfect evening,” you start. Your words feel too loud in this tiny space. “But the marketing team is getting together after work for drinks this Friday night. We’re also encouraged to branch outside of our department and invite other company employees, so if you’re free, we’d love to have you.” The more you say, the worse it sounds to your own ears. Why would anyone, much less Jungwon, want to come to a work event for the marketing team. Suddenly embarrassed you even brought it up, you find yourself rambling. “The bar is actually pretty nice. It’s not super fancy or anything, but it has, uh, really great chandeliers. It’s a nice ambience, and–”
“___.” Jungwon interrupts with the sound of your name. 
“Yeah?” You’re trying not to sound too hopeful, but you have the distinct feeling that you fail miserably. Despite your hesitance, you realize something. 
You want him to say yes. 
You want him to give you a different response than he gives everyone else. A different response than he gave Jenna. 
You want him to say yes, even though no one wants to go to a work event for the marketing team on a Friday night. 
You want him to say yes anyway, because it’s you. 
“I’d love to, really.” He reaches up, scratching at the back of his neck. “But I’m busy Friday night.”
Short. Succinct. To the point. He doesn’t spare any extra details. 
You already knew it was a long shot. But it stings all the same. 
You wanted to be the exception to the rule. Someone that would finally get him to say yes. Or at the very least, someone he would bother to give an actual reason for his absence to. 
“Oh.” Your voice is smaller than you mean for it to be. “Of course!” And now it’s too loud, too bright. You can’t find the happy medium, can’t find your natural tone. “I’m sure whatever it is will be way more fun, anyway.”
Jungwon just gives you a small smile, not bothering to affirm or refute your assumption. Not deigning to add any more details. 
It kind of makes you wish that the ground would open up and swallow you whole. 
“Well, I should probably get back to my desk.” You don’t know why you’re scrambling for excuses. Jungwon clearly doesn’t feel the need to provide any. “Did everything print okay?” You nod towards the small stack of papers in his hands. 
Jungwon is still looking at you. His lips part, as if he wants to say something. Brow creased, it’s as if he’s at war with himself. As if he can’t decide what to say or how to say it. 
After a beat, his mouth falls shut again. He gives a minute shake of his head. You watch as his hair sways in time with the movement. 
“Yeah,” he tells you. But he still hasn’t bothered to look down at the document between his fingers. “Everything printed fine.” 
“Okay.” You nod again. “Good.” Your voice sounds hollow in your ears. “Well, I’ll see you around, then.”
I’ll see you around?
I’ll see you around?
It takes all of your willpower not to cringe outwardly. It’s the most awkward, stilted thing you could have possibly said, but you’re not sure how else to fill the stifling silence. 
“Of course,” Jungwon nods. “Have a good day, ____.” The worst part is that he looks like he genuinely means it. “And enjoy your Friday night.”
“Right.” Your smile is feeble, doesn’t reach your eyes. “You too.” 
You’re so caught up in your own humiliation that you don’t notice the way his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes either. “Sure thing.”
…..
Changing your clothes in the last stall of the office bathroom kind of feels like a new low for you. But by the time Friday evening comes around, the last thing you want to do is attend a mandatory – scratch that, highly encouraged – work event at a bar still wearing your blazer and slacks. 
The jeans and sweater you replace them with are still nice by any standard, but they’ll feel a bit less stifling after a handful of drinks. 
Grace, at least, seems to have the same idea. Deciding she’s by far the most bearable person of the evening, you slide down next to her in the booth. 
Of course, that thought only makes you think of another person you’d invited. Someone whose absence feels especially notable as you nurse the remnants of your first cocktail. 
You don’t really want to get drunk tonight. You don’t want to be here at all. 
You put in your forty hours of work this week, and the only place you want to be is at home in a pair of sweatpants. 
The only person that would have made it a little more worth it made it very clear that he had better things to do. The details of which, of course, he didn’t bother to share. 
The thought spurs you to take another long sip. 
You don’t want to get drunk. But you don’t want to think about him either. 
Besides, Grace doesn’t seem to share your reservations. 
It’s barely been forty minutes when she pulls out her phone, thoroughly tipsy, and decides that you are the best person to help her sort through her list of matches on her favorite dating app. 
“He’s cute, right?” She flashes her phone screen towards you. 
He is. You nod and tell her as much. 
His eyes might not sparkle very much. And his hair might not fall perfectly over his forehead. And he might not furrow his eyebrow in concentration whenever the printer in the workroom gives him a hard time –
No. 
Tonight is not about him. He made it very clear that he had no interest in being here tonight, and the last thing you’re going to do is spend the evening fixated on him. 
Grace, at least, seems willing to help on that front. 
“Oh,” she suddenly interjects from your side. “That reminds me. I’ve been meaning to show you a picture of my friend’s brother. You know, the one I mentioned a couple of weeks ago?”
It’s a bad idea, probably. You’re still feeling slighted and bitter and no matter how many times you tell it not to, your mind keeps wandering to Jungwon. 
Despite your reluctance, the cocktails are catching up with you. There’s a pleasant, slightly numb haze in your mind. It makes resistance feel futile. 
All you do is nod, and Grace starts searching for his social media profile. It takes her a few more tries than it would sober, but she does eventually find it. 
“Here,” she says, offering her phone to you. “His name is Jay. He grew up here until he left to go to an international high school. He’s been living abroad ever since, but he recently moved back. Their dad is pretty high up at a software development company. I think he came back because he landed a job there too.” 
You do your best to absorb the information, to nod along with what she says, but in all honesty, you’re quite distracted. 
Jay is quite distracting. His feed is well-curated without being overbearing. Covered in travel photos, unbelievably flattering candid shots, and stunning nature pictures, he immediately piques your interest. 
Not to mention the fact that he’s stunning. Maybe not quite as stunning as –
No. Again, you refuse to go there. 
You’re not sure if it’s the drinks or the photos or the spite that makes it suddenly feel like a good idea, but you’re telling Grace to pass your number along to Jay before you can think better of it. 
And if nothing else, at least he doesn’t seem like the kind of person that will make you wonder. Or even wait for long. 
You’ve barely gotten home, mind mostly clear even if it is still a bit muddled from the exhaustion of a long week, when your phone screen lights up with a notification. 
It’s just a string of numbers for now, but you’re quick to create a new contact. 
Hey, the message reads. This is Jay. Grace gave me your number. I hope that’s alright!
A few seconds later, another text comes through. 
Jay: How do you feel about art exhibitions? There’s one opening this weekend right next to one of the best coffee spots in the city. I’d love for you to join me. 
It’s simple. Straightforward. Not something you’ll search for subtext or pick apart for weeks. 
And it’s easy to respond to. 
You: That sounds great! I’ll look forward to it
…..
Another week at work passes with the same monotonous, sluggish flow as any other. But this time, it’s interspersed with messages you’ve started to look forward to. 
You’ve just sat down with your third cup of coffee on Monday morning when the first one chimes through. 
Jay: Good morning, ___. I hope your Monday is off to a better start than mine. 
A second message comes through. This one is an image. One that unmistakably shows a stack of papers covered in a dark brown stain you recognize all too well. 
You: Oh no! 
Pausing for a moment, your teeth worry at your bottom lip. Deciding to go for it, you send your own picture in return. 
The image of your full coffee cup goes through, along with another message. 
You: I think it might be. My coffee is still in my cup, at least
It takes him less than a minute to respond. 
Jay: Black coffee! Oh, you mean business. I’ll deny it if you tell anyone, but I always have to add sugar and cream to mine. 
You can’t help the smile that starts to spread over your lips. Sugar and cream. An aversion to bitterness. It reminds you of someone else that always adds a little sweetness to their –
Shaking your head, you force the comparison away. Putting the other man firmly out of mind, you decide to return Jay’s lighthearted message with one of your own.
You: Don’t tell anyone, but this is my third cup of the morning. 
Jay: Third cup of straight black coffee. Whew, remind me not to get on your bad side today. 
Jay: Speaking of which, do you always drink it black or could you be persuaded into something a little sweeter? 
He’s talking about coffee, yes, but it feels just a little bit like flirting. Biting at your lip again, you decide there isn’t much to lose.
Besides, it’s kind of… fun. You can’t remember the last time you were well and truly flirted with. 
You: Depends who’s asking
Jay: Hmm
Jay: I’ll have to work on my persuasion skills then
Jay: The place I’m taking you to on Saturday has an insanely delicious caramel latte, and I need to know what you think of it
You: Tempting
You: But I’m not sure I’m convinced 
Jay: I’ll work on that, then
You can’t hide your smile this time. 
A minute later, two more texts ping through. 
Jay: Duty calls, unfortunately
Jay: The rest of my Monday is stacked, so if I am slow to respond to any messages, that’s why. Enjoy the rest of your day, ___
He’s straightforward. Communicative. You appreciate the notice. The fact that if you do send another message without a response, you won’t have to waste your day wondering why. 
You: Ugh, don’t you hate it when you actually have to work at work?
You: I hope all goes well! Enjoy the rest of your day too, Jay
Setting your phone down, you return your gaze to your computer screen and unfortunately very full inbox. 
Your focus, however, remains half-occupied by a message thread sitting dormant on your tucked away phone. 
…..
Jay’s messages begin to become a highlight of your work day. Despite the fact that there’s often a large lapse in time due to both of your busy schedules, you start to anticipate every text he manages to send. 
And they only serve to build more excitement around your upcoming date. 
By the time Thursday comes around, you’ve all but mentally clocked out for the week. Refilling your water bottle in the staff kitchen, your mind is so occupied that you almost run right into the person coming through the door the same time you’re leaving. 
“Oh, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was–”
“___.” The sound of your name stops you in your tracks. “Breathe,” Jungwon is smiling, but there’s a hint of concern there, too. “You’re okay.”
“Jungwon,” you exhale. Your frantic apology begins to subside, replaced by an overwhelming surge of self-consciousness as you tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. 
You haven’t spoken to him, haven’t even seen him, since he rejected your invitation last Friday. 
He’s not trying to pick at old wounds, but it still stings a bit when he asks, “How was Friday?”
“Oh, you know,” you shrug, “It was a typical work gathering.” Then again, it occurs to you that he might not know. Since he never bothers attending any of them. 
Not that it really matters. Besides, you’re lying a bit anyway. Typical work gatherings don’t usually end with you setting up a date. Not that you want Jungwon to know about that either. 
You can't pinpoint exactly why, but the thought of him knowing doesn’t sit with you quite right. Besides, it’s not like he’s ever shown any interest in your personal life, anyway. He would find it weird, most likely. Annoying, if you were to divulge any details. 
“Oh, well, I’m sorry again that I couldn’t come.” Just like that day in the workroom, he reaches back to scratch at his neck. You have the distinct sense that he’s the one who suddenly feels a bit awkward. “Friday nights are…” he trails off, “Friday nights are hard for me, usually. I’m always pretty free on Saturday mornings, thought, so if–”
“Don’t worry about it.” Oh god. Your intention certainly wasn’t to make him feel guilty for having a social life outside of the office. Suddenly worried that you read the situation all wrong, you’re quick to assure him, “You don’t have to come to anything that you don’t want to. And especially if you have plans already. I just asked you because my supervisor wanted us to invite people from other departments.”
If his face falls slightly, you’re too caught up in your own rambling to notice. 
“And, you know,” you continue, “since you helped me that day with the printer.” 
“The printer,” he echoes, voice suddenly hollow. “Right.”
“Right,” you echo. The room falls into silence again, and this time, it’s weighted with a horrible awkwardness neither of you can shake. 
“Well,” you finally say, holding up your bottle. “I got my water, so I’m gonna head back to my desk.”
“Yeah,” Jungwon nods. “Okay.”
“I’ll see you around?” It’s just as stilted as it was before, but you’re desperate for any way to exit this conversation. 
“Yeah,” Jungwon repeats. “Sure thing, ___.”
…..
By the time Saturday morning comes, you’re a mess of anticipation and frayed nerves. 
You’re early to arrive at the address of the coffee shop Jay sent you a few nights ago, but he’s already there waiting for you. And his social media might have painted an impressive picture, but one look tells you that it still doesn’t hold a candle to the real thing. 
Jay is gorgeous.
Almost as gorgeous as –
You kill the thought as soon as it comes. This day isn’t about him, and comparisons will do you little good. 
Instead, you refocus on your date. 
He’s polished and put together in an effortless sort of way. The kind of person that you see once in passing and then can’t stop thinking about for the rest of the week. His features are angular, sharp. But they soften into a warm smile the second he lays eyes on you. 
In the end, it doesn’t take him much convincing at all to persuade you to try the caramel latte. And he’s right. It is absolutely delicious.  
It was easy to fall into a natural rhythm over text, and your face-to-face conversation flows even better. 
He tells you about life abroad and all of his favorite parts of living in another country. He tells you about his family and what he missed most about this city he’s learning to call home again. 
He listens, actively, while you tell him the more mundane details of your own life. His questions are well-timed and never feel like interruptions. 
His kindness doesn’t feel like a facade. His interest doesn’t feel like a cheap trick to get what he wants from you and then disappear without a word. 
And when it becomes painfully apparent at the art exhibition that he’s far more well-versed in the subject than you, he doesn’t make you feel stupid. Instead, he takes his time explaining each piece. Highlights the aspects that would be most interesting to someone without any kind of background in art. 
He’s kind, considerate, and the day passes by in a blur of fleeting glances and shy smiles. At the end of it, he offers to drive you home and opens your car door for you. Small gestures that make you feel seen, considered. Valued. 
When he says goodbye with a hug that doesn’t last nearly long enough, the smell of his cologne is something you hope will linger as long as the memories of the day do. 
It’s easy, you think, as you watch his car drive away from your window. Jay is someone that’s easy to be around, to spend time with. 
And when he messages you later that night, reiterating his enjoyment of the day and asking to meet again, he’s easy to say yes to. 
…..
You’re not sure how, but the only person that seems even more excited than you about you and Jay is Grace. 
Despite the fact that your communication as of late hasn’t involved anything scandalous, she feels the need to rehash every detail until she’s heard it one hundred times. 
It doesn’t matter how many times you tell her that the last text message he sent you wasn’t anything to swoon over. In fact, it was rather short and unexciting. 
Jay: Have you seen my ring by chance? I remember wearing it that day I was in your car, and I haven’t been able to find it since then. 
But Grace won’t hear it. You’re not exactly sure what she heard from Jay’s sister, but she spends the rest of the coming week hounding you over the details regardless. 
The staff kitchen is hardly the place for conversations about your personal life, but the setting doesn’t seem to bother her at all. Instead, she pretends to be busy washing an already clean coffee mug while she asks again, “So you went out for the first time last Saturday, right?”
“Mhm,” you nod. 
“And then you got dinner together Wednesday night after work?”
“Yep.” You’re pretty sure she’s already asked the same question at least six times. 
“And he’s planning to take you out again this Saturday?”
“Right.”
“My god, you two are practically married.” She punctuates the absurd claim with a wistful sigh. 
“We most certainly are not.” 
“Okay, but you literally just met, and you’ve already seen each other twice with plans for a third.”
She does have a point there. Never mind the fact that you haven’t dated anyone in a while. It is a quick timeline, no matter how you look at it. But you’ve been itching to spend time with him ever since your first date, and Jay seems to be on the same page. 
It feels fast, yes, but it doesn’t feel forced. For you, that’s what matters most. 
That, along with the fact that a certain someone has been noticeably absent from your mind the more time you spend with him. For now, you’ll choose not to read too much into that. 
“God,” Grace sighs again. “I miss going on dates.”
“What are you talking about? Didn’t you go on one a couple weeks ago?” You distinctly remember helping her set it up that night at the bar after work.
“Well, yeah, but I mean good dates. You know, getting properly wined and dined and all that. I guess I’ll just have to live vicariously through you.” 
“We went to dinner once, and there was hardly any wine involved.”
She rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean. All I’m saying is you’re lucky to be seeing someone that actually puts in effort for your dates and doesn’t just take you to the closest bar to his office and hope that buying you a handful of drinks means he’ll get lucky.” Pausing for a moment, she looks up, eyes landing somewhere just over your shoulder. “Right, Jungwon?”
Immediately, it’s as if you’ve been submerged in ice cold water. Because there’s no way she said–
“Jungwon?” Turning around, you’re put face to face with the last person you wanted to overhear this particular conversation. 
“Hey, ___.” There’s a smile on his lips. Small as always, but something feels wrong about it. “Grace,” he nods at the girl over your shoulder. “Sorry,” he’s still looking at her, “were you asking me something?”
“No, we were just leaving, actua–”
Grace pays you no attention. “Just telling ___ how lucky she is that her man actually puts effort into their dates, since it feels like such a rarity these days.”
“He is not my man.” The glare you send your coworker is lost as Jungwon turns back to you, eyes wide, gaze indecipherable. 
“You’re dating someone?”
“I…” The easy, most available answer is yes, but you’re having a hard time getting it out. And there are other semantics involved. 
Are you dating? Not really. That usually indicates some kind of commitment, exclusivity. Going on dates might be a better way to put it. But clarifying that miniscule distinction for Jungwon feels strange for some reason. 
“My friend’s brother,” Grace supplies unhelpfully from the corner. “What can I say? I’m a natural born matchmaker.” Her proud smile is lost on the both of you. You’re only looking at each other. 
“Oh.” Jungwon’s voice is small, hollow. “That’s nice. I’m happy for you.”
You want to scream, just a little bit. Or maybe cry. You can’t make up your mind. 
And you’re not sure where it comes from, the sudden, overwhelming surge of guilt that begins to build in your gut. You can’t even decipher who it’s directed towards. Towards Jungwon? Towards Jay? Towards yourself? 
Grace, despite her self-proclaimed talent for setting up dates, is apparently incredibly inept at reading the room. With no prompting but her own, she’s pushing forward. “He lived abroad for a while and just moved back to the city, which is like, the perfect scenario for going on dates. And he’s always had a flair for romance. I remember–”
“Well,” you interrupt, desperate for an out, “we better get back to the project we were working on—“
“What project?” Grace, it would seem, is determined to be anything but helpful.
“You know,” you glare at her, “our project.”
“Right!” She looks sheepish, finally catching the hint. “That project.”
Turning back to Jungwon, you can still see the rigidity of his features. The tension that has yet to ease. “I’ll…” you’re not sure how to part ways now without making things worse. But it feels wrong to just leave without saying anything. For the third time in the span of days, you tell him, “I’ll see you around.”
And for the third time, he agrees, “Yeah.” This time, however, his eyes still flickering with annoyance, shoulders still set with residual frustration. “Sure thing, ___.”
It’s what he always says, you realize. But this time, it’s missing that easygoing, genuine lightness he usually says it with. 
This time, it sounds like rejection.
Yours or his, you’re not entirely sure.
…..
You manage to avoid Jungwon for the rest of the week. It’s ironic, almost. You were so worried about pursuing a potential relationship with him because you wanted to avoid this exact scenario. 
Now, a handful of dates with someone who is very much not him tucked under your belt, you still feel the need to turn and walk the other direction whenever you think you hear his voice or get a glimpse of blonde hair. 
But the office is only so big, and there are only so many corners to duck into. Barely a week has passed the next time you unwittingly bump into him. 
“Oh,” you startle slightly, walking into the workroom and already finding it occupied. And of course you’d run into him here, of all places. Kneeling in front of the printer, his brow is furrowed in concentration as he tries to dislodge yet another paper jam. 
“Sorry.” You’re not sure what you’re apologizing for exactly, but it feels warranted regardless. “I’ll just leave, and—”
“___,” he cuts you off with the sound of your name. Looking down at him, you're met with the expanse of his back. A button down shirt tucked into dark pants. Standard work attire that has no business looking this ridiculously good on anyone. “You’re fine. You don’t need to leave. Just give me a second, and the printer’s all yours.” 
You nod, even though he can’t see you. If the lack of a verbal response bothers him, he doesn’t show it. Instead, he busies himself with the jammed printer, muscles of his back flexing slightly underneath the fabric of his shirt as he tugs at the stubborn papers. 
Cheeks heating slightly, you force your gaze elsewhere. 
“There,” he says after another minute of adjustments. Standing to full height, he turns to face you. “All fixed.”
Looking up at him, you’re about to offer a quiet thanks when your eyes land on his right cheekbone. Specifically, the fresh cut that spans the length of it. 
The gasp the spills from your lips is entirely without permission. But you can’t quite help it. The wound is quite superficial, surface level at most, but it mars his otherwise perfect skin in a way you weren’t prepared for. 
Without your permission, your fingers start to reach towards the injury. They make it halfway before you remember yourself, before you regain your sense of reality. Your hand falls limply back to your side. 
“What happened?” You breathe. 
Jungwon’s brows draw together in confusion for a moment before a flicker of realization dances across his features. 
“Oh.” He exhales, fingers tapping against the broken skin of his cheekbone lightly. “Nothing. I just, er, fell the other day.”
“You fell,” you echo. Like all of his other excuses, it’s vague. Flimsy at best. 
“Yeah,” he confirms with a slight nod. Again, he says, “I fell.”
It’s evasive. And it feels like more than just an explanation for his injury. 
It feels like confirmation of the distance between the two of you. His final assertion that you’re nothing but a coworker to him. Someone that he tells edited versions of stories to, someone that he keeps firmly planted an arm’s length away. 
Fine. If he wants to give you shitty excuses for his Friday nights and his absences at work events and now his injury that very obviously did not come from a fall, that’s just fine with you. 
After all, he’s nothing but a coworker to you either. The upcoming date you have planned with Jay is enough to prove it. 
“Well,” you tell him, forcing a smile. The fake, disproportionately bright kind that you only ever use with your coworkers. “I hope it heals quickly.”
And then you’re brushing past him, making your way towards the printer as if he’s nothing but an obstacle in your path. 
Collecting your freshly printed document, you turn and walk out the door without so much as a backward glance. 
…..
Sliding into the passenger seat of Jay’s car Thursday evening, you feel the stress melting from your shoulders the second the door shuts behind you. 
This is something else he makes easy: forgetting about whatever woes you managed to acquire after a long day of work. Jay just smiles as you sit down next to him, turning down the volume on the radio as he asks about your day. 
Tonight, the two of you are headed to one of your favorite diners. Somewhere where you can chat and laugh and relax over a pile of french fries and obnoxiously gaudy decor. 
But before you turn down the street that leads to the restaurant, Jay asks if the two of you can make a quick stop. 
“I left my bag at the gym last night,” he explains apologetically. “Do you mind if I swing by and grab it real quick? It’s on our way.”
You reassure him that it’s no problem, and a handful of minutes later, the two of you are parked outside of a rather nondescript, faded building. 
Frowning slightly, your eyebrow quirks up in surprise. Although he hasn’t outright disclosed anything, from what you’ve gathered so far, Jay’s family is quite well off. The kind that pays for expensive memberships at bougie gyms with saunas and swimming pools. Not the kind that frequents dark, run down gyms in the middle of a random residential area. 
Pulling his key from the ignition, Jay turns to you. “You can wait here, if you want.”
“That’s okay.” You’re already unbuckling your seatbelt. “I’m tired of sitting, anyway.” You really are. Plus, you have to admit that you’re kind of curious. 
You fall into step at his side as the two of you make your way towards the building. The closer you get, the more decrepit it appears. Paint is peeling from the exterior, leaving it an odd, mottled brown color riddled with rust marks. 
Even the sign, Kang’s Gym, is small, faded, and only visible once you’re nearly to the entrance. 
Jay steps in front of you, holding the door open for you to enter. 
The inside, you realize as you step in, is in no better shape than the outside. The wall closest to you is lined with weightlifting equipment that looks as if it were pulled from past decades. 
Padding is torn in places, and questionable stains cover the place, accumulated from years of use. 
You’re about to ask him outright why on earth he patronizes such a run down place when your eyes land on the far wall of the gym. There, you think you find your answer. 
There’s no weightlifting equipment or cardio machines. Instead, the majority of available space is filled with several sets of boxing rings. Like the rest of the gym, they’re equally faded and worn with years of use. 
But the lighting in that part of the gym is noticeably better. Far brighter, more intentional. As if the rest of the gym is just for show and that is the true purpose of this building. 
You’re suddenly overcome with the urge to take a second glance at your date. 
He has a lean, athletic build, yes. The kind that you assumed came from some kind of regular exercise regiment and not his office job. 
But boxing wasn’t exactly what you expected. 
Jay turns to you. His expression gives nothing away, holds no indication that this is anything out of the ordinary for him. “I think I left it over by the locker rooms.” 
Encasing your hand in his, he leads you towards the rings. Several of them are occupied, mostly by one-on-one sparring matches. 
Walking past the first one, the two men inside the ring turn to look at you and Jay as you pass. 
“Hey, man,” the first one offers with a nod of recognition that Jay returns. As his eyes slide over to you, they widen slightly in surprise. Gaze falling to your intertwined hands, the man just shakes his head slightly before returning to his sparring partner. 
Moving past them, you shake the odd interaction from your mind. 
You spare fleeting glances for the rest of the people you pass. For a moment, you try to imagine Jay in the ring instead of them. It’s an odd contradiction with what you’ve come to associate with him. 
Easygoing. Considerate. Even tempered. They’re traits that feel at odds with the kind of stark physicality required in a boxing ring. 
Then again, the more you consider it, the more you start to make sense of it. Jay is all of those things, yes, but there’s also an undercurrent of something else. 
A quiet intensity he carries with him. Something he has control over. Something he can channel when needed. 
The more you think about it, the easier it is to picture him in the ring, throwing precise, calculated punches until victory rests on his square shoulders. 
You’d be lying if you said the mental image didn’t pique your interest. You’re about to ask him if he’ll let you watch next time he’s in the ring when a flash of color in the last boxing ring, the one closest to the locker rooms, catches your attention. 
It’s unlikely. It feels impossible. Even more so than the thought of Jay in a boxing ring. But as you draw closer, you confirm your suspicions. 
After all, you would know that shade of blonde anywhere. 
It takes everything in you not to stop dead in your tracks. But even as you continue forward, hand still encased in Jay’s, your eyes are trained solely on the space between Jungwon’s broad shoulders. 
It’s almost inhuman, the feline agility that he moves with. He’s smaller than his opponent, but he’s faster. Lighter on his feet. 
The punches he throws are dizzyingly accurate, and his sparring partner seems to think the same. A muted thud is followed by a string of expletives that become more clear the closer you get. 
“Jesus, Jungwon.” The man across from him is still a bit breathless as he recovers from having the wind knocked out of him. “Bad week at work or something?”
“C’mon, Heeseung.” It doesn’t sound anything like the Jungwon you know. Gone is the quiet friendliness you’ve always heard from him. His voice is still gentle, but it carries an unmistakable command. “Stop going easy.”
“I’m not,” the other man – Heeseung – argues. “What has gotten into you? It’s like you’ve been insane since that match last week.” 
“Whatever,” Jungwon scoffs, shaking his head. “Let’s just take five.” 
“Make it ten,” Heeseung goads across from him. 
Jungwon sends him a warning glare, but says nothing. Instead, he reaches for his water bottle at the corner of the ring, leaning against the ropes that enclose it. 
All you can do is watch, suddenly fascinated by the way sweat darkens his hair, trails down the length of his neck. Jungwon gives a quick shake of his head, sending his hair scattering over his forehead as he leans further into the ropes behind him.
Tipping his head back, his throat works against a swallow as he takes a long drink from his water bottle. 
Jungwon sets his water bottle down, turning towards Heeseung like he’s about to say something else when movement catches his attention. 
More specifically, your movement. His eyes fall on you, and for a moment, you’re rendered just as immobile as him. His gaze widens in recognition and then suddenly, he’s standing. 
Long strides eat up the length of the boxing ring as he crosses it, every step bringing him closer to you. With a distinct sort of grace and practiced ease, he jumps over the side of the ring, landing on his feet just as you and Jay pass him. 
With a hand on your shoulder, he stops you both in your tracks. His touch is gentle, but commanding. It leaves little room for argument. 
“This is the guy you’ve been seeing?” Jungwon’s eyes are molten lava. If you thought that day in the staff kitchen was the most visible emotion he was capable of mustering, you were sorely mistaken. The Jungwon that stands in front of you now is simmering with it, vibrating with barely contained emotions. 
At your side, Jay turns back. With your hand still enclosed in his, Jay’s gaze goes straight towards Jungwon’s hand on your shoulder. 
“Jungwon,” he nods coolly. 
Jungwon ignores him entirely. His gaze is still trained directly on you. 
Glancing between the both of them, the tension between them is palpable. Over Jungwon’s shoulder, you can see Heeseung leaning against the edge of the boxing ring as if he can’t decide whether to intervene or not. 
“Well,” you say, attempting to diffuse a bit of the rising animosity, “I guess I don’t need to introduce the two of you, then.”
This time, it’s you that Jungwon ignores. Turning to Jay, he’s all venom. “And you brought her here? What the hell are you doing?”
“Relax, man.” Jay rolls his eyes. “We’re just grabbing my bag.”
“I don’t give a fuck what you left here,” he bites. “You know better than to–”
Shaking his hand off your shoulder, annoyance makes itself visible across your features. It’s one thing for Jungwon to be pissy towards your date, but it’s another entirely for him to assume that you can’t handle something as mundane as a boxing gym. 
And if you're honest, the whole overprotective act just rubs you the wrong way. Why does he think he gets to ignore you all week at work and then act like he knows what’s in your best interest?
“I think I can handle watching people throw a few punches, Jungwon.” Your voice is all ice, and it changes his demeanor immediately. The anger begins to dissipate, leaving him with wide eyes that beg for your understanding. 
The frustration is still there, though. “That’s not what I meant, ___.”
“I don’t really care what you meant.” You’re not sure if it’s true, but you want it to be. For now, that’s enough. “Why don’t you go back to your friend and pretend like you never saw me. You’re good at that, right?”
It’s a low blow. And it has his features falling immediately, eyebrows slackening as if you’ve slapped him. 
His voice is notably gentler when he says your name. “___…”
This time, it’s Jay that speaks. “I suggest you listen to her, man. We’ll be out in a few minutes.”
Jungwon wants to say more. You can see it in the way his mouth twitches, in the way his shoulders still rise with tension. Finally, he relaxes. Just a fraction of an inch, but you know it’s over. At least for now. 
He doesn’t say anything, but he does take a step back. And then another. 
His eyes are still on you, even as Jay keeps walking, pulling you gently along with him. 
By the time he finds his bag and the two of you make your way back out, Jungwon is nowhere to be found. 
You can still feel eyes on you, though. 
This time, it’s Heeseung’s gaze that follows you all the way out the door. 
Back in Jay’s passenger seat, you turn towards your date, a million questions swimming in your mind. 
“What on earth was that all about?”
Jay just frowns, knuckles white against the steering wheel. Instead of answering, he asks a question of his own. “How do you know him?”
“What?” Too confused to protest, you answer. “We work together.” Then you repeat, “What’s going on?”
Jay sighs, leans his head back against his seat. “He’s in marketing with you?”
“No,” you shake your head. “Programming. I don’t want to ask you again.” This time, you can’t help the expletive. “What the fuck was that?”
“We…” Jay trails off, searching for an explanation. “We know each other.”
“Yeah, no shit. How?”
“We went to the same middle school, before I left for high school. He was a year behind me.”
“And what?” You ask, trying to think of what kind of feud middle schoolers could possibly have that would warrant tonight’s interaction. “He stole your lunch money and you never got over it?”
“Not quite.” His lips are tight. “Look, ___. I know you can’t help who you work with, but Jungwon… he’s not who you think he is.”
“And you are?”
Jay turns to you, hurt clearly written across his features. “That’s not fair.”
“No,” you argue, doubling down. “What’s not fair is giving me vague half truths about my coworker and expecting me to just agree blindly while you evade all of my questions.” A moment of silence passes. Jay says nothing. Finally, you tell him, “If you’re not going to be honest with me, then I think you should just take me home.”
“Wait, ___–”
“I’m serious, Jay. I’m not about to go have dinner with you and pretend that this didn't just happen. Just take me home.” Softening a bit at the obvious distress on his face, you add a quiet, “Please.”
You won’t compromise your boundaries, but you don’t have it in you to be needlessly cruel, even if his evasiveness bothers you to no end. 
Jay just sighs, pulling into an empty parking lot before turning around and heading in the opposite direction. Towards your apartment. 
The rest of the car ride passes in stilted silence, neither of you willing to break it. 
Jay is the first one to speak, but it’s not until you’re sliding out of his passenger seat, back turned towards him. 
“Good night, ___.”
For a moment, you consider just ignoring him. But it feels petty, even for these circumstances. For now, you’ll just have to trust that he needs time to find a way to tell you the truth. 
“Good night,” you tell him. But you still don’t look back.
⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖
READ PART TWO HERE
⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖
note: I AM SO ANNOYEDDDDD this was all supposed to be one long fic, not two parts, but tumblr's post block limit got me. Honestly I don't know how I avoided it this long. Anyway the second part is written and will be posted soon. In the meantime, let me know what you're thinking so far! As always, thank you for reading ♡
396 notes · View notes
livingsurreal · 2 days ago
Text
Thoughts and theories in regards to my favorite senior necromancer
This man swept me of my feet so completely that I am still reeling. He is my new Solavellan and the amount of feels I have about him, its ungodly.
So I present to you my way to long essay about why Emmrich is the saddest and greatest man Bioware ever created, right next to Solas.
Please be aware of spoilers if you have not completed the game yet.
Also, shutout to @jaal-ama-daravv - you were looking for others peoples thoughts and theories. Also, thank you for all your posts and love for Emmrich.
(Edit for typos)
Their whole romance starts with dear Rook trying to flirt with him. And Rook being Rook their flirts are… questionable. I image Rook always doing a facepalm “Oh god, what did I just say?” afterwards. They… are not really that good at flirting. Half the time he doesn’t even seem to get that Rook was flirty with him.
But, oh, he did get it. He just couldn’t really comprehend it. This pretty, young and exciting person, flirting with him?!? Rook can be anything up to their mid-40s according to canon. That is not that much younger than him. But to him, they do SEEM young. Despite them being somewhat younger than Emmrich, I do think though, in quite a few ways, they are more experienced and knowledgeable than him. Emmrich led a pretty sheltered life. His childhood seems to be a happy one, despite them being poor. The loss of his parents had a huge impact on his life. To a degree where it still impacts him in a major way, even now, a lifetime later. But outside of that, I don’t think there was much strife or adventure in his life.
He is a quiet man who loves his books, and his time and work in the necropolis. He rarely even left the Necropolis. He never saw much of the world outside of it. But he always wanted to. Always dreamed of some kind of adventure. I think this is one of the reasons he so readily agreed to help Rook. A chance for adventure (and to help the world).
So here he finds himself in the company of a vibrant adventurous Rook who has seen and experienced so much. I think no matter their age difference, they would seem younger, “fresh faced” and vibrant to him. They are so full of life compared to him, who has not done that much living in recent years. They are less stuck in their ways, are out in the world and not sequestered in a life of routine.
In some ways he seems to be older than he is. That man is in his 50s. That is NOT old. But he seems to have lacked the courage to take life by its horns and just ride it. He is cautious, a coward in many ways. But somehow this dear Rook seems to bring out a different side of him. An almost forgotten yearning for more.
So, Rook awkwardly flirts with him. Bumbles and stumbles over words to flatter him. And he is exhilarated, touched and most of all confused. Why would this beautiful, vibrant person be interested in HIM of all people. There are other people around who should be so much more interesting to them than him. And how could he not be interested in them himself? They are, in a way, what he wants to be. Adventurous. Full of life. Indomitable. No matter what life throws at them, they refuse to yield. They have a courage the lacks, or thinks he lacks.
But that man is so much braver than he thinks. The fact that he is so open with Rook about his thanatophobia, even with a Rook that is not romantically interested in him is so touching. He tells them his most inner fears and all he wishes for it in return is some respect and kindness.
So, after some light and awkward flirting he tells them. If they DO mean it, he is interested. Emmrich is a deeply romantic man. In the dept of his heart he does not want a short-term affair. He wants someone to spend his life with. He wants something real. He wants everything.  It’s what he always wanted, but never found and had completely given up upon.  So he opens up a bit more.
But around that time, he also realizes that he absolutely has to tell them about his plans for lichdom. He tells the Rook on the friendship path why he hopes for their help in regard of Johanna. He explains why it is so important to him to find and stop Johanna.
Same goes for Rook on the romance path. But here comes the other side of the coin. Lichdom puts a possible halt on their fledging romance. He cannot know if Rook would be willing to continue what they’ve barely started.
They may either continue under the understanding that they have just temporary affair. What he never wanted. He always wanted that eternal flame – but by the Maker he wants to be with them, even if it is just a short time. He is still all feely at this point and the whole scope of his emotions have not yet hit him.
Or even, can he dare to dream, beyond that point of no return and stay with him after he becomes a Lich.
But he must put it out there. He cannot go further into their romance pretending his plans do not exist. He thinks Rook has a right to know what they are getting in to, and he is correct (and much respected) for that.
At the end, Rook commits to being with him with the full knowledge that Lichdom will come, sooner or later. If they stay with him from that point on is still undecided, but for now they are his. And how can he say no to that. He certainly did not expect this. I believe he fully expected this to be their end. But his confession ended truly in a night of unexpected splendor.
So, we know he always wanted “enduring affection”, love and commitment. And he had his fair share of lovers, paramours and affairs. I would think that he is someone who, when he does fall in love, loves so deeply and completely that it often scared his lovers away.
Not necessarily in an unhealthy way, but he is, underneath all that poise and manners, a deeply romantic man with strong emotions. I don’t think that Rook is special b/c he loves them more than he could love someone else, but b/c they not only accept all his love, more so, they welcome and return it in equal measure. They accept him and want him, even with all the baggage he comes with.
I think he was burned quite a few times in the past. So, he is trying to hold back, “be normal about it”. It’s just hard when this person he loves so much looks at him like he is their moon and stars and flame eternal. It’s hard when he feels finally and completely seen. He told them about his deepest fears, his plans about lichdom, and they are still here, willing to be on his side all the way. And while they seem to act like teenagers being all over each other, all want and need and stolen kisses, I think what they feel goes way deeper from the start.
At the same time, I also think that is partly at fault for not being able to find a lasting relationship. He had people in his live who did not want to fully commit to him. But I also think, the he never truly committed to anyone. He did, surely, on a more surface level. But a part of him always stayed closed off. He never gave himself completely. His fears made sure of that. What happens with Rook, the wonderful, oh so romantic start of their relationship? Only to end in this uncomfortable limbo because he lacks “the guts to say how he feels”? I think that was not the first time a relationship ended sour this way for him.
Take the amount of his feelings, add to that his thanatophobia, and that poor man becomes more and more a complete mess. What starts out as exciting and new and OMG THEY LIKE ME, becomes soon a new target for his fears. All those feelings inside him warring with each other. He wants to pin them against a wall and declare his undying love and run and hide at the same time.
Then comes Manfreds sacrifice and his big decision. Will he restore Manfred? Will he give up his friend to achieve his dreams?
Since I went with Manfred, I will mainly describe my feelings regarding mortal Emmrich. Though I believe Lich Emmrich suffers from the same base fears, they just find a different target.
Tbh, what Lace says to him certainly would not have helped. Her words feed into his doubts and fears and give them credibility. See, even Lace says this might not be right. Rook is younger. They move too fast. He will die earlier. Rook will be devastated. A whirlwind of emotions and half formed thoughts fueled by fear.
All he ever sees and what is constantly on his mind is not the time they can spend together, but the end of their time together. His death, their death, it does not matter. One of them will be gone and the other will be left with the pain he felt after his parents died. A pain that might even be worse than what he felt back then.
Rook being younger just becomes the vehicle by which he tries to convince himself that this might not be such a good idea after all. But its all his fears speaking.
And fear can be so strong, so overwhelming.
When they had this fight, my read on his words was that he wanted to break up with Rook. His words at that moment are condescending, bordering on mean.  He is lashing out. We know he can be vindictive when he feels wronged, but he is nothing but kind and gentle to those he likes and who treat him with respect. I think, in a way, that it was not necessarily a conscious decision, but more of an instinct to hurt Rook. To make them angry and not love him anymore. To make it easier to end it, spare them the pain of breaking up now and of loosing him to death one day. By protecting himself from the pain of their death should he outlive them.
As if that would work and make any difference to Rook, or him. They are already so madly in love with each other.
And I think, what makes Rook different from his previous partners is that they realized, if they let him finish this sentence, he might break something beyond repair. Even if it was his fear speaking at that moment, not his love. Running away from his feelings is a recurring theme for him. And he does not WANT to break up with them. But his fear tells him its better this way. Fear is a liar, though.
So they speak a harsh truth. It’s his fear, insecurities and cowardice speaking. They do not let him get away with it. It is harsh, yes. But I think it was also necessary. It spells out a truth he did not want to admit to himself. He is afraid, insecure and a coward. And the big question, is that what he wants to be? They are, in sadly not the nicest way, telling him to get hid goddamn shit together. And sometimes that’s needed. Especially for an academic man like Emmrich. No Emmrich, that is not logical. It is pure emotion and fear is running your life, not you.
In a perfect world they would have told him so in a calm and collected manner. Less harsh words and more kindness. But would that have had the same impact on Emmrich? Rook is a person too, with their own fears and hopes and dreams. And Emmrich right now is breaking their heart. I think he needed that. To see the pain and hurt he inflicted on them.
Can you imagine the regret he would feel in the end? If he left Rook? It would leave him a broken shell of a man. His final defeat. Fear had won. Nothing would be better, and no one would have been spared any pain. I would just be a lifetime of regret and what ifs. The one person who accepted him fully, loved him so deeply, and HE threw everything away.
I think, the time Rook was trapped inside the fade prison might have been the best thing that could happen in the long run. It’s all his fears come to reality. Rook is gone. He lost them. And he just wants to curl up and hide. But he can’t. He needs to find them. If he lets fear win now, Rook might be lost forever. He cannot allow himself to be coward now. I think this time was a come-to-Jesus moment for him. It forced him to look at his fears and what they’ve cost him. It’s a moment where he needs to stop letting fear control his life.
The last real private moment they had was a fight, filled with fear and anger. (That short apology in the middle of a battlefield was hardly private and could in no way make up for the words that were said.)
That last evening should have been a time filled with love. A memory to cherish. But now it’s a memory one would want to forget. And that was his own doing. It was not something out of his control, like “death”. It was his words and actions that tainted their time together. And what if that was the last time they’d seen each other, been with each other? What if that is his last real memory of them? The look of anger and pain and hurt on Rooks face, caused by HIM, by what he had actively said and done? I think this might be the first time he realizes that his fears take more from him, than death ever could.
Phobias and anxieties are not cured that easily, of course. I think in a way, they will always stay with him, to a degree. But I do think he had some important realizations that will put him on a path of growing. At least in regards of how he deals with his fears.
And then he found them. He found his Rook. They are back and they are alive. He can hold them in his arms again and how could he ever even think about turning away from them? They are a gift, a miracle, the deepest wish fulfilled. A wish he’d given up upon. Something he thought he would never have.
And then the last scene with the coffin. Okay here I go the Astarion route and I am absolutely convinced that that coffin is his. Of course he had planned all things in regards to his death. He had chosen the crypt he wanted to be buried in. And at that moment he took them there. The place that had been the mark of the final end, now the mark of the rest of his life. And Rook? Rook still wants him, after everything. They still love him.
When they pull him into a kiss? He doesn’t see the end of their time, but the start of the rest of their life together. That look on his face when Rook leads him to that coffin? This look of absolute vulnerability? I think, in a way, this is a first time for him. All open and vulnerable. All he is and feels no longer hidden away but cherished and loved. He will always fear loosing them, them loosing him, how could he not. But they are here and HE is finally able to truly commit. He is finally giving everything. He will always fear, but now love wins. Rook holds his heart in their hands, and he trusts them completely. He gives himself to them. He is theirs, forever.
Hell, that man breaks my heart in so many ways.
So what’s in store for them in the future? Sadly we do not get epilogue sliders for our LIs.
But those two I truly think are in it for the long haul. There will be many good days, filled with happiness and laughter and kisses. They will go on adventures, see the world, experience life together in its fullest.
There will also be bad days, when fear rears its head, and his chest hurts from the sheer pain it inflicts on him. But I hope he comes to a point where he is able to turn to Rook in those times, instead of pushing them away. Where he lets them comfort him, hold him, until this feeling loses its grip on him.
Those bad days will never diminish those wonderful days they have together, though. Just a rain cloud, hiding the sun for a day or two. And it can’t rain forever.
Then, when one of them finally goes on to their last journey, they will wait for their love. And when they are united again, they walk eternity hand in hand.
155 notes · View notes
hazbinhotelxreader · 1 day ago
Note
Hiiii, how's it going??? A few days ago this idea crossed my mind. A reader who is afraid of loud noises (phonophobia) x Alastor. Definitely something comfort. I was curious how he would react. Feel free to ignore this if you are not interested, I know you have tons of requests. ♥️🖤
Yep! I apologize for the long wait! I’ve been so busy! (I am VERY rusty. I havnt wrote since like July 😭)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Alastor x sinner reader with Phonophibia (platonic)
“Too Loud”
It was late afternoon at the hotel and you were sitting at the small bar in the hotel, drinking some of the alcohol left out, trying to drown out the noise of the others. It was..Choatic. Nifty was being nifty, Angel was being loud as usual, Charlie seemed more loud and happier than usual, Husk was getting pissed like usual, pentious was boasting just as loud, and Vaggie was getting ticked off by Angel and Alastor….Probably the only calm one right now
You hated it. You left your home to escape the loud chaotic and overwhelming mess and came to the hotel thinking you’d be safe. Turns out they can be just as crazy. From Charlie always getting into your personal space (which you don’t have the heart to tell her no), to Pentious getting distristful and defensive when you get too close to him or his machines. You just wanted peace. Peace was always on your mind..But then again when did you ever get it? Never. Its hell, nothings peaceful
You could have sworn your head was beating by the chatter, your heart rate increasing, it felt like it would jump out of your chest. It was too much, too loud, too noisy, too much chaos. You could here the light ringing in your ears, the small foggyness in your sight..
While you were in your own little episode, you weren’t aware of the figure approaching you. “Now whats with the frown dear? Don’t you think a smile will make you look more approachable~?”. A familiar radio voice rung out.
You jumped a little in surprise at his usual confident tone and turn to look at him, caught by surprise at his sudden appearance as you calmed down. “Hey Alastor..” You say a little tired, not going unnoticed by the radia demon.
“What’s seems to be the issue dear?”.He asked, looking over at you. He was still pretty intimidating for you, this was the radio demon after all…
“Nothing its just….loud in here” You say and look down at the almost empty glass bottle.
“Loud you say? Well you certiantly arent wrong my dear! At the Hazbin Hotel theres never a sleeping moment!’ He said with confidence as he leaned against the counter,holding his radio staff (right??) in his hands with his usual smile.
“That’s what im worried about…” You say with a tired expression and look back down.
Alasotor looked over at you, keeping his smile but a small ounce of concern, why was he concerned? He’s not use to this, he shouldn’t be concerned for another lowly sinner should he? Maybe its the fact that your one of the few demons that annoy him, maybe its the fact you aren’t loud or sexual, maybe its the fact you respect his personal space. Whatever it was, he liked you, well at least he disliked you less than the others.
“Well then my dear, don’t be afraid to come knocking on my door if it’s too much, my room is the furthest from everyone and I sure would like the company when I’m eating” He reassured with a smile.
You smile back, even if your a little suspicious of why he’s doing this, but having some peace and quiet for the firstime in…how long now? It doesn’t matter right now. “Thanks Alastor…you don’t know how much I appreciate that”. You weren’t sure how this would go…But anything was better than staying in a noisy hotel.
(Sorry I’m so rusty 😭😭😭)
57 notes · View notes
virgosimulator · 2 days ago
Note
My boyfriend shared this post with me and as an Accessibility Studies Minor (literally was so niche and new the major didn't exist until after I graduated), I just have to respond. (and I am so excited to do so!)
I’m going to have to play this game, even if it's not specifically about disability, because it’s so exciting to see someone actually doing disability theory work. I know disability scholars are out there, but our community is fractured and so pushed underground it's very hard to connect. I so often only see opinions about disability written exactly as OP says, black or white. Good guy vs Bad guy. And most often by people who do not identify as disabled, or are disabled and are only drawing on personal experience (which is great, but there's much more to consider!)
I am most passionate about Universal Design which is a field of study that…almost doesn’t exist it’s so niche, despite the fact that it concerns itself with everyone. I wanted to move across the country (America) to join the only Universal Design lab in the world (general, NOT UD for Education, which there is a lot for), originally created and run by the author of the Universal Design manual, Ronald L. Mace (he died 1988). Unfortunately, it had shut down just a few years before I even encountered the phrase "Universal Design." (I just googled it but couldn't find a date, I believe it closed in 2010 but I don't know that for sure.)
In any case, one of the core tenants of Universal Design, the core issue it seeks to resolve, is that all people have conflicting needs. In class we often talked about this in terms of one type of disability vs another (sensory vs mobility, for example), but really it’s ability vs ability. Sidewalk safety is a good example as curb cuts (where sidewalks slope downward to meet with the road usually between pedestrian intersections) are 100% necessary for people using wheelchairs, however they can be challenging for people walking on foot who have low mobility. They can also be dangerous for blind persons. Some added accomadations have been a bumpy texture to let blind people know by touch that the sidewalk is sloping, bright caution yellow paint for people with low vision. However, if these curb cuts aren’t maintained properly, especially with added bumpy textures, something could happen like when I was in highschool a girl flipped her motorized wheelchair onto herself because the curb cut was too steep and the road. Instead of being a benefit to everyone, it probably killed her and her accident could have caused a corresponding car accident.
And, by nature of expressing how disability (and some accomodations) can be bad for everyone, OP is also alluding to the truth that accessibility options have the potential to help everyone. You do not need to be “unable to work” to have a different set of abilities and needs from another person. Trying to design a universally accessible world is actually limited by thinking of it in terms of “disability.”
I didn't have a point to this really, I was just so excited to share some of my education with people who might actually be interested. Oh, some might be happy to hear it does appear there is a non profit called RL Mace Universal Design Institute which is keeping his work alive, thank goodness. Perhaps I will reach out and see if they have any education or research opportunities.
something I don’t get about the disability metaphor is that for eureka monsters obviously it harms another person to eat them. the help a disabled person needs doesn’t actively harm or kill another person. Maybe it’s a difference in perspectives that cannot be resolved
(What I’m about to write could potentially sound very fucked up at first so I’m going to need to trust everyone to read the whole thing before forming an opinion.)
Also this message and response references these two posts.
Eureka’s stance on disabled people is that they (including myself writing this) are, or at least can often be, burdens.
Disabled people often require more resources to live than they are able to “give back,” which, in our capitalist and artificial-scarcity-based economy, is just about the worst thing a person can do.
Anti-ableism sentiment often focuses on the idea that “disabled people aren’t burdens, that they’re just as good and capable as everyone else,” but if they were, they wouldn’t be “disabled” would they? When you say stuff like that, you’re conceding that a person’s worth is determined by how capable they are at doing work, and then having to bend over backwards to justify thinking that a person without arms is just as valuable as a person with arms. Eureka is asking you to decouple a person’s value from how much net resources they can produce.
Often times also, the resources that real disabled people consume are human resources, and those human resources are very much capable of suffering for it. Nurses are overworked, around-the-clock care is absolutely physically and mentally exhausting, people who have to care for their elderly or otherwise disabled relatives on top of their regular jobs don’t get to have social lives or hobbies, etc.
To this end, we wrote the monsters in Eureka to be unquestionably people who “cause damage” to society by literally eating up human resources, because they have to to live, they have no other choice unless they want to just die. Your friend is gone from your life because he has to spend all his free time caring for his comatose wife after a freak car accident. Your friend is gone from your life because a vampire randomly ate him. Providing a metaphor isn't all the monsters are doing, they just work well through that lens.
And then Eureka forces you to look at these people as people, and make up your mind as to whether they have value and a right to prologue their own existence. We can’t force you to agree that they do, but if you think they don’t, then you’ll have to make that argument looking at an intelligent person with a life rather than a pure hypothetical or statistics on a chart.
There are some monsters in Eureka where, if the economy or societal structures were changed, they would stop being such severe drains on resources and could exist harmlessly within society, and there are some monsters where no imaginable amount of societal change would solve the problems they cause. This is true of disabled people IRL as well. Some of them would require no further assistance with living if certain things about society changed, and others would still require a massive amount of human resources.
And even when it’s not necessarily human resources, the extra resources that disabled people need also cause huge energy expenditure and create huge amounts of plastic waste, which are things that contribute to global warming and pollution, which do have significant harmful effects on everyone’s lives. Despite this, they are still “worth it” to keep around.
As for actively causing harm, that happens too. I randomly scrolled past this post after we got this message and saved it so I could link it here.
This person and their family had to cause a big stink in a restaurant just to get an accommodation that they needed, and to us reading it from their perspective, we’re obviously on their side, but I can assure you that the overworked staff at that restaurant didn’t see it that way. They saw the disabled person as an aggressive Karen whom they would never in a million years want to have to provide customer service to. The disabled person & family had to get aggressive, and ruin the staff’s day, to get what they needed. That’s actively causing harm - harm we all agreed was justified to cause - but harm nonetheless.
Plastic straws aren’t that big of a deal for global pollution, but even if they were, the point is that this person still would have needed a straw. It doesn’t line up one-to-one, because metaphors rarely do, but a vampire asking if they can drink someone’s blood, and being told No, may find themselves in much the same position. (And if you bring up that some people find vampires really sexy, you’re missing the point. “I would give them a straw if they had sex with me.” is not actually a great thing to announce about yourself.)
I can also come up with an example from my own life. I personally am very sensitive to noise and noise pollution. If there’s music playing at a public space, I usually can’t handle it. (Earplugs don’t work for other reasons I won’t get into - plus, if I just deafen myself to all sound, how can I socialize with anyone in this public space?)
If I want to exist in this space, I will have to actively cause harm to everyone there, or else stop existing in that space. I will have to go up to whoever is responsible and ask them to turn off the music, actively taking it away from everyone else who was enjoying it. I have to take action to ruin their good time if I want to exist in that space at all, and they might, very understandably, be pissed off at me for doing that. Because, like I said in this other post, the people that monsters eat do have a right to prevent themselves from being eaten by monsters. We aren't proposing that the solution is everyone has to line up to be mauled to death by monsters or else they're a bad person.
Who has a greater right to enjoy themselves in that space? That’s the kind of question that Eureka poses, and makes you consider both sides as human being rather than denoting one as just an ontologically evil villain to be destroyed.
We actually don't know of perfect solutions to all the problems presented by the existance of monsters in Eureka, we just know that "exterminate all people who are parasites and burdens to society" ain't it.
Tumblr media
650 notes · View notes
subcultureblues · 10 hours ago
Text
Don’t You Want Me (Baby?) Pt 3
———
Steve and Eddie are either hooking up or dating - and are about as bad at keeping a secret as they are dealing with their feelings. (Dustin POV)
1 / 2 / 3
———
“I’ll be there in thirty!” Dustin said. He slammed the phone down and dashed to his room to round up his notes.
“Bye mom love you gotta go!” He shouted as he hustled out the door and jumped on his bike. Dustin had just made it out of the suburbs and into town when he spotted a familiar Maroon Beemer in the lot by the Quickie Mart.
Steve was standing beside his car in a fluorescent windbreaker, leaning on the open driver’s side door. He was staring at the bouquet of flowers in his hands like his nose was about to start bleeding.
Dustin slowed.
….He could probably spare a few minutes to see what the hell that was about.
Really, it’s been a while since Dustin made peace with the fact his curiosity would almost invariably get the best of him.
“Hey Steve!” Dustin hollared, dinging his bike bell a few times.
Steve startled, comically jerking to attention. As a thoroughbred jock, Steve could be ever so slightly air-headed at times. But that usually didn’t extend to a total lack of situational awareness.
Steve waved at Dustin as he approached.
“Why are you angry at those flowers?”
“What? I’m not - “ Steve cut himself off with a sigh. He shot the flowers another grimace. “I’m just trying to decide if I’m being a total idiot right now…”
Ah, Dustin realized. Must have pissed off Robin.
“What happened?”
“I fucked up, I think. And flowers, that’s my go-to right? That’s the move. But…” he tapped above his temple with the side of his fist - as if to dislodge the stupid. He rested it there for a second. “I can’t help but think I’m becoming totally neurotic.” He said, vaguely concerned.
“Girls like flowers.” Dustin offered a simple shrug.
“Yeah, girls do.” Steve agreed. Then sighed again, shaking his head distantly.
Jesus, he must be gone bad.
And Dustin likes Robin. More importantly, he liked her for Steve, they were a perfect match. But most importantly of all - if Steve fucks this up, Dustin spends the next who knows how long listening to him complain about his endless strings of unfulfilling dates.
“And red roses? Can’t get more romantic than that, right?” He said, trying to sound encouraging.
“You don’t think they’re… I don’t know. Lame? Christ, what the hell am I even - I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing here.” Steve groaned, sounding totally defeated. He dragged a hand through his hair, displacing his artfully styled do. And too distracted to even notice? Dustin was very nearly starting to get worried. “Never mind forget it. Just, forget I said anything…”
“Who even is this guy? Your Steve.” Dustin scoffed. “Legendary lady killer of Hawkins High. Remember? You’re great at this.”
““Yeah, that’s different though. I guess... I don’t know.”
“Different how?” Dustin demanded.
“How about because this is important. That’s how!” He said.
“Ok? That’s a good thing, Steve.” Dustin said, which even to his own ears sounded just a little bit demeaning. Maybe he did need to work on his tone…
“Is it? The last time I really thought there might be something there, it was Nancy. So of course, I manage to fuck the whole thing up. Because that’s my thing I guess.” He deflated. Then quietly, as though speaking to himself, he said. “Things were going so good too… I just had to start a stupid - “
He finally looked back up at Dustin. He closed his mouth and the far away look cleared. He shook his head, like was done thinking about it right now. Or at least done talking about it because he said,
“Henderson, what are you doing running around this early anyways?”
“Pft, what are you doing running around this early? You and Eddie. I’m surprised you’re not sleeping off your… illicit activities.”
Steve made a face. “No. Don’t call it that. I - we… called it an early night last night.”
“Figures. I’m headed to Eddie’s right now.”
“Ah...” He muttered to himself. He looked down at the flowers again and his shoulders wilted. Then he chucked them into the the passenger seat.
“Woah, man, careful with those.” Dustin scolded him.
“No, it’s fine. Look, I gotta go pick up Robin soon. We have a shift together later. See you around, man.”
Dustin frowned. Why were adults so goddamn weird? Is Dustin gonna start acting like this in a few years.
“Good luck.” Dustin offered, tilting his head optimistically. Steve just waved him off, still very obviously distracted.
“Yeah, I’ll figure something out.”
Dustin watched him climb into his car. Steve would figure it out. Dustin had faith in that, at least. He could have a thick skull, but give him enough time and eventually he got it together.
Steve drove off and Dustin started pedaling again, in the opposite direction, towards the Forest Hills trailer park.
Dustin was at the trailer almost till dinner time, fine tuning what will soon be the very first one shot, nay the very first D&D session Dustin will ever orchestrate. He can’t help violently oscillating between excited and nauseous, but Eddie’s advice genuinely did provide a solid foundation to work with.
Eddie even assured Dustin he’d act just as shocked as the rest of the party, gasping during the big moments. Stuff like that - even though he knew pretty much every story beat he had planned just from helping Dustin sort it all together.
They were just packing up to leave when the phone rang.
“Shit. Give me a sec. That’s probably Wayne.”
“He’s not at work?”
“A buddie’s house. He got the weekend off.” Eddie said, picking up the receiver.
“Munson’s Mortuary Services. You got the purse, we got the hearse. Are we picking up or dropping off, cause - ” Eddie cut out mid bit. He grimaced, looking back at Dustin. “I - uh, hey. Look this really isn’t a good - “
Dustin was only really half ease dropping as he tried to order his session notes correctly. Eddie was talking quietly for the first time in his life, holding the receiving close to his mouth, which was making it kind of difficult.
“No, it’s fine… I’m serious, it’s fine. Yeah, I’m sorry too…. Well, I was being an asshole. Look this really isn’t a good time…” Eddie glanced back over his shoulder at Dustin. Dustin tried to look busy. “Just, don’t worry about it, seriously…. Yeah. Sure, talk to you later, ok?” Eddie started to move the phone away before bringing it back to his ear.
“This week? I’m not sure… Maybe. I’ve just - I got a lot of stuff going on… I’ll call you… Yeah, bye.”
Eddie hung up, hand lingering on the phone for a long moment.
“Who was that?” Dustin asked, so casually it was probably immediately suspicious.
“Funny how you think I won’t make you walk home.” Eddie said, a bone dry threat. That roughly translated to, it was definitely totally my secret girlfriend. “Pack your shit, dude. I’m calling Wayne so you better be ready to go by the time I’m done.”
It seemed like Eddie took it to heart what Dustin said about them never hanging out anymore. That week, Eddie really seemed to be making an effort to start making time for him again.
And the rest of the party of course.
On Monday, Eddie suggested Hellfire (plus Max!) hit the arcade after school. He didn’t give them any quarters, but that was fine, they had enough loose change to have a good time. They’d just need to plan ahead and bring Steve next time.
After school on Tuesday, Dustin called to see if Eddie wanted to keep working on the one shot. Which he couldn’t cause Corroded Coffin had band practice.
So instead, he invited Dustin tag along. It came with the strict stipulation he kept his mouth shut, his ass glued to the couch, and he not try to touch anything, on pain of a swift and merciless death. But Dustin’s come to understand Eddie’s threats have a lot more to do with his penchant for dramatics than any honest hostility.
Eddie was just heading out the door when Dustin called so he said he’d come grab him from his place on the way to Jeff’s.
Dustin thought for a moment about changing out of his pun-derful shirt but ended up scrapping the idea for time.
He kind of regretted it when Eddie rolled up. Music loud and looking, as always, too cool for school. Summer was still fading, so he was wearing a loose, faded Cult shirt with the sleeves cut off. He had more tattoos than Dustin realized (all of them ugly.). There was a red flannel tied round his waist and he was wearing a thin leather bracelet.
Dustin couldn’t pull off a leather bracelet in a million billion years probably.
“Little mans sitting in on practice tonight.” Eddie announced as they walked into Jared’s garage. He got a scatter of hey’s and what’s up’s.
Dutifully, Dustin belined it for the couch. He sat next to the plastic Halloween skeleton that was already sitting there posed to watch (Dustin was introduced to him as Manny).
Eddie seemed to switch into DM mode, someone had to keep the boys focused and on track.
Dustin sat still and didn’t touch anything, which was easy enough.
But come on, their music was way too awesome for a passive listening experience.
Gareth, Jared, and Jeff seemed to appreciate his enthusiasm. Still, Dustin made sure to keep distractions to a minimum. A reasonable minimum, at least.
“God, you guys are just so - “ Dustin rambled. It had gotten dark outside and they were started to pack up their gear.
“Metal?” Eddie said, winding up his guitar chord with a smile.
“Metal as hell.” Dustin agreed, standing and walking over.
“We’ll make a public menace outta you yet.” Eddie said proudly.
“You can always bring the kid around more during practice.” Jeff said to Eddie. The rest of the band nodded around and shrugged.
“Actually having a live audience every once in a while couldn’t hurt.” Gareth said, nodding his head at Manny. Him and Jeff were dragging his drum kit back into the corner of the room.
“Yeah?” Dustin asked, grinning.
“Maybe you’ll pick up a thing or two.” Eddie grinned back, shoving at him a bit and fucking up Dustin’s hair.
“You’d teach me?” Dustin asked, swatting him away. Eddie shrugged easily.
“Oh man. That’d be so cool!” He said. “Maybe next time I could bring some of the other guys? Oh, and Steve could come too!”
Jared practically choked on his instant laughter.
“The King?” He said sarcastically. “Yeah, sure - you wanna bring King Steve here, to sit on the ratty couch in my garage and listen to us thrash around and scream for a few hours?”
“I dunno, could be pretty entertaining.” Gareth elbowed Jeff, nodding down towards Eddie. He was on his knees, focusing intently on tucking his Warlock away in its hardcase. Gareth leaned in closer and whispered. “He’s getting a little too cocky with those guitar solos, don’t you think? Could use a chance to play under pressure.”
“Oh, that does sound entertaining.” Jeff snickered, just as amused by the prospect.
“Can it.” Eddie said, without looking up.
“Eddie?” Dustin insisted, looking to his DM for backup. They were talking like Steve was gonna march in here and just start heckling. Or throwing tomatoes at them or something.
“Sorry kid, they’re right. He’d probably hate it.” Eddie shrugged.
“Come on, it’ll be cool! I could at least ask? You don’t know he’ll hate it.”
“Yeah, I’m sure Steve Harrington would think our heavy metal band is so totally cool.” Jared said flatly, as he leaned over to grab the handle on his bass amp.
“Hey. I saw a Metallica tape in his car the other day!” Dustin said to Jared. Jared’s eyebrows climbed, surprised. Maybe even a little impressed, though clearly too stubborn to admit it.
Dustin turned back to Eddie. He was still expecting him to come to Steve’s defense. But he stayed quiet, barely a part of the conversation. “Come on, I thought you two were friends now.” He accused.
“Sure, Harrington’s fine.” Eddie shrugged.
“Yeah he is.” Jeff muttered under his breath. Gareth puffed up with a badly contained laugh.
Eddie rolled his eyes.
“Right, you blow us all off to go to go smoke weed with him at the drive through, but he’s just fine.”
Jared, who had been bending over to put his amp against the wall, froze in place.
“No fucking way.” Gareth’s head shot up, his eyes blown wide. But it didn’t sound like he was pissed at Eddie for crossing party lines. Not with the massive, disbelieving grin on his face. “You and Harrington? You fucking took him to a drive through?”
“What movie was it?” Jeff shot out, equally delighted.
“Was it a scary movie?” Gareth said. They both scrambled out from behind the drum set, their task wholly forgotten.
“Guys.” Eddie huffed. “Fine. Yeah, ok, we went to go see a movie - So what?”
“And you just, what!? Forgot to mention it?”
“Sure!” Eddie grimaced. He shrugged defensively. “We just - caught a movie. It’s not a big deal.”
Gareth barked out a laugh. Like that, that right there, is the funniest thing Eddie’s ever said.
“Guys.” Jared looked at Jeff and Gareth pointedly, before glancing at Dustin.
“Sorry it’s just…” Jeff paused with his mouth open, incredulous. “Didn’t know you guys hang out now.” He finished. “Ya know, outside the whole - coparenting.”
“We don’t.” Eddie said, tensely.
Dustin frowned as he watched the guys continue to stow their shit. Gareth and Jeff went back to sorting out the drums. “Not a big - “ Gareth scoffed under his breath, shaking his head in disbelief.
The rest of the boys were struggling to contain shiteating grins and Eddie was just pretending not to notice.
Dustin had never known these guys to be such… jerks. Why would it be such a big deal if Eddie and Steve were friends?
Could it really be all because they’re just so - different? The idea of hard rocker Eddie kicking back with a jock even once was just patently absurd? Ridiculous enough they jump straight to teasing him for it?
Dustin’s frown deepened. For a bunch of freaks, that all seemed pretty judgmental.
These guys would come around on Steve. Seems like Dustin would just have to make sure of it.
On Thursday Eddie agreed to pick him up from school.
He was late of course, so Will, Mike, Lucas, and Max had all started towards home by then.
When he did roll into the parking lot, it was in a sweeping wave of orchestral heavy metal.
“Pick it up.” He said impatiently, as Dustin opened the door. Eddie evil eyed the school building while he turned down the music. “Don’t like being here any longer than I need to be outside D&D hours.”
Dustin hopped in. He had a VHS copy of Jaws in his hands. He had left it behind at Lucas’ like two weeks ago and promptly forgot about it. A week later Lucas brought it to school and Dustin had only just re-unearthed it from his locker today. It was daunting just thinking of the fees that were sure to be stacking up by now.
His only salvation was Steve. Who’s thankfully working today.
“I need to drop this off at the movie store and before you say no - “
“Sure.” Eddie said, already starting the van.
“I - that was easy.” Dustin sat back and relaxed against the seat.
Eddie kept his eyes on the road and shrugged.
“I was thinking about renting something anyways.”
They drove straight to Family Video. The door dinged as they walked in.
Robin was sitting behind the counter. Still focused on her crossword she said, “Hi, welcome to Family Video, can I help you find - Oh, hey guys.”
“Hi Robin!” Dustin said, walking up to the counter.
Eddie lingered by the displays. He traced a finger over one of the tapes on the shelf. “Harrington, here?” Eddie asked, inspecting the cover.
Robin rolled her eyes but she was smiling. “You just missed him. It was seriously slow today and he won rock/paper/scissors so - he clocked out early for the day.” Eddie hummed and put his hands in his jean pockets.
Dustin handed Robin his VHS tape.
“This is eight days late.” She frowned at the computer.
“So - “ Dustin said, thinking fast to distract her from errant thoughts of late fees. “how’d you like the flowers?”
“Flowers?” Robin scrunched up her nose at him.
“The flowers Steve got you?” Dustin blurted out before he clamped his mouth shut again. She squinted at him. Suspicious.
“What are you on about?”
Shit. Steve hadn’t got those for Robin had he?
“Nevermind.” Mayday-mayday. Pull up!
Hopefully Steve wasn’t too pissed at Dustin for letting that little detail slip. And Dustin could barely feel bad for blowing Steve’s cover because, what the hell Steve?
Robin’s lip twisted. She looked down her nose at him, regarding him uncharitably. He forced a smile as she stared him down for a moment longer. Then her face cleared. Raising her eyebrows innocently she turned back to the monitor.
“So about that fee. That’ll be five fourty-“
“Ok! I - “ Dustin hesitated. Sorry Steve - that was five dollars he really did not have. “I don’t know. I ran into him a few days ago. And he’d just bought a big thing of roses.” Dustin caved, shrugging and holding his palms up defensively.
“Ooooh.” Robin’s eyes crinkled with a warm smile and her gaze slid somewhere behind Dustin shoulder. Then quickly snapped back into place.
“Oh.” Robin said again. She looked baffled, like the implications of that just hit her and clearly didn’t sit with her right.
“Maybe they were for his mom? His parents are in town aren’t they.” Dustin offered.
“You know what? Yeah, that’s probably it.” Robin nodded vigorously. The poor, love struck girl just immediately latching onto the explanation.
“Nah.” Dustin turned around to look at Eddie. He was still feigning intense interest in that copy of An American Werewolf in London. “His mom is allergic to roses.”
“That doesn’t mean he - ” Robin scrambled. “Maybe he just… forgot, or something. I mean, you know Steve. Total ditz.”
He shrugged. “That’s fine isn’t it?”
“Yeah. I mean, yeah.” Robin said cautiously. She seemed confused more than anything.
Eddie said cooly, hands still in his pockets. A perfectly neutral smile on his face. “Steve’s a free agent, right? He’s free to play the field.”
Jeez, did Eddie have to be so blunt? What ever happened to letting a girl down easy?
“Uh…” Robin said, looking between the two of them uncomfortably. Like maybe she didn’t quite know the answer to that anymore but it was also something she really didn’t want to sort out in public.
Dustin honestly felt a little bit bad for her. Sure they both always say they’re not dating, but clearly she seemed none too thrilled at the idea of Steve going around giving another girl flowers.
Dustin had hoped with the way Steve was talking the other day, he had finally got his head out of his ass and was ready to go public and make them official.
“Hey, man, I’ll meet you in the car, yeah?”
“Sure.” Dustin said.
“Eddie - “ Robin said. Eddie looked over his shoulder, lingering half way out the door. Robin glanced at Dustin. “Uh. Bye.” She finished lamely.
He smiled at her. She didn’t smile back.
Robin went back to the computer. She worked in complete silence. Suddenly the thick clack of the keyboard and the low murmur of the movie on the screen in the corner were way louder. Her brow was set like it gets when she’s stuck on a troublesome crossword.
“Sorry.” Dustin said, his face twisting up with guilt.
Robin glanced side long at him.
“I can talk to him you know.” He said.
“Huh?”
“I can talk to Steve. He shouldn’t do that to you.”
“Jesus, for the last time. We - are not - dating.” Robin said through gritted teeth. She made a frustrated noise. “Do you have to be so… ergh, meddlesome.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” He lied, taking a step back.
“You need to stay out of your friends love lives.”
Yeah well, how about Dustin stops meddling when his friends stop being so dumb about everything. Till then they’ll just have Dustin to thank for sorting out their messes.
Tag List : @reading-archieves @homoerotictangerine @bingbongsupremacy @aroseandherthorns-blog1 @wheneverfeasible @travelingtwentysomething @ineffable-monster-romancer @laughingphantoms @gregre369 @rawrx3ky-txt @thespaceantwhowrites @blcksh33p1987
@the-legal-shipper @maverickricky @i-amthepizzaman @pretend-theres-a-name-here @steddiefication @that-one-gay-crow @gleek4twd
@theintrovertedintrovert @tinyplanet95 @queercrisis2003 @awkwardgravity1 @stripey82
@sofadofax @midnightskeeper
@blurryjoji @estrellami-1 @caraspud @little-trash-ghost @finalmoondragon
@samsoble @depressed-freak13
75 notes · View notes
utilitycaster · 2 days ago
Note
You are right, popularity isn't that important but I'm glad anyway that f/f is the most popular in the CR fandom thanks to Imodna, because it's just nice for once!
You know what's funny is that I suppose I thought of Imodna in passing for this, but it wasn't a significant aspect of my consideration, nor was popularity, and it's depressing that you sent this question because it makes me fear we're stuck.
The ship I had in mind that I like is Dot/Cleo from Unend, which I think is really interesting and am frustrated that whenever it comes up in the Midst server the conversation just goes GOTH GF PINK GF GOTH GF PINK GF GOTH GF PINK GF with no discussion of who they are as people - how Cleo is canonically a nepo baby, but she actually is fantastic at her job of observation because she is warm and kind and genuinely interested in everything around her, and how Dot is hiding absolute terror and misery about everything but is also competent and helpful, and trying to shove them into aesthetic categories ignores all that.
The ship I had in mind I didn't like and which really set it off is that Neve/Bellara from DATV is pretty transparently an attempt to get Neve away from Lucanis, even though they'd both make each other miserable - ie, they're putting forth a Grumpy One Soft For Sunshine One ship to get rid of the women to make way for a ship that includes a man (regardless of what gender you're playing Rook, Lucanis is a man) and I realized that it was in many ways stunningly similar in tenor to Beau and Jester, or Vex and Keyleth, which were both ships that were popular among F/F shippers, and what does that say? I'm saddened by the fact that the ships I'm told by fandoms are beautiful and meaningful and at times harassed for saying aren't that great are, in the end, almost identical in structure to the ships people throw out to push the women of the story out of the way of an M/M or M/F ship. Like, doesn't that suck? Don't you want to do better? Isn't it pretty fucking miserable that any attempt to talk about treating female characters as complex and existing in canon in the work and actually being people with PREFERENCES and not some malleable nothing you can throw at anything to get the ship you want is met with passive aggression and petty popularity contests? Doesn't it make you furious, if you are a woman, that even in fiction - even in fantasy heroic fiction where women can save the world and break reality - everyone's first instinct towards female characters is to be like "lmao no you are not the person you say you are and want to be, you're the person I want you to be for my convenience"? Don't you want to stab the next person who decides that it's more important to climb to the top of the list on ao3 by sacrificing everything complex and thorny and difficult and interesting for a bigger number of fics that could be about literally any two people because there's nothing about the women they're about in them?
Like, really, what does it say that when I say "I feel like fandoms treat F/F as an afterthought and as between two entities that are less than people" multiple people decided the response was "ACTUALLY, some M/M ships are treated badly too? sounds like you hate women? here's a ship I know you openly think is bad and I'm going to send it?" I think of you, anon, in your passive-aggression here, the way I think of tradwifes. I'm not mad, I'm just sad you've gotten trapped in this mentality and this life of serving some goal that doesn't let women be people, and I hope you break free; but I must admit I'd do pretty much anything not to become like you.
39 notes · View notes
sabine-smitten-obviously · 19 hours ago
Text
And YOU will feel healed of the last 15
... when you read this fic. That is, as long as you suffered from an abandonement wound like i did.
Ello lovelies, i have another wonderful fanfic-rec for you! 🤓
But you are an ocean by @ineffably-good
Tumblr media
Coverart by @ineffableclassics
What it is about:
After Aziraphale's defection, Crowley tries to figure out how to live life for himself.
Notes:
Ok so, the end of season two broke me. Figured I was maybe done writing stories about these two after that. And yet, several hours later, a sentence appeared in my head, and then this happened. Guessing at chapter totals… I'm finding I like the idea of Crowley going off in a different direction than what I'd initially expect. Not just raging, not sleeping for a century, but actually trying to move on. And why the hell shouldn't he just move to the South Downs by himself? So here we are.
What i like about it:
🩷This fic doesn´t jump in on pushing the story - their story - forward. Instead it goes a totally different path. A quite big part of it is dedicated to Crowley mending the pieces of his broken heart. It´s endearing, it´s breathtaking and it will have you cry. Not only for Crowley but for every single person who ever had to endure heartbreak.
🩷Fun fact no.1: in real life I am a relationship-coach specialised in toxic relationships and heartbreak. And the way Crowley´s heartbreak is described couldn´t be any more accurate. Every thought, every pain, every action he takes, the strength it costs him, the weight of it all - its written absolutely to the point. I could have copied several pages for the "most beloved quote".
🩷So Crowley tries to build a life for himself. Not just living without the angel and rotting in a pit, but really trying to carve out a nice little existence for himself. He is doing his work, he is healing and you can follow along with him, as he learns to build at least new "friendships" - though he would never call it that himself, thanks a lot.
🩷This healing-journey takes quite some time and somewhere in the middle of it i started to think - he could do it. He COULD heal his hurt, mourn the loss and still somehow at least live a life on his own. Maybe feeling the missing part of himself for the rest of his existence, but not being miserable about it the whole time. And that is a thought - a wish - i would have for my dark angel.
I could see him living that life and at one point i almost thought - i would love to see how that would´ve played out for him. A life without Aziraphale. What connections would Crowley have made? How would he have coped with the loss of those humanly connections lifespan after lifespan? Would he have relocated each century? Would he have moved to Australia and learned surfing at one time? Would he have become a timelord and travelled - i mean seriously, Crowley could do that probably?
But you, my dear, are an ocean.
And oceans are ancient
And can survive everything,
Even the wrath of weather and planets.
-- Nikita Gill
SPOILERS AHEAD - if you don´t want to know the plot, stop reading here.
Tumblr media
Stop reading if you dont want spoilers!
Ok - you´ve been warned! Here we go: 🤗
🩷Fun fact no.2: I actually downloaded this fic some time ago but had another fic in mind i wanted to start next. So after i finished the last one (also really brilliant, i wrote a rec on it too), i started my e-reader the next day, THIS fic was already open instead on page 1. Huh?
I have absolutely no idea how this is possible, but i DO believe in hints-of-the-universe. Or little demonic miracles on their own. Because i needed this fic.
🩷Because of course - this is a Good Omens fanfic and eventually the other angel arrives. And without giving away to much: Aziraphale has to fight for Crowley. A long long time. He has to be steadfast and consistent and earn the trust of his has-been-companion-for-millenia. Nothing is a given any more.
And i am NOT saying that this is what Aziraphale needs to do or that he was wrong in any way. (The fic doesnt say that either by the way.) But what cracked ME personally about the last 15 was my own abandonement-wound which got triggered massively. I felt retraumatised even.
So reading and feeling that Crowley does not jump on the next best possibility to be back with the angel was a big thing. Having the Angel slowly earning his trust and simply showing up again and again - I needed that. I needed Crowley to take his time, not be the sick lovefool he is often proclaimed to be. For him to have doubts, to feel conflicted, to feel love and the need to self-preserve at the same time.
All these ambiguities we all have. And to take the steps with him. Watch the turning point, when the fear of losing Aziraphale again becomes less and less and the fear of wasting time gets stronger. Taking one step at a time, sometimes even backwards. All those things, typical for a healing process, which is never straight forward but most of the time a rollercoaster instead. I loved this. I needed this. I could sit back, breathe and watch my own heart grow. Just. Wow.
Most beloved quote:
Tumblr media
So if you feel like maybe you need a fic in which Aziraphale really shows up and cares while Crowley really takes his time to learn to trust again... And not because one of them has been an idiot, but to experience them both learning and growing together ... and that might be something for your own healing journey, this might be just THE fic for you. I absolutely loved it and so will you.
Reading is therapy! 🤗
26 notes · View notes
dsireland86 · 4 hours ago
Note
Can you please write something about that new Folio pic x fem reader i am obsessed with that picture
This one, right? If not, I'm very sorry, but I'm obsessed with this one and it makes me think happy thoughts, lol!
Photoshoot
18+ below the cut
Tumblr media
Tag list: @philomenie @supersquirrel1996 @foliosgirl @angelmarie89 @fadingintothegrey @thisbicc @lma1986 @dominuslunae @shayzillaaaa @mrsnoahsebastian @flowery-mess @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @stardustsirenmelody @romanreigns-supreme @anything-more-than-human @into-the-grey @rumoured-whispers @myownthoughts12 @sister-sebastian @nyxthedestroyerofworlds-deactiv @missduffsblog @bngurngheart  @somebodyllelse @xxkittenkissesxx @fadingangelwisp
"Where is Folio? Folio!! Dude, where the hell are you?"
Bryan's voice echoed through the halls of the stadium, ringing out louder than an intercom. It was annoying, and you'd do anything to get him to stop.
"Bryan, please shut up," you hollered back, rolling your eyes, letting your head fall into your hands.
"Well then, find your man. It's like he's vanished into thin air.”
"Yeah, Y/N, find your man."
Noah appeared, mocking Bryan and earning himself a nice slap in the stomach.
"Ooff," Noah cringed.
"Have you seen Folio?" Bryan asked, raising his brows at Noah. "I really need to get the new shots of all of you before the heathens start pouring in."
"Heathens, you mean fans," I chuckled, knowing how much Bryan hated people bombarding into his space when he was trying to work.
"As a matter of fact, I have. He and Nick went to get haircuts."
You knew this already but pretended not to just so you could watch Bryan get all worked up and irritated. He even looked over at you, narrowing his eyes.
"You already knew that, didn't you?"
Trying to hide your grin, you covered your mouth with your palm.
"I don't know what you're talking about," staring out into the gigantic field before you. The stadium could hold almost fifty thousand people, and the show tonight was sold out. When the hell did their small little Warped Tour band get so big?
"Y/N, I swear to god, if you don't tell him to get back here in an hour, you're dead," Bryan threatened you, half grinning.
"Then Matt won't have an assistant," you said sweetly and gave him an innocent look.
"You better not fuck with my assistant, Bryan," Matt barked, carrying a box of cables and handing them off to you.
"Take those down to the front for me?"
"Sure thing, Boss," you smiled, taking the box from him.
Matt rolled his eyes. "Don't call me, boss. Remember, I've seen you naked."
"Oh my god, that was not my fault! You walked in on me showering!"
"I never said it was your fault," Matt laughed, bopping your nose with his finger.
"Kiss ass," Noah said under his breath.
"Fuck you, Noah," you retorted, knowing very well it was all a joke.
"Oh baby, I would love it if you would!"
You rolled your eyes and kept walking.
"In your dreams, Noah," you yelled out.
"Already have," he yelled back.
You just kept walking, too embarrassed to look back.
Tumblr media
Walking down the white brick hallway, dragging your fingers along the cool stones as you did, you could hear voices coming from up ahead, followed by loud laughter.
Stopping suddenly, you looked into the faces of the two guys responsible for all the drama earlier and one solid look at Folio, and you were absolutely done for. The way he smiled at you had you melting into a puddled mess.
"I'm gonna," Nicholas said, looking from you to Folio, nodding his head towards the stairs.
"Yeah, alright. We'll be up in a few."
Folio couldn't take his eyes off you and the feeling was mutual. His fresh haircut, neatly shaved on the sides and around the back, parted perfectly on the left side right above his ear so the longer part on top could be swept over and back was doing things for you. He had the right amount of gel in it, too, which gave it the sexy wet look that always drove you crazy.
You were aching to run your fingers through it, to take it between your fingers and yank on its roots, pulling those familiar grunts and groans out of Folio that always made your core moist and ready.
He knew you were thinking things. His sweet little grin proved it.
"We've got time."
You smiled, walking your fingers up your man's chest that was covered by a thin black shirt. The scent of his cologne made you lightheaded and weak at the knees because of how fucking good it smelled.
"Bryan will kill me if I keep you any longer, especially when he sees Nicholas and not you."
Folio stared down at you, laying a soft kiss on your forehead.
"Yeah, but I've got a problem that needs fixing before I can go up there."
You chuckled, letting your fingers wander over Folio's neck, taking in his haircut and everything about him that you loved.
"Oh, you do? Sounds like someone is making excuses."
Folio took one of your hands and drove it down until it hit the very thing he was intending for it to touch.
"I'm so fucking hard for you, baby. I need you to fix me before I can go up there."
You pulled back and looked at him and the one little glint in his eyes was all it took for you to give in.
Tumblr media
Folio drank you in, watching as you straddled his thigh. His hands laid loosely on your hips, avoiding the temptation to yank down your pants to feed his hungry appetite.
Your hands found his hair, and instantly his head fell back against the couch, mouth falling open to release a small soft moan as you began sliding your fingers through the soft wet like strands of his hair like you had imagined earlier.
Your fingers raked over his scalp, massaging the top and the sides, making Folio nothing but puddy in your hands.
"Kiss me," he murmured, looking up at you sweetly. You obliged him, grabbing the back of his head and bringing his mouth yours, kissing him as if your life depended on it.
He groaned against your lips and you felt the strangled sound in your clit, making your panties a little wetter.
Trailing your lips down his jaw, the tanned, tender skin of Folio's neck looked too delicious to not taste. Latching your lips to his neck, you sucked his skin, running your tongue and lips over it, making him whimper beneath you. His slight gasp and thrusting of his hips made you smile.
"You still want me to fix you," you whispered, leaning your forehead against his, clinging to his broad shoulders.
Folio swallowed. "Fuck yes, please." He grabbed your ass and pushed your lower body into him, slightly bucking his hips.
"I've been fantasizing about this all week," he confessed, grinning weakly.
You hummed in approval, dragging your hands down his neck and the front of his chest, watching his eyes grow wider with anticipation. It made you giggle as you kissed his pouty lips again. The smile that spread across Nick's own face made your heart race.
Dropping to your knees before him, your fingers trailed along the zipper of his pants. You lifted the bottom of his shirt just enough to slip your fingers beneath it and find the top button of his jeans, undoing it. He lifted up as you tugged his jeans down, revealing his already half hardened covered cock The sight made you weak, making you want him ever more. Removing his jeans fully and dropping them on the floor next to you, you proceeded to remove his boxers, taking a deep breath and biting your bottom lip the moment his cock was fully exposed.
His thickness, the precum covering the swollen pink tip, the ridges and veins you loved to drag your tongue over, all of it was driving you mad, making you desperate for him.
Folio's hands were laying flat on the couch beside him, waiting for you to make your move. You looked up at him as though you were as desperate and needy as he was. Dragging his tongue between his lips, a small smile, almost like a smirk, graced Folio’s lips.
"Well, are you gonna fix me, sweetheart? Hmm? You gonna wrap those pretty pink lips around my cock?"
Folio slipped his hand behind your neck and applied some light pressure, signaling what he wanted you to do. With one hand on his thigh, you softly gripped his swollen shaft, sliding your hand all the way down to the base, then back up, sighing over the feeling of it in your hand. Nick let his head fall against the back of the couch, licking his lips and rolling his head side to side with his eyes shut tight, moaning softly.
"Fuck, baby, you make that feel so good," he smiled, when he opened his eyes to look at you. The little tendrils of hair that fell over his forehead made him so irresistible.
"You like how it feels in your hand, don't you?"
"Mmmhmm, I do," you agreed, sitting up and kissing Folio again, pleased to see the satisfied look on his face.
The warmth of him in your hands was intoxicating. You felt every little throb and twitch each time you squeezed and pulled or went back down. Looking down and watching the small trickles of precum spill from the tiny slit on his pink head hit your clit, sending strong tingling vibrations through your body.
Keeping direct eye contact with him, you lowered your head and took him in your mouth, sliding your tongue down the backside of his shaft before closing your lips around it, moving your head up and down. Folio's head fell back again with the tip of his tongue protruding between his lips as quiet mumbles of "fuck" and "oh my god" fell from his lips. He was in heaven, and you were the one taking him there.
Rolling your tongue around the ridges of his cock, tasting the saltiness of the precum seeping through, you looked up at him with all the love and adoration you felt for him, hoping he could feel the emotions coming from you as you took him fully in, down to the base. Folio jerked, thrusting his hips and forcing his cock deeper into your mouth.
"Oh god, baby, I love you so much," he groaned while gently holding the back of your head. Nick pumped into you, hitting that perfect spot in the back of your throat that made you gag. Saliva trickled down your chin the harder you sucked him, forcing his fingers to tangle in your hair.
"Fuck, yeah just like that baby, oh god," Folio muttered, bucking his hips. "Good girl, take it all baby, deep throat my cock. Show me how much you want it."
His words were music to your eyes. His praises were the light to your soul. There was nothing you wouldn't do for this man under you. He had you entirely forever.
Using your hand, you began to pump his shaft while still sucking and licking, hollowing out your cheeks until they were sore. Nick pushed himself deeper, spreading your slips apart, and guiding every inch of his shaft to the back of your throat.
"Holy fuck, sweetheart, how are you so fucking good at this," Folio laughed, grabbing the back of my hair. He gripped it tightly, directing your movements and moaning loudly, begging you not to stop. You continued bobbing your head up and down, sucking on his cock and massaging his balls, the softness of them feeling so light and perfect in my hand.
"Oh my god, baby, that's it, use your tongue. Make me cum. Fuck, fuck!" he panted.
With every hard thrust, Folio's cock tightened in your mouth. He was so close.
Wrapping your hand around his shaft again, you pumped him tightly, sucking his tip and nipping at the end of it, making him writhe in absolute pleasure.
"Jesus! Fuck, baby I'm about to cum! Take it all, Y/N. Make me cum baby, please!"
Sucking his tender head a few more times did it.
Folio groaned, his hips jerking violently, and his warm cum shot out hitting the back of your throat. You swallowed, drinking everything he poured into you.
"Ughhh, holy fuck, baby," Folio gasped, voice raspy and out of breath. You sat back on your feet wiping your mouth with your shirt, smiling.
"So," you stated, helping him get his pants on and fix himself before climbing onto his lap and latching your hands onto his shoulders. Folio secured you to him with his hands pressed firmly against your ass.
"So," he repeated, accepting the kiss you laid on his lips.
"Still broken?"
His laughter vibrated onto you.
"If broken means I get to have that every time just so you'll fix me, then baby, I'll stay forever broken for you."
Folio rubbed his nose against yours before placing a small kiss on the end of it.
"Forever broken, huh? Maybe that should become our phrase, like our code word or something," you chuckled, laying into him. That's when you gasped, knowing Bryan was going to kill you for what you did.
Tumblr media
"Seriously, Y/N! A hickey! Right in the middle of the side of his neck! Of all the fucking places," Bryan cried.
Noah snickered, covering his mouth with his fist before turning around and looking over at you.
"Busted," he croaked.
You glared at him, holding up the middle finger.
Noah shrugged, giving you that shit eating grin of his. You rolled your eyes, turning away from him.
"Dude, fix your hair," Nicholas barked at Folio, flicking the random pieces of stay hair.
"Get off me, Nick, I got it! I'm not a little kid."
"Yeah, obviously. Y/N made that perfectly clear," Noah teased, earning him another heated, annoyed glare from you.
"I'm sorry, Bryan. It wasn't my fault," you apologized, trying not to laugh.
Bryan's face fell. "Not your fault? Y/N, Folio didn't do that to himself."
"Yeah, I know, but that hair cut, and that face, and the way he smells, I just, I couldn't... ugghh, fuck!" you grumbled in frustration.
Folio looked at you grinning from ear to ear as Alana tried to cover as much of the hickey as she could, finally giving up.
"It'll work for the show, but not for the picture," she chuckled.
"Fine whatever," Bryan frowned, tossing Folio a black ski mask. "Put that over your shoulder, and follow me."
"There," Bryan pointed towards a white sheet hanging up against the wall in front of him. "I was going to have you look at the camera, like the last one we did like this, but now," he groaned, glaring at me, "you'll just have to look sideways. So, look at your girl toy over there, and don't move."
Nicholas and Noah were rolling with laughter as Folio turned sideways for the shot. He looked straight at you, sighing as you smiled at him.
21 notes · View notes
winterspiderpurrs · 2 days ago
Text
Stephen had just wrapped up his last surgery. He had an opening for a few hours to finish up some paper worknsince the eight hour surgery was done in just five.
He opened the door to the office and was about to close the door when he noticed someone sleeping on the small couch. They were in scrubs, hugging one of those decorative pillows that Christine got him as a way to make his office more inviting.
Sighing, he clears his throat loudly before speaking. Startling the sleeping figure awake.
" Look, I get it. I've been there and done that. But sleep in the break room or one of the closest. Not in my office where patients come in, mister...."
" Oh! I am so sorry! Uh, Peter . Didn’t mean to fall asleep, came in, and dropped off some paperwork. But this couch was so comfy! No excuse, though. "
" Yeah. Get out."
Then Stephen started seeing the guy almost every time he worked now. Stephen would think it's stalking if it wasn't for the fact that it's HIM walking into the room and spotting this Peter guy.
Peter, who is always with a tablet or notebook. Peter talking to a wide variety of people. Peter getting coffee for the nurses at the station. Peter laughing at a bad joke that Jeff from accounting, who was trying to flirt. Who laughs at his jokes? They are horrible. Peter was too good looking and too NICE it seem to think Jeff from accounting was funny.
Finally, after a few weeks, he is sitting with Christine at a table in the cafeteria when Parker walks in to get in the lunch line.
Nodding towards Peter, he asks Christine.
" What's the deal with that guy? I keep seeing him around."
Christine turns around to see who he is speaking about.
" Oh! That's Peter. He is here because of the research grant he received. They should be starting the trails in a few weeks. Wait. - You should know this?"
Stephen frowns.
" Why should I know this?"
" Stephen! He developed the synthetic webbing that, if successful, will help with repairing nerves. You requested this grant to be approved because you think it will help you..."
Stephen stares at Christine for a moment before looking at Peter. Peter, who is actually Dr. P. Parker, who has several masters and doctorates. Peter who was laughing with the lunch lady as he opened up two extra sugar packets to put in his already sweet hot chocolate drink he ordered.
Peter, who Stephen kicked out of his office and had avoided interacting with.
" Shit"
17 notes · View notes
thewalrusespublicist · 2 days ago
Note
Hey, I've loved your insight on John and Paul's relationship after the split. Can I ask you a different question?
Namely, do you think Paul is autistic?
You don't have to answer if you don't like.
Hi Anon!
Sorry I’ve taken so long to respond to this one, I wanted to dedicate some proper time to it as it’s a more complicated one and I wanted to give it the thought it deserves. I’m sort of in the best and worst position to answer this. The best in the fact that I am diagnosed autistic (probably AuDHD but that’s a whole other thing) and present atypically (good eye contact, empathetic, have learnt to read people fairly well etc.) and in a way that many people don’t realise I’m autistic until they know me well or I tell them. However, that almost means I’m in the worst position because the possibility that I’ll potentially project traits onto Paul is much higher than the average person. But I’ll try to be as unbiased as I can.
To properly judge whether Paul is autistic you would of course need a specialist who can assess his behaviour in-depth so all of this is of course speculative. From my own-brand observations and perspective, I think I would be comfortable saying that there is a distinct possibility that Paul is neurodivergent. This could be AuDHD or just straight up ADHD or PTSD (there’s a lot of symptom overlap between the three and childhood ptsd leads to restructures in the brain). This due to the following traits that I’ve noted:
Inability to appropriately assess risk (posing lying half on a diving board over an empty swimming pool anyone?? And so many pictures of him perilously close to edges)
High need for stimulus
Perfectionist yet unable to finish things properly (Paul himself admits there’s albums that are clearly unfinished)
Trouble expressing himself
Constant fidgeting (Ringo said he was unable to keep still)
Hyperfixations that get in the way of other tasks
Intense procrastination despite periods of aforementioned hyperfixation (sorry George Martin no I haven’t done the entire score for a film until the last minute I’ve been hanging with John)
Synthesia
Potential hyper mobility (let’s just climb onto the packing in one step)
Maaaybbbeee potential co-ordination issues (man can’t really dance and when he learnt to ride he started cycling backwards) 
Rejection sensitivity
Rigid thinking 
Insensitivity 
Distracted focus (his dad talking about him watching television and doing his homework at the same time)
Tics and stims
A musical savant 
So there’s quite a bit there tbh when taken all together. That being said without proper assessment it would be impossible to say which of the three he would fall under, if any. Once again though, he shares traits that I recognise in myself and my neurodivergent friends and wouldn’t be at all surprised if he was. 
On that note, I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this anon but I think you’ve asked quite a few people this question on here? I’m guessing (again apologies if this is wrong) that you’re also autistic and relate to Paul in some way that is quite personal to you? I only bring it up as I’ve been there, being autistic is hard and a lonely experience at times and finding decent representation for high functioning autism is near impossible. I would say even if Paul is autistic or not, he’s still a great example of how having these traits in no way stops you from being loved, valued and even adored. Paul has lived an incredibly successful life partially because of his traits of neurodivergency, regardless of label that in itself is pretty great to see. So yeah whilst I wouldn’t want to put a label on it, I think he might be in our general camp and I’m really happy to potentially have him here. 
15 notes · View notes
silverwhittlingknife · 5 months ago
Note
can we have a hint about what the spring break tim patrol chapter of red letter day contains? (you kept having dick say "if the joker shows up" and tim's "he won't." for me to be convinced that goes off without any trouble)
Tumblr media
i'm sure it'll be fine. :D
i am delighted you're enjoying the story <333 i haven't updated it in soooo long but i got some very sweet comments lately so i have been looking at my scribbles again <3
#tim: he WON'T show up okay?? and if he did i'd be FINE. dick thinks i'm gonna fall on my face if i do anything on my own ever#dick: that is not true!! that is NOT what i said stop putting words in my mouth#tim: i literally watched this entire city by myself for FOUR YEARS and don't say bruce was here because lots of the time he wasn't#dick: listen i am JUST SAYING that last year you almost DIED A HORRIBLE DEATH a lot#dick: and i personally rescued you from near-death experiences & you were not exactly helpful or forthcoming#dick: so sue me if i'd just like to clarify that i will at least get a PHONE CALL if something goes wrong#dick: as opposed to OH I DON'T KNOW you go off to fight jason or ra's al-ghul behind my back and then you almost DIE#dick: and i have to go chasing after you AFTER THE FACT because you didn't bother to explain to me the stupid thing that you were gonna do#tim: that was NOT stupid and -- i KNEW you were still mad at me about that --#dick (unconvincingly): i'm not mad at you (more convinced) YOU'RE still mad at ME --#tim (unconvincingly): no i'm not. (more convinced) look i get it you obviously think that i suck which fine WHATEVER --#dick: i never said that and i'm just asking for the basic professional courtesy of a heads-up!! the city's my responsibility so -#tim: i know you're on a power trip about this but gotham is actually MY city too so --#dick: excuse me i am NOT on a power trip. i'm BATMAN which means that --#tim: you sure are#dick: oh don't even go there - let me point out that ONE of us is being an uncommunicative jerk and it ISN'T ME --#tim: you are literally trying to micromanage how i do a milk run that i could do backwards with my eyes blindfolded --#dick: i'm not micromanaging!! nightclubs can be -- i have a NORMAL degree of CONCERN okay so --#tim: -- so either you're lying to me or you think i suck; how exactly am i supposed to tell you stuff if you don't trust me -#dick: what?! i trust you!!! i just --#tim: you just DON'T trust me??#dick (trapped): i trust you. i'm just saying. if for example the joker -#tim (defensive): who i could handle#dick: or jason -#tim: who i could also handle!!! try to be a little less condescending maybe#dick: oh come ON. look you're obviously kinda testy about me going out of town which fine whatever but i'm just trying to -#tim (testily): i'm not testy. what does that even mean 'testy'
34 notes · View notes
mellotronmkll · 3 months ago
Text
I need to stop having one weird reaction with someone and then letting the anxiety decide in my head that the friendship is doomed because I ruined it like it's my absolute worst trait and I just have to move past it but it's hard
#i have to operate under the assumption that if people have an issue they will tell me but unfortunately this isnt true .#and it has happened to me in the past that i thought everything was ok because people were giving signals i wasnt picking up on#due to the autism so now im paranoid and constantly looking for signs i did something wrong and people are mad#and then i find them where they arent there which perversely does more to ruin a friendship than almost anything else#like the constant Are you mad at me... so i try to force myself not to do that and just#try to again assume that people arent however. im so worried about being blindsided Also of course i naturally dont want to make people#upset so if i am doing something wrong i want to change my behavior. however the fact its nuanced like#where you have to only do that a little bit and then take people at their word most of the time#fucking sucks like you actually are required in relationships to read peoples unspoken signals but you cant do that Too much#and if you misinterpet them its bad... but you cant ask for feedback too much because thats bad too. IT DOES MY HEAD IN actually like#it makes it so hard for me to interact with people because im just worried All of the time . and i have to be constantly like#ok check the facts and adjust behavior. check the facts and adjust behavior. make sure the facts are facts and not jumping to conclusions.#ok how do i do that . ok when do i ask directly. also people dont always tell the truth when you Do ask directly .#and then this is why my whole life i have mostly kept to myself and im trying to stop doing that but its hard because talking to others is a#puzzle for me that stresses me out more than anything else. man this sucksssssss can i just BE NORMAL!!!!!!#i know like Everyone has this problem its a common issue with relationships Communication but it feels especislly difficult for me .i#like cant fathom how other people manage very large numbers of friendships like even being able to count my close friends#on one hand i feel like im barely managing everything and im letting everyone down constantly but again i think thatsnonly my perception/#worry and not even true. god
8 notes · View notes
boypussydilf · 1 year ago
Text
you can say that casper & nova aren’t meant to Perfectly parallel simon & betty’s relationship and behavior, and maybe that was what the writers intended - that this is a Vaguely Similar dynamic, not the Exact Same one. but in the absence of seeing any truly comparable interactions with simon & betty, or any interactions from when they were actually in a relationship, the casper & nova scenes are basically all we have to go off of for what the episodes are trying to tell us about simon & betty’s relationship, and kind of have to be taken as “accurate to them” whether the writers intended it or not.
22 notes · View notes
sweetshire · 7 months ago
Text
So, @silv-paru sent Sherlock Holmes for the character opinion bingo. thanks a bunch for this (and for your patience. my god, i’m answering this a week late. typical me behaviour). you’re a darling :D
Tumblr media
Did you know, i used to tell these stories to my friends? they delighted in them AND i got a chance to sort of ramble on and on abt him and watson. it was a win-win, really. ah, those were the days! now i haven’t reblogged much of him this month at all. i miss him. I MISS HIM.
Onto the bingo: well. he’s The quintessence of gender™ to me. and i relate to him so so much. fav character of all time fr. i want to carry him in my pocket at all times & study him. like. do i want to BE him OR am i IN LOVE with him, ykwim? pssh who knows? certainly not me. uh-huh ‘a beast unleashed’ -does this refer to me or him? you choose. oh re: canon, i’m ignoring the part where holmes dies (or y’know, is dead for 3 years). that’s too angsty.
#sherlock holmes#my dearest blorbo#he’s my belovedest chewtoy basically#if i think abt how modern adaptations *looking at you bbc sherlock* have ruined his character i get so angry i have to take deep breaths#*mutters darkly* he is NOT an arrogant cold-hearted bitch like he’s portrayed; well he IS a bitch but not a cold-hearted one!!#see. the thing abt holmes is that he’s SUCH a sweet boy okay. and he’s compassionate#he cares sooo much. that’s the reason people come to him when they’re distressed. they trust him#he hates the police. he is a jester at heart. loves his watson#he’s here to help the truly desparate helpless people even if they have no money to pay him for the case. no questions asked. But-#he fucking despises obnoxious rich men. the first time he meets watson a total stranger he *very excitedly* tells him abt his experiment#it’s very adorable. he never stops trying to impress ever. infact blushes furiously when complimented by him#my guy has 0 knowledge of our solar system but he’s written several monographs abt different types of ASHES. go figure!#OH i almost forgot the most important fact he’s special to me bc holmes is an audhd gay disaster bastard. sometimes he’s even bisexual#but mostly he’s acespec and in a qpr w watson. he’s VERY adhd. behaves like an excited cat and oh so cute when he stims. everytime he does#i go SQUEEE. when he’s depressed it’s a goddamn hashtag big mood. as in many other ways he is me i am him#he’s PASSIONATE and KIND that’s all you need to know#acd stories are about just some guy who loves his job (which he invented himself btw after quitting college) that’s it#i am overcome with an almighty need to squeeze his cheeks#he’s everything to me <3#alright if i don’t stop now i doubt i ever will LMAO bye#acd holmes#if u read till the end u get a cookie and a kiss on the nose i love u#silv tag 💞
9 notes · View notes
melto · 9 months ago
Text
my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.
#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy#which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself#but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible#and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them#and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them#and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it#and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about#but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me#even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around#And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes#somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much#but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself#so everything they had said about me has been true for so long.#every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car#every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart#i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god#im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up.#i think im going to throw up right now.#deeply pathetic.#news with isaac
11 notes · View notes