#an autism moment I fear
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my sister was not impressed with my observation
#sillyposting#an autism moment I fear#it took me a solid 30 sec to figure out how what I said was rude kdbdkfn#the feelings in the brain do not translate well to the mouth 🤣#I brought her food she’ll forgive me don’t worry 💀#she wasn’t even crying her face was just red#that sillyposting tag ain’t lying btw it’s not problem it was just funny
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When i’m trying to make my academic comeback but my brain decides it’s the perfect time to hyperfixate on lesbian witches
#like cmon now…#we already have rhaenicent in the way too smh#agatha all along#agathario#agatha harkness#agatha harkness x rio vidal#rio vidal#lesbian#lesbian moment#autism moment#academic comeback#(i failed)#we’re so cooked i fear#burnt#kitchen is on fire
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All of this happening on Otter's birthday is making me so sad wtf :(
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the way that most of the rfa do not see jumin as immediately caring has always taken me by surprise, because (to me at least) it's always been one of his most noticeable qualities. even outside of his good end or outside of his route all together he is caring down to the bone, and makes a pretty frequent effort to check in on people – especially when he's aware they might be under any sort of immediate personal stress. I think the problem lies in a combination of his low empathy and his tendency to overlook or misunderstand peoples' feelings/intentions when they aren't expressed to him directly. he's overly logical by nature (and he had to be in the environment he grew up in) and it can make him seem cruel to those who aren't used to his style of communication. however, it's particularly frustrating when you consider that everyone in the rfa is very aware that he strongly values honesty and straightforwardness. they tend to act as though he should just know to pick up on their implications, then call him inconsiderate when he doesn't, while making no effort to grasp that he just thinks and understands differently to them. and while I get where they're coming from in part, because jumin does navigate the world in a very different and possibly confusing way, there's no justification to constantly calling him an emotionless robot
#jumin han#mystic messenger#don't get me wrong I truly love them all 💔💔#just an observation#I'm appreciative of jihyun in the sense that he seems to understand jumin a lot and tends to stick up for him when it comes to these things#I suppose it's to be expected when they've known each other so long#someone could always say jumin makes no effort to pick up on the rfa's implications/social cues either#but it's really not something that can be easily learned especially in adulthood when you've always been distant from it#anyway. I fear this turned into a bit of a 'real life autism moment' post#but his autistic coding is striking
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ughhh I need to stop having mental breakdowns over little things.
#vent in tags#chat sesh with iris#vent#tw vent#I feel like everyone hates me and even you all hope I die and nobody likes my ships bc everyone thinks I’m not good enough for my f/os#and the worst part is that none of it is unfounded!!!#none of my friends are talking to me AT ALL anymore even when I start conversations#(including in text)#while they actively talk to other people WHERE I CAN SEE IT!!!#only one of my friends is and all they do is send me anti bs and go ‘omggg these people are so weird!!!’ about like anyone who ships with-#certain characters (including ones that I SHIP WITH!!! which is why I don’t talk about it other than here)#people are like ‘omggg… I hate it when men like these characters. you don’t get them and they’d never love you.’ about my f/os#which triggers dysphoria and self loathing and fear about my ships#tw suicidal ideation#<- somewhat#I don’t like anything about myself and I don’t deserve anything that I have#man. I don’t even want to be here anymore#also I have severe mental illness that has caused a lack of possibility for happiness that lasts longer than fleeting moments#I have not spoken (like aloud) to anyone other than my parents since THE THIRD!!!#I’m going to ask my psychiatrist for testosterone on Wednesday but idek if I’m gonna make it until then#probably I will because I’m too depressed to gather the energy to do it#also she might even say no or not be able to prescribe it#and this isn’t even why I’m the most upset rn but I REALLY need a win#also my mom was like ‘you haven’t given me another name so I’ll just keep calling you the name I gave you 😊😊😊.’ instead of. idk. asking me?#tw suicide#okay yeah the tag is fully warranted now#I like know how I’d do it and everything#I also had a panic attack because I couldn’t find my quilt hashtag just autism things!!!#not takeover#obviously
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uhh thoughts abt............ the fused sneeg charlie security sixbones vibes thing question mark ? i like Scary Horror Fusion as a concept
im gonna be honest tumblr user cleverpaws i do not know what i was on about when i was talking about that
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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!
#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again#pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji#but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i#suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their#mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y#idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and#flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone#forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont#mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik#is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and#since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH#wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig#i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction#+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like#on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs#significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i#a restaurant or something#Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse#who is To be honest rather bare minimum#normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST#woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that
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comically tired after going in the garden for <1 hour today and yesterday hello????
#i will NOT let myself regret it though as much as i want to.... i love to be outside :(#wait a second *guy whos pretending real hard that they're not disabled voice* what's going on??? -type moment i fear.#if ANYONE (medical professional) could explain my fatigue for real though. would love that.#i mean. thinking about it. aside from the chronic pain condition and the chronic migraine condition and the chronic heart condition.#and the autism. hmm. perhaps i solved it.#ANYWAY. THAT'S STUPID and i should be able to go outside with NO. consequences.
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I wish it was easier for me to initiate conversations abt more than One Subject w/ people but like. idk. what is acceptable outside of Shared Interest so even if I want to branch out I’m kinda stuck
#dis.txt#autism moment i fear but. also sometimes i feel like#people only come to want to talk to me on a deeper level if there’s some kind of forced proximity?#and even then that i have to heavily limit myself. talking to another friend with the same mental illnesses makes that stark#because i feel this deep sensation of ‘oh. i can actually BE MYSELF. okay’#vs. going ‘did i fuck up there. was i supposed to omit that. how honest is too honest’#idk i need to flirt with a man that will fix me (<- gay and deranged)
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I feel so bad talking to mutuals in comments bc sometimes they try to dm me and I realize I've accidentally deceived them into thinking I can hold a conversation </3
#someone messages me then i dont know how to reply and just like. dont respond out of fear of making things awkward#or a conversation starts and wjen ive contributed all i can think of at the moment to the topic i just stop talking and leave#i wish i could to that in real life actually but people get upset when i walk away mid conversation they dont seem to get im done talking#but i digress so yeah if i dont respond i promise i don't hate u i just have social anxiety#autism#social anxiety#autism social anxiety combo is actually evil tho my brain hates me wtf#moth.txt#mutuals#autism stuff
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i have just found out about frank welker's filmography and Jesus Fucking Christ he's in EVERYTHING
#sugartalks#hes been voicing fred autism creature jones for 54 YEARS WHICH IS INSANE#and every time theres an animal noise in a movie theres a solid 70% chance welker did it#i do not understand this man i fear him as much as i respect him#i just. im having a moment.
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Therapy is just consensual manipulation
#tell me I'm wrong#the enture industry is seeped in colonization#but for the most part they push people in the right direction so it's seen as okay#but uh#yeah#I'm aware I'm probably biased cause I've had access to free/cheap therapists which means lotsa interns and a tew gender therapists#one was autism informed so she helped me a ton with understanding the world#one was not a trained therapist for general mental health but addiction#one was somehow a gender therapist but I had to guide her through the entire process to get my letter#and the one trauma specialized one did see was only a few sessions cause she was about to go for a conference on next level emdr#and was super exicted to try it out on me because of my trauma history and how highly th e treatment was praised#and my fear brain went NOOOOPE and I wuit therapy for a few years altogether#just now getting back into the intern grind and hating every moment#I dunno what else to do though :/
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I’ve done a lot of reflection and I gotta say: given the choice between letting a health condition possibly worsen or going to the doctor almost for free, I would choose the former. I am currently choosing the former. My phobia of needles is outweighing any health concerns. “It could get serious!” I know. “You should really go!” I am fully aware. I’ve done the math. There isn’t really a ‘win’ in this scenario. Entirely lose situations. It’s cool tho.
#‘remember last time?’ I do and I think that really cemented my fears tbh#super vent post tags just expound on my fear#I had to have an abscess drained and they injected the numbing agent into it.#I am pretty sure that was the most physically painful thing I have ever experienced#everyone said that was the worst part but I thought it was a ‘it’s so simple that the numbing (easy and mostly harmless) is the worst part!’#I was getting suspicious when I asked ‘so it doesn’t hurt a lot?’ and they were like. it’s uh. it’s really quick. downhill from there.#listen. I have autism. I am quick to downplay my experiences and pains. but that moment literally traumatized me.#like. I’ve talked about it. to my therapist. clinically traumatizing.#so. yeah. I DO remember last time. quite vividly. it was the most painful thing I’ve experienced#I think I’m a little valid in my fears.
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one day i wish to understand exactly what was my parents' modus operandi for my childhood because i cannot for the life of me figure out the logic but also there HAS to be some kind of underlying belief to it because i turned out with mom-n-dad-shaped fundamental flaws to my character
#my current theory is based on how i tend to treat my pet and friendships/social interactions in general & how similar it feels to them#i think they have to make like. a conscious effort to remember i'm a human person with needs and wants more complex than a tamagochi#ESPECIALLY when i was younger#i see how short-tempered i can be and i think my dad just didn't register that threatening and mild violence could be harmful to a kid#cuz in the moment it's child is misbehaving -> thunder and wave fists around -> child is no longer misbehaving#tears are temporary fear is temporary what matters is that the child is no longer annoying and it's for the greater good for everyone#and i'd say the same thing can be applied for socialization a bit#though i'd also have issues w that if i had the best parents ever i think cuz. autism or whatever.#anyway like i think they just didn't pay much attention? that i was struggling?#they're all proud that they barely ever put me in daycare like okay i don't have siblings or kid neighbors or. anyone most of the time.#what do you expect?#it's a snowballing issue and it's hard to correct once it's rolling but like. wow you're modelling such a good example mom n dad#you barely have friends that you never see#mom works all the time. dad needs a lot of time to watch sports games. kid me plays alone again.#kid me starts being mildly bullied in kindergarten and learns patterns of social interaction that it will repeat for its entire life#so it's just like HA i spent A Time with you child replenish the social interaction bar now#and that's not enough to raise a child#broadcasting my misery#vent
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why do i get offended whenever i watch someone's video and see them using a song that i knew beforehand (and it's relatively niche/unpopular, at least to me and my dumb brain)
i'm like no that's my song >:( get your own song
#my post#autism moment#idk#i feel like i'm forever tormented by the idea that someone will come up to me and say:#“you can't prove to me that you knew this song before i told you about it!!!”#even though that has NEVER happened but it's still like one of my greatest fears#literally this shit feeds into my obsession of documenting EVERYTHING that i do#and everything i experience#which is why i have so many useless photos and screenshots#like i'm taking this one JUST IN CASE but the case never comes literally what is wrong with me#this is also why i repost every song i add on soundcloud#i need to know exactly WHEN i added a song and i need to have PROOF that i've known this song since a certain date#is this autism behaviour?#autism#autistic#neurodivergent
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Hello, among the hundreds of tragic stories, I am sharing my painful story.
My name is Ahmed Khalil, I am 6 years old. I was at the beginning of my education, trying to learn, participate, and play with other children. My family consists of 8 members, including my mother and father. My father has diabetes, my brother Fathi is blind, my other brother Abdullah has autism, and my brother Mohammed was injured in his leg by shrapnel from rockets.
On October 7, 2023, the war began and has not stopped since. The airstrikes and Israeli shelling caused fear for me and my family. We could not endure the massive explosions that felt like recurring earthquakes and the red flames sweeping through the area. We were forced to flee to southern Gaza based on orders from the Israeli forces, leaving our beautiful apartments behind. We went to a UN refugee school in Deir al-Balah to escape the terror and death.
We stumbled into a different life full of suffering from every side, living through the most painful hell of war. I developed malnutrition due to contaminated water, poor hygiene, and the spread of infectious diseases with no suitable medicine available.
The situation is catastrophic and unbearable. “There is only death left in Gaza. Even death has become a privilege because it provides a sense of relief.” My older brother Mohammed and I begged our father to leave Gaza, but it was extremely difficult due to the high costs. My father lost all his property during the war, including his electronics repair center and apartment, which were completely destroyed, so he has nothing to help us travel out of Gaza. There is no safe place in the Gaza Strip.
I pray every moment for the end of this war and a ceasefire. The ceasefire is not just a call; it is a desperate cry to end the helplessness and despair spreading to every corner after more than 11 months of war. We flee from death every day, only to wake up the next morning to try to escape it again. My heart is heavy, unable to bear the recurring nightmares, and the overwhelming flood of news about blood, displacement, loss, and despair pouring from Gaza.
Every minute feels like a struggle. No one should have to endure this injustice, segregation, and discrimination. The ongoing shelling in southern Gaza and the intense bombardment of residential buildings in Deir al-Balah make everyone feel unsafe, believing they might be the next to face tragedy. Communications are cut off. We are exhausted and cannot bear more tragedies and losses. We are currently living in a classroom of the UN center, which is crowded with people, including my relatives and cousins. My poor father sees our pale faces and weak bodies and stands helpless due to the lack of money and resources.
I am still six years old, and I never thought I would witness such a brutal attack with complete disregard for human values. I am deprived of my basic rights, including health and education. I need to rebuild my life with my family abroad and receive better healthcare. Traveling to Egypt would cost at least $5,000 per adult and $2,500 per child, which is an enormous amount given the harsh living conditions and the blockade that has lasted for 17 years.
Therefore, I ask you to donate so that we can evacuate Gaza to safety. Please continue supporting our campaign by donating if you can and sharing it with your friends and family. Every contribution, no matter how small, helps us get closer to our next goal and brings us nearer to securing a safer future for my family.
#Gaza#all eyes on rafah#gazaunderattack#gaza strip#free palestine#i stand with palestine#save palestine#free gaza#gofundme#palestine aid#gaza genocide#palestinian genocide#save gaza#save rafah#artists on tumblr#trending#donations#gfm#gfm palestine#explore#self help#please help
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