#an australian thing apparently

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Pt I australia but i've never been there

A lot of my lovely maggots are Australian, it appears, judging by the number of Australian families I was just randomly adopted by. So this one goes out to you all, but very especially to Arthur (@howmanyholesinswisscheese) and to his grandmother's boyfriend Brian, who reminds him occasionally of me. I'm truly honoured.

Disclaimer: I did my research on tumblr, pinterest, and the first result of a couple of Google searches, because I'm thorough like that. I say part I because there is a lot.

I'm not sure what Australia is, because the education system failed me. They said it was a continent. But then a country. I figured it was both.

Unfortunately, then I learned about Oceania. Which I had thought was a made up undersea kingdom in that Barbie a Mermaid's Tale series, where people surf. But the continent is Australia and Oceania. Or not.

They have Prime Ministers. I know this, because one ate a raw onion which became instrumental in his later sacking, and another demanded to know what the odds were of a Prime Minister drowning.

He then drowned. Or maybe vanished into the Barbie kingdom of Oceania and became a merman. We will never know, because his body was never recovered, so my money's on the merman theory. Australians proceeded to name everything to do with water after him, from swimming pools to ships, because Irony.

H2O Just Add Water was set here, I think. I am not sure what that is, aside from a show where contact with liquid dihydrogen monoxide causes bodily transformation into a mermaid. Do the Australian mermaids not drink water? Not knowing any personally, I can't ask.

Aside from the concerning number of merpeople, there are also a concerning number of spiders. I love spiders, but apparently the ones in Australia will eat your flesh. After I watch Good Omens S2, I suspect I will welcome this fate.

For morons like me who see a spider and go AWW, Peppa Pig's episode on teaching kids not to be afraid of spiders was banned in Australia for endangering children and not being appropriate for Australian audiences.

Sydney is a place and it has an opera house. Melbourne is a place and it has a stadium (of what sport, I am unsure). Queensland is a place and it has Arthur's grandmum's boyfriend Brian.

There is a thing called Milo, and it is a brown powder that I assume is edible. Mums say to add a teaspoon (hence why I assumed edibility) and the children add a truckful. I infer it is nice.

There is marmite. I have known this for a while. Tourists spread a lot of it on their bread. This is a mistake. Do not. The original ad involved someone eating marmite happily, and their partner kissing them on the mouth and proceeding to gag violently. It is fermented beer waste. You either hate it or love it.

There is fairy bread. If you have sticks on it you are a monster. If you have balls on it you are smart.

I'm already writing part II. humans bewilder me.

[toomuchbloodinmyalcoholsystem]

The absolute whine Pickles lets out when he realizes he is indeed going to pay Seth so he can get back into his own band kills me every time.

[fauna-and-floraa]

Fav skz moments // Do you know what else is big?

[fictionadventurer]

One day, I will wake up and the Wiggles version of "The Rattlin' Bog" will not be in my head.

[mousemannation]

this is on my tennis blog so only in the context of tennis, also if u wanna include what country ur from in the tags id be interested!

[redfirefox-55]

I’ve been low key struggling with my art history class because a lot of it is reading a textbook online, which is hard for someone who spends most of their free time getting instant gratification from the internet and thus has a low attention span (also someone who may or may not have undiagnosed dyslexia-)

And then I remembered that there are tools for people who struggle with this kind of stuff, and that I don’t have to just struggle through each chapter like an idiot! Text to speech is so handy, even if it’s just to help me not get distracted while I read at the same time, and to help me not lose my place when reading.

[carionto]

Meanwhile, in the background - 1

Ambassador Graham Atrasov had finally settled in to his new duties aboard the Coalition Governing Station and was on his way from a daily briefing which had dragged on quite a lot longer. Apparently some of our idiots had gone and stolen a moon of all things from a nearby star system's gas giant. A system we had no claim over and was officially considered neutral space for now, but nestled firmly within Coalition territory so that was more of a formality.

In a way, the fallout has not escalated much simply due to the fact that there is no law about stealing celestial bodies, since nobody had ever thought of that being possible. So, a new Human innovation has been introduced to the galaxy. Yay. Go us.

Jimothy's Law is what they're gonna call it, despite our protests. He only identified himself as that when arrested and by the time we found out his last name was McCallahan his first name was already all over the news and the aliens refused to change the name of the new bill. First intergalactic law named after one of our own, and it's a because of a guy named Jimothy for theft...

Still, could be worse. At least this time Abigail "Abby" Hostaz submitted a form for her new Oort cloud race track. It was blank, but still - progress. We at the very least know where she is this time.

As Graham got out of the shower, his tablet was abuzz. One of the experimental "we don't ask, you don't tell us, here's money, make science" science stations had set an entire planet on fire. Apparently it's supposed to be only partly on fire, so... okay.

Ambassador Atrasov swapped one shot of tequila for an espresso and busied himself putting on his suit again while letting the text-to-speech read out the report to him.

Several sighs and under the breaths "of course they did" later, he was back on his way to the General Assembly building. Just another day at the office.

[dragons-hoard-of-fandoms]

Posting one Murder Drones meme a day until Episode 5 drops, Day Eight.

[selfcarecap]

Not Hinge making me question whether I actually like men

[darkclouud9]

not the debate of gas vs petrol between Pearl and Endless.

[goofyguppy]

.

[what-the-fuck-khr]

oh yeah so for like the last week or two we’d been hearing some noises outside and we’ve been like. the fuck is that. always at night and crap and it’s a new animal noise we’ve not heard before. to tell you how boring our suburb is, I’d never heard a frog croak at night until this year LMFAO so! we’ve been getting many kookaburras this month (I assume bc of the heat…?) and now this so we’re like. huh.

anyways we’ve got bats

[simplyghosting]

Voiced-over the dialogue for so many characters from the games I’ve played with my sister that now we’re matching up the voices for the characters from the different games, but they’re still all me.

[amidnightqueery]

Dude I'm just getting into Teen Jesus and the Jean Teasers and had no clue about their nationality but was like "Hmm, Anna sounds suspiciously Australian" NO ONE TOLD ME THEY'RE FROM MY CITY???? FUCK

[batshit-auspol]

As is tradition we held our annual "Batshit Aussie Moment of The Year" poll on twitter this month, and as is also tradition it was a complete dumpster fire and we ended up having to delete our account again. Such is life, as the French don't say.

Nevertheless we had a lot of great nominations from what was truly a year full of the utmost topshelf batshittery which we shan't be letting go to waste. So we preset:

Batshit Aussie Moments of The Year, The Now Undemocratic Countdown

Leading the nominations there was of course Raygun, the little Aussie PHD breakdancer that couldn't. Recently she has trademarked her name and there was a whole lawsuit around using it so no further comment on that.

Dr Ray was followed close in second place by Australia's former Deputy Prime Minister being filmed drunkenly making phonecalls while sprawled across a sidewalk.

This glorious video saw the good people of Australia rise to the occasion with all the pisstaking the moment deserved, complete with chalk crime scene markings, a plaque being installed, and a candlelight vigil held by locals.

Also making a strong showing in the polls was Australia's richest woman Gina Rinehart pulling a Barb Streisand by demanding her unflattering portrait be removed from Australia's National Art Gallery, which of course made it immediately go viral.

Lol. Also noteworthy in the nominations was the horse that escaped its enclosure and tried to flee by catching a train, making national news headlines in the process.

But for all those big names/horses who we're sure would love the limelight, the crown title of this year's Batshit Aussie Moment of The Year is being awarded to a regular everyday Aussie (and tumblr user) who fought the system and (almost) won:

After 23 year old Aussie racecar driver Oscar Piastri won the Hungarian Grand Prix, our very own @the-prophesied-mouse "jokingly submitted an e‒petition" to Australia's parliament asking that the day become a public holiday, "assuming it would get thrown out".

Instead their request for a yearly national "Oscar Piastri Day" crossed the threshold of signatures required for a response, being then escalated all the way to the Prime Minister's desk after the responding minister decided it was of utmost importance.

After being sternly considered by no less than three government ministers, sadly in November it was declared that the petition would not be ratified, due to the small issue of the federal government not having the power to create holidays (it's apparently a state thing).

The government did however point out that many national days are celebrated without official proclamation from the Australian government, and so it is, with the powers vested in us by all you loveable weirdos, that we do solemnly declare from this day forth that the 21st July shall be forever known as Oscar Piastri Day, and may all non-believers fear our wrath.

Anyway, happy new year to you all from us here in Aus. Farewell to a truly Batshit year, and here's to no doubt more of the same in 2025. We will leave you with this heartfelt reminder of a true national treasure we lost this year, the progenor of perhaps the most iconic Aussie batshit moment of all time, The Right Hon. Mr Democracy Manifest:

Happy new years to youze all!