#even just now i woke up from a nap and there it is
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I wish you would write a fic where Buck experiences Tommy going into Autistic shutdown.
Thanks for the prompt! <3
Tommy is silent on the drive home.
He’s turned away from Buck, staring out of the window, only answering in hums, shrugs or barely noticeable shakes of his head.
“Hey. Are you alright?” Buck asks when he has to stop at a red light.
“Hmmm.”
Buck frowns. “Anything you want to talk about?”
Nothing.
Buck throws a concerned glance at Tommy, or rather, at the back of Tommy’s head.
Okay. This is new.
And Buck struggles with the urge to press. To insist. Because if anything bothers Tommy, if anything hurts or worries him, Buck wants to help. Wants to comfort and reassure. Wants to be a good boyfriend.
But every signal Tommy is giving indicates that he wants to be left alone. And Buck guesses he has to be patient then, even if it hurts. Even if he’s scared that it’s something he did wrong. The thought burns. Did he do or say anything wrong today? Did he hurt Tommy by accident?
No. He has to stop spiralling. It’s been a long day of work ending with a long evening of socialising. They all went to a bar together for the first time. The whole 118. Spontaneously. Buck did notice Tommy’s surprise and hesitance when he was asked if he would come too, noticed that brief frowny moment of really? before he had his confident smile back in place and said “Of course”.
It got late. Tommy is probably just exhausted and needs some time for himself. They have only moved in together recently, so they are also still getting used to sharing everything all the time.
When they’re home, Tommy mechanically, wordlessly, takes off his jacket and shoes and makes a beeline for the bedroom.
Buck stares after him, baffled, scratching the back of his head in restless uncertainty.
It’s getting increasingly difficult to not just burst and ask Tommy a thousand questions. Buck holds himself back. Takes a few deep breaths instead. Only after he goes to the bathroom and drinks some water, does he go to the bedroom to check on Tommy.
It’s dark in the room because the curtains are drawn. Tommy sits on the bed, still in his clothes, knees pulled up, arms wrapped around them, head resting on them. He’s not moving.
Maybe he has a migraine? Buck’s chest clenches in sympathy. He doesn’t really know what to do. But he feels like it’s a little cold in the room. So he takes one of their extra blankets and wraps it around Tommy’s stony shoulders. Then, he grabs his laptop and sits on the bed too with his back to Tommy’s, without touching him. They are sitting in silence like that, the room filling with the noise of even breathing and rhythmic keyboard clattering.
Buck doesn’t know how much time has passed when Tommy’s shoulder nudges him. “Hey,” Buck says, smiling Tommy turns around and puts his head on Buck’s shoulder. “You okay?” “Hm. What are you doing?” Tommy asks, his voice slightly dozy as if he just woke up from a nap.
“Not much. I started with a mystery story about a message in a bottle I found and somehow ended up reading about the frankly horrifying eating habits of Komodo dragons.”
“Wow,” Tommy says, shuddering when he sees the quite graphic picture Buck was looking at. “Poor little deer. Well. I guess it’s the circle of life. So, uh, you probably want to talk about it, huh?”
“Hm?”
“Me, going all silent on you,” Tommy clarifies.
Buck closes the laptop. “Oh. It’s fine. I was just worrying.”
Tommy nods, unsurprised. “It’s not you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Okay. But … are you okay?” “Me?” Tommy says, now sounding a little surprised. “Oh. Yeah. Sure. It was just a little too much today. I didn’t want to be a buzzkill. And it’s not like I don’t like spending time with people, especially your family and friends. I just like to know. So I can prepare myself. Unplanned social events tend to make me a little … withdrawn after because they seem to drain all the energy I had left for the day. Always feels like my stupid mind is a battery that has to recharge after days like this, sorry.”
“I had a feeling,” Buck nods. “And you don’t need to apologize. Or to pretend. You can be honest with me. If you don’t feel like going out, you can tell me. We don’t have to. We can just have a nice relaxing evening at home together. I want both of us to be comfortable.”
Tommy is silent for a moment. “Thank you,” he finally says quietly.
“What for?”
“For being so accepting. For not pushing. For the blanket.”
Buck wants to chuckle, but then he feels a hint of sadness. Because sometimes he feels like Tommy is thanking him for totally normal things. If this is what Tommy sees as accepting, that means someone couldn’t even do this. Couldn’t even let Tommy have a moment for himself when he clearly needed it. Buck makes a mental note to ask. Because he feels like this is totally something they should have a long talk about. But not now.
“I hope it helped,” he says instead.
“It did,” Tommy says. “You have no idea.”
Buck smiles. “I'm glad. Are you hungry?" “Yeah.”
Buck puts a hand on his grumbling stomach. “Good. Because I could eat a whole deer right now, just like that Komodo dragon.” "Evan ..."
(AO3 Link)
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I saw your insomnia post for Shadow and oh my god I loved it, especially since sleeping is one of my greatest issues so I thought I'd request something as well! Today I got one of my worst migraines I've ever had but after I recovered from it with some medicine and a long nap I thought it'd be an interesting idea to see what Shadow would do if the reader got a migraine? You're free to write this however you like, Im excited to see it!
“A Huge Pain (in the head)”
Pairing: Shadow the Hedgehog x Reader
Requested: Yes (by an anon).
Description: You didn’t have migraines often, but when you did, they were hell. Luckily you had your partner to help you out this time.
Notes: Oughh I love excuses to write fluff and excuses to write for Shadow, even if almost every request in my inbox right now is Shadow- But either way! I hope you enjoy!
(Reader will be gender-neutral.)
(Not proof-read/beta-read.)
(TW: Swearing.)
– – – – – – – – – – – –
Today was already shit.
You woke up cold, your partner, Shadow, had already left the bed, and worst of all?
You had a migraine.
“But [Name], it’s just a migraine!” some might say.
But your migraines were. The. Worst.
They could take days to disappear, and you were always more irritable. You always felt horrible about it, but when on a migraine, everything annoyed you.
Today was going to be garbage.
Grumbling while holding your head, you throw what little covers you have on off, rummaging through the closet and putting on the first decent outfit you have. Good thing you’re off work today. That would’ve made today even worse.
Opening the bedroom door, you get a whiff of something in the kitchen.
Something good.
Smells like french toast, one of your favorite breakfast foods.
You walk into the kitchen and Shadow notices you, him letting off a small smile.
“Morning, [Name],” Shadow says. “Sleep well?”
“Eh, kinda…” you mutter, sitting at the table, rubbing your temple. “I woke up with a killer migraine.”
“A migraine, hm?” Shadow asks. “Let me finish making breakfast and I��ll help you take care of it.”
“What, are you gonna massage the pain away or something?” you joke.
“That’s part of it, yes,” Shadow states.
You blink twice, your face tinting red.
You were not expecting that answer.
Not long after, Shadow sets your french toast down in front of you, along with a glass of water, which you quickly down before anything else. Water usually helps slightly with your migraines, after all.
The two of you enjoy your breakfast, and after having brushed your teeth, you and Shadow head over to the couch at Shadow’s request, and he has you lay your head on his lap before starting to massage your scalp. You smile softly from the sensation, sighing happily, your eyes shutting on their own.
“You’re too kind to me sometimes, Shadow,” you mutter. He lets out a chuckle.
“You’d do the same for me if I had a migraine,” he states.
“You’re not wrong,” you say. “Regardless, this feels nice.”
“I’m glad,” Shadow says. “If it still bothers you after this, we can go cuddle on the bed.”
You make a hum of affirmation, allowing yourself to melt into the massage.
You were glad to have a partner like him.
#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic fanfiction#sonic characters x reader#shadow the hedgehog#x reader#sonic character x reader#shadow the hedgehog x reader#shadow x reader#sonic oneshots#sonic oneshot#oneshot#requested oneshot#etc#insert tag here#tw swearing
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https://www.tumblr.com/cs-fox/770969455991930880/hybrid-au-tf141-a-request-from-a-poll-i-did-a
Reader being unsure of why the hell there’s a random cat on base but doesn’t know it’s ghost, gives cat a name(almost definitely a tomcat so he’s got puffy jowls/cheeks) and gives the cat a collar and spoils the shit out of the cat and when the cat disappears for hours at a time(ghost training rookies or whatever) reader worries and then at night the cat comes back and immediately acts like everything is all okay and fine
Cat name ideas: Sapling, Shelley, something with maybe an S or a G(for Simon or Ghost)
You hadn’t expected the tortoiseshell cat you’d met the day before to stick around - so you assumed it had bailed through your open bathroom window when you found out your quarters were free of any animal.
It had been a sweet creature, curling up on your pillow as you slept, and bounding around your quarters as you washed your hair. It’s honey gold eyes - God, they were beautiful.
You tried to ignore the fact you couldn’t shake the feeling those same eyes were watching you as you did your reps in the gym.
That was quite easy, of course, your Lieutenant’s training sessions were brutal; so when you collapsed onto the squishy couch in the middle of your room the last thing on your mind was cats.
A sigh left your lips as your sweat-soaked skin cooled under the subzero A/C. It quickly turned into a squeak, though, when something soft and warm tried to jump into your lap.
The cat.
It looked like a bundle of darkness, mottled fur rippling as it settled between your legs, paws kneading your aching thigh.
‘Fuck -‘ you groaned. ‘Watch it, puss. That’s sore…’
‘Mrrrow,’ the cat stared up at you with those adorable eyes.
Slowly, you leaned back, head lolling back (because you were much too large for this couch’s short backrest, compliments of a military diet and three hours of training a day) and closed your eyes.
You woke up from your nap about forty-six minutes later by your watch, and stood up to stretch.
‘RROW!’
‘Shit!’
Two doleful amber eyes stared up at you reproachfully, and the cat stalked off, tail in the air huffily.
‘No… I’m so sorry,’ you groaned, running a hand through your mussed hair.
You ambled into the kitchenette, flicking on the kettle and reaching up to grab a mug from one of the tiny floating cabinets above your microwave.
It only took a minute to rummage for the teabags this time; your fingers scrabbling at a beaten-up box inscribed “Earl Grey” for a second before you managed to untangle a pouch.
You were just about to pour water over your teabag when you heard a soft noise. The cat had vaulted up onto the countertop, and was now watching you with great interest. If you didn’t know better, you would’ve thought he was asking for a cuppa.
‘If you say so,’ you shrugged, pouring a little of the deep amber liquid onto a saucer and pushing it across to the animal. It began to lap at the tea, purring loudly.
‘Fuck me dead,’ you chuckled, taking a sip. ‘Even the cats here like tea.’
After a second of silence, you hummed out a thought. ‘You need a name, don’t’cha?’
The cat didn’t respond. Duh.
‘What about… my mum’s cat used to be named Sammy. What about Sammy?’
Again, no protest from the cat.
‘Sounds good, then.’
You pretended to toast the animal, lifting your mug and raising your eyebrows with a grin.
/\
You didn’t seriously expect the cat to stick around that night, but lo and behold, there it was, curled up on your covers when you rose at 5:37 AM.
It shifted, and made a noise as though for all the world it was yawning, before its eyes locked on you.
For a moment, you simply stared at each-other, the cat looking absolutely terrified, before it scrambled to its feet and fucked off out the open bathroom window.
‘Hey-!’ you tried, but smacked a hand to your forehead. Cats were cats. You’d eat your holster if it came when you called it.
‘Bloody animal,’ you swore, already starting to pull on your shorts, attempting to psych yourself up for another early-morning gym visit.
AAAACK I LOVE THIS IDEAAA
ok I’m relating to reader sm. I talk to animals like that too girlie 😂😂🥲 I’m insane ❤️❤️❤️
#call of duty#cod#fanfiction#oneshot#fanfic#call of duty oneshot#ghost#simon riley#x reader#ghost x reader#hybrid au tf141#hybrid au#simon riley au#simon riley x y/n#ghost simon riley
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One day, I will wake up and the Wiggles version of "The Rattlin' Bog" will not be in my head.
#my sister turned it on for her kids when i was helping her out the other day#ever since it has been the first thing in my head every time i wake up#even this morning i had one of those times where you wake up#and your mind is totally blank and you have to remember that you exist and have an identity#and the first memories that came up were: my identity my location the day of the week and what i was waking up for and 'the rattlin' bog'#so apparently it is my entire identity now#it'll go away but if i fall asleep it starts all over again#even just now i woke up from a nap and there it is#and the worst part is that between being: 1) an irish song 2) that they sing at a million miles an hour 3) with australian accents#i have no idea what 85% of the words are
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GUYS I HIT 100 FOLLOWERS WTF THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH I LOVE YOU AAAAAAALLLLLL
#I just woke up from a nap#to find that I hit 100#and I feel so happy bc I used to just be a reader#that wanted so badly to write and have a cool community#and now I do#and I have mutuals even#love it so much 🥹#billy the kid#tom blyth#francescas anthology
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You ever wake up from a dream so fucked that you have to sit there for 10 minutes after waking to rewrite the ending so that you can move on with your day or are you normal
#messages from knave#i keep having these ongoing dreams about an alternate reality version of my life#mainly about my parents#like right after i lost my job i had a dream that they'd moved to another state on a whim#and just told me to either upend my entire life to move to florida with them or figure it out#and i ended up moving into a much shittier apartment before realizing 'wait i have a whole house' and moving back into my own house in NJ#and then last night i dreamed I'd visited them and spent a day with my nephews then we all went to a wrestling match#and then after almost being run over by my dad cause he started driving while i was getting into the car#we go back to their house and i take a fat nap only to wake up in the dream and discover that I've disturbed this thumbelina sized toddler#that my mom jad apparentky adopted and then completely forgot about. and we wtruggled to getbit comfortable again on its little ved#then it escaped as toddlers do and i went through a comedy of errors trying to find it only to find it seemingly plastic and lifeless#only for it to start going through rapid metamorphosis into an adult and running around my parents house#my dad and i tried to stop it from growing up becuase every transformation opened up a new pocket dimension or something#then the dream changed into something else as my brain slowly booted back up from a migraine back into reality and i woke up#but the visage of a polly pocket sized toddler being left behind in my adult sized bed really shook me for some reason#it was so small and it was on a teeny pink pillow and it had a little purple teddy it kept dropping#but now I'm thinking of the logitstics of actually raising a child you could step on and squash by accident#that must be nerve wracking like how did thumbelina make it to adulthood without being confibed to a single room or even a single table#cause my first instinct is to build a diarama on a table for them and never let them leave until they're old enough to dodge
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that vaccine do have side effects
#i woke up from my nap but at what cost...#im still so tired and now i'm sore and kinda sick...#maybe i should just try and sleep even though its gonna fuck up my sleep schedule so bad#shay speaks
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
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Currently fascinated with the idea of two (or more) snzfuckers betting on sneezes.
Placing down a dollar for every sneeze they think they can induce out of someone else. How much they think the other person can induce themselves. Etc.
Playing jeopardy style where you can’t guess above the actual number, so the other person tries to tease just one more sneeze out of themselves to get the winnings.
Betting on different tools, which will be best for inducing.
Using the winnings from previous round to “purchase” better tools from a table to induce yourself.
I think there’s a lot of directions snzfuckers can go with this, turning it into foreplay for date night or even a literal gambling game for money with a group of people
#by currently fascinated I mean I just woke up from a nap where I dreampt this#and now I immediately wish that I knew at least one other snzfucker irl to do this with#I have sooo many ideas that I can’t even put here#but maybe others who are blessed enough to know someone irl can take advantage of this#snz kink#snzblr#snz blog#snz fet#snz fucker#snz#snzfucker#snzario#snz scenario#sneeze kink
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WHEN WILL I FINISH THIS GAME. WHEN. ARGH.
#I keep putting it off. at first because I wasn't ready to and now I'm like just rip the damn bandaid off an finish it. let's do it#we have other playthroughs in progress and lined up so it's not Over over (even Xa'rok's story)#but life keeps conspiring against me (work burnout. too much sleep. too little. time not right)#and now I'm like#stick figure biting meme#I should've just jumped on when I woke up from my nap-turned-impromptu bad nights sleep a couple hours ago#but now it feels simultaneously too late and too early to get into all that#so I'm going back to sleep instead#I'm just annoyed at myself >:/#rook's ramblings
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the way my page has regressed to me just trying to keep up with my moots — i am sooo tired rn n just trying to make sure everyone else is doing well <33
#that’s why this will never just be a writing blog istg#i have so many drafts in my notes n no motivation to any of them#i pulled an all nighter yesterday jusy for my test today n ended up feeling so dizzy at school that i had to leave BEFORE THE TEST#ya i’m upset but it’s okay i emailed my teacher n now i get more time to study !!#but i crashed as soon as i got home n just woke up from a 10 hour nap#i needed that sooo badly cause i am so burnt out rn istg if the school system doesn’t just abolish itself#anyway i hope everyone else is doing well n good — even if i’m not super active on here i wanted to keep up with moots#don’t forget me !!#i’ll be more active once i’m less tired i swear#꒰ soon you'll get better. ꒱
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Me, yesterday, 5:30 PM: wow I’m honestly doing so great at my adult tasks; I’ve gotten some homework done, I went grocery shopping, my laundry is almost dry. I spent so many spoons and I barely feel tired! Maybe I’m finally fully recovering from burnout!
Me, yesterday, 6:00 PM: oh.
#turns out that I was not drawing from an unlimited spoon supply when I spent spoons so fast#and instead was overdrawing#because at 5:59 I thought ‘oh you know I’m a bit tired I should lay down’#and then spent almost six hours in Nap Hell as I laid down too tired to get up and take my sleep meds#but also not really sleeping consistently. like dozing except I didn’t want to.#woke up ~11:50 and apparently sent some very misspelled messages to my friends#took sleep meds. and then passed out until morning.#so… I’ve learned something here. such as ‘even if you feel fine. you know you’re spending too many spoons. slow down.’#I’m gonna try to go to bed early tonight too#and just. rest. bc I know Thursday is going to be a lot for me bc of my ASL class.#just gotta get these labs done first#the exhaustion is partially also my fault bc instead of going to bed after getting home from the airport#I did in fact go straight to DND and played until midnight because DND is Monday nights now.#but in my defense. I had napped on the plane. so I didn’t feel v tired.#but yeah I shouldn’t have done that bc that meant I was operating on a Significant Sleep Deficit yesterday and still had a lot of tasks#that absolutely could not wait. I needed food bc I didn’t have any in the house and needed laundry bc all my wearable clothes were dirty.#and I’d been in class since 9:30AM and went straight to the store from my last class and then straight to laundry after putting away grifos#and STILL FORGOT TO GET GAS#it’s fine I’ll get some today after chemistry or smth on the way home
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Orologia's theme just came on on YouTube and it got me thinking about how important that final fight is
Everyone (the Eternals) whose lives were made better by Orologia, fighting together to help them, even though they never asked for it. They never asked for anyone's help and were content to toil for eons without a thanks
Their child of a million timelines extending a hand and saying "I see you and I see what you've done for me. You've done so much for everyone and never thought about yourself once. But I'm not going to just let you sacrifice yourself here"
And then they use their powers, the powers that are the reason for all of this, really, to save their own parent from the brink of death
Just refusing to go with destiny. Love prevailing. Physically altering the course of destiny
It's so good
It's poetry
I started crying listening to the song and thinking about this
I will never be okay
momdad..................
But same the song always bring back the memories of this final fight. And tbh i mostly always think about MC in particular because this is the focus of the event, how Logia wanted MC to have the happiest of life even though MC should by all account never know about how much Logia influenced their happiness.
But it's not just MC right... Everyone we know is allowed to a sort of happiness because Logia wanted the best life for them too. Because they were potential friends, because they were potential tragedies, because they just wanted to make sure they'll have a good future.
Especially Seox whom they had watched over in the simulations so many times too.... Trying to give them a happy life, having to accept that they will have to put this child through hell in order to make sure he'll have the happiest life possible down the line despite the grief and the guilt.
But everyone who's fighting Orologia during that fight, that Logia expects will kill them.... None of them are aware of just how hard Logia has been trying to have all of them have a happy life. None of them know how much Logia has loved them and wanted the best for them.
It could have been so easy for everyone involved to just see Orologia as a threat to the skyrealm that they needed to take down. Orologia wanted to keep them in ignorance so it would have been easy for them to do that.
But with the dragons explaining Orologia's situation, with MC probably having seen some of the simulation, they all saw this dragon on rampage and all thought, if we can stop it, if we can give them a happy ending, then so be it.
Orologia spent their life giving away and being a silent watcher to make sure everyone would have a happy ending, even if it meant they would die. Instead everyone, without even realizing the impact Orologia had on their lives, defied fate so that They would have a happy ending as well.
Orologia was saved by the love they had given silently.
And also and also thinking about how Orologia has a breakdown early in the event because MC keeps dying because they're "too kind", that they hold back from killing their enemies because Logia raised them with so much love MC holds back and shares happiness with them instead, and it's not enough to keep MC safe, and it's why Logia has to face they have to leave MC's life.... Only for MC to save Logia because they held back, because they wanted to share this happiness with Logia, because they were too kind. And instead of killing MC or Logia it saved both of them.
AND WHILE AT ITTTT the song is in dragon speech so it's already delicate for us to know the meaning BUT BY FUCKING GOD ONCE TRANSLATED TO ENGLISH
irrationally messed up by the "Thank you, you of the present, hello, nice to meet you", the idea of this unconditional love they're already giving to this version of us they have never met of us, but that they already love anyway because it's us, and that they are happy they can meet us, for real, this time, outside of a simulation
Just defying Fate, and a Miracle was enough. And it's worth it. and i'm crying. God. Orologia......
#i just woke up from a nap and i'm now crying bc the ask made me sad#and now i'm even sadder#i would die for Logia i love Logia so much please Logia..........#ichareply#anonymous#ichafantalks gbf#ichablogging 9thanni
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The naps I take after pulling an all nighter where I just collapse for however long I have before dinner are always the best sleep I'll ever have
#Uni shenanigans#ace is a sleepy bean#good evening i just woke up and now i need to make food the fact its still light out at 6:20 is not helping with my disorientation#its like extra concentrated sleep. those couple of hours you nap for after depriving yourself of sleep its just *chefs kiss*#i cant usually nap cus for some reason itll give me a real intense headache so post all nighter naps are the only kind that are allowed#cus its also the only time i dont get a nap headache but even if i did itd be worth it cus i had a sleep headache beforehand so id just be#trading it for a different headache but with the added benefit of not feeling like im losing my mind from not sleeping#was irritated that neither job was giving me any updates on training but i woke up to notification about training from the second place so#we feeling pretty good right now despite our dumb academic and sleep decisions#anyway post all nighter naps hit every time its just a different kind of sleep
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just got home from a mandatory work meeting i had to actually go into the office for
i thought it was something pertaining to the raises they admitted they lied to us about and how everyone was pissed, but...nope!! just usual business shit and a lot of stuff i really didn’t need to be there for
but worry not because one of my managers saw me riiiiiight as i was about to leave and was like, “hey, do you have more time to work on some charts because one of our other providers needs some help for a few weeks with his”
so it’s not a done deal, she said she’d talk to him this evening but i did tell her if that was the case then i would definitely need some help with one of the other tasks i’m supposed to be working on and that i’m taking the last week of this month off so if i can work around that then fine
also going to take that as permission to get more overtime because so far no one has said anything about me getting some every weekend for the past few weeks so i’m going to keep that going but still be putting in more job applications because whew
#i was also late to the meeting because even though i've been up since 5 am#it was because my back woke me up!!!#again!!!#this time i'm wondering if it wasn't period pain related because that also happened so...idk#i'll be drinking a lot of water and lemonade today just in case#i also stopped to get myself some chipotle as a treat and i was going to get the vinaigrette because i haven't tried it yet#and unfortunately it spilled all in the bag like there's not even one drop left in the container#but from what i got on my hands it's pretty tasty#not enough to bother the people working there if i could have another one but maybe some other time#in any case i'm going to eat my food and maybe take a nap because i'm so ding dang tired now#oh and i think i found a therapist i just need to send an email so i'm working up the courage to do that#but hopefully before this weekend is over i'll have done it#in any case i'm taking today off even though i really need to get caught up on work#we'll do overtime tomorrow today i need to just...relax#and sleep
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Oh inside voice not letting me fall back to sleep and making me think things you were missedd
#it started back for like a singlr minute 2/3 days ago when i tried to take a shitty nap and i felt so fucked up i only had internal dialogue#for a single minute like no wanders the only thing i feel and think is the want to die my dude#i had to push back ANY short of other thinking because of smirot and#it's just not good not good my dude#and now i woke up hours too early tried to sleep and the usual planning was kind off back on for a sec#i was thinking og what to do how to improve how to this and that#and for a sec it felt so fucked up that instead of picturing me writing the text i would need to send to do the idea it just started to be#squiggly lines ~~√√√~π∆§ like a cartoon or sm and o heard whah whah whuh like Fuckin charlie Brown talk which is... distressing#but then it was kind of back on and yeah i already forgot everything i thought of and the (good) coping mechanism i figured out years ago#feels bad. it's been meaningless for months but i kept doing it because i knew what would happen if i stop#and then i stopped slowly and this is what happened. this with the words#i can't even care enough to finish a short cool thought about some Media#i just stop in the middle or start gibberish even if it's just for myself#so I'm definitely not back on and the problem i was head working on is with me for years soo like thinking n planning is easy#starting even because a real option from how many times i had to dragg myself to hell and make that start and keep going. but it was always#not enough to make the change i need. just enough to keep me the same which was bad but not worse and now it's 100% going on the worse 😀#so doing it every day every week i don't believe in me#but sitting doing nothing makes it worse and guhhh i need to stab that
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