#the stuff they put on my teeth smelled and tasted like eggnog but she said it was bubblegum

[goofyguppy]

.

[herstarburststories]

Merry... Birthday?

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Summary: You love christmas, but Dean doesn’t. Yet, he might make an exception for your birthday this year.

A/N: This one goes for @negans-lucille-tblr​ ‘s secret fic exchange. My secret Santa was @katymacsupernatural​. Hey, honey! I hope you enjoy this and happy birthday! You deserve double presents, so here’s mine. All mistakes are mine!

Divider by @talesmaniac89 !

You loved Christmas.

It was probably a nostalgic longing for your long gone urban life. Just in the same way you’d still catch yourself looking through the news for election results or feel your stomach twist if you didn’t eat homemade food at least twice a week. You were dead to the government and certainly spent more on the road than in a home. Besides, you had met up with God enough times to know him. All the encounters and screaming and unapologetic abandonment should make you want to throw any baby Jesus against a wall or even climb on a Christmas tree just to shout about all the hoaxes so perfectly molded in patterns through our brains like braids.

Yet, something about you loved christmas. 

The pretty lights always shining, it didn’t matter where you go. For once, all the city-- everything would be entirely made of light. Their incandescent glow always companishing each person, either it was in an once treacherous alley or only to make the kids' grin bigger as they watched them among the busy streets with wide eyed gazes. The confusion in the kitchen that often ended up with huffs bursting into chuckles between the smell of meals that were too much and would make a room for leftovers for the rest of the week. How everything seemed to be made only of happiness, and nothing could ever cut through those water; all the knives were suddenly swords for kids to play and no white gun. In Christmas, a house became a kingdom for every heart. Everything was good and felt through the skin to the bone, like a single glimpse, a hidden day of what would be paradise.

That was how you were raised, at least. The Winchesters didn’t share the same mindset, no. While you grew up with decorating the tree, they were hiding bodies in the dim light. Leftovers were all through their whole year, and Christmas was described as good or not with one single criteria: snow streets. They had to take one? Annoying date. They didn’t and there was eggnog? Bearable Jesus’s birthday.

Yet, you attempted to make the bunker the more festive possible: buying a bunch of christmas lights, cookies’ ingredients and even a small nativity scene. Your attempts to enjoy the date’s niciities ended up with Sam breaking his arm after crashing on the ground because you insisted on him putting the lights in a place higher than his age, not to mention the burned cookies that looked more like tiny monsters than gingerbread men.

Your parents used to make this look so much easier.

Although the youngest Winchester understood a little more about the concept of holidays, a believer in the good until the very end, his brother didn’t share the idea. You couldn’t say you were surprised. Dean just had two barely normal christmas in his life: one when he was dying and one with Lisa and Ben. Both situations made it to his heart only to shatter from the inside.

‘’Baby Jesus?’’ Dean snorted, shaking his head at the sight of you adjusting the weird little dolls in the nativity. He placed another ruined cook in his mouth, speaking with his mouth full next: ‘’We have the son of Lucifer, guess that counts.’’

‘’Don’t say that once Jack gets home.’’ You rolled your eyes, turning to face the oldest Winchester with your hands on your hips. How could he eat that? You couldn’t even make it a bite and Sam only had half of those. ‘’And stop eating those. They are burned.’’

‘’I’ve had worse.’’ He remarked, adding another cookie to his mouth. You grimaced, wondering for a brief moment how your boyfriend could be simultaneously the guy who saved the world and a man with the taste of a five years old.

‘’Yeah. But I’m the one who has to hear you whining about your bellyache later.’’

‘’I don’t whine--’’ You arched your eyebrows at his statement, making Dean huff in agreement. ‘’That was once and because of Sam’s weird ass vegan bacon.’’

‘’You acted like you were dying.’’

‘’My tongue was!’’

‘’So get this.’’ Sam’s voice interrupted your childish argument, catching the attention of both hunters like a shiny object did to a cat. ‘’Apparently we got an earlier christmas gift.’’

‘’What is it?’’ You asked, approaching the table.

‘’Three teenagers disappeared in the forest, all personal objects left behind.’’ Sam explained as Dean scratched out his neck to glance at his brother’s computer screen. Nothing like a case in Colorado. ‘’The authorities think it’s a serial killer. But one of the girls, Kayla Wodson, said she saw a weird, skinny giant take her friends.’’

‘’Ho ho ho and three bodies.’’ Dean clapped his hands together with a wry curve of lips. ‘’Alright. Let’s hit the road-- Wait, wait, wait. Where do you think you are going?’’

You were standing beside Dean while Sam raised to his feet, ready to pack his bags. Dean, nonetheless, was quicker than his brother, soon putting himself in front of Sammy; hands protectively standing in front of the youngest’s chest to keep him from moving any further.

He shook his head with a scoff. ‘’Dude, come on.’’

‘’Not happening, Sammy. You got a broken arm.’’ You mumbled a sorry along Dean’s big brother speech, to which Sam replied with a comprehensive smile. ‘’Y/N and I take care of it.’’

‘’He’s right. Must be the first time in his life, but he is.’’ Dean turned his head, furrowing his eyebrows at you ‘’Don’t worry. It’s just a wendigo anyway. ‘’

‘’Okay. Just…’’

‘’Don’t forget the fireblazer. As if your brother would miss an opportunity to use it.’’ You scrunched up your noise, causing a chortle out of Sam while Dean commented something about grabbing the specific instrument and walked away. ‘’Maybe you could call Eileen. Ask her to help you to back some christmas cookies.’’

Sammy shook his head at your wiggling brows. ‘’That doesn’t sound as sexy for me as it does for you.’’

Dean Winchester was good with numbers.

Not the urban numerical sense of the deal, of course. He almost didn’t make it in sixth grade with useless geometry and all that, and he still used his fingers to count when he had to deal with an equation. No, his good and quick way with numbers was easier, intrinsic to his head.

How many years since mom died? Seventeen. How many people did he have to save? All of them. How many years had he left? Less than he once owned.

Hunter math was simpler, and was all he really needed since he was four years old, running from the fire with his baby brother in his arms-- which brought him to the second section of his particular geometry: birthdays and death anniversaries. Dean never, ever forgot any special date. Those were his own holidays, the only worth celebrating and remembering. His wishes, grief, and cherishment were reserved for the people he loved, not some celestial assholes who saw his life like a book.

Therefore, his mind went on a golden rush for your day as soon as the Wendigo hunt took more than you both expected. You wouldn't be able to make it home before your birthday, which would be ending shortly, a matter of two or three hours. His inner engineers were useful tonight, in his vision, useful enough to make those sappy movies jealous. While you were washing some guts and leaves away, Dean went to the nearest convenience store. His long arms nesting a bunch of stuff he never dared to touch in years. The cashier with drowsy eyes and escarlet Santa hat seemed bored with his shopping, probably because she saw an uncountable amount of people buying the same things over and over. He couldn’t blame her for the suburban exhaustion. If anything, it was a small comfort for his war orbs to see and be a part of a scene so mundane.

He hustled back to the dive motel room, singing in relief to himself once he stepped in and heard you singing Christmas Tree Farm while the water rushed in. He grimaced at himself for recognizing that Taylor Swift song. How couldn’t he? That woman was 80% of all you heard everyday. Man, he was whipped.

Tilting his head back in reality, he started organizing in clumsy manners of putting everything in place for you. His bruised hands touching so carefully the fragile ornaments to make the motel room with grubby walls and weird black stan on the floor that only seemed to grow a little more like you.

You, the woman who put up with him, who laughed at his stupid jokes, and who watched Scooby Doo, all snuggled up to him every friday. You, the woman who switched from AC/DC to Taylor Swift and then Eric Clapton. You, the one who understood his job and helped him to wash off some of the blood on his hand and never got scared of how red the water could get. You, the girl who rolled her eyes at his first attempt of flirting and now stole his french fries and kissed his lips as if he was worth being delicate with. You, his breathing, his true holiday, his only act of faith besides Sammy.

Dean pressed his teeth against his bottom lip, looking up and down his little manual work. Part of him said it was ridiculous, he surely would make a lot of fun of Sam if he did that to a chick. Yet, mostly he was proud. He wanted you to like it. It wasn’t even near to what you deserved, but it was a piece of it. It was what the Winchester could give you, and that would be hopefully, enough.

While Dean was caught in the crossroad of judging and admiring his surprise, you left the shower with a towel wrapped around your head and lips mumbling Cocaine. Your feet glued to the ground once you witnessed what was in front of you: the room was decorated with christmas lights, a tiny plastic tree on the table, right beside a pie with candle on the top and two cup of what smelled like hot cocoa.

‘’Dean…’’ Your tender tone brought him back from his traineck thoughts as he turned around to glance at you. You chortled in astonishment as he raised his eyes and said surprise! ‘’What’s this?’’

‘’Well, it’s your birthday.’’ He shrugged, scooting closer to you with a smirk. Dean smoothly wrapped his arms around your waist, yours instantly resting around his neck. ‘’In my defense, they just had christmas stuff. Blame your parents for having you close to Jesus’ special day.’’

‘’Christmas stuff include pie and not cake?’’ Your brows knitted together, a heartwarming smile on your lips as you watched his expression marked by multicolored little lights. He smelled like something was a blaze, and you knew that was for standing too close to the candle and not for burning a body this time. Small changes.

He scoffed humorously. ‘’You like pie better anyway.’’ He nodded at the carnival-like situation around you two. Dean Winchester wasn’t the kind of man who got insecure, but you could catch a perk of brand nervous hesitation as his green eyes shot you an anxious glance. ‘’Did you like it?’’

‘’I loved it.’’ You pulled cheeks dimpled with joy that was kissed by Dean’s own smiling lips. The kiss was so gentle, it was his own palpable light hearted emotion. You being happy in his arms. It had been so long since he felt he could be enough, he could make someone happy. But you were right there. As you pulled away, another short kiss was given between playful words: ‘’That’s what I call a christmas miracle.’’

‘’Shush.’’ He leaned in and pecked your lips. As Dean pulled back, he couldn’t help but watch around with the pride of Hubris. His glance went back to you, a lopsided grin on his face. God, you loved that smile. You loved that man. ‘’So I added some whiskey to the hot cocoa. We could drink some, eat the pie, and see if those lights make a good improvise rope. What do you tell me?’’

All you could do was kiss him again.

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[pinktintedmonocle]

The Taste of Christmas - A Cobra Kai Fanfic - NSFW

In which Daniel and Johnny’s plans for Christmas Eve sexy times are derailed due to Daniel’s questionable choice of condoms.

Cracky smutty lawrusso fluff.  Merry Christmas everyone!

Daniel was already at the front of the line, unloading his groceries onto the conveyer belt, when the message from Johnny flashed up on his phone.

Need condoms.

Daniel swore under his breath.  

“I’m so sorry”, he said to the disgruntled cashier, holding up his hands in what he hoped was a placating gesture and flashing his most winning car salesman smile.  “I’ll be back in moment, I just gotta grab something else quick.”

He ran to the sexual wellbeing aisle, picked up the nearest box of condoms and sprinted back to the checkout.  The cashier was waiting for him, lips pursed and arms folded, while a few of the other customers started to tut and shake their heads at him.

“Hey, hurry up buddy!”, yelled one guy a few places down from Daniel in the queue.  “It’s Christmas Eve, some of us have got places to be!”

“Look, I’m sorry OK?”, Daniel replied, handing the condoms to the cashier.

The guy snorted in derision. “Yeah?  How about we take this outside, old man?  Then we’ll see who’s sorry.”

Daniel looked him up and down.  Mid-twenties, about 170 pounds, poor muscle definition.  A single crane kick to the face would probably be enough to take him out.

“Yeah”, said Daniel as he paid and packed up his groceries.  “I’m sure we would.”

**********************************************************************************

Daniel’s phone rang as he pulled out of the store parking lot.  He pressed the button on the steering wheel to put it through to the car speakers.

“Hey.”

“Hey yourself”, replied Amanda.  “Please tell me you’ve got the cranberries, I can’t have a repeat of last year with your mother.”

“Yeah, I got them.”

Amanda let out a sigh of relief.  “Thank God. Although I still don’t understand why you have to go out on Christmas Eve to buy fresh cranberries just so your mom can make her own sauce when she gets here.  The sauce that the caterers are bringing is just as good if not better than the lumpy stuff she makes.”

Daniel rolled his eyes. “It’s tradition, you know that. And anyway, it keeps her busy.”

“Well, that’s true. But don’t roll your eyes at me.”

“How did you know I was rolling my eyes?”

“I could hear it in your voice.”

“You know that doesn’t make any sense.”

“Whatever”, said Amanda, and Daniel suspected she was rolling her eyes at him.  “When will you be back?”

“An hour or two; I’ve just got to stop off at Johnny’s.”

“Oh yeah?” asked Amanda, and Daniel could hear the smirk in her voice.  “Fitting in a little karate before Christmas?”

Daniel felt a blush rise up his neck.  “Hey, you can talk.  Didn’t Carmen come over this morning?”

“Yeah, but we just had sex. We didn’t feel the need to fight in a tournament, pine after each other for thirty years and then open rival dojo’s while secretly banging each other like rabbits.”

Daniel pulled a face. “Touché.”

“Hey!”, said Amanda. “I’m only telling the truth, don’t pull a face like that at me!”

“How did you know I was pulling a face?  And since when could you tell what my facial expressions are without actually being able to see my face?”

“Since I’ve been married to you for twenty years.  Anyway, have fun and I’ll see you later.  Oh, and put the cranberries in Johnny’s refrigerator, don’t just leave them in the trunk.  If you get home with them all hot and mushy and your mom starts shouting I will not be held accountable for my actions.”

**********************************************************************************

Daniel had barely knocked on Johnny’s door when it flew open, revealing a tousled haired, plaid shirt wearing Johnny Lawrence on the other side.  

Daniel grinned.  “Were you waiting for me, Johnny?”, he asked as Johnny backed up so Daniel could enter the apartment.

“In your dreams, LaRusso”, said Johnny as Daniel closed the door.  “Thought you were the mailman; I got Miguel to order me some nunchucks from the Internet for class.  It’s going to be badass.”

“You know giving actual nunchucks to teenagers is a terrible – “, Daniel began, but Johnny cut him off mid-sentence with a kiss.

As the kiss deepened and they began to stumble towards the bedroom, Daniel went to wrap his arms around Johnny’s neck when he realised his hands were still full.  He pulled back reluctantly.

“I just – I just gotta put these in the refrigerator”, he said apologetically, holding out the cranberries.

Johnny wrinkled his nose at the berries and stepped back as if Daniel had been holding something horrifying, like a dead rat or a severed finger.

“You got me fruit, LaRusso?”, he asked, disgust evident in his voice.

Daniel rolled his eyes for the second time that day.  “They’re not for you, Johnny.  They’re for my mom.”

Johnny stared at Daniel incredulously.  “Your mom’s coming here?”

“No, my mom’s not – look, it’s a long story, OK?  Go get ready, I’ll be in in a minute.”

Johnny disappeared into the bedroom, still looking confused, while Daniel walked quickly over to the refrigerator.  By the time he’d made room for the fruit amongst the bottles of Coors Banquet and discounted meat and hotfooted it to the bedroom, Johnny was already undressed and lying on top of the covers with one hand propping up his head.

Daniel batted his eyelashes at Johnny flirtatiously as he started to quickly shed his own clothes.

“What’s a guy like you doing in a place like this?”, he asked huskily as he unbuttoned his shirt.

Johnny blinked in bewilderment.  “It’s my bedroom LaRusso, and I’m in here ‘cause we’re about to bang.  Wait, did you just forget that?  What, did you trip over one of those tiny trees and hit your head or something?”

“I know where we are, Johnny and no, I didn’t fall over a bonsai”, Daniel said, exasperated, as he pulled off his pants.  “I was just trying to be – you know what, never mind.  Just come here and kiss me.”

Daniel took off his underwear and joined Johnny on the bed, climbing on top of the blonde.  They kissed, passionate and hungry, and Daniel ran his hands through Johnny’s hair.

After a minute Johnny broke the kiss, panting heavily, before moving his lips to Daniel’s ear and nipping the lobe.

“Tell me what you want, LaRusso.”

Daniel’s breath caught in his chest and Johnny moved his lips lower, nuzzling Daniel’s neck as he ran his hands up and down the smaller man’s back.

“I – I want you to blow me”, Daniel moaned.  “And then I want you to fuck me.”

Johnny raised his head and grinned wolfishly at Daniel.  They kissed again and as they did so Johnny rolled them over so he was on top.  He started to kiss his way down Daniel’s body until his reached his cock.

“You get the condoms?” he asked.

“Jacket pocket”, Daniel panted, and Johnny reached over the side of the bed and fished the packet out of the pile of Daniel’s clothing on the floor.  

Johnny fumbled with the box for a few seconds before he got it open, then plucked out a condom and ripped his open with his hands before sliding it down over Daniel’s erection. (Daniel was just thankful that Johnny had stopped trying to tear them open with his teeth; he had ruined a lot of condoms that way since they’d starting seeing each other.  “It’s an alpha move, it gets the chicks wet”, Johnny had explained to Daniel one night.  “It’s a wonder it doesn’t get the chicks pregnant”, Daniel had retorted, looking at a condom studded with teeth marks and tiny holes.  “Well, there is Robby”, Johnny had replied.)

Daniel gasped in pleasure as the wet heat of Johnny’s mouth enveloped his cock, although it only lasted a few seconds before Johnny pulled back, face screwed up.

“What?”, asked Daniel as he bucked his hips, desperate to get that feeling back.  “Why did you stop?”

Johnny licked his lips. “The condom tastes weird.”

“Weird how?”

Johnny frowned. “Like… toothpaste.”

“Toothpaste?”, asked Daniel, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, like peppermint. You get flavoured ones?”

“I don’t think so”, said Daniel, thinking back to the store.  “Although I didn’t actually check the packet…”

Johnny grabbed the box again and looked at the back.

“’Holiday flavours”, he read.  “A selection of latex condoms with the flavours of your favourite Thanksgivings and Christmas treats.’”  He looked down at Daniel still sheathed penis.  “I think this one is ‘Candy cane’.  Jesus LaRusso, really?  What were you thinking?”

“I didn’t know they were flavoured!”, Daniel protested.  “I was already at the checkout when I got your message so I just ran back and picked up the nearest box!  Look, there must be some flavours in there that are OK.”

There wasn’t.

Johnny refused to try ‘Green Bean Casserole’ (“I don’t like green stuff!”  “How have you reached middle age without dying of scurvy?” asked Daniel), ‘Eggnog’ (“I don’t want to get drunk off your dick.”  “I don’t think there’s any actual alcohol in these condoms, Johnny.  And anyway, aren’t you already drunk?”) and ‘Gingerbread’ (“I hate those little men with their tiny eyes, they’re always looking at me.”  Daniel had no response to that).  Eventually, Johnny agreed to try ‘Turkey’, and Daniel had his cock sucked for a blissful ten seconds before Johnny’s stomach rumbled and he pulled back.

“No, can’t do this one either.  It’s just making me hungry.”

Daniel groaned.  “Fine, forget the blowjob.  Just fuck me, OK?”

“What?” Johnny exclaimed, “You think I’m going to put one of those things on my dick, LaRusso?  I don’t want my penis to smell like vegetables or roast meat!”

“The flavour is on the outside, Johnny!”, Daniel explained, but Johnny refused to back down.

“And I’m not going bareback”, said Johnny.  “I don’t know where you’ve been.”

In truth, Daniel hadn’t been with anyone apart from Johnny for over six months.  When he and Amanda had decided to try an open marriage, he had explained the situation to Johnny and suggested they try a casual relationship. This in itself was ridiculous because of all the words that could be used to describe his and Johnny’s relationship over the years, ‘casual’ was not one of them.  But although they kept it informal, there wasn’t anyone else Daniel wanted.  After Amanda had started seeing Carmen, Daniel and Amanda had come to realise that although they still loved each other the physical attraction was gone from their marriage.  They hadn’t talked about separation or divorce yet; they were still happy in their own way, for the moment, but maybe one day they would.  Daniel also secretly suspected that Johnny hadn’t been with anyone else either since they’d started hooking up.  He’d tried to ask Johnny a couple of times if there was anyone else, but just got vague answers about there being ‘hot babes’ that he hooked up with from time to time.  (“So just women?  Daniel had asked once.  “You don’t see other guys?”  “Oh yeah”, Johnny had replied hastily, “There are also loads of hot – er – guy babes.” He had quickly changed the subject after that.)

But even though Daniel did really want to have sex with Johnny in that moment, he wasn’t ready to have that conversation yet; to admit that they could probably go without protection because neither of them had been interested in being with anyone else for a long time.

So instead he just sighed and removed the condom from his softening cock.  Johnny stood up and pulled his underwear on, before Daniel followed suit.  He rubbed his temples as they walked into the living room and Johnny stretched out on the sofa and turned on the TV.

“I think I’m getting a headache.”

Johnny rolled his eyes. “Quit your bitchin’, LaRusso. Just grab me a Banquet from the refrigerator and I’ll give you a handjob while we watch Iron Eagle.”

Daniel walked across the room to get Johnny’s Coors, and as he did so pulled open a drawer in the kitchen area, searching for Advil.  There weren’t any painkillers in the drawer, but just as he was about to close it something shiny caught his eye.  He moved aside a case of old batteries and saw underneath a handful of metallic squares. He picked one up and flipped it over. It was still in date.

“Johnny”, he said as calmly as possible.  “Did you not know that you have condoms in this drawer?”

Johnny turned to look at Daniel, eyes wide.  “Oh shit, do I?”

Daniel leaned on the kitchen counter, gaze fixed on Johnny.  When he spoke, his voice was almost a growl.

“Get in the goddamn bedroom right now, Johnny Lawrence.”

**********************************************************************************

Afterwards they lay tangled up in each other, boneless and sated.  Daniel’s head was on Johnny’s chest, and he felt so warm and comfortable that soon his eyelids began to droop.

Just as he was about to drift off to sleep, Johnny poked him in the side.

“Hey, LaRusso, don’t you have to get going and give that weird fruit to your mom?”

“Yeah”, Daniel said sleepily, snuggling up closer to Johnny.  “I’ll go in a minute.”

“Are your family coming to yours for Christmas?”, Johnny asked.

“Uh, yeah.  My mom, cousin Louie and Amanda’s parents come to ours every year.”

“Must be nice to have a family who actually want to spend time with you”, Johnny said, a little sadly, and Daniel realised with a pang of guilt that he had no idea what’s Johnny’s Christmas plans were.  He had a sudden vision of Johnny sitting alone in his drab, undecorated apartment, drinking himself into a stupor before passing out on the couch.

“What are you doing, Johnny? Look, if you’re going to be alone I can always see if I can escape for an hour or two and come over.  Or, ah, maybe you could come to mine, you know, just for a bit-”

“Relax LaRusso, I’m fine. Carmen and Miguel invited me over. And even if they hadn’t I couldn’t come to yours and you know it; your family hate me.”

“My family doesn’t hate you!”, Daniel protested.

Johnny raised an eyebrow.

“Well, at least Amanda doesn’t hate you.”

“I’m good LaRusso.  But, ah, thanks for thinking about me.”

I’m always thinking about you, thought Daniel.

They lapsed into silence and Daniel felt sleep tugging at his eyelids again.  Reluctantly he got up, leaving Johnny’s warm embrace, and got dressed.  He fetched the cranberries from the kitchen before returning to the bedroom to give Johnny a lingering kiss goodbye.

“I’ll message you next week, let you know when I can come over again”, said Daniel, cupping Johnny’s face with one hand and rubbing his thumb over his cheek.

“Yeah”, said Johnny.

They smiled at each other for a moment before Johnny cleared his throat and looked away.

“I mean, whatever LaRusso. Not like I don’t have tons of hot babes who I can hook up with if you’re too busy.”

“Oh yeah”, said Daniel, trying not to laugh.  “Hot babes and hot guy babes.  Gotcha.”

They kissed again before Daniel pulled back and walked across the room.  Just before he reached the doorway he turned back.  

“Johnny?”

“Yeah, LaRusso?”

“Merry Christmas.”

  I don’t think all of these exact condoms exist (seriously, what mad person would make green bean casserole flavoured condoms?  Who would buy them?), but I saw an article about Christmas flavoured condoms a while back (think they were the Candy cane ones) and just ran with it.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this!  Merry Christmas all you lovely lawrusso shippers!