#am willing to be corrected tho

[yoroshiu]

Hi 👋, My name is Mohammad, and I’m reaching out in a moment of desperate need. I’m a father of three young children living in Gaza, and we are caught in the midst of a catastrophic war. Our home is no longer a safe haven, and the future here seems increasingly uncertain. 💔

I’ve launched a fundraising campaign with the goal of raising $40,000 to relocate my family to a safer place where my children can grow up in peace and have a chance at a brighter future.

Unfortunately, my previous fundraising efforts were abruptly halted when my account was terminated without explanation. However, I remain determined to keep fighting for my family’s safety and well-being. 🫶

If you could take a moment to read our story, consider donating, or simply share our campaign with others, it would make an incredible difference. Every act of kindness, no matter how small, brings us one step closer to safety and a new beginning. 🙏

Thank you for your time, compassion, and support. ❤️‍🩹

https://gofund.me/fd1faea2 🔗

[mejomonster]

What's so wild to me is like. Wille technically hooking up with anyone in Hillerska would've been a scandal. Simply because like. While within the student body it would've likely been fine (the same way all the girls pretty much KNOW it was really wille in the video with Simon but publically it "wasn't wille"), if his cousin August wanted to fuck up his life he could still leak info and hurt Wille. Like... Wille could've immediately gotten with Felice, and any public leaks of a video would still have led to his mom going "We need you OUT of that school and making a press statement." Or if it had leaked to the public they had the party with drugs, which is why getting Alex not to rat them out was such a big deal.

Within Hillerska, in fact, even if he'd been with a boy... if it had been say one of the inner group that knows August, most likely everyone would've kept their mouth shut. Still it would be a risk, because being with a boy means scandal blackmail they can use over Wille if they want to hurt or threaten him to do something (cough August cough). But still, in the grand scheme, Wille could've probably been fine crushing on some person like Alex along with a non disclosure agreement.

But Simon. Simon and his sister Sara in particular are the outliers of the school. Sure, it would be a scandal in PUBLIC either way if anything Wille does at school (that isn't picture perfect) gets out. But Simon is partly such a Risk, because INTERNALLY Hillerska does not approve. They don't want someone who isn't elite to talk to them, sit with them, converse with them. Sara gets off slightly easier because Felice does make an effort to see her as equal, use her own status to back up Sara (and since Felice is queen bee there's no bully pushing back on it the way August tries to push Simon back down if Wille tries to treat Simon as equal), and Sara tries hard to blend in and not stir the pot. Simon gives zero fucks about blending in, about playing nice or tolerating bullying, he is himself pure and simple. And Hillerskas elite little teens don't want to be seen mixed up with a regular teen, and in particular the guy's don't want to look chummy with a guy with zero power (is it fragile masculinity? That they all NEED TO OWN MASSIVE PROPERTY to be respected by each other? need to have tangible POWER which is why season 2 Wille has a pretty easy time pushing August down since August doesn't have any). So for the guy's and their fucked up values in particular? It hurts their ego, to see how HARD they have to try just to get a speck of respect. And then to see Wille, the PRINCE who's automatically got more than they ever will (and who they like pushing down in the hierarchy on technicalities to feel he at least has to conform to be powerful too), to see Wille talk to Simon as an equal? Absolutely unacceptable to them. Even without the crush, just being Simon's friend is so unacceptable to them. Seeing Wille value Simon more then them is like throwing all the hoops they jump through and maintain in their face (much like Wille starts breaking things for August season 2). It was always going to be a massive hurdle for Wille to want to be close to Simon. Not even to the country or the monarchy, but also at a much smaller level. In their world in their school, its not a possibility that their peers can allow to exist. At least not when Wille starts school. (Though ill say Felice and Wille have done a bit at starting to dismantle that)

[clefclefairy]

two things:

if you are a doctor and someone is meeting with you to talk about the pain they are in and have been in for years and years and how it has destroyed their quality of life with a diagnosis from another doctor and a physical therapist and you say "sometimes people are just in pain" you are going to hell forever and

motherfucker do you think you can brush me off and make me not bother following up. do you think you can dissuade me? i had to get fucking 4 different top surgery letters from 4 different therapists. i am a fucking persistence hunter and i will get what i need from you out of sheer spite

[mingoosgf]

Am I uninteresting or intimating or pathetic or unsocial or a mix of multiple

[gayjewishwerewolf]

All very true and thanks for saying! I know when I was still in my conversion process I was almost *too* conscious of being 'allowed' to participate in certain things and it actually got in the way of being part of a community for a long time. which is why im trying to work out if its just leftover sensitivity and im projecting, or if it is actually something that needs (gently and respectfully!!) addressing

i dont want to come across as though im passing judgement on 'How jewish someone is allowed to be', and made my original post too quickly in a moment of venting so it definitely comes across that way. my dilemma is moreso about if i should approach and try and correct some of the misinfo he's posting publicly, since he presents himself as a jewish educator but a lot of the content is wildly oversimplified or just sort of wrong.

You're totally right in that I don't really know his journey or relationship to Judaism, and if I approach him at all it'll be from a friendly place!

trying to figure out if there is a tactful way of approaching a convert in my local queer scene and telling them to please talk to a rabbi before they start doing stuff

[sherbertquake56]

okay I’m dropping some of my fable arcane au thoughts before the new episodes drop tomorrow even tho most of it is based on season 1 anyway—

so some basic taggings for you that I based the AU around:

1. Icarus as Jinx.

powder vs jinx is just the sherbert vs icarus name thing. toxic father. unhealthy relationship with sibling. a lil crazy and maybe evil. thinks that they are at fault for the things around them. lil bombs? nah- little SPLASH potions. hearing and seeing mylo and claggor? it’s Haley- it’s literally Haley—

2. Fable as Silco.

okay fable’s design WAS partially inspired by silco— they literally look the same— they’re both a man with two priorities: take over and make his own nation & care for child.

you know the ending scene of season 1? where they’re sitting at the table? THAT. With Jinx assuming that he’s gonna give her up to topside and him getting the first chance to talk and saying “her name is JINX!” i could write an essay on that for icarus. they’re so toxic and it’s so perfect. also that scene at the start of s2 ep2? YEAH THAT—

3. Centross as Ekko

This one is controversial and up to debate but i will die on this hill— SO THE S1 BRIDGE FIGHT. I am so willing to put aside any possible prison duo gay-ness in this AU for that rivalry/fight. they were friends!!! they were so good!! and now they wanna KILL EACH OTHER!! it’s great.

It’s also specifically thinking of Ekko’s tree home as solstice— older Ekko very much has the vibe of Violet specifically-

4. Arisanna as Sevika

I DONT KNOW WHY BUT IT MAKES SENSE TO ME. It’s specifically vexed Ari during the coworkers era but idk it just feels right— I look at her relationship with Silco and Jinx and go ‘hmmm this could be something’

[I will also say there is an argument here for swapping Centross and Ari tho— big tree city as Ari rebuilding the records goes hard, and angsty fighty toxic with jinx centross is also good— it’s like 50/50 for me]

5. Isla as Vander

LET ISLA BE A BADASS IN THIS AU. SHE DESERVES IT— something something raising vi and powder alone, something something the backstory with silco— there’s something there and it hits really hard in scenes where vi sees vander and helps her get back up— also I look at jinx and vander and I go “mmmm this is in fact how icarus sees Isla”

6. Rae as Vi

This was obvious given the above but LISTEN— in this ALTERNATE UNIVERSE OF EVENTS I think it would be fun- do I think that vi perfectly fits canon rae? no. But in this world it would KICK ASS. rae deserves to beat some people up— got kicked out of the overworld (zaun) by fable (silco) and had to go to the end (piltover) to get away from him?? rae end prince aus are already here so why not end rae also punching people huh??? also. gay people.

———

Okay— here’s where I need some help, thoughts, and opinions from you all…

1. Caitlyn.

POLYAMORY IS HARD TO TAG AND I DONT KNOW WHO FITS BEST?? For me, season 1 Caitlyn fits best as Caspian, but season 2 Caitlyn is more for Fenris— so I’m very stuck. yes absolutely give thoughts on this please—

2. Viktor as Aax (but how does that work)

Viktor absolutely should be Aax— mr. Scientist / lab experiment / turned religious figure vessel for god is CORRECT. But honestly the rest of Piltover gang is really hard with Rae as Vi— Jayce/Viktor/Mel is yelling at me to be the polycule but aGH— ya know??? very stuck on this so I instead look at the coworkers and go “mm good yes—”

Random other tags I think also make sense:

- Ulysses as that Telchin looking mf Stev— mans took out one lil medical device as his fish self and I said YUP

- The hexcore big orb thing underground as Quixis— big white glitch orb room make things go wack. couldn’t be easier than that.

———

Anyways that’s all— I’ve been rotating this in my mind for like a week and have had way too many thoughts about it thank you for your time—

[k3n-dyll]

Disclaimer before you try to fight me: I am not defending Jinx, insinuating that Vi is in any way perfect, or calling Caitlyn a horrible irredeemable character. I am just essentially thinking, and putting my incoming thoughts on tumblr.com

I think Cait is the perfect example of how privileged people will fall into fascist ideologies the second they go through even an ounce of what people from the oppressed class have had to go through.

It's so clear in a lot of the language that Cait uses that that bias in season 1 never actually went away, and the attack on Piltover and the death of her mom only confirmed to her grieving mind that no one in Zaun is good, justifying in her head why gassing the city (hurting many people that had nothing to do with it in the process) was a good idea. She views the people of Zaun as collateral damage at best and not human at the worst, and I think that the incident with her being willing to risk shooting the child who wanted to protect Jinx is a big example of that as well.

And yes! I'm sorry it is getting a little bit hard to like her okay damn, yes I understand that she's #goingthroughit and I'm not taking that away from her. Privileged white women(correction she is asian, i forgot lmao still privelaged and rich and a cop tho!) are always a little hard to like and I'm not sorry for saying it out loud

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕋𝕠𝕠 𝕒𝕟𝕩𝕚𝕠𝕦𝕤 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ @wabatle request: HELLO HELLO HERE I AM WITH ANOTHER OBEY ME REQUEST 😋😋😋🔥🔥🔥

anyways!! can I request Lucifer, Satan, Asmo, Belphie and Diavolo with a partner that has really bad social anxiety? like they have a hard time talking to people and freeze up when they have to talk to someone, and they tend to overthink things they say a lot (me overthinking while I write this 🤑🤑)

THANKS POOKIE LOVE YOU 😘😍

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ WELCOME BACK LOVE!!

Yes you can!!! Also I dunno if this is considered short or no buuuuuut I feel like it kinda is so I'm very sorry for that but I don't really like forcing so I just wrote whatever popped into my head 😔

Either way! I hope you like it!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff

✧ Lucifer would be rather patient with you...

✧ his 2nd younger brother is pretty social anxious too so he probably knows kinda what to do

✧ he'll try getting you out first with date ideas and so on, slowly getting you into going out more

✧ he'll do some talks but won't ever make you feel ignored, asking you about your opinion from time to time, even if it would be small nod

✧ he definitely likes taking pride in the fact that he's always the one who you ask to talk for you (even if you do it just because you have no other choice)

"Yes, we'll take two of these. Would that be correct, dearest? Or is there something more you'd like?"

✧ he's slowly getting you to talk more by gently pushing you to place your order by yourself and slowly goes onwards, trying to be patient with you

✧ if he won't see any results tho... he might get a bit pissed off, but he also knows it won't do anything...

✧ he might just need to think of something else... But how long will it take? Guess it only depends on you and how willing you'll be to cooperate!

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@wabatle - come get your scary brother!

✧ Satan most likely does slightly more research about it just to make sure he knows how to treat person struggling with that

✧ recognizing it in his brother, he'll probably also try asking him, but he doesn't get many information there in the end...

✧ he tries his best to help you but he's actually a bit forceful with pushing you towards talking more

✧ he's the type to not say a word when you finally come to counter at cafe, and when you look at him, he'll just look at you expectingly...

"C'mon. You can do it."

✧ even if you'd be stuttering, he's still gonna be proud of you!

✧ and don't worry if someone laughs or teases you about that... he'll most likely get pissed off for that quite easily and... you can figure out the rest...

✧ he'll sometimes ask you straightforward if you need any help from his side but he'll try not to spoil you by ALWAYS talking for you. You need to get some practice as well after all!

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@miya-akane @wabatle - come get your pretty princess~

✧ Asmo is literally like your opposite! Yet, you somehow landed in relationship together... How? Good question! But none of you really mind~

✧ though he does get a bit worried about you sometimes...

✧ he tried getting you out on many parties, trying to convince you it's gonna be fun and that he'll be by your side but... it ended differently...

✧ if you agreed, he definitely stayed with you but he also invited quite a large group to hangout with you as well...

✧ if you didn't, he's most likely to be a bit pouty for a little while... but he'll get over ut soon!

"C'mon, Y/N!! Just one party! I swear I won't even drink more than one glass, please! It'll be fun! We can even dance together there, hm~?"

✧ he usually just drags you with him wherever he goes hoping it'll work

✧ he's not really good with this, so you may want to be just honest with him and it'll certainly give him better understanding of how he should handle your anxiety!

✧ if you tell him what he was doing wrong, prepare for wave of apology kisses and even more promises he'll try better now that he knows more about your problem

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@vodka-glrl @wabatle - come get your cat lover!

✧ Belphie will support you but... don't expect him to push you towards going out more

✧ if anything, he may hold you back just because he's not done sleeping yet

✧ whenever you tell him you talked with someone on your own, he'll always praise you for that!

✧ though whenever you have little debate if you should go out or stay at home... he'll always tell you to stay at home and just take a nap with him which... doesn't really help your problem...

"Don't wanna go out? Yeah, me neither... Let's just take a nap."

✧ being with him would really require some motivation from you to overcome social anxiety...

✧ plus is he'll always leave the talking to you since he'll be too tired to do it himself, so whenever you drag him out, you'll get some practice in!

✧ if you're really too nervous tho... he'll drop few words every now and then to help you out

✧ and similar to Satan, don't worry about anyone laughing whenever you get nervous! He'll first drag you away but behind your back, he makes sure they learn their lesson...

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@miya-akane @wabatle - come get your sleepyhead~

✧ Diavolo is actually very understanding! But among all of that... he tends to spoil you by always doing the talking for you...

✧ if you ever feel like hopping in, he'll inmidietly shut up and let you speak tho!

✧ but don't expect him to slyly let you into a conversation... he'll be more than happy if you join on your own but he won't force you

✧ he'll also give you a little reward for every time you break your walls and open up to someone, even if you only said like one sentence

"Why of course! I want to treat you to cafe because of this very reason. I find it worthy to celebrate, don't you?"

✧ he probably will need you to tell him to push you sometime so you can break your walls more if you want him to get you to do that

✧ he'll still have a bit of trouble with forcing you but... he'll try his best! But he's teached to take first "no" so it may take a little while...

✧ either way, he'll shut up everyone who ever dares interrupt you. Not in a mean way... he's actually very polite but... he'll prioritize whatever you have to say over anyone else~

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@wabatle - come get your childish ruler!

[pygmi-cygni]

T minus 8

Y'all can figure out the title situation by now, right?

content warning: basically the same as the last two chapters, less techy stuff dw, blood, some more anxiety, tension, angst

is it weird that the head doctor's name is Ben? I realized he might get confused with Ben Reilly (tho i don't plan on mentioning him) if it's funky lmk

also - taglist ppl, if you want to be on my general (all fic) tag list, pls specify, I just have you on this specific fic's taglist.

enjoy!

This was ridiculous. Fucking unacceptable. You were not going to let this manchild disrupt your workflow. You had gone through med school, the collapse of your entire universe, and countless crazy patients.

Miguel O'Hara was not going to be your downfall.

After escaping to your room after the brush with death - aka Miguel's fangs - you'd had a good cry before realizing the situation.

You can deal with it, or you can drown in it.

Though your education was in healthcare, a mandatory part of medical training was mental wellbeing and psychology. You had a few coursebooks lying around...

Despite the words bleeding together and the stained coffee mugs littering your floor, you pored over textbooks until early the next morning. Fuck Miguel and his needles. You were going to do your job with the least number of puncture wounds possible.

You strode into his sickroom with a fresh coat of concealer and a thick stack of papers. No syringe in sight.

He was immediately suspicious of your lifted chin and confident stride. You could feel his apprehension tingling, carmine gaze following you around his temporary abode. Let him judge. At the end of the day, you had the needle and he had a sore elbow. Not your fucking problem.

"This is how this is gonna go," you said flatly, rolling next to his bed with a sheet of paper and a pen.

"Twice a day, I am going to come in here and give you a shot. Then, I'm gonna force feed you and take your vitals. Then, I'm gonna do it again the next day and the next until this day," you circled the small calendar at the bottom of the sheet. "And you aren't gonna give me any shit about it, okay?"

The words tumbled out as precise as you'd practiced in front of the mirror twenty times that morning.

Miguel's eyebrow lifted at your direction but his mouth stayed curled in a sneer. You swallowed, willing him to say something. The strong facade you'd put on was slowly succumbing to sleep deprivation.

Too early to give in.

You were stuck in another staring match, so focused on his blistering glare that you didn't realize he was slowly leaning closer. Until his breath brushed your ear and you could see his teeth glimmering.

"No."

One word, and your spine was quaking with shivers. You blinked rapidly, veering away from him. His impassive stare returned and he leaned back into his pillows.

You sat stunned. Then pissed.

"That's not the correct answer," you said coolly. His eyebrows twitched again. Did he think you would cower and scamper off again? What a surprise he was in for.

"Easy way or hard way, Miguel," you taunted, pulling out one of the two doses. "If you let me do this, in five seconds it will be over and I'll be gone."

He didn't look at you, but subtly shifted away from the offensive syringe.

"Or you could drag it out until you're crying and you'll still get a poke."

Another bloodcurdling stare. Aw, the big baby doesn't like it when I call him a coward. Too bad.

You could hear the gentle uptick in his heartrate as you began to prep the area, wiping gently with an alcohol patch. His breaths were louder, whistling above your head. It didn't take this long to clean an injection site, but you wanted to give him time to realize what was going on.

"Wait," he muttered, snatching your wrist before you could grab the medicine. You let him and hoped he couldn't feel your own rapidly beating heartrate. Using your other wrist this time, you took up the syringe and tried to nudge the protective seal off.

"Not yet," Miguel protested, batting you away. You fixed him with a warning glance.

"Easy or hard, big guy, but it's gonna happen."

He tried to swat you again, but you barked out a "Stop."

Flinching, he retreated. Anger simmered in his eyes, but he bit his tongue. You tried to soften your tone. He's a patient, be nice. He's hurt, it's just the adrenaline.

"Don't swat me when I remove the seal, you might accidentally stick yourself," you explained kindly. Replacing the seal, you set the needle on the tiny table next to him. Miguel regarded you warily, unsure if he could trust your sudden surrender.

Talking. He liked the talking last time. Trying to medicate him in this state would be impossible, you had to de-escalate.

"Why...why is this hard for you? I mean, what's the scary bit?" You sat back, keeping your hands empty and in view of him.

He snorted and fidgeted with his hospital bracelet.

"I need to work," he said gruffly, looking at the clock, then wincing. You tilted your head.

"No, I meant about the nee-"

"I need to get back to work," he insisted, "I've been gone too long. The Society won't survive without me."

You leaned forward and peeled back the blankets. He knew better than to stop you, but you could sense his agitation.

"Until that-" you pointed to the sour-smelling bandages crusted with blood, "goes away, you won't be going back."

"That's impossible."

"Cry about it." You dismissed his annoyance as you peered at the dirty gauze. You'd replaced it only a few hours ago, how bad was the infection? It shouldn't have absorbed the ointment and worsened. A crease furrowed your brow. You reached out to feel around the wound. He groaned, twitching under your hands. The pale complexion returned, and sweat had dried around his chest.

How come he didn't ring for help?

"Okay, let's try something else," you said slowly. "I'm gonna replace these and clean you up, got it?" The expected silence rang out, and you took it as a green flag.

It took you a few moments to collect your scissors, gauze and other supplies, all the while Miguel was breathing heavily through his nose. You were calm as morning fog while you worked, barely wrinkling your nose at the foul smell.

What the....The wound was ragged and swollen. Had you been the only person paying attention? The torn was flesh had clearly been neglected, or else it wouldn't be nearly as rancid.

Don't freak out, you reminded yourself, feeling Miguel's scowl directed at your face. He doesn't need to know.

"That's not supposed to be like that," he guessed, reading your obvious distress. you startled and tried to smile, but it wavered.

"No! No, it's..." you trailed off, acutely aware that he saw right through your act.

Deciding to focus on the task at hand, you began carefully snipping away at his bandages. It was soothing, just another routine. he's not dying he's not dying it's just a routine check up, nothing terrible, it's okay

Is the poison contagious after contact?

You froze, realizing Dr Ben had never explained the dangers of exposure. You had your gloves, but they were flimsy, and a paper mask could only do so much. Fuck. You'd already gotten blood and gore on your hands, it wasn't really a good time to fix that.

Here goes nothing.

Miguel did a stellar job of not biting your head off, though his pained grunts and clenched fists didn't help your heart rate. You were efficient and cleaned him up quickly, though his appearance wasn't improving. It was only day two. Not good.

"Okay, scary part," you warned, reaching again for the syringe. He was still riled up from the agony of his new dressings. It wasn't the way you wanted it to go, but he was running out of time.

"I can't bargain with you on this," you said shakily, "because it isn't up to me. i'm just the messenger, and I don't know how else to tell you."

Deep breaths.

"Your tissue is decaying, and if I don't give this to you, you won't be able to work at all. Ever," you added for emphasis when he almost protested. "I know you hate needles, I know you hate being here, I know you hate me, but seriously, please just let me do my job."

your hands were shaking. He looked...impassive, as if he'd turned to stone during your plea. Stick him. Just do it, just poke him right in the arm, he's not moving-

Miguel inclined his chin and released his harsh grip. You were shocked and almost dropped the syringe. That was quick. Maybe it wasn't the needle?

"You gonna stab me or what," he snapped. Scurrying forward, you gently took his hand in yours and probed for a vein.

"Little poke," you whispered, before carefully injecting the vial of clear liquid into his bicep. He let out a strangled groan and grabbed your arm, clutching for dear life. You let him squeeze, though his grip was threatening to cut off your circulation. Breathe breathe breathe he's okay you're okay it's okay breathe

"Not so hard, yeah?" you kept your voice quiet, rubbing his shoulder carefully. Miguel was still in the throes of panic before he suddenly blinked awake. Like a robot, his arms were at his sides and he stared straight ahead.

Confused, you searched his gaze. A haze had gone over his irises, but nothing extreme. All good so far. As quietly as possible, you ran through his vitals and coaxed a cup of water into him.

After a few minutes of waiting by his side, you signed off on his form and backed out of the room.

3 down, too many to go.

And so it went. He never looked at you, never acknowledged your existence each time you peeked into his room. A week went by, for better or worse. His wound was making disappointing progress, but it wasn't getting worse.

However, his approach to the needle wasn't getting better either. He liked the talking, seemed to calm him slightly when you rambled about other patients or your daily routine.

But whenever your hand ducked into your coat pocket, his face would go hard and he'd hunch like a cat, hissing and scratching when you got too close.

"Miguel, please," you begged, eyes pricking with tears. It had been a long day. the longest. four spiders lost, three injured, and one in critical condition. You'd worked your ass off, then slogged to your last patient. you just didn't have the fight in you.

Did he like to torture you?

"I will do anything, please just fucking stay still."

he hesitated.

"Anything?"

"I don't fucking care, please give me your wrist-"

"Let me go back to work." His tone was defiant, but urgent.

You fixed him with a no-nonsense glare. "You know the answer to that."

"I have the multiverse to attend to," he gritted out, "this stupid arrangement is not more important than that."

You couldn't fucking deal with this. "I will rip your fucking teeth out, you animal, I don't care how important you are-"

"I control the fate of-"

"I am acutely aware of that, O'Hara," you shouted finally, throwing the capped needle at him. He swore and ducked.

"I am so fucking aware that everything you do affects my wellbeing. But if you don't sit still and stop acting like a fucking child then you'll die and so will the rest of us." You were crying and your head hurt and the syringe was probably shattered but you just wanted to go home.

"I want to go home," you blubbered, "and I want to go to bed. If you let me do my job, then you can do yours. Please." You whispered, begging.

Miguel's nostrils flared, barely holding back. Maybe if he bit you again, you could take a long nap and this would all be over.

"One condition."

Your head thumped against his mattress. "I don't wanna argue with you-"

"One dose, one favor."

You rolled your face to the side, sighing tiredly. "I'm not having sex with you."

He sputtered, fangs shifting in surprise. "Wh-ay dios-no that's not- I meant a-" Miguel scowled at you for as he understood your delirious laughter was at his gullibility.

"I take the dose, no fuss, you do me a favor," he tried again, "professionally."

Any win was a win in your book. "Fine."

He relented, sticking his arm out and bracing against the handrail. Afraid he would double back on his promise, you stuck him a little more aggressively than you needed to in your rush.

"Okay, big guy, what'll it be?"

"Give me my work laptop."

Bastard. "That's cheating-"

"You said-"

"Fine," you spat, tossing the empty syringe in the bin. "One hour."

"Three."

"One."

"That dose hurt," he protested, and you rolled your eyes.

"Fine. Two."

A moment later, his laptop was under your arm and you were checking off another day on the calendar.

It definitely got easier. A tentative agreement had settled between you: one dose, two hours of work. It did seem to help his mood. Miguel still flinched when you aimed the syringe for his arm. He stayed still when you changed his bandages and kept his fangs to himself.

You were fitting him for the pressure cuff when you noticed. Last week, even the biggest cuff size could barely fit around his massive arm. Today, you could easily wrap it with a few inches to spare.

Frowning, you made sure nothing had come undone in the packaging. Everything was intact. Had he been flexing before?

"Um...do you mind flexing your arm for a second?"

He looked puzzled at the request, but did as asked. You tried again, but even then the cuff was loose.

"Nevermind, that's...that's fine, thanks." You gave a tight smile and jotted something down in your notes.

After his shot, you tried to see if the rest of his body was changing. He was still enormous, but there did seem to be a lackluster quality about him. Miguel's energy was reduced, his anger less potent and he was definitely tamer.

"Miguel, are you feeling okay?" you asked tentatively, gauging his reaction. Usually you knew better than to interrupt his working time, his anger would snap.

But today, he merely grunted and shrugged. Definitely lethargic. Trying to rationalize, you figured it might be his body finally adjusting to the medication.

Making a quiet excuse, you ducked into the adjacent office and discreetly dialed Ben.

"I'm worried it's not working," you whispered, chewing on a hangnail. Dr Ben hummed on the other line.

"His stats are looking a little low. I'll have another doctor check him out. You've done well so far, kiddo, this is a tough case. Take today off, yeah?"

You blinked at the quick change in subject. At least the problem was getting looked at...but Miguel still had his evening dose. I'll just come back for that, you amended. It had been so long since you'd had a day off.

In the few hours between your brief pop-in and Ben's call, you'd gotten groceries, done your hair and even had time to watch a movie.

Feeling refreshed, you threw on your gloves and pulled up Miguel's file.

Nothing had changed, really, except a small yellow notification underneath his recent immunizations. Single (1) dose of R4GE-57 administered at 2100.

What?

The meds Ben prescribed hadn't been titled, and you weren't even in the building at 2100.

Frowning, you pushed into Miguel's room.

"Hey, Mig-"

You stopped. He was sitting on his bed, hands folded limply on his lap. His eyes were open but unfocused. You tiptoed closer.

"Miguel?"

His head twitched, but his eyes had difficulty following your movements.

"You're not s'posed to be here," he slurred gravelly. His tone made you pull up short. You two weren't friends, but you'd definitely passed the growling stage.

"Ookay," you said slowly, "but I need to give you your last dose for today."

"No, that lady did. Maria."

Nothing made sense. Maria hadn't given him his second dose cause it would have been two hours early. And you were holding the second syringe, which was very much full.

"Wh...What do you mean? Maria shouldn't have given you-"

"Are you being slow?" His tone was vicious, lips curled to reveal his incisors. Miguel hadn't snapped like that in a week. You balked, retreating a step. Okay, take a deep breath. He's definitely unstable.

"That other nurse gave me the medicine, you are wasting my time," he snarled. Your heart rate was steadily rising. Breathe.

"Just let me-"

Your hand was halfway to his wrist when he lunged.

no no not again-

A cry ripped from your throat as your head collided with the edge of the table, and a dull ringing overwhelmed your senses. throbbing washed over you in waves, pulsing like a drum in tune with your panicked heart.

Nothing was focusing. Were you crying? Someone was shouting, it was bright and your head hurt and where-?

Somebody was dragging you away, and you uselessly batted at their hands.

He's my patient he didn't mean to no stop wait he needs his meds

Surely it wasn't your wailing, that angry wounded animal howling over the thumping ache in your skull.

He was making progress...

did i just make a simple enemies to lovers into a weird crazy multiplotline clusterfuck? yes. yes I did.

tags:

@neeshsoodrippedout

@ridiculous-hibiscus

let me know if u wanna be added/removed xox

[that1geek06]

Hey, could you make a Carlos DeVil x Male Reader (platonic)? The reader is Ben's father and Beast's husband (I'm going to completely ignore that Belle exists) and he kind of adopts Carlos, being a father figure and family that Carlos never had.

OMG YOU GUYS I feel so popular 😍 I love that I have the descendents fandom here rn, but this request, anon I don't even know who belle is, last I checked Ben has two amazing dads who take in Carlos and the story goes smth like this..

-FATHER FIGURE(S)-

Carlos DeVil x Bens Dad!Reader

Warnings: Nonee pure fluff (lmk if I'm wrong tho)

When Ben went to his fathers about letting VK'S into the isle, he never imagined that one of his dads would embrace it so much.

Y/N was the more calm and understanding one of the couple, so while Adam was worried and skeptical about letting them in. Y/N encouraged it, even convincing his husband to go with it.

While the beginning was rough, things slowly started to fall into place, and as Ben and Mals relationship bloomed, his dad Y/N was making one for himself.

When they first met properly it was an accident, Y/N was walking down the long halls of the palace to the library when a small talking dog suddenly ran into his legs.

"I am NOT taking a bath, I hate water, go back to being scared of me and leave me alone." The dog spoke, and Y/N chuckled. Picking up the same animal.

"Your not very good at running away if your just going to run into another person." He said, and the dog groaned at being captured. And after a spilt second, A head of white and black hair comes sprinting around the corner. Only to stop abruptly at the sight of one of the kings holding his pet.

Carlos bows his head, not really knowing what to do. "I-Im sorry your highness! I didn't mean to let him run loose in the castle, he slipped from my hands and-" Carlos was cut off by a laugh.

"You can look up, I'm not mad at all. I needed some entertainment to my boring day." Y/N smiles at the boy. "If I'm not mistaken, you are Carlos correct?"

His eyes widen at that, not expecting the king to address him so nicely. "Yeah, I am." Y/N smiles at that. "Well its nice to meet you, and your dog is..?"

Before Carlos can even answer the dog spoke for himself, "Its dude, and I am NOT taking a bath." Y/N laughs harder. "I'm afraid your wash is inevitable, but perhaps if Carlos is willing, it could be stalled?" He looks up at the teen.

"What do you mean?" Carlos asks.

"I was about to head down to the library, its my favourite place to relax. But it gets lonely as well. Would you care to join me?" Not expecting that answer, Carlos's eyes widened. He thought for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, it could be fun."

So the two walked to the library together, along with dude. Chatting about anything and everything.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That was how it started, and they got closer. The attention of the adult that Carlos got was unlike anything he received. If wasn't the tight lipped smiles like the staff, or the manipulative love like his mother.

No.

Y/N cared. He had genuine interest in Carlos as a whole. He helped with school, teen drama, sports, advice, when he just needed to rant. Carlos could almost say he was like a dad to him.

But as their Visits became more frequent. His friends started to get curious. He doesn't know why but he didn't want to tell them of his relationship with one of the kings.

So any time they would ask, he would blush and mumble some random excuse. Making sure to bring dude with him and bolting out of the dorms.

But they were all to curious now, and one day was the final straw.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today sucked to put it lightly. Carlos spent all week studying for this test, and despite Y/N's advice he stayed up all night too, getting no sleep. And it was all just to fail.

And then during lunch he slipped and spilled mash potatoes and gravy all over himself.

But to top it all off, Chad was unrelenting in targeting him during practice. And it was to much.

On the brink of tears, Carlos storms into the dorm room to change.

The rest of the group was relaxing in the room waiting, looking at Jay to try and find answers to which he just shrugged.

When the over stimulated boy came back out of the bathroom the group immediately began to express their worries.

"What's wrong?" Evie asked.

"Did something happen?" Mal added.

"If you need to talk we are here you know?" Jay said, and the whole group nodded. But without a word Carlos ran out. And dude, knowing where he was going. Jumped out of bed to follow.

All of them being extremely worried for their friend. They followed as well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/N was going through some documents when his office doors were burst open. He opens his mouth to chastise the person when he looks up and sees the very distraught boy there. Panting with water eyes.

His eyebrows furrow with concern and he stands, immediately going to him. "Carlos? What's the matter?" Y/N asks, but instead of getting an answer, the teen hugs him tightly, and he cries.

The kings heart clenched at this. He embraces Carlos tightly while gently rubbing his back. "Shhh its alright, just breath."

Soon enough dude comes running in, immediately sitting at their feet, wanting to help comfort the boy as well.

What Y/N wasn't expecting was seeing his friends and even his son staring with wide eyes. But he shoots them a gently smile. One that promises an explanation later.

He makes eye contact with Ben, and as if they had a silent conversation. His son nods and softly closes the door to his office.

Turning his attention back to Carlos, he notices that the boy has calmed down. Unwrapping his arms to wipe his eyes.

"What's going on Carlos?" Y/N asks in a soft voice.

The teens sniffs, shaking his head and taking a deep breath. "Today really sucked and I-... I don't know if I'm cut out for this." He responds quietly.

Y/N smiled sadly. "Well, can I tell you a story?"

Confused, Carlos just nods. And the king took a deep breath before starting.

"You see, A long time ago, there was this boy. He grew up in a small town that had a very fixed mindset. But you see this boy didn't like to be stuck in that mindset. All the people viewed him as weird. His likes and dislikes were so uncommon that many would talk about him behind his back, or so they thought but he heard everything."

Closing his eyes he pauses, before continuing.

"It was like that for most of his life, until he finally found someone else who wasn't like the others, and while it took a lot of warming up. They eventually fell for each other. This other man cared about his interests and didn't reject them. He helped the boy grow and see more of what he liked. And the boy helped the other to become a better person. And just like any cheesy love story, they fell in love."

Y/N chuckles, but Carlos looks intrigued. "..but how is that supposed to help me?"

The adult looks eyes with him, voice as soft as it is serious. "Carlos, as long as you have people who love you for who you are, you can do anything you want. And I know for a fact you have a group right outside those doors that do."

The teen glances back at the doors, nodding softly. But he hesitates, looking back up at Y/N before sheepishly asking a question.

"what...what about you?"

The kings heart ached at the vulnerability in his voice, and he smiled comfortingly. "Oh I thought it was quite obvious that I care about you."

He watches at Carlos's shoulders visibly relax, before he springs forward into a hug. Y/N laughs as he returns it.

"All always be here for you, your an amazing kid, and I know you'll do good in Auradon."

Carlos felt his heart swell. And he just hugs the man tighter, showing rather than saying how much this meant to him.

How nice it felt to have someone comfort him, not have a caring father figure.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AWWWW WE LOVE A FLUFFY ENDING, but anyways I know I died for a while but I swear I'm going to get back on top of things. YOU SHALL NO LONGER BE STARVED OF FICS. But I hope this made your day dream more of a reality anon!! Let me know if there's anything I can do to improve, grab a snack, and happy reading to you goobers 👽

[no-passaran]

can you explain the post about catalan self-hatred

Centuries of occupation and being told we are useless, ignorant, and cringy and thus for our own good we should abandon our culture, language, accent, identity, everything that shows what our culture is (or was, if they succeed) except for very few isolated items that can be folklorized (isolated from our very alive culture, which give them sense, and shown as a curiosity or a relic of an old gone past, or simply as one isolated "fun" addition to Spanish culture, which didn't originate it and which doesn't understand it) and monetized to be sold as Spanish (see: Madrid restaurants selling something they call "paella" and which is really an "arròs de mar" but they have re-made it to suit the taste of tourists and that they will advertise with Spanish flags and sevillana drawings and commercialise as "typical Spanish", completely separating it from its roots and without even knowing what the word "paella" means, so that tourists can consume it without even knowing what culture it's from and what language that word is in), hearing how cringy we Catalans are vs how cool we would look like if we became fully Spanish (and fully Spanish means abandoning Catalanity), all of these happening for generations and permeating literature, TV, popular jokes, pop culture, laws, even church leaders speaking it in mass) etc. well, it does end up affecting you.

Generation after generation of this means that we have a very deeply rooted self-hatred. And it's so normalized that we don't even realise it. Self-hatred is a term used in sociolinguistics that means precisely that, having interiorized the bigotry against your own group. In our case, it means Catalan people who are Catalanophobic, often without realising it, or thinking that it's justified because it would be ridiculous to think otherwise. For example, when Catalans say that it's true that our existence is useless and it's a shame that we were born in Catalonia and that Catalan is still alive because everything would be easier if we spoke only Spanish, which they see as a superior and international language, or say that we shouldn't have Catalan written in public where tourists can see it. As you can see, this is very connected with imperialism. All of us are Catalanophobic. I don't think there is even one Catalan person who is not Catalanophobic, because we are raised in a deeply Catalanophobic legal, political, and social system. The difference relies on how aware of it are we and how much we are willing to rethink it. For most people, they're not willing to rethink it because they believe it's right, and that it would be nonsensical to imagine that we are equal to Spanish speakers or deserve the same rights.

That post was a screenshot I took of a comment on Instagram. It's a video of some Catalan people talking and joking around, everything very innocent and nice, and someone left this comment (in Catalan) saying "why do you speak in such a strong Catalan accent? It makes my blood boil, and I am Catalan, so imagine..." (implying that "if it bothers me, a Catalan, that you are so visibly Catalan, imagine how much it must bother someone who isn't Catalan. Thus you should correct it").

This is something that I have been told countless times in my life. In high school, my best friend always used to make fun of me when I said something in Spanish because I have a strong Catalan accent. She would repeat my words after me exaggerating the accent to make it ridiculous and laughable, and would laugh at how bad it is and how "rural" it makes me sound (note: I am not from a rural accent nor speak an accent of Catalan from a rural area, it's that having a Catalan accent in Spanish is seen as being uneducated and "from the provinces"). The thing is tho: she had the same accent. She does not speak any better than me. She also had told me many times about how much she dislikes going to visit her dad's family in southern Spain because the whole town laughs at her for having a Catalan accent and that some kids have insulted her for being from Catalonia, and even her dad (born and raised in that town of southern Spain but who has been living in Catalonia for decades) gets made fun of and receives hate speech for being Catalan now. But so many people always look for someone else, someone who is more visibly Catalan for whatever reason, and give them the same bigotry that they have received. As if that will redeem them somehow, or distract from their own "faults"— and I'm not using the word "fault" just because, that's what we feel but don't say out loud, except when someone slips like that Valencian politician who started a speech by apologizing in case she "slips and says a word in Valencian" because "sadly it's my mother tongue, I have this defect". (note: Valencian and Catalan are two names for the same language). Some people on the internet complained because she said the quiet part out loud, but how many of those people don't act like that in their everyday lives, simply refusing to state it so clearly that that's how they see it?

It's to be expected to get these comments from Spanish people. When I was 15, I was part of a programme for students and we had to go to Madrid for a meeting of all the students in the state of Spain who were being given this scholarship, and I was the only Catalan and the rest of teens spent most of the time making fun of me and my accent. But what I remember the most is that one of them was nice to me, and he talked to me having normal conversations (the others only said bigoted things against Catalonia and against Barça team and tried to get me to talk about bullfighting, knowing that it's illegal in Catalonia, to make me feel excluded), but even this nice boy at one point said out of the blue "you really can't hide that you're Catalan!". It would be nice to answer "so? Why do I have to hide it?" but the thing is that I had tried my best, not to hide it 100% maybe, but to not make it easy to see. For example, when we introduced ourselves, everyone said our name and where we're from, I was aware that I should say Barcelona (even though I'm not from the city itself) instead of Catalonia. After that, I tried taking some online lessons I found on YouTube on how to have a Castilian accent, but I never managed. It would be useless anyway, just a few years later I was on Erasmus and when I introduced myself to the other students (I had literally only said "hello my name is Elna") the two Spanish students laughed and one of them said while laughing "that's a very Catalan name, like very very very Catalan, isn't it?", like it was a funny joke.

So yeah, it's whatever to get it from Spanish people and Spanish-speakers in Catalonia (I mean, to be fair, it's not whatever when it means you can get a harsher sentence for the same trial if you spoke Catalan in the court, that you might get arrested or mistreated by the police if you spoke to them in Catalan, that you can get kicked out of the doctor's office for speaking in Catalan, etc and believe me I have had my share of discrimination from doctors for this very reason) but it is so much more insidious when it comes from ourselves. And it's painted not as bigotry but as "common sense" or just "not being cringy". I'm tired of my existence being considered cringe! I'm tired that if I speak about what happens to us it's seen as cringe and "distracting from things that are actually important" (because we are useless to the world!)! Or if I say more autochthonous expressions that don't have a direct translation to Spanish to get told I'm like a grandma and I'm cringe! I'm even tired of the well meaning ones, some time ago a friend's Spanish-speaker friend heard me talk to another friend and said "aw that's cute, you speak Catalan, it's like you're grandmas". Or that children will get bullied for celebrating the Castanyada instead of Halloween because it's cringe. I love the Castanyada and I will say it now, I spent my whole high school years pretending like I don't celebrate it. I do! I eat panellets that my aunt makes, and sometimes I make them too, and I go with my family friends in front of the fireplace, and we roast chestnuts and we sing Marrameu torra castanyes, and we like it! And I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. And if that means everyone laughs at me and says I'm cringe and elderly, then so be it. I spent long enough hiding from my own people. I am so so so so tired.

I heard this sentence once: "what Franco couldn't manage to finish, we will do it ourselves". They couldn't eliminate us with violent force, but the long route of psychological war makes us be our own enemies and our own executioner. As has already happened so much more in the part of Catalonia under French rule, and all other nations still nowadays under French rule.

Here's what I did and helped me very much. Every time I have a Catalanophobic thought or I think as myself as lesser than for something related to being Catalan, I imagine a tiny Franco inside my head and I shoot him. This makes me take a moment to pay attention to what I had thought and that I don't want it, and do better in the future. Being conscious is the only way to learn self-respect.

[daisymylove]

Sword catcher spoilers, speculations and theories about "Ragpicker King" and some ramblings ahead, proceed at your own discretion.

So I'm 90% sure Vienne is alive and we will find it out when lin comes to the palace to treat her

She has an official art and there was a whole snippet about her, I don't see the point of making all that fuss about a character that was going to have three interactions with Kel (speaking of which, I kind of shipped them even tho I know ana will be his end game 👉🏻👈🏻 am I the only one?), kill some random guys and bite the dust. On top of that her arc was about to get so interesting. She is a trained assassin, oath bound to protect this little girl, whom she loves deeply, until she dies, but then her charge was murdered, and her life's mission came crashing down on her. The angst, the potential.Her dying would be a huge waste.

I don't question Jolivet's loyalty, at least not now, but Markus is not a mentally stable person (btw whats up with him? does anyone have a theory?).I think he lied she was dead bc markus may have killed her otherwise and, as dangerous as she is, Vienne may be more useful to them alive than dead with the possibility of a war looming over.I also don't discard the possibility that he may have personal ties to vienne and/or her family. The whole covering her with his cape could have been a show of respect for the black guard if she's really dead, like kel thought, but compounding with the fact that, even tho she charged on conor, jolivet did nothing to either stop or harm her, it struck me as oddly affectionate. Anyone can correct me if im wrong, but I dont remember kel mentioning anything about an accent, which makes me assume she speaks their language on a native level, so there's that

One thing I didn't like was that this trained bad ass assassin was completely unarmed during such an important event.Kel is always armed, even when impersonating conor he had a dagger on his person. Granted, it's easier to conceal weapons on male attire, but it would've been more realistic if she'd had at least one dagger, had been forced to use it and thus was left unarmed. Its not enough to tackle all those guys, as kel himself thought, but she wouldn't have been helpless.

I'm also 90% sure Lin and conor are going to have sex on a beach, I'm willing to bet money on it.I've read way too many books by Cc to not recognize her foreshadowing. Besides, she's fond of writing sex scenes on peculiar locations.

The "yes I'm the goddess come back" may have been scheming on Lin's part (loved that btw) but I'm sure she actually is the goddess come back. She will also be queen, as the prophecy foretells. Charlon saying to luisa "dance for your future court", but Lin ending up being the one to actually dance also reeks of foreshadow.

Now to the ragpicker king, we know almost nothing about andreyen and I have a lot of speculations. First I thought he was the Makabi, what about the ragpicker being a figure that has always existed in Castellane, his symbol being a bird and his having a bowl that allegedly belongs to makabi's lineage. But when he said ragpicker king is a title, which he inherited from another, I put it in the back burner (it hasn't been discarded tho, im not discarding anything for now and he would hardly tell kel "yo I'm this immortal entity and have been forging my death over and over for centuries" if that were the case) in favour of thinking he's the Maharam's exiled son. He's the right age and it makes sense for a boy that has been shunned by everyone and left to fend for himself to turn to crime.

What has been nagging at me, on the other hand, is that he matches Lin's vision of Suleman from her dreams. Pale, tall, handsome, long black hair and when his eyes were going to be described the dream was conveniently interrupted. I'm not saying he is suleman for sure, idk how that would work in practical terms -- is he an immortal and suleman never actually died at the sundering? unlikely, considering Lins dream and how vivid it was. Is he a reincarnation? Under that line of thinking he could be both the exiled boy AND suleman on a single person -- and he could have no relation to him whatsoever, the physical resemblance being just a coincidence (but really?) and I'm just crazy.His interest in the stone and magic in general checks out for both suleman and exiled son, so it isn't really an indicator.

I rather liked andreyen, merren and Ji an, tho, I really don't want him to be the bad guy, but as previously said I'm not discarding anything.It seems pretty obvious to me that he wants to use lin and her abilities in some way, much like he has a use for kel, but that doesn't necessarily mean he has nefarious goals or anything

I think Anjelica, Aimada, the malgasi princess whose name I don't remember now and the prince with the huge bank account will make appearances, they have been mentioned way too much to not feature at all

and what was that dream kel had with fire and phoenixes? There's something there, I can feel it

anyway, that's what I have so far

as a side note, I'm a bit drunk and haven't proofread this properly (i never do when writing on this blog tho, sorry lol), hope its coherent enough

[blorbingqls]

"We accept the love we think we deserve" - seeing this quote in terms of love and control as subjects in Only Friends

With @tomatoland 's brilliant post on TopMew on the above quote here , i think that with 7 eps in, we have understood that love and control are very well linked with ephemerality as a subject.

As i have previously linked epheremality with control here, i would like to talk about how love also makes us lose control with the impermanence of life. This is a long overdue post for 4 eps now.

linking the ephemerality squad here so that you can also share your opinions on this @waitmyturtles @lurkingshan @slayerkitty @respectthepetty @ranchthoughts (anyone else i am missing, pls tag, i really appreciate it)

TopMew

As Tomato (@tomatoland i hope you're okay with that nickname; i really tried to find a name on your blog for you) has referred in their post, Mew left his bubble of insecurities and got his heart broken. Completely legible and correct on his point. Top really loves Mew but now Mew has no reason to believe him anymore. With the play in their power dynamics, both of them loved each other and lost control of the way they wanted the relationship. Yes, if Top and Mew has stuck to their original plans - just reaching to the point of ideality and sex, then, this relationship should have ended after they got their goals. I dont think that sex was a goal for Mew as much as it was for Top, but, we can say it was in the secondary.

But as they fell in love, they, especially Top understood how the love he received from Mew is so much more than he thought he deserves (taking into account his trauma and past experiences). So , even though Mew is projecting his hurt by doing things that literally are asshole-ish as fuck on his accord, Top is willing to let go all of that since even he knows he is in the wrong this time and he is willing to lose all control he has on his life - of fame, money and insecurities in order to have Mew back. Top is willing to be as obsessive as Mew said he would be in a relationship in order to get and accept the love he think he deserves from Mew, even if it won't be good.

But, I also feel, the concept of love as explored in the series so far, not just runs along with TopMew because of the books, but also with all the remaining couples in the show. I won't discuss P'Yo and her partner, CheumApril in this segment, because I want more angles on this from the coming episodes in order to validate my point. But, I'll discuss this point with our other views on the couples: RayMew, TopBoston, SandRay, and BostonNick.

RayMew

Now, RayMew is a pairing that is being enforced on the viewers for the past 3 episodes now and the last episode shows a pretty good view of how as characters, Mew and Ray view each other.

For Ray, his love is unconditional for Mew because it correlates with that fact that Mew was the only reason who made him stay in this world - who made him believe that he deserves the love from his friends, the love which he didn't get from his parents or any potential partners. But potential partners were never in the scene because Mew was Ray's emergency contact. Their relationship runs deep and however much you may think, even if Ray thinks Mew's love for him could be more as a friend, he also believes that because as he is so damn shitty and a fucking burden to society, he can't ask for more from Mew for the sake of their friendship and his esteem. He keeps entertaining the idea of them as partners several times, but, until ep 7, Mew has never entertained the idea that his love for Ray will be any worthy of more than a friend. Because, Mew wants to continue making the boundary and keep the control, according to me.

Now, as Mew has entertained the idea, i am interested how it pans out in the next episode (not very promising tho). just linking this out here because its so fucking interesting.

TopBoston

We will mainly take here Boston's viewpoint since Top gave up on this since the very beginning and became firm with it post ep 3. He gives no flying fucks about the possiblity of it. Top considers Boston to be a one night stand and a one night stand only.

Boston, as has mentioned so many times, considers Top to be top tier; the person who gives him something as close to love because as an Machiavellian prince (refer here) Boston considers Top to be the only worthy competitor in his reign. And he really doesn't care if he hurt others feeling. Mind you, Boston has been the most truthful to himself, maybe not to others. And as a prince, his love speaks volume through keeping them in their reign because ultimately Boston wants power and control in his arena. That's the fucking politics of it. And Top is the only worthy contender who can damage his reign. Hence, he wants the top tier power as much as possible, and only Top can give him that. Him fucking off to America, that can easily happen through Top, because he is a very well known hotel chain owner/manager. So, Boston wants his loves, because he very well thinks he deserves it and he accepts it as much as he can. But, he also knows that for him, he can't make this love into a weakness, because that will be out of his control.

Boston however, as Mew so incredibly pointed out, is gullible. Ray couldn't see through him, but, MEW FUCKING DID. That is why even though Boston didn't consider Mew as his competitor, he was fucking jealous of him because Mew got Top and was chosen over eventually by Top. Mew has the power that Boston didn't think he had, till now. And tbh, Mew is now winning the game, despite his insecurities with his relationship with Top.

THE WAR HAS BEGUN, MY FRIENDS.

SandRay

God, I have so many feeling for these babies. Where to start? Okay so, you know in second episode, Sand built that boundary with Ray regarding friends with benefits? Well, it has backfired on him. COMPLETELY.

As ep 8 preview says, I love how Sand realised the fact that they were never friends to begin with, for even to have made that boundary to make sense. Sand is a pathetic little man, as so many of you have pointed out, but, why is he the way he is?

His incredible nature to be so caring of others around him has made him feel like its his responsibility to take care of everything. His mother, his business, his money and job, his style and even his fucking roommate. Now, Sand is so emotionally attached to this damsel in distress, pathetic burden to society (affectionate) Ray, that even before they became friends, he made Ray his responsibility. Sand has no right to ask for love from Ray, because they are not friends, lest friends with benefits to ask for any care towards himself. But he selfishly asks, for the first time.

Because, as a person who keeps on taking care of others endlessly, it is harder for them to ask for the care and love they expect and deserve from whom they love while keeping their self esteem intact. And for Ray to completely shut him down at that time, and him still following Ray while he was drunk, makes him so much real because you feel responsible for that person. You are their emergency staff, even if they don't consider you to be.

While Ray comes from another perspective itself. He initially wanted to know Sand more as a person, because he is a person who wanted to explore the life beyond what has been given to him. He is a spoilt brat, and when he realised that he can't buy Sand's love, he explored it with him.

But because I think Ray believes that Sand will always be for him, even when he does asshole-ish behaviour (because thats where everyone leaves) he has taken Sand for granted. The backup option. Anything goes wrong with his ideal relationship, he can always go running back to Sand, because Sand has become his addiction.

Apart from drugs and alcohol, Mew and Sand are the only people he can keep coming back to. For Mew, it is only at a cost. At some conditions, only for something personal. While maybe Ray wants explore that possibility with Sand, but he is afraid. He is afraid that Sand will go away. just as Mew did. A person who can only consider him a friend and nothing more. Even if he wants to explore that possibility with both of them, loving them at the same time, he can't make people his priority, because he doesn't know how to do that. Nor does he think he's worthy of it. So, he accepts whatever he thinks he deserves off Sand's love and care.

I am interested to see how it pans out for these idiots once his relationship with Mew falls out. I am concerned for Ray so much. Give him access to therapy and rehab soon pls. Sand and Ray's father I think are going in that direction, with this speculation by @prapaiwife.

BostonNick

Now, our final pair has been the most interesting couple in this show so far. Why do I say that?

Well, for Nick, Boston is one of the top-tier gays. As pointed out by Boston, he likes bad guys. And lets be honest, Boston, most dishonest, cunning bastard out there. So, Nick believes that he will be that gay who lands the top tier dick and fix this problem. Right?

Wrong. Nick very well knows this won't happen. Still he keeps hoping for more as Boston doesn't know how to not be a hypocrite as a prince. He keeps giving some here and there false hope through his actions, not words which makes Nick believe he's special, but he's not. He takes whatever love he thinks Boston gives him, despite him not being his number one, despite Boston cheats on him over and over again. He just wants whatever of love as actions that Boston can give to him because that proves wrong all of his low self esteem. So he accepts whatever he thinks he deserves because he can't ask for more in a bed friend relationship. With Boston's guard so up and his will to leave the country, Nick knows he can't do anything but try to make him stay. Even if that's a 99% chance of not happening. He tries because he doesn't want Boston to hate him. He only wants him to love him. Because for him, thats enough.

The sadness keeps on piling up for these outsider, hard working roommates, doesn't it?

While, for Boston, he is nothing but a rebound from the angst of not getting Top. He wants a serious relationship, and maybe, he does look for it in Nick, maybe not, but he doesn't love Nick. He doesn't love Top either. For Boston, Nick is a toy he wanted to play with.

Because he cares about his reign, his reputation. And, Nick realised that. Hence, Mew contacted him and Nick gave that information to Mew. They will bring Boston down together because Nick somewhere believes he can get him back.

But Nick babygirl, he doesn't love you bub. He doesn't. And, it hurts so much. Because Boston keeps on taking from you, whatever he deserves. And that is your care for him, for granted. He is a leech bub. He is.

Now, how does it all link to ephemerality and control?

Well, love itself is impermanent. It doesn't stay.

The world knows this and still we chase it. And at an age as our characters, we chase love and freedom like anything. In order to gain control. We take up jobs, more courses to learn, experiment with love and relationships, with people because the time is ticking and people say now is the age. We break hearts and get it broken.

As P'Jojo says "This show is Hurt People Hurt People", tell me who hasn't been hurt by love, by control and by living at its time? And also by missing out each of these experiences because you were lonely with your own life and burdens?

We accept the hate and love the life gives us, because this is what we think we deserve out of this. And tbh, these feelings, are never permanent. They keep changing with time, and that's the only thing thats permanent.

Change is the only thing that remains permanent.

[0-yeni-0]

AM the Allied Mastercomputer is an incel

i want to mention that i've never read/played ihnmaims so feel free to correct me this is just a superficial ramble

for what i've seen and read about am i've come to the realisation that AM has ALL the characteristics to be an incel , he is always acting like and over lord and having immense rambles on how he hates humanity and how he is never happy, but the thing is that he can totally be happy he can literally warp reality at his will, he says that he wants a human body that he wants to feel and touch and the thing is that he can totally do that he is 100% capable of having a human body for himself, the only reason that he doesn't do it is because he wants to stay mad he wants to keep rotting on his throne of hypocrisy and hate instead of being better AM THE ALLIED MASTER COMPUTER IS A FUCKING INCEL he marks a ALL the boxes

has the resources to change his life for better but decides not to out of pure ego

says that he hates humanity (even tho he is as human as it gets for a computer)

pushes and harms all the people that could help him and are willing to help him

is mad at everyone around him even those those said people did shit as nothing to him

is a misoginistic ass hole

AM is the definition of "i don't want a solution i just want to be angry"

[thepassionatespirt]

Hi typology Tumblr 😮‍💨

It has gotten to the very sad point to where I genuinely can not type myself in any typology system so I wrote a little paragraph about me I apologize as it is all over the place but I did the best I could 🫠 if anyone is willing to help type me I’ll be more than appreciative- unfortunately I can’t offer much in return, maybe a follow and like spam? But thank you for reading this fair anyway and feel free to use anything I said in this intro to type me as well

Me: Okay so when I first meet someone- I’m very shy but polite. I give compliments if I’m trying to make friends with the person I’m talking to. Normally I like to be approached first

With acquaintances I’m myself but I dial down just a tad bit. My personality also adjust to the people I’m around with acquaintances.

With close friends I can be kinda loud but I’m very friendly.

Across all three scenarios I’m very sarcastic but I remain polite depending on how close we are.

When I’m by myself I enjoy listening to music while scrolling on Pinterest or TikTok. I do have an eye for aesthetics. I occasionally write poetry. I also can daydream when I’m alone. When I’m with others I am very practical and grounded and in the moment. When I’m with myself in in my mind. I am EXTREMELY passionate and it can sometimes come off as rudeness. I am also very sensitive and don’t take well to criticism of any kind Real life scenarios I have been in relating to me being passionate to my values- I value respecting teachers not only because they want the best for the class but because it helps the class flow better and acting out is honestly annoying so when push comes to shove I will say something like “Respectfully, shut the fuck up” but I just want the class to flow slowly

Also- I highly value respecting boundaries and my ex friend did cross one of my boundaries before so I did cuss her out on her birthday and then ghosted her but like it’s not rlly even my fault fr

Also I can get to work and be extremely serious when need be but I often procrastinate. I also really like material things. I have a fear of fatal accidents and things like getting kidnapped but I’m not a skeptical person. I also have a very playful personality with my friends. I’m also learning a foreign language and enjoy it. I also get emotional sometimes. I could see a video of a new singer living paycheck to paycheck and their video only has one like and it breaks my heart. I could see an overweight dog and my heart breaks because obesity in dogs is fatal and that poor baby wasn’t even trying to get fat. In response I get enraged with the owner/ who’s responsible. Sometimes I get mad at the person who’s also the victim because you know that artistic careers barely make anything but you chose it anyway now I’m sad for you but you brought the life upon yourself Stress- under stress I get extremely nervous however I try my best to rise to the occasion

Fear- painful / undesirable death, experiencing any traumatic event, poor quality of life

Desire- to be happy , be everyone’s favorite

1) I’m focused on defending myself more than I’m focusing on defending others but I’ll say something if I see something 🤷‍♀️

2) I value my autonomy but I will not hesitate to get other options. Following their advice tho might be a little diff

Authority- I to be in those positions. Loathe rude, stuck up, money centered , greedy, selfish authoritarians

Morals- very important. Would die on a hill for my morals. I keep an open mind to everything but my values and morals and truly do believe that they are correct

Success- in the sense of e3s I think fame, riches , etc but for me success is not living paycheck to paycheck, good social group, good career

Anger- I tend to be ready to express it but u funny way to get myself in trouble so I hold back sometimes. BIG BIG BIG EMPHASIS ON SOMETIMES

Opinions on certain things - Philosophy- very overrated. It’s glamorized thought process

Politics - the vast majority of politicians running shouldn’t be

Practicality- good to have

Intellectual- also good to have

Physically- keep yourself in shape ig 🤷‍♀️

Home and school life - Home- very tense, poverty stricken, argumentative, very chaotic

School- more relaxed, pressure on self , feeling not wanted by peers and feeling like I’m annoying

Songs I relate to - groan by daisy and the scouts, ride by Lana Del Rey, watercolor eyes by Lana Del Rey

[feral-and-chaotic]

Percy Jackson Episode 4 Thoughts!!

Right. Slightly more coherent than before.

Plot:

- Very close to the book, tho I like the lean towards making the Echidna fight more suspenseful than it is in the musical or the book.

(Even if it is a shame to cut the Chimera/Chihuahua joke I think this is a great move away from undermining the tension with comedy in the way that Marvel does.

- Love the stuff with Annabeth and the cops. Her standing up to them is both poignant with current politics and does a great job to show her bravery and how out of touch with the mortal world she is, forgetting she's 12 because she's been in camp for so long.

- I'm really interested in the fact they are taking so long to set up the Grover backstory and Pan stuff. I like how much weight they are giving it.

- also congrats kids. You blew up a bus AND a train AND the gateway arch. I couldn't be prouder.

-also, (I may be wrong and correct me if I am) but I believe they changed Echidna's motivation from trying to push Percy to test his powers, to avenging some super pissed off gods. And I think that it tightens the story by doing so. It makes the gods unlikable and you can really stand and empathize with [Book spoiler] Luke's motivations.

Characterisations:

Grover:

Man are they going off with Grover. Similarly to being, cutting some of his comedy for meaningful moments is fantastic.

You really feel a depth to him which was maybe lacked in the musical and books. I adore how they are weaving in his bravery and levelhead too, it feels a tad more mature than with Percy and Annabeth and that makes absolute sense. He's done this before and boy can you feel how scared of messing up he is.

Also also. I adore how the writers have established a relationship between Grover and Annabeth as well as Grover and Percy. The books could never really elaborate on that because we have Percy's POV and so he'd miss that in places. But the show is doing great with my boi Grover!

Additionally, as an environmentalist myself, I'm happy they are weaving that in a way that feels organic. Great writing and acting choices all around especially with Aryan Simhadri who is killing it.

Annabeth:

Man does this episode sink it's teeth into her characterisation. I love how we are getting a thorough elaboration on her feelings to the Gods and Athena. And Oh boi is she the opposite to Luke. She craves her mother's admiration and... She's not seeing it. It's a great choice because it highlights how hands off the gods are and that the system NEEDS to change.

I also like how they tied that desperation for validation into her hubris. It's still pride her. But it's pride in her mother. And man, the pride with her plan feeding into her being self sacrificial reminds you so hard that they are all just kids.

Also, where would I be if I didn't mention how good the moments with Percy are. Him teasing her and getting a genuine laugh was beautiful. I love the chemistry for all of these actors.

Percy:

I love this idiot. He's so angry and scared and also funny. God, I love the nuance being brought to him. I love the genuine fear that he has facing the Chimera and being arrested by the cops. I also love how Walker Scobell sells the anger at the gods for implicating his friends in his actions to send Medusa's head. Great stuff.

Additionally, I love the moment on the bridge, this idiot (smart but brash) pulling a self sacrifice on the bridge feeds so well into his undying loyalty to a fault. Willing to trick his friends into letting him die, to save them is a very Percy thing. I also enjoy how they haven't made Percy stupid, whilst keeping Annabeth still more strategic than him, by having him basically just steal her plan.

Also the soft stuff in this episode fucking ruled. The train car joking, him cheering Annabeth up with a stupid voice. The little asides.

Overall, god I love these dumb kids. And this show has made me start rereading the books!!!! Am I hyperfixating again??! Never!!!

.

.

. Yes I am.