#the books came out yoinks ago

[feral-and-chaotic]

Percy Jackson Episode 4 Thoughts!!

Right. Slightly more coherent than before.

Plot:

- Very close to the book, tho I like the lean towards making the Echidna fight more suspenseful than it is in the musical or the book.

(Even if it is a shame to cut the Chimera/Chihuahua joke I think this is a great move away from undermining the tension with comedy in the way that Marvel does.

- Love the stuff with Annabeth and the cops. Her standing up to them is both poignant with current politics and does a great job to show her bravery and how out of touch with the mortal world she is, forgetting she's 12 because she's been in camp for so long.

- I'm really interested in the fact they are taking so long to set up the Grover backstory and Pan stuff. I like how much weight they are giving it.

- also congrats kids. You blew up a bus AND a train AND the gateway arch. I couldn't be prouder.

-also, (I may be wrong and correct me if I am) but I believe they changed Echidna's motivation from trying to push Percy to test his powers, to avenging some super pissed off gods. And I think that it tightens the story by doing so. It makes the gods unlikable and you can really stand and empathize with [Book spoiler] Luke's motivations.

Characterisations:

Grover:

Man are they going off with Grover. Similarly to being, cutting some of his comedy for meaningful moments is fantastic.

You really feel a depth to him which was maybe lacked in the musical and books. I adore how they are weaving in his bravery and levelhead too, it feels a tad more mature than with Percy and Annabeth and that makes absolute sense. He's done this before and boy can you feel how scared of messing up he is.

Also also. I adore how the writers have established a relationship between Grover and Annabeth as well as Grover and Percy. The books could never really elaborate on that because we have Percy's POV and so he'd miss that in places. But the show is doing great with my boi Grover!

Additionally, as an environmentalist myself, I'm happy they are weaving that in a way that feels organic. Great writing and acting choices all around especially with Aryan Simhadri who is killing it.

Annabeth:

Man does this episode sink it's teeth into her characterisation. I love how we are getting a thorough elaboration on her feelings to the Gods and Athena. And Oh boi is she the opposite to Luke. She craves her mother's admiration and... She's not seeing it. It's a great choice because it highlights how hands off the gods are and that the system NEEDS to change.

I also like how they tied that desperation for validation into her hubris. It's still pride her. But it's pride in her mother. And man, the pride with her plan feeding into her being self sacrificial reminds you so hard that they are all just kids.

Also, where would I be if I didn't mention how good the moments with Percy are. Him teasing her and getting a genuine laugh was beautiful. I love the chemistry for all of these actors.

Percy:

I love this idiot. He's so angry and scared and also funny. God, I love the nuance being brought to him. I love the genuine fear that he has facing the Chimera and being arrested by the cops. I also love how Walker Scobell sells the anger at the gods for implicating his friends in his actions to send Medusa's head. Great stuff.

Additionally, I love the moment on the bridge, this idiot (smart but brash) pulling a self sacrifice on the bridge feeds so well into his undying loyalty to a fault. Willing to trick his friends into letting him die, to save them is a very Percy thing. I also enjoy how they haven't made Percy stupid, whilst keeping Annabeth still more strategic than him, by having him basically just steal her plan.

Also the soft stuff in this episode fucking ruled. The train car joking, him cheering Annabeth up with a stupid voice. The little asides.

Overall, god I love these dumb kids. And this show has made me start rereading the books!!!! Am I hyperfixating again??! Never!!!

.

.

. Yes I am.

[obsessivevoidkitten]

Ghosted

Male Jock Yandere Ghost x Gender Neutral Nerd Ghost Reader

CW: Reader death, ghosts, spirit world, manipulative yandere, stalking, general yandere behavior, consensual sex

Word Count: 801

(Trying to get back into the habit of writing, this is the result, hope you like it! I consider a demented ghost as still being a monster and therefore still teratophilia.)

You had died in college. One moment, you were being your nerdy self, rummaging through your binder, and the next, you were on the ground. You didn't really remember much, all very fuzzy. Was it a stroke? A brain aneurysm? You had no idea.

Once you were brain dead, though, you stepped from your body and appeared on the ghostly plane. A fog filled realm that somewhat mirrored the world of the living. Though spirits could make alterations, there were spaces untouched by the activities of the still living. 

There were a lot of ghosts. Many of them wandered aimlessly or were stuck in a loop of denial, acting out behaviors as if they were still alive. Others lashed aggressively, unable to regain their grip on their sanity. 

You mostly kept to yourself. Like Jonesy taught you. He was a former jock about your age when he died in the late 80s. He still wore his letterman jacket. You weren't limited to the clothes you died in, but you figured it was a symbol of how he was still attached to his old life.

Jonesy had taught you a lot of things. He had pretty much been your mentor since you had died. He was there waiting when you passed. He said he had sensed someone might die as he was wandering the halls of the college, where he had also died years ago. 

Jonesy said he was stuck in a loop. Being alone had made him lose his mental stability. But when he sensed you were about to die, it snapped him out of it. He said you saved him, so he wanted to get to know you and help you navigate the land of the dead. 

Plus, being together would help prevent the two of you from getting mentally frail. 

It was a bit of a paradox. Jonesy taught you to avoid most spirits, but communication and relationships were essential to staying sane. 

"You just have to know the right types to befriend. Many of the people here have a darkness in them and can drag you down if you're not careful."

He also told you the other secret to remaining stable. 

"You have to keep busy, do stuff. Don't get too bored."

There was a surprising amount you could do as a ghost. You could go to stores and yoink whatever you wanted, eat whatever you wanted, play video games, there was even a ghost version of the internet! 

Getting infinite free popcorn at the movies was your favorite thing. Jonesy always did that lame pretend yawn thing that ended with his arm wrapped around you. It was nice, though. Made you feel safe. You had been touch starved in life.

The transition to him being your boyfriend was so seemless and natural that you barely noticed that it had happened. You had never stopped any of his advances. Cuddling you, holding you, and smooching your cheek.

You didn't even question it when chaste kisses led to him kissing you hungrily before carefully taking off your clothing, like he was removing the wrapping from something delicate. 

Soon you found yourself laying ass up on his bed with him pounding into you, drinking in all your lusty moans and unabashed calling of his name.

He gripped your hips firmly as he came deeply into you; the pleasure made you see stars. His girthy cock stretched you wonderfully. You felt so lucky and special that this jock spirit had taken an interest in you, a lowly nerd.

Jonesy felt lucky too. He hadn't been in a loop. For a year before your death, he had been haunting you, It was difficult to peek into the living world, but once he found you, he was addicted. 

He loved watching you read books, study, and watch anime. He especially loved watching you shower, fervently jerking hinself off as he did so. 

It wasn't enough though. He needed to have you with him! You had been so perfect for him. You were kindred souls in a way. You were always alone and starved for attention. You'd fall for his affections easily, and you wouldn't just crossover beyond the purgatory the two of you were now in, you were too depressed for that.

Influencing people who were still alive was nearly impossible, but decades of being alone had made Jonesy angry and bitter. He used those emotions as fuel and tried many times to trip you down the stairs or get you to stroll into traffic absentmindedly. Finally, the jock was successful in busting something in your head.

At long last, you were with him. As he held you tightly, after making love several more times, he knew he'd be able to keep you there forever and he'd never have to be alone again. 

[eunnieboo]

IYHM ask replies! (1/3)

🌸 @daniluvz asked:

I am so happy, I got your book and I am excited it's finally next in my to be read pile!!!!!! I know this is way to soon to ask but will you be making another book? (I had to ask, I know you literally just came out with this one not to long ago, but I love your art and it has inspired me to continue my journey in art and graphic novel) sending all the love and well wishes❣️❣️❣️

wahhh thank you so much!!!! oh my gosh, while it's not a sequel, i AM making another book! i feel like i'm the type to keep big projects close to my chest until the moment i can reveal it to the world, but i have to confess i'm very excited about this one... AH i can't wait!

wishing you well too, i'm so excited for your journey omg!!! sending you all the luck and love in the world!!!!! 💖💖💖

🌸 @perseusrising asked:

my girlfriend and i read your book together! it was absolutely spectacular! thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful story

oh it makes me so happy when i hear about people reading it together!! especially couples! what a wonderful experience to share. thank you <3

🌸 @ggwweenn1 asked:

I work at a library and read "If you'll have me" because I saw it in our new book delivery and thought "oh hey I know them from Tumblr" and then immediately was like "ok ok where can I display this prominently so every 16 year old girl can read it!?!?!" xoxo

AHH i only want the best for everyone who works at libraries!! thank you for all your hard work!!! 😤 also OMG YES... i wish that every girl who needs this book may find it... tysm! xoxo!!

🌸 @elihoneybee asked:

my girlfriend got me iyhm for christmas im so happy thank you for this beautiful book

oh thank you so much!! ;_; i'm always so touched when i hear it's been given as a gift. i think books are such good presents! and giving them is such a sweet gesture <3

🌸 @mythicalphoenix14 asked:

I recently read your book and wanted to tell you how incredible the art was and the story.

oh my gosh. that means so much! thank you forever ♥

🌸 @animaestr0 asked:

me and my friends went to the bookstore a couple montsb back and i SAW "IF YOU'LL HAVE ME" on the shelf and i straight up screamed and yoinked it because I was late to the iyhm preorder chain and couldn't find it anywhere for a while BUT!!!! I HAVE IT NOWW WOOOOOOOOO

OMG YAYYYYYYY i'm so happy to hear that!!! YIPPEEEEE 💕💕 honestly i should've reblogged the preorder link more but i'm so slow to act and afraid of being annoying 😩 i wanna try harder next time!!

🌸 Anonymous asked:

I saw your sneak peak scene on twitter and i just fell in love with your artstyle in a heartbeat, the colors, your way of setting the scene and i just wanted to tell ya i ordered if you'll have me! ps: i'm from germany! :)

you are so wonderfully sweet oh my gosh! ;0; thank you so much for your kind words!! may it get to you safely~

🌸 Anonymous asked:

i saw iyhm in a store today! i'm in australia so i was going to buy it online but i was so moved seeing irl :') it's on my bookshelf. congrats on getting published, i'm so excited to read it!

oh my goodness, thank you! SAME every time i see it in a store, my heart skips a beat 💓 i feel very grateful to have physical copies out in the world, especially with the state of digital media preservation today... thank you again!!

🌸 @unfortunatelyem asked:

read the iyhm graphic novel in one sitting and almost cried!!! thank you for the food🙏

wahhh thank you so much for reading and enjoying!!!!

🌸 @dancingcoder28 asked:

Just wanted to tell you that I saw your book in my local library! I am so happy and excited to see it because it’s such a good book, and definitely deserves to be put out there 💜💜💜💜

AHHH yessss we love libraries!! omggg thank you so much for this lovely message, that means the world 💛💛💛💛

🌸 Anonymous asked:

HI HELLO i just wanted to let you know that my friends and i went to the big barnes and nobles in NYC recently and i recognized If You'll Have Me on display and ofc i HAD to have it so I picked it up right away and absolutely adored every page of it and thank you sososo much for giving us such a lovely story <33 it made me smile so much !!!!!!!

OMG THANK YOU AHHH!!!!! oh i wanted so much for it to make someone smile!!! T_T my dreams are coming true... i hope it felt like a warm hug <3 <3

🌸 @cosmonautchan asked:

SAW YOUR BOOK AT MY LOCAL WATERSTONES!!! IT'S SUPER COOL!!!

THANK YOU AHHH HOW WONDERFUL!!! i would love to visit a waterstones someday!!

🌸 Anonymous asked:

Hiii I'm in the middle of reading IYHM (digital version cuz I don't trust my local post office sorry 😔) and it makes me feel so uwu. I'm happy to see wlw works out there (I've read mostly mlm so far). Momo is so relatable it almost hurts, I too overthink absolutely everything. Congratulations on the release!!! Here's to many more! 🎉 🥂

totally understand omg rip 😔🙏 but yayyyy i'm so thrilled! the overthinking is so real for me too. also uwu is EXACTLY the feeling i wanted to capture 😂 the uwus and the doki dokis... i wish i had even more time to show the girls being cute and fluffy with each other! maybe next time hehe. thank you so much!!!

🌸 @hyper0bject asked:

heyyy i just got a copy of IYHM in! excited to read it, been following the mini comics for a bit now and pulled the trigger on it a couple days ago :) even just looking it over it looks super quality, print and heft! thanks!

ahh i'm so happy to hear that! thank you so much!! i'm still so pleased with how the physical copies turned out. i like paperbacks because of how they feel to hold, but i was amazed to find out the hardback has the art printed right onto the cover! i totally wasn't expecting it. ty again! :>

🌸 Anonymous asked:

I just wanted to let you know I remember seeing art of momo and PG when I was in seventh grade (the "you're the cute one" art) and today I saw them on the cover of a book at my library and I almost couldn't believe it!!! I finished it within that same afternoon, and I gotta say I'm so happy you were able to publish these girls. I love them to bits. keep up the amazing work!!!

omg it's been so long since i drew that!! it's amazing that you remembered them and that they came back to you like this!!! thank you so much aw... this is so incredibly sweet... i wish i had more words to say thank you <33

🌸 @lemonbaristas asked:

Happy book birthday!!! 🎉

thank you so much!!! 🥺💕

part 2 is on its way~

[bimobuddy]

Cut the Cat-itude

sfw Hazbin TK fic

Lee!Husk, Ler!Alastor

CW: feet, kinda? It's more 'bean' related since they're paws

Summary: Husk is grumpy and doesn't think Alastor's jokes are funny, but the Radio Demon is determined to get a chuckle out of him.

Husk groaned and let his head thump against the bar counter. Alastor must have been in some sort of mood that day, he hadn't stopped telling awful jokes all morning. First most people were laughing with him, then it was just Charlie and Nifty, and now even Charlie was trying to excuse herself because "Oh you know, Hotel Stuff, ahaha.."

Husk looked over at Nifty who was still giggling away at everything the boss said, but then again he didn't know what went on her feral little head. He reached for his drink again only to have it yoinked away by a familiar looking shadow.

"Hey!" He sat up, reaching for it back, but Alastor's shadow just grinned and stretched upward, holding it out of reach. Husk grumbled. He knew this game. "I ain't flyin' for you, give it back." The shadow wiggled it over his head, taunting.

"Alastor, put this damn thing on a leash. Only you would somehow manage to lose control over your own shadow." He muttered the last part.

"Oh Husker, I didn't 'lose control' over him, he's free range." The host grinned, looking at Husk a bit longer than usual. Husk didn't know why he was staring at him until it suddenly clicked and he sighed. "Was that supposed to be another joke? Al, that wasn't even a real joke."

"Oh you're right, that was a total cat-astrophe!" A laugh track played off his cane, followed by Nifty who enjoyed the joke a little too much, "Ahahahahaha! Becahause he's a cahat!" She laughed. Husk folded his ears back and groaned.

"Oh relax, old friend, I'm just kitten around!" He grinned at Husk, who frowned in response. Alastor strutted up to the bar and leaned against it. The Shadow disappeared, taking the bottle with him, only making Husk grumpier.

"Clearly those weren't funny enough for you.. maybe I ought to put my thinking-cat on and come up with some more!" He let out a laugh, followed by the classic laugh track again. "Or maybe you just don't have a sense of humor. I mean just look at darling little Nifty, she's hiss-terical!" Of course this was followed up by Nifty losing her absolute mind.

Husk only sighed and rolled his eyes. "You done yet?"

"Not yet. What's a cat's favorite book? The Great Cats-by! Oh, why did the cats ask for a piano? To make mew-sic, of course!" He laughed and looked back at Husk, who somehow looked even grumpier than he did five minutes ago.

Well this wouldnt do.

"Why don't you cut the cat-itude, dear friend?" He snapped his fingers and two shadowy tentacles rose up from the floor behind Husk. Before he could react, the wrapped around his upper arms, hoisting him up about a foot off the floor, and proceeded to wiggle the tips into his underarms.

Husk had started to kick, biting his lip, cheeks puffed out, as he didn't want to give Alastor the reaction he wanted. The Radio Demon didn't seem to mind though.

"What's a cat's favorite cereal? Mice Crispies!" The tentacles wiggled down his ribcage, starting to get little huffs and muffled noises.

"If cats taught schools, what do you think they'd be called? Purr-fessors!" The tentacles traced and wiggled down his sides, causing him to hold his breath, his face and ears going red from how hard he was fighting back his laughter.

"What do you call a cat that likes to bowl? An alley cat!" Finally the tentacles found their way to his tummy and he couldn't take it anymore. Husk tossed his head back and laughed, reflexively flapping his wings to try an get away, much to the delight of the Shadow, which had been trying to make him fly earlier.

"Ahahahahahaha! Ahahalast- Alastohor!" He tried to growl to cancel out the laughter but it came out as more of a panicked, choked giggle.

"See, I knew you'd come around!" Alastor said cheerfully. "Now, why dont cats shop online? They prefer cat-alogues!" Husk's laughter kicked up a notch when one of the tentacles started to wiggle into his lower belly, where there was a bit more pudge. His tail whipped around trying to smack it away but it was no use.

Husk suddenly made the mistake of trying to kick out at Alastor, across the counter. A third tendril rose up and caught his ankle before he made contact, as Alastor leaned back just a bit. He stepped to the side a little to make eye contact. "Now, Husker, is that any way to thank someone who's only trying to make you smile?" He chuckled.

The third tendril started to wiggle into the heart shaped pad at the bottom of his paw. Husk, a little startled, let out a high pitched, squeaky giggle that did not sound like himself at all.

Even Alastor was caught off guard enough for the tendrils to disappear and let him go, letting him drop with a soft thud. Husk groaned as he hit the floor and panted. "Damn you, Alastor.." He grumbled, sitting up.

"Too late, we're already in Hell!" Alastor laughed. Husk chuckled a little then quickly stopped himself. But of course the radio host heard it. "Oh? Did I finally get a genuine laugh out of you?" He asked, leaning on his can to be eye level with the bartender.

Husk sighed, folding his ears down. "Shut up... I gotta get back to work." He muttered, starting to wipe down the counter.

As Alastor turned to walk away, Husk called out again. "Slapstick Comedy. Just for future reference, so you don't have to tickle me next time, I tend to like Slapstick Comedy."

------

Author Note

Aahhhhh I couldn't figure out how to end this naturally I'm sorrryyyy!!!

Though I do already have another idea for a Lee!Husk fic that I'm gonna start writing immediately after posting this one, so I MIGHT post it tonight, but it might wait until tomorrow, we'll see :)

[cluescorner]

Randomized Robins, names and character work

I figured out what I want everybody's superhero name to be and wrote out their explanations for why they chose their names to try to figure out how I want to write them going forward.

Steph (Spoiler, then Clue): I named myself Spoiler because I was going out to Spoil all my dad’s plans! And now I’ve named myself Clue, because after my father’s death I want the chance to turn his name into something good. Plus I’ve changed my goals for why I’m doing this whole vigilante thing. Instead of being someone who ‘spoils’ the plans of villains, I want to help people and show them the true way the world can be. It’s not enough to just stop the bad guys anymore, I want to protect people who can’t protect themselves or just need a push in the right direction.

Tim (Spoiler, then Paradox): After I was brought back, everything about me felt wrong. I was Tim, yet I had another ‘self’ crudely shoved in me…literally. I was supposed to be dead, yet I was alive. I was supposed to be a ‘good guy’, yet all I could feel was an onslaught of awful emotions (not to mention that I broke Bruce’s rule, I’m a murderer now). I was supposed to be Jack’s kid, yet whenever I pictured ‘dad’ two people who weren’t him came to mind. I was Bruce’s son and Steph’s boyfriend and Cass’s friend, yet they left me with him for so long…and I suppose I betrayed them back. I had friends who could literally hear my goddamn heartbeat and protect me from bullets and race to me from across the world, yet when I screamed until my voice was raw begging for them to help or free me from that hell or to kill me and get it over with they never showed up. *Sigh* So yeah, I was basically a walking contradiction. But Pierrot and I needed to agree. And he thought ‘contra’ was both too basic and that nobody would get it. So we compromised and now we’re Paradox. 

Pierrot (He’s just Pierrot): Ok, so I got to name MYSELF! Which is AWESOME but also a lot of pressure. I mean, I started existing 2 weeks ago and now Ra’s was asking me for a name?! Like, I just spawned, can I have a bit longer before I have to make a lifelong commitment? But he was an efficient man and wanted to initiate Tim and I into the League and he couldn’t do that if I didn’t have a name. I had 3 hours. So, I went to Talia. She had just had a kid and she named him, maybe she could name me! She wouldn’t do that, but she did give me a baby book. It was useless and I hated all of those names. I was down to the last hour when Tim suggested that I just take his middle name, which is JACKSON! And I thought, “Like I’m gonna name myself after his dad!” But then it got me thinking…what if I name myself after my dad?! The Joker TECHNICALLY wasn’t my dad, but he did make the chip and the chip made me! So I had it! I would name myself ‘Jack’ and trick Tim into thinking I did it based on his advice! The perfect plan. 

….Then once we left the league I decided that I hate my dad and also his name. So I changed my name to Pierrot. It fits into my whole ‘tragic clown’ bit and I like how it has the name first letter and amount of syllables that our ‘vigilante’ name has. Plus it makes me sound sophisticated!

…….Ok fine I also like Hatsune Miku and she had a song about a puppet clown named Pierrot and I went ‘hey I like this song! yoink’. Plus there’s also another Vocaloid song about a kid named Pierrot who kills people at the behest of their parental figure and like…hello?? That’s literally our whole thing. I thought that it would be a fun if I could use that as a reason to code Vocaloid sound-banks into the mask so I could sound like Miku whenever I felt like it. Tim is still vetoing that idea. But I think the idea of getting chased by Batsy and singing ’The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku’ while he overanalyzes the lyrics of what we’re singing and guilts himself even more would be SUPER FUNNY. It’d probably mess him up for WEEKS! I mean, we have the voice modulator and it can speed our voice up, why not use it for something besides sending coded messages to Bart! 

Dick (Spoiler, then Twist): I really don’t think that Bruce wanted any more kids. It’d been a few years since Tim died and everybody could tell that Bruce Wayne was a mess afterwards. The only times he really went out were for official appearances and to go places with Cass. He hadn’t made any new friends or even kept up with his old ones, everybody thought that any chance he had at moving on was caput. So when he adopted me after my parents died, I think even he was surprised. And I just kept surprising people, first by finding out about Batman and then by becoming Spoiler and then by being really good at it! So I guess my name kinda reflects that. It’s a way to remember my parents too. Some of my best memories of them were of us flying in the sky and having fun, twisting up and around in the air. 

Damian (Spoiler, then Hoax): When I first arrived, everybody figured that I was some ploy my grandfather had dragged my mother into. In reality she was trying to get me away from the mess that was the league, but they were all paranoid enough to run plenty of tests. To the surprise of everyone except me, and Paradox perhaps, I was as real as they come. But this did not mean they trusted me. In their defense, I probably would not have trusted me either. Mother had hidden a lot from Father, for good reasons but these were still betrayals, and everybody was already on edge after Timothy’s return. The mantle of Spoiler was withheld from me until I stole the costume and went out on my own. But everybody could tell I wasn’t quite like the other Spoilers, I was too good for a kid just starting out and far more brutal than any Spoiler ought to be. Thus, I was dubbed the ‘fake Spoiler’ until Father finally let me join him officially. My name spawned from these memories and the emotions that came along with them. And after Dr. Thompkins helped me with my ‘death’, it only became more relevant.  

Jason (He’s Spoiler! So what does the name Spoiler mean to him?): Steph picked a really funny name in retrospect. I mean, the phrase ‘No Spoilers’ took on a whole new meaning in Crime Alley after she started showing up! I’d be asking people not to tell me the endings of books and they’d think I was doing some funny business that I didn’t want the capes showing up to. We got more used to Spoiler over time and most of us kids actually started liking her. It was probably because she seemed…like us. She was a normal person, not some looming rich jerk like Batman. She could relate to us when we talked about our parents and gave us advice that came from experience, not a guy repeating the same canned advice we could find on the internet. Our feelings about the Spoilers changed depending on who had the mantle, but we always trusted Spoiler to help us out without also ruining our lives. They were kids and they understood us. So…I guess to me Spoiler is someone who understands people when Batman can’t. They’re a symbol that we can all make a difference in somebody’s life, we don’t have to be some meta-human or really rich to do what we can to help each other. …I really hope that I can live up to that.

[alpydk]

Writing Interview Tag Game!

You said it was open tag @dr-demi-bee so yoink!

When did you start writing?

I've always written since I was a kid. I remember writing a self insert Jonny Quest fic of about 100 words when I was really young. Couldn't tell you what happened it in but I know I kept it hidden because there was kissing involved.

Then I remember being about 11 and writing a fic of a girl who lived with her two step parents (Guess whose parents hadn't got divorced by that point so they didn't understand how that worked). There was so much angst and TV soap drama I got asked if everything was okay at home. But serious writing wasn't under Feb this year with the BG3 obsession. I don't have a fancy literature degree; I don't have analysis skills of Shakespeare and other fancy authors. I'm just a muppet with a keyboard.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I love reading sci-fi, especially if its dystopian, Children of Men is one of my favourite books, as are a lot of works by Philip K. Dick, but I've never tried writing sci-fi before and don't really plan to. I also enjoy reading some smut (within reason) but really dislike writing it. I will happily give you a nondescript non/con fic over an explicit love fucking. I've done it, you've all seen it and some even liked it, but my smut writing days are very much on hold right now.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I've never been compared to anyone else. Do we normally get compared, is that a thing? I'm curious who I would be compared to now... As for emulation, I don't really want to. My writing is my own, and it conveys who I am as a person. If I were emulating someone else, would I not just be a cheap copy of them? (Possibly I'm seeing emulation in the wrong terms, blame the illiteracy)

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

This is it currently. Basic I know, but I'm not one for clutter on my desk otherwise I get distracted easily. I share the room with my kid who has her PC next to me, normally playing Minecraft or nattering away, so I get pulled away plenty. The troll has been with me since 2005 and sat on my desk in various offices across the UK and Ireland, now helping me to write with its words of wisdom. (It doesn't really but maybe I can claim it's a beta reader or something.)

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Spite! Yes, I know this sounds insane and petty and all the other negative words but fucking hell is spite one hell of a muse. One of my fics I wrote very long ago was based of a fanfic I read that just got under my skin. The subject had been taken and turned into this fluffy, romance thing and I was so fucking bitter and annoyed at how little the person had clearly researched into the topic. I went and wrote my fic including the reality of it all and it felt so cathartic to do so. (This is not the way to write fics, I'm just a terrible person) Otherwise, walking, daydreaming, regular tropes you like. Browsing the tags on Ao3 and seeing what strikes your fancy. That's where the hate sex fic came from.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Control is a big theme that I find creeps in. Whether it be Gale and smut and his self control, or the non/con fics that seem to slip in. Then there is Nana and her past, and the PPD fic, and of course the S/H fic. Yeah control is the big one. Does it surpise me? Not Really. Control is a topic I've tried to explain many a time to a therapist only to be misunderstood so I think I use my writing a lot to get my thoughts on it out into the open.

What is your reason for writing?

More productive daydreaming. If I could lie in a room all day or walk around in a daydream I would, but unfortunatly the world seems to be insisting that I embrace reality, and so writing is the compromise. I also genuinely do enjoy it but could not explain to you why.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Motivating? I'm not sure... I like comments, I like validation like anyone else but they fill that void, they don't necessarily motivate me. When I finished my bachelor paper we had to do an oral exam to back it up, and the exam censor was a professor of literature. Her feedback to my writing was that it was easy to understand and a pleasure to read. That comment stuck with me and has definitely motivated me to stick with my style. I don't like gatekeeping behind faux intellect. So possibly that comment?

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I AM A GOD! I don't know really. I guess just being thought about in general is enough. I've always been sort of out of sight, out of mind in life. Like Gale, I've always believed myself to be very much 'if I'm not needed then I'm not wanted' - So just being remembered is enough. (Gods, that sounds so fucking sad now that I think about it.)

Under the surface, I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Hopefully it's just ease of understanding. Like I know we all want these literary masterpieces that will change the world or provide some sort of beauty that bring people to tears, but I just want to tell stories and make people feel stuff other than confusion. And I like to think I manage that. So yeah, that's my strength.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Hmmm.... I am my own worst critic in every single aspect of my life. It will never been good enough (see how I've got Gale's angst down so well???). I like my writing, I like flow and repetition. I like how it covers topics I want to read about and isn't just being produced to be produced like I've seen some bigger writers do (they're not on Tumblr, don't worry before you all start wondering 'is it me?'.) And I like how it's not all the same stuff. I have quite a lot of variety of varying standards. Some I really like, others I sigh at and wonder how I'd do them differently.

---- Anyway, do I tag this for others or open tag it again. I just like talking and am trying to distract myself from the inevitable chapter I need to write today.

[charlesjosephwrites]

Find the Words Tag

Thanks for the tag, @ahordeofwasps!

I'll tag @dontjudgemeimawriter, @at-thezenith, @winterandwords, and anyone else who sees this and wants to play along with the words rough, big, nervous, and tired. As always, no pressure, though!

My words were falter, flew, fall, and fend. Here's what I found from my wip The Magician and Ms. Psychic!

Falter

“Magician.” Hermes' voice was devoid of his usual cheerful tone. “You’ve got a lot of nerve showing your face around here.” “I… I know.” I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.” “Oh you’re sorry?” His voice came out about twice as loud as it had been a moment ago. “Maybe you should have thought of that before—” “You can yell at me for fucking everything up later,” I interrupted. “There are more important things to deal with right now. Like…” My voice faltered as I spared a glance towards our little gaggle of onlookers. I shouldn’t be talking about these things in front of so many witnesses without even being sure that none of them were him.

Flew

Ms. Psychic did something I hadn’t counted on. She fell straight forward with enough force to make me completely lose my grip on her. I flew forwards several feet to thunk my head directly into a solid wall. Pain radiated through my skull. Dark spots danced through my vision. The fluorescent lights overhead seemed about twice as bright as they had been before. I groaned and covered my face with my hands. For a moment, I just laid there, doing my best to think about anything other than the fact that my skull felt like it was about to explode into a million pieces. “Are you okay?” Ms. Psychic spoke in an infuriatingly soft tone. “Of course I’m not okay!” My voice squeaked involuntarily “You just tried to crack my skull open like a fucking coconut.”

Fall

“Am I distracting you?” “Maybe a little,” Claire admitted. “Good.” I crossed my arms. “You work too damn hard all the time.” “I have to. If I don’t I might fall behind, and then…” Her voice cracked, and she slumped down a little in her seat. “I just… I have to.” “If you overwork yourself, you’re gonna get burnt out and then you’re definitely not getting shit done." “I’ll be fine.” She cast her attention back down towards her book like she expected that to be the end of the conversation. Unfortunately for her, I’m too much of a stubborn bitch to let that slide. I leaned over the back of the chair to drape my arms over her shoulders. “It's getting really late.” "I know." Claire sighed. “But I have a test next week, and—” "So?" I interrupted. "You'll have plenty of time to study before then." “I can’t just put it off.” “Yes you can. Come cuddle me.” “I’m sorry, but— hey.” Claire cut herself off mid-sentence as I yoinked her glasses right off of her face. “Give those back.” I took a step back, holding her glasses up high over my head. “Not until you put that book away.”

Fend

“Is this where the people who work here are hiding?” I asked, gesturing vaguely towards the corner that he seemed so desperate to defend. Hermes didn’t respond, though I was pretty sure his stubbornly stoic expression was a yes. I tried to peak over his shoulder, but Hermes shoved me away. I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists, but I suppressed the urge to take a swing at him. Hermes took a deep breath, and he inched a little closer to me. “You’re not hurting anyone on my watch.” “I don’t actually give a shit about them.” I waved one hand dismissively. “They’re just doing their job. As long as they don’t get in my way, I won’t have to use their lungs to make balloon animals.”

THE MAGICIAN AND MS. PSYCHIC TAGLIST (lemme know if you want to be added or removed!) @adaparkwrites, @andiwriteunderthemoon, @percvalx, @annoyingwritingtrash, @absolute-nonsense-scribblings, @gray-sometimes-writes, @whatevercomestomymind, @tragedyshow, @cookiecutterwrites, @poore-choice-of-words, @magic-is-something-we-create, @frvnwrites, @sirius-xm, @dontcrywrite, @wildswrites, @autie-auden-writes, @cherrybombfangirlwrites, @enchanted-lightning-aes, @lena-rambles, @wordwizards, @another-white-hole, @oh-no-another-idea

[queen-rainy-love]

So what happened to dark choco fiance thing you set up?

Well...*smiles*

*The scene opens up with Crunchy Chip walking down the Citadel's halls with Cream Wolf right behind him. This peace only lasted for two seconds before the captain was yoinked into a room.*

Crunchy Chip: AHHHH!!!! DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD- *sees who grabbed him* M-my prince! I'm sorry for-

Dark Choco: You're fine. Just please keep your voice down.

Crunchy Chip: Sorry my prince. What's going on? Why are you hiding here?

Dark Choco: So...remember when father, King Dark Cacao, started a competition for my hand in marriage?

Crunchy Chip:...*smiles* yes...how's that going?

Dark Choco: Well...

*The scene rewinds to a few days ago when Dark Choco was in the Citadel's archive. He was reading a book when Milk came inside while holding something behind his back.*

Milk: *blushes* P-Prince D-Dark Choco. Hello!

Dark Choco: Oh, Milk. *closes the book* How can I help you?

Milk: W-well...I w-was w-wondering i-if you w-would like to...um...*pulls out the item behind his back. It's revealed to be a tray of Star Jellies.* We can have a nice lunch break.

Dark Choco: Oh...of course. *smiles* I would like that.

*Milk smiles and leads Dark Choco to a table. They sat down and Dark Choco took a piece to eat. Milk just shyly watched.*

*Meanwhile in the present*

Crunchy Chip: That doesn't sound too bad.

Dark Choco: There's more.

*Back to the flashback. Dark Choco noticed Milk being shy. Not sure why, he decides to start a conversation.*

Dark Choco: Is everything alright?

Milk: Huh!? Oh yes my prince! Everything is f-fine! Hahaha! Just thinking about...um...my village! How it has flourish since King Dark Cacao Cookie sent warriors to help build it up!

Dark Choco: I see. I would love to see it.

*Milk bashfully smiled and Dark Choco was about to say something else when someone screamed.*

???: MILK!!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!

*Both Milk and Dark Choco jumped away from each other. They turned around to see Purple Yam holding a tray of stew.*

Purple Yam: You knew I was doing this!!!!

Dark Choco: Purple Yam... it's alright. We can still enjoy the stew together.

Purple Yam: Good! *Nearly slams the tray down and sat very close to Dark Choco. Picks up a spoon and brought it up to the prince's mouth* Here! Try this!

*Before Dark Choco could say anything, a spoon was shoved inside his mouth.*

Milk: Purple Yam!

Purple Yam: Is it... *looks sideways with a blush* Is it good? I made it myself...

Dark Choco: *swallows the stew* Yes. Very good. You are a good cook.

*Purple Yam's eyes widen and his blush grew bigger.*

*Meanwhile in the present*

Crunchy Chip: Okay...A little rough...

Dark Choco: Wait...

*Back to the flashback, Purple Yam wraps his arm around Dark Choco's shoulders. Milk scooted closer to Dark Choco.*

Milk: I'm sure Prince Dark Choco would like to eat some Star Jellies.

Purple Yam: He should be eating some stew!

???: I think he needs to eat something else.

*Everyone turned their attention to Whipped Cream, who was holding a tray of a tart jampie. He smiled sweetly before walking over to the trio.*

Whipped Cream: I had hoped the prince wanted some jampie I bought from a nearby village.

Dark Choco: Oh...*smiles* of course.

*Whipped Cream smiled and gave a small piece of the jampie to Dark Choco. Even with Milk and Purple Yam giving glares at Whipped Cream, he just kept his smile.*

Whipped Cream: Well? What do you think?

Dark Choco: The Snowfall Village always knows how to make the best jampie in the kingdom.

Whipped Cream: Wonderful! *Hugs Dark Choco, his head resting against the prince's* I'm glad you enjoyed it.

*This caused Dark Choco to blush and caused Milk and Purple Yam to emit a dark aura.*

*Meanwhile in the present*

Crunchy Chip:*looks at Dark Choco*...what happened next?

Dark Choco: Caramel Arrow...

*Back to the flashback, Purple Yam, Milk, and Whipped Cream glared at each other while Dark Choco was awkwardly eating. As the glaring continued, Dark Choco noticed Caramel Arrow walking in with a tray of a kettle and five cups.*

Caramel Arrow: *mutters* Knew it. *walks over to the group.* My Prince. *everyone looks at her* I had a feeling that these three were bringing you some food, so I thought about getting your favorite tea. And I even brought everyone a cup to try it too.

Purple Yam: No way! You're only doing this to win his favor!

Caramel Arrow: Not true!

Milk: At least she wasn't the first one to interrupt someone's time with him!

Whipped Cream: Bold words from the Cookie who searched for Prince Dark Choco first!

*This led to a four-way argument between the Cookies while Dark Choco just, again, awkwardly sits there and listens to them.*

*Meanwhile back to the present*

Crunchy Chip: So...the issue is that they fought with each other too much?

Dark Choco: That...and I can't choose who to pick.

Crunchy Chip: ...Did you tell Red Velvet about this?

Dark Choco: And let him make fun of me for this? No. He's not going to know. And I don't know if he'll help me chose.

Crunchy Chip: Then...make some rules. This is a competition, right? That should stop them from going crazy.

Dark Choco: That's perfect! Thank you so much, Captain Crunchy Chip! *exits the room*

Crunchy Chip: Of course, my Prince! (I need to tell Red Velvet about this. He's going to lose it!)

[seahdalune]

school had a bit of a basement clean-out, and because i happened to be at the basement class when my teacher was cleaning it out, i got to yoink some stuff out of the place.

the basement is the tech place, where all the 'puters and servers and shit live in... it also hadn't been cleaned up since like 2 tech teacher replacements ago (which is a long time) so there was a LOT of old stuff!

like, really old. we found several laserdisk cds. also the "Python for noobs" coding book i took had several screenshots from Windows XP.

ngl, i did get a bit of a haul. look at this Asus Eee pc! according to Wikipedia, they stopped making these kinds of things around 2014, but here i am holding one in my hands! i have yet to check what model this is from, so i don't quite know how old this one is... but it came with a cd, so probably really old. (it was never used, so it's still shiny fresh with plastic all over it!)

and this... wrench? i don't know what it does, but it looks like a dinosaur so i took it anyways.

at some point, i found a charger cable, and for some reason i took it with me despite it's unconventional shape... which was a good thing, because when i got home, i tried plugging it into my (yet to be modded) portable radio and it fit perfectly! this was good because i lost the cord years ago and had no idea what model it was so i couldn't replace it.

there was a wireless keyboard uncovered at some point but unfortunately i couldn't claim dibs on it. i'll get a wireless keyboard one of these days </3

i'm really tired from clearing the basement but it was so much fun finding all sorts of stuff and being able to take them home was so cool! we found all sorts of stuff that wasn't tech too btw, like really old hall passes and detention slips (some still had writing on them), and several happy-face stickers. it was like being an archaeologist! kinda!

[goddevouringserpent]

tagged by @dujour13, thank you!!! these are always a lot of fun hehe

Last song: death follows by she who mauls, found through my Release Radar playlist. was not even aware of this artist until now but I'll be keeping an eye out for any other songs she releases

Currently watching: nothing! in-between shows—we're pondering whether to start Severance, Scavenger's Reign or maaaaybe Voyager

Three ships: UHH okay I'm gonna cheat and pull from the ones I have works in progress for lol. let's sayyyy... Kaija/Woljif, Nelvari/Julan, Yunia/Ranni (yes I've already mentioned them in a past tag game but time is fake and yuri is forever). I'll probably think of like 50 more right after I post this but fuck it we ball

Favourite colour: ourple 💜

Currently reading: been having a very hectic time, so unfortunately I haven't really been able to read anything not work-related... still trying to finish Buddha's Little Finger and Tesis sobre una domesticación—both of which I am thoroughly enjoying, so trust me, it's not for lack of wanting that I haven't made much progress. also, technically, the books I am editing for work

Currently consuming: as in eating/drinking? nothing too exciting, I'm afraid, just sipping on water cause I've gotta stay hydrated 😌 but I will say the last thing I ate (dessert) was grapes & some salt and caramel flavoured chocolate. which is really really really good

First ship: UUUUUUH. I might be wrong, but I think it was Lyra/Will, from His Dark Materials? it's the earliest ship I can remember, anyway

Place of birth: real ones know Argentina. no further details given :3

Current location: my bedroom

Relationship status: romantically? single

Last movie: uuuhhhhh it's been so long since I watched a movie, I legitimately cannot remember... come to think of it, I think it might've been Argentina, 1985, back when it first came out?? so uhh. two years ago give or take😭

Currently working on: work + like ten drawings at once + character page + RP stuff + lots of OC stuff honestly. I'm feeling the urge to write fic but I'm not sure what about yet, we'll see 🤔

open-tagging because I'm too lazy to actually tag people, lol. feel free to just yoink this or mention me/say I tagged you~!

[fallroute]

@ancientforged // new post woo

Being set down was good enough, but the book being swiped? Man, she needed a few more inches or something compared to this person who had... literally just yoinked her up like a helpless kitten a few seconds ago. But her question sparked a bit of confusion in the Herrscher.

"If I'm honest, I don't actually know. There was no name on the cover, nor on the inside. But if it came from this 'previous era', then I guess that's the answer." She honestly didn't know because it had been tucked into the weirdest spot ever. There was no name or anything, but it had the information she had needed... didn't it?

Taking the book back, she carefully put it in her bag. She'd checked it out a little bit ago, but had figured to spend some time reading it before taking it home. "Ruby, huh... I'm Esther."

So this Ruby was the 'Herrscher of Liberation'... fancy. "I don't have anything as fancy as that. Herrscher of Voidal Flame, though that sounds like I've just got void fire..." She shrugged. "I don't really know this whole Herrscher business but I'm guessing, from your earlier question to me, not all of them are 'for humanity'?"

[butch-bakugo]

Yall wanna know something bat shit about this post I made almost a week ago about how it's stupid to constantly criticize kamala for having as good an opinion as one can have in the presidential running on palestine and be absolutely fucking glowing in every other important progressive catagory?

On that post, I used three phrases in the top line, specifically ones I heard all across the political spectrum about her from many different activists, news influencers and actual hosts of progressive news outlets. One that pops out as important in this is the last phrase "why is genocide not a deal breaker for you?". I'm not here to further explain the unnecessity and lack of context that comment makes, though it was a stupid comment that was more based in performative voting instead of harm-reduction voting. You see, the person I yoinked it from and some serious allegations that reveal some stupidity behind that just... Yum, pull the bidoofs law out into the open.

You see, that comment was made by a user on TikTok named Ebony warrior who is well known for calling out racists and racist videos, who talks about racism in comic books and cosplay scenes and other nerdy stuff and the importance of progressiveness and inclusivity in those spaces. He was a very handsome and very talented black man who made amazing cosplays and advocated for cosplaying whoever you want, even if you didn't match the skin tone of the character you were being. You see, he got his initial follower jump on TikTok criticizing modern warrior and his messy situation with another popular TikTok user and I'm not gonna get into it but let's just say he cheated on a white girl and she said she lost a child close to the cheating incident then it came out that she actually just had an abortion and didn't correct people when they assumed it was a miscarriage and she's trying to call their sex life "retrospective rape" because she didn't consent to sex with multiple partners because he was cheating around (with protection) then other white women came out and initially supported her and had similar stories but they backed off when she started using a suicide threat for clicks and attention and her false accusations of rape (cause that's not how rape works-) and now its 3 yrs later and she's still grifting on TikTok for attention and cut off all her hair and changes accents and personalities from video to video and then modern warrior (a mixed native man that not wp) got with another super controversial creator whose an openly colorist lightskinned mixed w/white black woman and they both waste their days telling mixed people they are white and saying being wp means ur not a poc anymore and its a whole fucking mess.

Back to Ebony warrior, he got caught up in a racism-originating smear campaign by another user mistaking him for another person but now we know this was used as a smoke screen, this man, has fully gotten caught going after very young women, constantly cheating on his ex wife and setting up abusive "bdsm" contracts and basically trying to take away his sub's consent. People have been trying for years to get him banned from cons cause he keeps being creepy towards female cosplayers and it's a whole mess. He literally abused his ex wife and when Facebook lit him up, he ran to Instagram and rebuilt and when the evidence of his shittiness spread there he ran to TikTok and just... now here it is again! As it should be! I bring this up because he was also screaming when people criticized his misinformation and vote-discouragement that " how dare you white people tell a black person how to feel about a black candidate" like bruh... He brings up his poc card constantly to justify his nonsense. It doesn't matter what shade you are when you're shitting out of your mouth, my guy.

All in all, the reason I bring this up is because this is not the first "progressive cishet man" whose over-critizied kamala and used Palestine to avoid people telling them that no matter how important this is, kamala is risk-reduction. She's the best possible candidate for us and you need to stop listening to these almost-fucking-psyop level liberals who are telling you kamala is inherently bad or straight up lying and saying she's a cop, she doesn't want a ceasefire, etc etc. She doesn't and they are either intentionally or unintentionally but ultimately still harmfully spreading misinformation and encouraging people not to vote. Go. VOTE.

And for clarity? Kamala wants a ceasefire. The video going around with her criticizing some pro-palestine protesters at her speaking event cuts off the fact she, afterwards, simply stated she was going to continue her speech and a ceasefire was one of the first things on her mind.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Everybody Talks Too Much (Cassandra Dimitrescu/Mute!Reader)

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language, brief violence Summary: Whenever Cassandra gets angry, no one wants to deal with her. Well, no one but you, that is. Thankfully, the middle child appreciates your company... not that she'd ever admit it. Notes: Another self-indulgent fic with a selectively mute reader. This one's a lil different. Sections in italic are mostly indications that the reader is miming actions in order to communicate, though there are a few internal thoughts that are marked as such. Unlike the past two I've done, this takes place pre-relationship, so there's some mutual pining of sorts. I think that's the word.

--------------------------

Among the many servants of Castle Dimitrescu, there were a number of secret rules to be followed. Guidelines that were never written down, only spoken in hushed whispers, for specific (and dangerous) circumstances. Most could be divided into one of two categories: 1, how to reduce the chances of a Lady of the house killing someone. 2, how to make sure that if they kill someone, it will not be you. Of these rules, there was one that you knew best of all, despite never having been told it. Why? Because you have observed it time and time again. After all, the rule revolved around you. To put it plainly… If Cassandra Dimitrescu was in an awful mood, but had yet to draw blood, send in the mute.

Even now, as you rushed down a corridor, you did not know why this rule was in place. You simply knew that you had been summoned countless times by frantic maidens, to go serve their volatile mistress. Admittedly you did understand their eagerness to thrust the task upon someone else. Cassandra was often considered the deadliest of the Dimitrescu daughters, for she was the quickest to anger, the one with the deepest bloodlust, and took the longest to calm down. Personally, you disagreed, believing that it wasn’t terribly hard to know what she did and did not like. All it took was some observation. It was Daniela who scared you, seeing as she was unpredictable. She didn’t even need to be in a bad mood to want to kill you.

Of course, that didn’t necessarily mean that you saw no danger in working with Cassandra. In fact, you saw a fair bit, such as now: Right as you round the corner, a shiny object hurls past your head, embedding itself into the wall. Had you been walking ever so slightly faster… Well, you preferred not to dwell on such things, especially not when the one who threw the thing was still nearby. Based on the howling laughter and swarm of insects that moves around you, the intended target was Lady Daniela. Across the room is the markswoman herself; Cassandra stood tall, huffing in anger, staring at the spot her sister had just vacated from.

“Damn it!” She yelled, stomping her foot as if the resulting shockwave might do what her weapon had not. Oddly amused, you’re quick to remove the sickle from the wall, careful as to not damage it. It’s a tad dirty, but nothing you can’t fix with your handy pocket cloth. Cleaning as you walk, you slowly move towards your employer, not even bothering to spare her a glance. After all, you had your own rules for dealing with her.

(1: Avoid eye contact for at least one minute after an outburst.)

By the time you make it to Cassandra, the minute has come and gone, allowing you to ever-so politely look her in the eyes when you return her blade. She scoffs, then practically rips the sickle from your hands. This was your job, however, so you made no complaints. Not that you could, at least not verbally. Instead, you gave a short bow of acknowledgement. Afterwards you stood still, awaiting either instructions or a dismissal. Neither came.

“I can’t believe that little shit tried to take my favorite dagger and thought she could get away with it! Agh, the nerve of her! Can you believe this?” Cassandra snapped, turning to you as if you might agree with her. Nod, simple yet effective. “At least you know how to handle a blade. Damn Daniela is lucky she didn’t get any scratches on mine.” Then she pulls the knife in question from its place on her belt, letting it gleam in the light. A soft exhale, head tipping to the side, wow is it pretty. So is the one holding it. Your mind wanders but your gaze does not. Always polite, always ready to serve.

(2: Do not get distracted; she is no patient lover, rather a demanding boss.)

“Cassandra! What was all that noise a minute ago?” Someone called, interrupting your ‘conversation’. The speaker soon appears, being none other than Lady Bela, the most reasonable of the castle residents. Though that meant little, considering the nature of her family. As if to prove your point, Cassandra merely rolls her eyes in reply, refusing to divulge the truth. And so Bela turned her gaze to you, perking a brow. “Feeling up to talking today?” She asked, already knowing the answer. Of course, your hands are already moving, not even waiting for her to finish speaking. This is a game you know intimately.

A hand goes to your belt, moving to pull a nonexistent blade from its sheath. Raising it, moving it forward then back several times, launching it towards the wall- towards the hole left behind. Then shifting, waving your hand in front of your face while exhaling a sharp breath. Flinching. An exaggerated gulp, pretending to check if your nose is still attached, sighing in relief. Lastly, an inclination of your head towards the culprit. Cassandra.

“I was aiming for Daniela. Not that it matters, nobody got hurt,” she stated, confident. Both hands clasped together, then tapping the palms together, mimicking a heartbeat at a reasonable pace. Suddenly a stomp. The beating stops, and you hold your hands next to your ear, as if listening for signs of life. Pause. Three seconds. Worried expression, eyes wide. Finally, fast as a gunshot, the heart beats again, wildly. At this, Bela shoots her sister a look of doubt, as well as judgement. Hoping to change the subject, Cassandra looks to you. “What are you doing here anyway?”

Rubbing your chin, thinking. Squinting for effect. Ah, got it! Both hands go to your sides, lifting the imaginary hem of a dress you aren’t wearing. Waltzing forward, yet in place, with the poise expected of a professional maid. Then the focus shifts to your face. Fear. A silent scream, a hand at your forehead, feeling like you… might… faint. Falling backwards, making a step at the very last second to prevent a real collapse. End scene.

“Someone was scared?” Bela asked, sounding uncharacteristically unsure of herself. When you nod, she does as well, considering the implications. “Why would they send you?”

“I hardly care why, I just want to know who so I can kick their ass,” Cassandra interjects, taking a step closer to you. All you do in response is shrug. Unsurprisingly this is not enough to please her, and before you know it she’s wrapped a hand around your throat. “Give. Me. A. Name. Now.” A perked brow. Thoughts practically telegraphed. ‘What do you expect?’ Opening your mouth, slightly, then wide, back to almost closed. No sound comes out. Obviously. It’s not like you wanted to break your own rule, but in this case you had no choice.

(3: Give her whatever she wants, consequences be damned.)

Luckily for you, Bela acts as a foil to Cassandra, there to smooth the seas. Moving behind you, she reaches into your back pocket and retrieves the notepad you keep there. Then she’s handing it to you while making eye contact with her sister. Cassandra promptly releases you, though she’s clearly not pleased, going so far as to push you away in one last act of anger. Internally you roll your eyes. On the outside, however, you quickly write down everything you know… which isn’t much.

“I don’t remember who it was. A lot of people have asked. This happens a lot.” Then you hand the paper to Bela, who soon looks back up at you in confusion. Too antsy to wait for her own turn, Cassandra yoinks the notepad from her sister’s hands, reading it over several times before reacting.

“What the fuck? Why would they send you to me because somebody pissed their pants in fear? I’m going to kill someone. Ugh, I don’t- this doesn’t make any goddamn sense,” Cassandra ranted, pacing back and forth, looking like she wanted to destroy something immediately. To your surprise, Bela doesn’t look the slightest bit concerned. If anything, she looks amused, and smiles when the two of you make eye contact. Something tells you that she knows something that you don’t. Before you can react, she quietly retrieves your notepad and returns it to you. Then she pauses, thinking, eying you with curiosity.

“Why don’t you go for now? See if anyone thanks you for stepping in, hmm?” She suggested, tone implying that this was absolutely about something else entirely. Still, you don’t care to disobey, and so you bid the two of them farewell with a deep bow. As you leave, you can almost make out part of what they say next. But you’re certain that you must have heard incorrectly. “Showing your favoritism a little too much, sister? If even the servants can see it-” the rest of the sentence is cut off by angry muttering from Cassandra. After that you’re too far away to hear anymore. What a strange day...

--------------------------

“Hey, you know where Lady Cassandra’s room is, right?” Ygritte asked, casually, definitely not having just been told by someone else that you were the solution to her problem. Pretending that you were unaware of this, you give her a smile and a nod. Later, behind her back, you will mentally add her to your list of people to watch out for. Maybe even decide to refuse to share your biscuits with her. In the meantime, you pretend that you don’t mind whatever task she’s about to dump on you. “Can you bring these books to her? I really have to get back to the kitchen soon, and that’s in the opposite direction…”

Technically true. Something told you that the real problem was that Cassandra had been extra loud the past few days. Regardless, you accept the books from her, leaving before she even finishes thanking you. Why do people do this? I don’t get it, you think. It’s like they think I’m immune to her rage. If that were true, I’d gladly throw myself between her and others. But no, that’s not the case. Hmmph, if only they saw my scars. Shaking your head to clear your thoughts, you keep walking, subconsciously rubbing the spot on your arm where Cassandra had cut you. Well, the worst spot. Being pain tolerant had made her take interest in you, during your first few weeks, but it’s what allowed you to learn her rules. Your rules, really.

Knock. Knock. A pause… three more, much softer. The door swings open, revealing your Lady, whose eyes widen at the sight of you. Tipping your hat (which you are not wearing), you greet her, forcing another smile. Then you present the books, free hand gesturing with a spiral motion towards them. She doesn’t respond. No, wait, she glances at the door hinges, considering closing the door in your face. Now both of you are staring at each other, daring the other to move.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” she finally said. There’s a gruffness to her voice that you hadn’t expected. It’s unlike her usual tone, less angry, more tired. Were those bags under her eyes?... No, just smudged makeup. “Don’t just stand there- tell me why you’re here.” Again, you gesture to the books, extending your hands further towards her. This time she takes a half-step backwards to avoid you. Peculiar. “Someone else was supposed to bring them, dipshit. Fucking hell, why can’t anyone around here do their damn jobs?” At last, she takes the books from you, carrying them deeper into your room. Though she does not close the door, you assume that your job is done. Or maybe you simply do not wish to deal with a Cassandra who’s frustrated by your specific presence. Either way, it breaks one of your rules, though you do not remember until it is too late.

(4: Do not leave until dismissed by a member of the family.)

“Where the hell are you going?” The sound of buzzing flies, a blur of motion around you, then the form of Cassandra solidifying in front of you. One of her hands is raised, pressing against the center of your chest. She pushes you, hard, making you stumble backwards into her room. Next thing you know you’ve crashed onto her floor. A tad stunned, you bring a hand up to hold your head, blinking rapidly for a few seconds. There’s the sound of a door closing, and then someone’s trying to help you stand. “I didn’t say you could leave yet. Now c’mon, I’ve got stuff for you to do.” Then she’s guiding you to her bed, making you sit down on the end. Panicked thoughts race through your mind one after another. What exactly was she intending? Thankfully you don’t have to wait long to find out. “Read through these, and-” a pause, like she hadn’t known what she was going to say until she was already speaking- “take notes. Make a summary of the bookmarked sections, or whatever.” Handing you a couple books (neither of which being ones you had just brought to her), she sits on the other side of the bed, refusing to look at you. She does, however, say one last thing, voice barely above a whisper. “Just stay for a while, okay?”

Inside your head, you make a mental note to amend your list of rules.

(4.b: Do not leave until dismissed by a member of the family. If Cassandra asks you to stay, you stay, no matter what. It’s worth it.)

[miraculouscontent]

Man it sure is weird how you're supportive towards White Boy Felix but everything Alya does is wrong...

Okay, babe, I'll pretend you're worth an ounce of my attention to make you feel good about yourself, because clearly you need it.

Sure is weird how you say I'm "supportive" towards Felix (a character who has appeared a grand total of one time; side note, from my experience, Lila didn't get a lot of heat until her second major appearance where everyone was officially done with her) when I've not only never written for him in any capacity (whether positive or negative; I actively write for characters I enjoy) and have specifically said that I just prefer his introduction to Chloe and Lila because the episode got into why he behaves a certain way right out of the gate (instead of wasting episodes and episodes away first like they did with Chloe). It's not an excuse for his actions but it's giving backstory and explaining why he's salty with Adrien+Gabriel, meaning he has a motive.

Also weird how you leave out that I have not only criticized "White Boy" Adrien, but I have absolutely slammed that bootleg sunshine boy into the ground with how much I hate the writing around him. And before you say "oh!! but just because you criticize one white boy--" well then, the opposite could be said about me criticizing one black character, huh? Funny how that works.

Anyway, none of my current favorite canon-based Marinette ships even involve Felix. You would know that if you'd just asked me, which would've been way easier for you had you acted as if you were an innocent person who isn't trying to childishly hide behind anonymous just so you don't get any heat. You could've tried to wiggle information out of me about my current thoughts on plots/characters and then used that as a "gotcha" after you'd confirmed everything. Instead, you just look like you saw maybe one or two posts I did a year+ ago and came to whine.

Maybe next time, instead of coming to my inbox - or anyone's inbox, for that matter - to try and talk about how ""'suspicious""" something is, you actually come at me with a slew of debunks and arguments, like telling me why my evaluations of Alya are wrong instead of just saying that I think "everything Alya does" is wrong, which flat-out isn't true, as I've said before that Alya is getting worse with every season, meaning that she must've started out as some level of neutral/good with me.

This also goes to literally anyone who wants to come to someone's inbox to complain, because Alya salters get this all the time. People have every right to be upset at Alya. Some of them have been in Marinette's position, some hate that Marinette's punished while Alya isn't, and so on. Don't come in here to try to gaslight people while you wear your shades and think you're cool just because these things apparently don't affect you.

I'm certainly not saying Felix is a good person. In addition, not even talking about me specifically, but you can like an antagonist/villain without being deemed suspicious/a horrible person; it just means you like how they were portrayed.

Felix got the punch in the face that he deserved and the show actually treated his actions as wrong unlike Chat Noir (a white character, by the way, and again someone I've criticized heavily; not sure if you got the memo). He has a motive, has a backstory, has hobbies, doesn't like Adrien (that's already like +3 points in my book), tricked Gabriel and yoinked his ring like it was nothing, and he has a spine. They gave him more to work with than they gave Chloe in just one episode, so I like him as an antagonist. Never said he shouldn't have to repent for anything he's done.

[epic-summaries]

Section Alternative number 12 Which house would Perceval go?

This was longer than expected. Also bonuses for Galahad, Mordred, Gareth and Clarissant’s houses.

It was like a moment in a book. Perceval’s mother admitted that they were wizards. They came from a long line of wizards. That was so awesomely cool. He had been living in secret all his life and one summer an owl comes and drops off a letter to tell him he was accepted to a wizarding school! Like Oh My God, that was so awesome! Perceval was so excited to be shipped off to wizarding school! He didn’t even noticing that his mother kept asking him if he wanted to skip wizarding school and be a normal muggle kid. She lost her husband and three sons in the wizarding war with Voldemort. The other son died in a werewolf attack. Then other died trying to tame a dragon. Yet another son disappeared without a trace. And the last one did die in war because he was pushed into the lake and drowned by mermaids. Perceval promised his mother that he would be safe. He wasn't going to die before her.

Perceval sat in the back of the Hogwarts Express in his very own cabin. He hoped he would find tons of friends but he must have picked a terrible cabin because no one was coming to sit with him. Oh well, he had more room for himself.

He lied on the floor examining every detail of his new wand. It was pretty big and very fun to play with.

Perceval bolted up when someone opened the door. The person looked about eleven, like Perceval. He looked Middle Eastern. He had messy brown hair and long fingers clutching a very large book. His eyes were glued to that book.

The boy totally ignored Perceval and sat down.

Perceval didn’t know what to do. Should he stay on the floor examining every inch of his wand or should he say something?

Perceval looked at the door and then back at his cabin mate. Maybe he could make a new friend!

“What are you reading?” asked Perceval. He sat down beside the boy. He didn’t know the definition of personal space.

“The Bible,” said his cabin mate dryly.

Out of all the books in the world, that was the last one Perceval expected. “Cool.” Perceval jumped to the other side of the cabin. He looked out the window. He tapped his feet and swayed left to right. Okay, he was bored. He shot up and yoinked his cabin mate into a handshake. “I’m Perceval by the way, but my friends call me Percy. Well, my mom calls me Percy.” Stupid, stupid. Why did he just admit he didn’t have any friends.

His cabin mate looked at him in utter shock. Perceval never actually stopped shaking his hand. “Ummm… I’m Galahad.” It came out like he was still in shock.

“That’s a such a cool name.” Perceval beamed when saying that.

“You can stop shaking my hand now.”

“Oh I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean… well… no… okay sorry.”

Galahad went back to reading the Bible.

“Is this your first year too?”

Galahad said without looking from his book, “Yes.”

“It’s my first year.” Wait, he already admitted that. “Anyway, my mother never told me I was a wizard.” Where was Perceval going with this? He kind of lost track of his thoughts.

Perceval rambled on and on. Galahad was totally ignoring him. Eventually, they were able to buy some sweets. Perceval gave some candy to Galahad. Perceval got such a big scare when his chocolate frog jumped on his face and hopped off. He was stuck with a trading card. Gawain, Auror Extraordinaire. This was when Perceval’s bright personality finally got through to Galahad and Galahad started to talk back. Perceval sat right beside him.

“I’m going to be on one of these cards,” said Galahad through bites of his chocolate frog.

“Really for what?”

“Finding the Holy Grail.”

“That’s so cool.” Perceval whipped out his wand. He was a little too excited and the wand started to bleed from the tip. Drops of blood splattered all over the window. “Oh sorry. Ummm. My wand bleeds from the tip from time to time, it’s a weird quirk.”

“You are full of weird quirks.”

“Anyway,” Perceval ignored what might have been an insult or a compliment. It was probably more so a neutral observation. “My wand was dipped in the Holy Grail.”

Galahad’s eyes widen. “Really?” said Galahad in total seriousness. Perceval nodded vigorously. “Mine too. It just doesn’t bleed.”

Perceval’s whole face brighten. “Our wands are twinsies! I showed you mine, you show me yours. We can compare.”

Galahad showed Perceval his wand. He even let Perceval touch it!

The cabin door opened again.

A thirteen year old boy stood there in his robes. If Perceval remember what his mother told him about the Hogwarts houses, the boy was a Hufflepuff. He had a yellow and black tie and a yellow crest with a honey badger on it. Perceval thought he looked a lot like the guy on his chocolate frog card. They had the same chin, cheek bones and green eyes.

“Is anyone sitting there?”

Both boys shook their heads. Perceval gave Galahad his wand back.

The boy let in an orange tabby cat and then followed her inside. He sat at the other end of Galahad and Perceval.

“I’m Perceval and this is Galahad.” Perceval patted Galahad’s shoulder. Galahad moves Perceval’s hand away.

“I’m Gareth.”

“What brings you here?” asked Perceval.

“My brother thought I was too uncool for him and kicked me out.”

“That’s not nice,” said Perceval.

“Mordred is pretty image conscious and it’s his first day.”

“Still not nice.”

“He’ll grow out of it… I hope.”

Gareth looked down at the nonexistent crests on Perceval and Galahad’s robes. “If ever you think he’s being mean, talk to me. I’ll talk to him for you.” Galahad didn’t take any mind. Perceval nodded. “First years, I have some tips. The House Elves are hard workers and always be nice. Get a map. And Headmaster Kay is ummm... he has your best interest at heart.”

Perceval wondered what that meant. But honestly, he stopped paying attention after the words House Elves. “House Elves?”

“He was raised in the muggle world,” explained Galahad.

Gareth nodded. “Yeah, a lot of them work in the kitchen and they are very hardworking. They take a lot of pride in what they do. Sometimes they will let you help them make the food.”

Perceval took out a notebook and wrote Gareth’s tips down.

“Oh!” exclaimed Gareth. His cat, jumped off of his lap. “I thought I recognized you. You’re Lancelot’s boy!” Galahad blushed. “How is having such a brilliant father? When Gawain brought him to dinner a few nights ago I couldn’t help but stare at him. He is brilliant and so handsome and the way he speaks is brilliant.” Gareth turned to Perceval. “He’s dad is the only auror better then my brother, Gawain. Seriously, how is being HIS son?”

“Oh, he’s ummmm.” Perceval watched Galahad fumble his words. “I don’t see him very often. My mother and grandfather raised me.”

“Still, just the thought to have the same blood as The Lancelot!”

Galahad started to look melancholic. “Yeah.”

For the rest of the trip, Gareth answered all of Perceval’s questions, from the werethere really unicorns and centaurs in the forest? The answer was yes. To the if he accidentally flushed someone’s toad down the toilet was there a spell to retrieve it? The answer was that had never happened in the history of Hogwarts. To the if a unicorn found its way into the dining hall could Perceval ride it? The answer was no, much to Perceval’s disappointment. To the is there a bathroom on every floor? The answer was yes.

When they arrived at the station, Gareth helped Perceval and Galahad with their stuff. He was especially willing to help Galahad. He even pointed out his younger brother Mordred to them. Mordred was surrounded by other first years. He was going to be the popular kid.

Perceval and Galahad stayed together. Perceval was so wide eyed. Everything was so magical and there were so many people. He saw people riding on brooms. He saw people magically bringing their trucks with them. He saw someone selling potions that would turn you into a frog. Perceval may have almost bought one. Galahad saved him from that.

He saw carriages magically flying on their own. Perceval couldn’t wait to fly in that. Sadly, he and Galahad were ushered to the boats. They were boats that moved magically but they were still just boats. Perceval wanted to fly.

“Isn’t there a giant squid?” asked Perceval. Perceval felt like it may be dangerous to be in a small boat on that lake in the dark with a monster in it. “Are we going to be able to see it?” Yeah, he just wanted to see it.

“It’s too dark to see it.” Oh yeah.

Perceval still watched for the giant squid but only after he was wowed by Hogwarts Castle. Oh My God, it was happening! This was so amazing!

Galahad’s arm hurt from Perceval’s fanboying out and grabbing his arm.

Perceval’s jaw dropped again when they were shown the entrance. It was so huge! And medievalesque. And just indescribable. Perceval thought his heart was going to jump out of his chest and fly away, he was just that amazed.

Perceval’s head was jerking around looking at everything. Pictures that were alive! Like what?! How? Perceval needed learn about to do that! No way, there were ghosts. Like real life ghost. Well they had lost their lives, whatever you understand Perceval.

The first years were stopped in front of these huge closed doors by a woman. They could hear the crowd from the other side. It sounded like heaven to Perceval. He was no longer alone with just his mother. He was with people. This was going to be fantastic.

The woman in front of the door was tall and very thin. She had long light brown hair which dropped to her waist. Her eyes were same as Gareth. They must have been related.

“Students,” yelled the woman with a commanding voice. Every single person stopped talking when they heard her. Perceval didn’t know if it was magic or that was just her. “I am Professor Morgan.” Perceval thought he remember Gareth saying that was his aunt. Perceval’s senses were in overdrive and he couldn’t remember everything. “We are about to open the doors and let you in the great hall. Here, the Sorting Hat will sort you in either Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw or Slytherin. Now, do not sit down until you are sorted. I will call your name one by one and only after you are sorting, then you will sit with your new housemates. After that you will eat and we will set you up in your dormitories. Do not worry about your belongings because we will take care of them.”

The doors opened behind Professor Morgan.

Galahad’s arm started to hurt again when Perceval grabbed it. A ceiling that looked literally like the night sky. How was that possible? And look at all the students. And look at the professors. And look at just wow, everything was just wow. Perceval did squill many times that night.

Perceval saw a student fall or maybe he was pushed but that didn’t matter because the student was getting left behind. So, he turned around and helped the kid up.

“Hi, I’m Perceval.”

The kid blushed and made some hand movements. Perceval realized he was mute and speaking in sign language.

“Hi, Tom Thumb.” The student’s eyes brighten at that. “Come with me and Galahad.” Galahad waved. Perceval took Tom’s hand and helped him back up.

Professor Morgan stopped the students before the long table full of the professors. Some first year students waved at siblings. Gareth waved at Mordred from the Hufflepuff table and some girl from the Ravenclaw table did the same. Perceval thought he remembered Gareth saying he had a sister in Ravenclaw.

Professor Morgan went up to the professor table and sat on Headmaster Kay’s left. On Kay’s right was a handsome man with brown skin and one hand. Professor Bedwyr was the name Gareth told them.

Wow, Headmaster Kay looked young for a Headmaster. He was the youngest Headmaster in Hogwarts history. Also, probably the biggest. The man honestly looked like a warrior prince from the Early Middle Ages or Thor. He did not look like a Headmaster. But at last, he was. Rumour had it it was because his brother, the Minister of Magic, Arthur or as Gareth called him Uncle Artie, put him there to spy on the young new talent. Gareth assured Perceval and Galahad that was not why Kay was Headmaster and that he was actually good.

The Headmaster got up and all the other students sat down. Perceval felt like he should have been sitting down.

“Welcome!” Perceval thought he sounded like Thor too. “Now, you have made it to Hogwarts. You were worthy enough to get a letter. But don’t think that’s all you have to do. Oh no. You must work! And you must be strong. You will be rewarded and you will be disciplined when needed. I may be hard on you but that’s because you were worthy enough to get an acceptance. So, we know you are great and we want you to be your best. You are in the best fucking…” Professor Bedwyr waves and mouthed language. Headmaster Kay cough. “You are attending the best wizarding school in the world. If you don’t want to put in the work and be the very best, why are you here? Go to muggle school and don’t waste our times.” The students all looked at each other awkwardly. “Now, some rules. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden, it’s not called that for no reason. If we find you sorry lots daring each other to go in, we will punish you not because we are no fun. We don’t want to see you ripped apart by giant spiders.” Perceval blanched at that. “The Lake is not for swimming. You will be eaten by something or be drowned. We don’t want you idiots to die. Then, we have to talk to your parents and it’s a whole mess with the media. Kids, don’t be fucking idiots and die on us.” Apparently Perceval’s promise to his mother was going to be harder to keep then he thought. Professor Bedwyr mouthed language again. “Be nice to the staff, they work hard. Okay, time for the Sorting Hat, let’s see where these runts go.”

“That was unexpected,” muttered one the other first years.

“He’s cool,” muttered another first year.

“Did Headmaster Kay get hotter during the summer? Or is it just puberty talking?” muttered a student sitting at the Slytherin table.

Professor Morgan got some weird ancient looking a hat and put it on a bench.

Perceval went on his tippy toes to see the hat. He then almost fell down when it started to sing. What?! A talking hat! So cool. Perceval didn’t hear the beginning of the song. He did hear, “Listen to your Headmaster because he knows best.” And, “Are you brave and daring? Like the lion you may roar. Are you loyal and patient? Like badger you may be fierce. Are you wise and strong of wit? Like the eagle you may fly. Are you ambitious and cunning? Like the serpent you may slither.”

It was so much fun for Perceval. This world was amazing. He didn’t think he could ever get used to this.

Professor Morgan walked to the front with a scroll. “When I call out your name, come up to be sorted. Elaine Astolat.”

Names were called while Perceval waited for his own. But first Galahad’s name was announced. Everyone whispered when Galahad du Lac was named. Perceval heard the name Lancelot a lot. Wow, Galahad’s dad must have been very famous.

Galahad sat down in the seat and before the hat was on his head it yelled, “Gryffindor.” The Gryffindor door table cheered like crazy. When Galahad sat down, and right away some students started asking him about his father.

The next person who got a lot of mumbling was Mordred Lothian. Gareth wooed.

Like Galahad, the hat barely touched his head and yelled, “Slytherin.” Perceval heard someone say he must be like his mother.

Eventually, and what felt like a lifetime, he heard Professor Morgan yell, “Perceval Pefrawg.”

Perceval went up. Oh he was so nervous. All the houses sounded really cool.

Perceval sat in the stool. Wow, everyone’s eyes were on him. Why was everyone moving? Oh Perceval fell off the stool. He saw Headmaster Kay facepalm. Perceval got back up and smiled. Was his wand bleeding again? Stop bleeding wand. Professor Morgan put the hat on his head. And it didn’t say a house right away.

“Hmmm interesting,” said the hat. “You may not be strong of brains but you do have the largest heart I have seen.” Did the hat just insult him? “I can’t see you in Ravenclaw or Slytherin.” Perceval nodded. “You very loyal and dedicated. You are kind. But you are also brave and you rush into things without thinking. You value helping others beyond anything else. You want people to like you but not if you can’t be yourself. Hmmm. Now which house will you thrive in the most. Which house will nurture you? Which house will make you the man you are meant to be?” Perceval fidgeted on the stool. “You are meant for great things. And you will need a friend.” The Sorting Hat thought. “Gryffindor!”

Perceval hopped out of his seat. The Gryffindor table clapped. Not as hard as they did for Galahad but they did clap. Gareth clapped also. Perceval ran and sat beside Galahad. He put his hand up for a high five. Galahad stared at him unblinking. Perceval took Galahad’s hand and high fives himself with it.

They became best friends and found the Holy Grail with the help of Professor Bors Jr. but that’s a story for a different day.

[langwrites]

Lang Plays Fire Emblem: Three Houses

So a while ago I said I was planning on playing the story routes in this order: Blue Lions, Black Eagles, Church of Seiros, and then Golden Deer.

The Golden Deer made a liar out of me.

So, here’s an approximation of What Happened During Verdant Wind.

So many spoilers below the cut, you guys. I do a lot of route comparisons.

Okay, I’ve been staring at the “which house do you want” selection screen for an embarrassing amount of time.

This shouldn’t be hard. I had a plan.

But no.

I clicked the Golden Deer, just like that. What the fuck, Claude. I blame you.

Immediately upon talking to this rop of students again, I can feel the difference in the social group from what the Lions were like. The latter were really a bunch of noble kids around their prince, and they felt really tight-knit. Classic Fire Emblem starter crew.

The Golden Deer is the fucking Scooby Gang.

First impressions of individuals:

Raphael, thank goodness, is the one character who absolutely has his shit in order. Sure, he’s bad at book work and thinks everything comes down to MUSCLES, but all of his emotional issues are handled by the time he arrives at Garreg Mach. He’s the brightest of sunshines.

Ignatz needs some more confidence in his art, and also I want to see his painting of Seiros. Now, if only both of his offensive stats and growths weren’t incredibly bad.

I was so close to making him my dancer. Just because he sure as hell wasn’t gonna be useful anywhere else.

Lorenz! I don’t like him. His haircut is a monstrosity.

Leonie! We are going. To be. Besties. Even though the timing of your support conversations are incredibly bad.

Marianne no please don’t be sad everyone loves you

Hilda is the greatest enabler I have ever seen. By which I mean she enables other people to do all her work for her.

Lysithea is going to have the last word with God. And especially he Death Knight.

And finally Claude! Teamwork makes the dream work, so obviously meme work does the same.

I’m sorry.

PRE-TIMESKIP

Mock battle! Marianne’s great and I love her and also the only healer oh god.

OKAY. I have access to New Game+ bonuses. What do I do first?

Immediately crank the Professor Level stat to max to avoid ever having to run short of activity points again.

Next, raise all skills I can’t easily get to at least Rank D+. HEAVY ARMOR IN PARTICULAR.

Third: Boost supports with people whose support ranks are an absolute pain in the ass to earn. Lookin’ at you, Rhea.

Also, put glasses on Byleth (named “Yuri” for this playthrough). Glasses are the bomb. I am the evil genius.

LEVEL GRINDING TIME.

It’s a lot harder with Blacksmith access being story-locked, but I can do this!

As a direct result, every single battle after this point is a complete curbstomp in my favor. Because the grind don’t stop.

I broke a lot more weapons than last time, though.

I will befriend Leonie and Ferdinand if it’s the last fucking thing I do. I will befriend everyone, and I will not get timeskip-locked out of supports! >:(

Ferdinand was my first recruit. Oh dear.

Okay, there are like five born cavaliers in this game. Leonie, Ferdinand, Lorenz, Sylvain, and I guess Dimitri if you’re on the right route.

Last time, Sylvain was a great paladin and a decent Dark Knight before he started getting one- or two-stat level ups for like thirty levels. Similarly, Dimitri was great until all his ultra-secret-awesome promotions didn’t use a fucking horse.

Contrast Leonie who, despite sitting out 99% of the game out of spite from me getting locked out of her support chain, went to endgame with a ten-level deficit and still rocked.

Ferdinand didn’t count since I failed to recruit him last time and he died. These two facts are directly related.

I didn’t use Lorenz at all; I recruited him to keep from having to kill him later.

This time, Lorenz straight-up sucks, Sylvain did the terrible level dance for like the entire game, and Dimitri’s not recruitable.

Contrast, again, Leonie. Her support chain with the player character is hot garbage, but she plowed through most of the game as a mainstay of my team and made it to Bow Knight first out of anyone.

Bernadetta and Ashe as Bow Knights don’t even come close to being as durable as she is, except for Ashe’s absolutely bananas Resistance. 29?! WHY?!

And Ferdinand is also awesome. His only real weak point is Resistance, but he doesn’t need it. He dodge-tanks everything, is faster than Leonie, and has two Saints’ relics he unknowingly stole from Seteth.

He still talks in MLA format, though.

I started putting off recruiting people so I wouldn’t have to level-grind them up to par with the rest of my team.

But if these people wanna join, of course I’m saying yes.

Lord Lonato’s rebellion and Miklan yoinking the Lance of Ruin feel way less relevant on a Golden Deer playthrough than on a Blue Lions one. None of the Herd really know who the hell these people are.

I say that despite having already recruited Sylvain for this playthrough and deploying him in the relevant level. He wasn’t treated as there by the game’s preamble cutscenes.

At least the Holy Mausoleum stuff feels more...handled? Claude actually asks questions about rebellion and about the “assassination plot,” where Dimitri didn’t really.

OKAY SO there’s this whole plot thing where Flayn goes missing for a month. With the Blue Lions, this is handled like a manhunt. Dimitri’s seriousness about the issue rubs off on everyone except Sylvain, and Felix actually correctly identifies the culprit almost instantly. He doesn’t know he’s done it, though, because basically everyone is just throwing out accusations. Manuela is the real MVP.

CONTRAST THE DEER. The very first meeting reads like a Scooby Doo episode, when they’re piling up clues and throwing out suggestions like the gang of goofball teenagers they are. Claude’s got this group running like Persona 4′s Investigation Team. None of them are jaded or frantic, they’re just doing this.

Why did Rhea entrust the investigation to a herd of teenagers.

Anyway, the rest proceeds as usual.

I don’t know why the game tries to drop the same set of hints for each route. “OoooowoooooOOOOoooo, your house leader might be the FLAME EMPEROR.”

The Flame Emperor wears heels. And is still too short to be either Claude or Dimitri. Especially Dimitri. Who the fuck let this kid get so tall.

The only real result of all this bullshit is that my wyvern-riding sniper of doom is not available during the first map where Yuri personally beat the Death Knight into the ground.

Which, by the by, was hilariously cathartic.

It doesn’t exactly matter, since the only unit who can make real use of the Dark Mage and Dark Bishop classes is unrecruitable, but bragging rights.

Remire Village’s drama is about as bad while playing as the Golden Deer. One of the foreshadowing cutscenes, though is excellent:

Claude actually finds a book that depicts The Immaculate One before its debut, only to have it confiscated by Seteth and learn that it wasn’t a library book at all; it belonged to “Tomas.” Like, all of his suspicions--which he shares with the player--start lining up. Censorship! Monsters! Sword of the Creator! What the hell is going on here??

Dimitri’s version of the cutscene involves him being caught investigating Lord Arundel by the player and Sothis. Which--since his route doesn’t meaningfully deal with the Morlocks faction aside from steamrolling them as incidental opponents--seems kinda useless.

Kicked the Death Knight into submission again out of spite.

Sylvain was useful! Mostly because I had him sit there and distract the incidentals while Claude and Lysithea cleaned house, but still!

Claude is the only lord character who seems to understand that the transforming Morlock faction probably needs to be taken more seriously. For the remainder of Part One, no one does so.

Rhea you’ve got some ‘splainin to do.

Marianne’s my team’s dancer this time. She’s a sweetheart. She seemed happy to be asked and to pursue the lessons, and being able to use Physic is a good trait in someone who’s nearly always going to be waaaaay behind the rest of the group.

Dad-stabbing happened.

Again.

Boop boop Solon’s dead.

Again.

Dear diary: I learned the definition of irony and set the Flame Emperor on fire.

I kid.

But Claude took her out in one completely overpowered shot, because crits are a thing, Flame Emperor class skills don’t reduce damage enough to survive it, and his Dex stat is through the fucking roof. And he was on a wyvern at the time because fuck it, why not.

Claude’s reaction to all of this is a minor letdown compared to the fully-rendered cutscene in the last route.

This would become something of a trend--taking out OP bosses with unexpected critical hits.

I didn’t expect to like Lorenz and now I do. How.

This is hilarious simply because he seems to be the only character that Mercedes hates. What the fuck, man.

Once again, Edelgard invades! Once again, I drop someone unexpected on her head!

Not really. It was Yuri.

Yuri does the timeskip shuffle and we’ll see everyone again after a nap.

FIVE YEARS LATER.

Aw, Claude was waiting for Yuri to show up. Adorable.

The post-meetup fight is actually harder than it was in the BL route, despite excessive level-grinding. This is due to three factors:

Claude is automatically on a wyvern, meaning that he has inherent class vulnerability to archers on a map with at least five of them. And less range than they did, for some fucking reason.

Lorenz and Ignatz started out on the same corner of the map and both of them are shitty offensive units who could barely kill a mage between them. (Neither of Ignatz’s offensive stats cracked 20 for another thirteen levels.)

I don’t have Ashe and his personal skill Locktouch, and nobody started with a Chest Key or Door Key, which meant I had to keep various enemies alive long enough to steal all of their stuff. And the enemy item drops came up one short of the number of chests on the map. I want my stuff, dammit.

LET’S MAKE A SCENE.

Randolph, as a boss in Verdant Wind, did not get any better at figuring out when he’s outmatched. Therefore, I killed him with Raphael again.

At least he straight-up died this time.

Claude didn’t even get to set the damn place on fire.

Ingrid is turning out to be way better of a unit this time than she was last time. She’s a little slower, but a lot stronger.

FELIX, WHERE THE FUCK WAS ALL THIS STRENGTH HIDING LAST TIME. YOU’RE TEN POINTS AHEAD OF THE GUY WHO HAS STORY-BASED SUPER STRENGTH.

AND SPEED.

Iiiiiiiiit’s JUDITH!

She only shows up on one map in the entire Azure Moon route, and that’s a damn shame. She’s so cool in Verdant Wind.

A lord-class character who isn’t also a Lord! WOO!

Also her spies are better than anybody’s apparently.

I am choosing to believe that because Ingrid’s family is related to Judith’s, her badassery in this route is the direct result of meeting her distant cousin and absorbing badass radiation.

There’s something funny about having to pull one over on Lorenz’s dad to get anything done. The Great Bridge falls not to power, but Claude baiting Count Gloucester’s entire army to be somewhere else. (FEAR THE DEER.)

As a result, Ladislava dies alone. (As opposed to taking Ferdinand with her due to plot shenanigans.)

Lysithea and Ferdinand’s paralogue was really quite sad, for all that the only named guy who died was deeply unsympathetic. Ferdinand’s dad was an asshole, but he wasn’t the asshole for this particular scenario, and now both of his parents are gone. :(

Felix...hasn’t heard from his dad in a while. Worrying.

Oh, and Caspar’s uncle is still dead, in case we were keeping track of that.

Dorothea’s happier with Ferdinand alive. She did an impression of the Gatekeeper. :3

Gronder Field! FUCK.

I delayed playing this chapter for two solid days because I already knew what was gonna happen. Specifically: Edelgard gets injured and evacuated, and Dimitri drops of exhaustion just in time to get run through like ten times by the Emperor’s rearguard.

I eventually got my shit together enough to do the thing.

Marianne, Raphael, and Ferdinand went after the Kingdom army first. Leonie and Felix hung back and then reinforced them after taking out the archer on the central hill.

Claude killed everyone in the center of the map, which meant Edelgard set the entire hill on fire and if Bernadetta had not been recruited she would’ve burned to death there on the spot.

Ahem.

I sent Yuri to clear the entire left side of the map by herself.

She succeeded.

Raphael KO’d Dimitri with a luck Gauntlet crit, got blasted down to half health by a Warlock, then plunked ineffectually at Dedue until Marianne used her Levin Sword to sort him out.

Ferdinand killed everyone else on that side of the map.

Claude once again got the kill on Edelgard with a lucky crit, after Yuri had killed everyone else (up to and including the Demonic Beasts) single-handedly.

And then the plot moved on. Hilda’s account of Dimitri’s death was awful, Dedue’s reaction was worse, and off we go to punch Edelgard’s teeth in.

Again.

Annette’s dad is probably dead now.

Felix’s, too.

(I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THE DAD-STABBING.)

FOOOOOORT MERCEUS.

No matter how many times I think about it, Claude’s Almyran army reinforcements only make so much sense. How the hell and fuck did he manage to sneak an entire foreign army across a whole country to help with one battle?

But hey, they’re here, and Claude almost admitted the reason why he could do that. And the arrow greeting between him and Nader was cool.

(Spoiler: On top of being the Alliance’s leader, he’s also the crown prince of Almyra!)

The Death Knight had the gall to run from my army.

Yuri punched his ticket for the third time, which was not the charm.

And then Fort Merceus took an intercontinental ballistic missile and suddenly defeating the fort’s garrison feels a lot less triumphant.

Spot the miscolored eyes in this cutscene!

Welp. Fuck it, we’re off to Enbarr. Time to also punch Hubert this time! What a change of pace.

Eyyy, it’s the Enbarr map. I totally forgot to bring Seteth and Flayn along to check out the opera house, despite a whole bunch of characters talking about how they totally wanted to check that place out at some point. No room for deadweights in a map that has SO MANY ARCHERS.

Managed to get the special dialogue between Ferdinand and Hubert, and now I’m sad again.

Killed Hubert with Claude.

And because this is a two-part map, we immediately run off to chase down Edelgard. Due to the player army not doing a really weird 180 in the middle of the plot to kick Cornelia out of Fhirdiad, she didn’t have time to turn into a giant demonic thing! She just has WAY TOO MANY MAGES.

Strategy: Forget what Door Keys are, split the team by Avoid rating, and go to town.

Claude nearly died thanks to a critical mass of Gremories and Mortal Savants (and still, what the fuck is that name), but Dedue-as-guest-character didn’t, so I count that as a win! His defense was so high that the Giant Demonic Beast couldn’t even scratch him.

Claude, Petra, and Ingrid all having Alert Stance as a skill means dodge-tanking is hilariously easy.

Also, Ingrid was supposed to just take a chunk out of Edelgard’s HP bar for the final assault and ended up crit-killing her on the first attack. With a bog-standard silver lance.

Weird as the situation turned out, I guess that means one of Dimitri’s friends really did avenge him after saying they would. Even if Dedue was the only one who had a special cutscene about it.

We rescued Rhea! And the characters being happy about it doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. I want answers, same as Claude, and being forced to RP Yuri being oh so worried about Rhea’s safety felt incredibly disingenuous.

Claude actually yells at her over the “...” she seems to think is an explanation. THE TIME FOR SECRETS IS PAST.

WHY DID ALL THIS SHIT HAPPEN.

WE’VE BEEN AT WAR FOR FIVE YEARS.

A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE DIED HORRIBLY FOR BASICALLY NOTHING.

Incidentally, this is why I didn’t end up playing Edelgard’s route as planned. Her logic for kicking two other sovereign countries in the balls felt incredibly self-centered.

At least Catherine’s happy. Same with Alois and the rest of the Church crew.

They are soon going to be not as happy.

I’m filling out the ENTIRE support log before endgame. I have absolutely no idea what characters are going to end up together as a direct result.

The last conversation? Seteth and Manuela’s A+ support!

Because so many of the support conversations are romantic at A/A+ level, I guess we’ve managed to turn this ragtag army into a polyarmory.

Oh boy, Thales sure is a sore loser.

I say, as though I didn’t kill EVERYONE he knew over the course of an hour and also split his skull open under Seteth’s axe. His racism would have keeled his ass over before death set in.

That sure is a ICBM.

GOD DAMMIT RHEA, THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A Q&A SESSION AFTER THIS.

WHY DOES EVERYONE WHOSE JOB IS EXPOSITION UP AND DIE.

Meanwhile: THE UBER-DEAD PEOPLE.

Claude, your route is batshit. What is this genre anymore?!

I wanna point out that, despite seeing Rhea/Seiros do the dragon thing, the player character never told Claude what the fuck that was about. I feel like one of the first things I would have done after the class reunion would be going, “By the by, did anyone else notice the fucking dragon?!”  WHO IS ALSO THE POPE???

Bah.

ANYWAY. Looooong-overdue exposition time!

I notice that Rhea didn’t out Seteth or Flayn, which was nice of her.

Claude, she can turn into a fucking dragon. I don’t think immortality is that far from being plausible.

GOD DAMMIT NEMESIS, CAN YOU FUCK OFF FOR TEN MORE MINUTES.

Uuuuuuugh fine, fuck everything, I’m putting your head on a pike.

CLAUDE, THE SWORD OF THE CREATOR LOOKS LIKE A SPINE.

OF COURSE IT’S MADE OF BONES. A BUNCH OF THE HEROES’ RELICS MOVE ON THEIR OWN!

The frantic music is not helping.

Time to kill a bandit king.

“My flabber is completely gasted by now.” Okay, that made me laugh.

Nemesis’s boss mechanic is pretty neat. To kill him at all, you need to kill all of the minibosses in the level and take down his friendship-based-plot-armor.

Or it would be, if I didn’t already make a habit of steamrolling everyone else on the field before tackling the boss at the end.

CUTSCENE.

Cutscene lesson: “Fuck honor duels.” It’s time for CHAIN SWORD LIMBO.

Claude, your bow shoots LASERS. SINCE WHEN.

Also getting kicked across the field by a dude twice his size didn’t seem to actually affect his mood much.

Awww, Yuri smiles now. Adorable. :D

AND THAT’S A WRAP.

Pairings: Yuri/Sothis (mostly to get them out of the way and see what everyone else would do), Claude/Petra, Raphael/Marianne, Catherine/Shamir, Lorenz/Mercedes, Ashe/Annette, Felix/Sylvain (bad end; the former straight up disappears), Seteth & Flayn wander off, Manuela/Dorothea, Lysithea/Linhardt (again), Leonie/Ignatz, Ferdinand/Bernadetta, Caspar/Hilda, and a couple of people are alone. Cyril gets to actually be a student after the story’s done, though!

Whew, that was fun. Gonna mix up the pairs a bit next time I play through the endgame and see what happens.