#and this way he and gal can be bffs

[lilithinstarlight]

HERE ME OUT;

LYNEY X MORTICIAN/ GRAVEYARD CARETAKER! READER

READER MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD WITH HOW THEY ACT (WE LOVE AN ANTISOCIAL QUEEN)

IK IK VERY RANDOM BUT I FEEL THIS COULD BE A DEADLY COMBO!

(ALSO READER AND LYNETTE GOSSIP EVERY WEDNESDAY IDC WHAT ANYONE SAYS THEY ARE BFF)

VERY SHORT BUT IT WAY PAST MY BED TIME

(ALSO! Would you be interested in ____ anons? >:3 I have a feeling I’ll continue to do request once in awhile >w<)

hiiii nonnie! having anons would actually be soooo epic and cool 0_0

You set your pen down as you finished signing off the death certificate form sat in front of you. It was late, outside the window you could see the tangerine and lavender painted hues of a Fontanian sunset, and the L/N Funeral Home was cold and empty. You weren't particularly upset about being left behind while your coworkers went out to see some performance at the Opera Epiclese, but it was mildly annoying to be the last one in the whole of Fontaine doing paperwork on a Friday night.

With a sigh, you pushed yourself out of your desk and off of your chair. You grabbed your messenger bag and began the short journey to the door.

Pushing it open revealed a man in a top hat and some sort of body suit crouched on the concrete steps, grabbing wildly for cards strewn across the whole entryway. You stared, hoping your cold gaze would get the message across.

It did not, in fact, get the message across. The man glanced up, and upon seeing you, bounced back into standing.

"Hello there! I just dropped some cards on the way to a show... I'm a magician, see, and I've got a crowd waiting at the Opera. Would you mind lending a hand?" he stook out his hand, "The name's Lyney, by the way."

You looked at the hand, then back up at him, not bothering to shake it.

"Ahah, tough crowd, I see... That's fine. I'll pick up these cards and be on my way, promise." He winked then bent back down to start collecting the -- you now realized that they were customized -- cards. You looked around to survey the damage. How did he do this? The cards went from the stairs, to the pluie lotus planters, then all the way to the back of the building. He wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.

You stepped over him and headed to the planters.

"Aw, you're really helping out? I knew you were a nice gal," he said, rather irritatingly, in your humble opinion.

Once you finished with the planters, you moved to the side of the building.

"You remind me of my sister. Neither of you waste words for anything. That's not always a bad thing, you know?" His attempt at small talk fell on dead ears, until he continued, "Lynette. I should introduce you two."

"Lynette?" The name spilled out of your mouth before you could stop yourself. This guy's sister was Lynette? One of your best friends? The girl you would have tea with? There was no way.

"There we go! Wait, you know her?" You could hear his surprise from the other side of the building.

"Sure. We talk," was all you gave him. You picked up the last card and headed towards the front. Leaves crunched and the man met you there, shoving a handful of cards in his bag. You held the cards you picked up out to him, and he gratefully took it.

"I'll have to ask her about you, then! Hey, thanks for the help. As a token of appreciation..." He held out a ticket to you.

"For... your show?" you asked skeptically. He nodded.

"It's not only mine. You can come for Lynette, too, but I'll have you know that I don't like to be second choice." He winked, shoving the ticket into your hands.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

You awkwardly stood outside the back doors of the Opera Epiclese, waiting for your annoying little magician to come out to see you.

Crowds weren't your thing, so he never forced you to watch his shows, but you liked to meet him afterwards as a sort of celebratory gesture for a show gone well... or a consolatory one for the opposite...

Finally, he burst through the wooden double doors, greeting you with a hug and a soft kiss on the cheek.

"It went well?" you prompted.

"You put so much faith in me!" he said, laughing, "But yes. They loved it. Well, most of them. There a few that reminded of you..."

You rolled your eyes.

[mushiewrites]

boxers🤤🥊 if you want to talk about boxing im your gal!!!! 

with the upcoming match, sapnap needs to train duhhh and on his first day hes super super confident.

macho sapnap strides into the dteam home gym but dream and george very quickly destroy his confidence and remind him he is not the top dog lmao. 

the gloves give such good indication of where exactly dream needs to grab his wrists - theyre like big red signs screaming ‘look at whats below us look at how small these wrists are in comparison he has no chance!!’ dream might even tease him about the gloves, speaking into his ear from behind ‘oh theres no way my hands would fit in those! theyre far too big, unlike yours’ 

i totally agree with george taking advantage of sapnaps (really sensitive😵‍💫) ribs. its even worse than usual tho bc sapnap cant wriggle off the gloves OR flex his fingers fully to relieve some tension and it makes him feel crazy. 

maybe when he gets out he gets really mad and starts swinging at george. dream laughs while george is like ‘help me dream hes gonna hit me!!!!!’

an actual boxer au where sapnap is in an interview and dnf crash it to be like ‘yeah we’re his bffs that train with him and we have a very interesting routine! it focuses mainly on endurance wink wink’

now… youre telling me a strong scary boxer with one hell of an arm and a mean scowl buckles like a daisy under even the slightest bit of tickling um do you genuinely promise??????!!!!!

sapanp would be so screwed in a pin tho (not manifesting that for the fight😭😭 just like in general) yeah he has reasonable strength and is probably good at movement like dodging and positioning but in a pin he freaks the f out ‘oh my god i cant move this is it for me why is all my strength gone’ and then you add TICKLING??? i think it just might kill him… idk theres really only one way for dream and george to find out 🙈

dream laughs at him and thinks boxing is easy so sapnap challenges him to take his place but when dream does he gets tickled to tears as well… not so easy huh :/

george doesnt go near them for the next few days for fear of tight boxing gloves being shoved over his ‘already pretty useless in a fight’ hands. 

its so funny seeing videos of him where he makes little slaps like a cat as his way of fighting😭 also having been part of the gang up effort on both dream and sapnap he knows the payback is going to be brutal. 

(btw, dont imagine sapnap losing it bc he doesnt know if hes going to have his sides squeezed over his shirt or under his shirt, so he just has to stare at georges hands and wait…)

this is so random lol hii mushie

I might’ve gotten a little bit carried away…

anyway. rambling under the cut

No bc we all know that sapnap is cocky af always, regardless of if he’s unevenly matched or not, so it’s no surprise when he drags dream and george into the home gym with 100% confidence that he’ll beat both of them easily. But when he’s suddenly cornered by the two of them, he’s scrambling to rip his gloves off so he has an opportunity to at least try and fight back

this only draws attention to them, and dream’s wrapping his hands over the velcro around sapnap’s left wrist before he even realizes what’s happening. dream tugs him roughly, spinning sapnap around and crowding him from behind, and most importantly, grabbing sapnap’s free wrist. now, dream is towering over him from behind, stretching sapnap’s arms into the air and leaning in so his stubble brushes against sapnap’s ears as he teases him about how small he is; about how powerless he is “What are those, kids sized gloves?” “i didnt know they made boxing equipment for toddlers!” “why is your face so red, sap?”. and while dream focuses on making his face warm up to a dangerous degree, the only thing in sapnap’s view is a very giggly george, standing just inches in front of him. he’s suddenly very aware of how tiny he is between them, and sap’s mind blanks at the thought. he swallows thickly and does the only think he can think to do

Sapnap starts begging, pleading, both cursing and proclaiming his love for them at the same time - anything he can think of to get them to back down. But instead george reaches an arm out and pokes into sapnap’s lower ribs on the right, making him jolt into george’s waiting hand on the other side that sapnap hadn’t noticed before. The two laugh along with sapnap’s squeals as he wiggles back and forth between george’s hands, making the pokes a little more harsh each time his hands connect with sap’s body. his hands are balled into fists inside the boxing gloves, tightening at every quick jab into his ribs. But when sapnap tries to flex his fingers to dispel even the tiniest bit of ticklish energy he’s experiencing, he finds that he can’t, and he panics even more through his frantic giggles. George starts to scratch and squeeze at the warm skin under sapnap’s shirt, right along his sides, but only every few times, driving him insane at the idea of not knowing when the tickling is suddenly gonna get so much worse. sap tries to keep his eyes open long enough to watch george’s hands, trying to anticipate the next move, but his lil puffy cheeks get in the way from laughing too hard, and he fails miserably.

At this point, dream and george are teasing him, but sapnap has no idea what they’re saying. Dream has sapnap’s arms lifted so high into the air that he’s basically balancing on the toes of his sneakers, and george is rubbing his knuckles into sapnap’s ribs with a force so hard he thinks he sees god. Eventually, sapnap is kind of just dangling there, laughing deliriously as george so lovingly tears him apart, so dream loops his forearms under sapnap’s biceps, shifting positions and holding him up that way, making it almost easier for george to continue his reign of terror on sapnap’s poor lil ribs ):

(…also the whole “in a pin he freaks the f out 'oh my god i cant move this is it for me why is all my strength gone' and then you add TICKLING??? i think it just might kill him... idk there’s really only one way for dream and george to find out” thing wtf i’ve been thinking about this wording nonstop for days…….anon…….pls anon……..anyway...)

By the time they let him go, sapnap’s face is drenched in tears and sweat, his hair is stuck to his forehead, he’s bright red, and he’s mad (well, he pretends he is. In reality, he actually loved every minute of his torture <3). He starts swinging at whoever is closest to him, who happens to be george, and george is cackling, running away from him and hiding behind dream, still egging sapnap on even as dream is holding him back from literally ripping george to shreds.

When sapnap calms down, dream teases him playfully, poking at him and making fun of how “small and pathetic” he looked getting wrecked to pieces in the boxing gloves. So sapnap challenges him to take his place. dream grabs his boxing gloves from one of his long lost hobbies many moons ago and lets sap get into position behind him. Sapnap wraps his arms around dream’s elbows, pulling them closer together so that dream’s arms are pinned behind his back, and successfully pushing out dream’s torso because of their awkward height difference. George doesn’t give him the chance to balance himself.

his hands are immediately under dream’s shirt, skittering over the center of his tummy and making dream stumble back against sapnap, almost bringing the two of them down to the ground. Sapnap repositions them, and in retaliation george starts to lightly pull at the bottom edge of dream’s bellybutton with his pointer finger, keeping his free hand skittering along the lower part of his tummy as he did so. And when george still wasn’t satisfied with the level of desperation in dream’s laughter, he leaned down and started nibbling into the dip of dream’s waist, sending him into hysterics. Apparently the combo proves to be too much for dream, because his knees completely give out, and in less than five minutes, the big scary ler is a crumpled lil mess of giggles and tears on the gym mat floor. He apologizes profusely to sapnap in exchange for mercy <3

now…George is the weakest of them all, and he knows it, so he darts out of the gym immediately after dream falls to the ground. He hides from them for the rest of the night, knowing they’re both undoubtably planning his demise - he’s the one who tickled the life out of both of them, afterall. So, of course, the next day he’s on edge around them. wincing whenever one of them brushes their hand along his back when they walk by him, or when they creep up on him from behind, just having fun with the anticipation of it all. And the worst part? having to listen to the two talk about him like he’s not even there. “Can you imagine george in that position? He’d never survive!” “No, he definitely wouldn’t. You’ve seen how useless he is when he’s tickled normally, what’s he gonna do when he’s completely helpless?”. and it builds for daaaays, until george is about to be super brave and ask them outright to wreck him, to just get it over with, but decides against it. He knows better.

they bombard him a week later, though, after george is practically vibrating with nerves and going crazy with anticipation. they hold him down against the mats, kneeling on either side of george. they each take a hand, shoving a boxing glove onto each one as george fights them the entire time. after they finally secure them, dream and sapnap dig into the muscles of george’s ribs and inner thighs until he’s screaming, crying, pleading, begging, banging his useless little fists into the ground (and into dream and sapnap) as hard as he can <3

also i couldn’t ignore the au mention……the thing you wrote about dnf crashing an interview and talking about how they train with sapnap without saying it……….can you imagine the blushy cheeks? the way he’d pull the brim of his hat down to cover his face as he got more and more shy the more dnf talked about it?????? the lil breathy giggles and pleads for them to drop it???? and no one would understand but the three of them, and dnf would push it as far as they could bc theres nothing they love more than seeing sap squirm (and of course sap gets them both back tenfold after the interview <3)

[grits-galraisedinthesouth]

Meghan, thy name is PATHETIC!

These two numpties truly think they have outsmarted the world. Normal people don't repeatedly attempt to fool the world into thinking they are "whip smart" or accomplished by regurgitating childhood and adolescent fantasies. Meghan and Harry are clearly mentally deficient individuals with massive amounts of resources to serve as global court jesters.

During a festival that had absolutely NOTHING to do with the Temu Royal Snowcation 🌨 ❄ Tour, these idiots dashed on the stage to CYA after MegaLiar's poor performance as the "FLUENT duchess" who couldn't be bothered to memorize the pronunciation of their host's proper title: /bee-seh-preh-see-dehn-teh/ but the whip smart MegaLiar referred to her new amiga as /v-ICE / 😬🤦‍♀️

Sparry who has a hot & heavy bromance with Argentinean polo player named Nacho pretended that he was too dumb to say a simple thank you and good night to the crowd. He enlisted the help of his soap actress wife (who snatched the mic) for the Spanish "translation" as if the croud was too dumb to translate the simple English phrase for themselves.

Who is going to tell these idiots that even if she is the bilingual Duchess (which she's not) it would NOT make her special. You'd think the woman could speak Mandarin. 🥴

How pathetic 🤑

MegaLiar's need to overwhelm the internet with a lie about her being bilingual is just another reminder that this woman is a 1 trick pony with 1 ADULT accomplishment: sex with a drug addled brained prince. Sex with a dumb prince. Truly Pathetic.

What is Meghan Markle so desperate to Cover Up for the past 20 years? She literally flunked out of the state department before she could even get her foot in the door, yet she is constantly pushing & promoting "Argentina." She was humiliated into "relocating" to Madrid until her graduation ceremonies. Makes me wonder whether or not those sugarbaby rumors are true?

If she worked in Argentina "early in her career," then why is Meg pictured on the set of General Hospital so she could gain the necessary credentials to work Hollyweird?

She's also pictured with another liar, her BFF Lindsay Roth Jordan, on the day they both graduated from Northwestern as "candidates for degrees in Communications."

The Daily Mail:

Newlywed and newly employed on Season 1 of Suits, and during promo for Season 2 she drops the lie about Argentina. Makes you wonder what else was happening in Argentina.

2011 and Just Married to Trevor Engleson. Finally she booked her 1st TV series, and she's visibly embarrassed by 1 innocent question. She opted to lie. She reached all the way back to ten (10)+ years ago instead of simply saying, "...5 years ago I was looking for work." What are you hiding Megsy?🤔

She couldn't believe the question, "...what was I doing five (5) years ago?" She was embarrassed by 34 episodes as Season 2 Deal or No Deal model # 24 (2006-2007) would have been 8ish years ago so tell the truth Meg.

July 12th 2013 Promotion for one of her blog affiliates "Birchbox" just prior to dumping Trevor. "If I wasn't acting I would most likely be working in politics have a career in politics. I had been working at the US Embassy in Argentina and was certain I'd get into a career in foreign service much like my character Rachel it was really tough for me to pass the foreign service exam, Rachel had trouble passing the LSATs, end up coming back to LA for a break and a friend of mine from college had given a manager a student film that I did, he called me the next day and was like you know what, I think you should be acting. So if you're constantly just on your A game and you're ready for when that moment arises that's when things can take off in a much bigger way. Success is reachable."

She wrote this for Birchbox: "USA's SUITS is one of our top summer TV shows—not least for its awesome female characters. While the guys of Pearson may rule the roost, it's the ladies who steal the show. Case in point: the whip-smart Rachel Zane, played by Meghan Markle. We sat down with Markle to find out about her foodie favorites, her background in Foreign Service, and the one beauty product..."

More lies on the red carpet

Mid Season 2 Promo at The Paley Center for Media Jan 14th 2013

"And I read that you were never originally going to go into acting!?"

Lies: "no I was gonna do politics...I grew up in LA so I grew up in this industry and obviously loved entertainment, my father's a lighting director I just always wanted to do something different and working in politics was exciting for me but I'm saying as we were driving up 2 blocks down the street is paper source. I used to teach gift wrapping classes there. I used to teach calligraphy classes there and so to be here tonight and to see that contrast happen in my life from an auditioning actress just trying to make it work to pilot after pilot to have one that's going into 3rd season with fans who are so supportive I mean I couldn't be more grateful. It's really amazing."

Almost 8 years later and she's on Craig Ferguson's show to promote Suits and still lying about her education and Argentina. Why?

I've always thought it was interesting that Meghan and Sparry were in Argentina around the same time, and of course Diana was there in 1995.

"On 23 November 1995, Diana, Princess of Wales arrived in Argentina to begin a historic, four-day visit to the South American country. While not an official state visit, the trip was undertaken by Diana in her newly-defined role as goodwill ambassador for Britain. The visit, which was the Princess of Wales' first international engagement since her controversial Panorama interview, was seen as an important step in the warming of relations between the UK and Argentina, the countries having fought one another in the Falklands War of 1982 and resumed diplomatic relations in 1990. The footage featured in this edit covers the full four days of Princess Diana's visit, including her famous meeting with Argentine president Carlos Menem, her visits to a number of charities and hospitals in Buenos Aires, whale-watching in Argentine Patagonia, and attending a charity gala banquet."

Prince Harry cuts short visit to Argentina.

Thursday, November 25th 2004 

Twenty year old Prince Harry flew back to London from Buenos Aires Thursday afternoon after the Argentine press revealed he had become a “head ache” for those responsible for his security.

Apparently the Prince was scheduled to return next week but Buckingham Palace decided to anticipate the date given the adverse press coverage he was receiving during his alleged "night incursions" to local pubs and discos.

Although British Airways desk said any information relating to Prince Harry was "confidential", from early hours the reinforcement of security measures in Ezeiza's airport was evident.

Local reports indicate Prince Harry boarded the plane in good humour.

The second son of the Prince of Wales arrived in Argentina November 12 and was staying in estancia "El Remanso" close to the town of Lobos in the province of Buenos Aires belonging to some British friends, where supposedly he was to take polo classes and rest before returning to England for Christmas and Sandhurst military academy next January.

However his sport activities in Argentina were known to be limited since the prince had an injured knee from a recent rugby match.

Mayor of Lobos, Gustavo Sobrero minimized the press versions about Prince Harry's behaviour, particularly last Wednesday early morning when shots were heard in a nearby farm which forced a quick security response in the area.

"This visit hasn't altered normal life in the area. Besides it is quiet common during the hunting season to hear shots", said Mr. Sobrero.

As to Prince Harry's alleged night escapades to town pubs Mr. Sobrero indicated that "as far as we are concerned we haven't been informed".

According to Buenos Aires daily "Página 12" on his return from town partying Prince Harry was in quite "bad condition" given his "uncontrolled consumption of alcohol".

[emocl0wnpp]

Because i'm in a fankid frenzy again,time to properly introduce my babies!!(part1)

(Also in the current canon they're all adults-)

Also they're all in the same friendgroup-

So first we have Claws' and Jack's kids,Liam and Lau

A little about them

Liam:

He was adopted when he was 7(he died as a human and due to a mistake,ended up in hell where Claws found him as a little ghostie creature-)

The doll he "uses as his body" was made to look like Jack(duh) because he looked up to his father as a child

Though as he grew older he looked up to Claws more and more

The doll is made out of porcelain btw-

He knows how to play the piano :D

He was in his school's sport team(main reason why he's buff as hell)

He's very much..expressionless,and has trouble expressing his emotions in general

He's kind of like a mime

But he's a very sweet guy tho!

He's gay..very gay #manlover

He owns a casino in the underworld and is kind of a maffia leader,but still works under Zalgo

Lost some of his colors :((

Mama's boy(the good kind-)

His best friends are Floss,Jay,Corn,Berry and Alan(they'll be mentioned later)

Absolutely spoils Alan(his bf) even if he can't show affection/love properly

Knows his way around guns

If you need a gun he knows where to get them(from him)

Very much overprotective of Lau

Jill's favourite (and only) nephew

Now Lau!

Same story as Liam,except she was adopted when she was 6(Liam was 12 by that time)

The pretty pink princess of her family

Very much a daddy's girl

Jack spoiled her rotten when she was a kid

But thankfully Claws didn't let her to become a spoiled brat

...she's still a brat though,but a likeable one

She was the pretty cheer captain of her school :D

And she was in the theatre club too

Pretty much a Draculaura, Regina George, and Heather C. kind of gal

She works as a model in the underworld (she rich rich)

Loves having girl's only days with Claws(we love a wholesome mother-daughter duo)

Her besties are Cheryl,Jenna and Floss(will be mentioned later)

Makes Jack carry her stuff when she goes shopping

Actually she makes Jay(her husband),Liam AND Jack carry her shit-

Biggest girl's girl out there.

HUGE Millionares and Britney Spears fan

Despite her "bimbo" persona,she's hella smart

Jill's favourite (and only) niece

Next up are the trouble trio..Vicky and Candy's sons Candy Floss(just Floss or Flossy), Candy Corn(or just Corn) and Jay(the pics are in this order)

First, Floss:

The oldest twin

Takes a lot of pride in being the oldest twin

He's a loveable jerk

Trans guy!! (Still dresses kind of feminine to break stereotypes)

Has a deep ass voice

His hair is dyed. Non if it was his real hair color(his og hair is the same color as Jay's)

He takes after his dad Candy a lot..like a LOT

But he's a momma's boy like Liam-

He had to do cheerleading instead of being in the sports team bc his coach was an asshole,but during his senior year he was allowed to play in the team :D

Bullies his brothers as a form of love

Ngl he's kind of a jerk to everyone but it's his love language

Pretty boy™️

Does modelling with Lau :D

His best friends are Liam,Alan,Jenna,Cheryl and ofc,his brothers

Has a ferret named Noodles

Despite his jerk personality,he's an absolute loverboy when it comes to his lovely wife Jenna

Next up,Corn!

The middle son of the 3

Pretty much the quiet artsy kid

Who knows how to make bombs

Half of his face is burned,but he covers with it makeup

He has a strange shape-shifting ability that makes his colors change according to the seasons(will post it either here or in a p2 post)

He's probably the closest to Candy from his brothers

But he learned witchcraft from Vicky and very much enjoys it

He has a prostetic leg because of an accident(same as his burn marks)

He usually wears funky clothes

His wife is named Halloween :D (she's not my oc but one of my bff's,and idk if he has tumblr or no so i can't show her-)

Even tho he's quiet,when he snaps it's over. He can be a big bitch let's just say that-

But i swear he's a cool guy

His best friends are his brothers,Berry and Liam

He was also in the sports team alongside Liam

He stores stuff in is hair (his hair genuinely works as a portal-)

And last but not least, Jay and his assistant Opal the snake!

The youngest of the twins

And probably the oddball-

The sweetest guy alive

Literally THE husband material

But his heart already belongs to Lau :3

Matching west and bowtie with Liam!!

The patches on his shirt represent his brothers and friends

He owns many snakes,but Opal is his baby

Again,best husband out there,also spoiled Lau rotten

Got bullied by his brothers but loves them regardless

He's has a dad bod!

He has a little portal in his hat

He got Vicky's thick german accent-

Unlike his brothers,he learned a lot from Jason actually

His best friends are his brothers,Liam,Berry and Alan

Lau made him dye a pink strand in his hair-

His dream is to make his own circus and he works HARD to achive that

He's very The Greatest Showman coded

He'd probably love that movie too

Next iiiiis Jenna! The daughter of Jason the toymaker and Jade(i STILL didn't make a post of her-)

Prettiest doll out there!!

Looks a lot like her mom :3

Her eyes are made from glass

The sweetest girl out there

Daddy's girl,learned a LOT from Jason

Literally just a ray of sunshine

The kindest killer out there if there's a thing like that-

Besties with Lau and Cheryl <33

She did cheerleading too

But she loves all of her friends equally

Also an art kid like Corn-

Even though she's a sweet and well mannered girl,she got her anger from her dad-

She has a slight french accent because of her mom

Her parents did not approve of her relationship with Floss but she didn't care

She's pretty rebellious ngl

But other than that she's just a bundle of joy

Despite all these sweet things i listed for her she's lowkey like Jecka from Class of 09-

Also she's very much a Heather M. and Gretchen girl

Next up,Cheryl and Alan :D

First Cheryl:

Alan's twin :3(the older half)

She's mute and uses her mask to talk

Modded her mask to sound like Hatsune Miku once

Both of her arms and legs are prostetics(lost them in a fire related accident,along with her voice)

She's a proxy for Slendy

She usually hangs around Clockwork and Kate the Chaser when she's with the other proxies

But her besties are Lau and Jenna of course<33

But she's also friends with BEN and Toby

Both her and Alan are raised by their older sister Natasha

Lesbian women kisser woman lover♡♡♡

Heather D. and Karen kind of gal(she ain't dumb she just loves Karen with all her heart)

Girl failure but it's okay I love her

Did cheerleading with Lau and Jenna as well

Very good around tech and hacking

Her and BEN make a great duo when comes to tech

She learned sign language just to cuss people out

Now Alan:

Cheryl's twin(the younger half)

He gets bullied by Cheryl for being 0.1 second younger

He loves her with every fiber of his body tho

He's dyslexic

He's also a proxy for Slendy

He usually hangs around Masky Hoodie and Toby,they're like the brothers he never had

He looks up to Masky a LOT

But his best friends are Liam,Cheryl,the trouble trio and Berry

Gay

And Liam's biggest fan(we love a supporting boyfriend)

He used to be scared of Liam's family,especially Lau since they are in the same friendgroup

He got his burn mark in the same accident as Cheryl

Ngl he's kind of a jock himbo

Unless Liam is around then he's just a simp

Borrowed Hoodie's old,well,hoodie-

Helps Cheryl with tech stuff

Now time for the oddball of the group,Berry

Zalgo's son

No his full name isn't Berry i just forgot his actual name

Berry is just his nickname

Yes Zalgo got himself a son

Though Berry ain't nothing like him

He's canonically autistic btw and his special interest is humans+human biology!!

Let's not count how many humans Zalgo got killed for Berry

He surprisingly gets along with Lazari

Claws had to babysit him when he was little

Till this day he calls her mom by accident

His bestfriends are everyone in his friendgroup but he's the closest to Liam and Lau

He can be hella scary ngl

When he's mad or just really overwhelmed all hell is unleashed

He's over 5 meters/16 feet tall damn

He's fluffy unlike Zalgo

He made a lot of comments about his dad being all bones AND being bald

Zalgo babies him to death and he hates it a lot

He loves his dad tho

The person in the back holding him is his wife Y(who also belongs to the same friend as Halloween does)

He's a pretty sweet guy who can and will do wrong,but usually he's very friendly to those who are friendly to him

Notes:

Corn's different season looks along with some other kiddos will be included in another post bc i can't add more pics</3

Hope you enjoyed this tho!!

[codename-adler]

you know what nora’s initial kandreil endgame plan establishes? poly in the aftgverse. you can mix and match whichever characters as you see it fit, and you got yourselves ot3s, ot4s, etc. you can pick up a canon or almost canon pair and fuse them with another character (renison, jerejean, andreil, danmatt, kateaaron, kevaaron, kevjean, keremy, nickerik, etc.)

but you know what the most fun a gal can have? pick up those same pairings and add an oc. DELICIOSO 🤌

i take your renison and raise you an all-female ot3 (or or or orrrr throw robin cross their way and watch the magic unfold!!!) i take your lailalvarez and do the same!! nicky’s lonely in the U.S. why not send him a bff he gets too attached to only to realize that along his bff-content-filled erik-skype-sessions his very man has fallen for the boy in question through nicky!! or you know what?? imma get thea mf muldani, katelyn mf young and female mf oc and make them kiss. on the lips. like barbies. and it will! work!

the siblings you can create omgggg!

but most of all. my recent obsession. my new beloved brainrot. my beautiful new fox recruit, turning danmatt’s world upside down. the most well-established couple of aftg, with so much love between them it accidentally overflows onto this unsuspecting girl in need of much care. mwah!

anywhoo. danmatt is wildly under appreciated and underestimated for their fic and ship potential. need more of them.

[epiphainie]

yeah she only does historical mm romance. i wasn't super into it at first but i really love her now. can i recommend you one? i love any old diamonds, the romance is not schmoopy and the characters have a real bite to them. plus there's other stuff going on that makes the plot gripping. anyways if you ever decide to try any of her books i hope you'll like them! also do you have any mm romance recs?

of you can rec me one! i had think of england downloaded for a while, idk why but that's the only one i kept between changing devices. i've never heard of any old diamonds but i love what im hearing! any character with a little bite to them is so welcomed by me when im reading romance bc it seems like everyone's so dreamy and nice now.

and yeah i have mm recs. let me list some of my favs:

the lamb and the lion trilogy by gregory ashe - i cannot explain how this series moved me the first time i read it. it's a romance suspense with an ex-mormon wildlife wet, tean, and a scam artist, jem. both of them are grappling with so much like the questions about the universe and faith and truth while being amateur sleuths and falling in love and there's just this gentleness with them that makes everything feel so profound. it's written beautifully and the characters are so complex as greg ashe's characters always are. the slowburn and the pining ughhhhhh if i ever write something as half beautiful as this i'd be the happiest gal around.

hazard and somerset by gregory ashe - okay, look, this list will have so much gregory ashe (esp his old stuff) because no one does deep, complex character work like he does (all within a beautiful prose) and i'm a very character-focused reader. hazard and somers are (especially in the first series (there are three series for them with a total of 16 books lol)) so rough and messy and toxic and gorgeous ugh. basically hazard is a police detective that comes back to his hometown and finds out he's been made partners with his old high school bully, the town's golden boy, john-henry somerset (my fav boy ever). there's so much history between them and the mystery aspect of the first series is pretty hefty so it's slooooow moving but the way their dynamic changes and develops is so fascinating. it is a hefty undertaking but this is also greg's first main series that took off and is the reason we call his shared universe of these books hazardverse. they're the blueprint. my favorite series is the lamb and the lion and my favorite couple is what i'll mention below but hazard & somers is soooo everything like it takes you a bit to get into the first book bc it's thick as fuck but if you want traumatized men with complex history and characterizations... here

borealis investigations by gregory ashe - FRIENDS TO LOVERS EXCELLENCE. north and shaw are a pair of private investigators who've been bffs since college with shaw being the eccentric new age gay and north the blue collar background asshole gay. they are my favorite couple ever. im obsessed with them because they're soooo so so so bad. this series does the one thing i wish all friends to lovers stories did which is they hurt each other - a lot. bc they know and love each other the most. i think they need a third series (they have 2 series so far with 7 books) for them to actually reach the healed stage and idk if it'll happen but god they make me insane. THE PINING. im sorry the pining. they're also very very annoying like both of them will make you wanna rip your hair out with how they act but that's a feature for me tho ymmv.

so, all three of these couples (and one more couple, theo and auggie from the first quarto series) are in the same shared universe and theres a crossover series waaay down the road. if you're interested shoot me another ask and i'll type up the best reading order for it but basically you can read the lamb and the lion on its own and switch h&s and borealis like h&s -> borealis -> h&s a union of swords -> borealis without a compass -> h&s arrows in the hand. also none of these books come with trigger warnings when they should so check for that as well.

dig two graves by ka merikan - this is a western historical that is so fraught and violent but sweet as well, i reread it sooo often. it features our sweet guy ned infiltrating the gang that killed his parents and falling in love with the gang leader's pseudo son, cole. the second book will ruin your life at certain parts probably but it's really good and so very underrated in my opinion. like these are big books and they are very plot heavy as well so they move like a slog sometimes but like i said i love slow and subtle things more so if that can be your cup of tea, give it a try. gotta mention: a lot of triggers again but merikan puts a list in the blurb so mind that.

if we could go back by cara dee - first warning: cheating. not between the guys but they are both cheating on their wives with each other. basically bennett and kieran meet on a train one day, become best friends, and start an affair that goes on for years. it's been a hot minute since i reread this book but i remember it having a really strong sense of character and why they're even doing this. it ends a little goofy but the meaty chunk of it is pretty pretty good. i should reread this actually now that i remembered it exists.

the cabots and midcentury nyc series by cat sebastian - with you reccing me kj charles, i assume you might be familiar with cat but i especially wanted to mention for 20th century historicals as i like these ones a lot. cat has such a strong way of creating and atmosphere that i dont mind her stories basically have no "bite" to them. the cabots are p short, hard to call any of them novels and tbh i havent read the second midcentury nyc yet but i thought i should throw some nicer stuff in here.

rule breaker by lily morton - look, i dont read lily morton anymore bc she's overdoing the british humor, pop culture ref thing a lot at this point and all her books started to feel the same but rule breaker will always have a special place in my heart. it's a classic asshole boss/sassy employee novel but their dynamic is soooo fun. and like gabe (the boss) is an asshole asshole which makes the third act drama fun for me. it's a very quick read too. (dont read the sequel (not the second book in the same series, thats about jude) where they get married, it's useless)

extracurricular activities by neve wilder - for that good smut. there's really nothing else in these books for me but the smut is great.

rend by roan parrish - i dont remember the other books in this series at all but i remember the sleepy hollow sense in rend. it's contemporary but it has this gothic fantasy morbidness for some reason. it's about a couple trying to come back from edge of separation and the fears fueling that. i should reread this one too.

the dupage parish mysteries by gregory ashe - okay one more gregory ashe. this is a paranormal romance series that mostly has my heart because the link between character trauma and the paranormal elements are so good and it features one of the most annoying MCs on earth who's loved despite that. it was never meant to be a series so there's kind of a disconnection between the books when it comes to details but i love this pairing a lot. this is not everyone's fav gregory ashe but i love it a lot.

mdzs or grandmaster of demonic cultivation by mxtx - if i may suggest a danmei. brilliant if you haven't seen any other adaptations like the untamed bc it's soooo fun to go back and forth between the timelines and trying to figure out what's lan wangji's deal is with wei wuxian and how did wei wuxian die anyway. will probably always be my fav danmei, just the balance of everything is great. the translation lowkey sucks so don't expect world altering prose here

[macchiatosdumptruck]

Fem!John is such an interesting idea to me. John (Jane? Jen? Jill? Idk) would be a total hardcore butch lesbian for sureeeee. Pretty much the stereotype: plaid shirts, jeans, boots. Her hair would be only a little longer than John’s in KKera. I don’t see her as being into chest-binding—fem!John has no problem with being a woman, but she probably went through this self-hatred phase of being attracted to other women only. She doesn’t go out of her way to pick up women, and is real low-key. But when she wants you, you will know (Danielle learned this the hard way).

She absolutely says no to feminine clothing/makeup any of that shit. No “girly” interests. She’s sturdy and tall and strong. Blue collar and loves her job. Probably into welding or something if she’s not a Sensei. Probably wanted to join the army, but in her era women weren’t allowed. Maybe she was in love with Betsy, but she either passed away, or she was straight and not into fem!John. She’s still bff’s with Terry, who is still a guy in this verse because that hilarious lmao. He’s her only friend, and she doesn’t have any female friends. 

I like the idea of both Terry and fem!John being both into cute little Danielle, but since Danielle doesn’t play on Terry’s team, he loses out (still wants to watch though) and definitely has DLDS. 

Fem!John is gruff and shitty to Danielle at first, probably bullies her too—but once Danielle slips through the bars around her heart, she treats Danielle like a good little housewife. Oddly enough despite the butchness, she really likes the idea of more traditional roles, and gets Danielle to fit into that position through sheer force of will. 

And yes, the sex is amazing. Fem!John’s a service top and can be a mean dom—but she’ll make sure her girl comes good and well before they call it a night. She definitely has a thing for Danielle’s little tits and making her orgasm from suckling them. She’s not very tactile by nature, but she’ll gruffly respond to Danielle’s cute cuddles and affection (all while secretly loving it) after they’re done. 

basically, yeah. this is how i imagine Joan. she would be fun to play with definitely. i imagine she would look at Dani as a "love em and leave em" situation before it turned out that the girl was unfairly charming.

Terry would tease her for falling so hard but she would not so kindly remind him that he has no room to talk and that only one of them actually knows what the girl looks like when she comes.

it's a (mostly) friendly rivalry, but Dani has been known to launch thousands of ships with her beauty.

Dani probably lovingly bullies Joan into eating her vegetables. since she's usually a no-fuss meat and potatoes type of gal. Joan only agrees because Dani has promised to wear the apron, and only the apron for the older woman as a reward.

[bellaxgiornata]

hi babygorl if ur still looking for a distraction may i please request these for now <3 hope you're doing well bestie gal!!! 🫶😎

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Ahhh omg thank you so much for asking me! Yes I am looking for distractions so thank you, friend!! ❤️ I hope you're doing well yourself!

B Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

Yes, actually. Big truth moment here–Caught in the Undertow is inspired by something that happened to me with an ex a few years back. The cheating, coke using musician asshole ex was real and the traumatic situation that Emily is dealing with in CITU was also based off real events in that relationship. I also was a wedding photographer for over eleven years, but no, I did not have a Matt Murdock/Daredevil BFF. That story started as a cathartic piece that grew into something more and now current issues in life have made it temporarily too difficult for me to work on (though I intend to come back to it).

F Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

“So wait,” you began, a hand raising to your forehead as you tried to understand, “while we were at Josie’s discussing penis whistles just a bit ago, you were out running around as Daredevil?”

Matt’s head tilted to the side, his dark brows creasing together as he blinked hard a few times back at you. He shook his head a moment later, his sightless gaze landing at your chest as a look of confusion and disbelief washed over his features. “You find out I’m Daredevil and yet somehow you still manage to bring up…penis whistles in the same sentence?” he asked, the corner of his lips beginning to tug upwards.

“Well I mean,” you began, mind still reeling, “poor Foggy was left to listen to bachelorette party discussions because you were out doing all of that.” You waved a hand in his general direction for emphasis. “Which, by the way, he definitely needs tit-shaped decorations for the bachelor party. I'm buying him a boob shaped beach ball." You tilted your head to the side for a moment, vaguely aware of Matt lightly laughing as you added, "Come to think of it I think there's a sash that even says 'one clit that's it' and I think he needs that, too. You can tell him I said ‘you’re welcome’ for them. He’ll get it.”

Matt was smiling now, shaking his head yet again and chuckling to himself as he stared back at you in something akin to amused awe. “You’re…you’re telling me to buy Foggy tit-shaped decorations for his bachelor party about fifteen minutes after discovering this huge secret about me?”

“Well, you’re already attractive and successful, why not be a fucking superhero ninja, too?” you blurted.

Honestly there are a lot of dialogue scenes I could choose from and ramble on about (you all know I get excited chatting about FFTD), but this one stands out the most to me. It is from Falling For the Devil in "The Time Daredevil Saved You." I love it (and I guess am proud of it) because whenever someone finds out about Matt's big secret, all hell breaks loose, whether it's in the show or even in a lot of fic. People are pissed and hurt, Matt usually mentally beats himself up about things, it's a whole thing. But here, Reader just accepts it like it's a part of Matt. Basically saying 'Of course you're also a superhero, that doesn't surprise me at all, just add it to the list of everything else great about you!' And I thought it was a fun and different way to go about the identity reveal because you don't generally see that and Matt didn't end up feeling like crap about himself after. Plus the way Reader discovered he was Daredevil was fun, too. I could write you a novel on all the other dialogue in this series alone, but I'll just mention this one 😅

Thank you for asking and distracting me for a bit!! ❤️❤️

[strawbrygashez]

I’m gonna talk about my uhh au I guess no one cares about again. The pat/Paul/Tyler/Narrator thing.

Patrick

•Dating Paul

•Tries to put on a show of relating to the narrator since they are both office workers but inside he’s going on a whole monologue about how he’s better than him, has to do less work than him, and etc.

•Wants to shove forks into Tylers eyes because Tyler is even ‘worse’ than Paul when it comes to being perfect without even trying. Also yes he’s already dating another man but he doesn’t like being reminded he’s gay. And looking at Tyler.. gay feelings come up.

He also hates that Tyler can read him like a book so easily.

Narrator

•Dating Tyler of course.

•Friends with Paul because they honestly got the same kinda humor. Met on a business trip and actually do relate about both being office workers. Paul knows he’s in a better position but isn’t gonna be thinking about it really. He might poke fun about it but 🤷‍♀️ Somehow the narrator is completely oblivious to the fact for some reason Paul and Angelface look extremely alike.

They wouldn’t do anything sus together unless Tyler told narrator to.

•Is only kinda creeped out by Patrick. He’s used to weird office workers who are above him so he’s not really that uncomfortable though. He just plays along with the way Patrick talks to him.

He’ll make fun of him with Tyler later in private.

Tyler

•Wants to beat up Patrick so bad and honestly would probably tell him that he might enjoy it. He can tell Patrick is keeping a lot of things pent up and would love to see him take it out in a fight WITHOUT WEAPONS.

He’ll tell Patrick to shut the fuck up when he’s bragging about how nice his apartment is and will give him the whole ‘You’re not the things you own’ speech.

He wants to break him down sooo much.

Wouldn’t do anything sus with him tho unless Jack is okay with it.

•Kinda meh about Paul. He’s the one who pointed out he looks like Angelface to narrator. (which pissed Jack off bc NO his bff doesn’t look like ‘that slut’)

Paul

•Really enjoys just hanging out with the other three :3 he doesn’t have any weird shit going thru his head like Tyler & Patrick do. He’s just sitting there looking pretty while talking to Jack about whatever comes to mind. He might offer to take Tyler & Jack to some nice places for vacation (Patrick would be there too)

Honestly he’s probably the one who plans all of their little hang outs. The narrator only plans them himself like 5% of the time.

•Thinks Tyler is hot and has told Jack but just in a “wow. You’re a lucky guy” way. Like I’ve said a couple times, no one is getting frisky 😯😯😯 with each other unless the other is okay with it.

Kinda thinks deep down tho Tyler is kinda up his own ass. He won’t say anything about that though unless the narrator comes to him upset about something Tyler did.

•He doesn’t really care if Patrick wants to eventually start fighting people. He’s not gonna join in himself for a couple reasons. He might watch though. (And he thinks Patrick does look pretty hot roughed up a bit)

•Narrator is his gal pal. Is it bad to say when I think of them I think of two wifes cooking while their ‘husbands’ are watching sports 💀💀💀 help.

[dallonwrites]

ice cream, maple leaf and peach for the asks please!!!

🍨 [ICE CREAM] How does your OC compose themselves in stressful situations?

When Beau's stressed he feels it really bodily like he feels as if his body is misaligned with itself so a lot of movement! He's def someone who struggles to stay still and likes to move around a lot + a lot of his stims are around his hands, clenching/unclenching or holding onto things/wrapping things around them. This is also why he likes exercise he's absolutely going on runs with no destination or goal so he can feel the sensation of escape just for a moment

RR plot is basically just Felix and Dorothy getting stressed out by things and seeking out each other for it (either they actively seek each other out for actual comfort or take it out on each other LOL you ever just take your stress out on your sibling by purposefully challenging them or perhaps getting them to prove their devotion to you in some way). Outside of that Felix is smoking cigarettes and hooking up with men and when Dorothy is not being a menace to Felix she is just isolating herself and watching nature documentaries angrily

🍁 [MAPLE LEAF] What is your OC's favourite season? Why and what do they do during it?

AUTUMNNN for Beau because HALLOWEEN and also the Folsom + Castro street fairs but weather wise he would prefer Summer because it's actually usually cooler then + also Pride and his birthday in June! But he likes warm weather as well so I think he likes Summer and Autumn equally and likes v much that they are next to each other! He also lovesss the foggy season so that's a bonus

Dorothy has always been an autumn girlie to me as well from a colour palette pov (I associate her with blues and purples but she loves the trees in autumnal colours), and she likes Halloween too LOL her and Beau could be BFFS....and Felix's favourite season is spring because he loves the colour of blossoms + the days getting longer + he is so lamblike to me or perhaps a fawn

🍑 [PEACH] How do they show their kindness? How kind are they truly?

Answered for Beau here !

In RR I think caretaking is the biggest demonstration of kindness between the twins like...they have taken care of each other their entire lives and continue to do so! They both have a caring nature but it shows in different ways and is one of the few moments where they are like. actually direct opposites of each other. Felix is really good at taking care of kids because he wants to be the adult he never had whereas Dorothy...would not know what to do if left alone with a child. On the other hand Dorothy has a lot of caretaking experience from being around sick friends + community and it's something that feels like second nature to her at this point, which is something Felix struggles with more because he doesn't like having to face that reality.

Kindness in general is like....Dorothy is sooo complicated I don't know where to begin because she definitely struggles with the idea of being kind generally and in times of her life has actively rejected the expectation for her to be kind. But she is kind when it comes to certain people! Definitely a struggles to warm up to people gal. There's also like.... a whole portion of RR where Felix is just a massive bitch LOL just straight up unlikeable, I cannot support him in this moment, like you know the character development is good when a character is actively embarrassed by their former self! I think they're kind and they are kind to each other even when they hate each other but there are times where they won't hesitate to be mean...both to each other and with other people

emoji themed OC interview

[doodleoogles]

I wonder if it's too late to back out, message the Reddit stranger that I changed my mind and dart across the street to hail a cab. I fiddled in my seat, the bar is small but it gives me comfort that it is located in the busy streets of Makati (this is becoming my favorite place lately), meaning the stranger can't force me to do anything against my will. One scream is enough to make a commotion (i hope?). The server kept walking around my table, trying but failing to look disinterested with the fact that I am not ordering anything.

A large man walked inside the bar, and I sensed he's the one I'm waiting for. He's switching between looking around and checking his phone. He's overweight, stands about 5'4 and he wears a washed out gray t-shirt and faded baggy jeans. Straight outta 90s style. He did mention he's 45 years old so the attire checks out.

He noticed me based on my description of what I'm wearing - black band shirt, shorts and a slip on shoes. He smiled widely, showing a set of perfect pearly whites as he took a seat across my table.

"Hi." he adjusted his seat to fit his bulging stomach.

"Hey." I greeted with a nod.

The persistent server walked past us, finally cracking a smile when she noticed I have a companion who's ready to order. He ordered a bucket of beer. "I can sense this is going to be a long night." he said to me when the server walked away to get our order.

"Yeah, thanks for agreeing to be my unpaid therapist" I said with a genuine smile.

From our Reddit conversations, I know he has a qualification in Psychology and currently holds a senior management role in Employee Relations. He deals with different issues such as labor cases, harassment, adultery (yes, yikes!) and so on. Of course anyone can say who they are on the internet, so there's only one way to find out.

We forego the small talk, of course we probably we wouldn't be BFFs all of a sudden, there's plenty of time for that after this free therapy session I'm getting. How could one gal be so lucky?

[grits-galraisedinthesouth]

From a FAKE rented cottage at the San Ysidro Ranch in Santa Barbara, CA, Harry told his good global therapist:

"Meg gives me my space."

Why wasn't the good doctor allowed to meet at their massive Montecito Olive Garden SPACE?

Byrony was allowed to conduct their interview in the so called, "guest house" (as Sparry hung family photos on the wall). Afterwards she was rewarded to step foot across the threshold of the REAL "mansion" to observe and testify to the UK of the "normal" family living behind their very own security wall.

How much "space" does a spouse need? Anderson, Bradbury, Variety and even NOoprah were denied entrance to Casa de Montecito.

With so many "lemon trees," The Meghans still PAID a HOTEL to stage:

pandemic zoom calls & interviews

BLM & pro Biden Bench speeches

40th bday juggling act

chatting with teenagers

AGT (except the meghans who have zero talent)

Spotify Spots

magazine photoshoot & interviews

The very fake mockumentary megflop soap opera filmed inside various rented hotel cottages, on rented benches

All 1 hour away from Montecito at Santa Barbara's San Ysidro Ranch for megflix.

The Meghans still expect Americans to think it's normal to request discounts at a NYC hotel while suing his grandmother's government for (FREE) tax payer funded security.🧐

How convenient for megs that everytime she moved to a new country or city, her self titled "gay husband," Mr. Markus Anderson (former Soho House Bus Boy) chose to relocate to live w/her or near her

La->NYC

NYC->Toronto

Toronto->London

London->California

In LA, Meg was known as a serial celesbian to the stars. So how did Sparry & Eugenie become bffs with Omit's former gutter guyfriend, the infamous Markus Anderson?

Does MA's influence on the young BRF begin with Misha NooNoo and her friendship with Yorkie Eugenie? It would make sense that Eugenie, was the easy workaround to Sparry. What about all the photos of the York family posing, Sarah included, with sleazy Ron Burkle🤮😖😳

Of course Sparry preferred to party at Soho House instead of working on his character flaws. No coincidence that on more than 1 occasion, Sparry was videotaped pinching or sucking the nipples of male friends & male strangers.

Over the past 12-24 months we've seen Sparry become more effeminate in his motions, walk, speech, and who can forget seeing Sparry rub the back of his male partner as they enter his alleged personal man cave.

According to Caitlyn Jenner:

"supposedly they have a place in LA"

and Harry spends his free time in San Francisco. Is it any wonder Thirsty Tyler Perry who has his own skeletons declared he doesn't want love if it isn't The Meghans kind of love.🙄

Meghan, Markus & Dorito have made all of Sparry's dreams come true.

Dear Sparry, I hope finding your freedom & freebies in CA with your new "friends" was worth the price of your soul. By the way, it's not.

Meghan must feel like she can finally see a light at the end of her failed attempt to destroy the BRF via Sparry. In the end, it was the Queen of England who accurately SUSSed out the heart of Rachel Meghan Markle: an interloper who repaid good with evil.

[the-hem]

"The Bachelor." From the Narada Parivrajaka Upanishad, the "Exploration of the Mysteries of the Wandering Sugar Cane Root."

Dispassion towards an under regulated world cannot be praised enough. Someone I knew was lured out of his apartment using a hook up app and then he was attacked, drugged up to near lethal levels, raped hundreds of times and given cancer causing agents and cells in various parts of his body and left for dead. The perpetrators ended up being the same as mine, Mitt Romney, the gals and guys at Lerer Hippeau, owned by the Marriott Corporation and Kevin Jonas of McLean Bible, David Green of the Museum of the Bible, and my personal BFF, Karl Rove. They sent me images and sound clips of what they had done. The sounds will haunt me for the rest of my life.

This they did because this individual was Jewish, but trust me he did not know a thing about being Jewish, he was an altar boy at the Episcopal church we both attended. He never missed a service once until the day I was going to ask him out but he was there all the others. Later I had the distinct privilege of overhearing Max Wechter, Laura DAmico, Stephanie Manning, Emily Libresco, and Andrea Hippeau bragging over how hot it was do these things, they made sure to find me in person and ensure I overhead it. One included the sound of nails being hammered into his flesh. These same individuals did the same thing to me so I knew who they were and what they were capable of. While this was happening, I was running from my life from Ivanka Trump, who calls herself Alice Weidl now, and Jeffery Helm of the Family Research Council.

I told the police I was being threatened AGAIN and certainly my friend gave the DCMPD a report, but lookie here! They're all still free.

I received a very polite phone call from the DCMPD which said they planned to do nothing about any of it. The smile in the woman's voice, which was plump and friendly, has also haunted me. This was in 2022. My friend just finished law school was at the peak of health and was about to start a new job. He has spent years trying to get his life and his soul back.

The salt was rubbed in the wound after the nice police lady said there wasn't enough evidence in my case then the Daystar cast and crew let it all hang out. Two days ago I came across footage of Joni and Jonathan Lamb of the Daystar Network openly bragging they too were involved in the former incidents. Joni and Jonathan Lamb confessed to all of it. I have been shucked and jived, lied to, manipulated, and left to hang out to dry by the government, and so have you.

So back on the phone I went to the police and public officers trying to raise awareness I found the fish in the barrell we have all been waitting for. Let us keep our fingers crossed.

The same persons, affiliated very, very intimately with January 6 and October 7, and you know what they did to the people they captured then.

My case and that of my friend, and those from Jan 6 and October 7, which are deemed "too complex" have turned into a stock market exchange for big whigs what want to develop real estate in "emerging markets" while others go destitute, jobless, homeless, and abandon their faith.

We are living in an era of pronounced misgovernment and lawlessness. Like many, I have been forced under duress to do as the Upanishad says and back way off in order to keep my mind where it belongs. When the police start their bullshit about a "complex case" I feel like ripping their arms off beating them to death with it and they label it "a complex case. Bitch you have no idea how complex it's going to get if you don't start doing your job."

If you are like me or worried you might be, the mananam in the frame today s a path to salvation, it explains for persons like me and others who are not at all sure of life on earth we can still be sure of life in the mind, and I promise this helps. Mananam, contemplation, teaches the mind what is real and what is not, how to deal with hot coals and cold feet, and return to healthy rather than helpless desires as soon as one can muster. It would have been helpful if the government and police had done what I expected when I called and wrote begging for my life hundreds of times, but that did not happen. I am lucky to be alive and do not pretend I do not know it.

III-13. A wise man, when disillusioned with the world, may become a mendicant monk; when a person has attachments he shall reside in his house. That degraded Brahmana who turns ascetic when he has attachments indeed goes to hell.

III-14. That Brahmana, in the stage of a disciplined celibate student, may take to renunciation, without getting married whose tongue, genitals, stomach and hands are well guarded (i.e. they are under perfect control).

III-15. Seeing worldly life as completely devoid of substance and with a desire to realize the essence (of all), they renounce the world without getting married, being imbued with great dispassion.

Dispassion for the thoughts, desires, actions, and willpower of others is not our concern. The straightest path to perfect control over the bachelor, the bucking bronco in the head, is the goal. The world is lost if each of us cannot restrain him and teach him how to ride.

Some of the boys I saw being abused at 2127 12th Pl NW in DC were not even as old as their shoe sizes. The owner of the residence regularly hosted Donald Trump's sons, tried to peddle movies of his son Barron being molested when he was very young, and included repertoire that featured gay porn that ended in the deaths of USMC service members they kidnapped. Misters Trump and Pence etc. knew about all of this. So when the police said "that's okay for you!" Trump and the others kept pursuing me I became more than just a little determined to destroy them.

If it takes a little extra self-control to ensure Donald Trump, Mike Pence and the rest go to jail for it, then so be it. Before my "complex case" began, I was the first horn in two orchestras, a soloist and dedicated practitioner. I took lessons, I rehearsed every day. I went to a yoga studio twice a week, read books, watched TV, went to the movies, traveled, ate at restuarants. Then my call to the police about what I had seen at Clayton Green's house was placed, and now all of that is a thing of the past. To avoid distraction, I do as the Upanishad says while I wait for my zest for life to come back.

[ramonadecember]

For Isaiah 👀

Eros 1, 2, 4

Philia 1, 4

Storge 1, 4

Agape 3

Ludus 2, 4

Pragma 3, 5

Philautia 2, 5

oc love asks.

the last of the cowbabies! and one of the newest pair. still strange being both sides of a pairing and not having you as the other lmao.

—

Eros/1: Isaiah is definitely a romantic, he loves love. he sees all the cute things that couples do for each other or watches courting take place or what have you and not only does he want to do that for someone else one day, but wants it done for him too. based on how much he melts seeing it in other people, he sure would melt at even the littlest gestures turned his way. 

Eros/2: sex is by far not a huge part of a relationship to certified virgin Isaiah Flint lmao, so to have a lack of it wouldn’t be a deal breaker. but really, not just because he can’t miss what he’s never had, he also just likes the other types of connection and intimacy you can have with a person. with that being said… he would very much like to experience that type of connection, and he’s the one pushing for it when it comes to Cain only to have Cain frustratingly shutting him down.

Eros/4: Isaiah is maybe not so naive as to believe in love at first sight, but it can definitely be the start of a crush. he’s for sure had little crushes start just over seeing a handsome face, but he recognizes that’s what it is, and really, all it will ever be. gets all flustered actually having to deal with the person… and then eventually it passes (even if the whole handling himself awkwardly around attractive men thing remains lmao). it also tracks that Isaiah is very… curious about the tall, dark, and burly that gets dumped on the church steps in the middle of the night. he thought that man was fine right from the start. 

Philia/1: I’ve mentioned before how like… growing up many of the other guys in his age bracket didn’t really wanna be bff with the preacher’s son, always too worried he’d snitch on them and stuff like that. it’s also made him closer to girls his age than boys, and that’s kind of continued on as he grew up. Isaiah is friendly to so many, and he does have friends, but no one he’s super close to or feels he can fully confide in. it’s… super lonely, despite the appearance that he’s always surrounded by people. but if he has a ‘best friend,’ it’d be the gal mentioned below in Ludus/4.

Philia/4: Isaiah doesn’t really have much issue building friendships, even if the other person is quite different from him. if anything, it makes him all the more interested in that person. he’s curious and inquisitive and loves to learn new things, and is willing to listen to and consider other perspectives. Isaiah is the type of person who firmly believes that even if there are disagreements, they can be respectful ones. but just in general, Izzy is a sweet and pleasant guy that makes it easy to befriend and be befriended. he’s hard not to like. 

Storge/1: he’d like to think his parents love him unconditionally, but he’s also going to just kind of… live in an ‘ignorance is bliss’ state on that one. Isaiah is more or less a good and obedient child, but… he’s kind of afraid to actually test out how far that love extends, so that could contribute to why he behaves so well. he’s pretty sure his mother would likely, at worst, have a ‘love the dinner, hate the sin’ mentality (not great, I know, but…), but his father… he’d probably be an entirely different story.

Storge/4: okay whatever this is cheating but the answer is I don’t know if he has siblings! being one of two newest characters, I don’t have everything figured out. but I’m leaning toward him being an only child. it’d be why he’d be determined to be such a good son, because he is the only one. it’d add to that loneliness he feels, because it’s just another instance of like… not having anyone he’s super close to. Isaiah would definitely wish he had sibling a if I don’t give him any, because at least if had siblings there’d be other people in a similar boat that he could commiserate with.

Agape/3: altruism is Isaiah’s middle name (not literally—he’s a Baptist, not a puritan lmfao). he always believes in being good, in ~doing the right thing~ and being helpful wherever he can be. it’d be easy to say that he only does it so that he looks good in God’s eyes or whatever, and I’m sure that is a benefit in Isaiah’s eyes (or… less of a benefit, but more as a reason for why everyone should want to be more altruistic), but he’s not really looking to get anything out of it, he just thinks it’s what you should do.

Ludus/2: flirting isn’t necessarily his strong suit. since his ‘style’ of ‘flirting’ is rather sweet and complimentary, and since Isaiah is just kinda normally like that, it can be hard to tell that’s what he’s trying to do. and since Isaiah can’t tell if Cain in particular honestly doesn’t get that he is trying to flirt with him, or if Cain is willfully pretending he doesn’t know it’s happening… Izzy tries to step up his game so that there can be no doubt that that’s exactly what he’s doing (aaand… he still gets shut down).

Ludus/4: believe it or not, Isaiah’s first crush was on a girl. he didn’t know anything about sexuality, he was just a kid, all he knew was that she was so, so kind. never made fun of him for being soft or emotional, and in fact, cussed out a couple of boys who did just that. Isaiah was smitten, she was probably even his first kiss, but that feeling would change as he grew up (arrested development voice: the feeling was ‘friendship’). they’re still friends now. 

Pragma/3: Isaiah’s parents are still together. he doesn’t know how much he really looks for ~relationship goals~ there, though. it’s not like they have a terrible relationship or anything, and he’s pretty sure they do really love each other, but it’s just… not a relationship he’s looking to mirror of god-fearing husband and dutiful wife (he doesn’t  want a wife, period. but…). it lacks the softness and romance that Isaiah believes he’s seeking in a partner. 

Pragma/5: he would very much like to get married one day, but unless he has a change of heart where he decides he can in fact settle down with a woman for the rest of his life, or unless he gives into what he knows he societally supposed to do, it’s not really in the cards for him. he just really likes the idea of having someone, in the eyes of the Lord and all who witness, who is his, that they are in love and committed to each other for life. it’s that romantic side coming out again.

Philautia/2: Isaiah would think it’s important to love yourself, and that you should probably work on that first before seeking the love of another. that’s just good practice. but he doesn’t think that someone who struggles with that is like… incapable of truly loving someone else. and it’s a shame they can’t see themselves in that light, but sometimes what it takes is maybe a little loving nudge from someone else to start to help them see. 

Philautia/5: for the large majority of his life, Isaiah has had a pretty consistent view of himself that he is who he is, and so long as he’s okay with that, then who cares. that’s the mentality he tries to stick to. but he also knows that there are… certain things about him that others are not okay with, and sometimes the fact that he will dampen or hide those things will lead to some insecurity and guilt, even if he tells himself that it’s okay not to share every little bit of himself with others. it’s going to get more complicated than that when shit eventually hits the fan with his father, and even more when he starts falling more into Cain’s way of life. 

[epic-summaries]

Section Alternative number 12 Which house would Perceval go?

This was longer than expected. Also bonuses for Galahad, Mordred, Gareth and Clarissant’s houses.

It was like a moment in a book. Perceval’s mother admitted that they were wizards. They came from a long line of wizards. That was so awesomely cool. He had been living in secret all his life and one summer an owl comes and drops off a letter to tell him he was accepted to a wizarding school! Like Oh My God, that was so awesome! Perceval was so excited to be shipped off to wizarding school! He didn’t even noticing that his mother kept asking him if he wanted to skip wizarding school and be a normal muggle kid. She lost her husband and three sons in the wizarding war with Voldemort. The other son died in a werewolf attack. Then other died trying to tame a dragon. Yet another son disappeared without a trace. And the last one did die in war because he was pushed into the lake and drowned by mermaids. Perceval promised his mother that he would be safe. He wasn't going to die before her.

Perceval sat in the back of the Hogwarts Express in his very own cabin. He hoped he would find tons of friends but he must have picked a terrible cabin because no one was coming to sit with him. Oh well, he had more room for himself.

He lied on the floor examining every detail of his new wand. It was pretty big and very fun to play with.

Perceval bolted up when someone opened the door. The person looked about eleven, like Perceval. He looked Middle Eastern. He had messy brown hair and long fingers clutching a very large book. His eyes were glued to that book.

The boy totally ignored Perceval and sat down.

Perceval didn’t know what to do. Should he stay on the floor examining every inch of his wand or should he say something?

Perceval looked at the door and then back at his cabin mate. Maybe he could make a new friend!

“What are you reading?” asked Perceval. He sat down beside the boy. He didn’t know the definition of personal space.

“The Bible,” said his cabin mate dryly.

Out of all the books in the world, that was the last one Perceval expected. “Cool.” Perceval jumped to the other side of the cabin. He looked out the window. He tapped his feet and swayed left to right. Okay, he was bored. He shot up and yoinked his cabin mate into a handshake. “I’m Perceval by the way, but my friends call me Percy. Well, my mom calls me Percy.” Stupid, stupid. Why did he just admit he didn’t have any friends.

His cabin mate looked at him in utter shock. Perceval never actually stopped shaking his hand. “Ummm… I’m Galahad.” It came out like he was still in shock.

“That’s a such a cool name.” Perceval beamed when saying that.

“You can stop shaking my hand now.”

“Oh I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean… well… no… okay sorry.”

Galahad went back to reading the Bible.

“Is this your first year too?”

Galahad said without looking from his book, “Yes.”

“It’s my first year.” Wait, he already admitted that. “Anyway, my mother never told me I was a wizard.” Where was Perceval going with this? He kind of lost track of his thoughts.

Perceval rambled on and on. Galahad was totally ignoring him. Eventually, they were able to buy some sweets. Perceval gave some candy to Galahad. Perceval got such a big scare when his chocolate frog jumped on his face and hopped off. He was stuck with a trading card. Gawain, Auror Extraordinaire. This was when Perceval’s bright personality finally got through to Galahad and Galahad started to talk back. Perceval sat right beside him.

“I’m going to be on one of these cards,” said Galahad through bites of his chocolate frog.

“Really for what?”

“Finding the Holy Grail.”

“That’s so cool.” Perceval whipped out his wand. He was a little too excited and the wand started to bleed from the tip. Drops of blood splattered all over the window. “Oh sorry. Ummm. My wand bleeds from the tip from time to time, it’s a weird quirk.”

“You are full of weird quirks.”

“Anyway,” Perceval ignored what might have been an insult or a compliment. It was probably more so a neutral observation. “My wand was dipped in the Holy Grail.”

Galahad’s eyes widen. “Really?” said Galahad in total seriousness. Perceval nodded vigorously. “Mine too. It just doesn’t bleed.”

Perceval’s whole face brighten. “Our wands are twinsies! I showed you mine, you show me yours. We can compare.”

Galahad showed Perceval his wand. He even let Perceval touch it!

The cabin door opened again.

A thirteen year old boy stood there in his robes. If Perceval remember what his mother told him about the Hogwarts houses, the boy was a Hufflepuff. He had a yellow and black tie and a yellow crest with a honey badger on it. Perceval thought he looked a lot like the guy on his chocolate frog card. They had the same chin, cheek bones and green eyes.

“Is anyone sitting there?”

Both boys shook their heads. Perceval gave Galahad his wand back.

The boy let in an orange tabby cat and then followed her inside. He sat at the other end of Galahad and Perceval.

“I’m Perceval and this is Galahad.” Perceval patted Galahad’s shoulder. Galahad moves Perceval’s hand away.

“I’m Gareth.”

“What brings you here?” asked Perceval.

“My brother thought I was too uncool for him and kicked me out.”

“That’s not nice,” said Perceval.

“Mordred is pretty image conscious and it’s his first day.”

“Still not nice.”

“He’ll grow out of it… I hope.”

Gareth looked down at the nonexistent crests on Perceval and Galahad’s robes. “If ever you think he’s being mean, talk to me. I’ll talk to him for you.” Galahad didn’t take any mind. Perceval nodded. “First years, I have some tips. The House Elves are hard workers and always be nice. Get a map. And Headmaster Kay is ummm... he has your best interest at heart.”

Perceval wondered what that meant. But honestly, he stopped paying attention after the words House Elves. “House Elves?”

“He was raised in the muggle world,” explained Galahad.

Gareth nodded. “Yeah, a lot of them work in the kitchen and they are very hardworking. They take a lot of pride in what they do. Sometimes they will let you help them make the food.”

Perceval took out a notebook and wrote Gareth’s tips down.

“Oh!” exclaimed Gareth. His cat, jumped off of his lap. “I thought I recognized you. You’re Lancelot’s boy!” Galahad blushed. “How is having such a brilliant father? When Gawain brought him to dinner a few nights ago I couldn’t help but stare at him. He is brilliant and so handsome and the way he speaks is brilliant.” Gareth turned to Perceval. “He’s dad is the only auror better then my brother, Gawain. Seriously, how is being HIS son?”

“Oh, he’s ummmm.” Perceval watched Galahad fumble his words. “I don’t see him very often. My mother and grandfather raised me.”

“Still, just the thought to have the same blood as The Lancelot!”

Galahad started to look melancholic. “Yeah.”

For the rest of the trip, Gareth answered all of Perceval’s questions, from the werethere really unicorns and centaurs in the forest? The answer was yes. To the if he accidentally flushed someone’s toad down the toilet was there a spell to retrieve it? The answer was that had never happened in the history of Hogwarts. To the if a unicorn found its way into the dining hall could Perceval ride it? The answer was no, much to Perceval’s disappointment. To the is there a bathroom on every floor? The answer was yes.

When they arrived at the station, Gareth helped Perceval and Galahad with their stuff. He was especially willing to help Galahad. He even pointed out his younger brother Mordred to them. Mordred was surrounded by other first years. He was going to be the popular kid.

Perceval and Galahad stayed together. Perceval was so wide eyed. Everything was so magical and there were so many people. He saw people riding on brooms. He saw people magically bringing their trucks with them. He saw someone selling potions that would turn you into a frog. Perceval may have almost bought one. Galahad saved him from that.

He saw carriages magically flying on their own. Perceval couldn’t wait to fly in that. Sadly, he and Galahad were ushered to the boats. They were boats that moved magically but they were still just boats. Perceval wanted to fly.

“Isn’t there a giant squid?” asked Perceval. Perceval felt like it may be dangerous to be in a small boat on that lake in the dark with a monster in it. “Are we going to be able to see it?” Yeah, he just wanted to see it.

“It’s too dark to see it.” Oh yeah.

Perceval still watched for the giant squid but only after he was wowed by Hogwarts Castle. Oh My God, it was happening! This was so amazing!

Galahad’s arm hurt from Perceval’s fanboying out and grabbing his arm.

Perceval’s jaw dropped again when they were shown the entrance. It was so huge! And medievalesque. And just indescribable. Perceval thought his heart was going to jump out of his chest and fly away, he was just that amazed.

Perceval’s head was jerking around looking at everything. Pictures that were alive! Like what?! How? Perceval needed learn about to do that! No way, there were ghosts. Like real life ghost. Well they had lost their lives, whatever you understand Perceval.

The first years were stopped in front of these huge closed doors by a woman. They could hear the crowd from the other side. It sounded like heaven to Perceval. He was no longer alone with just his mother. He was with people. This was going to be fantastic.

The woman in front of the door was tall and very thin. She had long light brown hair which dropped to her waist. Her eyes were same as Gareth. They must have been related.

“Students,” yelled the woman with a commanding voice. Every single person stopped talking when they heard her. Perceval didn’t know if it was magic or that was just her. “I am Professor Morgan.” Perceval thought he remember Gareth saying that was his aunt. Perceval’s senses were in overdrive and he couldn’t remember everything. “We are about to open the doors and let you in the great hall. Here, the Sorting Hat will sort you in either Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw or Slytherin. Now, do not sit down until you are sorted. I will call your name one by one and only after you are sorting, then you will sit with your new housemates. After that you will eat and we will set you up in your dormitories. Do not worry about your belongings because we will take care of them.”

The doors opened behind Professor Morgan.

Galahad’s arm started to hurt again when Perceval grabbed it. A ceiling that looked literally like the night sky. How was that possible? And look at all the students. And look at the professors. And look at just wow, everything was just wow. Perceval did squill many times that night.

Perceval saw a student fall or maybe he was pushed but that didn’t matter because the student was getting left behind. So, he turned around and helped the kid up.

“Hi, I’m Perceval.”

The kid blushed and made some hand movements. Perceval realized he was mute and speaking in sign language.

“Hi, Tom Thumb.” The student’s eyes brighten at that. “Come with me and Galahad.” Galahad waved. Perceval took Tom’s hand and helped him back up.

Professor Morgan stopped the students before the long table full of the professors. Some first year students waved at siblings. Gareth waved at Mordred from the Hufflepuff table and some girl from the Ravenclaw table did the same. Perceval thought he remembered Gareth saying he had a sister in Ravenclaw.

Professor Morgan went up to the professor table and sat on Headmaster Kay’s left. On Kay’s right was a handsome man with brown skin and one hand. Professor Bedwyr was the name Gareth told them.

Wow, Headmaster Kay looked young for a Headmaster. He was the youngest Headmaster in Hogwarts history. Also, probably the biggest. The man honestly looked like a warrior prince from the Early Middle Ages or Thor. He did not look like a Headmaster. But at last, he was. Rumour had it it was because his brother, the Minister of Magic, Arthur or as Gareth called him Uncle Artie, put him there to spy on the young new talent. Gareth assured Perceval and Galahad that was not why Kay was Headmaster and that he was actually good.

The Headmaster got up and all the other students sat down. Perceval felt like he should have been sitting down.

“Welcome!” Perceval thought he sounded like Thor too. “Now, you have made it to Hogwarts. You were worthy enough to get a letter. But don’t think that’s all you have to do. Oh no. You must work! And you must be strong. You will be rewarded and you will be disciplined when needed. I may be hard on you but that’s because you were worthy enough to get an acceptance. So, we know you are great and we want you to be your best. You are in the best fucking…” Professor Bedwyr waves and mouthed language. Headmaster Kay cough. “You are attending the best wizarding school in the world. If you don’t want to put in the work and be the very best, why are you here? Go to muggle school and don’t waste our times.” The students all looked at each other awkwardly. “Now, some rules. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden, it’s not called that for no reason. If we find you sorry lots daring each other to go in, we will punish you not because we are no fun. We don’t want to see you ripped apart by giant spiders.” Perceval blanched at that. “The Lake is not for swimming. You will be eaten by something or be drowned. We don’t want you idiots to die. Then, we have to talk to your parents and it’s a whole mess with the media. Kids, don’t be fucking idiots and die on us.” Apparently Perceval’s promise to his mother was going to be harder to keep then he thought. Professor Bedwyr mouthed language again. “Be nice to the staff, they work hard. Okay, time for the Sorting Hat, let’s see where these runts go.”

“That was unexpected,” muttered one the other first years.

“He’s cool,” muttered another first year.

“Did Headmaster Kay get hotter during the summer? Or is it just puberty talking?” muttered a student sitting at the Slytherin table.

Professor Morgan got some weird ancient looking a hat and put it on a bench.

Perceval went on his tippy toes to see the hat. He then almost fell down when it started to sing. What?! A talking hat! So cool. Perceval didn’t hear the beginning of the song. He did hear, “Listen to your Headmaster because he knows best.” And, “Are you brave and daring? Like the lion you may roar. Are you loyal and patient? Like badger you may be fierce. Are you wise and strong of wit? Like the eagle you may fly. Are you ambitious and cunning? Like the serpent you may slither.”

It was so much fun for Perceval. This world was amazing. He didn’t think he could ever get used to this.

Professor Morgan walked to the front with a scroll. “When I call out your name, come up to be sorted. Elaine Astolat.”

Names were called while Perceval waited for his own. But first Galahad’s name was announced. Everyone whispered when Galahad du Lac was named. Perceval heard the name Lancelot a lot. Wow, Galahad’s dad must have been very famous.

Galahad sat down in the seat and before the hat was on his head it yelled, “Gryffindor.” The Gryffindor door table cheered like crazy. When Galahad sat down, and right away some students started asking him about his father.

The next person who got a lot of mumbling was Mordred Lothian. Gareth wooed.

Like Galahad, the hat barely touched his head and yelled, “Slytherin.” Perceval heard someone say he must be like his mother.

Eventually, and what felt like a lifetime, he heard Professor Morgan yell, “Perceval Pefrawg.”

Perceval went up. Oh he was so nervous. All the houses sounded really cool.

Perceval sat in the stool. Wow, everyone’s eyes were on him. Why was everyone moving? Oh Perceval fell off the stool. He saw Headmaster Kay facepalm. Perceval got back up and smiled. Was his wand bleeding again? Stop bleeding wand. Professor Morgan put the hat on his head. And it didn’t say a house right away.

“Hmmm interesting,” said the hat. “You may not be strong of brains but you do have the largest heart I have seen.” Did the hat just insult him? “I can’t see you in Ravenclaw or Slytherin.” Perceval nodded. “You very loyal and dedicated. You are kind. But you are also brave and you rush into things without thinking. You value helping others beyond anything else. You want people to like you but not if you can’t be yourself. Hmmm. Now which house will you thrive in the most. Which house will nurture you? Which house will make you the man you are meant to be?” Perceval fidgeted on the stool. “You are meant for great things. And you will need a friend.” The Sorting Hat thought. “Gryffindor!”

Perceval hopped out of his seat. The Gryffindor table clapped. Not as hard as they did for Galahad but they did clap. Gareth clapped also. Perceval ran and sat beside Galahad. He put his hand up for a high five. Galahad stared at him unblinking. Perceval took Galahad’s hand and high fives himself with it.

They became best friends and found the Holy Grail with the help of Professor Bors Jr. but that’s a story for a different day.

[baroquebucky]

smooth like butter

bucky just loves flirting with you

word count: 3.7k

masterlist

a/n: hi hi bffs !! hope ur all doing well <3 here is a flirty bucky fic inspired by butter !! he is so charming i am gonna punch a wall,, hope u all enjoy let me know what u guys think & remember to stream butter <33

Bucky didn’t think he had it in him anymore, he thought surely that part of him from the 40s was long gone, erased from him after all these years.

Then his eyes landed on you at the coffee shop, a bright smile on your face as you picked up your order and made small talk with the barista, you looked so happy and god you were the most beautiful person in the world. He felt himself blushing as you turned around, his gaze quickly focusing on the the coffee infront of him.

He pulled his phone and immediately texted Sam, not know how to handle the situation.

just talk to her buck, I’m sure you’ll fall into routine like back in the day ;)

Bucky scoffed at his message, looking up to find you but you were nowhere in sight. He frowned, looking out the window and seeing you walking down the street, coffee in hand. His heart dropped a bit, upset he would never see you again, but he brushed it off quickly.

Sam was over for the weekend, the two sat in Buckys living room, watching a soccer game and making small talk.

“was thinking of getting a cat” bucky mentioned, taking a sip of his beer and looking at Sam. The man smiled, nudging his friend.

“ooh okay! gonna get yourself a little grumpy staring partner i see” Sam teased and bucky rolled his eyes smiling at his friend.

“dunno if i should, you know since we go on missions all the time” he frowned and Sam shook his head.

“you can always ask your neighbors to cat sit if your gone for too long, I’m sure it won’t be too much of a hassle” Sam assured his friend and bucky smiled, nodding his head as the two friends relaxed.

The next day bucky headed to the nearest animal shelter, nervous to pick out his new feline friend, his eyes shining as they took him around the facility, presenting each of the cats with utmost pride.

“this guys name is alpine, he’s quite mellow and sweet, very well behaved and house trained” Buckys eyes met with the cats and he smiled, the cat purring into Buckys hand.

“I’ll take him” he smiled, the cat cooing up to the super soldier with ease. As he signed all the papers, alpine continued to purr into Buckys touch, excited to finally have a home.

“you can pick him up in two to three weeks after we finish up checking him out and giving him some shots! We’ll give you a call two days prior if that’s fine with you?” The receptionist smiled and bucky nodded, waving goodbye to alpine and walking out the shelter doors.

Bucky had a smile on his face and his eyes were for once off the floor, smiling to himself as he shopped for his new friend, getting him all sorts of toys and treats. He easily went up the stairs to his apartment before stopping at his door and realizing he need to unlock the door. The boxed and bags he had so delicately balanced came tumbling down as he set them down to reach for his key.

“fuck” he whispered, trying to balance everything only to have him drop his key.

“let me help!” he heard a sweet voice, he was too embarrassed to look up, fumbling with everything as you took half the things in your hand and let him grab the keys. Bucky looked up and met your eyes, his heart raced and he realized it was you, from the coffee shop.

He didn’t let his state linger for long, quickly moving to unlock the door and grab the rest of the things from the floor, holding the door open and inviting you in.

“you can set it on the counter, thanks so much” he smiled, you nodded, placing everything down gently as your arms already shook from how heavy the boxes were.

“you’re getting a cat?” You smiled and bucky heard sams words ringing in his ears, just be yourself, let the 40s flow back to you, he had scoffed at him before but now here was bucky, letting himself just trust his gut.

“yeah! i get lonely sometimes and ive always wanted a cat” bucky smiled, your knees buckled. God his smile, that had to be the most charming smile in all of Brooklyn, you were sure of it.

“oh nice! I used to have a cat, his name was mittens” you smiled, nervous as he looked at you, your fiddled with your fingers before realizing he probably wanted you to leave.

“I’ll get going don’t wanna bother you” you smiled, waving goodbye to him.

“wait!” bucky called out and you stopped in your tracks, face flushed as you turned around. Bucky smiled at you before speaking up.

“what’s your name? I could’ve sworn I’ve never seen you around, i would’ve remembered someone a pretty as you” he asked and you chuckled lightly, blushing at his words and your palms sweating a bit.

“y/n, I’m two doors down” you smiled and he returned it, walking up to you, your heart raced in your chest as he stuck his hand out for you to shake. You shook his hand quickly, noting the way his hands were much warmer than yours and how his calloused hand felt against yours. Your stomach was in knots by the time you pulled away, mind racing and wondering if he felt how sweaty your hands were.

“I’m bucky” he replied, “I’ll see you around i hope” bucky grinned and you nodded.

“if you ever need anything you know where to find me!” You shot him one last grin and walked out, face hot and heart racing. You felt a bead of sweat rolling down the side of your face and you couldn’t stop yourself from laughing once you shut the door to your apartment, you were so flustered by him you were fucking sweating.

You had seen bucky in the halls a couple times, flashing each other a smile and making small talk. Each and every time you found yourself nervous under his gaze, sweating once the two of you parted ways and you hoped to god he never noticed. Bucky being the observant super soldier he was, did notice, but he found it sickeningly sweet. His heart fluttering as he noticed the way your heart rate quickened around him, the way you fumbled over your words at times and fiddled with your fingers.

Bucky took any and every opportunity to talk to you, helping you with groceries even if you weren’t struggling, dropping stuff on purpose for you to help him out. He even invited you out for dinner a couple times, the two of you getting along perfectly and conversation flowing easily.

“you know you have a really nice smile” you complimented him as you stopped infront of your door.

“do i?” Bucky grinned and you nodded, heart racing as you looked away from him, “then whyd you always look away when i smile at you?” He teased your mouth flew open.

“i- well it’s just- you-” he cut you off with a small laugh.

“just teasing you doll, i have the same smile as my mom” he spoke softly and you smiled, you hand squeezing his slightly, “you should get to bed, don’t you have work in the morning?” Bucky grinned and you nodded.

“You’re quite the charmer james” you whispered and you looked into his blue eyes, leaning in and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek, “I’ll see you soon” you smiled before walking into your apartment, leaving bucky outside smiling like a fool.

The shelter called bucky a couple days after that date and bucky couldn’t get to the shelter fast enough, excited to bring home his new friend. Scooping him up into his arms and signing a couple more papers before walking out of the shelter with a wide smile, cooing at the white cat.

“got someone who i think’ll wanna meet you buddy” he smiled, pulling into the apartment complex and walking up to his apartment, letting himself in and setting down alpine to explore.

“youll pee here, this is your litter box, best of the best for you” bucky smiled, pointing everything out to the cat. He played with him for a bit, giving the cat sometime to get used to his surroundings before going two doors down and knocking, a smile on his face.

Your heart jumped at the sudden sound, you weren’t expecting anyone so who was this? You looked through the peephole and saw bucky, a small smile on his face as he looked down at the floor and then back down to his door.

“oh god, oh fuck” you whispered, looking at the mirror next to you and taking in your appearance, you were in sweats and a t shirt, hair slightly messy. You tried fixing your hair to the best of your abilities before taking a deep breath and opening the door.

Bucky could hear you panicking, he bit his lip to stop the smile on his face. But he failed miserably as you opened the door and gave him a shy smile.

“hi bucky! i wasn’t expecting you” you laughed softly and he gave you a small smile.

“sorry, i just- i got alpine- my cat, i picked him up today and figured maybe you wanna meet him?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck and your eyes lit up, a smile on your face as you nodded quickly.

“oh! yes oh my god yeah let’s go!” You giggled, following bucky quickly down the hall and into his apartment. Your eyes landed on the white cat and your hands flew to your mouth.

“he’s so cute!” You cried out, bucky smiling at your reaction, alpine quickly noticing you and walking up to you. “hi little kitty, are you alpine? such a sweet name for a sweet boy!” you cooed, smiling as you crouched down and let the cat. Bucky couldn’t stop his heart from fluttering, cheeks flushing as he watched you.

“can i pick him up?” You asked, looking up at bucky and he nodded, you swiftly picked the cat up with a wide smile.

“you can sit on the couch if you’d like” bucky smiled and you thanked him, gently sitting on the couch and bucky followed suit, giving you some space. The two of you took turns petting and cuddling on alpine, soft giggled filling his apartment.

“thanks for introducing me” you spoke and bucky grinned at you.

“‘course, had to show him the most beautiful gal here” bucky smiled and you blushed at his comment, but he didn’t stop there. “i was wondering actually uh- stark has this gala thing- i mean you can say no it’s just- do you wanna go with me?”

Now it was Buckys turn to blush, he knew there was a huge chance you’d say no. I mean you hardly knew each other, the longest you had talked was for like 30 minutes in your apartment when he helped you bring up groceries two days ago.

“me?” You questioned, eyes wide as bucky nodded.

“I’ll get a dress for you and everything, just need to take someone and I’d prefer it be you” he smiled, how could you say no to him?

“uh- i wow- i mean” you sputtered out before stopping yourself and nodding, “yeah okay” you smiled and bucky grinned.

“thanks so much doll” he spoke and you couldn’t wipe the smile off your face, giddy with excitement.

Soon enough the gala came and bucky dropped off your dress, letting you know he’d drop by at 5:30 to pick you up to head to the dance. You were nervous as you slipped the gown on, it was a black to match the suit he’d be wearing, somewhat simple but had some pretty accents throughout that made it absolutely stunning.

You got ready quickly, bucky knocking at the door before you had a chance to slip your shoes on. You opened the door with a smile, Buckys mouth falling open.

“oh wow” was all he said, immediately closing his mouth and clearing his throat, “i mean- i- hi” he chuckled and you smiled, letting him.

“i brought you flowers” he grinned and you blushed, smiling at the beautiful roses he handed you.

“bucky barnes ever the gentleman” you grinned and he smirked.

“only the best for my gal” he shot back and your heart raced, moving to put the flowers in water and rushing to slip your heels on.

“let me just finish getting ready, I’ll be done in a minute” you smiled, looking at him through the mirror as you put on some earrings.

“you’re so gorgeous, melting my heart like it’s butter” he smiled, dazed in your beauty. Your heart continued to face and you smiled, rolling your eyes at him.

“oh hush” you protested, finally finishing and holding the door for the two of you to head out. He offered you his arm and you gladly too it, taking the elevator and stealing a glance at him. Bucky noticed and smiled, standing up a bit straighter.

As the two of you arrived you grew self conscious, there were so many other people here, so many girls that were much prettier than you and most likely much better than you. Bucky noticed your discomfort quickly and pulled you closer to him, giving you a reassuring smile.

The two of you walking over to where the rest of the team was and he smiled widely as Sam and steve made eye contact with him. Tony flashing you a smile.

“hey guys” bucky smiled and you followed his lead, grinning at everybody, trying to appear composed even though you were absolutely yelling your lungs out on the inside. “this is y/n, y/n this is- well this is the rest of the team” he chuckled and you laughed softly.

“hi! it’s a pleasure to meet you all” you greeted and they smiled, wanda immediately coming up to you and giving you a hug.

“I’m wanda! It’s nice to meet you, do you wanna get a drink?” She asked and you looked at bucky quickly before smiling with a nod, natasha following the two of you as you all walked over to the bar, bucky sitting next to steve and Sam.

“you’re dating bucky?” She whispered and you blushed, shaking your head.

“oh no! we’re just neighbors- well we’re friends, we talk sometimes” you rambled and Natasha smiled.

“ever since you helped him with whatever it was last week or two weeks ago he hasn’t shut up about you” Natasha whispered and you blushed, looking over at where bucky was and your heart raced as you made eye contact with him, quickly turning your head away from him.

“it’s true, even came to me for advice, I’m the one who suggested he ask you to come tonight!” Wanda smiled widely and you took a sip from your drink.

“let’s change the topic, what’s your favorite pasta shape?” You smiled.

Steve and Sam cheered on bucky as he sat down next to them.

“told you she would say yes!” Sam smiled, patting his back.

“i knew you still had it in you” steve smirked and bucky couldn’t stop the smile on his face as he watched you talk and laugh with nat and wanda.

“shes perfect” bucky mumbled, face beating up as Sam and steve made a fuss, “oh will you two shut up” he rolled his eyes, smile still on his face as his two friends continued to tease him, forcing him to spill his guts.

“can i buy you drink sweet cheeks?” You heard from behind you, but you ignored it, thinking they were talking to Natasha or wanda. The two girls looked at you with wide eyes when you didn’t react. Your eyes wide when you realized they were talking to you.

“me?” You asked, laughing slightly as the man nodded, a smirk on his face. You looked over at wanda and Natasha and they gave you a wink, your heart raced.

“uh- okay i guess” you smiled, ordering up enough for the three of you before smiling at the man, downing your shot with wanda and Natasha and ditching the man before he could even see where the three of you headed off to.

Bucky smiled as he watched the way you doubled over in laughter with the girls, wiping at your eyes softly to stop the tears of joy from ruining your makeup.

Soon enough the three of you walked back to the team, you sat next to bucky, letting yourself relax into his touch. After a couple minutes you saw steve and bucky both perk up, the sound of some 40s song playing as couples swayed on the dance floor.

“would you care to dance with me doll?” bucky asked with a smile and your heart raced.

“oh i don’t know how to dance” you whispered and Buckys smile only grew, “I’ll teach you darlin” he smirked as he easily pulled to to your feet, leading you to the dance floor and ignoring the whoops and cheers from the others.

With seconds the two of you were on the dance floor, bucky looking at you with soft eyes as you stood in front of him, looking around at everyone.

“eyes on me doll, or else you won’t learn” he teased you felt your stomach flutter. “side step right left to my beat doll, just follow the flow of the music” he spoke softly, your arms snaking around his neck and his cautiously let his hands rest on your hips.

“look at you, already getting the hang of it” he praised you and your heart raced, smiling up at him, you were only inches away from his face.

“you know nat and wanda told me some pretty crazy things” you whispered and bucky hummed.

“things like what?” he smirked, already knowing what you were gonna say.

“like how you’ve been talking ‘bout me” you spoke, the two of you still swaying to the music.

“i have been doll” he replied quickly, spinning you around before catching you back in his arms once again.

“what’ve you been saying?” You asked, breathless as the two of you were closer than before.

“oh you know, just how you’re the girl of my dreams, how i wanna make you my girl but i dunno what you’d say” he spoke smoothly, his cool tone causing your knees to buckle. Bucky held you up firmly, smiling at you.

“oh” you managed to squeak out, “well i wouldn’t say no” was all you managed out and bucky laughed softly. Your blue eyes met his and you felt your heartbeat in your ears, eyes flickering down to his lips. “what- what else did you say” you asked and he smiled.

“let me show you, talk is cheap and don’t mean a thing” he mumbled, slowly leaning into you, without a moments hesitation you crashed your lips onto his, your eyes fluttering closed as your mouths moved together, smiling into the kiss and pulling at the hair at the nape of his neck.

For a second the world melted away, it was just the two of you, rocking back and forth to the soft music as you smiled into the kiss, pulling away breathless with sparkling eyes and pink lips.

Then everything came back to you, suddenly everyone’s presence was a little too prominent for your liking, face growing hot. Bucky smiled at you, not wasting a second before grabbing your wrist and pulling you along, walking out of the venue and waving goodbye to everyone hastily. Wanda and Natasha shot you a thumbs up and you smiled brightly.

Within moments the two of you were alone outside, the cool Brooklyn air refreshing both of your flushed skin.

“you know, was gonna ask you to be my girl with a bunch of flowers and over a candle lit dinner” bucky chuckled and you smiled softly at him, your fingers intertwining in his hand.

“why don’t you?” you asked softly, he smiled at you as he threw his head back with a soft groan.

“cant wait that long doll face, i just wanna be yours already” he grinned, looking at you with soft eyes, adoration clear on his face.

“what’re you waiting for barnes?” You teased, stopping in your tracks and crossing your arms over your chest.

“for us to get back to your apartment so i can kiss you all night” he shot back with a smirk, loving the way you looked at him with wide eyes and your heart raced. He pulled you into his chest, kissing you on the lips quickly before pulling away, not caring that he had red lipstick all over his mouth or that it was now smudged on your lips now.

“will you be my girl y/n?” He asked breathless, the stars twinkling above the two of you and the cold New York wind cooling your hot bodies.

“depends” you smiled, “how much time do i get to spend with alpine?” Bucky smiled brightly at you, picking you up in his arms and walking to the car.

“of course I’ll be your girl james” you replied, kissing up his neck and leaving a trail of red lipstick. Bucky opened the door with one hand, easily holding you up with his other before setting you down in the car seat.

“i know, just wanted to hear you say it” he smirked and you gasped.

“you’re too cocky for your own good” you teased him as he slid into the drivers seat.

“not cocky, just charming, that what you called me didn’t you” he replied quickly, leaning over and kissing you before starting to drive back to your apartment.

It’s safe to say that you spent a lot of time with alpine, cat sitting when bucky was away on missions and lazing the weekends away cuddled in bed or on the couch with bucky.

There was never a dull moment in your relationship with bucky, constantly flirting with you as if he hadn’t been dating you for years already. The Brooklyn boy was head over heels for you and was not afraid to let the world know.

Which is why he reminded you everyday how much he loved you. Because to him, you were his whole world and all he’d ever need.