#am sucks

[smol-lif3-in-smith3r33ns]

Angry Mood😡 / Rant 1 (30/08/2023)

hating how as soon as brown girls hit around 21, that fam starts taunting each thing we do and go "is this what you're gonna do in your sasural?"

bish u dont need to remind me of the horror that would come with A.M.

it's inevitable but i dont need a constant torturing reminder of it

to the new brown parents, do better than this for your daughters. why was it that since a young age, i heard the concepts of shaadi and sasural and shit like that, but not of masters and phd and making a goddamn career as priority

i sometimes hate them so much at times like this

no they wont sit me down, on my 20th Birthday to discuss about my upcoming 20s, or on my graduation to hear out my career plans or guide me on the career options ahead

but THIS

every fucking day

and god forbid if i too lose my shit in the middle of it or fight or increase my voice volume. because at the end of it, there's only one loser that loses everytime and that's me. it's only met with something worse everytime i do

the marriage age they have in mind for me: 24

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

imma run someday from my home if this goes on

ukw, i get the reason why they want me to do my masters so soon, so early RIGHT NOW before even letting me explore my career field or my 20s or a chance to find love or live in different cities, countries even

im so angry

imma plan my Masters around this age itself so that for 2 fucking years they wont be able to do shit. tab tak toh main khud dhund lungi koi accha, and if AM is after that then i wont mind even

and uske 2 years toh break even lagne mein hoga

25 tak toh jeene do baccho ko :(

why is it like this in gujju family (matlab dhong mat karo na phir progressive hone ka)

even my bros (padhe likhe bros) agreeing to this ki haa 24 pe rafa dafa

and being such lil patriarchal shits that kitchen ka kaam sikh lo whenever they get angry on me (which is most of the time a day)

hume dafaa nahi hona

i wont do this shit until like 27-28

jao dhund sakte ho toh dhund lo. and if they badger me, imma shut down on them like they do on me (whenever i try to get a word in)

fucking double standards

the fact that i have to stay at home all day (cause i have no studies or classes to attend, or any job to go to...and not many friends i can find sanctuary in) is already eating at my SOUL.

maybe ill just go to the library, and sit there all day. Because i cant fucking bear this another minute.

wow great, now they're asking what the fuck are u doing on phone all day (this is the first time i took my phone at length today :'))

[lara-cairncross]

this man has never met an alien he couldn’t parent

[bookpdf]

unfortunately i Do feel better when i clean my living space and eat enough fruits and veggies and go outside and generally remember i am a mammal :| real pity that knowing this does not make it easier to do those things

[firefrightfic]

to anyone missing my writing please know i am also missing my writing

[wiisagi-maiingan]

Hey, I know this is the "lovingly bullying your friends" website but please make sure that your friends are actually okay with the jokes you make about them and the things you tease them about, even really innocent things like making fun of typos or pronunciation because that shit is fine for most people but VERY hurtful for others.

[bismuth-209]

[myiliterallyhavenolifegoals]

Learn your history!!!!

[morebird]

Father Astarion

[fanaticalthings]

just another night in gotham

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[artsekey]

Thinking about the time I lost a game of Overwatch and I was so mad about it that I genuinely considered getting into shit with the other team in chat and then realized that it was a colossal waste of my living breathing Human Time and uninstalled Overwatch instead because it was only making me angry.

And then thought about the OTHER time when I was on TikTok and realized I was Not Enjoying Myself and was, in fact, seeing so many sad videos and fake influencer ads that I felt Truly Despondent and then just…Deleted it.

Imo I want my social media /general media experience to be a pleasant break from real world and I get to decide what I get to cull to make that a reality for myself. I highly reccomended it! Life has improved considerably!

[beloveds-embrace]

(Poly 141 x emotional support omega reader)

The mission was grueling, and you hated it.

Every passing hour in the frozen wasteland tested your patience and resilience- tested everyone’s. You kept up without complaint, truly, the biting cold barely registering against your naturally warmer body though trecking through blowing snow simply sucked.

The same couldn’t be said for the others, however.

Price, Ghost, Soap, and Gaz were alphas through and through, instincts geared toward endurance and strength- like a solid mountain. But even they couldn’t ignore the toll the icy environment was taking. They shivered beneath layers of gear, their movements noticeably stiff and sluggish, exhaustion etched into their expressions. Still, they soldiered on without a word of complaint.

You’d offered to help before- several times, in fact. Because you know, it’s literally your job- but every time, they waved you off, their responses varying from polite to outright dismissive.

“Captain,” you tried again during a brief break, your breath puffing in the frigid air. Your mouth pursed like a wound stitched close, brows furrowing. “Let me help. I don’t feel the cold like you do. I could- ”

“No,” Price interrupted firmly, eyes narrowing at you. Moments like these reminded you that they’d been against you joining their team- saw you as an intrusion upon their pack. You’d worked hard to show them otherwise, but- “We’ve got it handled. Just focus on keeping up.”

“But I-”

“You don’t need to play nursemaid, love,” Soap chimed in, though his tone lacked its usual warmth. “We’re fine. Promise.”

You bit your tongue, swallowing down a retort. Their pride was getting in the way, as usual, and you didn’t want to push too hard lest you ruined the delicate standing you had with them. But it was hard not to feel frustrated when you could see how much they were struggling.

When the storm rolled in, things took a turn for the worse. The biting wind turned into an unrelenting blizzard, forcing the team to take shelter in a decrepit cabin barely standing against the elements. The walls creaked ominously, snow seeped through the cracks whenever the wind blew too harsh, and the air inside was almost as cold as it was outside.

Horrible, horrendous mission.

You sat in your corner, arms wrapped around your knees, watching as the four alphas slowly huddled together for warmth. Their breaths came in shallow puffs of condensation, bodies tense.

You couldn’t stand it. Truly.

“Captain,” you said softly, breaking the silence once more. “Let me help. You’re freezing. I can- ”

“I said no, Corporal.” Price snapped, low but cutting. His tone made you flinch, but you still held your ground.

“You’re going to make yourselves sick,” you insisted anyways, your own voice trembling more from frustration than the cold. “I’m an Omega. I run hotter than you. It just makes sense- ”

“Enough,” Ghost interrupted, tone as frosty as the weather. “We don’t need you to play hero. Focus on yourself.”

“But- ”

“We’re fine,” Gaz said through chattering teeth, though his body was visibly trembling. “Just leave it, alright?”

The sharpness in their voices stung, and this time, you hesitated. It wasn’t like they were wrong- you were the outsider here, brought onto the team as an emotional support specialist, not a core member of their tightly-knit unit. No matter how competent you were, they always seemed to keep you at arm’s length.

Still, it hurt to watch them suffer when you could help. When you wanted to help.

Hours dragged by. The storm howled outside and kept delaying Nikolai from picking you up, the cabin offering little in the way of real protection. The Alphas were trying to conserve energy, huddled together but clearly not doing well. Their shivers had become more pronounced, their movements lethargic, and you could hear the subtle wheeze in Soap’s breathing as he tried to curl deeper into himself.

Finally, you really couldn’t take it anymore. You stood and crossed the room toward them, gritting your teeth. “I don’t care what you say. You need help, and I’m not going to stand by. Let me do my job-“

“For fuck’s sake, sit down!” Price’s voice lashed out, sharper than you’d ever heard it. His glare was ice cold, and it froze you in your tracks. “We don’t need you, Corporal. Stop asking.”

The words hit like a slap, and you staggered back a step. Your chest tightened, your breath hitching as you retreated to your corner.

If they wanted to be stubborn, fine. If they wanted to freeze so bad, then so be it.

It wasn’t until hours later, when the storm showed no sign of letting up, that something shifted. You had dozed off in your corner, curled into yourself for more warmth, when you were startled awake by the sound of someone moving towards you.

Price loomed above you, his expression grim but resigned. He looked exhausted, the frost clinging to his beard making him seem older.

“We need you, ‘mega.” He said quietly, the words heavy; a reluctant admission clawing its way out of necessity.

“What?” you blinked, sitting up. You had drifted off ever so slightly, but now you were fully awake.

“We can’t…we can’t keep this up,” Gaz huffed from where he slumped against the wall, standing up with a sigh. “You’re right.”

Soap, right beside him, gave you a weak, sheepish smile. “Should’ve listened earlier, huh? We’re bloody idiots.”

Ghost didn’t say anything, not like you expected much in the first place, but the way he avoided your gaze spoke volumes.

Without a word, you stood and crossed the room to them. Soap reached for you first, his arms wrapping around you and pulling you close with a relieved sigh. The others followed, each pressing in until you were surrounded by their trembling bodies.

The warmth you offered was instantaneous, your heat chasing away the chill and calming all frayed nerves- scent blanketing them warmer and deeper than the snow itself.

“You’re all so stubborn.” You muttered, your voice soft and scolding.

“Stubborn idiots,” Price agreed, laced with regret. His head rested lightly on your shoulder, burrowing himself close. “We were wrong. Thank you.”

As the minutes ticked by, the alphas slowly fell into a calmer rhythm, their breathing evening out as your warmth continued seeping into their chilled bodies. They leaned heavily into you, their weight a comforting, grounding presence, but your heart felt… heavy despite the closeness.

This was the closest they’d ever let you be.

Your fingers rested lightly against Soap’s back, hesitant to move too much in case you broke the spell. His breathing had steadied, his earlier wheeze gone. Gaz’s head pressed against your shoulder, his warmth a subtle reassurance, while Ghost remained silent behind you, his steady presence both comforting and overwhelming. Price, ever the leader, curled protectively around the group, breaths slow and measured against your temple.

You should’ve been happy, content even, to finally have this moment. But all you could feel was an ache deep in your chest.

This wasn’t permanent.

They needed you now, but it wasn’t a real shift. They’d go back to holding you at arm’s length once the mission was over, retreating into their tight circle while you hovered on the outside desperate for any crumbs. This warmth, this closeness- this was all temporary. A necessity born of the freezing cold and nothing more.

You swallowed against the lump in your throat, closing your eyes to keep your emotions in check. You weren’t upset at them- not really. You understood; it wasn’t their fault they didn’t see you as part of their pack. But it hurt all the same, knowing that this fleeting moment would likely be one of the very few times you’d be allowed into their space.

It stung because you were a social person, and always knew it, and it’s why you’d even taken up this job. You craved connection, touch, and camaraderie. You wanted to laugh with them, to feel their trust without having to fight tooth and nail for scraps of it. Yet here you were, soaking in their warmth like it was the only drink of water in a desert, knowing it would be taken away soon enough.

The worst part was how natural it felt. How right it was to have them curled around you, their bodies seeking out your wamrth, their presence anchoring you as much as you did them. You didn’t want it to end, but you knew it would.

In the meantime, the alphas were beginning to stir, their exhaustion fading as you worked through the last of the cold.

Soap nuzzled closer, his cheek pressed against your collarbone, breathing in your scent seeping through your thick clothes. “Bloody hell, lass,” he murmured, low and drowsy. “How’re you this warm? Feels like heaven.”

Gaz made a soft, content noise from your side, his head still tucked against your shoulder. “Better than any bloody blanket I’ve ever had.” He muttered.

Ghost didn’t speak, but you felt the way his grip on you tightened subtly, his forehead pressing against the back of your head. Price shifted slightly, his hand resting lightly on your arm as he exhaled slowly, the tension finally leaving his frame.

“Should’ve listened sooner,” Price admitted after a long silence. “Would’ve saved us all a lot of trouble.”

You didn’t respond, unsure of what to say. They were only just now realizing how good it felt to have you close, while you were acutely aware that this was temporary- a privilege born of desperation, not true acceptance.

None of them said it out loud, but the thought crossed all their minds: why had they kept you at arm’s length for so long?

More thoughts

[evgar]

some domestic agathario for the soul

[egophiliac]

A guy who just wake up from a coma -> what did i miss?

Pomefiore was the last plot i follow before real life made me forget about our silly boys. How bad has the plot become now for our gang? Also who is that Gojo looking guy?

anon, I am so sorry and I mean this in the best way, but I do think episode 5 is the absolute funniest place to have stopped following Twst because shit starts escalating SO fast after that. episode 6 literally starts with a secret government shadow agency breaking down our doors and kidnapping students. zero to a million instantly.

and like...that's not even the zaniest thing so far? Ortho's hacked into the collective human unconscious. there's time travel (sort of). "Crowley might be Malleus' long-lost father" is a serious theory. if you'd told me any of this back pre-episode 6, I would have asked for the link to this unbelievable but highly intriguing fanfic.

also, episode 7 gave us (and then immediately took away 😔) the best character in the whole story:

[extracheesehead]

yes i think Laios would kiss like Flint Lockwood from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs what of it

[chibigaia-art]

desire

[mari-lair]

the 'favor tree'!