#am still very much alive
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Season 0 has me in it's grip ...
#mine#yugioh#yugioh season 0#season zero#ygo#yami yugi#pharaoh atem#yugioh atem#yugioh season zero#yes#am still very much alive#just had to take a break
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you're so like. inspiring. or i wish i could be inspired. you reblog that post with the blue critter and you're like "im glad i was born on this planet". how do i manage to get that mindset. how do i manage to not want the pain to stop at any cost and enjoy what's still possible to enjoy
It's my first time here and I'm never coming back
#I wanted to write something long and poetic and meaningful#About how I used to be suicidal#And sometimes still get that way#But still find wonder and joy in things#And have just learned to hold on tighter#But like#It's so much simpler than that#I don't believe in reincarnation#Or an afterlife#But I see things every day that are amazing#Things people can do with their hands#Animals I never could have imagined#New food and skills and art and music#And I just remember#Oh yeah#I'm new here#I've never done this before#The universe is infinite and I'm just a speck#And I'm never gonna be able to see it all even if I tried to#And when I'm dead it'll be too late#It's like having ten minutes in a museum before it gets demolished forever with everything in it#I've never been alive before but now I am and it'll be over soon#I'm never coming back#I'm just a tiny piece that gets to think and feel for a while before it's over#It's my very first time living and I'm never coming back#I'm gonna stop existing soon#I'm not gonna have feelings anymore#So what do I wanna do#What do I wanna see before the lights go out
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Mom and Dad's divorce. Neither of them wanted us.
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Cardinal rule of talking to kids: if you tell them that it’s not their fault, they will think it is their fault anyways.
The twins' official lore for this AU.
Mabel and Dipper became legal "orphans" at a young age due to their parent's divorce; neither party being willing to take custody of the twins. The mother didn't want the responsibility of having children and a family anymore, and the father claimed being financially unprepared to take care of two kids.
They stayed with their only living grandparent, Sherman Pines, for a few months before he died.
Since there were no close friends or relatives who were available to take care of the two at the time, the twins were left under the jurisdiction of foster care. However eventually, after much manipulation and bribing, they were adopted by a distant "business man" who ran a big organization in a town in New Mexico: Andrew Alcatraz.
#tweaked their lore a bit so now it's a little more linear#yeah i had to kill off Shermie#I'm so sorry to any Shermie fans- I had to :( he literally would have made things so much more unnecessarily complicated had he stayed aliv#i love how i killed him off and then when I was deciding Mabel and Dipper's lore I was like:#I can't just say “their parents are dead” that would be cheap and shallow#they deserve an in depth lore that would be disgustingly angsty to read.#the duality....#anyways- i am very very sick rn so Im a little delirious#accept this art#my art#gravity falls#gravity falls au#town kook ford au#hey would you believe me if this au was initially just supposed to be about how Ford and Fidds switched places#the AU..... it has gained DEPTH#tw divorce#<- dunno if I have to tag that but it be there#mabel pines#dipper pines#mabel and dipper#mabel and dipper's parents#the divorce Fucks Up their future relationship with Stan btw. not by a lot- but the hurt still lingers#the children are insecure with abandonment issues~~#if you cant tell the hand on the laft is Mabel's and the hand on the right is Dip Dop's
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made a little linocut for pixie <:^) miss her so much
#my art#illustration#linocut#printmaking#cat#it's getting easier but it's still hard in different ways now. but i am genuinely just happy she was alive and healthy for so long#went to see the new exorcist yesterday and it was pretty bad but also funny and good at points (the start)#but the REAL win was that I got 2 scoops of ben and jerrys (phish food and cookie dough for those wondering. the best flavours)#and the lady crammed as much ice cream into the pot as posible. like 2 VERY generous scoops followed by extra shoved on top#i had to resist asking to shake her hand she made me want to do like a pledge of allegiance or something
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Random update sorry everything is taking so long. I've paused Patreon and I'm working on various things, but some people have started to express concern for my safety/living status so just letting you know I am alive!
#between my divorce and moving and the fires closing the webtoon office#its just been a lot!#also im saying divorce even though we werent married#cause after 11 years 'breakup' doesnt quite cover it#he grew up with my family we saw him as a son and a brother so my whole family is very upset#meanwhile his mom pretended to forget my sisters name when she went over there to get me some of my stuff...#extremely upsetting#but it is what it is i am absolutely better off it just suuuuuucks!#got a therapist and shes nice and im like. lmfao. im like halfway through four episodes?#i keep doing lines and then getting overwhelmed an going to work on a different episode#so i am working im just not. finishing stuff...#justifying it in my brain like well this is work that has to get done at some point so as long as im doing SOMETHING#who cares what order it gets done in#so. working on it. im never gonna take on this much work again lmfao i fucked myself over majorly#i want all of these things done still#just gotta let myself do things uh.. one at a time.#not 5 at a time#cause then 5 things are getting done slowly and stressfully#which is just way worse#anyways. yeah im alive don't worry about me#just emotional and busy so im not drawing#delete later
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words cannot describe how much i love ichi and jyushi’s dynamic like seriously bro their dynamic is so cute like RAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH 😭💜💛✨
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sorry abt that i just love these two soooooo fucking muchhhhhh 😭🙏
apologies for the lack of posts in the past few weeks— luckily i just finished my finals few days ago and i’m finally on winter break yippee
#osomatsu san#mr osomatsu#ichimatsu#jyushimatsu#i love their dynamic#like seriously its very much the cynical calm sibling and the energetic hyper sibling#they’re so cute RAAAAAAAAAAH#istg the upcoming fourth season better feed me more episodes with these two#i just want more epiodes with these two bro#their personallities are just so different#and i fucking live for it#they are besties ur honor#i love how ichi really cares about jyushi#that shows how he’s actually a good person even tho he can be a dick at times#tbh the matsus can all be dicks but they’re still genuinely good people#thats what makes oso san such a good and funny show#BLMATSU DNI#i am still alive btw#just not very active#plus focused on other sites too#but i just finished finals YIPPEEEEEE
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#like ffs if i wanted Harry Potter stuff i’d follow a Harry Potter account 😾#even before Rowling went mask off I didn’t consider HP to be sufficiently Halloweeny#but the longer she loudly & proudly reigns as Queen Terf#the less forgiving I am to ppl trying to uncritically shove her IP into more general spaces#if u don’t give her money & just wanna go off into yr separate niche nostalgia corner for fanart & fics u do u#but a lot of us don’t wanna be reminded of that bigot’s existence when we’re just trying to get spooky#and don’t give me the whole ‘but it’s got witches in it so it’s Halloweeny by default’ bs#because if ur bar for Halloween content is ‘there’s witches and/or other magic users in it’ then NEWS FLASH#there’s other fantasy movies & books u could get aesthetic quotes & gif material from#that weren’t made by a still very much alive very actively harmful spokesperson of a hate movement#and the Instagram/TikTok ppl can find different music/sounds to sample#halloween#harry potter critical#fuck jk rowling#fuck jkr#halloween blogs#halloween aesthetic#tw harry potter#tw jkr mention#halloween movies
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there is a difference between “parentification” wherein you abdicate your fundamental responsibility to raise your younger children into well-rounded souls,
and older siblings doing the
basic, ancient sibling duty
of looking after their younger siblings
#‘I should not have been expected to dress my baby sister when I was 12!! I should’ve been allowed to be a kid!’#THAT IS BEING A KID. THATS BEING A KID WITH SIBLINGS.#i swear.#am I the only older sister who reveled in the responsibility of being the oldest?#and it’s not like it was easy. I was rebuffed at every turn. I still am#it’s still one of my favorite things about being alive#mobile#x#the point of parents is that they must do the things only parents can do#if there’s something the older kids can reasonably do (and that’s not very much!) they should do it
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Not pictured: Bellara dragging Carver back as he tries to storm out; "No... No! I'm not doing this again!"
#carver hawke#rook carver hawke au#datv#dav#da2#veilguard#da2 anders#lucanis dellamorte#bellara lutare#i'm so sorry lucanis unfortunately you're starting with +50 rivalry and you're gonna have to work to get those friendship points#this post is made by an avid andersmancer who knows carver would not take learning about lucanis and spite well#listen he's chill with a lot of questionable things because he's a grey warden buuuuuuuut....#carver and i both have anders trauma but for very different reasons sksksksks#in da2 my hawke romanced anders and they broke up after anders lied to him about separating from justice and the explosion#not because he disagreed with anders' actions like ed had little to no love for the chantry or elthina but y'know... It's Complicated#and carver never liked anders to begin with but he begrudgingly acknowledged that he wouldn't still be alive#if anders hadn't been there in the deep roads with them during the expedition so he couldn't hate him *too much* even if he never#approved of his and hawke's relationship.... but once carver saw the state of his brother in the aftermath of da2 it was gloves off on site#carver's really having a shit time tbh he hates this underwater prison and he hates having to turn to a bunch of assassins for help#and he ESPECIALLY hates it when the guy they're looking for turns out to be possessed like deja vu am i right
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OC !
#my characters#i missed her so much wowee#her name is katale and thats what she goes by EXCEPT her best friend (and ex boyfriend and boss) who gets to call her kitty#hes just like the all around best guy in her life and she loves him a whole lot#and even though they broke up they have a very loving friendship and shes like#oh i would absolutely kill for him and in fact i am VERY good at killing im honing my skills :3#and her family is actually just a bunch of criminals and the only reason the other guy gets involved#is bc he needs fast money to help his mom with hospital bills and so hes like hey my mom doesnt need to know how shes alive#and then he somehow becomes head honcho and is a rumored to be ruthless man#but hes just incredibly level headed and able to think his way up (and kills a few unpleasant family members for kitty)#and if shes running out and about you can even hear him say shit like#my wife left me i miss my wife#and everyone knows he means katale but no one knows how to react bc its clearly a joke (???) since they broke up#but no one is telling their boss to elaborate the wife situation#kitty however is the entire reason that she gets this lil puppy of an agent to not kill rudyard her dear boss#and somehow they adopt this grown man and also his really weird mentor who faked their death#but they love their puppy son boy agent man#and kitty is super happy to dote on the agent but even she has her lines like WHY DID YOU JUST HAND HIM A GUN#RUDYARD HE TRIED TO KILL YOU LIKE LAST MONTH WHAT ARE YOU DOING#and rudyard is just ??? can i NOT shove a gun into his hands now? what is that? a crime? really? gonna tell on me? a criminal? for crimes?#but genuinely it stresses her out bc she loves her adopted son but loves her best friend and eventually she realizes#ok puppy agent man is loyal to them but not a criminal thats ok#while rudyard is like ... passing him guns to try out as a bonding thing#but also he is fascinated with how good the agents aim is like hey kitty you should watch how far he can shoot perfectly#hey kitty remember all those dead underlings and how precise their kills were to make them not suffer this guy is really good#also for what its worth ruds mom is still alive! shes just in a nursing home now and he goes to visit her#kitty and rudyard have such a fun dynamic to me and both are murderers but its okay (its not)#also kitty likes anime and she has forced rud to watch anime with her and he just accepts his fate#bc it makes kitty happy to share so he will watch to make her happy even if he doesnt understand all the appeal
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i have several drafts from back in january comparing some of my old man yaoi ™️ ships which i decided against posting at the time because, quite frankly, they were thoughts no one would appreciate but me. two of the ships i know have some overlap, but the third didn't fit. a different genre. too niche.
but, with a new deadpool movie out and other ppl seeing the buggy parallels, i might as well get this off my chest:
shuggy is cablepool.
(not movieverse cablepool, to be clear. (i enjoy movieverse cable but he is not my mutant messiah.) comics cablepool.)
the dynamic is eerily similar:
we have an occasionally slapstick murderclown with obvious issues about the unusual way he looks, who presents himself as only having selfish motives but is (sometimes) lying about that, is very hard to kill, is disliked by ppl who have to work with him and popular with and beloved by ppl who don't both in-universe and out!
and his ex-bestie, a massively overpowered would-be martyr who is missing a flesh arm, has three scars over one eye, whose continued fondness for the murderclown post-breakup baffles everyone around him (murderclown included), and who refuses to elaborate on his motives for doing shady shit (including manipulating our beloved murderclown) except that he's doing everything for the sake of the future
like. tell me that's not them.
#tos originals#tbh it's kinda wild how much lines up. even the redheaded kid adopted in secret who much of fandom would like to pretend is still alive!#(note that comics are notoriously inconsistent re: characterization across books so i AM picking and choosing >#> and most of my interpretation of c&dp comes from their excellent mid-00s team-up comic)#…but seriously. it feels like everything but the childhood frenemies backstory is present here.#dp refuses to admit that he believes cable can accomplish his pie-in-the-sky dreams & is very tsuntsun about backing his play#cable is so op atp he tries a pacifist route knowing that if anyone tries to wreck the good thing he's building he can swat them like flies#when they break up dp is super bitter but cable never stops being fond of him. dies to save him even! (he gets better. it's comics.)#in dp's solo runs he occasionally waxes rhapsodic—missing cable and hating him in the same breath#…and dp basically never comes up in a cable solo book lmao#(it's not his fault. most cable writers hate dp. they also don't seem to like cable much.)#hhhhhh this STILL feels too niche to put in the tags#…just the ship tags then#shuggy#cablepool
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ah yes, the happy soft vibes for the @sillylovesongsfest, you get it...
based on the assigned prompted song Till Forever Falls Apart by Ashe and FINNEAS, as well as this photo shooting
So this is it, that's how it ends I guess there's nothing more romantic than dying with your friends
for an even sadder and bloody version look under the cut <33
#enjolras most angelic angry boy furiously heartbroken about hwo things went down#combeferre prettiest man ive ever drawn still trying to protect his friends (covered in blood by the people hes tried to keep alive)#and then there is courfeyrac#nah he is still round and radiant like a centre i guess but he is just cute instead of pretty next to the other two#look this song so very much just screams them but i do have to admit that it is just a little too sad for valentines vibes#so i AM also making a prongsfoot one thats a little less sad because the song also is very them it just breaks my heart in the softest way#Silly Love Songs Fest#enjolras#combeferre#courfeyrac#les amis de l'abc#les mis#les mierables#les amis#les mis fanart#les mis art#barricade boys#mine#my art
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Today, I'm thinking about timeskip Asahi's arms.
Like excuse me sir
#i'm still going to be thinking about this tomorrow#yes i am alive and still very much in love with this man#i miss doing smiling collections#but no time rip fr#asahi azumane#azumane asahi#asahi haikyuu#asahi#azumane#asahi azumane haikyuu#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#karasuno third years#karasuno
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the latest teaser alongside the new version of undercover have really made the concept of haruka dying hit home... devastating 😭 how am I meant to keep going with my day if i cant listen to this boy sing about his mommy issues in that anguished voice of his. its so over💔💔💔
#not art#i talk!!!#milgram#spoilers#i know i dont post anything about milgram but i had to speak my truth of needing haruka to live for the sake of more songs from him#like. muu guilty haruka guilty much but at the same time how am i expected to live if there isnt another song#just going on and on over his mommy issues what am i going to do if i don't see this codependant mentally ill murderer boy sing💔#hes hes still alive guys trust trust he xouldnt have possibly died😁😁😁#speaking to god looking up in the sky... actually i dont think haruka is going to heaven but lets assume we all share the same afterlife#harukas soul about to enter the pearly gates and i say. god sir look he may be guilty af but. hes just like me fr let his attempt fail#you see god he cant die... however will the people SURVIVE if this boy does not sing anymore#outside of that goofy perspective i actually find this to be such an interesting choice#very intrigued by how the enviroment will further shift with the deaths that have occurred#it leaves you thinking how things would have been with different verdicts#anyway god let him live how are we expected to live without OUR WATER
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more zombie au :] (1.2k words)
The odor of rot has joined the damp growth of life from pots. Even if some things die off without human aid, there are always stronger elements that thrive in their absence.
The aisles are overgrown. Ritsu brushes past the vines as gently as he can, wooden floor groaning under his worn soles. There’s a gap of empty space in the middle of each aisle that he slots through, eyes roaming the shelves of largely useless things. Stronger stems snag onto his backpack and he tugs distractedly while perusing the labeled pots along the tables.
The barn is quaint, and Ritsu thinks he would love to stay. Moss eats at the boards under his feet and bugs swarm around him in the hot air incessantly, but it’s peaceful and there’s a constant sprinkle of sound to his ears that have grown so used to silence. Whoever owned this place beforehand put up a few wind chimes indoors—they must’ve always had the front entrance open for customers.
It’s a quiet little homemade garden center, or something similar, on the side of the highway. It’s an overgrown property with something dead in the backyard that Ritsu refuses to acknowledge or let Shigeo near. The shingles and boards in the roof have been replaced with polyethylene sheets—a barn-turned-greenhouse, uprooted from the hay and cattle it likely used to house and settled back into the Earth to be a paradise for plants.
There’s a large branch hanging through a hole poked into the plastic overhead. It sways with the wind and the chimes that follow, and Ritsu whistles with the leadless melody and gives it a direction while he studies old seed packets.
They didn’t stop here for any particular reason—a garden center doesn’t have much for apocalypse survivors, but Shigeo has always liked overgrown things. He’d always enjoyed taking care of their mother’s plants back home, and then Reigen’s at the office. His brother likes the humidity of greenhouses and the smell of soil and dirt and must.
He sees the top of Shigeo’s head over the aisles, across the barn. He walks past a shovel hanging on the wall and yelps out a grunt when it clangs to the floor behind him. Ritsu shakes his head and smiles, running his fingers along faded price tags.
The feeling of greenhouses has always had this… wet fullness, to Ritsu.
When he breathes in it’s like he can taste the life that breathes out and it feels like a conversation, a question and an answer, both of which he’s not sure how to articulate. The leaves wave to him and he waves back, the once-active sprinklers pepper his skin with dots, with compliments, with proclamations they are eager to share. The vines weave between fencing just to reach him, just to talk.
He understands why Shigeo likes it, and why he’d always asked to accompany their mother on trips to get new seeds. Ritsu hadn’t really understood, then, how pretty it could be, how full it could feel.
Shigeo had always been right about loving the little things. Ritsu wishes he’d seen that sooner.
His brother ambles down the aisle ahead of him and he listens to the quiet patter of his sloppy footwork, moving around a table of seed trays. His whistles carry across the barn, sort of aimless in their own right instead of leading the wind and the chimes somewhere worthwhile, but the sounds soak into the overhead plastic nicely, so he keeps going.
He pulls back a layering of vines and leaves to scan the contents of another shelf, and then he notices Shigeo stop in his peripherals. His dirty shoes stay planted in the corner of his vision, leaves burying the toes, and Ritsu looks away from the products.
He means to say something, to ask him what’s up even if saying things to Shigeo very rarely results in productivity, but he stops when he realizes his brother’s head is… tilted.
He’s looking at him with as much inquisitiveness as his dulled down awareness can muster, pale eyes flickering across Ritsu’s face like he’s working out some puzzle. He instinctively stops whistling, brain lagging behind on this new info of this new behavior, and the sound fizzles out into a little huff of air that leaves the greenhouse feeling oddly empty.
Shigeo studies him for a moment longer, blinking slowly, and then he straightens his head out as Ritsu stares back. His brother’s gaze lingers there on his mouth, like he’s still confused, like he still expects something to happen.
Ritsu blinks once, twice. The wind chimes call as wind pokes at his greasy spikes, as it prods at the ends of his jacket and fills the silence with a different flavor of itself. The interest in the zombie’s eyes fades a little, gaze straying to the vines around them.
Very tentatively, Ritsu wets his lips and blows. The whistle grabs his brother’s attention immediately, and he’s suddenly tilting his head like a curious dog.
He can’t help the laugh that spills out and makes the whistle a mess of exhales. His shoulders shake a little and he hurries to keep the tune steady and consistent; a few seconds pass and Shigeo tilts his head the other way, exhausted eyes big and more alert than they’ve been in days.
Ritsu experiments, and ventures around with the sound—goes lower and higher and watches his brother twist his head back and forth like he’s trying to understand calculus. There’s something very innocent about it, about the look in his eyes that reminds him of when they were kids and their father would show them magic tricks.
It’s muted by the ever-present fog there in his pupils, but Ritsu thinks he sees a spark of that life in them, of that curiosity born from a mind that knows little. He gives him a simple sensation, a simple experience, and his brother is eating it all up like he’s four again, like he’s new and everything is colorful and unknown and big.
Ritsu watches Shigeo tilt his head back and forth, watches the rusty gears behind his window panes move. He changes tactics, because some sad part of him tells him to, and whistles Shigeo’s favorite song instead.
He remembers the name, but he doesn’t need the name because when he thinks of the tune he thinks of his brother, and that’s all that matters. It’s happy, because Shigeo likes happy music. It’s chipper and yet it meanders, like it’s willingly getting lost, like it’s wandering where it wants to and it’ll eventually find its roots again. It’s happy the whole time. The whole adventure.
Shigeo stops tilting his head, and the gears behind his eyes churn a little bit faster. His gaze clings to Ritsu’s and his brother makes actual eye contact, sinks his own being into Ritsu’s head when he’s least prepared for it. The recognition in his gaze has his soul souring.
He keeps whistling. He doesn’t want to stop, because Shigeo feels like Shigeo right now, and he doesn’t want that to stop.
His brother stares. Ritsu’s grief tints the music.
#qkwrites#zombie au#mp100 ritsu#ritsu kageyama#shigeo kageyama#mp100 shigeo#mp100 mob#every time i think about this au too long i am filled with despair#last line of this . damn i was cookin#ritsu's grief tints Everything he does in this world#he's fucking haunted by it and it's awful bc it's not like he can just.not think abt it#bc the source of his grief is Shigeo. and shigeo still breathes and walks and reacts to things ritsu does like he's alive#and he Is alive. he's very much alive#but there is a lot missing. and ritsu Feels the absence every fucking second#it's like walking into a house that used to have another person in it. and all the familiar sounds ur used to will never be made again#it's very empty and stagnant and the things that Do stay are Different#and it changes a lot. one minute ritsu will be having an okay day—best mood u could possibly have in an apocalypse anyway#and then he looks over and shigeo is doing smth that he used to do Before but it's wrong and a little bit to the left#and without the life in it#pure muscle memory on shigeo's part#and suddenly ritsu's mood drops So fast and he's so Exhausted from these mood swings he keeps having#u know that thing that goes like .uhhhh grief doesn't fade life just gets bigger around it. or smth#yeah ritsu's life isn't rly getting bigger. he is not moving away from the grief bc the source of it keeps staring him in the face
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Hiiiiiiiii I got signed out of my Tumblr on desktop and couldn't be assed to log back in for a good long while but I am here now for the sole purpose of telling you all that a friend of mine is getting me this diabolical Gale plush as a birthday gift-
Look at this freaky Cats the Musical lookin' weird man/cat hybrid I ADORE him uugughgghhg
And in Gale-related news, I have finally had a breakthrough on my third??? fourth??? attempt at my current fic's final chapter, so with any luck it'll be out... idk, maybe this year? I swear I haven't abandoned it, I just did the thing I always do and put way too much pressure on myself 😭😭😭 Doing things for fun??? IMPOSSIBLE
I might revive the little writing challenge I did back in November for February because I had a really good time and got into a good routine and I MISS typing lots of words on my neat little gamer keyboard, especially now that I know how to use Sprinto and can just use that to time things. Like I posted over 40k words of fic in the last two months of 2024??? Not bad for a guy who draws pictures, I think.
If I post a slapped-together calendar in the next few days, you know why LOL
#seagull squawking#also my pal and I's honor run is going fantastically#we're about to fight Ketheric tho and even tho my tav's pants are full of 50+ smokepowder bombs I am still SCARED#also Gale is still alive and my friend is allowing Halsin to live because she knows I love to end the shadow curse hehehe#I also got the platonic version of Gale's act 2 scene for the first time and oughgogughg I love him my sweet soggy wizard hbhbh#that is all thank u very much
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