#am rambles

[hate-letmetellyou]

My prisoners have gotten to the point where they roll their eyes when I compare them to food in my belly. So today I likened the situation to a pregnancy and Ted immediately vomited.

I'm knitting you a onesie, Ted...

[analogwriting]

obviously im alive now. lemme tell you, that clopen into a 16 hour shift led me to not sleep for 36 hours. and some other crazy fuck shit happened. but it's all fine now lmao. back to a regularly scheduled program. (that's the joke. there's no schedule. just my own impatient ass posting whenever I want)

[giant-robot-catgirl]

Being a fifteen feet tall robot catgirl pred means that basically all of my prey is small, relatively speaking, but I especially enjoy having prey that are actually big enough to fill me up. Prey that take immense effort to swallow and force down my throat. Prey that weigh down and stretch out my belly. Prey that take ages to finally melt. I love feeling the bulges of them moving and pressing out from under my skin, fat, and muscle, barely able to do more than pant and sigh with fullness and rub my belly to help them along.

And, of course, bigger prey means more calories. And it's such an incredible feeling to watch such a big meal slowly digest over the course of several days, watching in real time as your stomach's contents soften and gurgle away into plush flab...

[hate-letmetellyou]

"smart printers are also morally evil" hold my beer

stumbled across some of my printer opinions that i don't recall writing but am correct about

[goldensunset]

you! tumblr user!

[sapphicdib]

tumblr is the worst designed website on the fucking planet bro

[radioroxx]

play mouthwashing

[rovermcfly]

proud to say that I have never once in my life figured out the whodunit in any crime story I've read or watched. I just let the facts and clues wash over me, absorbing absolutely none of it. I am the audience they think of when they throw in red herrings, in case you've ever wondered "who would fall for this obvious false lead". it's me. I am the idiot viewer/reader. not once has an obviously framed clue revealed anything to me. my head is completely empty when I consume these stories.

[lazylittledragon]

can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024

[nikoisme]

fucking hate how cats think they can mrrp their way out of anything because yeah, they fucking can.

[midnight-coffee94]

No single line has ever wrecked me as hard as this one from the Good Place and I think about it constantly

[hate-letmetellyou]

I hereby declare tomorrow to be Asshole Visibility Day.

...I may have to work on the title.

[thecranewivesrpf]

My dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “loving the world” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

Me: yeah whatever. I don’t feel shit.

5 minutes later: dude I swear I just saw some moss growing between the cracks in the sidewalk

My buddy, pacing: I found more beauty in the mundane than yesterday

[adrianfridge]

Height gap romance except the shorter one is frequently depicted in situations where they are contextually taller. The taller one sitting while the shorter one looms over them. Both of them lying in bed with the taller one’s head pressed to the shorter one’s chest. The shorter one straddling the taller one’s lap and leaning down for a kiss. The taller one on their knees as the shorter one tilts their head up. Please, it makes me go feral

[exoflash]

a concerning amount of witchblr will be like "um actually new years was stolen by europeans from the ancient god scroobus mcdoobus" and then you actually try to research scroobus mcdoobus and it turns out he was invented in the 1940s by a conspiracy theorist who powdered every meal with ketamine and thinks that queer people are reincarnated fish

[hellishattempt]

nanami kento comes home on a saturday afternoon, hands full of groceries and hair freshly cut. in the distance, he hears his precious wife humming along to her favorite soundtrack. you must not have heard him come in. he smiles to himself, setting the groceries on the counter, but not unloading them. that can wait. right now, he wants to hold you.

he slips out of his shoes, padding quietly to the laundry room where you are folding towels. you have your back to him, headphones lodged in your ears. as nanami gets closer, the music bleeding from your headphones becomes audible. he chuckles softly. no matter how many times he tells you it's bad for your ears, you insist on listening to your music at just below full volume.

snaking his arms around your waist, you jump at the sudden contact. nanami presses his chest against your back as you take out your headphones, leaning into his touch. you sway in silence for a moment, nanami resting his chin on your shoulder. when you turn to face him, your expression changes at the sight of his hair.

"your hair," you state dumbly. "you cut it."

"yes," your husband muses. "is there something wrong with it?"

"no, no!" you assure nanami, studying his hair. "i just wasn't expecting it. you normally have me do it, which you know i don't mind doing."

"i know, but i didn't want to bother you on your cleaning day."

your expression softens at his words. nanami, your ever loving, ever caring husband, always thinking about you before himself. you reach one hand up, smoothing the hair down the back of his neck. as you bring your hand up, the freshly cut hair pricks your palm, and nanami lets out a low hiss.

you immediately apologize, pulling away. "did that hurt?"

"yes, but it's okay. it felt... good," nanami confessed. "... do it again. please." his voice is thick and demanding, and you obey without hesitation.

this time, you use just the tips of your fingertips to graze his undercut, beginning at the base of his neck. his breathing quickens as you continue to to run your hands through his undercut, going up and down, switching from one hand to both, thumbs caressing the sides of the cut. the laundry room fills with his melodic whimpers and faint groans. his eyes are shut tight, teeth digging into his bottom lip.

"fuck..." he cusses lowly.

"you okay, nani?" you giggle, stopping momentarily. his eyes flash open, pupils blown. "kento?"

"let's go to the bedroom," he insisted, grabbing your hand and dragging you towards the master bedroom. you barely have time react before nanami pushes you back on to the bed, practically ripping your leggings off.

"kento, what are you doin-" you try to protest, his hands clamping around your wrist and bringing them down to grip his hair. his head disappears between your leg, lips latching around your clit. involuntarily, your fingers tighten around his sharp undercut. he moans into your cunt, the vibrations sending waves of pleasure through your body.

from then on, nanami kento always got an undercut.