#am i supposed to add more to this shit
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I'm supposed to post here every now and then, huh? Sure would be fucking great if I remembered I made this blog for a reason.
I promise not all my self portraits are me sitting and looking depressed. Different version under the cut.
Kinda dig the black and white. Dunno if it's my style though. Was cool to play around with anyway. Been struggling to find my style, actually. Guess I gotta do more art for that.
#cw self harm#cw eyestrain#think thats all the content warnings this needs#let me know if theres something else#not me#my source self is a special interest#so i know you bitches shove me in the content warnings#yeah i see you#/lh#thinking about scheduling posts#at least id remember#am i supposed to add more to this shit#do people even read the tags#why the fuck do i care actually#this blog is for me#i can add however many fucking tags as i want#i can add 100 if i want#tumblr probably has a limit on that though#think ill schedule a few posts every now and then#fingers crossed i remember i guess#exposure tags incoming#jeff the killer#jeffery woods#jeff the killer fictive#creepypasta#creepypasta fictive#fictive#system#plural#osddid
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they would get divorced in one universe just to find eachother in another one
alternatively titled: sometimes you're the level-headed token flesh-head impulse-control-and-polycule-member of a stubborn, eccentric, and hearty telephone-headed drug addict, and there's cruelty in the world you deem fit to suicidally fight, and that either goes about as well as you'd expect it to, or you learn about love and the value of your life and junk along the way
#scribbles#milton r wallace#callum crown#phonegingi#sgt norm allen#norm allen#dialtown#dialtown a phone dating sim#..uh idk if callum and milt have a ship name orz#normgingi#milton norm parallels save me. Save me milton norm parallels#very specific but its why i prefer to look at the callum-milt-marla situation as like tragic polyamory#as opposed to a cheating one#it adds to the callum-gingi parallels. theyv both got polycule situations C:#though i suppose you could call a cheating situation a dark parallel to gingi's polycule the same way you could call#milton's entire deal a dark parallel to their relationship with norm/the narrator#However i just like tragic polyamory. my visions of milton and marla ALSO being in love yet having the mutual#realization that they hate callum more than they love eachother (esp milton) is highly specific yet also everything to me#misery loves company and all that jazz. a THIRD combination of people having divorce shit going on#this guys ruining my life IM GONNA FUCK HIS WIFE! (They are already in a consensual polyamorous relationship milton is just making it weird#Sorry these tags were going to be like meaningful discussion about this art and then i was enabled to talk about THIS AGAIN#OH YEAH this art in particular i discovered halftones and also started actually using blending brushes#milts face isnt drawn. obviously. but im imagining a kind of 'oh you!' exasperated fondness#as opposed to norm who's just a cranky little tsundere. jokes on milt though HIS relationship is HEALTHIER#also i will never pass up the chance to draw gingi and callum together#theyr both characters i adore drawing gingi's round shapes and different textures and callums cute little bolts#but also they do look soooo similar and yet so different its always really fun to do#and theyr just. my favs lol. my top 3 favs go gingi-mingus-callum hehe#Ok thats all. thank you for coming to my rambles#fig said i should post my art at better times and so i am and that means when i post my art im AWAKE ENOUGH TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT LOL
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meow〜
#my art lol#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#kaito vocaloid#meiko vocaloid#vocaloid meiko#vocaloid kaito#kaimei#sorta?? can be read as platonic/romantic idc interpret as u wish#red#blue#black#there's a funny bonus that goes w/ this but i hate how npf doesnt register breaks properly anymore and fucks up post titles#so i just wont add it here ig. rip. there was ALSO supposed to be a companion piece to this that was darker n edgier#but i am not drawing cyber cat kaito ever again bruh I DIDNT THINK IT WOULD BE THAT HARD TO DRAW BUT WHAT IS GOING ONNN#anyways when i first played project mirai i realized meiko had this module and i was like 'holy shit they can both be cats'#2nd attempt at drawing this cause i didnt like how the first version was coming out. this was supposed to be more emo but eh#me everytime i draw like yeah this is honestly not my best work. post it.#IDC i had fun doing this even if its not the most polished. and i gotta move on to other things#if i agonize over one art piece forever ill never get other shit done. so yuh. make it look decent enough and move on
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read the tags !! // officially quit
#⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀#ok first of all why am i writing in tags you may ask#well i find it less awkward to express in my tags rather in the actual post it self since im one hell of an awkward piece of shit hihi#ANYWAY TO THE TOPIC OF ME QUITING#this has been very long due#like i mean everyone has to have seen it coming#specially since i dont post as frequently and j lost most of my motivation#one. because school is my current priority#two. is my personal life !!! i’ve been vry vry busy keeping up with irl frends and also my family#but the main reason had to be my lack of motivation as in its non existent#next topic !!!#i will be deleting most of my asks and random posts soem of which are memorable to me will be rbloged to my personal acc !#ah and yes will i be coming back?#probably will be lurking time to time but who knows i might actually come back on joshuas bday solely to post a joshua mb HAHAHAHA#ilovemyman frr#I WAS SUPPOSED TO POST THIS ON THE DAY JOSHUA ACTUALLY POSTED ON HIS IG#ok im getting sooooo off topic#but like hooray my last theme is actually jjong toram HAHAH#i actually quited before november like the end of oct but i was too lazy to make a post about it hehehe#but luvi knew ofc :>#anyway if were close moots frel free to add me in discord not like im actually really active#@stariaz. 🤓#who knows i might actually take this back if suddenly the little devil inside me decides to revive itself#anyway this is user k-yujin offically(?) signing off 🤓🤓#ALSOOO DOESNT MEAN I QUITED PPLCAN USE MY STUFF W/O GIVING CREDS !!! (ehem ehem my dividers 👁)#please give creds or i will literally come alive#i still have someone who acts as my eyes here even though j wont post no more#guys i have to wake up at 5 am gud night 🤩#also i cut my hair 😶#thabks for 3.4k though 🫵🫵
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hi its me so back when wattblr was at its peak (2020), watt basically gave me a drug that made me really fuckin creative and want to do a bajillion musicals. 4 years later, warriors has now force-fed me this drug again. Welcome back to me being annoying as fuck woo here's the Izzy Original Rambly Musical Masterlist - Part 1
+ Misfits - been developing this SINCE I WAS 13 and um its Basically A Show Within A Show idea inspired by my past experiences with my former church and their Christmas musicals. TO UNDERSTAND THIS HERE IS SOME BACKSTORY: so when I was 10-13 I used to be in Christmas musicals staged by my sunday school. These musicals were Pilipino translations (the songs stayed English) of Typical American Children Christmas Musicals found on youtube (check out A Rocking Royal Christmas on YouTube yes we did a Filipino translation of that and I played the narrator when I was 11 I'm not kidding). When I was 13, I wanted to make something more resonant to the teen crowd as um to be quite honest the stuff my fellow Sunday school people were going through were Fucking Heavy and i wanted to feature that + I always knew that the Very Kiddy Musicals we set up were mainly a show for the parents and all that. I wanted a message of faith that actually resonated with my age group - and i developed it far enough that at 14, i was commisioned by my sunday school teachers to work with the church's orchestra in actually having this developed! But 15 happened and I started questioning a lot of the stuff my Sunday school and church does in terms of like politics, mental health stuff, sexuality and identity and pressuring me and my fellow teens to become something we were not, and it really felt alienating, almost as if I was simply putting on a show to appease all those that look to me and want me to be the Best of Young Christian Soldiers
So the concept of Misfits is um okay just read this ramble i wrote 3 years ago that is MUCH MORE COHERENT AND COHESIVE than the descriptions ive been whipping up for three hours now:
There is more to this like I have been developing this for 7 years now and there IS A TRACKLIST and each character has a storyline and a certain dynamic with all of the characters - like all are connected one way or another - but the basic gist is:
1.) The Narrators Put On A Show For The Religious Audience, then Start Crumbling at The Questions Presented and Prompted by The Misfits, but also Upon The Realization Of How Much Pressure They Are Under in Supporting A Narrative They Are Conditioned To Unquestionably Trust + the reveal of the secrets they hide and deny about themselves in order to seem as the Perfect Model Christian (sexuality, mental health issues, parental/pastoral pressures, abuse, psychological trauma as a result of Putting On The Show - the Time Travel element is not just there for the purposes of the show, it has a very important plot element too that connects the leader of the Narrators with the defacto leader of the Misfits) + how do they deal with these secrets being slowly revealed when They Know They Are Being Watched
2.) The Misfits Try To Navigate The Strange Musical Scenario and Why The Narrators Seem Preachy, While Also Being Forced to Address Their Pasts and Presents on why They Are Deemed "Misfits" in the First Place (outside of Christian conservatism, there exists undeniable concern for the wellbeing of the "Misfits" aka juvenile delinquency and poverty, mental health issues, and um the defacto leader being a Former Member of the Narrators wHICH WILL BECOME THE RUNNING THREAD TO THE PLOT TWIST which is why they were chosen in the first place), so basically The Misfits Are Challenged to Acknowledged that They Are Indeed Troubled (especially with carefully planted plot points and script prompts used by the Narrators to have these in the open) - but the original Producers Approved plotline has them Turn Back To God, but how can they do so if the problems they face are rooted in the current religious institutions in place? That is the question presented by the Misfits to the Narrators - which is what causes their show to fall apart
3.) Through Questioning The Mission They Were Given and the Environments That Mandate Them To Do So Despite Their Own Struggles (Narrators), and Through Questioning Themselves, Their Struggle, and The Acknowledgment That They Do Need Help (Misfits), the two groups face what I want to be the ultimate thesis question of the musical: when you grow up, where does one find hope? This is my attempt at breaking down the concept of religion because ultimately, people look to a higher figure in the dream of hope and the want for answers - thus, religion cannot ultimately be taken away from people who truly want and seek it. But we gotta deconstruct the narrative that hope is only limited to these religious institutions - and criticism must be relayed to the institutions that mandate that people serve them for the hope they supposedly provide but subsequently break because of prejudice, conservatism, and close-mindedness towards the people the Bible says to serve above all.
So yea the thesis slogan is basically: grow as you go, redefine your mission, and break the script if needed be.
Also it's pop rock, very inspired by SPRING AWAKENING, we are the tigers, and a dash or rent. The songs are English when They Are Part of the Producer's script, and Tagalog when They Are Not Part of the Script (like the characters being honest or unexpected rebuttals to the narrators' preaching moments or when the narrators themselves reveal their secrets). Otherwise, dialogue is taglish YAY
#warning: THIS IS VERY FUCKING LONG#that i had to make the text tiny#it was supposed to be longer likE I HAD THE CHARACTERS' BIOGRAPHIES ALL TYPED OUT#bUT FUCK IT DIDNT SAVE FUUUUCK#anyways thats okay#that'll be for fucking next time i suppose even if i just SPENT AN HOUR WRITING THEM KFJSNVJSJ AAAAA#but anyways here we go yhis is Izzy Project 1#even tho i am more keen on producing Patron rn#i still wanna complete this because like fuck ive been sitting on this one for 7 years now#like for my thirteen year old self's sake i really wanna accomplish this#also this is like i dunno#the 7th complere redraft of misfits like there have been sSO many changes as i grow#i'll probably have to like put a stop to the narrative changes soon because like#i wanna keep the youthfulness of it all#like Patron is very much mature and like political and shiy#i wanna keep how like genuinely confused the spirit is here with Misfits cause that is entirely the point here#its a story of kids figuring shit out#and they dont get it all figured out and thats okay!#all they know is that they wanna break out of the script imposed on them#and find their way from there#ANYWAYS THATS PROJECT 1#next is Patron which will um#take a while#personal shit#izzy's projects#AYAN PARA HINDI MAWALA#also there are so many additional themes that i wANTED TO ADD THROUGH THE TYPED OUT BIOGRAPHIES PERO WALA THEY WERENT SAVED#like the theme of forgiving oneself before anything else and finding hope within and beyond religious faith#Crumbling beneath the pressures of following a predetermined script that does not befit you at all#i HAD SO MUCH TO SAY IF ONLY THE FUCKING BIOGRAPHIES I TYPED OUT WERE FUCKING SAVED
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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hm
thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol
#cylas vents#negativity#negative#death wish#lmao#bitches be like '[potentially concerning thing]' and then add 'lol' as if it's funny or a joke lmao#like i mean technically it's not but then again it is bc it's me. like yeah don't worry don't take this seriously don't mind me ok#it doesn't really matter anyway kk. or maybe it's more like I'm the joke.#like idk the thought that like most of my f/os would probably kill me on sight should be less comforting than it is i guess#imagine casually making posts like this and still being like 'ok but maybe im not actually mentally ill maybe im faking maybe im lying to#myself maybe im making excuses maybe im imagining things maybe im just lazy' etc etc#none of the antidepressants since fluoxetine decided it's over have done shit and even my psychiatrist now is always like 'hm. so do you#want to keep trying other things' and like yeah what else can i do? therapy didnt do anything for this specific issue and the tagesklinik#lady didnt really seem to get my issue (well her suggestions for like therapy groups or whatever were more about socialising or whatever#like ??? girl that's really not the main problem here lmao but she also did have a point about how i would have to actually go there every#day etc but like#what else am i supposed to do#hi i am always tired and sometimes struggle to even get out of bed and thats why i worry about getting a job or something bc it could become#too much or whatever but like unfortunately thats kind of a requirement for everything lmao#when psychiatrist asks what i want/expect or whatever i am internally like 'a magic pill that just fixes everything and makes me a normal#functional human being' but like that's just not A Thing (tm)#so. like. what else am i supposed to do.#i don't want to be like this forever#idk how to tag lmai#using stuff like#tw suicidality#tw suicidal#tw suicidal ideation#just feels so over the top and like i dont have the right to use them lol
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Path Choice: Hunt
||Long overdue thoughts regarding how DH obtains his paths and what it means to him. I did want to like write a drabble about it, but now have this short summary of my thoughts.
The Hunt
Initially, Dan Heng followed The Hunt because he feels like he should. Ever since he was born, he was educated of Dan Feng life and crimes (or more like drilled it into his head). Because he is Dan Feng reincarnation, Dan Heng had to bear his punishment.
By following the Path of the Hunt, the Reignbow Arbitor, Dan Heng feels that "he" (Dan Feng) can find redemption- forgiveness for his sins. That way, Dan Heng won't be haunted by that man past anymore.
There is some idea that Dan Heng met Lan in a dream before he was sentenced to banishment. Unable to recognize the vast space around him, he sees a shooting star moving too fast for his eyes to follow: Beautiful but terrifying. All he hears, as arrows of light descends toward him, are along the lines of: "A Scion of Permanence? The Azure Dragon who attempted to drag the Stars into the ancient sea. Very well. If you seek to redeem your crimes, then take my arrows and vow to annihilate all of Yaoshi spawns in your path."
Then Dan Heng wakes up, confused about his dream. He had no time to decipher it when he's escorted out of the Luofu; exiled. The first signs of Lan blessing are subtle:
The first signs of wind gathering in the palm of his hand (a gift to hide the waters running down his veins)
The confidence he feels unflinching in the face of danger as he wields his spear.
The whispers in the back of his mind (Dan Feng? Lan? Who?) that guides him how to keep his footsteps quiet, to find weaknesses against his opponents, and know when to retreat/fight.
But upon his first meeting with Blade as they clashed, Dan Heng realizes the impact of Lan blessings. The single-minded focus he had, his defenses shifting to pure offensive, and the aggressiveness in his strikes he never had before all because of Blade as his enemy. The fury and hate that tastes like bile in his throat does not belong to him.
It belongs to Lan, and it is Lan that controls him at this moment.
Dan Heng hates it. He hates it even more when he feels something else fighting within him- Permanence, Dan Feng maybe. Struggling to keep Lan power at bay, forcing Dan Heng to stagger in his movements and slow (barely avoiding the lethal strikes of Blade).
Oh, Dan Heng is sick to his core that he has no control at the moment. He hates the feeling that he is never free, even in his own body he has no autonomy.
The first time he stabs Blade in the heart, Dan Heng finally feels like himself. He throws up, the whispers in the back of his mind slowly fading. He believes it was Lan at the moment, but the many times after that...
Dan Heng only slayed Blade if the situation is necessary, and it was within his own choice. In a way, he feels like Lan is watching nearby and mocking him.
The thing is, an Aeon's blessing is also a curse for Dan Heng, he was unaware at the time that the beast he killed many times is the same man his previous incarnation, Dan Feng, dearly loves.
And remember, Lan only requirement for Dan Heng in exchange for his blessings (and allowing him to follow his path) is simple: Annihilate Yaoshi spawns in his path. :)))
Inspired by @everlastiingiimmortals and their amazing Jing Yuan Erudition Path HC's. >:333
#the guard of the express (dan heng)#lotus moon blooming from mud (il dan heng)#jade personal headcanons#||I will do Destruction Path later#||This is a hot mess. I was suppose to do a decent summary.#||I will go back and edit this later#||Remove some tidbits here and there that don't make sense#||I am sleepy#||Willow I still love your Jing Yuan HC's of how he got Nous attention and the impact it had on his life...In all the bad ways. :DDD#||This is long overdue zzzzz#||I also need to decide Dan Feng Path too#||Hints of XingYue#||Okay I was going to add that Dan Heng does love the Luofu despite the shit that happens to him but he considers teh Astral Express#||His home now#||As I wrote the “Follow teh Hunt as a path to redemption” thing#||I really went ahead and be like hehe punishment for Dan Feng where Dan Heng ends up taking that punishment too#||Note Dan Heng absolutely feels like shit because he's not sure if he's in control or something else is which#||adds to his fear when he starts to come to terms that he cannot escape Dan Feng past; that he won' be himself anymore but someone else#||OKay I shut up here now before the tags are filled with more rambles
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ray images that r gonna have to be dug out of my brain with a knife before they kill me
#i wanted 2 add these on to a post of photos i saw on my dash but u cant format shit at all in rbs. so new post for him <3#im soooooo brave for all the images i wasnt able to include on here btw. it was so hard 2 pick what to cut ive suffered more than jesus#ray toro#(BY THE WAY U KNOW HOW I AM ALWAYS SAYING 'kissy rays to u all'....#thats the image on the 4th row thats what ur supposed to picture when i say that)
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as a dr fan we need to acknowledge that some of the danganronpa characters suffer through chronic liners for bad humor by out-of-touch old guy writers syndrome
#glaring at himiko yumeno. kaede akamatsu. sonia nevermind. akane owari....#uhmmm if anyone wants me to explain i can i dont think i can organize my thoughts in tags rn... maybe later ugnnnn#drv3#danganronpa#Okay fine here are my thoughts#“chronic liners for bad humor by out-of-touch old guy writers syndrome” is a simplified term for this phenomenon where writers#give characters lines not to reveal their characters but to please the audience in distasteful ways for the sake of being ''funny''#(uh maybe i should like... do an actual proper text reblog for this because its hard typing this shit in tags but)#i feel like a huge example of this is kaede's comments towards tsumugi to the point shuich says shes an ''old creep''#although these comments *could* be an extension of her trait for pushing people too far (ex: the tunnel shit)#the comments actually dont. instead they are treated very unserious. in a way they feel so... vague and light#to the point that it appears that those comments *arent* trying to reveal anything about her character#especially since that trait is more specific than quite broad#i get people being uncomfortable with those comments (i am too) but they feel like a terrible#''writers talking through their characters for people to be more engaged with the media in a quirky relatable way'' than anything else#like ''writers are trying to appeal to the audience humor/desires and reach the audience's culture to the point of being out of touch"#so THATS the reason that i feel like it will be weird to shit on ''kaede defenders'' for the comments cuz they're just so..#detached from her character that people hardly take that as genuinely being apart of her character#and if it is genuinely apart of her character then its only as a way to keep people engaged with the story and character#it hardly adds anything meaningful to her character#fuck me these tags are long but onto himiko: most things ive said about kaede's comments apply to himiko's weird#fucking racism comments (ex: the afro comment that genuinely made me a little upset)#but to add onto that. himiko plays into a very specific trope that is ''lo1i girl'' and often that trope comes with quirky and “funny” trai#they're supposed to be so palatable and marketable to the audience and apart of the charm is how ''funny'' they are#the racism comment is way more revealing of the writers than himiko's character itself.. so no himiko is not racist; the writers are.#feeling the need to play into a trope by creating “funny” lines that is basically just fucking racism is just soooo danganronpa#*eyeroll*#and yeah i mentioned the other characters. sonia and akane being a victim of this phenomenon#although this moreso reflects the english translators than the writers of the game...#them randomly speaking in aave (which may i add theyd never do this) for the ''lols'' is a choice..
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Mike johnson has so god damn much blood on his hands, obviously Ukrainian blood, but also plenty of American blood
Refusing to renew something that helps vets exposed to atomic blast and Americans who were downwind of the fall out... it's just sick. I can't fucking stand mike johnson, he's one of the worst scum to ever be in congress, and that's fucking saying something
"Johnson refused to allow House members to vote on bipartisan legislation to renew and improve the program"
Fucking quivering little pimple seems to have a real MO for just wringing his hands while insisting it's not his fault, he just can't do the one fucking part of his job of putting shit up to a vote... oh boo hoo, so sad, he'll just have to unilaterally let funding expire on things instead of literally just putting it up to our elected representatives to see if they want to vote yay or nay
Single handedly make the choices but it's not his fault when they work out how they do
Murderer
#I'm sorry; I both genuinely hate the man and will never forgive him; so seeing this just adds more fuel to that fire#and I'm also genuinely pissed to hear that we aren't gonna be bothering to fucking help out people we fucked over#it's fucking sick#listen; I try not to talk politics too much and I try not to tell people how to vote cause it's not really my business#and cause I don't like arguing with people on tumblr; waste of my time#but for all the dems many many many many many fucking flaws; it's shit like this that makes me hate the gop#every last line about sticking up for rural or poor people or whatever is such a fucking lie#god bless our troops... unless it would cost money to compensate them for making them stand near atomic detonations#at every turn I see fucking simple easy decent bipartisan policy shot down but fuckers like johnson; who is the gop at this point#fuck em; can't stand em#go fucking vote if you can in whatever country you're in; try and get a mail in ballot for your sake#I'm still not gonna tell you how to vote but uh... maybe keep in mind when someone's hands are fucking caked in blood#and keep in mind what kind of company people keep in their political party#fucking murder#cause inaction is murder as sure as if he stood their and kept them from getting treatment directly#removing the funding to let these people get cancers and stuff operated on#it's the same as murder#and again; that's not even going back to him personally; like literally it was just him and him alone#holding up aid to Ukraine for months because he refused to put it to the floor#where... oh look... once it was put to the floor it passed just fine (with a fucking tiktok ban added)#(hate that site but I hate government overreach with this kinda shit more)#one of the few people in this world I think I actually truly hate#I'm never gonna fucking stomach the 'he was so brave for holding a vote' shit lie#bullshit; if he had a spine or a soul he would have brought Ukraine aid to the floor before funding ran out#just like if he had a spine or a soul he'd have brought this radiation victim funding to the floor before it ran out#almost like there's a fucking pattern here of him squirming like a pus filled pimple simpering about how he just can't do his job#can't do the one fucking thing he's supposed to do and bring shit to the floor for a vote#I have more opinions on him; but if I said how I really feel right now I think it would get me put on a list#and... sadly just cause of who I am; if I were in a room alone with him I think I'd just lay into him instead of beating his ass#but he's a fucking monster and reading this story just now... I'm almost seeing red with how much it's pissing me off
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Let it be known I do Not have the drive for Apex anymore bc the fandom just,,,killed my love to create + the story got,,,strange (not that it's any worse than Overwatch who cannot Keep their story or even timeline right lmao)
But I would drop any and everything to talk abt and write abt Bloodhound bc im in love with them
#Part 2??#princess talks#Listen if u only comment and only Like the fics I make then I aint gonna wanna write anymore#at least for that fandom lnao#i am a dog#u wanna see a trick? gimme a treat#holds up the 8 of u that always rb and put nice tags#ur my good bbies tho id create more apex content Just for u bitches#Theres talk abt lack of support for artists and writers again in new age fandoms and Apex was brought up and I was like Hey!#but anyway i am in love with Bloodhound so let it be default that if it involves Bloodhound Im In#just not the current lore lmao uauvgua#a part of my og tags got destroyed and what the first one is supposed to be is commenting only Part Two??#i hate that shit man#unless u add on what u loved abt it then we gucci
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I am CRYING because I watched 7 episodes of Made in Abyss today (will keep the rest for next days because if I binge I start to lose track of the plot) and something funny already happened dsfhhdsfd
I will not ramble too extensively but ONE THING
So, usually I am liveblogging animes I watch by "talking" to myself on Discord and I started to overthink a visual detail:
So I got thinking real hard about it and this is where things got pretty intense so I skipped on liveblogging that and just watched
And then...
Just like I thought from the very start, it was a side effect of Abyss because skin on the skull gets effected by hollowing too - resulting in loss of hair color on these spots, but like. I thought it was super hilarious because it is not JUST Bloodb0rne where I overanalyze occasional visual quirks in a way that ACTUALLY makes me guess lore before its revealed, it is, like... my brain JUST works like this. This is permanent dfsjfdj
#watch log#sorry for rambling but like... i can't explain how funny it makes me feel#i am like this with everything apparently#'here is me ranting my thoughts about a design solution that i swear is not just anime logic instead of talking about the PLOT'#'i can prove it is supposed to mean someth- yeeeeeep'#but yes now i am curious what happened with the director#i'll see i guess#ozen is such a sexywoman material though#like she is really creepy but in a good way#i was complaining that this type of character is ALWAYS male and female characters like this are not written#and here is she lol#i was genuinely surprised by resolution in that episode though#but yeah she is very sexyman-ish#minus that tumblr sexymen are loosers that are easy to bully whereas she is really fuckin badass#but yes more female characters like this please#she said such a fucked up thing to the protag tho that genuinely impressed me#this show is super interesting to watch though? the best shit if you like worldbuilding and-#-lore and mysteries and for every thing to make sense while told through lence of realistic characters-#-with their own flaws and goals. like i am only 25% through and already am super intrigued#i mean you can't add concept of 'Abyss' in your lore and not make it super interesting but still. it IS super interesting
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desperately throwing my animatics at my portfolio please let me into your animation program, school
#my post#BLEASE#they did eventually call me it was like 2 seconds after i complained about them being late#and the lady was like ' ok so you want to switch your major?' and wordlessly typed into her computer for several minutes#and then she was like 'ok well. they want you so ill get into contact with them and see if theyll reconsider'#and then very vaguely said someone would contact me in some way in like a week or so#and so now im just sitting here vibrating like HWAT NOW??#WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHILE I WAIT#THIS IS LIKE WAITING TO SEE IF I GOT ACCEPTED ALL OVER AGAIN !!!!!!!!!#unfair 2 me. simply let me in bcus i asked politely#anyways now im panicking and yeeting more stuff into my portfolio incase they decide to look at it again#woe ctommy animatic be upon ye#not even gonna pretend to be nervous about the sheer amount of mcyt shit im submitting like they already accepted me mostly based on ctommy#they can handle the sbsr cr hand holding animatic#consideringggg adding ynbf but it doesnt look very nice idk if i want my school to see that#but i did add am i making u proud yet even tho she kinda sucks <33 shes funny tho#i also added one of the ones i drew on my ohone yippee#guys wtf goes into an animation portfolio bcus i have no fucking clue i am guessing over here
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I'm going to struggle to sleep and get up tomorrow
Curse it all
#miranda talking shit#At one hand i liked the conversation i had with fabian and i think i got some answers to questions ive been wondering about but im also lik#Unpacking all this.... So much to unpacking and to be put in a folder in my head where does it all go... Still hate how#He hit me with the biggest ... Maybe in the universe and i can't deal with it. No I'd be relieved and accept an no fullstop but he had to#Add in the.... Idk actually lol i dont have a reference and i would like to know how it is crossing boundaries in our relationship#Whag the fuck man.... You really gave me the strongest 'i think youre into me and it worries me' and then nullify it with an 'idk how i#Feel sometimes id like to explore more' how am i supposed to... Handle that information... I had been going around telling myself#What he said to me 2019 is the way he still feels and me thinking he might think more is just me being paranoid but then yeah#What a clusterfuck. I mean to me it wont change anything in the broader picture no matter what i care for him ya know? But now thats... An#Whole other thing like. Should i try to act differently? Be more careful? Or would that be unfair bc then id do what he've been doing to me#I will quote him again 'miranda i think if both of us got an gf/bf at the same time this would solve itself' i joked and said he could find#Me one and I'll find one for him. But yeah i think that would ... Be a solution in an ideal world. Idk how to do anything man#At one hand i think he's overestimating how much he's on my mind but also its true. I spend a lot of my social time with him so obviously#I think about him? But i also have a reference on how i am... With people i have crushes on and who im in love with and how o think of thoe#Its just so scary to think about how i am his reference ... To... Well basically a ton of things... Im not a good reference unless you want#An abnormal reference. I guess im anxious I'll somehow ... Ruin him or something. This was a big conformation that i am his reference to#Women and close relationships with women and i am not made for that... Most feminine tjing about me is being sappy and giving compliments#And encouragement. Otherwise im basically like ... A dude. Guess it also scares me that he knows me. I know i know him but the fact its#Mutual is aw man... Being known is still a struggle. He wasmt completely wrong is his logic bc he knows me i think too much about people#And things. I understand im so anxious bc i care about him and im worried about losing him or pushinh him away but shit#Hes sleeping rn and is at peace with this probably. He doesn't dwell on it. He even said hes been thinking about this... Bc he began to#Think about what i could be thinking? So its not even his own thoughts but thoughts about whaf i could be thinking? ?? Whack and im likebro#Flattering that you go to that length but also... Literally what??? Cant tell if hes somehow projecting or if this is genuinely how he was#Thinking but damn. Boy does have some confidence at least? He's such an fool. I love him but holy shit he blows me away sometimes
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I know it's useless to get mad at the dog, she's just a hyperactive little thing who doesn't know how to behave yet. She's left home alone for at least 6 hours every day and she's bored, I can't blame her for tearing apart her training pads or shitting all over the place. Even if I did, she must have done it hours ago, dogs don't get that actions that happened so long ago have consequences and all me yelling at her will result in is her being scared of me. I know all that, I do
So WHY am I still so angry at her?? Why does it feel satisfying to lash out and see her scurry away??? She doesn't deserve to be treated like that, she doesn't know any better. And I don't know how to teach her to know better, I don't have the patience for it. She deserves better than me
#I just feel so.. impossibly helpless#here's this tiny creature that depends on me for eveything. that I asked for. that I wanted. and I can't even take care of her properly#I struggle cleaning up after myself. let alone a dog. and I really hate having to handle her shit#I know it's a matter of time. a matter of training#eventually I'll be able to take her on walks and all this won't be an issue anymore#but it is now and I cannot control how much it's pissing me off#if I wasn't alone it would be easier. but I am. so everything falls on me#I'm trying my best and it's just not enough#and my mom will be mad at me because I didn't walk her today even though I promised I would bc it's the last warm day we're supposed to have#but what am I supposed to do if she won't let me take her outside?? she's okay with her harness but the leash scares her#she just stands there hunched over and refuses to move. and cries#I can't force her. I don't want walks to be something she's scared of#but mom is annoyed that getting her used to being leashed takes so long. she insists that forcing her outside is the best course of action#and I can't even tell if she's right or not. I just want my honeybun to be happy and not scared#I feel like crying. I've been barely holding back for the last hour#it's just so so much#it'll pass and settle. I know it will. but I'm just exhausted#now I'll have to admit to everyone that I wasn't able to walk her again...#and that I don't know what to do with her#I don't regret asking for her. I really don't. I've wanted a dog for years#but maybe the timing of exam year + beginning of the colder months wasn't the greatest#and I started my period the day she arrived. so that.. just adds to the emotional instability#I'll get over it. I'll handle everything in time. I just.. wish I had someone to support me#or at least someone who wouldn't tell me 'well what did you expect? owning a dog is hard work. you can't just play all the time.#maybe you should have thought about that responsibility more' I KNOW. I HAVE. I JUST.. have my moments of frustration#that I wish I could express without everyone. including my own mind. telling me I'm a terrible pet owner#that's all#I adore my dog and I would never hurt her or subject her to any harm#but I'm also human and very mentally ill at that. I'm not perfect but I'm not bad. and she deserves better than that#but we're stuck with each other now. I could never give her up. I'm attached already. so... we'll make it work. one way or another. I swear
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