#am i an adult yet

[bearsfakedthemoonlanding]

I’m twenty-six

and I am a child, and often an adult.  I am an adult as I sign a lease with my partner for the first time and a child as I frown at the renter’s insurance website and try to puzzle through summing up the value of my possessions (less than $15k for everything I own? Truly? Not even a quarter of my student debt amount).

I am a child as I shop for rugs, and an adult as I browse bedside tables. A child when I look specifically for colorful furniture, an adult when I consider the quality of the rug, how easy it might be to clean, etc. 

I am a child wanting the cool sweater at the coffee shop that has a deer on the front. I am an adult sipping coffee (frozen (child)) and reading for a research project (on kink (which is incredibly silly and playful, for me (so, child, again))). I am an adult clicking over to my bank account to see if, on top of the other expenses that come with moving across the country, treating my partner well, and filling an apartment with furniture, I can afford the deer sweatshirt. 

I am an adult when I fulfill my responsibility of calling my mother, but a child while we talk to each other. An adult once again when she says, “For fucks sake, [deadname], you’re a therapist. Use your degree for a moment, would ya?” when asking my unwilling perspective on a family conflict matter. An adult who doesn’t pout and protest at being deadnamed, or maybe a quiet child who learned it won’t do any good to bother. 

I talk to my teenage cousin and realize, suddenly and harshly, that 26 is a long way from 16, and yes thank GOd I am an adult. You could not pay me to go back to that.

I bought the sweater. There’s a deer on it. Child.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using

[scruffydoomergirl]

If you look closely you can see my nipple :3

[noxcheshire]

A one sided crack ship I suddenly got in my delirious hungry state, and need to throw it up so here you go

Joker x Danny

But its JOKER whose one sided feelings for Danny who is really trying his best to ignore this weird clown mf

I was thinking that it could either be actual ‘oh no I have a crush on this guy’ OR Joker being liminal enough and ghostly enough to sense the otherworldliness of Danny Fenton. An otherness that Joker just wants. Like a hungry, starved beast that had finally found a proper meal instead of the bone scraps he’s been trying to scrap off of Batman.

He doesn’t even realize what it is he wants either, only that he wants to pull Danny’s skin back and nestle inside.

Danny on the other hand knows, he’s gone through a few ghostly sessions to understand that Joker is starved, and empty, and already half mad from hunger that he is willing to try and grab a fully loaded half ghost that could still kick his ass.

I just like the idea of everyone’s horror pov of the Joker trying to attract this one civilian guy and Danny just being annoyed by this one scraggly alley cat trying to gnaw on his arm.

[rubberduckyrye]

Okay in all seriousness. There's something that I REALLY want to talk about as an open discussion with the fandom, but. This is not going to be a very nice thing to hear/talk about.

It's about how Gonta is treated by the fandom.

As a fan of all the V3 characters now, and as someone who has always been a fan of Gonta, and as someone who has many mental disabilities and two diagnosed neurodivergancies... I'm tired of playing nice about it.

You all need to stop being ableist towards Gonta.

I've mentioned in the past that I don't like shitting on personal interpretations. I don't like saying something is or is not canon because narration is just a big web of text that you try to decipher with your own personal biases, experiences, and thoughts. That's why two literary analysts analyzing the same text with the same literary criticism rules can come to wildly different conclusions--why people develop different headcanons from the same canonical information.

But one of the things that challenged my integrity is just how many people view Gonta as this innocent, naive, ignorant, baby boy who can do no harm/never has a complicated/dirty/violent/sexual thought in his life ever.

This incredibly ableist interpretation of the character bothered me for, well, obvious reasons (See: It's fucking ableist, need I say more?) but I never challenged it as harshly as I am now because to be frank, it's not my place to tell people how to HC a character. It still isn't. But I've pretty much given up on my integrity on the subject and have decided to go all in on discussing why this interpretation of Gonta is just. Really bad.

First of all, not to promote my own analyses here or anything, but I think this analysis I did of Gonta explains a LOT in regards to the ableism the cast gives him in canon. I also think that this subtle ableism is why the fandom is so bad with Gonta's characterization in headcanons and fanfic--because they've seen how the cast treats him, and they think it's normal. They don't see the microaggressions, they don't see the subtle ableism in the cast--they just see this big giant idiot who speaks like Tarzan in the English version (which... I don't actually know why people assume Tarzan (Thinking of Disney's version) is stupid. Like as a boy he had to reinvent the spear with no one to guide him on how to do it. He was able to strategize and outsmart "civilized" men in the final showdown. Still I digress) and don't see the literal genius behind his social awkwardness.

There is also another very important point I'm going to make in addition to this, and it's going to be very uncomfortable to Gonta fans who insist he's nothing but a sweet baby who only has pure thoughts. Especially to the fans who insist he "can't be sexual" or think it's weird to ship him with his peers.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but... Gonta blatantly has sexual desire and gets horny right in canon.

This is further clarified here:

It wasn't a matter of Gonta didn't want to touch her because touching someone in their underwear was inappropriate, or being flustered because she was in her underwear which is inappropriate...

It was literally a "weird feeling" that made him unable to approach her or touch her. A "weird feeling" that Miu makes pretty obvious as to what it was--sexual arousal.

He literally was sexually attracted to and felt sexual arousal from looking at Miu in her underwear. He had sexual feelings and thoughts about Miu. Why?

Because Gonta is a young man.

Gonta is a brilliant, talented young man who has normal human thoughts for someone his age--sexual desires, upsetting thoughts, complicated thoughts, ectect. He is not a child, he is not mentally stunted (I've been informed that people have literally said this on Ao3 for the NSFW Gonta fics, please for the love of god stop that)

I think the reason why Gonta fans typically want to keep him as a "pure baby child who can do no wrong" is because treating him like the young adult that he is makes it harder for them to justify Chapter 4. Every time I've seen a Gonta fan that hates Kokichi, it's always followed by the sentiment of "Kokichi manipulated and abused Gonta into killing Miu, so it's all Kokichi's fault." They're afraid of nuance and liking a character with the grey morality of genuinely thinking Mercy Killing the cast is a viable option, because it challenges their own morals about the character they adore.

To those people who read this and are upset: You can and should like Gonta! Gonta is a magnificent character who showcases the subtle way microaggressions can manifest and hurt people, he's a good-hearted person and a literal genius, he cares deeply for his friends and loves everyone with upmost sincerity.

But.

You need to re-evaluate your stance on Gonta if you think he's a stupid, naive fool who Kokichi manipulated. You need to re-evaluate why you think those thoughts, why you think Gonta being shipped with anyone is "Kinda weird" or "has weird consent problems" or "give you the ick." You have to challenge yourself and ask yourself uncomfortable questions in regards to why you treat Gonta like a child when canon has proven otherwise, why you think he cannot have violent or sexual thoughts, why he can't think mercy killing his class is the only way to save them.

This isn't an attack on you--but understand that these specific takes on Gonta? They are ableist in nature. They belittle and dismiss him, they treat him like a child, an idiot who can't think for himself--and you have to come to terms with the fact that Gonta is a far more complex character with complicated thoughts and feelings who is a young adult. Not a child. A young adult.

So again, ask yourself this: Why are you treating this young adult like he's a toddler?

[cringefail-clown]

man i missed drawing him

[weirdozjunkary]

This is the post. Today is my birthday.

[muzsmocsing]

old man jenkins escaped the geriatric ward again

[aleelewisharlot]

I know I only just dipped my toes in arthuriana and there are huge holes in my knowledge of it. But I do find it interesting that in modern retellings of the myths that purposely are sympathetic to Mordred (the ones I’ve read) they either don’t show the battle of camelot or they make it happened almost accidentally in terms of whether Mordred actually intends to kill Arthur.

In The Idylls of the Queen, it’s hinted at that Mordred will kill Arthur. Him struggling with the nature of his birth, the killing of the babies, and his own fate is part of his character. It’s why he acts and says what he does. But it’s not shown or really dealt with in the book (not a flaw since the plot is not about that).

In I am Mordred, his fate and the nature of his birth is known to everyone. People fear him and already judge him for what he is going to do. This is the main conflict for Mordred because he does not want to be this. He hasn’t done anything but he suffers anyway because everyone has decided he will do it. He is conflicted about his feelings for his father because he in one sense loved him and in another hated him because he does nothing. He doesn’t acknowledge Mordred as his son until the end after they both die. The only reason Mordred does fulfill the prophecy and his fate is because his soul is stolen which turns him evil. Mordred is not born evil or has no intentions to harm his father. He does consider it or thinks about it but it is the anger of a confused child who wants to be acknowledged and loved. He never actually harms Arthur. He threatens to kill himself more often and ultimately loves his father and trusts him enough to give him his soul.

In The Winter Prince, Medraut/Mordred only fulfills it accidentally and it's briefly summarized. Medraut mercy kills Artos and that is it (I haven’t read the rest of the books).

I just find it kind of interesting that when authors want to portray Mordred sympathetically they don’t have him actually fulfill the prophecy. It’s by accident, a circumstance beyond his control, or simply hinted at but not shown. Which I do think is weird and maybe I just haven’t found a retelling that does a balance or complex Mordred who does intentionally kill his own father and who is sympathetic and is meant to be read like that. I know two of my examples are YA in a sense so I get why they don’t do this. I just think it could be done and done very interestingly! But nonetheless…

[bearrverine]

drew this in-between anxiously checking the polls to see if i will have rights by this time next year.

i know there will be so many more people more disenfranchised by the laws imposed on our lives and on our bodies if trump is voted into office, but i'm still scared. i will be 18 next year and i may not get to transition into the man i have waited for over a decade to be, and i am scared.

but it doesn't mean i wont fight. it doesn't mean i won't continue to be loudly queer and it doesn't mean that i won't find a way to be me and fight for my rights. if trump makes it illegal to get trans healthcare safely, i will do it myself, and i will fight for others to do it themselves, too.

[kindest-little-fella-in-town]

making art of gay tugboats? call that SHIPPING!!! (badum-tssshhhh)

[bipolarmango]

When you've spent most of your life by being just randomly mistreated, somehow judged, or used as a scapegoat when you've done nothing, learning that autistic people are evaluated less favorably by neurotypical people is a game changer. It's not even you being paranoid or necessarily doing anything really wrong, it's actually other people having an unconscious bias towards you just because they can sense that something is off.

[frobby]

I think it would be really funny if rin was the more helpful one around his house. Like u would think rin would be the disrespectful one who always bails on housework or mass but its actually yukio who would always have an excuse not to go or forget about chores to the point that rin just does them instinctively now

[signanothername]

I know I keep asking this and you only answer when its anon but please please what is your opinion on Cross and a reference or full body comic. Please Anó I'm not trying to be bothersome but I'm balling by eyes out on your so few Cross drawings.

*Disintegrates*

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say you didn’t see this sign (refer to no.4 in that post please) and this sign (read the full post)

Whether someone is on Anon or not isn’t in the equation when I answer an ask, I answer asks that I can answer easily way more quickly cause I already have that answer with me on the ready, other asks I take some time for reasons that I am not obligated to share

If I happen to only answer your questions when you’re on Anon, it’s merely a coincidence and nothing more

I find it hilarious cause I literally just got a friend’s opinion on which design I should go for Cross’ jacket just a few minutes before I got this ask

I’m not some sort of machine that is able to bump out artworks or answers for asks as they come, have some fucking respect for my time and understand that when you send an ask, you’re talking to a human behind that fucking screen, and that doesn’t just go for me, but for every fucking blog on this hellsite

[thedeadthree]

𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐆𝐄: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐕𝐄𝐈𝐋𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐃 ➸ irulanne . the rook .

𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍 𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒 . 𝐄𝐋𝐅 . 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐄 .

-`. template by @kanos . coloring . icons .

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