#always shitposting I’m sorry

[polysucks]

Asoiaf fan: Preeeeeetty sure the Twins are as haunted as Harrenhal now bc of the Red Wedding

Zack Bagans .826 seconds after reading that post, already in Walder Frey’s bedchambers:

[certified-muppet-enjoyer]

thousand meep stare

[andromedism]

if glenn howerton is the people’s princess then that makes robert dale mcelhenney III her ex husband, k*ng ch*rles, which unfortunately tracks.

[toothpaste-for-the-skin]

Another shitpost sorry

(This is my actual callout when enemy superchumps are on the field)

Afterwards:

This is the original btw (I actually remembered to add it this time)

[bookwyrminspiration]

i love you, gay or bi guy named Ashley <3

[moony-t0ast]

lime and jade :)

SOPHIA!!! (Is that your name can I call you that? I’m like 60% sure???)

You really think I have good takes 🥹🥰🤭 I thought I was mostly just speaking into the void

Put colors in my ask box <33333

[fandomcrazy09]

I am back from my cave of inactivity with some more out-of-context quotes from Ao3.

[duskbunny7]

[yournightmary]

Streamer!Ellie HCs | part II

content warning:: fem!reader, modern!AU

AN:: I’m really bored but don’t have any motivation for writing:( Hope you like it babes xx

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who started posting stream VODs on her youtube and blew up even more. There were funny clips of her all over tik tok, I mean literally- all over, even people that never interacted with anything similar had them in their for you pages.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who had to deal with people saying ‘you aren’t right for her’ and that you’re dating her just for clout. You dated before she even started streaming but whatever, right?

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who as a joke made a donation goal named ‘for my and my girl’s house’ and people actually donated tons of money. She felt bad and donated most of it to charity.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who starts screaming into the phone that she’s streaming and to not say anything stupid every time someone calls her on stream, too lazy to mute her mic.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who loves to get invited to all those silly little podcasts, especially if the hosts let her bring you with her.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who opened a PR box and forgot about it. Had like 3 streams in a row that lasted multiple hours opening all of those packages, including eating expired snacks and getting glitter bombed.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who became a lot more family friendly after she almost got perma banned. Still keeps the same vibe but cut down on the swearing and getting hurt for laughs.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who used that change to get more into fundraiser streams. (thinking about Lil Simsie and St. Jude)

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who started doing actual youtube videos after some of her content creator friends convinced her to do so. You’re her favorite guest on her channel.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ I think she’d keep her twitch more gaming related and make her youtube more irl/vlogs kind of thing. Something like Jake Webber and Johnnie Guilbert but it’s Ellie and you.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who started getting so much partner and sponsorships you guys decided to move to a bigger place, maybe even an actual house. Not only did she get to use her money on something actually important but also got more space for all of her things.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who would never take a sponsorship from a brand she didn’t like. Or an add for a product that was shitty. Probably even hated on some brands while streaming, she’s an honest girlie.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who takes you on every trip she’s invited to.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who after some time started worrying that she’s not giving you enough attention, focusing too much on her career. Takes a short break (maybe 1-2 weeks) every time it’s too much for her to think about.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who is constantly begged to make a house reveal. She always denies because she’s too scared someone will recognize the building and doxx/stalk you or her.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who got addicted to shitposting on tik tok. I talking, 5-10 tik toks a day. Things like this and this.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who actually married you. Wasn’t really planned, she just woke up one day and took you guys to the courthouse. (i don’t know how american marriages work, sorry)

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who also didn’t tell anyone but her closest friends about it. And one day, like half a year later, she was just like ‘oh yeah we’re legally married’ and showed off her fancy ring.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who LOVES to call you ‘her wife’. Probably did it before you even got married, but shhh.

I need a girlfriend so bad it’s pathetic.

[louthesawgirl]

What each Saw character would get as a Tesco meal deal (scientifically accurate)

Hello everyone, I decided as my debut long Saw shitpost, I thought I would decide what meal deals different Saw characters would opt for if they stumbled into a Tesco and were a bit peckish after setting up a few traps.

If you’re not from the U.K. or Ireland and are not familiar with the British & Irish institutions of a meal deal, it’s basically a packaged sandwich, pasta pot, salad, bit of sushi maybe alongside a snack item and a drink for a fixed price (it used to be around £3/ €4 but the shops are taking the piss now). Meal deals are considered a treasured institution here and are an indication of your personality. People judge your character based on what you get between two slices of cheap bread.

Here’s what different Saw characters would get for a Tesco meal deal:

Adam (Faulkner) Stanheight

1. Southern fried chicken chipotle mayo sub

2. Doritos cheese flavour

3. Vimto still drink

Judging on how we know Adam is quite an unorganised adult struggling to adult most days, I would assume he opts for high energy foods to keep his tastebuds happy. Cheese, spiced chicken and fruity drinks seem up his street. Plus, Vimto is a very Mancunian thing and if Saw was set in the U.K., there’s no way Adam would not be from Manchester.

Dr Lawrence (Larry) Gordon

1. Eat Your Greens Feta Salad

2. Apple & Grape snack pot

3. Chilled Iced Latte

I feel like because Larry is a doctor, he prioritises convenience but also eats healthily. I also imagine him to be meat free/ vegetarian so that explains the feta & greens salad (I don’t think he’d be vegan though, he seems like he loves proper cheese too much). Larry seems like he’d always be carrying breath mints or tictacs to minimise the cheese or coffee breath- nobody needs a waft of that when being told they’ve got 6 months left to live.

Amanda Young

1. BLT sandwich

2. Walkers Thai Sweet Chilli Sensations Crisps

3. Monster Energy drink (chosen based on packaging colours to match mood)

Amanda is a busy lady planning traps and building contraptions designed to almost certainly kill people. She seems like she enjoys a bit of spice along with classic comfort combinations.

John Kramer

- Chicken & bacon sandwich

- Egg snack pot

- Green smoothie

John seems like he’s mindful of what he puts into his body considering he’s consistently a salt & vinegar crisp away from death with the cancer and all. He’s also a very smart man so he would know the best value for money combination with a meal deal is getting an overpriced fruit smoothie for a drink.

Mark Hoffman

- All Day Breakfast sandwich (triple)

- Walkers Max Salt & Vinegar crisps

- Red Bull

Mark seems like he can’t get enough of bacon & sausage, even though it’s cold and not exactly very fresh. Maybe he’d even have a bit of HP brown sauce with it. Mark would also probably make immature jibes towards vegans and vegetarians because he’s that kind of man. Considering Mark works overtime setting up traps and evading capture, all he’d be drinking by the events of Saw 7 would be energy drinks.

Jill Tuck

- Egg & Cress sandwich

- Arla strawberry protein yogurt

- Bottle of water

Jill is a bit… bland. I’m sorry but I just have to say it. Egg & cress perfectly summarises Jill’s personality as seen in movies 4-7 between two pieces of bread.

Peter Strahm

- Deli style cheese & pickle sandwich

- Smoked salmon sushi pack

- Pepsi Max

Strahm made some good decisions, some regrettable ones and one very very dumb decision during his time in the Saw universe. Just like his track record with making poor decisions, I’d guess Peter would get some supermarket sushi as a snack with his meal deal- not very fresh nor authentic and will leave you wondering why you couldn’t have got a pack of reliable crisps or a chocolate bar instead.

Lindsey Perez

- Feta & sundried tomato pasta

- Propercorn sweet & salty popcorn

- Fanta orange

Perez is a great character and so she would get a meal deal to reflect that. Why do I also imagine Lindsey being veggie?

Eric Matthews

- Meatball marinara sub

- Walkers Monster Munch Pickled Onion crisps

- Red Bull

I feel like this choice accurately reflects Eric. It’s a combination that’s maybe reflective of an immature palette, maybe even a sort of guilty pleasure combination. I wonder if he’d put the monster munch hands (or feet) on his fingers and eat them like that.

Hope you enjoyed my incredibly British saw shitpost x

[aziraphales-library]

Lost Fic #191

1. Hi! Yesterday I found a highly specific fic on tumblr and i started reading it, but I lost it and somehow I can't find it in my history. I had found it on tumblr, under somebody shitposting that crowley and aziraphale decide who tops or bottoms every evening based on who received the check... the actual fic's plot is that one evening they're dining and crowley tries to joke that waiters always give him the check because they think he tops, but he took for granted that Aziraphale hadn't understood the joke so he laughs it off, but Aziraphale DID and he gets irritated about it. They go to Aziraphale's place, they try to talk it out and smut ensues. I think Aziraphale says at one point "I don't always want to be your stupid friend". But I'm sure there was a reversed wall slam. Help me if you can, please?? - anon

2. Hello! I am looking for a lost fic that I couldn't find in my AO3 history or your tags :( It's Aziraphale POV, takes place mostly in the bookshop. Aziraphale is excited to make a human friend who asks what A.Z. Fell stands for, and Aziraphale panics and says "Anthony." Human friend asks Aziraphale to a lecture (or the like) and Aziraphale says yes not realizing it's a date. Crowley overhears him being called Anthony and cracks up, and human friend mistakes A and C for a couple. If you or any of your followers know what this fic is I'd be so grateful! Thank you! - @smallspaceplant

3. Hi guys, first off I'd like to thank you for all the love and effort you put here, and it's helped me loads! I'm looking for a fic that I read a long, long time ago. It was so long ago that it might have been posted on ff.net, I really can't remember. I'd like to think I've read it about 10 years ago, but can't be sure. What I do remember is that Aziraphale fell and went with the name Zira or maybe Zirah, favored a cane with intricate carvings that Crowley(not that name though) gave him, and he used that to, a, sort a problem with the extra baby, and Crowley(or whatever his angelic name was) found blood on it and was understandably freaked out. Does anyone remember this fic? - anon

4. Hello! I’m looking for a fic and I only have a vague recollection of some scenes so I completely understand if you can’t pin it down! It’s 100% book omens, and I’m pretty sure it was written before the show came out. I’m also pretty sure it’s less than 10k words. Crowley and Aziraphale sleep together for the first time and the next morning Crowley is having Thoughts about whether this was considered a temptation. Aziraphale shuts it down and kisses him again. They show each other their wings. In the end, they kind of go their separate ways but agree to meet up again some time in the future. Again, sorry for the lack of details! - anon

5. Hi! I’m looking for a fic where god sends Aziraphale to another timeline? Or something? Because the apocalypse happened and god said something about him being happy and Aziraphale can’t be happy without Crowley (I think Crowley became a star after death) He ends up being polite but super distant with Crowley in this new timeline bc Crowley’s last words were to leave him alone Begging for anyone to help🧎🏻‍♀️- anon

If you know any of these fics please include the number in your reply! Thank you :)

- Mod D

[yourlocalbadgerscales]

Here she is, feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen…

Hello, and welcome to my blog <3

You can call me Jaimiee! I am a teen, as in I’m a M-I-N-O-R, so keep that in mind while interacting with me and my posts! Other names that work for me are Alfie and Aspen, and nicknames/variations of all three names.

I am a demiflux** person, the static part of my gender being female and the fluctuating part being non-binary. I use she/her pronouns, but I do not want to be referred to as a girl. Although I’m fine with people using words such as “bro”, “dude”, “girl” etc. when talking to me.

I am also a bi-lesbian** and ambiamorous**.

**These links lead to a website called LGBTQIA+ Wiki, which includes the definitions of the terms above.

I often question my sexuality, gender identity, romantic orientation etc. Those parts of me, as well as my pronouns, might change over time. Just a heads up!

This blog is a safe space for everybody except:

TERFs (Trans Exclusive Radical Feminists)

Queerphobes (This includes exclusionists**)

Zoophiles

”MAPs” (“MAP” stands for “Minor Attracted Person” = pedophile)

Zionists

Racists

Nazis

Radical feminists

Cheaters

People who make fun of other people with disabilities

Bad people in general. The list is too long to continue.

**The only sexualities I exclude aren’t even sexualities, but since some people insist that they are: zoophilia and pedophilia, for obvious reasons. At least it is obvious to me that those two do not belong in our community, and if you disagree, kindly see yourself out. I accept every orientation, regardless of if I understand it or not, but I cross the line at the point where it’s harmful to others. That is pretty much what I live by at all times. Unless it’s harmful to others, I don’t mind it!

Now that we have all that out of the way, let’s move on to the good stuff, shall we?

1:35

Interests I will be posting about:

The Marauders & co

Harry Potter

Taylor Swift (I’m a friend of Dorothea 👀)

Conan Gray

Chappell Roan

Music in general

Problems in the world I’m passionate about, like queerphobia!

To be added onto as I remember more stuff…

These things include reblogs of fanart and microfics, microfics of my own, others’ and my own character and ship headcannons, incorrect quotes, lyric analyses, weird ass theories, long rants that will most likely turn into whole ass essays and *drum roll* sleep deprived shitposting.

I also post poetry and I aim to start posting one or two audios of me singing every now and then.

Sometimes I may vent a little or even trauma dump every now and then. As I am writing this new intro post, I am in quite a bad state. Depression, am I right? I’ll try my best to act cheerful and happy on here, my goal in life and on Tumblr is to make as many people as possible feel as safe and welcomed on my blog as possible. I love reviving asks or dms, so go ahead and talk to me or tag me in stuff or whatnot! But I can’t guarantee that I’ll always have the strength to reply to stuff like that. Just know I’m not ignoring anyone, and I’ll reply to everything when I have the time and energy!

I am yet to be officially diagnosed with autism and ADD, but me and a bunch of adults all agree that the signs are there, so I am pretty sure of it. If you see me reblogging posts tagged #bpd (which I do often), don’t pay too much attention to it. They’re just relatable af.

"Sorry is all I am, & all I know is how to be sorry in silence.”

— yourlocalbadgerscales

Jaimiee’s favourite ships:

Drarry (Draco Malfoy x Harry Potter, ”Harry Potter”)

Jegulus (James Potter x Regulus Black, ”Harry Potter” and more specifically during the marauders era)

Wolfstar (Remus Lupin x Sirius Black, ”Harry Potter” and more specifically during the marauders era)

Rosekiller (Evan Rosier x Barty Crouch Jr., ”Harry Potter” and more specifically during the marauders era)

Deamus (Seamus Finnigan x Dean Thomas, ”Harry Potter”)

(Link to a post about my favourite characters, singers etc. is on its way…)

(Link to a post with all by sideblogs is on its way…)

My tumblr family:

My parent @meatybunger

My child @homocidalpotat

My child in law @names-confuse-me

My other child @dragonfanplaugedr

My partners @junos-ocean-galaxy (husband 💅💍), @ravenwordss and @here-am-i-sitting-in-a-tin-can

They’re not my irl family btw haha

Shoutout to @atokirina-tsuki, the first person to follow me that day in June 2024! And to @homocidalpotat for always being there for me :3

Tags I will be using are #jamstag (for literally everything I post) and #jam bleeds ink (for poetry).

And guys, please remember that I’m always willing to chat with new people! No matter if you’re below or above 18 years old you can reach out, as long as you don’t plan on being disgusting :)

If you have questions about any of the labels I use, or anything else LGBTQIA+ related, or if you’re new to a fandom I’m in etc., feel free to dm me or send an ask my way!

[here-am-i-sitting-in-a-tin-can]

Intr0duct!on

please do not send me asks for donations, here’s why. my nsfw blog: @justagirlwithanoralfixation my rp blogs: @thorns-and-rosier @your-chchcherry-bomb

song stuck on repeat:

• Hello, you can call me Luca or Skye (but feel free to call me nicknames based on my url, let me be one of those people)

• I’m genderfluid, so my pronouns change a lot (card). Please check here what they currently are before referring to me.

• pronouns: they/them, last updated December 23rd

• any gendered terms are always fine

• also important: I am offline every day from midnight till 7 am, CET. Everything posted in that time frame is queued/scheduled.

• I am happily married to @sotiredimbored & @aidens-ocean-galaxy /p & @calypso10191 /r

• my gender is whatever coked up Bowie had going on.

• I’m biromantic or whatever (I just like people) and somewhere on the ace spectrum, but too lazy to find a label

• and a minor

• idk about religion rn, but leaning towards paganism and hellenic polytheism

• I speak German and English (fluently), know the basics in Italian, Spanish and French, and can insult you in Korean.

• My fandoms are: PJO, The Marauders/Harry Potter (fuck jkr), The Hunger Games, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Ghostbusters, Sherlock Holmes (BBC, the books, Sherlock & Co.), Dead Boy Detectives, Derry Girls, Stranger Things

• me living in Germany is cause for multiple mental breakdowns a week over fucking Deutsche Bahn, don’t be put off.

• I am kind of fucked in the head, don’t expect me to be normal. Ever. • As in I have depression and am probably autistic, but testing isn’t available to me so self diagnosing will have to do, (maybe also bpd? fuck therapy tho)

• on that note: major swear warning, not even my intro is clean

• other TWs include: suicidal thoughts, depression, SH and

• here’s my Pinterest if you’re interested

• my blog is a safe space for you unless you find yourself in my DNI.

• DNI: transphobes, homophobes, racists, sexists, zionists, MDNI blogs, if you wanna convert me or smth, etc.

• If you don’t like my stuff, the door is right there, don’t be rude about it.

• please don’t hesitate to send me your thoughts and questions about literally anything. Inbox and DMs are always wide open. • I’m sorry if you followed me for something specific and now have a bunch of shit I reblog on your dash

• and also please send music recs, I love discovering new music.

Tags I use regularly:

#skye’s silly thoughts ➾ shower thoughts, lyrics I relate to, and shitposting, I don’t always put TWs so beware

#my fucked up family ➾ self explanatory

#my poor poetry attempts ➾ my poetry/writing

#cal <3 ➾ my beloved, he is half my soul, as the poets say

#my silly bug boys ➾ about The Beatles, my commentary on Get Back, etc. #love letters ➾ submissions

#luca’s fanfic ➾ my fan fiction

#music stuff ➾ my guitar covers and maybe original songs in the future

#skye’s asks ➾ my asks

moodboards by my beloved (cal <3):

by aiden my love:

My Taste In Music. About Requests. Microfic Navigation. My Cover Of Landslide.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

What's your favourite hot drink, manga/comic, and 2 things you do alone to feel less shitty?

Hopefully not too boring or basic questions for you!! I'm also bored, shit posting and feeling unwanted and unsexualised so like big hugs 🥲💗

hot drink; definitely hot chocolate. favorite manga,, hm probably demon slayer- im OBSESSED with nezuko, and two favorite things to do is probably play animal crossing and honestly sleep.. i love sleeping so much

[ryuichirou]

Replies

New week!

Replies mostly related to our recent posts, but some are miscellaneous (twst related and not). Also, there is a shitpost sketch at the end of the post lol

Anonymous asked:

Just a random question but what was your very first ship?

Can’t even say for certain because it’s been like 20 years already lol But the first one that I called a ship would probably be Cedric/Phobos from W.I.T.C.H.

Look at me loving backstabbing scheming douchebags since day one…

Anonymous asked:

I feel like their was two bodies after the twins delt with things, cause even tiny as heck I can see them taking bodies

(related to this post)

Aw come on, Anon, look at those innocent angels!! (you are absolutely right)

Anonymous asked:

hi i sent the cat dad ask, that was the CUTEST thing i’ve ever read in my entire life it was adorable and everything and more than what i’d hoped for omg!! my flowers are watered, my skin is clear, my illness is cure😭😭😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

idia being the most enamored cat dad is so cute AAUGGHHH i think lilia would make matching outfits for him and his cat, maybe with pop music club’s help. vil cooking for his cat!!! 😭😭😭 oh his pretty kitty would have their own engraved bowl. i think vil would send so many pictures to his dad

all of this is extra cute to me with the idea that i had that these strays are probably leading difficult lives on the streets but aren’t scared of humans. it’d be a “to be loved is to be changed” moment (pls look it up it’s before and afters of sad cats and it’s SO CUTE). ok i’m sorry i’ll stop haranguing you about cats JSKDKDKS THANK YOU AGAIN

— shroudswap anon

(related to this post)

Aah, it was you, Shroudswap Anon!!

I am very happy you liked the post, once again thank you for the ask! <3 It really was a lovely one to write! Somehow, it’s easier to write wholesome stuff about boys caring for animals than for each other lol

But also, what have you done, now I’m thinking about Vil sending cat pics to his dad… His dad became a grandpa the day that cat chose Vil as his human lol I’m sure he is going to send them even more gifts than Vil buys for the cat + spoil the cat rotten as much as he can.

But also, what have you done [2], now I’m also thinking about how these strays would be so much happier and healthier with the boys taking care of them :( To be loved is to be changed indeed!! Just look at Jamil smiling to his cat lol

I’m always happy to talk about cats…

Anonymous asked:

Sister Idia must be the very image of a saint with his ethereal glow. Nevermind that the glow is coming from his hair, that's just a physical manifestation of God's grace, obviously.

Also be honest, are the sick nuns getting a healthy diet of shrooms in the infirmary? I guess that's one way to experience mystical ecstasy

(related to our new AU)

The symbolism is all here, Anon! That imagery suits Idia so well. I really want to draw him holding a lamb or something lol

To answer your question… people say that sister Jade cares for the sick ones so well that whenever it’s their time to go, they always die smiling <3 It’s like their pain just went away and they fell asleep peacefully~

So yes, he does feed them with stuff they’re not quite supposed to eat and add some funky additions to the stuff he injects them with lol

m1lk-n-cook1es asked:

The nun au reminds me of a Little Mermaid fanfic from the same author as "Once Upon A Nightmare" that I told you a while back, where mermaids are more inhuman, with tentacles that look like fins in the distance, claws and fangs, and Ariel banging Eric (who is a trans guy) and impregnating him with her eggs

Dark themes and mermaids are always fun!! In fact, I think people should consider merpeople to be dangerous more often lol

Fun idea for a fic though :) Poor Eric lol

Anonymous asked:

I saw your Gidel and Fellow doodle on your twitter about the name change and I LOVE THAT SO MUCH cause I'm also thinking the same thing 🤣

"It's for our disguise Giddy!~" 🦊

Everyone calls him all sort of different names, Fellow said so himself (Episode 1-3) 😆

This bitch probably has done a lot of name changes for his con jobs n shit. (¬‿¬) 💚

(referring to this sketch from a 🔑twt acc, since it’s not for ko-fi and just a shitpost, here you go. He can’t even read the papers...)

Thank you Anon!! <3 Just like any other person I really hate that name change, but thinking about Fellow having lots of different names pacifies me a little bit lol Well, at least it makes me laugh and not want to break walls.

I wonder if Fellow has a guy that helps him out with fake ids… maybe his bosses make it easier for him these days; he probably used to go to various shady people before. But then again, they probably don’t always need to have papers… just come up with a name and go! Right, Ernesto? Good grief…

tardigrade-misfit asked:

Silver looks so adorable in his lil hoodie meanwhile Sebek looks like he only agreed to wear it because it was Malleus themed lol

(related to this post)

Thank you! Yeah, Silver is a cutie pie, as always lol Sebek should wear that hoodie with pride! He is closer to his beautiful waka-sama with those little horns on his hood.

I love these hoodies a lot; they are from that one drawing that Yana did of Diasomnia boys going to a movie theater. Katsu and I both are so obsessed with it; they look so adorable wearing those! I wish Yana did more sketches with characters hanging out like that, but of course I am grateful for everything she already does…

Anonymous asked:

I saw the latest comic about Gidel and Fellow Honest (I refuse to use the English names) on kofi and I think I have a proposition. I’ll be their sugar whatever but I get to touch their fuzzy ears now and again. Do you think they’d accept my terms?

Since we got this ask the same day we posted previously mentioned sketch (also a comic), I assumed you were referring to this one as well, but come to think about it we did have a Gidel and Fellow comic posted on ko-fi the other week…

Regardless! I think you absolutely should be their sugar whatever (… parent?), their sponsor and their financier lol Fellow will refuse at first, but it’s just because he is a bit prideful; maybe after some fuzzy ear touching he’ll reconsider. Keep petting the fox! The little cat will help you.

Anonymous asked:

I too used to hate all things girly when I was younger. Now I’m grown and like to wear kawaii clothes and will kick the asses of those who say otherwise  (◕‿◕✿)

This is exactly what Vil would’ve wanted for you, Anon. And this is exactly what he wants for Epel. 💪😔

Anonymous asked:

Do you do any chesward here?

Nope! Sorry.

[therealjordan23]

gwiles shitpost

ooo

The first thing Gwen had to do was tell Miles, and from some of the stories she had heard from other women, it was always one of the challenging parts. It wasn't supposed to be scary or difficult, but ever since the doctor confirmed her suspicions two weeks ago, anytime she tried telling Miles, she found the words die in her throat every time she opened her mouth. At this point, he must've been under the assumption that she had developed some form of memory loss.

The first night they were married, they had spent the night curled up in bed in Miles’ dimension. Too much had happened in too little time; they simply slept, wrapped up together all night. The next morning, Gwen woke up with her arm resting lightly against his bare chest, and she felt his steady heartbeat underneath her palm. She was relieved to find out that it wasn't a dream, and she had indeed gotten married to the man of her dreams. 

When he finally woke up an hour later, she kissed him with every ounce of passion she could muster, and they had truly become husband and wife in that one final threshold.

And now 4 months into the marriage, she was 2 months pregnant.

“Not that I don't like spending time with you," Hobie said thoughtfully. "But it's also dawn, Gwen. I thought you’d be asleep." 

Gwen had woken up early that morning, before the sun had begun to rise. She detangled herself from Miles' loving embrace, and pulled the covers up to his chin upon seeing goosebumps rise steadily on his chest from being exposed to the cold air. She kissed his forehead and silently dressed herself. Sneaking out, she headed to Hobie’s dimension where she knew he’d just be coming back home after a night of partying. True enough, she had found him, and together, they were taking a morning walk. 

"I needed to talk to you where other people wouldn't listen," Gwen insisted, sitting down on a tree trunk. "It's a secret."

"And Miles isn't in on this because…?"

"That's the problem."

She looked down at her hands and watched them shuffle and fidget. She'd been elated when she thought she might be pregnant, but she had to keep her excitement in check until she was sure. As soon as the doctor confirmed her suspicions, she took sudden permission from the universe to be as excited as possible. Truthfully she wasn't exactly sure if she and Miles were able to have children considering that they were from different universes. It was something they had accepted and talked about before tying the knot, and she was ecstatic to learn that yes, they were able to conceive children. Gwen wondered immediately if it would be a baby boy or girl, whether they would have a son or a daughter. She hoped the baby had her eyes and Miles' hair, and as much as she relished saying Gwen Stacy-Morales to herself often, she was even more excited that her children would share the same last name. Miles was the father of her children and she was the mother of his. 

She wanted to communicate all of this to Miles, but she never found the words.

"Talk Gwendy, what's wrong?" Hobie asked, taking a seat on the ground next to her.

"I'm pregnant."

Why was it so easy to tell Hobie and not Miles? Well, perhaps because Hobie had little stake in it other than being the fun uncle. She and Hobie would not be forever bound by this life that they both created and shared. 

That didn't stop him from turning pale and his eyes went wide. Gwen groaned.

"I don't know how to tell Miles, and you're freaking out, which means he'll definitely freak out, and it shouldn't be this hard! And at this point, he won't find out until I actually have the baby, and just say, 'Hi, this is yours', and, oof—!"

She was cut off by a very sudden and very tight hug. After a moment Hobie jumped back though.

"Sorry, I don't want to hurt you, love," he said, eyes darting to her still flat stomach and laughing nervously. "Congratulations Gwen! I’m so happy!"

Gwen smiled at that, and relaxed for the first time in days. "Really?" she asked.

Hobie looked at her in disbelief. "Are you daft? What do you mean 'really'? Of course, Gwen! Miles is basically my brother, you're like my sister!"

"I'm just nervous."

Hobie moved to kneel in front of her. "About what?"

"About what? About everything! Miles will lose his mind—"

"Why?" Hobie challenged. 

She fumbled for an answer. "B-because he's going to be a father! His entire world is going to change, and suddenly, we're going to have a baby to take care of—"

"Gwen." 

Hobie took her hands gently but with purpose. When she refused to look up, he put a few fingers beneath her chin and tilted her up until her eyes met his. And then he smiled the warmest smile he had ever shown her. 

"No one is going to make better parents than you and Miles," he said very plainly. "Miles was born to be a father, and despite not knowing if he could, he's always wanted kids. And you've always been such a kind, gentle, nurturing person. And even better, you two are in love. That's rarer than it should be when it comes to parents. Hell, I wish my parents weren't separated, but here we are, Gwen. Love between parents is rare to come across these days. I know you'll both love that baby with all your heart because you love each other."

It was surprising how deep Hobie could be, and he had a point. She had been elated in the first seconds of knowing she'd be a mother, because she knew that they were doing this together. That's what a baby was: two lovers coming together to create an entire universe made up of stars from his eyes, planets from her hair, comets from their skin.

"Tell him Gwen. I mean right now when you get home. If you don't, I can't guarantee I can keep quiet for long," he laughed.

She smiled, she leaned forward and kissed his cheek, gave his hair a stroke, and stood, opening a portal back to Earth-1610. Hobie gave her one last hug as she walked through the portal to the front door of their home. Gwen entered just as quietly as she'd left.

The house was still dark. In the bedroom Miles had moved, turning onto his side with his hands bunched beneath the blanket. He was still heavily asleep, his breathing very deep. Gwen took a deep breath. She kneeled in front of him and gently brushed her hands through his hair. It was always soft and thick and curly. She studied his features intently: he had grown up a lot from their teenage days. Miles grew to be around 6’2 while she stayed 5’10, keeping his hair relatively the same. He had a light stubble, and was a lot more filled out and lean.He began to stir slightly at the touches, his eyes slowly creaking open. She leaned forward and kissed him until his eyes opened completely and he kissed her back lightly.

"Are you awake?" she said.

"Hmfph," he gave as a response, his voice thick, blinking rapidly.

She fought back a laugh. "Are you really awake? It's important," she said.

Miles pulled a hand up to his eyes and roughly rubbed the sleep out of them before pinching at the bridge of his nose. He sat up, the blanket falling down and exposing his skin to the chilly morning air and he shivered. He gave his hair a once through with his own hand before turning to Gwen with clearer eyes.

"Sí, mi amor, I'm awake," he said, yawning. "Are you alright?" 

She took a deep breath through the nose, and told herself when she exhaled out would also come the news about the baby.

"I'm pregnant, Miles," she said.

He looked at first like he'd misunderstood her. Then his jaw fell open. His eyes looked down with such concentration she thought he might have been reading an invisible book.

But when Miles' eyes finally snapped back to Gwen, he smiled and his eyes were like fireworks. In one fluid motion he grabbed and pulled her in and rolled over. He tightly hugged Gwen who hugged him back. The anxious weight on her chest finally dissipated, and a garden of flowers replaced it. She told Miles, and it felt amazing.

He was whispering words of adoration in her ear while she just pulled at him tighter and relished the smell and feel of skin.

"I love you, Gwen," he said plainly and quietly.

"I love you too," she returned.

They spent half the day in bed, talking about names, taking bets on whose hair and eyes it would have. Miles insisted it would be the best Spider person; Gwen said she didn't care as long as they were happy and didn't set foot in an abandoned subway tunnel. He brought her food on a tray, insisted they'd buy all new food immediately, fresh food, he'd bring it to her whenever she needed. She laughed and told him it would be months before she'd truly need that.

It had been the best day of Gwen's life, but she knew there could only be one day that could outdo it.

But she'd have to wait 9 months.