#always shitposting I’m sorry

[polysucks]

Asoiaf fan: Preeeeeetty sure the Twins are as haunted as Harrenhal now bc of the Red Wedding

Zack Bagans .826 seconds after reading that post, already in Walder Frey’s bedchambers:

[certified-muppet-enjoyer]

thousand meep stare

[andromedism]

if glenn howerton is the people’s princess then that makes robert dale mcelhenney III her ex husband, k*ng ch*rles, which unfortunately tracks.

[toothpaste-for-the-skin]

Another shitpost sorry

(This is my actual callout when enemy superchumps are on the field)

Afterwards:

This is the original btw (I actually remembered to add it this time)

[bookwyrminspiration]

i love you, gay or bi guy named Ashley <3

[moony-t0ast]

lime and jade :)

SOPHIA!!! (Is that your name can I call you that? I’m like 60% sure???)

You really think I have good takes 🥹🥰🤭 I thought I was mostly just speaking into the void

Put colors in my ask box <33333

[fandomcrazy09]

I am back from my cave of inactivity with some more out-of-context quotes from Ao3.

[nightly-ruse]

I’m sorry @spottyissleepwalking bc I know ur on a lil hiatus and this is out of nowhere and in top of that unreasonably long but I wrote PolyPO3 thing lol. It was actually just a test writing I started for my own au with Moth after Hawk’s death bc Leafpool leaves to go with Crow which hurts her a ton. But then I just started with a few cats as maybe a poly situation till I realized this is straight up ur au. Um so here sorry if it’s poorly written I’ve never posted any real writing things I’ve done:

A Dream Dappled in Light ; PolyPO3 Story Snippet

It was such a calm day, the air cool and breeze soft. The lulling sounds of the river a song to her ears. And yet a tension built in her chest like she’d scented a fox near camp. As she tilted her head up Mothwing saw the sky, bright but clouds dotted around, waiting for their chance to swoop in and cover the sun’s warm rays. These kind of days were as slippery as a pike. While they could taste great and feed everyone they could also turn and deal devastating damage to anyone around. She used to love days this nice but every sound made her mind turn and heart flutter. A belly of butterflies.

Saying that just made her taste bile. Butterflies could never be beautiful to her eyes. Not after she’d stumbled upon her brot- Hawkfrost’s corpse devoid of life covered in them. She remembered with a shudder running up and watching them all fly away to show her the stake through his chest. Ever since that day at the lake she couldn’t stomach seeing one without envisioning him.

He couldn’t hurt her anymore or anyone else. But it still stung without him. All her memories felt tainted, poison to think about. Moth just willed one day they’d go back to the nostalgia they used to be. But today wasn’t about butterflies or hawks. It was about Leafpool.

It was the dark moon. Where no light could shine through and peak at them. Leafpool told her she’d chose this night because she couldn’t stomach her ancestors watching her break the code in so many ways. Though Moth didn’t really get it she didn’t mess with it. It wasn’t her place to prod someone else for their beliefs just as it wasn’t theirs to ridicule her for not having any. Still she did find some annoyance at having to trek through the pitch black to try and find the blasted island where they’d planned to meet.

The island was rather bright with flickering fireflies across it lighting up the place. What could have been if he’d had his way, making this Riverclan’s. Her home. But that didn’t happen and it was now where all the clans would meet to share news and tales with each other.

Her pelt was dripping so she decided to sit and groom as she waited. It was only a bit before another cat pushed through the thick ferns across from her. A pure white cat with feathery fur and eyes like hail. Snowbird.

The Shadowclan molly came through and quickly met her own eyes, giving a regal nod before flicking her back foot to get a spot of mud off. Between the cats who’d all come close over a shared love for Leafpool Snowbird was her favorite. She was always very open, clear as glass, and knew how tell a snappy joke to keep the conversation smooth. While the two didn’t consider eachother mates they did have a friendly bond over the fact both held the normal Star based beliefs. And having come from outside the clans.

“Hello Mothwing. When did you get here?” The molly asked as she padded closer.

“Oh just a few minutes. It seems we’re both early as usual.” Mothwing said with a small chuckle.

“I don’t know why you ever dry your fur. It looks beautiful with water sparkling off it. Like dew in the early morning grass. Though being damp all day would be quite a pain especially with your long fur.” Snowbird said as she admired her friends golden fur. A bashful thanks was shared before they shared some small talk. Hearing the molly speak always calmed Moth down, her slightly different accent that was smooth as the calm waters was almost a lullaby to listen to. Her voice reminded Mothwing almost of her mothers though far more washed down.

The two were just talking about some feathers they’d found when the final cats pushed through the fern gate where the other three clans crossed through. A beautiful black molly with eyes like perennial blooms and crow feathers in her fluffy mane. “Nightcloud” Mothwing breathed out with a slightly flutter in her chest. While they were all close, she’d always had a small aesthetic crush on the beautiful cat. I mean how could you not? She was both sleek and fluffy with fur so dark it could blend into the night sky and eyes that blossomed from her black pelt. And her attitude definitely led to the great admiration she held for the cat, she was sassy and tough with a rough tongue and fight like a roar in her throat always there to startle those who only saw her as a pretty kitty.

Just behind her was the less favored Crowfeather. While he was quite the perfect Windclan cat with his build and looks he always was incredibly unbearable. No fancy words or much good will he always killed the feel with some ruse words. She never got what Leafpool saw in him, especially not enough to consider being real mates with. Not even friends could seem to bare his rudeness as his few ones were pretty distant from him and always finding excuses to get away from him.

At last the cat of the night pushed through. Immediately setting her heart alive. She was pretty clearly nervous as her eyes looked to the ground instead of at the cats around. It took every ounce of energy in Mothwing not to go up and comfort her but she knew this wasn’t the time. And apparently some pretty big news was to be said tonight to the cats gathered.

At last she started, though as she spoke her paws rubbed her belly softly. “Umm so hi uh all my ma-mates. I just um have some pretty big things to uh share tonight that I can’t wait to say any longer. Um uh I’m, um I’m expecting.” The last words were much quieter but still everyone heard. Mothwing didn’t even think about the cats around her as her eyes widened. Barley noticing as she got up and walked forward to hug her true love. She felt a rumble in her chest as she purred. Visions of little paws trampoline her side, claws clinging on as she ran around with the kits on her back, small fangs chomping on her tail as they grew. It was like she transferred the dreams in her head to Leaf when she looked into her green eyes as the same light she felt inside shined back. Two other cats, Snowbird and Nightcloud came and and cuddled beside them as well as all the cats discussed the idea of kits to share. That was until a rough voice called from a bit behind Mothwing.

“But who gets them? I mean they can’t just be shared equally between four clans that’s a dung lucked dream. You can’t just rotate them across borders or else they’ll never find loyalty with a group.” Crowfeather scoffed as he stared at the clump of cats, the light she felt in her heart dimming like a crushed firefly. “And Leafpool you can’t believe everyone will just agree to such a idea especially as their atleast healer born on one side, not including Mothwing. Unless you want to be scratched down to a heartthrob healer I don’t know if you can even keep them.”

Those last words felt like a scratch to her own cheek and Moth held back from leaping straight at the feather brained tom. The cat beside her didn’t have as much strength as Nightcloud jumped over her and pushed him back a bit. Clear anger in her magenta eyes. “You vulture tongued, fox hearted, half rotted corpse of a cat take that back!” She screeched with rage, like a shadow had come to life to get the cat for being so stupid with his words. And from Crow’s sharp bristling pelt she knew he’d gotten a real shake.

“Night calm down! He’s right. We can’t have the kits be lost without any loyalty and you all could loose so much from this. I know we all want them, atleast most of us-“ she whispered with a hurt look to Crowfeather “But they can’t just live their lives between all of the clans. We need to figure out how to work this out before I start showing and how we’ll explain it.”

The island was silent as they all thought but the quick scratching of claws in the dirt made head turns to the quickly moving white molly. Snowbird was scratching some idea she’d had into the dirt and they all watched with curious eyes. As she sat back and looked down at her work, clear thoughts behind her eye, she looked up at them all. “We don’t know how many will be born or the real consequences of this whole relationship will be but I personally don’t care about any issues unlike some rubbish pelt. But we could rotate the kits across the clans until they themselves choose where they’d most like to be, or if they can’t choose one find a way to have them move between clans. That way no parent is cut from the kits and they have full choice on how this works.”

As she finished the light in all their eyes form before brightened back, almost brighter then before. Hope for them all to have a paw in their first litters setting the whole cats heart ablaze. All for one. Crowfeather still sat back as if his spirit was made of ice. They all rolled their eyes as he opened his mouth to speak once again.

“Your all blind! What mole minded plan this is! Psh and having worries about any consequences isn’t gross or whatever ‘rubbish’ means Snowbird that’s just having ambition unlike the rest of you. Personally I would trade my whole future for some kits between a ton of cats who clearly care about eachother more then they do me.” He said with a icy tone, bringing his paw up to lick at the end to show he isn’t bothered by any comments. While he may not know what rubbish is both her and Snow did and it described him quite well, stinky trash he was.

“Alright Crow you can back out no one minds. The kits don’t ever have to see you as any father and none of us will mention your barley there paw in all of this. Go back to Windclan and cry about how Onestar keeps passing you up for deputy none of us like the sound of a screeching bird anyway.” Mothwing sliced with a look back at Leafpool. While she never saw what the molly ever could see in him she knew now that she definitely lost that love when he said he’d trade their kits for a higher role in the clans. None batted a eye as he puffed up his chest and walked back through the fern gate to go to Windclan. All the cats turning back to eachother to discuss any names or ideas of how to break the news, what clan they’d go to first, if they’ll come by Thunderclan to help with their litter’s birth. Talk of seeing them grow made all the cats giggle and laugh.

Mothwing hated to turn around as she saw the pinpricks of early early dawn. She felt such a push to stay beside her mates side. And she could see the same power struggle in Snow and Nights eyes. Leafpool seemed to be having a hard time pushing herself out of the cuddle pile they’d made for the night around each other. But all the cats had to go back to their clans. With licks on the ears and soft touches of the nose Mothwing turned around to swim back to camp. The whole paddle and trek back thinking of soft bundles beside her many mates bellies, kittens protected by her fur from the cold, teaching them to fish and catch fish or identify herbs. The butterflies in her belly weren’t so vile as she realized they weren’t to make her reminisce on the past but to expect the future and what it could hold. Smiling she pushed into camp as kitten played around her mind.

[duskbunny7]

[isalisewrites]

A Deep Dive into JKR's Terrible, Amateur Writing - Part Two

Welcome to my ballsy series where I will prove to you, dear reader, that J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series and resident Twitter TERF, is actually a very, very poor writer.

And when I say ‘poor writer,’ I’m talking about her prose, her sentence structure, and her scenes. I am not going to discuss anything about the HP world nor the overall plot of the books. 

This is all about the nitty gritty in the craft of writing itself.

Part One Link.

Disclaimer for all readers of this series: 

I’m going to sound very confident in my posts where I work under the assumption I’m a better writer than JKR; because I am. My apologies if this rubs you the wrong way. You’re simply witnessing the culmination of over two and half decades of experience with the intensity from a neurodivergent who is hyperfocused on her special interest. I didn’t just learn how to create stories; I learned the craft of writing to a minutia of details.

I’m not a perfect writer. No one is. I’m not a talented writer either. I’m experienced and skilled through years of study and practice.

I don’t care about J.K. Rowling. At all.

If you’re triggered by the concept and fact that JKR is a terrible crafter of writing, then you might want to take a step back and self reflect on that personal issue.

I still very much love and adore Harry Potter; you’re still allowed to love Harry Potter.

This is not a series to bitch or bash. This isn’t a shitpost. This isn’t an attack on JKR, no matter the disgusting bullshit she spews forth on Twitter. However, my hope is people awaken to the fact that JKR isn’t the goddess of writing we’ve all been led to believe.

This is a place of study and learning, where the purpose is to help students gain critical thinking skills and writing analysis tools to become better in their craft.

And, sorry, one more disclaimer for this specific post: 

Fanfiction is written for fun and is posted for free. I put most of my effort into my main fanfic, Terrible, But Great. (Yes, I intend to update Moon Rite soon, too) However, I also have two fanfics that are cowritten with another author; thus, the style of Shall I Stay and Badger Prey are understandably different. I spend three to four times the hours to edit a chapter versus drafting it. My process for fanfiction: I draft. I do one expansion edit. I do one proofread edit. I post.

However, if I were to publish a novel where people are expected to drop money on said book, my work flow would be vastly more extensive. To be clear, I’d do all of the following myself. I would not outsource. My process for published novels: I would draft. I would do three to four expansion edits. I would do two to three cutting edits. I would do three proofread edits. 

See the difference?

Because I don’t go through a cutting edit for my fanfiction, I’ll often come back later and see things I think are weak. I’m constantly seeing where I can tighten my work. There’s always room for improvement.

Remember: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is a paperback book that costs $10. My fanfics are free. If I, someone who writes for free and puts what she considers the bare minimum of effort into them, have a higher standard in the quality of my writing than a paid traditionally published novelist, there’s a problem here. 

All right, with that nonsense out of the way, buckle up, my writing friends. Grab a snack. Hydrate. Remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. Let’s begin.

Class is in session.

In this post, we’re going to discuss these five pages from HP5 and dissect one paragraph and a line from page 731. All dialogue is highlighted in blue.

(My favorite book in the series, btw. I fucking love fifth year the most. JKR did a damn good job with Umbridge.)

Since a certain anon lacked the skill to comprehend the difference between too much dialogue and stories driven by a high saturation of dialogue, let's go into further depth about dialogue.

What did I mean last week when I said: "Too much fucking dialogue!"

Today’s lesson will focus on the overall issue in JKR’s dialogue and in the prose surrounding those dialogue lines.

And since, apparently, I “lack the self awareness” to know most of my fics are “oversaturated with dialogue,” I’m going to use weaker examples of my own writing. Chapter 24 of TBG is heavily driven by dialogue with twenty-one named characters to juggle, something that's very difficult for me to manage. Though the chapter is lovely, I do feel it's some of my weaker work. In the end, I just didn’t have the energy to edit it a second time nor go through cutting edit.

Here are three different pages (some connected, some not) from Chapter 24 of Terrible, But Great. All dialogue is highlighted in blue.

You can already see the difference, I'm sure.

So, what’s the difference between a scene that has 'too much fucking dialogue' versus a scene that is highly saturated with dialogue?

Because there is one.

Let's set the scene for HP5. In the middle of an OWL exam, Harry received a vision from Voldemort, showing him that Sirius has been captured. He's being tortured to get something from a shelf, but Sirius refuses. Harry believes the vision is real. He tells Ron and Hermione, then asks for their advice on how to rescue Sirius. Ron and Hermione are both like, pardon, wtf, sir? (As they should be.)

We have five pages of this fight between them. These five pages are mostly dialogue with very little else surrounding it.

Also, note the final page where it has the worst sins of adverb usage. That page is what triggered me to begin writing this series in the first place, btw.

There's too much dialogue here. There's no description. I'm being told stuff, but I'm not being shown anything. There are no emotional anchors to Harry either. The more I reread this scene, the more I realized what was wrong.

There’s an emotional disconnect from Harry in the prose.

Do not misunderstand me: it is NOT to say that Harry isn’t emotional here. It's that the prose doesn’t grip me, the reader, by the chest and twist my heart with his overwhelming emotions. The prose doesn't prove anything, doesn't show me anything. This is an intense, terrifying moment for Harry. It should feel visceral. It should feel tangible. I should be able to taste his fear.

We also don’t get too much information about the emotional states of Ron and Hermione. We have hints, of course. But we can’t feel them. The emotions of the scene are dampened, muffled, dull even.

With an untrained eye, you might disagree. It's okay. You'll see what I mean soon.

Page 731 exact quote:

"I dunno how," said Harry. "But I know exactly where. There's a room in the Department of Mysteries full of shelves covered in these little glass balls, and they're at the end of row ninety-seven...He's trying to use Sirius to get whatever it is he wants from in there....He's torturing him....Says he'll end by killing him..." Harry found his voice shaking, as were his knees. He moved over to a desk and sat down on it, trying to master himself.

(Btw, punctuation issue: you do not use an ellipsis and a period together and there should be a space after the ellipsis.)

This is the only instance in the five pages where we get any information about Harry's physical state.

And it's written in such a weak 'telling' instead of 'showing' way, too.

How and where was his voice shaking? How are his knees shaking? Are they knocking together in a weird way that's kind of physically improbable? Or was it actually his legs were shaking? Isn't he leaning against the door? If his weight was resting against the door, then there'd be less shaking in his knees or legs because his knees would be locked to brace his body against the door. His arms and hands would be shaking, though.

How does Harry master himself? What does that look like? Slow breaths? Running a hand through his hair? Rubbing his face and eyes? How is Harry mastering himself? Is it mentally? Then, where are those mastering thoughts? What are they and why do those thoughts in particular help Harry 'master' himself?

What's Harry's tone as he talking about Voldemort threatening to kill Sirius? How is Harry feeling about this? Give me MORE!

The dialogue is presented to the reader in a bland, empty fashion. Harry is relating something to Ron and Hermione. I could switch the dialogue out with anything and it'd still make sense.

There is little surrounding the dialogue to anchor it.

So, let's rewrite this, shall we?

"I dunno how," said Harry, letting out a shaky breath. His hands clenched into fists against the door of the classroom. "But I know where—they're in a room in the Department of Mysteries that's filled with rows of shelves holding these... weird little glass balls. They're in row ninety-seven. Voldemort, he's—" Harry's voice broke. His breath caught in his throat. The memory of the vision returned full force into his mind, the image of Sirius on the floor at Voldemort's feet stark in his mind. He ducked his chin; his chest inhaled in a desperate breath and the edges of his eyes burned. He's torturing Sirius—I can't just wait around. I can't lose him. Harry looked up at Ron, whose face had grown pale, while Hermione stared at him with wide, terrified eyes. The strength in Harry's legs weakened. "He needs Sirius to get whatever it is he wants and he's—" Harry sucked in a gasp, his voice trembling like an autumn leaf in a thunderstorm. "—he's torturing Sirius... says he'll kill him in the end." His knees buckled. Harry stumbled to the nearest desk; Ron reached out with a steadying hand on Harry's upper arm and silent gratitude filled Harry's heart. With shaky arms, Harry lifted himself onto the desk to sit and twisted around to face Ron and Hermione. He licked his dry lips, rubbed his eyes with a hand, and took slow, deep breaths to master his fraying emotions.

The original canon text has 57 words of dialogue with a total of 83 words.

My rewritten version uses 56 words of dialogue with a total of 247 words.

I'm going to drill this concept into your heads, my lovely students: this is what I mean when I keep saying JKR's writing is both bloated and underwritten.

I only rewrote a single paragraph and its following line. The five pages I've provided are filled with this kind of empty dialogue.

So, what have I done here? Can you see the difference? Can you feel the difference?

Let's analyze what I focused on in this scene to show Harry's body language and his thoughts. I upped the physical effects on Harry's body. His fear causes his voice to break in the middle of explaining what's going on. He's terrified of losing Sirius, the only father figure he's ever known. Voldemort might take another parental figure from him. 

And now the prose reflects these feelings, not just in his thoughts, but also in how he speaks and reacts to what is around him. He is not just speaking at the reader.

Harry exists in his world. 

And you can feel it.

When he stumbles to the desk, Ron is there for him. Hermione reacting could also be added here. There is a lot that can be added to this scene, if one wanted to expand this further. 

Yes, what I've done has increased the word count, yet it strengthens this short moment—and I'd do this for the entire scene.

What I did to the scene is merely one version of its potential. It could be rewritten in a multitude of ways and go in various directions. I spent 10mins to 20mins on it. I haven't edited it or refined it.

Can you finally see what I mean now?

If you compare the highlighted pages of HP5 to the highlighted pages of Chp 24 of TBG, you can visually see the difference in the density of the dialogue. JKR is the one whose writing is oversaturated with dialogue. My writing will always be highly saturated with dialogue because my stories are character driven. I prefer stories like that. But I also need the dialogue to be interesting and engaging, where the character feels alive in their world.

When I say there's too much dialogue, this scene is such a good example of this because Harry, Ron, and Hermione are all over the place in their interactions with each other. Yes, you want your characters to sound realistic, but you're also the author curating an experience for the reader.

There's a balancing tightrope act between having realistic dialogue and unnecessary dialogue.

There's a thin line between showing too much and telling too little.

Lastly, if I were to improve the overall scene, I would center the focus on Harry's desperation to rescue Sirius. As Ron and Hermione try to talk him out of it, where Hermione delivers that iconic line of 'you have a people saving thing,' I'd have Harry explode with something like this:

"You don't know what's it like! You both have your parents—I-I don't... You'd feel the same as me if it were either of your parents being tortured by Voldemort, yeah? I can't lose him—I can't lose Sirius."

I'm not bothering with description around it right now. I just wanted to give the baseline dialogue to show you the theme I'd carry through this scene. It's all about Sirius. It's all about the fear of losing him. It's about showing the emotion of the character and making the reader feel that deeply.

And that's what matters the most.

All right then.

We have come to an end of Part Two in this series. We have discussed fives pages in JKR's Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. The pages in question are 731 - 735 should you wish to look it up and study the scene yourself.

And so, please do the world the greatest of favors and write better than J.K. Rowling. I promise, it's not that hard once you see the differences.

Until next time.

Isa

[yournightmary]

Streamer!Ellie HCs | part II

content warning:: fem!reader, modern!AU

AN:: I’m really bored but don’t have any motivation for writing:( Hope you like it babes xx

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who started posting stream VODs on her youtube and blew up even more. There were funny clips of her all over tik tok, I mean literally- all over, even people that never interacted with anything similar had them in their for you pages.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who had to deal with people saying ‘you aren’t right for her’ and that you’re dating her just for clout. You dated before she even started streaming but whatever, right?

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who as a joke made a donation goal named ‘for my and my girl’s house’ and people actually donated tons of money. She felt bad and donated most of it to charity.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who starts screaming into the phone that she’s streaming and to not say anything stupid every time someone calls her on stream, too lazy to mute her mic.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who loves to get invited to all those silly little podcasts, especially if the hosts let her bring you with her.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who opened a PR box and forgot about it. Had like 3 streams in a row that lasted multiple hours opening all of those packages, including eating expired snacks and getting glitter bombed.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who became a lot more family friendly after she almost got perma banned. Still keeps the same vibe but cut down on the swearing and getting hurt for laughs.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who used that change to get more into fundraiser streams. (thinking about Lil Simsie and St. Jude)

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who started doing actual youtube videos after some of her content creator friends convinced her to do so. You’re her favorite guest on her channel.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ I think she’d keep her twitch more gaming related and make her youtube more irl/vlogs kind of thing. Something like Jake Webber and Johnnie Guilbert but it’s Ellie and you.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who started getting so much partner and sponsorships you guys decided to move to a bigger place, maybe even an actual house. Not only did she get to use her money on something actually important but also got more space for all of her things.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who would never take a sponsorship from a brand she didn’t like. Or an add for a product that was shitty. Probably even hated on some brands while streaming, she’s an honest girlie.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who takes you on every trip she’s invited to.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who after some time started worrying that she’s not giving you enough attention, focusing too much on her career. Takes a short break (maybe 1-2 weeks) every time it’s too much for her to think about.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who is constantly begged to make a house reveal. She always denies because she’s too scared someone will recognize the building and doxx/stalk you or her.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who got addicted to shitposting on tik tok. I talking, 5-10 tik toks a day. Things like this and this.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who actually married you. Wasn’t really planned, she just woke up one day and took you guys to the courthouse. (i don’t know how american marriages work, sorry)

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who also didn’t tell anyone but her closest friends about it. And one day, like half a year later, she was just like ‘oh yeah we’re legally married’ and showed off her fancy ring.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ streamer!Ellie who LOVES to call you ‘her wife’. Probably did it before you even got married, but shhh.

I need a girlfriend so bad it’s pathetic.

[louthesawgirl]

What each Saw character would get as a Tesco meal deal (scientifically accurate)

Hello everyone, I decided as my debut long Saw shitpost, I thought I would decide what meal deals different Saw characters would opt for if they stumbled into a Tesco and were a bit peckish after setting up a few traps.

If you’re not from the U.K. or Ireland and are not familiar with the British & Irish institutions of a meal deal, it’s basically a packaged sandwich, pasta pot, salad, bit of sushi maybe alongside a snack item and a drink for a fixed price (it used to be around £3/ €4 but the shops are taking the piss now). Meal deals are considered a treasured institution here and are an indication of your personality. People judge your character based on what you get between two slices of cheap bread.

Here’s what different Saw characters would get for a Tesco meal deal:

Adam (Faulkner) Stanheight

1. Southern fried chicken chipotle mayo sub

2. Doritos cheese flavour

3. Vimto still drink

Judging on how we know Adam is quite an unorganised adult struggling to adult most days, I would assume he opts for high energy foods to keep his tastebuds happy. Cheese, spiced chicken and fruity drinks seem up his street. Plus, Vimto is a very Mancunian thing and if Saw was set in the U.K., there’s no way Adam would not be from Manchester.

Dr Lawrence (Larry) Gordon

1. Eat Your Greens Feta Salad

2. Apple & Grape snack pot

3. Chilled Iced Latte

I feel like because Larry is a doctor, he prioritises convenience but also eats healthily. I also imagine him to be meat free/ vegetarian so that explains the feta & greens salad (I don’t think he’d be vegan though, he seems like he loves proper cheese too much). Larry seems like he’d always be carrying breath mints or tictacs to minimise the cheese or coffee breath- nobody needs a waft of that when being told they’ve got 6 months left to live.

Amanda Young

1. BLT sandwich

2. Walkers Thai Sweet Chilli Sensations Crisps

3. Monster Energy drink (chosen based on packaging colours to match mood)

Amanda is a busy lady planning traps and building contraptions designed to almost certainly kill people. She seems like she enjoys a bit of spice along with classic comfort combinations.

John Kramer

- Chicken & bacon sandwich

- Egg snack pot

- Green smoothie

John seems like he’s mindful of what he puts into his body considering he’s consistently a salt & vinegar crisp away from death with the cancer and all. He’s also a very smart man so he would know the best value for money combination with a meal deal is getting an overpriced fruit smoothie for a drink.

Mark Hoffman

- All Day Breakfast sandwich (triple)

- Walkers Max Salt & Vinegar crisps

- Red Bull

Mark seems like he can’t get enough of bacon & sausage, even though it’s cold and not exactly very fresh. Maybe he’d even have a bit of HP brown sauce with it. Mark would also probably make immature jibes towards vegans and vegetarians because he’s that kind of man. Considering Mark works overtime setting up traps and evading capture, all he’d be drinking by the events of Saw 7 would be energy drinks.

Jill Tuck

- Egg & Cress sandwich

- Arla strawberry protein yogurt

- Bottle of water

Jill is a bit… bland. I’m sorry but I just have to say it. Egg & cress perfectly summarises Jill’s personality as seen in movies 4-7 between two pieces of bread.

Peter Strahm

- Deli style cheese & pickle sandwich

- Smoked salmon sushi pack

- Pepsi Max

Strahm made some good decisions, some regrettable ones and one very very dumb decision during his time in the Saw universe. Just like his track record with making poor decisions, I’d guess Peter would get some supermarket sushi as a snack with his meal deal- not very fresh nor authentic and will leave you wondering why you couldn’t have got a pack of reliable crisps or a chocolate bar instead.

Lindsey Perez

- Feta & sundried tomato pasta

- Propercorn sweet & salty popcorn

- Fanta orange

Perez is a great character and so she would get a meal deal to reflect that. Why do I also imagine Lindsey being veggie?

Eric Matthews

- Meatball marinara sub

- Walkers Monster Munch Pickled Onion crisps

- Red Bull

I feel like this choice accurately reflects Eric. It’s a combination that’s maybe reflective of an immature palette, maybe even a sort of guilty pleasure combination. I wonder if he’d put the monster munch hands (or feet) on his fingers and eat them like that.

Hope you enjoyed my incredibly British saw shitpost x

[swordbisexual]

Side note, rolling up into Moonrise Towers to hear a goblin talking about Minthara all while wearing Minthara's armor with a paint job? Everyone must think Shaxibis has got brass fuckin balls.

[clownwritesfanfic]

Hello there dear! Can I request Willy wonka (2005) with an s/o that’s an artist (traditional or digital) that shows their love through their art? Example: S/o drew a picture of Willy and themselves together (cuddling, kissing, or just some shitpost of them being silly) and shows it to him?

Absolutely! I also like to make art so this will be fun! I’m going to do it in head canon form cuz I think it will be easier :) sorry if it’s not exactly what you envisioned or if it’s too short

Gender neutral reader

Willy Wonka with an Artist S/O

If you can recall, I mentioned that I think Willy himself is surprisingly good at drawing in my SFW headcanons.

He keeps his drawings of anything other than concepts for new products or blueprints for a new room, private. He’s too embarrassed to show anyone.

That being said, he loves when you show him your work!

It’s best to show him at a time where he isn’t busy otherwise he’d brush you off. It’s not that he doesn’t want to see it, he’s just preoccupied with work and once he’s focused on something it’s hard for him to tear away sometimes.

If you ever have an idea for a new candy: DRAW IT!!! He’d love to see it and would do his best to make it a reality.

As for drawing you and him together? He’d be a little flustered but he’d adore it.

One of his love languages is gift giving so he’d very much enjoy any art you gift him.

His reactions are a little underwhelming sometimes but it doesn’t mean he loves them any less.

“Oh look at that. It’s us sitting near the chocolate river. How cute.”

No matter what though he always gives you a cute smile.

If you go through art block he’ll notice since you haven’t shown him anything recently and he’ll bring you to a room in the factory that you either haven’t been to in a while or at all and hope he can spark that creativity again.

If you draw any of the Oompa Loompa’s and show them, they will go crazy. They love drawings of themselves and it always makes Willy happy to see you getting along with them.

Sometimes Willy and you will sit in silence, maybe have some music playing quietly, while you both draw. Him on concept art (or maybe a secret portrait of you) and you, drawing him. He loves those moments.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

What's your favourite hot drink, manga/comic, and 2 things you do alone to feel less shitty?

Hopefully not too boring or basic questions for you!! I'm also bored, shit posting and feeling unwanted and unsexualised so like big hugs 🥲💗

hot drink; definitely hot chocolate. favorite manga,, hm probably demon slayer- im OBSESSED with nezuko, and two favorite things to do is probably play animal crossing and honestly sleep.. i love sleeping so much

[ryuichirou]

Replies

New week!

Replies mostly related to our recent posts, but some are miscellaneous (twst related and not). Also, there is a shitpost sketch at the end of the post lol

Anonymous asked:

Just a random question but what was your very first ship?

Can’t even say for certain because it’s been like 20 years already lol But the first one that I called a ship would probably be Cedric/Phobos from W.I.T.C.H.

Look at me loving backstabbing scheming douchebags since day one…

Anonymous asked:

I feel like their was two bodies after the twins delt with things, cause even tiny as heck I can see them taking bodies

(related to this post)

Aw come on, Anon, look at those innocent angels!! (you are absolutely right)

Anonymous asked:

hi i sent the cat dad ask, that was the CUTEST thing i’ve ever read in my entire life it was adorable and everything and more than what i’d hoped for omg!! my flowers are watered, my skin is clear, my illness is cure😭😭😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

idia being the most enamored cat dad is so cute AAUGGHHH i think lilia would make matching outfits for him and his cat, maybe with pop music club’s help. vil cooking for his cat!!! 😭😭😭 oh his pretty kitty would have their own engraved bowl. i think vil would send so many pictures to his dad

all of this is extra cute to me with the idea that i had that these strays are probably leading difficult lives on the streets but aren’t scared of humans. it’d be a “to be loved is to be changed” moment (pls look it up it’s before and afters of sad cats and it’s SO CUTE). ok i’m sorry i’ll stop haranguing you about cats JSKDKDKS THANK YOU AGAIN

— shroudswap anon

(related to this post)

Aah, it was you, Shroudswap Anon!!

I am very happy you liked the post, once again thank you for the ask! <3 It really was a lovely one to write! Somehow, it’s easier to write wholesome stuff about boys caring for animals than for each other lol

But also, what have you done, now I’m thinking about Vil sending cat pics to his dad… His dad became a grandpa the day that cat chose Vil as his human lol I’m sure he is going to send them even more gifts than Vil buys for the cat + spoil the cat rotten as much as he can.

But also, what have you done [2], now I’m also thinking about how these strays would be so much happier and healthier with the boys taking care of them :( To be loved is to be changed indeed!! Just look at Jamil smiling to his cat lol

I’m always happy to talk about cats…

Anonymous asked:

Sister Idia must be the very image of a saint with his ethereal glow. Nevermind that the glow is coming from his hair, that's just a physical manifestation of God's grace, obviously.

Also be honest, are the sick nuns getting a healthy diet of shrooms in the infirmary? I guess that's one way to experience mystical ecstasy

(related to our new AU)

The symbolism is all here, Anon! That imagery suits Idia so well. I really want to draw him holding a lamb or something lol

To answer your question… people say that sister Jade cares for the sick ones so well that whenever it’s their time to go, they always die smiling <3 It’s like their pain just went away and they fell asleep peacefully~

So yes, he does feed them with stuff they’re not quite supposed to eat and add some funky additions to the stuff he injects them with lol

m1lk-n-cook1es asked:

The nun au reminds me of a Little Mermaid fanfic from the same author as "Once Upon A Nightmare" that I told you a while back, where mermaids are more inhuman, with tentacles that look like fins in the distance, claws and fangs, and Ariel banging Eric (who is a trans guy) and impregnating him with her eggs

Dark themes and mermaids are always fun!! In fact, I think people should consider merpeople to be dangerous more often lol

Fun idea for a fic though :) Poor Eric lol

Anonymous asked:

I saw your Gidel and Fellow doodle on your twitter about the name change and I LOVE THAT SO MUCH cause I'm also thinking the same thing 🤣

"It's for our disguise Giddy!~" 🦊

Everyone calls him all sort of different names, Fellow said so himself (Episode 1-3) 😆

This bitch probably has done a lot of name changes for his con jobs n shit. (¬‿¬) 💚

(referring to this sketch from a 🔑twt acc, since it’s not for ko-fi and just a shitpost, here you go. He can’t even read the papers...)

Thank you Anon!! <3 Just like any other person I really hate that name change, but thinking about Fellow having lots of different names pacifies me a little bit lol Well, at least it makes me laugh and not want to break walls.

I wonder if Fellow has a guy that helps him out with fake ids… maybe his bosses make it easier for him these days; he probably used to go to various shady people before. But then again, they probably don’t always need to have papers… just come up with a name and go! Right, Ernesto? Good grief…

tardigrade-misfit asked:

Silver looks so adorable in his lil hoodie meanwhile Sebek looks like he only agreed to wear it because it was Malleus themed lol

(related to this post)

Thank you! Yeah, Silver is a cutie pie, as always lol Sebek should wear that hoodie with pride! He is closer to his beautiful waka-sama with those little horns on his hood.

I love these hoodies a lot; they are from that one drawing that Yana did of Diasomnia boys going to a movie theater. Katsu and I both are so obsessed with it; they look so adorable wearing those! I wish Yana did more sketches with characters hanging out like that, but of course I am grateful for everything she already does…

Anonymous asked:

I saw the latest comic about Gidel and Fellow Honest (I refuse to use the English names) on kofi and I think I have a proposition. I’ll be their sugar whatever but I get to touch their fuzzy ears now and again. Do you think they’d accept my terms?

Since we got this ask the same day we posted previously mentioned sketch (also a comic), I assumed you were referring to this one as well, but come to think about it we did have a Gidel and Fellow comic posted on ko-fi the other week…

Regardless! I think you absolutely should be their sugar whatever (… parent?), their sponsor and their financier lol Fellow will refuse at first, but it’s just because he is a bit prideful; maybe after some fuzzy ear touching he’ll reconsider. Keep petting the fox! The little cat will help you.

Anonymous asked:

I too used to hate all things girly when I was younger. Now I’m grown and like to wear kawaii clothes and will kick the asses of those who say otherwise  (◕‿◕✿)

This is exactly what Vil would’ve wanted for you, Anon. And this is exactly what he wants for Epel. 💪😔

Anonymous asked:

Do you do any chesward here?

Nope! Sorry.