#also. time of the month so that really adds to the funk of it all

[dentist-brainsurgeon]

I can tell I'm bored/under stimulated/???? When I start watching abandoned locations and general "What Went Wrong" style videos

[tomato-turn]

"You're really attractive!"he says. The redhead,he proposed, looked at him perplexed.

"That's flattering, I suppose." The redhead replies while looking at the rose, the taller man had brought.

"Well, I hope you'll accept the compliment and my heart~My lady~" he says and adds,"I'm Dazai, Dazai Osamu!" While stretching out his free hand cheerfully.

The redhead snorts a little at the word 'my lady'. "I'm not a lady." He says, chuckling and taking brunnet's hand, adds "The name's Nakahara, Nakahara Chuuya. But please call me Chuuya." Amused.

Dazai's brain had stopped due to shock. What the hell was he thinking? It was obvious Chuuya was a boy, even though he had quite a feminine structure, that is if you look closely, and Dazai has been looking at Chuuya for a year.

Back of him, his friends, Ranpo and Yosano, were snickering and chuckling, trying to smother their laughs but failing miserably. In front of him, Chuuya's friends, Shirase and Yuan, were chuckling too. Dazai was having a hard time processing the information.

"Ah. I knew that!" He adds, quite hastily.

Chuuya snickers and says, "Oh? So you admit I'm pretty attractive, or was that a joke?" With a smirk.

"Oh, please." Dazai replied while rolling his eyes. "You're just flattering yourself. Of course, that was a joke! I'd never date a man and especially not a man as short as you." Dazai lies pretty easily.

At that Chuuya retorts. "Fuck you! I ain't that funking short! I'm average." He adds the last line quite hesitantly.

At this reaction, Dazai can't help but smirk. "Oh? But you as short as a plankton. I think I'll need magnifying glasses to see you." Dazai snorts. Chuuya's friends couldn't help but burst out laughing.

Chuuya ears and cheeks become a little red due to anger and embarrassment. He furrows his brow with irritation.

"Hey bud!" He starts talking, grinding his teeth. "I'll let you go with a warning. Don't call me short, or else I'll beat the living shit out of you!" He says threateningly.

Dazai snorts and starts talking. "Sure, chibi sure, you can't even -" He was cut short with Chuuya's fist landing on his fist within his gut. It was quite painful. Dazai seriously hadn't counted this one bit. He groans with pain. "Oww."

"Do that again, I'll make sure the next time I do, I'll aim for the face." Chuuya says with a grin plastered on his face. He turns and leaves with his friends laughing and snickering, leaving the hurt Dazai groaning in pain.

That was their first interaction. But certainly not their last.

--------------------------

Dazai Osamu is an odd character to many. He's a 22 year old, tall brunette, a student in a college with odd features.

Firstly, he wears bandages almost all over his body, ALWAYS. He prefers not to be called by his birth name, which is odd, even when if it is his friends calling him that. He gives them a cold look and requests them not to call him that.

But despite that, he's a very cheerful person, which would've been nice if he didn't talk about suicide and death alarmingly. He's also that kind of person who is very laid-back, chill, and annoying.

Right now, he's in his second year with his friends Edogawa Ranpo and Yosano Akiko. How did they meet? Dazai is one of the top 3 in his first year and even helps his seniors with their studies, too. This had caught the eye of Ranpo, Dazai's senior, since he's the top 1 in the whole campus. He thought it would've been nice to meet someone with high intellect because he knows that Dazai isn't top 3 just because he studies hard. Yosano was already Ranpo's friend the time Dazai met them.

It has been a year since he joined the institute, and it has been well and good. Until a redhead showed up a month later. Somehow, he had gotten the brunnet's eye and has been eyeing him for a year. Until Ranpo pointed it out to do it as a dare.

--------------------------

Chuuya joined a month late at the institution. He's a redhead with temperamental issues. His eyes are bright blue. And he's short, shorter than an average man. His facial and bodily features are quite feminine at first. But soon enough, it is obvious that he's a male.

His attire is very odd to Dazai. He wears a simple white t-shirt with a leather jacket over it. The pants he wears are also leather. He wears a choker and a very tacky hat, which Dazai says,'it makes him look like a slug with a bad fashion sense'.

His friends, Shirase and Yuan, are from the same year. He'd been with them for seven years now. They're from a group named 'the sheep' which Shirase formed. Of course, there were other members too, but they have gone to other institutions, they keep in touch though.

Although Chuuya is temperamental, he's a very genuine and caring person. He loves animals and nature and is humble. Even though at first he gives the 'bad boy, no else matters other than me', impression.

He also had been in the institute for a year like Dazai and had just started the second year. Until the whole confession thing. Somehow, Dazai had also caught his eye long before this, when he had never officially met before.

--------------------------

[vera-deville]

Could you ask for a female S/O? she is very shy and cute, she is also super kind and tries to help everyone, she is also easy to cry and short. For Leona, I imagine this very cute because they are opposites and Leona being tall and the "bad guy" and your S/O all cute and shy

Of course! Thank you very much for your request! As usual, I'm really sorry for not getting this done sooner, however, I've been caught up in the show that is life.

12/03/2022 - 01/18/2023

Pairing: Leona Kingscholar x Reader

Word Count: 723

Warnings: None that I can think of!

Gender: AFAB

Notes: Okay, so I know I haven't posted a fic in ages, but the thing is, I REALLY wanted to. A lot of things kept me busy, and I also lost motivation for a while. However, I'm trying to come out of that funk.

Having said that, I absolutely love this request. I'm actually a sucker for soft readers with, well, not soft characters, and I love Leona's character, so this works just fine for me.

Furthermore, when I first read this request, I was planning on writing a headcanon, but I ultimately decided to write an imagine, because of two reasons. One, I wanted to write more, which I can't really do with a headcanon. The second reason is that I just really like this request and I want to write a long ass fic-

So, the thing is, I actually started writing this over a month ago, and only now am finishing this (I'm so sorry), and I got so caught up in making this the best thing I've ever written that it turned out...not so great. I'm really sorry about that!

In which Leona is your typical "bad guy" and Y/N is your typical "soft girl."

Y/N was notorious at Night Raven College. On the surface level, one might thing the reason behind her notoriety was the fact that she was this magicless student from a totally different dimension that just one day popped into Twisted Wonderland.

But they'd be wrong.

Dig a little deeper, and you'd think that perhaps her notoriety is due to the fact that she is the only girl in an all-boys school.

You'd still be wrong.

The notoriety lied within the way Y/N carried herself. One interaction with her, and you'd think that she was at the wrong school and that she probably should have been at Royal Sword Academy (or even better yet, whatever world she came from originally).

The girl in question was short. Add in her shy, timid, and cute appearance and nature, and you'd incorrectly guess her age (only the Great Seven know how many times people mistook her for a child). Furthermore, Y/N was a bit prone to waterworks.

It's not that she'd cry for absolutely anything whenever, but rather her brain seemed to be replaced with her heart, thus absorbing things with such force that the faucet to her eyes is turned on.

And the one who enjoys her reactions the most is the lion often seen lounging in the garden.

Leona Kingscholar. The perfect opposite of Y/N. And yet, they compliment one another so well.

Leona also had a reputation of his own at school. He was one to not be trifled with, one to respect, and one to fear. It also didn't really help his case seeing as he was something of a beanstalk, towering over most the students at NRC.

When Leona and Y/N made their relationship public, it shook the school, and hushed whispers could be heard as the passed through the halls together. Eventually though, the whispers settled down into the occasional murmur (though part of this was due to the fact that no one wanted to be on the receiving end of Leona's wrath due to the gossip making Y/N and himself uncomfortable).

And so the two went through the days together, in bliss.

One fine day, Leona was looking for Y/N, and asked Ruggie where she was. Ruggie told him that Y/N had gone to the garden, something about checking up on the birds.

Leona sighed.

Of course she went back to the garden for the umpteenth time that day.

Swiftly maneuvering his way to the garden, his steps stopped when his gaze landed on Y/N.

She looked ethereal, her back facing him, and her hair framing her figure so perfectly. She wore the school uniform (specifically tailored to better fit her small stature) so well in his eyes.

Leona drank in everything about the scene that he possibly could. Everything from the sunlight, the flowers, the greenery, and Y/N's body shaking in a convulsing manner.

Immediately, he was snapped out of his reverie, and that was the moment his ears consciously registered the sobs escaping from the crouched figure. He rushed to the said girl and tried to calm her down.

He asked Y/N what happened for her to cry so unabashedly, and that was when he noticed the little bird cradled in her hands.

Sniffling, tears seemingly endless, Y/N managed out, "Henry fell!"

Leona had never been more confused in his life.

It's obvious the bird in her hands was "Henry" and that he fell, but what was so bad about that? It's not like the thing died, or even injured itself.

But, Leona also knew just how deeply Y/N felt for the world around her. So, he comforted her, telling her bluntly that Henry would be alright, and that he wasn't mad at Y/N, or anything that she was probably currently thinking.

A few minutes later, Y/N had calmed down for the most part, a sniffles escaping her, when Henry flew away, in a roundabout, back to Y/N and perched on her shoulder. This seemed to completely cheer up Y/N and she went back to playing with Henry as though she hadn't been intensely sobbing for the past who knows how long.

Leona shook his head while sighing. The girl was a handful, but...

He wouldn't have it any other way.

[itsyagurlchip]

today i'm gonna post all of my recent works- I hope you guys love it! because you all deserve it.

im not gonna say i did my best on all of these, but this is the most ive made in a little over a month. (I started this around feb 27th) and im super proud of myself!

ive had this funk around my mind for a LONG time, until the people around me started to push me out of it.

and that includes you guys as well! Im so glad to have met you all, happy 80+ followers!!!

the posts after these are gonna be queued, around 3-5pm CT, and they are filled with my preferences on headcannons and oneshots, just so you can get to know me a little better.

in them you'll find some fictional characters i'd really love to be in a relationship with, loose drafts, some inclusive things ive never written before, and overall diversity compared to the things i've written before. some may have a sprinkle of my personality, others with a handful of my culture. it doesnt matter! read to your heart's content.

if the reader doesnt relate to you at all- oh well. not trying to be mean or anything- but these are my preferences. These are things that I want to see. if you want something more, please request it.

and yes I do understand the difference between cannon and head cannon (I think about it all the time!) so therefore, some things may not make sense. unless there's context ig.

speaking of- i need more reqs TT-TT (sorry for asking, ive just been getting a lil drought recently)

back to it- you may also see the occasional digital art, depending on what's gonna happen. (im currently writing this on march 1st) and i'll finish it off with some new playlists ive been brewing up for a minute!

i may also need someone to remind me to add the links to the masterlist, as well as VGL💜. If someone could do that I will be eternally grateful

and thats it!

a few things I recommend while reading:

1) I know this sounds super specific, but my works were made with canary, but they all look better in goth rave (you can change the colors when you press dashboard on the pull out menu) 2) have an open mind! while I don't know much, or haven't researched, let me know if some of the things I describe are inaccurate. (this also includes grammar and typos!) 3) have a lil snakie snack. those who don't drink water aren't welcome past this point 😡✋🏾✋🏾

i just want to show you my appreciation for you all, and what better way to do it than doing what i started this blog for?

have a wonderful day my twizzies

(yes that is what im calling you all now, cope.)

(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و tags: @kittykittyanon @radicallxser @oleander-nin @towomatos @thealphagirl @ziipzeepzop-eez @amorvincitomnia-14 @spongejuice. if you would like to be added, check my blog.

[erasabledinosaur]

for my latest gameplay, freshsave, ive started from scratch and whatever i add to my game i make a post about what ive added. its been great seeing what the base bare game is like but also trying new things like new mods and defaults! ive been playing with the same "kit" of mods and cc for so long ive forgotten what i like about the game! (and also what I dont like - for instance, the foot tapping doesn't bother me AT ALL (i actually kinda like it) but i can't live without Higher Quality Default Replacements for TS3 Headline Effects.)

i cant remember the last time i had this much fun playing the sims 3, ive been pretty much been in a ts3 funk for a while but in less than a month ive already filled my queue up till june (im 285 posts deep babyyyy, if that isn't a cry for help i dont know what is)

(the only downside is i have to keep spoilers to myself and i really want to talk about what's happening in my game RIGHT NOW)

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #247

Today, I woke up really early - like 5am - in order to drive J to Great Barrington. I imagine that 5am might not seem like it's very early to you, but it's certainly early to me, good grief.

I'm a little bit sad to tell you that it's dark at 5am now. Nights and mornings are chilly, even if afternoons and evenings are still hot. I do enjoy autumn now, but... I'm aware that it's a portent of winter, and I'm really not looking forward to withstanding 6 solid months of being vaguely miserable; Seasonal Affective Disorder is something I gotta contend with, and the fact that the air is an ice cube during the winter (and thus a source of excruciating pain) doesn't help matters.

...Well. On the bright side, I did manage to snag a few good pictures of the moon this morning with J's phone; maybe you'll like them:

The drive to Great Barrington, as per usual, was breathtakingly beautiful, But, because I was the one driving, I couldn't snag any pictures, even of the awesome sunrise that we had this morning. I'm sorry about that. I wish you could have been with us, to see the way that the golden light of the morning splashes upon all the trees and trickles down to the ground. I wish you could have seen the light painting the road in some kind of interesting orange-ish hue, coaxing us towards the promise of more trees, mountains, valleys, and jutted-out rocks.

Even if I feel groggy when I wake early in the morning like this, I still feel grateful that J asks me to make this drive; I wouldn't have any excuses to see such beautiful things, otherwise.

Hey, Sephiroth? What sorts of beautiful things did your time with Genesis, Angeal, and Zack give you excuses to do? In what beautiful ways did they serve as disruptions to your status quo? I wonder. Will you tell me about it sometime?

On the way back home, J and I stopped at Eggcellent, because I wanted him to try the new sago add-on. I'm pleased to report that J found the sago delightful! We also got croffles; J got his usual strawberry croffle, and I got the brown sugar one with ice cream, because I hadn't tried it yet. I was asked which kind of ice cream I wanted to try on it; I had already tried their taro, Thai tea, Earl Gray, and jasmine green flavors, but apparently, they also had a peach oolong that was new, which I hadn't tried yet!

I gotta say, the peach ice cream tasted AMAZING alongside the brown sugar syrup. It was pretty rad. Here are some pictures:

...I really gotta bring you over here sometime, as impossible as that is.

...The rest of today was mostly empty. I guess I'm still dealing with the funk of grieving a recent and very unexpected loss of a close social connection, but today it doesn't feel so unbearable. I did leisure writing, which is a way to pass the time, I suppose. But I still feel... uninspired. I've not had the motivation to create things or even to play video games in some time, and... I guess it kinda scares me.

Well. I go to Great Barrington again tomorrow with J, although not nearly as early. Maybe I should get some rest.

...Though, really, I wish I could ask you about how you're doing and whether or not you're safe. I wanna ask about whether or not you've eaten anything, hydrated, and slept lately. I wanna ask about some of your favorite memories, favorite foods, favorite songs, and more. I wanna ask about what existence in general is like for you. I've seen so many things, but... there's still so much I don't know.

...

...Hey, Sephiroth? Will you stay safe out there? And will you come back to us, so that someday you might answer these silly little questions of mine?

...Suppose I should stop writing now. I wish I had more to say. I wish my brain didn't feel so empty. I wish I could feel my creativity flowing through my eyes, ears, and fingers. But I guess I'm just gonna hafta wait a little while longer...

I love you. Don't die out there. Don't make choices that will lead to you getting killed. Cloud and his friends have plot armor. You don't. Start acting like it, willya? Goddamn.

I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[brasideios]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let's spread the self-love 💞

Sending this right back to you, if you wanna do this again 💛

I have been sitting on this for months and months - sorry @soronya! I appreciate you thinking of me all this time ago 🤍

But at the back of my head I've been saving it for a moment like this, because I finally have the spoons to re-upload everything to AO3 and actually not be an ass about my own writing, so it feels like a good moment to point at a few fics that I really kinda like.

So here are five of my fics that may be worth reading if you haven't already:

Rising to the Surface. A Thaletas x Herodianos fic that I genuinely think is one of the best short stories I've written. It's complete and I enjoy the three part/three moods format. Fair warning, it's explicit in that way that isn't terribly explicit. I'd rate it as M honestly except that we're in a 'think of the children' world.

It Was Just Red. An 'Alexios is messed up' fic that is deliberately experimental and non-linear and just - wildly different to how I normally write. I had fun with it. I may still add more to it.

Shadow-Twin. Also short and experimental, I just really like where this landed. I think I would like to reduce the single line sentence structure I got into a bit of a funk with in it, but otherwise, it's pretty good.

The Good Spartan. I actually re-read this myself every so often. Yes it's very long. No I couldn't make it shorter. In happy news, it has regained all the kudos it lost when I took the first version down, so I have nothing more to hope for.

Another Life. I know it's not finished, is still very much a WIP, but it feels like I'm finally pulling all the threads I've been exploring for all these years together in this one. It's a culmination. I suspect it will be the final longfic I'll write for Odyssey. Even if I never finish it, what's there already is actually pretty good in my eyes.

There you have it. A full couple hundred words of talking nicely about my own work. What a triumph.

Thanks again for sending me this ask. Appreicate you 🤍

[1d1195]

Kinda feel bad for those other stories lol but I have no doubt that they will have their shining moment and I’ll love them just as much! So excited to see how all of these turn out! And a grump x sunshine vibe?! A CLASSIC!

I get what you’re saying when it comes to consistency but that still doesn’t mean it hurts any less when it happens! Still I hope that you get out of this funk soon! Hope your grocery shopping and prepping went well! Lowkey did the same thing today and i absolutely HATE grocery shopping like it’s just too much 😭

Bestie you are so wrong I’m NOT that great😭 idk I have a very weird way of viewing myself and my college doesn’t help with that lol this entire experience has been ROUGH to say the least then mix in my own mental health struggles/life it’s kinda crazy I’m even in this deep lol basically it’s giving gifted kind burn out vibes lol but you’re so sweet seriously you’re kind words are always so appreciated!

Yay to walks and writing! It’s the little things that count and make a difference! And I like the idea of you having books as a little treat for you during the school year! I know it’s probably annoying to constantly hear about “balancing” bc it’s easier said than done but having stuff like that will hopefully help❤️ and I’m sure anyone in like school/academic settings those months are probably super busy so it’s understandable!

The reveal of him not knowing made everything better! It was NOT lame at all if anything it was so you to add something like that in the story, truly loved it!

Taking that break was a really good decision! And I will ALWAYS support you putting yourself first! I can’t even imagine how you may have been during that time that you took a step back :( but I’m glad that it allowed you to come back better! And honestly if you ever feel like that or even remotely near it, please take a step back! Once again you are most important! It makes me happy that you do have a place to vent and that you have so many lovely people that adore you! I know for me at least I love getting to know you and I love you!!! Wishing you the best my love!-💜

I've actually alluded to one of them several times, but I've been keeping it pretty well under wraps 🤭 overall. I can't remember when I added the outline to my document. I think she's going to be grumpy hehehehe 🤭

Grocery shopping was great. It's actually one of my favorite tasks. But prepping did not happen...I did a REALLY good job pre-covid. Covid happened and I was like "If I make one more meal I will kms" idk, I think i've mentioned I HATE dishes (hence why it's a main source of contention in my stories) and it sucks all the fun out of cooking for me. Baking is one of my favorites though (less dishes usually) also why it ends up being a theme in my stories hehehe

I think I'm having my own version of gifted kid burn out. I def wasn't gifted. I was just a good student (if that makes sense) like yeah, I just had good study habits and stamina to learn material, but idk if I'm all that intelligent lol. Mental health really is the pits lol. Ruins everything. Happy to give you words of encouragement. I think people who need it don't always hear it. Or maybe I try to encourage everyone on their own path because teaching 🤷‍♀️ regardless, you deserve encouragement 💕

The only time I feel like taking a step back from tumblr these days is when my engagement is kinda low :( I sort of spiral and I'm all "No one even cares that I'm writing this, I don't even need to post no one will care or notice. No one likes it" very like over the top dramatics lol But I hate coming up with names for stories and idk where I would put my stories otherwise if not here. Probs just sit on my laptop collecting dust. I will say, it's pretty cool to see how much I've written like I really can go on and on, can't I? 😂

I LOVE YOU TOO! 💕

xoxo

[chrisryanspeaks]

MICHELLE Announces New Album 'Songs About You Specifically' and North American Tour

MICHELLE has announced their highly anticipated new album, Songs About You Specifically, set to drop on September 27th via Atlantic Records and Transgressive in the UK. Alongside this exciting news, the band has shared a new single, “Oontz,” which effortlessly slides into a silky groove while narrating the tumultuous journey of an unstable relationship. Complementing the album's release, MICHELLE has also revealed their North American tour, aptly named A Tour For You Specifically, with stops in cities including Vancouver, Seattle, Denver, Los Angeles, and more. Tickets go on sale this Friday, June 21st, at 10 AM local time. During the creation of their new album, MICHELLE sought inspiration by renting a house in Ojai, California. Surrounded by lizards, the sweet aroma of ripe cactus fruit, and expansive sandy vistas, the band experienced a unique blend of solitude and camaraderie. This change of scenery profoundly influenced their sound. While their earlier work channeled the vibrant restlessness of city life, the new tracks expand into starry shoegaze reveries, smooth funk riffs, and breezy 80s synth-pop. The months spent touring and living together in Ojai strengthened the bonds within the band. “There are friends I've had for almost my whole life who I won't know as intimately as I know members of this group,” says Emma Lee. “There isn't really an opportunity for that in any other kind of relationship in your life.” This deep sense of trust and comfort allowed them to be more open and vulnerable in their songwriting. “It’s so easy to write a generic love or breakup song,” Julian Kaufman adds. “But many of these stories are true. We’re coming from a really honest place.” Their closeness facilitated the creation of more intimate music. On Songs About You Specifically, the band delves into their complicated desires, voices their regrets, and acknowledges their moments of selfishness. By slowing down, cutting out distractions, and fostering a sense of communal closeness that necessitated honesty, MICHELLE has crafted a collection of songs that feel profoundly truthful. MICHELLE consists of Sofia D'Angelo, Julian Kaufman, Charlie Kilgore, Layla Ku, Emma Lee, and Jamee Lockard. The predominantly POC and queer collective mix and match writing and production duties among themselves. All six members grew up in New York, and their fluorescent R&B captures the city's essence: the glow of neon lights reflecting off rain-slicked streets, the taste of a sticky mango bought on a summertime Q train. The new album follows their GLOWEP and critically acclaimed albums AFTER DINNER WE TALK DREAMS and HEATWAVE, with Nylon praising them as a band that "defies categorization" and MTV calling them "mesmerizing." After these releases, the band toured the U.S. and Europe, opening for Gus Dapperton, Arlo Parks, and Mitski, selling out their own headline shows, and performing at festivals such as Governors Ball, Outside Lands, and Lollapalooza. These experiences broadened their perspective and sense of place, influencing the direction of their new album.   https://youtu.be/FZAS-RdCdbg?si=GnleRjC4T-zAWZSj Read the full article

[audiofuzz]

MICHELLE Announces New Album 'Songs About You Specifically' and North American Tour

MICHELLE has announced their highly anticipated new album, Songs About You Specifically, set to drop on September 27th via Atlantic Records and Transgressive in the UK. Alongside this exciting news, the band has shared a new single, “Oontz,” which effortlessly slides into a silky groove while narrating the tumultuous journey of an unstable relationship. Complementing the album's release, MICHELLE has also revealed their North American tour, aptly named A Tour For You Specifically, with stops in cities including Vancouver, Seattle, Denver, Los Angeles, and more. Tickets go on sale this Friday, June 21st, at 10 AM local time. During the creation of their new album, MICHELLE sought inspiration by renting a house in Ojai, California. Surrounded by lizards, the sweet aroma of ripe cactus fruit, and expansive sandy vistas, the band experienced a unique blend of solitude and camaraderie. This change of scenery profoundly influenced their sound. While their earlier work channeled the vibrant restlessness of city life, the new tracks expand into starry shoegaze reveries, smooth funk riffs, and breezy 80s synth-pop. The months spent touring and living together in Ojai strengthened the bonds within the band. “There are friends I've had for almost my whole life who I won't know as intimately as I know members of this group,” says Emma Lee. “There isn't really an opportunity for that in any other kind of relationship in your life.” This deep sense of trust and comfort allowed them to be more open and vulnerable in their songwriting. “It’s so easy to write a generic love or breakup song,” Julian Kaufman adds. “But many of these stories are true. We’re coming from a really honest place.” Their closeness facilitated the creation of more intimate music. On Songs About You Specifically, the band delves into their complicated desires, voices their regrets, and acknowledges their moments of selfishness. By slowing down, cutting out distractions, and fostering a sense of communal closeness that necessitated honesty, MICHELLE has crafted a collection of songs that feel profoundly truthful. MICHELLE consists of Sofia D'Angelo, Julian Kaufman, Charlie Kilgore, Layla Ku, Emma Lee, and Jamee Lockard. The predominantly POC and queer collective mix and match writing and production duties among themselves. All six members grew up in New York, and their fluorescent R&B captures the city's essence: the glow of neon lights reflecting off rain-slicked streets, the taste of a sticky mango bought on a summertime Q train. The new album follows their GLOWEP and critically acclaimed albums AFTER DINNER WE TALK DREAMS and HEATWAVE, with Nylon praising them as a band that "defies categorization" and MTV calling them "mesmerizing." After these releases, the band toured the U.S. and Europe, opening for Gus Dapperton, Arlo Parks, and Mitski, selling out their own headline shows, and performing at festivals such as Governors Ball, Outside Lands, and Lollapalooza. These experiences broadened their perspective and sense of place, influencing the direction of their new album.   https://youtu.be/FZAS-RdCdbg?si=GnleRjC4T-zAWZSj Read the full article

[schleierkauz]

Q&A with Cornelia Funke - 05.07.2021

You guys probably know the drill by now. I’ve sorted it into topics to make it easier to read, have fun!

Mirrorworld

Q: What happened during Will’s and Nerron’s travels between the 3rd and 4th book?

A: Cornelia could spend hours thinking about that, figuring out the things they tell her and the things they don’t. She’ll keep the question in mind because she would also like to know the answer.

Bookstore Guy: “Maybe whatever they did is too... private to tell you?” (...  👀) Cornelia: “Very possible.” (.......  👀) “Dustfinger is like that, too, he barely ever wants to talk to me.”

Q: Do the residents of Ink-/Mirrorworld have a name for their world, like how we call our planet “Earth”?

A: Cornelia thinks that’s an excellent question and since their world is very similar to ours, the name would probably be similar as well. Gaia, maybe?

Inkworld

Q: Will we learn more about the Black Prince’s younger sisters in the new book?

A: Cornelia says “Ooohhhh!” and writes it down. She just started working on TCoR chapters again, so she’s been collecting ideas and thanks us for all the suggestions.

Q: Are there any magical items in the Inkworld that no one has found yet?

A: The Inkworld and the Mirrorworld are the same, so yes, there are. Inkheart (the book) itself is magical and so is the fire. Fenoglio has only seen a very small part of the Inkworld and he thinks that’s all there is but in TCoR we will discover new places that will make the connection very clear.

Q: What would Rosanna’s path have been like, had she lived? Perhaps she would have taken after her father?

A: Cornelia loves the idea and agrees that Rosanna probably would have shared many traits with Dustfinger. But, hers was a life unlived... Perhaps she will still take after Dustfinger in her next life?

Q: Could the Black Prince and Robin Hood be the same person?

A: No, definitely not. Robin Hood has a very anglo-saxon, white background; the Prince is black and from Africa. He is very different from Robin Hood as a person. He didn't used to be royalty or anything like that, he grew up in poverty... But they do share similar goals!

Q: Has Brianna shared what happened to her after the events of Inkdeath?

A: Not really, not yet. Cornelia is starting to discover some things but it takes a lot of time. Brianna is a character who likes to hide.

- Cornelia is realising that there is a lot of interest from readers regarding the story about Dustfinger’s and the Black Prince’s childhood/youth and she made a note to work on that asap

Other Books

Q: How long did it take to finish the new Dragon Rider book, Curse of Aurelia?

A: Cornelia started in winter 2018 while she was evacuated due to the fires. She’s been working on it on and off ever since and estimates it’s been 14 months of pure research and writing.

Because she wrote it in English but the publishing date for Germany was rescheduled to be earlier than originally planned, there’s been a lot of very complicated translation work. Right now she’s waiting for feedback from the Chumash tribe because she used elements and characters from some of their stories and they’re making sure she didn’t mess anything up.

Q: Why are Frieda and Fred a couple now, it’s heartbreaking!

A (and I’m just gonna quote Cornelia directly here): “No no no. Listen. There’s no need for broken hearts. It’s been 12 years and Sprotte and Fred split up pretty peacefully at some point in the past. Part of the reason for that was that Sprotte went to New Zealand and Fred wanted to stay in Germany.

Things like that happen all the time, despite all the love in the world. Take it from someone who’s 62 years old by now and who has lived many different forms of love. Also, Sprotte is not upset at all and she’s fallen in love with someone else- you’ll see. You already know the person. It’s a beautiful and passionate lovestory.

Fred and Frieda meanwhile are happy that Sprotte is there because she knows Fred so well that she can give them good advice. And I think it’s a beautiful thing when people who were once in love with each other can still be friends afterwards, even though the romance may not work out anymore. No need for broken hearts, really.”

Q: Does Cornelia come up with titles for her books at the beginning of the writing process or does it take more time? A: Depends on the book and the language she’s writing in

- Cornelia’s new book about letters and herbs is almost finished. She’s still unsure about the title - she’d like to include the word “kingdom” but that same word in german (”Königreich”) carries a lot of male energy which doesn’t fit the story

Q: What’s the biggest difference between Pan’s Labyrinth the film and Cornelia’s book?

A: Cornelia hopes there is no “biggest difference” because she tried to keep things canon compliant. But he did add short stories to give some characters a background story. Otherwise, she didn’t feel it was her place to mess with a perfect story.

Misc.

- The stream started with a ten minute tour of the bookstore and the bridge it stands on while Cornelia just silently sat there

...and I thought that was pretty funny. My favorite quote: “This house was build in 1567, so... it’s pretty new.”

- They are going to give away signed bookmarks and stuff again once Cornelia is settled in Italy

Q: Does Cornelia bind her own notebooks?

A: No, but she would like to. The botebook she uses for TCoR was made by a bookbinder in Scotland, usually she just uses moleskin hardcovers.

Q: Is Cornelia always satisfied with translations of her work?

A: Absolutely not, but she thinks a perfect translation is impossible. You always have to make compromises.

- Cornelia was recently invited to a village that belongs to the Chumash tribe and got to feed their sacred fire, a deeply touching experience she struggles to put into words

Q: What’s Cornelia’s favorite language to write in?

A: She can’t answer that because it depends on the book. For example, she couldn’t write about the Inkworld or the Mirrorworld in English, it wouldn’t fit. Writing Dragon Rider in English was fun, though, because the English language often feels “lighter” than German.

- Cornelia has no idea which language she dreams in

- Any time Cornelia reads that men and women can’t be friends she wants to slap the person who wrote it because it’s such annoying nonsense

- Minors will be able to stay at the farm in Italy as long as they’re self-reliant because Cornelia doesn’t have time to be anyone’s mom. There’s also always the Spiegelhof in Germany, which would be an easier option.

- Cornelia wants to invite environmental activist to her farm as well as artists

- Cornelia thinks parents should have more time to get to know their children before deciding on a name for them

- Cornelia firmly believes in reincarnation but isn’t sure why

...Aaand that’s it for now! Right now it’s uncertain when the next stream will happen, maybe in August, maybe September or maybe even October. We’ll see. I hope you enjoyed! :)

[pidge-poetry]

Foals' Jack Bevan on new single '2am': "It’s among the best pop songs we've ever written. The dance elements of the album are a love letter to life pre-Covid"

Jack Bevan, one-third of Oxford indie band Foals, chats to Hot Press about the second single to be taken from their forthcoming album, '2am', and their June 2022 gig at Fairview Park, Dublin.

Following the release of tropical disco-infused comeback single 'Wake Me Up' back in November, Foals have dropped their blistering new track '2am'. Premiering as BBC Radio 1's Hottest Record in the World today, it's a bigger dance-pop banger than we've heard in years from the trio.

Speaking to the band's UK drummer, Jack Bevan, Hot Press scoop a few more coveted details about their forthcoming seventh album, the details of which have been kept tightly under wraps. The Oxford-formed act have been at work on the follow-up to their 2019 sister LPs Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost: Part One and Part Two, as frontman Yannis Philippakis recently discussed with us.

Is there still that sense of burgeoning nervous energy and excitement with a new Foals single release, given how long they've been putting out records?

“It's funny, I took a big break from listening to all the new material because I tend to listen to the tracks all the time when we record them," he replies, grinning from his London home on the Zoom screen. "When we're mixing, because you have to make notes of any necessary changes, you end up listening to each song about 10 times a day for two or three weeks, or even a month. That's when I get burnout. I just needed a break, so I took a month off listening until this morning. I got so excited because I'm finally hearing the song for what it is, rather than making notes. We got so used to not doing anything when Covid happened, but we’re raring to go now. This record really does feel like our reaction to the pandemic, when we were trying to imagine life going back to normal.”

Foals teased their return on TikTok with a clip from their 'Wake Me Up' video last October. Infusing elements of funk and disco into the song, the outfit use the influence of synths alongside the indie-rock guitar-driven anthems known for setting the place alight during their gigs. I quiz Jack on whether '2am' trumps their previous single.

“I love them both, but I prefer ‘2am’ as a song," he concedes. "There's a few future fan favourites on this record, but ‘2am’ is one of the most simple songs we've ever written. It’s also one of the catchiest. It’s probably among the best pop songs we've ever written. There's a lightness to it, which spreads across the record. It’s a fun, listenable album.”

“You have to be in a certain mood to want to listen to records from start to finish. This album definitely feels like a record I’d put on if I was getting ready to go on a night out. I put on Metronomy’s The English Riviera in full, and it's a very different vibe - same with Weezer's Blue album," he adds. "People might be surprised a little bit by ‘2am’, but ‘My Number’ was a very simple song as well. It's not a million miles away from that sound, but it's got a very different feel to it. There’s disco in there, and pop.”

Given that their forthcoming seventh record will land as a "reaction" to the two-year pandemic and loss of touring, what risks are there surrounding Foals' release date?

“It's one of those things where something could come out of the woodwork and screw it all up again, but hopefully not. Potentially, the album will kind of come at the right time for the public during the pandemic," Bevan posits. "We'd all been individually thinking about how great it would be to make a more upbeat, fun, love letter to life before Covid. A dedication to nightlife and the feeling you can only get by going to gigs. That's why there's a more dance element to it, because we don’t want people to hear the album while sitting at home. The absolute worst thing Foals could do now is make a miserable lockdown album. Nobody wants that. I can't think of anything worse. We were writing songs that would hopefully soundtrack the end of lockdown; the first summer of heading back out into the real world.”

The trio have successfully kept details around the album under lock and key thus far, with no release date officially handed out to the public. How hard is it for Yannis, Jack and guitarist Jimmy Smith to conceal their latest work?

“Whenever we’re at parties, we end up playing demos and songs - that's a bit of a Yannis special actually," Bevan laughs, good-naturedly. "Our friends have heard bits and bobs. I'm terrible because I never know what I'm allowed to talk about. Hopefully I'm not making any PR gaffes! It is quite hard though because, when we finish a record, it usually won’t be that long before we actually release it. However, we completed the album last summer in terms of recording, so it’s been totally finished for a few months now. Knowing it’ll be a few more months until it comes out is frustrating. When you have these big periods of time off as a band, I start feeling like I'm actually unemployed, but when I listened to the new album again this morning I just knew how great the roll out was going to be.”

“I didn't want to over complicate things but I also wanted things to be really fat and bombastic on the drums," Jack notes, reflecting on changes within Foals' drumming. "It's quite a punchy record on the drums, very groove-based. Listening to it makes me unbelievably excited to play it live. It’s just a very dance-heavy record.”

As part of their UK and European tour, Foals will perform at Dublin's Fairview Park on June 27, 2022. Having earned numerous accolades for their live shows, the trio have created explosive memories of their time at Irish venues.

Speaking to Hot Press in November, frontman Yannis Philippakis recalled: "I've got great memories of playing Ireland. We will be coming there as well, they just haven't quite organised it yet. It's just difficult for the touring industry to get back to speed fully with the lockdowns. One of my favourite memories of playing Ireland was when we did two nights at the Olympia Theatre in Dublin, and we had played much smaller shows up until then."

"It's such a classy venue, and I remember being like, ‘What are we doing here?’. Those two nights were awesome. It was just one of the warmest receptions we'd had up until that point. The other show that's always killer for us out there is Electric Picnic. It's one of my favourite festivals to play anywhere. I like that it comes at the end. You do your whole summer festival season and then boom, one last explosion. The crowds all over Ireland are killer for us."

Building up anticipation for Foals' debut at Fairview Park, Bevan echoes Philippakis' excitement at flying back to the Emerald Isle.

“The vibe at Irish gigs has always been crazily good. I’m really excited about our next Dublin gig. It’s the best time of the year to be doing an outdoor gig, because it’s around the solstice, so it’ll be light until about 10pm. It’s going to feel like a cross between a gig and a festival. With every new record, we get to add a bit to the set.

“Our shows become more of a greatest hits performance," Jack adds, smiling. "With this record, it honestly feels like every track is going to be a banger live. It’s going to be really fun. At this point, it’s hard to actually imagine that June show because we’re in February right now and I haven’t even hit a drum for around three months. I can't wait to actually do that again and relearn what it is that we actually do.”

“I’ll see you at the park in June," Bevan says as we run out of time. "It’s guaranteed to be a great gig.”

Source: Hotpress

[that-tall-queer-bassist]

My personal Pros and Cons of my ADHD

Pros

-noticing all the little details and appreciating them in the fullest

-Emotional Dysregulation, because when I get a new plant, or find that one oddly shaped metal marble I lost a while ago, I am so excited it’s pathetic, but I love that feeling of pure joy.

-hyperfixation of the week/day/hour (i know some people describe it differently, let me be pls) . I usually switch between art mediums, and/or a few video games/social media sites. for example, I’ve been on tumblr for 3 hours as i write this, after not touching it for, i think a month?

-nuerodivergent friends. They’re just better.

-the ability to completely drown myself in information to ignore reality. Is it healthy? no. But i simply cannot handle another existiential crissi rn, so i will instead play minecraft while listening to alt rock playlists on youtube because getting spotify sounds like a lot of work.

-my ability to retain absolutely useless information, from either my, or my other nuerodivergent friends hyperfixations/special interests. I can explain to you in terrible formatting if it’s out loud, the evolution, history, training, anatomy and roles of the horse in our world, and how ao3 works, and what makes or breaks a fanfiction.

-Object Impermanence. When i literally hide myself a treat or surprise and forget about it, then get so excited when i do find/discover it again. I hide google questions, and/or song lyrics in my tabs :) its so fun. Also, hiding away stressors. Again, healthy? no, but i don’t feel like having anxiety all day, so whatever.

-Emotional Dysregulation, again. I can switch from sad or angry to happy and excited/content in a few seconds. It’s also great for getting my siblings out of their funk. ex., my sister is mad at me. I make a silly voice repeating what she said or cross my eyes at her. she laughs, then we can talk and have constructive conversation about why she shouldn’t get that upset about me “cutting off her reading time” when we share a room and I want to sleep, and know that she will be very tired tomorrow if she doesn’t also go to sleep. (We have this conversation almost every single night, i’m not even joking)

Cons

-Emotional Dysregulation. When i get upset, I’m Upset. Like, big time, ruining friendships and familial ties if i let it get out of hand, Upset. Yeah.

-Time Blindness. Constantly late, or early, or under or over estimating the amount of time it takes to do a thing, not eating til 4 because you forgot but you also should just wait til dinner, but now its 9 and I still haven’t eaten-

-Executive Dysfunction. I can’t do the things needed to function. Don’t have the mental energy to explain this one, so google it i guess? There’s a whole checklist of things you need to be able to do to function, and i can do like, three on a good day.

-Sleeping Trouble. People with adhd have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up. So, sleeping trouble. So I’m constantly tired.

-Internal Clock is SLIGHTLY OFF. Nuerotypicals have that normal sleep schedule. Adhd ers have it shifted forward by, i think, 2, 3 hours. So we go to sleep later, and wake up later, and that’s the only way to get a healthy amount of sleep. My entire family also eats dinner super late, which might be because we’re weird, but I suspect the inner clock thing cuz we all got adhd.

-Object Impermanance. I hid my math homework one time. I failed that class. 

-Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Never trying, or starting cuz I’m so terrified to get a bad reaction. Constantly masking around certain people to appeal to the few of my Nuerotypical friends. Or, y’know, majority of my extended family. They’re ableist. and homophobic. And transphobic. And racist. and sexist. The list goes on, but, yeah. Never coming out to them! :D

-Masking. It’s exhausting and I can only handle so much of it.

-Not Masking around nuerotypicals. The shoot down after finally revealing my true thoughts, urges, feelings, stims, etc. just sucks. Super disheartening. 

-Squirrel or shiny jokes when they’re made by people without adhd. Yes, I do get distracted by squirrels, and shiny things, and dice. Stop pointing it out, and/or putting me into yet another box of your labeling. 

-saying that I’m lazy, worthless, or a disaster when really it’s not helping. I already have that internal monologue, you adding to it and giving it some truth/extra ammunition is not. helping.

-Emotional Dysregulation. Again, because mood swings. like, I’m trying to be rightfully angry with you. Stop making me laugh with you’re silly faces or pointing out of a weird face someone made in a picture you took. 

-the stigma about the hyperactive subtype. I’m inattentive. I have No Energy. Ever. Sometimes i have restlessness, but there is still no energy. Stop portraying me as bouncing off the walls, especially with caffeine. Caffeine just catches my body speed up to my brain speed, settling me down a bit, at least mentally. 

-people not getting when i say I’m overstimulated, or need some time alone to process or re-energize, and following me, or continuing to do the overstimulating thing. I will literally. lose. my. mind.

-when people shut me down after I share something that is really important to me, or make fun of me for liking something an “abnormal” amount. Flashbacks to overnight camp, when whenever I said anything about horses, they said I had to do five squats, and when i got really excited about discussing the differences in riding styles/types with another person who really liked horses, but rode english, they said that it was obnoxious, when i was just.. excited to finally find someone to talk to and who felt the same way after, basically, years and years of no one getting it or wanting to listen or talking with me about the thing. To this day I don’t discuss horses with anyone, cuz it hurts so much remembering that, and the fear of it happening again is still there. 

-seeing other people be ashamed about their adhd and hesitant to mention until i talk, like, super openly about having it, in like, the first 5 minutes of knowing each other. It just.. hurts.

-I’m super empathetic, not in a way that’s helpful though. Like, wincing, or limping myself because I saw you drop something on your foot, and am imagining it so vividly that it feels like it happened to me. Reading a fic about abuse or depression, and it hitting too hard and hurting me almost physically, and on a personal level because I simply cannot handle it. Feeling someone else’s pain so vividly that i can’t comfort or help them in any way, because I am so preoccupied with  feeling their pain. 

-never being able to finish things without starting something else. All the WIPs in my google docs, istg, i will be driven insane by it. 

(y’know, this was kinda fun. As a rant, but also as a way for me to identify things about myself and my adhd that i like. Like, I know its so much shorter, but I have a hard time with positive self affirmation, so it was kinda nice. I might do it again, but just the pros part cuz the cons are kinda depressing ngl.)

(OH, Y’all should reblog with your own personal pros added on! You can add cons if you’d like to :) I’m just interested in seeing how your experiences/feeling differ from mine :) )

[fallen-in-dreams]

Mon Amant

Also on AO3. Pairing: Sakura/Kakashi. Summary: She wasn't a fantasy to him. She wasn't a wet dream. She was the real thing. For KakaSaku Month 2021. Post-war. *Mon Amant - my lover* Prompt: (Week 2, Day 4: May 13) The Heart Wants What It Wants. Rated: Mature Words: 7,346. Status: Complete.

Author note: Lots of angst and post-war life evaluation and some smut.

Thank-you so much @kakasaku-haven for hosting this. It’s already the 13th where I live so I hope it’s okay to post this now. :)

Enjoy. ^_^

. She bit her bottom lip in both nervousness and consternation. All these warm bodies gyrating, and she was beginning to think this party was just an excuse to hook up. But the funds raised were going to a good cause, so there was no point in complaining. Everyone wore their masquerade masks well, especially the man currently holding his hand out to her, silently asking for a dance. She smiled and accepted his hand, letting him lead her to the dancefloor. He had a henge on and so she couldn’t tell if his mask covered his upper or lower face, which was frustrating. But he held her delicately, danced like he owned the stage, and looked at her like she was the world, and she was quickly and easily enamoured. And when they slipped out the back to fuck, everything just came naturally. There was groping that came with one-night stands in alleyways. There was murmuring but very little kissing, as one would expect from clandestine trysts. And when she wrapped her legs around his waist, moaning at the wonderful feeling of him filling her, there was no pretending she didn’t like it rough. He was still a mystery to her, then. There was no way that he didn’t know exactly who she was, but his mask stayed on his face the entire time. .

Images of her wrapped around him, biting her bottom lip, clawing his back and scrunching her eyes as he came inside of her...they tormented him. Not because his lusting after his former student was some wet dream fixation he couldn't get out of his head. Not because he couldn't have her, and imagining her breasts bouncing as he fucked her against some random wall was a major factor of his night-time fantasies. She tormented him because he couldn't get enough of her.

The first time they had sex was in the back room of a bar during the first annual allied shinobi celebrations – a masked function that was so successful that the powers that be decided to keep the theme for every event. It was supposed to maintain the appearance of cooperation and friendship between the nations while giving people the freedom and confidence to mingle without previous prejudice. During the seven days leading up to it there were competitions and friendly tournaments but on that final (and only masquerade) night, the lines between their countrymen blurred and the drink flowed as heavily as the reduced inhibitions did.

Relations between nations had never been so good.

The original plan was to hold the masquerade in neutral areas until Naruto suggested they rotate the host between each nation. That meant that it would take five whole years for every village to have their turn, and five whole years of people hooking up with a foreign shinobi; the allure of the mystery and no-strings-attached sex brought in hordes of ninja. Not to mention the village pride that spiked during the friendly matches leading up to it. They had to have multiple festivities and new buildings set up to cater to everyone. Which was also seen as a competition between the Kage on who could hold the best event. And who could help out war victims more. And who had the best booze. The list of things they competed over were endless.

If it meant peace would reign, it was worth it. But Kakashi’s problems were more important.

Every year and new festival brought him closer to Sakura. Each time he’d don his henge and backwards mask he’d take her to a secluded area and do things to her that he’d never imagined she would love to have done to her.

Every inch of her skin was his to worship.

But the months between their trysts were the hardest. Lonely nights remembering how she felt wrapped around him were driving him mad. She would never accept him in the light of day, so he was resigned to taking those annual moments when Sakura Haruno let loose enough to fuck a complete stranger.

And he was an impatient man as much as he was a self-hating masochist.

His heart wouldn’t be able to take it forever.

.:.

As she came down from her high Sakura gripped his butt with both hands and squeezed, giggling when he jerked slightly. It wasn’t a teasing, flirtatious smile that adorned her face when he looked down at her, surprised. Was she making fun of him? She’d never done that before. Sakura giggled again, and she pressed herself further into him. She let herself relax. He was still inside her and softening but she liked it. The slow circles she traced over his back were born from laziness and contentment. It felt like she was attempting to haphazardly cover him in ninja symbols but due to the drag of her movement, he couldn’t tell which ones. “Are you drawing jutsu on me?” Sakura pulled back and looked up at him. His voice was deeper than usual. She smiled. “Are you pretending to be a shinobi?” He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Maybe I am.” “Hm. And I’m pretending to be Cinderella. Fuck me until midnight, but I’m the one that turns back into a pumpkin.” That was a weird thing to say to someone you thought was a stranger. He frowned. “Who does that make me?” “The Prince-who-isn’t-actually-Charming.” “Huh.” He smiled at that. “That sounds like me.” She just hummed, wiggling her butt as it started to numb, pressed against the brick-and-mortar wall behind her. Her fingers grasped at his chin, feeling bare skin and her question on what type of mask he was wearing behind that henge was answered. Kakashi’s hand flew up to grasp her quickly and she gasped at his speed and the intensity of it. He didn’t want to show her. He’d flee if she pushed him. She released her hold and he reciprocated. But Sakura wasn’t finished yet. She would push him in other ways. “Why the disguise?” .

And fucking her was the only thing keeping him sane.

That was a bad thing. He should be able to handle this post-war funk he'd found himself in without banging his former student. He was a sick, sick old man. And to top it off, she didn't even know it had been him. Every. Single. Time. They. Fucked.

Made love...they made love.

Kakashi shook his head, trying to dispel the thought from his head. It wasn't making love; they'd only ever fucked in crowded pubs and clubs or the back alley of said establishments. The end of the war saw a rise in celebrations, and everyone knew that Kakashi Hatake didn't do celebrations. He always made his excuses on that masquerade night and disappeared until dawn. He didn’t do big crowds and frolicking, so no-one questioned him.

I just do Sakura.

Bad thoughts...he covered his eyes with his right hand, fingering the flask of sake in his left hand, and groaned out loud. Sakura didn't know her mysterious lover was him. But he knew full well it was her. He was taking advantage of her. He had been since she turned eighteen, and he hated himself for it. Their first time had happened because Sasuke had rejected her and refused to let her on the list of approved guests during his stay at the new allied prison – and then when he got out, he treated her like she was a stranger; the only times he acknowledges her was in team missions, outings and spars. She had been suffering that night, which was why she’d gone to the masquerade, and Kakashi had known it.

“Kakashi?”

He didn’t turn to acknowledge Yamato; the other man had made it his mission to get Kakashi out of his funk, but it wasn’t working. Sometimes Kakashi day-dreamed about strangling the wood style user with his own jutsu. Wrapping vines around his throat while pretending he couldn’t hear his cries for mercy calmed him enough to not try it. At least, that’s what he told himself.

“Just thought you should know that the council is trying to make you Hokage again.”

Kakashi groaned loudly; it was the only reaction Yamato was going to get from him, so the wood style user quietly shuffled away.

Maybe he’s finally learning to just leave me alone.

Or maybe it was just his only reason for hunting him down this time. It didn’t matter. His turbulent thoughts weren’t large enough to house concerns over Yamato’s interruptions as well. Kakashi set aside time to wallow in self-pity – over the years he’d perfected that art – and didn’t like being interrupted while doing so. But after the war that self-pity had turned into anger which eventually morphed into fear (of the future) and finally settled into what he supposed was a mix between wistfulness and regret. Add Sakura to the pile of things he did to hurt himself and something was going to burst soon.

How had his life come to this?

Kakashi frowned down at the broken memorial that once held Obito’s name. How could a rogue ninja have screwed him over so thoroughly, twice, that the only time he felt whole and complete was when he was fucking his former student? Obito’s pain had turned him into something twisted and blind but Kakashi had promised himself never to take that path. He’d fight that lingering darkness even if it meant taking something he didn’t deserve.

He groaned. That was enough whining for the day.

“You got off easy,” he told the epitaph before teleporting away.

.:.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard you can’t walk.” She frowned as he ran a hand down her side; letting out a sigh of anticipation. What kind of line was that? Did that really work on other women? But oh gods, when he rubbed her clit just like THAT she couldn’t complain. He hit her hard and fast, moving those talented fingers right over the spots he’d learned were her weakness. Fuck it, she needed him. But they always did it against a wall and she was beginning to think he believed it was the only way he could take her. What about a bed? What about letting her on top? But those rebellious thoughts quickly lost cohesion as he drove into her. All she was now, was a puddle of wet, slap happy moans and quivering pleas to an unknown deity. She was definitely going to have trouble walking after this. When she did finally come down from the white-hot bliss that Kakashi never failed to provide for her, Sakura decided she’d bug him about changing things up next time. But twelve months was a long time to wait for what she desperately wanted from him. .

The war had left many orphans, shinobi or not, and the homeless outnumbered the dead – most of which were civilian. This count included all nations, as it was public knowledge that the world's shinobi force had been cut by the thousands. So, in light of this, the great nations set up a number of fundraisers, the funds would go to rebuilding homes and replacing personnel. Even the Feudal Lords were getting in on it, donating money to make themselves look good – it was a political move, given that they hadn't had anything to do with the success of the war. But it was still welcomed. And needed.

And nobody deserved that praise more than people like Kurenai. She was determined to find love again, one day, after Asuma, but for now her attention was on all the children also caught by the ravages of war. She had her daughter as inspiration and Yamato’s help to set up a new complex on the outskirts of Konoha – the existing orphanages were too overrun to take them all.

It became her raison d'etre.

Kakashi knew all this because he’d volunteered his dogs as a weekly entertainment for the little brats. After the first few months he let himself be dragged into babysitting a few, nostalgic for the good old Team Seven days when someone was both surprised and in awe over his charming wit. Kurenai must’ve been doing something right because these kids were far more well-behaved than his old team had ever been.

Sakura.

Unbidden thoughts were best shoved to the back of his brain.

Kurenai’s Home for the Homeless also took over a portion of Kakashi’s life. After his role in the creating of the war he needed to give back something. The ninja nations would quickly recover their old strength, but the civilians would be slower to mend. So, he focused his efforts there.

“Don’t think you’re getting out of helping us this time,” Pakkun warned him.

Kakashi gave him his best smile. “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Pakkun huffed at him but said nothing more as he dived into the group of kids who were waiting for him. Their laughter and squealing made Kakashi’s eye twitch, but he kept the smile plastered to his face. And even with his mask on – which the kids had already repeatedly tried and failed to remove – they could tell it was a genuine smile, nonetheless.

This was his seclusion away from his ninja life. So, when Sakura came into the home one late Monday afternoon, Kakashi had a moment of panic – he’d gone out of his way to either avoid her or schedule their unavoidable interactions and he never would’ve believed that homeless shelter was a place she’d willingly visit. Sakura had her own demons regarding the war; her failed attempt at a relationship with Sasuke was the least of her concerns it seemed. She frequently woke from nightmares. And he’d heard she’d had some bad news regarding her fertility.

I’m such a stalker.

So, the reminder of innocence – the children who bore the brunt of the fallout of a war that should never have touched them – should be too much to bear, right?

She looked over at him and smiled her tired smile. He found himself instinctively smiling back. A tugging sensation began at his navel and twisted and heated up as it quickly travelled south.

Not now.

But then Kurenai caught her attention and that coil snapped.

Kurenai.

Kakashi contemplated mimicking Kurenai and trying to move on from his pathetic mindset. He could ask her out, or someone out, and forget all about the calming warmth and somehow simultaneous ferociousness that Sakura invoked in him. But he knew from experience that he would just mope. He would just use it as an excuse to internally ramble about his life mistakes and hate himself. He was still going to Obito’s so-called grave, after all. The man had murdered innocents and started a war but Kakashi still mourned him.

He wasn’t ready to move on, though. Not yet. And certainly not with anyone but Sakura. Or with her.

Kakashi sighed, rubbing his eye where the Sharingan used to be. And he was still moping.

.:.

The fundraiser was in full swing again; the familiar sight of shinobi from all nations done up in masquerade and dancing and drinking warmed even the most aloof and stubborn hearts among them. The Raikage had outdone himself with floating baubles and lanterns with music that played off the masked theme. He’d imported some band from across the Northern Sea to play until midnight. Like it was some Cinderella ball and the Raikage was looking for his own prince. Sakura smiled at that as she made her way through the streets of the village hidden in the cloud. It was her first actual visit to this part of the land of lightning and she was buzzed from the excitement of it all. Ino was off doing her thing – or doing some cloud ninja, who knew – and Sakura was content to lazily explore the village while keeping her eye out for her ex-sensei. He always made excuses to not directly participate in the festivities, but he was Hokage now. He needed to at least be here. She pitied the ninja who had to remain in their home village as a part of their skeleton crew during these festivities. They were mostly just lower levelled shinobi (and those who either didn’t want to travel or couldn’t) anyway. Ones that didn’t participate in the war were usually shafted to that position too. These festivities were mostly for the survivors. It sounded elitist, but Sakura wasn’t too worried about that. They deserved this. It took her an hour to realise she was being followed – she blamed the alcohol now swarming in her system. But like she couldn’t tell who he was, the baka. He never did fully appreciate her natural talents with genjutsu. She led him on a bit of a merry chase and allowed him to catch her near the temporary accommodations for foreign ninja but the moment his hands found her waist he manoeuvred her toward the nearest alley way. What was with him? Sakura could do little other than moan as he pressed her against the stone wall, face first. He worked on her clit as he grabbed her tits, seemingly not wanting to be tender, again. When he did let his guard down and be gentle with her, they headed into territory that neither was ready for. Okay. She could go with this. Sakura pushed her arse into him, rewarding him for his attentiveness to her body. “Yes, fuck, like that! Please!” He quickly dispensed of any more formalities and Kakashi undid his pants in record time before driving into her, squeezing his eyes shut to the hypocritical mantra in his head. He didn’t want this but so desperately did at the same time. Sakura didn’t bother keeping quiet, ignoring the occasional passer-by of the alleyway who was momentarily drawn by the sound of her cries. When they realised it wasn’t someone being attacked, they quickly scuttled off. She didn’t even care if any of them recognised her as the former Hokage's protégé. Sakura came hard at that thought and trembled as Kakashi rode out the last few strokes whispering naughty things in her ear. She didn’t want this to end here. It wasn’t her orgasm making her tremble as the thought occurred to her. She wanted to see ALL of him. She pushed him to pull out of her and then shakily spun around on the spot. Sakura sucked in a deep breath for courage and forced herself to sound calm as she asked, “my place or yours, next?” Her fingers were like fire as they caressed his arm. Kakashi could only pant in response, struggling to hold himself up as she put bad thoughts in his head. She waited patiently, clearly expecting a response. Did he dare to hope? Maybe she was just basking in her own afterglow and didn’t mean it. Because she had no idea who he was. But when he finally recovered enough to pull back and stare into those unfathomably beautiful, emerald eyes of hers he realised she was serious. She wanted to know who he was. There was no doubt he was the same man she’d been fucking annually, this whole time. And she was ready to really know him… maybe? Kakashi felt shame and fear rush through him. And fled .

He was such a coward. It was so easy to love and leave her. Much easier than admitting how he felt. And infinitely easier than removing his henge and accepting whatever recriminations she had for him.

“You still sulking?”

Gai couldn’t come and annoy him as often as he used to so Yamato had taken up that mantle. But at least he didn’t wax poetic about youth and all that crap. Not that Kakashi wasn’t feeling like he didn’t need a pick-me-up, but Yamato’s style was decidedly less annoying. When sober.

He decided to humour him, since masochism was the least he deserved after that last run-in with Sakura.

“Just about the naughty fun I had in Kumo last week.”

Yamato scoffed. “I don’t drink nearly enough to be hearing that.”

“You drink enough for the both of us.”

He wasn’t going to pull the I-missed-out-on-the-war-so-I-get-to-complain-more-than-you card. Yamato may have been captured but he didn’t watch his comrades die in front of him. Not this time, anyway. Kakashi had no idea how much of the experimentation Kabuto did on him that he remembered. Did it change his chakra? Did it leave him with nightmares? Did he have to buy new sheets for his bed every week because of how much he tore them up when he could actually get some semblance of sleep?

Did he remember nothing at all?

Kakashi would’ve liked to have slept through the war, if it was still a guarantee they’d have won. That Infinite Tsukuyomi might have been beyond stupid, but the lure of peace was enticing. Still, he bore his pain. Even if he did run from it from time to time.

From Sakura, you mean, old man.

He chuckled, surprising Yamato.

“Did you hit your head, Kakashi-senpai?”

“You know you don’t have to call me that anymore.”

He was Hokage now, after all.

“Some habits are worth not breaking.”

“Hm. If they annoy me, you mean.”

“That’s the spirit. Laugh at my expense, like you always do.”

Kakashi looked over at him and felt himself relax at the teasing look on the other man’s face. It was a welcomed respite that he knew he didn’t deserve. “Right.”

“By the way, Sakura’s looking for you. Might want to head on over to her place later to find out what about or risk the almighty wrath. See you later.”

Yamato left him to his thoughts then, not knowing how dark they’d turn in his absence.

As far as he could tell she wasn’t dating anyone, though he didn’t stalk her enough to know if she occasionally scratched the same itch that he scratched every year. He didn’t want to know if some other guy had been inside her.

Kakashi was well aware that the best way to combat this would be to confess to her and hope she didn’t pound him into the ground, but like he said: he was a coward. He was too used to seeing her as his student. Too used to the self-flagellation of only getting to hold her once every twelve months. He was too comfortable with the barely-see-each-other routine they had going that didn’t make his heart race. He didn’t even know how to begin that conversation with her.

And the Hokage shouldn’t be dallying with a former student.

Kakashi sighed again, running a hand along the graffiti on Obito’s memorial.

As the years droned on so did his monotonous excuses.

.:.

This time he let her pin him to the wall. Because she liked it. And because she could. He groaned into her mouth as she worked her hand over the bulge in his pants, her knees on either side of his left leg. Dry humping seemed to make him even harder, so she kept at him, working him into a tizzy. It was going to be even harder for her this time, if she didn’t slow down. But Sakura was the one in control, so she used her strength to keep him from flipping their positions and taking charge, kissing her way up his bare neck as she did so. When she bit his earlobe, he bucked against her and Sakura slid her hand back down to his pants. But this freed him up somewhat and the disguised Hokage grasped her hips and pressed so hard she knew come morning there’d be a bruise. “Let me show you how much you deserve to be fucked.” Old words that never failed to turn her on, regardless. The fucking part of this interlude was over and before she knew it, her back was against the wall again. So he’d only let her take over for the foreplay? Arsehole. Sakura was feeling petty as Kakashi lifted her left leg over his hip and pushed into her with no more preamble. She gripped his butt harder than necessary, scratched down his back knowing it was going to scar if she didn’t heal it soon, and bit his lip when he leant into kiss her so hard, she tasted blood. “Fuck.” And he liked it. “Fuck,” She echoed his sentiments and cried into his mouth as he took her in the familiar position. She focused on hurting him wherever she could and was rewarded with his groans and fast approaching orgasm. There was no way Sakura was letting this become a once-a-year thing anymore. She wanted this forever. She needed him. “Kakashi…” Did she just…? It didn’t matter, his orgasm was ripping through his body and he was helpless to focus on anything else. Her sudden need to cause him physical distress didn’t bother him – he already had too many scars, anyway. It was a form of masochism and he wondered, as he spilled into her and screamed his release, if she would be up to donning the master title if they ever took this to the bedroom. He could be a very good slave. Fantasies drifted away from him as reality sunk in and he pressed the full length of his body against hers, his face in the crook of her neck as he breathed in her unique scent. It never failed to do him in. But this, whatever it was, needed to either stop or become something more. Sakura was the first to move and adjust her clothing. He stood there, his dick hanging out and unabashed about it, and watched her tuck her knickers back into place. “I won’t wait much longer,” she said enigmatically before turning away from him. Did she realise she’d called out his name? Sakura sashayed away from him. He watched her hips as she went. And narrowed his eyes at her. Yes. She knew. .

Sakura pressed a hand to Bull’s head as the dog stared at her blankly. Kakashi’s ninken was warm to the touch, unlike the man in question. He’d been so cold with her, except for those nights. The annual celebrations had become her ritual too, not just his. One night to forget who she really was, who she was supposed to be. To put her troubles aside and just feel again.

But her time of mourning was over. Even if she did occasionally flit between this fact and her self-pitying thoughts in her head.

Kurenai watched her quietly. As the only person Sakura had confided in, regarding her feelings for Kakashi, she was also a very good listener. The older woman didn’t know they fucked once a year, but she knew more than anyone else.

Sakura removed her hand from Bull and returned it to the brush she’d been using.

“You should ask him out.”

“He deserves better.”

“Maybe you are that better,” Kurenai said, smiling at Sakura’s snort of derision. “Just because Sasuke didn’t have the good taste to like you back doesn’t mean you’re not good enough for anyone else.”

Sakura stilled, the hand brushing Bull now shaking slightly. Sasuke had done more than just not like her back, but Kurenai didn’t know that so she forced herself to keep brushing. The repetitive motion was cathartic, and she took a deep breath, finding herself calming as she inhaled the lingering scent of Kakashi that all his ninken had.

“This isn’t about Sasuke,” she said.

Kurenai sighed. “No, I suppose not.” She stood up. “Need anything, kiddo? I’m heading to the cafeteria.”

“No.”

“Mummy!”

Sakura watched as Mirai came running in and jumped at her mother. She paused in brushing Bull to smile and take in the wholesome moment of the two talking animatedly as they slowly made their way out of the room. She knew that she and Kakashi deserved their shot. She was just so used to waiting a whole year that Sakura sometimes forgot that he was waiting for her, too.

She smiled and returned to her chore. The dogs got weekly baths from Kakashi – one of the few things he wasn’t lazy about was his ninken – so they didn’t need the pinkette to fuss over them. But they seemed to enjoy it so she kept at it. It had been a whole year since she’d first walked into this place. She’d done it to have an excuse to spend more time near Kakashi. Even though the man in question wasn’t here right now, she still did it.

Avoiding this place for her own personal reasons were no longer necessary. She could move on.

“Next?” She asked, when done with Bull. He reluctantly moved away and Guruko bounded up to her, his tail wagging in anticipation.

It was over an hour before Kurenai returned, glowing with happiness while apologetic for how long she took. Sakura simply waved her concerns away. She’d finished the grooming herself and was content to sit back and watch as the kids played with Kakashi’s ninken. The dogs were so sweet to let them pull on their ears and snuggle, the way they did. The kids adored them.

Shiba started telling them a story about how he saved Kakashi from an evil ninja by biting his bum. It had the kids in giggle fits and the other ninken rolling their eyes. Sakura knew, because she’d been there, just how embellished this story was – though Shiba had indeed bitten a rogue ninja who was about to skewer Kakashi, it hadn’t been on his arse.

“Reminds me of the good old days,” Kurenai said, interrupting her thoughts and giving Sakura a cheeky smile. “Asuma and Kakashi would argue over who had the best stories and both of them always embellished.”

“I can imagine.”

“Yeah, they were such polar opposites in so many ways.” Kurenai lost her smile and stared off into one of the adjoining rooms, where Sakura assumed Mirai was playing with the art supplies (she always did that instead of joining the time with the dogs, like she was trying to hog them; it was cute).

The older woman sighed. “One related to a Hokage and rejecting that connection, the other Hokage material who’d take the role readily, even though it never appealed to him.”

Sakura fingered the hem of her skirt absentmindedly. “He’s still griping at Tsunade for being named the sixth Hokage.”

“Who was it that really put him forth for Hokage?” Kurenai asked, teasingly. Tsunade liked making fun of the now-Hokage for not liking his position but it was clear to everyone (except Kakashi, it seemed) that the blonde had had nothing to do with it.

Sakura looked away from her, her face tinging pink. It hadn’t been until his inauguration that she found out he hadn’t actually wanted the position. Why must he hide his feelings so much? “I did.”

.:.

He left her a message to meet him at his favourite drinking spot. It was a place with a similar look to it as Ichiraku, except it sold alcohol – to shinobi only. Her shishou also knew about it and Tsunade raved about the place – it was apparently a new stall set up in the last few months. It was called Shochu, or something like that. Sakura glanced up at the sign before ducking under the flap, half expecting to see Teuchi and Ayame; it was that similar to Ichiraku.

“Welcome!” The owner beamed at her; his eyes squinted closed as a genuine smile graced his battered face. “What’ll you have?”

She glanced at the menu. They also sold Onigiri sandwiches and Renkon chips which made her mouth water just looking at. Sakura decided to splurge, since she’d arrived on time and Kakashi was bound to be late, even to this.

She swallowed nervously. Whatever this was.

“A bowl of Renkon chips and Amazu sauce,” she said, forcing a smile onto her face. “No drinks, please.”

“Coming right up! Oh…”

Sakura frowned at him as the man’s eyes opened and widened. He grinned. “It’s on the house.”

“Uh…”

“The name’s Kohaku.” If possible, his grin only widened. “And you’re Sakura Haruno. The beautiful pink haired kunoichi with a dazzling smile.”

“Uh…” She felt her face warm.

“Lunch has been paid for,” he continued. “By a secret admirer.” He handed her a note. “He also said to open this only when you’re done eating. Oh, and I’m adding a sparkly to your order. You’ll need it.”

He winked at her and she palmed her face, embarrassed. Did Kakashi set this up? And why?

As Kohaku got started on her order, Sakura fingered the note, feeling Kakashi’s chakra embedded into it. Her heart was fluttering, and she squirmed in her seat. She hadn’t realised he had a romantic side. But why lunch here? And why alone?

“Sakura?”

Her head snapped around at the other patron, not realising until now that she wasn’t alone.

It was Yamato.

“What are you doing here?”

“Eating.”

He grinned, holding up a beer. “Drinking.”

“Damn you, Kakashi,” she whispered.

Yamato frowned. “Yes, he said he was joining me for lunch this time. Even told me to tell you it’s his treat for all those times you paid.”

He burped loudly and Sakura realised he was already drunk.

Yamato seemed kind of bummed out, too. She also just noticed he had a few glasses of sake next to him, too; the beer had run out. Downing another glass before turning back to Sakura, he side-eyed her, like she was the one responsible for all his problems. “Are you just going to sit there sulking all day or is there something you need of me, senpai?”

“Senpai?”

He narrowed his eyes at her, his vision clearly becoming impaired. He thought she was Kakashi, maybe? The wood style user was beyond drunk, it seemed. And in the middle of the day! She bit her bottom lip, wondering if he’d been like this since the war and she’d just not noticed. Shame filled her and she made a mental note to get the hospital psychiatrist to track him down.

Just to talk.

Or strap him down then talk, as he’s likely to be stubborn about it.

Yamato shook his head. “Oh, it’s not him. It’s you.” He patted the stool next to him. “Sit, I don’t bite my teammates.”

Sakura wasn’t convinced.

He sighed. “Lady Tsunade told me to kep… I mean keep an eye on Kakashi. He was supposed to be here drinking but in-instead I got you.” He patted the stool again. “Sit, blossom tree. Sit.”

He had to be harmless when drunk. Sighing, Sakura got off her stool and instead sat down next to him, grudgingly. “She mentions he’s over drinking.”

“No, he hasn’t. But I have.”

She sighed again. “That’s what I meant.”

Yamato just shrugged and loudly ordered a bottle of sake and another glass.

“I’m not drinking with you.”

Yamato swayed and shook his glass in her face. “Who said it was for you?”

She didn’t need this. “I’m going.”

“No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no! I’ll behave!”

Sakura was half-way off her stool when Yamato grabbed her hands and pouted at her. She sat back down to avoid making things worse and he brightened up, humming and grinning when the sake bottle and glass arrived. He slid the glass to her and, unsurprised, she accepted as he poured her shishou’s favourite drink into it. But she didn’t drink.

They waited in silence and Sakura eagerly accepted her food when Kohaku handed it over, complete with a smile and twinkle of his very white teeth. Maybe he was related to Gai sensei?

Yamato watched her closely as she ate, then darted his eyes away when she glared at him. He kept throwing her weird looks but waited until she was done and had the bottle of bubbly in her hand before asking, “so, what’s got you looking f-for drinksies?”

“I was looking for…”

Him.

They’d been shagging on the alliance celebrations for five years now and she knew very well that he knew very well who she was the entire time. Talking with Kurenai about moving on and finally being able to put Sasuke behind her, she felt different. Like she was coming out of a black haze of morosity that had been engulfing her and Sakura was finally waking up. Giving into Kakashi every year and spending the rest of the twelve months pretending nothing happened had broken her more than she realised.

And now.

Now she wanted her life back. Kakashi was a loose end that needed to either be severed or restitched. She knew which one she would choose, so the resolution to this weird tryst would depend on what he wanted from her.

Why does my love life always have to be in the hands of others?

Yamato made a grumbling noise, breaking her thoughts and mumbled something she couldn’t quite catch.

"What?"

He slammed the drink down on the counter and eyed her suspiciously. "I s-saaaaid, he has a fuck bu-buddy."

Sakura sighed, nursing her drink and wishing she didn’t have to deal with this; she didn’t really want to hear about how Kakashi had found himself a new piece of arse and how his friends were so happy for him. She knew very well that she was the piece of arse and didn’t want to know all the lewd things her sensei had told his friends.

And then it hit her.

She was just another fuck.

She was usable.

She was recyclable and replaceable.

She was disposable.

Sakura had never pictured Kakashi having a sex life – the man was so reserved; she’d begun to think his only lover was those Icha Icha books of Jiraiya’s. It was why she’d been surprised the aloof man had instigated their trysts. How often did he sleep around? She felt her stomach twist at that thought.

Am I just another toy? Is that why he’s been so reluctant to reveal himself? Is he ashamed?

She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to stop the tears. This was ridiculous. A drunken comment from her former taichou didn’t determine her worth to Kakashi.

“Some of the guys thought he was gay or asexual for a long time,” Yamato went on, and the pinkette found herself frozen on the spot; her body rigid and the drink getting warm in her hand. “Not that there’d be anything wrong with th-that, you… you judgy… uh, thing.” He gave her the stink eye.

The wood style user balked for a moment, as though he was about to vomit in front of her, but then seemed to get a hold of himself, throwing back another shot and coughing loudly. “Uh… that smarts.” He wiped his mouth. “Where was I… oh yeah, turns out Kakashi-senpai has a fuck buddy.”

Yamato spun around on his stool and stopped after the second spin, peering closely at Sakura. “You look awfully familiar.”

“Hm.” She found her voice only to clamp her mouth shut.

“Well anyway,” Yamato went on, indicating to Kohaku.

But the older man shook his head. “You’ve tapped out.”

“Whaaa?!” Yamato grabbed his bottle and Kohaku swiped it out of his hand.

“No,” he said fiercely. “No more for you. I told you only three bottles.”

Yamato pouted but it got him nowhere. He turned on the stool, looking like he was going to stumble away, but he didn’t budge.

“Sakura?”

“Y-yes.”

“Why does Kakashi-senpai get to find someone special and I d-don’t?”

“Special?”

He nodded. “Wants to spend his life with her. ‘Fraid he won’t be able to.” He sighed and smacked his lips together. “I want that someone t-too.”

He groaned, turning back to the bar and flopping his head down on it. "What the fuck does that even mean?"

Sakura wasn’t paying attention to him now, sliding off her stool. "I have to go. Sorry!"

Yamato groaned; pushing his glass toward the bemused barkeep, he tapped it, silently demanding more even though Kohaku had just told him no. "Fine!" He yelled, waving his other hand at Sakura's retreating back. "Stick me with the bill like you always do, Kakashi-senpai!"

.:.

The note had very little to say, but it was his chakra that led her on. Sakura ran like the wind. This was a jutsu she’d never heard of and he was so teaching it to her later.

But right now, she needed answers from this adorably annoying man.

It didn’t take her long to realise it was leading her to his apartment.

“My place or yours, next?”

Her desire to get him into a bed had started so long ago. Was he finally relenting? She wanted more than the sex though, so if that was all he was really after…

Stop obsessing.

She slowed down as his apartment loomed in front of her and walked a natural pace up the stairs and to his door. She gasped as he opened the door and Sakura focused on the man in front of her; he looked tired by happy.

Did he really want this?

He smiled but said nothing, clearly waiting for her to start talking.

But Kakashi was averse to blunt confessions. And if she learnt anything from Sasuke she knew that emotionally stunted men – even if they were as emotionally needy as Kakashi – needed a lighter touch. Like a startled animal in the wild she needed to approach with caution.

Play it cool.

“So,” she drawled. “Shochu huh? Couldn’t afford a fancy restaurant?”

He huffed and stepped aside. “Would you like to come in?”

“I don’t know, I’ve already eaten.” He raised an eyebrow and she ignored it, continuing. “What other reason could I have to enter your apartment at this time of day?”

He chuckled suddenly, startling her. “You’re not subtle, Sakura.”

She groaned and stormed in. He closed the door and turned to face her, leaning against it and crossing his arms over his chest.

“You sent me the note, Kakashi. The ball’s in your court.”

“Is it?”

She swallowed heavily. How could he look so calm about this? Okay, no more preamble bullshit. She wasn’t going to try (and clearly fail) to be subtle about this anymore. She stepped over to him, palming his chest and smirking as she felt his heart race under her fingertips.

“Sakura?”

“Hm?”

“What are we doing?”

“I have no idea.”

He smiled under his mask and didn’t pull away when she touched it gently.

“But I’d like to see where it takes us.”

Kakashi tugged on the edge of his mask without pulling it down. “I don’t know. You might not like what you see.”

“I’ll close my eyes.”

“Then you won’t see all the good things, Sakura-chan.”

“Drop the chan.” Sakura inhaled deeply; the look on his face, from what she could see, was amusement. “And drop the mask.”

They’d danced around each other enough. She could feel the tension in his body as she pressed against him. He was as worried as she was, just hiding it better.

Indeed, Kakashi felt very little other than trepidation as Sakura demanded he let it go. For five years he’d hidden behind a masquerade to take what he wanted not knowing if it was what he needed. So, he talked a big game, but could he let go of the angst and self-loathing he was so well-known for?

He trembled as her grip became mildly painful. She was determined but scared, her eyes widening slightly as she stubbornly held his gaze. This was so much harder than whispering dirty words in her ear and fucking her warm, writhing body into a non-descript wall. This required courage.

But he needed to do this.

One step at a time.

And the first step was dropping his mask and kissing the woman he loved. Without shaking like some teenage virgin.

But once his face was bare, she took over.

Her mouth was on his and an instant later all the tension left his body. They pulled each other in, gently and lovingly caressing; there had been enough rough fucks, this wasn’t about that. This time they could take it slowly. And do more than just stand against walls. He steered her toward his bed as she started exploring his mouth and finally, he leant into the kiss with no self-pity or angst. Only with hope for the future.

…

[amimons]

Miraculous Sweet-ember (Sept. 24th)

September 24th: Backwarder, Gamer 2.0, & Weredad

Backwarder went deeper into Master Fu’s past by introducing an old love interest who has some involvement with the miracle box. Marianne was back in Paris after years apart from Fu due to the sensitive nature of Fu’s position as guardian. Unable to meet in person Fu gave Marinette a request to give Marianne a letter. A simple request made not so simple when Marinette also has a letter of her own she wishes to give Adrien on top of picking up Fu’s prescription at a pharmacy with a Doctors note. Its a classic situation of switching the papers up but it turned distarious when Marianne took Marinette’s note to Adrien as Fu’s note. She turned into Backwarder giving her the ability to reverse things. 

Marianne is used as an example as to why having secret identifies is a positive thing. Since she knew the guardian of the miracle box she was able to inform Hawkmoth. It’s nice seeing the what could go wrong with sharing too much information about the miraculous which gives all the secretiveness a purpose. Backwarder was a tricky akuma to battle. Her defeat called for Ladybug’s most complicated lucky charm. I love seeing how Ladybug’s mind work. She is able to plan out solutions in her head by taking in her surroundings and getting the timing just right. She always has to be one step ahead of the curve. Which makes it interesting when her plan is all about goin backwards to get the result she needs. Ladybug has a brilliant mind and I love seeing it highlighted. 

Gamer 2.0 explores the heavy toll that Marinette’s life takes as she works balances school, projects, and being a super hero. Giving her little to no time on doing activities for fun like playing video games. Because she has a jam pack schedule she lacks the patience to focus more energy on an akuma battle and wants to just quickly finishes things. This effects her performance in the battle which Chat Noir picks up on. Chat is having fun playing along with this akuma video game battle. He is someone who likes to live in the moment not feel stuck in it. He understands Ladybug’s perspective but knows that offering his own can help her get out of the funk she boxed herself in. This is one of the things that we constantly see Chat do over and over in their partnership. He is able to communicate with Ladybug in a way that can reach her and pull her out of a negative mental space. 

This is a big reason why I love them as partners. Chat was just extremely fun to watch this episode. He was not only performing well in battle but having a good time along the way. And as him and Ladybug work their way up to completely the video game battle they are forced to face off against each other. Chat Noir heroically sacrifices himself knowing he can fully trust Ladybug to bring him back and save the day. Another grand gesture of trust shown by Chat Noir. After the battle Chat Noir leaves Ladybug with a sweet sentiment. He tells her that his favorite moments are when he is just with her and he would give up everything for just those moments with her. Not only is this very sweet of him to say especially since Ladybug was having a hard time struggling with sacrifices but because we know what Adrien’s home life is like. He is forced to strict schedules and not allowed enough quality times with his friends. So being with Ladybug gives him that chance to feel free and have fun. 

Weredad puts Marinette’s acting skills to the test. After fearing that her identity was almost exposed to Chat Noir after he went after Ladybug only to find a detransformed Marinette on her balcony she does what any reasonable person will do in her situation. Proclaim her love for Chat Noir. Little did she know she also had an audience, her parents heard her proclamation of love and invited Chat over the apartment to join them in a meal. The whole situation called for some hilariously awkward moments and some really intense irony. Marinette does her best to act like she is hopelessly in love after Chat Noir respectfully decline her stating that he is in love with Ladybug. She pretends she is devastated by the news aiming to be as convincing as possible. Which actually worked a little too well because after seeing his daughter in such a distraught state, Tom gets akumatized into Weredad. 

Weredad traps Marinette in a thorn tower to protect her from getting her heart broken again. This means Chat Noir is temporally going to have to take on the akuma alone. Chat’s determination to save Marinette is so strong. Even though he does not yet understand his romantic feelings for Marinette that doesn’t mean he doesn’t deeply care about her. Not only was this situation confusing for him but it was extremely difficult for him as well. It was hard for Chat to reject Marinette because her friendship means a lot to him. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Marinette but he needed to be honest with his feelings. Even when Weredad had Chat bested, Chat refused to lose. Ultimately Marinette was the one who was able to deakumatize her father because she found the hidden rose. I’m glad she was still able to rescue herself from this situation while Chat was willing to fight for Marinette’s safety. 

About Sweet-ember:

For the month of September I wanted to spread some positivity and praise Miraculous Ladybug on the things I’ve appreciated/enjoyed from the show.

Everyday I’m going to select one particular moment, event, theme, etc. from an episode of Miraculous and shared what I liked from that episode. Each post will discuss 2-3 episodes (from season 1-3; 78 episodes in total).

Whether its something big or small there is something positive that I can take away from every single episode of Miraculous.

Please feel free to add a moment from these particular episodes that you loved to this post as well!

Salt towards the show, characters, ships will not be tolerated!

Sweet-ember posts

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17]

[18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31]

[rpgmgames]

April’s Featured Game: Nobody's Home

DEVELOPER(S): oates ENGINE: RPG Maker MV GENRE: Survival Horror SUMMARY: After a night of extreme drinking and partying, you wake up in stranger's bed to discover... Nobody's Home.

Buy the game here! Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! *oates: Hi, this is oates! I'm a pixel artist and game developer, I've started making games with rpgmaker in 2016 with VX Ace and now currently using MV for recent projects. Previous projects I've worked on were the FNaF-inspired Souls-like One Night at the Steeze, my first rpgmaker game and it's prequel, the FNaF-inspired roguelike No Delivery. Other games I've worked on include the fangames Day Dreaming Derpy, made in VX Ace and Spike's Day Off, made in MV and the latest in a series of previous fangames previously developed on Adobe Flash.

What is your project about? What inspired you to create this game initially? *oates: Nobody's Home is largely based on my experiments to find and apply horrific elements in modern situations or phenomena. The scenario being explored here in Nobody's Home is the aftermath of some crazy party. Sound design is especially important when crafting a horror scenario, so I often look to music to draw inspiration. Much of the atmosphere and house design was inspired by music and imagery associated with '70s yacht rock (a sub-genre of soft rock). Another important note is a lot of the general mood and 'weirdness' was inspired by a band I listen a lot to, Dance Gavin Dance, specifically their "deathstar" album. However they have a tendency in all their albums to switch genres mid-song, often going from their post-hardcore sound to funk, pop, and even rap; aside from that, some of the subject matter covered can range from disturbing to unpleasant to nonsensical, but combined with the amazing music, it creates an experience that pulls the listener in all different directions. It got to the point that I was naming events in the game after some their tracks so I had to be careful not to inadvertently make a fangame haha But there are some easter eggs in Nobody's Home that were intentionally left in, and I'm fairly certain players have identified it already.

How long did you work on your project? *oates: I used much of the same framework left over from my previous project No Delivery for this development cycle, so the hassle for setting up asset pipelines was very much mitigated. I started in earnest, making assets back in January this year so it took roughly 2+ months to finish development for this project.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *oates: Aside from the previous music inspirations, I was really intrigued with the way Resident Evil 7's Beginning Hour demo was able to pick up where Konami's cancelled PT left off in terms of survival horror games to look forward to back in 2017. Prior to later updates, the initial demo really only included a few set pieces, basic item interaction, and almost no puzzles from the full game. It was largely able to pull off scaring players from almost atmosphere alone (if you exclude the Jack Baker and ghost encounters). It was later in the full game that it was able to show off it's metroidvania-esque design to its fullest. After my previous project, I wanted to step away from roguelike design for a bit and focus a little more on an exploration-based experience, so I took a few notes from the way RE7 and RE2: Remake handled map design and progression.

Did you come across any challenges during development? How did you overcome or work around them? *oates: I was coming off a severe cold last year and it took most of January for me to recover, so it was a little hard to start full-on development immediately like I normally would on top of other career matters. And looking at events today, it's even more imperative that developers practice healthy habits during development.

Did any aspects of your project change over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *oates: I've had the idea for Nobody's Home as a concept for a while, but filling in those gaps with actual gameplay between centerpieces was a big variable. I went back and forth between the turn-based item combat from the previous project to cutting out combat entirely. While I didn't implement it, I also brainstormed a few concepts for overworld action and combat ala Zelda, but it seemed too complex given the time frame I set for myself. Eventually I settled on a middle ground between full combat and separate encounters, with "enemies" acting as essentially a toll gate. The rest of the game followed suit with various tolls and "mouse traps" for the player to trigger at their own behest. This wasn't necessarily the design I had in mind at first, but it helped to concisely fill a relatively small location with specifically "deadly" content.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *oates: I largely work solo for both development and art, but I do regularly work with a few musicians for an original soundtrack. I first started working with other composers for the fangame Day Dreaming Derpy, where after the initial demo was released, I received emails from a few musicians volunteering to contribute some tracks for the game. In all, the original soundtrack contained 9 tracks in total, with 3 tracks from each composer; each of them doing an amazing job and, in my opinion brought the project back then to a higher degree of quality. This was how I met some of the composers I still work with today and they all have some really great work! TheNGVirus @NGVirusNG1 Kaminakat @thekaminakat dRedder @HornyGremlin

What is the best part of developing a game? *oates: It's a toss up between the initial brainstorming/research and the first run-through when you have your desired maps linked together. For the brainstorming, it's pretty fun to learn about subject matter you want to do justice to as well as stretching your creative muscles for the first time in service to a certain concept. However this obviously wears off when you devote too much time to a particular concept, but it's still enjoyable nevertheless. For making that run-through, it doesn't necessarily mean to have all the events implemented, but to experience your game the way players will experience it for the first time does give a sense of completion/cohesion to what you, as a developer, are trying to accomplish. It essentially puts what you're working on into a different perspective for you.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *oates: I do keep an eye out for what other rpgmaker projects are doing, and to see what others can do with the engine helps get the creative juices flowing; it's also fun to try to mentally reverse engineer how certain mechanics or effects were made. And it's always great to see fellow devs showcase what's possible with the engine.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *oates: Nobody's Home has a relatively small cast of characters, whom you do interact with but never see, this is largely to done to create a sense of "un-relatability", but if I had to pick a character, it'd be "car guy", the guy you find stuck in the car. They have a good line, " ...there'd be a good reason for this, but there isn't..." Story of my life.

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *oates: There were a few areas I would have liked to expand on or add, specifically- the attic + roof, the front lawn, behind the walls, and an entire second floor. Unfortunately that meant potentially adding more questlines and NPCs while the first set of questlines were pretty interwoven so it would have been way more complex, also again, given the time frame I set, it would have extended the development cycle way beyond what I had time for. But if I had implemented those extra areas, the game's length would also go way beyond the 30 min - 1 hr it takes to complete the game as it is now.

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *oates: I'd like to do both really, each installment of the VCRPG line of games is definitely a stand-alone story, or an isolated incident, but I would love to explore the aftermath of the game's events and how the passage of time ravages and twists the story into urban legend. I like to treat places and environments like characters as well, capable of making memories, being misunderstood, preserved, destroyed, and ultimately capable of change.

What do you most look forward to upon finishing the game? *oates: Both the fan reaction and free time honestly speaking. Once the development cycle finishes and the game is published, your work isn't really finished as there's always a chance someone's feedback can apply to immediate changes or patches you can implement, even during the release period. Marketing is also another large step to take into consideration after release, this includes tweeting, sending keys for lets plays, etc. Watching playthroughs is also a really good way to collect data on what parts of your design fall through and what fail to land. But after all that is said and done, some free time really helps the brain recuperate.

Was there something you were afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *oates: Just whether or not I handled the game's subject matter tastefully. Like horror cinema, everything done is in service the the themes and message of the piece as a whole.

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *oates: The game engine is essentially a tool, and like any tool you can find plenty of creative ways to get the same result. And don't be afraid to research whatever it is you need help with, it also helps to be specific with what you want.

Question from last month's featured dev @moca-pz: If you can collaborate with any game developer in the world, who would it be? What would be their role(s) and what would be your role(s)? *oates: Game developer I'd like to work with: Hidetaka Miyazaki His role: Story Lead and Director My role: Drinking buddy Game we're working on: SciFi Souls

We mods would like to thank oates for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Nobody's Home if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum