#also we are all going to be so sad when we have to let those two kids pass on
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Part two to the Drabble
CoolbfSukuna x losergfreader
He won’t ever admit it but after dating you but he now cant stand the quiet.You really did something to him.Your words,your sounds;your voice was like his podcast.
And so when he came home to a ln eerie quiet place.He opened the door; taking off his shoes and placed them near the door entrance.And usually he would see you in the couch or walking right up to him.Or in the bedroom playing one of your greeky games.But no it was just silence.
”hello. . .”
A furrow creased his brow of confusion.
Then he called out your name, "Hello", he waited, a second passed by, nothing, a minute passed by, and still, no sound. He walked the hallway, looking for you, "Hello?!" He called out again. Maybe your in a deep sleep right now.As he opened the bedroom in hope of seeing you there but he was face with a clean neatly room.Making him stern face completely flashed with Confusion.As he looked around every corner thinking your trying to scare him.Which in case you were scaring him with possibility of something happening to you.
But after 20 minutes running and checking each room.One he found you had left your phone and two he hates these emotions he was feeling.
He approached your phone, wondering what you had been up to, but as he looked through it, all of your chats seemed normal. No unusual messages, no secret contacts. In fact, everything seemed normal.
He glanced at your photos and see’s many pictures of him and you and then your social media profiles, anything that could give him a hint of your whereabouts, but there were no clues. Frustrated, he threw the phone on the bed and ran a hand through his hair.
‘I need to relax before i go do something stupid’ he thinks as he walks through his bedroom and onto the bathroom. He needed a shower to stay calm. As he undress his clothes and steps in the lukewarm shower.
Meanwhile you were actually at the mall with sukuna younger brother ( not little anymore his 18) yuji. In the afternoon,You two were having a blast.Strolling through each store that had something anime related. But as you were buying stuff for you but also for sukuna. But already knowing the stuff you bought were stuff he wasn’t going to wear anywhere else.
At least you bought him some accessories that you two wear.
So you went into your purse to grab your phone to see what time it was and always the stuff sukuna was waiting for to release but you search and you found nothing. . .
The realization that your phone was missing hit you like a freight train, the anxiety that washed over you was almost overwhelming.
Yuji's concern voice, however, did little to calm your panic. The thought of losing all those precious pictures and memories was almost too much to bear.
"How did it happen? Have you looked in your bag again? Maybe it just slipped out somewhere," Yuji suggested, trying to stay calm.
Your mind raced with questions, 'What if it got stolen? What about your contact list? What about your pictures?'. You couldn't help but feel vulnerable without your phone.
"Yeah, I checked my bag, and it's not there," you managed to reply, your voice trembling slightly. The anxiety was palpable.
“okay come on,get go check out in the stores,we went!” Yuji respond gently placing back your glasses to your nose roots. And giving you a trustful smile.That helps ease the anxiety.
“o-okay” you replied with a weak smile. As you and yuji retraced your steps throughout the mall.Yuji asking to every employee in the stores for your phone. After a literal two hours of goong everywhere. Your face filled with overwhelming anxious.As you gave up on it. “It o-okay, let just go back home.I promise ill buy you a phone” Yuji announces; pity filled his eyes. As you forces back those tears. As tell yourself that the real thing is better.
‘Who cares about a device when-‘ You think with a proud smile that. ��Omg i had everything There!!!’ You mentally screamed,Your smile turn into a frown- a sad frown. Yuji pat your shoulders through the uber drive back home.
A heavy silence fell over the car as you drove back home. Yuji fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, his concern for you palpable in the air.
"Don't worry too much about the phone," he finally said, his voice breaking the silence. "We'll figure it out."
As the car approached the house, he glanced over at you, his eyes taking in your sullen expression. "Hey, we're almost there," he said gently.
When you both arrive at your apartment;Yuji is helping you with getting your bags upstairs.Making sure you got there safely.While making you laugh at his stupidity jokes. The air around you was now calm down. You reach your destination , with a relaxed smile.
looking at yuji with a smile. “You could come over,after all i made you go out with to a mall” you chuckled awkwardly. As you see him chuckled back shaking his head. “No it alright! Trust me i pretty much enjoyed my time with you.Your ten time better than sukuna” he says with a playful voice. Making your lips appear a soft smile.And cheeks warm up at the compliment.
As yuji says his final goodbyes and walks away.You stare at his pink disappearing from your view before turning your attention towards the door. you reach out the keys in your purse to open the door and automatically announce your presence in the cold house.
“Im home-“You take the bags into the house and closing the door behind,your head turning around to be reminded of your tall tattooed boyfriend.As his red orbs creates holes in your frame.His greek like jaw clenched with veins visibly showing. His arms crossed straining his muscles against his shirt. And he’s face was something that makes you stop in your tracks. But right now it wasn’t his casual expression more like a angry cat being mad at it owner. And that owner is you,and you dont know why the cat mad.
“hey. . Babe!” You said with a awkward smile,pushing up your glasses up. Your docky eyes staring up at him before retreating to staring his eyes.Scratching your neck.Flustered with how intense his glaze was on your frame. “where were you?” his deep and low voice echoes through the rooms,like a king with authority. You stand still like a kid in trouble but you weren’t. He walks up close to you.His frame creating a shadow surrounding you. Red orbs glowing in his shadows. And he repeated himself.
“Where. were. You?” His voice eerie calm,as a low hmm could be heard from his chest.Yet there was an edge towards his voice.
Taken a back a bit;blinking at him before speaking.“I went out with yuji and we went to the mall i told this to you.Last night but i guess you were too sleepy to hear me.And i think while shopping i forgot my phone-no i loss my phone”. You explain quickly.Pushing up your glasses.
”And I completely forgot to tell you today.Sorry baby!I should’ve used Yuji phone- You rapidly rumble on, without stop.As you constantly push back up your glasses. Sukuna stops you from rumbling on by interrupting you. ”Yea you should’ve” Voice lanced with annoyance.
“I-i” you stamped on your words,trying to reason with him.
“I came here home,to a silent home and when i saw your phone.”He eyes narrowed slightly.His hand run through his pink salamander hair in frustration. “No text,no calls,no annoying voice nagging me,nothing”
Your heart brokes out in peices as you hear him speak his pain.Your eyes widen in guilt. Mind screaming for your own actions. “S-sorry, i-i clearly” you exhaled a breath before. “Please forgive me baby kuna” your eyes plead. his blood crimisons eyes glance at you and scoffed.He didnt answered right away and instead look away.Jaw clenched.As one of his ironic frowns appears on his face.
You got this man worry for nothing. . .he wont admit it, but his mind and body felt like a lot more relaxed. Seeing your docky eyes staring at him and your presence makes his quiet life more interesting.
“Next time,if your loser ass forget the phone again,just dont”he mutters as his glaze on you moves to the kitchen.A Bit of blush spread on upon his frowned face. A smile tugged on your lips as you nodded.”Mhm” you cheerfully said.You walked up to him as you embrace his large frame.Wrapping your small frame around him.Instinctively noticing his body going stiff.As you bury yourself in his chest.
“Got you something. . .” You mumbled in his chest.As His lips parted to say something but scoffed out loud.Awkwardly patting your back.Which you never minded.His eyes soften up. He mumbled back.
“Do i even want to know how they look?” He asked his voice more softer than before. You chuckled at his response shaking your head.Removing your head from his chest to look up at him with greeky smile. “Probably not”.
He rolls his eyes.As the hand he was patting your back came to the top of your head and ruffled your hair. Muttering with a smirk on his lips. “Of course,punk”
Sukuna does not do karaoke. In matter of fact he hates them. The horrifying voices he had to endure.
But god knew you lived with it. In fact, he doesn’t even know why you brought Yuji along.
And now he’s in a karaoke booth;agasinst his right basically. Sitting down in the small couch in the karaoke booth.His legs speard out,hands spayed onto the couch surfaces.Annoyance spreads across his face.As the LED lights hit him with it their colorful glow.
This was not how he wanted to spend his day off at all.
Meanwhile, you and Yuji were practically vibrating with excitement, scrolling through the song selection. It was honestly disgusting how much energy the two of you had. If he had to compare you to animals, you’d both be golden retrievers,overly friendly, overly excitable, and cringey.
‘Loser’ He mutter underneath his lips.His eyes stayed on your frame.
“A-alright Yet get this started” You Announce with a slight stutter.Pointing at sukuna with a smile.“YURR!LET GET IT”Yuji Joined along. As you grab the mic and pass one to yuji. Checking it easliy. As the beats started to take place.The Tv screen showing the song they chosen.
Ocean saga,epic the muiscal by Jorge Rivera.
“ THESE WAVES AND TIDES HAVE Grown in strength and size!!” Your voice singing every words but in his head not the melody.Walking around with over-the top hand gestures.
“IS IT NATURE OR DIVINE OR A BLESSING IN DISGUISE?! OUR HOME’s in sight, This storm’s Our final FIGHT THERE’s no time to die,comrades!!”
Yuji interrupted. “But Sir!” yuji clenching his fist.You turn with your hand up in air. Head down. “EMBRACE FOR A STORMS”Your lips in a full grin as you point a finger out sukuna. As you and yuji doing rolling gestures.
“This has be the worst thing ive ever had the misfortune of listening to” Sukuna sighs rubbing his temples off.As your both performances continued.
“Captain, we will capsize with thesе waves, our fleet will fail” Yuji voice rages out as you approach with your mic close to your mouth to Sukuna. Giving him an small wave and quirky smile. “Have them follow my ship, I'll ensure that we prevail,STORM ,STORM!!”
God please bless him with the patience of listening to you sing-actually to both of you.BOTH of y’all voices weren’t never meant to be in Broadway.
"Idiots" he muttered under his breath "Absolute idiots... singing like that."
And then you have the audacity to ask him to sing play with you and Yuji for one song. “PLEASE!!” You begged
“PLEASEE UNC!!” Another plead from his annoying brother.
“No” he stated flaty; Arm crossed like a wall of Stubbornness. Before continuing. “Andfor the last time—IM Not A UNC!” He roared.
Yuji pouted like a kicked puppy.
You, however, were determined. With a sudden thud, you dropped to your knees, hands clasped together in an act of pure, shameless desperation.
“P-please, babe!! I-i’ll let you do all the chores in the house!!” you stammered, voice trembling with exaggerated sincerity.
Yuji, who had also dropped to his knees beside you, immediately turned to stare at you in abject horror. “What the hell?! You just offered yourself up to a literal CYCLOPS!”
Sukuna hearing-no watching this absurd exchange with mild amusement. Boy was he humor by this. Clicking his tounge against the wall of his mouth. Shaking his head. “What on earth are you two losers talking about ”
Yuji answered first ;his puppy eyes staring into his red orbs.“WE JUST NEED SOMEONE TO PLAY THE ROLE OF POSEIDON PLEASE”His voice full with dramatic urgency.
“PLEASE YOUR LIKE PERFECT FOR HIM!” You followed behind.
Sukuna Stared at yall with unimpressed eyes. Oh,hell no he wasn't going to get dragged by yall.
Right. . .
Nope-You got him singing as Poseidon in the end.At least he gonna gain some reward from you doing a chores. But he know deep down; you weren’t gonna do shit.But hey seeing that smile glowing because of him is worth it.
Hope you like this as well. Hope yall have a wonderful day.Please forgive the grammar errors.
Mutual taglist: @ciggrx @ukininayu @scoobysnakz @lynxslokley @mononijikayu
Your welcome to always comment or reblog as well. I always appreciate your feedback.
Made by @sukioyakio 2025
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#sukuna x reader#jujutsu kaisen sukuna#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna#jjk angst#jjk fluff#jjk sukuna#jujutsu kaisen fluff#yandere jjk#yuji itadori#jjk x you#jjk x y/n
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Spy x Family Ch. 111: Anya's Mama
So many things for such a little chapter, don't you think?
We saw baby Anya and we finally caught a glimpse of Anya's biological mother.
Something to notice is that they're both wearing hospital gowns, which makes me think they were in the lab and, because of that, we can solidify the theory about Anya being born there. It could be that her mom was pregnant when captured or that they experimented on her and she got pregnant while in that lab. A secret third option is that Anya's mom actually volunteered for the experiments (maybe she was a scientist herself or a family member coaxed her into doing it), although I find this unlikely due to her comment about the butterfly. Either way, I have a feeling we won't know for a very long time.
Mindreading or no mindreading?
Endo chose not to let us know about that explicitly. However, look at this panel:
I don't think Anya's mom is talking here. I think she's thinking this. Because of that, I do suspect Anya can read her mama's mind. She doesn't fully understand it but those words are inside her memory.
However, as you can see in the panel below, we don't see her classic mindreading sparkles. So, it' could also be that she saw her mom getting sad or nostalgic and she wanted to hug her. Kids are very perceptive of their parent's emotions.
If you ask me, I think she was born with that ability. Either her mom was also a telepath who was being studied during her pregnancy or she was experimented while pregnant and gained and passed her abilities to her daughter.
All this makes me consider that maybe Anya wasn't experimented on like many of us believed for a long time. Maybe those scientists were just studying her/observing her in order to understand and try to replicate her abilities. I'm really hoping Endo will go this route, it's less cruel. In any case, keeping someone so young as a case study is still wrong and I don't think Twilight and Yor will like this.
Anya's Mama
I'm talking about Yor, of course.
First of all, I think Endo summed up what motherhood is about in this panel:
It's not exactly that a mom can read their kid's mind, but it's something close. As a mom you get to know your child inside and out. When you take care of them, see them grow and love them with all your heart, you simply learn to "read every part of them."
That's how we know that Yor loves Anya and that she is her mom.
I don't know what happened to Anya's biological mom; she could be gone or still be alive. I'm sure we'll find out eventually. However, no matter what happens, I think Anya will always have that unconditional love from Yor.
There's a prevalent theme about motherhood in sxf: a mother as a safe place. Yor has mentioned it several times; she knows her job is to protect Anya and Anya feels safe when her mama is around (even Twilight notices this.)
I think the bond between them will get stronger as the story moves forward. Come on, it's pretty obvious Anya is Yor's baby, she's already head over heels and she decided she wanted to be a good mother since day 1. Also, a big theme in the story are bonds that are forged, and chosen family. In the story, blood ties sometimes are complicated (look at the Desmonds, for example.)
I'm not fluent in Japanese, but I am aware that Anya calls Yor and Twilight, Haha and Chichi, which is an English equivalent of "my mom and my dad", instead of just "mom and dad." In case you are wondering, Anya did call her biological mom, the right way: "mama."
At some point in the story, I think we will see Anya call Yor and Twilight, mama and papa the right way. I suspect this will be the moment when they will realize they're no longer a pretend family, but a real one. And it'll be simply beautiful 💖
A Few Questions
Whenever we learn something about one of the Forger's past, we are usually left with even more questions like:
Where's Anya's mom now?: I think either she's still a prisoner somewhere or she's dead. And if she's alive, does she know Anya lives?
How did Anya escape? She was so little! She must have had help from someone.
Who is Anya's dad? Maybe a scientist? A prisoner of war? Or was artificial insemination possible back then?
Is Anya her real name? I'm wondering if her mom called her differently. Here are some theories about her name. I suspect this will be important and I wouldn't be surprised if Anya is not her real name, almost as a foil of Twilight's name and story.
And also, there's a gap between that scene/memory and when Anya gets adopted by Twilight. We know thanks to Franky that in the year before Twilight adopted her, she was previously adopted by four different families, however, there's still a chunk of time missing.
I estimate she's probably 2 years old in that memory, she was 4 when she was adopted by those other families, and 5 years old when Twilight became her dad. That leaves 2 full years blank. Where was she during that time?
#spy x family#sxf#anya forger#loid forger#yor forger#spy x family analysis#spy x family manga#spy x family meta
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Dangerous Gym Session(Arsenal WomenXRussoReader)
Warnings: diabetes Type 1, struggles with Body image, b*llying, mental health struggles, Google translate used.
Summary: you play for Arsenal just like your sister older sister Lessi.a Gym Session doesn't go as planned.
You were in the Gym, feeling lightheaded & your body was hurting. you realized that your blood sugar was dropping way too late.
So you quickly had two juice boxes. Hoping that it would do the trick. Spoiler alert, it didn't help! Which was why you were lying on the floor of the Gym right now. Trying to get through the pain. Cause you felt really sick. The other girls walked into the Gym , Kyra was the first one to notice you on the floor. "Less! Y/n needs help!" She answered and ran over to you. Alessia right behind her. Quickly followed by the rest of the Team.
"y/n?!cosa c'è che non va?(What's wrong?)" She asked you. You whimpered softly.
"sono basso(i am low)!" You told her. Leah helped you to sit up while Alessia held her phone against your sensor, which showed her how low your blood sugar was. She quickly handed you two more juice boxes from her own bag. She always had some in there for you. Some other Girls from the team were watching with worry written across their faces.
Norah who was entering the gym just now saw you on the floor and ran over. Norah was your teammate and secret girlfriend. Norah was a Goalkeeper for the team. She joined Arsenal two years ago.
"Babe! What's wrong?" She asked and kneeled down in front of you.
"i might have overworked myself without noticing how bad my blood sugar was!" You admitted. Then you looked at the Team and their surprised faces. You and Norah never told anyone about your relationship.
"did you just call y/n Babe?" Katie asked trying to wrap her head around this. You took Norahs Hand, squeezing it gently.
"i knew it." Kyra said, she always thought there was something going on between you and Norah.
"she did. we are together for two months now! It's still really new so we didn't tell anyone." You replied.
"okay we can go back to that relationship later. but what do you mean? Like when will you start listening to your body? Not checking your blood sugar and not listening to your Pump going Off? Like that's dangerous. So why didn't you Check?"Alessia wanted to know. You were biting down on your bottom lip.
"i am sorry! I was just so focused on working out!" You told her. Which was kind of true. but also not. There were some comments about your weight and performance and none of the ones that stuck in your head were anything but terrible. You may be an adult and 22 years old but that didn't mean you were doing well with bullying.
"Babe, what's going on?" Norah asked cause she knew that was not the entire truth. Everyone could tell that there was more to the story and Katie somehow had the brilliant idea to Check under your social Media Posts. Reading all the comments talking about how you have put on some weight and that's probably why you are not as fit as you used to be.
"i think i know!" Katie told the Team and handed Norah her Phone, to show her the comments. Katie looked pissed. So did Norah.
"y/n, those comments are bullshit. and you are a diabetic. Having fluctuations in your weight is part of it. That doesn't change the fact that you are an amazing Athlete and your performance on the field is amazing! Don't let them get to you!" Katie told you. Alessia frowned when she was shown the comments as well.
"this Is what happened? You know you depend on checking your blood sugar. Your life literally depends on that in fact!" Alessia wanted to know. You looked away. Because If your sister didn't look stressed before she sure did now. Stressed and sad. Norah squeezed your hand gently.
"Baby you are perfect the way you are! You are an amazing Athlete and the people who write stuff like that are just Jealous of your talent." Norah told you and the others agreed. A few nodded their head in agreement. Some even spoke up.
"Imagine you starting to feel that way while Lifting weights. That's so dangerous,y/n!" Beth told you.
You look at your teammates and then at your Sister. "I am sorry Guys! Deep down i know all of this. But sometimes These comments still get to me! I am already talking to the therapists about it! So they know!" You explained to them. Referring to the therapists that are part of the staff at Arsenal.
"it's good that you are talking to them about it! But all of us still gonna keep an extra eye on you. more then we already did before! Cause we really care about you!" Caitlin replied.
"that's fair!" You admitted.
"non spaventarmi più così!(don't scare me like that again)" Your sister said.
" non lo farò(i won't)." You replied. Giving her a small smile. She hugged you and you hugged her back while Norah checked with her Phone how your blood sugar was. Which thankfully was going back to normal.
Practice finally started when Reneé showed up and Leah had informed her what just happened so she also kept an extra eye on you.
You felt quite lucky that the team was there for you and cared so much about you! You could always count on them. Which did help with your feelings.
#arsenal women x reader#wosoxreader#alessia russo x russo reader#leah williamson x reader#katie mccabe x reader#oc x reader#beth mead x reader#kyra cooney crossxreader#caitlin foord x reader
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Let's talk it through. Because it sounds silly, but Mike being straight ruins the entire story. Not because it hold so much weight, but because it is an ensemble cast, and ensemble casts' stories are intertwined. One tiny move from the originally and everything falls apart. People say it isn't planned but it's impossible for it to NOT be with the intertwinement REQUIRED of this structure.
So let's go through it. Every character can only have one ending and his being straightness is disprovable because it tears everyone else's apart (and I won't even touch themes):
Mike loves El. Fine for Mike and El in concept. But...
Not fine for Will. (If your argument is "they shoehorn that he's happy", yes, technically any writer could write literally any ending at any time in any story for anyone. That isn't an argument basis). So Will's story is ruined (yes, every protagonist needs a happy ending unless it's a tragedy, it can't just be your fave or who you think is the main and everyone else's is expendable). Will's is distressed
Which causes Jonathan distress. Jonathan's protectiveness over Will is then what has caused
Nancy's anxieties over their relationship. Nancy's anxieties over her relationship drive her to
Steve, who wants the nuclear family Nancy has repeated said she will quickly grow to resent, which will lead him to focus his energies away from his platonic relationships like
Robin, exploring her queerness in practice alone - a very scary thing she has shown to need support and a vent space in in 4x01 - but also away from
Dustin, which isolates him in his grief when he needs Steve the most. Dustin isolated, Will isolated, Mike and El preoccupied with each other leaves
Lucas isolated in his grief. Lucas isolated in his fight. This ties
Erica to him, unable to branch out and explore her nerdy identity and community as she is the only one there for him in the same way she was in the Creel house at her death and in the hospital before the team got back. Only the two of them together will fail much like season 4 in saving
Max, who died because of the group's physical separation in season 4, would now likely fail to be saved because of an emotional separation, and with everyone isolating themselves in depression, what would she have to come back to as a friend group?
Then we have their parents. Will struggling would directly affect Joyce in the same way it would Jonathan. She can't be happy if he isn't. And Hopper can't be happy when she isn't. And El can't be happy when he isn't. And Mike can't be happy when she isn't. Also, all of this has a history of just generally annoying Murray, as an addendum.
It's like when you play one of those connecting games with the lines, get one thing wrong, and have to erase the whole thing.
But I actually didn't even need to go through all this because, canonically, no one is happy they're together
especially in their most romantic season - season 3 - AND including THEM THEMSELVES. The only people off the list are characters who aren't present for their relationship to be hurt by it directly in the first place.
But let's go through how Mike being queer affects things, shall we?
Mike has feelings for Will. They get together and
Will is happy.
El and him break up, enforcing her independence from men though sad, sending her off more freely in her fight for Max. El being more independent relieves
Hopper of a weight, allowing him to focus more on
Joyce, who is also able to as well and instead of over worrying about her children now that she trusts that
Jonathan has been able to relax because he now trusts that his brother doesn't need him too much for him to be with
Nancy, who pursues her career alongside him as intended, keeping a platonic relationship with
Steve, who is then able to prioritize more platonic relationships in his life like
Robin, who has him to lean on as she ventures into romance for the first time and
Dustin, who can depend on him when he is grieving especially an "older male friend" like Steve is to him. With that support, he is less likely to isolate and more likely to seek solidarity with others grieving such as additional support to
Lucas, who now has both him and El supporting him, healing their grief together and making it so he has enough support that he isn't dependent on only
Erica, who is able to branch out more and cement her identity and friends who are more like her rather than just socially acceptable. Their team will also still be strong enough to get
Max back more successful than season 4 now that they are all working and strategizing together and in the same place.
When everybody else isn't stressed, Murray is less irritated with them. As an addendum.
So if Mike stays with El everyone including them is sad but if he's with Will everyone including them is happy.
This is why I shipped Byler. They're cute also. But this was why FIRST. Because it's formulated to be right.
I'm rooting for everybody's happiness. Most GA or other shippers are too, it's why we get converts as soon as they realize what "everybody's happiness" ACTUALLY means.
And I didn't have to do all this either. Because think(because there's a gif limit) how they were canonically when Mike and El are not together and he is with Will. Think season 2.
Lucas with Max. Dustin with Steve. Nancy with Jonathan. Joyce with Hopper. El finding herself. Everything as we know it should be. Or season 4.
That's no coincidence.
As I've said, it isn't about individual irrefutables. It's about patterns. Very, very consistent patterns. When everybody is happy and when they are not. "Season 3 changed and went downhill" and what single factor was altered as of season 3?
Mike Wheeler is not straight. Because everyone is doomed if he is. No less than everyone is doomed if Max dies or Robin doesn't get the Vickie or Vecna wins. Mike Wheeler is in love with Will Byers because everyone is doomed if he isn't.
If you move that piece of the puzzle, everything topples...which tells us that it is a piece of the puzzle.
#stranger things#mike wheeler#byler proof#the proof is that queerbaiting is ruining one story#and they have written it to be all or nothing#if they want a happy ending for everyone and straight mike theyre gonna have to do some out of character writing#illogical things. things like jonathan leaving will's side when he's a death target to a suicide targetting monster and is heartbroken at#the same time
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can we get relationship hcs with abby but with a SOFT/SUB MASC??? the way that never existed is crazy
Abby Relationship Hcs Pt 2
abby anderson x sub masc reader
synopsis: modern relationships headcanons with a (sub) masculine reader in mind!
zom’s note: i wanted to write something like this so thank you for the ask.
word count: abt 750
warnings: nsfw content (own section after sfw! don’t like, don’t read), mentions of strapping, suggestive touching and/or eyeing, and suggestions of abby being mean.
SFW <3
ꕥ Abby loves, and I mean loves sharing clothes with you. Since both of you lean into a more masculine style, you'll often find some of your stuff missing, just to see Abby wearing it later in the day.
ꕥ Carabiners. Abby likes them mainly because they are so practical. She gets hers from some random hardware section in a store, but you are adamant about getting the cooler ones, because sure practical, but also a lesbian statement.
ꕥ Whenever you and Abby go to workout, you swear some guy or girl always tries to hit on y’all, but you use this as an excuse to show off your hot as fuck girlfriend, win win.
ꕥ Whenever you and Abby go out shopping, y’all always end up finding stuff for each other. Immediately looking for the other with a few hangers, saying, “Baby, you’d look hot in this… then I can borrow”, “Abby, oh em gee, try this on”, “Baby, look look!” It just goes back and forth, love bugs literally.
ꕥ Abby is a major pouter, and you just adore it. Sad? Pouting. Mad? Pouting. She wants something? Pouting. You totally tease her about it, even if you do the same thing too.
ꕥ You love getting your nails done in those simple short natural styles with fun designs. Abby definitely pays for you, and sometimes she gets a matching design or your initial with a simple top coat.
ꕥ Abby loves to be the big spoon because she likes caging you in. Arms wrapped around you, and a leg on top of your center. She claims that you are her personal body pillow.
ꕥ Abby loves when you run your hands over a part of her body idly. Just feeling the muscle twitch, or for comfort. Y’all are both all over each other.
ꕥ You two definitely, once dating for awhile, have promise rings. Definitely some sort of matching bands that are unique for the two of you. You both are always showing them off, saying you’re married.
ꕥ Abby loves to listen to you talk and talk, doesn’t care what it’s about, she just stares at you nodding and asking simple questions. Just thinking about how much she adores you.
ꕥ She loses her mind when she sees you in the sweats and a sports bra combo, won’t care if its for lounging or working out. She can’t look away, she swears you’re gonna make her crazy.
NSFW !!
ꕥ Abby has an obsession with using you, doesn’t matter in what ways. She’ll let you strap her, because you definitely know what to do, but she is obviously the one in control. Hands on your hips, controlling how hard or soft you go, and the pace. Either way, you end up more messed up than she does, begging for her to let you take care of her, or use you and stop teasing the both of you for so long.
ꕥ On that, Abby loves when you beg. It feels like an addiction at this point. Seeing you squirm, or a dazed out expression. Just babbling about how much you want her, how much you need her. She can listen forever, sometimes laughing at how pathetic you can get at times.
ꕥ She definitely eyes your waist whenever your shirt rides up, bottoms always sitting low and showing off whatever boxers or boyshorts you’re wearing. It gets her to thinking, and then that thinking leads to her spacing; even when your shirt rides back down. Doesn’t even feel the tiniest bit of shame when you catch her, and you end up getting a little shy under her gaze.
ꕥ Gets you to lay your back against her chest as y’all watch a show or just chilling and scrolling. She can’t control when her hand slips to rub random shapes onto your lower stomach or upper thigh. Those light touches, moving further down slowly but surely to where she wants to touch you most; gentle kisses being pressed to your skin. Abby loves the small reactions she gets when you notice what her intentions are.
ꕥ She always notices when you really try your best to impress her, or show her how good you are. Letting Abby touch you as she pleases, or using you for her own gain if that's what she desires. She’ll dumb you down with sweet talk, with a tinge of meanness just so you can pout about it. You both know that pouty attitude is gonna get fucked out of you later.
#abby anderson#abby anderson x reader#abby the last of us#abby x masc!reader#abby x reader#abby tlou#abby x you#abby anderson smut#lesbian#wlw#tlou
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finally typing up my late lantern rite thoughts (very long). overall 100/10 quest I love hu tao
The amount of Xingqiu's brother mentions were insane. Surely we'll see him either as an NPC soon, right? Right? /j Honestly here he sounded pretty competent, nothing like "a simpleton" like Xingqiu's troubles voiceline suggests hmm...
The little model animations were SOOOOOOOOOO GOOD. contributed a lot to the experience and made it feel so much more alive. hu tao's expressions especially, but also yun jin's expressions, and Xiangling's "come back, get over here and eat!!!!!1!1!!!" was also really fucking funny. they've been adding these small animations for a while but this event specifically had so many of them and the effort paid off <3
in a similar vein I'm impressed how smooth the animation/model actions were when Xiao put the sigil on us
hu tao lan yan and qiqi fill in the gap fic please
timaeus is kind of silly, also very funny he and ying'er still going strong 2 years later. he's literally learning liyue language for ying'er? genuinely his dedication is impressive. they should make events replayable because how will everyone who missed 3.5 windblume know why timaeus simps for someone a whole country over
we finally know what the fake chinese characters in all those liyue signs represent (kinda ig). I need to look over this part again
if hu tao&/xiangling or hu tao &/yun jin stocks on ao3 don't increase after this I will start biting. MY GIRLS T_T T_TT_T_T_T_T_T_T. bro the farewell section was so tender I enjoyed it greatly. Their relationships with each other got developed on screen.. yun jin and hu tao's banter especially was really cute and really shows us their relationship aside from the hints in their VOs
YUN JIN OPERATIC HILITUNE ON SCREEN. the fanvid of it from bilibili can finally rest, thanks for your service, canon got here 4 years later.
Yun Jin, having practiced the tao dou opera, MUST have known something correct?? or else she wouldn't have asked hu tao so many times to promise to come back, right? She trusts Hu Tao so much :'''' . if Hu Tao says she can handle it, Yun Jin knows there's no stopping her, and she will find a way, but it doesn't stop her from worrying nonetheless :''').
hu tao's death flags during part 2......
my agenda is speaking, but I wish Xingqiu and Hu Tao directly talked during the farewells section. something something chivalry and sacrifice. Hu Tao makes her peace with giving up everything to resolve the Tao Dou issue, but is Xingqiu at peace with losing a friend even tho its selfish of him to want her to stay? he has personal stakes in this please just let them talk a little
I'm really really glad they went through with the death, they showed Hu Tao's emotions, they showed her father and grandfather waving her off. I broke, she looked so tired but satisfied (thinking about her vision story, where she waited so long for her grandfather to never appear vs him visiting her for just a brief moment here)
my other favorite shot is when traveler pulls her out and she looks at them in muted surprise. she just looked so sad and fragile and in need of a hug :(((
the Themes (waves hands wildly). hu tao's father's lingering regrets were his fatal flaw, and so Hu Tao settles her affairs properly and steels herself before going to die. she leaves behind the plum blossom branch just like her grandfather left his hat.. genuinely what the hell. the parallels between her cutscene goodbye and her saying "happy lantern rite" kills me
the epilogue last year with the fontaine tourists was pretty fanservicey, and tbh the epilogue the year before was also somewhat fanservice to me, (liyue gang dinner and zhongli venti teasing) though I liked it better. However I think this epilogue was actually really good— the hanging out and the fluff felt natural, it fit with everything else and wasn't super sudden. Maybe this was because of all the setup that happened (Yun Jin and Xiangling's promises to Hu Tao, Xiao and Yelan's dynamic built up in Perilous Trails and their earlier exchange), so the payoff is good instead of forced. After the trials and danger they got put through, everyone gets a chance to relax, and I appreciate the slice of life after the main plot. also Yun Jin's opera was crazy good considering it was not a cutscene, the animation and camera angles really sold it
I thought the special guest was xiao again, like how LR 3.4 had him dragged to the harbor by Hu Tao.... xiaolan banter was also v good though.
THE ADEPTI. they're still watching over Liyue in their own way :') the affectionate bickering about hu tao's name :''''''''
I barely mentioned lan yan in this... her part was pretty minor ngl, her habit of learning everything about a person to the point of sounding a bit creepy is kind of fun though.
alright. fantastic quest absolutely no notes I got almost everything I ever wanted and I am so glad Hu Tao had such an incredible 2nd story quest. chongyun and shenhe exorcist lantern rite next year?
#teyvat thoughts#liveblog insanity#misc thoughts: the english genshin channel releasing the cutscenes in chinese instead of japanese is so funny to me#they really said we'll do it in cn just for lantern rite. psst release it in cn all the time /hj or at least do kr next#hu tao#genshin impact#lantern rite#5.3 spoilers#also there is a post that says 'if the death was all a joke it would be so neat'. no. sry#plum blossom bookmark#also the one thing that annoys me about genshin is i hope they let other m/f friendships get seen again? (x y.lan was good but more pls)#im really happy abt ht yj but i also wanted to see xq ht talking. pet peeve = xq and cy always glued together
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It doesn't really matter since the lesser known characters usually don't really have a chance in the actual bracket anyway but doesn't your prelim method disadvantage lesser known characters? If I understood your explanation correctly character A might get 20% yes 10% no 70% see results, character B 40% yes 20% no 40% see results. Both would have double the amount of yes compared to no but character B would end up with 20 and A only with 10 right?
Not intended as criticism btw just curious whether you considered this or if I'm misunderstanding your methodology.
No no you're totally right! It's one of those things I have mixed feelings on!
So the method of seeding I've been using does favor shows that are more popular. When I've got two shows with the same number of submissions and both have propaganda, the show with the higher amount of logged viewers on mydramalist will get the higher seed number. Now I've found that the mdl numbers aren't really the best or most accurate indicator of popularity on tumblr, but it's the easiest accessible set of numbers that covers all shows (so far I haven't had any submissions of shows from countries not on mdl, like Vietnam, but we'll jump that bridge when we get to it). Ideally, there would be a comprehensive set of numbers on tumblr that could give an indication of a show's popularity, but I have yet to think of something that doesn't produce a different set of flaws and inaccuracies.
Now: the question is why favor shows with more popularity?
This goes to the traditional seeding practice you'll find all over the place. Where in the first round, the highest ranked team competes against the lowest ranked team and so and so forth. Now this is something I didn't understand for a long time, but I finally did a year or two ago.
Imagine a sport. And you've got two big dog teams, like they're the top of the top. You don't want them to fight in the first round, thus eliminating one of the big champion teams. While this isn't really fair to the other teams, it makes sense. And after all they're going to have to fight the big dogs eventually, might as well do it in round 1 instead of the finals. It's not a perfect system by any means, but especially for the sake of entertainment, ideally the top picks don't fight till the end.
If I don't seed it, it's going to be randomized, which is what I used to do. I would randomize it and then guess who the top competitors would be and try to separate them. But this was even more faulty.
But then this all circles back to the inherent problem of any fan voted competition, it really comes back around to being a popularity contest. I've tried different methods to make it less so (adding propaganda on polls, adding the [see results] option, making it double elimination, etc), but it's built into the system. Most people vote for the characters they like regardless. It's the sad and annoying truth.
I'm sure there are ways I could go about it that would fix some of these issues even more, especially with the seeding and prelims. But so far, most of what I have thought of is even more time consuming than the process already is (for reference, setting up and posting round 1 of a 64 character bracket takes several hours of continuous effort) or makes the polls harder to access (I've thought about having the propaganda above and visible on the polls instead of under the read more, but that will result in a lot of long posts clogging up people's dash with maybe little effect).
And let me be clear, I also have been a victim of my own system. I cannot tell you how many of my favs have lost, either in prelims or the bracket itself, due to being more obscure. It sucks.
I'm always open to change to make things better! But it's also hard to then balance how feasible some of those alternatives are to actually implement and what difference they'll really make.
#answered ask#sorry this is too long#honestly the majority of the formatting and how i do things on here are things I've thought through a lot#so you can ask me about most things on here and I can give you a response to why things are that way
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it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.
yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.
it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.
how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.
chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?
how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.
"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.
i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.
#writeblr#warm up#i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books#(just started book 4)#and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!!#(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. )#anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild#but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild???#so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning#and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go#anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct#i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers#i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page.#here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once#it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because#when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area.#i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that#a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN#who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends#i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!
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#for Jin-chul#specifically for jin-chul as i am writing him in the fic im working on#if u guys want a title or snippets u should tell me bc i will give them to u but only if i know theres like. interest. u feel me?#also keep in mind it def won't be done for. a while. im unfortunately v busy rn and abt to become even busier. haha. but i can give nibbles#anyway back to the Weave. if this one had a title it would probably be Woo Jin-chul and the Dreamcatcher of the Past. or smthg like that.#in the sense of getting caught on#its not that he hasnt let go its that he remembers and nothing else is quite as good as that remembering#grief has made a home in his heart and lives there like a tumor but hed rather rip out his own heart than let anyone cure him of the cancer#so he just dreams of the things he cant have anymore and keeps them safe out of reach and never lets anyone else touch them#he gets hung up but also forces himself to keep pushing forward because if he doesnt he'll die- mentally and emotionally yes#but also physically because the world they live in now is one ruled by power and cruelty and its not safe to live any other way#jin-chul isnt safe. he makes himself unsafe so that other ppl have a chance to BE safe. but he remembers when he was and part of him#cant move past that. cant stop longing for it with his whole heart. its v sad of him honestly#i think thats why Sung Jinwoo's actions as well as the man himself meant so much to him. because here was this person who was SO powerful#but instead of using that power within the new system to start oppressing others and propel himself to the top or be casually cruel#he kept a sense of self and honor and duty. he wasnt always 'righteous' but he did truly try to save lives when they were in danger#and never lost sight of the value of those lives. to jin-chul someone like that must've felt like a miracle after all that time#and been something he deeply cherished and coveted personally.#even if they didnt know each other that well im sure that sung jinwoo's presence mustve been something that crossed jin-chul's mind often#and reassured him.#anyway. jinchul and jinwoo's relationship is just something i think about a lot.#i love them so much. literally nomming on them as we speak#SL#solo leveling#Woo Jin-chul#woo jinchul#sung jinwoo#web weaving#also there is a truly appalling lack of fanart of my baby#im not an artist guys. i cannot fill this hole in the fandom. TT devastating
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I actually like the last chapter. I think the ideas are very good. I have my qualms on how some things were managed, as I always do, but I think shonen authors get tangled in the expectations of a shonen to the point it jeopardises their writing, often even when they're not lacking in skills
#I think the nothingness‚ the absence‚ the moving on despite everything‚... is a good if heartbreaking idea#and we do see snippets of it throughout the entire manga‚ yet I think it is mostly lacking in execution#I like the quiet ways in which we see the characters mourn. How Megumi laughs at the letter‚#how Shoko muses about how Satoru should have let her take care of Geto's body‚ the faint smile when Megumi agrees‚#how Shoko quits smoking again‚ Yuuji giving this person hope and a second chance‚ making a reference to him not being executed‚#and giving Sukuna too a chance for him to take one day a different path#All those are very good ideas and all those are very moving quiet ways of grieving. But. It feels in general so lacking#There's so much of everything else in contrast‚ even things that have way less importance narratively than this most of the time‚#that it feels lacking. Especially with how one has to dig to find these things. There's so much that could have been done with the same idea#And done so much better. But the idea is good. The absences are good. The quiet presences are good.The nothingness is good if bitter and sad#But it could have been written better#I also think this ending with Yuuji apparently knowing about Sukuna‚ his lies‚ his little hint of softness‚ the potential second path‚...#makes even more believable why he'd try at all to offer him a second chance. And I love that Yuuji knows him and I love that he still...#leaves the door open for that second chance to occur at some point. Trusting that Sukuna would walk that other path next time#And I love that without openly acknowledging Gojo he demonstrates that he hasn't forgotten him in his acting#How he gives that guy a second chance‚ how he jokes about him not getting executed‚ how he wants to make sure people‚ 'problem children'‚#don't get left behind. He doesn't mimick Gojo in his power but in this flippant but caring aspect and thus he's not forgotten#I do like this. It's heartbreaking. Gojo's desire to be forgotten is bittersweet as it's in a way a desire for... normalcy and humanity#To be surpassed. It goes well with how Gege says Gojo can do anything and thus why he does nothing‚ not even hobbies‚#to leave something for the future generations and not being another wall in their achievements#Gojo's desire to be forgotten is in line with the constancy of his writing when it comes to being drunk on his status#and yet resentful of his loneliness. It's a mix of being left behind and not being left behind#For being left behind and forgotten would mean he is more like the rest. Just another step forwards#And he'd have done what he wanted to achieve. Sorcerers can't stop a long while to grieve but Yuuji takes his words and actions#into consideration and steps forwards. Does the same. Fulfills Gojo's expectations. Walks towards the future. And that's the legacy Gojo#wanted and not going down in history as a legend or the strongest. He was just a teacher. Like Yaga was. He was not even the principal#Just a teacher. His role‚ the role he chose for himself‚ has been fulfilled. Now all this could have done way better#Something of Yuta and Megumi given their dynamics with Gojo would have been good. But I guess Gojo's 'at least one' works well#with Yuuji being the one doing the work. Yuuji was also ontologically alienated since birth and still he too remained cheerful and flippant#despite being so lonely so I guess the final parallel is intentional. But it could have been managed better still. The idea is good though
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Chapters: 1/? Relationships: Hagane Kotetsu/Kamizuki Izumo Summary:
At age 25, Kotetsu throws out a question: "Where would I be without you?" Casual, distracted, a rethorical question. However, it leads Izumo into a deep thinking to imagine really where Kotetsu would be without him.
Because it's an interesting question, when asked by Kotetsu. Because while most people could track meeting their best friend in school, at the candy shop, in the park, or somewhere uninteresting where they could have met anyone else and where their lives wouldn't change a whole lot if they had never met, Kotetsu was the only one who could say that if he hadn't met Izumo, he would probably, quite literally, be dead, gone rogue, or still be missing since age three, living alone in the woods, barely verbal, and more an animal than a person.
The story of how Kotetsu at age 7 had been missing and isolated from civilization for so long, he refused to let anyone near him; except the one kid who, after a bad first meeting, started giving him what no one else had offered him before, and what would, in their adult years, transform into something even greater: genuine care, patience, and love.
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*slaps the roof of this fic*
I started a new baby.
#koteizu#kotetsu hagane/izumo kamizuki#kotetsu x izumo#those two guys from naruto#i was meaning to first reblog some nice art but i haven't had the time#i'm not hyperfixated I said as I wrote 45k of fanfic on just how they met#also question: why do we all imagine izumo had awful parents. There's no fic I've read where they're not dead or are just AWFUL.#like not just absent i mean they are MEAN#spoiler much lmao#i mean it's subplot#anyway i hope you enjoy it. If you do let me know even if it's through an anon message! Those are really sweet#I was meaning to write everything only to get this out of my head. I'm scared that posting while I write will kill my motivation#it gets pretty sad when you post something excited for feedback and you get none lmao So I thought --->#I won't get sad from no feedback if I don't even post it! So my plan was I finish writing and post it and then no feedback was no problem#but ic ouldn't help it I got too excited AHHAA#I mean I'm still going to finish the whole thing I only have like 5k to go#I just wanted to avoid the sensation of pointless writing when you get no feedback WHILE writing it#so I got the thrill of writing it all already! Now if there are any readers that will be a wonderful extra#it's always nice to find out there are kotetsu and izumo fans somewhere <3#i feel i'm missing a tag#i talk a lot in the tags for someone with 2 readers and 4 followers#it makes me happy. Sue me. Don't actually sue me it's a saying#if you want to know more of what is coming relatively spoiler free you shoot that question in my inbox mail thing ask a thing thing#why do i always need like 4 hours of gathering courage before posting anything mine
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🦋
#i know i shouldnt even look#like i really should just stop obsessively checking his blogs#out of sound out of mind#and i have already muted his notifs on the messaging app#but that makes it hard to open it which i do bc im talking to two other ppl on there#i shouldnt check his blog... but i have like fomo lok#lol*#i dont wanna miss out on any potential knowledge#even if i know ... i should learn how to be fine with not knowing#since he doesnt wanna be the loml skkskskskak#i shouldnt be investing this much energy into someone who doesnt even want me in his life#so why do i keep doing that.....#it's just hard to stop checking#bc since he isnt talking to me his blogs are the only content and crumbs i get from him#if i stop checking his blogs it's like he wont be in my life at all and how do i cope with that#i know it's what's good for me but i just cant do it :((#also i just miss when we were mutuals#and when he liked my posts and reblogged from me and replied to my posts....#whenever i post pics i get so sad bc he never likes them (he doesnt even see them lmao)#he likes other ppl's pics and he reblogs them too#but never for me.....#idk guess that just kinda hurts lmao#the thing is#he SAID he cared abt me. that i was one of the very few ppl he liked this way#he SAID all of those things and it's not smth i just assumed or made up#so now it's hard for me to let it go bc it wasnt 100% one sided as it usually is#idk what to do this is eating me up fr
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finally getting a chance to work on chapter 15 today :-)
#shout out AS ALWAYS to people leaving comments!!!! you are keeping me motivated you are keeping the dream alive#for some behind the scenes: in the last few weeks i've been barely sleeping and it makes it very hard to write or even be in a good mood#i usually need 11+ hours to function and so like. 2-3 hours a night is putting me in a bad place both mentally and physically#and yes i realize 11 or more hours is like a silly amount of sleep but idk. it's just how i am. i go to bed early AND sleep in ahaha.#i've been falling behind in all my classes due to the sleep thing so writing for fun has totally been off the table lol#ANYWAYS#typing typing typing (this chapter will be a lighthearted one)#we all need some fluff and levity i think (and i need to give time for Riku to care for Sora even more and be like. wow. i love you)#I was struggling earlier bc i wanted to write both about how Sora has been hiding darkness from loved ones and needs to let them in#but also with the idea of sora feeling that he needs friends to have strength or value. and i kind of realized i needed to pick one#like maybe a better writer than me could have both of those things be addressed at once but for me i was like... I want Riku to comfort him#which goes against him learning that he's fine on his own. we can address that in a different fic. rn he is just sad and needs to know#that he can share that with the people around him. and that he's still loveable despite it all#also shout out to my gf for teaching me “love isn't something you deserve that's not what love is” like. i did not know that b4 her#so I asked her lots of questions for chapter 14 actually cause I was like. i want Riku to support Sora in the way you'd support me#cuz IDK SHIT ABOUT THAT i have always felt unworthy of love and like i had to beg people to stay with me until i got into this relationship#so i was like. judy. what is your wisdom. how do you care for me when i feel like my pain makes me unloveable. what would you say#So yeah shout out to her! I am off on a tangent now hehe sorry. thanks for reading if you read this at all!! have a good day :)#jtsys fic#updates
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long winded rant in the tags coming that’s partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on
#on holiday I was like oHHHHH this is what living in the moment is! What listening to your body is! what not worrying about how you look is#but doing what makes you happy#and then …… I came home and got sent the pictures#+ my friend being. unintentionally fatphobic as fuck#while hurtful as fuck too#and it’s all just been piling up too since I got home because I’ve been having a lot of conversations and seeing a lot of people that#confront me with who I used to be and who I am now and how I’m really not happy with that#and it feels like it’s not gonna get better#like I’m destined to be in a job I like but isn’t what I want because I’m not capable enough and I’ll never know what romantic requited love#feels like. I’ll never cure my vaginismus I’ll never be able to let someone in or they won’t want me this is just it for me#and SOMEHOW the way I look has become the ultimate culmination of all those things?#my face is suddenly a woman in her thirties face#I keep gaining weight despite not even eating all that much because FUCKING PCOS makes it impossible#my hair in my face grew back. my stomach is hairy and that plus the added beer belly just makes it look like I’m a 50 year old man#I am soooooooo tired of the dysphoria#and the way pcos ruins fucking everything because I can restrict calories all I want and move all I want but will it help ? No !#and of the fact that it impacts the way I feel about myself so much because I’m convinced now I’ll never find anyone#should have tried harder when I was 21 because that was the only time in my life I reasonably fit society’s standards like That was my shot#I’ve been taking supplements everyone says will help but I’m not sure I noticed anything in the past six months and I can’t take berberine#because it fucks with my heart medication. which. That too. I have that too#and I’m in pain! All the time now! ALL THE TIME so I can’t even work out to keep the weight stable because guess what ?#just after a normal day at the office I come home and have to lie down because everhthing hurts so much !#today I got an impromptu massage in an attempt to feel better but it didn’t fix shit and I had to buy clothes for kings day after#and I didn’t try them on just quickly grabbed some orange shit to try on at home and at what I saw in the mirror I genuinely got nauseous#I just don’t know who that is in the mirror but it’s not me and I can’t accept it. I’ve been trying so hard but I can’t#it genuinely makes me so sad and I keep telling myself that a reduction will help in feeling more like myself and it will help with the pain#but what if it doesn’t? what if my pain doesn’t go away after af all and my stomach just juts out and I feel like a gremlin all the time#what then. what the fuck do we do then. also I’m so fucking scared of that surgery anyway that I don’t fucking want to do it anymore#I want so many things and all of them feel out of reach and I know my own brain is my worst enemy and it’s not rooted in anything real but.#Isn’t it? really — isn’t it???????
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guys. guys !!!!
#vanu is rambling#ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence.#like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me#but like for these past couple months things have been different.#i don’t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone.#like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or#i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey#where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment.#today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me#and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during#those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears#and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg#and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that.#because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call.#i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends.#it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time#they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable.#someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did#and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent#stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable.#like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter.#they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl.#they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in#friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool#people really. really cool people
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idk how to reconcile my new self with my old self. also i fucking hate waiting. GRAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#delete later#im getting a taste of my own medicine bc when im overwhelmed depressed etc i don’t even open emails or dms or whatever and then ifeel guilty#and let them build up and run away from them and literally do not reply for years. but ive been waiting for like 5 different but related#replies for 3ish days at this point and im soooooo impatient omg i want to bash my head into the wall.. and afaik no one i messaged has#opened the message despite being active online elsewhere which is EXACTLY what i do so i have no right to complain at all. but still. omggg#i just have a simple question (me and the ps5 voice) reply to my message boy#purrs#also.. ok yeah im gonna be honest about it even if there are consequences lol. idk why im on such a mission to get back all my old#characters but if i don’t i can and will go crazy. i don’t even do that kind of thing anymore and d*viantart is an irreversibly warped#landscape due in part to capitalism and in part to own mistakes and selfish actions. and i truly feel like my tumblr mutuals are the only#ones who understand me and feel safe and cozy on here. but i miss my old internet home. and i really miss my old internet friends and seeing#all the jokes we had and how we were all like interconnected w the same adopt groups and stuff and now we don’t even talk… it makes me so#sad and i feel weird messaging them just for the purpose of asking if they can give me back characters i gave them 4 years ago like a) you j#just don’t do that kind of thing i don’t think but b) it feels so transactional and would make the part of saying hey our friendship was#important to me when i was a teenager and even though we don’t talk anymore i think of you fondly and wish you well. like lollllll. and i#feel cringe even tracking them down / messaging them bc we are all jn our 20s now… embarrassing. but i am so mad at myself for letting those#friendships wither (not that i have the spoons to sustain them these days anyway but still) and for not keeping bettr track of my characters#when i sold them and for giving them up in the first place and for letting my old internet life just fall apart due to neglect bc it puts me#in a bind to try to piece it together again no matter how i try it and i shouldn’t try anyway. but i am so tempted to rn. lol#* itd make saying stuff abt appreciating friendship weird bc there’s a transaction tied in (source: i did this and feel weird and bad)#like the way i want to SCREAM seeing that dA ate all of the journals i made when i was a 14 year old and turned them into glitched polls. th#the way the wayback machine has terrible unreliable records of everything and i can never get some stuff back / track some stuff down. pain#anyways it’s stupid bc i feel cozy and listened to and as connected as i have the energy to be to all of u guys so why am i doing this. but#i miss the dA stuff too and i wish it wasn’t cringe and i wish i could have everything that’s ever been part of me all in one place. lol#also this doesn’t even take into account my poetry community on dA on my other account who i also felt so safe and cozy with and i abandoned#that too and lost touch with basically everyone even though we all knew each others deepest secrets for years.. the heartsickness of it all#anyways mutuals who knew me on deviantart i am clutching both your hands with impassioned urgency and kissing u on the cheeks. that’s all
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