#also unrelated but what do we think about WORK
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URGENT: 4yo Little Girl and Her Family Malnutritioned and Freezing!! (Sham and Moneer al-Anqar -- Skills Series: "Easy Piece First")
Reblog if u answer pls tysm!🩷
There's no shame in that! In this series, I'll be sharing some tips to help us keep going strong, carrying these families throughout this brutal winter of extermination. With each post I'll be highlighting a family in desperate need.
Easy Piece First
Whether we're working at a job, making commissions, working on posts, or doing other tasks, mutual aid for genocide relief can be overwhelming. The stakes are through the roof, and sometimes the people who most want to help are the people least able to. Often I freeze in place, overwhelmed with emotion, unsure of where to start. Depression, anxiety, and AuDHD don't help!
So I hope this skill is of use to you. I call it "Easy Piece First" because that's what helps me remember it, but it's definitely not a new idea.
I started this post with the easiest small step accessible. For me, that was writing down Moneer's current blog tag (@sham-moner) in a new post. This was the easiest for me because it required no decision-making and could be done in a few seconds. Then I filled in the other parts that don't take much thought -- the GoFundMe link, the vetting, and some tags.
For other posts, sometimes I'll be making art that is unrelated and then I'll think of a post to go with it.
Lazy and Heartless, or Focused and Strategic?
Everyone is different, but trying to force yourself to start with the hardest part first (what some people call the "Eat That Frog" approach) can actually make things take longer for some people. Using "Easy Piece First," I was able to get more done with my time, and with less trouble. This makes my efforts more sustainable long-term.
On a related note, I actually take a lot of measures to not walk around with my chest constantly hurting for Palestinians anymore (though there's nothing wrong with doing so). My chest was aching at all times for months until I converted some of my worry into action and some of it into self-care -- so I could actually get more done for Palestinians, who do not need my tears but my labor.
This winter is a marathon, and we gotta see it through to the end.
Take care of yourself so you can get more done and keep helping people long-term.
Do not give yourself a heart condition.
Give Palestinians labor.
That's how I'm keeping myself out of the hospital and maximizing what I can do for people, but we all have our own strategies.
But that's enough about us -- let's talk about these two amazing kids.
Moneer and Sham
Palestinians are just regular people. That's the horrible reality. It's the exact same as if people from your own background, even your own family were getting tortured and killed.
Like, Moneer is a 19yo who had recently started university when the genocide began. Sham is 4, Mohammed is 16, Rana is 21, and Rasha is 22.
What were you going through when you were 4? How would you have felt if you saw people getting blown up at that age? What if your house was blown up and all your toys and friends were lost, and you had to live outside in the winter, scrounging for moldy bread and polluted water?
What if you lived with the smell of rotting bodies when you were 4? Did you know what that smelled like as a little kid? I still don't know what that smells like. I didn't really know what death was at that age. She does.
This small child is in critical need of food and water!!
She is starving!!
Sham will die this winter without more donations!!
This is a call to action for an extremely urgent campaign!!!
It's been 2 days, and it was 2 days before that! This is far too long!!
Moneer is still recovering from major surgery. He is in a lot of pain and is also malnutritioned and in need of clean water and warmth.
Moneer is very close to his family and dearly loves his mom, Amani (39). Amani is in a lot of danger because she has asthma in a dusty massacre zone without treatment. It's killing Moneer to watch his mom go through this.
Drink some water, take a rest, and keep putting one foot in front of the other, using whatever tools work for you.
We are not letting these kids and their family die this winter!! We can do this!!
Vetting: GazaVetters #8
@opencommunion @beserkerjewel @deepspaceboytoy @rhubarbspring @eryuditely @lesbianmaxevans @malcriada @turian @sxpph0 @rebel-girl-queen-of-my-world @neptunerings @dykesbat @halalgirlmeg @userpeggycarter @minosbull @hamstertross @magnus-rhymes-with-swagness-blog @definitelynotafox @kaleschmidt @jaylung101 @captainsaltymuyfancy2 @timetravellingkitty @sun-and-moon-side @kahin @greenmossyrock @northgazaupdates2 @irhabiya @theparanoid @steep1253o @victoriawhimsey @dirhwangdaseul @cruzwalters @ladycelebrianofimladris @tamamita @50seagullsinatrenchcoat @deathlonging @nconiku @briarhips @kaislittlecorner @mahoushojoe @sar-soor @rhubarbspring @pcktknife @sawasawako @feluka @anneemay-blog @ralfocups
P.S.: I have several people waiting on me for posts. I am so sorry -- I will get them finished and published as soon as possible.
@soft-sunbird Thank you dear friend🥰🩷 I love you. You're doing so great
Check out the comments for many ways to help!
#vetted#vetted palestine gfm#vetted palestinian fundraisers#vetted gfm#vetted gofundme#verified#gazavetters#free gaza#free palestine#gaza#gaza genocide#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#gaza solidarity#mutual aid#the gaza strip#children of gaza#moneer gfm
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I work in electrical substations, and I'm fourth generation doing this kind of work. So I wanna give more information.
There is an unbelievable amount of safety systems in place, and honestly, it's akin to how an electrical substation works. But to be honest, the safety around the portal in my opinion really depends on how much electrical knowledge FentonWorks has.
This is primarily a ramble honestly with no real point besides providing some more information and insight related to electrical safety so I'll readmore.
Overall, we don't really know what kind of electrical engineering background the Fentons have have. It's never clearly stated. Electricity is insanely dangerous. It's incredibly easy to fuck up. All of our safety protocols are written in ashes, not blood, because electricity can so easily literally burn you into ashes. Especially at high voltage.
The kind of project the Fentons work on would require an indepth knowledge, so I'd assume that they have electrical background to some degree beyond the basics.
This is the blueprints we see for the portal in the theme song.
Obviously, this is just for the actual construction of the ghost portal itself. This isn't related to the electrical parts at all. Those prints are set up completely different. My point here is NOT that they don't know how to set up an electrical print; the point is that this is just not an electrical print for context.
For a 66kv/111kv electrical substation
For a household water heater
Basically, if you're working with electricity, this is the kind of blueprints you're looking at. This is the kind of diagram that tells you how to properly wire the devices. And this has been the standard since at least the 50s. I work in substations built as early as the 40s, and the prints are the exact same format. We can also assume cartoon logic as most people know what blueprints look like. I doubt the average viewer would know what these are.
I'm stating this too because it's another way of saying that like. We honestly genuinely cannot tell for sure how the Fenton Portal is wired since we don't see the diagrams, and we're not able to be there physically in person to determine how and why. It's impossible to truly tell what the actual purpose of that button is. It definitely looks like a safety stop button, and I think the OP provides a super good case for it. Based on the image the OP provided, I'm assuming OP took this from a gas or water utility company, which is similar to electrical but electrical is a bit different.
But from an electrical substation perspective, there's no real safety on/off switch. If you're needing to remove power, you're not often turning a switch off. You're adding a grounding wire or you're pulling fuses. Safety switches aren't really a thing (or at least, I've never seen one in a substation before), but this is also a private household and NOT an electrical substation, so I'd assume that the Fentons WOULD have one. And if so, I definitely think that they'd have one similarly to what OP noted.
An important but unrelated thing I also wanna note to is like. You guys do realize that people are human who make mistakes? A lot of people talk about the Fenton Portal under the assumption that Jack and Maddie were completely ignoring safety standards.
Wiring a huge project like a Fenton Portal would be a long, tedious, difficult process. It takes my job months to do install a new piece of equipment at the substation, because it's a slow process. You have to be careful. Every step has to be checked after completion. Troubleshooting has to happen. Certain parts have to be fully depowered in order to work on it safely, and sometimes you have to find a way to keep power going so you can work on it so it's a process to figure out how to jump power for safe working.
There's literally thousands of wires, hundreds of terminals, tens of panels. A single bad wire can stump a crew, and it could be that the guy wired it to the wrong spot, that the connection is bad. If the wire itself it bad, depending on the wire, it's a whole working day process to pull it out and run a new one because of how complex, tight, dangerous, etc, it is. We get (mildly) shocked all the time because it's just the nature of the job.
We specifically see that the FentonWorks Portal wasn't working, and they took a break when Danny decided to investigate. Any number of thing could be wrong. I don't think that the Fentons specifically forgot about the emergency off button, but that they didn't know what the issue was. There could be hundreds of things that went wrong, and they hadn't gotten to the point of troubleshooting this yet. Literally a singular wire could be bad because it's a bad wire, bad connection from the wire to the lug, bad connection from the lug to the terminal, bad terminal connection, bad terminal, etc.
Also additionally, just for some lowkey fun: We all see shots of the inside of the portal looking like this (all from Memory Blank)
Do you know what this kind of looks like to me? Kind of reminds me a lot of how the outside of electrical substation control panels look and operate.
Depending on what level of knowledge they have and experience, I could see some of the lines not just being cool technology showcases, but a common electrical substation practice: we use markers or tape to basically copy the electrical print line diagram on the outside of the panels to help visually identify what's going on and where/how things are connected.
Even the kind of cable that's being run looks exactly like the kind of cable used in most substations.
It was a safety switch
So I'm actually obsessed with the idea that the "on" button Danny hit going into the portal wasn't actually an on button like one you get in a computer.
In basically any legally compliant workspace where I am (and I think in the western world broadly) you get these big red EMERGENCY STOP buttons that tend to be every few feet and on every machine so if something goes wrong people don't have to run far to make what ever's going wrong stop going wrong
Now to me that thing looks pretty much exactly like this thing
With a different layout, but the big red button is the subject of interest
Jack and Maddie seem to have cartoon consistency in their lab safety protocols, which checks out honestly given that's what they are, but It makes sense to me that they didn't so much put the ON button on the inside of the portal as that they flipped the power off to finish the final checks on the portal and then
Forgot About The Emergency Stop
(Incase people dont know, emergency stop buttons stop all the machinery it's attatched to. This can be anything from Only One Machine to literally an entire floor or building depending on the levels of "oh shit everything needs to stop RIGHT NOW." They're usually 'released' at a seperate point which can be anything from the keys in the panel above to a seperate button/keypad. Or, like the ones we had in our high school, the original red button that was pushed but you had to twist it to get it to pop back up. Kind of like a weird child lock)
So I'm proposing that the Fenton Parents, instead of being idiots in their planning and putting the on switch somewhere insane when they were drawing the schematics, actually built in a safety feature they forgot they tripped
Essentially, the Fenton parents were EXTRA safe in their lab and it half killed Danny
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Inspired actually by me nonstop thinking about the Young Witch Solving The Disappearance Of Her Neighbor's Cat In The Alps tweet since last night and a number of other unrelated posts I have been thinking about the concept of maturity in media, because I think there's a lot of different dimensions to that. It's a series of spectra, rather than a binary, and if you use the terms "mature" or "immature" you can quickly realize that a lot of our societal metrics for what's adult-appropriate vs. child appropriate are very skewed in specific and in my opinion untrue and unhelpful directions. This could honestly be a 10 page essay and I may very well write that when I'm on break but just to give you my outline here:
Stimulation - is it grabbing your attention with bright lights and loud sounds and fast action, or do you have to actively focus? Action films can be just as "jangly keys" as children's animation despite being an "adult" work, whereas something like Mad Men can have vivid colors but would bore a child to tears in terms of pace and action. However, and this will be an ongoing theme, you can have a very choppy, fast-paced narrative that is complex and a very slow and dull one that is incredibly simple and childish.
"Ratings" Subject Matter: Sex/Violence/Profanity. This is the one I think is most misleading, because you can have an incredibly puerile R-rated film, and you can have an immensely complex narrative without any of the above. [note: I have zero patience for people who act like sex and violence are inherently unnecessary wastes of time; they are merely things within a narrative that can be executed well or poorly, but it is true that something can have a simple plot and constant bright lights and stimulation and essentially be big old jingling mobile for infants but there's a sex scene in it so it's Adult Now. Unfortunately a lot of people are like "and this is why YA is inherently better" which we shall see is not the case.]
Other Difficult Subject Matter (I don't have a good name for it, but to give examples, death, racism, genocide, abuse, serious or chronic illness, etc). This one is tricky because all of the above are topics present in works for quite young children, because they can experience all the above or have someone close to them experience them, and fiction is a powerful teaching tool. Obviously the nature of how this is presented varies, and later points will cover it, but while in my opinion the simple presence of these topics says nothing about the work's level of maturity on its own I'm including it because you do get people who think that children should be shielded from all the above and would consider the mere inclusion of those topics as inappropriate. They're wrong, but it's definitely an axis of judgement/categorization that exists.
Adult-level processing of information (probably a misnomer in that teens can do this but like, teens read adult books all the time, and as Tumblr has shown us, many adults cannot do this): does the narrative require you be able to pick up on subtext? Do you need to understand what is relevant to the story and what isn't? Do you need to be comfortable with or at least able to tolerate not knowing entirely what is going on right away? Do you need to have a sense of irony? Is there an unreliable narrator?
Adult-level processing of moral complexity (in my limited, not a parent or educator experience, I honestly think teens do better with the information processing than this, ie, this is one of the last things to develop; also Tumblr is even worse): does the narrative require you accept that sometimes things are unfair and will never be fair? Do you need to accept a story in which the Quote Unquote Bad Guys walk free without real consequence? Do you need to accept a story in which no one's actions are entirely defensible or in which no choices are easy and clean and harmless? Do you need to attempt to understand an alien perspective? Is there senseless tragedy? This incidentally is how you separate out the children's books from the adult books on topics like illness or catastrophic events; a lot of children's books end with a message of "it's hard and sad, but it will be okay eventually" and focus on very relatable POV characters which is understandable! But, to use an example as someone who went to a Jewish school with a robust Holocaust education, elementary schoolers read Number the Stars in which the (entirely fictional) Jewish family escapes to Sweden; middle schoolers read Night in which Wiesel's (real) father dies painfully in front of him.
None of this is to say that escapism/cozy fiction/whatever you want to call it is bad - I am not interested in a diet entirely made of thorny moral quandaries and no happy endings. I enjoy a stupid turn off your brain action movie, or a fluffy romantasy. But I do think that a demand that every ending be happy and that Justice Be Served in every story is no less immature than saying "ew, there's kissing in this???"
#long post#it truly is wild that someone thought though that the disco elysium system would like. work for a cozy mystery#on a fundamental level this only works for a story where you cannot trust anything including yourself#it is an inherently unease-generating system. like girl WHAT.
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woosan for vogue ♡
#yee#i know i’m a little late#also unrelated but what do we think about WORK#GOTTA MAKE DAT MONEY GET PURSE BITCHES#i love the video they look like they had so much fun#ateez#ateez fanart#kpop#kpop fanart#san#wooyoung#choi san#san ateez#woosan#my art
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if stranger things 5 comes out and they're like 'omg! the upside down has been a product of someone's dark and twisted mind this whole time! it's... WILL!' I'll immediately lose interest
#manifestation theory#I really hope not#like I don't. hate will. he's fine. but he's so easily likable that it doesn't feel rewarding to like him?#mike wheeler's been a menace this whole time so I had to put in work to figure him out#and they literally said 'getting to mike is the key' which would make sense if by understanding mike you understand everything#in the show where no one knows what's going on and also no one knows what mike wheeler is thinking ever. unrelated ofc#he isn't important look away. don't look at him#like why would they! make him the bad guy! if they're not going to MAKE HIM THE BAD GUY!!!!!#I'd say it makes too much sense not to do it but I'm always saying that and then these stupid shows do stupid things anyway#because. listen. if one of them is the heart and one of them has to die for the upside down to be permanently defeated#and that person is will#there's no conflict there. everyone loves will. because he's designed to be likable and for you to want him alive#but MIKE? mike's flawed. he's frustrating. he's a bad friend and a worse boyfriend. he's very obnoxiously a teenage boy#if it's mike the audience would need to be reminded that this is a Child‚ and no matter how much you personally dislike them#wanting children to die because you think they're useless and annoying and etc. IS NOT NORMAL#THAT'S NOT NORMAL! ESPECIALLY WHEN MIKE ALREADY THINKS THAT ABOUT HIMSELF!#mike being the heart gives the 'maybe we should just kill him' side of the trolley problem weight#think about it. really think about it. if they decide that mike has to die to keep everyone safe‚ what's going to happen?#the adults won't agree. hopper won't do it. he talked about killing mike before but he won't ACTUALLY let any of these kids die#maybe mike jumps off a cliff again but he needed the pressure of dustin's immediate safety and a countdown to make himself do it last time#what I think is more likely? nancy. she has guns in her bedroom (there's a 6 year old in the house I know where I keep my guns; her SISTER)#she hates the upside down for taking barb and making her feel like this; she wants to finish what they started - she wants to kill it.#if mike has to die‚ then nancy has to kill her own brother. because he can't do it himself and his big sister can do anything#does that sound right to you? this being the first time they agree and connect and are on the same page? is any of this right?
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When she pulled back from the kiss because of morning breath, Theo kept her close and kissed her again just to say they didn't care, "I rather have a stinky kiss than no kiss." They smiled close to her lips and pecked them again before they added. "God, poor Elliot. I don't even know what the fuck did I say to him or what he said to me. I think he kind of wanted you to go back to fuckface which freaked me out more." A mall chuckle as they shook their head, biting their own bottom lip at how ridiculous that whole night was. "I think I thought... if I could prove to you that I could be a good parent then you'd choose me over fuckface. God, I was really freaking out. We were both freaking out." Another soft chuckle left their lips.
Showing her the different parts of the app like the size of the baby depending on the week, Theo explained further, "We were right about the ginger and mint drinks. It also adds bland food like rise, toast which I also gave you that first morning... we've been doing good." A proud smile across their face as they realized they just knew how to take care of her. "Well, it's important and it's something that we're going to have to pay attention to so we know you and the baby are healthy." They answered calmly to her horrified surprise, still taking it all in stride as if it was all just something they were acquainted with their whole life and not for the last hour. "I've also been researching a few real-estate agencies, hoe do you feel about moving out of downtown. It'll be a bit of drive to work but I think it'll be best for us to move to a different neighbourhood. Something like where Elliot lives." The post it notes behind her had some of the things they were telling her about. And they hadn't even started on the pre-schoold they researched or university founds and pet shelters, unrelated but, well not really.
“No you’re right, I shouldn’t have been so damn cryptic. You’re right. I was just panicking so badly because I thought you’d want me to just…well I thought you’d want nothing to do with me when you found out I was pregnant which of course you wouldn’t do because you’re…fucking amazing. Nope. No that doesn’t even cover it actually. Amazing is not a strong enough word.” Reaching up to cup their cheek as her thumb brushed across Theo’s bottom lip, giving them a soft smile as she sighed. “I should have guessed that would be your assumption because why wouldn’t it be. But it’s not. And I’m not. And also we should think about getting those things back to Elliot soon.” The noisy kiss on her cheek making her chuckle softly, giving their shoulder a little push but as they put their face into her neck she stroked the back of their hair, pressing a kiss to the side once more. “You don’t have to be sorry, please don’t be sorry. Come here.” Pulling their head out her neck so she could kiss them softly before wincing. “Sorry - morning breath. That’s not cute. I’ll give you a proper kiss after I brush my teeth.”
As the request for the phone was given she happily passed it over, rubbing their shoulder as she waited to see what it was needed for, especially since so many things already seemed written out on post it’s on the table. “An app? Oh cute.” Leaning over to be able to see, a small smile on her own face although it had some nervousness behind it, this all felt so grown up and she … we’ll okay technically she was a grown up but she didn’t feel it very often. “Oh wait really? What does it suggest? Because I’m swear to god if this morning sickness goes on too long I’m going to go cra-“ breaking off at the next stream of questions. Looking at them with wide eyes, rendered speechless, because…what? “How is my fucking what?” Blinking a couple of times before shaking her head a little as if to relieve the confusion on it. “I can’t say I’ve checked recently …also I already felt sick…there is no need for those kinds of questions.” How was Theo acting like this was all so normal?! @theoxkent
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i forgot grunt meant like henchman or whatever for a second i thought they were like yeah leonas bitch ass grunts and growls are partial proof to savanaclaw being an athletic leaning dorm lol
#well they also say that in the game not just the manga jkdlfhsdkl like in azuls union bday card#ace was like oh yeah ok you dont wanna be in savanaclaw cause theyre more athletic oriented right#and azul was like NO IM TALKING ABOUT THE SUN SHUT UP!!! jsdklfhsdklfj#anyway i was on the wiki cuz i was trying to remember what their dorm's trait thing is like according to the mirror but i DONT SEE IT.#i rememeber i get it confused with pomesiores . like i think one of theirs is tenacity . but idr which one LOL#the other is maybe endurance...????#that doesnt sound right. i feel like it was broader than that#WAIT I LIED IT DOES SAY IT AT THE TOP i just. missed that part. it IS tenacity lol#what the fuck was pomefiore then....#oh ya theirs according to the wiki is UNRELENTING EFFORTS which i think i did see sometimes written as like endurance or fortitude or smthn#anyway. savanaclaw and pomefiore's ~core value~ always felt similar to me. but also maybe i just dont know what words mean <3#not in a 'theyre too similar' way like i do think theyre different. i just think it's INCH RESTING when things r like#theyre similar. theres overlap. but theres enough distinction to put them apart#actually them being similar in some regards does feel reinforced by the rook hunt situation like he went from one to the other#and seems to be thriving regardless.... we're onto something here...#hmm what were the others.. i think heartslabyul was strictness...#ok the wiki says severity i think ive seen either eng or a translation that called it strictness lol but severity i feel like is maybe#better word choice.. just a lil... nuances nuances whatever anyway idr the others. actually wait no i know octavinelles is like#benevolence bc azul keeps mentioning it- the wiki says compassion. lol. idk if i just keep remembering close enough or like#remembering fan vs official tls. i think the wiki is doing its own direct tl and not engtwst but moving ON#scarabia is deliberation... ignihyde is diligence... diasomnia is elegance???#why is diasomnia the only one that didnt sound familiar At All LOL i dont REMEMBER THAT ONE#i remembered vaguely what scarabia was bc they make a point of mentioning it in like end of 4 or start of 5?#when they were like yeah we value foresight or w/e in scarabia so jamil hasnt been ousted right away. i like scarabia their#way of showing the different ways deliberation works with like jamil vs how it does in kaliim vs the npcs#like theyre all different ppl but still fit that criteria in their own unique ways.... hell yeah...#anyway yay i got ONE right on the nose [as the wiki has it listed anyway lol] thanks savanaclaw
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Giving a complicated tragic childhood backstory to your favorite character is all fun and games, until you realize you need to account for how old all the other adult characters would have been at the time and realize that scenes that would work perfectly if one character was twenty three and the other was fourteen stop working when you need other characters who are played by adult actors clearly younger than they are to be in college at the same time so your story beats line up thematically.
#Don't worry. I made an excel document for this over a year ago#Was that unhinged? Yeah. But this is harder than you think it is#In unrelated news it is now reasonable to have a child in your 20s 30s or 40s depending on when the plot needs the child#Also people in their early 20s can be in grad school have already established careers and adopt children now. I've declared it.#Also: Hollywood stop trying to trick me into believing women in their 30s are the same age as men in their 50s. It's never gonna work.#I'm fighting for my life to make these age gaps normal even on a platonic level#Don't worry I aged the girls up and the boys down#But still this is a bit ridiculous#If you use the actors' ages it doesn't work. Garrison's actress is 16 years younger than Curtain. Why?#I mean I like the casting. But SQ is a teenager. We know Curtain has had his evil plans at least since SQ was born and lost his bio dad#and if the Whisperer is Garrison's invention that means she and Curtain were working together when SQ was born#If SQ in the show is 16 (the actor was older I believe) and Garrison is 37 (that's how old the actress is now she was younger at time)#That means Garrison was only 21 and Curtain was well into his 30s. And that's after you age SQ down and Garrison up for the calculations#So Garrison was likely (according to the shows' casting) even younger than that which begs the question what was Curtain doing?#Was he spending his 30s lurking around college campuses and high schools looking for a kid whose inventions he could steal?#What in the Marcus Cutter is that about?#All these jokes about Garrison being SQ's uninvolved divorced stepmom but nah she's really his estranged big sister#also this is very frustrating because the irl age gap between the actress who plays Number Two and Tony Hale only 7 years#but they're the ones for whom a 16 year age gap would have actually made sense because he adopts her in the books!#but now since Garrison is clearly so much younger than Number Two Curtain and Benedict I have to deal with this#(Don't worry I figured it out and made the age gaps normal. You just now have to believe Number Two is only a year older than Garrison)#It was the stress of living with her family that aged her and Garrison just looks naturally super young that's what we're going with.#And don't get me wrong:#I do like the actresses and actors they casted they're great but sometimes I google the ages and I'm like oh you cannot be serious#But we've (more or less) figured it out#Rant over#writing#writing struggles#tmbs
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the main reason i know im not femme in the slightest is bc i cant comprehend why anyone would Ever want to be feminine. i can understand neutral leaning fem, but the idea that people are born wanting to be feminine is appalling to me personally because femininity always felt like imprisonment and torture. it was and still is a restraint. a training weight i was forced to bear. i cant fully empathize or understand anyone who wants to be more feminine because i have never and will never want to be more feminine out of anything other than pressure or insecurity. im most comfortable being gender neutral, hairy and disgusting in old gym shorts and stained tshirts no matter how much insecurity it causes me. i dont care. im never dressing up all pretty for anyone elses benefit ever again. and i assume this is how people who want to be feminine feel about masculinity to some extent. if thats the case im super glad we could trade because holy moly
#op#doing sex work has also solidified this boundary for me btw#youd be surprised how many people love forcing specifically butch people into feminine clothes and get off on it#like specifically search for young or inexperienced butches and/or ftms#without actually explaining to them what they want to put them through in full detail beforehand or are very vague#but theyre holding money you dont have as an unemployed person over your head so its kind of hard to say no#these experiences have shown me dykebreaking style kinks are actually really popular even in queer communities#this brand of ppl just kind of do it then after the fact call it forcefem or detrans kink and call it a day without communicating beforehan#i think its really shit because now i have a bad taste in my mouth about that kind of stuff#but just bc i had bad experiences doesnt mean everyone will#thats like saying we shouldnt let people transition bc 1% of people detransition or something#i got manipulated by bad people and thats not anyones fault other than those peoples' for being awful people#so if youre wondering why i trigger tag forcefem jokes and stuff. that is why.#with how common it is id rather trigger tag it for someone whos far more sensitive about the subject than i and doesnt wanna see Any of it#i tried being feminine. hated it. 0/10. will never again unless i feel like it inexplicably some day.#the most feminine ill get is wearing bright colors and having shoulder length hair or wearing pink accents in my outfits i guess#or maybe when the thought of wearing them doesnt make me feel sick anymore ill wear pleated skirts again#all these unrelated tags to say#please communicate with your partners especially younger ones. just bc theyre over 18 doesnt mean they arent young and kid like.#brains dont stop developing until around mid 20s and if you as a 30-40 something year old arent communicating properly thats messed up#and just be careful out there#practice ethical/safe kink please and ty ily <3#qtag
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#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
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There always seems to be one kid who just screams like a tornado siren, all day long, at any given opportunity. Like, kid, I love you, you are precious and deserve all the happiness in the world; but please for the love of god shut up. There are people trying to learn here and you’re not helping them or yourself.
#I don’t like being harsh with people in general but if one child is raising the tension in the room to a fever pitch every single day#making it incredibly hard for the kids who are trying really really hard to focus when they already have focus issues#and because I know this specific kid gets absolutely spoiled rotten at home and is allowed to do whatever they want#you know… sometimes it helps to show the kid how they sound to others by demonstrating the obnoxious nature of The Scream#because when the parents do Jack Shit about teaching their kid discipline and courtesy; you have to be a parent in their stead#But do NOT continue to scream. You are an adult with adequate emotional control. Screaming should be be done EXTREMELY sparingly#and only utilized for demonstration purposes or to stop a brawl; not for bullying or intimidation#Don’t do a JoJo Siwa and TRY to make kids cry even though you may get stressed enough that you want to escalate on purpose#Again: you are an adult with adequate emotional control; don’t escalate unless the overreaching plan is to deescalate#if eliciting a startle response will stop harmful behavior and “snap them out of it” for long enough for you to get through#or if they just need to let all their emotions out at once so they can lose enough of that high energy to think critically#then sure#but you have to guide them back down very carefully and calmly; it’s a precise science#Don’t be mean about it; be genuine in your feelings and don’t go overboard. Genuine ≠ mean unless you’re evil#Or if you don’t feel emotions very strongly (like I do) then react like a “normal” person. Lie about being angry or sad if it is appropriat#Again: Your goal should not be to get the kid to do what you want; the goal should be to get them to feel good enough#so they are ABLE to do it in the first place#And the goal should also be to show them how their actions affect others if they are not aware of it#“Teach a man to fish” and all that. Don’t always check them; get them to check themselves#If a kid hits another kid when they’re angry at something completely unrelated; then 1.) redirect destructive behavior#and 2.) walk them back over to the kid they hurt and say:#“Look at [name]; look how sad you made them. [name] didn’t do anything to you#It’s okay to be angry but we CANNOT hit people when we are angry because it hurts and makes them cry.” Works great#Always remember there is a power imbalance inherent in EVERY child-adult relationship and NEVER abuse it#And if you’re not patient or emotionally stable enough to work with or have children; then don’t. Please don’t.#Children are not cute little dolls to play dress-up with; nor are they perfect angels; nor are they your personal stress ball#Having children is NOT A GAME. They are PEOPLE who will grow to be your age one day and everything you do affects them#Sorry I’m just tired of all these parents who shove iPads in their kids faces so they don’t bother them. You’re giving them an addiction
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Mmm Jeanne
#servants cant learn new stuff (i'll talk about jalter in a second) therefore#jeanne shouldnt know how to read or write#we actually Dont get a confirmation that she can do those things in summer 3. because the book that jalter thought jeanne wrote#was actually Her own book#jeanne works with marie. maybe she comes up with the ideas and does rough drawings that marie would be Delighted to bring to life#marie reads to jeanne is my image#jalter taught herself how to read and write and i think that was possible because of the unstability of her existence#if you try to teach jeanne how to read and write it will stick for a second but if like idk 15-20 min pass she would likely find herself#unable to read again and her writting to be suboptimal#she can sign her own name ofc thats historical#she can recite the bible from memory iirc#i love jalter's ability to be her own person even if it comes with the fact that she is very much. an ephemeral dream#like her FCKING SKILL IS CALLED.#WHY MUST YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS FGO#anyway. now jeanne again but physical#oughhh thank u for the support in the tags when i said jeanne should have self image issues because she looked different in life#i hadnt fully talked bout it i just went with hair but yeah. i need to check again because im pretty sure her body wasnt Suuuper different#but i just gotta confirm#but im just so i love the idea of her just not liking the way she manifested abd not knowing Why she manifested like that#when there are Countless depictions of her with her short brown hair#sieg looks to the side whistling (its not his fault but he knows the pseudo servant part#and its probably a mix of . fate apocrypha's manifestation and of how some people imagined jeanne looked like#but it still upsets her#not that she'd ever complain to people#you can probably get it out of her tho#unrelated and only to those who reached this far: im thinking of a singularity set in 15th century orleans in the Middle of the hundred year#war. but the difference aint “oh jeanne d'arc came back to life evil” rather than “there seems to be a battle here where it shouldnt and oh#my god is that jeanne- oh god jeanne d'arc fucking died--#and chaldeas has to try and fix the war without living breathing jeanne d'arc#actually thats not the middle of the 100yearwar but yknow what i mean. also haha jk unless...
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Oh mind electric we're really in it now.
#Cade.Txts#i think about tht song all the time.#when they say: Someone help me / Understand what's Going on Inside my Mind! / Doctor I can't tell if I'm Not Me!#I felt tht shit#like man.................me too.#idk tht bit of lyrics has always kinda hit me hard specifically.#Anyways how is everyone doin. sorry I don't ;ost much anymore.#I am posting on my stimblog mostly now BHINJGFDNI if u wanan see stimboards check it out.#im doing a series of stimboards on my favorite pokemon#so far got two boards out already d:)#Wanna keep working on it but i should also make gifs of stuff.#been kind of stressed by shit lately thts unrelated. worried about bigfoot.#he's been acting weird lately. real sluggish n tired. his teeth are bad- n we need to take him to get them checked#but it cost like. 600 to just get a few teeth taken from our dog frankie.#s o. -slides stimboard commission post on my stimblog- /nf#dont like advertising it. feels weird making things for money but if he does need teeyh removed#idk any other way i could make money for it.#hes just got me worried. he's a old man- even tho i always forget he is-#thinking about losing him scares me. am probably rly over thinking shit- he's old course he sleeps n lays around a lot.#but im stil worried.#ANYWHO. stimboard grind 24/7
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friendship is cool bc you get to have these funny little guys who make you happy and become a better person or whatever and laugh a lot. but then there’s the horrors (trying to see and message them frequently enough when you know you can’t possibly juggle all of them all at once and never knowing the best answer)
#nightmare.personal#maybe i tell my irls to fuck off for a week so i can just get to work repairing all my online relationships#i won't actually do that but like. my social battery is so fucked#also there's the other issues but we don't talk aboutu those <- diseased interpersonally#we do talk abt those a lot but im turning over a new leaf to be normal#this is late night confessionals. hi i know cool people. wish i fucking knew how to talk to anybody#its so stupid too bc when i message them or join a vc everyone accepts me like i was never gone and is friendly and kind and all that#but then it's like. do ppl think im not committing. do they think i don't care#and like how do i convince people i care when im barely here and barely know whats going on#idk. wish klav was here he's better at fucking online things i think#i think im doing good socializing with my irls at least. like scheduling hangouts#when my gf comes back i need to see her like asap bc my brain is fucking obliterating itself but thats unrelated#sorry this is litrally late night thoughts#dont rb btw#my irl social life is better and i think part of me sees that as more important?#like obviously all my friends are important to me diffeerently but. if i disappear on an irl for a while they'll give me shit for it#versus online that's just life you know but. i don't know.#sometimes i wonder if my online friends know how much they mean to me and i realize they probably don't and i get scared#and then i wonder how all of them have to feel about me at that point and we don't really have to go into that but like#i don't know. it's always a little a lot scary#and people seem to be so natural at doing this online but i meanwhile just fucking can't#i'm allergic to discord servers its a thing. except the one im active in which makes me happy but i still forget to talk there all the time#so im still allergic but im choosing to partake. its like the lactose intolerance of the whole group
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Sometimes I think a lot about my mom's cat
My mom's cat is a common domestic shorthair we found on the side of the road as a kitten
Regular cat, not a maine coon or one of those massive breeds. His mom was smaller than a loaf of bread
But in a sort of a Clifford The Big Red Dog situation, he grew super fast, and really really big, and took a super long time to stop growing
Worried that she was overfeeding him, she eased back his portions, but he stayed a massive round baby
When he started having kidney problems, she took him to the vet.
The vet took a look at him and said, "holy fuck, what are you feeding him", checked the nutritional listings on his chow, and told her "Yeah, maybe he's reacting badly to the amount of grain in this, try a meatier diet"
So my mom wound up special-ordering this specific high-protein prescription cat food made of like. Kangaroo meat or some shit that cost like sixty bucks a bag
And, as typical act two in an episode of House, he somehow got worse on the fancy specialized stuff that was supposed to be Primo Athlete Olympic Feline Blend
Like. WAY worse. His guts were inflamed and his kidneys were shutting down and he was all sore and HE WAS STILL HUGE, just miserable and sad
So shetook him back to the vet, where they had to help him pee (he was apparently close to bursting and had some kind of blockage too) and went "Yeah no this is NOT normal and we don't know what's going on, we're gonna do some tests but in the meantime you should go back to what he was eating before, at least that wasn't actively killing him" so she did
And he still wasn't great, but he also improved
And so they take his blood and do an ultrasound and a couple g's later she gets a call back like "this is gonna sound crazy, but we want you to put him on a low-meat diet. Just the least amount of protein and iron and shit. We need you to find the grainiest, filler-iest dollar tree kibble available and give him some of that bad bad shit"
And my mother is a woman of science. So she did
And he GOT BETTER
His energy picked back up, inflammation went down, he started drinking normally again, got back to pissing like a fuckin champion
And so it turns out that out of all the random ass freeway bonus cats we possibly could have scooped out of a ditch, WE got the one-in-a-million freak of nature with a SPECIFIC genetic defect that means a paleo protein free range diet is essentially poison and he THRIVES on cheap ass garbage
Like. He medically NEEDS junk food
I dont really understand how that works, but i cant argue with results.
If we had four of him, they'd outweigh my mom. And he's FINE
Also blind, but that's unrelated
Im not using him as a symbol or a metaphor or anything. I just keep catching myself thinking about my mom's Big Fucking Cat
#I'm sorry#I feel like this is supposed to be some kind of message from the universe#Like maybe I'm the cat and the garbage food is. Something#But nope he just lives in my head rent free#The biggest fucking boy
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know someone who enjoys horror stories? share this one! it's true!
hahahahahahahahahaha aarrggghhhhhhhhhh 3,000,000 deaths due to COVID-19 last year. Globally. Three million. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. The reason people are still worried about COVID is because it has a way of quietly fucking up your body. And the risk is cumulative.
I'm going to say that again: the risk is cumulative.
It's not just that a lot of people get bad long-term effects from it. One in seven or so? Enough that it's kind of the Russian Roulette of diseases. It's also that the more times you get it, the higher that risk becomes. Like if each time you survived Russian Roulette, the empty chamber was removed from the gun entirely. The worst part is that, psychologically, we have the absolute opposite reaction. If we survive something with no ill effects, we assume it's pretty safe. It is really, really hard to override that sense of, "Ok, well, I got it and now I probably have a lot of immunity and also it wasn't that bad." It is not a respiratory disease. Airborne, yes. Respiratory disease, no: not a cold, not a flu, not RSV.
Like measles (or maybe chickenpox?), it starts with respiratory symptoms. And then it moves to other parts of your body. It seems to target the lungs, the digestive system, the heart, and the brain the most.
It also hits the immune system really hard - a lot of people are suddenly more susceptible to completely unrelated viruses. People get brain fog, migraines, forget things they used to know.
(I really, really hate that it can cross the blood-brain barrier. NOTHING SHOULD EVER CROSS THE BLOOD-BRAIN BARRIER IT IS THERE FOR A REASON.) Anecdotal examples of this shit are horrifying. I've seen people talk about coworkers who've had COVID five or more times, and now their work... just often doesn't make sense? They send emails that say things like, "Sorry, I didn't mean Los Angeles, I meant Los Angeles."
Or they insist they've never heard of some project that they were actually in charge of a year or two before.
Or their work is just kind of falling apart, and they don't seem to be aware of it.
People talk about how they don't want to get the person in trouble, so their team just works around it. Or they describe neighbors and relatives who had COVID repeatedly, were nearly hospitalized, talked about how incredibly sick they felt at the time... and now swear they've only had it once and it wasn't bad, they barely even noticed it.
(As someone who lived with severe dissociation for most of my life, this is a genuinely terrifying idea to me. I've already spent my whole life being like, "but what if I told them that already? but what if I did do that? what if that did happen to me and I just don't remember?") One of its known effects in the brain is to increase impulsivity and risk-taking, which is real fucking convenient honestly. What a fantastic fucking mutation. So happy for it on that one. Yes, please make it seem less important to wear a mask and get vaccinated. I'm not screaming internally at all now.
I saw a tweet from someone last year whose family hadn't had COVID yet, who were still masking in public, including school.
She said that her son was no kind of an athlete. Solidly bottom middle of the pack in gym.
And suddenly, this year, he was absolutely blowing past all the other kids who had to run the mile. He wasn't running any faster. His times weren't fantastic or anything. It's just that the rest of the kids were worse than him now. For some reason. I think about that a lot. (Like my incredibly active six-year-old getting a cold, and suddenly developing post-viral asthma that looked like pneumonia.
He went back to school the day before yesterday, after being home for a month and using preventative inhalers for almost week.
He told me that it was GREAT - except that he couldn't run as much at recess, because he immediately got really tired. Like how I went outside with him to do some yard work and felt like my body couldn't figure out how to increase breathing and heart rate.
I wasn't physically out of breath, but I felt like I was out of breath. That COVID feeling people describe, of "I'm not getting enough air." Except that I didn't have that problem when I had COVID.) Some people don't observe any long (or medium) term side effects after they have it.
But researchers have found viral reservoirs of COVID-19 in everyone they've studied who had it.
It just seems to hang out, dormant, for... well, longer than we've had an opportunity to observe it, so far.
(I definitely watched that literal horror movie. I think that's an entire genre. The alien dormant under ice in the Arctic.)
(oh hey I don't like that either!!!!!!!!!) All of which is to explain why we should still care about avoiding it, and how it manages to still cause excess deaths. Measuring excess deaths has been a standard tool in public health for a long time.
We know how many people usually die from all different causes, every year. So we can tell if, for example, deaths from heart disease have gone way up in the past three years, and look for reasons. Those are excess deaths: deaths that, four years ago, would not have happened. During the pandemic, excess death rates have been a really important tool. For all sorts of reasons. Like, sometimes people die from COVID without ever getting tested, and the official cause is listed as something else because nobody knows they had COVID. But also, people are dying from cardiovascular illness much younger now.
People are having strokes and heart attacks younger, and more often, than they did before the pandemic started. COVID causes a lot of problems. And some of those problems kill people. And some of them make it easier for other things to kill us. Lung damage from COVID leading to lungs collapsing, or to pneumonia, or to a pulmonary embolism, for example. The Economist built a machine-learning model with a 95% confidence interval that gauges excess death statistics around the world, to tell them what the true toll of the ongoing COVID pandemic has been so far.
Total excess deaths globally in 2023: Three million.
3,000,000.
Official COVID-19 deaths globally so far: Seven million. 7,000,000. Total excess deaths during COVID so far: Thirty-five point two million. 35,200,000.
Five times as many.
That's bad. I don't like that at all. I'm glad last year was less than a tenth of that. I'm not particularly confident about that continuing, though, because last year we started a period of really high COVID transmission. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. Here's their data, and charts you can play with, and links to detailed information on how they did all of this:
Here's a non-paywalled link to it:
https://archive.vn/2024.01.26-012536/https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/coronavirus-excess-deaths-estimates
Oh: here's a link to where you can buy comfy, effective N95 masks in all sizes:
Those ones are about a buck each after shipping - about $30 for a box of 30. They also have sample packs for a dollar, so you can try a couple of different sizes and styles.
You can wear an N95 mask for about 40 total hours before the effectiveness really drops, so that's like a dollar for a week of wear.
They're also family-owned and have cat-shaped masks and I really love them. These ones are cuter and in a much wider range of colors, prints, and styles, but they're also more expensive; they range from $1.80 to $3 for a mask. ($18-$30 for a box of ten.)
#covid isn't over#covid 19#disability rights#disability advocacy#wear a mask#covid conscious#covid cautious#mask up#wall of words#public health#health care
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