#also the whole thing with pekka felt less as well

[ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes]

I still have some episodes left but I’m feeling kinda meh? about Jesper’s little dream and then acceptance of his power and none of the gambling

[milayawr]

Stolen Pieces

Nikolai Lantsov x F!Reader

Summary: The reader has to steal for her debts, and the victim of her last theft isn't happy about it.

Warnings: Mentions of Pekka Rollins and death.

Word Count: 1,340

Notes: I'm not sure about it but here we go.

+ I decided to use "you" instead of "she/her" and it's a big change for me but i'll do it anyways.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

It was a tough decision but you made it years ago when your mother died. You didn't have time to think back then, you just had to. Every weekend, you went to pray for your sins to be forgiven. Stealing was a sin and you had become a sinner. You were living with the need of being forgiven. No one would forgive you if they knew you were the one who stole their important belongings.

But you needed the money as much as you needed forgiveness. Your mother died with debts and after her death, they were all over you. You inherited the debts. Pekka Rollins would kill her if you won't pay all of them.

It was nearly done, your freedom was so close. You could feel it on your fingertips. But it was also hard to do. You had to steal ten thousand kruge in five days. Five days till your freedom or death.

You've made a deal four years ago. You will pay your mother's debts and be free. If you can't pay off all of them before your twentieth birthday, Pekka will kill you.

Pekka had many enemies, and none of them could finish him. He was dangerous as hell.

You closed your eyes and leaned your head against the wall. Your breath got stuck in your lungs because of how fast you ran. You continued to run until you were certain that you had distanced yourself from the port. Maybe it was a big mistake to steal the most known pirate's money, but it was more than enough to close the debts of your dead mother.

Your mother had you when she was really young. You knew that you were a whole mistake, but your mother had shown you love. She got into debt to feed you, give you a safe house, and help you, her daughter, grow up less pathetic than you were meant to be. You had to close the debts.

The streets were empty and dark. You trusted the darkness more than anyone else because it was easy to steal when it was dead of the night. You hated every second of it and would hate every moment of your future life— if only there would be such a thing.

You checked the bag that was hiding the money. All of them were there. More than ten thousand kruge. You couldn't hide her happiness. You pressed the bag to your chest as you tried to push back your tears. You didn't cry but wanted to cry like a newborn babe cries for the love of a mother. When it's all done, you will spend your whole life praying and seeking the forgiveness of the saints. For four years, you had nothing to do but steal. After all of it, you will be free to seek forgiveness.

The darkness that surrounded her became heavier as you started to walk. You felt her heartbeat get slower, and it scared you. Your eyes were heavier than the darkness, and then you fell into someone's arms. The strong arms of a man started to carry you. Step after step, your sight became darker, and finally, your mind went away for a dreamless sleep.

———

Sounds of wood filled your ears. As your consciousness came back, you kept your eyes closed. You wanted to figure out who had kidnapped you. Someone was walking around. The sound of wood was strange yet familiar to you. You couldn't understand how many people were there. Only the footsteps of someone were loud and clear.

"She's awake." Said a female voice. You started to open your eyes and waited for a headache, but there was nothing but blankness. You couldn't remember how you got here.

"Well, well," this time, the voice belonged to a male. You saw him standing, so you thought it was his footsteps that were torturing the wooden floor of the ship.

The ship.

The realization hit you hard in the face. You were on the ship of the famous Sturmhond. They've managed to catch you and will probably kill you. It was really a mistake to steal from him. Now he will throw you away to the sea and watch the creatures of the sea eat and torture you and laugh while you die.

Pekka sounded very nice after all.

"I am sorry," you stated as you panicked. You couldn't even choose the words that left your mouth.

"So she knows her mistake," Sturmhond said. "Very well." His foot carried him closer to you. Every step of his took a second from your life. "Tolya, Tamar, you can leave us. I have to deal with this beautiful thief that came out of the blue."

They left without any words. Your stomach was against you and started to turn up and down. You were going to throw up because of how you were scared at the moment. "You took your money back, I assume."

"You assume the right thing."

"So I can go now. You know, you took it back and now it is my turn to go."

"No, I don't know, actually." He stepped closer and closer to you. Your eyes sought a sword or anything that could kill you in a second, but there was nothing. Just him and you and the bed you were sitting on. "I want to understand something first. Why would a girl like you steal my money?"

"Maybe because I need it?" You regretted those words, but it was too late. Words hung on the air while regret put an ashy taste to your mouth.

Your soul nearly left your body when you heard a laugh from him. "Yeah, I get that, obviously. But why do you need it?"

You didn't want to tell him about your mother's debts. It was too embarrassing for you. You weren't ashamed of your mother; on the contrary, you were ashamed of yourself. You could have a proper job and have money. But the jobs that were offered to you were not appropriate at all.

"I—" You hesitated, but he waited for you to respond patiently. "I have debts." You cut it short and avoided telling the details to a famous stranger.

Sturmhond just studied you. His eyes observed your face and your expressions closely. "You are stealing for your debts," He said. "Why aren't you finding an easier way?"

Your fear of death changed itself to another thing. Your eyes were filled with anxiety and you were trembling. You pulled yourself back as possible.

"No, you got me wrong," He declared when he saw the sudden change in you. "I meant to offer you a job here, and in exchange, I would pay off all of your outstanding debts. It's not a job in the way that you're thinking."

"Why?" You asked because you knew no good was for free. Why would he want a thief to work with him?

"Because I'm impressed, that's it." He threw the money bag into the air and caught it again. "I want you to work for me and I'll pay your debts. Deal?"

You ignored him to think for a while. It was a great opportunity, but you didn't know if he was serious. What if he was tricking you into some trap? What if he was just trying to give you hope and then kill you with those empty words? You weren't sure about it, but your life was close to the end anyways. There was no way to find ten thousand kruge in five days again. You had the chance, but the chance had turned its face against you.

You had fallen into gambling between Pekka and Sturmhond, and you had to choose one. Pekka would kill you anyways because you lost the money you had. Sturmhond would probably kill you because the money you stole was his. It could be a trap but... You had to choose one of the paths.

So, you decided to play with your unfortunate fate. "Deal."

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Part Two

[phoebebuggers]

the more i think about it, this season was honestly disappointing for me. i enjoyed watching it, and there definitely was some stuff that i did like, but overall as a fan of the books i feel kind of betrayed. i'm okay with canon non-compliance when you stay true to the characters and the feeling of the original story, but some of the things this adaptation did really rubbed me the wrong way. it felt like they were doing the absolute most for the crows to have as much screen time as possible because they know they're the fan favorites, but in turn messed with their individual arcs and just the way they were characterized a lot. i'd almost rather have had them be in the show less and kept an air of mystery (especially within the context of a possible six of crows spinoff adaptation.) there was absolutely no need to use important quotes and scenes from soc/ck this early, and as a book fan it felt glaringly out of place.

inej's character was just botched overall, not in characterization (amita did a great job) but in the acknowledgment of her trauma and her past. having nina remove her menagerie tattoo pissed me off so much, because having it be scarred and unclean is so symbolic of her trauma in the books. i also felt like they just ignored the fact that she has trauma overall, and it was never hinted at, in the scenes with kaz or ever. this is part of why her leaving ketterdam to hunt slavers holds so much weight in the books (especially with the epiphany scene she has climbing the incinerator shaft in soc) but in this scenario it felt very weakened. and don't give me any of that "saving it for later" bullshit, her trauma is not a plot point to bring up in a future season. also tante heleen dying so early and so unceremoniously didn't sit right with me, considering she's sort of meant to mirror pekka rollins for inej in a way, and the strive for revenge is so important to both of them. like FUCKKKK HER but it felt a little soon

kaz on the other hand i actually thought was fairly well done. freddy carter gave the performance of a fucking lifetime go king go (tbh all of the acting in this show was phenomenal, sucks that the writing was so shitty!! anyways.) the acknowledgment of his trauma and his haehephobia was continuous and shown really well in a lot of scenes. i saw someone say it felt like it was focused more on his survivors guilt (which is the lesser part in the books) than his haehephobia, which i wouldn't disagree with but it wasn't a glaring issue for me. the scene with the poison hallucinations, the one in the streets of shu han where inej had to comfort him, and even at the end with the "i will have you without armor" scene were all very well done. the dregs fight was way too soon and not as climactic as it needed to be but i don’t want to talk about that (im fragile)

wylan's characterization was...it was there?? it felt a little off but i can't fully articulate why?? they did a good job with showing his talent and just like value as a demolition man, with the scene where he rescued everyone in shu han and in the end with the bomb saving nikolai and the others. i'm going to use this as an opportunity to talk about wesper because they speedran them so fucking much, and i was lowkey here for it?? they weren't *my* wesper but they were entertaining?? it makes sense to have them get together in the context of the whole show, as a side plot romance to keep it engaging. they also have the least incentive to not be together i guess? like everybody else is going the fuck through it and they have their issues but i guess they have like, less stopping them? i don't love the idea that they hooked up beforehand but i can accept it tbh.

outside of wesper, jesper's characterization was pretty good, i love kit young as him sooo much omg. it might have just been me but i felt like his sarcasm and like little quips with the crows and stuff wasn't as good as it was in s1?? the hallucination scene with his mother made me cry a little even though i feel like his development with being grisha was definitely too early and rushed (as is the theme with this season apparently!) also the way his relationship with wylan happened and their interactions were fairly in character for jesper imo.

nina, no offense, where was her personality?? nina in the books is so out of pocket and iconic and i felt like we got almost none of that. they made her entire character center around matthias which was so inaccurate to who she is. like yes matthias is important to her in the books but it never felt like the sole part of her personality. we deserved more nina and inej interactions bc i love them a lot.

i honestly liked what they did with matthias even though the perks rollins crossover was kind of ???ok anyways. bro was going the fuck through it but every scene with him felt a little redundant like, we got the point. i honestly thought they were going to get him out of hellgate and i was prepared to be salty about it but i was pleasantly surprised that they kept at least one thing book accurate and in line with the set up for six of crows.

as for the plot, honestly the crows being so involved in the ending was a fanfiction crossover fever dream. i don’t even want to talk about it. i don’t have too much to say on the shadow and bone plot because i honestly don’t know those books as well and haven’t read them in over two years. overall i feel like part of the reason i’m so critical is because i know six of crows by heart and those characters are so untouchable to me, it hurts a little to see them. i’m ok with changes to s&b plot because we all know those books are not that good, but six of crows?? if it’s not broken don’t fix it guys. i loved tamar and tolya, genya was great, lowkey i loved malina even thought i like their book ending better (that might be an unpopular opinions idk.) nikolai was kind of meh, he could have been a lottttt more interesting and his personality was lacking. every scene with the darkling in it was boring. maybe that’s why they included the crows so much. did i mention i love genya??? i’ve heard people say zoya was out of character but i don’t even know what in character would be for her so i can’t comment on that. i loved the keftas and the costuming overall, i still don’t like how alina’s summoning looks (i feel like it should be more warm??), we were robbed of i am become a blade

honestly, if they do adapt six of crows i want them to start over from the beginning, ignore the show but use the show cast. but that is not going to happen and they already used so much of the dialogue and scenes from ck . so .

[wraithblogging]

Overall thoughts on Shadow and Bone season two:

- They tried SO HARD to make everyone hate the Darkling. It was ridiculous tbh

- Meanwhile, they made everyone else way more likeable, especially Mal, Baghra, and Zoya.

- They did Kanej dirty by taking Inej out of formative scenes like the police wagon scene and the scene where Kaz threatens Pekka and instead made them more physical. They robbed them of their intimacy and that kiss scene... don't get me started

- It was very annoying to me how good Jesper and Nina were with their powers. I guess with Nina it was more established for the show, since she was pretty good in season one already. But Jesper?

- I did like that Matthias did get more of a plotline and we got to see him in Hellgate a bit

- I am DYING over Inej traveling the seas on the Volkvolny. Her being the lookout made everything this season didn't do well completely irrelevant!

- I'm glad they picked up on Inej's brother again, even though it was briefly. I think it served as a good bonding moment for Kaz and Inej without the same magnitude that him finding her parents has (cause that would have been way too early)

- I wish there would have been more Nina and Inej friendship and more bonding between Inej and Zoya. I missed that a lot tbh. Although there were moments.

- I was interestingly not annoyed by Malina in the show this time. It made sense kinda and their communication was better written, making them way nice than in the books. Also at so many parts their lovestory felt so much less fragile than in the books, especially with their split up (but not break up) in the end. It made them more their own characters even though the show was heavily relying in them as a pair

- I'm not quite a fan of the way Nikolai's demon was handled. It's very clear here that it's a setup for the Six of Crows Spin-Off but still, it didn't really vibe with me

- the pacing was kinda weird and there was a bit too much going on storywise imo.

- Jesper's plotline was a bit too fast for me. It was kinda handled on the by instead of showing what a deep issue this is for him. I guess they tried. But meh

- I kinda had some issues with how characters traveled from one place to another in seemingly no time? Especially at first it seemed like Nikolai was in Ketterdam and Weddle at the same time?!? Like mate, that's quite some way

- I did like what they did with Alina as a character. It felt like the showrunners listened to the complaints fans had with her being too passive and how many didn't like her ending, so they turned that around.

- I feel like the Crows got way too much screen time. Especially Kaz and his backstory sometimes made me forget I was watching a show about Alina

- I was kinda missing the whole 'exploring Alina's shu heritage' thing that they teased in some interviews? Like they mentioned it like twice. That wasn't necessarily exploring for me.

- I kinda feel robbed of Nikolina. Like, I did love how their friendship was portrayed but my Nikolina heart did want a kiss at least 🥲

- I'm glad they cut that whole sun summoner cult plotline! That was really annoying in the books imo

- can't believe they killed off Hellen off screen. David too. Like what? Also where were Ivan and Fedyor? Boyfriend grisha were exchanged for girlfriend grisha Tamar and Nadia lol

I might add more when I sorted my thoughts more.

[but-ter-flie-ge]

Finally. My reread of Crooked Kingdom actually did happen.

I was way more excited for the second book of the duology. So my prediction consisted of me rushing through SOC and then starting CK a bit less as if the apocalypse is going to break out if I don't finish it within a few days.

Jokes on me: I got so excited about different scenes that I still flew through it. So my brain is jumbled and my life is falling apart but I guess I did finish it, no?

For my first read of the second book in the duology, I actually understood the hype a bit more. It granted us the last two background stories of the characters and had a whole lot more banter. Which is one of the strongest elements of the books. However, I feel like CK manages the riddles and hidden plans of Kaz way better. It feels more deliberate than just being based on pure luck. Not everything of course and it probably still is 80% luck but it is covered up more thoroughly.

There were just so many details I simply forgot and was shocked to learn about once more. Even things I hadn't fully understood the last time I read it.

The writing style is a bit more poetic in my point of view. I could be wrong but that's what it felt like and I think it gives the text an emotional smoothness in-between the edges that come with the fighting and the comedy.

Still the pacing is awry sometimes.

The point of view changes get so frustrating in some parts which I didn't feel too much in the first book.

If you shoot someone and the next page is a lengthy description of what the surroundings look like, I won't read that. Or I will read it but my brain will zone out of this universe. For others this may work but not for me.

What I need to add to this though is that when there is a brawl at the end of the one character it is almost certain the next one will experience something that reaches the same level of stress which makes the scenes afterward easier to flip through.

I did not like the Pekka Rollins ending in the church.

Kaz hasn't struck him or really confronted him through the whole length of two books. Now in all of this chaos, attention shifting every few seconds and nerves on edge for other reasons he decides to finally do what we waited for.

I understand that there probably wasn't enough space or time to write an extra plot point for this so I will just watch the show whenever I'm craving Kaz's vengeance.

One of my favourite chapters in the whole series got to be chapter 14 of CK.

It is also the only chapter that plays outside of Ketterdam and it almost feels like a bittersweet nightmare. Or a dream? It's so hard to decide how to feel, being torn from "Oh his mother lives!" To "Holy fuck his mother lives..." To "I can't do this- she painted him..." While everything plays in this unfamiliar setting dipped in the afternoon sun. Wylan is not just retelling what happened but we are actually there while it happens. It helps to stir my pot of emotions.

This song was running on repeat when I was reading this:

The time has come. Whilst we're at iconic scenes I have the physical urge to throw in the "Who the hell is Jordie" - Jesper Fahey.

My friends are probably already wailing over the fact that I'm once again explaining my issues when it comes to Kaz Brekker. I'm sorry, my dears. I love you all very much.

Book one he redeemed himself and even in book two at the end I felt lighter, the anger issues not going complete berserk when thinking about him.

A huge part why I didn't like him is caused by his anger towards Jesper. I established that in my first review as well but in CK this burning rage of and therefore for him just flames higher.

I understand why and how and what and when and blablabla but I still don't think it's acceptable. And I think the fandom handles it wrongly. Maybe this is because there are a lot of young readers in the community. (Even though the SOC duology has very morally grey characters and it shouldn't be young adult-- that's a discussion for another day.)

I know I'm chronically online for this but children listen: Kaz can't just stomp his bestie in the ground because he has PTSD. Why do you think Inej left before the same fate could happen to her? It's so painfully obvious it makes me convulse. Jesper already has doubts about himself and his right to be loved, have friends, be trusted. And that just worsens in the presence of Kaz and his jabs here and there. You also have to keep in mind that Kaz actively fed into Jespers addiction which were the cause of him accidentally betraying the crows. Additionally: who gave Kaz the right to speak for Inej? She is the one who got hurt and she's the one who will settle it. Which she did. (Brilliant scene by the way.)

The way Kaz reacts just strengthened my belief from the first book: he never trusted Jesper and he just lets out his pain at someone who was foolish enough to stay with him.

Now I know I've been antagonizing him a lot but it's my opinion on the fandoms matter not on the overall of his character because I feel like in the books it's perfectly clear that this is a fight where he's in the wrong.

Shockingly, my very one-sided view on Kaz changed. Otherwise I would've not enjoyed the book as much as I did. I hold the moments when Nina and Wylan say that he accepted them very close. Or him giving Wylan the heritage he deserves even if it was just to taunt Van Eck into madness I have the (most likely false) inkling it's not only that. Probably just another scheme to use Wylan later on but we don't think about that. When he tells Inej that Jesper is missed I felt like the Pekka Rollins incident was finally wearing off just as the memories.

And of course there's Inej whom he gifts her her ship and brought her back to her parents. We all love to see her happy and even if he earned the simp-stamp during this, it is still a scene that makes me tear up.

Talking about more scenes I like: the fights between Inej and Dunyasha are awesome. I find Dunyasha super interesting as well as the way Inej views her.

Her character design is fun and her belief system so twisted and messed up. I don't know it just was a "fresh wind" of insanity outside of the common crowd we already knew.

And Inej grew through her. Inej's character growth has always been kind of shoved in your face with very obvious metaphors but I learned to absolutely love and appreciate it this way. It leaves you with very impressive scenes that are bound to her with connections and further consequences.

Speaking of character growth: Matthias. We finally got his final big bear form. It's funny how he transformed from being this irrational crazy murder husband of Nina to kind of the innocent-not-so-innocent-simping-lovely-idiotic-diplomat of the group.

We all know how his story takes it's end though. And once again I find myself wondering if the pace is just too fast or the pov change destroys this particular moment. But I couldn't really engage in it. I found it sad but not in a way that really stuck and made me mourn his character which I find a bit unfair. Because he deserves to be mourned. No pun intended.

I'm surprised that I don't think it was unnecessary or something that was just done to hurt the reader. Or Nina for that matter. Maybe it is but that's not how it seems to me.

I think he deserves better, obviously. I think he could've survived and the book would've been just as good, maybe even better.

But he dies and I feel like it just shows how luck does run out sometimes. And all it took was a younger version of Matthias plagued by hatred and a clouded mind shakingly holding onto a pistol. Matthias did change, wanted to help and free his family from the ice but cruelly he wasn't given the chance.

Scenes I'm unsure about would also be the pure comedy gold of Jesper mistaking Kuwei for Wylan.

When I first read that I was so on edge. Why wasn't "Wylan" saying anything? Why's he randomely sitting there not playing? Why on god's green earth is he grinning? (Also side note: how the hell could Jesper say their first kiss would be a great thing as a distraction?)

Anyways oblivious Jesper kisses Kuwei and in turn this dude is just glowing with pride.

It is memeworthy and I'm happy it's not a messed up love triangle or any of those sorts.

Still the voices bro, the freaking voices! "How could this be used for a meme moment?"

I can live with it though. It's okay. The show gave us what we didn't have and I'm ready for further angst if the spin off does come out.

Conclusively I'd like to say that the books grew on me through the fandom, the show and maturing as a person. It's quite the funny journey. I'm going to reread my first two reviews now and see what bs my younger self created. Chances are high that I just repeated myself but that's okay. I'll just ride with that. Have a good day.

[misireads]

Vilpittömästi sinun (Cold Courage) by Pekka Hiltunen

[ physical book, read in finnish ]

the story of lia, a finnish woman living a sterile career woman's life in london. one day she has a chance meeting with another finnish woman, mari, who seems to have a borderline supernatural sherlock holmes-like skill to read people and their thoughts and intentions. mari introduces a whole new world of excitement to lia by showing off her company, a troupe of four super talented people who pretty much do whatever mari wants, usually stunts that are just barely legal (or not at all).

at the same time, there's a grotesque case of someone having brutally murdered a woman and left the mushed remains in the middle of london, and lia becomes obsessed with the case. lia wants to solve the murder and proposes the case to mari, and mari agrees with one condition: lia in turn needs to help with their on-going case of trying to bring down a trump-esque right wing character who's trying to take his white supremacist party to the parliament.

🇬🇧🏢🔎

➕ there's a lot of layers here, it's a hard one to summarise concisely. this is a very Female Empowerment kind of novel, the two main characters are women and everything they do throughout the story is for other women, there are a couple of male characters helping them out but it's the women who are in charge, and all the bad guys are men. i can't say i've read many crime novels with this big of a female focus -- and it's written by a man, actually.

➕ i thought the premise of finns living in london was fun. this author clearly really really loves london and flexing with london trivia.

➕ i also like novels where the premise is laypeople solving crimes.

➕ i like lia… mostly. there are aspects of her that i relate to in uncanny ways, specifically when she gets so obsessed with the country of latvia that she immediately wants to google everything about it for knowledge lol. she was not a believable character in the slightest otherwise, the whole story relies on her accidentally stumbling on the right information and everyone loving and respecting her on sight, except the evil latvian gangster men of course

➕ i like the way hiltunen writes, it's straightforward and pleasant to read without being too simplistic or anything, and he's very good at creating these small moments that stick with you. when i started reading this, i was momentarily super excited about the writing and how it took off with the mushed remains of the murdered person and all, so initially i was thinking this is the kind of novel where i can just immediately tell i like it. or that i like how it's written, at least. because a lot of time i don't get that feeling

➖ well… that feeling didn't exactly last. the plot is alright, and i wasn't thinking of dropping the book out of boredom at any point, but i kind of lost that initial spark of interest when mari's company the studio was introduced. it felt really… like, a band of super talented superhumans working under this superhuman lady in an office building in london and doing whatever they want.. it feels like something i would have come up with when i was 15, except the characters would have all been teenagers then but anyway. something about the premise is a bit childish. then later on i found myself less and less interested with all the latvians introduced and whatever, i truly just didn't care about them and all the detail put into lia befriending them. some parts of the plot also had gaping holes, which doesn't help with the credibility exactly. for example, [spoiler] you're telling me that these perfect studio superpeople would screw up with such an elementary thing as not checking they have all the latvian women with them when they did the rescue mission?? lol? so stupid. and why did lia not start screaming or smth when fried hit her and she was lying on the floor in the hotel room, the guard would have come catch his ass immediately. in both cases it feels like it just needed to go this way for the plot to work. bad bad plotting.

➖ mari is my worst nightmare, i don't think i like her. or in a way i do, because she's a boss lady with grey morals and gets shit done in her own unique ways. but she first of all has a horribly tiny part in the plot for being supposedly such a crucial element of it, AND i would absolutely fucking hate someone like her existing in real life because i do not want to be perceived. her miraculous riches are a huge deus ex machina for every single plot point of the story, like, the reason anything can even happen here is that mari has endless pockets. again not very credible.

➖ a big part of the plot deals with mafia gangsters and their prostitutes from latvia. i'm not a big fan of this kind of rep for eastern europe. ESPECIALLY because the two main women are from finland and there's this kind of perverted comparison of finnish women being super independent, super talented, fantastic and beautiful, need no man superhumans, while eastern european women don't have any other prospectives than becoming whores for a living. i vomited a little in my mouth when i read the back cover and its title is "DO NOT MESS WITH FINNISH WOMEN". uugh…. yeah.

➖ this is more just my queer ass reading a very heteronormie not-queer book but this would have been so much better if there was romantic and/or sexual tension between lia and mari. instead this does this very Man Writing Women kind of thing where it's unnecessarily dropped here and there how both have one night stands with men like the Independent Strong Wumyn they are. if i'm asked, the only practical reason to have those sex scenes (AND them both pining for the same man, apparently) implied is because lia is trying to fill the lesbian yearning for mari in her heart by sleeping around with men, ugh GET A CLUE! what wasted potential

⭐ score: 3+ -- this is neither plus nor minus, but this book is from 2011 and feels like a relic from the past. it's pre-brexit and pre-2016 and among other things relies heavily on the idea that it would be ludicrous for a white supremacist rightwinger who's been charged for sexual assault to ever have a successful political career. haha. hahahahaha. hehhe! i guess on one hand i could give this credit for predicting the political scene so accurately.

[bookishdream]

Hi, can u do one Kaz Brekker X Reader where he likes the reader's skin, but he is afraid to touch she because of his traumas and hers traumas too, because he noticed how she reacts to other people's touch, but one day he just touches her because he wanted to feel her.

Sorry if got confused, english is not my first language.

thank you for a request, I hope you'll be satisfied with what I came up with! enjoy xx

kaz brekker x fem!reader

He was confused. He didn’t know why he was feeling the way he was. His fingers were itchy, palms getting sweaty every time he saw you. Especially when you showed some skin.

He had this weird urge to touch your hand, to kiss the place where he could feel your heart race, to feel your soft skin pressed to him. He didn’t want to do that in a sexual way, he just wanted to feel every scar and every stretch mark you had. But he knew better than that.

With his phobia and your reaction triggered by even the slightest touch, he knew he shouldn’t have had even a thought in his stupid mind. He was distracted when you were wearing a dress, his eyes were looking you up and down every occasion he had, thinking no one had ever noticed. How of a fool he’d been that whole time.

“I think you should ask her out,” Inej had once said, making him snap out of his thinking. “She’s not that bad, you know.”

“Inej, I appreciate your tries to warm up my heart, but I would have to have one first.” He’d replied, looking down at the money on his desk. He shouldn’t have been surprised, of course the Wraith had seen, she always did.

“What would bad happen if you opened up for someone?” she’d sat on the chair on the opposite of his, her hair braided as always, a little smirk playing on her lips. “You’ve known each other since forever. Also, I think only with her you show some human emotions.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he’d frowned, money in his gloved hands. “Now get out, I need to plan a job.” Inej had only sighed at his words, what a fool he was.

After that conversation, Kaz had been thinking how to avoid you. If you were in the club, he was somewhere in Ketterdam, walking around despite his leg pain. With work it was harder, you all had to work together in order to win over the city, exactly how you and Kaz had planned.

“I think we should kill Pekka Rollins first,” you had said, making an eye contact with Kaz. It was almost two years ago, your hair was shorter, your eyes glowed with sparkles he hadn’t seen ever since. “He’s been a pain in the ass, since I’ve been working in the White Rose.”

“Did he hurt you?” he’d asked, a foolish move, showing how he cared about you. “Touched you in the way he shouldn’t?”

“Kaz, every person who goes there does that.”

He’d sighed, his palms clenching harder on the cane. “I should’ve bought you out the first time I saw you there.”

“Kaz,” you said, touching his hand gently, he hadn’t flinched nor moved. “You bought Inej and both of us know she’s a better help to you than me.”

“You’re right.”

“Of course, I am, darling,” you’d squeezed his palm, letting go after a few seconds. “Now, I shall go. Boss will be angry if I don���t come back on time.”

“Be careful.” He’d pleaded, his voice barely detectable.

“Always am.”

He hadn’t got any idea why you were making him soft, you two had met after he came to Ketterdam. He remembered how beautiful you’d seemed that day, your hair loose, arms high above your head, and you were laughing. That sound he hadn’t forgotten. The pure laughter that had gotten out of you was a thing he still repeated in his head, years after he heard that last time. You never laughed again. Never got this spark in your eyes. Your smile never reached them as well.

“Kaz?” you knocked on the door leading to his room. “I need to talk to you.”

“Come in,” he replied, looking up at you. You had dark circles under your eyes, they were tired. You barely walked. “What is it?”

You took out a pouch, Kaz heard coins jingling in it. “I need you to buy me out.”

Shock made its way to Kaz’s face, you had never asked this question before. Even though he was prepared, he had a wad of money in his safe, just in case. He wanted to ask you so many questions but when you looked at him, pressing your hand to your stomach, rage started burning in him. “What did they do to you?”

“Kaz, please, I have money. Just do it.” You tried so hard to keep tears in your eyes, to not show anything.

“I don’t want your money,” he snapped, regretting it seconds after, he sounded too harsh. He got up and opened up his safe, taking out the money. “I am prepared.”

“Thank you,” you said, sitting on his bed. “Can I stay? I kind of don’t have any place to go.”

“Of course, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” With those words, he left, leaving you on your own.

After some time, that you just laid on his bed, trying to not paying attention to the pain you felt in your lower stomach, Kaz came back. His cane was clicking and he opened the door with a short sigh. The owner of the White Rose hadn’t wanted to sell your contract, saying you were his property. Kaz saw red, he’d hit Onkle Felix with the cane and had just taken the paper, leaving less money that it had been needed.

When he entered the room, you were laying on your right side, your back facing the door, you hadn’t changed. Your eyes were closed, but the breath was uneven. Kaz placed his walking stick beside his bed and climbed up on the soft mattress. He wanted so bad to touch you, to remove those hairs which gotten out of your updo, to caress your cheek. He took off his gloves, eyeing his slim, pale fingers. He laid down on his bed, he had your body next to him, he could’ve touched you so easily if he had wanted to.

Without the second thought, he touched your cheek slightly, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. Tracing your jaw line with his finger tip, seeing how calm you looked, how relaxed your body seemed. He removed his finger, testing his boundaries, yours also. He didn’t want to scare you off both by his trauma and yours.

“Don’t stop.” You whispered, gently opening your eyes, your voice raspy.

“Are you okay with that?”

“Kind of, just don’t stop.”

He wanted to pull you closer to him, to hug you properly, but instead, he took your hand in his and just traced small patterns on your palm. You smiled a little, falling asleep, while Kaz was just looking at you, remembering every detail on your face.

[rcksmith]

The Agreement part.2 — Kaz Brekker

Resume/Masterlist

Couple: Kaz Brekker/ Fem!Reader.

Warnings of series: Convenience/arranged marriage, swearing, mention of fight, mention of death, mention of desire, fluff, sensual, mention of post-traumatic stress.

Warnings of chapter: swearing.

Word count: 4k

A/N: I hope you guys like.💖

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are closet. Love you ❤️

— — — —

“What?!” Your exclamation came out louder than intended, and perhaps sharper than expected.

The salty sea breeze came through the window once more. The smell of salt and ocean invaded the room and for a second it felt like being in a ship's cabin at sea.

Kaz looked at you as if you were some child. Or someone deaf. But if he was swimming in acidic thoughts, he didn't say them.

"Think carefully." His voice was firm and explicit, the ones men use to convince women of something. “You want freedom, don't you? Live your life without having to fulfill a man's whims or your father's expectations. You wants to be able to snow on a ship without having a date to go back and make your own destiny. You want just needing to care what new adventure knocks on your door and what promise of wonders life awaits. It is not?"

How did he figure it out so well in such a short time? Was he too shrewd or were you too transparent?

You nodded, unable to say anything. Perhaps out of perplexity at how Kaz read you so easily. Or maybe the way he looked like an overpoweringly beautiful fallen angel in the moonlight.

“And the only way to do that is to get married.”

You frowned. “As I recall, Brekker, I came here just so I wouldn't have to get married.”

“And it's a stupid plan.” God, you wanted to kill him. “You asked me to have the Dregs take you to the harbor without your father's spies noticing. But it turns out your father's spies already know you're here.”

Your breath was lost somewhere between lungs and nose.

“Since you arrived, the noise from the Crow Club downstairs has become less shrill. And this is not typical criminal behavior. Either they have adopted good manners or someone they know they should fear has joined the Club.” Kaz sat more relaxed in the armchair behind his desk, his dark blue eyes locked on you. “I would bet on the second option.”

“So I came here for nothing?” You were starting to get angry at his beating around the bush. Because you knew it was manipulation. Brekker was laying the groundwork and you understood that.

“I did not say that. Turns out you can never get rid of your father. Not when he's a man with the purchasing power able to buy an entire country. There will always be someone who will recognize you, someone who will find you. And for the right price, the whole world is capable of being bribed. You would run away only to be chased by other spies, other people wanting the reward your father will give to whoever brings you back home.”

Very early on, you realized that Kaz Brekker was capable of crushing dreams as easily as crushing an insect. His destructive power was colossal and you saw all of your desires floating under his palm. Waiting just for him to brutally clench his fist and crush them.

But that's not what he did.

“You'll only get what you want if you follow his orders.” The breeze came through the window once more, ruffling her charcoal hair. “But if you can't defeat your enemies, change the rules of the game.”

“And is that where marriage to you comes in?”

“See it.” His body leaned very gently across the table towards you, it was a millimeter and ridiculous gesture, but it felt like him standing a breath away from you. “What you need is to get married. But marrying someone who doesn't give a damn about what you're going to do, and don’t have expectations of you. Someone who is not interested in home life, family life or Any other things you can offer other than money.”

Any other things you can offer. The night breeze this time was accompanied by an impure, almost obscene scene of the fallen angel in front of you on a bed of black duvets and caustic weather. A moment when the ends of his black hair brushed your forehead and your nose, moving back and forth as followed the rhythm of his hips and…

The sea breeze was gone, taking the obscene image with it and bringing back your common sense. For a second you wondered where that came from! You hadn't been in his presence for more than two hours and the entire compilation of what it was like Kaz Brekker, so far, had frightened you and attracted you in an absurdly dangerous way.

"And are that you came, I suppose." You hoped your voice couldn't give away your impure thoughts from seconds ago. “Do you want us to form an alliance where you receive my dowry and in return I am free from my father's demands and can do as I please with my freedom?"

“Alliance is a very strong term for what we are doing here.” He was succinct, “I would tell you to look at this as a business transaction. A marriage document is still just a piece of paper. And nothing else. Don't get carried away by sentimentalism. Things only have feelings if you want them to.”

Kaz was right, you knew that. For all your belief in true love and the many books romance novels you devoured, you still understood that a marriage could very well be seen as a business translation. It are a sad, cold way to see something so beautiful, but it still true.

“I have no interest in anything other than your dowry and you have no interest other than freedom. So what I'm proposing is something very sensible and objective. When we get married, your father will set you free, and you won't have any husband to please or any other crap. I don't want and don't expect anything from you, I don't care if you're sailing to Ravka or venturing on The Fold.”

“Do you want the money out of greed or despair?”

Kaz took a second to get a better look at you after that sneaky question. You had asked the correct question amid so many banalities and he realized that you were more cunning than you looked.

If he wanted to know your secrets, you also wanted to know his.

“A bit of both.” He was sincere.

“And what do you intend to do with my father's industries? Because you would win them too. And any misdirection could end up reducing my father's empire to nothing, and I don't want him to see the thing he loves most in ruins.”

Brekker heard the feelings in your voice. There was a hidden pang of hurt, but a lot of determination and honesty. You loved your father and understood him, even if you didn't agree with his principles. You had a fair and upright nature and were able to move mountains to get things done the way you thought was right. That was a red flag for Kaz. You were a good person. And he not.

He could never promise you things that go back to a good guy. But he could promise you honesty and justice. Kaz Brekker would never take something from someone the way it was taken from him so many years ago. He was a monster. But never in the same category as Pekka.

“I have no interest in having an empire doomed to fail.” His eyes were serious. “My motivation has always been greed. Why would I sink the company that is capable of making me such a rich man?”

He would have to be an idiot to let such a lucrative business go. And Kaz Brekker was anything but an idiot.

“Would you let me do anything I want?”

“I have no interest in what you don't or do.”

You hesitated for a second, as if remembering another detail. “My father doesn't believe in divorce, and even if he did, I would be pressured to remarry. Do you understand that we couldn't divorce?”

“I have no desire to marry again. And you might as well get other men you want without making a fuss, without your father finding out.” Always rational and objective. Without any inclination to the heart's desires. “There is no room in this world for feelings. Much less in this agreement. If you fall in love with someone you will have to be content with just relating to them, not getting married. And it seems like a small price to pay for so many benefits.”

It was the perfect plan. Did you know that. It was rational, objective and cunning. Something advantageous for both without costing too much. But why did you feel that something could go very wrong? You were a romantic person and you knew you could see things where they didn't exist. The truth was, you would have to leave your heart completely out of the picture.

Just a business transaction.

Brekker seemed to see a hint of hesitation in your eyes.

“It's very simple, Ms. Y/L/N.” That voice that gave you goose bumps hovered in front of you. “You marry me and you still have your freedom, because I don't give a damn about what you do after.”

“20 million from Kruges. Rich.” his eyes gleamed with a deep glow.

“And how do I know this isn't a trick?”

“I don't promise lies.” His firm face was serious “I won't give you happiness, Y/n. Much less love. Love doesn't exist in Kerch. But I will give you freedom, independence, a comfortable life that you are accustomed. And it seems to be much more than you have now.”

You knew you could be making a deal with the devil. Selling your soul to that man with the face of a fallen angel and the aura of Lucifer. But what choice did you have?

You couldn't go back if you sealed that deal. That man would be bound whit you, even by a piece of paper, for a lifetime. Was it worth the price? You didn't care for your father's press to want to be in the management and you had a lot more money than twenty million Kruges. What would you be missing? Your chance to marry one day whit someone you came to love? But if you came home without someone one day from now your father would marry you to a gargoyle. And the way out to flee no longer seemed a viable option.

Yes, it was worth it.

Seeming to see from the glint in your eyes that you've made a decision, Kaz Brekker, Bastard of the Barrel, reached out a leather-gloved hand toward you. His eyes sparkled with a mysterious spark, the scent of male cologne with a hint of danger lurking around the room. And for a moment, you felt a shiver go up your spine and the feeling that your life had just begun.

“Agree to marry me?” He said.

The feeling was that you were about to embark on the greatest adventure of your life. You didn't know what that little stunt with Kaz Brekker awaited you. But you would find out.

“Yes.” You took his hand in a firm, intense handshake that held a million secrets.

A satisfied, victorious smile came to his lips. And whenever Kaz gave him that expression, it felt like seeing the fallen angel that was the reason so many humans sinned. The clouds in the sky shifted, moving out of the moon's path and making the distilled rays of light shimmer more brightly. His black hair and white skin were graced with those bundles, and for a second his beauty was overwhelming.

You held your breath.

Brekker continued to say something, but you couldn't pay attention. Your heart began to race, the moonlight following in his footsteps as Kaz got up from his chair and went to fetch some papers from across the room. You couldn't tear your eyes away from him. His body was taller and thinner than you deduced when he was sitting down. Kaz had long, slender legs beneath black straight-cut pants, his chest was broad and his waist was narrow. For a second, you felt like running your hand over the contours of his body.

You shifted your attention forward abruptly. Focusing eyes on something else.

That was the curse of handsome men. They fooled women and made them daydream. With his underworld god beauty and mysterious aura with a touch of danger, Kaz Brekker was overwhelmingly attractive. And your blood reacted to that. Any woman would have reacted the same way.

“And we'll have to leave tomorrow morning…” he sat opposite you again.

“Sorry, what?”

You turned your attention to his words, not remembering half of what he said seconds ago. Kaz looked at you intently this time, squinting his eyes millimetrically, as if he was trying to guess which paths your mind had wandered in for the past two minutes.

“Your deadline is the day after tomorrow, isn't it?”

"Yes." You got back to the core of the problem once more. “The trip to my house takes a few hours. Half a day if it's raining.”

Kaz had his eyes on the papers in his hands, maybe they were maps or documents, but you didn't feel like craning your neck to see what it was. Leaning over to view the papers meant getting closer to Brekker, and two hours in his presence was enough for you to understand that nothing good would happen if you got any closer. Or maybe you didn't trust your own feelings and emotions.

“This will have to be done very discreetly.” He didn't look up from his papers. “If any rumors about our deal reach the wrong people, your father will hear about our plan. And that meant you will being forced to marry someone else, and me without my money. Does anyone know you're here because you planned to run away?”

You shook your head. “No. I didn't get to tell my friends. But now that the plan is different, I intend to tell a friend that…”

“You can't tell anyone.” Kaz lifted ocean blue eyes to you in an electrifying look that made you shiver.

“And what is supposed to say to my friends?” You felt a pang of indignation.

“That we are in love.”

This time, your breath was gone. The phrase was like pouring gasoline on an old, flammable woodpile. And you were afraid of what might be the match that would set off a fire.

Kaz noticed your reaction and was amused by it. “Just say some nonsense about falling in love with a criminal. It wouldn't be the first time a rich little girl has fallen in love with the bad guy, and I guarantee it won't be the last.”

“And you won't tell anyone about the truth too?” You wanted to change the focus you.

“I don't have to answer to anyone.”

This time you gave a smug smile and crossed your arms in an insolent gesture. “So everyone will think the infamous Kaz Brekker, Dirty Handes and Ketterdam's most dangerous gangster is in love with a rich little girl?”

Kaz narrowed his eyes at your teasing.

“It won't be the first time that the man with a bad temper and dangerous soul falls in love with the little girl. And I'm sure it won't be the last.” You said.

You were provocative, witty and stubborn. You would always hit at the same height and loved to show people that could very well play their game. Brekker unraveled this perfectly. You weren't the kind of woman who would be peaceful, serene, and calm. You wouldn't be like Inej. You would not take his orders and his taunts in silent, contained rage. You were intense. And that was a danger.

Why did he get the feeling you were so much more than he imagined?

“Let's go to your house tomorrow morning. Nine in the morning.” He changed the subject. “I'll go with you and we'll get married.”

"My father must be preparing everything by now." You sighed. “He takes his promises very seriously and I have no doubt that, when I returns, the ceremony scene will be set in the party garden.”

Partly you were relieved about it now. Planning a ceremony are intense and personal. You never really thought about getting married, but you always imagined that if one day it happened it would be the man of your dreams. And you didn't know if you would want to organize a fake wedding. There were certain things that were inevitable to keep the heart from breaking.

“Better yet, the faster the better.”

The two of you discussed some more details of the plan in the next few hours. It was agreed that Kaz would pick you up at nine from your hotel tomorrow, in an elegant hired carriage (which you obviously would be paying for) and the two of you would go to your house in Kerch. For all intents and for all people, the truth would be that the two of you were in love. It was such a typical cliché that it wouldn't be the least bit hard to believe.

And after a while, you two could already show yourself to the world as a couple who barely saw each other. Rich society was full of them: marriage with coldness and distance, where the man has his bets and lovers and the woman her travels and her jewelry. Your father would surely understand and leave you alone. After all, he had gotten a son-in-law to inherit his empire. A young son-in-law with blood for business who would make your father extremely satisfied. However, now the two of you had to look like a couple in love. And the reality of the situation was a secret that only the two of you would take with you to the tomb.

But, that night it was difficult for you to sleep. Anxiety, restlessness and fear gnawed at you like cunning mice, rolling you from side to side in bed, whispering in your ears millions of futures where everything could go wrong. Where not even Kaz Brekker's plans could free you from the clutches of one of your father's suitors.

When the clock struck seven in the morning, you jumped out of bed with unsettling, restless energy. You didn't like feeling helpless and waiting for Brekker to show up was exactly the definition of a princess in trouble. You had to do something.

- -

“What do you mean to get married?!” Jesper choked on his breakfast, and Nina nearly spit out all her orange juice.

Kaz rolled his eyes and continued sorting through the documents on the large round table. He was going to be gone for a few days at most and needed the people he trusted most to take care of business while he was gone. There were a lot of robberies to do and Kaz spent the night crafting and modifying plans for options where he wasn't involved. He had made a list of what needed to be checked at ports and what needed to be resupplied at Crow clube.

The plan was to marry you when they arrived in Kerch and return to Crow Club the next day. Kaz knew he would have to bring you, the two of you would have to stay together until your dowry was delivered to him. After that you could go on any adventure you wanted.

But dealing with the Crows was being more exasperating than Kaz could have expected.

"I didn't even know you had a girlfriend!" Wylan was in shock.

"Nobody knew!" Nina and Inej had their chins on the floor. Matthias was the only one who didn't seem to care so much.

"I didn't know the affairs of my private life were your business." Kaz didn't look up from the papers he kept in folders for the stupid ones.

"But you never said anything." Inej said.

"It was the intention."

"It's with Y/n, isn't it?" Jesper had bright eyes and a gleeful gambling smile stretched across his lips.

Kaz looked up at the boy with chocolate creamy skin, and his eyes narrowed slightly.

“She spent hours in yours office last night.”

"Oh my Santis!" Inej, Nina and Wylan exclaimed at once, eyes wide.

"The daughter of the richest man in Kerch." Wylan said.

"YOUR DOG!" Jesper clapped Kaz on the shoulder with an open palm, a loud laugh echoing and joy filling his voice.

Kaz suppressed the urge to look at the spot where Jesper had touched him. It had been years since he'd gotten over the most brutal aversion to touch, when the mere thought of getting close to someone made him tingle and dizzy with imminent fainting. At 28 years old, Kaz Brekker had proven to be greater than the demons and weaknesses that haunted him, wanting to see his downfall. A man who wanted to defeat Pekka could have no weaknesses. And he prided himself on almost have none of them.

However, offhand gestures made him look at the spot where he had been touched. The sensation brought was not unbearable or nauseating, but strange. And when the situation was skin to skin in a touch that caught him off guard, the feeling was unpleasant. Like a splinter under the skin.

It was easier with people Kaz felt comfortable with, but it wasn't something he cared about. He forced himself to overcome the most brutal aversion just to be a man without weaknesses, no chance of being defeated in a torture, no chance of being defeated by a faint. No for to touch someon.

“I thought you didn't know her in person when I warned you yesterday.” Inej tried to contain her little smile.

“It was the intention. You guys forgot the definition of secret…”

"Boss." One of the employees had entered that exclusive room. "There's someone here wanting to talk to you, Sir." He looked apprehensive.

Kaz frowned. The crow club had no movement at eight in the morning.

"Who is?"

"I think…"

"Will you please let me through!" The female voice sounded outside the room.

Jesper and the rest of the gang were wide-eyed, mouths opening in amusement and bewilderment. Kaz was catatonic. What the fucking hell were you doing there?!

"What do you mean I can't talk to your boss?!" And you continued. “I spoke to him yesterday...Don't give me these arguments, my dad tells his employees to tell people exactly that...I swear if you touch out about me again I will...”

"Fucking hell!" Kaz came out from behind the counter, crossing the living room and opening the door.

He came face to with that scene. A short girl who argued with a bouncer who was triple her height and size. Kaz knew the man was arrogant and macho, and had probably nudged your temper. He would have been amused by the scene if he wasn't abgry that you didn't follow his explicit rules.

“Ray.” Kaz glanced at the bouncer, a steady gaze that made the brute immediately back away from you.

You even gave the man an angry look before heading towards Kaz.

"What are you doing here?!" He whispered angrily.

"I couldn't wait." You wiggled your fingers, a tic of anxiety. “I could barely sleep. It was lucky I didn't show up at six in the morning.”

“That's not excuses. We have a schedule!"

“But I couldn't wait!" You whispered too. “It's visseral. I can't just sit there and wait!”

What an insufferable creature!

"Well, you'll have to learn because…!"

"What are you two whispering back there? “ Jesper's voice interrupted the discussion in whispers.

The two of you turned to the troupe standing in the doorway of the Crow room. Playful, mischievous smiles were plastered across their faces, and you felt your cheeks blush. Kaz and you looked at each other, and in that second of silent complicity, the two of you finally stepped into the roles of partners in crime.

Tagged: @aleksanderwh0r3 @thedelusionreaderbitch @hi-there-x @mell-bell @glowingatdawn @subjecta13-thefangirl @itsnotquimey @thatchampagnebitch @lamoursansfin @lostysworld @s3xymoonman @is-it-really-a-secret

[rika90]

Die Reise des Raben Chapter 3

Kaz Brekker x female reader

warnings: As always. violence, death, swearing

word count: 5k

A/N: Next chapter! Hope you enjoy it!! Please tell me what you think.

She hadn't meant to really consider Kaz's offer. It would only cause trouble if she joined the Dregs. Kaz was damn smart, and it would only be a matter of time before he put two and two together. Then questions would arise. Questions she was not ready to answer. Not yet. Or maybe never. But it had been a good excuse to leave him and the wraith mostly unharmed.

After three days she had to admit to herself that she should actually consider his offer. Dime Lions lurked outside the waffle shop she worked at all the time. The barrel suddenly seemed to be swarmed with them. Kaz had been right, Pekka Rollins was looking for her. What he would do with her once he found her, Keira couldn’t even imagine. But it most certainly wasn't good.

Maybe it was time to finally give up the black coat and mask once and for all. Wasn't that exactly what she had been trying for years? If she lived with the Dregs, she wouldn't need the jobs to survive. She would have a home, she would no longer be alone, she could escape the darkness of the wakizashi. It was the perfect opportunity to get rid of them. These were things she had never allowed herself to dream of. And now Kaz of all people offered her all these things on a silver platter.

'This will be a new start. I can once again decide for myself who I want to be.'

Just this last job tonight and from then on she would only be Keira.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the way to the Slat, Kaz' thoughts wandered from meeting Anne, if that even was her real name, to the upcoming robbery. The next evening, he and his crows would steal a valuable necklace from a wealthy merchant. There was a ball - the perfect distraction. The plan was already laid out. Just like the Back Up Plan, and the Back Up Plan for the Back Up Plan.

"Can you still do the job at Drungs?" Kaz asked, already going through possible alternatives in his head.

"Yes. It's just a scratch, her aim was off," Inej replied.

Kaz raised an eyebrow. "How did she even notice you?"

Inej looked to the side and her lips pressed together into a thin line. "No idea. I must have moved when I thought she wasn't looking. I didn't expect her to be so attentive of her surroundings."

"That is probably one of the reasons why she survived alone in the barrel for so long. People underestimate her," Kaz speculated.

When Kaz and Inej entered the Slat, Rotty joined them.

"What's going on, Rotty?" Kaz asked as he climbed the stairs to his room. Inej disappeared in the direction of her room to take care of her wound.

"I heard that Rabe has a job at Drungs' house tonight."

Kaz stopped and looked at Rotty with raised eyebrows. "Rabe? They haven't been active for a long time."

"Just because one hasn't heard about it doesn't mean they weren't active, boss. Seldomly someone is stupid enough to speak about an assignment."

"That's true, but they are not exactly subtle. In Ketterdam a slit corpse is just as clear as if they left a business card there" Kaz said and continued on to his office. "Has anyone else found out about their task besides you?"

"I can't say for sure."

Kaz thought about it. Rabe wouldn't be there for the necklace but to take someone down. Once the body was found, there would be a big commotion and the house would be swarming with the statdwatch in no time.

"Damn it," Kaz muttered. "We have to strike earlier than planned to be through with the robbery before Rabe does their job. Tell Jesper and Inej to come to my office."

"Right away, boss," Rotty replied and hurried down the stairs.

'Damn Rabe,' Kaz thought. 'Today of all days you have to celebrate your comeback.'

Kaz was annoyed that he had to adjust his plans at such short notice, but he was also eager to see if he would meet Rabe again tonight.

Last time she had saved his life – and that already for a second time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashback

2 years prior

Kaz ran over the roof of the bank. How had this plan gone so catastrophically wrong? Who had betrayed their plan and set the whole damn statdwatch on them?! Kaz came to a gasping halt at the edge of the roof. Dead-end. Crap! What should he do now? He looked around and saw two men of the guard approaching. Any second, they would be close enough to shoot him. So, he made up his mind - and jumped.

The impact was painful. Kaz groaned when there was a crack, and he felt a searing pain in his right leg. He rolled over to be as close to the wall and out of the line of fire as possible.

Kaz knew that the jump had only given him a head start of a few minutes. Maybe less. At any moment, this side of the bank would be searched by guards as well. He tried to pull himself up, but as he put weight on the injured leg, he felt sick with pain. Black dots danced in front of his eyes. He had to close them briefly and slumped back to the floor. He was sitting against the wall, breathing hard, when he heard the guards calling over him.

"Hey, over here, here-," but the man suddenly fell silent. Kaz flinched as the two guards hit the ground. Both with their throats slit.

Kaz breathed a sigh of relief. One of the other dregs must have got there in time. But who? They had all fled in different directions to force the guards to split up. He saw a rope fall from the roof and a figure completely clad in black let themself down on it. What the hell? He would recognize this figure everywhere. It was Rabe.

When she got down, she first looked around carefully to make sure they were alone and then quickly walked towards him. As she got closer, he could see black patterns on her hands that went up to her arms and disappeared under her coat. 'Tattoos?' Kaz wondered.

"We have to get out of here as soon as possible. Can you walk?" she asked. Just like back then at the dock, her voice was only a low whisper. 'She whispers so I can't recognize her voice,' Kaz thought.

"Yes, everything is splendid. I just enjoy the peace and quiet here. Shit no, my leg is broken, and I can't put any weight on it without throwing up," Kaz replied irritated. Why did Rabe have to find him in such an embarrassing situation. He owed her enough already.

"Wow, very graphic. Well, then I'll support you until we're far enough away and maybe splint your leg," she replied calmly. She knew Kaz must be in pain and probably a little ... tense from the escape.

Kaz' pale face took on a slightly greenish tone, as if he were about to throw up. He leaned away from her as much as possible. His whole posture showed his dislike for her idea.

"Listen, if you don't want my help, just say so," she hissed and was about to turn around.

"No, wait!" Kaz yelled and held out his hand in her direction. She was his only chance to get out of here. He had to explain it somehow.

"It's not because I don't want your help. I'm not thrilled to owe you any more than I already do, but that doesn't matter right now. It's ... I can't ..." Kaz let out an angry breath. He hated it when he didn't know what to say. "I can't lean on you without me circling back to the whole throwing up thing again. But it has nothing to do with you. It's a… problem of mine,"

Kaz managed to get out through clenched teeth. Kaz hated nothing more than having to admit his weakness, but he knew she wouldn't let him get away without an explanation.

Rabe looked at him carefully, then her eyes flickered to his gloves and Kaz knew that she at least had a clue what his problem was.

"Hm, okay," she said finally, turning her back on him. For a moment, Kaz felt panic rising. She would leave him here. Well, what could she really do if he refused to be touched? He would understand if she wouldn't trouble herself anymore with an annoyance like him.

"Okay, I have a plan," she turned back to Kaz. "You won't like it," she said, and he could literally hear the grin in her whisper. "We- what's wrong? I haven't said anything yet," Rabe asked when she saw Kaz's incredulous look before he could wipe it off his face.

"Why are you helping me?" Kaz had to ask her. It just didn't make sense to him why she was helping him - again.

"Can we discuss this after we get out of here? It's a miracle nobody has found us yet,” she urged while taking off her long coat. Another coat, shorter and thinner, emerged from below. Even autumn in Ketterdam could be damn cold. The coat also covered her two wakizashi well. She spread the coat on the floor in front of Kaz.

"Hop on," she said and could not help but laugh.

Now Kaz was giving her an openly disbelieving look. "What?!"

"You sit on it and I'll drag you. It'll probably give your leg a good shake, but I can't think of anything better," Rabe explained. "So?"

Kaz looked from the coat to Rabe and back again. What else could he do? So, he heaved himself onto the coat with as much dignity as he had left.

Rabe grabbed the hem of the coat and began to pull Kaz through the streets of Ketterdam. She had to stoop and walk backwards, which prevented her from moving very quickly.

'The most important thing is that we get away from here,' Keira thought. There was a low moan from Kaz. The rough roads made this type of travel uncomfortable for him and his broken leg.

"Do you have a meeting place where I can drop you off? Maybe one of the other dregs can get a healer. I'm not sure if we can make it to the Slat unobserved," Kaz heard Rabe whispering behind him. He was sitting with his back to her. They were close, but Rabe seemed careful not to touch him.

"The meeting point is the small fountain in the south park," Kaz' voice was pressed.

"All right, that's not that far," Rabe tried to see something good from the situation, because her back was slowly hurting from the unfamiliar posture. And Kaz had gained muscles since her last rescue operation, which did not make things any easier. 'But it makes him even more attractive,' Keira thought to herself.

Kaz snorted. "You can also leave me at the entrance of the park, one of the others will find me."

"No, the meeting point is the meeting point. I can drag your lazy ass there. In addition, the entrance is too close to one of the main streets."

"Which brings me to my earlier question. Why are you helping me? Again,” Kaz asked.

He could hear Rabe sighing behind him. But Kaz did not give in.

"You haven't collected my debt in the past two years, so I'm assuming you aren't doing this, so I owe you something. But that would be the only logical explanation. Favours and blackmail material are worth more in the barrel than Kruge."

"And it couldn't be because I'm just an innocent and kind-hearted person. Or your guardian angel?" Rabe deadpanned.

That made Kaz laugh. "I've never heard of a kind-hearted assassin. And nobody in the barrel is innocent."

"No, probably not. Why is it so important to you? I promise I won't expect any favours in return. So, don't worry." Slowly, Rabe's throat ached from the constant whispering. But she did not want to risk him recognizing her voice that at a later point.

"I hate unsolved puzzles," the words broke out of him, "And you've been one I can't solve for two years now. Everyone in the barrel knows you. Is afraid of you and your swords. You wiped out a whole gang. Kill without anyone seeing you, seem to move unnoticed in the barrel – by the way, how do you do that? – and nobody knows who you really are." At this point in his tirade, Kaz was a little out of breath. "They all portray you as a monster, a raven with razor-sharp wings. And here you are, dragging me through Ketterdam so I don't get imprisoned. It doesn’t make sense!"

"Saints Kaz, it's not all black and white!"

Kaz caught his breath, this was the first time Rabe had called him by his name. And even though she pronounced it with frustration, Kaz felt a flutter in his chest. 'What the hell?' Kaz thought.

"Yes, I'm a murderer, there is darkness in me and there is so much blood on my hands that it would last ten live times, but ..." Rabe let out a deep breath, "But, sometimes, very rarely, you meet people and just know that they are worth saving. And when you stared at me with your defiant look from the harbour basin, I knew that you are such a person to me. Okay? Maybe I just want to prove to myself that there is more than just darkness inside of me. I cannot really explain it myself. I just know that I prefer you alive rather than dead."

Kaz had turned and was staring at her, speechless. He could not see her face behind the mask, but it sounded like she had meant every word.

Rabe held his gaze for a moment and then looked away. She had said too much, he would surely think she was crazy. A heavy silence fell between them.

"I never thanked you ... so ... thank you for saving me," Kaz mumbled.

"Dirtyhands saying thank you? Now I've seen it all," Rabe laughed softly, glad that the tension was broken. "And the reason I am not seen is because I am fast."

"Huh?" Kaz asked eloquently.

"You asked how I manage to move in the barrel unnoticed. I get noticed every now and then, of course. But before anyone can catch me, I'll be gone. I can run really fast."

Kaz wasn't sure if Rabe was kidding or if she was serious. There was no time to reply, because they had made it to the South Park and Rabe stopped at the bend that led to the fountain and peeked around the corner.

"There are already two guys. One has a mohawk. Do they belong to you?"

"Yes, they are Dregs. I'll call out to them when you're gone," Kaz said as he pushed himself off Rabe's coat.

"All right, then I'll get out of here," Rabe whispered.

"Hopefully, it won't be another two years before we meet again." The words were out of Kaz's mouth before he could really make up his mind to voice them. He could see her mouth twisting into a big smile under the black tube scarf.

“Oh Kaz, we've met way more times than you think. It is really a full-time job to be your guardian angel.” With these words she turned around and disappeared into the night.

That night he had spent a long time wondering when Rabe could have helped him. As a new addition to a gang, you often got into trouble and there were many robberies and ventures where things got dangerous. Had Rabe had a hand in some of them and prevented the worst?

End of flashback

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No matter how hard he had tried, he hadn't seen her. Still, he was sure it had been her who had saved Jesper, Inej and him with several well-aimed shots that had seemed to come out of nowhere when they had been cornered by Black Tips.

All escape plans had failed and so, only plan F remained. And he could admit to himself that his plan F was always the same: Hope the Guardian Angel is around right now.

Kaz came out of his thoughts, ran his hands over his face and sighed. Every time he thought of Rabe or one of their encounters, he got restless. He felt the urge to do something. To find her. 'But what then?' he asked himself. Even if he found out who was hiding under the mask, even if he saw Rabe again tonight, what would it change?

'Everything,' whispered a voice in his head, 'You could make her one of the crows, she could be near you.' That was what Kaz secretly wanted. Rabe had been a constant in his life for so long that he hoped to have her with him. As a confidante because that was what she was for him. Someone Kaz trusted. Even if he did not know what the girl looked like under the mask, he knew that she was the person who had stood by him all this time, who took care of him. Rabe had seen him in his weakest moment and still decided he was worth rescuing. She had learned of his fear of being touched and not only had she found a way to help him without touching him, but apparently also had not told anyone about it. And while he knew that hope and trust in the barrel were the biggest weaknesses of all, he just couldn't help it, when Rabe was involved.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The heist was a breeze. Just two guards patrolled the hallway outside the bedroom where the necklace was. The crows were out sooner than expected. Kaz made a decision and sent Jesper and Inej back to the Slat alone with the booty. He positioned himself across from the house, in the shade of the trees, and waited. He did not have to wait long.

"I assume the theft was successful. I heard the necklace is beautiful," Kaz heard a whisper in the shadows to his left. He bowed his head to hide his smile. It had been too long since they had spoken to each other. He would even go so far as to admit that he had missed her.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Kaz replied and heard Rabe laugh softly next to him.

"Of course not, but if I were you, I would keep an eye on that mountain of a bouncer. He talks too much."

Kaz sucked in a sharp breath. He had suspected for some time that Big Bolliger wasn't only loyal to the Dregs. And Rabe's words confirmed that suspicion. He had no doubt that she heard a lot of whispering in the streets.

"I will," Kaz replied with steel in his voice, "Did your job go as planned?"

Keira flexed her hands, where Kaz could still see the strange black patterns.

"Yeah."

"How come nobody heard from you lately?" Kaz asked.

Keira looked at her hands. How was she supposed to explain to Kaz that she was slowly but surely feeling the wakizashi robbing her of the last light part of her soul? The part that clung to Kaz with all its might so as not to be swallowed up in the cold and darkness. To not feel the indifference to everything and everyone. To wield her swords was like breathing; it was necessary, inevitable. But if the only option, to keep her remaining compassion and be there for Kaz, was to lay down her swords for good, well, then she would live with bated breath for the rest of her life.

"Rabe was never meant to live that long," Keira replied after a while, "She wanted revenge and she got it. After that ... after that it was too late to just go back to a normal life. My swords, they ... they are not good for me. They make me stronger in battle, but weaker in spirit, they evoke the worst in me, drive away all good thoughts and feelings until I can only think of killing. For a long time, I didn't care, there was nothing but death in my life anyway. But then I fished a boy out of the harbour and realized I didn't want to live in the dark forever. From then on, I tried to use the swords as rarely as possible and let go of Rabe more and more."

When she looked up, she met Kaz' gaze. He looked at her steadfastly, in his blue eyes she could see the innumerable questions that her words had brought with them. Kaz could hardly believe what he had just heard. Was she a Grisha who had the powers to connect herself to swords in some way? Or were the swords themselves made by Grishas? What would such weapons bring in? But much more important – way was she telling him all that. And why now? Had she only come to him to say goodbye? He had to know.

"Is this goodbye?" he asked softly. He didn't trust his voice.

"Yes, it's time for Rabe to leave," she tipped her head back and looked up at the sky, "I'll start over, and I owe this chance to you." She looked back at Kaz. "Thank you, Kaz. In the end it was you who saved me."

Kaz nodded and looked at the floor. He didn't want her to read anything on his face. He was angry, angry that he was going to lose Rabe. Angry that she seemed to have no problem leaving him behind. He felt numb and cold. That's what you get if you let yourself be fooled by this cruel thing called hope. He should try to talk her out of it, force her to stay with him.

But as selfish as Kaz was, he could not bring himself to do it. She wanted a better life without hearing the constant call of her diabolical swords. Without all that killing. Who was he to deny her this? She deserved it, she deserved everything she wanted. She owed him nothing, but he owed her everything.

When Kaz looked up again, a smile played on his lips. "Has the work as a guardian angel become too strenuous for you?"

"Oh please, you hardly ever get into trouble. Everyone is too scared of Dirtyhands. And besides, your two friends are more than competent enough to save your ass if it is necessary," Rabe replied with a low laugh. There was a long silence between them until Rabe took a deep breath in and out.

"Alright, time to go. Goodbye, Kaz. Take care of yourself" with that, she turned away.

"Rabe," Kaz called after her. She turned back to him. He walked up to her, took off his glove, and held out his hand to her. "Farewell," he said.

Rabe hesitated when she looked from Kaz's hand to his eyes, searching them to see if he really wanted her to touch him. She reached out her hand and took his. Kaz could feel the water rising but it stayed at his knees. He just had to feel her touch once before they might never see each other again. "I hope that you will find a place where you can be happy, where you belong." Kaz said.

"I think I already have. And from now on, it's Keira for you," she said with a melodic voice loud and clear, then turned around and disappeared into the night.

Kaz paused for a while, taken aback by finally hearing her voice. He thought about her parting present for him. Her name.

"Keira," Kaz whispered. He wasn't sure why, but the sound filled him with a deep satisfaction. Perhaps it was the fact that a long unsolved mystery has finally found its answer. Or maybe it was the hope, again that damn hope, of a reunion that this gift had sparked in him.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, it was decided. In the morning she packed the few things she owned and left her small, shabby apartment. She threw her coat and mask in the garbage can in the yard, poured a good swig of hard liquor over it, and lit a match. The raven mask stared up at her, but Keira didn't hesitate as she dropped the match into the barrel and her past went up in flames. The

wakizashi rested heavily in her bag. She couldn't bring herself to destroy the swords. She would give them to Kaz so he could sell them. If it were up to her, no one would ever hear from Rabe again. She smiled. But the barrel should watch out for Keira Hale, the new member of the Dregs. She turned away and made her way to the Slat.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jesper was sitting with Inej on one of the old sofas in the Slat’s common room. They wondered whether they should go to one of the waffle shops for breakfast or whether they were too lazy to walk the three blocks. Before they could decide, the front door opened. Jesper heard Inej inhale beside him and looked up.

At the door stood a young woman, barely older than him, with long hair and a pretty face. She had a bag over her shoulder and looked around searchingly. When she saw Inej and Jesper, her mouth twisted into a smile.

"Inej, right?" she asked as she walked towards the two of them.

"That's right," Inej sounded hesitant.

"Inej, why didn't you tell me that you have such a lovely acquaintance? How rude of me, miss, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Jesper, at your service," Jesper said and finished his speech with a sweeping bow.

"Nice to meet you Jesper,” the woman said and laughed when she noticed Inej rolling her eyes, already used to Jesper's antics. "Inej's and my first meeting was a bit bumpy. I can well understand that she did not remember me as a 'lovely acquaintance'."

To Inej she said: "I'm sorry that I shot at you. I hope I get a chance to make it up to you."

Jesper looked back and forth between the two women. So, this was the woman Kaz wanted to join the Dregs. He knew Inej had not been badly injured, but Jesper didn't like it at all when someone shot his friends.

To his amazement, Inej laughed and held out her hand to the woman. "I'm not holding it against you. It was a good reminder for me that I am not actually invisible and that I shouldn't underestimate others. To a new start."

The young woman took Inej’s hand and shook it. "Thank you, Inej," she said and Jesper saw how relieved she was about Inej's words.

"Okay, now that that's settled, I'll let Kaz know that you're here."

Jesper saw the young woman suddenly become nervous. "Don't worry, he doesn't bite, well, only very rarely," Jesper said, winked at her and disappeared up the stairs.

He knocked and didn't even wait for an answer before he walked straight into Kaz' office. Kaz looked up from his work at the desk and gave Jesper a slightly irritated look. "What do you want?"

"You have a visitor, boss."

"Whoever it is, tell them I'm busy," Kaz dismissed him and went back to his papers.

'Wow, isn't he extra grumpy today,' Jesper thought and noticed the dark circles under Kaz' eyes.

"You'd better tell her yourself, not that she shoots me too," Jesper muttered.

"Jesper, what the hell are you talking about?" Kaz barked.

"Well, I’m talking about the woman you want to recruit for the Dregs. She's downstairs."

"What?! Why didn’t you say that right away?" Kaz grumbled as he got up and walked towards the door, leaning on his cane.

"I did!" shouted Jesper and followed Kaz back down the stairs. Inej and the woman were still standing where Jesper had left them, talking. When they heard the rhythmic tapping of Kaz' cane, they both looked up and Jesper could see the young woman taking a deep breath, straightening her shoulders and turning to face them.

"Miss Reed, I almost didn't expect you anymore. Are you here to accept my offer?" Kaz asked as he stopped a few steps away from her. Jesper joined Inej and watched the spectacle in front of him.

"Yes I am. I still had to get rid of a few ... an old burden before I could get involved with this. This also includes the wrong name that I have adopted. I'll join the Dregs with my birth name."

Jesper saw that she had turned pale around the nose. 'Why was she so tense?'

Kaz nodded. "Which would be?"

The young woman took a deep breath.

"Keira Hale."

Then Jesper witnessed something he had never seen before. Kaz' features slipped. He stared at the woman as if he had seen a ghost. His mouth closed and opened, but no sound came out. ‘He looks like a fish on land,’ Jesper remarked absently.

The woman, Keira, looked nervously but steadfastly at Kaz as she said: "I hope that doesn't change anything about your offer."

Jesper looked at Inej and saw that she was just as confused. He had the bad feeling that he hadn't noticed something here. Kaz had found his voice again, but apparently still couldn't get his face under control. Because he was smiling. Kaz Brekker smiled when he answered Keira. "No, the offer still stands."

Relief was written on Keira's face. Kaz walked up to her, and for a moment Jesper could have sworn that Kaz wanted to hug her. But that would be totally absurd, right? Right?! But, like Inej before him, Kaz held out his hand to her.

"Welcome to the Dregs, Keira. I am glad that you are here."

Keira took his hand and returned Kaz’ smile.

"Thanks, I think I've finally found my place."

The End

Or maybe not?

@mcntsee

@aleksanderwh0r3

@statsvitenskap

@ilovemarvelanne1

A/N: Sooooo what do think?

[gins-potter]

Shadow and Bone 1x01 First Watch Thoughts

Under the cut cause this got long

Yo I am actually so scared though - like it’s been so hyped what if it’s bad?

Only one way to find out I guess

Oh my god Netflix is stuck loading at ten percent what is life?

Okay slight (7 minute) delay where I had to turn netflix on and off a few times but here we go

Wow so they don’t really have a title sequence

Alina making a map will always be funny for me because I swear they mentioned like two times in the books

Okay so they really are addressing show!Alina’s Shu mother head on

Ohhhhhhh so Alina’s parents died in the Fold??

Ahhhhhh the special effects are so good

HER SMILE WHEN THEY MENTION MAL

I FUCKING LOVE IT

OHMY GOD YOUNG MAL HAS CURLY HAIR AMAZING

This.... is not what I pictured the Duke’s house to look like but alright

Ooooof the cinematography is so nice already

The cut from young Mal’s face and hands to older Mal’s face and hands, very nice

I don’t think Mal fought in the books but honestly this tracks

Ooooooh Mal vs a Grisha

Or not

Foreshadowing for season 2??

HER SMILE!! SO PRECIOUS!!

Zoya!!

I like how quickly they’re setting up the dynamics between Grisha and non-Grisha

“he talks about you all the time” excuse me while i scream

Jesper’s smile!

Oh my god the DeKappel

I looooove that they’re actually having Kaz use his cane, idk why I thought they wouldn’t but it’s good to see

The pan away from the gloves to his face, so good

Oooooof I love the composition of this scene, him looking to the window, Inej appearing behind him, “hello inej”

Inej’s voice is not how I imagined it but I love Amita so who cares?

Inej’s dialogue feels a little off but that’s not a big deal

Pekka mention

Investment (affectionate)

So is Per Haskell not in this at all?  I need confirmation.

Wow they are really not letting us forget that Alina is half Shu.  Idk if that’s a good thing or a little over the top.  At the very least I do think it adds to Alina’s feelings of not being able to belong which was a big theme in the first book particularly.

Is Mal stealing food for Alina??

Zoya (pt.2)!!

Mal stop flirting you lil hoe

Well that’s mighty forward of you Zoya - I love it

So he doesn’t hook up with her? Intresting.

God the vibes of this show are unreal.  I love it.

“I could shoot you in the foot” get you a bestie like that

I do like they somewhat establish how Alina and Mal’s parents died, because it’s kind of unclear in the books?

“I’ll find my way back to you” scream pt.2

he’ll write her a letter? excuse me that foreshadowing is cruel.

CROWS!

Her lil smirk at her knife, i’m in love

Wait wait wait, I just realised, they’re not crossing the fold to get Alina?  They’re crossing to get something else and Alina comes into play later?  Okay this makes a lot more sense for Inej particularly.  Jesper not so much, since why would he go to Ravka but honestly that never made that much sense to me either.

Well hello Pekka

Oooh I love his accent

Is the Orchid supposed so be the White Rose? Maybe not.

I always pictured Pekka a little craftier than that, less brute force, but okay

Malina are fucking killing me and it’s only ep1

Omfg Alexei she’s not interested

THE FLASHBACK I’M CRYING

I love this suspense they’re building with the Darkling

Alina, girl, what you doing?

Whyyyyyyy is she burning the maps??

Ohhhhh so they’ll have to send a cartographer?

Alina you crafty devil

But now you’re gonna get all the other cartographers killed

“I COULD SHOOT YOU IN THE FOOT”

“Get off this boat or I’ll carry you off” now there’s an image

I’m sorry I’m a shameless Malina stan

These Grisha hand movements are so extra I love it

This is like the worst haunted house ride ever

I fucking loooooooove this suspense they’re building with the Darkling

I feel like it’s just to kill the fangirls when they finally show his face

Fuck I know what’s gonna happen and I’m still getting nervous for them

I love how they’ve done the Fold

These looks between Malina are killing me

Well shit

Idk who this inferni chick is but I love her

Bro Alexei what?!?!

MAL!!!!

This is so dramatic

I love it.

“I’LL MEET YOU AT THE MEADOW” I’m crying

Idk how I feel about these little title cards

Holy crap Alexie ran all the way to West Ravka?  That’s shouldn’t be funny but it is.

Bro you were planning on meeting with Pekka Rollins, he ain’t exactly an upstanding citizen

You know what, Freddy Carter really sells this role

Omfg Jesper

I love seeing these little moments of comedy, they feel very Six of Crows

Oh wait this timeline is fucked

So they are going after Alina?

He’s going to want Alina so he can make crossings easier

I do like how they’re tying the Crows and Alina’s stories together

These effects are pretty good

Inej’s little gasp - I die

Yeah Alexei you are definitely not going free after this

Wow totally didn’t see that coming /s

Kinda harsh for a merch though

I feel like Inej is going to have a problem going after a Sun Summoner?

Final Thoughts:

This first episode had a lot to set up and I think it did a pretty good job of it

There was a little narration from Alina which is pretty cliche YA but on the whole managed to avoid big info dumps which I loved

The aesthetic and costuming are freaking excellent

The dialogue is really good, the only time it felt a little off was for Inej at times but in general I think the crows dynamic is hard to get exactly right and they did a really good job of it

Amita, Freddy, and Kit all do a really excellent job

I wasn’t expecting the crows to be in so much of it early on but I really like the way they’re tying the two stories together already - I know some people were really adamant that the two stay separate but I actually don’t mind them coming together

Malina are amazing already

Literally nothing else to say except they’re amazing and in love and I love them

We didn’t really get to see the Darkling much except for a few shots of him from behind, which is surprising but also I think a really good idea because it’s really building the suspense of his character for the non-reader audience which I think will be helpful to establish him later as a villain

I expected them to be a bit further in the plot at the end of this first episode, like I was expecting the Darkling and Alina to have already met but now, but I think they traded that in order to set up some of the dynamics (namely Malina, the crows, and Grisha vs non-Grisha) and tbh it might have been a smart thing to do

In short, I am very much in love already, and this definitely hasn’t disappointed (for me at least)

[nei-ning]

I blame full (blue) moon on my weird dreams recently. Here’s 3 latest dreams.

1. I was back in my old home and inside the house. Tho it looked different in all ways. There was 2 strange dogs free and they weren’t ours or anyone’s who I know. One was black pitbull and one was white, similar to pitbull’s look, but wasn’t pure breed. I started to shoo them out of the house since they were rampaging there, scaring my cats, shitting inside etc. After I managed to get them out, I went to check our small pool. There was robin (bird) in it on its back. It was drowning so I jumped in the pool because I couldn’t reach the bird otherwise. I managed to grab on it’s feet, but then it started to flap its wings, trying to get away from me. Robin had been in the water for so long already that its right leg started to come off when it pulled free. It was horrible sight! I managed to pick the bird up, placing it against my right shoulder when it tried to struggle free. I did my best to calm and hold it while so many thoughts flied in my mind, trying to figure out could I just take needle and thin yarn and sew the leg back on. It wasn’t completely off so I was sure I could save it. But how? It was another thing wholly. Then I woke up.

2. I don’t remember all from this dream, but I was in some bigger room with pillars and different shelves. They all were empty. The walls were dark gray, pillars were dark toffee brown, shelves were more or less like mustard in color. Floor were dark too. I saw some past event about Rise boys or then it was happening at the same moment as I saw them, but they were elsewhere. It was hard to tell. But they weren’t in the room with me. All what I remember was that they wanted to fly. Or they / Don needed to build something so they could fly. I thought; “I will do it.” I only had duct tape and some cardboard pieces. Somehow I managed to build some flying thing with those things as well as pull the lines with the tape of where to fly etc. All this time I kept hearing boys’ voices in my head. I had small camera so I taped it on the flying device to record the flight. To show it to Don that I was able to do it. I wanted to “voice act” boys because I kept hearing them loud and clear all the time, but I didn’t dare to because I knew my English is bad and I wouldn’t be able to change my voice enough to mimic theirs. So I just put the camera on to record as I started to fly, following the lines what I had made. It was weird and fun! I heard Rise Leo saying something at one point. He was very happy and excited! When I had gone through the whole room via flying, I stopped and took a look at the video. It looked good, but what really surprised me was the fact that the came had recorded boys voices too! I never spoke out loud during the flight so it had recorded boys voices straight from my head / mind! It was amazing! At some point, however, the boys also were in this “plane” to fly, but the dream was so weird during the end I don’t know what was real, happening etc. However one thing I know for sure; I have seen this dream decades ago! Back in the days when Rise turtles didn’t even exist! I tend to see dreams over and over again when the fictional characters have been created in the “physical” world. Then they appear in my dreams again, showing themselves. Before that, I only see them either as black masses or hear their voices while really not hearing them. It’s hard to explain.

3. I was going to visit my mom’s friend by foot. I was carrying 3 balls of birds food with me. I thought I would bring them to them. When I got to their house I noticed that the front yard felt different instantly. The garage door was open and their car was gone. I went forward and noticed their front door was open and I could see a pool inside their house (which is impossible in real life). There also was at least 3 German Shepherds, 1 Belgium Shepherd and 1 Rottweiler or then it was Bernese Mountain Dog. Couldn’t really tell since it was swimming in the pool with the Belgium Shepherd. I decided not to go in since I didn’t know were those dogs friendly. So I turned and walked a bit, stopping at the edge of their front yard. I grumbled those bird seeds balls there and 2 of the German Shepherds came to sniff me and it. Turned out they were friendly dogs. When I was walking on the road, away from the house beyond the fence, I noticed the owner. She was around middle-aged woman who owner a barber shop and had renovated one of the rooms to be barber room for her clients. I asked “Do you know where Pekka and Leena have moved?” and she said; “Oh, they moved to live in Murtolahti. There is my other house and right next to it is pharmacy so they get their medicine easily.” and she kept saying something else which I don’t remember. My next mission was to go there to see if they were okay. This area was now old and only way to travel was old trains. However, I didn’t know how to get a ticket etc. so I sneaked in the train with some small kid’s help. I knew he was orphan. At some point this boy and I were near the track as a train was coming towards us. They were looking for us because they knew we had been in the train before illegally. The boy told me to lay down right next to the track, near a big pile of tree trunks, under while fabric. I did so, so I was not noticed, but the train - which went past me, managed to catch the boy. I don’t know what happened to him since I woke up.

[elliepassmore]

Crooked Kingdom Review

5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: heist stories, fantasy, multiple POVs, revenge, diverse characters CK picks up about a week after the end of SoC with a whole slew of new problems for our favorite gang. To recap, Van Eck the Elder has Inej, the Dregs are out 30 million, Kaz made a deal with Pekka Rollins, Nina took parem and is now addicted, but alive, and, newly discovered in chapter one, the Shu are sending weird Grisha/bird/angel things after other Grishas. Sounds like a Monday in the the Barrel. While the plot of the first book mainly focused on the Dregs getting a scientist out of the Ice Court, this one focuses on them getting their money's worth from Van Eck after he double-crossed them. Of course, nothing is ever that simple with Kaz, who has now made it one of his personal missions to not only get the $30 million from Van Eck with a little to spare, but also to ruin Van Eck's reputation. This is next to his other personal mission of tearing Pekka Rollins down brick by brick. The issues that arise as the Dregs try to accomplish this are ridiculous . Not ridiculous as in 'outside the realm of suspension of belief', but ridiculous as in 'wow, you guys just keep getting in more trouble of your own making.' Everything fits, even Kaz's admitted missteps--yes, Kaz admits a mistake aloud, I was shocked the first time reading it too--and it all plays surprisingly well into the story. I'll start with the characters that had more of an arc this story than the last one. First up is Jesper. Remember in the last book when he admitted to Inej he wagered his father's farm in a loan? Well that comes to fruition here, and his father, Colm, is dragged into Ketterdam as a trap to try and get the Dregs killed or captured. Having Colm in town drudges up a lot of Jesper's issues with gambling or, more accurately, his issues with losing at gambling. We got to see Jesper explain that gambling, much like shooting, help soothe what he referred to as 'the itch' of restlessness he has. Despite the tension between him and his father, it was nice to see the two of them interact, Bardugo wrote their relationship in such a way it's clear how much Colm cares for his son, even when he messes up. It also added some dichotomy between the group, showing that Jesper really is the only one with access to a parent who cares about them; Nina, Matthias, and Kaz's parents are dead, Inej's parents are a sea away, and Wylan's father cares more about money than him. The arc for Jesper in this story did focus a lot around his father, but it also focused on him making amends and growing as a Grisha. Jesper made some mistakes in the last book that he's working to fix now, and it leads to a pretty poignant exchange between him and Inej toward the end of the book that sticks with him. With his father involved, he's clearly struggling to reconcile the idea that he doesn't want to disappoint his father and wants to keep him safe with the reality that he's made some bad decisions andbecause of that his father isn't safe. Compounding on all these problems is Jesper also struggling with the idea of being Grisha and how to handle that moving forward. Things clearly changed for him during the Ice Court job, but he's not entirely sure how to handle that change. Nina wants him to go to Ravka, of course, but there's hesitation in Jesper that's telling him to stay away. There's also the fear of staying in Ketterdam as a Grisha. It's later discovered that this hesitation and fear is in part due to his mother being a Grisha and dying trying to help someone, and in part due to his father's reaction to her death. After being taught to shove down his powers for most of his life, the idea of living in harmony with them obviously scares Jesper, and another large part of his arc in this book is wrestling with that fear and this 'new' identity as Grisha and whether or not to let the fear stay--it is not entirely unfounded--and continue on as he has, or to embrace being Grisha and all that comes with it. Nina also has a stronger arc in this story than in SoC. At the end of the last book, she was still recovering from the effects of taking parem in order to help the group escape Fjerda. At the start of this one she's still struggling with the addiction. The danger of withdrawal is past, but she still craves the drug, even going so far as to beg Matthias for a little bit more. The toll the drug has taken on her is monumental, she's lost weight, has little appetite, seems perpetually tired, and has difficulty using her Heartrender powers, even on herself. I actually really liked Nina's story line in this book because we so rarely get to see addiction in fantasy formats, especially in the sort of light Bardugo frames it in. In other formats the addiction is phrased as a medication the character is addicted to and needs for their health or something that was forced upon them. Here, Nina took parem to save her friends, knowing what would happen, and life after taking it and becoming addicted is presented as hard and unpleasant and sometimes feels like it's not worth it. Everyone is clearly worried about Nina, taking quiet victories in her eating a little more than the day before or joking around or standing up to Kaz on behalf of the other Grisha in the city. A second part of Nina's arc, related to parem, is that her powers have become something different, something she feels isn't wholly natural. As a Heartrender, Nina had control over people's body and could raise or lower their heart rates, relax muscles, and even had a limited ability to heal and disguise people. All of this created a connection to people and to the living. After parem, her power's have manifested in having control of the dead--think, dust clouds and bones as shrapnel and, yes, even getting the dead walking--and to her it feels like a part of her is hollowed out because of it. So, on top of having to deal with still craving parem, she also has to reconcile how she views her powers and their/her place in the world. Matthias also has a lot of character development in this book. After/during the Ice Court job, he softened up around the crew and even began changing how he felt about Grisha. These changes really come to fruition here. The more he sees and learns about Grisha, their powers, and even how different cultures view them, the more he seems to understand that Grisha are as natural as humans and begins questioning just how the drüskelle and Fjerda managed to tilt so far in the opposite direction. He even recognizes something Nina did in the previous book--for all of Fjerda's dislike of the Grisha, it's almost certain the miracles of their saints and even the Ice Court itself is due to Grisha powers. As the book continues, Matthias begins recognizing more and more the toxicity of what the drüskelle preach and comes up with a loose idea that he wants to work to change the teachings and get rid of some of the hate. Wylan's story is changed in a major way over the course of the book when he realizes something his father kept from him (*SPOILER* his mother is not dead, but instead locked away in an asylum his father stuck her in when he decided he wanted a new wife and a new heir *SPOILER END*. He also advances as a character who sees more than just the good side and bad side of things, but also the middle, the idea that good people do bad things and that bad people are sometimes the most effective vessels for change for the better. Wylan also wrestles a bit with his identity in this book, as he's stuck looking like Kuwei Yul-Bo for most of it, a change he seems to not mind that much until Jesper gets the two of them mixed up. After the surprise discovery, and toward the end of the book, Wylan gets to decide what kind of person he's going to become. He seems to decide to take a page from the books of the people surrounding him try to have "every bit of bravado he'd learned from Nina, the will he'd learned from Matthias, the focus he'd studied in Kaz, hte courage he'd learned from Inej, and the wild, reckless hope he'd learned from Jesper, the belief that no matter the odds, somehow they'd always win" (427). Inej's goal for the future is clearly set in her mind during this book, and she seems eager to get her ship to hunt down slavers. That's not to say, however, that she's done with the crew. She's still the Wraith, she still sees Ketterdam as one of her homes, she's still a Dreg. As clear as her goals are, she wants to be around to help Nina and Matthias and the other Grisha get to safety, to help Jesper protect his father, to help Wylan get his back at his father, and of course to help Kaz get the money. She seems to worry more in this book, but has a greater feel of freedom about her as she does so. To me, reading her chapters, it felt like something had been lifted off her shoulders and she decided once and for all that she is Inej Ghafa, the Wraith, future slaver hunter, and that she will not settle for less, even if it means letting go of some people. I like how Inej's story line wraps up at the end of the book, and I would definitely be open to reading a book about what she does next, if Bardugo ever decided that's something she wants to pursue. Finally, Kaz. He's definitely gotten trickier in this book. Throughout the story he's playing two, three different games, arranging and rearranging people as he likes as if they're chess pieces, or whatever the chess-equivalent is in Ketterdam. He says things that hint, and sometimes almost blatantly tell, at what he's planning on doing, and even how he'll achieve it, but it's hard to catch if you aren't looking for it. Some things don't go to plan, a lot of things don't go to plan, and Kaz actually does admit to his mistakes aloud in this one, but he thinks quickly and has contingent after contingent ready to pluck from his mind. You definitely get to see how his mind works more in this one than in the Ice Court job, and with all the cogs that turn in his head I'm actually surprised he waited this long to oust Per Haskell. Of course, he plays the long-game, so it's entirely possible he had a plan like this in his head all along an the job from the first book and the issues with Van Eck just sped it along. Aside from further developing his criminal mastermind, we also get to see some development on the personal front. As opposed to the barely-held thread Kaz held onto when his skin was touched in the first book, we see him tolerating a little more in this one when he deems it necessary--bathroom scene, the Slat scene, the last scene. Further, we get to see him caring for the crew a little more overtly in this book, admitting to Jesper that he cares, working to get the Grisha to safety for Nina, trying to let his barriers down for Inej, and even essentially giving Wylan an empire (though I have no doubt Kaz plans on utilizing that at some point in the future). Bardugo left the ending for the book in a nice place. It can be complete here, the story lines from the first book are all closed, the characters each got a wrap-up, but it's also left open enough that she could come back and write more about the Dregs without it feeling forced or unnatural. I, personally, really want to know more about what Inej (Inej-Kaz team?) and the Jesper-Wylan team are up to, since I know we'll probably get to see more about Nina and the Grisha in King of Scars . Like SoC, the plot was mostly character-driven, but there was a lot of action and high-stakes moments throughout the story. There were twists I did and didn't see coming and, overall, I'm pretty happy with how the book went.

[emjenenla]

If You’re Gone, Maybe it’s Time to Come Home [SoC Fanfic]

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Title: If You’re Gone, Maybe it’s Time To Come Home

Author: Emjen Enla (Fanfiction)/emjen_enla (Wattpad)/emjenenla (Tumblr)

Teaser: (There’s an awful lot of breathing room, but I can hardly move) Or Kaz goes into a downward spiral after Crooked Kingdom.

Rating: PG-13/T

Canon/Timeline: Mainstream, post-Crooked Kingdom

Dominant Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, appearances of various other characters, a couple relatively minor OCs

Pairings: Kanej (Kaz/Inej), perhaps one OC/OC if you squint (and/or can read my mind)

Warnings: depression, panic attacks, anxiety, some drinking, Kaz being Kaz, Ketterdam being Ketterdam

Notes:

-I think the time has come for us all to admit that I’m not going to be posting as much as I once did. I’ve been really busy in the last year with school and work and my own original work. I’m not saying that I’m completely done with fanfiction, but updates might be pretty slow from now on.

-I did not intend for this to be a multi-part fic, but I was working on it tonight and realized that the part I have written (which I think it roughly half) was already over eight thousand words. I figured that I may as well release it in parts to make it a bit more manageable. I’m hoping this will be a two-part fic, but it might get up to three. Hopefully I’ll be done before I go back to college at the end of August, but I’m honestly not sure what will happen.

-I read the Six of Crows Duology over Christmas break and it (mostly Kaz, let’s be honest) has stuck with me ever since. This story is mostly inspired by the fact that I’m honestly really worried about Kaz now that his only real reason for living (revenge on Pekka Rollins) is gone.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Six of Crows or the song “If You’re Gone” by Matchbox 20.

--

Part One

(1)

After they beat Van Eck and Pekka Rollins, everything and nothing changes.

Kaz is now king of the Barrel. Of course, the rest of the gangs haven’t figured that out yet. Everyone is expecting Rollins to eventually dig his way out of the hole he’d fallen into. The rumor of him on his knees at Kaz’s feet is spreading through the Barrel like wildfire, but Rollins has been in power for so long that no can fathom the idea that his time as ruler might be over. However, Kaz knows that it’s only a matter of time before that minor annoyance is rectified.

He also has four million kruge slowly siphoning into his accounts. Between that and the shares of the Crow Club and Fifth Harbor that he bought off Haskell, he figures he’s easily the richest person in the Barrel and probably comfortably in the top fifty richest people in Ketterdam. Not bad for a person who was flat broke two weeks before.

Still he makes the rest of the people involved in the Ice Court job keep the payoff quiet. It won’t do any of them any good for people to realize just how much kruge they’re each rolling in. Kaz has built his life around stealing from the ridiculously wealthy and he’d rather not become one of those pigeons for some other angry upstart.

He should be ecstatic, even with the Council of Tides still breathing down his neck, but he’s not. Firstly, Inej is leaving. He’s not surprised, though, and he’s not going to try to stop her. He understands why she needs to go, he just…wishes she wouldn’t.

Inej and her parents stay for a few days so Inej can show them around Ketterdam. She’s always with them so Kaz tries to say out of their way. Being around Mr. and Mrs. Ghafa makes him nervous. He’s not positive, but he’s pretty sure that Inej’s parents know exactly how he feels about her. (He shouldn’t be surprised, nothing says “I’m completely and totally, illogically in love with your daughter” like “I bought her a ship so she can go fulfil her purpose in life.”) That transparency makes him feel uncomfortable in his own skin. He’s not ashamed of what he is, but he knows that he’s not the kind of boy that the Ghafas want their daughter to end up with.

(Will he and Inej end up together? He’s not even sure.)

He tries to tell himself that Inej is the only thing bothering him, but if he’s truly honest with himself Matthias is weighing heavily on his mind as well.

Though it’s a truth he’ll take it to his grave, he was not completely surprised by Matthias’ death. He’d planned hundreds of possible scenarios for the auction scheme and he’d known that the chances that at least one of them wouldn’t make it out were much higher than he would have liked. He’d also known that after Kuwei, he and Matthias had the worse odds of them all. If something went wrong, the rest of the gang had a chance of being able to vanish underground and wait things out. He and Matthias would be forever chased by the powerful people who wanted them dead.

Still, he hadn’t mentioned any of that to Matthias. He’d told himself that he didn’t want to risk Matthias backing out, but he’d known that Matthias would never back out while Nina was still in danger. There had been no excuse. Perhaps telling Matthias about the dangers would have saved his life, perhaps it wouldn’t have (they still aren’t sure what had happened, though Kaz has his theories). Either way, the idea of Matthias going to his death knowing it was a possibility seems like it would make things a little better.

Kaz has lost crewmembers before, but somehow Matthias weighs on him heavier than all those others. The night of the auction, after he left Van Eck’s—Wylan’s—house, he returned to the Slat. He made a mug of the herbal tea Inej keeps around and makes after big jobs when he feels like crud because of shear exhaustion. He couldn’t get it to taste right so he corrupted it with a double dose of a painkilling tonic and couple shots of whiskey because why not. Then he downed the whole vile-tasting thing in a couple gulps. His stomach was empty so the concoction hit him hard and knocked him out in a matter of minutes. He slept until late the next morning and expected to wake up feeling more like his normal self, but he didn’t.

He hadn’t felt quite right since then either, but it would be okay. He’d had low times before and he always snapped out of them.

It would be okay.

(2)

Inej leaves long, long before he’s ready. The night before the Wraith is due to leave, she shows up at the Slat and they spend a night wandering the city, just like they did before the Ice Court. Kaz leaves his gloves off and tries not to flinch when people come to close. Inej pretends not to notice when he fails.

“So how exactly are you planning to catch these slavers?” he asks while they’re walking down an empty street even though they’ve already talked about this a number of times.

“Well, first I’m taking my parents back to Ravka,” Inej says. “I want to see the rest of my family again, plus they’ll need a ride back. While I’m there I might try to add to the crew. Papa says that I have a couple cousins who might be interested in signing on and there are a lot of purposeless Grisha in Ravka now. After that, I start looking for slavers.”

“And how are you going to find them?” he asks.

“Well, I know there’s a slaver hideout somewhere between here and Ravka,” she says. “I don’t have the crew or experience to take it now, but knowing where it is will help me to intercept individual ships.”

He nods and they’re quiet for a couple more minutes while he considers if he really wants to do this.

“I’ve thought about what you said about me helping you catch slavers,” he says after what feels like an age.

“Really?” she looks at him. Her expression is passably neutral, but he knows her well enough to see the tension.

“I’ll help you,” he says before he loses his nerve.

A huge grin spreads across Inej’s face. She moves like she’s going to hug him and he leaps out of the way, wrenching his bad leg. The smile fades as she realizes what just happened. Her arms drop back to her side and her lips press together. “Thank you very much,” she says formally.

The mood never quite recovers from that.

(3)

More people show up to see the Wraith off than Kaz anticipated. He hadn’t realized Inej had integrated herself so well into the Dregs. Even people like Beatle and Swann who had tried to literally beat Kaz’s brains out a few weeks before are there. A small group of people crowd the dock as Inej and her crew off.

Kaz leaves his gloves on. The crowd isn’t big by Ketterdam standards, but the dock is narrow enough that people bump and brush up against each other. He knows that if he tried to go barehanded he’d probably end up having one of his episodes like the one in the prison cart. (He knows what the proper name for those is, but he feels less pathetic and weak when he doesn’t think of them by that name.)

He waits until everyone else has finished saying goodbye to Inej before he approaches her. They stand there, staring at each other, neither knowing what to say, how they should part.

“Remember to write,” Inej says. Perhaps that sounds sweet to someone who doesn’t know that they ended last night by coming up with a plan on how he can get letters to her and an overly complicated code so he can send her information without blowing his involvement. There’s nothing romantic about her telling him to write; it’s just business.

He wishes it wasn’t. He wishes he could tell her he loves her. He wishes he could throw his arms around and hold her until she agrees to stay here with him. He wishes he could kiss her just so he could know what it’s like.

Instead he nods stoically, showing no hint of any of his desires. “I will,” he says and the promise is too audible in his voice so he goes on with something cutting, “And try not to get killed. It would be a waste of perfectly good kruge I spend on that ship.”

Her expression is somewhere between fond and disappointed. When she speaks again, her voice has dropped to a near whisper. “Kaz, about last night-”

He does not want to talk about this ever, let alone in front of all these people. “Wraith-”

“Kaz,” she cuts in her voice rising slightly, but when she next speaks her voice is quiet again. “Don’t give up hope, okay? Just keep trying. It’ll get better.” Then she reaches out, takes his gloved hand and squeezes.

He doesn’t know how to respond to that, but he finds himself nodding stiffly and squeezing her hand back. They stand like that for a couple seconds. He can feel the gazes of the other people burning into him. He’s uncomfortably aware that for most of these people this is probably the first time they’ve seen him touch someone in a way that isn’t violent.

He pulls away first and steps back to put a little more space between them. “No mourners,” he says because he doesn’t know how to put words to what he actually wants to say.

“No funerals,” she says. “Take care of yourself, Kaz.”

When he doesn’t respond right away she turns away and heads up the ramp onto the Wraith, leaving him in Ketterdam all alone.

“You too,” he says too quietly for anyone else to hear.

(4)

The next few weeks are busy ones. Kaz consolidates his control of the Dregs and begins to use his inside knowledge of the falsity of the plague to encroach on the territories of other gangs (namely Rollins’). He begins searching for more spiders after it becomes obvious that Roeder won’t be able to fill Inej’s shoes on his own. He quietly starts tracking down slavers and their compatriots.

He’s very busy. Given that, if he’s eating and sleeping less than he should, that’s okay. If he’s drinking more coffee and whiskey than he probably should, that’s okay too. He’s a general now, not a lieutenant, he has more responsibilities than he did before (never mind that he was practically running the Dregs before the Ice Court job).

He’s not trying to ignore his stubbornly lingering guilt about Matthias. He’s definitely not trying to distract himself from the gaping hole in his heart and by his side where Inej is supposed to be. He’s fine. Just fine, thank you very much. There’s absolutely nothing wrong.

Nothing.

(5)

A month after the auction, Kaz pulls his first job as leader of the Dregs. There shouldn’t be much difference between this and any other job he’s ever done. After all, after the Ice Court and everything that happened afterwards, Kaz is pretty sure every job he’ll ever do should seem easy.

Still, no one knows about the Ice Court, and it doesn’t look like anyone ever will. This is his first job as leader of the Dregs and all the gang members in Ketterdam will be watching and waiting to see if he chokes.

That shouldn’t bother him—if anything it should make him more confident—but it does.

The job is a raid on a particularly rich mercher’s private jewel collection. It’s a job that requires a fairly small number of members (himself, Anika, Pim, Roeder and Mina, the thirteen-year-old Grisha Heartrender he’s letting try for a position as a spider). The job also doubles as a chance to look through the mercher’s records to see if the vague rumors Kaz has been hearing about the man being involved in the slave trade are accurate.

The break-in goes off without a hitch. The mercher and his family are still waiting out the “plague” in a summer home and it looks like the servants have taken this as an opportunity to take a paid vacation. Once inside, he leaves the others in the showroom to bag the jewels while he goes upstairs under the pretense of doing some reconnaissance. In reality, he picks the lock on the mercher’s office door and goes through the man’s papers.

It takes him four and a half minutes to find the information he’s looking for. Yes, the man’s involved in the slave trade. Yes, he knows when the next shipment’s coming in. There aren’t any routes in the information, but there are locations of launches and when they’re supposed to come in. That information will be a start for Inej. It takes him three minutes to memorize the information, then he puts the office back the way he found it, locks the door again and gets back to the showroom before the others have time to start wondering what was taking him so long.

The rest of the job goes off without a hitch. They’re back in the Slat within a few hours a couple thousand kruge richer. As soon as he’s sure everything’s settled and the jewels are locked up in the big safe that only he knows the combination to, Kaz retreats to his upstairs rooms (he’s taken over Per Haskell’s office, but his private rooms are something else entirely). He lights a candle, gets out a sheet of paper and starts his first coded letter to Inej.

He takes all his self-control to focus on the business and not say anything pointless about how much he misses her.

(6)

He doesn’t get a return letter from Inej for almost a month and when one does come it’s a list of the ships they’d raided (mostly ones from that first list he’d sent her) and people rescued. Perhaps Kaz feels a little pride at knowing his information was put to good use, but mostly he wishes she’d have said something, anything about herself and how she was.

He forces those thoughts out of his head with a couple shots of whiskey, then sits down and writes her another completely impersonal letter about the new information he has for her.

(7)

Almost three months after Inej left, Kaz dreams that he’s in the harbor again, swimming for his life. Not that unusual an occurrence, especially now. He would have thought that his nightmares would have gotten better after he got his revenge on Pekka Rollins, but if anything, they’ve gotten worse.

Still none of that matters in this moment. He struggles to keep hold of the corpse under his arms and struggles to keep kicking towards the lights of Ketterdam which never seem to get any closer. His breaths burn in his throat, his teeth chatter from the cold, his chest is tight with fear.

A wave washes over his head. He almost loses his grip on the corpse but manages to pull himself back onto it at the last moment. He blinks saltwater out of his eyes, harsh breaths that are just a little like sobs ripping out of his body.

Then he looks down and realizes the corpse he’s clinging to isn’t Jordie’s but Inej’s.

He jolts back to reality in his bed in the Slat, blankets twisted around his legs, sweat soaking through his shirt and sticking it to his chest and back. He takes two heaving breaths before he turns and vomits over the side of the bed onto the floor.

When he’s done he collapses onto his side and twists his bare hands into the sheets. He’s been trying not to wear the gloves as much so he can surprise Inej if she comes back (when she comes back, Kaz tells himself, when), but now he wishes he was wearing them. He’s sure that if he was just wearing the gloves he could deal with this, but they’re lying on his desk in the other room and he’s shaking too hard to make it in there to get them.

He curls up in a ball, biting the insides of his cheeks so hard he tastes blood. He stares at the opposite wall until his vision starts to tunnel. Images both from his memory and from the dream play over and over in his head. He can’t stop shaking.

He lies there, almost too afraid to blink as the night drags by and sunlight starts to slowly creep into the room.

The sun is quite high by the time he’s able to get up and go retrieve his gloves.

(8)

Inej comes back to Ketterdam two weeks later. Kaz meets her on the dock under the pretense of having just been passing by. He can tell she doesn’t believe him, but he finds that he doesn’t really care. He’s just happy to be near her again. Her quiet, steady presence relaxes and completes him. He feels more like himself than he has in months. Which is relieving, but also a little scary, mostly because he hadn’t realized he wasn’t feeling right until it stopped.

“So, you managed not to die or destroy my investment,” he says jerking his head at the Wraith.

Her smile is superficially fond, but he can see disappointment underneath it. Her eyes shift to his hands, encased in his gloves. She doesn’t say anything but he knows what she wants.

“Sorry,” he says beginning to peal the gloves off. “Forgot.” His stomach clenches into a series of knots. He’s been wearing his gloves constantly since the nightmare, because the thought of that happening again gives him cold sweats. He feels ashamed; he really wanted to be less reliant on the gloves the next time they saw each other.

He doesn’t mention any of this as he tucks his gloves into his coat, careful not to let his hands shake. Inej is studying him, with her head cocked to the side. He expects her to have noticed his nerves, but what she says is, “You look tired.”

He doesn’t know how to tell her that he’s been trying to avoid sleeping as much as possible because he’s terrified of having a nightmare about clinging to her corpse again, so he just gives her a thin smile. “Been busy.”

Now her smile is definitely fond, he feels like he’s floating. “You do know that even demons need to sleep, don’t you, Kaz?”

(9)

She leaves again long before he’s ready. Again, he wants to beg her to stay, again his bites his tongue and covers his true feelings with biting comments. Still he stands on the dock and watches until long after the Wraith has vanished over the horizon. Though he’ll never admit it, he’s hoping she’ll realize that there’s more for her here with him than out at sea.

That’s ridiculous though, Inej is nothing if not a noble person. There are a lot of people in the world who need her way more than one demon-boy in the city of Ketterdam.

By the time he heads back to Slat, a cold rain has started to fall.

(10)

Several months later, the Razorgulls start a gang war with the Dregs. People have been slowly realizing that Pekka Rollins is not coming back. That makes things more difficult for Kaz. He’s been slowly moving the Dregs into Rollins’ holdings since the plague scare. Up until this point, people have just been letting him, assuming that he’ll regret it once Rollins comes back. Now that it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen, people realize that Kaz has been allowed to snag a huge amount of territory with little to no resistance.

The conflict with the Razorgulls comes down to a massive fight through the streets of the Barrel while the stadwatch stands by helpless to control the violence. Torches light up the night until it’s nearly like day as Kaz chases the Razorgulls general through the alleys near the fighting.

He comes out into a dark dead end and the general is nowhere in sight. He has half a second to wonder where he went before the man leaps on him from behind wrapping bare forearms around Kaz’s neck in a headlock.

The waters rise up before Kaz has time to breathe and he drops like a stone. Within instants the other general is on top of him, one bare hand around Kaz’s throat and the other punching him in the face. He was probably yelling, but Kaz couldn’t hear him over the ringing in his ears.

Kaz can’t breathe, he can’t think. He struggles against the weight of the body on top of him, looking for a way out. Eventually he gets his fingers around one of his hidden knives and stabs it into the other general’s stomach. The man’s grip loosens and Kaz is able to shove him off. He finishes the job, then collapses against the wall gasping.

He waits until he’s no longer shaking like a Grisha on parem before he drags the general’s body up onto a high balcony above the main body of the battle. He declares the war over and gives the Razorgulls an ultimatum: join the Dregs or die.

Unsurprisingly most of them opt to join the Dregs.

That surrender takes place a few hours before dawn but it’s still well into the afternoon by the time Kaz gets back to his rooms. He’s profoundly exhausted in a way he hasn’t been since the Ice Court and he can’t quite shake the tremors from the memory of someone else’s hands around his neck. He collapses onto his bed and loses his grip on the world.

He wakes up late the next morning by Anika pounding on his door with a list of questions, as exhausted as he was when he fell asleep.

(11)

The surrender of the Razorgulls nearly doubles the size of the Dregs. Granted, it’ll be a while before he can actually trust any of these new recruits, but the Barrel runs on strength. Kaz is confident he can win them all over given time.

One of the more interesting new members is a scrawny eleven-year-old boy. He’s newly orphaned and worked cleaning chamber pots in one of the Razorgulls’ hideouts. His name is Espen and his eyes gleam with the same cold, calculating anger Kaz sees in himself every time he looks in a mirror.

Perhaps Kaz should take Espen under his wing and attempt to put the boy back together in a way better than the way he put himself together. Perhaps he would if he was a better person. Perhaps he would if the mere thought of putting up with another person’s issues on top of his own wasn’t utterly exhausting.

So, he doesn’t try to help. Instead his foists the kid on Mina and tells her to teach him to be a spider instead.

Maybe that will be enough.

(12)

His letters to Inej are starting to get out of hand.

Not the ones he actually sends to her; those are just as impersonal as always. It’s the drafts of those letters that are starting to become problematic.

They’ve gotten long.

Kaz has always been a master of brevity when it comes to letters. He can normally fit anything he could possibly need to say to anyone into under a page. His average letter is only a couple sentences.

The drafts of his letters to Inej go on for pages and pages.

His words scrawl across the paper, rambling in ways that don’t sound like him, and to make matters worse, he’s not really talking about anything. He does talk about the Dregs and Ketterdam news sometimes, but mostly he just talks about how much he misses her and begs her to come back and stay with him.

He realizes that this is getting beyond ridiculous the night he writes almost thirty pages of a logical, step-by-step argument for why she should abandon her quest to bring justice to the slavers and return to being his spider.

He stares at the letter for a long time, a strange feeling of disgust and fear swirling inside him. He can’t possibly send something like this to Inej. Hunting slavers is her purpose, and she will keep doing it no matter what. All this letter would do is guarantee that she really will never come back.

He crumbles the letter into a ball and throws it into the fire. Then he starts another draft. He intends for this one to be a short, to-the-point passing of information, but somehow it devolves into an even longer argument. This one is about how he is a horrible, corrupt person with no hope for anything better and how Inej would really be better off if she left him behind and never looked back.

The sun has risen by the time he finishes this letter. He sits at his desk and stares blankly at the letter. He images that a normal person would probably be crying right now, but there are no tears for him. There haven’t been since that night in the harbor all those years ago. It’s like something about that night locked all his tears up somewhere inside him and threw away the key. He hasn’t been able to cry since, even as an act.

So, his eyes are dry as he looks at the letter, but his chest is tight. He has never hated himself, never felt a sliver of shame about what he is, but he feels it now. If only he wasn’t like this, maybe Inej wouldn’t have left him. Sure, she’s come back a couple times, but how long will it be before she realizes how much better off she is without him in her life and stops coming back? How long before she leaves him completely alone?

The sunlight creeps into his room. The Slat is coming awake around him. He has a million things to do. He’s the leader of the Dregs, he has everything as long as he does the things he needs to do. He knows that he needs to get moving, but he doesn’t want to. He’s empty and sad and so incredibly tired.

So, for the first time that he can remember, Kaz Brekker ignores his responsibilities, he shoves the letter aside, pillows his head on his arms and hopes things will be better when he wakes up.

They aren’t.

(13)

Kaz is tired.

He’s used to being tired—he has a tendency to ignore things like sleep when on big jobs and doesn’t sleep a normal amount even when he’s not on jobs—but normally he can just slam a couple cups of coffee and be fine. This is something different. Even with his veins seemingly swimming with coffee, he still finds himself fighting against a deep-seated exhaustion. Even sleep doesn’t seem to shake it, even though he’s sleeping more than he normally does.

He tells himself that it’s no big deal. He knows that his sleeping habits are unhealthy, and if they’re finally catching up to him, Inej would probably say it’s for the best. It’s not like he’s sleeping an insane amount, anyway. If anything, he’s probably just sleeping a normal amount now and it just seems like a lot because he’s not used to it. It will only take him some time to adjust.

Still, he is tired and it’s hard to care about any of the things that used to take up his full attention. He hasn’t destroyed the letter. He keeps it tucked carefully away in one of the drawers of his dresser, nestled among his ties and spare pairs of gloves. He takes it out and reads it sometimes, as a reminder of why he’s so lucky for the chances he’s had with Inej and why he should never expect too much.

(14)

He, Roeder, Mina and Espen are on a job. They get in easy enough, but while they’re bagging the man’s inappropriately stuffed safe, the owner of the house comes home. They all freeze in shock when they hear the front door open. Kaz had calculated that they had another hour and a half before the mercher came home from his mistress’ house. For a few blank seconds, all Kaz can think is “How was I so wrong?” then survival instincts kick in.

“Clear out,” he orders and they make for the windows.

They aren’t fast enough. Within minutes the stadwatch are on their tails. They’re crossing over the river when one of the stadwatch gets lucky and hits Roeder. The oldest spider takes a dive over the edge of the bridge and into the water. Mina skids to a stop on the bridge and stares over. “Dirtyhands!” she yells (he has never heard her call him anything else, even Brekker) “You need to do something! Espen and I are too small!”

A voice whispers that he should just let Roeder die, but he needs Roeder. Roeder is the only one of the spiders who’s obviously useful in a fight and he’s not about to lose that advantage.

“Take care of the stadwatch,” he tells Mina giving her a look he hopes she interprets it correctly. Then he thrusts his cane into Espen’s hands. “Be careful with that; it’s worth more than your life,” he says then vaults over the side of the bridge and into the water.

Kaz knows how to swim; he is honest enough about his own life to know that is a useful skill, but he doesn’t like it. The water in the river tonight is cold and the memory of the barge returns. Still he does his best to push it down and he lunges to Roeder.

He grabs the back of the spider’s shirt and pulls him into his chest. He wraps his other arm around Roeder’s chest and almost immediately has one of the biggest flashbacks he’s ever had. He is nine years old in the harbor clinging to Jordie’s body, he has little to no recognition of ever being anything else. His head goes under and the only thing that keep him from shoving Roeder’s body away is the belief that he is Jordie and the only thing keeping him drowning.

His free hand strikes something hard. He grabs on and manages to drag his head above water. His mind is whirl of panic and revulsion. He knows that he needs to get out of the water, but the panic is so much that he can’t move.

When another hand clasps around his arm, he loses himself completely and trashes, letting go of whatever he was holding onto completely in an attempt to get away. The hand doesn’t let go, actually another joins it and jerks him to a stop just as his head goes under again.

The next moment his heartrate starts to slow and the edges of his panic fade. He realizes that his head is underwater and kicks until he’s above the water again and can get a gasp of air. His vision clears and he realizes the person attached to the hands holding his arm is Mina. She’s kneeling on the pier he grabbed onto, water sticking her mouse-brown hair to her face and her gray eyes wide. She’s using her abilities to lower his heartrate.

Mina helps him pull Roeder and himself out of the river and they drag the spider onto the shore together. Immediately, Mina pulls Roeder’s shirt open and positions her hands over his chest. Kaz knows that she’ll now use her powers to draw the water out of his lungs. She’ll do it carefully so no one knows exactly what she did. It’s still dangerous to be a Grisha in Ketterdam, so Mina keeps her powers carefully under wraps. Kaz isn’t even sure if Roeder and Espen know she’s a Heartrender. She would have been careful to find a very subtle way to incapacitate the stadwatch when he ordered her to.

Kaz just wants to collapse and not move until he can breathe again, but the instant Mina starts tending to Roeder, Espen is in his face.

“What was that?” the little boy snarls with an expression that even Kaz will admit is slightly demonic. “What is wrong with you?”

“What are you talking about?” Kaz asks more to buy time than anything else. He almost winces at how wrong his voice sounds.

“You were supposed to save Roeder, not freeze and make Mina pull you out!” Espen has his face in very close to Kaz’s, so close that flecks of the boy’s spit hit Kaz’s cheeks. “What kind of general are you?”

Kaz wants to pull away and put miles of distance between himself and every other human in Ketterdam, but he forces himself to react to Espen’s taunts and closeness in the way that helped to earn him his reputation, the way that will save face.

He punches the kid in the jaw.

Espen, for all his bravado, does not know how to take a punch. The kid goes sprawling across the ground, gasping. Mina looks on in surprise. Kaz takes a fortifying breath and stands up even though his legs feel no more solid than the water he almost drowned in both tonight and all those years ago.

“You really should learn that you’re not in charge here,” he tells Espen, keeping his voice steady through sheer force of will. “You only have a place in this gang because you the good you outweighs the annoyance of putting up with you. Understand?”

Espen is staring. For once, he’s actually wearing an expression other than anger. He looks shocked and a little scared. His mouth opens and closes mutely.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Kaz snarls. “Now, what did you do with my cane?”

--

[flauntpage]

Likable Predators vs. Exhausted Penguins Makes for Intriguing Stanley Cup

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports Canada.

Six weeks ago, the NHL playoffs started with 16 teams. Now, after last night's epic double-overtime win by the Penguins, we're down to two, and the Stanley Cup Final is here. Well, not quite here, because this is the NHL and we all have to wait around for a few days for anything to start, but it's close enough for a preview.

There's no denying that this year's final presents an intriguing matchup. In one corner, you've got the defending champs, bruised and exhausted but still fighting to become the first repeat winners in nearly two decades. In the other, a team that went into the postseason with the worst record among playoff teams and had never even been out of the second round in franchise history.

It's been an unpredictable ride through this year's playoffs. Well, unless you read our third-round preview, which nailed the winner and games played for each of the conference finals series. Consider this your spoiler warning: We'll get to the Cup Final prediction at the end, so skip the last section if you want to be surprised.

In this corner: The Pittsburgh Penguins (50-21-11, 111 points, +49 goals differential excluding shootouts), who posted the second best regular-season record in the league.

The road so far: It's been a weird one, thanks to the NHL's unique playoff format. The Penguins faced a pair of top-five teams in the opening two rounds, knocking off the Blue Jackets easily and then dispatching the Presidents' Trophy-winning Capitals in seven. That earned them a date with the 12th-ranked Senators, who gave them everything they could handle. And now they close against the 16-seed.

The history books: The Penguins are chasing their fifth Stanley Cup in franchise history. In addition to becoming the first back-to-back champs since the 97/98 Red Wings, they'll be looking to tie the Blackhawks with their third title of the salary cap era.

Injury report: They've been banged up pretty badly all postseason, although they had several players return to the lineup during the Ottawa series. Patric Hornqvist missed Game 7 but was rumored to be close, so he could be back soon. Chad Ruhwedel sounds less likely. And of course, Kris Letang remains out for the playoffs after neck surgery.

One player to watch: Evgeni Malkin. The second half of the league's best one-two punch down the middle doesn't get quite as much attention as Sidney Crosby, but he's been almost as good for most of their careers. During this year's playoffs, he's been even better, leading the team in scoring and looking dangerous just about every time he's on the ice. Crosby still doesn't look completely right after suffering that concussion against the Capitals; he was great on the powerplay against Ottawa but less noticeable at 5-on-5. Malkin is rolling right now, and with Phil Kessel on his wing he'll give the Predators nightmares.

Key number: 95.0%—The Penguins' penalty-kill rate against Ottawa, which pretty much won them the series. The Senators were shut out completely at 5-on-4, with their only powerplay goal coming with a two-man advantage. That mismatch felt more like Ottawa being bad than Pittsburgh being good, but the Predators have been struggling on the powerplay all postseason long. If the Penguins can hold a major edge on special teams, Nashville is going to have a very tough time making up enough ground elsewhere to stay in this.

Dominant narrative: The repeat. It's never been done in the cap era, partly because of parity and partly due to the enormous impact of fatigue in today's game. If the Penguins can pull it off, it will be the kind of win that defines legacies and elevates star players into legends (and legends into the "best ever" conversation). It's not often you get to play for those kinds of stakes.

Malkin and Kessel rank first and third on the Pens in playoff scoring. Photo by Dan Hamilton-USA TODAY Sports

The big question: Can you win a Cup without a stud blueliner? You're not supposed to be able to. We've been hearing that for years, and when you go back through the rosters of the last decade's worth of Cup champs, they all have a Norris-caliber guy (or two) anchoring the blueline. For last year's Penguins, that was Letang. But with him out, they're left with a defense that doesn't have a stud, or even anyone you'd consider a star. Now they'll face the team with arguably the best blueline in hockey. If conventional wisdom holds true, the Penguins shouldn't have a chance. Then again, if conventional wisdom was true then the Penguins wouldn't be anywhere near the Stanley Cup Final in the first place.

OGWAC factor: Not bad. This is the time of year when fans fall in love with the "Old Guy Without a Cup"— the grizzled veterans who have been around for years without ever getting their hands on the big trophy. From Ray Bourque to Teemu Selanne to Kimmo Timonen, OGWACs are some of the best postseason stories around. But when you just won it all last year, your roster won't have many guys without a ring. The Penguins do have one, and it's a good one—defenseman Ron Hainsey, who had never even made the playoffs in 14 seasons until this one. But he's the only one.

Unexpected postseason mascot: Whatever this thing is:

He was there last year, too, and it worked then. So... roar?

Bandwagon-ability: It depends on whether you can get past the whole "defending champs" thing. They have Phil Kessel, someone no decent person can root against. Hainsey is a good story. This might be Marc-Andre Fleury's last hurrah in Pittsburgh. I guess you could do worse.

One good reason not to root for them: You're kind of sick of them, the NHL markets the hell out of them at the expense of everyone else apart from Chicago, they got their franchise player by winning a damn lottery, they just made the Cinderella Senators really sad, and oh yeah, they already won last year. Also, they're playing the 16th seed. If you're the sort of person who roots for Goliath to step on David, then sure, go ahead. But otherwise... come on.

And in this corner: The Western Conference champion Nashville Predators (41-29-12, 94 points, +18), making an unlikely appearance in the Cup after entering the playoffs with the 16th-best record in the league. How unlikely? Well, that's a matter of some debate; more than a few smart hockey people flagged the Predators as secret contenders. But even if there were signs of something special, they still finished in the bottom half of the league's standings, so their underdog credentials are in good order.

The road so far: The Predators served notice that we could safely ignore their regular season by sweeping the top-seeded Blackhawks in the opening round. They followed that up by knocking off the Blues in six, and then finished off the Ducks in a nasty six-game series.

When you make the Cup. Photo by Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports

The history books: There aren't any. The Predators have been around since 1998, but had never even been out of the second round before this season. They'd had some good years—including five of 100 or more points—and had been in the playoffs in 10 of the last 13 seasons. But they'd always made an early exit, occasionally in heart-breaking fashion. This year, finally, the breakthrough has come.

Injury report: It's getting crowded. Kevin Fiala was already out long term, and he was joined in the last round by Ryan Johansen, the team's best forward. Neither will play in the final. Mike Fisher sounds like he might, although he missed the last few games of the Ducks series, and Craig Smith is also questionable. That's three of the team's top centers all on the shelf, so unless somebody is ready for a return by Monday, the Predators go into Game 1 with a big question mark down the middle.

One player to watch: Roman Josi. The Predators blueline has been the story of the playoffs so far. And while P.K. Subban gets most of the attention (and rightfully so), Josi may hold the key to the series. He's a divisive player these days, with some experts holding him up as Nashville's real No. 1 defenseman and others arguing that he's developed into a defensive liability who's now overrated based on his scoring numbers. He and Subban typically play on separate pairs, so if the good Josi shows up in this series then the Predators will have at least one All-Star caliber blueliner out there for most of every game. But if the mistake-prone version shows up, the Penguins could take advantage.

Key number: 20:46—Average time on ice for Johansen during the playoffs, the most on the team among forwards. That gives you an idea of how huge a gap his injury leaves in the Nashville roster. Fisher was averaging 16:59, so if he's out or even limited, the Predators are in trouble. They fought through the issue admirably at the end of the Anaheim series, but that was two games. Doing it for a whole series against one of the best teams in hockey is going to be an even bigger challenge.

Dominant narrative: The emergence of Nashville as a real hockey market. You'll hear a lot about this, especially when the series shifts down south for Game 3. For years, hockey's old-school types would side-eye Nashville as a questionable market, one that had struggled to support a pro team. But right now, the city is all about hockey. The building is packed and crazy loud, there are thousands of fans outside the arena soaking it in, and everyone from country music stars to offensive linemen are jumping on the bandwagon.

There's a case to be made that Nashville has already been a great NHL town for years, and the rest of the hockey world is only waking up to it now because they have no choice. Maybe that's true. Or maybe this is a fun but ultimately temporary blip. The result of this series could go a long way to determining that.

The big question: Can Pekka Rinne keep it up? Rinne leads all goaltenders in postseason save percentage and is having one of the best playoffs ever; if the Predators win the Cup he's a near lock to take home the Conn Smythe. But as good as he's been, a few small cracks in the armor may have started appearing during the conference final. Rinne has allowed three goals or more just five times in the playoffs, but three of those came against the Ducks. None of those were even necessarily bad games, although Game 2 was shaky, and if he can maintain this level in the final, you have to like Nashville's odds. But like any goalie, if he picks this series to hit a cold streak, it could spell disaster for his team's hopes.

Rinne takes a playoff-best 1.75 GAA into the Cup Final. Photo by Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

OGWAC factor: Decent. Team captain Fisher is one of the best candidates in the league; he's a well-respected veteran who's been in the NHL since the 1990s and is quite possibly on the final weeks of his career. If he can't play, they take a significant hit in this category, although Vernon Fiddler also qualifies and Rinne is getting close.

Unexpected postseason mascot: With all due respect to the Tennessee Titans and their beer-crushing, catfish-tossing offensive linesman, the big story has been the steady parade of famous country singers who've been performing the anthem. The singer is always kept secret right up until game time, and they've been getting increasingly famous as the playoffs have gone on. There's already speculation over who might get the honors in Games 3 and 4—Garth Brooks seems like a good bet, and they may slip one-time Predators' fan Taylor Swift into the mix. If they host a Game 6, I don't think we can rule out a return of Elvis. Oh, and the team's regular anthem singer is cranky about the whole thing.

Bandwagon-ability: Off the charts. The team is entertaining, the fans seem cool, and it's fun to watch a city really get behind a team for the first time. Plus, if you don't like P.K. Subban then I don't like you. If you can't get behind the Predators right now then you're dead inside.

One good reason not to root for them: Their fans made a hype song called The Fangerang:

I mean... that's not good, right? Everybody outside of Nashville seems to be making fun of it, so I feel pretty safe saying it's not good. I'm just asking because there's a part of me that kind of likes it. Possibly ironically. But also, possibly not. Look, let's just forget we had this conversation.

Prediction: Predators in six. Look, when destiny takes over, you don't fight it. The Predators are one of the most likable teams in recent NHL history, and now they're four wins from a championship. Of course they have to go through the defending champs to do it. Of course it's going to happen on home ice. Of course Subban is taking the Cup to Montreal this summer and shutting the whole damn city down. For once, the hockey gods are going to let us have nice things.

Bonus prediction that is oddly specific: I'm going to feel really dumb about that last paragraph after the Penguins sweep.

Likable Predators vs. Exhausted Penguins Makes for Intriguing Stanley Cup published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv