Terrifying terror cult ? Well, yes, but also immensely awkward found family. Also everyone is sure that the leaders are fucking, but no one’s quite sure which pairing it is, or if it’s all three of them. At once
The sheer amount of possessiveness between the three of them is enough to offset the Earth’s rotation, which certainly doesn’t help matters
Their adorably murderous daughter - and also technically lieutenant - has walked in on them fucking at least three times. She refuses to specify who was fucking who
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You know, the great thing about the LOTR and Silmarillion fandoms on here is that you can ask an obscure question and get the most detailed, well researched, citations-all-included, emotionally resonant answer from an account with a name like “GollumsBigBooty” or “Orgy-of-the-Valar”.
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the thing is that martin thinks it took "two years of crisis and trauma" just to make him and jon compatible and the reason jon doesn't know how to rebut that wildly incorrect fact is because he's barely aware that he had a stick so far up his ass in season one that it grew roots in his brain before he stubbornly and meticulously and with gritted teeth plucked them all out. jon could've plucked those roots out before all the trauma and crises if he simply chose to. and he would. in so many universes. because martin (and friendship and love and connection) is worth it. mic drop
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okay all i want right now is an umbrella academy spinoff of just the deli fives working in the kitchen like in the bear
ok ok picture this:
deli owner five: i swear to fucking god five, if five has to wait any longer for the brisket, you’re fired.
brisket five: it’s not my fault! five still hasn’t finished the goddamn fries! (clearly at his breaking point)
fryer five: that’s because someone left his station dirty when he left after his morning shift. (also at his breaking point)
clocked-out fryer five: (sprinting out the back door) alright see you assholes tomorrow
server five: alright, i try not to get on you guys about ticket times… but five looks like he’s about ready to walk out.
deli owner five: fuck, give him a free dessert.
server five: okay, but can we hurry this shit up? i’d like a tip if that’s alright with you dickheads.
brisket five: get the hell out of my kitchen.
busser five: (bursting in with a full bin of dirty dishes) drunk five is demanding a fluffernutter and making a scene again.
deli owner five: (shuffling through countless tickets and slamming his fist on the counter) i have zero goddamn time for this five, we’re slammed with this lunch rush and im down two cooks today. help a guy out and get him to leave.
busser five: you pay me minimum wage and i could not give less of a shit. i’m not dealing with him again.
drunk five, bursting into the kitchen: i knew i smelled peanut butter in here (pointing at brisket five who’s currently on grill preparing a burger)
brisket five: this is literally a beef patty
deli owner five: alright man, we’ve tried to play nice, but you’re out of here. let’s go, don’t make a scene. (pulling drunk five out by his collar and dusting off his hands) fuckin’ hell, none of you make it easy, do you?
brisket five:
booth five watching from the dining room: jesus christ
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khori but nori is the antichrist and khan is super religious totally original idea i made up (slash j this was thought of @electronix-arts again )
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mayhaps this is a hot take but I truly dislike “Loid gets murderous and overprotective of Anya dating Damian” content
like. there are sm reasons I dislike it
first off, just fundamentally, I hate that trope. I think parents being protective of children in general is cute, and even maybe protective against their partners to an extent, but it rlly feeds into the Western (esp American) notion of parents owning their children. it gets even grosser when it’s the dad and his daughter, it’s just a branch of ‘women and their purity having to be guarded until they’re properly married’ sexism
secondly, if this is pre-reveal (either Damian comes over/talks to Anya in front of Loid and it’s p obvious he has a crush, so Loid, of course, course notices, OR somehow, post-canon yet not revealed, they get together), Loid would absolutely use that to advance Operation Strix lol
obviously Loid is NOT a bad or uncaring father, he is absolutely not that, BUT he does also very vehemently care about achieving world peace thru his spy work, AND ANYA UNDERSTANDS AND EVEN AGREES WITH THIS (to the highest extent she can as a child, at least). he would never partake in extensive manipulation that’d harm Anya emotionally (or even Damian tbh, his whole goal is to create a world where no children have to cry) but he would DEFINITELY encourage their relationship in order to eventually, somehow get to Desmond the ghoul-eyed freak
thirdly, even if this is POST-reveal, I still don’t think Loid would be unreasonable. sure, he may apprehensive due to Damian’s family and more concrete examples of Anya growing up (MAYBE bc honestly I think Loid would be ecstatic with every milestone in Anya’s life considering how genuinely supportive and proud of her that he is) BUT. but
he, again, not only wants to create a world where no children have to cry, so he clearly values the youth and their quality of life, but ALSO KNOWS abt how shitty Damian’s father is. personally, I think he’d be GLAD that Damian has a safe place to come to, with ppl who’ll support him (unconsciously, bc Loid is very oblivious to his own emotions lmao)
anyways, tldr; the “Loid being super hostile to Damian dating Anya” trope is tired and sucks and we should move onto appreciating a trope that honours the CORE of sxf, more found family, where Damian joins the Forgers, even before he and Anya potentially marry (even before they date if possible tbh)
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