#but theyre both desperate to like. Atone for shit and Make Things Right and Do Things Properly

[lefthandarm-man]

Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanoff Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

[cosmosrival]

👀 Does Kama like to peg Ash? 👀

u know what... ? u know what ?

KamAsh headcanons (AND NSFW HEADCANONS) time!!!!!! i don’t care anymore i had fun writing the kama*master ones 

so have these !!!!! might also become a character analysis and trivia because i cannot stay consistent when im talking about them !!!!

reminder bfore i start: ITS FINAL ASCENSION KAMA. NOT THE OTHERS. 

ok we’re good now

i think kama tops by default in every relationship they’re in, but their true strength resides in the fact that they are vers. and i believe that ash is ALSO vers. because flustered kama is a luxury and super cute and delicious and BECAUSE YOU WOULDNT LET YOUR GOD OF LOVE TOP YOU ???? ARE YOU SURE ??? YOU WOULDNT LET URSELF BE PAMPERED BY UR GOD ? ARE U REALLY SURE ?

ash is very cute because he’s gap moe, his respect for parvati shows that he’s not just a rage machine and can very much think normally like ur regular gold hearted delinquent anime boy !!!! god i Love him... anyway, i think he respects kama enough to look out for them and worship them like a proper God!! i believe that ash would call kama things like ‘your divinity’, ‘your grace’ (and if u have some jp knowledge, i think he’d add “-sama” to their name) because they... are god? (i think arjuna and karna also call them like this !! polite mahabharatan warriors are good boys)

since ash never married in the epic, i like to think that it’s because he was very much focused on his duty and ALSO because his participation in the war was out of loyalty towards king dhritarashtra and hastinapur so he was... perhaps planning on getting married once the war Ends ??? HE WAS OUT THERE FIGHTING !!!!!!! but we all know what happened to him (sheds a tear) 

anyway i think he’d be a bit of a masochist. (the room falls silent and you all look at me)

SORRY THAT WAS VERY HARDCORE ALL OF A SUDDEN but hear me out, FIRST OF ALL this man was able to endure an immortality curse until lord krishna eventually decided to free him so he’d join the throne and SECOND OF ALL, in his interlude he speaks of looking for ways to repent because he regrets what he’s done. and since we’re kinky over here, i’m gonna throw gentle femdom in the mix bc i think it fits them and its cute. especially because kama is literally the best person he could apologize to. and the only person who’d make his repentance pleasurable (because its their mcfreakin talent !!!!!) even if it technically wasnt his fault, i think his need to atone would just... overpower that and he’ll want to do anything kama wants, just to earn a crumb of forgiveness (without being desperate about it because... HES GOT AN EGO STILL, COME ON)

i like to think that he’s tried to apologize properly before... in a tense moment when they’re both more calm and alone. but kama stopped him because it’d just make things worse. if kama loses the need to have a grudge, will they even be useful as a servant anymore ? would they forgive themself for being so lenient ? forgiving their murderer’s protégé when they havent even had proper revenge ? kamadeva might have been a benevolent god before, but now they’re a lot more malicious (mara...) and this pointless anger would just make them look like an idiot (because servant shiva doesnt exist (YET?)). and i think ashwatthama would understand. 

so he won’t say the words “i’m sorry” because it’d just hurt them. 

THO WILL HE STOP LOOKING OUT FOR THEM AND SPOILING THEM ? no he will not

kama would find him interesting because he’s perfect bullying fodder but as i said before, it doesn’t work on ash. HE’S A WARRIOR ??? A CURSED IMMORTAL ? DO U THINK THAT PETTY PRANKS LIKE THE ONES KAMA DOES WOULD AFFECT HIM ? “are you bored ?” he asks while they’re trying to surprise him from behind and jumpscare him, without even turning to face them. kama groans in defeat.

SEDUCTION DOESNT WORK ON HIM EITHER AND THATS SO FUNNY but thats where it becomes subtle, he grows attached to them because they’ve gotten used to eachother’s presence (and strength in battle... small things like that). love can be born out of simple things!! blatant bimbo seduction doesn’t work on him but when he comes to wake kama up, and they’re too lazy to get up or float and groggily order him to lean forward so they can hold onto his shoulders so he’ll lift them up when he straightens himself is...

he’d find it cute. they’re cute. when they reach the cafeteria it’s still quite early and he already knows what they like to eat and get their plate ready for them while they’re waking up and yawning. god... they’re cute... its so subtle and cute...

......ok time to be horny !!! (TOMATOES GET FLUNG AT ME)

i think that they’d reach this stage after a while, when kama just gives up on bothering him cuz he’s annoyingly strong (and ganesha is more fun to bother anyway) and since they’re around eachother very often, kama would grow comfortable around him. same for ashwatthaman ! they’re very nice to be around when they’re calm and just chillin. 

the only teasing kama hasn’t tried on him is being openly horny and come onto him, asking him things about himself. and ash revealing that he’s never done these sorts of things before (HES A LIL MAD CUZ ITS EMBARRASSING ... DAMN... !!!), i think it’d give kama ideas. I MLAUGHING TYPING THIS BC I DIDNT THINK OF HOW THEY’D COAX HIM INTO GETTING NAUGHTY YET AND IT SOUNDS LIKE A BAD PORN INTRO AHHHHHHHHHHH

ok yeah like i said i didnt think of the coaxing yet but knowing ash, kama could turn it into a competition and make fun of him a little and he’s ready to go. arrogant dummy. 

he’s polite but his arrogance is a charm point because he’ll def want to prove himself to the god of carnal love. imagine kama’s reaction when he actually outfucks them.

HONESTLY ? I BELIEVE HIS WARRIOR STAMINA WOULD JUST BE INCREASED ONCE HE BECAME A SERVANT. AND KAMA WAS NEVER A WARRIOR theyre a lavish and lazy god.

BUT THEIR EGO IS WOUNDED and their shocked reaction is cute and ash wants to keep holding them for a little longer

their sessions genuinely feel like hatefucking at first since they’re both weirdly competitive like that but then, guilt hits and kama feels like an idiot because they just came onto someone thats supposedly their enemy??? and they’re a bit distant in the aftermath, they almost... look a little shy. 

ashwatthaman isnt beating himself over it as much as they are tho. it felt good, he got to see a new side of them he never thought he’d get to see so intimately and... he outfucked God :) SO HE IS PROUD. but looking at them lying there, breathless and looking all sad worries him. so i can see him leaning forward and spooning them, holding their hand and kissing their fingers and it’s such a soft gesture, kama stutters and asks “Where.. where did you learn to do that.” and seeing their reaction, Ash blushes as well and explains that he saw his father kiss his mom’s hand once???? AND ITS... SUCH A CUTE AND OBVIOUS REASON. kama feels dumb for asking but it makes them chuckle. 

and i think seeing someone who constantly looks so tired and depressed, have a genuine little chuckle would melt ash right there. i think he’ll want to see more. 

AND FROM THAT POINT ON, i think kama would also get used to this... intimacy they start to share. when he wraps his arms around them he always hugs them in this protective way, as if he wanted to shield them from something. and when he holds them like that, they always feel the need to wrap their legs around his waist, hide their face against his neck and Allow him to cuddle them.

they both have an ego u know aha. so if u openly ask them about eachother, they’ll get embarrassed and shut u down. IT’S... IT’S NOT LIKE THAT (sweats)

it is. it is like That. 

ANYWAY THEYRE BOTH VERY VERSATILE and ash is pretty much into everything kama could teach him about. like i said earlier, he’s also fine with being manhandled, mostly the feeling of kama’s nails gently pressing against his skin, or being bit. i think he’d be into getting a lil feral.

a mutual once said that sexually liberated ashwatthama is hot as hell and i feel it in my bones.... kama coming onto him after a particularily short mission that got ash angry but not enough to let out some steam --> they get pounded into the mattress and they live for it because riling him up when he’s like that is actually really fun.

OBSESSED WITH THE BOTH OF THEM SLOWLY SEEING IT AS A GAME AFTER A WHILE... 

OH ash bottoming is also very cute. his first times would be awkward but kama is a pro at this anyways and i’m finally going to answer ur ask: YEAH HE GETS PEGGED !!!!! he finds out how excited he gets when kama calls him a good boy !!! and he never knew that he was into these sorts of things but holy shit it feels nice.

when kama gives him his first blowjob he almost loses his mind

what i really love about kama is that they can see how tense he gets, even if he’s having a great time, and i know they’d teach him how to relax. EVEN WHEN THEY’RE RIDING HIM, they’ll massage his pecs and his shoulders, set the pace and squeeze down on him just to hear him moan. stare at his surprised little face because he didn’t know he could make THAT kind of nois e ? ? ? ? ?

HE’S EMBARRASSED but he doesn’t want them to stop

OH YEAH i wanna come back on the whole masochist thing (I GET SNIPED), him getting repentance and being punished through sex is both very liberating and hot as hell, especially when it’s kama. ashwatthaman moaning ‘your divinity’ like it’s a prayer is also hot as hell !!!!!!! IDK i just think that they can both get very intense, and also last a while, until they’re thoroughly SPENT.

...and leave room for softness. kama gently brushing his wet hair behind his ear, leaving him breathless and a little shy. they then lean in to kiss him and he immediately melts into their touch. but then they bite his lip. and he ... he Likes it but he could almost pout.

time to get a little angsty (i lock gazes with you) i think that after a long while of sharing such a relationship, ash would almost say The Forbidden Words in a daze. and kama deeply kisses him so he stays quiet. and they’re just staring at eachother, until kama tells him that he’s not allowed to say it. and if he does, it’ll almost be a betrayal towards shiva AND themself. they’ve grown impossibly close but neither of them can say Those Words because they both feel like they’ll break something.

also bc they both have huge egos.

but i think that deep down they really want to say them. 

another variant of this is kama wanting to make him admit it, have him say Those Words. but because of his blessing and respect towards lord shiva, he cannot. both because of the guilt and that it’d end up feeling like a lie, even if his touches, his kisses and the way he looks at kama screams otherwise.

BUT REE WHAT ARE THE FORBIDDEN WORDS

"I Won't Say (I'm in Love)" Hercules (1997).

is this enough of a clue ;;);)););;;))))))) HAAHA

THEY HAVE SO MANY LAYERS TO THEM ITS UNREAL

anyway shower sex hot !! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

i also think that them mutually jerking eachother off is hot as all hell and ONCE AGAIN, flustered ash who doesn’t know what he’s doing (at first) is cute !!!! cute !!

ashwatthaman LEARNING from kama is also a big fave. they’re abt to bathe in kama’s luxurious bathtub they had master buy for them and they’re removing their earrings and he silently leans forward and bites their ear and suddenly their face is red. god. huge dummy god of love. i love them soooo much its unreal

THEIR DYNAMIC IS BASICALLY.. I WONT SAY IM IN LOVE but still look at eachother like they’re newlyweds everytime they get intimate and (sheds a tear) i think theyre super married

GOOD GOD .......BODY WORSHIP IS SOMETHING THEYRE BOTH HEAVILY INTO ALSO. both giving and receiving, even if kama is a lot less obvious about it and a lot more smug.

oh, i think ash would be the loudest between the two !! THIS ONE WAS OBVIOUS. hearing him like that would also coax kama into making more noise as well so its win-win 

ok to be honest i think i should draw porn of them being soft like... THERES DETAILS I HAVE IN MIND THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO WRITE DOWN IN THE HEADCANON FORMAT and i’m too nervous about writing fics (looks away) but i have things to draw.

ANYWAY I THINK THIS GOT VERY LONG ????????? SO IM GONNA STOP HERE. IF U MADE IT THIS FAR: THANK U FOR LISTENING TO MY BRAINWORM !!!! 

[tumblunni]

Wow i had such a weird dream?? The story itself wasnt too unusual, just an emotional moment of an anime that doesnt exist, but the way the dream delivered it was really confusing!

The plot of this apparant anime was that there was some sort of ragtag group of monster people wandering the earth looking for a place they could belong without being hated. And i got the feeling here that they'd just found a place where things were going good, but the show's recurring villains appeared and revealed their secret to the town and now they had to flee again as everyone they thought was a friend took up pitchforks against them.

And the main focus character was really interesting? I dont think he was actually the protagonist but he got the focal role in this episode. Cos the monsters had to disguise themselves as humans to live in this town, and this was the youngest monster who didnt know how to do that yet. He had a really emotional struggle of pushing himself so hard to try and master this skill, because he was actually unique amoung the group for being a monster that was actually once human. So it was a combination of frustration at being a burden to his new friends, with desperation to finally see his own face in the mirror again.

And I feel like maybe before he became a monster he was bigoted against them and scared of them? Within the dream i recalled watching that other episode some other day, and apparantly it was super emotional. It started off just seeming like another 'we find the town of the day along our journey and meet some friends and/or solve a conflict' type thing. And this kid was mostly antagonistic through the episode, a dumb naive kid who believed everything negative about monsters and now struggled with the situation of being the only one who knew the truth that these guys are monsters but also now theyre doubting whether they should reveal it because these people seem so..normal?? And scared?? Starts to doubt whether all the other monsters executed by the corrupt church in their town were fully sentient too, and every time the 'nice' priest was teaching them how to spot liars he was really teaching them how to kill innocent monster people who were just as scared as the humans are of them. But the roots of gaslighting and abuse from this priest ran deep, so the kid struggled with the choice and ultimately made the wrong decision. Also i think maybe theres a reveal that the priest was actually their biological dad too, just for even more levels of why theyd make that wrong decision. And more reasons why its horrifying that the priest dad just treats his kid like shit once they outlived their usefulness. Im thinking something like the kid tries to make up for their mistake and save the protagonists but they get captured by their dad and like.. Ok holy fuck this dude is outright willing to murder his son and he's eminantly aware that these monster people are 100% sentiebt because he's using the threat of killing his son as a way to get them to lay down their weapons and agree to be recaptured. And then i think there was something super messed up when it was revealed all the monster attacks that happened to the town to get them so scared and paranoid were actually orchestrated by the priest as a form of control over his citizens. He had some sort of Ominous Doom Science to both turn people into monsters and control them to do his bidding. And like the predictable asshole he is, even after the protagonists gave up in order to save the kid he still killed him anyway. And after snapping his neck he threw him down into the prison cell with the protagonists and was like 'lets torment them by making them fight the kid they wanted to save'. Because it turned out he'd been doping the kid with a special dose of the monster formula ever since birth, and he was his 'secret weapon' all along without knowing it. Ultra super mega concentrated doom form of the artifical monsters he uses in his army, activated upon the moment of the kid's death. But then it turns out the ultimate experiment was too much for him to control and the kid was able to keep their mind in their new form, and turn against him to save their new friends. But when they realized what had happened to them, they broke down in fear. And everything was super depressing cos the protagonists knew this poor kid was now doomed to share their fate as monsters, and theyd have to take them away fron everythung theyd ever known in order to keep them safe. But also heartwarming at the same time because the kid had never known a truly loving family before, and as they passed out in the arms of main protagonist mom friend werewolf they felt like maybe this is what having a real family is like...

So anyway that led to a bit of an angsty team dynamic with this new recruit? The kid was obviously all new to monsterness and terrified of everything. But also even now they were struggling with that 'what if my abusive dad is right' instinct drilled into them from all those years. They still struggled with really believing that monsters arent evil, and like 'no i must have only disobeyed him because i was infected and i didnt know it, monsters are evil and i became one because i'm evil too'. Unwilling to believe that their dad did that to them and trying to find excuses where it would be their own fault. Maybe the kid was even tricked by another villain at some point who lied about having a cure? Like even whenthey became more able to trust their new monster friends they were still like 'theyd be happier if they became normal right?' Lots of angst and messing up and this poor kid feeling not only weak and useless to the team but also outright toxic to them.

So all of this led to this situation where disguising yourself as a human is a skill all the other team members already mastered and this kid is struggling real hard to accomplish it in order to save the day. Ans its extra depressing cos they havent seen their original human face in months, and theyre trying to cling onto the memories but scared they migjt forget what it was like to be human. And then i cant really recall all the details but i feel like the writing and cinematography were just super amazing emotional on this scene of the kid struggling to Do The Thing in time to save their friends, and like.. Atone for all their mistakes.

Also i think like the kid had this big super kaiju ultimate chimera form which was what their dad designed them to be, but also most of the time they were poofed into a tiny mascot sized version of that. And theycd never actually managed to control their powers enough to turn into their battle form willingly until now. Just this super depressing and also uplifting scene of this fuckin tiny monster kid being pinned to the ground underneath the villain's heel, trying desperately to turn human again to save their friends. And i think it was an awesome moment where they did manage to regain their old face for just a few seconds, but instead of actually learning to master the human transformation they learned to master their battle form instead. Like, accepting that that old face isnt who they are anymore, and it wont help like they thought it would. What they really need now is their REAL face! Some sort of dramatic badass speech about this that cuts the villain's philosophy right in half, and then a badass scene of tiny kid finally being able to control (and not be scared of!) their beast form, and fight the whole damn army singlehandedly to save their friends!

Also i think there was an extra emotional moment somewhere along the way where one of yhe villain generals was like 'no, stop, i want to see if they can do this', and actually started motivating the kid. Like i think they were a brainwashed soldier of the old priest bastatd who was sent to kill these monsters supposedly to avenge the priest's dead kid but they were actually starting to have doubts when this terrifying monster that 'killed them' seemed to act so much like a child. So this was the big moment of them finall believing the kid, and getting to see proof it really was them and the priest really was a manipulative evil bastard all along. So i think they switched sides and joined super powered up kiddo in fighting their fellow knights, giving them the keys to go free their friends. And possibly this knight person also joined the team after this and was the first proper human ally theyd ever had? And probably had loads of emotional plots of atoning

ANYWAY that was the cool really engaging story of my dream that i wish i could watch a real anime about!

But the weird part was that this was all delivered really fragmented cos of how little sleep ive had lately. I was seeing it in the form of (for some reason) laying down on the stairs at my abusive father's old house, listening to it playing on the tiny tv he had in his room. And you may have noticed i kept mixing up the kid's pronouns, thats because everyone in the dream was represented visually by a character from some other franchise and it was REALLY confusing! The kid was like an amalgamation of all the dudes from Wolf's Rain which i guess is where the concept of wandering monsters in human illusion came from. (Tho they werent all reverse werewolves like in that show) It was weird cos i knew this character was meant to be a child but they looked like five ripped teenagers smooshed together? Cos i havent seen that show in ages and couldnt even remember the protagonist's name. (Was someone called Hide or is that a guy from tokyo ghoul? I think they had the outfit of the tokyo ghoul guy.) And then predictably the evil priest dad was cornello from full metal alchemist mixed with my old doctor who had the same name. But less predictably the redeemed villain holy paladin knight guy was replica riku from kingdom hearts?? Ans specifically his medal from the app game, like he came with a floating medal attatched to his waist like a mermaid who was also a coffee table.

Also it just ended with a floating box of hair dye that turned to face the camera and it was actually coffee in a hair dye package. Like an exact replica of the blonding bleach i usually use, right down to every detail, but all the text was replaced with coffee info. I..i dont know what that has to do with anything else that just happened...

Oh also i think maybe one of the other teammates was a big cuddly 50-something circus ringleader type guy? He was the friendly comic relief but actually deep downn the most tormented of all of them. He'd been imprisoned as a circus attraction for most of his entire life and dressing up like a ringleader now he was free was kinda a way of coping? But yeh i think he bonded well with the kid cos they both didnt have much experience with being free and everything seemed new and scary. This guy also didnt have much experience of monster society either cos he'd been enslaved since he was a child. Man this anime sounds so fuckin intense and dark and emotional but also full of powerful friendship!! Why cant i watch any more episodes!! give me a sequel dream!!