#also probably a good sign that i haven't made one of these types of posts on this blog in. awhile

[livingdeaddoctor]

would that knowing the thoughts were irrational would Make Them Go Away!!!!

[pyro-tf2-but-trans]

After extensive research (scrolling down on my blog a few times) I noticed I have never headcanoned ages, so for my reemergence, here’s how old I think the mercs are and some other stuff :)

Scout

23 (im pretty sure this is canon)

Born April 8th

has a fuckass tooth gap, needed braces as a kid that he hated and refuses to wear his retainer now (medic does NOT approve)

terrible diet, he's only so thin because of his occupation and insane metabolism. He hasn't seen a vegetable since last time he visited his ma.

On that note, he's also TERRIBLE about drinking water and gets confused as to why he always has a headache.

boyfailure <3

decent cook, actually

as in the food he makes is edible, despite however it might look visually

grew up just outside of Boston

Keeps random shit on his walls, constantly needs more thumbtacks. Posters, post its, stickers, pictures, signs... why is there a fucking SPOON taped next to his door this is ridiculous.

Sometimes he catches himself sucking his thumb at his big age, the loser

when he was a kid he got bullied for not looking like his siblings like at all

Soldier

38

born July 3rd (WHY COULDN'T YOU HOLD HIM IN A LITTLE LONGER, MOM.)

world war autism

both as in intensity and special interest

First got into US military type stuff hearing about the Vietnam war as a kid, it fascinated him and made him absolutely determined to help

grew up in Minnesota, ironically HATES the cold

typa guy to make himself run laps and junk if he realized he was being rude to women or something

probably ace, yes I know he has children shut up

Pyro

probably the youngest on the team, maybe 25?

born December 20th

facial dysmorphia :(

they have burn scars all over their body from an old memory they've since pushed deep into the back of their head

they can handle not wearing their suit if they absolutely have to, but avoid mirrors lest they stare into it for a long time not quite recognizing the person looking back at them

medic and engie are really the only ones that have seen them outside of the suit more than once

sorry that got sad lol

anyway they hate being infantilized, not only for being the youngest but also for being delusional

it doesn't happen as often as you'd think, at least. But sometimes medic will baby talk them when they're getting a checkup or scout will say something ignorant. They can ignore it but it gets annoying.

they enjoy chocolate ice cream

a fan of the cold in general

pretty handy, actually. They built their flamethrowers and a good few of their melee weapons, engie taught them a lot.

cutting this short cause I've been yapping about pyro for too long

Demoman

36

born January 31st

has only actually been to Scotland like twice, he was born in the us with his mum, just grew up with her long enough to gain the accent anyway

doesn't know a lick of Gaelic, sorry. Obviously words like "bonnie" and "Gob" slip out, but that's just basic Scottish vocabulary lmao

he has a collection of eye patches, he thinks his missing eye is kinda cool when he isn't annoyed about his lack of depth perception

he uses bombs specifically because of his lack of depth perception, actually, since as long as he hits within the vicinity of his target he usually wins

he's a fan of the outdoors, hangs around sniper sometimes

crazy smart, specifically a chemistry nerd (obviously) but he can answer crazy specific questions on anything. this also means he's very good at converting measurements, if you're ever baking or something lol

that last part specifically helps whenever the European dweebs say something metric and the Americans need a translator.

"yeah that's 55 kilometers away" "..." "that's about 34 miles, lad" "oooohhh"

Heavy

54, the eldest

born August 16th

hes generally pretty good at English, but certain words annoy him

like colorful? jump

likes working out with soldier, specifically lifting. The most wholesome gym bros.

helps short people reach things on tall shelves

not a whole lot I haven't already said about him lol

Engineer

42

born June 10th

horrific blue eye stare

get brown eye contacts I'm scared

scout clings to him almost as much as pyro does, actually.

he doesn't mind all that much, at least

speaks Spanish pretty fluently, though he has a very obvious accent and has yet to master rolling his Rs, he's trying his best at least <3

he's a fan of fall

used to be the worlds most annoying angsty teenager, if you can believe it

grew out of it, obviously, but he still has a crap ton of old vinyl records of all the rock bands he used to listen to in secret in a box somewhere

(if you're wondering, his parents were NOT fans)

he has four siblings! he's the second eldest, two sisters and two brothers

knows a bit of medical stuff from medic, its how he put the healing factor into the dispenser

Medic

46

born March 19th

never went to medical school, but he did quite a bit of studying in both human anatomy and biology

so yeah he never had a medical license in the first place lol

he has a collection of bones and other bits (organs, wet specimens, etc etc)

human? animal? yes

the med bay smells like birds, its not sanitary

he's a good medic despite all of these, though! just double check that you have all your guts in order before and after an operation! scout still has a bird in his chest, after all.

off topic but he also has really thick hair that sheds a lot, like if he lays down somewhere you can find a bunch of black hairs like little snakes all over the place

^hes just like me for real!

like weirdly beefy? that medigun is heavier than it looks, and the backpack is even heavier

hed be a fan of squid game in a modern au

Sniper

30

born February 23rd

weirdly cagey about his birthday?? like he'll tell you if you ask but he'll be all like "what?? why do you need to know that??"

his footsteps don't make noise, he regularly startles people (scout) by just walking into a room and just standing there

sushi fan

like never gets sick, probably from being outside all the time his whole life but his immune system is made out of steel

medic finds this fascinating lol

blind as hell without his glasses

shaves with his knife just because he thinks its cool lmao

he has a scar on his cheek because of this though he lies and says its because he almost got hit by an enemy sniper

loser hides under his hat when he's embarrased

kisses him with tongue

Spy

50

born ??? (he says a different date every time someone asks)

THIS BITCH ISNT EVEN FRENCH!!!!!

grew up in like Nevada and puts on the whole french thing to be more anonymous

fuck is a petite chou fleur?? your little cauliflower?? come on now

#spyhater

no but I do think he is a spy, and a very good one at that (he managed to convince everyone he's french, after all)

he was supposed to be on a way more advanced team but got misplaced but he was useful on the team so he stayed there (and he felt guilty about leaving his son yet again)

needed braces as a kid, wears his retainer religiously

he's visibly uncomfortable with having his mask off, but not in the same way pyro is. He hates the idea of being seen more than they hate seeing themselves.

If he doesn't like you he won't make it obvious, but he'll just. stare at you for an uncomfortable amount of time. not even in a death glare way, more like he's calculating how many ways he could make you vanish into thin air

sniper thinks he's neat

[elumish]

My Experience With Digital-First Royalty-Only Publishing (Part 2)

Disclaimer: just my experience, may not reflect other people's

Part 1 (What is this sort of publishing; how did I get published; what does the submission, contract, and editing process look like)

Book Release:

My [redacted] book came out in April 2024. It is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and the publisher's own website, where it is listed for a couple dollars less than on Amazon/B&N. It's available both digitally (in multiple different file formats) and for print (paperback).

I can't speak for whether this is standard across these sorts of publishers, but it probably isn't unusual. This does mean that the book can't be available on Kindle Unlimited, given how Kindle Unlimited's requirements work.

The timing for this sort of publishing is extremely fast compared to traditional or even small-press print publishing. I signed the contract in late August 2023 and sent in the final draft to my editor in late October 2023, and the book was released in late April 2024.

Book cover:

For designing my book cover, they pointed me towards where they pull stock images from and asked me to describe the sort of cover I would want, including possible stock images. They also asked for physical characteristics of my characters, which is when I realized that I had no clue what my characters look like.

The stock image website included AI art, as well as regular non-AI stock images. I specifically requested no AI art, including no AI-generated stock images. As far as I am aware, they respected that request.

Once they created one, they sent me a mock-up and asked about minor changes (typography, etc., from what I remember). I didn't have any changes. Overall, my cover looks like what I described to them, and I'm really happy with it.

Marketing:

My marketing experience with my publisher has been decidedly underwhelming. They seem to have started to revamp their marketing process right around when my book came out, so my book didn't receive/hasn't received a huge amount of marketing support from them.

What they gave me marketing-wise: a few marketing images for pre-release/post-release, including Twitter and FB header images, etc.; general marketing guidance for what I could/should be doing; a couple of mentions on their publisher Instagram post-release and a mention in their weekly newsletter

What they didn't give me marketing-wise: connection to reviewers, including sending an ARC or providing a list of reviewers that might be good to work with; marketing materials for sites like TikTok or Instragram; a meaningful amount of airtime/mention on their accounts; a large following of their own

Overall, the marketing is what is probably most like self-publishing--a huge amount of it is on me (and I am terrible at it). It will be interesting to see what their revamp brings, but they are starting from a minimal following and not a lot of previous activity on their accounts, and so they also need to build their reach to make their marketing on their accounts more effective.

Royalties/payment:

I get paid on a monthly basis through PayPal. I also receive a royalty statement that lists days, amount/type sold, etc. so I can reconcile with what they have paid me. From what I have seen this royalty statement is pretty standard.

So far, they've been prompt and haven't had issues with payments.

However, because of (among other things) their general lack of marketing, my royalty statements have been fairly low. So far (and, granted, the book came out less than 2 months ago) I have made very little money on this.

My Path Forward:

I've thought a lot about whether I will continue to do this sort of publishing. I am currently querying my "main" books, and I don't plan to publish them through this sort of publishing, even if the publisher would likely accept them.

My contract stipulates that my publisher has right of first refusal for the rest of the books in this series. I am currently writing book two, and I plan to also write a third, as I had initially discussed with them. Beyond that, I'm not sure. I don't mind working with them as a company, but I don't know if they have the processes in place for me to make money publishing with them.

One thing I will likely do is explore other romance publishers that accept unagented submissions. They have a much lower barrier of entry and they are often willing to accept books that trad publishers might not want to spend money/reputational risk on.

As such, I would likely submit to these publishers stories that I don't think traditional publishers/agents would likely to be willing to publish, including more niche subgenres and less standard lengths that are easier to publish digitally.

Why do I redact the name of my book?

Honestly because I'm a coward and because people are weird about romance, especially certain subgenres of romance. I also plan to use this account for my main agented publishing, if I ever reach that point, and I don't necessarily want those two pen names associated.

Any other questions about this sort of publishing?

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Ok based on your most recent post (I am obsessed I love it sm-). I honestly think that once Delta wakes up to see them with him again he'd probably freak out a little bit, and have no idea if this is reality or another nightmare. But once he is able to figure it out, they might be upset and ask Color and Epic questions about the subjects of their nightmares (ex; about the jar one, he might ask why they couldn't hear them and why didn't they bother to look in the jars) and might completely get confused with reality.

I also think that because they had dissociated for so long (probably spanning days or weeks before they came back to reality), he would have gone completely nonverbal and would have switched to sign language (the silence also most likely made them incredibly paranoid - too paranoid to break it by speaking. So, in order to keep the quiet, they silenced themselves and haven't spoken in a good long while), furthering their dissociation and PTSD spiral.

Now of course this would concern Epic and Color, and they'd likely have to explain that the nightmares weren't reality, but would also have to try to get him to explain what the hell had happened during the time they were both gone, and why he hadn't called them for help once they're able to talk in the morning.

(But since you mentioned how they'd probably help Delta fall asleep, I can't help but wonder how they'd react if Delta woke up from a bad nightmare about them, and how the talk in the morning would go?)

I love this addition, it makes complete sense. And now that we’re on the topic about this type of thing, I actually feel like it’d be easier for Color and Epic to understand these things more than it seems.

For Color, it’s due to his relationship with Killer. We all know Killer is a dissociative character who cannot often tell what is and is not real anymore, he spends most of his time dissociating—as opposed to Delta and Beta’s episodes of intense dissociative episodes due to events in their lives.

I’m sure that Color has had to help Killer differentiate between dream, memory, and reality many times before, even if it’s as something as simple as having to lightly touch Killer’s shoulder when walking past—otherwise Killer would probably just assume he’s dreaming or it isn’t real.

On the other hand, if I remember correctly, Epic has very vivid and distressing nightmares where he has to constantly fight against creatures/a creature every night due to his magical eye thing. And as a result he learns actual fighting experience from this, but he also often wakes up in pain and panicking. His nightmares are legitimately traumatizing for him.

So I’m assuming Epic would avoid sleep as much as possible, especially in a case such as this, where a beloved friend needs sleep and can’t afford being woken up by his nightmares.

So I’m assuming that once Delta first wakes up in the middle of the night, Epic would actually already be up. He probably was surprised and taken aback by Delta’s panicking, but is quick to try and calm the two of them down.

And when Delta starts using ASL, looking unnerved at any noise made, is when Epic realizes that it was worse than he and Color had thought. And maybe he considers waking Color up, because Color has always been better with words and calming people down between the three of them, but Delta frantically shakes his head ‘no.’

Epic doesn’t argue against this, although he knows Delta is likely doing this because he doesn’t want to worry Color and be perceived as ‘weak,’ doesn’t want to disturb Color’s rest. So instead Epic, Delta, and Beta wander off into the kitchen for some late night milk and cookies.

Epic asks if they’re ready to talk about it, to which they shake their head no. Epic again doesn’t argue, instead settles on to the couch with them to watch some random tv series. He pretends not to notice how Delta keeps staring at him instead of the show, squeezing Epic’s arm tightly.

By the time morning comes around and Color is waking up, Delta and Beta have still not spoken verbally and haven’t slept. Neither has Epic—which only inevitably concerns Color even more, which only increases when Delta suddenly starts rapidly singing at him once spotted.

Color asks him to slow down as he approaches, he didn’t catch that, Epic turning down the volume on the show and turning to face the others more directly. Once Color is seated, he asks Delta to repeat what he said, more slowly this time.

Why didn’t you two hear us? Why didn’t you open it? Why didn’t you look? Why did you leave? We were screaming.

And Epic and Color share a look, confused, before Color begins prompting them to explain with more questions. Look where? Open what? Leave where?

Gradually, they begin to piece together what happened—often Delta and Beta have to pause when they start dissociating again or get too choked up, Color asks Epic to get them a glass of water at some point, but stops when they start panicking again at the question (don’t leave)—and the whole time Delta’s hands are gripping on to his friends so tightly it almost hurts.

I can see them letting Delta and Beta cry it out and calm down enough before Color starts to explain, helps them piece together what was dream and what was memory, versus what actually happened.

I can see Epic trying to make them laugh using his usual humor and memes, because he can see that their paranoia about the silence is making them cautious to speak and furthering their dissociation. Which of course makes it harder for them to fully process what was happening and what is happening.

I think, once they realized what was happening, Delta and Beta might actually feel ashamed, guilty, and/or embarrassed about how they reacted to something that “didn’t even happen.” Delta probably feels guilty, assuming it means that some part of him thinks of Epic and Color as the type of people who’d do that to them.

To which they’d have to reassure him that, no, it was out of his control and doesn’t make him a bad friend or a bad person for having nightmares and feeling abandoned.

I can also see, if either Delta or Beta realizes what happened before the other did, they will attempt to help comfort and ground the other too; such as Beta petting the body’s hand, or hugging themselves due to not being able to physically hug each other. Talking out loud to soothe each other, reminding the other that not only does Epic and Color still love them, but they love each other, too.

[stars-n-spice]

Clone OCs: Dusk Company

I made these guys waaay back in March (?) of last year and for some reason never posted them here-

Randomly I decided to go back to them because I think I stopped working on them simply because I couldn't decide on a name for the group/color scheme but I got ideas and the time/motivation to digitalize my initial doodles, so introducing members of Dusk Company!

Dusk Company specializes in (surprise, surprise) stealth missions, thriving in the darkness and all of that. They're great to have when you need a retrieval or assassination mission done! Still working on their Jedis though.

Check out Dawn Company as well!

Close ups and brief Introductions under the cut!

Commander Milo:

- Just thought it would be a neat name - Mom Friend (Squad jokingly calls him 'Commander Mom-lo") - 2W1 on Enneagram - Constantly stressed and worried over his men (it's a wonder he doesn't already have gray hairs) - A very good listener - Hanging on by a thread guys please do not push him, he is one really bad mission away from completely snapping

Captain Eclipse:

- Eclipse because of night and also because he likes to 'eclipse' people and show off whenever he can - He's like subconsciously a show off though, he doesn't really mean to, it just happens - 3W2 on Enneagram - Has a tough time talking about his feelings and likes to pretend nothing is wrong and will laugh anything off - On a completely unrelated note, totally having nothing to do with all his bottled up feelings, but does someone want to hold him tenderly? He just wants to be held. - Incredibly stubborn to the point where it's almost reckless; has cheated death probably four times now

Ranger:

- Just thought it would be a cool name - Sharpshooter - Mute, uses sign language to communicate - Tongue piercing and eyebrow slit just because - Cool older vod kind of guy; will give you candy before dinner and won't tell your parents kind of guy - 6W5 on Enneagram - Really great at keeping secrets - One of the more reasonable clones in the Company and keeps the others out of trouble (if only they'd listen and take his advice)

Chip:

- Got his name because he's a technology buff - Was born with a mutation in his eyes for some reason and now needs cybernetics (like Wolffe) to see - Has orange tattoos just because why not? - 4W3 on the Enneagram - Doesn't like to talk much and will talk when needed (so he gets along with Ranger pretty well) - Eyes give him an advantage in the dark (sees a little better than his brothers) - Eyes are also reflective when you shine a light on them in the dark and this has scared a few of his brothers shitless as a result

Clicks + Buttons:

- A set, do not separate - Clicks has a nervous tic that causes him to make a 'clicking' noise, hence the name - Buttons likes to push buttons, both in a literal and metaphorical sense - Buttons is their pilot (he's not a great one but in his defense they haven't died from a crash landing yet) - Clicks is a 6W5 - Buttons is a 7W6 - Fives and Echo type of dynamic (Clicks is the only one who can tolerate Buttons) - Dye each other's hair

Tats:

- Clone Medic - Got his name because of all his tattoos and because he's the one to go to to get them done (he's got a ready steady hand) - Really chill kind of guy, has an incredible amount of patience - 9W8 on Enneagram - Keeps the Company together (is usually the voice of reason outside of Ranger) - Whattaman wattaman; knows how to treat people right - Extensive hair care routine

ARC Trooper Shark:

- Thinks sharks are cool (pretend there's sharks in Star Wars) + used to bite people as a cadet - Are his teeth sharpened? Maybe. - Not much of a conversationalist; mainly speaks in grumbles, growls, and groans - 3W4 on the Enneagram - Usually grumpy and tired (he's gotta put up with all the other knuckleheads of his company) - Honestly has no idea how to interact with others in a normal way - Is a little off-putting but I swear he's trying his best. Maybe.

ARC Trooper Leo:

- No real reason why he's named Leo, just thought it was a cool clone name - He's an ARC trooper and sometimes people question how and why - A little cocky and stuck-up but means well - Loves his time off (don't ask him what he does during it) - 7W8 on Enneagram - Dyes his hair that color; tends to dye it different browns/reds at a time - Got clawed by a juvenile Nexu once (hence facial scars)

[shortmoke]

(Based on an AU that they get sent to a military built town with carriers. So it's all pretty much normal, except for the military checking their every move. So, no zombies!!)

🎲 Good with any age regressor just takes him a while to get used to you and the entire thing in general

🎲 Better with baby regressor since they don't do much but won't entirely mind talking care of a toddler regressor

🎲 Middle regressors, he'll find extremely hilarious if your trying to act edgy

🎲 Finds you to be entertaining a bit (lot) annoying but entertaining

🎲 If you're a baby regressor, he's not a blabbe encourager but not discourager either. He's just there like 🧍‍♂️ "Mhm... yup." In the most monotone voice ever (mostly in the beginning... or on accident)

🎲 He says he prefers not being a cg but won't admit that he's better off as one. He is just a bit stressed with that responsibility. It's a bit much sometimes

🎲 The first time seeing you regress was stressful (if you regressed negatively) He was 100% stressed out as to why you were crying like a baby. Not realizing fully that you were.

🎲 Once he realized it was a bit odd but he didn't say anything. They all suffered through a lot so using a coping mechanism like this was reasonable

🎲 After that, though, he was more observant of your behavior, making sure you were alright and weren't about to start sobbing like that again

🎲 He's an observant guy. Once he knows the signs of you regressing, you can't hide from him

🎲 Not the best at playing pretend, mainly cause he was never entirely allowed to. This world made him grow up fast

🎲 Tries to keep his bad mouth to himself, though he let's a few words slip

🎲 If you repeat him (Echolalia?), he'll have a hayday trying to explain to the others why you're saying the f-bomb or any other type of swear

🎲 Sort of regrets it. Not really, though. To him, it's funny, but he knows he should be a bit stricter

🎲 Able to put his foot down pretty easily. He knows what's at least somewhat good for you, and that definitely isn't candy before dinner... can't even convince him either :(

🎲 When your energetic and moving around. He just laid you down for a nap, and all of sudden, you're in the kitchen. God, it does give him a headache. Then he had to moves pots, pans, and cutlery

🎲 Safe to say under the sink cleaning supplies were taken away and everything is pretty much locked

🎲 he much more enjoys the days when all you want to do is just be peaceful, colouring, doing puzzles, watching TV

🎲 Not very good at reading in different characters voices. That's Ellis' job... but he guesses he can read to you if you reallyyy want

Honestly, I love stuff like this. Is it realistic. No. But it's fun, so who cares? I haven't seen anyone post about stuff like this. To be fair this is a scary zombie game so I get it but still makes me sad :(

I'll also probably do some fics on here, short and sweet stuff cause I can and no ones gonna stop me >:3

[essie-essex]

I haven't written anything in a long time, and I've never written anything for Vampire the Masquerade, but after doing that deep dive post, I felt inspired to write about Asha. So, going back to her early years, here's her experience as an apprentice going to a new chantry for the first time. It's not your usual chantry.

Asha stood outside the door of the Vineland Chantry, her clothes and hair soaked from the rain that poured from the sky, the downpour accented by the occasional distant rumble of thunder. It seemed appropriate, really. This kind of rain. It was the same type of rain that fell the night of her embrace as she walked home from work, ready to end that miserable day along with her life. A silver sedan had rolled up next to her, a strange man offering her a ride...

And that had led to this. Asha Mariam, Tremere Initiate of the First Circle, standing on the stoop of an old house in rain, waiting for someone to answer the door.

This chantry was nothing like the one she had grown used to over the years. It was a house. A moderately large, old house in a residential neighborhood. The kind with chain link fences and “Beware of Dog” signs. The only thing out of the ordinary was the cemetery across the street. Maybe that's why they had chosen the area.

She had never been to another chantry before. She had lived in Los Angeles for seven years now and hadn't left—wasn't allowed to leave—in all that time. When Asha's sire learned of her new placement, all the way on the opposite side of the country, he was less than pleased. It was probably the first time Asha had ever seen him unhappy with a decision made by the clan. Vineland was much smaller, after all. The Chantry was definitely not well known, nor was its regent. Most would probably assume that the Tremere wouldn't bother establishing a chantry there at all.

She knocked on the door again, this time louder, and let out a sigh, rubbing her arms with her hands, as though she were capable of being cold. Although she could not actually feel cold, she could certainly feel wet. Her shoes squelched uncomfortably as she shifted her weight.

She considered just trying the door, but stopped herself. Her sire had told her to be polite, to be safe, and to make a good impression, and that meant not barging into houses without being invited.

“Knock on the door, just as you would were you a guest visiting someone's home,” he had told her. “This is your first time at a new chantry, and you don't know what kinds of wards or other forms of protection may have been cast upon the building. Plus, it is the polite thing to do.”

So, here she was. Being polite. Standing in the pouring fucking rain.

The sound of an approaching engine broke her from her thoughts, and she turned to spot a single light traveling through the thick shroud of raindrops blanketing the street. She could make out the dark silhouette of a motorcycle as it slowed and finally turned into the Chantry's driveway, the engine and light shutting off and leaving them in darkness with only the sound of the ambient storm. Asha sighed in relief as the figure headed toward the front door.

“I thought I'd be stuck out here forever!” she called out, forcing an awkward smile onto her face. The figure was now close enough for Asha to see her in detail under the porch light. She had taken off her motorcycle helmet, letting it dangle from her left hand and giving Asha a glimpse of her fair skin framed by straight dark hair, which had become stringy from the wet. Dark blotches from the rain also decorated her skinny jeans and glistened on her black jacket, and a messenger bag hung down her back from a strap across her shoulder and chest. Despite the woman's petite stature, she seemed sturdy and strong—so unlike most Tremere she had known. The woman's eyes met Asha's for less than a second before disconnecting in a way that she could only interpret as disinterest.

Asha stepped back as the woman approached the door, waiting for her to unlock it, but to her surprise the mystery apprentice simply opened the door and walked through. So, it had been unlocked the entire time. Asha caught a glimpse of what looked to be a living room with couches and a coffee table. She shifted her weight to step forward, but before she was able to move an inch, the door swung shut.

Asha let out an utterance of surprise, nearly stumbling backwards off the stoop, but she managed to collect herself, acknowledging that she was, once again, staring at the closed door of the Vineland Chantry. Motorcycle woman had slammed the door right in her face!

At least now she knew that she could just walk in. Finally deducing that she wouldn't be receiving any kind of warm welcome, she turned the doorknob, entering the house with a few cautious steps.

“Hello?” she called out, closing the door behind her. The only sign of the motorcycle woman was the line of wet footprints leading across the room and out into a hallway illuminated with a weak amber light. She didn't seem to care about keeping the floors clean, although as Asha studied the room, she noted that no one seemed to care about keeping the area clean at all. Dust lined the couches, leaving the fabric a dull, dingy color, and several spider webs could be seen lining the corners and creases of the walls. Aside from the couches, table, and overhead light, it had no additional furniture or decor. The entire room looked largely unused.

A crash that shook the floor sounded out from above her, followed by a cascade of expletives streaming from the voice of an agitated male. A woman's voice answered in a sharp tone, followed by the raised exclamations of both actors. They seemed to be having an argument.

Asha watched as a winding stream of gray mist wafted its way into the downstairs hall, bringing with it a pungent but sweet scent that reminded her of burnt sugar. As she made her way up the nearby stairs, the mist turned to a dark smoke, the sweetness overrun by the unmistakable aroma of blood and ash. She followed the smoke to an open door just by the stairs, her eyes drawn to the source of the burning smell, a mess of broken glass and unidentifiable smoldering lumps, all coated in a boiling black substance spilled over the old wooden floor. Fresh blood spatter coated the nearby wall. The rest of the room featured tables and shelves piled high with books, papers, jars, and various unrecognizable objects.

“Dammit, Winnie! Why didn't you warn me?” A pale, skinny man with disheveled hair faced the motorcycle woman as she glared back at him. He wore a pair of faded blue jeans and battered leather house shoes, along with a dirty gray t-shirt under what looked to be an open Regent's robe.

“I was about to tell you, but you just grabbed it and threw it in!” yelled the motorcycle woman, Winnie. “They didn't have what you wanted, but they said you could substitute—”

“Substitute? No! I told you what I needed! You can't just substitute—These kine 'witches' will tell you that you can just substitute rosemary for anything from sage to sulfur to fucking human flesh! They don't know shit about shit! You—you know what? Just get the hell out! You've ruined it!”

“You're the one who just chucked it in there without checking it first!” Winnie stepped forward, her nostrils flared.

Asha cleared her throat, and opened her mouth to speak, drawing in two pairs of angry eyes.

“Are you Regent Burberry?” she asked, feeling a kind of insecurity she hadn't felt since before her embrace.

“It's Nick, and who the fuck are you?” Regent Burberry exclaimed in a strained falsetto, his eyes widening. “Don't tell me they're sending another one of you novices. I can barely keep up with all these damned kids running around!” He let out an exasperated sigh.

“You got a letter, remember?” Winnie rolled her eyes in clear view of the Regent, not bothering to hide her annoyance with his rampant disorganization. “They said they're sending an apprentice.”

Asha took a step forward. “My name is Asha Mariam. I'm from the Los Angeles Chant—”

“But I don't need another apprentice,” Nick complained, cutting her off. He threw his hands in the air and groaned, gesturing toward the senior apprentice. “Winnie, go show her around or something. Introduce her to the others,” the Regent said dismissively.

Winnie sighed and rolled her eyes again. “There are no others. It's just us.”

“Really? What about—what's his face—Jason?” Nick inquired.

“He disappeared a while back.”

“Oh, right. Well, what about Sam? Samantha?”

“Dead,” Winnie replied.

“And Rosie?”

“Rosita? She disappeared, too.”

Nick shrugged. “Well, nevermind then. Just show her to her quarters.”

Winnie glared at Asha with murderous eyes, but she gestured for the novice to follow her before the Regent spoke again.

“Wait!” he called. “There's something...” He trailed off into silence for a moment before starting again. “Something I'm forgetting.” He paused again, his face scrunching as he searched his mind, which, Asha imagined, was just as chaotic as the room in which they all stood. Finally, Nick snapped his fingers. “Oh, right, your key,” the Regent said, patting his pockets. He turned toward one of the cluttered tables, gingerly pushing around various magical supplies and sifting through disorganized papers and scrolls, careful not to upset the delicate balance that kept the mound of junk on the table instead of bringing it all crashing to the floor. “Key, key, key,” he muttered to himself. “Where the fuck—oh! Here, wait—no that is a chicken foot dipped in silver. Now why would I dip a chicken foot in...” he trailed off, throwing the foot back into the pile and focusing on a new section of table.

Winnie came up next to Asha, nudging her with her shoulder and holding out her hand. A key marked with a strange sigil shimmered in her palm, and Asha took it, bringing it to her eyes to study the symbol.

“It'll be marked on your door,” Winnie said flatly, before turning to leave the room. “Nick,” she called. “Chill, I had the key.”

“You—what? Why?” the Regent stammered.

“Because I knew you'd lose it.” Winnie turned to him, crossing her arms.

“And you just let me search for it for how long before you said anything?” he exclaimed, more out of embarrassment than anger, it seemed. “Why are you still here anyways? I thought I told you to get the hell out.”

Winnie scoffed.

“Okay, whatever,” she said, and without another word, she strode out the open door.

The Regent left the cluttered table, making his way back to his burnt experiment.

“You, Aisha—” he started.

“Asha,” she corrected.

“Yeah, whatever. You've got your key, so you're all set now, right?”

Asha paused, her brain attempting to make sense of the situation.

“But, aren't—aren't you going to give me something to do?” she finally managed to sputter out.

“What? No? Yes! I mean, just—” Nick rubbed the back of his head, looking left and right distractedly before turning back to his ruined project. “There's a bunch of shit in the basement. Equipment and supplies and all that, I don't know. Shit left by other apprentices,” the Regent said, waving her off with an idle gesture. “Go—just go find something there to do. Whatever, as long as you don't start any fires or blow the place up,” he added without a hint of humor in his voice. Asha hesitated. It wasn't as if her last Regent hadn't allowed her to be independent—once she finally gained his trust—but Regent Burberry—or Nick—didn't seem to care at all.

“Is there a library somewhere?” she asked quietly.

“There are books,” the Regent replied. “Lots of them. Around. Go find them if you want.” He paused, glancing up at her briefly as he noticed her still standing there. “Off you go,” he said, shooing her away as if she were a fly. “Go—go, go, go, go go!”

She left the room, feeling out of place as she wandered the Chantry's maze of hallways. It was as if she were freshly embraced once again, navigating a new world filled with strange surprises. Surely, this house was much larger inside than it was on the outside. Though most of the rooms she passed were unlabeled, she finally arrived at a group of seven doors, sigils scribbled on their exteriors with what looked to be black permanent marker. She could hear music and shuffling coming from the first room on the left. Winnie. She must have gone to her quarters after her argument with the Regent.

The fact that the Regent allowed her to speak to him in such a manner seemed unreal to Asha. Her own Regent would have found it to be extremely disrespectful.

Her old Regent, she reminded herself. Nick was now her current Regent.

She found the door matching the sigil on her key and unlocked it, reaching for the light switch on the wall, flipping it on and flooding the space with dull amber light. The room was simple, as she expected, but even more so than her previous quarters. A bare bed sat in the left corner next to a plain wooden desk and chair. A large, old chest sat on the opposite wall. And that was it. No bookshelf, no dresser or mirror, no trash can. Only simple essential furniture, and all of it covered with a thick layer of dust. Of course.

Clearly this was not a popular chantry to inhabit. She couldn't help but wonder if this was all just another extension to her punishment. Or was it simply because of a lack of trust from her superiors? Maybe they just wanted to put her somewhere where she couldn't cause any problems, but she thought that her good behavior would at least have somewhat convinced them that she had changed. That she was now worthy of the clan.

She sighed. What would her sire do? He would make the best of the situation. It was not all about her, after all. It was about the clan.

Asha expected that her stay here would be pretty quiet and uneventful. The Regent seemed to be mostly hands-off, so she reasoned that it would be best to just do some studying and decide on a project to keep herself busy. Maybe she would discover something that could help the clan. She did owe them, after all. It had been six years since that first disastrous one, and she had learned since then how to be a model apprentice of Clan Tremere. So, that's what she would show them.

She would be polite, she would be obedient, she would be humble, and she would not, under any circumstances, cause any trouble.

Unfortunately, in those early years, she had not yet learned that trouble would always find her.

[hoes4hoseok]

enhypen as sour

...so i said i'd finish my work before posting another but i couldn't help it I PROMISE I'LL FINISH IT EVENTUALLY THOUGH. thanks for reading, y'all!

ni-ki as brutal

"they'd all be so disappointed, 'cause who am i if not exploited?"

some maknaes give me such unmistakable teenage angst energy (as i showed by choosing hueningkai for jealousy, jealousy)

&& ni-ki is not an exception imo!! he's also actually seventeen i kinda had to ✋

anyway yeah ni-ki's life is great in some ways but it also sucks in other ways, just like olivia depicts in the song

like yeah he's in a big k-pop group but also he's been through so much 🤧. this obviously does not mean that he's in any hurry to grow up, but y'all get my point (i hope)

sunghoon as 1 step forward, 3 steps back

"which lover will i get today? will you walk me to the door or send me home crying?"

sunghoon is not the type to stay with you if he doesn't like you

but in this case, he's conflicted. (ultimately, he does not like you enough to not toy with your feelings, but alas...)

&& yeah, he might regret it soon after acting cold, but that doesn't matter because he'll act nice but do it again & possibly repeat until the end of the relationship

oh god, heartbreaker sunghoon, y'all!! it's a concept!! that i live by!! (i'm not okay.)

sunoo as deja vu

"a different girl now, but there's nothing new, i know you get déjà vu"

sunoo would totally do the same activities with multiple partners 😭

he wouldn't think it's a big deal though?? he'd associate the things with good times, not people

it would suck but there's not much you can do about it

on the CONTRARY...he'd probably be pissed about you doing the same stuff with other people

especially if the break-up was on you

he'd complain to his friends about it & they'd be on his side in either situation (so would i, sorry y'all)

heeseung as enough for you

"don't you think i loved you too much to think i deserve nothing?"

this scenario is a real tragedy to imagine so i'm sorry about that 😭

just as with any relationship, if you were with heeseung, he would have to love you just as much as you do him.

&& if a relationship with him fell apart it would feel particularly bitter because there would be little warning signs along the way that you didn't think were a big deal

like the whole line about him not complimenting her makeup ✋🙄 (come on bro,, it's not that hard!!)

the real tragedy is that he didn't want more from you...he just didn't want you

anyways 🤠 like she said!! you'll find someone who does find you exciting :)

jake as happier

"i hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me"

it would be so hard to hate jake after a break-up 😭 especially if he was kind about it & took your feelings into account

even more so if it's been a while since the two of you called it quits & you should have moved on but you haven't

because tbh who would be able to?

&& seeing him with someone else would leave you conflicted because how could you possibly be upset with him? or his new partner?

so you'd kind of have to suck it up :( & hope he isn't as happy as he was with you :(

jay as favorite crime

"know that i loved you so bad, i let you treat me like that"

so this song is about partially blaming yourself after a heartbreak, because you "let" them treat you like that

getting dumped by this man would be so devastating

again, it would be slow -- even if you tried your hardest to hold on because you wanted him so badly, he would end up letting go in the end

it's such a horrible feeling. i don't wish it upon anyone.

anyways...before you know it 🚨 wee-ooo wee-ooo 🚨! ur heart is broken! 💔🚔 (sorry i just felt compelled to do that idk)

jungwon as hope ur ok

"somehow we fell out of touch, hope he took his bad deal and made a royal flush"

as i said in my txt post, this album only has 11 songs, so this one is also assigned to soobin

&& tbh i have a pretty similar reason for choosing it but i think jungwon would be the one thinking about his old friends & acquaintances (rather than his friends thinking of him, which i said for soobin)

he seems to have a really kind heart, & the reason he's the leader of enhypen is because he's so caring

oh wow 🤧 got myself in my feels about him thinking of his i-land buddies 🤧 i'm gonna go now

txt version ☆ emails i can't send version ☆ masterlist

[an-au-blog]

Thinking about Shuggy college au and got to thinking about the relative ages of other characters and now I’m thinking of end of High school aged Frobin. Robin is that loner goth girl turned popular goth girl that is still seen as a bit odd but she’s smart and helpful and has a slightly morbid sense of humor that just endears her to her classmates. Franky is that loud jock who comes to school in way too short shorts even when the weather doesn’t permit for it. You’d think he’s a huge dumbass from the way he acts sometimes but he actually knows a lot of stuff and gets decent grades and is pretty nifty with machines (Also sometimes babysitting his kid neighbor Usopp and teaching him how to not hit his thumb with a hammer). Both of them having this kind of „end of a slow burn“ relationship where Franky is trying to gather his nerves and tell his long term friend that he has feelings for her and it’s completely fine if she doesn’t, but also she’s going to move to college after the end of this school year and he’s afraid about what that means for them and not to mention he’s „smart“ but Robin is like „SMART smart“ and is going to study history and oh GOD what if this is the thing that makes them loose contact and Oh god, oh no, oh fuck.

… probably ends with her just spontaneously taking his hand and asking HIM out, completely oblivious that he has been fretting over this for almost an entire school year. Just felt like the right thing to do to her. A decision she made right that moment.

I... I never really calculated her years in the college au and at first I thought, pft, she won't be that old but then... like she IS around 10/11 years older than Luffy and assuming he's around 5/6 she'd be in her last years of school omg D:' I'm supposed to be good at math how did I not see this???

Also you have no idea how happy I am, this is my first frobin ask I was so happy when I saw it and then my happiness doubled because it's the college au hahaha :')

If I haven't given you a name, can I call you Franon? Or Fronan?? (haha cuz frobin + anon...)

(Edit: by the time I was halfway through writing this post, I realized I've written an entire subplot lol':))

Robin is definitely that weird kid in school that's a bit too smart for her own good and most teachers just think she's a smartass. The type that even though she moved schools and now she's pretty (and still a bit weird, just hides it better), she still has the outcast mentality. She doesn't know how to be herself and she definitely doesn't know what to do, react or even comprehend that someone wants to be friends with her. Let alone to be interested in her romantically.

Franky on the other hand is so outgoing because he's so weird. People will see him in a blizzard in his short shorts and sunglasses and go "how the heck are you not cold". He'd respond with "oh, I'm freezing! I have a parka and two cotton shirts under there!" and people would laugh along. The type to high-five and greet random people he's talked to once as if they've been friends for ages. I feel like he'd also kinda be the class clown but in a somewhat respectful way. There's a meme about someone calling Prometheus a mad lad and then Hermes a Chad, and I feel like that would be his vibe.

Also, I'm sorry Fronan/Franon, but I'm absolutely stealing the idea that Franky babysits Usopp and they have fun arts and crafts type of bonding. He'll need it for the stuff I've been planning for him and Yasopp >:]]]

Everyone assumes he's a moron, but it's until Robin sees him in one of his extracurricular advanced classes that she realizes he's not only smart but funny and fun to be around. It turns out that they also have a lot in common and quickly become friends.

Also him overthinking it and her asking him out is so on brand imo and I absolutely love it. And maybe here comes into play the fact that he's so friendly with everyone so he automatically assumes people like him so he doesn't know what signs for romantic feelings look like? And how she doesn't think anyone could like her in that way? I can imagine him trying to talk himself out of it because she's going places and what could he give her to make her be with him anyway. While she's sitting next to him already planning a schedule for their talks for their long distance relationship.

And of course, their long distance relationship works very well. They both love each other so much they try their best to have at least two or three nights to talk. In fact, their relationship has a very strong foundation of getting to know each other because of the physical separation.

Or so I'd like to think hehe :')

[zeninsama]

Can you please tell me about your self hip with Naoya and what you love about him? I am ready to see the vision

ohh violet... okay so this more the context of how i started liking naoya and self-shipping with him to begin with hjfdsk but hopefully it gets the job done. tried my best to keep this spoiler-free but i am discussing naoya's character so be wary of that if you haven't read jjk.

long as fuck so no pressure to read it hgjdfks <3 tldr; he's pretty and bitchy and took up mental real estate for a long time

wow where do i even begin... so naoya has been a favorite character of mine since around 2022, so going on three years now... i've always liked him tbh, like i enjoy a good villain and something about naoya being so sniveling and condescending really appealed to me, not to mention he's hot in a vaguely emo way that is absolutely my type. looove his little ear piercings and eyeliner. back then, liking naoya wasn't as popular as it is now and probably will be once he's animated.

(i remember when i first started posting on ye olde zeninsama blog that i liked naoya, my inbox was flooded with people being like "b-but he's a misogynist!" hgjdfks like yeah bitch we read the same series!)

so my feelings towards him went from an initial liking of his character + what he added to the story (especially to maki's development) to more profound feelings around the time menthol came out, believe it or not. back then, cass and i were still cooking up ideas for the prequel and we wanted to give reader an ex-boyfriend that was sniveling and evil and wouldn't make people sad if aki punched them in the face because naoya absolutely had it coming...

this lead to me cooking up an entire backstory for menthol au naoya. it was really important to me that i didn't erase how he is in jjk, i wanted to take his character exactly as he is and simply drop him into a new environments this lead to my first naoya playlist, my first characterizations of him, etc. i spent so long rotating this fucking guy in my head that it made me soo fond towards him.

the second thing that really made me attached to naoya happened a handful of months later, an anon on ye olde zeninsama blog recommended a fic to me called "fever daydreams" on ao3. it's actually mostly a gojo x reader fic but reader was formerly naoya's wife, so it focused a lot on their relationship as well. i already had so much love for him at this point but this characterization of him absolutely floored me, like having my own headcanons about this man validated and hearing new ones that really softened him while still staying true and accurate to his canon self... when i finished that fic, i had to shut myself in my bathroom and sob and dry heave for like half an hour hgjkfds it moved me so much... that was actually the fic that made me a gojo fucker too but that's a different conversation.

compared to other jjk characters, naoya is not very intimidating, or even strong for that matter. he's just fast and loud and a bitch and misses toji every single day of his life. self-shipping with him was also incredibly easy for me because i don't have an urge to defeat him or demand his respect gjkdfs i am an incredibly docile and domestic person at my core <3

OKAY I CANNOT AVOID SPOILERS ANYMORE SO IF YOU REALLY CARE AND WANT TO AVOID IT STOP READING <3

naoya is just incredibly special to me... like he is such a widely-hated character both within the jjk fandom (the western jjk fandom, jpn loves him) and within the jjk universe, the thought of being the only person that grieves him when he dies is what moves me. knowing you had an entire life together with a side of naoya that was reserved only for you, that dies with you because nobody else could understand it.

also i adore the amount of female symbolism that's actually associated with him. for starters, his domain is a womb, and the results on which deity his hand sign represents are conflicting but one is a female deity and the other has the ability to "transform a girl inside the womb into a boy" so whatever one you take, come on hgjdfgk. not to mention his manga cover is him crushing a pomegranate over his head and pomegranates represent fertility. this is crucial to how i view naoya tbh.

[halowritesthings]

i love learning about things a week late through youtube recommendations from random channels i've never seen before

(bad grammar and typos cause i'm shooting my shot as fast as possible so I can get back to Important Adult Stuff(TM))

i suppose i can't really gripe because i'm still largely logged out and wouldn't have heard otherwise so maybe I should take it for what it is

i know i'm a random person who writes as a hobby so I don't necessarily "owe" anything to people online, but y'all have been so sweet to me and I feel it would be unfair to keep dropping off the face of the planet like I have been, plus, I have been stewing over quite a bit of my thoughts these past few months and making a large "get all my thoughts out in a word vomit" post is a good way to A.) sort out my shit and B.) to procrastinate homework

college is BEATING MY ASS and i'm not even at the harder junior/senior year type stuff so even if my writer's block wasn't the worst it's ever been I highly doubt I would be writing anything anyway. i cannot say for certain when I'll be able to get back (it seems the universe is tailored specifically to punch me in the face whenever I have the slightest inclination to do so) but i will say it is always on my mind. i don't ever want to give up writing fully because of how many good things it's brought me but i want to be mature and say that it has taken a backseat in my life.

i still don't regret the things I've created and i will always be thankful for the experiences I've had + the friends I've made (even if we haven't talked in a while :') sorry guys) BUT this situation has just become the nail in the coffin for me in terms of what i want to do with my ds/mp and other adjacent fics. i can't say for certain what I'll go through and orphan/keep or just outright delete (WIPS/unfinished series will probably get deleted is what I've decided so far) so this is a BIG WARNING sign right here and now: if there are any ds/mp fics of mine you are fond of, please go and save them now. even if you think the one you really love is "safe" it's better to be cautious and have it yourself than hope for the best outcome.

now's a good time to mention that i have been feeling similar feelings toward my fl0wer husb4nds fics (gonna come out and be honest: i don't particularly care for sc0tt anymore, sorry) so if you like those you should also search them out. i think a hard majority if not all of them will be orphaned, so they'll still be up, but it never hurts to be able to read something while offline anyway

however, due to the aforementioned Important Adult Stuff(TM), i won't be able to get to the whole Properly deleting/orphaning process for a hot minute. that does not mean you should put off saving my fics because my brain could decide one night that i HAVE to do it IMMEDIATELY, but i can promise that it's not happening tonight (might hold off for at least a week just to give people time to see this post).

TSALP, my pride and joy, is perfectly safe and fine. when i think about whenever ill be able to write again, this series is the First thing to pop up in my mind. i have so many things i want to do with that series (and h3rmitcr4ft as a whole) that make me smile despite all that has happened surrounding mc/yt. someone will need to threaten me with death to make me even consider giving that up. hell, even taking a step back, i can say that i will never fully let go of mc/yt. i straight-up have tickets to go see tommy's america show later this month (send my dad well wishes as he's the one taking me LMAO) .

remember to drink water, take breaks, tell your friends you love them etc. I'm terrible at giving advice since I'm a bonafide mess of a person, but i will say that the best thing you can do for each other is support one another. i've always been a bigger fan of giving support to those who are hurt than trying to go and cause more pain to the people that you can argue "deserve" it. the people you care about are going to be with you much longer than the assholes, so be sure to put more energy into focusing on them than the ones that don't even deserve your scorn.

[independentzaun]

εїз - 1 for Sevika and 1 for Jinx

Send “εїз” to hear a Headcanon the Mun hasn’t been able to organically implement into the blog yet

Jinx, post arcane, has the potential to work magic within her. I don't feel like going into deep detail as to why, but basically a combination of shimmer plus her exposure to hextech crystals/energy has made it so she could perform actual magic. Exactly what kind of magic, and what form it would take I haven't decided yet plus to be honest it could probably shift depending on different things. One idea I do like is her learning to shove the hallucinations she suffers from into someone else's mind temporarily, but regardless there's different options. There's probably small signs here and there of that potential. Maybe how quickly she can move despite not transforming anymore than she already has with her eyes, or whatever else.

The important thing here is that she cannot learn how to harness that ability by herself. She needs a teacher who realizes she has the potential, or decides to try to teach her just as a "well why not try" type thing. She's not consciously aware of it enough, and in most cases honestly isn't stable enough when by herself to actually start trying to unlock that and learn it by herself. Partially because I think that makes sense, and partially because I don't want to just make Jinx randomly more powerful when she's already quite a threat without there being a story behind it.

So yes, she could work with magic now much like any other mage but only if someone picks up on it and teaches her.

I'm going to make it official. Sevika knows how to play the guitar, or similar instruments. She's not good enough to be a rockstar or anything, but she's good enough that people can enjoy it when she plays. She also almost never actually plays just because she's too busy, and occupied with other stuff.

That's short, and has technically been brought up before so I'll give a second one.

Sevika knows people in Piltover. She doesn't like Piltover, but working as a smuggler both independently and than for Silco and also working as his deputy and transporting shimmer and all has forced her to make contacts in Piltover. Sevika is one of those people that you can mention a name, and if she doesn't know who you are talking about she knows someone that knows someone that knows them... and if she doesn't? They normally aren't worth knowing. Except for rare exceptions like maybe Heimerdinger, or whoever.

When Sevika says "I have the money, resources, and contacts to be a chem-baroness I just don't want to" she's being entirely sincere, and truthful.

[trickster-whim]

I mentioned I'm back on my Transformers bullshit, right? So I finally put up that other dollar store shelf I got and decided to populate it with some random transformers. And Pavel. And MailBirdramon. And Ryo-ohki. Okay, I guess the theme got a little lost along the way.

And, um, yeah, I'm too short to reach the shelf without a step ladder, and I had to hold my phone up awkwardly to take photos. Hopefully Oil Slick doesn't fall again and wipe the whole group out. Lol.

Aaaaaaand if you thought I could just post a picture without talking for a million years, oops lol. I just wanna reminisce a little!!

The Pavel is a custom (I think a Green Goblin I found at goodwill?) that I made in college and took everywhere with me. His legs have almost completely given out (a couple of the others' have too, lookin' at you, Starscream...), so he's sitting, but I remember taking him on walks around Tucson all the time. I have smaller versions of some of the other main characters of Uprising, and I really have to find the time to finish customizing them because I love those designs. ANyway.

Ryo-Ohki was from Blockbuster! I distinctly remember taking a Tenchi Muyo video out from our local Blockbuster in Chicago, uh, every time we went? And I remember getting a couple sets of little figures, but Ryo-Ohki was always my favorite, and I don't know where the others are. (Side note, we also got the best Clow book and cards I've ever seen from Blockbuster. I want one that's complete but the ones I see nowadays just... aren't as good or are really expensive...)

You can barely see Cyberverse Arcee next to her, but just wook at how widdle she is ooooh. I love little motorcycles, and Arcee's alt mode is just... tactile perfection. Actually, all the Cyberverse dolls are just the perfect size, the style of plastic used is so nice to the touch, and they're so little, aaaa

Um. So. I remember finding the Ultra Magnus at a goodwill we'd never been to before and being so excited. I think I also found a hilarious Yami Yugi mask on the same trip, and I probably should have just bought that as well. I should also go back to packing a Transformer in my purse when I go out; it's good for morale.

I can't say Oil Slick without laughing.

The Thundercracker is another one of my absolute, all-time faves. I think I got him at goodwill, and he's missing his left wing. Perceptor's covering it, but he's also holding a sign that says "Hi, Humans!" that appears to be made from a note my roommate left me? He used to live in my window in college, because my dorm was backed by an alley, and it was really fun seeing him in the window whenever I was on my way back to my room. I also found another TC at some point, but he's also missing his left wing and his legs, so this one doesn't have a replacement wing, poor guy.

I don't have as much to say about the other peeps on the shelf, but I also like them. ::nods::

Looking through my toys, it's wild how many I got at goodwill, seeing as I almost never find Transformers there now. Especially the Animated ones, which are aesthetically some of my faves. I also just really haven't been keeping up with the figures in general (as evidenced by the fact that I just learned that they made a Xaaron, my favorite boy ever and he's convention exclusive so I can't even get him even though I think there's third party sculpts but I haven't checked in years and and and), so I don't even know what's out there. I did hear there's a movie out, though.

Maybe I should get caught up with the comics/shows/movies instead of just rereading 15-year-old fanfiction?

Anyway, I just wanted to type a lot because my sister's really bored of my infodumping. kthanxbai~~~!

[laptoparmageddon]

Are you actually sick? I know you've slowed down updates or whatever but what's happening?

Yeah I'm still sick and stuff. People have been wondering about the Deltarune blog updates but I can't keep up as much as I use to.

I haven't gotten into much detail since like- last year?? Because I felt that the constant "yep I'm still sick!" Updates were getting a biiit annoying but yeah I'm still not better. In fact, I've gotten worse!

My physical condition has gotten so bad to the point I'll be in random bouts of pain I call "the agony". Due to this, I can't leave my house as often anymore as the pain is too severe and I never know when it'll happen. That pluss migraines and other pains that I can't figure put either have made just being awake a NIGHTMARE. Not to mention the whole being able to spit blood thing... and my worsening memory. I just call it old man disease at this point.

And don't get me STARTED on the actual nightmares. I usually type down my dreams for potential inspiration but these are so bad that od prefer to forget them... it's probably a sign of poor mental health, that of which has gotten worse due to life situations, not just counting the physical health stuff. I'm not going to go into detail about ot. You guys don't need to know everything.. in one of my previous comic posts, I mentioned that I had recently gotten diagnosed with PTSD. It makes sense considering everything that's happened.. that's how bad things are now...

I'm thankfully seeing a new therapist now (my old one left and also wasn't very helpful regarding the spending habits..) so we're working on dealing with the mountain of problems that apparently were never properly treated over the years. Wow! It might take years to make any progress considering irl situations right now. I should be getting some medicine soon. It'll be difficult to remember taking it due to my shit memory but I gotta try. O also gotta work on the gacha stuff.. apparently my poor self restraint is one of the many unfortunate mental health symptoms. One day I will defeat gacha gaming. (Or at least get in the habit of not to spending so much...)

I haven't seen a medical doctor yet, unfortunately. I've tried making appointments but they never answer my calls... ots been who knows how long since I've seen one .I most certainly can't remember. I'm hoping to see one soon as I'd like to at least know what's happening to me but I don't know if oll ever be able to.. with work and thr pain and the life situations ot might be a few more months. Hey! Maybe I'll be dead by then? Who knows, i definitely don't! I don't want to go to the ER or urgent care as waiting times in my area are too long for me to handle. And again the memory and reading compression. In my condition, I'd need someone to be with me in case something goes wrong (it has in the past). My primary doctor is the only doctor aware of my situation and would be prepared if I suddenly forgot why I was there or something. (Yes it's gotten that bad at points) but making an appointment myself has proven to be very troubling...

So yeah. I haven't been doing very good in any way shape or form. I'm sorry to have worried yall about it and I doubt going into detail has helped but I feel it best that you know how much I'm currently up against and why updates are slower than usual. I'll get to stuff eventually, you'll just have to wait.

[tussive]

So I haven't really kept up with this as much as my initial post may have suggested, I mean, I still have used several of these sites multiple times, but I've not had any good conversations really on any of them beyond that first one. Anyway! My point is that things may have changed, I'm not going to research it more. I just have access to two new sites, so this list now felt incomplete.

phori: So, as I said, the site is now open. They did do a waiting list and invites and stuff I believe, so it's possible that if you don't have an account you may not be able to get one at the moment. Actually I should just go test that myself. I feel like the registration and sign in process is not as streamlined as they should be for such a product. It just feels out of place to have to work with blocky, shit registrations in something that is marketing itself as being cool and chic, y'know? I also thought they had a typo on their sign in page, which I was totally going to use as justification for not like their site really but now I can't fucking do that so I guess lemme try talking to a few more people. Now I have to figure out which of the dozen accounts that I still actually have (2/3 are gmail accounts) and then see if it asks for my password or asks you to set one up. It's super annoying though because there's no log in button that early on, so the only way to not just have to play through the beginning of the site is to clear the cookies and restart the browser and that's waytoo much of a pain in the ass thing to ask to me to do. C"mon. Be reasonable. Y'know it's fucking stupid but I do kind of like the aesthetic of things. It's unpolished, it needs work, but I'm not mad about it.

Okay I'm sorry I'm violently high. The AI chat bot thing is dumb, but that's probably just because I'm an old. That's actually another thing, we gotta get some fucking people over 15 on these sites. Omegle was a perfectly fine website, it had its flaws but i loved Omegle. They've added some type of currency system and gave everyone 200 Cred, but I don't think there's really much you can actually spend Cred on at the moment. I guess those types of things can happen with early access, but again I'd feel dishonest if I didn't mention it.a

randoo: This is a more basic Omegle clone, but they did shift things up in some attempt at least. tbh I think this place may be lit if it weren't made so cheaply and it really dedicated itself to what it was doing. Even without shared interests, I'm not matching with anyone. There is a counter, but it says <`1K and I feel like that can't be accurate. It does have a limit of 5 interests, which is annoying but honestly like you don't need more than 5 tags. You just don't really lol. But apparently this site supports voice clips and sending images? Maybe even other file types? Oh and they claim to have options of filtering strangers by sex, age and time zone. The fact that this site does not seem to ever provide you with a match, regardless of shared interests or not, makings me thnk that this site just is not working whatsoever right now.

Okay thanks!!!! 💋💋💋🤗

I'm just going to go ahead and rate all of the text chat Omegle-like services that I can find.

ChitChat.gg: So far, the best. It still leaves a lot to be desired in the number of people you're connecting to, but I've been seeing it mentioned a lot as one of the main alternatives now and I suspect the userbase will grow at least some. This one has profiles/usernames/avatars/etc, which I don't love but I do understand why they would need to implement that. But one nice thing about this, you have access to your chatlogs from previous chats saved. There's a gender filter option but you have to pay for their premium service which is $4.99 or $8.99. There are some other perks to signing up for it, the ability to send pictures or videos, unlimited chat history and increased interest slots (I don't see the limit on interests listed anywhere and I have quite a few [at least 12?] so it can't be that low. To be honest once this site wins the race and becomes the main text Omegle alternative site, I'd consider paying for the premium just for the unlimited chat history tbh.

Emerald Chat: This is the primary alternative that I'm seeing mentioned. It also has a lot of the same functionality as ChatChat.gg, the infinite timer option for connecting with someone with a shared interest over a stranger, the profile/username/avatar, but while this does maintain a chat history, it doesn't appear you're able to actually read your previous chats. They also have a gender filter option available via a premium service, however theirs is $5.89. It also comes with the ability to send pictures, but not videos and also a mention of "more freedom," whatever that means. Oh yes, they also do have a video chat option as well as a group text chat option, which is interesting. So I mean both ChitChat.gg and Emerald Chat are pretty similar but each have their own thing as well. Aside from the userbase seemingly being bigger on ChitChat.gg (or maybe that's just where the people I share interests are going lol) I don't necessarily think either one of them is better than the alternative. I'd go ChitChat.gg, but that's just my personal preference there.

OPAL: So the previous two aren't amazing in terms of usability, but this one still feels a bit unpolished. Same thing as before, account/username/avatar. Oh, I counted this time (I'm using the same interests on each site as long as I'm able to) and I'm currently using 29 interests, so no limit is obviously preferable but a limit that high isn't bad at all imo for ChitChat.gg. Anyway, back to OPAL. Okay so this one is a bit different. Rather than matching with a stranger, you are given various profiles of people who are I guess also waiting to chat. There are also group chats, which just seem to be based on basic chatroom subjects like Music or Philosophy. I did see someone say while I was checking the site out that it isn't an Omegle ripoff, it's more of a Discord ripoff and I think that's probably more accurate. Or some kind of weird middle ground between the two. There does appear to be a limit on the number of profiles you're able to view for potential convos and I believe it was 15. Once you hit it, you can't go back and see how many it actually showed until the timer runs out. But it's around 15 options. There seem to be an incredible small amount of people on here for what it's worth. Basically everyone I saw in the chats, I saw their profile for the one on one chats.

Phori: So there's not much about this one at all, just that it's in the early stages and you currently can sign up to be part of the early access. There's also this Google Docs you can fill out for some additional stuff, if you just want to sign up for the early access you can just put your email address in on the main site. Here's the Google Docs link though if anyone would like it. It all seems great, they pine for the glory days of Omegle when you were still able to connect to another human person and then just chat with them for a bit. But that's what everyone wants, being able to identify that literally every person who wants a new Omegle wants that isn't a skill. The main website kinda gives off a dating app vibe, like some Tinder shit or something, so that does concern me some also. But I did sign up for the early access and will definitely give this a try when it's available to the public.

OmegleMe!: This one is more like classic Omegle. This seems to be an almost total clone of Omegle, text chat, video chat, shared interests, the design is all the same, it has Omegle in the name lol. It's just trying to be the new Omegle, which is fine. Omegle had problems but there wasn't anything inherently wrong with the core of the site imo. But the issue here is it lists active users and there are only 29 of them at the moment.

Randm.Chat: This one seems nice. It's purely text based, no fucking shitty ass video chatting taking up space. It seems to be well moderated and like it may have a decent sized userbase. It looks like on Google the website was first indexed in October of 2022, so it is probably around like a year old so probably a fair amount more established than a lot of these other options, which are almost entirely all brand new. They also call their site 'Randm Chat' one time and then 'Randm.Chat' another time and that bothers me a great deal lol. It also mentions that the chats are moderated/monitored by staff, which is kind of cool and probably helps keep people from jacking off so much. Oh, one other thing. There's seemingly no place to list interests on this and it seems to imply that it just pairs you with a random stranger and you're left to your own devices. But when you're actually chatting with a stranger, there's a gear icon in the corner and if you click on that the only option it brings up is a text box with the question, "What topics would you like to talk about?" so there does seem to be some shared interest related element at play somewhere, I just can't figure it out right now because I've been chatting with just one person from here this whole time and I don't want to accidentally disconnect while I'm fucking around.

Dismegle: This one feels more committal than the others for some reason. I'm pretty high and don't feel equipped to handle reviewing this one right now. I joined the server and it immediately put me in a chat with just another Discord user. Terrifying! I left immediately. I'll come back around to this but I don't think I like it.

OmegleWeb: This is another Omegle clone, exact same basic features as Omegle and OmegleMe! and this time the active users are at least in the triple digits, 141. So a step in the right direction but still an area that needs work if the site's going to be usable.

Omegleee: Yet another Omegle clone, this one so new it only has interests as a planned feature and there was only 1 active user online lmao. They mention future enhancements that would improve on the original's design such as random group video chat. So at some point this one may stand out but it's simply too new to do so at the moment.

Omeglenow: So this one very much went for the Omegle clone thing, but they did change up the layout a tiny bit. Honestly though it looks worse now lmao. But they do currently have 3282 active users at the moment, which is by far the most of any site that listed it's number of active users.

Ralae: Another straight up clone, but made uglier, this time with an an average active userbase of approximately 150-200ish. So, pretty unremarkable, I'm running out of things to say but these are becoming a lot more of the same thing over and over again than I expected. But we carry on.

Actually I lied. It would appear that I've run out of text options, all of the remaining alternatives I could find were video chat sites. Disgusting. I'm still too afraid of Dismegle to try it also, so I'll update that sometime later but yeah. Long story short, ChitChat.gg is probably the way to go for the time being. Though I have actually been talking to someone on Randm.Chat since I wrote my thoughts on it and that's pretty impressive these days so maybe that one is also worth looking more into.

[faeryarchives]

HIIIII ok i didn't had the chance to post anything for two days because i was out and didn't get the chance to do anything in my drafts 😭 i will be probably busy too this week and next week but i'll try to reply to your asks in my inbox ahihi hope u guys enjoyed this

dorm leaders head canons can be found right here !!

vice dorm leaders + ruggie with a venti like gender neutral s/o!

a bard that seems to have arrived on some unknown wind — sometimes sings songs as old as the hills, and other times sings poems fresh and new.

: ̗̀➛ trey clover

trey like how the way you are just chill and fun to be around. like being in your company is like breathing fresh air.

but sometimes he also sees you as a child for always pranking the heartslabyul gang + grim and getting away from it from it with your powers

"boo!"

"(name) i can feel the air acting up for a while so i am not that surprised."

"aw boo! at least act like you never felt it!"

the way you drop by the kitchen every time he is on cooking duty just made him feel happy because it shows how curious you are about things

the more you spend your time in the kitchen and with trey - the more you two realize that you are falling with each other and eventually you got together which grim approved

"does this means free snacks?"

"... ok grim we need to have a tal-"

the vice dorm leader just adore when you randomly appear in front of him only to bop him on the nose or give him a quick kiss on the cheek

i swear this man would definitely be the type of person who would drop anything just to catch you 😭 and will absolutely cuddle with you during your nap times yes

relationship with a very boyfriend material one? absolutely wholesome

: ̗̀➛ ruggie bucchi

oh ruggie, our good boy ruggie thinks you are a very funny person after seeing you prank leona every time he found a new napping place

and the way you are just so carefree and just vibe along with everyone? the hyena could feel like you two are very much similar in a way under that facade

at first he really don't trust you thinking you might take advantage of him when he get to trust you but it turns out you just want to be friends

ruggie do different kind of tasks makes you very interested in him like you never seen one as dedicated as he is

"hey ruggie~ whacha doing?"

"oh (name), just running tasks for leona as usual."

"mmm for that lazy lion? can i join?"

"i don't know what you are planning but sure."

if you two have nothing to do and feeling mischievous, you are going to trick some people giving you free food or just plainly giving them a silly prank 😭

the hyena is very happy that you would accompany him while doing his tasks because it really brings calm to his stress level especially if he is juggling too many tasks at once

the way you just look after him just makes him grow soft and eventually fall i love with you

and when you got together? you would leave him certain gifts on his bed that randomly reminds him of you

"(nickname), what's this?"

"oh! it's a sunflower that reminds me of you!"

you always have his back! during magift practice, cheering for your hyena gives him energy! long day after work? cuddles and donuts!

ruggie is so proud to be your partner and even proudly introduce you to his grandma and his other family members

being in a relationship with ruggie is like waiting for spring to come during autumn season - it will take a while to build trust and bond with each other but at the end of the day it just feels so delightful to be with him

: ̗̀➛ jade leech

jade is amused because you are just as spontaneous as his brother

having the courage to tease him and his brother is pretty impressive because you never show any sign of fear in your eyes doing that

what interested him the most about you is when jade was tending some of the plants in the botanical garden when you just happen to pass by and saw something familiar

"ohhh! are those philanemo mushrooms? haven't seen them for a while."

"you have knowledge about these unknown mushrooms?"

"yeah! back in my world you can easily spot them. and really they are unknown here? how peculiar."

this eel loves listening to your stories while you are hanging around in the mostro lounge because he never knew there are also very scary events and time period happened on land

you also got to help him to fly without any fear of falling using your wind currents

you two got together after a lot of teasing from floyd and sarcastic remarks of you guys flirting in the lounge by azul and honestly? you didn't mind at all

in fact you are both aware of your feelings but never made the first move because you were somehow afraid for ruining your friendship but it end up well!

other students learn not to mess with the two of you because oh my god they will end up flying by your created stormeye and being paralyzed by jade's sharp stare

definitely both of your love language will be acts of service! you looking after jade and pulling him out of his duty whenever you can see the signs of him getting burned out

"jade, jade come on what you need is rest and vitamin me!"

"oh dear so impatient. alright alright i am going."

his favorite way of you showing him affection is whenever you just appear at random times and give him a tight hug and ruffling his hair! its like his energy is being restored by your love.

: ̗̀➛ jamil viper

jamil could feel his stress level rocketing high whenever you just randomly appear whenever he is holding something fragile but thankfully you will save him by catching it using your small win currents

"yahoo jamil!"

"holy shi-!"

"oops, ok my bad my bad! here let this bard help!"

at first he will be annoyed because he thought you were just as naive as kalim but it turns out you are very wise and good at giving advice

you just really want to play pranks on people because it's one of the ways you show that you care ❤️

knowing how hectic his schedule is - you always try to help jamil by cleaning away the dust in the scarabia dorm or keeping an eye on their dorm leader but never the kitchen

jamil got to see your serious personality when his overblot incident passed and of course gaining the trust of people back is hard

"even though they wouldn't accept you getting their trust back so easily, always be sincere to every action you make and one day it will soon reach them and realize you are truly honest with them this time."

the way how you would always encourage the viper with your short poems and songs along with the trip that you two made to get some fresh air by flying? oh god jamil could just confess to you right then and there

and when the two of you got together? he is very much on cloud nine, who would've thought the annoying bard he met would become his other half?

please always give him back hugs and cuddles whenever you got the chance, because years of tending for someone there was no one to tend for the viper at all and if you did do that? jamil would instantly melt into your touch and relax.

"ok work time for my love is over! it's time for (name) time!"

"okay alright i am coming over just let m-"

"noooooooo!"

"you are lucky i love you"

"mwah~"

: ̗̀➛ rook hunt

be honest are you rook's doppelganger or something because your hobbies, weapon and the way you two just love to scare people??

but nevertheless, rook is very interested in you! the way you can just combine your anemo powers while you aim is really amazing like isn't that hard?

"filou aéré isn't hard to use your magic and weapon at the same time?"

"hmm? no it's actually! would you like me to teach you? in exchange for five apples of course."

"you little trickster! but i will take you on that"

probably exchanging poems with each other is pretty usual and you also gain many inspiration from reading each other works

and whenever there is a hunting competition - others wouldn't even want to try to get in between you guys because they wouldn't get even pass 1/8 of you guys' target

the moment you got together? you would always come to hang out in the pomefiore dorm to see your dear hunter and scaring the other students as if you were a ghost

"d-dorm leader! vice dorm leader! there is a ghost in the storage room!"

"excuse me? cute bard like me could never become a ghost!"

"ma cherie you are here!"

"please spare me from your declarations of love and get a room."

being in a relationship with rook is the same experience being his best friend but the different part is that you would openly show affection to each other as away to let the other know that you care.

even though rook knew that you would be all alone once he is gone, the hunter is still pretty grateful and proud that he got to be part of your story

: ̗̀➛ lilia vanrouge

ok listen, you and lilia would immediately hit off from the start

flying buddies, check! loves pranking people, check! living long enough and was included in a war, check? drinking buddies too perhaps?

lilia would try to join your music session - you singing while he played the guitar and kid you not, you actually make a good music duo!

definitely the two of you would share stories about your pasts and offer comfort to each other, living for years with a huge amount of emotion you have been hiding? its better to have someone to talk to especially if they have the same experience

"do you think they are happy for us lil?"

"i think they are, (nickname). i am sure our fallen comrades are."

to be honest? the two of you radiates very similar energy that people will mistakingly call you by each other's name like you being called as lilia and vice versa

so its not really that a huge surprise that the two of you got together because when the news got out malleus and sebek were very shocked but not silver

"i guess i am your other parent now!"

"... ok but never set a finger on any cooking materials please."

whenever the two of you got the time, gaming and movie watching and catching up with the trends is a must you two don't want to be left behind again

pranking wars! this will always be a fun occasion to the two of you and nightmares for the others. it will take days or even weeks for one of you to surrender

if there are pranking wars there are also love declaration wars save the diasomnia group from hearing you two flirt with each other

"boy, you are all fine, and i am so glad you are mine!"

"if kisses were stars, i would send you the whole galaxy."

"for the love of magic, get a room."