#also me: best feeling mistake ever
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isatoru · 3 months ago
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and he knows it too. he’s unbearable about it with you esp if you can’t stand him
oliver when you wake up and he’s smirking at you rubbing his scruff reminiscing about your taste right in front of you and you are so pissy about it and avoid eye contact and he thinks it’s sooo cute compared to your previous night’s facial expressions when he was making you cum so much…….
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thebirdandhersong · 1 month ago
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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luminarot · 5 months ago
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ONCE YOU’RE STRIPPED CLEAN, WHAT IS AT YOUR CORE ?
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cauterizing rage.
the house has burned around you, and you’re the only one left standing. is it gratifying to be the survivor? fear and anger are weapons in your capable hands, used only to serve your agenda of fighting back when deemed necessary. you're a powerful person, built from the ashes of your despair and your family's mistakes. with time, you'll bloom into someone softer, like the full blossoms that grow each spring and wither away with the leaves in fall. they won't disappear if you take your eyes off of them. you're enough.
tagged by: @dcwnthercbbithcle tagging: @mehrcedita , @lessluck ( for Any muse across all your blogs tbh!!<3 ) , @princetorn + anybody else who would like!!!
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bisan-is-trying · 10 months ago
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Me joking with my mom while cooking: aren’t you super proud of my cooking skills!! There's no match for me!! Im unstoppable!!
Mom in a solemn voice: but im really disappointed in you
Me: ????
Mom: pursuing your Master's degree, it seems like you no longer care about continuing your studies, it’s like you've frozen that idea.
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loumauve · 2 months ago
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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pinkseas · 10 months ago
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when the line changes from meaning "im the ruler of my own world" to "i finally have worth because i am finally the ruler" because this character has never been allowed to break the rules and never been in control of their own life. and now that they HAVE broken their every most significant rule in the worst, most traumatizing ways possible, they've both changed drastically as a person and warped the entire situation in their head: they blame themselves, they KNOW that the situation is their own fault, but they cannot handle the weight of that guilt and have forced themselves to blame absolutely Anyone else instead because of it. in losing everything that defined them as a person and Taking control for the first time in their life out of an inability to face themselves and their own actions, they think that they've finally found worth in themselves, that they were meant to be the ruler. that THIS was god's plan and what they were meant to be all along. and even then, supposedly having finally broken the rules and their meaning and their worth, they're still not actually in control. they're in denial of the truth of what happened in spite of knowing it deep down, they've lost everything that defined them as a person and have NO idea how to find it again or to discover themselves without it, and though their revenge plot has given them power over perhaps the entire world they still aren't actually the one in control. taking revenge and pleasing the only gods they know for certain exist is one last desperate, terrified attempt to save themselves from the consequence of what they've done and from ever having to face themselves.
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widevibratobitch · 1 year ago
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#tw ed#saw a picture of myself from when i was *checks notes* at my fucking worst with my ED but that meant i was also Thinner.#i really should Go Back huh. maybe if i did i wouldnt feel. Like This.#it'd prolly mean id start losing my hair again which. not a big fan. BUT.#if i was really dedicated i could also lose my period which. huge fan. that was one of the best things that ever happened to me tbh#i could have it all back. maybe i could even get farther than the last time. all it would take is uhh feeling utterly fucking miserable#having no energy for the most basic stuff let alone singing and thinking about nothing and i mean NOTHING but calories 24/7.#but hey. maybe i could like. lose 5 kg for my troubles and then gain back twice as much when i decide again that i just Cant Live Like This#totally worth it huh#anyway. i miss hating my body A Little Less and people being Nicer to me and everyone telling me how good of a job im doing#and encouraging me to keep going. and i miss the sense of Accomplishment and the Pride and the Not Feeling Disgusting#or at least Making Up For It by just. not eating lol#cause like its not like im actually much better mentally am i lmao clearly im not. only now im both miserable AND fat.#obviously ill never be s/kinny let alone as s/kinny as my friends. ill still look like a glitch in the system and a mistake next to them.#but if i have to be miserable anyway i could at least be. less f/at about it right. maybe then ill be worth something <3#...and other delusions you keep cultivating because there's something deeply and inherently wrong with you#my new bestseller coming soon to your nearest bookshop dont miss it its only $free.99!
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carbonateddelusion · 2 years ago
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been reflecting on the kind of person I've become after these past 3 years since the anniversary of me leaving is coming up
I looked at your blog because I was trying to find images of Bennett's design... ended up going on a rabbit hole. idk if you've looked at my blog before but I haven't so much as peeped at yours in years, I stopped like a month after it happened because it was making me so much worse mentally
I dunno if you still feel that way about us, but I'm fine with you disliking me. I did a lot of fucked up shit and I'm sorry, you deserve to be mad. even though a general lack of understanding of boundaries bc of my upbringing and autism could excuse SOME behaviors, there's still a lot of shit that I can't excuse.
something I'm especially sorry about was treating your issues like they weren't as big as mine. I realize now how much you were suffering, and I was too blindsided by my own mental illness to see how terribly you were feeling and how unsupported you were. I remember feeling like I had to placate you because if I didn't things would fall apart again, and that isn't fair to you. I treated your feelings like an inconvenience and that you werent smart enough to get what was going on because I supposedly had so much more experience in suffering. that's not what good friends do to other friends.
anyway. I don't know if you'll ever read this or see it or whatever, but. I don't know how I feel about you. you represent the memories of a lot of pain from around that time in my mind. I don't HATE you, but I'd rather not think about you for too long. I'm very happy to see that you seem to be doing way better, though. you deserve that, and don't let shitty people like I was in the past hold you back
I think it might be interesting to catch up. if that's ever something you'd be fine with doing. I dunno of I'd be comfortable with it myself but whatever. I still think of you, and most of those thoughts are just "I hope they're doing okay".
please keep creating
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femmefaggot · 2 years ago
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genuinely very very happy about maya still Do Not get me wrong. I simply wish... the world was better and less cruel. and that I was not complicit in that cruelty. and that honorspren in shadesmar werent such hypocrites.
#outgoing transmission#adolin post#the desire to have everything be good forever and be told by some almighty being that#actually you didnt mske anything mistakes and did the best you can and were good vs like#how... not hollow. but. that is also not true i messed up so very much and do have to wonder if my existence was Not worth it#disregarding the fact that... well. it is a story someone wrote and yes obviously I needed to be there.#but. as a person? mmh. craving not necessarily reassurance but Being Sure i didn't make awful decisions to make things worse. and i simply#cannot know that. not at the moment and potentially not with any certainty ever#which is no different from anyone elses life really. but there is a certain agony to it#i dont know. i love kal. i dont have many memories yet of. well. but#id like to think he loves me. coming face to face with that however is... well why would he?#he is. well i feel anything i say wouldnt really encapsulate it to be honest i could worship that man and i mean that so sincerely#he... would not like it. but it isnt...... well hes a better man than me but not because i think hes flawless or anything#just. he tries so very hard. i didnt even have it in me to not murder someone despite how risky it was#for the best. and i wish id done it sooner still. but i do also think it says a good deal about my character in general#sorry again about this i hope everyone is well.#it is too bright out now honestly which is kind of funny. half comforting. half annoying. a small part... some other thing. weird i suppose#brain is. mm. partially shadesmar. partially... something else. stormy. near kal. tense but not necessarily in a danger way.#but something... stuck a bit maybe. not sure if it is a natural thing or more a. spren parent trap situation. for lack of any better terms.#cute and mildly obnoxious... hm. something to consider.
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squirmydonnie · 7 months ago
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I feel like I tend to have pretty bad ideas
CW: unreality in tags
I don't know that I'm venting. But it's hard for it to not sound that way.
But I'll put warnings because I don't see how else I'd feel okay without putting them there.
It's just more fair that way
#cheeseburgerboy#recently doing things. to help me more#i am afraid of not having cookie and BC around. but its probably best for me. and ive been managing okay#i have spent the last few years with them and others. so it makes sense im not used to it. and that its also uncomfortable#plus also. i remember when i had first quit cookie 12 daydreaming. and how weird it felt#and nothing felt good. everything felt better in daydreaming.#its not the same as that now.#i miss them hurting me and hurting my feelings. the things they would do for me. and the conversation we'd have.if we had it#but im trying not to dwell on it.#its been a fear even before quitting cookie 12 daydreaming. that i would forget all the times we had together#all the memories. ans i don't see why I'd ever want to forget.#even the bad things were good. and before quitting id imagine myself daydreaming forever. and i was alone. but it wasn't bad.#sometimes i wonder if ive made a mistake. because i can never go back to the way it was. i can't see my friends or family again.#i will never see the goats. or ride the bus. i won't go to school. i won't have my mama. because these things aren't owed to me.#their owed to cookie. and i just want to leave him alone. and it doesn't want to talk with me at all if xe doesn't have to.#BC no longer has any interest in me. so why would i keep staying there?. why force them to beat me?. whats the point.#i feel i should at least try to have my own life. im just working towards living. i haven't felt my life was my own.#its going ****. not bad. so. ill keep trying. i think its a **** idea 🦑
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foldingfittedsheets · 5 months ago
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The location of the sex shop I worked was a haven for spiders. We had tall ceilings and skylights and unused storage rooms. It was a spider paradise. We quickly sussed out which coworkers to call on in case of emergency. The Dorito lady was a solid ally for spiders but absolutely petrified of moths.
But there’s actually a hierarchy of fear. Most people don’t realize. The person least afraid is the one forced to deal with the bug in question. If coworker B was scared, but coworker A was petrified, well coworker B was gonna have to screw their courage to the sticking place because by the law of fear they were the most competent person on scene.
Thus enters Rick. Rick first appeared in the back storage room. This room doubled as a second bathroom so we went in on a semi frequent basis. The girl who’d gone in to pee shot out again gibbering with fear about the biggest spider she’d ever seen had just run across her boot.
We sicced Dorito lady on it. She returned, shaking her head. “He was squatting on a power cord where it plugs in. I couldn’t get a clean shot at Rick.”
“Rick?”
She shrugged. “Spiders that big need a name. Seemed like a Rick.”
Rick, freshly named, became a store menace. I’d normally say this was probably a case of multiple spiders being mistaken for one but everyone who encountered him swore up and down there could be no mistake. This spider was massive, fast, and distinct. A gladiator among arachnids.
I never encountered Rick. His exploits grew in the telling but the theme was consistent: no one could kill him. He’d hunker in places that no one could reach and dart away when a strike missed. He also chased off the more faint hearted, charging them in bold dashes. There could be no benign cup transplant to remove Rick from the premise. He was not leaving.
The saga of Rick continued for two months. Not seeing him was almost worse, a fearful wariness when going to the bathroom or stepping into quieter areas. I waited with dread, hoping my eventual run in would have me on shift with Dorito lady to protect me.
It was not to be. There was a girl the same who hated my one moment of singing that was absolute piss-herself scared of spiders. She’d slam straight into a panic attack and couldn’t think or speak. And so it was that one night on shift, I heard her scream.
It was unmistakable. I was in the front window turning off the open sign. Through an obstacle course of mannequins and lingerie I performed an acrobatic sprint out of the window, darting up to find her quivering at the front counter, fully crying. I radiated calm at her and said, “Just point.”
I knew it was Rick. Our destinies were intertwined and we had always been pulled toward the inexorable battle that was drawing nigh.
Her hand raised to point to our sandwich board sign at the front of the store. So Rick had the metaphorical high ground. There was no quick easy strike on the slanted signs surface.
I armed myself and marched into battle, my knuckles white on my chosen weapon. I would do this, because I must. Because there was no one else. And because I wanted to close and go home.
I saw Rick immediately and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen a bigger spider since. Outside of a tarantula, he was truly the most massive spider I’ve ever beheld outside a zoo enclosure or terrarium.
We regarded each other. Rick launched off the sign toward me and I stomped my foot reflexively, making him pause in his charge. Then I raised my weapon. Anything else, I believe Rick could have evaded. He’d bested most of the store thus far. But I had chosen chemical warfare.
I doused the shit out of that spider with cleaning spray, stunning him with a barrage of chemicals. While he froze, choking on the unexpected deluge, I dropped a paper towel over him. My foot came down.
I felt his exoskeleton crunch and I can feel it still to this day. The shattering was as of bones and I truly mourned that we had been forced into senseless war. If only he has cleaved tighter to the shadows. If only he’d crawled willing into a cup for relocation. I released a full body shudder of horror, fear, and adrenaline as I stepped back.
I took several quivering breaths. I donned a veneer of calm and tidied the battlefield of it’s corpse then went to reassure my coworker that all was well, while internally I still shook.
You fought well, Rick. I hope you sired many more monstrous children to haunt retail workers in the years to come. Rest in valor, you monster.
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opheliac · 1 year ago
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i just want to stop feeling suicidal so constantly and i want to stop having my paranoia spirals and i want to have peaceful sleeps without night terrors and i want to feel safe in my body and in my own space and i want to eat and i want to not be so overwhelmed by my psychosis and i want to be over everything that kennedy did to me but i also really wish i could contact him again so i could deck him in the fucking face and then i call c and ask her what the fuck why the fuck did she do that and beg beg beg my family to leave the church that is so clearly harming them and dooming them to tragedies.... and so on...
#why did i write about that pregnancy why did i use my abuse for an assignment why did i delve into these memories such a mistake#whenever i remember it happened im like oh my god i could have had a 9 year old maybe i did want to be a mother#maybe i am suffering now bc i was supposed to be doomed to the same narrative like most women in my community#like maybe it was a fluke that i got here bc i don't fit in i hate myself so much i feel like everyone hates me and wants me dead and gone#if i knew any of their numbers still i would ask for ativan again i cannot fucking sleep my anxiety is never ending#i cannot tolerate the weight of the emotions i want to be numb i want to be high i want to be dissociated again#i broke out of my constant dissociation and now im here and i can feel my feet on the ground and i am living pov and it hurts so bad#i want to be in the arms of my best friend i want to be on her floor stroking the fuzzy carpet while we eat penne together#ever since she came back into my life i am so happy i have that anchor again but oh my god it makes me realize how distant i am from everyo#and how little i trust#i also miss my other best friend that i never get to see but i want to hug them tightly and we never have enough time w each other but ever#moment is so vivid and strong and they make me feel so alive and aware of the world we are in and its such a blessing that they decided to#talk to me the day they did and the friendship that came after like idk#i dont have many close friends but oh god the few i have i love th#them so much and they make life worth living but ugh yeah im fighting voices and spirals and theres a lot happening inside#ill be fine i have a lot of feelings my life is nonstop chaotic bc i have 5 bpd/bipolar women in my family and all emotionally absent men a#and our narratives weave together so close so tightly i cannot separate myself but i want to but can i? do i want to?#ezra.txt
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danveration · 10 months ago
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Sleep well, amour.
Parings: Alastor x reader
Summary: You’ve been very intrested in Alastor ever since you met him. He invites you to see his recording studio, which you accept. Then you ask if you can stay and listen to him host! While listening, you fall asleep. How does he react?
Word count: 2844
Warnings: Ummm not really much? Alastor being Alastor! One mention of not being able to sleep sometimes, mention of seeing people in hell doing dr*gs, k*lling eachother, and fighting, mention of reader having bad social skills (?)
part two
A/N: UM!! this is my first time writing for alastor, so apologies if it isn’t the best. Please give me any feedback you want, I’d love to hear it! Also sorry for any spelling mistakes. I hope you enjoy :’)
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Alastor the radio demon. You know of the things he’s done, you know that people are quite literally terrified of him. But for some reason... you feel a certain way towards him that you can’t describe, but it’s surely not fear.
You’ve had a some-what odd admiration of him since you landed in hell, only a few months ago. You got spotted by Charlie when you first got to hell. She noticed you looking around nervously and lost, and put two and two together that you must be new. She very kindly introduced herself which was refreshing because.. well.. it’s hell. Everywhere you looked people were fighting, doing drugs, and even killing each other. You were glad there were kind people even down here.
“Hi, you! Uh, you lost?” Charlie smiled you and waved.
“Um yeah! I’m guessing this is hell, huh?” You awkwardly chuckle. Social skills weren’t ever your thing, it seems they haven’t got better after you died, either.
“Yep! This is hell! You must be new? I’m Charlie! Charlie Morningstar. It’s so nice to meet you.” She smiled and stuck out her hand for you to shake.
“Nice to meet you, Charlie! My names Y/n.” You politely smiled back and shook her hand.
After that meeting, Charlie showed you to the hotel in which you eagerly accepted to stay at, her being the only sane thing you’ve seen down here. It was a pretty nice place, no 5 star hotel like back on earth, but it was something you’re very grateful for. Who knows what would’ve happened to you if you haven’t met her.
While she was showing you around, someone caught your eye. He was a tall man, very polite and respectful looking. He was dressed head to toe in old fashioned attire, with a cane to suit his charming look. He was smiling in a way that made you look at him like he was something you wanted to inspect under a magnifying glass.
He glanced at you and smiled larger, stepping over to you and Charlie.
“My, my! What do we have here? Charlie! You didn’t tell me that we’ve got more guests? It’s a pleasure to meet you, my dear! The names Alastor!” He spoke politely.
His voice was sort of.. Radio-like? You found it soothing.
“Haha yeah! I found them wandering around on the street this morning! They’re a newcomer, their name is Y/n.” She spoke back, excited to introduce you.
“Y/n! Well, my, my. That’s quite a lovely name!” He said. “Say.. do you listen to radio? I host a brilliant radio broadcast that’ll give you some real insight on this place!” He said enthusiastically.
“Oh.. haha thank you” You smile. “I do actually! I love radio shows.” You immediately feel drawn towads him. You cant tell if it’s just the new scenery or what.. but you want to just sit and chat with him for hours.
Alastor perks up at that. “Oh you do, do you?” He smiled more.
“Yeah! Back when I was.. uhm.. alive, I actually had a whole playlist of them! What do you do your show about?” You ask.
Alastor is delighted to have you take interest in his show. “Well, dear, I do all sorts of things on there! Yes, yes, you think of it and I’ve most probably done it! Most commonly known is the souls I entrap and prison, as I broadcast their screams of horror all over this horrible place and people get to hear the noises of their never-ending torture and demise. But! I also just made a wonderful segment on my mother’s Jambalaya recipe!” He stated.
While part of those sentences gave you chills, you still seemed to take interest in him.
“Well,” you chuckle. “I will certainly check it out!” You smile.
“Ah! Wonderful news, my dear.” He said while he twirled his cane.
Charlie was watching you interact with him and noticed how you looked at him, as if admiring. She smile and said, “well! We better finish the tour.”
She motions for you to follow her and you do, waving Alastor goodbye.
He waves back and yells, “goodbye, sweetheart! Lovely to have met you.”
After that, you wanted absolutely everything to do with him. You’ve also got to know the other people staying at the hotel. Angel, Vaggie, Husk, Niffty, and Sir Pentious. They were overall kind people. Husk found your interest in Alastor to be no good.
“Yeah, no. That, whatever thing you have created in your mind about him, isn’t true. He’s vile, Y/n. Trust me on that.” He grunts.
Angel thought you had some kind of kink towards “scary, creepy men.” Which wasn’t true because you didn’t even find him scary. You found him charming.
“Ah.. Alastor? Fucking sexy weirdo if I do say so myself. He’s got some reaaal problems but hey, if you’re into that-“ You cut him off by saying it wasn’t like that & that you don’t think anything sexual towards him.
One day, you were talking to Sir Pentious about his “crush” on Cherry Bomb. He completely denied it but you could tell from his blush and his nervous demeanour that he was very interested in her.
You were caught off guard when you heard that radio voice coming up from behind you.
“Y/n, my dear! I have a question for you.” Alastor came and stood beside you, looking down from where you’re sitting.
“Al! Hey, what’s up?” You ask, containing your excitement.
Sir Pentious excused himself quickly, seeing one of his “egg boys” were being played with by Niffty. She isn’t one to be gentle.
“So, I know how you’ve been listening to my radio show as of late, and I was wondering if you’d like to see where the magic happens!” He states.
“R-really? I’d be honoured!” You say, smiling.
“Ah! Lovely. Come now, this way.”
You get up and he locks arms with you and chats about his new microphone that he got.
Once you guys arrive, you’re shocked. It looks very professional and comfortable. It suits him heavily. There’s a big open window, a desk, some chairs and sofas, a bunch of technical stuff on the desk along with his new mic that you recognize from his descriptions, and a deer coat hanger?
“Wow, Alastor. This place is so actually so sick. I love it. And the new microphone suits you!” You say. “Thank you for showing me, really.”
Typically, Alastor would never show someone something personal of his, including his studio, but you are an exception. He isn’t sure what it is about you but he doesn’t seem to hate you as much as he does with anyone else. At first he was weirded out, but now he just embraces it. He also feels protective of you. He doesn’t know exactly why you’re even down here. For as far is he can tell, you’re an angel. Always being kind even to those who aren’t kind to you, always saying “please” and “thank you,” all that jazz. Jazz! You even like jazz music, his favourite. He told you that he lived on earth the time jazz music was popular. The 20’s and 30’s. That explains his vocabulary and how he dresses. You just find it more interesting and take time to ask questions about what it was like in that time.
“Why of course, my dear! If I’d want to show anyone here, it would be you.” He says, giving you his iconic smile.
You have a thought. “Hey, Al? Would it be alright if the next time you do a show, I could stay and listen?”
You hope he doesn’t think this is odd.
Alastor raises a brow. “Why would you want to do that?” He asks.
You panic, thinking you went too far by asking and now he’s going to cut you off or something.
“Ha! Kidding, sweetheart! Of course you can. I love when my broadcast is wanted to be listened to. Though I love it as well when they don’t want to.” He says.
You’re relieved, a bit scared, but still relieved.
“Say!” He says. ��I was going to make one tonight talking about this silly technology box that thinks he is better than me! You know, expose all his lies and secrets to my listeners, and unwilling listeners. Maybe broadcast it all throughout hell!” He starts laughing manically. Then calms down and stares at you.
“Would you want to stay and listen, hm? I can do it now! I didn’t have any plans today going forward and well, getting it out sooner is better than later, I always say.” He asks.
You know he’s talking about Vox when he mentioned the technology box. Him and Vox have a sort of rivalry going on. Though Alastor seems to not care much about him, Vox is sure obsessed. He’s even gone so far as to making posters about him. Which areee.. not much of a resemblance.
This offer strikes you and you immediately perk up. “Yes! I’d love to.” You say.
You don’t think Alastor knows this but whenever you’re struggling to sleep, you put on his radio show and his voice comforts you to sleep. You’re sure if you told him, he would find it weird.
Little did you know, Alastor already knew. He walked past your room one night and heard static sounds coming from your quarters. He immediately was intrigued and put his ear close to your door to hear his voice. He was surprised, but not weirded out. He found it delightful that you found comfort in his voice. It’s not everyday someone does. Usually it invokes terror and anxiety on anyone who hears. This was new, and he didn’t hate it.
“Lovely! Let me get all set up. You can sit wherever you feel the most comfortable!” He says, adjusting his mic and pressing a buttons on his table.
You find a spot and sit down. Feeling honored to even be in the same room as him, let alone HIS room.
“Ahem! Welcome ladies and gentlemen-“ He goes off into his introduction, before winking at you and starting.
After about 20 minutes, you begin to feel tired and put your head on the side of the wall, still listening but with your eyes closed.
Alastor immediately notices and smirks, knowing how his voice effects you. He continues on and after about another 20 minutes, he finishes up. You’re asleep, slightly smiling.
He walks over to you and looks down.
“My, my. You really are an interesting one, aren’t you?” He whispers. He smiles more softly than he usually does and looks around to find a purple blanket hanging on his deer coat hanger, and gently places it on you.
He feels his heart fluttering while looking down at you and he immediately shrugs it off.
“Mm well, my dear.. I guess you can stay here. I’ll just be over there, transferring my broadcast to the other radios around town.” He says and points to his table.
“Sleep well, amour.” He speaks softly.
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ghostgirl101 · 8 months ago
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Imagine if Paul Atreides claimed you as his destiny: PART Ⅰ of Ⅱ
|| Word Count: 1.5K || Angst → Fluff ||
A/N: I had this as a big idea that I had to get down before the basic headcanons and stuff, so here's my take on our Lisan al Gaib 😎 if you like this then hit me up for some relationship headcanons and the like, I'm up for it all. Enjoy reading or watching the movie if you haven't already - I'm going again lol, and screen X is the best way to experience it fr Also I feel like I should write a second part to this lmao, if you liked what you read?
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You weren't one for dreams of destiny.
The dreams you had seemed meaningless, confusing, nothing to do with what ifs and what could. Not like his.
But you always seemed to feel some kind of atmosphere, an aura you couldn't quite shake off, even when you woke up from the darkness. There was no face to go with the voice, the voice in the dark that called to you in whispers that you didn't understand. Beautiful words that weren't yours, but sounded so soft and gentle and powerful, as they reached out to you from distant lands.
You could never place them, pin them down and study them, understand them, until the day the Emperor was challenged by a ghost of a lost House, thought to be dead, left to be forgotten. You stand near the Emperor and his guards and men, the Great Houses looming and listening from higher above, as the Fremen fill up the space to watch the confrontation in spirited anticipation.
The life debt was paid. The late Emperor was overthrown. The ascendancy of Paul Atreides rose and took from the throne to claim it.
His attention flicks from his eyes boring coldly into the Emperor's, to meet yours, his voice smooth and set, full of conviction and force.
"Our destiny is together. I'll take her."
Your eyes widen slightly as his words sink in, blinking through the shock and incredulity that rushes through you and makes your heart race in apprehension and wonder. Though his voice twins with your wandering dreams, you don't know whether to feel fascination and longing, or fear and cautiousness at some greater force beyond your understanding, playing out before your very eyes.
"I..." your voice falters in uncertainty and disbelief, and you try again. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me well," Paul responds with an undying, stoic certainty that's almost unnerving. "As I know you."
His eyes study you, his Spice-stained blue eyes bleeding into yours, scanning every freckle on your face and curve of your outfit. Assessing you, knowing you, ridiculous throngs of power filling his aura and projecting onto you with his intense stare. You have to fight not to shiver under it, ultimately failing.
"What of me?" is the wisest reply you can think of before the silence stretches into dangerous uncertainty.
"Everything," Paul says evenly, but there's no mistaking the challenge and determination in his tone, almost daring you to reject him, to disagree, a built-up desire of dreamt promises resolving his stand. "I choose you, as my Empress. We will rule together, over the Empire."
Scepticism and bewilderment washes over you and makes your blood heat and stir, retreating into silence as he takes a step closer to you, gazing at you as if you're the most curious, exotic being he's ever seen.
Desire threatens to override Paul Atreides' reason, clinging onto the hope and chance of a narrow way through to light, a light that could only be sought out with you by his side. Without you, there was nothing in sight but pools of blood replacing luscious marine life and oceans running through Arrakis, disarray and disillusion at every turn and infecting every heart.
You were absolutely perfect.
And you were already his, long before this moment, before you and he were born into the world and named. There was no manipulation needed, because everything was laid out for him to take, welcoming him to rule and grow higher and higher. Fate had bonded you and strung you along to here and now, and as you blink up into his bright eyes that narrow slightly at you, frowning softly as if you hadn't understood his demand.
"Do you know what I am?"
You pause for a moment, speaking slowly and cautiously, as the crowd of Fremen and the wary, late Emperor watch on in tense wordlessness. "You are Leto Atreides' son. Former Duke of Caladan."
"What I am," Paul repeats evenly, "not who I am." He stares at you in silence for another beat, before speaking up again. "Do you know of the Bene Gesserit?"
You stop yourself from glancing in Lady Jessica's direction just in time; the runes patterning her skin, her once soft eyes now spiked with an unfamiliar darkness of ages past. Anyone could get trapped in her watchful glare, and her son's holds almost as much intensity.
"No," you decide on hesitantly.
"Kwisatz Hederach," he adds, taking another step forward until you can feel his breath tickling your cheeks, standing above you with unspoken grace and vigor. "I see the future. A part of me is the future."
His hand is suddenly squeezing yours warmly and tightly, making you flinch slightly and glance down at them before looking back up at him.
"In this future, I am with you."
All you can do is stare at him in awe and wariness, not knowing whether to let your curiosity guide you, or distance yourself as far as possible from the boy who reigns over the dunes.
"Why?" you whisper, the crowds seeming to fade around you as you focus on the boy in front of you, his fingers tangling with yours boldly.
"I've seen it," Paul insists, his tone a touch softer in thought and wistfulness. "All of it. When I am with you..." His grip tightens over yours, the fire in his eyes returning. "We're unstoppable."
"And..." your words dry before you can speak them, and you will yourself to go on, unable to break away from the deep blue hues of his gaze. "And without?"
His jaw visibly clenches at your question, and his hand drops yours, shaking his head only answer as he glances away in slight frustration.
"You don't have the leisure of choice. It's all been made for you, written in the sands and stars, and what you need to do is walk in its path. I will show you the way. You have no other. Do you understand?"
The firmness is strong in his words and glare, making you look away from him too, still in a slight stun over the rush of events. In less than a day, your freedom has been stripped to this young man's desires and destiny, entwined with yours. You, who barely knew him until now, only familiar with his voice, his words, that echoed and rang in your head like a lullaby.
But this feels so harsh and strict. The eyes of the former Emporer linger between the two of you, and Paul's army of Fremen stand behind him attentively, some gazing at you in admiration and hope, of their messiah's promised bride. And she is beautiful.
"That's unfair."
"The future is unfair," Paul says calmly, his collected, cool tone wavering for a moment. "But it will be so much worse without you by my side, and I will not accept that. Not for my people... not for myself."
You stare at him in fascination and caution, lost for words. His fingers rise to brush against the skin of your cheek, sending tingles in their wake and making you fight back the automatic reaction, your eyes following his surprisingly gentle touch. Two fingers trace down the shape of your cheek down to your chin, tilting your head slightly upwards. Just one step closer, and your lips would be touching too.
"Name anything," he murmurs to you, the Fremen straining to hear his voice as it reaches you effortlessly, his expression earnest and determined. "Anything. And it is yours. Only if you willingly wed me in turn. Not as a concubine, nor a mistress."
You blink, then blink again, taken aback as a million thoughts and suggestions race through your mind and make your head spin for a split second. You glance at the elder Emperor, who gazes back at you and the infamous Lisan al Gaib wearily, his eyes clouded with sombreness and light spite.
"I... I don't," you shake your head, overwhelmed by an impossible choice. "I don't know..."
Paul's expression softens into a smile you haven't seen before, one that makes your cheeks flush with colour as you watch him; a gentle, amused smile that's somehow familiar and unfamiliar all at once, one meant just for you, as he disregards his surroundings.
"You will know," he replies quietly, "and I will have you, and protect you, rule with you. Love you. As I am meant to."
Paul suddenly brings you closer, pulling you into a searing kiss without warning. The exotic, earthy taste of the Spice on his tongue floods your senses and sends shudders of ecstasy and heat coursing under your skin and hushing the myriad of thoughts buzzing in your mind in an instant.
When he pulls away, all too soon, you find yourself chasing his lips before you catch yourself, and Paul gives you another soft smile, his forehead resting against yours as your eyes lock.
"And as I long to," he finishes against your lips, his words grounded with a look of protectiveness and desire that makes you instinctively relax further in his hold.
⊹⊹⊹
From beyond you both, his mother smiles slightly at the scene, a hand hovering over her rounded stomach.
The first step has been made.
══════════════⊹⊱≼ part two coming soon ≽⊰⊹══════════════
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honeybelleee · 15 days ago
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Extra Lessons | L.HS
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Synopsis - y/n a struggling trainee sparks an intense connection with her strict trainer Heeseung, leading to a steamy, unexpected encounter during their private lessons.
Genre - trainer x trainee, dom!heeseung x inexperienced!reader, smut, fluff
Warnings - loss of virginity (reader), mention of first kiss (reader), reader is so inexperience, heeseung possessive asf here, 5 years age gap (heeseung is 23, y/n is 18), pet names (baby, princess, angel), swearings, fingering (f receiving), p in a v, unprotected sex (pls dont do this), dirty talks, nipple play, corruption kink, HEAVY making outs, praise kink (hee calls reader good girl)
Belle’s notes - i wish this happened to me irl :( likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated 🫶🏻
masterlist
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Heeseung was known for his strict and no-nonsense approach. His intense gaze and authoritative demeanor often sent shivers down the spines of trainees, who would instinctively straighten up and try harder under his watchful eyes. Despite his tough exterior, Heeseung was respected for his expertise and the success of the idols he had mentored.
Among the trainees, Y/n always seemed to catch his attention. Y/n was one of the youngest in the group, standing out with her quiet demeanor and petite frame. Her reserved nature made her appear fragile in contrast to the other confident, high-energy trainees. She wasn’t the best at dancing and often found herself stumbling during practice, her lack of confidence evident in every misstep. Yet, there was something about her determination that struck a chord with Heeseung.
Y/n was hardworking, and despite her mistakes, she never gave up. Every time she fell behind, she would stay late after practice, pushing herself to improve.
Heeseung observed her from a distance, noting the shy but fierce look of concentration she wore while working on her moves. There was something endearing about her persistence, and it wasn’t long before Heeseung decided to step in.
After one particularly grueling group session, Y/n lingered in the practice room, rehearsing a difficult dance sequence that had tripped her up earlier. She was so focused that she didn’t notice Heeseung approaching until his deep voice interrupted her thoughts.
"Y/n," he called, making her jump slightly.
Turning quickly, she stood frozen as Heeseung approached. His eyes were as intense as ever, but his expression was softer than usual. She was used to his strict criticism, but this time, there was something different in his gaze.
���You’re working hard,” he said, his voice low but not unkind. “But you’re too tense. You need to relax.”
“I’m sorry,” she stammered, looking down at her feet. “I’ll keep practicing until I get it right.”
Heeseung frowned. “That’s not what I meant. It’s good that you’re working hard, but you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. It’s affecting your performance.”
Y/n bit her lip, feeling a lump form in her throat. She knew she wasn’t as skilled as the others, and every mistake felt like another step away from her dream of becoming an idol.
"I don't want to fall behind," she admitted quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.
Heeseung’s gaze softened. He wasn’t used to seeing trainees this vulnerable, especially someone as determined as Y/n. Without thinking, he placed a hand on her shoulder, startling her with the unexpected gesture.
“You’re not falling behind,” he said, his voice firm but encouraging. “You just need some guidance. Let’s work on this together.”
Y/n’s eyes widened in surprise. Extra lessons with Heeseung were rare and highly sought after by trainees, and she never expected to be offered one. She nodded quickly, her heart racing at the thought of having his full attention, but also nervous about whether she could live up to his expectations.
“Thank you, Heeseung sunbae-nim,” she whispered, bowing her head in gratitude. “I’ll do my best.”
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The following day, Y/n arrived at the practice room for her first one-on-one session. Her nerves were on edge as she walked in, feeling the weight of Heeseung’s serious gaze as soon as she stepped inside. He stood near the mirror, his arms crossed as he watched her approach. The room felt smaller with just the two of them, and Y/n could feel her heart pounding in her chest.
"Ready?" he asked, his tone calm but authoritative.
Y/n nodded, wiping her clammy hands on her shorts. She took her place in front of the mirror, trying to steady her breathing as Heeseung moved to stand beside her. His presence was imposing, but not in the way that made her want to run. Instead, it made her want to prove herself.
They started with simple movements, Heeseung correcting her form and posture as they went along. He was patient, more so than she expected, offering advice and demonstrating each step with precision. Yet, no matter how much she focused, Y/n found herself making mistakes, her nerves getting the better of her.
At one point, she stumbled, nearly falling to the floor, but Heeseung’s quick reflexes caught her by the arm, steadying her.
"Relax," he murmured, his voice lower than usual. “You’re thinking too much. Feel the music, don’t force the movements.”
Y/n blinked up at him, her cheeks flushing under his scrutiny. She could feel her heart hammering in her chest, but not entirely from the dance. There was something about the way he looked at her, like he was seeing more than just a trainee.
Heeseung took a step back, giving her space, but his eyes never left hers. “Let’s take a break,” he suggested, motioning for her to sit. “You’re overworking yourself.”
Grateful for the respite, Y/n sank onto the practice room floor, her legs feeling like jelly. She took a deep breath, glancing up as Heeseung sat down beside her, uncharacteristically close.
"You’re trying too hard to be perfect," he said after a moment of silence. "It’s not about perfection. It’s about feeling the music and letting your body follow naturally."
Y/n looked down at her hands, unsure of how to respond. She had always felt like she had to be perfect, especially in an industry that demanded it. But hearing Heeseung say otherwise felt... comforting.
"How did you do it?" she asked, her voice quiet. “You’re always so confident when you dance.”
Heeseung chuckled softly, a rare sound that made her look up in surprise. “I wasn’t always like this,” he admitted. “When I first started training, I made plenty of mistakes. But I learned that being perfect isn’t what matters. It’s about how you recover from your mistakes.”
Y/n blinked, processing his words. Heeseung someone she had always seen as flawless had struggled too?
He must have seen the surprise in her eyes, because he added, “Everyone goes through it. Even the best dancers. But you can’t give up on yourself.”
Y/n felt a flicker of hope ignite in her chest. Maybe she wasn’t as far behind as she thought. Maybe, with Heeseung’s help, she could get better.
They resumed practice after their break, and though Y/n still stumbled a few times, she felt lighter. Each time she faltered, Heeseung was there, his steady hands guiding her, his voice reassuring. Little by little, she began to feel the rhythm of the music, her body moving more naturally under his watchful eye.
By the end of the session, Y/n was exhausted but also elated. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she could do this, that she might have a chance at becoming the idol she had always dreamed of being.
As they wrapped up, Heeseung looked at her, his intense gaze softening just a little.
"You're improving," he said simply.
Y/n smiled shyly, her cheeks warming at the compliment. “Thank you. I’ll keep practicing.”
Heeseung nodded, his eyes lingering on her for a moment longer than necessary. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, his voice low.
“Same time.”
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Y/n’s heart was racing as she caught a glimpse of Heeseung's biceps from his tanktop, and his tall figure towering over her.
"Let's begin," he said, his voice deep and commanding. Y/n nodded, trying to steady her trembling hands. As they started the routine, Heeseung's eyes traced her every move, his gaze intense and focused. He noticed her nervousness and took a step closer, his presence both intimidating and thrilling.
Midway through the dance, Heeseung's control began to slip. The sight of Y/n's delicate form was more captivating than he had anticipated. Every hesitant step she took seemed to pull him in, her innocence and vulnerability stirring something deep within him. His intense gaze followed her every move, and without thinking, he closed the distance between them.
In one swift motion, Heeseung's hand found its way to Y/n’s waist, his fingers gripping her soft skin with a firmness that sent a jolt of electricity through her. Before she could react, Heeseung spun her around, his lips crashing onto hers with a force that made her gasp in surprise.
The kiss was anything but gentle. It was hungry, raw, and overwhelming, like he had been holding back this desire for far too long. His lips moved against hers with an urgency that left no room for hesitation. Y/n’s heart raced as she felt the heat of his body press into her, the world around them fading into a blur. Her knees wobbled, but Heeseung's grip tightened, keeping her grounded as his lips devoured hers.
Y/n’s mind spun, her inexperience clashing with the intense feelings bubbling inside her. She had never been kissed like this. Hell she had never been kissed at all, and the sheer intensity of it was enough to make her dizzy. His lips were demanding, taking control as he explored her mouth with a sense of greediness that sent shivers down her spine.
Heeseung’s tongue brushed against her lips, coaxing them apart, and when she hesitated, he growled softly, deepening the kiss with a fierce determination. His tongue slipped into her mouth, tasting her, teasing her with slow, deliberate movements. Y/n couldn’t help but moan softly into the kiss, her body instinctively responding to the heat radiating between them.
The sound only seemed to spur Heeseung on, his hand sliding up her back, pulling her closer until their bodies were flush against each other. His other hand cupped her face, his thumb brushing over her flushed cheek as he tilted her head, angling her lips to fit perfectly against his. Y/n’s pulse quickened as the kiss grew more heated, their lips colliding with a feverish intensity.
Heeseung’s kiss was relentless, a mix of heat and control that left Y/n breathless. His lips moved against hers with precision, each motion sending sparks of desire through her. She could feel his body tense with restrained power, his grip on her waist firm yet possessive, as if he couldn’t get enough of her.
Every time Y/n thought he might pull away, Heeseung only deepened the kiss further. His tongue explored her mouth with a sensual dominance, the taste of him intoxicating as he claimed her with every movement. Heeseung's lips were hot, his breath ragged as he pushed her harder against him, his desire for her clear in the way his hands gripped her tighter.
A soft whimper escaped Y/n’s lips as his teeth grazed her lower lip, nibbling lightly before sucking it between his own. The feeling sent a sharp wave of pleasure coursing through her, and she couldn’t stop the way her body responded, her hands clutching the fabric of his shirt as she melted into him. Heeseung smirked against her mouth, clearly enjoying the effect he had on her.
"You taste even better than I imagined," he murmured against her lips, his voice low and husky, sending a thrill through Y/n's body.
Before she could process his words, Heeseung's lips crashed back onto hers with renewed fervor, his kiss growing more hungry, more desperate. He kissed her like he wanted to consume her, like he couldn’t stand the thought of pulling away even for a second. His hand tangled in her hair, gently tugging her head back to expose her neck. Without warning, his lips left hers, trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses down her jawline, his breath scorching her skin.
Y/n’s breath hitched as Heeseung’s lips brushed against the sensitive spot just below her ear, his teeth grazing her skin lightly before sucking on the delicate flesh. The sensation sent a wave of heat flooding through her, and she bit down on her lower lip to keep from moaning too loudly.
"You drive me crazy," Heeseung whispered, his voice dark and rough, his lips continuing their path down her neck. His kisses were searing, each one making her feel as if she were burning from the inside out. Heeseung nipped at her skin, his tongue soothing the sting as he moved lower, his lips brushing dangerously close to her collarbone.
Y/n's entire body felt like it was on fire, her chest heaving as she tried to steady her breathing. She could barely think, her mind consumed by the feeling of Heeseung's lips and the way his hands roamed her body with a hunger that made her knees weak. It was overwhelming, intoxicating, and she didn’t want it to stop.
Heeseung’s lips returned to hers, his kiss more insistent, harsher than before. His hand slid down her back, resting on the curve of her waist as he pressed her closer to him, their bodies molding together as if they were made to fit this way. Y/n could feel the heat of his body radiating through his clothes, his hard muscles tense beneath her fingers.
"I’m going to ruin you," he murmured against her lips, his breath hot and ragged.
He unbuttoned her crop top, revealing her small, perky breasts. Her nipples were already erect, betraying her arousal.
Heeseung's mouth watered as he leaned down, taking a taut peak between his lips. He sucked and teased, his tongue flicking across her sensitive bud. Y/n arched her back, a loud moan escaping her lips. She had never felt such pleasure, her body responding instinctively to his skilled touch. He pinched her nipples, rolling and tugging them until she was squirming beneath him, her hands gripping the couch cushions tightly.
His fingers trailed down her stomach, sliding beneath the waistband of her panties. He eased them down her slender thighs, revealing her bare pussy. Y/n's breath hitched as she felt the cool air on her exposed skin. Heeseung's fingers gently parted her folds, his thumb circling her clit, eliciting a soft whimper from her.
"You like that, don't you?" he murmured, his voice hoarse with desire. "Be my good girl and let me hear how much you're enjoying this Y/n."
He increased the pressure, rubbing her clit in firm circles, his fingers dipping into her wetness. Y/n's moans grew louder, her hips thrusting against his hand. He added another finger, stretching her, preparing her for what was to come. He eased his fingers in and out, building her pleasure until she was writhing beneath him, her body tense on the brink of release.
"Let it out for me princess," he commanded, his voice rough but gentle at the same time.
Y/n's body trembled as she surrendered to the overwhelming sensations, her orgasm ripping through her. She cried out, her back arching off the couch, her pussy clenching around his fingers. Heeseung continued to stroke her through her climax, drawing it out until she was a quivering mess.
He moved between her thighs, his hard cock straining against his pants. Y/n's eyes fluttered open, her face flushed and satisfied. Heeseung positioned himself at her entrance, his length pressing against her wetness. Slowly, he pushed inside, feeling her tightness envelop him. Y/n gasped, her body adjusting to the invasion.
Heeseung held himself still, giving her time to accommodate his size. Then, with a gentle rhythm, he began to move, his hips thrusting slowly at first, then picking up the pace. Y/n's eyes fluttered closed, her hands gripping his shoulders as she met his thrusts, her pussy squeezing his cock.
"You feel so fucking good, Y/n," he growled, his voice strained. "So tight and wet."
He increased the tempo, his cock sliding in and out of her with urgency. Y/n's breath came in short gasps, her nails digging into his shoulders. Heeseung's control was slipping again, his desire to possess her completely overwhelming.
"I'm going to cum inside you, angel," he grunted, his voice hoarse. "I want to fill you with my cum."
Y/n's body tightened around him as she felt his cock throbbing, her own pleasure building again. Heeseung's name escaped her lips in a breathless moan as she climaxed again, her pussy pulsating around him. He followed her over the edge, his cock twitching as he filled her with his hot release, their bodies connected in the most intimate way.
As their hearts slowed and their breathing evened out, Heeseung collapsed onto the couch beside Y/n, pulling her close. She snuggled against his chest, feeling safe in his arms as the warmth of their shared moment lingered. Heeseung kissed the top of her head, his fingers gently stroking her back.
“You okay?” he asked softly, his voice full of tenderness.
Y/n nodded, her eyes half-closed. “Yeah… I’m okay,” she whispered, feeling a soft smile tug at her lips.
Heeseung’s hand cupped her cheek, his thumb brushing over her skin. “You were amazing,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You did so well."
Y/n blushed, her heart fluttering at the affection in his voice. “Thank you… I didn’t know it could feel like that,” she admitted shyly.
He chuckled, his eyes soft as he pulled her closer. “I’ll run you a warm bath later, okay? You deserve it.” His voice was low and caring, filled with a sweetness that made Y/n's chest tighten.
She looked up at him, smiling softly. “You’re really sweet,” she whispered, feeling a warmth spread through her.
“Only for you,” he replied with a grin, kissing her gently. After a moment, he whispered, “You’re mine now,”
Y/n nodded, her heart swelling with emotion. “I am.”
Heeseung smiled, kissing her one last time, his arms wrapped protectively around her as they settled into a comfortable silence, the connection between them deeper than before.
TAGLIST - @jakeyhoney @jakeswifez @gnvi-eve
©honeybelleee on tumblr!
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iluvmattsbeard · 3 months ago
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innocence (c.s)
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master list
popular!chris x quiet!reader
warnings: smut/car sex/virginity loss/fingering/p in v/angst/asshole chris
preview: you and chris sat next to each other in class. he liked that you weren’t like the rest of the girls. though he’s in denial of his feelings. what happens when one day he gives you a ride home?
a/n: sorry i stay slacking guys 🙁 forgive me. FRAT BOY CHRISSSSS. also, listen to song as you read. i actually can’t believe how good this song is.
Chris and you are sat in class quietly. your heart aches every time you guys meet each other's gaze. it's been nearly a month since the incident. the incident that you didn't expect to happen. you knew it was too good to be true but, there was a sliver of hope you felt. the way he sweet talked you, the way he took care of you, and how gentle he was. you never expected it to turn south so quickly. he treated you like you were invisible after it all. it broke you immensely but, you felt stupid for even having that small bit of hope that you would actually be different. how could you be different in his eyes?
you were nothing compared to those popular girls who basically threw themselves at him. the way their hairs sat perfectly, the way their outfits were carefully thought of, and how good they spoke. especially when they flutter their eyes and have that small soft grin when they flirt with Chris. you were nothing like them; you tried so hard to push the feelings away but, your mind replays the same memory over and over again.
-flashback-
you were standing there dumbfounded, your heart breaking as you speak up shakily, "a mistake?" you look at him with hurt in your eyes. his expression falters for a second but he quickly regains his cold demeanor. he looks away and sighs, "yes. a mistake." he whispers. you look away slowly, shaking your head slightly in denial, "h-how could it be a mistake? you told me it was the best you ever had-." you were quickly cut off, "I was just caught up in the moment okay?" he says sternly. you look back at him, you felt yourself getting weaker from every word that came out of his mouth. you open your mouth slightly, about to speak but, he just continues, "just-," he sighs, "just keep your mouth shut about it okay? I can't have people knowing." he says, while avoiding eye contact.
keep your mouth shut? how could he just say that? is it because it would effect his image? "why? because you're embarrassed?" you let out shakily. there was a moment of silence but he nods, "yes." he says bluntly. there was that feeling again, getting worse by the second. you nod slowly, "got it." you whisper before turning around to walk away.
Chris looks up at the sight of you walking away. secretly, he felt terrible for hurting your feelings but, he knew he couldn't show it. he turns around and walks the opposite direction, scolding himself in the inside. why did he let it get so far if this is what he had to do? why did he care so much? his friends would ridicule him for god knows how long, if they ever found out what happened between you two. as much as he's hurting in secret, he knew he couldn't be seen with you or associated with you.
-end of flashback-
the bell rings, snapping you out of your deep thought. you move slowly to put your books in your bag. Chris was secretly taking small glances over at you, he still felt terrible for everything. he bites his lip softly before getting up, looking away slinging his backpack onto his shoulder. he walks out of class, making you look up at him go. your heart dropping but, you quickly shake it off.
you get up and walk out of class, your head dropping down to your feet as you took steps. there you were in deep thought once again but, it was quickly interrupted by a thud. you look up startled, you meet eyes with an irritated girl. you had just bumped into her as she scoffs slightly, "move." she scolds as you nod, "sorry." you mumble about to walk past her but she stops you, "what was that?" she says, "speak louder you freak." you look around to quickly realize that now everyone was watching, even Chris. he's stood there with a group of friends as he watches with a blank expression.
"i'm sorry..." you spit out nervously as she mocks you, "i'm sorry- yeah you should be. next time pay attention." you nod slowly before walking away, your cheeks flustered by embarrassment. Chris deep down felt angered for you. he never understood why anyone would pick on you but, obviously he kept that to himself. "dude something is up with that girl." one of his friends says, catching Chris's attention. he clears his throat before nodding in agreement, "right. try being sat next to her." he chuckles a bit as he ridicules you to his friends. which deep down he didn't feel right doing but, he felt the need to. you turn your head around to meet eyes with Chris, hurt from the words that came out of his mouth. his expression falters slightly, realizing you heard him.
how could he act like that? you thought to yourself. you turn back around as you continue your steps down the hallway. how could he talk about you like that with his friends when you both knew what happened between you two? it was all making your head spiral. you thought of yourself as a fool for falling for his ways. like said before, too good to be true.
at the end of the day, Chris heads out the school doors as he begins to say bye to his friends. he walks towards his car, unlocking it, and getting inside with a small sigh. as he's about to start his car, he looks up slightly, doing a double take as he watches you from afar, walking by yourself. you always walked home and he always felt bad deep down that you had to. he bites his lip slightly before looking up at his rear view mirror, staring into the back seat. he gulps slightly before the memory floods his head.
-flashback-
you sit quietly at your desk. you rummage through your backpack as you begin to pull out your notebook for class. Chris walks into class as he looks around for a seat. the teacher then speaks up to him, "you are sitting next to Y/n. over there." she points. you lift your head up, meeting Chris's gaze as he takes in your appearance. you had doe eyes, with flustered red cheeks, and your lips matched the shade of it. he nods at the teacher before walking over to sit next to you. he takes off his backpack as he leans back into his seat. you focus your attention forward, trying to avoid his presence. he glances at you, looking at you up and down before he speaks up quietly, "i'm Chris."
you glance at him slightly before continuing to face forward. he chuckles softly before leaning forward and resting his arms on the desk, keeping his eyes on you, "you hear me or you just ignoring me?" he asks. you sigh quietly before turning to face him, "I know who you are." you mumble. "oh so you were ignoring me?" he teases, slightly cocking up an eyebrow. "didn't mean to." you mumble quietly as you focus your gaze down at your notebook. "right... so your name is Y/n?" he asks curiously, making you nod slowly, "yup." you respond dryly.
this intrigued him, usually girls would fall to their knees to have a conversation with him but, you? you treated him like he was just whoever. "playing hard to get or are you just not much of a talker?" he says playfully, fiddling with his pencil. you stay silent as you look up at the board. "okay so not much a talker." he speaks up again. you sigh once again before looking at him, why was he trying so hard to get you to talk? "look, yes, i'm not much of a talker but also, I just don't feel the need to talk to you okay?" you say bluntly before turning your gaze back to the board.
he grins slightly before putting both his hands up in defense, "got it." he says leaning back into his seat. you paid attention to the lesson as you carefully took notes as the teacher spoke. meanwhile, Chris would just roll his eyes in boredom, still taking glances at you when he got the chance.
as much as you didn't want to speak to him, as days passed by with him sat next to you, you had no choice but to give in and speak to him. he mostly rambled about non sense but, you just let him. you started to realize he wasn't that bad to talk to, even though he did most of the talking, you felt like you could say anything to him without feeling judged. deep down, he was really understanding and down to earth. he was respectful and when you did speak, he would keep his eyes on you, blocking everyone out. it didn't take very long for you to start feeling some type of way towards him. in your defense, he was the only guy who really kept a strong conversation with you.
one day, the weather took an unexpected route. you always walked home from school and today as you begin to walk, you feel droplets fall onto your head. you look up at the cloudy sky as it begins to pour rain. you stop in your place as you sigh, looking back ahead of you. it takes you almost about 30 minutes to get home. this was going to suck, you thought. to make it worse, you were wearing only a thin long sleeve shirt and jeans. the cold air mixed with the cold water hitting you, made you walk extremely slow.
Chris gets in his car quickly as he starts it, immediately turning on the windshield wipers. he throws his back pack into the passenger seat as he begins to drive. what an odd day for rain, he thought to himself. he wasn't driving for long as he does a double take at your figure, walking alone the rain. "is that Y/n?" he whispers to himself before rolling down the window, driving slowly near you, "Y/n!" he calls out, making you turn your head to face whoever has called you. you squint your eyes slightly, due to the heavy rain. didn't take you long to figure out it's Chris. "Chris?" you call out, bringing your hand up to your forehead as you continue to squint.
you were soaked from the rain, slightly shivering, "get in!" Chris calls out. you hesitate, "what? no it's okay! i'm soaked." you reply about to continue walking. "get in Y/n! i'm not letting you walk in this rain!" he says. you look at him again as you nod slowly before walking around to the passenger seat, getting in. you felt some relief as you felt the warmth of his car but, sitting in soaking wet clothes was uncomfortable.
"shit- I don't think I can drive in this weather." he says as he tries to look forward but, the windshield wipers couldn't even help to clear the view. he decides to pull over so that hopefully this all subsides. you sit there quietly as you look at him. he takes his key out of the ignition before looking back at you. "do you have to be home at a specific time or..." he asks quietly. you shake your head slowly, "no i'm good." you respond, still uncomfortable from the condition of your clothes. "sorry, should I start the car up again?" he asks about to put his key back, "no, it's fine Chris." you say reassuringly as he leans back into his seat and sigh. "I wasn't expecting this weather." he begins to start small talk. "me neither." you say quietly. you both were feeling a bit awkward, unsure what to do in this situation.
the weather was quite terrible and being stuck in a car soaking wet was not ideal for you. as you look down at your hands, you're oblivious to Chris glancing over at you. sometimes his gaze a little longer than the last but, he couldn't help it. the way your damp hair stuck onto your face, your cheeks were flushed red from the coldness, and he couldn't help but watch the way you trembled slightly. "so we're back to this?" he breaks the silence with a small laugh. you look up at him confused, "back to what?" you ask curiously. "you being so quiet." he teases, making you roll your eyes, "well this isn't quite an ideal situation." you shoot back. "you're right. sorry." he says staying silent for a bit but, that obviously didn't last long, "answer me one thing."
your eyes dart to him again confused, "okay..." you say quietly trailing off. Chris meets your gaze, gulping slightly before asking his question, "why do you keep to yourself? so quiet all the time?" you stay silent, caught off guard by his blunt question. why did you? you look back down at your hands, trying to figure out how to respond. “well… I just choose to.” you let out, making Chris shake his head slightly, “elaborate.” he says. you sigh softly before speaking up again, “I guess I choose to stay silent because it’s not like anyone bothers to have a conversation with me.” you pause, playing with your fingers nervously, “why should I waste my breath on people who don’t even bother trying? it saves me the embarrassment.” you mutter quietly.
Chris’s expression falters and he gulps once again, “well you need to give yourself more credit. why do you think you would be embarrassed? when I talk to you, it’s easy and I think people will realize that as well if you try.” he advices, keeping his eyes on you. trying to read your expression. you stay silent, taking in what he just said. “don’t know if you realized but, I am sort of the school’s easy target.” you convey quietly. maybe he’ll understand but, he shakes his head, “easy target? bullshit. don’t take anyone’s shit Y/n.” he says making you scoff with humor, “easier said than done.” you mumble.
you’re caught off guard by what he does next, he lifts your chin up slowly to meet his eyes. “i’m serious. you’re a good person, quite interesting in my eyes.” he says quietly. you swallow a bit, nervous as he runs his thumb across your bottom lip gently. his eyes taking in the sight. “w-what are you doing?” you whisper nervously. “not sure…” he mumbles quietly, “something is just drawing me to you. even from the start.” he adds on in a small whisper.
you look away, pulling your face away from his hand. he sits there a bit shock from your sudden movement, “did I say something wrong?” he asks. you look down at your feet as you shake your head slowly, “n-no it’s just… i’m not trying to be apart of your game…” you admit in a small whisper. he raises his eyebrows a bit, “what game?” he asks still confused. “i’m not stupid Chris.” you turn to face him, “what do you mean something is pulling you to me? is that what you say to every girl?” you continue. “do you think I just get with every girl? I mean what I say Y/n. ever since from the start, I felt drawn to you. your demeanor.” he admits, hoping you’d understand. “I-I don’t know…” you whisper quietly. he places his hand on your cheek gently, his touch cold as he makes you face him. “I mean it.” he says quietly. it felt genuine to you but, what if it’s too good to be true?
silence filled the air. the tension between you was obvious as you let out a shaky breath, slowly looking down at his lips and back up to his eyes. you lean in slowly, something about him was now drawing you in, were you falling for his trap? but how can someone sound so genuine? you feel his lips attach onto yours softly, making your heart beat fast. both yours and his lips moved in such synchronization. his hand eventually move away from your cheek as it snakes behind your neck. Chris deepens the kiss, making you place your hands on his shoulders hesitantly. you couldn’t help but think, he’s so good at this, of course he was. he then pulls away suddenly, trying to read your expression, “is this okay?” he whispers. making you nod slightly with a gulp. he unbuckles his seat belt, bringing his hand back behind your neck, kissing you once again, this time more eager than the last.
you moan softly against his lips, making him run his hands down your shoulders, down to your waist. the kiss is nothing like you’ve ever experienced and his touch was gentle. you take the initiative to crawl onto him, both your legs straddling him as you do it without breaking the kiss. his hands run down your back slowly. you move your hips slowly, not meaning to grind against his dick but, you do and it was obvious how hard he is. he places his hands on your ass gently, caressing it slowly as he works his mouth against you with growing hunger. you pull away breathlessly, about to speak up but he gets to it first, “let’s get in the back seat?” he suggests. your eyes linger to the back, making you a little nervous, “u-um… sure…” you whisper. “we don’t have to if you aren’t comfortable-.” he starts off but, you cut him off, “no. i’m comfortable with it.” he nods keeping his eyes on you. you make your way to the back seat, him following shortly after. you sit there in silence as the thoughts begin to eat at you again. how many girls have been back here? you see Chris begin to take off his shoes, making you do the same.
he gently holds you by the waist, laying you down carefully. his eyes never left yours as he whispers, “you’re so beautiful.” you feel your cheeks heat up as you whisper back, “thank you…” he leans down to your face as he begins to kiss you once again. this time, his hand lingers down your thigh. he then brings his mouth to your neck, kissing it delicately. his hand then goes up under your shirt slightly, feeling his cold hand graze your lower stomach, making you shiver slightly. he then brings his lips back to yours as he deepens the kiss, moving his hand down your pants slowly, making his fingers slowly rub up and down your clothed heat. you let out a small breath in between the kiss as you open your eyes and push him away slightly. “w-wait.” you whisper breathlessly. he looks down at you, his features barely lit up by the gloomy atmosphere from the outside, “what’s wrong?” he asks concerned. “it’s just…” you look down at his hand in your pants, “i’ve never done this…” you confess. his face softens as he whispers, “are you sure you want this?” even though you’ve been hesitant, you want it so bad. “yes.” you mutter slightly confident. he nods, “i’ll be gentle okay?” he whispers, continuing his hand movement, he slowly brings his hand into your underwear, running his fingers up and down your folds slowly, “you’re already so wet beautiful.” he says quietly, his eyes still never leaving yours.
“i’m going to stretch you out a bit first. is that okay sweetheart?” he asks softly. you feel your heart about to pound out of your chest from the pet name, “y-yes.” you let out with a soft breath. he remains eye contact as he brings his fingers near your entrance. he pushes one finger in first, his fingers were long and you feel your chest rise and fall from the sudden sensation. he pumps his finger slowly as he watches you carefully. your eyes flutter shut as you take in the new feeling. you moan softly, which to him was angelic. your eyebrows furrow slightly as he continues to pump slowly. “okay i’m going to add another finger. is that alright beautiful?” he whispers. you swallow and nod, your eyes still shut. he adds a another finger making you gasp quietly, “you okay sweetheart?” you nod at his words as he now pumps in and out of your soaking core slowly. “does it feel good?” he coos soothingly. “y-yes Chris.” you moan out as his fingers begin to redouble it’s efforts. he begins to pump his fingers a bit faster, making your thighs close in slightly, “C-Chris.” you stutter at the sensation. he uses his other hand to pry your legs apart slowly as he whispers, “you’re doing so good f’me.” he then uses his thumb to rub small circles on your clit, making you gasp once more. how did he know how to do this so well? how did he know the right places?
he uses his other hand to rub my cheek delicately as he whispers, “you’re so pretty under my touch.” your eyes meet his as your eyebrows furrow more, your eyes glossy from the pleasure. you feel the knot in your stomach form, signifying how close you are. “I-I’m going to cum Chris.” you whine out, making him grin slowly, “be a good girl and cum all over my fingers sweetheart.” he says, making the knot in your stomach snap, letting out ragged gasps, your back arching a bit at the high. “oh my god.” he lets out breathless, “you’re so perfect.” he says taking out his fingers, bringing it up to his mouth, cleaning his fingers dry, “tastes s’good.” he says with small groan. he then places his hand on the button of your jeans, “may i?” he asks huskily. you nod as you watch him begin to unbutton your jeans and tug them down slowly, along with your underwear. his eyes dart at your now exposed core. you feel your heartbeat speeding up as you feel slightly ashamed. “you’re perfect.” he reassures as he licks his lips slightly. he then unbuttons his jeans, pulling them down. leaving his boxers still on. the obvious boner is peaking through it. your eyes widen slightly. even though he was still covered, it was obvious how big he was. he then moves his gaze to the glove compartment, opening it to pull out a condom. of course he has a stash in his car. how often does he do this to be so prepared?
you watch as he meets your eyes once again, pulling his boxers down. the tip of his dick hitting his stomach slightly. you gulp nervously. you couldn’t believe this was happening right now. about to lose your innocence in the back seat of the most popular guy in school. he rips open the condom wrapper, pulling it out and handing it to me, “put it on me.” he says, making you sit up and look at his dick, now close to you. you begin to roll it down his length slowly, “i-is it going to fit?” you ask nervously. he chuckles softly before rubbing your cheek, “it’ll fit sweetheart. you tell me if it hurts too much.” he says as he lays you back down gently. the sound of rain escapes your ears, due to how loud your heart pounding. he spreads your legs open as he aligns in between you, “i’ll put the tip in only for now okay?” he says quietly. you nod hesitantly as you look down at his cock. he runs his hand on it at first before lowering it in front of your entrance. he lubricates the tip of his protected cock by rubbing it up and down your folds slowly. he then pushes his tip in gently, his eyes flickering up to your face. you bite your lip a bit hard as your facial expression betrays the pain you feel.
he stops and whispers, “it’ll only hurt for a bit. i promise it’ll feel better okay? just breathe f’me.” you nod as you do as he says. he thrusts his tip in and out slowly, you begin to ease slightly. you continue to watch his tip disappear and reappear in you as he watches your face closely. after a bit, he then speaks up, “i’m going to go further okay?” you nod in response, still nervous it won’t fit fully. he begins to push into you further, slowly stretching you out more. your mouth opens, a small whimper escaping, “C-Chris it’s too big.” he looks at you as he stops, “it’s okay sweetheart. just be a good girl okay? you’re doing good so far.” he says. you swallow as you flicker your eyes from his face to the scene happening. he behind to move slowly, a grunt coming from his mouth, “shit. you feel so good around me baby.” he looks down at the sight of his cock going in and out of you slowly, “you’re doing good.” he reassures. he continues his slow and deep thrusts, making you throw your head back slowly. moans flying out of your mouth from the burning sensation. “so beautiful baby.” he moans lowly as he continues to watch his movements. “y-you can go faster.” you let out shakily.
“are you sure?” he asks with a bit of worry, “I don’t want to hurt you.” you nod, “i’ll be okay.” you whisper. he nods as he begins to pick up the pace. his hand rests behind your neck as he rests his forehead against yours. his thrusts are fast and deep, hitting your g spot with every movement. “so fucking good.” he mumbles close to your face. you attach your lips onto his as he does the same back. with this, he begins to slam into you at a rough pace. making you moan loudly against his lips, “Chris!” “you’re doing s’good baby. keep taking it like a good girl.” he moans lowly as he continues. the car is filled with the sounds of your skins slapping against each other. you grip his shoulders a bit hard, making him hiss slightly against your lips. he leans back up a bit as he places his hand on your chin, his thumb resting on your lip. “who knew you could take dick so good.” he lets out as his thrusts continue to progress. you moan loudly as he grips your chin a bit harder, “open your mouth sweetheart.” you do as he says as he pushes his thumb into your mouth.
“such a good girl obeying me.” he says as he moves his thumb in and out of your mouth, still pounding into you. you gurgle slightly as your eyes shut tightly from the feeling of his cock, hitting your g spot so good. the pleasure is nothing you’ve ever felt before. you didn’t want this to end. he was so careful with you, so reassuring, and thoughtful. he knew how to work your body perfectly. he then removes his thumb from your mouth as he grips your jaw gently, “you’re s’good wrapped around me.” he groans as he then pulls your thighs up to his chest, pounding into you at a more fast pace. you gasp loudly as you swallow harshly, “ah! fuck!” you moan loudly. you forgot that it was still daylight, if the rain clears up anytime soon, you guys would for sure be caught. “what baby? you like that?” he asks sweetly. you whine with a nod, the feeling was unbelievable. the way you both rock together was something you never expected. the noises that came out of his mouth, made you feel great. not only were you feeling incredible, you knew he was too. how many girls have seen him like this? you feel the knot in your stomach appear again as he doesn’t hold back with his thrusts. “I-I’m so close!” you moan loudly. “cum all over this dick sweetheart.” he says with a grunt following. you start to feel your legs shake as the knot snaps once again, letting you release all over his dick. he feels you clench around him as you shudder, your face contorting into pure ecstasy. he watches you fall apart under him, making his face turn into slight submission. he continues to pound into you before one final thrust, releasing his hot cum into the condom inside of you. he moans loudly as he rides out his climax, “fuck such a good girl.” he grunts.
when regaining strength, he looks down at you, you both were sweaty. he moves your hair from your face, making it unstick as he smiles softly, “you’re incredible. i’ve never felt this good before.” he whispers. you look up at him as you swallow, “r-really?” he nods, “yes really.” you both eventually lay there in silence, taking each other in as he places soft kisses on your forehead. the windows were all fogged up and you start to hear the rain again. your heart beating fast still as he lays onto of you. what could get any better than this?
the next few days, you notice Chris a bit distant. he would barely talk to you in class and you were starting to feel like something was up. one day, you follow him, calling out for him, “Chris!” he turns around and looks at you but, he quickly looks around nervously, “what?” he asks. “why are you acting so weird? you’ve been treating me differently.” you say confused. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he says before turning around about to continue walking. “seriously? what we fuck and all of the sudden i’m nothing?” you ask slightly hurt. he turns around and looks at you with a harden expression, “can you keep your voice down? look, it was a mistake.” he reveals, your face dropping.
-end of flashback-
so not only do you think about it, Chris does too. he has been thinking about it. it eats him up inside but he can’t help but try to ignore it, to keep up his reputation. he looks away from the rear view mirror as he sighs. no one knew he was hurting like this. he hated the fact he pushed you away. he lied to you and said it was a mistake but, it was further from the truth. it wasn’t a mistake to him. he meant what he said, it was the best he’s ever felt. he couldn’t fight back his underlying emotions in that moment. he glances back up at the mirror, taking in the back seat again before looking down at his phone. he pulls up your contact and immediately texts you.
Chris
‘i’m sorry Y/n. I didn’t mean to hurt you.’
he sees you read it but, he gets no response.
Chris
‘please talk to me. it wasn’t a mistake. i’m sorry it took me so long to admit it.’
he sits there desperately as he waits.
Y/n
‘it’s fine but, you made me realize it really was a mistake.’
Chris
‘no don’t say that please. it was a dick move of me. please believe me.’
Y/n
‘I fell for your game. I can’t believe I fell for your sweet talk.’
Chris
‘Y/n believe me. everything I said to you that day, I meant every bit of it. I know it’s hard for you to believe but, I went everyday beating myself up for it. you are more than you think and I want to prove to you I can do better.’
Y/n
‘yeah how?’
Chris
‘just let me be the man for you. I don’t care what anybody says. let me prove that to you that I won’t let my reputation get in the way.’
Chris’s attention is soon interrupted by a knock at his car door window. he looks up from his phone and sees you standing there. he opens the door quickly and embraces you, “i’m really sorry okay?” he whispers, “I don’t want to lose you again.” you melt into his touch as you sigh, “it really hurt Chris.” “I know but-.” he pulls away pausing for a bit as he looks down at you, “I really will do anything to make it up to you.” he whispers. you look up at him as you try to read his expression, last time you didn’t know what was real or not. will he make it up to you? or does he just want more of your innocence? you just stay silent as you rest your head on his chest.
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a/n: sorry if it’s so long! hope you enjoyed. likes, comments, and reblogs are so highly appreciated. love you guys.
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