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bitterkarmaa · 2 years ago

Note

Ok so sorry! Its my first time on Tumblr!

13: Eclipse is a part of the Kill Code from Moon and Idk how you see it, but the influence from this and also the pressure from the Star could become quite difficult sometimes. Moon should know the problem of keeping the balance or upper hand.

No worries!! It took me a while to figure it all out too :) welcome to hell!!

“When is this going to get easier?”

-Moon & Eclipse-

Eclipse told himself many lies. He knew some of the deceptions he fed himself were merely made for comfort, considered a coping mechanism to those more emotionally intelligent than he was. Lunar mentioned it offhand a few times, and Sun gave him looks that suggested his own agreement, but he never truly took those words into serious consideration. It felt burdening, to mull over the extent of his life and all that he’s done over the course of it. It reminded him of things he tires himself trying to avoid.

But sometimes, he gets caught up in those thoughts. Those aching reminders that float from one side of his head to another, always able to find the right spot to take all his focus at the worst time possible. Certain days, those sometimes become all times, constantly battling against him as he struggles to keep his composure against the incessant plague that haunts his mind. It’s utterly exhausting.

On those days, Moon always manages to find him somehow. May it be by chance or badly hidden worried intent, Moon always finds him.

Today is a bad day. A day filled with memories and reminders that sting at every wound he’s ever had, the ache in his chest becoming worse the more he lays, his own mind threatening to consume him.

Blood Moon isn’t here, currently, having gotten Eclipse’s word that he would still be there when they returned from their hunt. At first, he thought nothing of it- Blood Moon had their own things to do, he understood that. Respected it, even. However, once his head managed to get it’s grubby hands on whatever coherence he had, he instantly regretted letting them go.

And now, here he lays: under the blankets, trembling so much that the mere thought of standing makes him dizzy and nauseous. Despite his inherent weakness, his claws clutch vainly at the bed sheets, grasping so hard that they run holes into the fabric.

Oh, how his mind drags him on, teaching him the steps to a dance he already knows, but loathes all the same.

“KC!”

Eclipse stiffens for the hundredth time today, eyes growing wider the deeper he falls into the memory.

“KC! YOU CAN’T LET THEM DO THIS!!”

His systems begin to overheat, vents coming in quick, short intervals that do nothing to prevent his impending panic.

“IT WASN’T MY FAULT!”

He doesn’t hear the door click softly open, doesn’t hear the footsteps that approach him.

“Let him go.”

A hand reaches out to him, hesitating to touch his shaking shoulder.

“LET HIM GO!”

Eclipse jolts backwards, his hand flying up to grasp Moon’s wrist even so. The tips of his claws dig into the soft sleeves of Moon’s outfit, cutting holes into the pristine fabric.

“Eclipse! It’s just me!” Moon shouts, taking a step back after Eclipse registers who it is and that he doesn’t intend to bring any harm, thusly releasing Moon in the process. He shifts further out of Moon’s reach, pressing his back to the wall his bed sits against as Moon gives him a cautious glare.

“What’s your problem?” He snaps after a moment of pause, earning a tired look from Eclipse that almost makes Moon pity him.

“Nothing. Leave.” Eclipse retorts almost immediately, his gaze sharpening into a glare as he forces the exhaustion out of his expression. Moon looks dubious.

“You…can talk to me, you know. I won’t think any less of you, or whatever.”

Moon’s words strike a chord within Eclipse that seems to steal all the words from his mouth, since, for the next few moments, all he can do is stare. It makes no sense. How could he be so careless with his concern? Hasn’t Eclipse hurt him enough?

“Didn’t I tell you to leave?” He says instead, forcing down the nicer reply that festers in his voice box like an open wound. He can tell that his reaction only makes Moon more interested, red eyes focused on Eclipse’s own expression, waiting for the slightest shift or change, like a predator seeking weakness from it’s prey. Eclipse loathed that look. Especially when it was directed at him.

“Yes. And I’m choosing not to listen.” Moon responds in the most curt, sly way possible. Eclipse opens his mouth to change his demand into a threat, but he freezes as Moon steps further into the room, sitting quietly on the edge of the bed.

Eclipse grits his teeth. Why does Moon insist upon testing his patience like this? Doesn’t he understand how hard it is for Eclipse to control his temper? He’s not making his whole ‘redemption’ any easier.

“You have that thinking look on your face.”

Eclipse lifts his gaze, narrowing his eyes at Moon’s statement.

“Maybe because I’m thinking.” He snaps back, shifting further away from the other animatronic. Moon tilts his head the slightest bit.

“About?” He prompts, earning a snarl from Eclipse.

“What is it with you and getting into my business?”

Moon doesn’t seem as intimidated as Eclipse hoped he would be by the former-villains biting tone. Instead, Moon moves closer, agitating Eclipse the moment be begins to stir.

“Get out! Leave me alone! Don’t you know that-“

Eclipse’s words fall short, dying in his voice box with a soft crackle. Moon’s hand rests softly on top of Eclipse’s own- a gentle touch that, for some reason, breaks some of Eclipse’s walls down. He finds himself struggling to find another demand amongst the rubble his anger leaves behind.

“I may not be all that great with emotions and such, but I can tell you’re distressed. I have been told I play a good therapist, so…lay it on me, if you wish.”

Eclipse stares dumbly at him, at a complete loss for words as he analyses Moon’s expression, looking for any hint of mockery. When he sees nothing but sympathy, he finds himself beginning to tear up, of all things, in front of Moon.

“What are you doing? Why are you doing this?” He croaks, reminiscent of a time when he’d been in denial that Moon decided to save him. When the younger animatronic let him lean into the warmth his body no longer produced- when he felt that flicker of safety in the arms of someone he used to consider an enemy.

“It’s alright, Eclipse. It’s okay. I won’t let them hurt you again.”

He breaks down. Before Moon can supply an answer, Eclipse grabs him and pulls him into a hug, sobbing openly into his shoulder as Moon sits in stunned silence, wondering how to comfort him- if he should comfort him, or if he needed these tears to heal something much deeper than he ever could with his words alone.

The words stick like glue to Eclipse’s psyche, the comforting tone of the beast playing on repeat in his head.

But Moon would never know that tone. He only knows the sinister, devilish grin painted on the face of a murderer he thinks has only been seen in his head. What would he do if he knew that KC had a body of its own?

Would he go after it?

The thought only makes him cry harder, gritting his teeth together in an effort to stifle his sobs.

“When is this going to get easier?” Eclipse finds himself asking, shaking hands curling into the fabric of Moon’s shirt. The other animatronic stays silent for a moment, still stunned by Eclipse’s display of vulnerability, though he finds his voice before the situation can further escalate.

“When is what going to get easier?” Moon asks, voice quiet- subdued.

“This! All of this! The emotions, the self-hatred, the constant contradictions that bite back at me for every thought I have- just…just all of it!” Eclipse finds himself saying, words spilling from his mouth before he can even think to stop them. His despair morphs into a familiar type of anger that forces his hands to release Moon, pulling away in favor of vigorously wiping the tears from his face.

Stupid, stupid, stupid…he must think so lowly of you now- all these tears, this sadness, a useless venture in front of others! The judgement will be well earned!

“…..I’ve found that it doesn’t really get easier, Eclipse.”

Moon’s reply lacks the disgust that Eclipse expected to hear behind his words, slowly lifting his gaze to focus back on the night-themed jester at his side. His expression is conflicted- not with disdain or frustration, but with empathy and respect. It’s as if this show of emotion from Eclipse offered Moon a different perspective on the other that he hadn’t quite considered before.

The thought brings a slight bit of confusion to Eclipse’s face.

“But…all these changes since you first started to work towards being better…it shows that you’re trying. Personally, I think you’ve really improved since then. Those contradictions and self-hatred show that you regret what you did before. Which means you’re better. Being emotional comes with change, and this is a big change for you. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m…” Moon pauses at that, carefully contemplating before carrying on; “I’m sorry that your mind is retaliating in a way that hurts you. You don’t deserve that. But…you aren’t alone. I find myself lost in the same concepts that you’re struggling with- maybe even for the same reasons, as well. I used to have the same sort of ideals that you did, and it was a long and hard process of breaking those habits. Some of them are still there to this day. Even so, I’ve found that the one true consolation that I have changed is that…people love me. The others listen- they care about what I have to say. Just like I’m sitting here listening to you. You have changed, Eclipse. Your mind may tell you differently, but…it knows you in a different way than I do. You view yourself differently than everyone else does. I’m not saying that you should try and change the way you see yourself, I’m just saying that…it’s okay. You’re okay.”

Eclipse listens in silence, his entire body stiff as a statue. He keeps thinking that Moon will stop and shrug off what he’s saying- make some crude remark to lighten the mood in the darkest way possible, but…he doesn’t. Instead, he just keeps going. With each added word, the tension in his chest eases more.

By the end of Moon’s speech, Eclipse finds himself almost smiling again. The slightest upturn to his mouth, carrying a whisper of hope that doesn’t quite play in his voice box, but touches his core nonetheless.

And, for the first time all day, his mind is at ease. No stretch of gratitude that he could offer would truly encompass the relief he feels at that realization.

“You know…I’d almost assume you think fondly of me after all that.” Eclipse jests, earning a soft, sarcastic sounding chuckle from Moon. But Eclipse can tell it isn’t quite fake- the amusement in Moon’s eyes proves that so.

“Don’t push your luck.” Moon drawls.

When Blood Moon does return later in the day, apologizing profusely for taking as long as they did, they find both Moon and their dad curled up against one another, sleeping soundly in the comfortable silence of the room. The twins can’t help the small, fond smile that rises onto their face as they clamber up onto the bed themselves, snuggling up against Eclipse, stirring their father the slightest bit in doing so.

It doesn’t take long for him to fall back asleep, however, one arm draped over his sons while the other is held captive by Moon’s grip.