#also looking forward to learning more about the Voyager-A

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Desert Oasis

✽ Johnny "Soap" Mactavish x f!reader (The Mummy AU)

Main Masterlist ✽ Ao3

✽ Part 8 - On a horse with no name

Let's just assume from now on that I'm incapable of writing anything that could conceivably be referred to as a 'normal length', shall we? I already broke this up with part 7 and I didn't want to give you three chapters of just desert.

Also I have an Ao3 now if any of you would prefer to read it over there instead. All of my works will be cross posted.

Buckle in for this almost 13k monstrosity! :)

Traveling the first leg of the desert was definitely not a glamorous endeavor. Adjusting to a horse’s gait was far different than that of a camel’s pace. Whereas you were familiar with the lateral walk of the former which had diagonal leg pairs moving together, the latter moved in a syncopated rhythm - both legs on one side progressing forward at the same time. 

You quickly learned it was imperative to let your body sway along with the rockiness as it plodded along, tensing up only serving to add discomfort to an already strange motion. It took some getting used to, but once you got past the years of conditioning from riding horseback and into the hang of it you found it a rather enjoyable experience lumbering along over massive sand dunes.

The sweat beaded on your temples, dripping from your brow bone and skiing down the ridge of your nose. The sun scorched your skin and chapped your lips, tongue darting out to relieve the worst of it as you tried to be sparing with your water consumption.

The breaks were few and far between, but that was to be understood when you were voyaging through a dry, arid wasteland with an average temperature of over forty degrees celsius. You’d made the journey across the Mediterranean and Tyrrhenian Seas multiple times in your life, accustomed to the vastness of the blue rolling waters laid out as far as the eye can see. It was easy to see how civilizations believed the world was flat for millennia when there was nothing to break up the horizon.

You distinctly remembered your first crossing as a child. You’d ended up clutching onto your mother’s skirts in horror the first time you sailed away from the coast out into the English Channel. It was an unsettling trick of the eye; as if you were staring at the most beautiful painting of sky and sea… but if you got too close you’d sail straight through the canvas and off the edge of the world.

The same could almost be said of your current environment, sand seemingly endless no matter how far the camels trudged onward. The landscape was broken up only by the occasional rock formation, areas of packed earth along the flats where the brittle cracks spoke of how parched the ground was. 

There were no views to entertain the mind - just nothingness. Over nine million square kilometers of it.

The boys spoke at length the first day, the topics of conversation ranging from the recollections of their past to stories of their recent. Some of these were ones you’d already heard from your cousin that they were more than happy to revisit. The occasional argument broke out about the particulars of the events, one saying this while the other said that, the two of them squawking like ruffled geese that refused to secede territory to the other.

Kyle once looked back at you as if expecting your input to be a tiebreaker, something that genuinely made you laugh at the ridiculousness of it as you reminded him that at no point had you ever been to Cambrai nor did you understand the logistics of how to take apart and rebuild an SMLE.

So far as your own input to the discussions, you left most of that to the men to engage with you. It wasn’t as if you were being antisocial - hard to attempt with two chatterboxes for company - but you spent more time being an active listener than a willing participant. In truth, it was nice to turn your brain off for a bit and be swept away by the tales they’d spun of their times together. 

How many nights had you spent curled up in the parlor, legs tucked up under you with a glass of port in your hand while Kyle whiled away the midnight hours stirring your imagination of the many things he’d seen out there in the wide open world? His voice became a soothing balm on evenings where sleep eluded you, taking over for the comfort provided by your father after his untimely passing years prior. You would never object to a recital from him, certainly not now when it was aiding to take your mind off the harsh unimpeded sun battering down on your group.

What really surprised you was the amount you found yourself enjoying the rougher Scottish lilt of your other companion. There was a brashness in the way Johnny spoke compared to your cousin that could be borderline offensive to the ear at times, but it was oddly refreshing to hear the candidness of someone who hadn’t grown up afraid to blurt out the first thing that came to mind. And the man had charm for days that came so naturally to him you could brush off anything that left his lips with an exasperated but secretly fond sigh. 

Johnny tried numerous times to drag out your thoughts on certain matters pertaining to things you might have some knowledge or experience in, but more often than not you didn’t take the bait to start up a conversation, not even when the topics turned less ‘civilized’.

You weren’t a prude. Whilst you had no experience of your own to speak of, you were certainly educated by this point in time of the way life goes that certain subjects and suggestions didn’t rattle you the way it had in your youth upon first discovery. And swearing was a bad habit you picked up as well if the occasion called for it. 

So despite Johnny’s best attempts to shock you into giving him some sort of response he could work off of, you didn’t bat an eye at his crass language.

You ignored the way his eyes lost a bit of their luster every time you shrugged off his attempts, though he lost none of the determination to sway you otherwise. It wasn’t until Kyle took sympathy - on you or Johnny, you couldn’t say - and steered it back to other topics that Johnny relented and went back to their own merry prattle.

Part of you felt bad at your treatment towards Johnny, but there was still a small nagging in your gut that kept reminding you there was a dangerous man hiding behind that dazzling smile. 

Did you think he was going to do something untoward in the middle of the night to either you or Kyle? No. He’d proven as much the two times he’d saved you from a premature end. But it didn’t feel right to be fraternizing with someone who only a few days prior had been locked up in a Cairo prison for crimes that hadn’t even been addressed by him yet. 

Just because he was kind didn’t erase the fact that he was a felon.

Still, despite your reservations on the man, by the time you all stopped for the night and passed around rations for your supper, the animals grazing on nearby fauna as you settled down into your own spaces, you found yourself longing to get back on the camel if only for the simplicity of getting lost in his oddly enchanting brogue.

You couldn’t sleep. You’d been trying for the better part of an hour now, but at every turn the concept seemed to have eluded you. By all accounts you should’ve had a better time of it than the previous night, equipped as you were now for the next days travel through the desert; a colorful sleeping mat providing a protective layer between you and the hard rocky ground, your rolled up bag propped under your head for support, a weaved blanket warding the chill off your bones. Even the light of the smoldering campfire was helping to ease your nerves of being out in the middle of nowhere. But you were lacking the exhaustion of last night even with the added ache in your body from a full day’s ride on camelback.

You could practically feel your joints creak in protest as you sat up from your prone position, pulling your dress down over your legs as you brought your knees up to your chest to sit more comfortably. Wrapping the blanket around your shoulders, you took note of your cousin asleep on his own mat opposite the fire, flayed out on his back snoring quietly. Your other companion lounged back against his own bag, half upright with one leg sprawled out in front of him and the other knee bent. A book rested propped up on the latter, a pencil in his hand as he kept his attention on the pages in front of him. 

You watched him quietly for a few moments, lost in thought of nothing really tangible. Merely caught up in observing the way his writing instrument flowed across the paper.

“Have a curious habit fer starin’, don’tcha hen?”

It startles you out of your stupor, lifting your gaze to his face to find him still focused on whatever it is he’s working on. You made sure to keep your voice down so as not to rouse Kyle.

“I could spend my time counting the grains of sand if you’d prefer.” 

That garnered a small smirk to his face, something that warmed your insides even if he had yet to glance over at you. “If ye like. Not gonna judge a lass fer her choice in hobbies.”

“Says the man judging me for people watching.”

Johnny paused his writings as he considered your words, nodding his head in a way that suggests he knows when he’s been beaten. “Fair ‘nough.” He placed his pencil between the pages of his journal like a bookmark, closing it and setting it off to the side. It’s only then that he finally lifts his gaze to yours. Even in the shadow of the night, there’s a flame inside those eyes that has nothing to do with the one flickering in the middle of camp. “Gather yer havin’ a hard time sleepin’?”

“Legs are too sore to get comfortable,” you grumble out with a small grimace, fully aware of the throbbing on the inside of your thighs now that you were paying attention to it again. “Not used to having them spread that far apart for so long.”

It was only when Johnny suddenly and violently barked out a bout of laughter that you realized the unintended double meaning to your statement, ducking your head as your face began to heat in mortification. It also had you cringing at his volume, fully aware of the other member of your party slumbering nearby.

“Don't wake Kyle,” you scolded softly despite your embarrassment, glancing that way to make sure his sleep remained undisturbed.

“Not tae worry, hen. Man sleeps like a wee bairn if given the chance. Ye’d be surprised the things our ears are trained ta pick up on. If he needed tae be awake, only then would he be.”

He stated it so matter of factly that it gave you pause. It was weird hearing the person you grew up knowing talked about in that kind of light, one tinted with a red hue that made you ponder how much you really knew him nowadays. You’d seen the effect of war on the men who came home, deceived at first into thinking that your cousin had been spared the crippling memories when he first waltzed through your door looking as polished as always. Once the sheer joy at your cousin’s homecoming softened, it was then you realized there were shadows lurking behind those big brown eyes you’d never seen before. 

But what if what happened to him wasn't the only reason for his changes? Maybe it was more than trauma that turned the gorgeous smile into something with a subtle bite. 

Taking a look at his relaxed sleeping form, you weren't sure how many molecules were left of the boy who once yanked your pigtails, broken down and remade into something maybe not befitting this kinder world anymore.

“Sometimes I feel like a different man came home to me,” you confided softly, Johnny quiet and still as he allowed you your space to vent. “I know it’s not fair of me to have expected him to return untouched by battle when I’ve seen so many others shaken to their very core at experiences they still won’t give words to. But it’s like there’s a whisper of a thing prowling beneath his skin that occasionally slithers out to take many forms. Sometimes it’s sadness and grief swimming at the bottom of a bottle. Other times its words sharp as knives spat out and guarded behind bruised knuckles. I’ll look at my cousin and not know if I’m talking to the man I left behind or the creature that remains.”

It was a hard thing to admit out loud - this weight you carried with you. Even odder still was the fact that you were sharing your innermost thoughts with a man you’d had the scantest of conversation with prior to this. What was it about him that made words spill unbidden from your lips that you’d hardly acknowledged yourself?

“Ah’ll not try tae explain the complexities of war tae ye, hen, but when ya send a man tae greet his God there’s a sliver of yer soul that goes with ‘em.” 

You’re instantly drawn back to him as he speaks, expecting to see him burning a hole right through you with the intense truth behind his words, but finding him engrossed back in whatever project he’d taken up in his book. It’s almost like there’s something in his eyes he doesn’t want you to see, revealing it to the pages instead. You’re being spared from something that you have no clue what it is. 

“Garrick is a fierce fighter, one ah’m glad tae have mah back in any sort of danger ye can fathom. Comparatively, he’s also one o’ the most easy goin’ blokes ah’ve had the pleasure ta serve with. Has a good head on his shoulders, that one. The lad can ease even the most ruffled o’ feathers and leave ye with the biggest grin tae grace yer face in ages. Ah owe him fer more than jus’ the skin off mah back.”

You knew exactly what he meant. After the death of your parents, Kyle had been instrumental in keeping all the broken pieces of your heart from fracturing even further. Curious to think the man who was currently heaping praise on your cousin was also the same man Kyle wrote home about in such high regard.

“From what I’ve gathered, you seem to have a certain gift for doing that yourself.” 

The small smirk that appeared on his face seemed to have cleared away whatever cobwebs he’d collected on his soul, eyes full of mirth as he looked to lighter subjects - and you. “Warmed up tae me now, ‘ave ye lass?”

“Didn’t need warming up when we were never chilly in the first place.”

“Not from where ah’ve been standin’.”

“That’s not true. I–” The look he gave you sunk deep into your bones and spoke volumes, having the decency to avert your gaze as he pried out the truth from your attempted denial. “You didn’t exactly make the best first impression is all…”

Glancing up at his heavy sigh, you watched him rake his fingers through the long strands of his mohawk for a few moments as he collected his thoughts into words. “Cannae fault ye fer that. Must’ve appeared like a right scoundrel tae ya. Dinnae mean tae upset ye so badly, hen. Ah’dve much rathered our first meetin’ have happened someplace more befittin’ a warmer introduction.” 

You figured it was as good a time as any to inquire as to the particulars of his incarceration, having learned nothing from your cousin about the subject when pestered. Part of you couldn’t deny being nervous as to his answer - if he would even give you one. 

You kept your voice soft as you implored him for some reason not to think the worst of him. “What happened, Johnny? What put you in there?”

“Defendin’ a lass’s honor.” 

His unexpected response gave you pause, finding yourself sitting up a little bit straighter at the seriousness in his tone. Given his nature, you weren’t so much surprised to find a brawl landed him behind bars. It was the noble reasoning to his actions that had you reevaluating your views on the man.

“Stumbled out o’ the gin joint one night after comin’ back from a job. Happened upon a bloke overpowerin’ a poor thing on mah way out the door. Gave the fucker the privilege o’ findin’ out wha’ happens when the tables turn and yer not the one with the power anymore.” He held his head up higher as he went on. “Two broken ribs, shattered patella, fractured jaw, dislocated shoulder, black eye, punctured lung, and a feedin’ tube. Copper said it was assault. I said it was re-learnin’ manners.” 

His eyes held no trace of deceit, but there was undeniable pride in himself at what he’d done. Not a single ounce of remorse shined through - just pure sated venom. He might have named himself a predator, but Johnny wasn’t a mere coyote out to stalk the wandering herd of sheep for stragglers.

He was the livestock guardian dog who came back home with a reddened maw and chunks of flesh between his teeth.

It curled something within you as you took him in, the weight of past grievances off your chest that had kept you from truly acknowledging his character. He may have been a little rougher around the edges compared to the gentlemen you normally kept company with, but how many times had those knobby knuckles been split wide on the face of a man who deserved it?

“Gonna make ye think a wee bit better of me now, lass?”

You considered him for a moment. “I think I’m finally getting a clearer picture of the man Kyle always claimed you to be.”

There was something akin to subtle relief in the look Johnny gave you, the way his shoulders minutely untensed in previous preparation for a different verdict. You didn't think your opinion of him would have mattered so much, though you supposed most people didn't want to be viewed negatively by your peers.

You didn't try to dig into a further reasoning beyond that.

“You know, he would prattle on about you all the time.” It was easier for you to stare into the fire as you spoke of your cousin’s ramblings, feeling odd recounting such things to his actual person. “He’d write me letters almost every day if he could. Said it was for my own peace of mind to let me know he was still breathing, but I think he was also reassuring himself of that notion as well. He often wanted to chat about home, a distraction from everything and a way to dodge the questions I fielded him concerning his own life. But he also spoke of his adventures out in the real world. Heard about the mischief you lot entangled yourselves in all the time.”

There was a fondness to your smile as you recalled certain tales of misbehavior, numerous as they were. “I know he must’ve sugar coated things for my benefit more often than not, but what he did share with me…” You shook your head in mild exasperation. “How the two of you survived with only a single brain cell between you I’ll never know.”

“Ah’m an upstandin’ citizen, hen.” There was a twinkle in those sapphire hues as he spread his arms wide in playful boastfulness. “Couldnae find a scrap of funny business in me if ye tried.”

The chuckle in his voice was infectious, a giggle bubbling up from your throat making its way past your lips and into your speech. “Oh really?” You challenged, “Then what say you about the incident involving the Mark IV and that bottle of Macallan?”

Johnny scoffed. “Rust bucket was highly volatile after sufferin’ heavy damage durin’ a previous skirmish. Minor malfunction in the tank’s firin’ mechanism led to a unexpected implosion.” 

“Interesting way of saying you dropped a stick of dynamite in a freshly downed bottle of single malt whisky and left it in the center console to go boom.”

He didn’t even have the decency to look ashamed through that cheeky smirk. It was a good look on him. “Lad’s gotta find a way tae keep morale up in the troops, hen. What’s a harmless bit o’ merrymakin’ between comrades if it means givin’ us a well earned respite from combat?”

“And that time you and Kyle snuck into a German occupied hotel in Brussels to avoid sleeping out in that deluge?” You’d had some choice words for your cousin in that fervently written reply.

“Simple reconnaissance mission.” 

“Mmhmm.” Wow. The audacity to say that with a straight face…

“Ye know, yer not the only one familiar with the other, hen.” It was a change of subject mainly to get the heat back off of him, but it did its intended purpose as your interest was piqued. “Couldnae stop hearin’ Kyle bletherin’ on about his precious dolly back home. Made the lads jealous fer havin’ such a pretty bird, even if ye were related.”

You squirmed in your seat, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear that you proceeded to twirl around your finger as a minor distraction. It made you strangely uncomfortable to hear yourself be spoken of like that - not at the fact Kyle shared things about you with the others. Moreso the way he did. “I’m afraid my cousin has probably put me on too high of a pedestal then. I’m far less interesting than he would have undoubtedly led you all to believe.”

That must not have been the response Johnny was expecting from you. There was genuine puzzlement as he glanced you up and down, almost checking to see if he was addressing the right woman. “Didnae think one such as yerself was never taught how tae take a compliment, hen. Yer much more than ye seem to realize.”

To be fair, up until now you were confident you knew how to take one as well. It was part of being out in society; knowing how to dole out false modesty at praises while simpering behind a fan as fancied lords did their best peacock impressions in an effort to win your favor. You’d never been overflowing with suitors in your youth, but you’d eagerly smiled and blushed while returning their flattering remarks. 

‘How accomplished you are at dancing, my lady.’ ‘What remarkable needlework you’ve created!’ ‘Your skin is positively radiant. What cosmetics do you use?’

This felt different though. It was easy to impress people whose whole livelihood was dedicated to the art of faking being impressed. Amongst the people who did something that actually mattered, all those years spent mastering the arts of elocution and poise were paltry in comparison. What good does perfecting a chain stitch or curtsey do in the real world?

“I was brought up to be the very model of a well bred enchanting heiress; hardly a lifestyle made for excitement or spontaneity. Of course there were my studies in Egyptology that were all self taught, but even there I'm much more a phantom floating through the halls of the Cairo museum in search of new knowledge than someone of actual importance to the place. I’ve never been one for real adventures. Ask Kyle. He was always the one dragging me out on some silly thing or another.” Much to the displeasure of your parents.

“Only ‘cause he wanted tae give ye the things ye always dreamed of but never let yerself ‘ave.”

That caught you off guard - not to mention it didn't make much sense in the first place considering how many times you’d objected to Kyle’s ventures before you predictably gave in to his fervent harassing.

Your silence gave Johnny the chance to elaborate at your quizzical expression.

“Look… yer a proper lady, hen, and there's nothin' wrong with embracin' that part of ye. Ye should never feel ashamed of yer sex or how ye were raised fer a world much different than most. But ye would think up such grand ideas knowin’ full well ye’d never get the chance tae experience them yerself and it broke the poor lad’s heart. Ye were a willin’ participant to a way of livin’ that kept ya from actually livin’. Garrick just had the guts and half a brain tae put action ta yer silly imaginin’s, even if ye dinnae realize he was doin’ it at the time.” Johnny shifted his posture to get more comfortable, intertwining his fingers and resting them on his abdomen. “So far as ah'm aware, ye were the mastermind behind all yer youthful endeavors.”

That wasn't true. I mean, there was no denying that Kyle had taken up a massive part in a lot of your formative years, playing pretend and going along with the stories you crafted in your mind. The pair of you were thick as thieves whenever one of your families made the long trip to visit each other. It was easy to admire the way he moved through the world so effortlessly, a perfect blend of casual arrogance and easygoing confidence. He was everything a well brought up man should be, only with a mischievous streak that often got you in trouble by association. 

It was a well known fact that you were the innocent one in all his schemings.

There was that time he… 

Or maybe when…

…but what about…

Suddenly you were sat there staring blankly at your lap, mentally combing through memories of your childhood trying to justify all the times you and your cousin wandered off only to be scolded at the end for something he roped you into participating in. However, each time you peered closer at the unfolding events of the day, you were finding it harder to argue that you’d been as passive as you'd always believed.

You’d constantly been praised growing up by the adults for being a sweet, demure, amiable good girl. Kyle was the one who was the delinquent of your duo… wasn’t he?

Sensing your confusion, Johnny offered up an example to help your brain along. ”How’s about when Garrick put ye up on the handlebars o’ his bicycle and ye nearly crashed into a carriage on yer way down the hill? Wouldnae ‘ave happened if ye hadn’t opened yer mouth minutes earlier and asked how fast the bloody thing could go.”

The temptation to go over and kick your cousin awake just so he could tell Johnny otherwise was strong, but he kept talking before you had the chance to move from your bedroll. “Then there was the time ya snuck into yer da's study tae steal a cigar because ye were upset when he denied yer request tae try a puff. Said it wasnae proper for ladies ta partake.” 

You recalled that night quickly, Kyle fiddling with a small set of tools in his hand that he procured from god knows where to unlock the top drawer of your father's desk and steal one of his finest from his collection. It had ended up being a ghastly affair, choking down smoke as your cousin laughed at your inability to handle it the way he could.

You'd been fifteen at the time and hadn't touched one since. 

But that had been on a dare, hadn’t it?

You scrambled for something to latch onto as the uncomfortable truth of your once accurate beliefs stared you in the face, hidden pieces of your spirit put on display. There must be something–

The garden wall.

When your cousin conned you into climbing it with him and you scratched up your legs on the thorny rose bush at the bottom. You would’ve been four at the time to his six. Mother had been so cross as she tended to your bleeding cuts while Kyle’s father gave him a stern reprimand in the other room. That had been the first day you’d met and set the tone for the rest of your lives.

The incident that started it all.

Voice nearly teetering on hysterics, you held tight to your victory as proof of your innocence. “He was–” For a moment you forgot the subject in question was still dozing ten feet across from you, lowering your voice down to a harsh whisper. “He was the one who wanted to go over the garden wall!”

“Because ya complained the wall stole yer sunset and ye wanted it back.” His stare held no room for argument - no escape to try to back away from.

And just like that, the shimmering veil draped over your remembrance fell away as a long buried part of that day came to the surface. 

An afternoon spent outside playing in the grass, darting between trees and through rows of flowerbeds, your cousin at your heels. Your mother fussing over the dirt on your hem while your aunt placated her with a chuckled ‘let them be children’. The disappointment of the darkening sky signaling the end of your visitation.

‘But I wanna keep playing!’ You pouted with a quivering lower lip and watery eyes, not quite ready to leave your new friend and return home. ‘Stupid wall. Why’d it have to take away the sun…?’

A readied hand reaching down for yours. ‘Then let’s go get it back.’

Oh.

Johnny watched the emotions change on your face, letting you stew in them as long held perceptions suddenly gained a new clarity. It was quiet after that, the only sounds to be made were the camels' occasional gruntings in their sleep and the soft crackling of dry wood burning away in the campfire. It seemed you had a lot of things in your past to come to terms with.

“How come I don’t remember it that way?” There was a tinge of frustration at how faulty your memory apparently was, but it was more out of sadness than fury.

He shrugged, though not without a look of sympathy. “Ye were young. And Garrick didnae want ya tae feel like ye weren't bein’ a dutiful daughter. So he gave ye the push and took the fall himself. But ye cannae look me in the eye and tell me the bumps and bruises hadnae been worth it fer all the smiles it gave ya.”

You didn't quite know how to process all that; the fact that a complete stranger had more insight into your life than you who actually lived it. Your voice soft, “He told you all that?”

“Aye, he did. Feels like there's not much I dunnae already ken about ye, hen.” Johnny reached down to where he’d discarded his book from earlier, opening it up to the bookmarked page before inspecting his writing utensil with a frown, apparently finding it wanting.

You scoffed at his words even as part of you started to believe him, hard not to with the evidence he laid at your feet. But even the gesture itself was more of a soft exhale than something mean. "I hardly think it counts when all the stories you’ve heard are just ones parroted about Kyle that I happened to be involved in.”

“There’s a field beyond Garrick’s property in Kent where he’d always find ye in the summer playin’ amongst the Meadowsweet as a wee lass. Ye liked to weave it into yer hair and pretend ye were the Lady Guinevere waitin’ fer her Lancelot.”

The look of utter surprise on your face must’ve been a sight to see, but Johnny wasn’t paying you any mind, taking a small blade from his boot to the blunted tip of his pencil as he started unravelling the particulars of your life. There was a fondness in the crinkle of his eyes as if it was a beloved memory of his own rather than one of yours. 

Why were these the kinds of stories Kyle told him about you and why did Johnny find them to be worth enough to remember them?

He continued while he sharpened. “Ye once spilled cherry juice all over yer new spring frock after sneakin’ intae the pantry fer a bite ta eat before a picnic with some o’ yer parents friends. Ye were such a sensitive bairn that yer da’ had only ta look at ye wrong fer ye ta turn tae tears and beg forgiveness. Ye’ve avoided the fruit ever since, but yer a right fiend fer strawberries.”

”The Early Dynastic and their burgeonin’ household religious practices are amongst yer favorite aspects of ancient history, but ye froth at the mouth o’er anythin’ concernin’ the mysteries o’ the First Intermediate that were lost tae time and pillagin’.” 

”Yer allergic tae cats, but ye pet ‘em anyways. Got grounded fer a week after yer ma’ discovered ye’d made a shrine tae the god Bes in yer wardrobe and were prayin’ tae that every night instead. Yer decent at piano, but where ye really took a shine was in yer drawings. Seen some of the work ya tucked away in the pages of Garrick’s letters.” Johnny finally glanced up from his whittling at that mention, a glint of something in his eyes at your stunned expression. “‘Ave tae say, lass, ye can color me a might bit impressed.” 

He was starting to scare you with the knowledge he possessed, but not in a way that gave you any true fright. Quite the opposite in fact. The butterflies had never been quite so prevalent in your stomach.

“Yer inexperience twists ya tae be a bit unsure of yerself even when ye ‘ave the skills tae get by jus’ fine. It takes ye a minute, but when ye finally find yer voice Lord help the poor lad who finds himself swiftly charmed outta hearth and home. Got a dangerous pair o’ eyes and a honey sweet tongue, ye do.”

With every fact he spewed, it seemed like the entire point of this conversation for the past few minutes was to pick you apart thread by thread until you felt more bare than you had when you were sopping wet in a translucent nightgown for anyone's eyes to feast upon. 

“Ye convinced yet, hen?” The teasing glint in his eyes should’ve been outlawed.

“You sure know an awful lot about my life for someone who’s never been a part of it,” came your response, wrapping the blanket around your form tighter as if to ward off his deeper inspections into your world.

Johnny chuckled at that, pencil finally returning to paper as he went about with whatever it was prior that your presence had interrupted. “Cannae help it if talks o’ sweet lassies back home were a welcome distraction from moldy rations and the bitter chill on harsh winter nights. Blokes in the trenches fought fer the raunchy pinups back home and the honor o’ makin’ wives outta the young nurses who cared fer their wounds. But me and Garrick knew who we were fightin’ for.”

“Not even your own family?” You meant your words to be more ribbing, something to take the weight off your chest after all the focus being on you. 

But he didn’t reciprocate the tone.

“Nah, hen. Twas yer smile ah was protectin’ each time ah fired mah rifle.”

You thought he’d shocked you enough with his bluntness to last you a lifetime, but you couldn’t have been more wrong as he flipped through to the back of his book, pulling something out that had been wedged in the creases and flipping it to face towards you.

It was old and worn at the edges, smudges of dirt and water damage evident in the way it crinkled. But there was no mistaking the face staring back at you on the small grainy black and white pocket sized polaroid. 

You remembered when it was taken, the camera a recent purchase of Kyle’s on a holiday in Marsa Matrouh. You’d traveled there with your families on one of your cousin’s leaves, giving him something to help take his mind off of the horrors he’d witnessed and remember the peace he was fighting for.

You’d been out in the sun all day, basking on the rocks along the shoreline as the Mediterranean waters lapped at your heels. Your hair was still damp and stringy, coarse with salt as it shifted in the summer breeze. Kyle had been taking pictures all day, but this was the first time he’d pulled out his camera since you all went swimming, dressed in your newest swimwear all the way from New York with an exposed neckline and a mid-thigh length skirt. It had taken some adjustment on your part getting used to being so revealed, but after your mother ordered it from a magazine and you put it on for the first time you couldn’t help but feel lovely in the garment.

Kyle had caught you off guard when he snapped it, a wild carefree smile on your face as you turned to face him when he called your name. What the camera didn’t show was the ensuing chaos that took place immediately afterwards as you ran after him for having taken that without your consent, the pair of you sprinting along the shoreline in good fun until he suddenly halted to avoid stepping on a crab, causing you to run smack into him and bowling the two of you over with uncontained laughter.

You knew he’d developed the film before he left, but never what ended up happening to the snapshot. It could’ve been placed in a box in the attic for all you were aware. Who’d have thought you’d come across it almost ten years later in the ownership of someone like Johnny, tucked away in the pages of a book for safe keeping.

“That’s who ah was endeared to. The soft-hearted lass with more courage than she realized.”

Intense was the only way to describe him. 

There was a weight to his stare that bordered on indecent. You were mostly covered from view by the blanket draped over your form, but it wasn’t your gown he was undressing with his eyes. 

It was your soul - cracked open and exposed to feast upon like a vulture. 

Ravenous in his hunger, there wasn’t a meaty morsel that went untouched. Johnny’s eyes were the most expressive you’d had the pleasure to get lost inside, dark cerulean orbs that swept in like a rogue wave and dragged you helplessly beneath the surface gasping for air. It was his one weakness; his one tell. You could learn everything you needed to know about him if you were only capable enough to figure it out. It was an experience unlike anything you’d ever encountered - and, gods, it was just a look.

If this revelation about the picture had come about yesterday instead, you had no doubt you would have promptly demanded he return the precious item to your charge. Now, it only did things to your insides thinking of how many times your visage might have kept him company on lonely nights.

As he tucked the picture back inside his book and flipped to his previous pages, he turned the conversation towards something related but a welcome change of subject. “Speakin’ o’ honey, exactly how did ye get me outta jail, lass? Ye never did say.”

Oh god. Of all the topics he could’ve picked. Johnny really enjoyed seeing you squirm thinking about how ‘bad’ your behavior had been lately, didn't he?

”My father owned his own shipping company that dealt with the transport of goods and wares, ancient artifacts included. Or, at least, he did… up until his passing. It’s now run by one of his old business partners, but his name is still included in the title.” Thank god for that or else your plan would’ve never worked. “I convinced the prison warden that you were a treasure hunter of world renown and that I had been sent there with my colleague on behalf of the CEO to allow your release - in exchange for a handsome sum upfront that would be paid again once you’d retrieved a very precious ceremonial headdress that was stolen from one of the shipments earlier that week.”

He cocked a brow at your explanation, the gears turning as he followed along with your simplification of the encounter. “And he jus’ believed ya? Without proof nor payment?”

The smug look you gave him felt very satisfying indeed. “I told him I’d lost the official documents stating such when my purse had been stolen by a local street rat on our way there. Even included waterworks for added discomfort.” 

In your experience, men didn’t know what to do with a crying woman. Most just wanted to shut you up or make you go away as soon as possible.

Mother would’ve been proud of your acting skills. 

You could see Johnny putting the pieces together in his mind, even if he was skeptical at the loose threads you left hanging. “How did ya manage tae get yer hands on official lookin’ documents?”

Weirdly enough, that had been the easiest part of the whole ruse once you’d gotten the language right.

“I never cleared out my father's study after he passed. All the important papers he’d kept on his desk were removed, but the drawers are still full of blank pages of letterhead - as was his personal seal he used. So long as the warden doesn’t look too closely into the present day chain of command at the company, he’ll never have any reason to suspect he’s been made a fool of.” 

That earned a barked laugh that filled you with joy, his gaze tilted back to the sky as he shook his head at the heavens. “Fuckin’ hell, lass. Yer a right clever one, ye are. Why ye might jus’ be the most dangerous one ‘ere.”

“Wait a mo’.” He interrupted his own amusement once he realized you’d left out an important part of this whole operation. “Ye didnae take the funds fer mah freedom from the company too, did ye lass?”

There was a pregnant pause where you debated about lying, but you weren’t sure you could last under his careful scrutiny. “...I may have reached into my own coffers to front up the payments.” 

Six hundred pounds sterling. Well, technically thirty six thousand Egyptian would be more accurate since that’s what was agreed upon. But he didn’t need to know just how much his pardon had cost you. Granted at the time you weren't exactly thrilled to be forking over such a large amount for a ruffian, but you’d considered the investment and decided it was well worth parting with a few coins.

Johnny could have rivaled your father with how much he masterfully emulated that reproachful countenance that only someone who’d been half responsible for your existence could have managed. You’d been on the wrong end of that look enough times to know there was a lecture coming on you’d rather not have. “Hen–”

“Sooo, Mr. MacTavish,” you smoothly interrupted with a smile of perfectly faked innocence, “when you’re not incarcerated for bashing in the skulls of brigands and ne’er do wells, what have you been up to since leaving the service?”

He held your gaze for a few moments longer, immune to your batted eyelashes until he looked away with a huffed out sigh, relenting as he must’ve come to the conclusion that it wasn’t worth the oxygen.

“Ye weren’t too far from the truth when ye told the warden ah was a treasure hunter. Sometimes ah spend mah days scroungin’ through desolate areas in search of valuable commodities, others ah sell myself out fer hire doin’ mercenary work. Not the most excitin’ occupation dependin’ on the job, but it pays good coin.”

“Hard to believe you didn’t stick around with the military.” Kyle had mentioned that by the time he’d retired that Johnny still hadn’t, but that was years ago now.

“Well ah stayed with it far past mah initial recruitment contract. Only been out a wee bit longer than two years this October. Earned myself quite a bit o’ chest candy fer mah troubles.” Considering he’d joined up the same time Kyle did, that meant almost ten years fighting in His Majesty’s army. “In truth, ah didnae mind the bloodshed; ah was the best at what ah did and took pride in mah ability ta complete the missions too dangerous fer others tae endure. But when the people I was loyal tae stopped bein’ loyal ta me...”

The clench of his jaw, the ice in his veins bleeding into the blue of his eyes; you could only guess what happened to make a decorated war hero and career soldier jump ship.

Glancing down at his hand, you could see the way it white knuckled around the fragile pencil, almost anticipating a snap that you were surprised somehow never came. Even when he was blistering from whatever wrongdoings the bigwigs at the top had done to cause offense, he was still aware of and in control of his own strength.

“That’s how ah ken the city is real, lass.” He spoke up shortly after. “Because mah commandin’ officers sent me there tae die with the rest of mah squadron over pipe dreams o’ golden halls and buried treasure. But when we got there… all we found was sand and blood.”

There's a stillness as the words settle in your bones, a warning of events yet to come. But thankfully it doesn't last as he blinks away the shadows of bygone times, half turning around to fiddle with the bag he’d been using to rest his back against.

“That reminds me,” Johnny perks up as he rummages around in one of the pockets of his rucksack, his previous frosty disposition left in the past and giving you a case of emotional whiplash. 

“Found this,” you barely managed to catch the small object he sent flying your way, fumbling it before securing it in your grasp, “amongst my stuff. Garrick must've pinched it for ya before jumpin’ overboard.”

Your attention turned to the thing clasped in your hold, letting out a jubilant shriek of delight that rustled your cousin but who otherwise remained at rest. Turning it over in your hands, you couldn’t believe you were somehow reunited with the ancient metal box that you were sure you’d lost to the river. You practically sobbed in relief as you hugged it to your chest as if it were a beloved stuffed animal, completely ignoring the amused (slightly judgemental) regard coming from your travel companion.

“Now Dr. Price doesn’t have to carve out my entrails and feed them to the Nile!” You cheered with bright eyes and an elated smile, making quick work stuffing the box in with your other belongings. For a moment it appeared like Johnny was wanting to question just what exactly you meant by that proclamation, but thought better of it as he returned to his scribblings, merely shaking his head with something muttered under his breath.

“Best ye try tae get back ta sleep, hen. I ken we’re not doin’ much, but the desert has a way o’ sappin’ yer energy and ye’ll be comfier noddin’ off ‘ere than on the back of a camel.”

That you didn’t doubt, practically feeling the crick in your neck already at the image that conjured up.

“Alright, be that way.” You rolled your eyes with a teasing huff. ”I know a dismissal when I’ve heard one...”

Johnny gave you one more glance with a quirked lip at your cheekiness, something soft around the edges hidden within his sight. “G’night, hen...”

Giving him another smile, you situated yourself back on your sleeping mat so as to be laying on your right side facing the fire. The glow wasn’t too harsh on your eyes, and truthfully it also gave you the excuse to glance over at your companion every once in a while. You knew he had one ear open while he worked, keenly aware of his surroundings as he kept guard over your small group. If the previous night was anything to go by, he’d be waking up Kyle in a few hours to take over sentinel duty so that he could get some rest as well. 

Hearing the charcoal gently scrape across the parchment as he engrossed himself in whatever his project was, your eyelids grew heavy as you allowed the ambiance of his scribblings to lull you into the pleasant hum of unconsciousness.

The next morning brought with it a change of atmosphere within the group.

Where formerly you had only actively engaged with your cousin over breakfast, that was no longer the case, giving Johnny a small tentative smile as if you were still unsure that last night's interaction had properly smoothed out the wrinkles between the pair of you. Your fears were abated when he returned it enthusiastically, tossing you a wink for good measure that had you feeling giddy at the playful gesture.

Unaware of your previous heart to heart, Kyle glanced between the two of you in befuddlement to a question that went unanswered. You merely greeted your cousin with a peck on the cheek and a lasting hug you didn’t care to explain, remembering Johnny’s words only hours ago at just how much he’d been caring for you to a degree beyond what you’d ever realized.

Falling into step with Johnny felt just as innate as it was with Kyle, years of getting to know one another condensed into a single conversation. 

Admittedly it had thrown you off to hear him speak so candidly about your history the night before. It was odd listening to him recite the stories better than you remembered them, the unfiltered truth about your personality that you’d never suspected. But you ultimately ended up not minding his thorough knowledge of your life (god knows what else your cousin told him that he didn’t mention). If your youthful recollections granted him with any small measure of escape from the dark claustrophobic trenches day in and day out then you were honored it had been your picture that had provided him with a little comforting light.

Touching was something you were still adjusting to though; the small casual hand on your lower back as Johnny scooted around you to tend to the camels. A lot of that had to do with the fact that it only made it harder to tamper down the slightly inappropriate thoughts that began to spring up as of late. It was easier to be physically attracted to a man you disliked. There wasn’t any risk of actually falling for him because you knew in the end that he was too much of a prick for there to be any real connection. A handsome face was all he’d ever be and that had been reassuring.

Which made it a bit unfair that he’d ended up being a really. great. guy. 

Did he have a bit of a temper? Sure. But so far you’d only heard of it being directed towards people who deserved it. How could you be upset that he’d put a man in the hospital for trying to hurt an innocent woman? You didn’t gravitate towards violence, but you certainly were familiar with it when your cousin would come home with a disheveled appearance and bloody knuckles. 

Looks, charisma, hard working, intelligent, dedicated. They might as well have wrapped him in a bow and placed him on your doorstep on Christmas Eve. If you would’ve had any female companions to gossip with on this pilgrimage then one John MacTavish would have been the only topic of any interest.

Still, you did your best not to pay any heed to the swirling vortex of bad decisions clouding your brain. You weren’t some cheap harlot falling at the feet of any ol’ fella who was hungry enough to rake his eyes over you. This wasn’t a tropical vacation; this was work. Dangerous, harrowing work. And Johnny was both your guide and your cousin's best friend. Not to mention you were familiar with his type from hours being paraded in front of society's elite. 

You’d attended balls and soirees full of the opposite sex all hunting for a prize to bring home and breed to carry on their legacies. A few well placed compliments and they’d be racing you down the aisle of holy matrimony. 

Johnny was certainly just another heartbreaker through and through - a game you would not let yourself be swept up in no matter how tempting the reward.

It was easier to be distracted from your thoughts once you involved yourself in the discussions taking place amongst the group, far more interested in joining in now that your reservations had been proven false. It was all easy smiles and shared laughter as you slowly began to grow endeared to the Scot the more he carried on. 

You were delighted to discover he had two younger sisters and a large extended family that he was exceptionally close with. He didn’t speak of his siblings with complaint either, only true fondness as he recounted how much he’d looked after them as the protective older brother. Johnny’s smile turned melancholic as he confessed to how much he missed them, but it softened up when he brought up the extensive collection of postcards he was constantly sending back home. He couldn’t always receive letters when his life continuously had him on the go, but with that at least he could still feel connected to his family even if they were thousands of miles away.

Johnny happily regaled you with tales of his old life back in Scotland as a ‘wee lad’. Helping out around his grandfather’s farm during the summers. His favorite home cooked meals. The local ceilidh’s with lively music and lovely lasses. An incident with law enforcement he was sworn to secrecy on for another eight years.

Each new revelation had you drawn ever more into his orbit, interested in the minute details of his life as opposed to the grand schemes he’d fall into with Kyle. They might have been mundane in comparison, but in your opinion they were vastly more important. Anyone could be an adrenaline junkie with a death wish and ambitions, but who they were in the slower quieter parts of life was more telling of their true nature. 

Of course it wasn’t all just pleasant strolls down memory lane. One can always trust that boys will be boys after all. To break up the long stretches of conversation, the pair of them took to engaging in a friendly competition to see who had the worst jokes imaginable. Apparently this had become a favored pastime back in Verdun amongst the soldiers.

 Each attempt had you burying your face in your hands. If you didn’t want to have to go back and fetch it afterwards you would be throwing things at their heads by now. 

So it came as no surprise when at some point a crude joke was told by your cousin comparing a woman to a camel. Honestly you were more shocked it had taken this long.

“How can you tell the difference between a woman’s mouth and a camel’s?” The accompanying groan was actually not from you this time.

“Come now, Garrick. No desert puns. I thought we’d agreed that–”

“Only one of them swallows.”

Two dumbstruck heads immediately whipped in your direction, faces aghast as the illusion of chasteness melted away from their preconceived notions of their female companion. The shock was short lived however as the three of you fell into the most uncontrollable fit of laughter, howling and convulsing atop your mounts.

Kyle looked like he was trying to claw the mental image your words conjured up from his brain. “Bloody hell, dolly! I didn’t need to hear that from my cousin!”

“A lady indeed!” Came Johnny's reply, both of them struggling for air as you unexpectedly proved to them there was more to you than appearances would suggest. 

You caught Johnny’s gaze as you wiped the tears from your eyes, a glimmer of approval in those sparkling sapphires that threatened to take your breath away all over again. Above all you had been rewarded with his unbridled joy and infectious laughter.

It was a sound you were quickly falling in love with. 

Partway through the day, you had the unfortunate luck of finding yourselves headed towards a massive wall of brown in the distance, towering over the landscape like a rogue wave. One glance at your guide told you everything you needed to know in the stern set of his brows and hard neutral expression.

You were delving right into the heart of it.

You weren’t a stranger to sand storms, but you couldn’t say you had the pleasure of experiencing one out in an area that had no hope of shelter in which to ride it out. Your steed must have sensed the unease that gripped your emotions, starting to shuffle underneath you in distress that had a shocked gasp leave your mouth at the abruptness of his jostling. Kyle was quick to grasp your reins, making calm soothing sounds to the animal as you ran a hand along its neck with a soft ‘settle’.

When the words were finally spoken aloud that there was indeed no avoiding it, you pulled the dark piece of cloth out of one of your travel bags that the older Bedouin woman from the village had given you in case of such an event. Your hands made deft work of wrapping it around your head, securing it in the way you’d been shown to conceal most of your face. The other two did much the same, waiting for you all to finish getting settled before glancing over with a firm nod as you ushered the beasts forward towards the imposing storm in the distance.

You’d onced asked your father as you listened to one raging outside and rattling the shutters on your home just how strong he thought the winds were, wide eyed as he explained they could move as fast as a train could ride. You felt every bit of that power now.

As much as you mentally braced yourself for the experience, the physicality of the storm was quick to erode your steeled nerves. Gale force winds whipped and battered your body, your knuckles white and painful from where you gripped the pommel of the saddle to keep from falling off your steed. The miniscule grains of sand stung the small uncovered portion of your face, abrasive and irritating to the skin as you tried your best to shield your vision. 

It was as unpleasant as you predicted, trusting your camel to follow along after Johnny’s when it became too much to keep your eyes open. The beasts were more than capable of braving it, blazing through unencumbered by the shifting sands even if only at a slightly slower pace. Your care was in their charge now.

You hadn’t put much faith in the gods of old, but in that moment you found yourself praying to Seth that he would calm his fury and let his storm pass swiftly. Not like it could hurt if you were wrong…

You jerked in your saddle as partway through a firm hand grasped at the meat of your bicep, head flying up to see your cousin peering at you through his own face coverings as he pointed off to the side, barely able to make out something in the distance that he led your camel away towards. Johnny was already dismounting from his own, crowding behind what you realized was a grouping of sandstone pillars that you’d never been more grateful to see. 

Kyle helped you off your camel, Johnny already holding up a blanket and ushering you under as they each grasped an end, throwing it over the three of you huddled together and holding tight to keep it from being swept away into the desert. You all were winded from the exertion, Kyle mumbling something about needing a bloody break as you sat squished in between them, leaned back against the rock as you untensed. There was no way of telling how long the storm lasted or how far you’d trekked, but your limbs were sore and stiff from remaining clenched throughout the endeavor. 

Thankfully Johnny had better insight than you did, motioning at the waterskin he’d fetched ahead of time that you plucked off his person. Uncapping it, you didn’t think twice before bringing the opening to his lips, watching as he tilted his head back to allow the cool liquid inside to flow down his parched throat, doing the same to Kyle shortly after. You might not have been able to help hold down the fort so to speak, but you could certainly take care of them while they protected you. 

You didn't know how long you remained like that, sharing the waterskin between you three and ignoring the mildly darkened look in Johnny’s eyes every time you accidentally made eye contact while helping him drink, leaving your stomach feeling warmed. How a man could be so intense even in a situation such as this was beyond your understanding.

Nature finally took pity on you later on in the day nearing sunset, feeling the gusts lessen enough to at last push the covering off which had become weighed down by the sand that accumulated during that time. The camels looked just as unbothered as you left them, laying down nearby as you all finally got to stand at full height for the first time in what felt like ages. 

There was brief talk about what to do next as Johnny corrected your course, having veered only slightly off the intended path. The sandstorm had caused you to be vastly behind, adding an extra day onto your travels that you couldn’t afford to waste. Thankfully - as Kyle pointed out - your transport had been able to rest for quite some time and should be able to carry on through the night in an effort to reach the city sooner. You weren’t exactly thrilled with the idea of having to sleep on the back of a camel tonight, but you weren’t going to argue over the sentiment when it made so much rational sense.

‘The life of an adventurer’, aye?

Whoever signed up for this life must’ve had a certain level of masochism ingrained in their psyche - you decided - in order to better deal with the curveballs and minor inconveniences that came from it. Food was eaten on the backs of your mounts that evening, an uncomfortable annoyance resulting in having nearly choked on your rations as the rocking motion of the camel had you swallowing wrong and sending you into a minor coughing fit. You took smaller bites after that, opting to have a little less than normal to balance out the risk of it happening again.

Sleeping was only a mildly better affair. You’d fallen asleep sitting upright in a high backed chair enough to know you’d be feeling it in the morning - especially considering there was nothing to support your figure as you bobbed along. Slipping in and out of a restless slumber, you were vaguely conscious of your surroundings; the gentle clomping of footfalls from the great beasts hauling you into the night, the even breaths of your companions, the soft whistle of wind throughout the valley.

At some point in your groggy state, you could've sworn your head ended up cradled by something firm yet comfortable underneath your cheek, the phantom sensation of thick fingers brushing over your strands relieving the tension in your bones. You went pliant under the calming ministrations, accompanied by gentle murmurings that you were unable to make out but sounded foreign to your ears.

You couldn’t tell if it was rooted in reality or simply a figment of the half dreamlike rest that overtook you at some point. All you knew was that waking up the next morning wasn’t as horrendous an ordeal as you’d anticipated, the joints in your neck much less creaky than if you’d have dozed off holding a book in your bedroom. 

The desert was still bathed in the cool tones of the blossoming morning when your cousin nudged you awake, a hand on your shoulder to steady you as you blinked your eyes open with a yawn. A small bundle of breakfast was already being placed into your hands before you could acknowledge it, along with instructions to eat up quickly as you were almost at your destination. 

That woke you up more than anything, practically shoveling the meager bits of food in your mouth much to the amusement of the others. You’d come all this way for this moment - enduring hardship and near death experiences - but it was all about to be worth it to be one of the first people to step foot into a long lost piece of ancient civilization in over three thousand years! 

What if it wasn’t everything you ever dreamed of? What if the image you’d conjured in your head didn’t live up to the expectations and grandeur promised of a city as important as Hamunaptra? Your insides were twisted, the sweat on your brow having nothing to do with the climate. Nerves were dialed up to a thousand as you busied yourself with readying for the last leg of your journey.

Come hell or high water: this was it.

It took maybe another fifteen minutes further ride west before you were led down into a wide valley, becoming more anxious with every step. You weren’t allowed the peace to smother your concerns, though, as who should appear on the opposite side of the dunes than those you had last seen on the other side of the Nile.

You finally got your first look at the man they called Graves, picking him out from the rest as someone you hadn’t noticed in the mess hall on the ferry and as the one currently leading their group. By all accounts he looked a simple man; a short neatly styled haircut, a light blue button up cuffed at the elbows, a faint scar slashed across his right cheek the only hint that he’d had a life that wasn’t quite so white collared.

“MacTavish, Garrick.” A thick Texan accent rolled off his tongue with all the charm of a rattlesnake. “Ma’am.”

You were used to fake niceties, but even this man had something slithering underneath the skin that rubbed you the wrong way.

“Seems like you folks all found your way here without any issue. Even went a little native by the looks of things.” There wasn’t anything thinly veiled in the slightest as he took in your appearance, squirming uncomfortably in your seat at the implied racism despite the company he himself kept. Then again, they were all hired hands. If ‘folk like him’ ran cheaper you were sure he’d be using them instead.

Kyle flashed him a sneer so vicious you were sure he was about to drop down off his mount and give that man one hell of a beating. It also didn’t escape your notice how Johnny brought his camel up a few paces, hiding you from view of the others with an obvious glower of contempt sent their way. You almost wished Graves would attempt something just so you could see what Johnny looked like when he was ‘re-learning manners’. 

But it seemed like neither of them thought it was worth the effort to respond to the instigated heckling. 

A large gap in the middle separated the two factions as you all lined up facing the east. Where your group had camels, they all had horses. You were briefly jealous of the fact, but realistically you had no complaints about your own steed as you reached down to give it an affection scratch on its head.

Moments passed with no movement from anyone.

“So we just gonna sit here like morons till the sun comes up or somethin’?” The question came from one of the Americans who’d played poker with Kyle back on the deck of the ferry. ‘Hutch’ if you recalled correctly. Certainly didn’t seem to have much in the way of patience, a sentiment echoed by his compatriot.

“Just settle down, pal.” Graves placated his teammate with a slightly raised hand. “I guarantee you it’s well worth the wait.” 

“Friendly reminder, gents.” It was the woman - Roze - who spoke up this time with a cocky grin. “Got a hundred bucks cash on the line. Lookin’ forward to having my pockets filled with English coin.”

Your cousin clearly hadn’t forgotten, patting his pockets in a ‘come and get it’ gesture that had the four cowboys chuckling in response.

“Get ready fer it.” Came the voice of your Scottish companion to the right, your eyes flicking between where his own were focused on the desolate landscape before you and his awaiting expression.

“For what?” you inquired.

“We’re ‘bout tae be shown the way.”

You ignored the mildly ominous undertone in Johnny’s words, turning your attention back to the view the same as the thirty or so of you gathered together.

Navy skies turned from amethyst to crimson and light sienna, the large golden sun rising up over the horizon as Ra began his day’s journey across the sky in his Mandjet Barque. Everyone on both sides sat in bated breath as it climbed ever higher, waiting for something that none of you outside your guides understood.

Scanning the flat lands to the northeast, you couldn’t possibly see how anything could be revealed when there were no shadows on the ground to hide something as large as that of a city. You had just begun to open your mouth to make some sort of comment implying the dubiousness surrounding this whole–

Wait.

…what?!

You blinked your eyes multiple times to be sure of what you were seeing, going beyond all reasonable explanation that your mind conjured up. Emerging like a ghost out in the valley, the shimmering visage of a once great realm slowly unveiled to the shock of those who bore witness. There it was - beyond all reasonable doubt. One could mistake it for a convincing mirage if it wasn’t for the way it solidified in front of you. If that wasn’t enough, you trusted your companion to have not steered you wrong. If Johnny didn’t think he was hallucinating then neither were you.

Heart pounding in your chest, blood rushing through your ears. You were positively breathless, only vaguely aware of Kyle to the left slapping at your arm in slack jawed stunned astonishment. It was comforting to know you weren’t the only one losing your mind at the moment.

All around you could hear everyone else's startled gasps, hushed voices speaking up in awe at the wonders held before their eyes. 

“There it is!” 

“I don’t believe it.”

“Well I’ll be...”

“The legends were true!”

“Hamunaptra.”

“‘Ere we go again.” The last comment came from Johnny, a weary sigh of resignation as he found himself once again in the presence of this place. 

It amazed you how much you found yourself not giving a damn about that, selfishly uncaring to his emotions right now as you were too busy trying to keep up with the influx of your own. All those times being mocked or looked down on for daring to believe in childlike wonderment that some legends were too real to be fake were finally proven wrong. There it was as plain as daylight, holding all the mysteries of the New Kingdom if you only reached out with your fingertips and touched it.

All it took was a single shout before all hell broke loose, the men’s thoughts turning from ones full of veneration to their jangling coin purses. It startled you out of your reverie. The calls and whipping noises from the fellows across the way urging their steeds forward had your own reacting instinctively, joined by Johnny and Kyle as you found yourselves racing across the vast stretch of desert - you to claim the site first, the men to win their wager.

The speed of the animal surprised you, having grown up seeing the creatures lumbering through the city hauling goods and occasionally people. But Cairo was full of tight corners and bustling streets. This was the Sahara - wide open and free from any obstacles that could keep it from achieving its full potential. Plenty of room for a camel to catch its stride.

You’d never endured a bumpier ride. 

What confused you the most was the fact that your own mount was apparently a cut above the rest, keeping pace with Johnny and Kyle as well as a small handful of horses on the other team. It breezed across the compacted sand, drawing whoops and hollers as you urged it forward. You’d put a horse at full gallop before, but this had an air of exhilaration that could only come with the heart racing promise of awaiting adventure.

Slowly but surely the others fell back from their positions until Grave’s was the only one of the rival group remaining as competition. It was clear his horse was quickly wearing out despite how brutally he whipped the creature's hide. Once he came to the same realization you did, he did the only thing a weak man knew how to do: resorting to cheap tricks.

You startled as suddenly he turned his beating cane on your own beast, making you lurch forward as the camel groaned in pain and tripped over its own legs. 

“Nothin’ personal, sweetheart!” He bellowed over at you as he took another swipe.

Unfortunately for him, both Johnny and Kyle were not about to allow his actions to go unpunished.

They took the opportunity when you steered your camel away in an effort to escape the beatings, coming up alongside his horse and boxing him in. Johnny grappled the reins from Graves’ hold, Kyle wrapping his blue neckerchief around Grave’s throat as he tried to fight off their combined hostilities. The pair shared a look as they both tugged on their objectives at the same time, Johnny yanking the horse right out from under him as Kyle choked him off the saddle, sacrificing his own place as he let you and Johnny speed off in his stead.

You dared a glance over at Johnny, the most wicked grin of devilish intentions on his face as he mirrored your excitement with his own, dropping the horse's reins and calling for more speed from his own animal. But you weren’t about to let him beat you that easily, not when you had every confidence in your own ability as a rider! 

It was just the two of you now - neck and neck battling it out for bragging rights. It didn’t matter at this point who won; you’d all come out victorious in the wager either way. This was just two individuals pushing each other to the limit, hearts pounding from more than just the thrill of the race as you both had trouble peeling your eyes away from the other. 

The wind in your hair; the untamed wilderness consuming your spirit. This was what you’d been missing in your life - this thing that a dangerous man like Johnny could offer you.

You weren’t prepared as he reached across the space between and landed a heavy handed slap right to the back of your mount, the beast crying out as it surged forward at an unprecedented pace. You could only hold on tight, shrieking in a mixture of surprise and elation, hearing your cousin in the distance cheering you on as you approached the looming structure.

There were no words as you made it to your destination, coasting past the massive stone obelisks at the mouth of the entrance with the biggest smile, galloping down the thoroughfare and between the crumbled ruined gates of the city.

Finally, had you arrived. The lost sacred City of the Dead.

Hamunaptra.

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[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 1 thoughts

here we goooooo!

(i started to imagine the sound of a really long and celebratory air horn to commemorate starting s2... but then that mental sound was awful so we ended that pretty quick)

it opens with mulder providing some gentle asmr about aliens and space with a thinly disguised undercurrent of rage in his voice, nice...

he starts talking about a guy named "richard bryan" cutting an alien survey program and that is such a generic name i figured they made it up for the show. and wrote "haha wouldn't it be funny if that was a real guy. and they made this whole episode just to mess with him."

chat. you're never gonna believe this. richard bryan was real and he did in fact cut the alien program. how do you think he felt being name dropped here? neeeeed to get his side of the story

(they also talk about the voyager a bit here which is really cool i won't lie)

now, what has our duo been up to in the time away from the x files? mulder is listening to men talk about lap dances and spitting sunflower seeds... i am not surprised here... all in the name of Research...

but scully is teaching at the academy!!! oh this delighted me to no end!

she starts getting emotional over the concept of a life being contained within tissue and her student is like "you sound spooky" ha. ha. i see what they did there. mulder you're a terrible influence.

they run into each other and she is so happy to see him but he totally blows her off! i was so sad!!!!

AUGH HE HAS HIS SISTER'S PHOTO ON HIS NEW DESK. aughhh man hold on. hold on.

scully is waiting outside watergate (wild they hadn't rebranded at that point tbh) for a shadowy figure and it is mulder! a very cranky and tired looking mulder! he's like we shouldn't be meeting, what do you need me for.... omg rude??

"so what did you want?" "to see if you're alright" (sound of me being sucked into emotional quicksand rapidly)

to answer her question of "are you okay" he begins to ramble about telescopes which is very in character

he says he saw deep throat's funeral but i remain suspicious....

the x files project being shut down has destroyed the man we used to know as mulder! he says that he isn't even sure if what happened to his sister is real anymore! they killed his spirit! "seeing isn't enough... i need solid evidence. i learned that from you" HEY OUCH?????

he's on the ground filled with a deep sadness and she runs her fingers through his hair, at which point i made this note: "y'all i'm only on season 2 i can't do this. i'm gasping so aggressively my mouth is hurting" so safe to say that i will be in for a hell of a ride moving forward... keep me in ur thoughts

baby fox flashback! we see his sister's abduction, which is obviously supposed to be very heavy and traumatic but i was laughing at the skinny little alien throwing her through the window lmaooo i love you 90's cgi <3

PAUSE. we see mulder waking up in a cold sweat from reliving his worst memory. but i see something new in the background: a fish tank in his room. this is a striking development that shall not slip by unnoticed.

and then some guy bursts into his room? and takes him to "the hill" to meet with a politician, who keeps calling him fox? who says they're being listened to? and tells him he needs to go to puerto rico where they're hiding evidence?

(tbh that sequence raised a lot more questions than it answered but i did love that mulder can name the bach piece that is being played because of his college music class lol)

SKINNER MENTIONED!!!! okay i figured out who he is: he's the one with the glasses and the fancy desk and the sidekick who is ALWAYS smoking. glad to have a name to the face. like yeah he was there last season but i had other things to focus on i guess.

cutscene to mulder lounging in a truck bed in puerto rico. niiiice. climbing compilation- niiiiiiice. and busting things open? hell yeah niiiiice

gasp... scully broke into his place (which i think is an entirely new set? or at least from a different angle. but um. okay i'll try and ignore that. but can anyone confirm or deny...?)

anyway she puts her glasses on and slips into password guessing mode and succeeds... i would have thought the FBI would keep tighter passwords on their personal devices than "trustno1" but hey maybe he did that so she could strategically break in!

and some dudes bust in and ask why she's here so she's like ummm i feed the fish lol.....

(and then she refuses to endanger the fish by overfeeding them because that's the type of person she is... and if it provides cover for sneaking out something printed from his computer well that's just a bonus!)

back to puerto rico!! guy in the bathroom reveal!!! mulder cannot speak spanish (smh mulder you were supposed to be the humanities one) but the dude draws a picture of an alien so i guess that proves that art is a universal language <3

scully is taking his paper she printed to some guy to analyze idk her freckles were distracting me again. sorry. NOT! i refuse to apologize. not during june.

(but she goes through some flight records and sees his alias and realizes where he's going and follows)

again, back to puerto rico! our new friend jorge is running for his life into a storm so our patient pal mulder naturally runs after him. into the jungle. and ohhhh jorge is dead now? that was quick.

he does a DIY autopsy on jorge while speaking into the voice recorder- which he addresses as "scully", while sounding like he is going to get sick, kicking things, sweating profusely, and doubting himself. hell yeah baby this is tv! i wanna see that man in situations!

"before i could only trust myself, now i can only trust you, and they've taken you away from me... my life up until this point has been about seeing her again, but what would i do if they really came?"

(now the first part of that is WILD. they've taken you away from me. that phrasing... also, they have successfully gotten the man to doubt his entire existence. sneaky little fbi trick there, making "trust no one" include himself)

BUT the skinny legend aliens return and he is brought back to his sense quickly. he gave it a good go (shot at it a bunch of times) but weirdly the gun didn't fire... probably a good thing. imagine the complications to alien diplomacy that would create!

he wakes up on the floor to scully explaining who she is and asking if he remembers her. he bolts awake, grabs her shoulders, and says that it was the same alien that took his sister. she is already deeply concerned when he then kicks aside a dead body and says we have to analyze it and her face in this moment was delightful. it was very much giving "mulder you're scaring me" just with the eyes

she has to make him realize they can't smuggle a body back to the states OR any of the paperwork really so he just grabs an audio thing that was clearly a better choice. but i want to know how he thought they were gonna get jorge out of there. because the alien hunters were coming to kill him and speed is hard enough for alive people.

"evidence doesn't matter if you're dead!" -dr. dana scully

they crash their way through the jungle, getting shot at and generally destroying what i'm sure is a very important ecosystem but still. they made it out! sorry to the environment </3

mulder gets called into skinner's office (i know that guy's name now!!! i'm so proud) and yelled at for blowing off his case work... and cigarette sidekick is also yelling at him but skinner kicks ciggy man out... is he... an ally? he tells him to go back to work on the job mulder finished like 2 weeks ago...... okay so what i'm seeing here is a boss who is willing to let a man pursue his passions

at the very end we see our duo reunited and it appears the audio he smuggled out of puerto rico had nothing recorded on it!

she tries to encourage him and he seems to be doing better: "i may not have the x files, scully, but i still have my work... (looong pause) and i still have you... (looong pause) and i still have myself" <- okay so looks like we're getting our boy back!!! who cheered?! meee!

he returns to the recording of men discussing strippers and she grasps his hand and then leaves him to his task...

BUT! the minute she leaves, he puts the first audio file back on and it seems to be working now... so why didn't he want her to know???

what is going on!!! i thought "trust no one" would logically mean mulder not trusting himself, but to not trust scully? well, this is madness! what have they done to the man?!

i suppose i will have no choice but to stay tuned and see if his mental state improves a bit with the return of the aliens...

i was really excited to start s2 and i took a lot of notes even for me LMAO some of which i cut out because it would take me forevvvver to capture all of my thoughts in even more detail than i have here but-

as the kids say: we are sooooooo back baby!!!!

[dragon-creates]

Five Times Jax and Pomni Share Dreams of Their Past Lives (And One Time Where They Remember)

Read on AO3

1/2/3/4/5/6

Here we are, back with another chapter! Thank you so much for the support with this, it really means a lot to me. Especially those in the funnybunny discord server I joined, ya'll have been so welcoming and accepting when I joined so thank you so much.

Also, check out these art that people have made for my fic, I still can't believe people are drawing art of it thank you so much!

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A post shared by Cyan. (@xxkawaii_1890xx)

Thank you all again and I hope you enjoy chapter 3!!!

3. Paper Rings

Jax stood with his arms crossed, and a frown printed on his face. Caine had called everyone for the last adventure of the day and Jax already wanted to be finished with it. Ever since his revelation earlier about how he felt about Pomni, his mind had turned into a storming whirlpool. He tried to think of anything else, pranks, centipedes, the existential dread that he was stuck here forever – it might be morbid but it was something at least -, kicking leftover gloinks, breaking Gangle’s comedy mask, Pomni-Pomni-Pomni-Pomni-Pomni…

“Thank you all for coming!” Caine’s abnormally loud voice from him from his daze, thankfully. “I understand that you’ve all been working hard all day with the adventures I’ve given you, but fear not, I have one more and you can all retire for the night!”

“Do we really have to?” Zooble muttered, “Can’t this wait till tomorrow? I’ve got better things to do.”

“I agree,” Gangle whispered, “I wanted to try and fix my comedy mask…again.”

“Don’t you worry Zooble and Gangle, you darling multi-shaped freaks!” Caine bellowed, “This adventure is only for two, so you don’t need to worry about joining anything. I just wanted to gather all of you to see them off before the most exhilarating voyage of a lifetime!”

“Well, whoever it is, I’m glad they’ve got this opportunity to do so,” Ragatha smiled, “It’ll be nice to hear about it when they finish it.”

“Even if it includes insects!” Kinger interjected, “That’s very important.”

“I mean, its just one more adventure,” Pomni shrugged, “I guess it wouldn’t hurt.”

Caine gasped dramatically, finally, their new little jester was starting to get the hang of it here. “That’s great to hear Pomni, for you and Jax are going to be paired up for this glorious crusade!”

Said jester and rabbit’s faces blanched, they were still barely processing their sudden dreams two nights in a row and still weren’t able to get today’s earlier events out of their heads! Not only that, the two were still trying to process their sudden budding feelings with one another, now Caine wanted them to pair up?! Could they not have five minutes of temporary sanity before being shoved into another bizarre situation?!

“Woah, woah, hold up there, dentures!” Jax stepped forward.

“I really don’t think-” Pomni was about to continue before Caine interrupted.

“Now, now you two!” Caine waved his finger, “No need to be so shy! By the end of this adventure, you two will be closer than ever! Just think of it as team building, especially for you Jax, I don’t think I’ve seen you be close with anyone other than-”

“Don’t,” Jax bit out, making the AI go silent. A small whimper was heard, everyone turned to look at Kinger, the chest piece was clutching his cloak tighter to himself, trying to look as small as possible.

“I…I believe we should continue on with the details of your adventure!”  Caine spluttered, wanting to change the subject as quickly as he could, “After all, there’s no reason to think of the past! Since there’s no ‘past’ for any of you to go back to.”

Pomni’s eyes darted from Caine to Kinger and Jax, curiosity began to bite at her. What happened to make everyone react like that? While she was still learning about the past performers here, she still didn’t know everything. Was there someone that Jax genuinely liked here? Did they abstract like Kaufmo as well? She remembered her first day here, the first time seeing an abstraction. If she didn’t arrive would Kaufmo still be okay? He probably had a family before this realm as well, and now any chance of seeing them again was taken from him.

“Now about your adventure! Both Jax and Pomni have to venture through the winding maze! It will be grovelling, it will be exhausting, it will leave you both wondering when this madness will end! But hey, you will end up the best of buddies the time it’s over, you might even wish you’d have stayed!”

Pomni blinked her brainstorm away, she nearly forgot about the adventure!

“Good luck, and we’ll see you both in the morning!” Before Pomni could ask him what he meant, Caine snapped his fingers and the rest of the tent disappeared before her eyes.

The ground felt different underneath her feet, looking down she realized that she was standing on some sort of pixelated grass. She lifted her head to take in the rest of her surroundings, two tall hedges standing on each side of her.

“Well, this is fantastic,” a sarcastic voice drawled. Oh, right, she was stuck with Jax until this was over, “Thank you so much Caine, this is exactly what I wanted.”

“It’s fine, this is fine!” she didn’t know if she was saying this to both of them or just to herself, “It’s just a maze with long winding paths and tall bushes that you can’t see out of and hey what was that Caine said about this madness not ending!?” She was spiralling, she knew that, but in her defence…it was Pomni. “Oh god! How long are we gonna be in here until we find an exit?! What if we don’t find an exit?!”

“Easy, Pom-Pom,” Jax rolled his eyes, “Caine would lose his entertainment if he kept us in here, now come on, I wanna get out of here as soon as possible.” He started walking a few steps, only to pause when he realised that Pomni wasn’t beside him. He let out a groan when he saw that she was still stuck in the same spot, her red and blue eyes replaced with dark swirls that only appeared when she was too caught up in her mind. He went back over and tapped the back of his hand against her cheek, causing her to gasp and jump. “Come on, the last thing we need is you delaying us because you’re too busy panicking.”

Pomni scoffed, that was unnecessary, “It’s not like I can control my panic attacks, unlike you, you actually choose to be a jerk.”

Jax froze, a smirk curling on his lips. Now this was an interesting development, “Well, well. Looks like the new cat on the block finally found her claws.”

Pomni rolled her eyes, she forgot that Jax could be incredibly annoying, “Let’s just try and find an exit.”

“Whatever you say Pom-pom,” Jax’s smirk fell, returning to his prior grimace as the two continued down the maze.

Their suspicions were corrected when guessing that this maze would last more than a while, each corner they turned was a dead end, each path seemed to lead them back to where they started and when they looked back it seemed like the area where they just were had been blocked off. They didn’t know how long they had been walking, minutes, hours? All they knew was that their feet were aching and that they desperately wanted to leave. Jax was starting to lose his patience. If he were stuck here with anyone else he would have tried to run as far away from them as he could. But for some reason, he had some sort of soft spot for Pomni and he couldn’t stand it. It made things much more frustratingly difficult for him, such as not bearing to leave her behind.

It wasn’t until she tripped for the umpteenth time did he start to lose his patience, he picked her up by the back of her collar, holding her at eye level. He had to bite back a laugh, she really did look like a cat this way, a miserable wet one at that. “I don’t think Zooble has fallen over as much as you have,” he said, “At least he has a reason to be so clumsy.”

“Oh really? And what’s your reason for being such an @SShole?” she challenged him, crossing her arms over her chest, “Or were you just born that way?”

Jax let out a slow breath, dropping Pomni into her feet again, watching her stumble as she regained her balance, “You’re right, I don’t have a reason, as long as I’m watching funny things happen to others I don’t really care.”

“Well that’s definitely a sad way to live,” Pomni mumbled, taking a few steps ahead of him.

“Its better than looking for an exit that isn’t there,” Jax retorted, “I mean, its pretty sad when you think about it."

“At least I didn’t leave you with an abstraction,” Pomni quipped, “Thanks a lot for that! It was so much fun for my first day here. Not!”

“Oh you’re so welcome,” Jax gave her a shit-eating grin, “Always great for the newbie to be traumatized on her first day, it gives ya a great taste of what else is coming.”

Pomni glared at him, oh he was having too much fun with her, “You know Ragatha got really hurt because of you? You could’ve tried to help get Caine but you just ran off to who knows where. Then when I tried to help her my hand started glitching, we could have both died!”

“But you didn’t,” he replied, placing a hand on his hip, “This isn’t my first rodeo with something like this, you would’ve been fine.”

“That doesn’t mean I wasn’t freaked out by it!” Pomni grit her teeth, “Like you said, I’m new, how was I supposed to know that it was gonna be fine?!”

“Look just lay off it already?!” Jax fumed.

“Right, cause nearly getting devoured by a glitchy monstrosity is so easy to forget about,” Pomni walked past him. “God you’re such a pain.”

Jax grumbled under his breath, “What do you want, an apology? That’s not something I do sweetie.”

Pomni growled, whipping back round to face him, “Okay, what is with you?! You say you don’t have a reason to care, yet you defended me earlier today when Caine was yelling at me! What the h%ll was that about?!”

Jax inhaled deeply, now she was starting to get on his nerves, but he seemed to be doing the same to her so at least he had some sort of equal footing, “Like I said, I didn’t want Bubble to destroy the carnival, there’s no deeper meaning.”

“And I don’t believe you,” Pomni frowned, “Otherwise you wouldn’t react that way earlier when Caine was talking about you being close with someone.”

Jax flinched, he spoke in a low tone, “That’s deep water you’re treading there, sweetie. I’d recommend for you to stop while you’re ahead.” He shoved past her, ignoring her scoff.

“At least I’m trying to leave!” she stated, “If I can find a way to do that then I can help the others get out of here too! What have you done other than be a d*)k to everyone here?!”

“You really wanna know Pomni?!” he yelled, turning back and stomping over to her, “I have tried to get out! I’ve tried to collect every single key here and yet none of them has opened an exit! Do you know how it feels, to watch everyone else here slowly give up on finding a way out?! You haven’t been here as long as I have! You haven’t seen what I’ve seen! And it hurts to have everyone tell you that it’s pointless in trying to leave, trying to find a way back to a life you don’t remember! So yes, I’m awful and I shouldn’t act this way! I get it! You don’t think I hate it too?! But for some reason when I’m with you I just-!”

He froze, catching himself before he fell off the edge. Pomni’s eyes were wide and cautious, great, he was scaring her off. This should be a good thing, he wouldn’t have to deal with these stupid butterflies anymore, so why did he feel so upset about it? But instead of her yelling at him to leave her alone, all she said was, “I’m sorry that you went through that, but don’t ever speak to me like that again.” A tear fell from her eye, “And maybe it is pointless for me to find an exit like how you tried to as well, but I wanna go back to a world and see what it can offer me rather than live in a place surrounded by fear and void. Even if the life I had before was bad, at least I’ll know that I’m able to change it into something else…I feel sorry for you Jax, I really do.”

With that, she finally walked away, slowly enough for him to catch up but enough for her to leave some distance between them. He shouldn’t care, he doesn’t care, he won’t care. But, just looking at her, seeing the disappointment in her eyes. There was just no denying the raw heartache he felt after hearing those words from her. He really did fall for her, didn’t he? And he probably messed this up too, just like…no, he doesn’t need to think about that event, not anymore.

The next hour of walking was nothing but awkward filled silence. The whole time, the two just wanted to say something, anything to the other, but the words just couldn’t come to mind, and they were just getting too exhausted to keep going. Though there was no indication of night and day here, the way that their eyes kept drooping and the struggle to keep going was starting to overcome their senses.

“We-um,” Pomni stuttered, Jax’s heart fluttered a bit, was he happy at the fact that she finally said something? “We should probably try and get some sleep. It isn’t a good idea to keep going like this.”

“Yeah, we…we should,” Jax nodded, “It’ll stop you from constantly tripping over your feet, eh?” He meant for it to be a joke, but she didn’t react other than a simple hum, he could understand why though.

They walked over to one of the hedges, sitting and leaning against the back of it. It wasn’t the best bed but there wasn’t anything else that they could do. Pomni shuffled away from him, to give Jax some room. “Well, night,” she said softly.

“It’s not able to be night here,” Jax spoke, “But I get what you mean.”

Like that, they turned away from each other, shutting their eyes. Neither of them aware that they were wondering what their dream would be about tonight.

.

.

.

The coffee table in Amber’s living room was scattered with treats. From the remains of gingerbread men and houses to chocolate chip and sugar cookies, even some sweet mince pies, two mugs of hot chocolate and a can of whipped cream on the side. It definitely wasn’t a healthy breakfast, but this sugary calamity was something special Penny liked to share with her mother since she started homeschooling. When things started to turn around for her, Amber made sure that every single aspect of her life was, while not perfect, something for Penny to look forward to. And thus, dessert for breakfast on Christmas morning was born.

Amber and Penny were lazing on the couch, the TV in front of them playing ‘The Grinch’ while the two stuffed themselves to their hearts content. Amber had squirted some whipped cream into her mouth before automatically doing the same with Penny, not even taking her eyes off the TV to know that her daughter had opened her mouth for some. After placing the can back onto the table, she and Penny leaned back into the cushions, with Amber wrapping her arms around her youngest daughter and holding her close. “I feel like at some point we’re going to become the couch if we keep doing this each year,” Penny giggled.

“Honey, we already have,” Amber smiled, pressing a kiss to Penny’s hair, “We are couch people and always will be couch people. I still can’t believe you used to be scared of this movie when you were a kid.”

“That was until I discovered the magic that was Jim Carrey’s comedic line delivery,” Penny replied, “The man’s a legend.”

“He really is, and you will be too my little costuming star!” Amber nuzzled her daughter’s nose with her nose, laughing at Penny’s groans.

“Mom!” Penny buried her head into Amber’s shoulder, “Stop!” She didn’t mean it and Amber knew that.

“I can’t help it if my daughter is amazingly talented,” Amber grinned, loosening up a bit as she peered down to look at Penny’s face. “You know, you seem a little different after that date with Jack at the Christmas fair.”

“I-what-mom!” Penny spluttered, her face as red as a tomato, “It was not a date!”

“Mmhmm,” Amber was not convinced in the slightest, “Baby, I’m old enough and wise enough to realise what a date looks like.”

“Mom…you, wise?” Penny stated.

“Ah, ah, I’m not finished,” Amber waved a finger in front of her face, “Trust me when I say this, I’ve been watching your sister fall in love with Winter and I’ve seen how they act around each other. You know when they first met it was over carrot cake?”

“Yeah, I’ve heard this story before,” Penny smiled, “There were having lunch at work and Winter got carrot cake because it was her favourite while Riley hated it.”

“And the two debated the whole day about cake flavours that they ended up becoming friends,” Amber continued, “And every time they saw each other Riley always brought Winter carrot cake.”

“What does this have to do with Jack?” Penny asked.

“I’ve seen the way Riley looks at Winter,” Amber told her, “She looks at her as though if she was the only thing that matters in the world. She could be surrounded by all the treasures in the world but she would still choose Winter. I saw how that boy looked at you before he left, in a room full of riches he would choose you.”

Penny blushed, thinking back to Jack kissing her cheek. The way he looked at her back then, it filled her stomach with butterflies and her heart thump hard. She never felt this way about anyone before, but the way he would smile at her, send her winks and always make her feel safe, it was hard not to fall for him. The only question was, did he feel the same way back? Sure he kissed her back but that was only on the forehead, what if it was a friendly kiss? What if she makes him feel awkward once she tells him how she feels? What if he wants nothing to do with her anymore?

“Penny, hey, it’s okay,” Amber pushed her daughter’s hair away from her eyes, taking her cheeks into her hands, “I can hear the cogs in your brain turning, but trust me when I say this, your dad has never looked at me the way Jack looks at you.”

Penny bit her lip, she knew that though her mother loved David in the past, he had hurt and betrayed her in many ways too. It was why they had these sugary breakfasts for Christmas, little things like that as a way for Amber to show how sorry she was for what David did to them. If there was a way Penny could show her that she wasn’t at fault, that she forgave her for everything that happened, that it was David who should be at fault for always gaslighting and manipulating Amber into thinking he was still the same man she married, but he was nothing of the sort.

“Mom,” Penny snuggled further into her mother, providing her with the comfort she needed.

“It’s okay baby, I’ve made my peace with it,” Amber held her tighter, “My only regret is that I didn’t realise he was this way before we were married. He gave me false hope and promises, love-bombed me until I could only see the world in rose tinted glasses and by the time I could finally get them off, he got you into that car crash. Jack isn’t like that. I’ve met him a few times while Winter and Riley were dating, and while he didn’t fully introduce himself, Winter’s mom always spoke about him. What I know of him is that while he’s scared and has been hurt many times before, unlike David, he wants to get better not just for his family, but for himself too. That’s more than David has ever done for me or for us.”

“Hey,” Penny turned her head to look up at her mother, “David fucked us all up. And yes, I’m still really scared with giving others a chance, but you’re one of the reasons why I’m able to get help. You were there for me every single step of my recovery and made sure that I was safe and happy. Parenting is a two-person job and not only did you have to do most of it on your own, but you also had two kids under your belt and raised us no matter what was thrown at you. Even if you didn’t leave David before the crash, you helped shield Riley and I as much as you could so that we had a good childhood. Don’t let your shitty ex-husband make you blame yourself for being a great mom.”

“Oh, babygirl, how did I get so lucky with you and your sister,” Amber pressed kisses over Penny’s face, her daughter’s nose scrunching up as she giggled. Her mother pulled away, smiling at her again.

“And you really think that…that Jack sees me like how you said?” Penny mumbled.

Amber gave her a look, her brow was raised and mouth was agape, “Honey, the guy wanted to wait for the perfect moment to ask for your number and kissed your forehead under the moonlight, the man is wrapped around your finger and you don’t even know it.” Penny blushed, ducking slightly under the blanket she was in. “Pen, I’d say go for it, only if you want to. You seem so much more yourself around him. But if he breaks your heart, I’m sending Riley after him.”

Penny burst out laughing at that, “Riley would send him to an early grave!”

“I know,” Amber stated matter-of-factly, “And I won’t hesitate to let her do it.”

“Mom no!” Penny snorted, “And you wonder where Riley gets these tendencies from.”

“Good,” Amber grinned, “That means I taught her well.”

Amber couldn’t help but join in on the laughter, just hearing her daughter laugh was enough to help her forget that she had even mentioned or thought about David. Penny was just that important to her. If anything happened to her…no, this was a good moment, there was so reason to think about the inevitable.

Penny’s phone dinged from the coffee table, sobering up from her laugh session, she leaned over to see what notification she got. What she saw made her gasp and nearly drop her phone.

“Winter proposed to Riley!” She squealed to Amber, the older woman immediately leaning over to check the recent news, “And she said yes!”

“Oh my god!” Amber screamed with joy, shaking Penny by the shoulders, “My daughter is getting married, I’m so happy!”

“Mom I know you’re excited too but I’m gonna be sick!” Penny warbled, starting to get dizzy.

“I’m sorry baby but it’s just, aaaahhhhh!” Amber got up from the couch, “I’m just so happy for her! Wait here, I’m gonna get my phone and message your sister!”

Penny giggled at her mother’s antics as she ran out the room, turning away to look at the image on her phone again. Riley and Winter’s faces weren’t in the picture, but what she did see was the Winter was behind the camera, holding Riley’s hand as she showed off her new engagement ring. This was without a doubt going to be an interesting Christmas dinner.

.

.

.

Jack straightened up his tie again, before unfolding it and retying it again as he stared at himself in the mirror. This was the first time he and Penny were having their families together for dinner, and after the kiss from the Christmas fair, he wanted to follow up on that. Penny had taken over his mind and senses to the point that he had to see her in person again.

Winter and her 8-year-old sister Nina stood at the corner watching him, with Nina’s twin Alex still upstairs getting ready. “What’s the retying count at now Nina?” Winter asked.

“49, wait, it just got up to 50,” Nina told her.

Winter whistled cooly, “Jeez, that’s a new record.”

“I can hear you both you know!” Jack called to them, “You guys wanna keep standing there or do I need to give Nina’s new toys to the bogeyman.”

“No!” Nina cried, running away back up to her room to check if her new Christmas presents were still intact.

“You don’t need to keep worrying,” Winter walked up to him, shoving his hands away and took his tie into her own, “You were blushing like a tomato after kissing that girl and she was just the same. Just play your cards right, take it slow and things will work out.” She wrapped the tie into a knot.

“That’s easy for the recently engaged lesbian to say,” Jack pointed out, “Which by the way, congratulations again.”

“Thank you,” Winter grinned.

“I just…I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,” Jack sighed, “I never thought I deserved someone who could make me this happy. Every time she walks into a room I forget how to breath. I can’t mess this up.”

Winter stopped her hands for a moment, “The only way you’re gonna mess things up is if you let those thoughts win. You’ve been doing great and you told each other what happened when you both were kids and she still wants to see you. Just take a breath, let me fix your tie and just let the night lead itself. I didn’t have much of a plan for proposing to Riley other than doing it on Christmas and she still agreed to marry me. Plans are overrated…sometimes, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” Jack nodded, “I do.” He took a breath as Winter finally finished his tie, checking himself out in the mirror. He flashed himself a grin, “Still as handsome as always.”

“And he’s back,” Winter rolled her eyes.

“Ooooh!” Both Jack and Winter turned to the sound of teasing voices, looking up to the stairs and seeing Nina and Alex with mischievous grins on their faces while chanting, “Jack has a girlfriend! Jack has a girlfriend!”

“Jack is gonna give all your gifts to the bogeyman!” He retorted, making the two scream and rush downstairs into the living room.

Meanwhile, Riley was busy helping carry the plates and cutlery to the table making sure everything was carefully placed on the Christmas-snowflake themed tablemats. Winter’s mother, Laura, came in carrying a hot plate of steamed vegetables, focusing on her attention on the food to make sure it wouldn’t fall before Riley came over to take it from her. “Here, Mrs Alvarez,” she said, “Let me.”

“Oh Riley there’s no need,” Laura patted her back, “I just wanted you to relax with Winter, let me and Marcus manage it.”

“I’m going to become part of your family soon. Please, allow me,” Riley persisted, placing down the pot near the centre of the table.

“Oh you’re a good girl Riley,” Laura took Riley’s hand into hers, “It’s no wonder Winter fell in love with you.”

“Mama!” Winter flushed, entering the dining room with Jack hot on her heels, “Please save the embarrassing stuff for the wedding!”

“No Laura continue,” Jack grinned, “This is karma for teasing me about Penny.”

“Oh, Penny Reed?” Winter’s father Marcus entered the dining room, his smile wide and his eyes crinkling with joy. “Winter told me so much about your date with her at the fair. Tell me more about her!”

Shit Jack cursed internally, with Winter sending him a smug look. “Well, I-”

“Yes, do go on,” Riley’s firm voice chided him, almost threatening him to not slip up. “Tell us more about my sister Jack.”

And now he had to tread carefully, especially talking about the younger sister of a 6-foot redhead with the experience of breaking the bones of criminals and throwing people over her shoulder. Please let whatever luck he had be on his side during this moment. “W-well she’s kind, funny,” He gulped as Riley squinted at him, he really didn’t want to die tonight, “And she one of the best people I’ve ever met in my entire life…whenever I’m with her, she makes me the happiest I’ve ever been. I just hope that I’m making her happy too.”

Riley softened a bit, did that mean she approved of his answer or thinking of plans ranging from A to Z to murder him?! This woman terrified him to no end!

“Well, she must be pretty special if you think that of her,” Laura beamed, “I can’t wait to officially meet my other daughter-in-law! Now if you excuse me, I need to get the pork out of the oven.”

“Hang on, I’ll help!” Marcus called after his wife as he trailed after her.

That was when the doorbell rang, light and quick on his feet, Jack bounded for the door. He straightened his jacket and tie one more time, cleared his throat rolled back his shoulder, he could do this. With a turn of the knob, the door swung open, revealing Penny glowing under the moonlight. Suddenly, his voice was cut in his throat and his palms were sweating despite the chill rolling in from the open door. The only word he managed to say was, “Hi.”

“Hi,” she shyly replied, her hands tightening on a small gift bag she brought.

He shook his head quickly, letting himself reboot as he turned to Amber, her smirk held nothing but the knowledge of a woman who knew all too well about what the two felt for one another. “Amber,” he greeted, holding out his hand for her to shake, “It’s good to see you again.”

“And you Jack,” Amber returned the handshake, letting him lead her and Penny into the house before shutting the door behind them. “I see you’ve cleaned up well.” It was a normal sentence, but her words told a totally different story.

Oh, she knew, she really knew! He was an open book and Amber had flicked through every single page. “I-I always dress this nice for Christmas, ma’am,” he stammered, “It wouldn’t be formal of me to not look this good for the holidays.”

Amber hummed, sure she believed what he said, but what Jack failed to realise was that Amber noticed his suit was the colour blue – Penny’s favourite colour.

“Hey mom,” Riley made a beeline to her mother, wrapping her arms around her, “I hope walking here wasn’t too bad with the snow,”

“Don’t worry baby, it was fine,” Amber pressed a kiss to her hair before pulling back, “But enough about me, let me see the ring!”

Riley blushed, unable to hide the giddy smile as she held up her hand.

“Oh my god, Riley!” Penny squealed, hugging her older sister. “Winter got you a good one! I’m so happy for you!”

“I know,” Riley laughed, “I’m the luckiest woman in the world.”

“Actually, that would be me,” Winter slid her arms around fiancé’s waist from behind, resting her head on her shoulder, “I’m the one who’s marrying this beautiful woman.”

“Flattery already?” Riley pressed her cheek against Winter’s, “And the marriage hasn’t even begun.”

“Am I not allowed to compliment my soon-to-be-wife?” Winter kissed Riley’s cheek, “Besides, that’s only 20% of my flattery, I’m saving the other 80% for my vows.”

“Dear god,” Riley slapped her palm against her forehead, knowing Winter, she was going to leave Riley as red as a tomato.

Penny stifled a laugh, Jack screamed internally at the sound. How can anyone be this fucking cute?!

“Penny!” Laura came rushing down the hall, her apron stained with some type of sauce, “I’m so happy we can finally meet.”

She opened her arms, ready to bring Penny in for a hug, only for the girl to freeze and back away. Laura faltered, her brows furrowing with concern at Penny’s startled reaction. Winter was quick to step in.

“Mama, remember,” she told her, “Penny is funny with being touched unless it’s by someone she fully knows and trusts or she’s the one going first.”

“Oh goodness,” Laura gasped, “Penny sweetie I’m so sorry I genuinely forgot!”

“It’s fine, really it’s fine,” Penny reassured her, stepping forward, “Honestly I’m able to tell when it’s a simple mistake.”

Jack’s stomach churned, all those years of bullying and her father berating her made Penny so frightened. He just wanted to shield her from everything bad so that she would never have to feel that sort of fear and pain ever again. Out of anyone in this room, he could relate to that type of fear.

“I’ll make sure to let the others know, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable during your first meal here,” Laura informed her.

“Thank you Mrs Alvarez,” Penny smiled, “I really appreciate it.”

“It’s absolutely no problem honey,” Laura emphasized, “Now I’ve gotta get the rest of these plates out, please, make yourselves at home.” With that, she turned to walk back into the kitchen.

“Here, let me take your coats,” Jack offered, holding his arm out.

“What a gentleman!” Amber gave Penny a look, making the girl glare at her mother, “Penny you better snatch him up before anyone else does.”

“Mom!” Penny hissed. Jack was fairly sure his face resembled the red lights flashing on the Christmas tree.

“Mom, why don’t you and Penny just wait in the living room please!” Riley exasperated, desperate for her mother to not spout out whatever she had in mind.

Amber put her hands up in surrender, “Alright, I yield.”

“Don’t worry Amber,” Winter took the woman’s arm into hers and led her into the living room, “She’s been like that with me whenever I point them out as well.”

“Honestly Winter, what it your fiancé like?” she joked, leaving Riley gaping behind them.

“I heard that!” Riley hollered, chasing after them, leaving Jack and Penny alone in the hallway together.

Jack took this moment to take in the garment she was wearing. It was a simple crimson dress with a floor length pleated skirt, long off-the-shoulder bell sleeves and a ruffled neckline. “You look…wow,” he breathed, how was she able to take something so simple and still look so stunning? She truly was remarkable.

“Thanks,” she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, “I wasn’t gonna wear it but I thought that it would be nice for this evening.”

“You’re so beautiful,” he knew what he said, and he wasn’t going to take it back, not when she peered up at him through her long lashes with a gasp.

“Y-you’re ridiculous,” she uttered, handing him her jacket.

“Hey, just telling the truth here,” he replied as he went to hang up her jacket on the wall, “Besides, someone’s gotta point out how pretty you are.”

“Keep the chivalry to yourself sir,” Penny placed a hand on her hip.

“Can’t help it, I’m dreamy,” he was unable to keep the grin off his face at her pout. His face softened, holding out his arm, “Shall we?”

Penny raised a brow at him, grinning. “Mr Jack how thoughtful of you.”

“Well I have to put the wellbeing of our guests first,” He joked back, “Let me introduce you to everyone else.”

Penny nodded and slipped her arm into his, the two unable to fight of the chortles at their current predicament. He led her into the living room, Amber was already sitting down talking to Riley and Winter. On the sofa across from them was another couple around Marcus and Laura’s age. “Penny, this is Winter’s aunt and uncle, Anya and Winston.” he introduced. She gave them a nod before Jack led her to another young woman around her age. “This is their daughter Kiara.”

“It’s really nice to meet you Penny,” Kiara greeted.

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Penny returned.

Winston spoke up, “Laura’s been talking nonstop about ‘Jack’s new sweetheart,’ so it’s nice to finally meet the lovely lady in person.”

“Of course Laura’s been talking about us,” Jack groaned, Penny had to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing.

“She’s so pretty Jack!” Anya gushed from her seat, “Where did you find this lovely girl?”

Both of them paled, sharing a look. The story about how they met was always going to be an awkward one, wasn’t it? They were saved by the sound of thundering feet descending down the stairs as Nina and Alex came bounding over to Jack and clutched each of his leg.

“Jack!” Nina cheered, “Penny’s here!”

“Yes, I can see that-ah-guys let go!” He stumbled over his feet and words, how much sugar did these two have earlier?

“Jack has a girlfriend! Jack has a girlfriend!” Alex chanted.

Penny and Jack spluttered over their words, at a loss of what they heard. “We’re not-” Penny gasped.

“It’s not like that-!” Jack objected “We’re just-”

“-Friends!” They chorused. Friends yes, that was what they were, but it just didn’t sound like something they wanted to continue being. They were unable to keep the daydreams of each other away anymore, to constantly wonder what the other was doing, what other hobbies they might have, if the other felt the same way.

“Nina, Alex!” Laura came back through again, the apron gone as she took each twin’s arm in her hands and pulled them off Jack, much to his relief. “That’s enough harassing Jack, dinner is ready.”

“I can’t wait to see what you’ve made this year Laura,” Winston clapped his hands together.

“I’ve gotta say I’m pretty excited to eat what you’ve made as well,” Amber got up, “As well as the table gossip as well.” She gestured to Jack and Penny.

“Oh Amber you must sit next to me, I have so much to share,” Laura not-so-subtly gestured to Jack and Penny.

Both mothers grinned, leaving Jack and Penny flustered messes unable to move from their spots.

“I’m so sorry about that,” Jack unlinked his arm, immediately missing Penny’s warmth.

“No, I should be sorry,” Penny objected, “My mom can be a lot sometimes.”

“Well I guess that’s just another thing we have in common,” Jack nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yeah, I think so,” Penny’s embarrassment began to slip away, Jack’s seemingly doing so as well.

“Penny!” Riley interjected, taking her sister’s hand, “Sit next to me!”

“But I-woah!” Riley dragged her younger sister into the dining room, plopping her down to the seat on Riley’s left while Winter sat on Riley’s right. Guess she was still a bit protective.

“What are you waiting for over there dude? Come on!” Winter waved a hand over.

Jack let out a slow breath as he walked over, sitting opposite from Penny. At least it would be easier to talk to her face to face without twisting his head. Soon, everyone was loading pork, bread and steamed vegetables onto their plates, Kiara was taking photos of her food with Anya scolding her to put her phone away, Winston was already scooping up spoonful’s into his mouth, Nina and Alex grimaced at the greens on their plates and asking when dessert was, Laura was pouring wine into her and Amber’s glasses before clinking them together, Marcus was listing off each shop he had to visit just to make sure he got every right ingredient for tonight’s meal, Winter and Riley were holding hands and had all their focus on each other instead of the food in front of them, and Penny and Jack kept trading small glances while eating, their eyes holding their own conversation as the drowned everyone else out.

“So Jack,” Anya piped up, “Do you have any plans once you graduate?”

“Uh, what?” he barely registered the question until it finally caught up to him. “Oh, right! Um, I’m trying to apply for an internship at this game company called C&A, they hire a lot of indie and free-lancing creators and help promote their games so I’m hoping to get a place there.”

“I think you’ll get it,” Penny said, “I’ve seen some of the stuff Jack worked on, he’s really talented.”

“And so are you little lady,” he said that mostly to see her cute pout again, “Laura, did you know that Penny is a costume designer?”

“I did,” Laura nodded, “And I’ve seen some of the pictures of her creations that you showed me, Penny you really do have a talent.”

“She’s been designing ever since she was six,” Riley said, “I have no idea where she gets her ideas from, it’s incredible.”

“It meets the bar at least,” Penny objected, “Trust me there’s people in my class that are way better than I am.”

“Don’t sell yourself short Pen, every time you send me a picture of something you’ve made It just shows how creative you are. Someone’s gonna reach out to you one day and say ‘Penny, you are one of the most talented people in the world and I wanna hire you!’ it’ll happen one day, I swear on it, after all I’m never wrong,” Jack said, pointing his fork at her.

“You? Never wrong?” Penny said doubtingly.

“What? I’ll have you know I’m very smart,” he frowned mockingly.

“I’m gonna have to agree with my sister there,” Riley said.

“Oh come on!” Jack cried and turned to Winter, “A little help here?”

“Why, everything they said is true,” she chortled.

Jack moaned as the rest of the table laughed, clearly taking pride in his misery.

Penny’s giggles died down, wiping a tear of mirth from her eye as she faced him again, “Well hopefully someone will take pity on my designs one day.”

“You mean someone will see how exceptional you are,” Jack pointed out.

“Awfully generous but sure, we’ll stick with that,” Penny rolled her eyes fondly.

“Let’s just hope he says what he means instead of talking out of his ass,” Riley quipped.

Penny threw her sister a look, “Riley,”

“What?” Riley shrugged her shoulder, “I’m not saying he’s wrong.”

Amber raised a brow at her daughter. It was a joke, she knew that was going to happen. But she knew Riley long enough to know when her daughter was hiding something, and more importantly, when Riley was hurting.

“Speaking of designs,” Penny said, “Riley, you gotta let me make your dress.”

“What, you don’t need to do that, I just want you to enjoy the wedding,” Riley interjected.

“Can’t hear you, I’m too busy thinking about your dress since I’m the best sister ever,” Penny gave her sister a sly grin.

Riley huffed a laugh, once her sister was inspired nothing could stop her.

“Jack?” Nina piped up.

“What’s up squirt?”

“Can you sing ‘No Girl’s Toy? after dessert?” she pleaded.

“Yeah, “No Girl’s Toy!” Alex cheered with his sister, “Oh please Jack, please sing that!”

Jack flushed, waving his hands in exasperation, “Woah, woah hang on! I’m not singing that!”

“Please Jack, please!” The twins chorused.

“It’s just a little song Jack,” Winter jeered, Jack glared at her.

“Yeah,” Riley joined in on her fiancé’s antics, “What’s so wrong with the Raggedy Andy song Jack?”

“I sung that one time and suddenly whenever it’s brought up I’m forced to sing it!” he told them, “I’m putting my foot down on this one, there’s no way that any of you can convince me too-”

“Raggedy Ann was my favourite movie growing up,” Penny mentioned, “I’d love to hear you sing that song. Please?”

Oh god, Penny’s chocolate brown eyes had such an effective grip on him, how on earth could he say no to those lovely eyes? He sighed, “Fine, one song and that’s it.”

“Yay!” The twins cheered before tucking back into their meal.

“You should bring Penny over more often,” said Alex.

“Yeah she makes you do fun stuff,” Nina agreed.

“It is very interesting how easily swayed you were,” Laura joined in.

Jack wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole, he was being way too obvious with how he felt. “Please, I just want to eat my food without any further humiliation.”

“You know Marcus, he’s acting just like you before you started going out with Laura,” Winston said, “The red face, being easily swayed, the teasing. I’m getting a bit of déjà vu here.”

Jack bit down on his fork hard as Penny began to quietly squeal like a kettle, this night was already too much for the both of them.

After dinner and dessert was finished, Riley was helping Laura wash up the dishes despite the woman requesting Riley to sit down. “Laura, do you mind if I have a word with my daughter?” Amber asked, entering the kitchen.

“Oh, of course,” Laura said before turning back to Riley again, “Remember sweetie, you’re our guest, make sure you relax tonight.”

“Just after I’m finished with this dish Mrs Alvarez,” Riley continued to scrub the plate, “Than I’ll relax.”

Laura patted her back, leaving the mother and daughter in the kitchen alone together. “Is everything okay with you?” Amber asked.

“What do you mean?” Riley didn’t take her eyes off the plate.

“I mean with Jack and Penny,” Amber told her, “I thought you were fine with him back when you started dating Winter.”

“I am,” Winter dried off the plate and put it away, “If this is about Penny, that’s just me being protective.”

“I know that,” Amber walked over to her, “But I also noticed that you seemed a bit aggravated towards him.”

Riley whipped round, “No I wasn’t, I was just looking out for Penny.”

“Penny is a grown adult who can make her own choices,” Amber walked closer to her, “Riley, baby, why are you so worried?”

“Come on mom, you aren’t at least a little bit worried?” Riley argued, “You aren’t worried that he’s like the boys from Penny’s high school. Penny’s got a sensitive heart, what if he breaks it like they did? Those boys didn’t actually like her, they wanted to control her. And once she didn’t give them what they wanted they would just dump her! What if he’s like that, what if he makes her hate herself? What if he makes her so scared to the point she stops talking again? What if we actually lose her? What if-”

“-If he’s like David,” Amber finished for her, “That’s what it is, right?”

Riley froze, part of her knew that this was why she was so scared for her younger sister, but she wanted David out of her mind. He already tried to force himself back into Riley’s life many times to ask for money, and she never forgave him for involving Penny in that car crash. She hated him, she hated him so much that she would never let anyone else hurt Penny like that again, she failed with David, she failed with those stupid high school boys and she won’t make that mistake ever again. “I have to be careful mom,” Riley said to her mother, “I can’t let Penny feel that kind of pain again.”

“I know baby,” Amber said, “When I heard of Jack and Penny seeing each other I got worried as well. It’s always my first instinct. But now, I know that I can’t let David control what could actually be good for Penny, I won’t let him get into my head like that. I’m still scared, baby believe me, but not as much as I used to be.” She cupped her daughter’s cheek, gently lifting her head to meet her eyes, “David hurt you too Riley, I know you hate thinking about him, but you’re allowed to feel betrayed as well. If I ever made you feel that you weren’t allowed to hurt for what he did to you, I’m so sorry. I’m your mother and I’m supposed to protect my babies. Yes, I protected Penny, but don’t think for a second I won’t protect you too, even after you’ve left the nest.”

Amber held her arms out for her daughter. After so much anger and frustrations for her father after so long, Riley all but broke in her mother’s arms, Amber stroking her hair and whispering comforts into her ear. “It’s okay baby, I’m here, mama’s here.”

A soft sniffle made them turn to the doorway, seeing Penny there with a few leaked tears. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” she whimpered, “Can I have a hug too?”

Riley and Amber opened their arms for her, letting the youngest daughter cry along with them as their mother squeezed them both. In that moment, Riley wasn’t an engaged woman and Penny wasn’t an aspiring college student. They were just the 10- and 14-year-old girls letting their mother sooth them after so much pain.

After a while, their tears were dried and the three headed back into the living room. Everyone rushed up to them, panicking and asking them if they were all right. They told the rest of the family that they were fine, just a mother and her two daughters picking up a few fallen pieces.

It wasn’t until Penny erupted into a fit of giggles, seeing Jack being the one to pout this time as he held up a microphone and had the TV ready to play ‘No Girl’s Toy.’ Everyone was immediately seated, ready to hear the performance.

“I hope my suffering entertains you monsters,” he mumbled, before pressing play on the music. He gave out one final sigh before he began to sing.

Well, you can push me, shove me, turn me around, but I'm no girl's toy!

You can tie me, toss me, upside or down, but I'm no girl's toy!

I sing my own sweet melody, I go my own sweet way.

I won't beg 'round tomorrow for the kind of affection that was free today!

Oh, you can squeeze me, tease me; say I'm your own but I'm no girl's toy!

You can charm me, chase me, follow me home; I won't be coy!

You may not like it much but I'm my own best boy,

And not some sugar and spicy, lacy and nicey, sissy you're gonna enjoy!

No, I'm no girl's toy!

Everyone applauded and clapped as he continued to sing. He was embarrassed, that was for sure. But seeing Penny so carefree and happy, no worries and stress in those beautiful eyes of hers, just having fun with everyone else, he would sing this song for the rest of his life as long as she was happy. He was unable to stop his pleased smile while he sang.

Riley rested her head on Winter’s shoulder, she didn’t need to say anything for Winter to know when her fiancé needed her. She kept looking between Jack and Penny, just seeing what he would do for her, she knew that he wasn’t a bad person, although her protectiveness would always take over her senses. However she knew that Penny had to do this on her own, but for the first time in a while, she believed that her little sister was safe.

.

.

.

Spring had arrived, the perfect atmosphere for Riley and Winter’s wedding to take place. They had booked a hotel for the night and rented out it’s ballroom for tonight’s event. There was only one thing on everyone’s minds, make sure this wedding went off without a hitch.

Since Christmas, Penny had put all her focus on making the perfect dress for Riley, something that was pristine and bridal while also making sure that this dress was something only Riley would wear. Jack had facetimed her every time she was sewing, making sure she was getting on well with the dress while also making sure she was eating and drinking enough fluids. He had also seen the final result of the dress and he was determined that once Winter saw Riley walking down the isle wearing that, she would promptly burst into tears.

After hours of setting up flowers and decorations, making sure the place was spotless, the meals were delicious, the dance floor was ready, getting changed into their wedding outfits and the chocolate fondue was prepared, everyone could finally breathe until the wedding officially begun.

Jack was currently standing at the end of the aisle, waiting for Winter to walk up with her father. That would be the order, the brides would wait in their dressing rooms, wait for one of them to walk up the aisle first before leaving their own room to walk up as well, in order for neither of them to see their gowns.

He wore a black tux with a simple white blouse underneath, fiddling with his cuffs one more time before resting his hands. Of course Winter had asked him to be her best man, it was expected since he was practically her adopted brother. Alex was beside him, standing proud and taking his job as the ring bearer seriously. He ruffled the boy’s hair, making him laugh before Laura sent a look to the boys, telling them to behave.

Everyone straightened up when the music began. The doors opened, revealing Nina as the flower girl, spreading flowers across the aisle as a few bridesmaids followed, including Kiara, each of them wearing soft silvery grey dresses. There was a swell of pride when he watched Winter walk through the doors and up the aisle, her arm secured in Marcus’s as the man led his daughter up while his eyes welled with tears. Winter wore a snow-white gown with a full-layered skirt while her bodice consisted of a sweetheart neckline and spaghetti straps. Some would call it simple, Winter called it timeless.

Once she arrived at the top of the aisle, her father kissed her on the cheek and whispered praise into her ear. It was only when she stood at the top and her father sat down, Jack noticed her clutching her bouquet of roses while trembling like a leaf. He leaned over and whispered, “You’re okay. Riley has been head over heals with you ever since you met.”

“What if she changes her mind?” she whispered back, “What if she realises we’re too different and leaves?”

“That’s not possible,” he told her, “You too are proof of the carrot cake theory working.”

“Excuse me?” she asked, baffled.

“The carrot cake theory,” he said, “You love it and Riley hates it, yet she always brought a freshly homemade carrot cake because you it’s your favourite. You too are proof that the theory works, that opposites attract.”

Winter snorted, “You just blatantly ripped off the olive theory.”

“Mine is better,” he sniffed, “Besides, it got you to stop shaking.”

Winter looked down at her hands, he was right, she had stopped shaking. The doors opened and Winter’s breath hitched as she gawked at her bride. Riley’s arm was in her mothers, her dress was an off-the-shoulder mermaid cut with a train, the white fabric adorned with glittered floral embroidery and long sleeves. The dress clung to her, Winter let a few tears fall, she was beautiful.

Jack was taken aback to, not by the bride, but by her maid of honour. Penny’s dress wasn’t as grand, yes, but he couldn’t take her eyes off her as she followed her sister. Her dress consisted of a purplish rouge chiffon fabric, a long A-line skirt, a straight across neckline and long balloon sleeves. He fell in love all over again.

Once Riley reached the end of the aisle, her hands latched onto Winter’s as Jack and Penny took a hold of their bouquets. Both brides were focused on each other, nothing else mattered. Once Amber sat down, did the wedding begin.

“Dearly beloved,” the officiator spoke, “We are gathered here today for the wonderful union of Riley Reed and Amber Alvarez. These two have proven that despite our differences, there is a love that can be found no matter what. Today, we are here to celebrate that love as these lovely ladies become not just married, but soulmates on this day. Winter, your vows.”

Winter took a shaky breath, “Riley, when I first met you, I won’t lie, I was a bit scared of you,” That earned a laugh from the crowd. “But after getting to know you, knowing how much you love your family, what you’ll do to make sure our clients get the justice they deserve, and knowing that despite your front, you are one of the kindest people I’ve ever met and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Riley began to cry as well, unable to keep all the affection she felt for this woman at bay. With the officiator’s okay, she began her speech. “Winter, every time I look at you I just keep asking myself, how did I get so lucky? How did I deserve the most perfect girl in the world? You look at the world with such positivity and kindness that I couldn’t not fall in love with you. Every time I look at you, you remind me why I became a private investigator, to help amazing people like you make the world a better place. I just…I really fucking love you Winter!”

Winter gave her a wet laugh, God she wanted to kiss her so bad.

“Winter,” the officiator said, “Do you take Riley Reed to be your wife, in sickness and in health, until the day you part, may you be together?”

“I do!” Winter replied immediately.

“And do you Riley-”

“I do, a thousand times I do!” Riley couldn’t stop the tears, not caring if her makeup got ruined.

“May we have the rings?” the officiator asked. Alex puffed his chest and beamed, carrying the rings over to the brides. The women thanked the young boy as the slipped each ring onto each other’s finger before holding hands again. “By the power vested in me, I know pronounce you too married. You may kiss the-”

The two didn’t wait for the officiator to finished before slamming their lips against each other’s, the crowd erupting into applause. Jack’s focus wasn’t on the couple though, his eyes travelled to Penny as she cheered for her older sister. Her eyes met Jack’s, the two of them just staring for a moment before giving each other a smile. It was in the moment that the two decided internally that one day, they wanted to have this moment and say ‘I do’ to one another. Tonight, they decided, would be the night that they would stop being ‘friends.’

.

.

.

The dance floor was empty apart from the newlyweds, holding each other in their arms as they let the music carry their slow steps. They weren’t able to keep their hands off each other since they were married, afraid that if they did then everything would disappear. By the time the first dance ended, the music picked up the pace and everyone was on the dance floor, dancing the night away, congratulating the couple and unafraid to be slightly more than tipsy.

Winter and Riley even threw their bouquets, having their backs turned to make sure it would be a surprise. When they turned round, they saw that Winter’s bouquet was held by one of the bridesmaids, and Riley’s was plopped into Penny’s hands.

“Penny’s gonna marry Jack!” Nina bellowed, she already had too much sugar from the fondue. It didn’t stop everyone whispering knowingly, apart from Riley still giving Jack the evil eye. However, Jack and Penny didn’t mind the teasing this time, after all, even if they didn’t confess yet, their feelings were mutual.

A while later, after dancing, talking and snacking, Jack pulled away from the buzz to get some fresh air on the balcony. He felt his heart take a leap when he saw Penny outside as well, her long hair flowing in the soft spring wind, taking in the quiet. He gently opened the door, trying not to startle her, though it seemed that he didn’t need to worry about that when she turned and noticed him, she must’ve sensed him coming outside.

“Need a break?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said, going up to rest his arms on the stone rail, “I was also hoping to see you as well.”

“I guess it’s a win-win situation,” she gently nudged his shoulder with hers. He was glad that he was part of her inner circle of people she was comfortable touching. “So, Riley and Winter are finally married.”

“I’m surprised they didn’t do so sooner,” he reflected the first time Winter brought Riley home, how they would giggle and fawn over each other as Riley was introduced to Winter’s parents, “I felt like I was gonna go insane with how much they made goo-goo eyes at each other.”

“They still do that,” Penny replied, “And I think its gonna amplify now that they’re married.”

“Oh jeez,” he put a hand to his head, listening to Penny’s sweet giggle. He took in the situation at hand, they were on the balcony together talking and having fun with all the space they needed to talk about their feelings. Maybe this was his chance, “Although I will admit, I am a little jealous. It would be pretty nice to have someone to do all that sappy stuff with.”

“O-oh,” Penny was taken aback a little bit, the thought of he and her doing all sorts of couple things rushing through her mind. Wanting to spend all his time with her, holding her hand, whispering sweet nothings when no one was looking. “I wanna do that too, you know, with the right person.”

Jack fiddled with the cuffs on his sleeves, this was it, “And what is the ‘right person’ that you have in mind?”

Penny gulped, okay, now it was getting serious, no turning back. “Well, I’d like him to be funny, kind, respectful to his and my family. Someone who has my back no matter what. Someone who makes sure that I feel like I deserve to be here. Someone who…sees me.”

She said, oh she said it! Did this mean she felt the same, only one way to find out. “Is that so little lady?” he took in her blush and nod, “Well, I bet he’s very handsome, jaw-droppingly if you will.”

Penny’s blush faded as she let out a chortle, “Did I forget to mention he’s full of himself?”

Jack placed his hand dramatically on his chest, “Why Penny how rude! It’s takes guts for someone to admit when they’re good looking.”

“Guts? Or an ego that’s too big to fit his head?” she began to belly laugh at his frown, clutching her sides as she clutched her ribs.

“Oh? Well that’s too bad little lady, I was just about to describe my ‘right’ person,” he chuckled as she straightened back up, “But it you don’t wanna hear it-”

“Alright, you smug bastard,” she sighed fondly, “Tell me, what are they like?”

“Well, let’s see,” he tapped his chin in false thought, “She’s extremely talented, always puts her family first, has one of the cutest laughs in the world.” Taking a chance, he tucked a piece of her hair behind her skin, his skin tingling as he made contact with hers, “Insanely beautiful…who sees me too…and is very short.”

“I will bite you,” Penny snarled, but she held no threat in her tone.

Jack’s face softened, “And, I want to hold her, tell her how much I love her and be with her as long as she lets me.”

Penny’s shivered at his tone, if he were talking about her (and she really hoped he was) then she had to do this next part carefully, “And if you were with this girl right now, how would you tell her about how you feel?”

Jack gulped, time to take the plunge, “I would tell her that I’m not a perfect person, but I am someone who’s always trying. You’ve taken over my mind and have stolen my heart, but I can’t find it in myself to care as long as it’s in your hands.” He took her hands in his at those words, “I just hope that she feels the same way.”

Penny’s heart fluttered, squeezing his hand in return as a swell of joy rushed through her from head to toe, “She does! She really does!”

Jack exhaled sharply, he couldn’t believe it! She likes him back! She wanted to be with him! “I wanna kiss you so badly right now,” he clamped his mouth shut when he realised what came out his mouth. They just confessed and now he was admitting that he wanted to kiss her, and just when he thought he was being smooth.

“Okay,” Penny peered up at him through her lashes.

Jack gaped at her, “Pen, you don’t want to if you don’t want to.”

“Trust me,” she cupped his cheek, “I really want this.” Despite her initial shock, she oh so badly wanted to kiss him back. Ever since the Christmas fair she was unable to spot thinking about his lips on her forehead, or how they would feel on her lips. “Are you gonna keep gawking or do I need to make the first move?” she teased.

Both of his hands were suddenly cupping her cheeks, cutting her off. He gave her one more look, a silent request to do this. When she nodded, he immediately planted his lips on hers. She was so soft, so sweet, so amazing! God he loved her!

She returned the kiss with the same warmth he gave her, with one hand on his cheek she used the other to pull him in closer by the waist. His lips felt the same as they did on her forehead, but somehow so different on her lips. No one ever kissed her like this before, like she really mattered to them. But with Jack, his mouth matched his promise he told to her, and she never wanted him to stop.

They parted for a moment to catch their breaths, grinning as they rested their foreheads together. “So,” she took in another lungful of air, “Does this mean you like me back?”

He smirked, taking her chin between his thumb and finger, “You tell me little lady, or would you rather I show and not tell with another kiss.”

“The second option please,” she grinned back.

He was about to dive back into her lips when a gasp made them both freeze. By the doors, Amber stood with a glass of wine, she was probably out here to get some air as well. “I knew it!” she squealed, “I knew you were gonna confess tonight! Laura owes me ten bucks!”

“Mom!” Penny gasped, clutching herself closer to Jack to save herself from embarrassment.

“Don’t worry baby, I’ll keep this between you and me. Besides, this is something that you’ll want to tell Riley by yourself,” Amber added, making both Penny and Jack pale at the thought of her older sister finding out. “Like I said, I’ll keep this to myself. Oh and Penny? Make sure you use the makeup wipes I gave you before you go back inside, the corner of your lip is smudged.”

Penny all but squealed in mortification into Jack’s chest after her mother went back inside, the man stroking her back as he chuckled. “Well, she does have a point,” he mentioned, “We don’t want the first thing that Riley sees when we go back in is smudged lip gloss.”

“Don’t single yourself out mister,” she poked him in the chest, “You’re wearing it too.”

“Oh really? Is it a good colour on me?” He leant in closer.

Penny mumbled shyly under her breath, God she was just too cute. “Wanna say that again little lady?” he asked.

“I said, how about you kiss me again if you like my lip gloss so much,” she pouted, the blush on his face was worth it though.

Jack huffed a laugh and pulled her in closer, “Now that sweetie, can be arranged.”

And just like that, they dove back into another kiss, enjoying only themselves without anyone else to interrupt their moment. It was just them, the moon and the start of their new relationship. And they couldn’t wait to see what else was in store for them.

.

.

.

Jax stirred lightly, stiff from laying against the ground. He must’ve slid down the hedge and onto the plush grass in his sleep, oh well, the grass was comfier. He could feel his lips burn from where Penny kissed Jack, as though he were the one who kissed her. But that was impossible, wasn’t it? There was no way that actually happened.

He was about to move when he felt a light weight on his chest. Looking down, he saw Pomni curled up next to him, hugging his side as she snored softly while using his upper body as a pillow for her head. Why wasn’t he shoving her off or telling her to get lost? Why was he growing flustered by the second and praying that she couldn’t hear his quickening heart rate? He could feel his tail wagging underneath him, was he actually happy about this predicament? There was no way!

He felt her shift beside him, mumbling gibberish in her sleep before cuddling him closer. Cute…wait, no it’s not! Get yourself together Jax! But there wasn’t any denying it though, no matter how much he wanted to, yesterday’s revelation just proved to him that he felt some sort of attachment to the jester and it was driving him up the wall. Her hat had also slid of her head, revealing short yet soft looking locks. The way it framed her face ever so gently with its wisped strands, oh god she was killing him.

He let his temptation win, reaching his hand out to touch it when she suddenly woke up, barely processing what was happening until she saw that she was firmly cuddling into this side while he was reaching towards her. “You got a loose hair there, sweetie,” he tried to squash down the awkwardness, trying to bring up his charm to save himself.

It seemed that it didn’t work as she squealed and pulled away from him as though he burned her, he wasn’t gonna lie, it kind of stung a bit. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t even know that I was doing that!” she fumbled over her words, grabbing her hat and screaming into it.

“It’s fine,” he sighed, standing up and stretching. “We should keep going, make use of the time we have.”

Pomni looked up, still clutching her hat. She was glad that he wasn’t mad, but why wasn’t he? If it were anyone else she was shore he would have told them to get lost, why did he leave her be? Her dream from last night made this moment even more flustering for her, the memory of Jack kissing Penny with such passion was burned into the back of her mind and the minute she woke up she was cuddling into Jax! The universe had to be out to get her.

“Hey, you awake in there?” he pointed to her forehead, “I said we should keep going.”

“W-what?” oh right, they still had to get out of the maze. The long…long maze, “Yeah, I’m coming.”

It seemed that the awkward silence had carried over from last night during their trek through the winding paths, neither of them not knowing what to say and their dreams invading every single thought they had. But besides the kiss, Jax thought of the family that brought Jack into their home. They shared no blood but treated him as though he were their son, making sure he was fed, happy and safe despite the occasional teasing. His mind drifted to Laura, how she cared for each one of her children, with the care and love that a mother should, it made him think of…

He looked to Pomni, who also seemed to be deep in thought, he made sure that she wouldn’t bump into anything. He felt bad for snapping at her yesterday, and the words she said to him afterwards cut deep. It was the first time in so long that someone called him out in a way that hollowed him to his core, to just step back and really think. Maybe that was what he needed. “Do you remember yesterday when Caine mentioned I used to know someone?” he spoke up.

Pomni’s head snapped up to him, his voice drowning out the deafening silence they stewed in for quite some time. “Y-yeah, why?”

“Well, when I arrived,” he started, “I remember that I didn’t know anything about my past, I was stuck in a body I didn’t know and all I could remember feeling was regret and fear. I acted a lot like a wounded animal, just screaming at people to stay away. It worked on everyone…except for Queenie.”

Pomni gasped, she had heard of Queenie and seen her door crossed off. The unsaid implication of her abstraction was what chilled Pomni’s spine, no one had to say anything to know what happened to her, but she never realised Jack was close to her.

“Well, she was the only one who wasn’t really phased by me,” he continued, “She made sure that I wasn’t alone, told me the stuff to look out for and sometimes Kinger would join her with helping me out, it’s strange to think about, back then he was more sane than he is now. I won’t lie, there were times that I was a little sh77t, but I’m grateful that she was willing to help me out. It helped me feel less scared, and sometimes I wondered if I had a mother in my past life that was like Queenie. But soon, I started seeing less and less of Queenie, everyone was starting to get worried. Any time we would see her she was always talking about an exit. I was also looking for one as well, collecting keys hoping that one of them would lead to an exit. One day, I told her about and maybe she could use on of them so it could help her mission…the next day she abstracted. Kinger was never the same after that, I wasn’t really sure if those two were together or not, but it was obvious how strong their bond was. Ever since then he started rambling about his ‘insect collection,’ I don’t know if it was to distract him from the grief or if it was a factor of him going crazy. All I knew was if I didn’t give Queenie that key, she would still be here. If I didn’t try and escape, Kinger would still have his sanity left. It’s better that everyone hates me, all I am is this a%%hole rabbit who killed their oldest friend. It’s no wonder they hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” Pomni said, making him turn to her, “That situation wasn’t your fault, it was just an awful place in time that no one could control. And I don’t think the others hate you too, I mean, did you even ask them?”

Jax sighed, “No, my mind just immediately believed that everyone hated me. Honestly, I wanted them to, it’ll make things a bit easier.”

“Yeah,” Pomni nodded, before paling at her word choice, “Not about everyone hating you, I meant about making things easier. Facing the bad stuff is scary, when I first got here I denied that this was real and that it was a dream. But at the end of it all, I had to accept that this was my reality, even if I didn’t like it. But I’m not gonna let it stop me from trying to leave, don’t let what happened to Queenie stop you from thinking that you deserve to be hated, you don’t. Maybe the others won’t forgive you immediately, but you can at least make a start.”

“We’ll see,” he gave her a soft grin, she was smiling back proudly. It was starting to get a bit too mushy now, so he pushed her hat over her eyes.

“Hey!” she squealed, she didn’t seem to mind that. She readjusted her hat and crossed her arms, “Really?”

“This is me we’re taking about. Besides, it was too easy Pom-pom,” he chuckled as she let out a groan.

“You’re not funny,” she walked up ahead, keeping the banter afloat as they continued to travel.

“No, I’m hilarious,” he retorted, “It’s not my fault you’re so uncultured short stack.”

She whipped back round at him with a pretend offended expression, “I’m not short!”

“Okay,” Jax snickered, “Come back to me about that were you grow 2 inches.”

She groaned dramatically, “You’re the worst!”

“True,” he picked her up as she let out a yip and placed her on his shoulders, “And I also have longer legs, I’ll get us to the exit faster.”

“Hey!” Pomni giggled, holding onto his head, “Put me down you giant!”

“But I need you to be my second pair of eyes short stack,” he patted her leg, “Just point out if you see anything and I’ll be your steering wheel.”

Despite the light teasing, she knew he was right, they would find the exit to the maze quicker if they worked like this, “Fine!...tall ass.”

“Say that again?” he quired.

“Nothing!” Pomni said.

Jax shrugged and continued walking. After a while, it seemed that the awkwardness had finally died down, leaving the two to engage in light conversations while searching for the exit. It was then they realised that they had forgotten about their dreams, not fully but they were so focused on one another, enjoying one another, they didn’t find the time to really think about them.

It still took them a bit of time, but eventually, to both of their relief and slight disappointment, they found the exit, the circus tent just down the path in front of them. Pomni jumped off Jax’s shoulders, there was no need for him to keep carrying down that they were back.

“I guess that marks the end of this adventure,” Pomni rubbed her arm, was she upset that this was over? Or was she upset that she couldn’t spend time with Jax anymore?              

“Yeah, the end,” Jax nodded, as much as he didn’t want to be part of this little maze escapade, he’ll admit it, it was better with Pomni being here. In fact, he wouldn’t mind being around her more often. “You know, I’ve noticed that whenever you’re on your own, you’re either hyper focused on every single little thing to the point where it stresses you out of your in your own little world while dissociating. Sometimes you’re so in your head that you fail to notice when someone’s coming right at ya. Whether it be Caine with one of his adventures or one of the others fooling around.”

“That tends to happen a lot,” she confessed, “It’s either one or the either, there’s not an in between. It’s kinda a problem.”                               

“Well, I have a proposition for you,” he said, she perked up, “Until you feel like you understand this place a little more, I’ll be there to make you don’t have one of your episodes. Whether you’re spiralling or hyper focusing, I’ll be here to ground you in case that happens.”           

“Really?” her eyes widened with joy at his offer, “You’d do that for me?”

“Just until you’re more aware of your surroundings,” he told her, “After all, I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Ah, right,” she gave him a joking grin, “We wouldn’t want anything to happen to that.”

“See, now you’re getting it,” he agreed, returning her grin.

The way he was leaning in, the way her heart sped up at their newly found teasing of each other, the way that the sense of déjà vu kept creeping in as though they had done this song and dance before. She ready did fall for him, didn’t she? She cleared her throat, “Well, good to know you’ve got my back, thank you again Jax. We should head in so no one’s worrying about us.”

“Works for me,” he nodded, his face suddenly becoming gentler, “And, you’re welcome.”

Don’t blush, don’t blush, don’t blush, don’t blush, don’t blush. “Race you inside!” she zoomed off, leaving the rabbit to laugh to himself.

“She sure is something else, huh?” he said to himself, his thoughts flooding with her again, he didn’t to anything to spot it, only letting it flow.

Pomni-Pomni-Pomni-Pomni-Pomni-Pen-

“Jax! You coming?” Pomni called out to him.

He blinked, what was that? What was his last thought about? He looked towards Pomni, suddenly forgetting that sudden glitch as he raced towards her, wanting to challenge the jester that captured his affections. “Are you sure sweetie?” he ran in her direction, “My longer legs might be more effective than yours short stack!”

“I’ll make you eat those words!” she snickered as he chased after her.

It was just a glitch.

Only a glitch.

[aslostaszoro]

!!ONE PIECE CHAPTER 1086 SPOILERS!!

So as we know, In film Red it was revealed Shanks is a member of the Figarland family-

In the latest chapter we are met with St. Figarland Garling. Who, in the translated version I found "Was a dominating figure who once distinguished himself at a place called God Valley". This can, of course, be thought of in many different ways. But I beleive he may have been the ruler of God's Valleys before it's end. Why? Its in the name. "Figarland" could also be pronounced as "figure land", a land where something of importance went down or happened. Now, how does he tie in with Shanks?

They both share the same name, and therefore have some sort of blood relevance. Shown in the picture of St. Figarland, you can see him weilding a saber of sorts. Similar to Shanks' weapon. We also learn that he is the supreme commander of the holy knight. Yes, whilst the Celestial Dragons are often shown as brass, snotty and increadibley weak this may be what sets them apart from the family. Which sets be into my next speaking point; Haki/Conquerers Haki.

Of course I won't dive into it too much but C.H is said to be an almost physical representation of a leaders spirit, a conquerers. As a Celestial Dragon, this is extremely apparent. He stands above the holy nights as supreme commander, whilst he also mocks St Donquixote Myosgard for protecting scum lower than him. Showing the beliefs of the harsh and cruel ruling of the WG while also enforcing his own strength.

Shanks stands above his crew as an incredibly strong captain, protecting those weaker than him as if they are his family, which is the complete opposite of his relative. He shows after the Big Mom and Kaido fight as well as against the bandits in the start of the manga that he hates when people try and take advantage of others in a weaker state. I beleive this could be from his upbringing on Roger's crew.

Speaking of Roger, let's go back quickly to the photo last shown, baby Shanks. Shanks is depicted wearing a onesie with stars, moons and suns on it. Garling is shown in this chapter to have a haircut in the shape of a crescent moon, linking back to the outfit. But what about the stars and the moons?

As we take a closer look at this guy we can notice he has oddly shaped spikes in his hair on both sides. But why does this come into play? simple. If you looked at him straight forward his hair would be the shape of a star. So now, how can we incorporate the sun?

Roger's voyage ends with Joyboy's secret and reaching laugh tale. Joyboy is also connected with the Sun God Nika devil fruit. Shanks later in his life meets luffy, who digests the fruit and becomes the next Joyboy. Whilst I'm still trying to figure this part out, pun intended, I can see a very important message being displayed through this.

Hopping back to God Valley we have one massive question, how the hell did Shanks end up there? Maybe it was a family trip or by coincidence. But I don't think we'll be getting answers with this little amount information. Which also bugs me. Around Marineford arc when Shanks drinks with Whitebeard he says he's from the West. Perhaps his family perviously ruled there, ruining my previous statement. But I would like to suggest a different angle.

What if it was an alliance between two nations? an alliance which resulted in the blood of two different families combining into one. Maybe thats why the Figarlands are so highly regarded. It can also help my slowly crumbling theory.

Shanks has been shown to be the complete opposite of his relative as I stated earlier. Perhaps, in an almost ironic way, he would rather pretend he was from a "town in the West Sea". He obviously couldn't say he was from Gods Valley, so that small lie could be manageable.

I'll probably end up editing this or reposting this with more theories if I end up with any more idea's, but thats all for now :)

[tellmeomuse]

aitnists week 19

The main story is finished serializing on Patreon! 🥳

So Chapter 19 just hit AO3 and Chapter 20, the final chapter, is now on Patreon. There is still one more additional scene I'm going to post there, but not until after the main story is finished serializing on AO3.

Once both sides are finished serializing, I'm going to take aim at the ebook, which I'm hoping to have up and ready by mid-October. That said, the responses I got to the survey really made me reconsider how I was intending to handle the publishing side of things... I'm still learning about my options and stewing on the best way forward, so the ebook might take a little bit longer.

(I'll have a post up about my thoughts there later.)

Anyway, onto this week's chapters!

And In The Night, I See The Stars (Ch.19) OMC/Minotaur | Chapter Rating: T | Chapter Length: 3k words Phaidros is used to making sacrifices to ensure a safe voyage -- but every man has his limits. -------------- And In The Night, I See The Stars (Ch.20) OMC/Minotaur | Chapter Rating: T | Chapter Length: 3k words Phaidros and Asterion speak in the light of rosy-fingered dawn.

In addition to this week's chapters, I also posted the last Designing post on the free tier of Patreon. It's about Asterion's injury from Ch19, what it looks like, and why that's extremely important.

Like I can't overstate how important it is, tbh, to the point where I might post spoilers on main after the AO3 crowd has had a chance to read Ch19 just to make sure everyone has access to the info.

Anyway! For now, though, thanks as always for reading and I hope you enjoy.

[jack-in-the-dark]

Jack Builds Spaceboats: The Rally Vincent, Part 2: Akira-class, My Beloved

Disclaimer: I am by no means an expert at this game and the information I present may be erroneous.

I love the Akira-class. I cannot overstate that. Ever since I first saw the beautiful USS Thunderchild and her sisters at the Battle of Sector 001 in Star Trek: First Contact, I have been in love with this ship.

I love that way she looks. The way her design makes her swoop. I love her lore. I love that she's basically what you get when Starfleet decides to throw subtlety out the window. I love how she's sleek and aggressive while still maintaining that Starfleet feel.

So here comes an autism rant.

The development of the Akira-class starship started after the Battle of Wolf 359, where an entire fleet of starships was annihilated by a single Borg cube in a matter of hours, if not minutes. It was a massacre, and a wake-up call. It was a reminder to Starfleet that having fighting ships, while frowned upon by Federation ideals, is an absolute necessity for the peace and safety of the Federation.

So the engineers got to work, and designed four new classes of ship designed primarily with kicking Borg ass in mind: the Defiant, the Sabre, the Norway, and the Akira. While the Defiant, Sabre, and Norway were more compact and smaller designs, the Akira-class was a full-fledged cruiser at over two-thirds the length of the massive Galaxy-class explorers.

She also had a truly massive hangar bay that ran the full length of the saucer section, allowing her to carry an unheard-of amount of support craft.

What truly set the Akira-class apart, though, was the fact that she is absolutely fucking covered in torpedo launchers. Most Starfleet ships have, at most, four torpedo launchers - two fore, two aft, with phaser arrays covering the ship (the Galaxy-class, for example, is considered a battleship with two torpedo launchers and over a dozen phaser arrays). The Akira-class has three phaser arrays. She has fifteen photon torpedo launchers. Four facing forward in the weapons pod, three on each side covering the aft port and starboard quarters in the mission pod, one in the saucer section just above the deflector dish and, most unusually, two photon torpedo launchers on each side of the saucer section facing directly port and starboard.

A big part of why I started playing Star Trek Online was because I wanted to fly an Akira-class. I longed for it. So naturally, I pounced on the opportunity the moment it presented itself.

You can imagine that it came as a bit of a shock when I learned that the torpedo-heavy cruiser-carrier I loved was, in game terms, an agile glass cannon designed to use dual cannons.

I exploded. A lot. So much so, in fact, that I straight-up swore off flying escorts almost altogether and started flying cruisers instead because they could take a goddamn hit.

I was angry, I was disappointed, and even a little heartbroken.

But as my knowledge of the game grew, I kept going back to the USS Rally Vincent, re-evaluating and tweaking, and eventually even making a ship that I felt actually worked with what an Akira-class should be.

Then, in 2022, I started seeing rumors around the STO subreddit: Cryptic was working on a Legendary Akira-class. Now, "Legendary" variants are typically only for "Hero" ships, those that served as the focus of a series (like the various Enterprises, the Defiant, and Voyager). The idea of a Legendary Akira-class was... curious, but also very very exciting.

So I immediately started saving up, and holy shit am I glad I did. When Cryptic announced the Legendary First Strike Bundle and the stats of the ships it would come with (the Legendary Multi-Mission Command Carrier and the not-talking-about-it-in-this-post Legendary Temporal Ops Strike Wing Escort Warbird), it was like Cryptic had read my Christmas list and decided I'd been such a good boy this year that I was gonna get everything I wanted.

This was finally a frame that could be an honest-to-goodness Akira-class. Still nimble, but not a dogfighter, able to take a few on the chin, packing enough firepower to make a Klingon blush, and full Command specialization seating primary and Miracle Worker secondary, giving her access to some fantastic Bridge Officer abilities and arguably the best torpedo-buffing BOFF ability in the game, Concentrate Firepower III.

It was truly an evolution of the Rally Vincent's build, going well beyond mere improvement. The advent of the Advanced Hangar consoles elevated the build even further, making her one of only a handful of ships I have capable of dealing with Elite content despite her decidedly off-meta build.

I genuinely wish I could give this ship a hug. She really is a dream come true for me.

[endless-bunny]

Babe Wake Up: Pathfinder playtest just dropped

I wasn't expecting to make this post til Sunday, but I guess the timeline has been brought forward. Paizo has announced War of the Immortals for a release some time next year. The playtest document for two fresh, new classes has just been released too and I have briefly skimmed it.

We've got two new classes to look at: the Animist, and the Exemplar. I've included their descriptions direct from the blog post and playtest document along with a few collected thoughts. Keep in mind, I haven't played these classes yet (I doubt anybody has, given how recent the blog post was) so I'm just giving a quick overview.

Animist

"Samo of Icemark is a middle-aged Varki woman from the Lands of the Linnorm Kings, in the northernmost reaches of the Inner Sea region. Samo is a nephilim, a mortal being with a touch of the celestial planes in her bloodline. Born with the ability to see spirits and other entities that others could not, Samo was selected to learn from the elders of Seer’s Home at a young age after her abilities helped her save her village from a kushtaka incursion. Trained in the arts of animism, Samo was proclaimed a sage after successfully bonding with her grandmother’s spirit, an apparition known as a custodian of groves and gardens. Samo served the Varki people for nearly forty years, until the day a young, injured Okaiyan man washed onto shore near Icemark and changed the course of her life forevermore."

"a Wisdom-based divine spellcasting class that bonds with apparitions, ephemeral spirits who share their power and knowledge with the animist in exchange for the animist acting as their agent with the physical world. Bond with a Steward of Stone and Fire to add primal power to your spellcasting, make a pact with an Impostor in Hidden Places to gain access to sneaky and deceptive magics, or allow a Witness to Ancient Battles possess you and lend its martial talents to your repertoire!"

From a brief skim over the Playtest document, it seems like the Animist is sort of a successor to the Shaman and Medium from PF1, communing with spirits and even allowing them to inhabit the Animist's body. Some of the Animist's feats have the "Wandering" trait, which was something in PF1 that allowed the Shaman to choose new spirits each day. They have spells that they both prepare and spontaneously cast, which... seems interesting? I'll have to see how that plays to work out if I like it or not. They also have focus spells, which are kind of a given for spellcasters in PF2, but juggling three different resource pools seems like a lot for a spellcaster. The Shaman in PF1 was one of my favourite classes so I'm looking forward to giving the Animist a go, although I am unfortunately the ForeverGM so I don't get very many opportunities to build and play characters.

I wonder if they chose the name "Animist" just to make it clear that it's not the same class as in PF1, or if they're choosing to avoid the word "Shaman" because of specific, real-world uses of the word. I've written before that Paizo is very aware of, and trying to avoid, cultural appropriation. They've changed game terms in the past (such as "phylactery" and "totem") to avoid negative associations with real-world religious or cultural things, or otherwise perpetuating reductive stereotypes. I dunno, maybe I'm thinking too much about it. Though the term shaman does originate from Tungusic, the practice of shamanism isn't unique to that region of the world.

Exemplar

"Nahoa is a young human man of the Olehala people, one of the four great voyaging nations of the Okaiyo Ocean that spans Tian Xia and Arcadia. Born on the rainy side of his island, Nahoa grew up digging canals for his family’s taro farm, taking care of his younger sisters, and ensuring his village never lost the yearly stone-hurling championship. Though he wanted nothing more than an easy life, Nahoa was Called to exchange his digging stick for a warrior’s spear when a great demon returned, as it had for decades, to prey on his home. He faced the beast high in the sky, and even as his spear pierced it, its talons dug into his flesh. Rather than succumb to the creature’s venom, Nahoa claimed its power as his own, becoming a nephilim in the process. He crashed, far from the Okaiyo, where he would meet a Varki woman and set off on a quest across a distant Inner Sea."

This is Pathfinder's very first rare class. That means, guidance given, it won't be available for most tables to play. I can see why they chose to do that, since while it doesn't seem to be overpowered, it is thematically very different to most other classes, and having only one Exemplar in a party might lead that player to believe themself to be the "Main character"

"a Charisma-based divine warrior possessing their own spark of divinity. The exemplar can move their divine spark between receptacles called ikons to unlock potent effects and abilities. As your power grows, you create your own epithet that defines your immortal legacy; whether you become a Cunning exemplar who’s Restless as the Tides and known to be a Thief of Moonlight, or a Brave exemplar, who’s Peerless Under Heaven and destined to be The Last Ruler of an ancient kingdom, is up to you!"

The examples given are Herakles, Cú Chulainn and Maui, so the speculation wasn't far off.

The Exemplar seems to have a lot of moving parts. They have a number of "Ikons" which they can turn on or off in combat. One Ikon can be active at any time, and the Exemplar can activate different abilities depending on which Ikon is on.

Most of the weapon-focussed classes in this game have a feature where they deal extra damage with their weapons as they gain levels. In the case of the Exemplar, it's spirit damage, and they can later become Holy or Unholy, meaning their spirit damage is more potent against creatures of the opposite alignment.

They also get to choose an epithet that expands as they gain levels, starting with something as simple as "The Brave" but ending with something as badass as "Peerless Under Heaven". Many of the Exemplar's feats are about pushing themselves to greater feats of strength, superhuman athletics and acrobatics and stuff like that.

I'm reminded of the Epic Destinies from Dungeons & Dragons 4th edition, which inspired the Mythic Paths in Pathfinder 1e (and was possibly inspired by the BECMI "Immortals" set or another expansion from an earlier edition). To be honest, having played a bunch of Wrath of the Righteous recently, I am pretty hyped to have something adjacent to Mythic tier in this game. I guess we'll have to wait and see if it's just the Exemplar or if those concepts are expanded to other characters as well.

Edited to Add: Uh yeah it looks like we're getting Mythic character options in this book. I didn't read the preamble for the playtest but:

"The animist and exemplar will appear in the upcoming sourcebook Pathfinder War of Immortals, scheduled for Winter 2024, which also brings new legendary creatures and character options for a wide variety of classes and characters, as well as bringing new mythic rules to Pathfinder!"

(emphasis mine)

So yeah. I get hyped about every Pathfinder sourcebook release. Always have. Unfortunately, my group has to deal with rapid and dramatic genre shifts when something new comes out and I pivot our existing campaign to adopt those subsystems. Some day I will use all of the subsystems in the same game.

[sincericida]

Hey there, how you been? Crazy busy here but thank you for all the content updates. Popped in and see that people going crazy about AG's private life, but enough about that; I was beyond excited to learn about the Orwell audiobook. I have enjoyed a lot of actor/actress readings in that format so I'm looking forward to this, especially since I've read most of Orwell's works.

Haven't heard anything about if Voyagers started filming yet have you? When I saw your recent posts I figured maybe not since they were personal shots and not set shots.

I think We Live In Time is set for an August release? Going to be a looooong summer.

Yes, dear @tarzinnia, this week was crazy for some reasons.

But, I can’t wait for some "We Live In Time" trailer to come out. I still haven’t found anything about a really set date to start filming "Voyager’s". But this project so far, is still with him. I also look forward to "George Orwell’s 1984". Aside from Andrew being on the project, "1984" is - unfortunately and painfully - more current than ever. Just do not know what will happen with the project "Hot Air" - the mini series about the life of Richard Branson, since Branson is being investigated for alleged crimes (in the 'Epstein's case'). Nothing is being said about this project, so maybe it is a case of 'cat went up on the roof'. For now that’s all I know. Thank you for asking, dear 🫶🏼

[jimin-bangtan]

My BTS Experience, Pt. 2

2-part series

The final straw that overcame my BTS reluctance was the category that most interests me in movies, books, TV shows, or life - relationships. My sister had mentioned the members were exceptionally close, but I hadn’t really seen much up to that point that struck me in any particular way. 

Up to this time, my sister and I had been watching BTS performances for a good while whenever we visited. One day she played the song Yet To Come, and I told her that it sounded like a good-bye song. I asked if they were taking a break or stopping their act any time soon. She didn’t think so and was rather adamant about denying the possibility. Soon after she pulled up the Festa 2022 dinner that had just occurred. (Yes, that one.😔) I had never seen a Festa event, so I watched with curiosity. My sister had to leave part way through, but I was very intrigued and invested in what I had seen up to that point. Not only did it seem I was right about the break, but the emotions and interactions displayed during the dinner were genuine and visceral. This dinner inspired me, for the first time, to pull up BTS content on my own, where I watched, then rewatched, the Festa dinner.  I then went down the infamous BTS rabbit hole.

In the rabbit hole, I discovered more about each of the 7 very interesting and talented young men.  They each bring unique personalities and skills to the group, both which work together to create great performances and music. In addition to being known for their successful musical products, another of the group’s greatest attractions is the relationships they have with one another. Each pairing displays different dynamics based on their varying characteristics, but as a whole, the synergy and camaraderie observed is heartwarming and inviting. They’ve been through a lot together. They have identified strengths and weaknesses over time and determined how to best operate as a team.  They created relationships that they describe as more than friends, but as family. We got to watch much of the development occur in real time by way of the amount of footage but also by the types of programs they chose to create (such as In The Soop, Bon Voyage, Run BTS, etc.)

Because of the quarantine, the overall pandemic, and my specific circumstances, I had time to catch up on a lot of BTS’s history and achievements in quick fashion. I became more and more impressed with their journey and their accomplishments. I also got to know each member better and became more aware of the relationships within the group. Although I haven’t been a fan for long, it sometimes seems like I have done more research and connecting of information than some people who have been in the fandom longer - based on many anon comments I read. With that said, I realize I do not know everything and still have a lot to learn. I also know that some thoughts I have now may change as I learn more information.

One reason I feel in tune with BTS’s journey is I tend to look at original footage and Lives as well as read articles and interviews in which the guys participated. I try to get more of my information from what BTS says and does rather than from 2nd hand sources (although I still have to rely on translations). Another reason I feel very entrenched is that I went back to the start of their career and investigated their journey to understand the context of the information I was seeing. I’m still researching and viewing new (to me) older content to this day. The hiatus for their military service has provided me more time to catch up before this journey continues forward after the guys return.  

Probably the greatest reason I feel like I have been around longer than I have is because Big Hits documented and showed so much of their thoughts and experiences. I don’t recall ever seeing a group talk to and engage with fans, or reveal so much information as it was happening as this group has. BTS exposed their excitement, happiness, sadness, struggles, successes, celebrations, and frustrations to the public. Anyone who cares to know and understand them can explore the journey at any time, straight from their own words and experiences. In my shortish time I have read their book, watched several documentaries, watched & read interviews, watched Lives, performances, concerts, etc. etc. etc. (Their journey has been such a rollercoaster ride that sometimes I’m glad I wasn’t there to survive through those turbulent, earlier years. However, it definitely still seems a bit hectic to me now.)

Final thoughts:   I am a Jimin bias, OT7 Lover, and JiKook observer. (OT7 = One True 7, 7=1; JiKook = Jimin and Jung Kook pairing) Everything my sister told me about BTS turned out to be true. One thing I learned by watching more non-performance BTS content is that the guys sincerely care about each other and are naturally very affectionate toward each other. They sometimes do mild ‘skinship’ for the fun of performances but mostly they are close anyway. Jimin has remarked, in essence, that he doesn’t like being fake and his interactions with others are genuine, and basically he would do the same affectionate actions with or without the cameras being there. I believe that is mostly true with BTS as a whole. They interact or don’t interact affectionately of their own moods or wills.  Due to the fact that BTS was originally ostracized from the KPop community, BTS ended up breaking away from many of the cringy, expected behaviors that other groups did & still do. I am so happy about that because some of the early stuff is hard to watch from before the change was made. 

Since I have been investigating BTS, I have seen many people say that when they first got into the fandom they were flooded with TaeKook material due to algorithms. (TaeKook = Taehyung and Jung Kook pairing) Somehow - perhaps because I came in from solely the music direction first - I missed that experience. My sister never mentioned specific friendships or pairings. She only said they were all very close, which is genuinely true. I wasn’t looking for anything to show itself. It didn’t even cross my mind to think about it.

As I began watching original footage that was not performances, Jimin and Jung Kook’s interactions stood out to me. By the time I saw TaeKook material, I already knew what was and what was not accurate compared to what I had seen or did not see in the original material. There was nothing that convinced me Taehyung and Jung Kook were anything other than close BTS members. I’m still stunned about how some undeniable events have been discarded with ridiculous explanations or about the efforts some go through to lie about what actually occurred. Even if we (me & anyone else) don’t reach the same conclusions, we should at least be able to agree on what we actually see within a whole event, without adding or erasing pieces and parts.  Step one.

In regard to the whole group, there have been questionable interactions I recall about almost every pair in BTS, sometimes due to cultural differences, sometimes due to playfulness or whatever.  However, Jimin and Jung Kook were always different, very different, so I began observing them more closely and continue to do so to this day. Joint military enlistment? Who’d have thought? They still fascinate me. 

I don’t declare to know for sure the extent of any BTS relationship, and I try not to define them until I hear it directly from the guys themselves. Based on what they have said and what I have seen, I do have my own thoughts and opinions about what I think is happening. We should remember that this is still the entertainment business, but it is also their real lives, and we only know as much as we can know and see as much as they allow us to see, but I’m certainly intrigued. Could my opinions be wrong? Absolutely. And I’d be okay with that - although I would really hope for some direct information to explain how I could have so badly misunderstood what I’ve observed.

By the way, my sister does not subscribe to any TaeKook or JiKook theories or theories about any other pairing at all. To her, it is impossible for there to be any conclusion other than the one she’s reached. She excitedly talks about how she can’t wait to see them find nice girls and settle down. They are all very close friends and brothers. She doesn’t talk negatively about any of the guys at all. Despite the fact that she is a Jung Kook bias and denies any specific JiKook bond, she loves Jimin and compliments his talent & celebrates his achievements as she does with all of the guys. She just refuses to acknowledge or discuss any interaction JM & JK have together that presents any intimacy that can be seen in footage, platonic or not. Before we got to our more peaceful place, we had frustrating conversations. To prevent further angry conflict, we ended up agreeing to disagree and let it go as a topic we could discuss together. However, we can still have enjoyable conversations about BTS as a whole, as individual artists, and about their music.

On the other side of my BTS world, I have another sister who is V-biased [We’re all maknae-biased.😊] and is a mild TaeKooker (no hating or posting). She is a person who likes to get much of her information from snips and clips, so she tends to believe some of the distorted or misleading things shown from that side. When I’d tried to show her the fuller context of some events from original content, she declined to hear or watch any of it, falling back on some commonly-heard excuses.  Still, she and I can also have pleasant conversations about the group in the same way. We also agreed to disagree and to leave that conversation off the table.  However, she has recently said she now sees that JK & JM are very close. Progress? 🤔  Step one at least.

The lack of ability to have these conversations with my sisters explains a big reason for how I ended up finding Tumblr.

So finally, the BTS fandom … Yes, that has been a surprise.�� For the group who drew me in with their positive, inclusive message and encouraging, thoughtful lyrics, the fandom is somewhat disappointing. At least a loud, vicious part of it is. I don’t think it is the whole fandom, of course, and I don’t think it’s BTS’s fault. Their whole experience has been extreme, exhausting, new, and fast. They had little time to rest and figure out what was going on in their own careers and lives and even less time to manage the behavior and psyches of a quickly growing fandom.

I do wish BTS did, or would now, address some of the issues within the fandom, but they may need or have needed time to figure out what and how to do that. Hopefully, the fandom will self-correct, and free them from having to wield a corrective sword, but that seems unlikely.  It would be a shame if their tireless efforts were destroyed by the very fandom that they worked so hard to gather and connect with. I apologize because I can’t remember who said this, but I remember reading a commenter who said something like, “Let’s hope that BTS is not destroyed by Hybe and the government from the outside or by the fandom from the inside.”  For shame.  

Anyway, that’s my story. I enjoy reading people’s introduction and bias selection stories, so I figured I’d share my own.  I still have much to learn and my present thoughts are based on my knowledge and understanding up to this point. I still have pockets of content to view in completion, which I hope to get to during this year, like more In The Soop and Bon Voyage type things. My views are subject to change as I learn more information. I am just as intrigued, if not more, as I was after viewing that Festa 2022 dinner. I feel there are more interesting events and stories to come for these 7 fascinating men.  (Oh, and by the way, my sister was right, I now know that Jimin is, in fact, a giggle box. And I love it.🤭)

B T S ! !

[emotionallychargedtowel]

9 People You’d Like to Know More

tagged by @wen-kexing-apologist and @thewayofsubtext  <3

Tumblr keeps eating every draft of this post that I write, argh! 

Last Song I Listened To

When I started writing this, I was being lazy and letting the YouTube algorithm pick songs for me and I was listening to this song, Unfucktheworld by Angel Olsen. I've been exchanging song recommendations with a friend for a while now and I guess she has gotten to know me pretty well because this is way up my alley.

But then another song came on--We Ride by Brave Girls (a.k.a. BB Girls)--and that became the new last song I listened to. It's another song that a friend recommended to me. This time it was a friend I've been emailing with back and forth about East Asian pop music. He's a big fan of City Pop, a genre that came out of Japan in the 80s, and he sent me a list of some recent kpop songs that are influenced by/reminiscent of City Pop, including this one. I took to it right away, and it was a big hit with my daughter. 

Currently Watching

I Told Sunset About You - I’m just one episode in to this one and I can already tell it’s going to hit me where it hurts. I took a break due to family visits and related stuff but I’m fixing to dive back in. 

Moonlight Chicken - I got stalled out on this one just as it was getting good, thanks to some life stuff. I need to pick it back up!

Star Trek: Discovery - I’m a big Star Trek fan and recently rewatched everything from TNG through Voyager, but I hadn’t kept up with any of the newest series in years. I’m so glad I decided to start Discovery because it is shaping up to be one of my favorite Star Trek series. There are a lot of reasons for this. Really great LGBT+ representation is a factor. This is also is the first Star Trek series that has inspired more actor crushes in me than DS9. Michelle Yeoh in a corset! Tig Notaro as a cranky engineer! I’m dying over here. 

Minato's Laundromat season 2 - I was looking forward to this as soon as it was announced, but with the usual anxiety that comes with a second season of a BL. I wasn’t 100% sure about the direction of the season at first, but now it’s settling in with some really interesting themes. 

Reservation Dogs - I wasn’t entirely sure about this show when I first started watching during the first season. But not only did it grow on me, it has also been getting better and better. The latest episode, which focused in part on an abusive government-sponsored boarding school (of the sort designed to rob Indigenous kids of their culture), was one of the best of the series so far. 

Edited to add: I forgot about Kamen Rider Geats! My family has been catching up on it and we're almost caught up just in time for the finale. I'm liking it a lot more than I thought I would when I watched the first few episodes, but not as much as my partner (who said he thinks it's one of his favorite Kamen Rider series he's seen). I'm really impressed with the cast, though. I'd especially like to see the actors who play Keiwa and Buffa in more things in the future.

Currently Reading

I’ve been listening to the audiobook version of The Method: How the Twentieth Century Learned to Act by Isaac Butler for a while now, but I’m having an annoying situation where it keeps getting returned to the library even though I’ve renewed it. I could just start another book, but I don’t want to! This one is really interesting. 

The vast majority of people spend a significant amount of their time watching (non-documentary) movies and TV series, which involves watching actors engage in this specific art form. And we have opinions about what constitutes good or bad acting. Yet most of us know so little about how acting is done, what kinds of theories underpin acting practice, how actors prepare for roles and scenes. I wanted to not only find out more about that, but also dig a little deeper into the differences between approaches and how they’ve branched off and clashed and so forth. 

So far I’ve gotten a lot of good background and plenty to think about, even though I’m just getting to the point where the Method/System/whateveryoucallit is starting to take on in the US. I’m guessing it’s going to get even more relevant from there.

Current Obsession

I’m always obsessing about lots of things so I’m probably never going to be able to identify just one. Some currents ones are:

waiting for Utsukushii Kare: Eternal to be available with English subtitles somewhere, somehow

foraging blackberries, making jelly out of them, and baking biscuits to go with the jelly

waiting for it to be fall already because I hate sweating and I love wearing layers

finding my Animal Crossing character some decent glasses

thinking about possible BL/Jane Austen parallels for tumblr posts

finishing a post about psychological aspects of Utsukushii Kare that I’ve been writing off and on for months and that has gotten so long it will probably have to be split up into 3-4 posts

Serge Lutens Jeux de Peau perfume (my beloved)

I didn't tag anyone. It makes me anxious and I think pretty much everyone I know on here has been tagged! Except @porridgefeast, who's welcome to do it if she feels like it but (of course) no pressure.

[abybweisse]

Hello! What do you think of the theory that these four facilities are not the only source of blood for R!Ciel? We are well aware of how good UT is at keeping things secret, so these barely hidden facilities seem very suspicious. I am sure that the time of the appearance of R!Ciel is not coincidental, but rather precisely calculated by UT. It would fit very well into the chess game the twins are playing: R!Ciel makes the first move to kick his brother out of the manor, O!Ciel destroys the vital blood resources, R!Ciel reveals that they are not the only ones, which prompts O!Ciel to come up with a new plan. Given his and UT's composure and nonchalance about the first object being destroyed, it's hard to believe that this sentiment is based solely on arrogance, which is definitely not UT's trait. If I am not mistaken, R!Ciel can take any blood type, which makes all the fuss about Sirius blood even more hilarious. Imagine O!Ciel's face upon learning that those voyages were all for nothing. Also, assuming that the ultimate goal of UT is to save O!Ciel's soul from being consumed by Sebastian, it makes perfect sense to separate the servants from their young master and his demon. Looking forward to the Brighton Arc!

More, secretive facilities?

It's possible, I suppose, but I don't think that's happening. If there are other facilities providing blood, then the quantities they send are probably not nearly enough to sustain the demand. And, once Undertaker and real Ciel are defeated, those facilities would eventually stop collecting.

But I think these are the main four facilities, now that Sphere Music Hall has been shut down and the Bath resort was kept from being put to full use.

Instead of Undertaker and real Ciel making these facilities obvious, I think they believe they covered their activities well. Spaced out across the country and not connected in any way that most people would immediately realize. Sebastian is a demon, but he still had to do research to figure out what little he knows about each facility.

Besides, my big Mother3 theory helps explain it this way: the player has to be able to figure out where to go, what to do, who's the adversary, etc. within a somewhat reasonable timeframe. Actually winning might be difficult, but figuring out how to even play the game shouldn't be. The twins might compare their moves to playing chess, but what they are doing is very much like a rhythm game... like Mother3.

Arrogance might not be Undertaker's trait, but I think it is very much a trait of real Ciel, and he's largely calling the shots now... even when Undertaker seems less-than-keen about some of the decisions.

Idk whether real Ciel knows he can accept any whole blood donation (ignoring Rh factor). But, if he does know, then he's likely being too elitist to use anything but his own blood type. I mean we already know he's putting a premium on the rarer blood types. Even Blavat makes that apparent with how the four stars are ranked. This is one of the reasons I suspect that the Viscount of Druitt is involved in the blood typing and transfusion process. He's exactly the sort who would believe some blood types are superior to others.

Remember how Undertaker got a huge laugh out of Stoker believing they were truly using medical science to revive the dead? And then he completely deflates Stoker's ego by saying they were no longer relying on science once they asked for a reaper's assistance? Undertaker's techniques aren't medical. At least they weren't then.

Now, what's going on is partly medical. But I imagine a scene where Druitt (or someone else with a medical background who is helping instead) makes claims about how blood typing works and how real Ciel is special for only being able to accept the rarest blood type... then Undertaker bursts out laughing, explaining that isn't true, and how amusing it's been to watch the Aurora Society struggle to attain "Sirius" blood when any human blood would have sufficed.

The other possibility is that Undertaker also doesn't know how blood types really work, and when someone finally explains it to him -- like Sieglinde -- he gets a huge kick out of the futility of all their efforts until then. His included.

Now, it is a good strategy to get the enemy to split up, with the idea they will be weakened and easier to defeat. However, real Ciel's side is also split up. Heathfield's facility was crushed, and Polaris could only see it for himself and report back. Layla/Al was exposed to the reapers, and she might be at reaper HQ by now, getting her head examined by Othello, for all we know. Doll is struggling and might be defeated by Snake and Finny soon. That leaves real Ciel and those he's keeping closest, like Undertaker and Polaris. But even Polaris isn't always there with his master. Tanaka is around, but his loyalty is still questionable; I'm sure he's not actually comfortable serving the bizarre doll of real Ciel. There must be someone else who is helping with the medical side of things, like Druitt (or a bizarre doll of Stoker or of the circus doc), but is that person of any other use? Anyway, both sides are largely split up and fighting at multiple fronts.

[magicianapprenticelyra]

Apprenticember—DAY(s) II & III (Part I)

Event created by: @ghoulfriendfangs​

Prompt(s): The LIs and your MC’s relationship with them.

The short of it: Lyra is paired with all the LIs of The Arcana. It’s just split into twelve different timelines. For the sake of readability/not wanting to put readers through thorough essays about each and every bit of said timelines, I’ll do my best to condense each bit into small paragraphs.

Asra—

Overall/In Other Routes: Lyra sees Asra as one of her closest, dearest friends. She’ll always find ways to keep in touch: be it keeping consistent correspondence while out of Vesuvia to finding time in her busy schedule to meet up with them. In Muriel’s route, Asra even officiates the wedding! There is, however, one timeline where their friendship is strained to its limit . . .

Upright (TOR: Compass Rose): He’s been there since the beginning of it all. Even if she can’t remember six of the nine years she’s actually known Asra, she wants nothing more than to make new memories with him. Be it in Vesuvia or some far-flung place on the continent over, she’s always found a home wherever Asra is.

Reversed (TOR: Songbird): Asra’s everything to her. He’s everything she’s ever known. He's also the only thing that she remembers.

[more under the cut!]

***

Nadia—

Overall/In Other Routes: Depending whether Lyra’s in an Upright or Reversed timeline, Lyra can be anywhere between having the utmost of respect for the Countess, to being totally neutral/indifferent. As a woman in her position, Nadia has a lot of responsibilities; Lyra doesn’t envy her in the slightest. If they’re friends, Lyra’s a visitor that Nadia looks forward to see. If they’re estranged or on hostile/unfriendly terms, at best it is awkward. At worst, it’s bitter and angry.

Upright (TOR: Emerald): Initially, Lyra only knew her as the widowed Countess. As she learned more about Nadia, she found a kindred spirit. While busy with their duties, they find each other—and their friends/loved ones—to lean on. The pair push each other to be better, and to do their best with whatever energies they have on a day to day basis.

Reversed (TOR: Ruby): With the new Devil being her significant other, Lyra’s found herself having many freedoms. Said freedoms, however, are at that the end of a very, very long leash. With the slightest sign of her Devil needing her presence, Lyra’s instantly transported back to the seat of Nadia’s throne. While free to do as she wishes, Lyra’s internal turmoil isn’t quelled in the least.

***

Julian—

Overall/In Other Routes: At best, she gets along with the fellow pun-loving doctor. At worst, interactions between the two of them can be either awkward or leave one or both of them completely and utterly exasperated. Julian isn’t the easiest person to be around, whether or not he does it intentionally. Lyra knows the man means well 89% of the time, but his flair for the dramatics makes her shake her head.

Upright (TOR: Voyager): Their relationship starts off not unlike a roller coaster. He’s wanted for murder, yet he doesn’t remember much from his time in the Red Plague. Lyra knows there’s more to the doctor than he lets on, especially when time and time again it seems like he’s a death seeker. After things are resolved, Lyra and Julian learn each other’s styles of affection. While Lyra is the more ‘serious’ of the pair, she’s not uptight to the point Julian’s shenanigans feel grating. Despite their very obvious differences, deep down beneath, they both care for the same things. They just go about it differently, especially when magic gets involved.

Reversed (TOR: Undertaker): They both have nightmares that feel endless. Both their bodies have changed, and they’re both doing their best to cope with it. Julian’s become something of a raven-based harpy, and Lyra’s shifting into a black sheep of sorts. Travelling together, Julian doesn’t pry much into what Lyra’s seen en route to finding him. It only comes up when Scout and Julian assist Lyra in sheering the excess amount of wool off of her skin and face. Despite it all, they’re together, and looking for their loved ones in their changed world. So long as they’re together, they can do anything.

A/N: It’s been taking longer than I would’ve liked to finish this, so I’m splitting this into two parts instead. If you made it this far, thanks for reading! Part 2 should be coming along soon enough.

PART 2: [TBA]

[officialkavan]

Welcome to My Tumblr Journey: Exploring Tech, Books, and Learning Together!

Hey! I'm Kavan. I'm a sophomore based in Toronto 🇨🇦 and my goal is to share my journey, experiences and things I've learned.

Here are a few things I like:

Tech Enthusiast: The world of technology fascinates me, from cutting-edge gadgets to the latest innovations. 📱💡

Lifelong Learner: Curiosity drives me to explore new horizons, whether that's in the digital realm or beyond. 🌟

Discovering Books: I'm delving into the world of literature and knowledge, one page at a time. 📚

I'm here to share my journey, experiences, and musings on these interests. Whether it's an intriguing tech find or a valuable lesson learned, you'll find it right here.

If you're as curious and enthusiastic about these topics and more as I am, I invite you to follow my Tumblr blog. You can also connect with me on Twitter and Instagram. 🌐👥

Let's explore, learn, and grow together! 🚀🧠

Feel free to engage, share your thoughts, and be part of this exciting voyage. I'm looking forward to connecting with this vibrant Tumblr community! 😊🌍

[rockislandadultreads]

New Title Tuesday: Mysteries

A Disappearance in Fiji by Nilima Rao

1914, Fiji: Akal Singh would rather be anywhere but this tropical paradise—or, as he calls it, “this godforsaken island.” After a promising start to his police career in his native India and Hong Kong, Akal has been sent to Fiji as punishment for a humiliating professional mistake. Lonely and grumpy, Akal plods through his work and dreams of getting back to Hong Kong.

When an indentured Indian woman goes missing from a sugarcane plantation and Fiji’s newspapers scream “kidnapping,” the inspector-general reluctantly assigns Akal the case, giving him strict instructions to view this investigation as nothing more than cursory. Akal, eager to achieve redemption, agrees—but soon finds himself far more invested than he could have expected.

Now not only is he investigating a disappearance, but also confronting the brutal realities of the indentured workers’ existence and the racism of the British colonizers in Fiji—along with his own thorny notions of personhood and caste. Early interrogations of the white plantation owners, Indian indentured laborers, and native Fijians yield only one conclusion: there is far more to this case than meets the eye.

Murder at Midnight by Katharine Schellman

Regency widow Lily Adler is looking forward to returning to Hertfordshire to spend time with the family of her late husband. She is also excited that Captain Jack Hartley, her friend and confidante, will be visiting his own family after a long voyage at sea. With winter quickly approaching, Lily is most excited at the prospect of a relaxing and enjoyable Christmastide season away from the schemes and secrets she witnessed daily in London.

At a neighborhood ball, she soon becomes reacquainted with a friend of her late husband, Peter Coleridge, a wealthy man who not only manages Irish investments, but also a fund that most of the locals of Hertfordshire take part in. There, she also learns Jack’s sister, Amelia, is the subject of much of the neighborhood gossip—although Amelia refuses to explain if there is any truth to it. For a brief moment, Lily wonders if she ever really left London.

When a snowstorm forces several guests, including both the Adlers and the Hartleys, to stay the night, Lily quickly deduces that all is not well this holiday season. In the morning, a maid discovers the body of a guest in the poultry yard, shot to death—and he is the same man that is scandalously linked to Amelia.

Lily accepts the offer to assist in the investigation, but will she find more than what she bargained for the more she digs? Or will she herself be buried deep within the snow?

This is the fourth volume of the "Lily Adler Mystery" series.

The Body in the Back Garden by Mark Waddell

Crescent Cove, a small hamlet on Vancouver Island, is the last place out-of-work investigative journalist Luke Tremblay ever wanted to see again. He used to spend summers here, until his family learned that he was gay and rejected him. Now, following his aunt’s sudden death, he’s inherited her entire estate, including her seaside cottage and the antiques shop she ran for forty years in Crescent Cove. Luke plans to sell everything and head back to Toronto as soon as he can…but Crescent Cove isn’t done with him just yet.

When a stranger starts making wild claims about Luke’s aunt, Luke sends him packing. The next morning, though, Luke discovers that the stranger has returned, and now he’s lying dead in the back garden. To make matters worse, the officer leading the investigation is a handsome Mountie with a chip on his shoulder who seems convinced that Luke is the culprit. If he wants to prove his innocence and leave this town once and for all, Luke will have to use all his skills as a journalist to investigate the colorful locals while coming to terms with his own painful past.

There are secrets buried in Crescent Cove, and the more Luke digs, the more he fears they might change the town forever.

The Sunset Years of Agnes Sharp by Leonie Swann

It has been an eventful morning for Agnes Sharp and the other inhabitants of Sunset Hall, a house share for the old and unruly in the sleepy English countryside. Although they have had some issues (misplaced reading glasses, conflicting culinary tastes, decreasing mobility, and unruly grandsons), nothing prepares them for an unexpected visit from a police officer with some shocking news. A body has been discovered next door. Everyone puts on a long face for show, but they are secretly relieved the body in question is not the one they’re currently hiding in the shed (sorry, Lillith).

It seems the answer to their little problem with Lillith may have fallen right into their lap. All they have to do is find out who murdered their neighbor, so they can pin Lillith’s death on them, thus killing two (old) birds with one stone (cold killer).

With their plan sorted, Agnes and her geriatric gang spring into action. After all, everybody likes a good mystery. Besides, the more suspicion they can cast about, surely the less will land on them. To investigate, they will step out of their comfort zone, into the not-so-idyllic village of Duck End and tangle with sinister bakers, broken stairlifts, inept criminals, the local authorities, and their own dark secrets.

This is the first volume of the "Agnes Sharp Mysteries" series.

[givefangapuppy]

tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

shucks @thermoskind, thanks for the tag!

Three Ships of All Time:

Remus/Sirius: my foundational "it's RIGHT THERE IN THE TEXT" ship and probably a lot of the reason I love canon compliance and little hidden scene fics so much. My og sunshine + darkness ship. Not an active fandom for me anymore, but knowing that the thing I liked best about it was built by fans and not by the author is a delightful fuck-you to She Who Will Not Be Named.

Will/Kim (The Will Darling Adventures): OFMD kicked off a 2022 full of reading queer historical romance for me, and this series was THE highlight. Will and Kim are from such different worlds, have so much damage, and still both try so hard to do what's right for the world and for each other. My brain was fundamentally changed by the last book in particular - it has so much to say about self worth and letting yourself love and be loved in spite of your trauma and fear.

Ed/Stede: goddddd it's so good to see middle aged queers learning to love, and these beautiful, hilarious men playing them, and their love spilling out and creating a whole lil lovely queer world for us all to play in together.

First Ever Ship:

Tom/B'Elanna (Star Trek Voyager): my token straight ship, an early queer awakening for me was how much I crushed on BOTH of them; but also I love seeing broken people love each other to heal each other.

Last Song:

Pokey LaFarge - "Goodbye, Barcelona" from my OFMD playlist. Extremely pirate coded, equal parts Ed/Stede and Jim/Oluwande

Last Film:

The Fabelmans. Surprised myself by really loving it. More honest and raw and real than I was expecting. A fitting Spielberg memoir full of great performances and hilarious moments and sad moments and Tony Kushner's perfect dialogue.

Currently Reading:

Two things on the go!

A Restless Truth by Freya Marske. The sapphic sequel to the beautiful and very gay A Marvellous Light. So far I don't like it as much, but it's still a lot of fun.

Throw His Heart Over by Sebastian Nothwell. Absolutely delightfully fluffy queer historical romance. Sequel to the slightly more substantial Mr Warren's Profession.

Currently Watching:

Just started White Lotus. Super intriguing, everyone on this goddamn show is wound so tight, can't wait to see who blows a gasket first.

Currently Consuming:

Nothing, because I'm still digesting a delicious spaghetti and meatball dinner made by a friend. I brought the Caesar salad, something I make with even more love these days as my mom passed six months ago and it was her specialty. I miss her a lot.

Currently Craving:

Sleep! I usually try to sleep in at least one weekend day but this weekend I was feeding my friend's bunny in the mornings so no dice. Looking forward to curling up in bed with the end of Throw His Heart Over.

Tagging - only if you're into it!: @fuckselfloveihatemyself @adickaboutspoons @abedofmoss @peanutbutterex @scary-flag @macpye @knifewieldingenby @bizarrelittlemew @mistysblueboxstuff

[phytine]

About Biopics on Problematic Figures

With Oppenheimer being a hit in movie theaters, I see people complaining about problematic figures’ stories being told.

At first (the first seconds to be honest), I was a bit surprised because it was logical to me that biopic was not an inherently celebratory genre. But quickly, I remembered that it was the norm.

Most people think that biopics are celebratory.

That is true and false.

True because yes, at first, biopics were celebratory. They were about politicians, royalties, war heroes, etc. They were about models. But it was before. Quickly, other types of movies were brought to theaters. The most known are called “warts and all” (trying to show the flaws of the figure in a realistic or melodramatic tone). But there are also parody biopics, biopics on people with nothing remarkable, etc. And little by little, they all blend together, especially since the 2000s (the “neoclassical biopic”).

The idea that a biopic is and must be about positive role models is getting old and absolutely untrue. At some point it was, but it is not anymore today.

Sure, you can be inspired by biopics on heroic figures – students were moved about the Simone Veil’s biopic, Simone, le voyage du siècle. But the genre does not have to be solely about that.

It is true that the choice of the figure is usually motivated by the “message” it can gives. But it does not have to be straight-forward : “Look, it is a good person. You have to be like them.”

On top of being a bit shady given that the link between fiction and reality is nuanced and complex when it comes to biopics… not every moral matters have to be spoon-fed to the viewer.

It is even more ridiculous to think that way about Oppenheimer when the movie is explicit about where it stands. The portrayal of Oppenheimer is nuanced: the character is written to be complex and relatable – relatable in that you can understand where his reactions and emotions come from, not in a “we have that in common, I can relate to him!”. But the biopic is clear when it comes to its stands on the bomb: it is bad.

Sure, you can understand where Oppenheimer is coming from when he says to another scientist that it is not his own who are being slaughtered in Europe or that the bomb would have been built either way. But you have to be really biased to come out of the film and affirms that it is pro-bomb (or pro-USA).

(For the ones who are wondering why it does not focus on victims or the bombs more : it is a biopic, not a historical movie. Biopic is a contraction of biographical picture thus it is about someone’s life, not about History per se.)

So, yes, you absolutely can make biopics about problematic people. They are tones of them and they don’t even have to be some sort of cautionary tales (I could give you a lot of examples). But pretending that Oppenheimer is a celebratory biopic and thus is morally condemnable according to you… That is a very bad faith take.

 And if you want to learn more about biopics, there are tones of books about it. Just a few classics:

BINGHAM, Dennis, 2010. Whose lives are they anyway ? - The biopic as contemporary film genre. New Brunswick, London : Rutgers University Press. ISBN 978-0-8135-4657-5.

BROWN, Tom et VIDAL, Belén (éd.), 2014. The biopic in contemporary film culture. New York, London : Routledge. ISBN 978-0-415-89940-6.

EPSTEIN, William H. et PALMER, R. Barton, 2016. Invented lives, imagined communities: the biopic and American national identity. Albany : State University of New York Press. SUNY series, Horizons of cinema. ISBN 978-1-4384-6079-6.

PETTEY, Homer B. et PALMER, R. Barton (éd.), 2018. Rule, Britannia! - The biopic and British national identity. Albany : State University of New York Press. SUNY series, horizons of cinema. ISBN 978-1-4384-7111-2.

And if you speak French, there are these ones which are good stuff to begin:

FONTANEL, Rémi (dir.), 2011. Biopic: de la réalité à la fiction. Condé-sur-Noireau : C. Corlet. ISBN 978-2-84706-364-6.

MOINE, Raphaëlle, 2017. Vies héroïques - Biopics masculins, biopics féminins. Paris : Librairie Philosophique J.Vrin. Philosophie et cinéma. ISBN 978-2-7116-2778-3.

CHANTERANNE, David et VEYRAT-MASSON, Isabelle, 2003. Napoléon à l’écran. Paris : Nouveau Monde. ISBN 978-2-84736-018-9. (THIS ONE IS GOING TO BE USEFUL QUICKLY, I’M AFRAID)