#patch notes

[prokopetz]

The fascinating thing about this particular patch note is that it implies the game engine is fully rendering your character's penis at all times, not just when you take your pants off.

[cephalophoreyou]

new rules for chess:

1. Friendly Fire ON

2. Landmines

3. If a player loses both of their bishops, the king can now legally divorce the queen without the papal go ahead. This puts the queen into FRENZY mode.

4. Once per game, a player may change one letter in a piece's name to change its role. The rook is now a book. The pawn is now a PAWG. The queen is now...well...I shan't say

5. Knights are now Horses

6. Horses are immune to landmines

7. Pawns can move back a space if they forgot something

8. A bishop can be combined with an adjacent rook to create the Wizard Tower piece

9. Each player now has 2 rows of pawns

[great-and-small]

patch notes for EarthAnimals.v.12.09

Fixed male cat urethras to be less narrow (now 3.5x wider). Same correction made in male goats

Made alterations to equine cardiac sphincter- horses can now vomit

Scrapped french bulldogs and performed full overhaul of skeleton and soft tissue

Fixed panda GI tract and enabled diet options other than bamboo

Koala populations no longer dripping with chlamydia

Added 5,000 vaquitas to the Gulf of Mexico

Fixed cheetah coefficient of inbreeding. Note: organs can no longer be transplanted freely among population!

All dogs are now born with stomach tacked in place on body wall, preventing lethal twisting (gdv)

Fixed incorrect placement of legs in loons (they are now able to walk)

[warframestuff]

[bhaalspawnshitposting]

TO ALL THE SAVE SCUMMERS:

It looks like the patch notes mention that saving on a dice roll screen will preserve that dice roll, so keep in mind to try to save BEFORE entering the roll screen!!

[bigfatlesbian]

this has to be my favorite patch 4 note

[justmeinabigolworld]

Kingdom Hearts as Sims 3 Patch Notes

Hope this hasn't been done yet!

Honestly, the "become enemies with child" one could be applicable to basically any of the (adult) Norts

Sources below the cut:

Screenshots of KH taken from these three videos

Patch Notes taken from here:

[jam2go]

Kitten Burst v4.01 is up with a bunch of bug-fixes!

most of them are stopping Hapi from sitting when they're not supposed to (📸 @BROHONKY)

[kleosvarietyblog]

USA PATCH NOTES

-made Wisconsin significantly larger by absorbing several other states into it, as well as giving it most of Michigan

-minnesota is now an independent country

-made missouri much smaller (much of what used to be missouri now belongs to wisconsin)

-resolved v-fighting between utah and wyoming

-split the rest of Michigan between ohio and indiana

-the entire delmarva peninsula is now part of Washington, D.C.

-gave georgia's coastline to south carolina

-further divided the dakotas

-southern montana is now part of southwest dakota

-the alaskan panhandle is now canadian

-3 of the hawaiian islands are now part of mexico

-merged arizona, nevada, and southern california into a single state

-alabama and mississippi's coastlines are now floridian

-oklahoma is now very very long

-eastern texas is now in louisiana

-arkansas is slightly larger

-western texas is part of new mexico

-merged northern california, western oregon, and the entirety of washington into a new state

-eastern oregan is part of idaho

-the idaho panhandle is now a separate state

-rotated the border between virginia and north carolina by 90° (virginia in the east, NC in the west)

-merged kentucky, east tennessee, and the maryland panhandle into west virginia

-merged the rest of maryland as well as most of western new york into Pennsylvania

-merged eastern Massachusetts and all of new hampshire into maine

-merged western massachusetts, new york city, long island, and all of new jersey into vermont

-renamed colorado to squareland

-rhode island is entirely unchanged

[jellymellydraws]

Durge: I think I always liked you too...

Gortash: is that what--

Your prayer of forgiveness was written about?

You truly thought of me?

You remember of us?

You meant to talk to me about, before you disappeared?

Orin was afraid of?

You always felt?

Got you killed? Why your guard was down?

[quab00]

[tumblr] 2 changelog:

POLLS are now 2x super effective

BOOPS and EVIL BOOPS are now unvaulted

BOOPS and EVIL BOOPS are now 35% less effective to not break the current META

AI CONTENT will now result in a MISSILE being launched at OP'S HOUSE upon posting (does not apply to HAIKU BOT or other FRIENDLY NPCS)

MUTUALS get 5% damage and healing buffs when on the same POST

WORLD HERITAGE POSTS now grant 10% resistance buffs

USERS can now fight BOT accounts in the new PVE game mode

REBLOGS now grant a 5% damage boosting status effect

LIKES now grant a 5% damage resistance status effect

TAGS now grant elemental damage buffs and resistances based off of their title

LGBTQIA+ have a 20% buff to all stats during PRIDE MONTH

WHOLESOME and OPTIMISM POSTS now grant a 15% healing boost

ASK BLOGS are unvaulted and gain multiple buffs to all stats to fit back into the META

USERS can now que in NON-FRIENDLY FIRE lobbies and STRICTLY PVP lobbies

all members of a FANDOM gain a buff in ZONES that their FANDOM controls

fixed a bug where QUALITY POSTS would not receive attention they deserve

CRABS, LOBSTERS, and all other CRUSTACEANs now have increased speed, damage, and health

shortened LOAD TIMES by changing from lazy loading to productive loading

CATS have increased cuteness

all USERS who joined [tumblr] before this update will receive a LEGACY BADGE

[prokopetz]

Apart from silly bugs, the patch notes I love most are for deeply obscure bugs that have been around forever, but were only identified recently because somebody tried something particularly clever. Like, last week Inform fixed a pronoun confusion issue that had apparently been outstanding for 20 years and was only discovered in 2022. Fantastic.

[vexwerewolf]

In Golden Flame v1.03

Major Changes

 BEAT 22: The Hall of Mirrors now has two extra pages added in which it is possible to hold a conversation with CAUSTIC.

Added section in Running the Campaign: The Team (p. 61) regarding team backstories, including six new alternate backstories.

In keeping with major lore changes made to Act 2 (work still in progress), all references to the diasporan Kingdom Aniline have been retroactively removed. House Aniline is now a minor house of the House of Smoke.

Mechanical

COMBAT: A Face to a Name - the coolant pipe junctions are now in a line, and rupture in sequence. They can now also be intentionally triggered by characters shooting them.

COMBAT: Shoo the Vultures - removed Sentinel from 4-player lineup.

COMBAT: Silence the Guns - removed Rapid Response from Archer.

COMBAT: Silence the Guns - Bombard moved to 4-player lineup from 5-player lineup. Added High-Impact Shells.

COMBAT: Silence the Guns - Assault moved to 5-player lineup from 4-player lineup.

COMBAT: Silence the Guns - reactors can now explode.

COMBAT: Break the Line - added Assault Launcher to Lobber.

The Cult Influence clock did not specify how many ticks it should have. This has been rectified to 8.

Statistical

Corrected orbit distance of Impact Plaza from 357,000 km to 187,000 km. Some intern accidentally parked the station at the L4 LaGrange of the wrong moon, and has consequently been shoved out of an airlock.

Formatting

Reflowed parts of Running the Campaign: The Team (p. 61).

Reflowed combats to remove "The Battlefield" and "The Fight" section headers, ironically allowing more space for information about the battlefields and the fights.

Writing and Lore

A number of corrections in typography, spelling, grammar and formatting that, due to the fact that I started doing it way before I started making this changelog, will have to go unenumerated.

Decreased instances of the word "fuck" in Act 1 from 82 to 67, meaning I officially give 18.29% less of a fuck.

All references to "RA" by Valentinian children changed to "YMIR," to better reflect their dad's weird obsession.

Added more detail about outlander culture to ENCOUNTER: Ghost Town.

Added the worst line in the history of writing to COMBAT: Bad Star.

[splatoonusna]

Splatoon 3 Patch Notes for Ver. 9.0.0

[gaylordthethird]

Stardew 1.6 Patch Notes

My Favs

[coreene]

A few highlights from the patch 6 notes:

finally! this was so annoying. I had to reload the last save to get my avatar to be taken as the main speaker.

Lae'zel romancers rejoice!

had no idea he could do that xD

Good luck to honour mode players

I remember hearing that lol

Gods yes! I missed them playing around in other camps so much

Silly bards