#also lmao real talk this is why i really really REALLY wanted to do the theories episodes of the podcast when we did
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silusvesuius · 6 months ago
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testing out drawing maormer 🪸🐚🪸 and a nelvas 🧣📜🩷 i'll ramble about maormer a bit in the tags
#tes#skyrim#my art#do you like my nelvas emojis🧣📜🧣📜 get it? scarf🤗 and scroll🤗 Everything hurts sofucking bad#anyways i talked about them wif my friend quite a bit i basically 'agree' w/ everything that is written about them && their biology in -#- canon; except tes is very much all Talk and no good actual visual presentation of what it's talking about#cus all of the maormer look like garboooo likeee what am i looking @#but since this is just a first test i think i'll keep playing around with their looks later; they are most close to altmer obvi in the -#- sense of how 'mutated' they r. however maormer are more gross looking for the typical human#they do have flat faces and alldat in canon already but i want them to just have nostrils and no real nose bridge#and they have no lips😝 they also have very visible gums. && have anglerfish teeth#what would be fur on other mer is just scales on them and is placed is scattered in the same places#i was thinking of making swimming most comfortable for them so i gave them more fins#they'd have them on arms and legs and the hair on the tail for them is just a big fin🐠#as for hair i'm thinking of them having none of it at all bcos it looks sooooo ugly on them it's very unnerving to see hair on fish#either no hair at all or something with a different texture. like slimy silky thin seaweed#or the hair that m*necraft striders have LMAO#webbed fingers is cuuuute they'd have webbed armpits like they're those flying rodents🐿 lol#i'd place their gills on both the neck and their ribs#whenever they wear clothes they tie their arm and leg fins up ; i think from birth they just stay in water until they hit puberty and -#- r able to actually walk around#another cute fact is that males and females wud look literally the same almost (women are flat chested too)#fish fish fish#maybe i'll rethink some stuff. i still wanna draw fish babies#but in reality i think even the mere existence of maormer is very pointless bc they don't really matter at all do they#tes lore is soooo overstuffed that's why i don't know anything about it my time is so valuable to meLMFAOAOOO#saw a typo in this sorry i'm just chill like that
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trashlie · 1 year ago
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I saw a theory about Mr. Kim being Kousuke's real father. Makes me want to throw up. And then I saw another comment on that thread how the real thing that would break Kou is realizing that Nol is no longer his brother.
And omg ew? Sang Chul would be??
And I'm never getting over Nol's plastered smile. The sneer. The humans suck line.
The "Convince Me" line.
Girl I'm going thru it.
You totally called it on the theories.
The WORST kind of "OH GOD I KNEW IT" weeks have been happening for me when it comes to ILY lmaoooo and I NEED QUIMCHEE TO GIVE ME A BREAK AND LET ME CATCH MY BREATH!!!!!!!!!!!
Gonna drop my thoughts below the read more! Spoilers spoilers spoilers!!!!!!!!!!
When Elle and I talked about the "Rand isn't Kousuke's father" theory on the fourth episode of our podcast I even talked about how as much as I don't want the theory to be true for Kousuke's sake, narratively it's SO compelling and it just makes SO MUCH SENSE. I remember the first time I read the theory, too, how initially I was like "no way, this feels really out there" but it just stuck with me. I couldn't let it go, I kept going back to that panel, the "you're the sole heir" speech bubble over Nol's face and I think I've just always felt that it meant something, you know? That quimchee would NOT have done that if it didn't mean something, if we weren't supposed to read into it, if it wasn't meant to be the earliest of foreshadowing of this theory.
And to have it actually confirmed!!!!! Just has me SCREAMING but absolutely anticipating what it means for everyone!!!! Because not only does it mean everything Kousuke has ever worked for - the only thing he's ever had to his name, the only career option he's ever had - is taken away from him and thrust to someone who may not even want it, someone who wants to be as far away from this family and this coldblooded, bloodthirsty rivalry as he can get.
Neither of them get any reprieve.
Kousuke never had any other option, and is left with nothing.
Nol will likely be thrust into the heart of everything he wants to excuse himself from, everything he's come to resent and loathe and GOD it's insane to see how it's all unfolding, after all this time!!!!!!!!
I think, too, in thinking about the fact that Nol isn't even Kousuke's brother is that it means re-examining the rawness of 212 and what it means for Kousuke, who believes that he got none of the good traits of Rand that he sees in Nol, the good parts that he's never been privileged enough to see in Rand himself, and that he was left with only the worst parts of him - the cold man with his back turned to him. But it's worse, because none of that was his.
(Please know that I am saying this SO VERY LOOSELY, in the sense of how I imagine Kousuke is thinking this. I'm not a fan of the "Rand suspected Kousuke wasn't his son and that's why he was so cold with him" theories. Frankly, I think they're disgusting and it shows an interesting bias in people in how they perceive biological family to be more worthy over, say, adopted family. I think it's very evident that Rand loves both of his sons and has done the best within his means, but has been dealing with an incredibly controlling tyrant of a wife who has ensured that he had little chance to provide the nurturing he wanted to, who ensured that there was a gap between him and Kousuke so that Kousuke would be forever chasing after him, because she needed him to stay focused on her goal. I refuse to humor conversation that implies Rand loves or favors Nol more because that's his biological son and because Kousuke is, currently suspected to be, the son of a Kim, he has less love for him. That's a disgusting mindset. Biological love does not make someone inherently love their child more. Yui herself proves this. And in that same vein, not being Kousuke's biological father does not excuse Rand's part in Kousuke's neglect and that it was the commodification of his love that has factored into how Kousuke has come to view love in this transactional manner and why he struggles to see his father's true love for what it is. Regardless of whose genetic material fathered him, Rand is the man who raised Kousuke as his son, the man Kousuke saw as his father, and therefore he is Kousuke's father.)
Kousuke has modeled himself after his father in every way, tried so hard to emulate him, to be someone who will make his father proud, who can earn his affection and feels like he hasn't succeeded at that yet - and to find out that the man he has spent his entire life emulating is not, in fact, his father? Is going to CRUSH him. Not because it changes the fact that it was Rand who raised him and Rand to whom Kousuke looked up, but because it's yet another lie in a series of Yui's lies, yet another lie that she has used to manipulate him, to mold him into her pawn, to create him into a likeness of something of her own desire, rather than ever allow him to be his own person.
She lied to him about his father. She whispered paranoia to him about his brother his brother's mother. She made him believe that everyone is out to get them, to tear them down, that because they are better than everyone else he can trust no one. She used these tactics to isolate him and played upon the paranoia and fear that she created and instilled upon him so that when he did rebel and stray from her, when he did try to be his own person and have friends and a life of his own, she could pull him back to where she felt he belonged, at her side. She smothered and suffocated him and manipulated and lied to him and nothing she has done to or for him has ever been honest and even his father is a lie. Even his goals and motivation is a lie.
I know a lot of people still hate Kousuke but it fucks me up. It has me choked up, to think of what it must be like to be him, and to have this bombshell thrust upon you, that everything you believed has been a lie, that your mother has been manipulating you for your whole life, she's been drugging you, you have finally grasped the gravity of the harm you have caused using the justification she has equipped you with. To come to the realization that everything you ever justified was never truly justifiable, that you caused harm that cannot be undone.
How do you come back from that?
How do you deal with that?
And then, to find out that the man you've believed was your father isn't. That the only person who ever offered you unconditional love, whose relationship you've destroyed isn't even your brother, and has no reason to ever turn to look your way ever again.
Kousuke was right. He has no brother.
And it devastates me lmao ;____________;
And I do really think that it means his father is Gun Kim. All of the comparisons to Sangchul and Kousuke have haunted me as much as this theory.
BUT MAN IT'S JUST SO MUCH QUIMCHEE IS JUST OUT HERE WITH A BODY COUNT. MA'AM. SLOW DOWN I CAN'T KEEP UP. Nol is on a warpath and I need him to CHILL.
Actually no you know what was the FUNNIEST thing to me about Nol and his humans suck line? THE FACT THAT MY GIRL SHINAE IS OUT HERE BLUSHING.
GIRL. /GIRL/
She is DOWN BAD. SO FUCKING BAD. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i can't stand her I love her she's a whole hot mess express I really need to gather myself and drop some thought dump posts over here finally because generally my reaction to all of these episodes lately has been [SCREAMING CAT]
i'm two for two on "dark theories i didn't want to be true but knew in my gut are" and listen. I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE IT ;_______; HOWLING
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loderlied · 1 day ago
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prev rb shana is def one of those people lmao.
#really enjoys video calling too. generally more tech savvy than you'd expect from a guy born in the 60s but#not a very like. online person though.#so he'll like. always prefer real life meet ups and only call if there's no possibility for the alternative at all#and calling over texting.#and only has a vague idea of the most popular sites while not knowing about the rest at all. he has his texting app something like skype or#zoom his website (not like a blog like a professional website for his work as a surgeon where you can make appointments and such)#and his email application and that's pretty much the extent of his online activity#he wants tangible/physical real life experiences and most online stuff simply doesn’t cut it for him.#so while it definitely influenced him he’d probably be still fairly similar to this if he didn’t grow up in a pre internet environment#but also#very much one of those kids these days need to get off their phones old people lmao#oc: shana#cherry is the total opposite here. way too online and hates calling and especially video calling not just because it’s shana#she hates it in general and he certainly doesn’t intend to help lmao. he likes that about her.#they have an arrangement that if they don’t see each other and she doesn’t want to talk to him over the phone she has to send him a picture#of whatever she’s doing in the moment he requests it.#she has to be in the picture#she’s not allowed to like. move locations or change her appearance and stuff like that.#shana again is a very real life experiences guy and really doesn’t care much for taking pictures and the like#but since it’s a like a snapshot of the current moment it’s different i’d say.#still he’s not the type of person to go back and look at one of those he particularly liked.#he wants the real thing he doesn’t get joy from that. if that makes sense.#but yeah it’s a nice substitute since cherry most often just fully refuses to talk to him on call. he still finds plenty of#situations to force her into it though. since a substitute may be nice but ultimately is not what he really wants.#this is also like. a situation that does not happen very often because they work in the same building and therefore see each other almost#every single day to cherry’s misery. like why am i even thinking about this.#his responses to those pictures range from mildly weird to majorly disturbing btw.#ranging from shit like ‘little angel’ to telling her that what would perfect this moment is her spitting red from her pretty lips. ew!#why am i rambling so much oh my god#help. hi 👋 if you’ve made it this far i’m sending you a virtual cookie enjoy
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unproduciblesmackdown · 17 days ago
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what in the. see this is why it's a good thing that multiplayer videogames especially are about having fun & being yourself like what do you mean disguised spies automatically had the speed of the disguise's class & everyone's like yea if i wasn't always going for the scout disguise i'd kill myself right now. i'd be like haha can't catch Me out supposedly the extra slow or extra fast class >:) i am a harmless engineer
#something something like ah as scout you move fast & can be allll the way over there & your line of sight is above your Visible head#devastating. sure i Always could've looked these things up but i just like figured. don't disguise as heavy or scout; a plausible limitatio#i mean i guess i always did okay as spy b/c like in random lobbies there's just more chaos factor so like. no Your Je Ne Sais Quoi is off#even in terms of like ''why would xyz class being doing abc rn'' like who can say....i sure can't like#never knew the maps much less their Strategic Points for Whatevering. rarely tried being a Real Engineer like where do i put shit#or real demo like i don't want a team to think that role is covered. it is basically not. or a soldier even when i think that was like#recommended basic / beginner role. well i never figured out how to rocket jump reliably so jot that down#heavy pretty straightforward. medic i figured out soon enough you're Mostly supposed to support a heavy lol like okay if we need one#go figure i never seemed to do well as pyro; an alright scout probably like you really can have fun & be yourself zooming around like that;#sniper i was okayish too like yeah perhaps i can lurk & take out a heavy. or get into an intractible [the snipers are fightinnnng]#spy also okayish like again w/chaos on my side sure maybe i can sabotage turrets backstab a sniper heavy medic & cloak away....#but also all this like No special abilities or weapons. i don't even have the basics down lol. what is this link talking abt trickstabbing#are they not all trickstabs lol....apparently not exactly. i am discerning it is the art of [spy backstab] plus Juking#so i guess anything but the theoretical standard Surprise Approach. ''that know they are a spy'' ''in difficult situations''#ppl listing off a bunch of Named Trickstab Maneuvers lmfao talk about kill me. good thing videogames are about having fun & being yourself#also that i couldn't play tf2 now if i wanted to. which eh i kinda do b/c the whole time it Was like yeah this'll be a mess but haha whee#again good thing that ppl theoretically can now though? vs whatever peak ''so matches are overrun w/bot players'' times#why was that a thing at all. something something Items okay. alright back at things i Can do after another Looking Stuff Up tangent#prior geological eras into Big Events on that scale into Large Insects into lol giant water bug i.e. weird but in charge of the nighttime#i'm just still arm slung around tf2 like a smissmas miracle despite it all for sure#& it really even is that rare Games I've Actually Played Myself Ever....it really is....#hey what in the disguised enemy spies can be healed too? & like for real not just Appearing to be? what a menace lmao
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lliquidllyrium · 2 months ago
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I don’t think people are unreasonable for wanting Lu to have said something definitive about his sexuality because the game already established that kind of standard with Taash and it already sounded clumsy and weird given the setting and the world so it would have been fair
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todayisafridaynight · 10 months ago
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would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol
i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki
#snap chats#haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant#anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much#i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do#fine lets get Real Talk about it#well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there#and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway#i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls#like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it#that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji//#like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence#smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on#its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP#i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode#especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much#i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught#aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up#and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful#his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry.#his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore#like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene#plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too....#idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL#i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀#maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO#thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever
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discoreptile · 6 months ago
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Beasties of Greenhollow soundtrack! Some tracks on this are from older projects like elphame but all of them have been reworked in some way. Most of them are entirely new. Enjoy!
#soundtrack#music#indiegamedev#Youtube#beasties of greenhollow#indiegame#chiptune#elphame#hey again gang. Another scream into the void#Things have been getting more interesting tbh#I'm starting therapy again. I have learned from this that my anxiety is in the very very high end.#And I guess the only thing that surprises me about that is that it's an abnormally high amount vs the average.#I've had more intrusive thoughts this week than in a long time. (I almost said ever but that was 2021 where they woke me up...)#It's mostly about my mistakes and ppl I've scared out of being in my life because of the actions based on my anxieties.#Like “if i could go back in time I could fix it”... girl you'd be going back in time like 100 times. At that point it's not fair lmao#I think I shouldn't talk about who I'm dating here anymore. Friends told me to stop seeing so many new people and I took that advice.#I'm exercising incredibly frequently; obsessively so. It really doesn't change much in my anxiety. I walk for like 3 hours a day.#My friend group is... difficult. One of us had a falling out with another and the dynamic is just so awkward for me now.#it just seems like everyone else has moved past it though but I still miss him. I don't think this can be reversed#we used to talk on my stream and play digimon cards n jackbox and d&d... But now they're only interested in d&d which I don't love#For god's sake I've published a game and moved to a nice new place. why aren't I happy hahahaha#work is no longer enjoyable since BoG was publised. our new project is in an iffy category but it's not my place to argue#I want to write music and animate but I have to do my hours for this new project before I can do anything like that...#I ended up siding with my current boss in that ethical dilemma I posted about and rn idk if that was the right decision.#Okay what can i talk about that's good? We moved to a nice place. I'm celebrating BoG's release with family tomorrow.#Graeme's playing Iconoclasts- one of my favourite games! He's also returning to work soon so it'll be less awkward to have a lady over#Thinking about good stuff going on just draws the mind to holidays I've had before. I treasure my memories!#Okay so I've complained for a long long time bc life doesn't feel great rn. But rest assured I already know this is 90% my fault hahaha#Oh another good thing that happened!!! My elestrals card was printed and ppl are really happy with it. I have a card in a real card game!!!#don't tell anyone but there's another one on the way. Anyway that will do for now. I'm sorry about my... self.
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peppermintpuffs · 6 months ago
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in an attempt to learn how to make my gifs look a lil higher quality..... this took me 5 hours and it made no difference....
but hey it is 280 frames so thats something i guess lol
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idiosyncraticrednebula · 9 months ago
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I really wish some of the actresses who have voiced Disney Princesses would stop comparing their princess to the previous ones and claim how she was the "first" one to have *gasp* independence and strength *gasp*. Have they ever watched a Disney movie outside of their own?
#disney#disney princess#txt#that crap irks me#a few of them have done like paige o'hara mandy moore auli'i cravalho#can people talk about disney princesses as humans and not as stand-in's for “girl power” for once?#this is why i mess ONLY with jodi benson. she is one of the only ones who speaks about her character as a PERSON and not just a vessel for#whatever the hell they want to promote#“she isn't like the others” head asses#shut up#ironically they are actually pushing that “i'm not like other girls” mentality on them LMAO#i mean jodi will actually bring up all of her character traits and praise how well-written she is and now real she feels#some of the other ones only say “she didn't need no man so there's THAT” 🙄#don't get wrong i respect their work and contribution but man that stuff really annoys me#the guys who have voiced their princes do not do that nonsense. they don't feel the need to compare their characters to the previous ones#only women do this crap. i ain't surprised. it's expected honestly#i mean imagine if one of the va's for a disney prince went “my character was the first one to have a personality”#cuz we all know that if disney princesses have been getting blasted for their lack of proactivity and independence#the princes have been getting blasted for their lack of personalities which is also bullcrap too and that criticism was decimated a long#time ago as well as the princess one#but yeah imagine that#although bruno campos (hunky babe prince naveen) did say that his prince was “different” from the others and it was like uuuh no he isn't#he is cocky smooth handsome tall muscular and charming he is actually like MOST of the princes at the beginning if we are gonna be honest#he just takes it to a slightly more exaggerated level
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bat-luun · 10 months ago
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hey😁 .. so turns out me not using my cane was NOT a very smart decision and i am NOT in fact a big brave boy that could rawdog a fucking injury for MORE THAN SIX MONTHS- as my fucking shin on my heathy leg is in a FUCK TON of PAIN rn as the months of using it as a crutch for ALL of my fucking body weight is catching up to me extremely painfully😁👍💥
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trashytracktales · 1 month ago
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AND softdom lando with slightly unexperienced reader!!!! kill me nowwwe it cannot live only in my head
Nothing less | LN⁴
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💌 INSPIRED by anon ──── No, cause you know what, anon? Let me do something about it real quick (I changed some things around on purpose, because I either go hard or go home lmao). ENJOY 💋
﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌
𐙚 summary ──── It's their first time together, and Lando takes the lead, ensuring every touch and word is focused on her comfort and pleasure.
𐙚 pairing ──── Lando Norris x virgin!reader
𐙚 rating ──── explicit
𐙚 catetegory ──── F/M
𐙚 warnings ──── 18+, mature/sexual content, reader's first time, new relationship dynamics, soft dom!Lando, fluff & smut, descriptive language, swearing, unprotected sex, subtle exploration of emotional and physical trust in an intimate setting.
𐙚 word count ──── 2.8k
𐙚 date ──── Dec. 26, 2024
𐙚 a/n ──── Gentle reminder that I know I have a lot of requests I need to take care of, and they are going to be dealt with, slowly but surely. Thank you for your patience 😁🤍
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﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌
SHE THINKS SHE should tell him, but she doesn’t know him well enough to be sure that Lando isn’t easily scared — or worse, that he wouldn’t walk out on her the second her little secret gets out.
They’ve only been dating for two weeks, but somehow it feels longer than that. Obviously, they’ve talked about sex before — casually, the way new couples do when everything still feels exciting and full of possibilities. But she never told him outright that she’s a virgin. He never specifically asked, and she didn’t see a way to bring it up without making things awkward.
In the midst of her chaotic thoughts, two things are certain: 1) she doesn’t want to ruin the moment, and 2) there’s no doubt he likes her. She sees it in the way Lando looks at her, and she feels it in the way his hands touch her: sometimes by accident, other times with intent.
That's why she doesn’t want to burden him with expectations or make him feel like he has to change to meet some unspoken standard. She wants him as he is: unfiltered, imperfect, and real.
It's almost midnight, and the room is drenched in a quiet intimacy, the only sound coming from the muted hum of the city outside. Lando sits on the edge of the bed, his fingers brushing against hers with deliberate slowness. The soft golden glow of the bedside lamp illuminates his face, accentuating the way his lips curve into a smile that’s equal parts teasing and tender.
“You’ve been quiet,” he murmurs, his voice a smooth drawl that makes her stomach flip. His thumb strokes over her palm, coaxing her to meet his gaze. “That nervous?”
Her breath catches in her throat, feeling it closing in from the inside, but she nods, not trusting her voice.
“That’s okay, baby,” says Lando gently, leaning in. The warmth of his breath fans against her skin as his lips ghost over her jawline. “I want to take care of you. Can I do that?”
She nods again, her heart thudding against her rib. But the way Lando is looking at her, like she’s the only thing that matters, eases some of the tension coiling in her chest.
She really thinks that she should tell him—
“Words, love,” he interrupts her thoughts, his tone soft yet firm. Lando's hand tilts her chin up so she’s looking directly at him. “I need to hear you, so I know we're on the same page.”
“Yes, Lando,” she replies back, his name dripping from her mouth like honey. “I want this with you.”
His smile widens, but there’s a flicker of something deeper in his eyes — desire tempered with a bit of restraint. “Sweet girl,” he says softly, the praise rolling off his tongue like a caress.
She closes her eyes, the words making her cheeks flush, but they also spark something inside her, a yearning she’s never felt so acutely before.
The air between them feels charged with so much expectancy. She knows where this is heading, can feel it in the way his eyes linger on hers, in the heat of his touch that seems to burn through her skin. The thought alone forces a wave of excitement rolling through her. At that, her body reacts before her mind catches up — her breaths quicken, her thighs press together instinctively, and a warm, insistent ache blooms low in her belly. She’s wet already, just from the anticipation, her thoughts spiraling into images of Lando gasping for air above her.
She shakes her head to push those thoughts away, just as he pulls her closer, his hands steady and confident as they frame her face. When he kisses her, his lips are so soft, moving against hers in a way that leaves no room for doubt. He’s in control, but he’s also completely attuned to her.
“If you need me to stop,” he says against her lips, “If anything feels wrong, just tell me, and we'll talk about it. Gonna need your words for this, yeah?” he continues as she nods again, making Lando puff out a small giggle, “What did I say?”
Words. Right.
“I promise I'll tell you,” she says, her voice tinged with nervousness.
He hums in approval, his hands sliding down to her waist. He moves her gently, guiding her to lie back on the bed as he leans over her. His movements are measured, his touch firm but never overwhelming. When his hands skim beneath her shirt, she tenses for a moment, squeezing her eyes shut, and Lando immediately freezes.
“Hey,” he says softly, his brow furrowing in concern. “Too much?”
“No,” she says quickly, her cheeks flushing. “I just— I’ve nev—”
He doesn’t let her finish. His thumb strokes soothing circles against her hip as he leans down to kiss her again, silencing her nervous stammer.
“It’s okay,” he whispers. “We’ll go slow, alright? You and I. Just trust me.”
His words are like a balm, and she finds herself relaxing under his touch. He takes his time removing her shirt, his eyes never leaving hers as if to reassure her with every move.
“You’re fucking stunning,” he says, his voice low and reverent.
Her hands tremble slightly as she reaches for him, and he lets her take the lead for a moment, watching her with a quiet intensity as she unbuttons his shirt. She fumbles slightly, and he chuckles, the sound soft and warm.
“Relax, love. It’s just me,” he says, leaning down to kiss her temple; a small act of tenderness that somehow steadies her racing heart.
The warmth of his lips lingers, grounding her in the moment as her nerves begin to settle. When there's no barrier left between them, Lando's hands explore her body patiently, every touch giving her goosebumps. Then, his fingers travel lower, slipping between her legs, and he freezes in place, his breath hitching.
“Ah, shit,” he mumbles mostly to himself, almost in awe when he realizes how much of a mess she is already. “So eager, you're soaked. I could just slip right in.”
The words send a bolt of heat through her, a mix of embarrassment and excitement, but they also give her enough courage to take action. Summoning all her nerve, she reaches for him, wrapping her fingers around his cock with a tentative but determined grip.
She guides him to her entrance, her voice quiet but impatient as she whispers, “Then do it.”
Suddenly, that's more than enough for Lando to let his instincts take over.
He exhales sharply as he pushes forward, the heat of her drawing him in inch by inch. The sensation of her wrapped around his length nearly undoes him — soft, tight, and impossibly warm. His jaw clenches as he stills for a moment, taking a deep breath to steady himself. He presses his forehead to hers, his voice strained but tender.
“So damn tight around me, baby,” he gasps softly, his hand coming to rest on her hip. “How's it on your end? Can I move?”
She nods quickly, her hands gripping his shoulders as she adjusts to the sweet stretch. “It’s—”
Good. Perfect. Heaven.
“Didn’t feel as big in my hand,” she ends up saying, making Lando laugh in a high-pitched voice.
“Not sure weather it's a compliment or an insult,” he admits, amused.
“Just give me a sec,” she whispers, though there’s a slight trace of uncertainty in her tone.
His thumb begins to stroke soothing circles on her hip, and he kisses the corner of her mouth. “Take your time, baby. I’m not going anywhere,” he reassures her.
She lets out a shaky breath, her body gradually relaxing around him. With one hand, she traces the contours of Lando's face, studying every micro expression, every mole, and the way his breath hitches as she welcomes him in.
“You're perfect,” she says softly, her cheeks flushed with warmth. “Can you fuck me now?”
Lando whines, pulling back slightly before easing forward again, setting a slow, careful rhythm. The friction is intense, almost overwhelming, and he groans quietly, his grip on her hips tightening just a fraction.
Her lips part as a soft moan escapes her, and she tilts her head back, instinctively pushing her hips to meet his movements. “Lando,” she breathes, her voice a mix of need and disbelief.
He pauses for a moment, his eyes searching hers. “Yes, that’s it,” he encourages, his tone laced with affection. “Tell me what you like, what feels good. Let me hear you, baby.”
“You,” she manages, her fingers threading through his hair. “It feels so—You feel so good. All of it, please.”
The corners of his mouth raise into a small, breathless smile. “Such a good girl, aren't you?” he praises, leaning down to kiss her neck as he resumes his thrusts. “You’re doing so well for me.”
Her nails dig lightly into his back, her confidence growing with each movement.
“Faster,” she whispers, her voice trembling with a foreign desire.
His brows raise slightly as he slows down, just to tease her. “Faster? You sure about that?” he asks, his voice taking on a playful edge.
“Lando,” she repeats his name, louder this time, her hips rolling against his.
“You want it that bad?” he says in slight disbelief, his movements speeding up just enough to draw a louder moan from her. Lando studies her closely, his gaze softening even as his control threatens to slip. “Look at you, fuck. Let me take care of you. Let me—”
He swallows his words as his starts thrusting into her, firmly but never rough, his touch always calibrated to her responses.
“God, you’re taking me so well,” he says, his lips brushing against her ear. “So hot and tight around me. Feels right, hm?”
Her breathing quickens at his words, her body responding in ways she doesn’t fully understand but craves nonetheless. His hands trail lower, and she arches into him instinctively, another whimper escaping her lips.
“I know, baby,” he says, his voice thick with approval. “Keep me inside.”
Lando’s rhythm falters, then slows to an almost torturous pace. Before she can question it, he drags his cock out of her entirely, leaving her pussy clenching around nothing. A cry slips from her lips, desperate and aching, but he doesn’t give her time to protest. His length glides up between her slick, puffy folds, spreading the wetness everywhere, his movements calculated and teasing.
Not to mention evil.
“Lan...” she whines, her nails digging into his back as frustration and need overwhelm her. She isn’t gentle, her fingers pressing hard enough to sting, and he lets out a low hiss.
At the sudden pain, Lando stops entirely, his eyes snapping to hers, dark and intense. “Careful, baby,” he warns, his tone soft but laced with authority.
Sitting up slightly, he reaches for a pillow, lifting her hips with ease and sliding it beneath her lower back. When he thrusts back into her, it’s maddeningly slow, as if he wants her to feel everything. His hand moves to her stomach, pressing down lightly as he fucks his cock inside her. The sensation sends shockwaves through her body, and she cries out, her voice high and pleading as the pressure amplifies the pleasure.
“Feel that?” he asks, his voice rough with arousal. “Feel how deep I am?”
She can only nod, tightening her legs around him, her body trembling as she grips the sheets for support. But curiosity and the overwhelming sensations push her to rise onto her elbows, needing to see what he’s doing to her. Her gaze drops to where their bodies meet, and that’s when she sees it — the way her lower abdomen rises and falls slightly with each of his deep, measured thrusts.
Her breath catches, her eyes widening in awe. “Oh my God,” she whispers, her voice trembling. “Is that…?”
Lando notices her reaction immediately, his own gaze following hers. The corner of his mouth curves into a smirk, but his eyes burn with something primal. “Fucking hell,” he murmurs, tightening his hands around her waist, holding her steady. “Yeah, that’s me inside you.”
The realization sends a fresh wave of arousal coursing through her, and Lando seems to sense it. His grip on her waist tightens further, and he begins to move harder, his hips snapping against hers with a rhythm that’s still controlled but far more intense.
The room fills with the slik sound of her pussy as Lando thrusts in and out relentlessly, and her moans grow louder, her body arching into him.
“Let me feel you,” he growls, his voice deep. “Let go, baby. Let me feel you,” he repeats, over and over again.
She wraps her arms around Lando, pulling him closer to have something to support her. The way her pussy sucks at his cock, desperate and insistent, sends him careening over the edge before he can even process it.
“Oh, fuck,” he hisses, his voice breaking as his hips stutter, spilling into her with a throaty moan. He can get drunk on the way she grips him, her heat, her hunger — every part of her pulling him into pure bliss.
His forehead drops to hers, their shared breaths mingling as they pant and moan together, riding out every wave of pleasure as they hit.
Her nails are still buried in his back, the sharp sting blending with the pleasure coursing through him. He winces but doesn’t stop, his body shuddering as her walls flutter around his cock, milking every last bit of him. They’re locked together, shaking, until the pleasure ebbs into a warm, lingering buzz.
After that, Lando finally stills inside her, his body softening, his arms wrapped tightly around her as he rests his weight against her. Only then does the sharp sting on his back pull his attention, and he lets out a low chuckle, his voice rough and spent.
“You really dug in, didn’t you?” he teases, his tone affectionate as he lifts his head to look at her. The corners of his mouth twitch into a smirk despite the ache in his muscles.
Her face flushes with embarrassment, her hands slipping away from his back, burying into his hair instead. “Sorry,” she whispers, avoiding to look at him.
“Don’t be,” he replies, his gaze soft and adoring. “It was worth it.”
Before she can add something else, Lando leans down, his lips finding hers in a kiss that’s the opposite of tender. It’s a stark contrast to the raw intensity they just shared, and a quiet reassurance that he’s still fully present with her. His hand cups her cheek, thumb brushing against her flushed skin as he deepens the kiss, savoring her.
When they finally break apart, their foreheads rest together again, their breathing still uneven but calming. “You okay?” he asks softly, his eyes searching hers.
She nods, a small, blissful smile tugging at her lips.
“Hey, don't go non-verbal on me again,” he whispers, brushing a strand of hair from her face.
She hesitates for a moment before speaking. “Lan?” she says softly.
“Hm?”
She swallows, her cheeks flushed, but she doesn’t look away this time. “You are… I mean, it was my first time.”
For a moment, her words don’t fully register. He blinks, his brows knitting together as if he’s processing what she just said. “First time?” he repeats, his tone slow, almost disbelieving.
When she nods, her lips parting slightly as she struggles to hold his gaze, Lando’s eyes fix on hers. His first instinct is to check if she’s messing with him, but all he sees is her wrecked, post-sex state. Her hair is mussed and wild against the pillow, her skin flushed from her chest to her cheeks, her lips swollen and parted as she breathes unevenly. The faint sheen of sweat on her body catches the soft light, and her eyes are glassy, still hazy with satisfaction. She looks thoroughly undone — raw and real.
And he knows she’s not lying.
The realization hits him like a tsunami, leaving him momentarily speechless. His jaw tenses briefly, and instead of speaking, he leans down and captures her lips in a kiss. It’s not rushed or frantic but deep and meaningful, his lips moving against hers with a peaceful intensity. His hand cups her jaw, kissing her like he’s claiming every part of her. Because he is. The thought makes his head spin — the fact that she’s his completely.
“You should’ve told me,” says Lando, his voice thick with emotion. “I would’ve been more careful.”
“No, it was perfect,” she rushes to assure him. “Because it was with you.”
His eyes soften, and he presses a kiss to her forehead. “Are you even real?” he whispers.
And then he’s kissing her again; her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, her lips, trailing down her shoulders and neck, where he makes sure to leave marks behind. His hands roam her body with a newfound reverence, as if seeing her for the first time.
“Gonna spend the rest of the night showing you how much you mean to me,” he says, his lips brushing against her collarbone. “If you’ll let me.”
Her heart swells as she nods, “Yeah, I’d like that.”
“Good,” he says, his voice a low hum of satisfaction. “Because you deserve nothing less.”
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PREVIOUS LN⁴ ONE-SHOT
MASTERLIST
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Thank you for reading!
None of my works are available for reposting on other platforms. Reblogs, likes, and comments are deeply appreciated ♥︎
© trashy track tales, 2024
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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Nooo the trans allegory is also a Big one for me in that song, but I know not everybody is about Trans Aoki so I figured it went well with his disabilities regardless. And like yeah blah blah basic whatever, idc y'know, I'm here to enjoy life so imma listen to music people don't like 😂🤣
But you're so real for the trans Aoki thoughts okay.... I love both cis and trans interpretations of the Boy bc he's fits very well in both categories. It's all just spice y'know!! You sprinkle some of this... Some of that... And tomorrow you make a new dish! Love moving head canons around for funsies
Anyway ty for validating my music choices 🫡 good luck charging your phone
i dont really hc charas any particular sexuality or gender since i always feel weird about it its called being BORING its what I AM but its the way i was playin y7 and just kept jokin bout it every time the game gave me a chance until the very last scene then i was just like.. hm... feels less like a joke to me now... its just what my eyes perceive at this point.. sorry...
but i got you covered with music choices man !!!! i like most music even if it can be considered 'overplayed' or 'generic' like idk man... if it makea me feel ima listen to it..
#snap chats#love how i forgot the Eyes lyrics to Body when it's deadass the first line.. STUPID ASS !!!!!!!#but anyways. yeah it been a hot year since i talked bout trans aoki LMAO#honestly if it wasnt for the fact i saw korean artists draw aoki with top scars (and specifying they were TS scars) then id prob just like#be quiet about it. cause most of the time i was just jokin like the whole injections bit and his voice being hoarse in eng#and nasally in jp... lol.... the jokes were being lined up for me... and then he went and changed his name#and got surgery that made him feel more at home in his body... LIKE THEY PROVIDE NON-TRANS REASONS WHY HE DOES THIS#I KNOW but thats why i just kept /jokin/ bout it cause i was like 'lmao' yk. Lmao congrats your accidental trans rep is republican#AND THAT'S WHY IT'S FUNNY TO HC HIM AS TRANS CAUSE HE SUCKS !!!!! i want more shitty people as trans rep#im p sure im the only one who 'openly' hcs him trans but not even. like i remember twitter was Allegedly mad at me for drawing aoki a lot#and they made a point bout me makin him trans but like... i never even 'publicly' made him trans..#when i'd draw aoki without a shirt i'd give him scars but those were from his lung surgery.. lmao...#not my fault the scars look Like That... cause i like drawing scars leave me alone...#my DB followers know i was obsessed with drawing yamcha's leg scar from when his leg was broken#Truly just a coincidence but also not cause it Was lowkey intentional but anyways.. lol...#i remember the period where people were askin me bout the hc.. hehe...#My Apologies for going on the Trans Aoki rant i still do very much like to joke bout it with myself.... it was too real to me...#every time i think of The Specifics i start to get like 👁️👁️ because then it gets too real so i gotta stop before i start crying....#it's not that the HC is personal or deep to me or anything it's just funny <- in denial for the bit#anyway.. i havent been able to be productive all day so !! time to start i have a really hectic week and its only getting worse (╯▽╰ )#thanks for letting me ramble... and feel validated for being delulu...#lowkey funny that While True you said not everyone's about the HC Which Is True it's why i dont talk about it a lot#but like... Not To Be Presumptuous And Self-Important but i do remember being one o the first people to bring it up with other aoki fans..#imagine me not being abot my own hc.. or at least one i stand heavily by... lmao..
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menagerofmischief · 3 months ago
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she's everything, he's max (mv33)
summary: y/n leclerc starts soft launching a man and soon enough there are paparazzi pictures of the two of them except no one quiet believes that the princess of monaco would settle down with ... max!
max verstappen x leclerc!reader -> smau
cw: some google translated french, my first attempt at a smau, inchident jokes, charles gets bullied
a/n: max won over franco by a few percent and I know there was a lot of people interested in seeing this with franco as well. I'd love to do something with franco so feel free to request it.
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yourusername: monaco you were beautiful! I'm so proud of my brother for finally achieving his dream and winning home - love you Cha!
tagged: charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari
liked by: arthur_leclerc, maxverstappen1, alexandrasaintmleux ...
comments:
charles_leclerc: je t'aime petite soeur
charles_leclerc: you could have at least posted a picture of me to celebrate my win
-> yourusername: don't be ridiculous cha, I have a reputation to uphold -> carsgovrom: turns out appearing on his sisters instagram is a harder feat than breaking the monaco curse -> lechair16: of course it is, mother has a refined feed
maxverstappen1: he's come a long way since the inchident liked by yourusername
charles_leclerc: get out of here
alexandrasaintmleux: <3
yourusername: <3
user366: anyone else notice that max's been in the likes for a while now
user374: he also commented user366: call me crazy but something may be going on here user422: you're crazy
user993: mother is mothering again
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yourusername: celebrating in style
liked by: charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, alexandrasaintmleux ...
comments:
maxverstappen1: charles_leclerc what's that in the second picture?
charles_leclerc: get out of my sisters comments, sid user778: lmao not charles using the max looks like sid meme user801: he didn't come to play
charles_leclerc: betrayal absolute betrayal!
charles_leclerc: first the redbull picture charles_leclerc: AND THEN A MAN charles_leclerc: delete this
arthur_leclerc: say hi to your friend ;)
charles_leclerc: he knows but I don't!!! I can not believe this blashphemy yourusername: he says hi back! yourusername: alexandrasaintmleux come take him away alexandrasaintmleux: consider it done
userus: do the monaco royals know mother is serving the public more than they ever could
user366: can he fight?
maxverstappen1: yes user366: I'm going crazy
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f1wags: last night in monaco, y/n leclerc (charles leclerc's sister) was spotted on a dinner with current f1 world champion, max verstappen. after leaving the restaurant the two were pictures kissing and walking intimately. are we getting a new wag in the paddock?
comments:
user366: and they said I was crazy!
user422: sorry girl
user1020: y'all are believing this? why would she date him?
user7789: I'm supposed to believe max pulled THE y/n?
charles_leclerc: oh!
user880: ariana what are you doing here!?
maxssssv: charles commented, it's gotta be real
userrrr: until mother confirms I refuse to believe she's dating .... him
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maxverstappen1: family time
liked by: yourusername, victoriaverstappen, charles_leclerc
comments:
user7741: does he really think he's fooling anyone with that soft launch?
uswws: oh he's kinda cute actually
user7755: this is the guy who dating Y/N LECLERC?!
charles_leclerc: tell y/n to call me back, I'm not mad I just want to talk
alexandrasaintmleux: he's mad arthur_leclerc: don't call him back charles_leclerc: I see how it is
f1addict: charles basically confirmed it, right?
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yourusername: another trophy on the shelf and another great race! couldn't be prouder of you or happier to call you mine. je t'aime max
tagged: maxverstappen1
comments:
charles_leclerc: ..... this is embarrassing, take it down
charles_leclerc: you never post pictures of me but he gets a whole post!?
charles_leclerc: don't bother coming over, leo already has a better aunt
maxverstappen1: I love you schatje
user366: crazy! I was crazy once
user122: I know she's astronomically out of his league but they're cute
user1010: no because finally someone said it! I ship it
lechair16: I'm only in the comments to see charles going mad atp
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maxverstappen1: happy 1 year, schatje! I love you more than words can describe, you have made every day of my life better since the moment you came to talk to me after your brother ruined my race, and now you're the person I dedicate every race win to. ik houd van je
tagged: yourusername
liked by: arthur_leclerc, alexandrasaintmleux, yourusername ...
comments:
yourusername: aw max! I love you so much!
arthur_leclerc: my sister's crying now, great job mate
arthur_leclerc: jokes aside, very happy for you two
charles_leclerc: fine! I guess you can stay
charles_leclerc: if you must.... charles_leclerc: but if you hurt my sister I won't hesitate to launch operation inchident 2.0 maxverstappen1: noted
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yourusername: here you go - welcome to the feed
tagged: charles_leclerc
liked by: maxverstappen1, alexandrasaintmleux, arthur_leclerc
comments:
user001: be honest, was posting charles a condition for him to accept max?
yourusername: yes
charles_leclerc: hey, we said good pictures!
yourusername: I happen to think you look really good in these pictures maxverstappen1: one would say, you've never looked so good charles_leclerc: you're on thin ice sid
load more comments ...
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intheholler · 9 months ago
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the appalachian murder ballad <3 one of the most interesting elements of americana and american folk, imo!
my wife recently gave me A Look when i had one playing in the car and she was like, "why do all of these old folk songs talk about killing people lmao" and i realized i wanted to Talk About It at length.
nerd shit under the cut, and it's long. y'all been warned
so, as y'all probably know, a lot of appalachian folk music grew its roots in scottish folk (and then was heavily influenced by Black folks once it arrived here, but that's a post for another time).
they existed, as most folk music does, to deliver a narrative--to pass on a story orally, especially in communities where literacy was not widespread. their whole purpose was to get the news out there about current events, and everyone loves a good murder mystery!
as an aside, i saw someone liken the murder ballad to a ye olde true crime podcast and tbh, yeah lol.
the "original" murder ballads started back across the pond as news stories printed on broadsheets and penned in such a way that it was easy to put to melody.
they were meant to be passed on and keep the people informed about the goings-on in town. i imagine that because these songs were left up to their original orators to get them going, this would be why we have sooo many variations of old folk songs.
naturally then, almost always, they were based on real events, either sung from an outside perspective, from the killer's perspective and in some cases, from the victim's. of course, like most things from days of yore, they reek of social dogshit. the particular flavor of dogshit of the OG murder ballad was misogyny.
so, the murder ballad came over when the english and scots-irish settlers did. in fact, a lot of the current murder ballads are still telling stories from centuries ago, and, as is the way of folk, getting rewritten and given new names and melodies and evolving into the modern recordings we hear today.
305 such scottish and english ballads were noted and collected into what is famously known as the Child Ballads collected by a professor named francis james child in the 19th century. they have been reshaped and covered and recorded a million and one times, as is the folk way.
while newer ones continued to largely fit the formula of retelling real events and murder trials (such as one of my favorite ones, little sadie, about a murderer getting chased through the carolinas to have justice handed down), they also evolved into sometimes fictional, (often unfortunately misogynistic) cautionary tales.
perhaps the most famous examples of these are omie wise and pretty polly where the woman's death almost feels justified as if it's her fault (big shocker).
but i digress. in this way, the evolution of the murder ballad came to serve a similar purpose as the spooky legends of appalachia did/do now.
(why do we have those urban legends and oral traditions warning yall out of the woods? to keep babies from gettin lost n dying in them. i know it's a fun tiktok trend rn to tell tale of spooky scary woods like there's really more haints out here than there are anywhere else, but that's a rant for another time too ain't it)
so, the aforementioned little sadie (also known as "bad lee brown" in some cases) was first recorded in the 1920s. i'm also plugging my favorite female-vocaist cover of it there because it's superior when a woman does it, sorry.
it is a pretty straightforward murder ballad in its content--in the original version, the guy kills a woman, a stranger or his girlfriend sometimes depending on who is covering it.
but instead of it being a cautionary 'be careful and don't get pregnant or it's your fault' tale like omie wise and pretty polly, the guy doesn't get away with it, and he's not portrayed as sympathetic like the murderer is in so many ballads.
a few decades after, women started saying fuck you and writing their own murder ballads.
in the 40s, the femme fatale trope was in full swing with women flipping the script and killing their male lovers for slights against them instead.
men began to enter the "find out" phase in these songs and paid up for being abusive partners. women regained their agency and humanity by actually giving themselves an active voice instead of just being essentially 'fridged in the ballads of old.
her majesty dolly parton even covered plenty of old ballads herself but then went on to write the bridge, telling the pregnant-woman-in-the-murder-ballad's side of things for once. love her.
as a listener, i realized that i personally prefer these modern covers of appalachian murder ballads sung by women-led acts like dolly and gillian welch and even the super-recent crooked still especially, because there is a sense of reclamation, subverting its roots by giving it a woman's voice instead.
meaning that, like a lot else from the problematic past, the appalachian murder ballad is something to be enjoyed with critical ears. violence against women is an evergreen issue, of course, and you're going to encounter a lot of that in this branch of historical music.
but with folk songs, and especially the murder ballad, being such a foundational element of appalachian history and culture and fitting squarely into the appalachian gothic, i still find them important and so, so interesting
i do feel it's worth mentioning that there are "tamer" ones. with traditional and modern murder ballads alike, some of them are just for "fun," like a murder mystery novel is enjoyable to read; not all have a message or retell a historical trial.
(for instance, i'd even argue ultra-modern, popular americana songs like hell's comin' with me is a contemporary americana murder ballad--being sung by a male vocalist and having evolved from being at the expense of a woman to instead being directed at a harmful and corrupt church. that kind of thing)
in short: it continues to evolve, and i continue to eat that shit up.
anyway, to leave off, lemme share with yall my personal favorite murder ballad which fits squarely into murder mystery/horror novel territory imo.
it's the 10th child ballad and was originally known as "the twa sisters." it's been covered to hell n back and named and renamed.
but! if you listen to any flavor of americana, chances are high you already know it; popular names are "the dreadful wind and rain" and sometimes just "wind and rain."
in it, a jealous older sister pushes her other sister into a river (or stream, or sea, depending on who's covering it) over a dumbass man. the little sister's body floats away and a fiddle maker come upon her and took parts of her body to make a fiddle of his own. the only song the new fiddle plays is the tale about how it came to be, and it is the same song you have been listening to until then.
how's that for genuinely spooky-scary appalachia, y'all?
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transmisogyny-explained · 2 months ago
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I want to submit a perspective on "afab transfemininity" from. an afab multi gender person. I know my experience isn't representative of everyone who calls themselves this, but I wanted to at least share
I don't call myself a trans woman, I hesitate to call myself transfem. nonetheless, I feel connected to femininity in a distinctly transgender way. when I first came out, I hated being a girl. I was a transmedicalist and validated myself by invalidating others. I had to face a lot of internalized misogyny and transphobia in order to really learn what it meant to be a man. after I started testosterone about 3 yrs ago, I realized I was a lesbian, and started feeling more comfortable being, at least in part, a woman. it was different this time because it was something I liked, something new and my own, not something ascribed to me. it's not cisgender in any way, it is transfemininity
this being said, I know my experience toward transfemininity is extremely different from the norm. I am not what most people are referring to when they refer to transfems, and there are many definitions of transfem that do not include me. despite that, I do have some experiences that overlap, things I can relate to. my femininity is at its core transgender in nature. my gender now is more complex... I feel like both a man and a woman, neither and both. but that doesn't mean my feelings about my gender are predatory or invalid. I don't want to talk over transfems, I am very aware of my place in these conversations. but I still have a place, and it frustrates me to see you share posts that minimize my experience into a stereotype
Why do you view transfemininity as being, at its core, the experience of being “both a man and a woman” lmao
Get back to me when you start viewing trans women as actual women and transfemininity as actual femininity, and not an aesthetic or a vibe or “some other third thing” apart from femininity.
You “feel femininity in a distinctly transgender way?” Congrats! You’re nonbinary! But that is NOT what being a trans woman is — Their womanhood and femininity is not essentially different from cis women’s.
What you are describing is a very generic experience of being a feminine nonbinary person, and I don't say that to insult you; but to compare that experience to those of trans women’s betrays the fact that you don't view them as the same gender as cis women. Which is transmisogyny. It’s textbook third-gendering.
Call yourself a nonbinary woman- Call yourself whatever you want, in fact. But trans women and TMA people are never going to feel safe around you so long as you continue insisting that transfemininity is essentially the same as the nonbinary femininity you experience, and essentially different from “real” cis women’s femininity.
Also, can I just say that it’s a little condescending that you would end your ask by saying “I’m aware of my place in these conversations, but…”
Like, if you were really “aware of your place” and were actually listening to transfems when we talk about transfeminism, you would be able to recognize the enormous amount of transmisogyny baked into your message. On top of the third-gendering, you also managed to:
Imply that TMA people don’t understand the complexities of gender and nonbinarity like you, a TME person, do
Imply that TMA people creating the language and spaces to discuss our experiences in a way that excludes you, a TME person, is invalidating and somehow tantamount to labeling you as “predatory” (what does that even mean?)
Sent an unprompted ask to a transfem’s blog venting your frustrations with the language of transfeminism, despite the fact that I’m not even the one who made those posts?
Showed a pretty absurd amount of entitlement by insinuating that it’s somehow my problem that you feel frustration over misunderstanding the basics of transfeminist theory
Subtly demanded that I do the emotional labor of managing your frustration, which, frankly, is just classic misogyny
Displayed a complete lack of understanding towards what transmisogyny even is, nor why we, as the direct targets of transmisogyny, need the the language and spaces to discuss it
I really don’t care what transfem “experiences” you think you relate to, the fact that you perpetuate and can benefit from transmisogyny will always separate you from us, and if you actually gave a shit about us and our struggles, you would recognize that and try to be a better ally to us rather than co-opting and redefining our language in a shallow attempt to define us out of existence.
As has been said countless times now:
“Transfeminine” does not mean “trans + feminine,” it is a term coined by TMA people to describe our specific experiences with being denied our femininity. That is something which you, as a person for whom (as you said) womanhood/femininity was ascribed by the system of patriarchy, cannot understand in the way we do.
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zorange13 · 1 month ago
Text
— love island, enhypen edition
enha as the islanders x afab reader (hyung line). | maknae line
warnings/content. suggestive content, got WAYYY carried away with jake’s part, slowburn, reality tv au, YEARNINGGG, romantic competition, half-cheating, angst, light e2l, swearing, jealousy, insecurity, drama-heavy (duh)
lightly proofread, i did NOT sleep to write this lmao.
word count: 7.2k
inspired by the aot edition from @rynfiles, pls check them out!!
Heeseung 이희승
def a smooth ass talker, so charismatic 
such a heartthrob
would be a fan favorite at first
an OG and would partner up with whoever he wants
also prob have a kiss by the end of the first episode 
knows he’s hot and would honestly use that to his advantage to get to know everyone, esp in early days
genuinely so funny and would be one of the guys that gets along well with both the boys and girls
however, he would be a lil bit of a fuckboy, but he would feel so bad about it after watching the show back at the end.
being a libra, hee is naturally (and sometimes unintentionally) very flirty to the point where a girl might think she is being led on. even if he’s just trying to be nice. 
cue one of the girls saying, “idk like heeseung and i just seem to have a good connection.”
10 minutes later he’s tonguing down another girl.
so him and his first pairing would just end in a pretty messy situation
fans start to not fw him
he would be in couples and stay throughout the whole show just because he’s good tv. 
he’d be on the chopping block a few times but would somehow the producers would find something to save him (rob cough cough)
fans love to hate him
but wouldn’t truly fall head over heels until about week 3 and really hit it off with a girl. no one else matters to him at that point
you’d be a bombshell (duh)
but by the time casa amor comes around and he wants to close things off, the girls would be gone by that point
he’d be fuming
but then when the casa girls come, he’d be like ‘nah, i miss my girl’
but his head would be slightly turned by one of them
maybe a kiss or two, heavy petting unfortunately
but then when the girls are sent the video of what the boys have been doing…
best believe heeseung would get his ass handed to him at the recoupling
wouldn’t be able to look at you, once he sees the look in your eyes was when it hit him.
he wouldn’t bring anyone back though!!
you would put a pillow between them
fans kinda hate him at this point, like bro is public enemy #1
but he would do anything to win you back
i’m talking on HIS KNEES, yearning !!
a clip on tiktok would go viral of him for that
“if i have to show you why you’re the one for me, i’ll do it again. over and over again until you want me. i don’t care what it takes. i can’t let you go.”
fans would swoon, then hate themselves for liking him again (real asf)
kordell and serena coded as far as the casa situation
days of nice gestures until you felt you wanted him to stop
he would (try to) make you breakfast and bring it up to the beauty room; giving you a kiss on the side of your head as he left. saying “i know you like your eggs scrambled and your coffee light and sweet”
it would prob taste terrible it’s the thought that counts
the girls would giggle after he got far enough from the door, but you didn’t pay much mind
making you cheese toasties in the middle of the day when he “just so happens” to hear that you’re hungry.
after days of groveling, you cave when he enlists jay and jake to help him make your favorite food for candlelit dinner by the beach.
“i know i fucked up, i know that i hurt you badly. but please, if you give me this chance to prove that i’m not just some asshole, i will be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had.”
“boyfriend?”
“boyfriend.”
would have the hideaway for the night
would def make use of the toys in there
can see y’all being in the final 4
final date is horseback riding and dinner at one of the luxury resorts in fiji
his finale speech would send twitter in a spiral
“i came in here not expecting anything from this, just a fun time. just a free vacation and beautiful women. i seriously thought that i was on my way out because i had burnt all of my bridges. but when you showed up, i just—” sighs, trying not to let himself get choked up. “I knew you were so out of my league. even now you are, i felt like a guy like me didn’t deserve a woman like you. you’re not scared to call me out on my bullshit, you make me laugh, you made me earn you. despite all of the bullshit i put you through, you extended grace and there’s nothing more i could ask for from you and that will be the last time i ever ask you to extend me that much. but that look in your eye told me everything that i needed to know. watching that clip of you cry in the girl’s arms during movie night was all that i needed to know that i will never in my life, do anything to make someone i love feel like that ever again. you’re it for me, and no matter what happens tonight, win or lose; i’m a winner because I get to walk out with you.”
“love?”
“love.”
would have the whole villa in TEARS
reformed fuckboy™ + the queen who tamed him = they don’t even need to win
runners-up!!
Jay 박종성
the most chill one there tbh
og and would pair with who he liked 
but they would burn out not from drama, but they realized there was a lack of chemistry
wouldn’t stir much drama but WOULD PULL for sure
he knew what he signed up for of course but is more of slow burner
he doesn’t like to entertain someone he isn’t interested in if he knew there was someone else he might like more
if his heart isn’t in it, he’s not gonna waste your time or his own
so he’d just be honest and the girls would love him for that
grows close with a lot of them and even offers advice when needed
blunt, but transparent and the fans like him
such a breath of fresh air from all of the weird, sneaky boys
the type that you would def know if he liked you
would somehow end up making out with one of the bombshells in soul ties, they couple up
the chef™
is always the one helping out with dinner
the girls always ask him to make them something because they know he’d never say no
isn’t the life of the party but is never a buzz kill
knows how to have fun and will always be there to have a good laugh.
would fizzle out with that bombshell
“you’re cool and so gorgeous. i just don’t feel anything deeper and i’m sorry.”
bombshell would be understanding not take it personally, she’s more into heeseung anyway lmao
kinda goes on aimlessly
would end up kissing one of the og girls (you) during a challenge in week 2 and holy shit
he liked it a lot more than he’d expect
wouldn’t know how to handle it and would feel like shit
i mean it’s only week 2 but weeks here feel like months
so technically, everyone’s been dating for 2 months !!
would talk to jake and would eventually just approach you about it. better to live with no regrets
“hey, can i pull you for a chat?” he says to you as you’re lounging on one of the day beds.
“of course,” you stood up and he ruffled your hair with a smile as y’all walked to one of the swinging benches.
“so remember when we kissed earlier? in the challenge?”
“yeah? i’m sure i’d remember who i kissed.”
oh…he liked this girl for real now
your own couple wouldn’t be too solid either seeing as it was so early but not
still wanted to be respectful though !!
nonetheless you end up recoupling and that guy gets sent home
sad to see a friend of his go home but very happy that he could love on his girl openly now
so head over heels, still makes the girls food because he’s a gentleman
but he brings you full on meals!! steaks, ribs, chicken (fried, baked, grilled, doesn’t matter !!! your wish is his command) the most they were getting out of him was a cheese toastie, they’ll be lucky if they get a piece of meat on it
you would def have a ‘my man, my man’ attitude after that which he lowkey loved
the girls made jokes about how they lost their personal chef and would start hassling their men to cook for them
you left a note on your mirror for him before you dipped for casa. 
“i’m not the best at goodbyes, but i didn’t want to leave without saying something. thank you for being so good to me, for being real with me, and for making me feel like i matter here. i know things aren’t always easy to say, but i’m happy with you. i hope you’re doing okay while i’m gone, and i’ll be thinking about you. can’t wait to come back to you.
p.s. the food’s not the same without you here.”
then left a kiss in his favorite lipstick of yours on the mirror next to the note
he was irritated at no goodbye but tried to maintain some sort of sanity 
after all the guys all filed out of the beauty room, he kissed the mark you left on the mirror and considered that his parting kiss
grab the note to put it in his pocket and keep by his bed to look at
he also saw you left the lipstick right on the vanity so he took that too
TWITTER WOULD SPIRAL !!!
the casa girls came and they came with the heat let me tell you
but he didn’t give in no no no
though he WAS tempted
he was chatting by the firepit with one of the casa girls and she leaned in to kiss him
he ALMOST fumbled
but he was solid, the plastic component of your lipstick in his back pocket a reminder of who was gonna be waiting for him on the other side
gently shoots the girl down for giving her the wrong impression, “i’m sorry if it seemed like anything else but i miss my girl and i just don’t think kisses outside of challenges are appropriate.”
very respectful
but the girl does not take too kindly to it
he doesn’t care because he likes you
he’s not trippin because like…can she fight? lmao
makes it back to the villa in one piece !!
is running back to you
fidgeting at the firepit because didn’t want to stand there to wait for y’all to officially full on be a couple again
kissing you down when he gets to you
making everyone hold their hearts at the cuteness
closes off with you that night and are the first ones to get in the hideaway !!
everyone voted you guys to go
you wore this amazing baby blue lingerie and he almost lost it
he put you in them fuzzy pink handcuffs that night 
everything is smooth sailing 
in the final 4 
final date is dinner on a yacht then jet skiing on the sunset
then at the finale he would also give a speech that is so cute but so him!!
“i’m not good at words but that’s not an excuse to give a subpar speech because you deserve more than that. you have been so solid and wonderful through this whole experience. i never expected after 2 weeks it’d be me and you but i’m glad we got to harvest a friendship first.” He blushed, looking away from you as you laughed and gave him his time to simmer down. “i’d fall in love with you in any universe. the same way how i’d cook you anything you’d ask me to because you simply deserve it. you deserve to be treated like royalty and you know with me, i’m gonna deliver. you don’t have to lift a finger. you don’t have to worry about anything. not money, not my loyalty, my honesty. you came here to get the man you deserve and i’m here to give you that, baby.” would lift your hand to kiss it as he asked, “will you let me be your boyfriend?”
twitter meltdown—simple as that.
the producers picked good men this season…
y’all won and split—well actually, he gave you all of the prize money !!
every. last. dime.
there’s nothing other to describe him as perfect—he was patient, didn’t hoe around, had intentions and pursued you when it mattered the most. 
ofc he’s the fan favorite and y’all are talked about online for forever as one of the best couples to come out of love island
Jake 심재윤
one of the sweetest guys there like seriously
cinnamon roll™ 
another og
it’s physically impossible to hate him
fans are swooning because they’ve never seen this many hot guys on love island at once
especially when all of them are heartthrobs and have so much potential
jakey is so beloved by the guys because he’s just…a bro
BUT HE GIVES GREAT ADVICE and is pretty chill
also knows how to have fun and is usually the one (besides heeseung) to like initiate a game or something fun to do
the villa can get boring when y’all are just sitting around all day
as for the girls, he gets along very well
he knows he’s good-looking but he doesn’t do too much
that accent gets them
very humble
all of the girls have wanted a piece of him at one point and quite frankly none of them were his type ???
“hey…bro…” he’d say to them, as he sat down with them during chats
so the girls just stayed his friend and didn’t want to embarrass themselves further
went through a depressive period for a few weeks
coupling with girls just to stay alive
until a bombshell, you,—came in.
he legit had all of the guys come to the firepit so he could tell them you were off limits
they listened, except for one
that bastard
some drama arose as there was gonna be a recoupling that sent one of the guys home
this only further incentivized jake to pursue you harder
“hey, can i steal you for chat?” he approaches you as you sat in the kitchen talking to the other guy
he didn’t feel bad, as you said “of course,” he made sure to give the guy a sly look as he placed his arm around your waist as you followed him up to soul ties. 
fans loved him even more now: “ok jakey going after what he wants!!!!” “nah ngl if a cinnamon roll looked at me like that i’d self eliminate fr lmao” “well he said she was off limits *shrug emoji*” “he can’t even be mad at jake like he hasn’t had not one connection the whole time. let him get the girl he wants !!”
he knew he couldn’t sit on his ass and wait for you to come naturally
as he got to know you, he realized you were like him
a hot geek!!
you loved math and science just like him 
you were always correcting people
and somehow you loved the same shows and movies
it’s like you’re him, just the girl version!!
needless to say, he falls fast and hard
he knew how to cook pretty well, so he would make you breakfast every morning 
hot chocolate, with big marshmallows and a waffle
all made from scratch of course!! he took some pointers from jay ;)
the other guy continued to pursue you, to which he encouraged you
he knew what he was there for but who was he to limit you to one connection?
“i’m here for you and i know what i want. but i’m also never gonna tell you to put me above you; if you feel you want to explore then go handle that.” he told you as you settled in between his legs, back against his chest on one of the daybeds. you had your eyes shut as you leaned your head on his shoulder as gently caressed your leg with one hand and your arm with another. relishing in the serenity of the feeling and the waves crashing against each other.
this is right when you knew you weren’t going anywhere
fans also ate this up: “i just need someone to hold me like jake holds her and i’ll be ok, i promise” “i would let him do the most unspeakable things to me, Lord forgive me” “just give me 3 minutes.”
was some part of him anxious as hell? absolutely, but he meant what he said
it was up to you, either way someone was going home
so when you got a text later that afternoon, you read it aloud to everyone (basically screaming it but it’s ok) 
“it’s almost decision time! you must decide where your heart lies. tonight, you will choose who you want to couple up with, and one guy will be sent home. solve for x and see where you end up! #toobadsosad #makingupforlosttime #gotmyanglesonyou”
you flustered at the reminders of the conversations you and jake were having
but it was funny nonetheless
that night at the firepit, you had never see jake so distraught
he spaced out which he like never does but now it was time for you to make your choice
you stood up in your heels, almost shaking but maintaining composure
“i would like to couple up with this boy because he has been so amazing and consistent since my time here.” jake listened to you intently as you spoke, hopefully trying to pick up on something that could indicate that you’d pick him.
“we also get along really well and i feel that in the short time that i’ve been here, we’ve been able to get on pretty well. i know that if we have a chance to further this connection, then something great will be able to come from it.”
ok, he was getting hopeful
“we bond over so many things, and i feel like we mirror each other. people say that it’s hard to be with someone that’s just like you. however, studies show that 89% of couples share the same values and similarities, making them successful and at a lower rate of divorce.”
your fellow islanders laughed at your random, yet endearing factoid
jake just tilted his head as he stared at you lovingly, “that’s my girl,” he whispered to himself
“so the boy i’d like to couple up with is…” 
fingers crossed
surprise. “jake.” you said with a bright smile on your face.
jake wanted to run to you and kiss you until his last dying breath
BUT he had some sort of couth 
he dapped up the guy that he was standing by, he didn’t want to because he felt he was an asshole but still. respect.
then he walked over to you with the brightest smile in the world and hugged you so tight you almost complained but you let him have his moment. “you’re so amazing, baby. you’re mine now,” his whispered into your ear. the mic just barely picked it up.
he pulled back and gave you the gentlest kiss you’ve felt in your life, that you barely even felt
viral moment
it was hard to watch the guy pack his stuff 
yes, he knows that he got you now but after coming to his senses in a way, the guy just wanted to find love the same way they all did
they ended up having a conversation before he left and they squashed the beef
later that night, you and jake showered together
made sure to lock the door, there was like 8 other bathrooms in this big ass house
the others could use another one
BUT it was nothing freaky deaky
just gentle, intimate
you detangled and washed his hair for him 
granted it was very hard to keep his hands off of you
just this perfect body in front of him in this big ass shower where he had ample room to do what he wanted
but he kept it cute, only letting his hands slide south when you let him
but a little kiss didn’t hurt
his hand wrapped around your neck as pulled you to cover his lips with yours. the familiar taste of your lips sending jolts through his body. he groaned at the sensation as you followed. “should’ve done this at the firepit, right in front of that bastard. that way he would’ve known you were really mine all along.”
he left a lil hickey
nothing too crazy
y’all def did it in the bed with everybody there that night though
casa amor rolls around
y’all are doing good even before then
challenges were fun, vibes were on point!!
but just like the others, you bounce without a word. but you also left a note just like heeseung’s girl
“hi jakey !! i’m gonna be gone for a while but not to worry. distance makes the heart grow fonder. i trust you, and i hope you honor me while i’m away because i will do the same for you <3 p.s. i sprayed my perfume on our bed so if a bitch even tries to lie there she’ll be getting a piece of me. hugs and kisses xoxo !!”
he audibly laughed at your note, some tears threatening to escape him but quickly sucked it up
he missed you already, his baby
his little einstein
he tucked the note in his pocket for safe keeping
remember what i said before, the casa girls are coming in hot!!
and jake being the fun—and nice—guy he is, makes the girls feel welcome 
until one of them pulls him for chat and he accepts
she came onto and him for some reason something came over him
to this day he can’t put his finger on if it was the excitement of a new face after seeing the same ones every single day for, what felt like, forever 
or just lack of self control
maybe both
but he fucks her
when the guys found out they were jarred
even heeseung, the resident fuckboy™ wasn’t that wild
needless to say, jake has never felt more disgusted with himself
the support he amassed over the last few goes down the drain as this was one of the biggest twists of the season
i said hee became public enemy #1 before but no, jake was hated BAD!!!
fans were hurt themselves: “bro i feel so bad for y/n, she was everything and more and he just shit on her, fuck jake” “i really don’t believe in love anymore, this is wild” “imagine going thru ALL THAT with a girl that was made for you just to hook up with a random casa girl bc of a ‘minor slip up’ what a loser”
going back to the villa was…a journey to say the least
but when he got back you were smiling
hard
like…you couldn’t wait to see him
him, along with the boys were confused as they all thought that you’d seen what happened due to heeseung just getting heat
but no
you seemed to know nothing
and jake just played along, he didn’t bring anyone back and neither did you
“hello, my einstein,” he hugged you as he spun you around before gently placing you back on the wooden deck of the firepit.
the silence amongst the boys was deafening, there were already tensions due to heeseung’s situation, but the girls still tried to be happy for you and cheer you on. them clearly being oblivious to what really went down.
a few days passed and jake carried along as normal as he could, still consulting jay about this hole in chest called guilt that he couldn’t shake. he had to tell you.
until sunghoon’s girl got a text, she beckoned all of them to front
“islanders, it’s time for movie night! watch some exclusive clips from your time in the villa and casa amor! grab your seats and watch some dirty truths be unveiled. #nosecretshere #lightscameradrama”
everyone looked at each other with unsure looks, the boys getting glared and cold stares left and right. 
you felt terrible, “i feel so bad, i know [heeseung’s girl] went through so much the last few days. i’d hate for her to have to almost relive it, you know?” you said to jake, to which he hugged you with a small ‘yeah’
everyone gathered around and it was time to pick which “movie” y’all wanted to watch
they chose ‘experiment gone wrong’
and that was when you saw it
jake tonguing down this girl, which stung, but ok this was during a challenge so nothing crazy
the next clip cut to them talking at the firepit and he was just giggling it up
then they kissed
which was more than enough to make your heart feel like it smashed into a million pieces
then the next clip was of them making out on yours and his shared bed
then he covered both of them with the comforter as the camera moved to a new angle where they threw their clothes onto the floor from beneath the sheets
then on the outside on the firepit right where they were, laid the note you left for him before you left
then it faded to black
the silence was deafening
the girl’s right by you sat in shock as you were all equally.
the first to break the silence was jungwon’s girl “so y’all knew?”
the boys were all looking down in shame
silence. crickets.
you wanted so badly to say something but your voice simply wouldn’t allow you
you just remember breaking down into jungwon’s girl’s arms as she rested her hand on your head, stroking your head to give you some consolation as the rest of the girl’s cursed them out.
jake just sat there, tears in his eyes as croaked out, “i didn’t mean to—”
“what didn’t mean to do what? she trusted you, we all did! y’all are some grimy ass people for not even letting one of us know. like you didn’t have to tell her. at least one of us and we could’ve done something!”
“jake you are such a piece of shit”
“i know,” he whimpered, leaning back into the couch
“if you’re capable of keeping some shit like that from her then you’re capable of anything.”
he knew what the girls were saying was true to some–well, a huge extent. but he wasn’t looking at them. 
he was looking at you break down over something that he did out of pure tactlessness
the producers didn’t let you get up until the clips were done being shown but as soon as they were done, you sped walked right inside
knowing jake was hot on your tail
before you can ever get past even the middle of the yard space he catches up you
“y/n please,” he says, pleading. “i can explain,”
you looked at him, with nothing but pure pain and desolation, “explain what? your dick just somehow slipped inside her on accident?”
he shook his head, “baby—”
that was when you snapped, yelling at for the first time ever. “no! you lost the privilege to call me that! i’m nothing to you, do you hear me? nothing! you are a sick and twisted individual. nevermind the hooking up thing because a part of me expected it. men will be men, but for you to have days to tell me and you let me find out along with everyone else?”
“please, can we just talk about this somewhere else?” his voice cracked as he began to sob, not caring if all of your peers were watching
“you’re such a con artist, you made me believe you. made me believe that everything was fine and dandy between us and that i was like the one for you—”
“but you are, you are—” he grabbed his hair, pulling it from stress and frustration. “gosh, you are! i just fucked up—”
“i gave you my body, jake. does that not mean anything to you?”
he sobbed loudly, not even caring how he looked anymore. “yes! it means everything just please understand me!” he grabbed your shoulders to hopefully make you listen. “i fucked up. i know i’m a shitty person for doing that and i know i’m even shittier than lying to you like this and keeping you in the dark. but please trust me when i say that it was a mistake and will never happen again.”
“you’ve shown me who you are, jake. i’m taking it for what it is. you’ve made your choice and it wasn’t me.” you said, cold and distant
choking back sobs as he tries to reach for you again. “y/n, please. i’m begging you. don’t do this. i’ll do anything. i’ll make it right, just give me a chance.”
“fuck you, jake.”
jungwon’s girl ends up sleeping with you outside that night
jake cries himself to sleep, even though he could barely do that
the next day you were more angry than hurt
when he brought you breakfast, you threw it out the window right in front of face
you’re like 60% sure bits of the eggs ended up in the pool
everytime he tried to talk to you, you ignored him
if he asked to pull you for a chat while you speaking to someone, you continued talking as if he wasn’t standing there, literally begging you for a conversation
he was vapor to you and it wasn’t fun being like this but he needed to be punished
until one recoupling, he decides to self-eliminate
this rippled shock throughout the villa, even you
during his final speech, “i felt like i came here to find a connection. i did, and regardless of how it turned out, i’m so grateful for the time that i did get with that person. i know i did the most…distasteful things but i also know that forgiveness comes with time and it shouldn’t be on your terms.” he looked at you with longing eyes, “y/n, i love you,” 
the L word in love island is like…unheard of almost like oh my god ??/?/?/ so your stomach was in knots
“and i will do anything to see you happy, baby, always. if that means being free from me than i’ll do it and i will let you have the experience you so rightfully deserve, so…that’s why i’d like to go home. i got what i came here for.”
there were definitely tears from everyone in the villa
jake had been everyone’s best friend so to see him go was hard
you and him exchanged longing glances and a gentle nod before he walked out and the ‘loves me not’ sign flashes
you ended up leaving the following week
you just wandered about aimlessly
bombshells came but none of them compared to jake 
you were eliminated and was actually glad to go home and see your family after all these months
definitely sad because at this point, you spent so much time and gotten along well with everyone that they considered you an og at this point
but you left with your chest held high
but as soon as you got your phone back you saw you sat at a good 2M followers on instagram, which was like 1,999,900 million more than you came in here with.
you took a look at your dm’s and saw a familiar face text you:
“hey gorgeous,
i know you probably won’t see this for a while, but i couldn’t just leave things unsaid. i’ve spent so much time thinking about everything, and i know there’s no excuse for what i did. i messed up, badly. i hurt you, and i’ll never be able to fully fix that, no matter how much i wish i could. but i need you to know that i’m truly sorry. not just for what i did, but for letting you down in ways that went beyond just that moment.
i was selfish. i let my insecurities and confusion get the better of me, and in doing so, i betrayed your trust. i lied to you, and i let you believe things were okay when they weren’t. the worst part is, i knew better. i knew what i was doing was wrong, but i still did it. i don’t expect forgiveness from you, not after what i did, but i hope you can eventually find it in yourself to heal from this.
you deserve someone who values you and respects you, someone who sees you for who you truly are, not just in the moments when things are easy. i failed you in that regard. i let you down in front of everyone, and i’m sorry for that. but i want you to know that i will always think of you, and no matter what happens, you’ll always be important to me.
i don’t know if you’ll ever want to talk to me again, and honestly, i wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. i’m not asking for forgiveness, and i’m not asking for anything except that you take care of yourself, y/n. you deserve the world. and i’ll keep working on becoming someone better, even if it’s too late for us.
i hope that wherever you are, you’re finding peace and happiness. i’ll be here if you ever want to reach out, but i understand if you need time or if you don’t ever want to. just know i’m thinking of you, and i’ll always be rooting for you. i wouldn’t change a thing if it meant i got to experience the beauty that is you.
take care of yourself. you were more than everything to me. i love you einstein.
your jakey <3
ok that felt like a gut punch
you sat there, on your bed wondering your next move
then you got to typing
Sunghoon 박성훈
he’s for sure a bombshell
one of the bombshells that comes in the blind kissing challenges to confuse all of the girls
he’s had his eye on you for a while 
so when he gets to kiss you, he’s more than prepared to rock your world
he takes his time with you as he runs a gentle finger down your lips to the valley of your breasts as he pulls you closer by your hips
then he pulled you in so your lips could meet his and it was up from there
everyone was so confused 
“jake?” “nah that's not him”
“heeseung?” “nah he’s not as aggressive”
the boys were in complete shock, some of there were dying laughing
others bitter because he was kissing their girls lmaooo
when the girls took their blindfolds off, they were screaming in shock
you laughed something serious!!
but when you got a look at sunghoon, you were also very shook
he was…scarily beautiful, like he almost made you feel insecure lmao
but he couldn’t stop looking at you
you and the girls congregated after that to discuss details
“yo, he’s hot as fuck” “he’s gorgeous” “y’all don’t even know what to do with all that”
the fans were thrown. they were gagged. 
TWITTER WAS SCREAMINGGG “#needthat”
the guys all whispered about him, impressed that he came in with such a bang
others, whose couples weren’t so steady in their couples were worried
but they saw how he kissed you
he wanted you
during the challenge where america weighs in on what they feel about them
he gets voted to be like the biggest fuckboy
which again, makes heeseung laugh because he was that was his thing™ 
everyone even voted him too, so to hear america’s thoughts made the girls think the world knew something they didn’t
but back to sunghoon
his feelings were a little hurt
he wasn’t sure if it was the way he looked that gave people that impression
but he never kissed any girls outside of challenges so it didn’t make much sense
sure he had his fun outside of the villa
but he knew that he was going to be on national television, so he did try to dial it back
you were very turned off by this
you admitted in the confessionals, “i’ve had my fair share of fuckboys. i even knew by coming here that i wasn’t exempt from them! so to be real, i’m not shocked. i mean look at him. i’d be hurt if he wasn’t sharing the fun with other people.”
he’s annoyed by it but doesn’t let it phase him
now onto you guys
at this point, you’re pretty solid in your original connection
sunghoon didn’t really gaf lmao
he was a bombshell, he wasn’t supposed to be peaceful 
he had a talk with your connection in front of the guys
“i’m sorry but i’m here to step on toes and i really don’t care if you don’t like that. i’m not here to make friends.”
your connection nodded with a ‘challenge accepted’ type of smile
so let the games begin
he pursued you down
a solid week and a half of him and your partner fighting for you
until heeseung is bored one night and wants to play a game: truth or dare
“y/n, truth or dare”
now you knew better than to accept a dare from any of these hooligans, “truth.”
“do you think your connection is solid enough to survive me being here?” he leans forward, resting his head on his hands with a smile
wow
so you didn’t have anything to say
you literally plead the fifth 
and that caused some drama and needless to say, you and your partner argued that night
“so, one guy just comes around and all of a sudden i’m not enough for you?”
“i never said that, you’re just insecure and plus it’s not that serious. this is love island. i came here for me, who are you to hinder me from my experience?”
he slept outside that night
sunghoon slept with a smile on his that night
the next morning, he asked around what you liked for breakfast and brought it to you while you were doing your makeup
you thanked him politely, not liking him for basically prophesying your couple’s misfortune
he knew what happened and was capitalizing off of it
fans easily saw this and thought the same, not entirely liking sunghoon and calling him a little bit of weirdo
“he’s hot but something about bro seems sketchy”  “is he a witch or sumn??? does bro have crystals and sage in his suitcase??? wtf is going on” “i agree with the discourse but why am i kinda eating this up tho”
you were chatting with jay’s girl and then he pulls you for a chat, to which you agreed reluctantly “sure”
y’all went to the chairs by the beach. he sat on one and you sat across from him
“so? rough night?” 
“do you have a problem with me?”
“no. i just want you.”
“you’re so weird, i mean i appreciate that you’re trying to be nice to me in your own sick way. but i don’t play games.”
he smiled, “i’m not playing with you, though. i just held up a mirror.”
“you’re serious?”
“think about it, i didn’t do anything. i just asked you one question and he did the rest.”
you resigned
ok he was right, i mean
your partner was bugging out because he was threatened by another man
“obviously i’ll leave you alone if you want me to but it won’t exactly help your situation.”
“you some type of mind reader or something?”
“i don’t need to read minds. i just need to pay attention. and i’ve been watching for a while. what i’m seeing isn’t really about me, it’s about what you’re not saying.”
fuck it
you stood up and walked toward to him as you straddled his hips
he smiled gently as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you closer. and yours around his neck as you kissed officially
some of your fellow islanders were eavesdropping and and watching from behind the deck and they silently cheered
as you pulled back, “did i say enough?”
biting his lip, he nodded as he rested his hand on the back of your head. “yeah,” the other head rubbed your thighs on either side of him.
you pulled away from the kiss and the tension lingered but he kept his grip on your thigh. as if he was scared you’d pull away. 
“what are you thinking, pretty girl?” his voice took on a new tone. that sarcastic, patronizing inflection long gone. 
“i think you knew exactly what you were doing.” you laughed
he smiled, your laugh actually giving him butterflies “maybe,” the head that rested on your head moved to your cheek as he stroked it gently. “just want to make you feel wanted,”
your connection ended up getting eliminated at recoupling (womp womp)
since sunghoon came late, casa was only a week later
a part of him was excited to explore more options
you didn’t leave a note, which kinda stung
but there wasn’t anything to do about it so he just continued as normal
he kissed a few girls, brought one back :(
definitely pissed you off!!
lowkey he got your frustration but it’s only been a week!!
“it’s not like we’re married or anything, i’m just tryna explore my options.”
to which you understood, didn’t make the embarrassment any easier
you were so mad you didn’t bring a guy back either
fans felt validated that their suspicions were right “see??? i knew i wasn’t buggin. he’s a hoe.” “i get that it’s been a week but he could’ve been a little nicer about it like damn” “the audacity to chase her and put her other connection at risk when he could’ve just kept it cool?? he just wanted screen time fr” “this sounds crazy but not even heeseung is this bad” “he wants to be heeseung sooo baddd LMFAOO”
not hated, but not liked either
y’all fizzle out and he partners with the casa girl 
you get eliminated at that recoupling
you guys hug before you leave and reconcile
no beef
no static
he’d def reach out after everything tho
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