#also im not really out yet the only ones who knows are my friends who happened to be present for my drunk breakdowns during The Process
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Yuu and The Housewardens (SPOILERS FOR ALL THE BOOKS, BOOK 7 EXCLUDED)
A thing I really wanted to talk about was the amount of times Yuu has interacted with them during their own books
Because a few months ago I think I saw someone complain about how we only interacted with Leona a few times in his own book, and then I realized that in book 2, 5, 6 and 7, we aka Yuu barely interacted with the respective housewarden.
These obviously parallel the original movies, the amount of interactions or times we've met with each housewarden represent the times when the original villains actively participated to bring down the protagonist.
Just to clarify, twst doesn't follow the plot of the original movies 100%, there are some tweaks in plot as seen in book 1 where we met with riddle a few times more compared to alice and the queen of hearts(who have literally only met one time, but the duration was pretty long)
In book 2, the plot rlly isn't that different from the original. We met Leona and Ruggie earlier even before book 2 started just like how Scar and the hyenas were present before Simba was born. We interacted with him again when going to Savanaclaw to investigate the "accidents", and then finally the showdown between overblot!Leona and Heartshackle(counting Cater and Riddle). It's the same way in The Lion King, Simba has like 2 on screen interactions with Scar before their showdown at the end.
Book 3 was very Yuu-centric, and that's because Ursula was incredibly active in trying to take down Ariel, much more effort compared to the previous two. Ariel had to take things into her own hands, very much like Yuu when their friends got roped into doing basically free labour for Azul. I don't think anymore needs to be added here.
Now onto book 4, also incredibly Yuu-centric! The Sea Witch and the Sorcerer of Sands are not that different in terms of taking care of their adversaries, after all. Aladdin was actively trying to mess with Jafar from day 1, and Jamil decided to avenge his ancestor by sending us off to the edge of the world/j (i dont believe in the great 7 being the overblot boys' ancestors🙏)
Book 5!! Time to talk about my Vil💜 Despite having to live under the same dust-laden roof of Ramshackle dorm, we barely talked with the gorgeous housewarden, obviously referencing how Snow White and the Evil Queen probably barely(or never) talked to each other despite living in the same castle. Though Evil Queen is more active in taking down Snow White after she finds out she's alive, I wish they'd(the writers) included more scenes where we talk and chat with Vil, even if it's just him insulting us💀(no im not saying this as a vil simp whatareyoutalkingabout/hj)
Woohoo we're on book 6🗣️ Hades was so sure that Hercules was dead and never bothered to double check lfmao, unlike Scar who would've been wasting resources and time, couldn't Hades, just like, teleport😭😭😭???
Okay getting off track here, my point is Hercules and Hades are probably the only hero and villain on this list where they'd met multiple times(ignoring jafar since aladdin didn't rlly know he was evil) Yuu definitely had their time to shine in book 6 and all the other characters had been amazing in this book. We had more Idia screentime around the start and the end, but with adequate screentime midway too. Say what you want but book 6 was my favourite.
Book 7 is still ongoing, as it has since I've joined the fandom😭🙏 But did Aurora even interact with Maleficent??? Someone PLEASE let me know, as book 7 is yet to finish, I won't be making assumptions
#woo long post🙏#crown posted!#crowns theories#twisted wonderland#twst#disney twisted wonderland#twst yuu#twst theory#twst heartslabyul#twst book 1#twst savanaclaw#twst book 2#twst octavinelle#twst book 3#twst scarabia#twst book 4#twst pomefiore#twst book 5#twst ignihyde#twst book 6#twst diasomnia#twst book 7#twst book 7 spoilers#idk man including that js in case#twst riddle rosehearts#twst leona kingacholar#twst cater diamond#twst ruggie bucchi#twst azul ashengrotto#twst jamil viper
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when i come out i usually find myself immediately trusting cis dudes more. because if they have a problem, ill know immediately and be able to cut that shit off. on the other hand, ive been "accepted" by cis women, only to have that acceptance taken away if i become too masculine , or theyll try steer me a more feminine direction while not directly saying anything. so then when i try to bring up issues its like "how dare you!!! im not a transphobe!!!"
that aint to say one group is more accepting than the other. for awhile i thought ciswomen were more accepting when actually i was a younger transguy who hadnt caught on yet. in my experience cis guys just immediately make it clear, and theres something about that that makes me feel a lot safer and not like im walking on eggshells. the cis women in my life who do support me are important and i love and appreciate them all, but there needs to me for conversations around more covert transphobia that even Allies can fall victim too
everyone is capable of being an asshole or shifting the goal posts and it's not okay for people to assume cis women can't do this. ive had a lot of cis women just constantly change the playing field and only accept me under certain conditions or if i performed manhood the way they wanted me to. i've had some cishet men do this too but honestly not very many. cishet men can be assholes but a lot of them are also just upfront and honest and it's a trait i'd rather appreciate
i'd rather someone just straight up tell me they don't want to associate without forcing me to guess or play mind games. i don't like when anyone of any gender does that. but i appreciate that a lot of the cishet men in my life have been very transparent about how they feel about interacting with me and i think its helpful as hell.
a lot of cishet men also just really do not give a fuck about queerness in a very productive way. as in "that doesn't pertain to me at all that's your business and i just want to be your friend. if you wanna tell me you can, but i'm not prying you for answers." i've had so many cishet guys treat me this way. most of my friends have been cishet guys and they've all been chill as hell about me being queer.
people need to accept that a gender doesn't make you evil, nor does it make you exempt from being called out for doing harm. thanks for sharing your experience, it deserves to be heard
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some theatrebunny angst perhaps? maybe gangle feeling as if nobody really cares much about her and jax has to convince her otherwise? :3
(also hi ezra hope your days goin good)
you gotta be kidding me, you have plenty of people who care.
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ribbun/theatrebunny
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gangle pov
just.. another day. another day of looking at those fake smiles, hearing those forced words of reassurance. i know that none of them actually like me, so why do they have to keep pretending like they do? i mean, i’d hate for them to hate me, but i also hate them having to lie to keep me happy. i don’t want to be a burden.
at least one person doesn’t have to lie.
i glance over at jax, who’s messing with ragatha, as usual. he messes with all of us. it must be lonely, living like he does, but at least people don’t lie and pretend to like him. i can’t deny i’m a little jealous sometimes - he can just.. get people’s true colours out, in a way. it’s actually really interesting to watch.
he catches my eye, and starts to head over here, causing a small panic to set in me. i like being a spectator, not a victim.. is that cruel? i mean, im a cruel person, so why am i questioning that?
“hey, crybaby, how the hell’re you so down with that freakin’ happy mask of yours on?” he questions, and despite the wording, there’s not even a hint of malice behind his tone, just curiosity. surely there’s an ulterior motive, how would someone like him ever be.. well, not nice, but bearable??
“i guess.. i’m just tired of feeling like a- a burden-“ i stammer, looking up at him with wide, worried eyes. “everyone’s always so nice to me.. and i think they feel forced to-“
“bullsh*t,” he interrupts bluntly, making me flinch. “what reason to those guys have to hate you? you’re a decent person. you’ve not really done anything wrong, have ya?”
“i mean.. no, but-“
“yeah, no. it’s a one word answer, babe, and you’ve just finished it. you said no. so, you’ve done nothing wrong, they have no reason t’ hate ya. no ifs or buts, got it?” he interrupts again, eyebrows furrowed in sheer confidence in what he’s saying. but.. why is he being so kind? is he trying to lie like everyone else-? no. what would he have to gain from lying to me.? he’s not gonna risk his whole reputation just for a joke, right?? but, he could-? NO!! no, gangle, for once you need to take things at face value. he’s being nice. accept it and move on. let yourself enjoy the moment, it might be the only time this ever happens.
“yeah.. thank you, jax. i appreciate it— i’m sorry for bothering you-“
“you apologise way too much. it’s kinda pathetic-“ he jokes, but i can see the lightheartedness in it, and actually find myself laughing along.
why am i feeling like this? i’m supposed to hate him.. he’s caused me nothing but suffering since i got here, and yet, here i am, finally getting along with him? hoping things will change, and maybe we’ll be friends..? or more..? okay, maybe i’m being a little delusional on that part.. but i love the enemies to lovers trope, maybe a little too much..! i’m projecting again..
oh well, i guess a girl can dream.
and you know what they say, make your dreams come true.
<3
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hey!! i’m actually doing pretty good, thanks for checking in!! i hope you’re good too, and thanks for the request!!
reblogs appreciated!!
#amazing digital circus#digital circus#tadc#tadc fanfiction#the amazing digital circus#ribbun#jax x gangle#gangle x jax#theatrebunny#gangle#the amazing digital circus gangle#tadc gangle#jax tadc#tadc jax#jax#the amazing digital circus jax
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I will post updates on my vash cosplay later but I feel I need to put out there the collection of comments I got so far about it. I feel his hot undersuit brings out some interesting reactions
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a5aabdf53ac6c7c7772a4b9423dc20c3/dc57887fe2f0ca4c-fc/s540x810/91d146a211ad05ba695138f46382bc74e1f75c0d.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/95b990bbca088ed7a5eaa49d6d427814/dc57887fe2f0ca4c-07/s500x750/7c6d263adc0455716da4f0deaac1c1906cd653ea.jpg)
My aunt, upon seeing me wear the boots and pants: “You look like a gay man*” then two days later she sent me a picture of tokio hotel fronts singer in assless claps with the words: almost the same.
My mum, looking at the second picture: im sorry, but no straight man has a sexy firm ass like that. Either he is very gay or was a woman once. (which there is a lot to unpack but mostly it cracked me up because the general consensus of vash being some version of gay and also trans vash)
My older cousin, looking at the first pic: "that is… okay. okay. hm. Yeah. Its… something alright." and later when I was looking for belts: "I’m sure you find some in my brothers fetish gear."
My best friend, female, seeing the picture: oh wow, good luck, that looks difficult… and really sweaty.
Her husband, when asked if actual belts or leather stripes: actual belts. Makes you look a little less like a domina and more like… whatever he has going on. Unless it is supposed to be a domina thing.
Friend, male, looking at the picture: holly molly! That guy is wearing nothing but belts and belts only! …. How long does it take for you to get dressed in that? (I don’t know yet… don’t wanna know)
other friend, also male: oh wow… I guess you decided to give up your blood circulation for this one.
my brother, seeing me wear the pants and boots and when asked if my belts are sitting evenly if seen from the back: sis, the belts are the least of your worries. Don’t worry about that. You look like a gay twink ready for the sadomaso bar. Or maybe a Marilyn manson concert.
My cousin, age 10, upon seeing the picture: …. But why? He looks really, really gay. Aren’t you a girl?
Also my coworker who knows I make a costume but has seen none of it but heard me complain that it us squeaky and handed me a leftover pack of lube, joking that it might help. He has no idea how funny that is to me considering most people who have seen any of it think its either a gay dude, a fetish thing or both.
btw bless @nimpnawakproduction for he ref picture above
*she used a word that translates more to "fag" but said it in that way that shows she clearly thinks that is juts a normal word for gay men. was still caught quite off guard lol
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i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!
#thank u blake. u really helped#also nessa!! thank u for that reblog about your perspective on my one post about feeling lost career wise#it helps me to know im not the only one living this life because holy fuck i can feel confused sometimes because.. am i doing this right?#and you know what? theres no correct path that i think there is but im just not good without a direct direction. it makes me a little#anxious about things#i dont know if its because i have some form of a disorder but i function better when i plan stuff out and give myself something to#decompress the problems and thoughts because in my brain theyre just all stuck and clumped together#and that can get a bit scary and overwhelming!!!#im just glad i have people that care about me. it means literally everything to me#so even if i dont 100% reply dont think i dont care because literally any ANY advice or kindness you show to me means the world#we're all just living this little life and we might as well make the best of it#people care..... thats just.... its good... it makes me feel less alone that people do#i love my friends so much#evennnn if we dont talk every day or are only mutuals in passing!!! it literally means a lot if people show me kindness#like holy shit!!! your older than me? and your dealing with a similar experience??? and your telling me that its okay??? and that itll be#okay?????#like#just the reassurance that things will be okay and work out and that im not the only one dealing with a feeling like mine#idk sometimes i just feel like im crazy and like my thoughts make no sense?? you know?? but yall get it#im glad that i have people who are older than me in my life cause yall have experienced stuff that i can use to be better#like your life experiences can help me in a way that can make a difference on my perspective on things#its why i like talking to my coworkers. because theyve seen things and done things i havent and their perspective can teach me potentially#i just dont feel so overwhelmed with life when i talk to people who understand#i feel so young and yet old enough to know but even the people who are older dont know so im sort of on the right track i suppose depending#on how you look at it#so- im just gonna live my life and smile because!!! you gotta.#you gotta surround yourself with people who can enrich you and teach you things for the better and make you want to grow#some of you are like that#you may not know that#but that kindness means so much
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That post is still pretty active so i have to scroll past that guys bloated festering corpse every time i want to see someones new reply
#Listen to my problems#so im always thinking about it .... they were literally just trying to match my energy they were the most enthusiastic person on the post#i would almost feel bad but their opinions were so trash that i didnt know how to respond in a nice way. i tried really hard but i think you#just hate women. and then i see their idea for a femslash ship and yepp you hate women#lowkey some characters should come with a do not separate label or at lesst with the understanding that they will continue being the most#important people in each others lives even if they choose to date elsewhere ... if there is no ship that can beat canon then you must#be doing something wrong ... provide some better rationale idk ... some pairings feel very cheap and soulless because youve fundamentally#misunderstood the character ... but also im in constant agony because theyre the only person who mentioned kohahyo and i fCKING LOVEkohahyo#but they called it hyohaku so its over and we cant be friends#WHY DID THEY HAVE TO BE THE ONLY ONE ITS SO OVER COME ONNNNN GUYS#the whole reason i signalled for hetships is because i was waiting for kohahyo ... but nobody came ... except that one guy#and i blocked them for being enthusiastic and friendly because i found their opinions so revolting#huh actually thats another thing ... nobody has listed any really problematic ships yet but then again a good portion of people consider#TKSN to be problematic as if youve never broken the neck of your crush before whatever man. wait sorry this is a s/g hate post now hehe ! i#just remembered that s/g shippers like saying 'senku would never fall for his killer!' as rationale for why they refuse to ship it even#after season 2 (thats when they lost so they all doubled down instead of switching) oh my god wait i just thought of that one dj series#okay no i have to finish this thought before its gone. they sound like they dont even believe it because there ARE s/g enemies to lovers aus#out there so the enemies part isnt a real problem you guys just dont want to admit when youre beat honestly this is why early game ships are#so hard becsuse you never know if this guy is gonna be his parallel forever or only sometimes. so im thankful to stanxe for being tksns#parallel to keep it relevant and alive forever and ever and ever male anglerfish style. but yeah s/g fans have no real reason to hate tksn#because tsukasa is fucking awesome so they cant say hes not good enough for senku and thats why they keep parroting that line. even if ...#like if you know senkus character you already KNOW it doesnt matter shit nor fuck to him so the fake reason you gave is ooc and wrong also#but then again thats why theyre so happy because they have enough people to just do whatever they want. much like something else#i need to finish that fic for valentines day
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ahhhhh!
#i’m trying to be very responsible and cautious about how i handle the situation w work boy#these violent delights have violent ends and so on#but i would be lying if i said he wasn’t one of the few things making life more bareable rn#like truly i just enjoy his company as a friend a lot#but i’m also very charmed by him#this said i’m still making sure to keep strict boundaries with myself regarding how and where this goes#because i know if i rush things i wont get over the breakup which if the weekend was anything to go by is still incredibly raw for me#which makes sense it’s been 8 days#but i do fear that i like work boy too much for this to end in anything but disaster#because i have no interest at all in a relationship the idea of being someone’s partner makes me nauseous it’s just too stressful#i don’t have the emotional capacity for it at all#and i also just don’t want to recreate the dynamics of my old one#not that it was bad but there’s always things you’d want to change and i don’t think i could actually make those changes so soon out of it#like i haven’t had enough distance from it to really analyse the situation and see what it is i’d like to keep and leave behind#re how i am in a relationship#and i know a lot of that depends also on the other person right but there are definitely things i want to avoid#that i just don’t think ive had enough time to ruminate on yet to be able to tackle them properly#so all this to say i am in no position for anything serious nor do i even want that#the idea makes me panic bc it was such an ordeal to get to this stage i want to make sure it was worth it#but at the same time i look forward to talking to this guy so much and i like how i feel around him#i like seeing myself through his eyes even if he probably has rose coloured lenses on right now#so i’m confusing myself#the whole thing is confusing#and above all i cannot let myself just substitute the missing person in my life with him#to make myself feel less alone#so im holding things at arms length#i guess only time will tell with this#its impossible to say how it will go#i just need to be sure to keep my head screwed on and remember who i am doing this for#me!!!!!!!!
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So seriously: if you have a serious recoil/disgust factor at uncommonly eaten parts of an animal being in any kind of food context (eg: whole fish being served at a table) and you want to work on minimizing that reaction, I really really recommend eating "normal" versions of those unusual foods, like for example deli-sliced tongue. I know I'm talking out of my ass here, but things like liver and haggis (organ meat), tongue (tongue), and probably a whole lot of others I've never had can be pretty easily made into forms that taste real good and don't look much like a weird lump of flesh you can recognize, and being able to get from "that's weird and gross but I want to get it" to "that's weird but it tastes really good and I want to get it" will probably make building up momentum easier when you move on to less "common" pastures.
Good luck, by the way. I believe in you.
#red rambles#i'm doing this with bugs for the record im not like JUST talking out my ass. I have a full on phobia of dead bugs#I can and have eaten live bugs! I've eaten and really enjoyed cricket-flour chips! I'm working my way up to "whole preserved scorpion in#chocolate'' type desserts but I haven't gotten there yet#so I know for a fact that there's a kind of person who has this sort of instinctive repulsion and also really really REALLY wants to get#over it. and also i didn't even realize this was a thing because i grew up with whitefish and tongue and so on#anyway im not sure if people like. KNOW that you can get like... liver *spread* or prepared tongue or brain or w/e#being able to go 'oh that is actually delicious' is a big thing or at least it is for me! it's very motivating!#you're the only one who is going to really 'push' you on these things- god knows my immediate family and friends mostly wants me to#STOP trying to eat bugs LMFAO (this is due to my behaviors but also like my dad told me I was not to keep cricket snacks in the house)#(so it's a bit of both but mostly because i cannot be trusted not to just eat a random ant because they are delicious these days)#but like at least in my experience the second you step out of the 'culturally normative' fold people stop being like 'yay stop being picky!#and start going 'no stop go back to being picky' so it's really really important to find your own motivators and not rely on other people
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the sinus headaches are already not great but Extra Shit has been added to the pile and im just sat on that right now trying to figure out what the fuck to do
#ive uh not processed it yet and it also wont really shake out for a little while now i guess but .. yeah#long story short my friends who ive been A Trio with since we were 11 might be done with each other#theres a LOT of additional factors but theyre splitting a house share so one can go live with a boyfriend#and in the process it sounds like theyve made a lot of selfish choices for some unknown reason#ngl theyve pissed me off a little bit for being so weird and reclusive since theyve had the boyfriend as well but only with us#its ... yeah i dont know what alls happened because i dont live with them#but i just cant fathom how they got to this point quibbling over the contents of their shared house of 5 years#over a boyfriend whos been around for 2 or 3 years ..... to ruin a friendship of 18 years ????#again i dont know the whole story but i trust what the friend whos still good at talking to us to not lie about them being screwed around#i just dont get it at all how to reconcile what ive been told with who ive known over half my life#theyve felt off .. or wrong for a while now tbh ... i miss them#i havent seen the other one since before may ...#the thought that mightve been the last time we all hang out is kind of killling me inside lol#and it was also pretty weird and stilted again because it was very boyfriend-centric#this always happens to me lol ive lost count of all my school friend groups who end up basically fighting over me after they fall out#its a MAJOR trauma point for me and i thought we kind of grew past that but i guess i was wrong#ive been catching myself with a weepy eye or a single sob all day#i dont know what to do i wanna know what the fuck happened and what was worth doing this for#i wanna confront everyone and ask for a fucking explanation as to why my single life solid bedrock is falling apart#i mostly wanna dig a hole and die in it ... im fine im safe but im bothered by like ...#what a total fool ill look like if i just melt down at work ... i might find the mental health first aiders list and write an email lol#im like not okay cksbdkssj fucking hell#i have some hope but its ... its hard out here#i need to go to bed fuck#id dont neeeeed thiiiiisss im gonna choke on life agaaaiiinnn#the battle to keep my shit together enough to at least not self-sabotage ??? its testing my patience#rory's ramblings
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/22ae42659d405233c7eabf4eb0472f0d/af8c1ec416963834-71/s540x810/ae7178f0608d29346b72521f888f24d7fb2e883f.jpg)
Okay so basically the United States MINT of all people is going to be working with DC to make a line of coins! These coins sadly won't be in circulation (the things I would do to live in a world where I could get Batman coins from the supermarket) as they're collectors coins, but will be releasing over the course of the next 3 years, 2025-2027.
Designs haven't been released yet (the same is true for all 2025 designs) but we know there will be 9 coins in total (3 each year) with the first year featuring (of course!!!) Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman.
Although we know the first three heroes to be featured, the remaining six have yet to be decided, and it turns out the Mint is putting out a survey on their site to gauge which of a group of culturally significant heroes people want to see most! (link to the form is mentioned in the article above)
The considered group includes: Supergirl, the Flash, Green Arrow, Black Canary, Captain Marvel, John Stewart GL, Aquaman, Hawkman, Jamie Reyes BB, Robin (Damian?), Cyborg, and Batgirl, of which 6 will be selected.
As someone who does a bit of coin collecting myself (mainly circulation coins like the quarters sets, but I also have a couple proof and collectors coins) I think this is a really cool and interesting idea that showcases the history of the comics medium and these characters and their influence on American culture. Really excited to wait and see what the designs look like for the coins already announced!
#ABSOLUTELY INSANE TO ME#sorry just. only thing that could make this crazier is if these were circulating. i would fucking die actually lmao#i mean you could buy something with one of these legally but like youre an idiot if you do that so likeeee#someone showing up with the solid gold superman collector coin and its only legally worth a dollar lmao#not that someone would do this but future generations/archeologists finding a coin in some ruins and it just has like. batman on it#amazing to me#also just the transition from us currency having all fake people (lady liberty some random native american guy etc.) and then going to real#people and presidents then expanding that to honor people that they believe should be honored (think the harriet tubman coin set right now)#and representing beauty and innovation and culture through representation of the states#only through that lens to swing back around and have fake people on the coins again in the form of the freaking dc trinity. insane to me#no one ever gets me when im nerding out over coins its okay. at least its not postage stamps (i actually do have some special postage stamps#its like 1 sheet though it was for the 2017 eclipse and the image changes from totality to the moon with the heat of your finger theyre so#cool okay) anyways i like dont really know that much abt coins lol i originally saw a post abt this on reddit 💀 lol and had to check this#was real which is insane. anyways my dad got my all my coin stuff ive got a proof set from the year i was born albums to hold the 50 states#and national parks (america the beautiful but its 90% natl park designs lets be honest here) quarter collections as i find them irl#(dont have an album for us women yet sadly but do have some of the coins) as well as a few dimes and other circulation albums i havent used#much. and then i have a few collectibles like the hubble telescope $1 coin the 50th anniversary apollo 11 one and the 2021 anniversary peace#dollar. though like not the gold ones or anything like that lol but yeah. i talk abt coins every once and a while with friends and i know#things but then my dad is in the car and its like nevermind lol.#also put a ? after damian's name bc theres a chance it could be dick and they just used the wrong picture. because some of the character#bios had names but his didnt and seemed very dick grayson (acrobatics mention “batman's partner” etc) but not so specfic exclude either one#and the pick was damian. but then the ollie pick was goateeless for some reason so who knows#culturally dick is more important but dami is current so idk#dc comics#blah#ive really been learning so much today. first all in announcement and subsequent leaks and now this. what a ride#also love how im anticipating and know future comics things lol. when did that happen haha. ive really transitioned from only reading back#issues and never knowing current events to following a lot of releases lol and somehow finding out about the freaking coin collection...#crazy how that happens#cant scroll up at that first image without losing it a bit still actually. what a world we live in. anyways take your bets who is gonna be
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God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.
#speculation nation#i say as if i didnt submit myself to this and am not willingly paying for this to continue#idfk man ive always hated therapy. just kinda kept it going bcus i was so messed up about the whole grief shit#and i guess it's been maybe helpful. i dont know.#SHOULD i mention this tomorrow? i already know it's ass and entirely undeserved#if i did it'd mostly be another source to complain about it. theres really nothing anyone can say to make it better#bc it's bullshit and it already happened. and i already have the objective proof of yet another person losing interest in me.#... i dont know. i feel like it's inevitably going to come up. it's already taken up so much of my thoughts.#my every dream last night stemmed from it all. it was such a fitful night of sleep.#i can only pray that i dont dream about it tonight too. i want a fucking break from it all.#i hope she loses sleep from guilt. i hope she hurts every time she remembers what she did to me.#i hope she comes around tomorrow so she can see the face she kissed and she lied about loving#so she can remember im a person with feelings too. a person who opened up to her. a person who trusted her.#............ okay maybe i should talk about my blatantly vicious retaliatory remarks with my therapist.#i tried to reign it in but Bitch Mode definitely came out earlier today. when it was fresh. and i just wanted to make her Hurt.#i still want that honestly. i want her to truly regret doing this. to be filled with so much guilt for how she chose to do it.#i cant change her feelings. no matter how much i might want to. but i sure as hell can make her regret it.#i feel like im allowed a bit of petty bitchiness after this bullshit. but i also dont like the person i become like this.#anger issues. perhaps i should talk about my anger issues with my therapist.#easier than just rehashing the whole breakup. though i'll probably have to do that some too.#but better to have a goal for it. a direction to focus on. so that it's not just me complaining.#... it still wont be fun. and my ex mentioned coming round an hour after my therapy ends for dropping the shit off.#so Assuming she actually shows up (still not convinced she will after she flaked on me twice)#it's gonna be therapy and then seeing her right after. god it's gonna suck.#i'll try to do some homework maybe. and then maybe see if anyone wants to hang out later tomorrow.#my friends r the real ones. hanging out with me for 7 hours... they traded off between them but still#for 7 hours i was not alone. and that was very nice of them to do.#good things. positives! focusing on the positives. i am a healthy person with a healthy outlook on life. smiles.
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The shy bachelor Godwin thought that Mary Robinson was not only intelligent and "Rational," but also incomparably beautiful. His daughter Mary Shelley recorded that "Among his acquaintances were several women, to whose society he was exceedingly partial, and who were all distinguished for personal attractions and talents. Among them may be mentioned the celebrated Mary Robinson, whom to the end of his life he considered as the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, but though he admired her so greatly, their acquaintance scarcely attained intimate friendship."
Perdita: The Literary, Theatrical, and Scandalous Life of Mary Robinson (2004) by Paula Byrne, page 322, contained in the beginning of Chapter 22: Radical
#i can't stop thinking about this#william godwin#mary robinson#mary shelley#mary wollstonecraft#and in at least one letter wollstonecraft admitted to godwin that she had wanted to leave a dinner party earlier out of jealousy#but she didn't bc she could tell he was enjoying perdita's company so much#for what it's worth nobody should take this out of context bc these two marys were huge supporters of each other and friends#but if my dad were to say this about any woman other than my mother who died due to complications after giving birth to me#bruh. i know this is probably a rather contemporary cultural judgment to make but still#'oh YEAH dad? why dont you go tell that to the daughter you had with mary robinson—OH WAIT#you just have ME. MY fucking bad'#ps i also love how (i have yet to read her novels but this is routinely mentioned in the biography) all of her heroines#have long dark auburn hair and blue-grey eyes. bc that's what she looked like#and tbh i love it for the incredibly selfish reason that that's what i look like. im vain. goodnight!#(we really do stigmatize that sorta thing now. making ur main character resemble urself. i think thats stupid. its a fine practice)#(no i think we only do that when the author is a woman bc then her character is omg basically her she didnt even try) (eyeroll)
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I really wish blocking someone meant their stuff wouldn’t wind up on your dash at all. Like I understand why it doesn’t, but. still.
Actually, I just need to get better abt checking source urls before I reblog. I try to be mindful, but now and again I Forget and have only myself to blame lmao
#text post#I would love to reblog their art and be supportive in that way at least but tbh#every time I accidentally reblog it I remember checking out their blog and seeing how they talked abt fans that like Izzy and the izcourse#and it's like oh no that's right you hate ppl like me and ur art might be gorg but maybe we just shouldn't interact#they do their thing and I'll be over here doing mine#what really needs to happen is I need to remember to check urls on fandom art to make sure it isn't any of the folks I had to block lmao#but sometimes I get excited bc the art is genuinely lovely and i do like it and think the person is v talented!#and then i forget to check and it's only after scrolling my dash that i see my reblog and the url and go 'oh. fuck. that's right. damnit.'#it's a weird feeling to be like yes I want this person to have fun and make gorgeous art but also it seems#they've made it p clear how they feel abt folks like me and so maybe they would prefer i just fuck off#which i tried to do by blocking!! and yet. here we are#i delete the reblogs whenever this happens so they don't have me in their notes but#i do hope they know their art is lovely and I appreciate their hard work even if we wouldn't otherwise get along with each other#idek why I'm blogging abt this I guess bc I feel like usually it's either or online? like u either hate each other or u don't#but I don't hate the folks who sent shit to me or the folks who condoned it i just wish i had found a way to get along with them instead#as useless a wish as that probably is#and i don't talk abt it a lot but it really bugs the fuck outta me sometimes that we can't just start over and try to interact generally#no messages no trying to be friends just reblog from them if u like and otherwise ignore each other#which has been a thing that's worked fairly okay in other fandoms tho things have happened in others to change how workable it was#but for some reason in this one i feel like im just always walking on eggshells to interact w/anyone bc it feels like everyone is waiting#for someone else to say something they vaguely disagree with and instead of just like. blocking and moving on w/the fandom experience#it turns into a massive mess that even if ur on the fringes of it all you still get pulled into or sent shit and just.#idk it doesn't matter bc ultimately none of this does but dang it the show has been special to me and hits all my special interests#and it's hard to let go and accept that there's no changing how things went and how they are and how this fandom experience for me is often#very fucking lonely even when i'm bursting at the seams to share and to hear from others what they think abt anything and everything w/it#no one is gonna read this tag essay lmao pls scroll on
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I may have spent an unfortunate part of my last shift before pto explaining to surgeons (plural) (like honest to God holders of a medical degree surgeons) (residents AND THEIR ATTENDING) how tape worked (didn't work, they didn't listen, things went sideways due to their lack of understanding of tape and how it works) but at least my "fuck off to the mountains of Vermont to relax" vacation is also stressing me out to an unnecessary level
#my uncle has finally shared the check in details for the ski trip with a comfy 48 hours to spare#i am rooming with some ladies from massechussetts named sue linda and kim#they are reportedly in their 50s to 60s good skiiers and nice#i have never met them i have no contact information i will be showing up and sharing a suite with them#because in a last minute ploy twist my uncle did NOT ghost me he just booked me with his ski club without telling me until like a week ago#which is great i love last minute plan changes 🫠#i have no idea what they have been told about me either#the good news is that while i have had mixed success with people my own age middle aged women fucking love me#its my primary target audience i think#like i think i can make friends with them#i mean ill need to bc i will be sharing a BEDROOM with one of them its a 2 bed 2bath unit#im also going to canada for dinner at some point in this venture#NO i dont know when or what restaurant thats silly i have just been told to bring my passport#i hope i dont need canadian money bc OOPSIE DOODLE YOU DIDNT REPLY TO ME UNTIL 2 WEEKS BEFORE THE TRIP#and like i was doing well with it until like 2 hours ago but i have NO IDEA what the social dynamica of this trip are gonna be#PLUS my dad is cranky about it bc he has beef with my uncle bc of the family drama™️#and in all actuality they are just nice ski ladies the likes of which ive made exemplary small talk with on the lifts many times before#and i think he just adhd-ed a little too close to the sun and forgot to email me back#but really who the FUCK books an ENTIRE VACATION for someone and forgets to FUCKING TELL THEM#I MADE MY OWN RESERVATION KING SIZE BED ALL TO MY SELF#and yes this is quite literally a quarter of the price and also it is a good thing to be social and make friends and do things with others#so yes i cancelled it and came out like 1500 bucks ahead i have made several stress purchases bc of this#bc heeeeeuuuuuuuuuuurghhhh i have not had enough time to mentally prepare for this i dont know what theyve been told of me#i can only show up with drinks and snacks and my funky self and hope it works#meanwhile my sweet optimistic mother is already saying “MAYBE THEY HAVE HANDSOME SONS!”#linda sue and kim seem like white wine drinkers i think i hope i believe#there is no reason to think they will be anything other than lovely like i have no reason to believe it wont be#and yet 🙃#last minute plan changes make me feel like i am actively being hunted for sport
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idk the ace part was pretty gradual, it took me a while to figure out that my opinion on sex was Not The Norm and it took me turning 18/19 and realising that hookup culture doesn't gross out most people at that age and that being a virgin is somewhat frowned upon. Then i still had some doubts (hopes maybe??) but those immediately vanished after I kissed a guy for the first time and i hated it and it was disgusting, but all my friends were talking about how great and wonderful it was. so that pretty much solidified my hmmm probably ace moment.
Aro was only after I started to become active on tumbler and looking through the ace tag trying to figure out how exactly that label fit me, i stumbled upon the aro tag and read some posts others made and then compared those to my own experiences and figured that most likely im somewhere on the spectrum. figuring out i was aro was slightly more complicated, though, because i am very much sex averse, but fairly romance positive, i have just never actually felt that attraction so being in a community where at the time i saw mostly romance averse people it got me a fair deal of impostor syndrome and feeling 'not aro enough' (still kind of struggling with this tbh but its getting better)
storytime invitation?? i guess thats what youd call it
how did you know you were aromantic/asexual/aroace?
i knew i was ace from the moment i learned what sex was, like ummm!!! you can keep that to yourself actually
i realized i was aro way later (after i made this post actually), after my first real break up and was kinda like.. that was NOT it???? idk my idea of romance has always been just cuddles and quality time and i realized that's not the same for other people ??? people actually have a DESIRE to kiss other people????? absolutely not.
#thought this was interesting!#its definitely been A Process#and its led me to some awkward/embarrassing/difficult moments for me and others#but we got there in the end#also im not really out yet the only ones who knows are my friends who happened to be present for my drunk breakdowns during The Process#asexual#aromantic#aroace#asexuality#aromantism#ace#aro#aromantic asexual
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Lord give me energy today eueueue
#dora daily#sm things piling up but my brain says NO#I can’t even do basic things 😭#it’s genuinely so hard to talk to others#aaaaaaah#the reason is bc I’ve forced myself into contentment with the prospect of being alone cause there’s just so much I can do that would bring#me joy in solitude but#that’s what I’ve always been doing part of the reason I talk a lot is bc that’s how I am in my head#like things firing at 100miles per second bc that’s how I used to keep myself entertained when I was younger#when everyone would have buddies and I wouldn’t#and it works now bc everyone takes ten business days to reply that it’s completely made me genuinely grossed out of social interaction#but I can’t live in La La land forever#pls if only kaveh existed I wouldn’t need another means of socialisation eueeuue#everyone is so impossible to understand; coming from a girl who has always been called utterly INSANE for how hard she hyper focuses on#small cues and signals and detecting discomfort and whatnot. I turn my brain off for one second and yet again the same shit happens it’s so#unfair that everyone can be relaxed and I ought to be on high alert 24/7#I also find it hilarious and pathetic when people pretend to be people smart but they’re really not … it’s genuinely embarrassing#like bitch when you get to my level then we will talk istg …#Istg if this is the autism thing everyone’s been telling me im screwed cause#I don’t want yet another issue#but it’d make sense like how people seem to draw away despite there being nothing wrong with me#how people tend to agree with everything someone else says but the moment I do it it’s heinous#how I have physically had to learn social cues and trial and error#with the errors altering my brain chemistry#that unwavering sense of justice that makes me so very uncomfortable if not fulfilled that I shut up about so I can actually hold down#friends. God knows how every interaction I have with a person is so orchestrated so almost artificial and ‘yes-man’ core that I don’t even#believe said person likes ME bc idek who I am and bc if I don’t agree w#everything no matter how many times someone says I won’t get mad …. trust me they do they’re all liars and manipulators even if they don’t#intend to#the scary fascinations I’ve had when younger
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