#also i think if i managed to change the way i am i could try to get less down so often tbh
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I can agree with everything in this post, but I also want to say that while the term Narcissist and ASPD are being thrown around too much for my liking. Let us also not dismiss those that have loved ones and/or suffered abuse under these disorders. Sometimes, "The Shitty Asshole" as the OP puts it, is actually these personality disorders. I understand that it is a very common response to trauma and that some criteria of the DSM need to change. However, that doesn't have to invalidate those that have the disorder and those who suffered from loved one or people they know with the disorder(most often times the person is undiagnosed, but I think many of you get it).
Look, I am all for giving people a chance to manage their condition and change, but a lot of the times with these personality disorders, they do not see anything wrong with them. The current psychology model is to figure out how the disorders are distressing to the individual, that does not really work if the person does not see anything wrong with them(esp. in extreme cases). A lot of the times, people with these disorders go to therapy due to something else, like addiction, depression, divorce or relationship issues and anger management. So, they get treated for those things, but still have problems, which causes the therapist to look deeper. Now the people with these disorders(not all), will try to outwit and outfox the therapist or person treating them. They also might do, what we psychologist call "Therapy Hopping", because the moment you try to figure them out or get deeper into the trauma, they might end with that therapist and find another one.
Basically, this is a very difficult disorder to treat and we should be trying to encourage people to seek help. However, you also have to come to terms with the idea that that person can get help(provided they have the resources too), not get it or even consider it and still treat you like a "shitty asshole". And that is ok. It is okay to want what is best for this person and empathize with them to a point, but also be like "you were a piece of shit and ass to me and I do not own you anything".
Now, it is a little different when you treating someone obviously, but that is whole different issue.
Signed -
Someone who has taken a brunch of Psych classes as a Psych Minor and is Applying to Clinical Psych Doctorate Program. Who also happens to have a serve Malignant Narcissistic Father (who also has ASPD and PPD) and suffered his abuse, as well as the abuse he put on the family for the first 22 years of my life. By the way, he was undiagnosed and did not consider therapy at all due to a variety of reasons(not because he could not do so). Yes he was a "Shitty Asshole", Yes I asked him to go to therapy and encouraged seeking help. Those two things can exist at the same time.
Also before any of you come at me, just know I had access to the DSM and observed my father for 2 years before coming to these conclusions as we taught the power of labels as psychologist or in general.
Thank you for coming to my TedTalk and I hope you all have an amazing day!
Being an asshole is not in the DSM. Not everyone you hate is mentally ill and not everyone who does bad things is mentally ill either.
The DSM is a highly flawed and politicized way to define mental health disabilities that I have a lot of personal gripes with, but even THEY don't have "Shitty Asshole Disease" as a mental illness.
#spilled thoughts#human condition#narcisstic abuse#narcissistic personality disorder#narcissism#aspd#psychology#dsm 5#dsm v#ppd
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Title: Slippery Slope. Fandom: Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. Rating: T. ( Cursing, Implications, Intensity) Pairing: Eventual Noa x Human!Reader.
***Notes: Sorry I havenât updated in a hot minute everyone. Life has been kicking my butt as well as my husbandâs. We had to prioritize, and then afterward I didnât feel like writing. Not promising regular updates again, but I am consistently working on this. As always, thank you for your support and kind comments. I love you all.
Chapter 13: Not the First
You
You had gone to bed last night, stomach burning and body restless from the day that had transpired. The only comfort had been that Micheal apparently did not care about Anayaâs scent all over you the way the apes cared about his. He had snuggled in close to you as you laid there, thinking about how you would handle the balancing act between the two- no three, species moving forward. Anaya accepted Micheal, at least he stopped trying to kill him once he knew you cared about him. If Noa knew you cared about Micheal, maybe he would also leave him alone? Maybe, he could understand you caring about another animal? He cared about you, didnât he? At least a little bit. Certainly enough to come talk to you after a fight.
That had caused you to toss and turn even more, not really knowing why Noa had shown up. Maybe he had still been angry, but seeing the situation with you and Anaya had distracted him enough to let it go temporarily. You could only imagine what you had looked like, the definition of sheer panic coming to mind. Noa had always been attentive to your feelingsâŠhe probably did push his anger to the side when he saw you were scared. You believed he did anyway, that was just the way he was. Caring, patient, and understanding to a fault.
That thought only served to remind you that the next morning you needed to face him. You needed to apologize for hitting him, maybe talk about the future between you and the clan. You were obviously putting him in a tight spot with the elders. Thatâs not even speaking about the rock and hard place you were placing Anaya in by having him keep your secret. The elders expected you to show yourselfâŠyou had no idea how you would manage that either. If Soona, Anaya, and Noa were there with you, then you should have no trouble feeling safe, but there was something else that made you shudder at the thought. You had this feeling you would be losing something, this small peace you found with your three ape friends. That small, fragile peace built on mutual respect and trust.
You had scoffed at that. Today was an example of how easily trust could be broken, but also re-built. In all fairness, the apes never really expected much from you. Noa even took great pains to make it clear to you that you could always say no. If they asked you to do something you didnât want to, they wouldnât force youâŠbut this Caesar Council was a different animal all together. Anaya wanted you to be a part of it, which meant you would be a part of the clanâŠeven if it was indirectly. Either way, it changed things. Anaya said Noa had created new laws, and this council was one of them. That would need to be something you discussed with Noa down the roadâŠprobably not tomorrow.
You had almost rambled yourself to sleep at that point, when your eyes had flown open wide and you realized you never decided when you would meet Noa at the rock. Anaya had simply said he would show him where it was. You had groaned and snuggled in deeper under your blanket, knowing you had an early start the next morning.
So here you were, sunbathing on your chunk of safety in the middle of the creek. You were soaking wet from your swim, making sure to scrub away Michealâs scent as you made your way to your rock. Thankfully, you had sense enough to wear a dirty top that needed to be washed anyway, as well as your singular pair of shorts your reserved for the extreme heats of summer. This summer had not been too bad so far, but today the garment served a new purpose of keeping your modesty while you swam. You would not be caught naked in front of Noa like you had with Anaya. You knew he hadnât seen anything of course, but you still were not going to repeat your actions and risk the possibility of Noa seeing you naked.
You rubbed at your eyes, a yawn sneaking up on you as you became more comfortable. You were sure Noa didnât care about your body anymore than Anaya did, but it was the principle of the matter. Humans and their prideâŠnot that you had much to begin with. Still, you clung to the slivers you did have.
You had just fully settled in, sleep creeping along the edges of your consciousness, the early morning sun warming you perfectly, when you heard the hoots of apes. You stretched, turning your head to glance to your right, but did not see hide nor hair of Noa or Anaya. This confused you at first. Did you imagine the noise? You closed your eyes again, only to have them fly open when you heard it again. This time, it was to your leftâŠon the other side of the creek.
You froze for a moment, daring to turn your head at a snails pace to your left. The noises were clearer now. While you were sure they were chimpanzee hoots, they definitely did not sound like gorilla noises, you were still uneasy. Once your head was fully turned, you were surprised to still hear the noises, but see nothing on the other side of the creek.
You sat up slowly, hesitantly, confusion spiking as you looked left, then right once more. Nothing. You pushed yourself up onto your knees, frantically searching for the source of the sounds. You swiveled around on the dry stone, turning in a full circle as your eyes desperately scanned for something that simply wasnât there. Were you going crazy? You swore you could hear ape noises. You stopped, closing your eyes and listening more intently.
There!
It was coming from your left, as you originally thought, but no matter how hard you looked, you could not see anyone approaching. The tree line was clear up and down stream. Still, you heard the noises, and the longer you heard them, the more pitiful they sounded. Was someone in pain? Were they hurt? What if they were calling for help? You rose into a standing position, practically on tip-toe, blocking the sun from your eyes with your hands in an attempt to see better.
Finally, you spotted the smallest of movements along the bank. It seemed it was just a baby chimpanzee, crouched down on the edge of the creek among the bushes. You felt your lips turn down into a frown, the scared looking chimp tugging at your heartstrings. How did they get here? Why were they all alone? You opened your mouth to call out to them, but immediately stopped yourself, dropping back down to plaster yourself flat against the rock.
No baby would be left alone like this.
You suddenly felt very exposed, creeping yourself back to the edge of the rock before quietly lowering your body back into the water. You stayed behind the rock, on the opposite side of the chimp, who did not seem to be aware of your presence at all. You peaked around the edge, wanting to keep an eye out, but not wanting to be seen. You couldnât leave the baby alone, but you were still wary to approach them, lest an angry mother burst through the clearing and see you as a threat.
You waited silently, patiently. After a few more minutes of the chimp hooting and no one coming, you heard the noises change. It sounded like- were theyâŠcrying? Could apes cry? You floated there, transfixed by the tiny chimp, who curled its arms around itself and sat there sobbing. You fought the urge to reveal yourself, but in the end your heart overruled your head. The chimp was just a baby, you couldnât leave them there alone and scared.
You carefully maneuvered around the rock, making your way towards the sobbing baby on the bank. You stopped when you felt muddy earth between your toes, water still up to your chest. You called out softly, so as not to scare them, âDo you need help? Are you lost?â
Your soft and careful voice did nothing to soothe the chimp, who jumped back from the edge and started screeching louder. You winced, muscles tensing and nerves screaming at you to swim away and leave. Something in your brain decided against that though, your hands coming up from the water to quickly sign, Friend. No hurt. Safe. Need help?
The baby went silent before you even signed the question, staring at you as if you suddenly became the most fascinating thing they had ever seen. You watched their eyes dart from your hands, to your eyes, to your body in the water, and back to your hands. You repeated the four phrases, wondering if they understood sign yet or if they were too young. Then, after another moment of intense staring, they raised their hand. It was hesitant, but they signed, Alone. Help. Afraid.
You swallowed, âDo you understand what Iâm saying?â
Another moment of hesitation, then a nod and a signed, Yes.
âOkay,â you took a deep breath. âIâm going to come to you. Iâm going to walk up to the bank and sit with you. Alright?â
They nodded again.
You returned the nod, slowly walking up the incline until you made it to the edge. The baby did not seem to realize how big you were, head tilting back as you continued to approach. When they could no longer lean back they scrambled to their feet, crouched on all fours before backing up a few steps. You couldnât blame them, Micheal was easily twice their size. You ran a hand through your wet hair, body slipping down into a sitting position before you crossed your legs. You didnât want to frighten them anymore than you already had, so you sat and waited. After a moment or two the chimp made their way to you, knuckles brushing against your exposed thigh. They flinched back immediately, as if you would strike at them like a cobra. You let out a breath, trying to smile as you signed, Friend. Safe. Protect.
The furrowed brows and downturned mouth of the chimp eased into something more neutral, more curious, as they decided to climb into your lap. You fought the intense urge to lock up and stiffen your muscles in preparation for an attack. You tried instead to think of the baby as if they were Micheal. They were more open than him though, pinching and pulling at your wet clothes in fascination. That didnât hold their attention for long though, as they poked at the meat of your upper arms. That forced a giggle out of you, watching them get closer and continue to poke the exposed flesh.
You bit your lip in concentration then, fighting off more laughter, âDo you know where your parents are?â
The chimp paused only long enough to shake their head.
You blew air out of your mouth then in a slow exhale, âDo you have a name?â
The chimp paused, making a gesture over and over that you did not understand. You shook your head, trying to explain that you did not understand. The chimp pouted, opening up their mouth suddenly in a widely comical elongated fashion. You heard a few intakes of air before they huffed and screeched, âEâŠEâŠE.â
The loud noise was shrill against your ears. You winced slightly, holding up the hand they werenât clutching onto, âOkay, okay, easy there. Donât strain yourself. You canât talk yet, thatâs okay. E is good enough for me.â
E nodded once, puffing their cheeks, before they continued to poke and jab at your arm. You became increasingly confused, watching them and trying to parcel out the reason. Then, they noticed the fascination in their gaze as they dragged a finger down your arm in a slow push. You saw your skin lighten in color from the pressure before darkening again, and you smiled. The color change was something they had probably never seen in an ape before. You let them play to their hearts content, so focused on them that you had lost track of your surroundings.
Then someone called your name.
You snapped your head up, finding Soona standing a few feet in front of you, an unfamiliar Eagle perched on her arm. You breathed a sigh of relief as she began to screech and hoot in delight, âYouâŠfound her.â
âHer?â You parroted.
Soona pointed to chimp in your arms, who seemed happier, but reluctant to leave your side. The Eagle on Soonaâs arm was given a signal and quickly flew away as she explained, âWandered offâŠhave been searchingâŠlong time.â
Your brow furrowed at that, âWandered off? Your village is far from here, how did she get this far by herself?â
Soona shook her head, trudging over towards you and practically falling down next to you. She seemed exhausted. âNot fromâŠvillageâŠfrom group ofâŠyounglingsâŠupstream.â
Soona held out a hand, which the smaller ape happily grasped a finger of. When Soona reached for her though, E gave a small shout of protest before moving to the opposite side of your body. Soona looked surprised, the young ape becoming fascinated now with your wet, matted hair. She stood on two legs, leaning against your chest for balance as she pulled and tugged at the strands. You winced slightly, but chuckled good naturedly as you locked eyes with Soona.
She broke eye contact for a moment, gaze turning towards the empty forest off to the side. Before you could ask if something was wrong, her attention was back on you, head tilting slightly as she asked, âYou areâŠbetterâŠthan yesterday?â
You shrugged a shoulder, catching E starting to braid the pieces of your hair that were almost dry. âI guess. I hope you know that I never meant to offend you, or your clan. Iâm sorry if you were expecting me and I never showed. I just wasnâtâŠprepared to see your village.â
Soona hummed, âNoaâŠshould have told youâŠshould have told usâŠsoonerâŠI amâŠsorryâŠthat apes have notâŠalways been kindâŠto you.â
E tilted her head up then, her question obvious though she could not voice it. You shook your head, âThereâs nothing for you to be sorry about. It wasnât you who was un-kind to me. You, Anaya, and Noa have been nothing but kind to meâŠfor the most part.â
âYou areâŠstill angryâŠwith Noa?â Soona asked carefully.
You puffed out a long breath, thinking, snickering as E did her best to mimic your noise. You pulled more hair from your back to your front, noticing she enjoyed braiding. You hoped it would keep her distracted from the conversation, âCan anyone truly stay mad at Noa?â
Soona seemed to brighten at this, but chose to remain silent as you continued, âI understand why he did what he did. I donât like it, but I understand it. The real problem that dayâŠwellâŠitâs justâŠ. I know there are barriers between our species. Itâs more than just speech, and IâŠI mean, these problems probably have carried over from hundreds of years of differences. You three have been great, but the part that upsets me is that Noa seems to choose to ignore the fact that apes and humans donât normally co-exist peacefully. We do, but Iâve also experienced the other end of the spectrum between our species. And Noa justâŠâ
Soona hummed, âThink heâŠdoes not seeâŠthe differencesâŠin youâŠbut you cannot helpâŠbut see themâŠin us.â
You hesitated, but ultimately nodded in agreement. âI donât hold being apes against you or your clan, I justâŠwish he understood what it feels like. To not know if you can trust the person- ape, next to you. To not know if they are going to turn on you, betray you, or even hurt you.â
E, who you assumed had been distracted by her task, stopped immediately. She looked up at you then, a soft coo leaving her as she patted your shoulder. You snorted, using a single finger to mirror her actions. She hooted in clear amusement, leaning her head into your shoulder, rubbing her face against you before sliding down into your lap. She seemed tired now, curling into your side and closing her eyes. You felt a smile slowly creep onto your face, carefully using two fingers to stroke the top of the chimpâs head. She snuggled in closer then, gripping tightly onto your shirt as tears threatened your vision and you thought your heart was actually going to explode.
Get a grip.
Your hormones must be crazy right now. At least, thatâs what you told yourself, as you brushed a hand along the loose braids along your shoulder. Soona, as she tends to do, had remained quiet during this exchange. She studied you, noticing how emotional you had become, scenting the air quietly before admitting, âNoa does knowâŠwhat it is likeâŠto be betrayed.â
This surprised you, your attention quickly brought back to the present conversation. Your eyebrows rose, curiosity peaked as you asked, âBy a fellow ape?â
Soona shook her head, causing confusion to drown your mind until she spoke, âBy aâŠEchoâŠyou are not the firstâŠthat could speakâŠthat Noa has met.â
You felt your jaw go slack, trying to contain your excitement as you asked, âThere are other humans around who can speak?â
âThere was one,â Soona answered, lips pursed as she noted your disappointment. âWe do not knowâŠwhere she wentâŠleft five seasons agoâŠhave not seen her sinceâŠher name wasâŠMae.â
You nodded, urging Soona to continue, âWhat happened with Mae? You said sheâŠbetrayed Noa? How?â
Soona sighed, âWe do notâŠnormally speak of herâŠshe was a sourceâŠof much pain andâŠconfusion for NoaâŠthinkâŠyou should know.â
You waited, allowing Soona to collect her thoughts. âThere was apeâŠProximusâŠhe was king of apesâŠhe searched for MaeâŠkilled other humans thatâŠwere with herâŠwanted to get insideâŠa human vaultâŠit held great weaponsâŠthat would make ProximusâŠmore powerful.â
A shiver ran down your spine, remembering the ape Sylva that Anaya had spoken of. He never mentioned this Proximus ape though. Wanting a better idea of the situation you asked, âWho was Sylva to Proximus?â
Soona seemed completely surprised you knew that name, but nevertheless answered, âSylva wasâŠhis GeneralâŠnot sure if that is an ape wordâŠor a human word.â
You swallowed, âItâs humanâŠProximus seems to have already been an advanced ape.â
Soona curled more into herself then, âHe wasâŠ.we all were afraidâŠif not for NoaâŠand MaeâŠEagle Clan would notâŠbe here.â
âProximus ordered your clan to be stolen, and Sylva carried out his orders.â You connected the dots then, âWhat happened to Proximus?â
âNoa stopped him,â Soona answered without hesitation.
This surprised you. You were aware that Noa killed Sylva, but Proximus as well? Noa did not seem like he was violent, or capable of such great strengths. You assumed he had killed Sylva, a gorilla, by outsmarting himâŠbut Proximus? How? Was Noa secretly more dangerous than you gave him credit for?
Soona grunted then, pulling you out of your thoughts, âNoa saysâŠMae hid from ProximusâŠin our villageâŠNoa accidentallyâŠlead them to usâŠthe entire clan was takenâŠNoa tracked usâŠfor many daysâŠMae followedâŠNoa did not know she could speakâŠuntil she called his nameâŠSylva was closeâŠshe was scaredâŠshe chose Noa asâŠlesser of the two apesâŠto fear.â
âSo, she lied.â You offered, âNoa was betrayed by her traveling with him but he didnât know she could speak, or that Proximus was hunting her.â
Soona nodded, âMore than thatâŠwhen Noa and MaeâŠwere taken to ProximusâŠhe learned she sharedâŠthe same goalâŠas ProximusâŠshe wanted toâŠget insideâŠget a bookâŠthat could help humansâŠlearn to speakâŠagain.â
âThatâŠâ you hesitated. You wondered how much to say. A book could not bring back humanâs ability to speak. You either were immune or you were notâŠunless there was a record of some sort. Maybe a cureâŠa vaccine? Had humans halfway across the world developed their salvation but been unable to share it with anyone outside the vault?
You remembered your vault constantly sending out a signal using the available satellites orbiting Earth, but they never received a response. So much had been lost to timeâŠand if there had been a cure all along? You swallowed the bile in your throat at the thought of how many millions died over time who couldnât even speak.
You shook your head, âThat sounds incredible. Did she find what she was looking for?â
Soona nodded, âNoa helpedâŠwe helped herâŠbut sheâŠdid not help the clan.â
You tilted your head, âWhat do you mean?â
Soona huffed, clearly agitated, âThe reasonâŠwe do notâŠspeak of herâŠshe flooded Proximusâ kingdomâŠkilled many apesâŠin the processâŠthen ran away.â
âIâm sorryâŠâ It was the only thing you could think to say as silence engulfed the both of you.
âNoaâŠâ Soona began, attention once again towards the forest at your backs. You waited, brows raised as Soona turned back to you. âNoa wasâŠdifferentâŠafter meeting MaeâŠis differentâŠwith youâŠnow.â
Something about that sentence sent chills down your spine. There was many implications, and you chose to ask the most obvious of them, âDoes Noa think Iâll turn out to be like Mae? That Iâll betray him? Hurt him or the clan? Is that why heâs always watching me, always careful around me?â
Soona shook her head, âNoa knowsâŠyou are not like MaeâŠyou areâŠwhat he wishedâŠMae wasâŠwants to make sureâŠhe does not becomeâŠ.like MaeâŠto you.â
You sighed, running a hand through your hair, âIâŠI threw a rock at him yesterday. I made a mistakeâŠI already hurt him. He shouldnât think that Iâm not like herâŠI could be. Iâm human after all.â
âHumanâŠâ Soona began, hand coming to rest on your shoulder. âDoes not mean badâŠapeâŠdoes not mean goodâŠNoa saysâŠwants others to learnâŠwe are betterâŠstrongerâŠgood and badâŠtogetherâŠmore alikeâŠthan either sideâŠwants to speak of.â
Still cradling the sleeping E in your lap, you leaned your body into Soonaâs, head coming to rest between her neck and her shoulder. Her hand slid from your shoulder to the back of your head, leaning in to return your half-hug as well. She patted your head a few times as you sighed, âThank you, Soona.â
There was silence, peaceful this time. E breathed heavily in your lap from sleep, and the creek next to you trickled soothingly while the sun climbed higher in the sky. You took a deep breath, feeling more prepared to speak to Noa than you had been before. There was a distinct crack sound behind you, causing both you and Soona to turn.
You saw some leaves fall from a tree not to far back, but couldnât make out anything more than that. You thought you saw movement for a moment, shielding your eyes with your hand once more, when Soonaâs Eagle tore through the canopy and landed next to her on the ground. She stood too quickly then for your liking, looking upstream before turning back to you.
Her eyes were pleading, almost desperate as she said, âDo notâŠbe scaredâŠdo not run.â
You were confused, until you heard the litter patter of many feet moving towards you. You leaned your body to see past Soona, body tensing and breath freezing at what you saw. Many apes, children from the looks of it, were running down stream towards the both of you. You suddenly did not want to be on the ground.
You carefully scooped E from your lap, holding her close to your chest as you practically leapt to your feet. Whether from being moved or the sudden frantic beat of your heart, E woke with a start. She began to hoot and squirm in your arms. You clutched her tighter to you, feeling your breathing become labored, taking a step or two back in fear. You didnât get much further, Soonaâs arm coming up to hold your arm.
You jerked towards her with frantic eyes. Hers were still calm, concerned as she tried to comfort you. âI amâŠhereâŠtrust.â
As the apes came closer, you swallowed hard, nodding a few times before taking a step closer, behind her. She hummed, screeching at the apes a few moments later. They came skidding to a stop in front of you, all of them transfixed, as if they had never seen a human before. You reasoned, that perhaps they hadnât. You tried to take deep, discreet breaths to calm your nerves. None of them were taller than your waist, but the thought of so many surrounding you still made you nervous.
Suddenly, the biggest of the bunch stepped forward, sniffing at your feet for a moment before glancing up to meet your gaze. His held tilted in confusion as he demanded in a voice that sounded much younger than he looked, âWhy does EdenâŠget to be carriedâŠby the Echo?â
#kingdom of the planet of the apes#kotpota#planet of the apes#pota#noa#noa x reader#noa pota#fanfiction#noa kotpota#kotpota noa#kotpota soona#soona pota#soona#anaya pota#kotpota anaya#Slippery Slope series#noa planet of the apes#planet of the apes x reader
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Chapter Two of "To Break A King" Is up
âWell, she knows how to hold a grudge,â Merlin observed softly.
âDonât talk,â Arthur ordered. Talking would use up the little air Merlin had more quickly.
As always, Merlin did not listen to him. Instead, he shook his head and, with what was clearly a great effort, managed to push himself up slightly to lean against the magical membrane.
âDonât you remember, dollophead? I never do what Iâm told.â
âMerlin! Donât talk!â Arthur urged.
âI sort of have to,â Merlin continued. âWell, not really, but I want to say things.â
â Mer lin!â
âI wanted to say, I love you. This is not your fault. And if this is it for me, Iâmââ Merlin cleared his throat. âWell, Iâm partly glad you're here⊠Glad youâre here for my sake, but not glad about you having to watch. You donât think you might be able to close your eyes?â
Merlin looked toward him, eyes full of hope. Then he nodded in understanding, not waiting for a reply. âI donât think I would be able to either if I was in your spot.â
âMerlin. SHUT. UP. Youâre using up air!â
âI know⊠but you canât reach me either way. And we both know I cannot go a few hours without air.â
Arthur strained harder, desperate to stop this. His fingers scrambled against the cold stone floor, just out of reach from giving Merlin his freedom.
âIâm trying to think of what to say so you wonât blame yourself. What might help you⊠But I donât know what to say,â Merlin continued rambling, using up precious air.
âI suppose⊠I love you and I wouldnât change a thing? Well, I would change being in here. But if the choice was having the time I spent with you and dying here or never having met you, I know that Iâd pickâŠâ A pause, âIâd pick being with you, just in case that was not clear.â
âYou stupid self-sacrificial⊠idiot of a sorcerer,â Arthur gasped out, agony and love filling his chest.
âIt's not very nice to insult someone who is dying,â Merlin responded. âBut of course, you would. Youâve never had nice manners. You should probably work on that.â
Arthur could feel the tears running down his face. He hurriedly brushed them away, then went back to struggling to reach the membrane.
âI love you, Arthur. With all that I am. Please donât let this break you. I donât want this to break you.â For the first time, he sounded frightened. Merlin finally couldnât hide his fear, and what he couldnât hide his fear of was how this would affect Arthur.
Also, was it Arthur, or did Merlinâs voice sound strained in another way?
No, it was starting, Arthur realized as Merlin gasped lightly and then tried to normalize his breathing.
âI love you,â Merlin told him, sounding breathless. âAlways have... Always will. Well, not at first, thought you were a prat then... But perhapsâŠâ He cut off to take a struggling breath of air.
Arthur could see Merlin's trembling. It was the one reaction to what was happening to him that he couldn't hide. Because he was trying to hide it. For Arthur.
Merlin gasped a few times. Clearly struggling and managing the words. âGoodbye, clotpoleâŠlove⊠youâŠâ He then looked away from Arthur, likely so Arthur could not see the fear in his gaze.
Read it here!
#merlin#bbc merlin#merthur#merlin fanfiction#merlin fanfic#bbc merlin fanfiction#bbc merlin fanfic#merthur fanfiction#merthur fanfic#whumpblur#bad thigns happen bingo#running out of air#my fanfiction#whumpblr
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sleepy...
#back from hampton beach. technically i've been back for a while bc it's not like i've been staying up there i've just been going up#for the day and then coming back but. i'm done. i'm finally done. i don't have to go back for another year. it's been 5 long days of#waking up at noon. logging in just to check on the figure blog. driving up there. setting up sound equipment. scanning tickets and managing#tshirt sales (bc the one thing hampton beach needed more of was ppl trying to sell fucking tshirts). breaking down sound equipment.#fried dough. driving back to [redacted] massachusetts (which is No Where near the nh border btw). watch tv w my dad bc he won't go to bed#at a semi-reasonable hour otherwise. go to bed at 2. repeat.#(with a few small detours of 'going to order an airbrushed shirt' 'staying up til 4 bc i was resorting the tshirts' 'going to a wake'#'rushing home after the wake bc i forgot to bring a change of shoes' and 'picking up said tshirt')#which doesn't sound like a lot but. holy shit babes.#n e ways. remind me tomorrow to show off the sakura shirt (srry kireination but the og intention of the saber shirt was to get all three#heroines and while this year rin b4 sakura wasn't rlly in the question bc i uhm am not immune to favoritism <3 love and light <3 i still#wanted to stay somewhat on track. rin will be next year's and then kirei will probs get his time to shine) (also the sakura shirt looks sic#as hell btw) + post a couple more hampton beach things. specifically the uhm. landmarks that you pass when driving up there bc i genuinely#think that they alone do a better job conveying Exactly what hampton beach is like than anything i could ever say)#romeo.txt
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.
#girl i have so many teshes thoughts its INSANE#me starting with haha actually this ship has no basis i just want to Put Tesilid Through It#but over the past few months of brainrotting their dynamic is now like.#what if we were doomed from the start and there was never anything either of us could do to save the other#(not even talking about the regression but rather the stigma bearer thing and how they have no social power)#(but also the regression thing)#what if we loved each other throughout all the lifetimes but there could never be a happy ending. tragedy dogs our footsteps#what if we were 'guy who has a good head on his shoulders and recognises our low social positions and looks out for his friends in similar#predicaments' x 'guy who is way too giving and this is bad bc the world is out to get him and he loves ppl too much to care about#the danger to himself'#what if we were 'guy who is way too giving' x 'guy who wants to protect him but Cant'#doomed ships.....#swings hestio around i like you SO much. i need to put you under a microscope and in a fish tank#(statements that should not ever be viewed by people outside of tumblr)#some of my fic outlines has notes that are like 'wow if they had the transmigrators privilege this wouldnt even have been a problem'#and im suddenly very appreciative of canon#god bless canon tesilid may you be happy. not my fanfic tesilid though im making him miserable#anyway. the more i think about it the more interesting hestio's internal conflict could be#it's about being so acutely aware of how shit their lives already are that he knows having a r/s that is frowned upon would just#make things worse#also i am very much hooked by the fact that like. nowadays i keep seeing ship posts about 'killing myself in front of you to change the#trajectory of your life forever'#for teshes its the opposite. hestio is desperately trying to make sure tesilid doesnt off himself#and also its not hestio dying that changes the trajectory of tesilid's life forever it's hestio confessing#and somehow this inflicts more pain on tesilid in the long run#which is extremely funny bc for all the notes that ive written abt teshes hestio has only confessed like umm. checks notes. 3 times#1. drunk (tesilid is not in the room) 2. the world is ending#like if hestio had managed to take this to the grave like he had originally planned then this could have been avoided#but the tragedy is that tesilid lives thru this multiple times so at least ONE time hestio's going to blab and that forever changes things#crying in fic writing being stupidly hard
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from me to you â gojo satoru x f!reader
a/n: this takes place in chapter 268, soo sort of spoilers ahead? also long live gojo satoru; gojo leaves you a letter đ
ây/n-sensei, there is a letter for you as well!â
that catches your attention, and you look up at the first years. you tilt your head slightly, and yuuji hands you an envelope.
you gently take it from him, and the first thing you notice is âwifeyâ written on it then the doodle of satoru with his blindfold on. you feel your throat tighten, and your hands shake slightly.
you let out a small breath then shakily open the letter.
hey, honey!!
it first reads.
I feel like there is still much I didnât tell you in our last meeting, so here I, your beautiful and handsome husband, am writing them down.
you swallow lightly, and a small smile appears on your face as you imagine satoru saying that, then you continue to the next line.
first, I changed all your computer passwords to variations of âsatoruisthebestâ at one point. your confusion was so cute!!
you quirk an eyebrow at the admission, but when you rack your brain, you remember that one day when you couldnât log into your computer.
what you vividly remember was satoru being sat beside you the whole time, and now that you think about it. he was smiling so widely the entire time, letting out small chuckles every now and then. oh, that sneaky man.
âsatoru, I am telling you itâs broken!â
âsweetheart, we spent over 2000$ on that. if it broke, then we could easily sue the company,â he chuckled, arm wrapping around your shoulder and pulling you closer.
â2 year guaranteed top performance my ass!â
you smile at the memory. it was pretty satoru of him to do that. your eyes then move to continue reading.
second, there are times when I would tell megumi that you would be coming with me, then he would turn and leave me when he found out I was tricking him.
your eyes glance up at said boy who is sat across of you. he made it out alive, despite everything. he suffered so much, but he made it.
it makes you relieved, and you can imagine satoru being bloody proud of him and saying something along the lines of âyou handed sukunaâs ass to him, very cool!â
no matter how much megumi had frowned and grimaced at satoruâs presence or antics. it rooted itself as somethingâsafe and familiar.
you canât count on your hands the times when you and satoru would visit the siblings, and nobody really said it, but these meetings did all of you a favor, a chance to kind of wind down. maybe act like death might actually not be looming tomorrow.
it feels like just yesterday when megumi would cling to you when he got really sad or nervous, after so much time spent getting comfortable with each other.
he grew up well, you think, eyes gliding to next.
third, I hid your uniform every two to three weeks, so you have to stay with me.
at that, your eyes widen a bit. satoruâs schedule was pretty packed, but he somehow managed to squeeze time for quality time between you two.
it tugged on your heartstrings, and you made sure he knew how much you appreciated it, not a single space on his face left without a kiss. however, finding out that he went out of his way to make you rest and stay.
satoruâs care really showed in his actions, and you feel like this is the biggest proof of it.
âsatoru, have you seen my uniform?â
ânope! maybe, it is a sign to stay home today? youâve been working so hard, wifey!â
you cupped his face, pulled him down to your height, and kisses his cheek, âyouâve been working harder, âtoru. let me take off some of the load at least.â
âwe could both stay!â
âyouâre kidding, right?â
âI already told yaga; I miss you!â
you try to stop the reminiscing further and try to compose yourself before reading the rest.
fourth, Iâm the one who kept adjusting the thermostat. I just wanted an excuse to cuddle.
a fond yet melancholy smile appears on your face. you kinda figured that one out. satoruâs favorite pastime was cuddling, so itâs no surprise that he would go out of his way to create the need for it even further.
add to that, once you went to get some green tea and saw him from the corner of your eye teleport to the thermostat, click something, then teleport back to bed.
you figured that the room being chilly that night was not an exception in the middle of july.
âbabeeee, itâs so cold! letâs cuddle!â
âmaybe the problem is with the thermostat?â
âI checked! I think cuddling is the best solution.â
you giggle as you recall the moment, one of many similar. your heart feels a bit lighter as you go through the letter. something satoru managed to always do even in person.
he would plaster sticky notes, get you trinkets, and even pull pranks on other just to see you smile. feeling more encouraged, you keep on reading the letter.
then you feel your chest constrict so tightly that you might just throw up.
fifth, I am really gonna fucking miss you.
you read the line over again, and you purse your lip in hopes of silencing any noise that may come out as you feel the lump in your throat return, even worse than before. your breathing starts getting more difficult.
your grip on the letter tightens, and you find yourself thinking back to the good times. memories of late nights spent in each otherâs arms, thinking about everything and nothing at once.
hushed whispers of confessions and quiet giggles as you reminisced on your highschool days. tight hugs when recalling the sad moments and the departure of a certain someone.
âyou know, y/n, I think we might just be made for each other,â he said one night. you hummed and looked him in the eyes.
âthree am thoughts?â
âthree am admissions,â he grins slightly, âI am made for you, and youâre made for me.â
you remember him pulling you closer and kissing your forehead, while you teased, âand what would you need little old me for, so much that I got made?â
he feigns thinking then closes his eyes, burying his face in your shoulder, âgrounding me.â
I love you. I really do, but you should know that already, right?
your eyes drift down to the corner of the paper, and that is when you feel your tears start free-falling. there is drawn a chibi satoru besides a chibi you and between them is a heart.
the chibi satoru is giving yours a big smooch, while she laughs. you never thought that the day your jealousy burns would be because of drawings, and drawings of you and your own husband, nonetheless.
âbut wow, gojo-sensei is shit at writing letters,â you hear nobara remark.
megumi responds with a small chuckle, âI am fine with mine.â
âwhat about you, y/n-sensei?ââ
the trio becomes silent as you let out a sob. a watery smile makes its way up your face as you kiss the letter gently and murmur, âso shitty.â
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#gojo x reader#jjk x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jjk x you#gojo x you#gojou satoru x reader#jjk imagines#gojo imagine#gojo x y/n#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x y/n#satoru x reader#satoru x you#satoru x y/n#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo x you#satoru gojo x y/n#jjk gojo x reader#jjk gojo x you
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Iâm just having a shit time and feeling pretty miserable lately and Iâve been trying to not think too much about it or let it soak but it still gets in through the cracks. And earlier today I was reminded that 1 year ago today I got out of the hospital after my suicide attempt. Which just kind of makes me feel worse. I was miserable then and Iâm still miserable now. Almost nothing has actually changed since then, both within me, personally and my life, and outside of me. Itâs still the same
#this is brought on by the last post I reblogged#I already rambled about this in my mood tracker journal thing but . damn. is this just forever#itâs so hard to believe Iâm ever going to ACTUALLY get better. or that things will ACTUALLY change#the only main difference between a year ago and now is that I dropped out of college. thatâs about it#and the thing is that thereâs stuff I could (and should) be doing to change stuff. I need to try harder#but it is so difficult for no reason at all. I can barely even take care of myself lately#so so so much of my life is fully in my hands and I just need to TRY and START and GO. I know this. Iâm incredibly aware of this#I just canât fucking get myself to do anything or feel anything or care enough to make a good consistent effort#I want to!! I really really fucking want to do things and change things and Get Better and Make Progress#god. anyway. the post I reblogged before this made me cry because of my recent attempt and thinking about how Iâm currently fairing#but also because of how my parents are handling how I am right now. and I do think itâs justified. but it still hurts#I barely got that kind of response (like the post) from my parents after my attempt#although Iâm not sure what I expected. or even what I wanted from them#sometimes I still think about how my mother acted/responded to me both before I willingly admitted myself and during my attempt#it hurts. it hurts a lot. I still feel so fucking stupid for thinking sheâd react in a sympathetic or empathetic or kind or compassionate#and then last month was she said something about me killing myself in an almost mocking way. as if itâs something to make light of#I feel like screaming. I feel awful and nothing is different and I know I need to make it different myself and just try harder#but sometimes I think that if I could actually get better then I wouldâve by now. or at least wouldâve started improving somewhat#I have tried. thereâs a lot of things Iâve tried. and I really want to get better and not be like this anymore and have things change#nothing ever seems to help or stick or do enough though. I throw myself at a wall and when I can manage to stand I do it again#ok. ending this post now. I wrote a lot#dead text
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My miracle
Anthony Bridgerton x reader
summary: Anthonyâs wife is in labor and itâs not looking good
warnings: mentions of death
âWhere is she?â the loud voice of Anthony was heard in the entire mansion. The door he opened slammed into the wall but he couldnât care less as he saw some servants running his way to take off his coat. âTell me where my wife is!â
âMy apologies, my Lord.â the poor man trembled under the Lordâs menacingly glare, that were just a cover for the worry and fear that was running though his veins. âThe Viscountess is in your chambers. The midwife and your mother are already present with her. Shall I inform your brothers to come and wait with you until the child is born?â
Anthony didnât bother to respond. He quickly climbed the stairs, two steps at once, seeing with wide eyes as the maids ran to his room with towels in their hands. He doesn't even settle for knocking, immediatly opening the bedroom door. None of his mother's stories could have prepared him for the sight that lay ahead.
His darling wife was drenched in sweat, dressed in her nightdown. One hand was on her round belly protectively while the other was in his motherâs hands, who was whispering words of comfort. Her jaw was clenched in pain and it was only then that he noticed the midwife between the Viscountess legs.Â
âYou!â Y/n screamed accusingly, managing to point a finger at Anthony with hatred. âYou did this to me! You will never ever put your hands on me again!â
âI-â Anthony was at loss of words. He knew that his wife was in pain, and looking like she was ready to kill, so he just nodded his head in agreement. He took slow hesitant steps towards the bed, hoping to comfort her without dying. âIâll never touch you again, my love. How are you feeling?â
âHow do you think Iâm feeling? Iâm pushing your child that inherited your big head out of my lady parts! So tell me, my dear husband, how am I feeling?â
âLike you are giving birth?â
âAnthony...â his mother whispered while shaking her head in dispair. âYou should leave the room. Your brothers must be coming to keep you company. We shall call you when the child is born.âÂ
âIâm not leaving my wife.â was the only thing he said with firmity, holding Y/nâs hand and kissing her soft skin gently.
She turned to him, a change in her demeanor, eyes full of tears of terror. âIâm scared, Anthony. It hurts.â
âI know it hurts. Itâs okay, love. You will be alright and then we will have our child with us.â he whispered. A feeling of guilt washed through him. How could he have made his wife suffer through childbirth? âYou are the bravest person I know. So so much braver than me and everyone else. Iâm so proud of you.â
"I can't do this. It hurts too much. Make it stop, Anthony, please." Y/n cried.
It was only then that Anthony saw the look in his mother. She was worried, exchanging looks with the midwife. And as much as the Viscount would like to also show his anguish, his first priority was to comfort Y/n. "It's going to be okay, my love. Just a little longer, you're being so strong."
But she no longer had the strength to respond. It was getting harder and harder to keep her eyes open and she just wanted to sleep to escape the pain. Between her legs, an increasingly larger pool of blood was forming. Anthony's eyes were wide and there was enormous pressure in his chest. It felt like I was running out of oxygen, and it only got worse when Y/n finally gave in to unconsciousness.
"What's happening?" he whispered, looking in alarm first at Violet. Afterwards, he turned to the midwife furiously. "What's wrong with her? Help her! Do something!"
"Anthony, you need to leave." Violet advised, trying to remain calm for everyone's sake. Anthony was becoming more and more desperate, tears falling from his eyes as he grabbed his wife's hand tighter and brought it to his lips.
"I'm not going anywhere!"
"Viscount Bridgerton, the baby is in pain. You won't want to see what I'm going to do. I promise I'll try to save both of them." the midwife said, taking a small knife and flying it over Y/n's stomach.
"If you need to choose, save my wife's life." Anthony begged, now more desperate as his mother called his brothers to take him out of the room.
"Anthony..."
"No, mother, you save my wife's life!" Benedict and Collin grabbed the man by the arms and began to carry him outside, despite Anthony's struggle. "You hear me! My wife is going to survive! Let me go! Mother, save Y/n!" he shouted before the door closed in his face.Â
The last thing he saw was the woman making the cut on Y/n's stomach, who woke up with a jolt. She then let out a scream that would torment Anthony for the rest of his life.
With a cry of anger mixed with sadness, Anthony broke free from his brothers' grip and put his hands to his face. He didn't want to think about the possibility of losing the love of his life. He simply couldn't take it.
"Wow, Anthony, calm down." Collin whispered when Anthony, in a rage, threw a punch against the wall. "The Viscountess is a fighter. If anyone is capable of overcoming this, it's her."
"You don't tell me to calm down, Collin. Not when my wife is in that room fighting for her life over something I did." he cried, jaw shaking and eyes red that only showed the immense pain he was in. He sat on the floor, leaning his head back and looking at the ceiling. "I need her to live."
"And she will live, brother. I will bring a drink, and we will wait together for news." Benedict said, rushing to bring the alcohol when Y/n's screams became louder.
On one hand, each scream was like a stab in the heart of Anthony, who was increasingly pale and looked like he was going to vomit at any moment. On the other, it was the only way to know she was alive.
Moments passed. The Viscount didn't know if it had been seconds, minutes or hours. Things seemed to be getting mixed up in his mind. Nothing made sense, not when the love of his life was in the next room in pain and he was away from her. He had to protect her, it was his obligation as a husband. And he failed.
And then came the moment when Anthony's heart stopped. A baby's cry was heard, and he allowed himself to smile a little. He had a son or daughter. A mini version of his wife. And then he burst into tears when Y/n stopped screaming and everything became too silent.
It was uncontrollable. He cried without being able to stop, making it even difficult to breathe in. Anthony refused to believe that he would have to raise this child without Y/n. Without her affection, her kindness, her love. He didn't want to open his eyes and realize that all this wasn't a nightmare, but reality.
Benedict and Collin didn't know what to do. But one thing was certain, they would be there to help Anthony with whatever he needed and never let that child forget the wonderful mother he had. Then, Violet left the room holding a pile of blankets that held the baby.
"You have a daughter, Anthony."
He just cried more. His body was shaking and he couldn't even look at his mother and the baby. "Y/n... Is she...?" He took Violet's silence as a yes. "Oh god..."
"Enter the room, Anthony. She is waiting for you."
Anthony had never stood up so quickly in his life. He quickly opened the door, stopping momentarily when he saw the amount of blood on the sheets, but the most important thing was Y/n's half-open eyes. She was alive and looking around the room in confusion.
"Anthony? Where is my baby?" her voice was hoarse and extremely weak.
The man fell to his knees at the edge of her bed, and lowered his head to rest on her chest. A feeling of relief spread throughout his body when he felt the rising and falling movement of her chest, indicating that she was breathing and that it wasn't just his imagination.
"I love you so much." he cried, feeling her hands start stroking his hair. "I'm sorry. You were so brave and strong. I'm so proud of you, my love."
"Where is my baby?" Y/n didn't want to seem like she didn't appreciate Anthony's words because that was a lie. He was the most important person in her life. But at that moment, Y/n just wanted to know where her baby was.
"She's right here, dear." Violet reassured with a smile, announcing her presence.
Very carefully, she passed the child into the arms of her son's wife, her smile widening as the little family was finally together again. The new parents had a gentle smile as they looked at their creation, a new love emerging for this fragile human being.
Anthony kissed Y/n's temple. "We have a daughter."
"She is beautiful."
"She takes after her mother." Anthony quickly said, never feeling so much love as he did in that moment.Â
He was extremely proud of Y/n admiring her strength and courage. Now, he was going to protect his two girls until the end of his life. Nothing was more important than his family.
#anthony bridgerton#anthony bridgerton x reader#anthony bridgerton x y/n#anthony bridgerton x you#Bridgerton#benedict bridgerton#benedict bridgerton x reader#bridgerton x reader#bridgerton x female reader#anthony bridgerton x female reader#bridgerton x y/n#collin bridgerton x reader#bridgerton imagine#anthony bridgerton x wife reader
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Part Five
Can't stop thinking about the attempt of reconciliation and reader ain't having it. Our girl is going to be wilddddd y'all. Also goodnight. See y'all tomorrow (maybe)
You call Meredith when you get home.
You. Are. Fuming. She's not sure she can ever remember a time you using so many swear words at one time.
How fucking dare them? Immature? You're the immature one? You were the one trying your best to salvage four failing relationship meanwhile none of those assholes could be bothered to try and keep one. They had one person to manage: you.
"I wanna go out this weekend." "Wear something tight and borderline risk indecent exposure."
"You know what I always say," Meredith begins. "The best way to get over someone-"
"is to get under someone else." You finish. You weren't exactly keen on the idea of bringing someone to your bed just yet, but a little attention would do you some good. "I don't want to fuck someone just yet." You admitted. "I'm more on the getting drunk and making out."
"I didn't know we resorted back secondary school heavy petting?" She teased.
"University, Dear." You corrected. "I didn't peak until after I graduated."
"No." She argued. "You didn't put your books down long enough to realize that boys actually wanted to fuck you." You were glad she couldn't see you roll your eyes. "Saturday work for you? I have a late night Friday and won't be up for it."
"That works."
"Sorry." She apologized. "I plan on getting you absolutely smashed so I need to be ready to play the nanny. I know how you love to get drunk and run off."
It was true. You had always found it hilarious when you were drunk to just run. Quite literally run away. It got to a point during university where Meredith would handcuff you to her so you didn't stray.
"I won't run." Your sober mind promised.
"Uh huh." Meredith's tone told you that she knew that was a load of shit. "I'll text Tabs. Let her know the plan."
The next day at the shop was pretty uneventful. No more unexpected visitors. You still had them all blocked. Not caring if now they decided to offer up some bullshit apology.
Months. This had been a steady decline for six months. A text or a simply sorry won't fix this. You weren't sure anything could.
But it didn't matter. You were done and they obviously were too.
You had picked up enough take out to feed a family, but you didn't plan on making your lunch before work or cooking when you got home. The rest of the week you planned on just going through the motions until you could go out Saturday and hopefully get everything out.
You weren't paying attention as you walked down the hallway to your flat. Fishing in your purse for keys. You were at almost at your door when you saw him.
Sitting next to your door was a familiar face. A face you felt you haven't seen in forever.
âWhat are you doing here, Kyle?" Your voice was flat as you continued to blindly try and find your keys with one hand. Fuck. You really need to clean out your purse...
âMy key wouldnât work.â He explained. "So Iâm out here.â
"I'm aware why you're not in my apartment since I changed the locks," you said, trying to keep your irritation at bay. "What I am asking is why did you come here?"
"You won't return any of our messages."
"You're all blocked, so technically I didn't really get any messages." "Besides, you don't get to complain to me about not responding to texts, Kyle Garrick." Your fingers finally wraps around them. God bless. "If you're here for your things, it'll have to wait. I have to sort through everyone's shit and I don't know whose is whose."
"We need to talk." He explains as you put the key into the lock, opening the door.
"Nah," you say scrunching your nose in that way he used to adore. "I'm good. But you can swing by tomorrow and pick up your things if you'd like." You say before trying to shut the door on him. You were stupid in thinking you could be faster than him.
Dammit.
"I know things haven't been good and I've definitely could have been better,'' he admits. "But can you at least try and let us apologize? Let us try and work it out."
"No." You answered, trying to close the door. Not caring if you had to resort to kicking his shins to get him out.
"Why not?" He countered.
âMaybe because I've already tried, Kyle?â You gave up on trying to shut him out. You were strong, but he didn't have any issues in besting you. âBecause I actually tried with you. With all of you. You didnât need to come here giving me excuses about your life being hectic because Iâve made the excuses for you.â You didn't miss how he practically flinched. He had always blamed his busy life. Family. Work. You stopped caring about whatever excuse he gave you and realized it was just that. An excuse. âIâve been telling myself for months that everything you guys didnât do for me wasnât because you didnât care about me. It was because of the stress of your deployments is the reason none of you tell me when you get back from until itâs time to fuck. I tell myself itâs because of the fucked up situation of me being with all of you that makes it awkward to meet your families. Families you all have that I now know Iâm not worthy of meeting.â He wanted to correct you. You were. You were worthy. He was an idiot. âItâs not that I need your excuses to make me feel like what you did was justified. No matter what it was, it was apparently to you because you did it.â
He took a step back, processing everything you had said. He had been selfish. You were the reliable constant in his life. Someone he believed he never disappointed. Someone he couldn't disappoint no matter how many times he fucked up.
You took the opportunity to slam the door. Quickly turning the lock before he had a chance to open it back up.
God...
That felt good.
You had spent that evening collecting their thing in case Kyle did show back up tomorrow. You wouldn't make their lives easier by sorting all their shit and organizing it. Everything. One box. Let them figure it out. You almost had a mind to add a shirt that you knew didn't belong to any of them just to have them argue over it. Or least make them think there was someone else...
You were almost tempted if not for the premise that you wanted them to realize this was their fault. Their fuck up. But now that you were officially all broken up, you were free game.
#captain john price#kyle gaz garrick#simon ghost riley#call of duty#john soap mactavish#angst with a happy ending#angst#grovel#jealousy
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Part one
Rafe had been calling you extensively. To the point, where you had to have do not disturb on. You didnât have it in you yet to block him. You forgot he also knew where you lived.
âYou know we could have done this the easy way. Now weâre going to have to do the hard way.â He said, once you opened the door. You didnât even have time to run, he had grabbed you forcefully. You screamed.
âShhh, baby shh.â
You knew he had erratic behavior. He just hadnât ever displayed it before to you.
âRafe! Rafe! Put me down!â
âRafe, dude. Come on, is this really necessary?âTopper says, watching his friend manhandle you.
âShut the fuck up, Top!â Rafe says. âHelp me get her in the car.â
âNo! Get off!â You scream, youâre scratching at his arms and he winces in pain.
âOw! Stop that!â
You manage to pull away from his strong hold.
âEnough Rafe, you canât force me to go anywhere with you. This counts as kidnapping, ya know!â
He tries to grab you again but Topper gets inbetween.
âDo you really want to get in my way, Topper?â Rafe says, his eyes are on you though.
âDude, this is not the way. You told me we came here so you could talk to her. Not force her to go somewhere against her will.â
Rafe begins to cry as he sees you flinch back. He doesnât even care that Topper can see.
âLet her go, dude.â Topper says gently. You never would have guessed, Topper to be the voice of reason. But here he was.
âNo! Fuck you, Topper. Please baby, please! I promise. I promise Iâll get clean. I havenât even touched coke in weeks. Tell her Top. Tell her!â
You can tell heâs lying through his teeth. His jaw is swinging. And he keeps wiping away at his nose. His eyes are red from the tears.
âBaby, please.â
âIâm not your baby anymore.â You finally say.
âNo.â He cries. âNo donât say shit like that. Youâre breaking my heart baby. I fucked up, I know that. But you donât have to punish me for it. Please. The coke will go away. The parties. Iâll change my lifestyle. Iâll be different.â He pauses. âIâll be a different Rafe. Clean Rafe. Good Rafe. Country club Rafe. No drugs. No alcohol.â
Heâs hitting his head with his hand as he says each word. A part of you aches to go to him to make him stop.
But you can tell heâs bluffing. You know heâll do it sneakily.
âRafe, you donât know how to. That is your life. Until youâre seriousâ.â You try to speak but he cuts you off abruptly.
âI am serious! Tell her Topper. Fucking tell her! I stopped it all.â
You begin to cry, scared of the boy youâre looking at. Scared of whose heâs become. This wasnât your Rafe.
âCome on, man. Youâre scaring her. Letâs just go, okayââ
âShut up Topper! Why canât you shut up! Youâre not helping me!â
He finally manages to get around Topper. His arms are around you again, he hiccups from the tears heâs crying.
âPrincess, please. Iâll do anything. Iâll get on my knees. Please, donât leave me. I love you. I love you.â
Kelce shows up out of nowhere. You donât even realized heâs pulled up.
âThatâs enough Rafe. Come on man. Let her be.â Both boys grab Rafe, freeing you from his grip.
âNo! Please, no! I need her! I fucking need her.â
Grim faces are present on both boys faces.
âWe know man. Just come on.â
Once they get him away, you crumble to the ground. Sobs breaking out of you.
âHey! Is everything okay? We heard screaming.â Your old elderly neighbor asks. Sheâs a sweet old lady, who gardens when she can. Youâve helped her out a few times.
âWhy donât you come in. Iâve made some pie. I think youâll like it.â
You manage to get up and follow her in. She gives you a sad smile.
âIâm sorry for the screaming.â You say meekly.
âDonât ever apologize for another persons actions. Especially not a boy who doesnât know when no means no. Youâre so much stronger than that. I know it. Iâve known you since you were four. Youâve always been a fierce girl. Donât ever let anyone take that away from you.â Her hand is on your shoulder. Gentle. Unlike Rafes iron clad grip. You almost burst out crying again.
âCome on, letâs enjoy some pie.â
#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron#rafe fanfiction#outerbanks rafe#rafe obx#rafe imagine#this one is the longest fic Iâve made in a long while#rafe x you
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Hi I'm that person who made the original post about "no doesn mean no" when a small bit of the mr beast company document was leaked, well, now we have the full document (thanks rosanna) so I'm going to go over it. Please note I am not a lawyer or a business man, I'm in college for psychology, so I might misunderstand some things or make the wrong conclusion. However, if this is a document made for the average mr. beast employee, if I cannot understand it properly, then im sure some employees also struggled
First of all, the opening paragraph. Like I get it's supposed to be like, to put people at ease, but
This is so strange? Like, first of all, this is your EMPLOYEE MANUAL, you should have run it through like, a spell check? Or had someone edit it? This is already incredibly unprofessional. Also the promising of a thousand dollars if you pass a quiz on it? It's bizarre and I'd love to see if it's an actual quiz.
Jimmy, hun, please god get an editor for this you're already trying my patience.
YOU SHOULD, you genuinely should, while interconnected these are all COMPLETELY different jobs, if you think you could write a separate manual for each branch you SHOULD
I'm sure I'm about to get an answer but what the fuck is the best YOUTUBE video then? If it's not comedy, its not production, its not quality, its not look, then what the hell is left? (monetization, it's monetization)
First of all, Jimmy, why are you using internet lingo in this, it's not a text message, this is not a place for, idc, and lol, and not capitalizing your headers correctly??? Also like I said, he's chasing trends for monetization, and also he's just wrong, there are plenty of hollywood level shows and the like on youtube. You fully admit you do not care about trends and actively rush things?
This is just fucked??? Like of COURSE IT MATTERS??? Results based company is bullshit, your employees that worked for five weeks and failed aren't "lesser" then James, it's a structural failure! They still worked for HOURS to try and succeed?? That shows merit and loyalty??? What the fuck???
Rosanna covers this one in her video but it's worth restating that this is FUCKED??? It's clear overwork "your job is your family" culture. Especially the use of the word obsessive? If you do not OBSESS over your work, you are considered poisonous. NO WONDER we have so many reports of employees doing things they feel is dangerous or unsafe, if they don't they're considered POISON to the company.
The formatting in this doc continues to fucking kill me, what are you DOING man GET AN EDITOR
This feels like such an easy fix of just...make the thumbnail after the fact? Or only make a rough draft of one first? Like if production makes a red bouncy castle instead of a yellow one, that feels like an easy fix to the thumbnail OR a communication error, and again, that's on management
A lot of the next stuff is like analytics stuff that for the most part I can't really speak on as someone who does not do any of this stuff. There are a few things though
Which like???? what??? a lull??? what do you mean "watching a video without even realizing they are watching a video??" That doesn't scream good or even mediocre content to me. If I'm actively tuning out as I watch a video, that's bad. Especially because there have been plenty of times I've been like half way through a video i go "hey this sucks actually" and click off. They actively want their audience to not be paying attention to the video so it runs all the way through, that's kinda pathetic.
I don't actually know if this is common or not in this industry, but as an outsider this seems INCREDIBLY micromanaging to me, to an immense degree.
Jimmy why are you putting swears in your employee manual?? sir??? and also something about this whole thing icks me out, I don't quite have the words but the whole emphasis on "im different im special no one else can be me" just reeks of something kind of manipulative
Why is production changing so much Jimmy??? Infinite growth is the mindset of a cancer cell Jimmy! This is incredibly unstable working conditions! Also again with the word obsession, if you take time out of your own day on your own time to watch hulu, that's seen as not being obsessed enough for the company. This is nonsensical!
Again, this is INSANELY micromanaging, and also so fucking unhinged??? "God himself couldn't stop you from making this video on time" is NOT a healthy work mindset, things HAPPEN!!!
In this segment he's actually talking normal things but I did just want to highlight his use of "freaken" who the hell puts that in an EMPLOYEE MANUEL
Again with the micromanaging, and the immense pressure on employees for problems OTHER people do. While he's not fully wrong that you should be in more contact with the contractor then the example, this is too much in the other direction. How much time in the day does he think people have?!
My kingdom for a fucking paragraph break dude, my fucking eyes. Also this is a lot of "im so great and do everything and you should do more for me and if i dont know something that's your fault" for something titled "I am not always right"
I'm getting lazy with my highlighting, but again, the micromanaging? If you're SOOO busy, the first question should be the ideal? it's quick and makes a quick decision, while the second one meanders and meanders
Again, Jimmy is pushing blame for HIS mistakes on OTHER PEOPLE. For again, a section called "i am not always right" hes taking NO accountability for that and just making the SAME excuses he's berating in other places.
I can't even tell what he means here AN EDITOR JIMMY
Autism Hell tm, PLEASE email me so I can DOUBLE CHECK IT, things in writing are SO useful
Again the language towards "C-Players" which as mr beast has said, are the people who y'know, are NORMAL employees who DON'T live and breathe this company
Okay first of all, a Lamborghini is like 300k so that's already A REALLY hard task, and i sure hope don't usually put typos in the tasks. SECOND of all the fact he thinks its okay to go "hey if the studio is literally on fire around you and you stop working to get the Lamborghini, you're not doing good enough" even if he claims it as a joke is NOT OKAY what the FUCK
We've covered this before, but to reiterate this segment is named after a sexual assault reference when it could have been named ANYTHING ELSE and harasses employees and pressures them to break rules, don't do that.
I'm not an editor, so maybe this is normal, but as someone from the outside it seems strange to put this much emphasis on dividing focus between so many videos at once.
Jimmy, hun, are you paying extra for this? Because if I'm an editor and you want me FILMING stuff then i want to be paid more for doing TWO jobs and I probably still wont be as skilled a TRAINED CAMERA MAN
First of all now THAT'S a type, consteatants. Also the fact they are aware that leaving contestants out in the sun is bad, why are you not doing MORE TO STOP IT BEYOND "hey maybe giving them three hours of heatstroke is bad, try only two next time"
Don't we love favoritism, more shitty unprofessional writings, and a completely unstable work environment?
If your people have to pull all nighters period something is wrong, and if something happens to an employees car that could have seriously hurt someone, i sure hope you care more then just "LOL FUNNY" Who's picking up the broken glass? Who's reimbursing the car owner? That one meme of "your first care should be commitment to the bit" is a MEME jimmy, it's not ACTUAL ADVICE
Ah shit I hit image limit, well, you've seen enough screenshots to know these are screenshots, we're almost done I'll put them in as quotes
"Letâs say you are tasked with finding us a castle to live in for 50 hours and while doing research you find a castle and a number to call for the owner. So you do call, and he answers. Only problem is he says he quit the castle renting business to pursue his dream of building a 100 foot tall lego catapult. You can obviously tell where iâm going with this. Ideally youâd recognize thatâs badass as fuck and try to convince him to let us use it when we do find a castle. This is a bad example because itâs so obvious but if youâre doing your job right you will be doing an absurd amounts of calls and data collecting. While trying to complete your prios and prepare for the video you should always be on the lookout for new things you can bring to your creative team to inspire them. Because just like me, they donât know what they donât know and you canât just say âiâm in production and iâm not very creativeâ because thatâs literally the equivalent of saying I suck at what I do. You also need to apply this same mindset when problem solving because many people lose sight of this stuff when in the weeds. If a problem appears, always always always ask yourself if your new plan is whats best for creative, not just the easiest bandaid."
First of all it's really funny seeing all the red lines pop up, second of all this insistent blurring of everyone's job seems so strange? Again maybe this is normal, but it really feels like Jimmy wants everyone working every job, instead on focusing on what they are actually hired to do.
"What is the goal of our content?
To excite me. The goal of our content is to excite me. That may sound weird to some of you, especially if youâre new but to me itâs whatâs most important. If I'm not excited to get in front of that camera and film the video, itâs just simply not going to happen."
That's fucking weirddddd, like I get that he's trying to be like "im authentic" but it always feels like a bad sign when the goal of a company is literally just "What amuses the boss" like...bad sign
"this is youtube and there are constraints. You know the video canât be a minute so youâre obviously going to need a story to hold the viewers and there are rules to storytelling. Our audience is massive and because of that you have to be simple, for 50 million people to understand something it must be simple. Content can be anything but there is structure and rules that we must mold it into that I want to teach you about, because virality doesnât just happen. Every frame of our videos will be seen by 10s of millions of people"
Gross
"I'd say the average MrBeast viewer is a teenage memer that likes video games."
Mr Beast is completely aware of his demographic and puts screen shots of it, he is very aware his stuff is aimed at kids, even when its about gambling or hiring people not around near minors
"I feel silly for having to write this but all the time I talk to 32 new people that have at most seen like 5 or 6 of our videos and itâs mind blowing that they donât see a problem with that lol."
It's almost like your audience is teenage memer and that people who working here are not in fact, teenage memers.
"What you consume on social media, when you watch youtube, tv, the games you play, etc. are what I like to call your information diet.
How do you stay up to date on the latest memes? How do you know whatâs going on with celebrities? Whatâs trending on youtube? What other creators are doing? Whatâs popping on tik tok? Your information diet. Consume things on a daily basis that help you write better content."
If my job as a creative writer had my boss tell me to have to see whats "popping on tik tok" as part of my job i'd quit also again, the micromanaging of someone's life as well pops up again, it's weirddd
"Itâs okay for the boys to be childish
If talent wants to draw a dick on the white board in the video or do something stupid, let them. (assuming they know all the risks and arnât missing context on why itâs not safe) People like when we are in our natural element of stupidity. Really do everything you can to empower the boys when filming and help them make content. Help them be idiots"
More favoritism
"If youâve made it this far you are probably at least semi interested in this being your career. So I wanted to chat about it. Because if you're ambitious and want to dedicate your life to work, you picked the best company in America to do it at. I really donât care to hoard a bunch of money and I deeply believe in rewarding the people that help this business get where it needs to be. But before I get into that, letâs talk about the future. As I write this we have 2 teams, that will grow to 4 in the next year. (and possibly 8 in the next 2 years but I canât talk about that cause james will kill me haha). We need more leaders in the company. Weneed hard working, obsessive, coachable, intelligent, grinders that can step up and take some of these leadership spots over the next 2 years. Every single department has an opportunity for you to grow in and youâre in luck because we donât do yearly reviews. We do whenever the fuck you want reviewes"
Lack of communication from management, and more emphasis on grinding and crunch culture, goodie, all while riddled with typos! God.
"I see a world where this company is worth billions and one day 10s of billions. And those of you that help build this will be rewarded. I want nothing more then for you to go all in, obsessive all day everyday, and become so god dam valuable this company canât operate without you. And in return for becoming so valuable I hope to give you incredible experiences, a fun place to work, and of course, more money then you could ever dream of making at any other company."
I feel like I'm reading a fucking pyramid scheme document here, "youre so so valuable spend literally every minute of every day on this company haha" good GOD man
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Hi ! Could we have a childhood friends to lovers ViktorxReader please ? đ„° I am CRAVING for new works
Yess!! I love this trope it's sooo cute!!
2k words, so I hope you enjoy, Anon!
(fluff, gn!reader, reader is a professor, making out, getting caught, Viktors a bit of a tease (when is he never though), I think this is it!)
Ëââ§ê°á â à»ê± â§âËËââ§ê°á â à»ê± â§âËËââ§ê°á â à»ê± â§âËËââ§ê°
When your family left the under-city, you knew everything would change. You were glad that it happened, it opened a whole bunch of doors for what you could become when you grew into an adult. But it also meant leaving your old life behind, one of the things you still think about to this day. Your heart aches when you think about the people you knew, you just hope that they ended up in a good place. When the shimmer trade spiked, you thought you'd never see any of the people you knew ever again, most of them probably either succumbed to the drug, or was killed during the many times the enforcers went down. You didn't like to think about it, but it's the harsh reality of Piltover.
Now you're walking the halls of one of the most esteemed universities inside of piltover, not as a student, but as a professor. You climbed your way to the top, and you know that your family is proud of you. They're the only reason this became possible, so when you got offered, you jumped at the chance. You're not complaining either, it's a well paying job with good benefits.
The day seemed to be going by incredibly slow, each hour felt like a year. You had a pile of tests on your desk that you had to mark, you've gotten through about half of them. But there's only so much marking someone can take before you feel like ripping your hair out.
So, instead of ripping your hair out, you decide to go on a coffee run and get some fresh air. You've been inside your office for so long, you're surprised you're still standing. One of the downsides to being a professor.
The walk to the Cafe down the road from the university isn't a long one. It's about three minutes, so long enough that you can get some well needed fresh air, but not long enough that you're regretting your decision.
When you reach the university, hit coffee in hand, you run into one of your former students, Jayce Talis. He gives you a friendly wave and comes up to you, âhey, professor. How's your day been?â He asks, awkwardly trying to make small talk and you have to cover your smile by pretending to clear your throat. âIt's been well, thank you for asking. How's yours been?â You smile at him, not wanting to seem impolite by just ending the conversation there. He shrugs and sighs, you get the feeling.
Just when you're about to ask a question someone calls Jayce over, and when you both look over you're met with the sight of someone who you thought died long ago, but there he is, standing right in front of you, his cane in hand. You've heard of hextech, you're not in your office that much, and you've heard that Jayce didn't do it alone, but you never knew who his lab partner was. You also know that Heimerdinger has an assistant, but you were never able to catch said assistant's name. But you expected everything and anything, but him. You could have sworn he was dead.
âViktor,â you manage to get out, although it's been years since you've last seen him, the memories you two made together as children stay fresh in your mind. Plus, he's incredibly attractive, everything from his overgrown hair to the way he leans on his cane, still managing to be taller than you, though not by much. It all had your mind swarming. His eyes rake over you before he looks back to your eyes, âMilĂœ,â he breathes, a faint smile on his face as he continues, âyouâre.. ehh.. hi.â He chuckles, standing a bit straighter on his cane. Before either of you can say anything else, Jayce buts in, âI hate to ruin a good moment, but the council wants to see us, Viktor.â Viktor nods and gives you one last nod before limping after Jayce.
Seeing someone who you hadn't seen in a good decade or so was not on your bucket list. You sit down in the chair behind your desk and lean back, letting your head just barely dangle off the back of the chair. You bring your hands up and rub your face, taking a deep breath and groaning. The sound is muffled by your hands. You sit back up again and sigh, you shouldn't feel this way. But you can't deny the way that you felt your heart race when you saw him again, he has such a boyish charm that just pulls you in, the same as is it did when you two were kids. You just chalk it up to a shock factor, you haven't seen him in years. You're just shocked, that's what you tell yourself.
The whole day all you can think about is him, you almost feel giddy, almost like a schoolgirl again. You take a breather, you've made a good amount of progress on the tests so you can afford a quick walk. Plus you have a class soon, and your classroom is on the other half of the university, and you've still got to set up your notes, you internally groan at the thought of giving another lecture. This is your fourth today.
When you finally reach the classroom, the professor that was using the room before you is just finishing cleaning up. You opened the door, only to be met with Viktor and Jayce, and then Heimerdinger soon after. You give a polite nod to Heimerdinger, and smile at Jayce and Viktor. You take your bag off and grab your notes, placing them on the table in front of you, before speaking up, âI thought your lecture ended a while ago, what are you still doing here?â You try and make your tone seem polite enough to cover up the, almost, rude question.
It's Jayce that speaks up first, âHeimerdinger thought it would be a good idea for us to sit in for one of your lectures, since the subject your an expert in is arcane.â You nod and chew the inside of your cheek. You're an amazing talker, and can easily give an hour long lecture, but with Viktor there, you feel anxious at the thought. Although it makes sense, hextech deals with arcane and what better person to listen to than someone who's an expert in it. You try and finish setting up without letting your mind wander too much, but your eyes keep on drifting from the papers in front of you to Viktor. When you look over at him, you find him already staring and he quickly looks away from you.
Now it's just a matter of waiting, you have ten minutes until your class starts so why not help Jayce and Viktor with their problems. You let them, mainly Jayce oddly enough, to ask you any questions they may have and you answer them to the best of your ability. Soon enough your class starts and you have to push away the temptation of staring at Viktor the whole time. Though, a few times you caught him, out of the corner of your eye, looking at you, and you embarrassingly stumbled over your words those times. You swear you saw the ghost of a smirk on his face at your reactions. Everything about him is so damn enticing, it's infuriating. How can one man be so wonderfully perfect, it doesn't make sense to you.
After your lecture, you're leaning over your desk, your mind swarming with thoughts, some not as innocent as you'd like.
When you're met with a hand on your back that has you letting out an embarrassingly loud yelp. Lo and behold, Viktorâs standing right behind you, with a smirk on his lips. âYou seem awfully.. eh.. jumpy today, is everything alright?â He asks, moving his face closer to yours, and your heart is racing so fast you're convinced it'll jump out of your chest. His hand on your back moves lower until he rests it on the curve of your hip, gently squeezing it. âYeah, I'm fine. Just tired.â You sigh, doing your best to not stutter or hesitate on your words. Viktor chuckles, the sound is something you'd pay to hear again, and moves his face closer to yours again. âWell, we can't have one of the best professors sleeping on the job. Now can we?â If it weren't for the teasing lift to his words you'd think he was actually concerned, but you both know that you're he's not actually. He almost immediately caught onto your lie.
You have to crane your neck at an, almost, uncomfortable angle to be able to see his face. You have to loft your face up for your neck to not be strained too much and you unintentionally bring your faces closer together. In the moment everything feels heightened, you're more aware of him. The hand he has on your hip feels heavier, you can feel the heat coming from his body from the proximity of you two, and you can smell him, a wonderful scent mixed with oil from the lab, the salty smell of the bay, and the knee-weakening scent of his cologne. Right now, everything about him feels intoxicating.
His hand lifts from your hip and to your back, carefully nudging you to turn around so you two are fully facing each other. He then places his hand on your chin to lift your face up, once again. He lets go and grabs your hand, placing it on his chest before speaking, in such a quiet tone you almost didn't hear him, âdo you feel that?â Under your palm you can feel each beat of his heart, it's fast, probably just as fast as yours is. All you can muster is a nod. âThat's what you're doing to me.â He sighs and brings his face closer to yours, the sound of his words mixed with the tone of his accent is something you're slowly becoming addicted to.
You bring your free hand up to hold his face, your finger traces his cheekbone and then you rest your palm on his face. âGood.â You smirk and his eyes flick down to your lips, and you take the hint, closing the gap between you two. He presses you against the desk and reciprocates the kiss, just as eager and desperate as you are. Each second that passes by feels like an eternity, and you hope it never ends. You've wrapped your arms around his neck and his free hand is resting on your hip. You're the one to pull away first with a quick gasp for air. Viktors face has a red flush to it and you swear you fell deeper in love right then and there.
âI've waited so long to do that, when you left for the top-side the only thing I regretted was not telling you how I felt.â He chuckles, stroking your hip, and you smile and lean in to kiss him again, this time it's him who closes the gap. His lips against yours feels right, you've kissed other people, men and women, but none have felt as right or as good as this. It's a bit messy, and rushed, but it feels right. You slide your hand back down to his chest, feeling his heart race under your palm is something that has you feeling giddy. He wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you impossibly closer to him. The moment, unfortunately, had to come to an end, the sound of the door opening, not only were you two caught but it reminded you that you two were inside a classroom, thankfully it wasn't a student who caught you, just an incredibly shocked Jayce. You look at Jayce and then back at Viktor, who looks just as shocked as Jayce, and you cover your mouth with your hand to stifle your giggles. âThis is a place of learning, you two!â Jayce scoffs and throws his hands up, and Viktor groans, taking a few steps back.
âGood thing we're learning then, or we were learning.â Viktor teases, giving you a quick wink before going over to Jayce who looks even more shocked than before, he looks at you and then back at Viktor before groaning in defeat and chasing after Viktor. You're not sure what's going to happen between you and Viktor next, but you're sure that, whatever it is, it will be amazing.
#arcane viktor#viktor arcane#arcane viktor x reader#viktor arcane x reader#viktor x you#viktor x reader#viktor#arcane league of legends#arcane league of legends x reader#arcane#arcane x reader
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maybe i should ignore the fact that commute to therapy would most likely than not be too long and actually start getting therapy huh
#my posts#whatever makes me happy takes my mood way too high and then the next thing that manages to shift my mood#will automatically make me hit rock bottom tbh#so i genuinely feel like i reach rock bottom literally every day which is. innecesary#but i also dont think that once college starts again ill be. okay with. 'wasting time' going to therapy#i know it wouldnt be a waste of time but the waste of time is commute im so sure it will be at least an hour away from where i am#it just. sucks. i want to be okay lmao#at least for longer periods of time or at least feel neutral and not like. this? i guess#also i think if i managed to change the way i am i could try to get less down so often tbh#i managed at some point somehow im back here and i think ill have to fully rework that#its either convincing myself to care less or change tactics to not experience it in the first place#... idk lmao i have no idea what will end up going on#i just know ill keep going thats as much as i can say#im.. gonna pretend i didnt post this and keep rbing stuff too btw lmao or go to sleep or something but yeah
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Between the lines
Lando Norris x Law student!reader
A/N: ok amma just act like i didnât ghost this app for months and came out if nowhere but here we are ig. Also the Brazilian gp??? What the heck like wild race istgđ
It all started one night in Monaco, on a break from law school. You were on vacation with a friend, celebrating the rare freedom that came with a brief pause in your intense study schedule. A night at the casino was not usually your scene, but your friend had insisted.
After about an hour, sheâd struck up a flirtatious conversation with some guy whoâd been lingering by the bar. You waved her off, telling her youâd be fine, and took a seat on your own near a roulette table.
Thatâs when he walked up. Unassuming at first, with that messy hair and a slightly cocky smile that had âtroubleâ written all over it.
âMind if I join you?â he asked, a hint of an accent in his voice.
You shrugged, amused. âGo for it. But Iâm not particularly good at this.â
He chuckled. âNeither am I.â
You exchanged a few more jokes, but it didnât take long for him to introduce himself, giving you his number in a smooth, unhurried way.
âLando,â he said, his eyes glinting with mischief.
You stashed the number away without much thought. It was only the next day, when you mentioned the encounter to your little sister over FaceTime, that you realized who he actually was.
âSome guy named Lando gave me his number at the casino,â youâd said offhandedly. Her jaw dropped.
âWait, Lando who??.â
You blinked, stunned, and then laughed. âI donât know, apparently heâs famousâ
âso itâs lando fucking norris whatâ she said wide eyed
She rolled her eyes, muttering, âOnly my sister would be this oblivious to F1 drivers. Iâve been a die-hard fan since I was, like, ten, and you meet one without even knowing?â
From there, you let yourself get to know him, intrigued by how normal he seemed compared to the hype youâd suddenly realized surrounded him. When he asked you out, you thought, why not? You were used to focusing on your studies and keeping your personal life private, so it didnât seem like much would change. But with Lando, everything was different.
-
Months later, youâd fallen into an unexpected but steady rhythm with Lando. Despite his career, he managed to keep things low-key. Neither of you posted much about each other. Hell, you barely posted anything at all. You were still a law student with a private life, and the last thing you wanted was for the whole world to know who you were dating.
One evening, you were lying on his couch, scrolling through your phone, when Lando turned to you with a sly grin.
âBabe, you know⊠youâre eventually gonna get caught, right? Someoneâs going to snap a picture of us, and then the catâs out of the bag,â he teased, nudging your leg with his.
You groaned, rolling your eyes. âOh, sure, because every random person with a camera is just dying to know who youâre dating.â
He snickered, leaning in closer. âMaybe. But you know, it could be kinda nice⊠to go out sometimes. Like, properly. We donât have to make a big deal of it.â
You hesitated, biting your lip. As much as you loved being with him, the idea of being recognizedâor worse, photographedâmade you cringe. Your accounts were private, your life simple, and you werenât sure how youâd feel about people seeing you with him.
But, at the same time, you knew it wasnât fair to keep him hidden away forever. So, you took a deep breath and gave him a small smile. âWhat if we make a deal?â
His eyebrows shot up in interest. âIâm listening.â
âYou can have me at the paddock,â you said, already dreading the idea. âBut my accounts stay private, no tags, no âgirlfriend revealsâ on Instagram. Iâll show up, Iâll be there for you but Iâm not trying to become some celebrity.â
He grinned, leaning in to kiss you softly. âDeal. Although I canât promise you wonât end up in a couple of team photos. You know how they love to catch every damn moment.â
You chuckled, trying not to think too hard about what you were signing up for.
-
A couple of weeks later, you were lying in bed with Lando, scrolling mindlessly through Instagram, when you felt a pang of guilt.
âI never actually told you about my sister,â you said suddenly.
âOh?â He looked over at you with interest.
âYeah, sheâs been obsessed with F1 since she was like, ten,â you explained, laughing softly. âSheâs begged me to take her to a race for years, but I was always too busy with school. Now sheâs a full-on Ferrari fan⊠and sheâs probably never going to forgive me for dating you.â
He grinned, intrigued. âA Ferrari fan, huh? Thatâs rough. Maybe I can convince her to switch sides.â
You snorted. âGood luck. Sheâs already sworn allegiance to Sebastian Vettel. In her words, McLarenâs colors are âan offense to her soul.ââ
Lando laughed, shaking his head. âWell, in that case, weâll have to win her over somehow. Why donât we bring her to a race? Iâll make sure she gets the best seats, full experience,
You raised an eyebrow, surprised. âSheâd lose her mind. Seriously. Are you sure? Because I can tell you right now, sheâd never root for McLaren.
âAbsolutely,â he said, squeezing your hand. âIf sheâs as big a fan as you say, she deserves a proper race weekend. Plus, I think itâs time we officially break her âFerrari-onlyâ heart.â
-
On race day, you and Lando arrived at the paddock, and immediately, heads turned. Youâd chosen a classic, chic outfit and despite your initial nerves, you managed to keep your cool.
You spotted your sister down the row, and her jaw dropped as soon as she saw you. She approached, barely able to contain her excitement, though she shot a mock glare at Lando.
âSuch a shame I donât like McLaren,â she said, her tone dripping with sarcasm.
âYeah, yeah,â he replied with a grin. âYou just wait. One lap, and youâll be a fan.â
She rolled her eyes, but you could tell she was thrilled, practically bouncing on her heels as she looked around at the spectacle. She turned to you, eyes wide with disbelief. âYouâre really here⊠at a race. I donât know whether to thank you or disown you.â
You laughed, nudging her playfully. âIâm still not a fan, if that helps.â
She huffed, pretending to be offended. âI guess Iâll forgive you. But only if you bring me every single time from now on.â
The rest of the day passed in a blur of cameras, fans, and the hum of engines. You couldnât deny the rush of excitement that came with being part of the chaos, even if it meant being in the public eye. And when you saw your sisterâs face, completely lit up as she took in every second, it felt worth it.
-
The relationship slowly became public, just as you and Lando had agreed. You kept your accounts locked down, but fans began to recognize you, and a few photos of you two at the paddock circulated on social media.
Your sister stayed true to her Ferrari fandom, texting you regularly to tease you about your âbetrayal.â But every now and then, youâd catch her slipping in a comment about McLaren usually something along the lines of, âOkay, that car looks pretty badass.â
One evening, Lando turned to you with a satisfied grin. âI think weâre doing alright, donât you think?â
You looked around the Monaco apartment youâd somehow started calling âhomeâ without even realizing it, at the life youâd built together. You leaned over, giving him a soft kiss. âYeah, I think so, too.â
In the end, you realized you didnât need to post, announce, or shout your relationship from the rooftops. Being there for each other was enough, even if it meant sharing some of the spotlight.
After all, Lando may have been the one the world wanted to see, but you were his, and that was more than enough.
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hihi mae!! in honor of the season, could i request reader convincing bodygaurd!james to carve pumpkins together. and itâs basically just him on the brink of cardiac arrest bc reader is using the biggest butcher knife possible, like an absolute menace, and heâs 100% convinced sheâs gonna saw her fingers off lol. thx for considering âĄ
Thank you lovely!!
bodyguard!James x fem!reader ⥠814 words
James has half a mind to find you a plastic knife and let you make do with that. It might take you a while longer, yeah, but at least he wouldnât have to feel every muscle in his body tense each time you stab the knife youâve picked through your pumpkin.Â
âI thought you were doing a cat,â he says, watching you push another piece out from what will be your pumpkinâs mouth.Â
âI am.âÂ
âWhy does it have fangs?âÂ
âIt just felt like it should.â You shrug. âSort of spookier that way, right? Maybe itâs a vampire cat.âÂ
âAnd here I thought it was going to be cute.âÂ
You smile at him. âNo, Jamie. Thatâs yours.âÂ
With all his attention on making sure you donât slash yourself, James has made pitifully little progress on his own pumpkin. Heâs only managed to cut out the nose, but when heâs done itâs going to be a classic, smiling jack-o-lantern, except with hearts for eyes. Youâd beamed and called it fitting when James told you his plan. Heâs been ruminating over what you could have meant by that ever since.Â
For his own project heâs using a small paring knife, mostly because heâd hoped youâd follow his example (what wishful thinking that was) but also because James doesnât tend to do well with precision and he didnât see a big knife helping matters. You, however, have selected what may be the largest knife heâs ever seen. He canât comprehend what a beast that size would even be necessary for in a kitchen, much less for carving a pumpkin. Your unskilled grip on the handle makes the hairs on his arms stand on end.Â
âI think we ought to find you a different tool,â he tries again.Â
âJames, you worry too much.â You roll your eyes, hardly looking as you shove your knife through the flesh of your pumpkin. He flinches. âThis one is working fine.âÂ
âRight, I just feel likeââ You do it again. James worries heâs developing an eye twitch. ââlike possibly Iâm not doing my job by letting you handle a weapon like that.â
âItâs not a weapon, itâs a kitchen knife.âÂ
Again, not a clue what in the kitchen could require a knife that large.Â
âI think its capacity for injury is the same regardless, angel. Let me have it, please? That way I can keep working here and you can keep all of your fingers.âÂ
âYou need to chill out,â you say, unnervingly serene for someone who seems to James on the precipice of life-changing injury. âThis knife is the perfect size for how big I want my eyes to be. If I have to saw using another one, they wonât look as clean.âÂ
âIs that really worth risking your hand for?âÂ
âYes. I want the triangles to look nice when I stick them onto the top as its ears.âÂ
âHow are you going to do that?âÂ
âWith toothpicks.âÂ
Right. A more moderate risk of injury, for sure, but James is now too high-strung to imagine anything other than disastrous outcomes between you and sharp objects. He imagines you skewering one of your lovely fingertips on a toothpick, the surprised look on your face when it happens. His own heart bursting straight out of his chest from overexertion.Â
âMaybe I could do that part for you,â James suggests weakly.Â
âShit.â Youâre looking into your hollow pumpkin. âThe eye wonât come out.âÂ
âLet me try.âÂ
âNo, Iâve got it.âÂ
Before he can stop you, youâre sticking your knife inside your pumpkin. It comes spearing out the other side a moment later, the triangle of one eye impaled on its tip. James chokes on a gasp as you stop it within inches of your abdomen.Â
âThere,â you say satisfiedly.Â
James makes a strangled sound. âNo,â he says, seizing your wrist and carefully removing the knife from your hand. âNo, I canât do it. Weâre swapping.âÂ
âWhat?â You look at him with wide, wounded eyes. Itâs adorable, compelling even, but James wonât allow himself to budge. âBut your knife is so lame.âÂ
James guffaws. He feels half delirious. This is it, he thinks. His love for you has finally driven him insane.Â
âItâs not lame.âÂ
You pout. âItâs tiny.âÂ
âSweetheart.â James sets the knife down to hold your face in both hands. You go still with surprise. âIf you stab yourself with your giant knife, I wonât be around to get fired. Iâll die of heartbreak. Do you understand?âÂ
You roll your eyes at him, but youâre softening. âYou really like my hands that much?âÂ
âI like all of you. In tact. Youâre perfect as you are.âÂ
âFine, whatever.â You pull your face from his grasp, picking up the smaller knife. âI know you secretly just wanted to be the one with the bigger knife, though.âÂ
âYeah, youâve caught me. Canât get anything past you.â
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Katsuki asks you to move in with him.
750 words
Katsuki twisted and readjusted in bed trying to find a comfortable position. Usually, he was able to easily drift off into sleep thanks to his strict sleeping schedule, but today sleep was eluding him.
It wasnât a new feeling to be up at night with thoughts plaguing his mind, but it wasnât something that had happened in a long time. No matter how hard he tried he couldnât get the thoughts of you out of his mind.
He knew you were ok, you two had recently texted goodnight. Yet he felt restless worrying about you alone in your place. He didnât understand it. It wasnât like you just recently lived alone. You had been in your own apartment for years now. So why tonight could he not rest knowing you were alone?
He huffed flipping over again, the sheets rustling and pillow readjusting to his head. It was still no use. Grunting Katsuki threw the sheet off and swung his legs off the bed. Deciding that his thoughts wouldnât subside till he was with you. Holding you in his embrace ensuring you were sleeping peacefully.
His nostrils flared at his sharp exhalation as he quickly packed his bag for tomorrow. Heâd have to leave your place early to make it to the hero agency, and he was losing out on sleep, but he didnât care. He figured the lost sleep from commuting to your place was less sleep heâd lose than tossing and turning from not being with you. Â
Katsuki threw a hoodie on over his muscle shirt and didnât bother changing out of his sweats for the ride to your place. Luckily at this time of night there wasnât any traffic on the way to your place. Pulling into a visitor parking spot he hurriedly grabbed his bag and headed to your door.
The sight he saw caused him to tighten his grip around his duffle bag and his eyebrows to furrow. A fan of yours was placing something outside your door. Your super fans had managed to track down where you stayed, and it was common now for them to leave letters.
Just another factor that kept Katsuki up at night. If your super fans knew where you lived, villains did too. The fanboy dropping the gift-wrapped bag up at your door turned to the sound of someone else approaching. Expecting to see another superfan the boy yelled at the sight of Dynamite.
âGet lost,â Katsuki demanded roughly. Effectively scaring the boy away. Knowing full well this encounter would only deepen the rumors that you and Dynamite were dating. What did Katsuki care at this point. Everyone should know that you were his.
The boy mumbled a weak apology and ran, not wanting to irritate Dynamite any further. Katsuki dropped his bag on the floor, taking notice of the mountain of gifts at your door. He pulled up the gift bag that was freshly left for you and squashed it with a tight grip. He let out an explosion letting his frustration get the best of him, sabotaging every other gift left by your doorstep. It made his skin crawl thinking all these fanboys would openly stroll up to your door.
Katsuki kicked another gift over and jumped when your door opened.
âKatsuki?â You questioned sleepy eyes half lidded trying to understand the situation.
âHey kitten,â he greeted you, stuffing his hand back in his pockets.
âCome in,â you gestured pulling him by the arm. âWhat are you doing here?â
âCouldnât sleep,â he mumbled stepping in and kicking off his shoes. âThere always fanboys at your door now?â he asked harshly.
âRelax, they are harmless,â you laughed.
âYou donât know that! You donât know their intentions! Itâs late as hell and one was just out there right leaving you some dumb gift,â Katsuki grumbled.Â
âIs that what that explosion was?â You teased, walking back to your bedroom.
Katsuki followed, mumbling and grumbling the whole way. âHow am I supposed to sleep when goddamn losers are stalking outside your door.âÂ
âI can take care of myself. I am also a pro hero you know,â you retorted as you crawled into bed.
Katsuki pulled off his hoodie, dropping it to the floor, he crawled in after you. He wrapped his arm around you, bringing you into a snuggle. Finally feeling all the irritating thoughts melt away. âI know you can kitten, I just... worry about you,â he explained kissing the top of your head.
His next proposal left you lost for words, âWhy donât you just move in with me?â
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