#sometimes I still think about how my mother acted/responded to me both before I willingly admitted myself and during my attempt

[cr0wc0rpse]

I’m just having a shit time and feeling pretty miserable lately and I’ve been trying to not think too much about it or let it soak but it still gets in through the cracks. And earlier today I was reminded that 1 year ago today I got out of the hospital after my suicide attempt. Which just kind of makes me feel worse. I was miserable then and I’m still miserable now. Almost nothing has actually changed since then, both within me, personally and my life, and outside of me. It’s still the same

[ginnympotter]

call it even

Chapter 2: for old times’ sake

A/N: uhhh so spoiler or whatever but this has a small amount of pretty mild smut? which i've never attempted i can't believe i'm pressing post on this thing please don't judge me lol you can also read this chapter on AO3

I’m parked between the Methodist and school.

She read the text, looked at herself in the mirror one more time, and braced herself. She took her coat off the hook and as she was zipping it up she heard her mother coming down the stairs. “Ginny, hun, are you going out?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you later,” she said, grabbing the doorknob, trying to get out as quick as she could.

But before she could walk out Molly asked, “You know Harry could have come in, right?”

She looked at her mother’s smug smile and groaned. “Goodnight, Mom,” and swung the door shut behind her.

She walked quickly two blocks down, turned right and crossed the street. It was easy to spot Harry’s old truck, not just because there were only 3 other cars parked on that road, but also because it stuck out like a sore thumb, and also was a staple in so many of their memories. She knocked on the passenger side’s window and opened the car door, hopping into the seat. She looked over at Harry to say hi, and saw him smiling. “Hey, thanks for picking me up.”

“Of course,” Harry said as she shut the door. “But why did you make me park two blocks over?”

“Because I didn’t want it to be awkward, with me staying at my parents’ house, but it didn’t even matter because my mom just knew I was going to hang out with you.”

“Molly knows all.”

“Too much.” She looked over at their old high school building, and then at the field they were parked in front of, nostalgia filling her up. “Nice parking spot.”

“It’s weird working at the school we went to. Where those bleachers are,” Harry responded. She felt a tightness in her throat, feeling both excited and uneasy that he was already bringing these types of things up. “Remember how pissed Molly was when we skipped the prom?”

“Thank God she never found us under those,” Ginny heard herself respond. She and Harry looked at one another, twin smirks on their faces. The school bleachers might not be exactly the ideal, romantic place to lose your virginity, but for them it made total sense. She collected herself before her thoughts would get her carried away. “So, um, where to? Everywhere’s closed.”

“Did you eat already?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, okay, um...maybe we could just drive around for a bit? And then head back to my place for a glass of wine?”

Memories from last year flashed in her mind. She nodded and buckled herself in silently. He started the car, the engine gave a loud and disquieting noise, and then they took off. “I cannot believe this truck is still running.”

Harry lightly tapped the dashboard. “She never lets me down.”

Ginny rolled her eyes and sniggered. She looked out the window as they drove down the roads. “Believe it or not I kind of missed this place. Has it changed at all?”

“The same as it ever was,” Harry responded. “But I know you don’t like it that way.”

His eyes were on the road but she could feel what he meant without seeing his face. “I do, sometimes,” she clarified, hoping he would hear her for what she meant. “Is Dumbledore still principal?”

“Yeah, he is,” Harry told her. “And McGonagall still teaches math.”

“You were always their favorite.”

“Dumbledore’s, maybe,” he shrugged. “But McGonagall? She still goes on about my dad. They have tea together like, once a month.”

“But McGonagall let you get away with basically everything. She was just sly about it.”

“Much to Snape’s chagrin.”

“Oh God, don’t tell me he still works there?”

“Unfortunately.” Ginny blanched, and Harry laughed in appreciation. “He was so pissed when Dumbledore hired me. I just avoid him at all costs.”

“I can’t believe you willingly accepted a job where you have to see Snape every day.”

“I know. It’s worth it, though. I really love teaching,” he said. They halted at a stop sign and he used the opportunity to look at her as he said, “You helped me realize that.”

“I was a great tutee, if I do say so myself,” she smiled. “How about the coaching bit? Did the kids ever recover from their loss?”

Harry drove them around all the backroads as he talked about coaching and working at the school. Much of the anxiety she was holding inside her had slowly melted away as they eased back into their regular rapport. Her heart felt like it doubled in size as he talked about his favorite students (though at first proclaiming, “I don’t play favorites, but…”). He asked her more about life in LA and her first year being a starter.

When they arrived at Harry’s apartment, Ginny hung up her coat and watched as Harry’s eyes not so subtly raked over her body before he turned to his cabinet and took out two wine glasses. She sat in the same spot she did the last time she was on his sofa as Harry listed off various wine options. Harry updated her on all the most recent Tupelo gossip as they drank and reminisced on the different characters they grew up with. Every time he smiled she felt a piece of her heart break, she missed seeing it so much.

Harry must’ve sensed it- or perhaps he heard the crack inside her chest- as one of those times his smile dropped to a frown as he looked at her with concern. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Ginny tried, taking the last sip of her wine and placing the glass down on the coffee table. She then noticed the People Magazine cover where she was in a little square on the top right for her interview with them last month.

She picked it up and held it in front of Harry, who suddenly turned red. “Er, I, um-” he stammered, and she laughed.

“Fred and George were just making fun of me for this yesterday at their party.”

“What’s to make fun of?” Harry asked, attempting to recover. “I think you did great.”

“Just a bit corny of a profile, I guess,” she responded. “Can I ask why you have it?”

Harry sighed, giving Ginny a very pointed look.

“What?”

“I have it because I was proud of you,” he replied carefully, taking another sip of his wine. “Is that a bad thing?”

And before she could register exactly what she was saying, the words “You could’ve texted me” flew out of her mouth.

Harry raised his eyebrows. “About the People profile?”

“Sure,” she said. Her brain telling her shut up, shut up, SHUT UP, but her mouth continued. “Or any other time before that. Or after I left this apartment after my brother’s wedding.”

Just as quickly as Harry’s face reddened before, it had now drained of all color. “I, er… I don’t-” he stopped himself, clearing his throat. “You could’ve texted me too, you know.”

“Well, why didn’t you?”

“Ginny,” he said softly, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t want to do this right now. Can’t we just...enjoy our time together while you’re here? Before you leave in a few days? I don’t want to fight.”

“Why didn’t you?” she repeated, more quietly this time.

“You know why,” he said defiantly, in an equally low voice.

“I don’t, actually.”

He groaned, putting his glass down next to hers before looking at her intensely. He looked tired, sad. “Because the only thing I wanted to text you was to ask you to stay. And I couldn’t ask that; it wouldn’t be right.”

She had an inkling that this would be his answer, but it still felt nice to hear him confirm it. “No, I suppose not.”

“And I wanted to text you so many times after, but… I was too afraid of what I’d say. And then too much time passed, and- I don’t know, I’m sorry, Gin.”

“Are you seeing anyone right now?”

Harry blinked, taken aback by the abrupt question. “No,” he said.

“Neither am I,” she told him, and then moved closer to him, so close that their legs touched. “You’re right, you couldn’t ask me to stay. But… how about I stay the night, and we could call it even?”

It took Harry a moment to register her proposal. When he did, he swallowed, his adam’s apple protruding against his throat. “Are...are you sure?”

She decided then to let go of her inhibitions, to act on impulse and burning desire, and placed herself on his lap facing him, her knees tightly against his hips, her hands meeting on the back of his neck, lightly scratching the bottom of his scalp. “I’m sure.”

Harry took a deep breath. “Right, then,” he mumbled, and then his lips were crashing against hers, and his arms moved her impossibly closer to him. She opened her mouth and his tongue swept atop hers; Harry moaned as he did it, as Ginny moved her fingers through his hair and pressed her chest against his. They kissed passionately, slow and hot, then fast and urgent, then slowly again. They fell back into their rhythm seamlessly.

When Ginny pulled away to kiss his neck, Harry’s voice was raspy. “Fuck,” he exhaled. She moved her tongue lightly along his collar bone, up the side of his neck, and to his ear as she ground herself more firmly on his growing erection. He groaned, moving his hands to Ginny’s ass and cupping it. “Fuck,” he repeated. “I missed this. I missed you.”

She was too stimulated to think too much about his words for too long, but nevertheless, they still caused her heart to lurch. And hearing Harry express himself- even just the slightest showing of vulnerability from him- always turned her on even more. She blew hot air on his ear, nibbled on the lobe, and then pulled away to take off his sweater. He smiled in a daze as she got the sweater off of him and discarded it. He didn’t waste another second before throwing off his T-shirt (his glasses momentarily getting caught in the process) and then doing the same to her, so he could have the next several seconds to unhook her lacy blue bra and let it drop to the floor. He leaned back and admired the view of her chest, then glanced up at Ginny before touching her. She gave a quick nod and he let himself feel her breasts in his hands again for the first time in almost a year, massaging them gently, then with more power. Ginny felt herself grow hotter just watching how Harry responded to her. He leaned in and took her right breast in his mouth, using his fingers to play with her left nipple in the way that always drove her mad. She allowed herself to enjoy it fully, moaning as she pleased, arching into him, pulling at his hair as he switched from one to the other.

Before long it was too much, and she grabbed his face and disconnected his mouth from her chest so she could kiss him again. She felt her lips tingle with the touch of his tongue, her skin burn as his hands moved to her back, running down slowly to her waistband, reaching under her pants to touch her bare ass, squeezing and spreading her cheeks gently. God, she loved when he did that. After she kissed him thoroughly enough, and her pants felt too wet to wear anymore, she moved to undo Harry’s belt buckle, which in turn encouraged him to unzip her jeans. She removed herself from him so they could remove what was left of their clothes. Seeing how hard he was for her, full and bare, made her weak in the knees yet simultaneously at her most powerful. She pushed Harry back down on the couch, let her knees give in to the floor, and cupped his balls. “Ginny-” Harry grunted, but before anything else could come out of his mouth she took him in her own, licking up his length, sucking gently as she bobbed her head up and down.

It was only around thirty seconds later that Harry stopped her, pulling her head off of him. “Wait, wait, stop-”

Immediately, she felt embarrassed. “Was that...ok?”

“Oh, God, Ginny, of course, it was more than ok, it was fucking amazing but...but I want to help you out first. Please.”

“Harry, it’s fine-”

“No, please,” he said earnestly. “I want to. I really want to.”

She let go of him and nodded wordlessly. He helped her up, laid her down on the couch, and kissed her gently. He then whispered, “Let me make you happy.”

“You always make me happy,” she whispered back. His features changed from eager to wistful. He kissed her again, much more firmly this time, and then worked his mouth from her neck along her body, over each breast, her stomach, the inside of her thighs, before he reached his final destination. Ginny closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh as he pressed his tongue up and down against her clit.

She didn’t have to think or speak or do anything; Harry knew exactly the way she liked it, no matter how much time in between their sexual activities passed, he never lost track of exactly what made her scream, what made her shake in ecstasy, as she did only a few minutes after he began. As she came down from her high, Harry kissed his way back up her body, until reaching her cheek, which he kissed delicately. “You feel good?” he asked hoarsely.

“Mm,” was all she could respond in the moment, panting from pleasure still.

He chuckled sweetly, kissing her cheek again, then her forehead, then her lips. Once her breathing had steadied somewhat, she heard him speak again. “What else do you want?”

“To fuck you,” she breathed out.

Harry moaned at her words as he pushed his tongue back into her mouth, the vibrations sending tingles down to her toes. “Do you want to move to the bedroom?”

“We can go to your bed for round two,” she told him, smiling widely. “But round one is happening right here, right now on this couch.”

“If you insist,” he said hoarsely, moving over her, wasting not another second. They had already lost enough time.

***

Behind her eyelids, Ginny could feel the light pouring into Harry’s bedroom. She felt a twinge of joy as she moved her arms to find Harry’s torso, but all she could find were the sheets. She opened her eyes and saw that his side of the bed was empty. Her stomach fell as she scanned the room for him. She sat up and heard a bit of clanging around in the kitchen. The bedroom door was half-open. She rose from the bed, opened the drawer where Harry kept his t-shirts, and threw his go-to blue tee over her head. She stepped out of his room and walked down the hall to find Harry, wearing only a pair of boxers and his glasses, his hair as messy as ever, pouring an omelet onto a plate with expert ease.

“Morning,” she said quietly.

He turned to look at her and grinned, looking her over. “Morning. Nice shirt.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you alone in there. I just wanted to make you breakfast.”

“That’s sweet, Harry.” She went to sit at the island and he waved his hands. “No, no, not here!”

“Excuse me?”

“Breakfast in bed ,” he clarified. “I’ll bring it in, you go relax, I just am finishing up on the home fries and then I’ll bring it right in.”

“You sure?”

He waved his spatula in the direction of his room. “Go on, now!”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes at him fondly before turning around and heading back down the hall. “Fine, but I’m using your bathroom first.”

“Do what you must.”

After using the toilet and brushing her teeth, she settled back into Harry’s bed and scrolled through her phone. Only a few minutes later, Harry entered with their plates, handing one to her and planting a tender kiss on her forehead. Her insides melted at the gesture. She softly thanked him, scooted over and dug in. Harry sat on his side but at the foot of the bed, his legs folded and his plate on his lap, that way he could face her. They ate in silence, exchanging occasional grins. She felt slightly distracted by his shirtless form and the way their feet touched. When she finished she handed Harry her plate. “That was delicious, thank you. Compliments to the chef.”

“My pleasure,” he told her. “I like cooking for people.”

“Perhaps if this teaching thing doesn’t work you can go to culinary school.”

“I know you’re joking, but I’d honestly consider it,” he said as he stacked their empty plates and leaned over to put them on his bedside table. He then sat beside her and grabbed her hand, interlacing their fingers. “What would you like to do today? That is, if you don’t have any other pressing plans…”

“I do have a hot date or two lined up, but I could always reschedule them for next year,” she joked.

“How kind of you,” he replied, picking up her hand and kissing it. Ginny was finding it hard to control herself with all the seemingly small, natural affection he was showing. “But really, anything in mind?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, I thought maybe we’d sleep in half the day- just for old times’ sake?”

Harry chuckled, glancing at the clock. “It’s already 10am. You want to go back to sleep?”

“Well, maybe not right away,” she said, lacking subtlety. “Thought we could do something to tire us out first.”

“Hmm,” Harry pretended to think. “What could that be?”

She grabbed him by the neck and kissed him, and he sighed, using his free hand to cup her face. After kissing each other sweetly for a minute or two, Harry let go of her hand to grab her and pull her onto his lap. He quickly realized that other than his shirt she wasn’t wearing anything else at all, moaning as he grabbed her ass. He deepened the kiss and Ginny became wrapped up in its intensity, returning it right to him, her hands wrapped up in his hair. Although her body was in the driver’s seat, her mind and heart were racing, thinking about how much this man meant to her, how much she felt like herself when she was with him, how much he made her feel like she could do anything. She cherished every second she could steal with him, before all she’d have is memories to replay until the next time, cementing the feel and the taste of him into her brain. She didn’t want it to ever end.

But not before long, Harry seemed to slow down, and then he pulled away altogether. When Ginny leaned back in to continue the kiss, he barely reciprocated.

“Harry?” she asked, breathing heavily. “Are you okay?”

He cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, I…” He looked at her and she could see the storm of emotions in his emerald eyes. He leaned his head against hers and exhaled. “I’m fine. But...can we pause this for a moment? Can we talk?”

A wave of dread washed over her as she nodded her head and removed herself from his lap. Sensing her tension, Harry grabbed her hand again, rubbing his thumb across the back of it. “What is it?” she asked reluctantly.

He inhaled deeply, his forehead creased. “When you leave later today, I… I don’t want it to be like last time.”

“Well, that’s easy then,” Ginny told him, attempting a smile. “All you have to do is text me when I land back in L.A. this time.”

“And what would that imply, exactly?” Harry questioned. “Me texting you, that is.”

“It-” but Ginny realized she didn’t really have an answer- or, at least, she couldn’t give the answer she really wanted. “It would mean that this wasn’t just some meaningless thing to you.”

Harry frowned, tilting his head to the side slightly. “Is that what you really thought? Or what you’ll think if you leave later?”

Ginny considered his question. “I suppose not.”

“Of course not,” he corrected her, speaking with conviction as he squeezed her hand. “Ginny… I still-”

“Stop,” she interrupted him. “Don’t say it.”

She wanted to hear him say it, of course she did, but she would never be able to leave if she let him continue. She felt her heart break a bit at Harry’s disappointed expression. “What do you want me to say then?” he asked, his voice quiet but his tone stabbing. “That I don’t care about you? That I don’t miss you? That I don’t think about you every time I try to date someone else? I’m sorry if that’s hard for you to hear, but I have to tell you, I can’t even fathom you thinking for even one second that anything between us could ever be meaningless to me. I’m sorry I didn’t text you. I don’t know how to do this.”

“No,” she said as she put a hand on his leg. She couldn’t take it anymore. He was right, hearing all of that was too hard for her.  Knowing the feelings are mutual “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… The meaningless thing was an overreaction, alright? I know… we’ll always mean so much to each other.”

Harry sighed, closing his eyes, his thinking face on. Ginny knew that face too well, and she knew he was trying to work out in his mind how to phrase all his feelings. “I just don’t understand why we gave up two years ago. We did long distance from your senior year in high school through all of college and it was fine. I didn’t want to break up. But you were so insistent that this is what was best once you got a spot on the team and I didn’t want to feel like I had to persuade you to stay together and I just…”

Ginny’s heart dropped into her stomach. There was such an ache in his voice… it hurt her to hear. “I don’t know, Harry, I thought… I thought I was doing the right thing,” she settled on. How could she explain giving up on them to him? To herself? “College was one thing, but as working adults? It just felt like we’d never be in the same place, we’d never be able to actually spend time together… I didn’t want to hold you back. I didn’t realize you…that you would’ve… I thought we were on the same page, I’m sorry.”

“No, I should’ve fought harder for us,” he told her, eyes blazing. “It’s not too late, is it?”

Ginny exhaled as Harry squeezed her hand again. “Harry, I can’t stay here-“

“I’m not asking you to.”

“Well, I can’t ask you to wait for me. I don’t know what’s going to come with my career.”

“I don’t care how far apart we are,” he asserted. “I don’t want to be with anyone else- I’ve tried, and I’m sure you have too, but we always end up back here, don’t we?  I want to be with you. We can figure the rest out as we go. It’s us, you know?”

He smirked at the end of his sentence, and all the feelings she’d been holding in for two years seemed to boil over at once. God, she missed that smile. The same smile as the one she dreamed about every day when she was only 11 and he spent every summer day over at their house with Ron. The same smile that he gave her after their first kiss, and after they skipped the prom and hid out under the bleachers, and when he came home to visit from college for the first time, and when he visited her in her dorm, and when he saw her standing in her bridesmaid dress at Ron and Hermione’s wedding, and then when he took it off of her later that night, and when they bumped into each other at the airport a few months ago, and just last night as she curled up against him in his bed and kissed him goodnight.

Tears warned to spill over, and she cursed herself for blinking one free. Harry put a hand on her face and wiped it for her with his thumb. He looked deeply into her eyes, which only caused more tears to fall. He wiped another for her, and then he kissed one away, and then he kissed her lips so gently she could barely register it.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, a hint of desperation in his voice for some type of answer.

She looked away from him, staring down at their knees. “I still don’t know, Harry. I’m confused. Everything you’re saying… I want that, I do, but it just doesn’t… seem practical. And… I mean, if we did get back together, what about everything after that? Do you want to stay in Tupelo forever?”

“Not necessarily,” he responded flatly. “I love my job now but I don’t know if I’ll still want to be here in a few years… But do we need to be making those types of decisions now?”

“Well if we don’t, then what? We get back together and three years down the line we break up because we realize we’re still not on the same page? I don’t want to waste either of our time.”

Harry let out a defeated sigh, causing Ginny to look up again. The fire in his eyes was being stomped out by disappointment. “Gin, listen… all I know is that ever since I was sixteen all I’ve wanted is to be with you, whatever it took to make that happen. That hasn’t changed, not one bit, even nine years later. I know we can make it work. If it’s not what you want… I don’t want you to be with me if you aren’t fully in it. But I want to be in your life. I don’t know what that looks like for you right now, but however it does, I’ll be there. Even if that’s only as your brother’s best friend.” He offered a sad smile as he finished.

But you’re so much more than that , she wanted to say, but felt like that’d just be proving his point, and she still felt too confused and overwhelmed. Selfishly, she leaned in and kissed him, long enough to memorize the feeling for later but quickly enough to prevent any further persuasion from the magic of his mouth. She braced herself for her own heart’s self-destruction as she opened her eyes and said, “I think I should go home, now.”

Harry’s sadness lingered for a moment, before he channeled his expertise of shutting down, his features flickering to blankness. “If...if that’s what you want. Let me drive you home, at least?”

She wanted to say no, that she’d just order an Uber, but her mouth betrayed her. “Ok.”

He let go of her hand and stood up. “I’ll, er, just throw on some clothes real quick, then run and grab yours and leave you to get dressed.”

She nodded and watched him throw on a pair of jeans, an undershirt, a jumper, and socks rather haphazardly. She listened as his feet creaked across the hallway floors, and waited with bated breath as he made his way back moments later, handing her a pile of her clothes. She muttered a “thank you” and averted his eyes as she took them.

“Take your time,” he told her gently, and made his way back out.

The moment the door clicked closed, she clenched her eyes shut and pushed out all the tears she could, so none would escape for him to see when she would have to face him again. She wiped her face and felt the warmth leave her as she got up from his bed, her haven. She threw off his shirt and put on her clothes from the night before, but folded up his t-shirt and stuffed it in her purse. It was an unspoken agreement between them that she could take as many of his t-shirts as she liked; he bought extras just for her.

She looked in the mirror, quickly threw her hair back in a low ponytail, and inhaled deeply, as if the air entering her lungs would give her courage to move forward as she opened up his bedroom door and walked towards the entrance.

Harry had his sneakers on, her shoes lined up and her coat ready for her in his hands. She slipped on her shoes and against her better judgment she allowed him to slip her jacket on for her, arm by arm. She hated the electricity that crackled through their every touch. She did not want to leave, she hated herself for leaving, even.

As if he sensed her self-deprecation, he took hold of her hand after it slipped through the sleeve. “Gin, it’ll be okay.”

She didn’t believe him, of course, it was just his typical optimism in order to protect everyone he loved, Except it made Harry look out for everyone else’s comfort at his own expense.

He grabbed his keys and led them out of his flat. They got into his car quietly. Without taking the backroads, the ride was relatively short, only taking 3 songs on the classic rock station of his ancient car radio to make it back to her home, the Burrow.

He parked right outside, which was a mistake, as her mother was out in the front with their family dog, Pig. She was wise enough to just offer a wave and a smile and resume walking with him.

Harry turned to her and asked in a low rasp, “Can I see you again? Before you fly back? Will you still be at your family’s for New Year's?”

“Yeah, I will,” she told him. “I’ll...I’ll see you there.”

Harry nodded. He clicked the unlock button for the doors. “Just...just think about what I said, alright?”

Ginny swallowed, nodding back. “I will.”

He kissed her cheek, his lips burning against her cold skin, and as he pulled away he leaned over to open her door for her. She attempted a smile in thanks, hopped out of his truck, and closed the door gently behind her.

She didn’t look back as she walked through her lawn, as she heard him call out to her mother, “See you soon, Mrs. Weasley!,” as Pig barked merrily at him and Harry laughed out, “I’ll see you soon, too, Pig!” before driving away.

She was grateful that her mother didn’t pursue her as her legs worked their hardest to get her to the door, through the entrance, and up the flight of stairs to her room, into her own bed, waiting for a sense of safety or relief that never came.

[lilyharvord]

Sun

OH OH BABY. It’s MOTHER’S DAY. You know what that means…. :))))  It’s time to celebrate Mare Barrow. While I’m working on the next chapter of the Chain, I figured I’d give you guys this. This next chapter is gonna have to steep like a fine tea cause it’s Cal and the Colonel going head to head and those conversations need to be GOOD. LOL it’s unedited too, sorry. ALSO AVAILABLE ON AO3: link 

Rain patters against the window next to me, but the day outside is too dreary and grey for the event that occurred this morning. I couldn’t care less though, my entire focus is on the little bundle squirming in my arms. My son is as restless as he was inside of me. Still, I smile down at him as I lean back further into the pillows so I can see him better. He looks like me, and like Shade. My heart breaks a fraction at the thought, and heals at the same time. I never thought I’d see my brother’s face again, but there it is, on my son’s.

A tiny gasp draws my eye to the doorway, and my face splits into an elated grin as Coriane sprints across the room and tries to leap onto the bed.

“Momma!” She cries as she only manages to get the top half of her body up. Cal’s right behind her to lift her the last foot so she can crawl across the sheets to me.

“Hello darling.” I laugh as she nuzzles into my side. “I’ve only been gone a day, but you are acting like it’s been forever.”

“It was forever!” She bemoans, her large amber eyes growing impossibly wider as she tries to wind her arms around one of mine. “Grandma told me I had to sit and be quiet but it was so long.”

I don’t need an imagination to picture how that went. My child has more energy than a lightning storm. She bounces around rooms with a smile bright enough to power Ascendant for the rest of its existence, but she can be loud, and a handful if Cal or I isn't there to keep her in check.

“I hope you were good.” I murmur, earning a bright red blush from her as she turns her eyes to Cal. He sink down on the edge of the bed as she crawls away to sit in front of him. Nearly identical features mirror each other as he raises a brow at her when she looks up at him. That simple fact is a reminder of why I’m holding another baby right now. I may have carried and birthed Coriane into the world, but she is her father’s daughter in all aspects. She looks like him, she mimics almost every one of his expressions, and she follows him around like a duckling. The only distinguishing factors are her burning Red blood, and my skin color and mass of curls. I wanted one more to even the score when I realized that maybe she was more of a daddy’s girl than we had originally thought. And I got my wish, which makes me happier than a bird taking flight.

“I was.” She replies when Cal doesn’t step to her immediate defense like he normally does. Which just tells me she was opposite of good and I may have to find a way to thank my parents for watching her.

Her eyes fall to her brother and she edges away from Cal to get closer to me, a strange silence and stillness falling over her. She sits on her haunches next to me, her eyes trained on the little baby sleeping in my arms. She reaches a tentative hand out, but pulls it back quickly, as if thinking better of touch him.

“It’s all right.” I assure her, before shifting Shade so she can see him better. She leans forward, her eyes blinking a few times as she takes in his now sleeping face. With one of her fingers, she touches the tip of his nose and then traces his cheek.

“His skin is so soft.” She whispers, before looking up at me with wide eyes.

“Yours was too.” Cal teases before leaning forward with her. I haven’t let him hold Shade yet, and he may be getting a little impatient that it’s been a few hours. I wanted my time with him first, and he had willingly given it to me. He knew from the moment I found out it was boy that this was going to be my baby for a while. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to hold his son though.

“He’s so small. Was I that small?”            “You were actually smaller.” I smile weakly at the memory of her little body settling in my arms for the first time. Tears begin to build in my eyes at the memory and I roll them at the hormones that will take a while to calm down, before wiping the tears away.

Coriane watches my movement with a curious tilt of her head. That’s not one of Cal’s movements. A part of me flutters in surprise at the concept. She must be starting to develop her own mannerisms. Julian told me she would eventually, when she got old enough to start building her own personality. And she certainly is doing just that.

“I’m not sad darling.” I say, even though another tear slips by and falls down my check. She still wears her concern like Cal though, between her brows which scrunch just slightly.

Reaching my hand out, I curl my arm around her little shoulders and pull her into my side. She settles on her knees so she can press into me at a comfortable angle. “Sometimes, people are so happy, they can’t hold it in and it comes out as tears.”

“Having a new baby made you so happy you are crying?” Coriane reasons as she reaches a hand out for Shade again. He blinks open honey colored eyes and yawns. My daughter’s face splits into a bright grin as he weakly closes his hand around two of her little fingers.

I don’t know what gods to thank for the fact that she does not think we’re replacing her, or handling this like any of my siblings did when a new baby came. I remember thinking Gisa was the worst thing my mother ever made, simply because she took my parent’s attention away from me for a bit. Coriane hasn’t shown us that she’s acting like that. In fact, she had been the opposite side of the spectrum. She might have been more excited at the prospect of the baby than we were.

“Both of you make me so very happy I can’t hold it in.” I whisper to her before pressing a kiss on her hair. Never in my wildest fantasies did I see this day coming. I may have had faint visions of children when I lived in the Stilts, but those thoughts had never been serious. I had been so focused on simply getting through the day, I hadn’t thought about the months or years to come. I didn’t want to bring a child into the mud and the life that I had been forced to live. I didn’t even really want to bring one into this new world that we were all forging from the broken pieces of the old. But Coriane had moved inside of me, and I had become so sure of the path I was walking that when I finally saw her face, I knew I had made at least one right decision in my life.

Cal’s hand is warm on my knee as he gentle massages the joint with his thumb. Laying my cheek on Cori’s head, I smile at him. He returns the gesture. He looks tired, maybe just as tired as I do. We have a long couple years ahead of us too. Piedmont tries to march on the States every other month, and the Lakelands puddle along to the beat of their own drum, no matter how hard Evangeline tries to beat a different one. Tiraxes and Prairie refuse to hear talks or peace. We’ll be called on sooner rather than later. I know now more than ever, I will be loath to leave this little slice of peace that Cal and I have carved out over the years. There is war and strife all around us, but at least for this moment, we are together.

Pressing another long kiss to Coriane’s head, I whisper to her. “Your brother’s name is Shade.”

“Daddy told me.” Coriane replies in kind. “Grandma said it’s a special name like mine. That it was your brother’s name.”

“It was.” I try to keep my voice even, but it breaks on that admission all the same. Cal’s hand grows a little warmer, and he squeezes my knee a little tighter. There’s no room for him this high up on the bed, but he still wants me to know he’s here. I couldn’t be more grateful for him in this moment.

Coriane rests her head in crock of my shoulder and says, “He’s Clara’s daddy.”

“He was. And he would have loved both of you.”

Shade would have loved my daughter like he loved his own. I know he would have, and he would have teased Cal mercilessly the whole time. His absence is like a knife in my heart still, but the blade has dulled over the years. My son has dulled that blade further, and I suppose removed it an inch.

“Can I hold him?” Coriane breathes her question so quietly I almost miss it.

When I don’t respond to she looks to Cal and then back up to me for permission. I hesitantly push her hair behind her ear in response to her gaze.

“Dad hasn’t held him yet.” I murmur in answer, and her little lips immediately purse into a pout.

Cal rises from the bed in the rustle of sheets before scooping her into his arms and sinking down next to me with Cori in his lap. “We can hold him together.” He says to her with a smile that is reserved only for her. She grins back up at him, before turning that shining look on her brother. She practically vibrates out of Cal’s lap as I reluctantly give him over to them.

Even though Cal takes most of Shade’s weight in his hands, it’s Coriane’s body that Shade presses up against. He squirms for a moment, not happy with being shifted so much so soon, but settles quickly as Cal adjusts for him.

Coriane’s eyes open wide and her mouth opens in a little circle as she whispers, “he’s heavy momma.”

“You don’t need to tell me that darling.” I can’t help the comment. It slips past the filters I built after having my daughter. She’s getting older though, and she understands those sideways jokes for the most part now.

           “Be careful, make sure you don’t move too much.” Cal warns her when she squirms and tries to hold him by herself.

           “She’s all right, let her try.” I nod down to our children and Cal watches me for a heartbeat, trying to judge my comment. When I don’t say anything else, he adjusts his grip and lets Coriane take the full weight of her brother. She takes to him like a duck on water, and grins up at me when he nuzzles into her chest. I return her smile, joy oozing out of me. The lights overhead flicker for a moment, and then buzz louder as my emotion tries to manifest as something else.

           Cal smirks at me, but I can feel the pride and heat that rolls off of him in waves. He can’t hide it either. He wanted this as much as I did. I’ve always known he would be a good father, whether or not I was the mother of those children had remained to be seen. But it happened, and I couldn’t be happier to be doing this with him, to be growing our family and trying to carve out a place for them in the world.

           “He looks beautiful.” Cal leans around Coriane to whisper that to me, trying not to disturb the moment our daughter is having as she coos nonsense to Shade. Clara did the same thing to her when we brought Cori home and let my niece stick her head into the bassinet to say hello. The memory brings another wave of happiness over me that immediately makes the lights buzz again.

           “He’s healthy, and that’s all that matters to me.” I reply with a smile before letting him press a gentle kiss to my lips.

           “You were faster this time. Even your mother was impressed.” He teases before pulling back to avoid the sparks I try to snap at his cheek with. He smooths Coriane’s curls as he gives me a mischievous smirk she completely misses. I hope she never sees that smile, because then she’ll start copying it, and I don’t think I can take my child smirking at me like that.

           “Momma.” Coriane calls for me again, forcing me to switch my scowl for a smile instantly. She tries to wiggle and offer Shade back to me, her face pinched with her effort. Cal almost dives forward to make sure he makes it back into my arms, and I have to move just as quickly to avoid him falling into my lap. He makes it nonetheless, and I breathe a tiny sigh of relief as I sink back. Coriane, oblivious to the moment as much as a child can be, immediately starts trying to cliimb all over Cal. Apparently she was done sitting still.

           Cal manages to wrap an arm around her when she throws herself over his shoulder and says, “I wanna go play with Clara again.”

           “You don’t want to stay with momma and Shade?” Cal asks her as he twists to catch her and guide her back into his lap. She giggles at the game immediately does the whole thing again.

           “I wanted to make sure momma was okay. She’s okay.” Coriane dangles from his shoulder again and gives me an upside down smile from around Cal’s back. “And Shade’s okay too. I wanna go play now.”

           Cal pulls her back through and manages to wrangle her into stillness before saying, “let’s try to stay together as a family for a little bit.”

           Immediately she pouts, and her eyes glint as she glances at the door. I know that look, and it does not belong to Cal. That’s my brain turning wheels over and planning how to escape.

           “Just for a little bit darling.” I whisper as I reach out to brush my fingers through her hair. She glances at me, drawn like a magnet. I wonder if she’s an Ardent, an electricon like me who senses the electricity that dances under my skin. We haven’t had her tested, and we don’t want to know either. Let her be normal for a bit.

           Her pout melts away and she lets Cal hold her a bit closer before moving closer to me so we’re all squished together. I’d normally protest the discomfort, but right this moment, I want all of them as close as possible. A warm arm slides around my shoulders and I sigh before sliding into Cal’s embrace and resting my head as best I can against him. Coriane wiggles between us, trying to get comfortable, until she ends up in the crevice between our bodies. She’s already getting too big to squeeze into that space, and soon Shade will be that size and then they’ll both be grown. When they are, they’ll be taller than me, Sara told me as much. I don’t mind that though. I’d hate for my children to be burdened with my height.

           “This is the last one.” I whisper to Cal after a few minutes of being lulled by his warmth. Coriane sighs as I shift, and when I glance down, it’s to see her eyelashes fluttering as she dreams. I hope they’re happy dreams, tinged pink and covered in honey. She deserves that life, and I plan to carve it into existence with my bare hands for her and for Shade.

           “You said that after Cori.” I can hear the laughter in Cal’s voice at the same time that I feel his lips curl into a smile against my temple.

           “I’m serious this time. I’m fine with being a mother twice over. But if you get me pregnant again, I will kill you, Tiberias.” I murmur, but the threat loses all power as I smile down at Shade who grabs a tiny fistful of my shirt.

           His laugh is quiet, but deep and wonderful. I love that he laughs so much these days, that I laugh just as much. His fingers brush along the scars that reach up the back of my neck as he whispers, “But you make such a wonderful mother.”

           I can’t help but smile, even at the same time that I swear to myself that Shade will be the last one.

[cakesunflower]

Outer Banks Series Rewrite/JJ Maybank Fic Series [5. Midsummers]

Disclaimer: None of the characters (except for Stella) or their dialogues (for the most part) are my own, and belong to the writers & creators of Outer Banks!

Previous Parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Read on AO3!

Here’s episode 5 “Midsummers”!

“Dude—Mom catches you out here, and you’re dead.” Stella peeked one eye open, catching sight of her sister standing over her, arms crossed over her chest and eyebrows raised. “You’re literally out in the open.”

Kie’s concern came from the pen Stella was currently twirling between her fingers as she lay on the ground in their backyard. Stella didn’t say anything, instead took another pull from the pen, letting the familiar smoke invade her lungs before blowing it out slowly. The act did its job in calming her down, and Kiara let out a sigh before shifting to sit down next to Stella, before going down on her back, too.

Stella could feel her sister’s gaze on her as Kie turned her head to look at her, but Stella kept her gaze up at the sky. It was sort of cloudy, but there wasn’t a threat for rain. If there had been, the celebration later tonight would’ve been rescheduled ages ago.

“Look, I know you’re worried about JJ—” Kie began, but Stella cut her off.

“He willingly let himself get arrested for something he didn’t do, and he has a drug-addict, abusive dad to go back home to. We haven’t heard from him yet.” Stella looked at Kie, then, jaw hard. “Of course I’m worried.”

Kie’s gaze was soft with sympathy, but Stella could see her own concern swimming, too. After all, Kie cared about JJ as well. Maybe not in the way Stella did, but just as good. “He’ll turn up,” Kie assured. “He always does.”

Despite Kie’s efforts, Stella wasn’t all that comforted. And maybe Kie saw the deep worry that had etched itself into Stella’s features, because Kie’s face softened even more, looking at her sister gently as she asked, “What’s going on?”

Stella’s throat worked as her heart drummed in her chest, forcing herself into a sitting position while Kie kept on her back, looking up at her. For a moment, Stella hesitantly chewed on her lower lip, wondering if now was the right time to indulge, but it was Kie. It was her sister, and if Stella couldn’t tell her, she couldn’t tell anyone.

“JJ and I kissed.” There. She said it. Now it was out in the open.

Kie blinked once before her eyes widened almost comically, shooting up in a sitting position opposite of Stella as she demanded, “What? When?”

“Yesterday,” Stella admitted, stomach flipping as memories of her and JJ’s actions played through her mind like her favorite movie. She couldn’t stop the small smile from playing on her lips. “We were at John B’s, before coming to the summer series.” She fiddled with the pen between her fingers. “It just—it kind of just happened.”

Kie scoffed with a shake of her head. “It didn’t kind of just happen,” she mocked. “This has been waiting to happen for so Goddamn long.” Stella tried not to laugh at the happiness shining in Kie’s eyes, which did a lot to relax Stella. She’d been worried Kie would ram on her for breaking one of their friend group rules, but Kie seemed anything but disappointed. Her eyes widened then, shoulders lifting. “Oh, shit, John B and Pope owe me twenty bucks!”

Stella blinked. “I’m sorry—what?”

Kie snickered, looking all too delighted. “We kind of had a bet going on over how long it’d take for you and JJ to get together.” Stella’s eyes widened, jaw dropping in disbelief. “I bet it’d happen before Midsummers and would you look at that! You just made me forty bucks richer, sis.”

“Wha—” Stella cut herself off with a scoff, ripping up some grass before tossing it at Kie. She shrieked through a laugh, jerking back before brushing away the pieces of grass. “Are you kidding me?! You guys bet on us?”

“Of course we did,” Kie responded with a smirk, not at all looking apologetic. At Stella’s gaping expression, she rolled her eyes. “Oh, come on, Stel. You two have been dancing around each other for so fucking long. We were getting tired of waiting, so we thought we’d have some fun with it,” she finished with a shrug.

Stella couldn’t believe what she was hearing, cheeks heating up at the information. She wasn’t mad or upset that her sister and friends bet on when she and JJ would get together—she was just surprised, and a little bit amused. She wondered how long the bet had been going on for. But instead of asking that, she instead inquired, “So I’m guessing JJ and I are in the clear for breaking the no Pogue-on-Pogue macking rule?”

Kie waved her off, smile still in place. “You two are the exception to the rule,” she said confidently before crossing her legs and shooting Stella an expectant look. “So? Tell me how it was.” She quickly held a hand up. “But not too many details because it’s JJ and he’s like my brother and, ew, gross. But I still wanna know! How’d it happen?”

At that, the heat in Stella’s cheeks intensified into a fire as she recalled every single detail from yesterday—as if she could ever forget. “I was, uh, persuading him to come to the summer series with us.”

Kie’s eyebrows shot up. “Persuading, huh?” she repeated with an impish grin, prompting Stella to let out a giggle. “Well, looks like it worked. Not that I’m surprised. That boy is stupid for you.”

Stella pressed her lips together to keep her giddy smile from widening. “Stop.”

Kie snickered. “Man, you two are gonna be unbearable now, aren’t you? All over each other all of the time.”

“Dude, I don’t even know what we’re doing,” Stella instantly responded with a shake of her head. “All we did was kiss. We’re not suddenly together, Kie.”

She didn’t look convinced. “Only a matter of time.”

Stella’s heart fluttered in her chest. Of course she wanted to be with JJ—it was all she could think about for so long. After that kiss, it was closer to being a reality than she could ever imagine, but they needed to talk about it, first. “Maybe. But first he needs to let us know he’s okay and that his dad didn’t fucking kill him.”

Her words were tight in her throat as she said them, sending a new jolt of worry through her. JJ never really talked about it, but she knew the kind of man his dad was, knew what he was capable of. JJ getting arrested wasn’t going to go over well; it wouldn’t with any parent, but God only knew how Luke Maybank would react to it. So, yeah, Stella was sick with worry over JJ, and she just fucking wished he’d call or text her back.

Kie sighed. “Listen, maybe—”

Whatever Kie was about to say was interrupted by their mother’s voice shouting at them from the back porch. “Girls! Get in here! You need to start getting ready.” Simultaneously, both Stella and Kie threw their heads back and groaned, loudly—loud enough for Mrs. Carrera to hear them. “I don’t wanna hear it! Get your butts in here now!”

They stood up, and as Stella shoved her pen in the pocket of her shorts, Kie grumbled, “I hate everything.”

While every other soul on Figure Eight either was overjoyed to be attending Midsummers or envious that they couldn’t, Stella and Kiara were probably the only ones who hated the party. For Kie, it was more of a socialist thing that Stella respected her for, but she also knew that her sister’s disgust with Midsummers, ultimately, existed for the same reason as Stella’s: they hated the people they were surrounded by.

All of the Kooks would be gathered tonight for the party—this year a celebration for Ward Cameron, A.K.A the father of Sarah Cameron, Kie’s worst enemy. Stella didn’t care what the party was for—she despised it. The most Stella liked to dress up was in clothes of her choice, and sure that could sometimes include make-up and dresses, but not full on evening gowns with flowers in her hair. It often felt like she was getting dressed up as a lamb for a slaughter, being pushed into a crowd of Kooks who thought they were better than everyone else because of their overflowing pockets. The adults were bad enough—Stella did not want to even see the people her age.

Namely Rafe, Topper, Kelce, and anyone who was associated with them. Especially after what they did to JJ and Pope yesterday. Dicks.

But Midsummers, much to both Stella and Kie’s chagrin, was important to their parents, especially their mother. So as soon as the two girls returned inside the house, Mrs. Carrera was ushering them towards the bathrooms, like they were toddlers who needed supervised bath times.

“Hold on a second—” Mr. Carrera paused, and Stella and Kie exchanged looks when their mom sniffed the air around them. Her eyes then zeroed in on Stella, hands on her hips and eyes blazing as she demanded, “Did you just smoke, Stella?”

Knowing there was no point in lying, Stella huffed. “I needed something to take the edge off if I have to go to this stupid party.”

This wasn’t the first time their mom caught them smoking or smelling of weed, but it pissed her off just the same. While Kie tried to stifle a smile, Mrs. Carrera glared daggers at her Stella. “You’re not getting out of this, Stella. You better drown yourself in body wash and perfume when you get ready.”

Stella rolled her eyes behind her mom’s back, but listened all the same, albeit reluctantly. Kie was the first to hop into the shower in their shared bathroom, so Stella took the time to lay in her bed and unlock her phone, hoping to see a text or missed call from JJ. Her heart jumped when she saw just one text from him, chest tight as she read it quickly.

JJ: Don’t worry about me. I’m good. I’ll see u later.

That was it. Just ten words of reassurance and then nothing. Part of Stella was relieved to have received anything from him at all, but another part still felt worried and a little annoyed. She—all of them—had been worried sick over him after yesterday, and this was all he could say? Stella figured she shouldn’t be too surprised. It was typical JJ behavior. He got in a bind and somehow got himself out of it, and never really let his friends in on if anything was wrong. But the tough guy persona could only get him so far.

Chewing on her lower lip, Stella drafted a text, but not to JJ. Instead, she sent a message to John B.

Stella: You heard from JJ? Do you think he’s okay?

John B responded within moments.

John B: Yeah, it’s all good. I’m with him right now. We’ll see you guys tonight, alright? Keep an eye out.

Stella blinked at the cryptic message, wondering what the hell he was talking about. But if recent circumstances were any indicator, something was probably going down tonight. Stella’s stomach flipped in both apprehension and excitement. These boys might be the death of her.

Soon enough, Kie was out of the bathroom and it was Stella’s turn. She showered and brushed her teeth, stepping back into her room to catch sight of a satin slip dress with a halter neck waiting for her on her bed. It was a pretty golden color with a V-neck trimmed with lace, and a pair of white and gold sandals were waiting by the bed, too. Stella huffed, the towel wrapped tightly around her. She knew for a fact that her mother thought she needed to have everything out for her otherwise Stella would be useless in getting dressed for Midsummers. It was kind of insulting.

Stella expertly dried her hair, letting the natural curls come into place, before doing her makeup. She kept it light, as always, because not even Midsummers was going to make her slap on a face full of makeup, especially in the middle of summer. Some foundation, mascara, highlighter, and lipstick was as far as she went, with her jewelry consisting of a dainty diamond star necklace and the rings on her fingers.

“Oh, good, you’re dressed,” Mrs. Carrera said upon entering her room. “Come on, let me do your hair.”

Stella frowned but listened, sitting down in front of her dresser while her mom stood behind her. She worked quickly and efficiently, braiding back the two front locks of her hair and intertwining small yellow flowers in them that Stella tried not to wrinkle her nose at.

As her mom worked, Kie wandered into Stella’s room. Her slip dress was spaghetti strapped and a lavender color, a couple of layered necklaces around her neck, and her hair down in an updo with a crown of pink and purple flowers and locks of curly hair framing her face. She looked stunning, even with that scowl she wore as she stormed into the room.

“This is disgusting,” she announced without preamble.

Mrs. Carrera wove another flower into Stella’s braid, her voice dry above her as she responded, “I know. It’s just horrible. I’m asking you two to relax and go to a fun party.”

Kie scoffed, towering over their mom. They may be twins, but Kie somehow got the tall gene from their dad, standing at the elegant 5’8”, while Stella hadn’t grown past 5’5”. “We look like bourgeoisie pigs.”

Stella tried to keep the snort from escaping, covering it up with a cough as their mom finally patted down Stella’s hair, letting out a satisfied hum before stepping back. She shot Kie an exasperated look and said, “Will you please not worry about socioeconomic injustice for one night?”

Kie scowled and Stella’s face scrunched up. This was so much more than that. She twisted around in the seat and stood up, crossing her arms and siding with Kie, “Mom, people not three miles from here have no power, no running water—and we’re going to Midsummers.”

Kie nodded vigorously, gesturing to Stella. “That’s so tone deaf.”

Mrs. Carrera huffed, picking up the little pouch she’d dropped on the dressing table and pulling out the diamond earrings. As she put one in, she said, “Do you know how hard we had to work to get into the Island Club?”

Both Stella and Kie rolled their eyes, having heard this a hundred times before. “Yeah, Mom, how could we forget?” Stella sighed. “You had to grovel for, like, ten years—”

“Twelve,” Mrs. Carrera corrected, “and we also had to cough up a huge chunk of dough, and do you know why we did that?”

Kie wasn’t impressed. “To keep up with the Joneses?”

Mrs. Carrera’s hands were on her hips, looking at her daughter pointedly. “No. So you two could have the experiences that I had as a child. Sweethearts, do you know what the Island Club is?”

“A factory farm for debutantes,” Kie flatly said at the same time Stella said, “Where brain cells go to die.”

Kie gave her a subtle fist bump as their mother glared at them before smiling exasperatedly. She placed one hand on each of their cheeks, looking at both of them as she said, “It is a nice place, with nice people, where you can do fun stuff.”

Neither of them bought the company line. “With out of touch rich people,” Stella added.

Kie rightfully finished, “While the island sinks slowly into the ocean.”

Their mom dropped her hands from their cheeks, stepping back and shooting them a look. Clearly, she was done trying with her stubborn daughters. “Okay, I want you two to put on your party faces if you wanna live,” she said before walking out of the room.

Both Stella and Kie sighed, looking at each other in resigned defeat. Stella picked up her pen, offering a half hearted smile. “Wanna take a hit before we go?”

Kie scoffed, taking it from her. “Or maybe ten.”

Less than fifteen minutes later, the girls were at the Island Club with their parents, and instead of doing the polite thing and greeting the other party goers, Stella spotted a familiar face and grabbed Kie’s hand, jerking her chin to where Pope was working out on the lawn at the grill. She’d almost forgotten that he was working the party with his dad. Thank God for small miracles.

As they approached him, his back to the girls, Kie startled Stella by speaking in a terrible British accent, “Excuse me, sir. Do we have to shuck these ourselves?” Pope swiveled around as Kie grinned and Stella shook her head in bemusement. “’Cause it might mess up my costume.”

Pope chuckled. “We wouldn’t want that now, would we?” he asked and Stella stepped forward with a laugh, slapping her hand against his, front and back, before ending with a snap of her fingers. Their handshake. As he repeated the act with Kie, Pope added, “That accent was bad.”

Kie nodded. “It was. I was gonna let it go.”

Stella scoffed. “I wish you had,” she said as they came to stand next to Pope, arms folded across her chest. The three of them observed the scene before them, of all the guests gathered around in their fancy dresses and suits, drinking from flutes of champagne or drinks from the bar. “You ever seen this many Kooks in one place?”

“Yeah. Last year,” Pope answered.

Kie was squinting against the sun, but just like Stella’s, her brown skin glowed a pretty golden color against it. “We’re in the lion’s den.”

“Exactly.”

Pope glanced at the two of them, gaze lingering on Stella longer as he asked, “Have you heard from JJ?”

Kie shook her head. “No.”

“Just a text,” Stella answered, prompting Kie to look towards her, raising an eyebrow. Stella’s lips pursed. “He said he was okay and not to worry about him. But I won’t really believe it until I see him.”

“He’ll be all right,” Kie said, frowning to herself. “He’s got the survival instincts of a cockroach.”

Stella swallowed inaudibly. Kie wasn’t really wrong.

“It’s all my fault,” Pope said, the guilt thick in his tone as he frowned at nothing. He looked like he might be sick over everything that’s happened.

Stella frowned as Kie said, “Uh, you didn’t do this, Pope.”

“Yeah,” Stella chimed in firmly. “Topper almost killed you. Remember?”

He shot her a dry look. “Not something I can forget.”

Stella shot him a small smile. “JJ was just trying to do right by you. He—he knew what he was doing.” She stumbled over her words briefly because, well, she wasn’t entirely sure if she believed them. She believed that JJ thought he was doing the right thing, but getting arrested was no small thing. He was just adding onto his record, and this time for something he didn’t even do. JJ put loyalty above anything else, and it was one of her favorite things about him—until it landed him in trouble he might not be able to get out of.

Midsummers, as expected, was boring as usual. The adults drank and the teens snuck in their own alcohol in hidden flasks, dancing to the music from the live band while almost everyone kissed Ward Cameron’s ass. Stella stuck by Kie’s side, mostly because she didn’t care for anyone else there and because Kie kept glaring at Sarah Cameron, who looked like the perfect Kook princess. She was missing her not-so-Prince Charming, Topper, who seemed to be sticking by Rafe and Kelce’s sides than with Sarah. Hmm. Interesting.

At one point, Stella excused herself to go to the bathroom, walking inside the country club and down the hall. She did her business, ignoring the giggles of the few other girls inside as she washed her hands. Just as she stepped out of the bathroom, however, she let out a gasp and stumbled into the doorframe as a figure rushed off in front of her, her gaze instantly following.

She’d recognize those blonde locks anywhere.

Stella’s heart thundered, gripping the doorframe tightly as she called out, “JJ?”

*****

Despite the severity of needing to find a hiding spot or escape, the sound of Stella’s voice had JJ stopping in his tracks. He turned, catching sight of her down the hall, too far down the hall, looking every bit as breathtaking as he expected her to in a golden dress that hugged her so perfectly. And the way she was looking at him—the surprise and relief and tenderness he was sure she reserved just for him—had JJ’s heart pounding right out of his chest, and not just because he was trying to save himself at the moment.

“Stella—” JJ stopped, looking through the glass of the doors, seeing Rafe, Kelce, and three of their suited up buddies purposefully making their way over. “Shit.” His blue eyes met her concerned brown ones. “Sweetheart, I’ll explain everything later, but I gotta run right now. Just—I’ll see you in a little, okay?”

“Wait, JJ—”

But he didn’t stick around, as much as he wanted to, and instead turned and ran off just as he heard Rafe and his buddies walk in. They’d spotted him talking to Sarah because he’d needed to give her a letter from John B, after he’d spoken to and received a surprising hug from Pope, and now they were hot on his ass looking to throw more punches. JJ’d already received a beating from his dad—he didn’t need anymore, thank you very much.

Except he made his way into the men’s room, and Rafe and his buddies were pretty fast and managed to corner him no problem. Five against one—this was totally fair. Assholes.

Rafe pushed him and JJ grunted, struggling as Kelce came up behind him and locked an arm around the front of his neck, the other keeping his head in place as JJ grabbed at Kelce’s arm to loosen the grip. He struggled, heart pounding, as Rafe looked at his friends. “Hold him still. What—what do you think? A four iron, right?” He mimicked holding a golf club. “Keep his head still. I’m gonna line this up.”

JJ didn’t make it easy for Kelce to keep him still. “Very Rafe of you,” JJ said through gritted teeth. “Five on one?”

Rafe looked pristine in his stupid blue suit and bowtie. JJ hoped he’d choke on it. “If you could please stop talking? It’s very disrespectful. I’m trying to hit a ball.” Oh, fuck no. “Learn your etiquette, my friend.”

JJ kept grunting, struggling against Kelce, using his hands as much as he could to try and get away. JJ’s voice was hoarse against Kelce’s grip as he spat back, “I’m gonna kick your teeth in.” As much fire as there was in his voice, JJ wasn’t entirely sure he’d be able to deliver on his promise. Not when the odds were stacked against him.

Rafe smirked sardonically, crouching to look up at JJ with a mocking sort of sympathy. “Your face looks really bad. Starting to look like your dad a lot more.”

The insult was grating, especially given that the bruises and cuts on his face were courtesy of his father. JJ couldn’t do much more than spit in Rafe’s face. He jerked back, wiping the saliva off his face as he grinned. “Oh, shit. Alright. It was—”

The lights began flickering. “Gentlemen!” Kelce roughly let go of JJ and pushed him off, prompting the blonde to struggle before he righted himself. The security guard approached them. “Is there a problem?”

“Oh! Pardon me, officer. No, there’s not an issue. I just—” JJ cut himself off, his breathing labored as he panted to catch his breath. He looked at the others and JJ ran his fingers through his hair before deciding on a different course of action. One he knew would likely get him out of this. “Actually, yes. No, there is an issue. Uh, we got a criminal trespass in progress here. Beep!” He waved a finger around. “Call it in, right?” The others looked at him, trying to appear casual and like they weren’t doing anything wrong. “Blatant disrespect for private property.”

Rafe clicked his tongue, scratching his ear. “Yeah.”

JJ turned to the guard. “I’m in violation of all kinds of shit, sir, but these young gentlemen—” He made a show of righting Kelce’s bowtie before he jerked him away.

“Don’t touch my shit,” Kelce said lowly.

JJ continued, “Uh, caught me, sir, and they’re about to take me away. And that’s what you should do.” He held his fists up like he was ready to be handcuffed. Again. “Escort me out of here. You got me.”

The guard grabbed his arm. JJ was relieved. “Come on.”

“All right.” JJ looked over his shoulder as the guard pulled him out, looking at the Kooks. “Fix that tie, son,” he said to Kelce before looking at Rafe. “You’re lookin’ spiffy, too. You Powerpuff Girls have fun,” he turned back around.

Rafe took a step forward, his voice smug. “Tell Stella she looks pretty hot for a scarred Pogue.”

Fire erupted in JJ’s veins at Rafe’s comment, a newfound anger rushing through him at the blatant insult from the son of a bitch. JJ didn’t care who they were—nobody talked about Stella like that. Not at all, not in front of him. JJ’s body moved at his own accord, a low growl escaping him as he jerked away from the guard and tried to launch himself at Rafe, consequences be damned of a five against one. The asshole insulted Stella. JJ couldn’t just let him get away with that.

He rushed towards Rafe, only for Kelce to jump in and push him away as the guard came to his back and pulled him away. “Hey! Stop it. Come here! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

But JJ struggled, the urge to bury his fist in Rafe’s face overwhelming after his words. “You think I’m afraid of you, bro?”

The guard pulled him back. “Come on.”

JJ turned and was guided out as Rafe’s voice followed him out of the locker room. “Hey, safe travels back to the cut!”

JJ shouted back, “This ain’t over!”

The guard didn’t let his grip on JJ go as he guided him down the halls and towards the doors, his grip tight as they burst through the doors out onto the patio. “Look, man, I can walk myself!” JJ exclaimed, earning gasps and looks from the guests at him being escorted out. “I got legs. Can you see that, brother?”

The guard didn’t seem to care. “Come on.”

“I really appreciate what you did back there. Let me just walk out by myself.” He struggled against the guard’s grip before spotting the older gentleman from earlier who had asked JJ for a drink. At this point, JJ didn’t care for the attention he was drawing on himself, stumbling over to where the man stood. “Mr. Dunleavy, I see you got your drink. Good, that’s really nice of you. I’m actually gonna down that,” he said quickly before grabbing the drink and downing the whiskey in one gulp.

The man gaped at him, the guard apologized before pulling JJ away. Everyone was watching, murmuring, and JJ never had mastered the art of subtlety, so he made a commotion as he was so kindly escorted out. Might as fucking well go out with a bang.

“Let go of him!” JJ turned at the sound of Stella’s voice, standing up on the patio with Kie by her side. Their parents were behind them, quietly telling Stella to stay quiet while her gaze met JJ’s. He stopped, kind of fucking mesmerized by the sight of her. “You can’t just boot him!”

The guard stopped, still holding onto JJ, who was still watching her. “Excuse me, ma’am?” the guard asked.

“I invited him here,” Stella continued, her voice loud and carrying over the newfound silence amongst the crowd. Everyone was looking at her, but she didn’t seem to give a shit, and JJ kind of fell in love with her all over again.

Next to her, JJ could hear her mom say, “Stella, stop it.”

“No, she’s right,” Kie spoke up, glaring at her parents and then at the guard. “We’re members of this club.”

“Girls, stop it,” Mr. Carrera seemed to be saying to them.

JJ took the opportunity of the guard being distracted to jerk out of his grip and push him, wincing as the man went stumbling into a waiter carrying a tray full of glasses that went shattering on the ground. “Sorry about that!” JJ said over the commotion before looking towards the girls. He pointed at them, blonde hair falling over his shoulders. “Hey, mandatory power hour at Rixon’s, ladies.” His gaze found Pope’s amidst the crowd’s. “Pope, you as well, all right? Rixon’s cove. Let’s roll.” He was walking backwards, people making their way for him as they all gaped at him in disbelief and annoyance. JJ looked back at the girls, holding his arm up. “All right, girls, come on.” He gripped his wrist. “Workers of the world unite. Throw off your chains!”

His gaze met Stella’s, who was watching him in, what he realized with relief, was amusement. He saw the looks she and Kie exchanged, a silent communication going on between the twins while their parents most definitely murmured warnings at them. And then, much to JJ’s relief, Stella and Kie broke away before running down the stairs.

JJ grinned widely, finally facing John B, who had been watching the whole thing with a grin. “Colonel.”

John B returned the salute JJ offered him. “Captain.”

JJ grinned. “Mission accomplished, sir.”

John B laughed as JJ shouted for the girls, watching as Pope pulled off his apron and handed it to his dad before running towards John B and JJ, all the while Mr. Heyward yelled, “Don’t do this! Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

But Pope didn’t listen, instead high fived John B and JJ, before John B ran off ahead and the two of them faced the girls running over, as well. Kie and Pope ran side by side, laughing, and JJ opened his arms so Stella could run into his embrace, and he laughed into her neck as he lifted her off the ground with a spin before setting her down, grasping her hand in his, and following the others as they ran.

“Later, losers!” John B shouted over his shoulder towards the partygoers.

Stella was laughing, the sound brilliant and wonderful in JJ’s ears as Kie cheered while they ran. JJ couldn’t help but laugh as well. It may have been a shitty couple of days, but at least he had his friends.

*****

The fire crackled between them as Stella sat on a log next to JJ. The cicadas were chirping against the otherwise quiet of the night, and JJ had changed out of the waiter get up and was back in his signature hat, shirt, and shorts combo. The sight of the shark tooth necklace Stella had gifted him around his neck always made her chest tighten in the best way. She and Kie were still in their Midsummers dresses, but mosquitos and bugs never bothered Stella, so she sat comfortably as the fire warmed them.

She kept looking towards JJ, though—at the cuts and bruises on his face. The sight of him injured tightened her chest uncomfortably, made her stomach twist nauseatingly. No doubt his dad had done this to him, and it enraged her. She wished, with every fiber of her being, that she could get him as far away from his dad as possible. It hurt, so badly, to see JJ injured at the hands of his abusive father. JJ, despite what others may see as faults and flaws, was probably the best person she knew. He had such a big heart, a soul that deserved to be loved and protected instead of stepped on and beaten. She desperately wished she could protect him from the cruelty of others. He deserved someone to do that for him.

“Hey, guys. So, like, my dad’s already gonna kill me,” Pope said as he and John B dropped some sticks to feed the fire before sitting down. “So what’s this mandatory meeting about?”

Stella watched as John B looked at JJ, pointing at him as if he needed permission. JJ nodded. “Might as well tell him, man, before we’re gaffed.”

John B smiled like he held some kind of secret. “You ready for this?” he asked, looking at Kie and Stella.

The two girls nodded impatiently. “Yeah.”

The fire glowed against John B’s skin as he looked at all of them. “So, the gold never went down with the Royal Merchant.”

Stella blinked as Pope groaned. “Oh, my God. Here we go again with this.”

Next to her, JJ sat up, holding out a calming hand to Pope. “No, all right, wait. Hear him out, all right?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at Pope and the girls.

John B had a finger to his lips before continuing, “It’s been here this whole time.” He looked to Kie. “It’s on the island.”

Her expression was one of shocked disbelief. “Are you serious?” She looked at John B before laughing in astonishment. “Oh, my God.”

Pope held up a hand. “I’d like to voice my skepticism.”

Stella was still trying to wrap her head around what John B said as he stood up. “I’m sure you would, Pope, but can I please present you with my evidence, sir?”

Pope rolled his eyes. “Proceed.”

John B held up a piece of paper he pulled out from his bag, proceeding to tell them about a letter he had from Denmark Tanny, a slave who had survived the wreck of the Royal Merchant. He showed it to Pope and the girls, telling them that the slaves weren’t mentioned as crew members on the ship, but that his dad found the complete manifest—his big discovery. Stella listened attentively, mouth agape, looking towards JJ who nodded with a smile on his face. He knew all of this already, it seemed. It was probably why he and John B had been together earlier.

“So Tanny used the gold from the Merchant to buy his freedom,” John B was saying. “After that, he bought his farm. Drumroll, please, because that farm is,” he paused dramatically as the group of them slapped their knees with their hands. “Tannyhill Plantation.”

Kie stopped. “Tannyhill?”

John B nodded, standing like a professor giving a lecture. “Yeah. So, after that, he used his money to free even more slaves, and then he sold a shit-ton of rice, which pisses off all the white planters, and then they decide to lynch him. So on the day they were coming to get him, he writes a letter to his son as a farewell, and in the last line of that letter, he leaves a coded message about where to find the gold.”

John B had Stella’s attention as she hung onto his every word, shaking her head as she asked, “Where?”

John B grinned. “Harvest the wheat in parcel nine, near the water.” He held up a hand. “Except, there is no wheat. You see, wheat is code for gold. Check this out.” He walked over to Pope, pointing at something in the paper Pope was holding. Stella leaned over to look as well. “The gold is in parcel nine, near the water.”

Kie laughed in disbelief as Pope murmured, “Holy shit.”

John B slapped his arm. “All we need is an original survey map of the property and we’ve found the gold.”

He was grinning widely as JJ stood up. Pope slowly started, “Okay, so this might have a small chance of being actually true.”

Kie bounced excitedly where she sat. “Dude, it’s like King Tut!” she exclaimed, earning a laugh from Stella.

“I am a genius,” John B announced, just as JJ tackled him into a hug. “Hey, whoa!” They teetered slightly where they stood before JJ lifted John B up. “Hello! Fire! You’re near the fire. You’re gonna burn.”

JJ pulled away and Stella snickered as he said, “I’m so proud of you right now.”

John B nodded somberly. “Thank you. That’s really sweet of you.”

With a shake of her head, Stella interrupted the moment by asking, “Okay, so, guys.” They all looked towards her. “What’s the plan?”

John B pointed at her as JJ made his way back. “Good question. Sarah Cameron’s coming tonight. She’ll bring the original survey map—”

JJ sat down next to Stella just as her eyes widened, gaping at John B before her gaze instantly shot to Kie, who was frowning. “Hold on,” she interrupted. “Sarah? Wh-why Sarah?”

Stella tensed, looking between a bewildered Kie and a hesitant John B. She and Pope exchanged glances, both of them suddenly aware of the tension building in the open space. “Um—” John B trailed off.

JJ took off his head, muttering, “This is gonna be good.”

Stella looked at him, catching the wince he shot her way. Silently, she frowned at him, but JJ shook his head before nodding towards John B, who stood with his fists on his hips. “Sarah, um, she. . . She got me into the archives in Chapel Hill yesterday, and there’s where I got the letter.”

Kie’s face scrunched up even more, looking a mix of pissed off and confused, while Stella gaped up at John B. “You were in Chapel Hill with Sarah Cameron?”

John B’s throat worked. “Yeah, um. . .”

Next to her, JJ announced, “He was mackin’ on her.”

Stella gasped as she stared at him, wide eyed, and JJ nodded somberly while Pope coughed uncomfortably into his fist. Across the fire, Kie was glaring up at John B, and Stella hated the betrayal she could already see melting into Kie’s eyes. John B shot JJ a glare. “I wasn’t macking.”

JJ lifted his chin, unrelenting. “You were totally macking Sarah Cameron.”

He wasn’t helping the situation, so Stella lightly flicked his arm, prompting JJ to immediately look at her, pressing his cut lips together to keep himself from smirking. She narrowed her eyes in warning, and all JJ did was link their arms together and pull her to his side.

“I wasn’t macking on her, okay?” John B spoke up, exasperated. “I was using her for access.”

JJ scoffed lightly. “There was access, alright.”

Stella pinched his side at that, despite the inappropriate laugh threatening to burst. Kie wouldn’t appreciate it, and Stella could tell her twin was seconds away from pushing John B into the fire. “Did you tell her about the treasure?” Kie demanded.

John B’s eyes widened. “I was trying to get into the archives.”

Kie’s voice grew loud with disbelief. “Is that a yes?”

“I. . . I left out key details,” John B said, looking to the others for help. Stella pressed her lips together, pressed up against JJ. If anyone noticed, they didn’t say anything, not with the current situation going on. Poor John B wasn’t going to get help on this.

“Yo, what?” Kie scoffed with a shake of her head. “You let a Kook in on our secret? What about Pogue Lyfe? What about the T-shirt company, bro?”

Suddenly, it was a battle between Kie and John B, and all Stella, JJ, and Pope could do was sit on the sidelines silently and watch. “I was just using her for information,” John B tried.

Kie shot him a wry look. “Why don’t I believe you?”

John B was growing exasperated already, shaking his head at the unhelpfulness of the others before looking back at Kie. “I’m trying to make us filthy rich here, okay, so that we can pay off a boat, or. . . or, uh. . .” He looked towards Pope, “send you to autopsy school to study bed bodies.” Stella’s face scrunched up as JJ suppressed a snort and Pope blinked owlishly. “Look, you guys know me. Do I look like the type of person to fall for Sarah Cameron?”

JJ blinked. “Uh—”

Stella tilted her head at John B. “Do you want us to answer that?” She could guarantee neither he nor Kie would appreciate the answer.

John B held up a hand at Stella. “Just—just stop.”

Kie shook her head, her jaw tight as she frowned deeply. “Look, you don’t know her yet. I do! You can’t trust her.”

Pope chimed in, “Her brother did hit me in the back with a golf club.”

John B looked to Pope. “Rafe and Sara are different human beings.”

JJ’s cheek was resting on top of Stella’s head as he asked Kie, “What did she do to you, exactly?”

Stella sighed. Oh, boy.

Kie held up two fingers and jabbed them forward. “She’s like a. . . a spitting cobra.” Everyone blinked, bewildered. “First she—she blinds you, and then—”

Stella was already shaking her head, sitting up straight as she said to her struggling sister, “This is a bad analogy.”

“Listen to me!” Kie exclaimed, clearly fed up with the situation. “Whatever we get, she’s gonna try to take.”

Her words were met by silence, other than the crackling fire and chirping cicadas. John B stood quietly, throat working, clearly unsure of what to say as JJ and Pope stayed in their own awkward silence, too. Stella suppressed a sigh. It seemed as though it was up to her to smooth things over, even if she did slightly side with Kie in all of this. She didn’t have a begrudging hate towards Sarah like Kie did, but they were sisters, and Stella needed to show solidarity. But she could also, in some way, see John B’s side of things. God, this was gonna be tense.

“Kie,” Stella spoke up carefully, prompting Kie’s gaze to connect with hers. “Whatever John B promised Sarah, that’s his issue. But if she’s the only way we can get the map, then we need to let it happen.”

Kie’s jaw was hard. “I don’t want her involved. I don’t want to deal with her.”

“We won’t,” Stella said, glancing quickly at John B before looking at Kie again. “Let John B deal with her.” When Kie didn’t look entirely convinced, Stella let out a huff. “This is bigger than your beef with Sarah. I know you know that.”

Silence fell upon them for a few moments as they all waited for Kie to respond. She sat quietly, hands gripping the log she sat on, mulling over Stella’s words. Stella, in turn, hoped she got through to her sister. They needed Kie to be on board with this, no matter her issues with Sarah. They’d already gotten this far in their treasure hunt—an old beef shouldn’t hinder them now.

Stella remained quiet, waiting for Kie to make a decision, although she silently enjoyed the sensation of JJ’s fingers ghosting up and down her arm, their arms still linked together. It was calming when others would argue JJ was anything but.

“Fine,” Kie finally gave in and everyone instantly sat up. She glared at John B. “As long as I don’t have to speak to her.” John B pressed his hands together and brought them to his mouth, his grin already forming. “I just hope you know what you’re getting us into.”

After John B profusely thanked Kie for agreeing, they killed the fire and got up before heading back to the van, since they had to drive to meet Sarah. The twigs and leaves crunched under their shoes as they went, but as Pope, Kie, and John B chatted while walking ahead, Stella lingered back and grasped JJ’s hand to slow his pace down.

He looked at her, eyebrows raising. “What’s up?”

Stella looked up at him, her fingers ghosting on his chin. Finally, she let the worry come out in full force as she asked, “Are you okay? Did—” she stopped, throat working to get rid of the lump that formed. “Did your dad do this?”

JJ’s jaw worked, blue eyes glimmering under the moonlight as he looked down at her. “Got a good chunk of money to pay in restitution,” he told her. “The old man’s not too happy about it.”

Despite herself, Stella felt the hot tears sting in her eyes. She preferred the pink in JJ’s cheeks when they were flushed when he was happy or even drunk—not the pink and harsh reds that surrounded the cuts and marked the bruises. Stella wasn’t sure she ever hated anyone as much as she hated JJ’s dad. Her throat was tight, unable to say anything except to croak out his name, “JJ—”

“Hey, hey,” he shushed her, hands coming up to cup Stella’s that had been ghosting along his sharp jaw. He held her hand in both of his before pressing a kiss to it, blue eyes locked in her brown. “I’m okay, Stel. They’ll heal. It’s no big deal.”

Stella scoffed, though her concern remained clear. “You can’t actually expect me to believe that.” The flutters in her stomach returned when JJ kissed her hand, when he looked at her with those baby blue eyes she loved so much. She let out a breath. “You’re sleeping over at John B’s, right?”

JJ offered her a small dimpled grin. “When am I not?”

Stella pinned him with a stare. They’d stopped walking and she knew they had to move soon, but she took a breath. “Whenever you can, either sleep at John’s or you sleep at mine. Okay?”

JJ raised his eyebrows, though she could see his gaze soften at her offer. But he kept the mood light as he teased, “You inviting me to your room, shark bait?”

Her heart jumped. “Wouldn’t be the first time we shared a bed,” Stella pointed out. It was the truth. They shared hammocks, chairs, couches, and beds countless times before.

“Yeah, but it’s different now, isn’t it?” JJ questioned.

She looked at their hands before meeting his gaze again. “Is it?” she returned, throat working in anticipation. This was it. This was Stella asking JJ if whatever was happening between them was real, if something more was going to come out of it than a few kisses shared.

JJ’s gaze was intense, deep in a way she wasn’t used to as it stole her breath. “It is.” Steady, resolute, firm. No room for arguments. Thank fuckinf God.

Stella felt her grin appear before she could help it, relief warming her, and JJ mirrored her smile before ducking his head and pressing his lips to hers. She returned the kiss slowly, gently, not wanting to hurt his cut lips. Her heart jumped excitedly as he kissed her, but it was cut short, unfortunately, when John B’s voice cut through the air.

“Oi! What happened to no macking?”

The two of them pulled apart, but John B was grinning, as were Pope and Kie as they looked at the two of them. Stella’s face flushed as JJ slung his arm around her shoulders before they began walking towards their friends. “I’m sure we can make an exception,” JJ said smoothly, cockily.

John B’s grin was wicked. “If it means you’ll finally stop whining about how much you looooove Stel, then yes we will.”

Stella laughed, cheeks flushing, while JJ spluttered. “I never whined!” he protested as they joined their friends.

Pope rolled his eyes. “That’s true. You just bottled it all up inside because you’re emotionally constipated.”

“Sounds about right. I’m the one who made the first move,” Stella said, grinning widely at JJ’s betrayed expression, laughing as he used his arm around her to push her away. Stella continued laughing, along with the others, as she stumbled away, but didn’t lose her balance because JJ instantly caught her hand and pulled her back to his side.

“Whatever. I like an assertive woman,” JJ said with a charming grin, pressing a kiss to Stella’s temple as they neared the van.

Pointing at Pope and John B as they climbed inside, Kie said, “You two owe me twenty bucks, by the way.”

“No, we don’t!” John B argued as he started the van. “It’s after Midsummers.”

Pope nodded in agreement as Kie grinned wickedly before meeting Stella’s gaze as she sat on the back bench. With a giggle, Stella confessed, “It was actually yesterday. Before the summer movie series.”

John B and Pope’s gazes swung to JJ, who leaned back with his arms propped on top of the back bench casually as he said, “It’s true, boys.” John B shook his head and began driving, and JJ added, “Can’t believe you three bet on us.”

Sitting on the floor opposite of them, Pope scoffed. “Can’t believe it took you two this long to get together.”

“Okay!” Stella spoke up loudly, clapping her hands together once and shooting all of her friends a look. “We’re done talking about this.”

They reached their destination soon after that, a spot off in the middle of the woods where a tower stood, the apparent meeting spot John B had set up at Kildare Hawk’s Nest. As soon as he parked the car, Pope slid open the back van door as JJ slapped his knees. “Hit it, boys! We’re goin’. Recon mission.”

But before any of them could even get up, John B turned to face them. “Yo, uh. . . So, uh, I think I’m gonna do this one by myself. . . Tonight.”

Thunder rumbled overhead as Kie rolled her eyes and Stella and JJ fell back in their seats. She raised her eyebrows as JJ drawled a knowing, “Really?”

John B frowned. “What?”

JJ took off his head. “Nothin’.”

John B sighed, fixing his own hat atop his head. “I don’t want to spook Sarah with the peanut gallery.”

Kie shrugged, voice sharp and annoyed as she looked at John B. “I just don’t understand why we’re involving her at all.”

Stella let out a sigh as she leaned back, JJ now sitting on the ground next to her, his head resting against her leg as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Kie, we’re not involving her, okay?” John B said, exasperated. “It’s—it’s just, uh, like a—a business meeting. . . Thing.” On the ground, JJ made a crude motion with the joint he held and made a gulping sound, prompting Pope to grin in amusement while Stella rolled her eyes at John B. He was not selling this well. “Look, once we get what we need, we cut her loose, all right? Plus, we need the map.”

Yeah, okay. Stella wasn’t quite sure how much she believed that.

Kie pursed her lips, leaning forward as she stared John B dead in the eye. “Promise me nothing’s happening between you two.”

John B widened his eyes, answering breathily, “Nothing is happening, Kie.”

“I’m being serious.”

“Okay!”

Kie was still frowning, as if she was trying to get John B to get the message through her glare. “This isn’t about you. This isn’t about us. This is about her.” Stella pressed her lips together as she watched them. Kie’s beef with Sarah was so damn deep, she wondered if they would be able to do with if she wasn’t on board with Sarah helping out just this once. Personally, Stella didn’t give a shit about Sarah Cameron; she just didn’t like her out of principle for the way the end of that friendship hurt Kie. Everything else was between Kie and Sarah. “Dude, she’s gonna get inside your head. Just promise me nothing’s happening between you guys.”

John B looked at her as lightning flashed outside and thunder rolled. “I promise.”

“That was really believable,” JJ piped up.

Pope nodded. “A hundred percent believable.”

Stella lightly knocked JJ with her knee while glaring at Pope, effectively shutting both of them up. John B didn’t dignify them with a response, instead saying, “Anyways, um, I’m gonna take care of business.”

JJ shook his head, playing with the joint. “You’re gonna take care of it so well.”

Stella waved John B off dismissively. “We’ll just sit here,” she said dryly. “In the hot-ass car.”

Pope added, “While it’s lightning.”

They left the back door of the van open as John B got out, backpack on as he walked off towards the tower. The wind rustled outside, thunder rumbling every now and then to accompany the flashes of lightning that warned of a storm rolling in. “Kiara, holding onto your grudge is like drinking poison and thinking Sarah will die,” Pope said once John B was gone.

“Exactly,” JJ nodded.

Kie shot the two of them a withering stare before looking at Stella. Her twin merely shrugged. “You know I’m on your side,” Stella said. “But you can’t really tell John B what he can or can’t do.”

“I’m not trying to tell him what to do,” Kie shot back. “I’m just warning him against the kind of person I know Sarah is. She’s gonna fuck us over.”

“Look, we just—we just gotta trust that John B knows what he’s doing,” Pope tried to placate, looking between Stella and Kie. “That he’s using his head.”

Kie scoffed, not really convinced. “I know what head he’s using, and it isn’t the one on his shoulders.”

“That’s a good one,” JJ mumbled quietly where he sat.

They were quiet for a few minutes, just listening to the rumble of thunder, before conversation started up again. Pope had asked about what happened at Midsummers, and JJ launched into the story that led up to the Kooks cornering him in the men’s room while they waited for John B to return with the map.

JJ was saying, “Rafe and Kelce followed me—”

Kie cut him off. “Wait, do you guys hear that?” Her eyebrows furrowed together. “Sh.”

Stella frowned. “What?”

And then, in the distance, over the sound of the wind howling and thunder rumbling, came a girl’s voice yelling, “Please, somebody, help!”

All of their eyes widened, instantly on their feet as JJ grunted, “Oh, wait, no, I hear that.”

“Shit,” Pope cursed as they all stumbled out.

“What the fuck?” Stella muttered, gripping the skirt of her dress so it didn’t get tangled in her feet as she ran.

The voice, Stella realized, belonged to Sarah, and her heart started pounding as they ran towards the Hawk’s Nest, throat already drying in worry. The first thought in her head was that something went terribly wrong, that John B was hurt, and when they all cleared a group of trees towards the base of the Nest, Stella’s fear came true as a gasp ripped through her at the sight of John B lying on the ground, Sarah crying as she cradled his head and begged for him to wake up and open his eyes.

“Sarah! What happened?” Pope asked as they came running over, skidding to a stop, their breathing labored.

Sarah was crying, and Stella’s heart clenched at the sight of John B, unconscious, fear drenching her veins in ice as she instantly gripped Kie’s hand. “I don’t know what to do,” Sarah sobbed. “He needs help. Topper shoved him.”

Anger heated Stella’s skin, momentarily taking over the terror trembling her body as JJ demanded, “Where the hell is he?”

But Sarah just cried, “Oh, please, please, please get help. I don’t care who. Just call someone.”

Stella pushed Pope away as she panted, “Go! Call 911! Go!”

Pope took off and Kie shouted after him, “Pope, hurry!”

They all stood, breathing labored and hearts pounding, unsure of what to do as their friend lay unconscious. Worry weighed heavily on them all, to the point where Stella couldn’t even stop to question the way Sarah was holding John B to her, crying for him, kissing him and begging for him to wake up. No, nothing else mattered other than their injured friend, the tears stinging in Stella’s eyes as she prayed to anyone who was listening that he would wake up. Soon. Now. Please.

[crowtrinkets]

New Words

Asra and the Apprentice (during their rehabilitation) take a day trip. The events leave the Apprentice feeling insecure of their speech problems. At this point, the Apprentice can speak only a few words and can walk but does so with a cane. This is the said fic prompt that was keeping me awake at night lol.

Quick warning: Minor assault scene but nothing major or graphic

Word Count:  4560

AsraXGen Neutral Apprentice/Reader 

My eyes flutter open as the sun shines through the window, shielding my eyes from the bright warm light, I sit up. I can hear Asra idly humming in the other room. He must’ve woken up early cause he knew how excited I am. Last night Asra asked me if I wanted to go to the beach. Although I could not physically voice my excitement I enthusiastically nodded telling him I would very much like to go. Ever since I awoke to Asra and Faust not too long ago, nearing a year, give or take, I have struggled to do basic tasks. Since then I have learned to walk, although I use a cane to keep me balanced. And I can speak a few words but I’m still struggling. Asra will read to me some days so I can expand my vocabulary until I can read and speak for myself. It's not easy but I’m eager to learn. I reach over and grab my cane to help me stand, Asra walks in and gives me a smile.

“Well good morning,”

“Hello,” I respond. I can pronounce good, but morning is what always gets me, so we opted that hello can be a place holder for many words. Good morning, hey look over here, welcome back and even goodbye sometimes. I remove the kettle from the stove and carefully pour the hot water into the cups preparing the morning tea Asra and I always have. Once I was strong enough to hold the kettle Asra was always conveniently away when I woke, so that I was the one to make the tea. We both grab our cups and Asra puts out his arm so I can steady myself as we walk to the table. Sitting down I take in the aroma of my drink.

“Tea,” I mumble to myself as I raise the cup to take a sip. Although my vocabulary is short I try to say the few words I can as often as possible as a way to practice.

“So are you sure you still want to go to the beach? The sand might be tricky for you to walk on,” Asra looks at me over the rim of his cup. Although he’s already dressed I can tell he would willingly change back into regular clothes and stay home.

“Asra,” I give him a glare. I spend the majority of my time upstairs alone and engaging in “physical therapy” as Asra calls it. It's boring and I hate it, I want to see more of the city but I can't leave without Asra. If I were to get lost I wouldn’t even be able to ask someone for directions.

“Okay, okay. Beach today it is,” He gives me a quick smile before looking into his cup smile disappearing into the empty mug. I scrunch my brows in worry but before I can call his name, getting his attention he starts. “I’m going to grab some things to bring with us, you go ahead and get dressed,” he then stands and leaves to find some beach-worthy supplies. After putting our cups in the sink, I grab my beach clothes and change behind the partition in the corner. Our home above the shop is small but Asra makes sure I have the privacy I need. Once I'm dressed I put on my cover-up and do up the buttons. I poke my head around the partition but my vision is blocked by.. straw? I hear Asra let out a giggle.

“I got you a hat, it’s a sunny day and we can't do with you getting a sunburn,” I fix the hat so it’s sitting properly on my head and give Asra a look. I’ve never burned while going out, although whether it is due to the fact that I simply don't burn or Asra mothering me I will never know. Asra picks up a bag and I can see a few items poking out. A blanket, a canteen, and what looks like to be some sandwiches. He probably prepared them while I was still asleep.

“Ready to go?” Asra gives me a smile. To which I respond with a nod.

—- As my apprentice and I steadily make our way down the stairs I can't help the impending nervousness that boils in me. Their hands are placed on both my shoulders as I walk in front of them. Their motor skills have improved immensely but walking is still sometimes a struggle for them. We sometimes go to the market but we can only ever be out for about an hour. This is why I make them stay home and do exercises to build their strength. But I could tell being home all day was getting to them. Large crowds make them nervous but one can only spend so long alone especially when they can barely speak or read for entertainment. My nerves begin to grow until I hear their quiet voice in my ear.

“Asra,” I look over my shoulder at them, flushing slightly when I realized we’ve reached the end of the stairs and have been standing there for an awkward amount of time.

“Ah sorry, I was a little lost in thought” I move out of the way so they can walk ahead of me out the door. I follow behind silently.

“Friend okay?” Faust pokes her head from my bag and looks up at me. I give her a short nod and turn around to lock the door of our shop.

“Ok, time to find a gondola,” I turn to walk toward the town square where most of the gondola drivers park but I feel a hand grip my arm stopping me in my tracks.

“Walk?” My apprentice gives me a confused look. I thought I told them last night but I guess it slipped my mind.

“Well, walking on sand is hard enough and I didn't want you to tire yourself out before we got there so taking a gondola most of the way makes sense,” they scrunch their eyebrows and I see their bottom lip poke out slightly. They’re pouting, I could so easily tease them but opt not to.

“Walk!” They wave their cane in the air slightly, signifying they can walk just fine with their cane. But that doesn’t convince me otherwise, I worry they’ll get too tired and we’ll have to take a gondola anyways. I rub my hand on the back on my neck and think for a second.

“How about we take a ride there, but on the way back we can walk, sound good?” They scrunch their nose as they think about my proposition, making a grunted thinking noise before they huff in finality. They give me a distinguished nod acting as though they were not just pouting a second ago.

“Ok, sounds good to me,” they give me a smile and we walk towards the town square. I find a gondola man and drop a few miscellaneous shiny items in their hand, then requesting they take us to the East Docs. The ride is peaceful and quiet, Faust makes her way around my shoulders so she can watch the sights go by just as my apprentice is. Their wide eyes scanning everything we pass by with awe. The East Docs and beach areas are used the most so the lingering ash from the Lazaret was cleaned up, unlike Ash Beach. The east beaches are small but people usually stay away because it's so close to the south end. Hopefully, my apprentice and I can enjoy a peaceful day alone.

Once we reach our destination and exit the gondola my apprentice's face lights up, I rarely see their genuine smile, and when I do it's always a treat. We approach the shore and I scan the area. There are only a few people here, perfect beach day scenario. I see my apprentice step onto the sand and wobble a little, leaning on their cane for stability and I reach out and grab their arm to help. They give me an embarrassed look, it takes every muscle in my body not to make an I told you so face. We back onto the cobblestone and I place my bag down, removing Faust from my shoulders and placing her onto my apprentice's shoulder. Both of them tilt their heads in confusion. I crouch down slightly my back facing my apprentice.

“Get on, I’ll carry you,” I hear a short squeak come from their mouth but before long I feel them climb onto my back. Arms around my neck and legs around my sides, I place my hands on their legs to hold them up. Once I know they're secure I stand up straight feeling them cling to me for dear life, retrieving my bag I waltz out onto the sand carrying my oh-so-precious cargo. —- The last thing I expected out of today was to be on Asra's back. I also did not expect the sand to be so slippery and full of rocks making it hard to balance let alone walk on. I was silently praying thanks that Asra offered to carry me, maybe for more reason than just the one. I'm used to being in such close quarters with him but being on his back I’m realizing how good he smells. He smells like the tea we had this morning and sage with a hint of cinnamon. It’s almost addicting. I poke my head out from his right and I look around. We’re actually at the beach! My heart flutters in excitement as we near closer to the shore.

“Getting excited are we?” I suck in my breath flushing, oh dear, Asra must be able to feel my heart thumping on his back. I nod slowly, the brim of my hat dancing on top of Asra's fluffy curls. He stops walking and looks around. “This spot seems good.” He crouches down again allowing me to climb off his back, his scent leaving with him. I angle my cane to help me standstill as I observe the shore. Asra reaches into his bag and pulls out the blanket, spreading it out onto the ground. Taking my hand he helps me sit and promptly plops himself down next to me. We both let out a sigh as we look out onto the horizon. Asra reaches into his bag and pulls out two sandwiches handing one to me. I put my cane behind us and open my sandwich taking a bite. We sit in silence eating and drinking in our view of the Vesuvian shores. After swallowing my last bite, I lay down on the blanket and stretch my arms above my head. My hand swipes over something other than sand though. I grab it to get a better look, it's a seashell. Or at least part of one, its broken in half but it’s still beautiful regardless. The brown stripes running across remind me of a ribbon I saw once in the market place.

“Found a seashell?” Asra leans over observing my find. I nod and hand it to him. “Yknow we can go look for some more, ahh I don't know if I can carry you and look for seashells at the same time though,” I flush at the thought, I can imagine how ridiculous it would look. “I am also not fond of leaving you alone to go look for some myself...” Asra trails off when an idea strikes me.

“Faust,” I say looking at her as she pokes her head from the sand. Asra looks to her and then me and nods.

“Alright,” he pulls Faust from the sand and holds her up to his face so she can look at him while he speaks. “Ok Faust, I'm giving you an important task, stay here with MC while I look for seashells, protect them from harm,” I chuckle at Asra's theatrics as he hands Faust to me. What could possibly be dangerous about a beach? Asra gets up and jogs down to the shore and I wave as he leaves.

Once Asra leaves I undo my cover-up to let the sun hit my skin, setting it to the side and watching Faust turn it into her bed. I begin to scan the beach, there aren't many people here. I see a small family, two parents, and two children. They run about the shore squealing with excitement. I find myself thinking about family and whether I have one when I feel a headache creep up on me. I shake my head trying to will the pain away. Asra taught me to meditate when I feel a headache coming but sometimes they get too intense and I need Asra's help, and he’s not here right now. I look around the beach again trying to distract my thoughts until my eyes fall upon an island in the distance. I’ve heard people talk about this island, the name escapes me but I know people are scared of it. I can't remember why though. I continue to stare at this island, feeling utterly enamored with it, almost like I can't take my eyes off of it. My headache starts to slowly crawl up the nape of my neck but I can't manage to look away.

“Hey! I'm talking to you!” The voice breaks me from my trance and I look up at the man standing above me. I don’t recognize him. He’s standing very close to me, and he doesn’t seem to be dressed for the beach so what is he doing here?

“H-hello,” I stutter out. He has a nasty look on his face. Something about this man makes me uncomfortable.

“So you can talk, What's a pretty thing like you doing alone here?” He bends down slightly leaning over me even more. My heart starts to pound as I realize, he wants to talk with me. But I can't, I start to frantically look around for Asra until I see him. He’s further down the beach leaning in the water digging in the sand.

“Asra,” I try to shout but my voice is hoarse and quiet.

“Asra?” The man follows my eyes and sees Asra in the distance. “Oh, what is he your boyfriend? Well, he's not a very good one for leaving you all alone,” the man crouches down to my level getting closer to me. “Why don't you ditch him and come with me?” I lean away from the man and slowly shake my head. “What you’re too good for me or something?” The man's voice starts to become more hostile as he leans closer to me. I continue to lean away trying to will my voice into appearing, if I could speak I would tell this man to leave, but I can't and he isn't leaving me alone. I need help. Suddenly he grips my shoulder.

“C’mon can't you speak or something? Don't you know you have to answer someone when they ask you a question?” His grip on my shoulder becomes tighter and it starts to hurt the panic in me starts to swell and I act suddenly.

“No!” I scream and shove him away from me sending him onto his back. The man quickly scrambles to his feet and looks down at me once again. His face is red and his breathing is harsh and heaving.

“Little shit!” In that moment he kicks sand into my face. I start spluttering wiping the sand from my eyes. I feel something cool and silky run over my leg and I hear a scream. I manage to open my eyes and see the man thrashing at Faust who is wrapped around the man's leg, squeezing. My heart starts to race, this man could hurt Faust, my friend, and more importantly Asra's friend. I grab my cane from behind me and sit upon my knees swinging my cane at the man nailing him in the side.

“NO!” I yell once again, I’ve never said that word but my fear trumped any other emotions at that moment. The man falls onto the ground.

—- The waves are cool as they wash over my legs. I’ve managed to find quite a few seashells I'm sure my apprentice will love. I pick up a purple one and place it in my pocket. I look around at the ground again and see possibly the biggest seashell I've seen so far. It's similar to the one they found, white with brown stripes. I'm sure they’d love a complete version. I lean down to grab it but the wave beats me to it bringing it away with the current. At that moment I think I hear something.

“NO!” I stop in my tracks. That wasn’t who I thought it was... was it? No, it wasn’t MC they haven’t been able to pronounce their own name let alone “no”. When they get annoyed they usually say my name in an annoyed tone. I look back at the sand trying to find the shell the wave washed away but then I hear Faust’s voice.

“Friend! Help!” I whip my head around and scan for our spot and I see it. My dear, shy, friendly apprentice, swinging their cane? Onto a man? Are they beating a man up? Panic swells in me and I race up the beach. I can hear them yelling and sobbing “no” as they whack the screaming man senseless, Faust unravels from the man's leg and approaches me, I grab her placing her on my shoulders, and approach the scene.

“Hey, hey!” I grab their cane mid-swing and they flinch facing me. The moment their eyes meet mine however they relax, their eyes red from crying and their breath heaving from swinging. I ignore the man groaning on the ground and keep my apprentice's attention. “What happened,” tears swell their eyes and their voice comes out croaking.

“Faust.... Asra” they point to the man's leg and then point out to where I was standing. Their breathing is heavy and their voice is hoarse. My heart aches to see them so distressed. They grab their shoulder mimic someone tightening their grip. They then grab sand and point to their face with their other hand. I don't know what happened but I think I understand, I hand Faust back to them and look at the man who has now recovered and stands. I glare at him and he stumbles back slightly.

“Don’t you know when someone says no it means no? Get out of here before I call the attention of the guards,” there are no guards in sight but the notion strikes fear in the man who leaves without a word. I crouch down and catch my apprentice by the hand, the moment we meet eyes the tears start flowing, I pull them into an embrace and rub their back shushing comforts into their ear. I watch the man approach the street and flick magic his way, causing him to trip into a large burly man walking in the street. I think he still needs to learn his lesson. I look back at my apprentice pulling away before witnessing the man's unruly fate. They sniffle and look down at Faust who is wrapped around their hand.

“Faust,” they give her chin scratches and look up at me.

“You’re safe now, well maybe you were never in danger, who knew you could swing that cane so hard, maybe you don't need as much physical therapy as much as I thought you did” a snort comes out of them and they try to hide their laughter behind their hand. “Let's go home now” my apprentice nods back at me grabbing my hand as I help them to their feet.

—- Asra folds up the blanket and packs our belongings as I button my coverup. I recount the events that just happened. I may have been able to defend myself but this never would’ve happened if I could just tell that man to piss off. I feel the lump in my throat return. Squeezing the handle of my cane in my hand as I try to bite back my tears.

“All packed up” Asra's voice catches me off guard. He lightly places his hand on my arm and gives me a warm smile. “Hey, you didn't do anything wrong, that man had it coming it was unfortunate he had to face the wrath of MC the mighty warrior equipped with a cane and a fearless snake," Faust pokes her head out from my should and bleps her tongue out at me. I smile at Asra's encouraging words, but I don’t think he understands why I'm really upset. He leans down again so I can climb onto his back and he walks back to the streets setting me down once were on stable ground. Faust climbs from my shoulders and onto Asra's as I walk close to the docs looking for a gondola.

“Hey, I said we could walk home didn't I?” Asra smiles at me reminding me of our deal from this morning. I nod and follow him towards our shop. Our trek back home is quiet, it’s usually quiet due to my lack of speech ability, but it’s especially quiet as we walk along the cobblestone streets. The afternoon sun still illuminates the streets but it slowly falls behind the buildings as we go through the city.

“So you learned a new word today,” Asra catches my attention. Yea I guess I did, and with this new word comes me repeating it whenever possible so it sticks in my brain. I take a deep breath and stop in my tracks. Asra gives me a confused look.

“NOOO-” I yell as loud it as I can. My new word. Asra jumps and puts his hand over my mouth trying to stifle his laughter”

“Mc, please! People are gonna think you're being attacked” he whispers, laughing between words.

“Asra,” I muffle under his hand, poking him in the shoulder. We then hear feet rushing towards us.

“Guards!” Asra picks me uplifting me by the legs, practically throwing me over his shoulder, and my arms find his shoulders, anchoring me in place. He takes off running both of us giggling. Asra runs behind a building and sets me down, peeking around the corner to make sure we weren't followed. I don't understand why he ran, he simply could've explained the situation but I guess his mischievous nature got the best of him. He laughs between breaths. Turning to face me Asra puts his hands on his hips to scold me but his smiles betrays his stern persona.

“Why would you do that? You really are just attracting trouble wherever you go,” Asra's smile is warm. But he’s right. My inability to speak has now become a danger. If Asra could use magic to make me speak I would request it in an instant. But this is something I had to do for myself. I have to be determined and try my hardest. I fiddle with a loose button on my coverup, trying not to recount the panic that swelled in me because I couldn't ask the man to leave. Asra is now giving me a concerned look, I can see the sadness behind his eyes when he looks at me like that.

“I was only kidding MC, I don't think your THAT much of a trouble maker," his attempt at a joke makes the corners of my mouth upturn ever so slightly. "hey how about we get something to eat, maybe soooome” my heart flutters, is he gonna say what I think he is. He taps a finger to his chin pretending to ponder, smirking at the look I give him. “Pumpkin bread?” I nearly jump, nodding so quickly my head may roll off my shoulders. “Well then,” Asra puts his arm out for me to take “shall we?” I grab his arm and we walk toward the marketplace. —- My apprentice and I waltz through our neighborhood arms linked together, and I’m able to carry their weight and keep them balanced, so they rest their cane’s handle on their arm. I would be lying if I didn’t admit I was utterly terrified when I saw the event that took place. I also would be lying if I said I wasn’t proud that they defended themself, especially Faust. When I left them alone I exaggerated my instructions to her but she knew there was a sense of seriousness in my speech. We approach the stand of our favorite baker.

“Well if it isn't Asra and- oh you look a little worse for wear,” I look at our appearance, I guess we do look a little disheveled after our day, scaring off creeps and running from guards. Especially my friend on my arm, sand coating parts of their skin from earlier in the day. Their face still a little puffy from all their crying.

“I think we’re deserving of some tea and pumpkin bread,” the baker gives me a knowing look and turns to fetch us our treats, my apprentice lets go on my arm and steadies their stance with their cane.

“Tea,” they nod and walk over to their usual seat. I sit on the stairs next to their stool. The baker approaches us with two cups and hands us our own respective drinks. I take a sniff of the warm brew. It smells of berries and mint. Taking a long sip I feel my whole body relax. I see my apprentice let the stiffness of their body ease from the corner of my eye as well. The baker returns with two loaves of our favorite pumpkin bread and leans on a table looking us up and down.

“Seems you visited the beaches? Fun day?” My apprentice tenses once again. Taking a slow bite of their bread and nodding slowly. I quickly think of ways to change the subject.

“Yes, ahh yes I actually found quite a few seashells if you’d like to see,” I stand and reach into my pockets pulling out all the shells I collected from the beach and placing them on the table for the baker to peruse. We converse back and forth trying to determine which shell belongs to which sea creature. I can see my apprentice from the corner of my eye, they continue to eat their bread in silence looking down. I can tell they don’t want to be asked about our day. I won't dare ask them to tell me what exactly happened today, but I feel that they are shaken up about more than just what happened. That's when I hear it though. Their small voice uttering something. The baker and I turn towards them in awe as they attempt to speak.

“Puh... pump... kin brrr... brrread,” they look up at us beaming eyes misty. Then they open their mouth again. “Thhh... hank.... yyy- yyyou” I look over at the baker, we come here often so he knows of my apprentice's situation, he wipes a stray tear from his eye and smiles back at them.

“You are very welcome,” the warmness in my heart flutters. Seeing them improve fills me with pride, and it brings me even more joy to see them smile, my dear, kind, friendly apprentice.

[masjestickingdom]

My Little Secret (Part 2)

Pairing: NCT Jaehyun x reader

Genre: Angst 

Summary: So you made a promise to yourself that you would get over your feelings for your sister’s husband. Except you can’t.

Note: This is part 2 of My Little Secret! If you haven’t read the first part, please check it out here. And if anyone wants to drop anything in the suggestion box, please do so. I’m open to any ideas, seriously, so don’t feel embarrassed--you can send it anonymously.

____________________________________________________________________________    

    Nothing about that night felt right. Your dress was too tight. The curling iron was nowhere to be found. Half of the jewelry you owned were tangled. Worst of all, you were sweating bullets from walking back and forth from your room to your small office, rapping to your boss, who was also your friend, on the phone. 

    “What? I was never given that file,” you would repeat when your friend asked you to look something up.

    It was only half past seven and all you wanted to do was to go back in time and take back your statement, “I’ll go.” It was stupid of you to agree to go to some charity event to meet a guy when you strongly despised social settings, which was odd because your work required you to socialize all the time.

    With one of the most important business meetings ahead of you in a week’s time, Jia was freaking out over how disorganized everything was.

    “Jesse,” she whined, calling out your name for the hundredth time in the last ten minutes. “I swear I gave you the file.”

    “Maybe I left it at the office,” you said, rushing to slip on your heels. “I’ll be there as soon as the fundraising event is over.”

    Once you made it out of the building, the cold breeze of the dark autumn night ran past you, and you instantly regretted not bringing out with you a light coat. You hissed under your breath as you made your way over to your car, which you parked across the street for some reason you couldn’t recall.

    “I just had to park it at the farthest corner,” you murmured while your friend kept babbling on about some random dude on the street (and sometimes you wondered how Jia got the position of marketing manager with her tendency to chatter whenever she was anxious). “Hey, I need to get going, so call me when you need something else, okay?” you told your buzzing friend, hoping to free your mind of work for the next couple of hours. 

    The ride to your sister’s house was peaceful. The street lamps and office lights lit up the navy night sky and, subsequently, your mood. Every passing street had people strolling on the sidewalks, some with families, others with friends, and some alone. With your window rolled down, you listened to the sound of the wind and the delightful screams of children running around. But your peace ended quickly: before you knew it, you were standing in front of an all-too-familiar brown door, across the mowed lawn, with your fingers drumming lightly against your bare thighs.

    “Please get me through this night” you whispered to an invisible force before the door flew open with a friendly face.

    “Jesse!” your sister excitedly greeted, immediately welcoming you with a warm hug.

    “Hi, Janet,” you said, trying to return her enthusiasm. “How’s the stomach pain?”

    In a hushed tone, she replied, “Honestly, I’m just using that as an excuse not to call our nanny. I’ve got the feeling that she has her eyes on Jaehyun.”

    “Oh, really?” you reacted weakly as you pulled away from her embrace. “That’s a shame.”

    That did not at all throw your mind into chaos. Not at all. Your sister quickly changed the subject as she scanned you from head to toe and wiggled her eyebrows. “Well someone cleaned up nicely.”

    You simply shrugged, letting yourself in the house. Everything was in the same place, still as boring as ever. The only new additions were the two humans who were approaching you with wide smiles.

    “Jesse, long time no see,” Mark and Doyoung said with wide arms, to which you decided to hug both of them simultaneously.

    The two black-haired beauties had known you since they moved in, which wasn’t a long time ago, but the three of you clicked. You loved music and had always fantasized about becoming a music producer when you were younger. Mark and Doyoung were living the dream, and you couldn’t wait for big things to happen for them.

    While you were catching up with them, your nephew Jaehyung made his appearance out of the hallway with his adorable hands partially wrapped around his father’s, the man you secretly loved.

    “Auntie!” your nephew shouted, willingly letting go of his father’s hand as he dashed towards you at full speed.

    By instinct, you bent down to receive the speeding little boy who almost toppled you over.

    “I’m starting to get the feeling that he loves her more than he loves us,” Mark said to Doyoung in a not-so-quiet manner.  

    “Well, I’m a blood relative,” you told your same-aged friend, lifting Jaehyung up from his feet and letting him join you and your sight of the world at your freakish height. “Isn’t that right, LJ?”

    “Auntie is always right,” your nephew sweetly responded, to which Mark and Doyoung dramatically gasped.

    “I don’t mean to break you two apart,” your crush spoke, “But we have to get going if we don’t want to be late.”

    Thankfully, you were able to shoot a calm smile at Jaehyun, greeting him very briefly before handing the sweet little boy in your arms to his mother, all without making a fool of yourself. Jaehyun was absolutely gorgeous. With his slick-backed hair and dark blue suit that complemented his eyes, you could just run your fingers along his beautifully placed--

    No, you couldn’t. You had to physically refrain yourself from acting out your fantasies by forcefully turning your back to him, and you lowly hummed to a pop song, hoping your amoral thoughts would wash away. However, the fact that the other two called the back seats, leaving you at the shotgun with Jaehyun by your side, forced you to swallow the rising guilt inching near your throat. To your luck, Jia had called you and whisked you into the world of your comfort zone, which was funnily what you were sick of: work.

...

    “There is no way you actually got him to get back with his ex.”

    You were just about to text back your secretary regarding something Jia requested to have when Mark pulled out the vacant seat next to you and said what he said.

    “You actually got Jungwoo to leave the event to talk to her,” the dumbfounded boy said, shaking his head in disbelief.

    That’s right. You somehow managed to encourage Jungwoo, the guy your sister and Jaehyun set you up with, to get back together with his ex-girlfriend. There was nothing wrong with Jungwoo; in fact, he was the perfect gentleman you would have dreamed of having in your younger years. He was stunning--physically, facially, and personality-wise. He was funny and considerate. He had a soft, melodious voice that you swore you heard on the radio. He even shared your weird preference of music. But there was one thing: he was the perfect gentleman, except he wasn’t Jaehyun. The amazing skills you had to convince someone, someone as fine as Jungwoo, to leave you for someone else astonished Mark.

    “You must be a beast when you negotiate,” he murmured while you typed away on your phone. 

    “Believe me, I had no intentions of shooing him away,” you told him. “He just mentioned that he got out of a long-term relationship, so I asked him a few questions. I swear that’s all I did.”

    Your same-aged friend snorted. “Yeah, yeah.” When you continued to text your secretary, he added, “You should really get off your phone and interact with others.”

    You simply hummed and Mark, in response, swiftly snatched your phone and tucked it away, far from your tech-deprived hands.

    “What do you think you’re doing?” you questioned your smirking friend, your eyebrows deeply furrowed.

    “Getting you to mingle.”

    “You’re gonna get me fired,” you huffed frustratedly.

    “Mark almost got me fired,” you heard your other mischievous friend say. “It was one of the worst days of my life.”

    “I should get ready for that anytime soon then,” you said, rolling your eyes.

    “Get ready for what?” another familiar voice spoke.

    The apple of your eye joined the table, sitting across your seat. Suddenly, the table seemed longer than it was, stretching for miles and miles. You quietly let out a sigh and decided to look around your surroundings, eyes gliding over the mass of people conversing. In the midst of your scanning process, Doyoung and Mark abandoned their seats to get more drinks. Without you noticing, Jaehyun managed to scoot down to you, stealing Mark’s seat.

    “Is there anyone here who catches your eye?”

    Startled at the proximity of his voice and suddenly uncomfortable, you began tapping your feet to the rhythm of the background chatter. You didn’t dare look at him in the eye; you didn’t want to face his genuine curiosity--it would destroy you. Instead, you picked up your glass of wine ever so slightly, swirled it around, and answered with a plain “no”.

     “I’m sorry that you and Jungwoo didn’t work out,” Jaehyun said with pity filling his voice.

    “Well,” you began in an effort to keep the conversation rolling instead of childishly letting your emo-side take over, “I’m 30, and I seem to be wedded to my work. I’ll be alright.”

    “Work does seem to like you a lot,” the beautiful man joked. “But you don’t seem to hate it.”

    You offered a small smile. “I’m over it with people constantly calling me, but, yeah, I don’t hate it.”  

    When a moment of silence passed, you deemed it fitting to finally take a sip from your drink. But it was then when Jaehyun thought it was appropriate to say,  “Janet seems to think that you’re a work-a-holic.” Now that was a label you had never thought applied to you. A work-a-holic? You? Impossible. What was wrong with simply liking to bow down to fear?

    “I guess I need to fill up that loneliness,” you said lightly, setting your glass down. “Gotta have something, you know?”

    Jaehyun dismissed your half-hearted comment. “You do know that she’s concerned out of love.”

    You simply nodded and added, “Gotta love her too,” earning you a knowing look. “Okay, being my brother-in-law doesn’t mean you get to scold me too.”

    A low feeling of heartache stirred in you as the conversation carried out. If this basic conversation about your life had you killing inside, how could you face three weeks worth of the same thing with him in two weeks time? Answer: you couldn’t.

    “You know, if you keep working like that, you won’t have time to date.”

    “I’ll just date my work then,” you replied sarcastically. “No one needs a human significant other to fulfill their satisfaction.”

    For once, you looked at Jaehyun straight into his eyes. Those deep brown orbs of his spoke of genuine curiosity. You were right: they destroyed you. You forced yourself to avert your gaze back to the crowd before you.

    “Come on, why don’t you give yourself a break?” he asked, leaning closer to you due to the sudden increase in background noise.

    His natural honey-scented self was overpowered by the soft lavender-scented perfume you saw Jia spray on him earlier. It was the perfume you had gotten them for their four-year wedding anniversary, with the card, “Don’t worry: it’s gender-neutral.”

    “Okay, I really don’t want my brother-in-law giving me advice about my love life,” you grimaced bitterly while trying not to breathe through your nose. “It’s weird.”

    “Then take it as a friend.”

    A new wave of the aromatic scent reached your nose as you sharply inhaled at the words that left Jaehyun’s lips. Friends? Friends? Since when were you and Jaehyun friends? Sure, you guys talked, but it was only because of his relationship with your sister. If you hadn’t met him through your sister, you were sure that you wouldn’t have had the guts to approach him yourself. Being friends with your brother-in-law was not something you had in mind, not especially since you were in love with him--not that you were planning on making a move on him. In fact, you wanted to do nothing with him. 

    But if you were friends, then wouldn’t that be the first step to getting over him?

    Thankfully, a fellow co-worker of Jaehyun’s saved you from your train of thought, informing Jaehyun that their boss was looking for him. Before he could leave, though, Jaehyun patted your shoulders and sent you a comforting smile. You watched him go farther away from you as he interacted with his boss whose face instantly brightened. Smooth talker. Sociable. Look at me, sitting and moping as if there’s no tomorrow, you thought bitterly, tasting your wine for the first time.

    And that was how you spent the night--sitting by yourself, worrying your phone would be broken from the number of calls Jia would have made, and watching the man you loved mingle with others like the loveable man he was. You were officially pathetic.

    When the time came to leave, you were more than ready to sprint out the doors and claim freedom. Instead, your boss called and the cold wind slapped your face.

    “Jia, I got the file,” you said to your friend, pushing your company’s tall glass doors open and waving the thick file in your hands even though she couldn’t see you. “Yeah, I told Sophie to leave it at my desk. Don’t worry, I’ve got things covered, alright?”

    Before Jia could say anything else, you stepped onto the pavement when you heard someone call out your name. Once you saw who it was, you greeted that person with a bright smile. That man could liven up your day with his mere presence.

    “Johnny!” you exclaimed, reciprocating the tall man’s lively tone. As you initiated a hug, you asked him, “You’ve been here the whole time?”

    “Yeah, my boss pulled me back,” Johnny said grimly. “What’s with the file?”

    “Oh, this? It’s just something Jia was freaking out about.”

    Your considerate co-worker sent you a sympathetic smile. “Couldn’t get Sophie to get it to your place, huh?”

    To that, you shrugged and said, “It’s not that bad. It’s just weird having people peeking into my house.”

    Talking to Johnny was like meeting your long time friend. He was a breath of fresh air, asking you about things that had nothing to do with your love life. You admired the way he could easily change topics without seeming too sudden and appreciated his quick wit. Unfortunately, the fruitful conversation didn’t last long, and you two parted ways, Johnny taking a cab while you jogged across the street to reach Jaehyun’s black, family-friendly SUV.

    “Hey, who was that?” Doyoung said suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows in a manner you thought was silly. 

    “A coworker,” you replied emotionlessly, hoping Jia would stop texting you.

    “He was checking you out,” Mark blatantly remarked.

    You stopped typing momentarily and shot a glance at his direction. You meant to give him a menacing glare, but you were caught off guard by Jaehyun’s arm resting behind your headrest. You cleared your throat once you realized that he was backing up the car from the parking lot.

    “He’s just a friendly person.”

    Sick of Jia’s constant demands--you still loved her--and the horrible night full of pain, you rested your elbow comfortably against the window and rubbed your temple. You were not going to be able to sleep that night with that splitting headache, especially with Mark and Doyoung teasing you.

    “Come on guys, give her some privacy with her love life,” Jaehyun defended you as he removed his arm from your seat. “I think she’s had enough tonight.”

    You offered Jaehyun a weak but warm smile. “Thank you.”

    He, in return, gave a cheeky one. “Hey, do you know the song that goes, ‘Jesse and Johnny sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-’”

    “-I-N-G!” - Doyoung Mark chimed enthusiastically.

    Sinking into your seat, you grumbled, “I’m really babysitting four children next month, aren’t I?”

    And the way back to the house of torture was filled with laughter and childish rhymes while all you wished to do was jump out of the car and end your misery. Oh, but you had no idea that the three weeks that awaited you made that night seem like nothing in comparison. Nothing you could do would prepare you for hell. 

[imagine-that-one-thing]

Her Majesty. || 7

If You’re A Bird, I’m a Bird.

♔♔♔

I’ve been in and out of sleep for a few hours, my mind is unable to cease thinking about what my mother has said, and I’m still under the weather. I thought I was doing fine but this summer cold is proving to be a pain in my ass. 

I feel Anna’s body move between the sheets and I feel her begin to move with more energy. 

“Anna?” My voice is hoarse while I cock my head to the side to gaze at her. 

She’s still asleep. 

I watch her settle in her sleep and I adjust the sheet over her shoulders before I get comfortable and fall back to dozing in and out of sleep. 

It’s an unexpected gasp, and shift in the bed that alerts me immediately. I open my eyes and notice Anna breathing heavily with her hand gripping the covers. “Hey,” I softly whisper, moving closer as she sits up. “Bad dream?” I question the only logical explanation for her sudden lack of breath and sudden jolts. 

Anastasia nods her head. I caress my hand to her back and rub soothing circles. I’m not quite sure what to do. I’ve never been with her when she has had any sort of bad dream. Whenever I have a bad dream, I usually roll back over and go to sleep, but I can see that she’s quite startled by her dream. “Harry…” Anna begins with a heavy breath, “Where’s Henry?” 

“I don’t know… Would you like me to get you some water?” 

“No… I want you to find Henry.” 

”I can’t, I’m a bodyguard, not a detective. Matthew is handling it. Has he gotten you all worked up again? He won’t find you. He’s harmless.” 

Anastasia shakes her head, “I don’t know about that.” Anastasia grimaces while she sits up a little further and takes in a deep breath. 

I lean over and turn my lamp on, the dim glow illuminating the room immediately and causing Anastasia to groan. “Here we go,” Anna mutters unhappily. I know this isn’t going to end pleasantly. She hates when I do this, but I can’t help it… I can’t act like I don’t care. 

“You’re in pain.” 

“And you’re under the weather. We are both avoiding the obvious.” 

“Christ sake,” I shake my head, tired and irritated with her. 

I know she hates when people fret over her, but it’s my job to do so, literally. Her life is in my hands at the moment, whether she likes it or not, I can’t just turn a blind eye. And as her boyfriend, I can’t go back to sleep knowing that she’s worried over a piece of shit Prince and hurting because she fell off a horse and doesn’t want to have doctors up her ass. “It’s either you tell me or I have to call your doctor. You parents were strict on this rule, and right now, I don’t want to piss the King off. He’s already pissed, and I don’t want to make it worse.” 

“Why is he pissed with you?” Anastasia questions, somewhat shifting the subject. 

The king is pissed off with everybody, he is taking his frustration out on all the staff, right now, he’s having his best go at the security team. Right now, Matthew and I are on the firing line. The king wants Henry’s location, but I’m here; I can’t do much. Matthew can only do so much in a few hours while also being in charge of other security staff. The king is taking his wrath out on everybody— yesterday it was the maids and housekeepers— today it is myself and Matthew— tomorrow it’ll probably be Anastasia again. 

I contemplate telling Anna the truth, I have to draw a line between work and our relationship.

There are some things I keep from her for her own sanity. “Your Dad is mad at the world, I’m trying to defuse situations. So, what’s the matter?” 

“I’m sorry… This whole Henry thing was my fault. It’s all escalating and snowballing.” 

“Anna, stop deflecting.” 

“My side hurts, nothing new.” 

“Can I take a look?” I softly challenge, wanting her permission. 

I know she despises when I have to do this, but right now I’m attempting to be her boyfriend. I genuinely care. It’s just a plus that my job has me trained for taking care of her. Anastasia rolls her eyes and lifts her pyjama top up, revealing the side of her body when she took the hardest hit. 

“Doctor wasn’t joking when she said you’d have bruising. Looks like you definitely have bruised ribs. Why must you be so stubborn?” 

“Same reason why you keep trying to cover the fact you’re unwell and still more worried about me. Please, don’t make a big deal of this.” 

“Anna—“ I begin but I stop myself, “Okay,” I sigh, “But if it gets worse, you’ll tell me?” 

“This isn’t a life or death situation. Let’s go back to sleep.” 

“If you insist.” 

“Can you really not find Henry? I feel uneasy about him.” 

“It’s not my field of work. Matthew is working on it. I know a PI and I’ll call him in the morning.” 

“Aren’t they expensive?” Anna questions and I can’t help but chuckle to myself. 

The woman who literally has no reason to worry about money or the cost of things is concerned a PI expensive but doesn’t seem to take into consideration that half the jewellery in her possession is worth thousands of dollars. 

“I’ll handle it and pay for it, stop worrying about things you don’t need to fret over. It’s my job to worry.” I respond. 

I kiss her cheek and move away from her, dismissing the conversation and settling back down into the bed. Anna doesn’t hesitate, instead, she shuffles closer and rests her hand on my chest as she gets comfortable. I stare up at the ceiling, listening to her breaths while I allow my mind to wander. 

I won’t hesitate to find everything I can about Henry. We should have done an intense search on him when he first came into the picture, but the King was adamant that he knew better and knew the family. Sometimes, the king isn’t always right. I should have listened to my gut instinct. Now, all I can do is keep an eye on Henry and keep Anastasia safe and sound. I don’t want her to worry about anything, and as much as I hate to admit things, Henry makes me uneasy as well. I don’t like how he seems to have gone off the deep end over something as small as losing a bet on a horse. It’s almost as though losing a bet and money triggered him to lose the plot. Perhaps, I’m overthinking things, but from the way Anastasia is acting and reacting, I think she feels the same way. 

For now, it’s my job to worry, not hers. I won’t hesitate to take her worries and pain, and I’ll do everything to keep her settled through chaotic storms. I can’t help but feel like the storm is just starting to brew and it’s about to get worse. 

♔♔♔

I find Anastasia relaxing in my mother’s garden, enclosed by the summer flowers that flaunt their beautiful colours even in the moonlight. 

I wander closer to her sitting figure, offering her a modest smile when she stares up at me. Unfortunately, she doesn’t give me her usual grin, instead, she offers me a fake smile that indicates she’s hiding something. 

“Been looking for you for a minute,” I begin, wanting her absolute attention. 

“Sorry,” Anastasia gazes away from my gaze, “Jus’ needed a minute.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

Anastasia grows withdrawn for a moment and I grasp the silence as a time to step closer and sit beside her. I caress a kiss to her cheek before I arrange my arm around her, “You know, whatever has you down won’t last forever. Things will be okay.” I decide to go with words of encouragement, mainly because I know that she is more than likely stressed over more things than I’m even aware of. I know she was working on a few royal duties this afternoon while it rained, I assumed she was responding to letters or keeping up to date on public, political, and cultural affairs. Her job never truly stops. 

Anastasia heavily laments before resting her head on my shoulder, “My father is losing the plot, Harry.” 

“How so?” I challenge. 

I have to admit, I’m not wholly surprised. He seems to have been on a steady decline since last year when word got around that he needed to pass down the crown. 

I have yet to figure out why he is determined to pass the crown down to Anastasia this year or early next year, nobody has heard of a thorough reason. The house staff have their own conspiracy theories, one being that he wants to leave the crown to Anna so that he doesn’t have to handle royal duties anymore. I don’t think that’s the case. I believe there would have to be a solid foundation for what he’s doing. After all, only one British monarch has ever willingly abdicated the throne, and the King wouldn’t make the second unless it were for a better reason than simply not wanting to do royal engagements. He won’t abdicate. He will likely give Anna the title of Princess Regent, putting her in charge of his official duties while he’d get to keep his title as His Majesty the King— of course, that’s if he wants his title. 

“My Dad is being a prick.” 

I chuckle modestly, “Sweetheart, that’s because he’s the King.” 

“That’s no excuse. Are you saying he has always been a prick?” 

I become withdrawn for a minute, debating my answer. “Well… kind of…” I nod my head, “It depends on the day. There’s a reason why the Palace staff don’t enjoy being on his service.” 

“Is that why you’re never on his service?” 

I don’t know how to answer Anna. It isn’t that I’m never on his service because he’s a prick, it’s more that I just don’t savour being on his service. He can be a very arduous man to keep a watch over. He tends to go against the books and plans on purpose. He doesn’t desire any of the staff listening to too many conversations and will deliberately strive to throw me off his whereabouts. I wouldn’t necessarily say he has secrets, but he definitely likes his privacy and isn’t a fan of me doing my job. “Matthew and I just agree not to have me with your Dad unless he requests me, which is rare.” 

“So, the staff don’t like him?” 

“I don’t think we should discuss this. He does have a say in my wage.” 

“I’ll ask my lady’s maid then,” Anastasia mumbles, “That’s of course if I haven’t been abolished from the monarchy by the time I get home.” 

“What? What happened?” I immediately challenge, uncertain of how she can be abolished from the monarchy. Although, it could work in our favour if it occurred. 

“The King has threatened to take away my title and to make sure I don’t become Queen.” 

As much as I desire to relish in the thought of Anastasia being stripped of her title and not under the thumb of the royal family and monarch, I know that she’s probably upset to hear her father threaten such things. 

“And I know I shouldn’t care and that I don’t really want to go through all this but at the same time… He is being an outright prick for no reason. This Henry situation isn’t my fault.” 

“First of all, sweetheart, the King has no legal authority to alter the succession to the throne. That would require an Act of Parliament,” I inform Anastasia, reminding her of what she already knows. 

“I told him that, he responded with ‘we will see about that.’” … “Henry seems to have my father in a rage.” 

“Is he threatening this because you won’t date Henry or just because he can’t fire palace staff?” I curiously ask, unaware of whether he’s serious or just taking his anger out on Anna since there’s nobody else. I haven’t heard anything from Matthew but I’m also somewhat off the clock, so Matthew won’t bother me unless it’s urgent. 

“I don’t know.” 

“And unless there’s a secret love child, you’re the only one who is eligible for the crown. He can’t do anything,” I continue to explain. 

As bitter as it is, no matter what, Anastasia has no choice but to take the crown. There’s no other heir, she’s the only child of the King and Queen. 

Even if she did want to abdicate for us to be together, where would that leave the monarchy? 

In the hands of a distant cousin or relative? 

Almost every living English citizen is somehow a descendant of an early monarch. 

“I don’t know, Harry. I think Parliament would decide to whom to offer the crown. But surely there has to be someone else in line, I don’t think I can do this. This is becoming a mind game, it’s driving my father insane and it’s stressing me out.” … “I wanted a nice weekend away from it all and it followed me. Are you sure you don’t want to run away together?” Anastasia asks me and for a brief moment, my mind wanders to the ring in my pocket that wants to make an appearance, but a proposal right now isn’t the right time. 

How can I ask her to marry me when she’s gradually going down the rabbit hole of self-destruction because of a monarch who relies on her when she isn’t even Queen. 

“Where would we run off to, my dear?” 

Anastasia lifts her head off my shoulder and stares at me with glossy eyes, “I’d go anywhere with you. Just say the word.” 

She is on the verge of tears and it breaks my heart.

“Well, you said after this Henry charade is over you wanted to come forward with the relationship…” 

“I’d rather run away. We could go to Greece?” Anastasia continues to look at me, wanting an answer. I can’t tell if she’s half-serious or not. “Let’s go to Skopelos.” 

“Anna, I don’t even know where that is.” 

“The small Greek island of Skopelos. Nobody would find us.” 

“You just want to run away without even being married? What would I do for a job? What will you do? The monarch won’t pay for us.” I’m trying to logically process what she’s saying. There’s a small part of me that wants to bring that ring out and propose but logically how could we pull this off? 

We can’t just run off together and fall off the grid. Her father would have everyone looking for her and would presumably kill me with his bare hands. 

“I’m sure there’s a small church somewhere. We could make it all work.”

“We’d need residency permits and a Greek tax-file number, running off to Greece is going to be just as hard.” I think my girlfriend has lost her marbles. 

Anastasia shakes her head, “Never mind,” Anna whispers, a tear managing to fall down her cheek.

“Hey,” I breathe out, pressing the pad of my thumb to the warmth of her cheek, “Don’t  cry, we will work it out, I promise.” 

“How can you promise me that?” 

If only she knew about the damn ring. Things would be different. 

“I just can,” I respond. Every part of me wants to propose right here, right now. But she deserves something better than a proposal while she is upset. She deserves something nicer than this. “I promise that things will be okay. You and I will work it out.” 

“What about the monarchy?” 

“All due respects, but fuck the monarchy. Right now, you are my priority, not everyone else. Darling, I will make things right, have faith in me.” I wipe a few more tears away from her cheeks and she grants me a small smile. “How about we go inside? Play some Scrabble? Watch a movie? Something?” I offer, gesturing towards the house. 

Anastasia nods, standing to her feet, waiting for me. I stand up and I take her hand before I gently lead her inside the house. 

It’s when I step inside my mother’s house and let go of Anna’s hand so she can make her way towards my mother, that I realise, there is a chance Anastaisa and I may not get the chance to have a small, ordinary house together. If we get married and she is the Queen, we would be living the high lifestyle, living in the Palaces. There would be no ordinary home that could use with some fixing up. We wouldn’t do mundane things. Life would be different, that’s for sure. 

Would we manage to live life together by the rules of the monarch? 

Would she manage to have the best of both worlds and balance a sense of normalcy?

♔♔♔

Anastasia’s POV.

The cool breeze from the ceiling fan taps against my skin and I nestle further into the delicate covers of the bed. I leisurely open my eyes, a dull ray of sunshine peeking through the curtains. I tilt my head to the side, Harry’s still fast asleep. It’s rare that I’m ever awake before him. He’s usually out of my bed by five in the morning when we are at the Palace, for obvious reasons. And even when he has no reason to hurry away, he still tends to be the first one awake. 

I know he’s exhausted, dealing with the palace isn’t the easiest of tasks and having to look after myself and anyone else isn’t easy. He’s constantly working without much of a break. He’s still under the weather, as much as he hates to admit it. It’s nothing major, but it is still enough for him to need the extra sleep. I’m not quite sure what time he came to bed last night. After a quick game of scrabble, we started a movie, unfortunately, after twenty minutes, his phone went off with a call and he excused himself. I can only assume Matthew was the one calling. Matthew has a knack for calling at the most inconvenient of times. I tried to wait up for him but by the time he got off the phone, I was already in bed. I’m not sure what happened after his quick kiss goodnight. 

The man that lies beside me, peacefully sleeping, is wholeheartedly the best thing to have walked into my life. I’m not sure where I went right to deserve him. To be honest, sometimes I don’t think I deserve him. Somehow, he never takes the easy way out, he stays. He has seen me at my best, he has seen me at my worst, and has yet to run for the hills. Most men by now would have thrown in the towel and found someone else. By the grace of God, Harry stays. 

I spend the early morning helping Harry’s Mum with the animals, giving them their morning feeds and making sure everybody has water before the day gets too hot. I don’t assume I was much help, but I did try. 

I wander into the bedroom just as Harry is placing the last pillow on the bed, he turns to glance at me and raises a brow, “What happened to you?” He gestures up and down, taking note of my mud-covered jeans and grass-stained t-shirt. “Please tell me you didn’t take a fall.” 

I shake my head, “Did you know horses like to nibble on clothes? I didn’t…. Also, the goats… uh… they’re not charming at their morning feeds.” 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, just a bit of mud. The princess is fine, relax.” I inform him, with a nod. I understand he just cares, but he needs to relax, a little mud never hurt anyone. “I was wondering if we could leave the house? See where you’re from?” 

“I assume my mother put you up to this?” 

“She may have mentioned some nice places.” 

“Hmmmm, I don’t know, Anna.” Harry responds with uncertainty to his voice, “I just don’t know if it’s a good idea.” 

“We are in the middle of nowhere; what could possibly happen?” 

I am aware that anything could quite literally happen, it is me we are talking about, I do not have the best of luck with things. It would be my luck something out of the blue happens and pushes me into some sort of lockdown.

Harry rubs his temples and looks at me before dropping his hands to his side, “Let me have my coffee first and then we can figure something out, okay?” 

“You said we could be normal.” I remind him of the fact he specifically said I could be normal out here. I had it in my mind that we would be able to be more free, we could walk in and out of stores, go to parks, the beach or really anything.

Harry nods his head, “I know, let me have coffee and then we can decide on where to go, okay?” Harry presses a kiss to my forehead, “I love you.” 

“Do I get a say in this or are we still doing the whole Princess act thing?” I question with furrowed brows, irritated that the normal weekend I have been promised is consisting of my father pulling strings from the palace and Harry acting as though he’s still on duty and my bodyguard. 

Harry sighs. “Darling, please, just let me get some coffee… I promise we will leave the property today.” … “I am not trying to be a prick, I am not trying to be your security guard. I just… I just need coffee.” Harry continues to emphasize his need for coffee. 

I nod my head, dropping the subject as I turn on my heel and walk out of his bedroom. I decide to get a head start on getting him his coffee, it is the least I can do for him. I know he was up for most of the night working, and I know it probably isn’t easy being all the way up here while his security team is back home. I know there are a lot of things that could happen that probably runs through his head. I also know I am not always easy to deal with. 

I stand in front of his mother’s coffee machine, bewildered on how the contraption works. I tilt my head to the side, suddenly feeling like a privileged idiot; I have never had to make my own coffee before, nor do I even know how to. It is always poured for me or made for me. I place a cup under where I assume the coffee pours from and I hold my breath as I press one of the button in hopes that it brews coffee. I am out of my element. 

I hear chuckles from behind me and I turn around to see Harry smirking as he sits upon the stool at the counter. “Don’t mind me, just sitting, love,” Harry informs me, trying to hold back his chuckles. 

I bite my lip and heavily sigh, watching as the brewed coffee fills the coffee cup, but I don’t think he wants straight coffee. 

“At the risk of sounding like a privileged princess, Harry, I have never made coffee,” I begin with a soft voice, embarrassed as I look at him. 

He holds back his chuckles and nods his head, promptly removing himself from his position at the counter and walking around to me. “Sweetheart,” Harry begins, pressing a kiss to my forehead, “What are you trying to make?” 

“You a coffee… I just… Where does the milk go? What do all these buttons do? What happened to just having tea? Do people not just make a pot of coffee?” 

“Some of us need a little kick of caffeine in the morning. Some, not all. Here, to make a cappuccino you froth the milk like this,” Harry takes the stainless steel container holding the milk, showing me how to froth the milk like they do in coffee stores. 

“Why is this contraption a thing? Is this a normal thing?” 

Harry laughs, “For some, it is normal. The palace has one, your mother loves it. Convinced me to buy this one for my Mum.” Harry gestures towards the expresso machine as Harry works his magic. “Glad that you still live in the old times of no expresso machines.” 

“I thought they were only in coffee shops.” 

“You need to leave the palace more,” Harry comments, placing the stainless-steel container on the counter. “Here, you can pour the milk into the cop. Gonna have to teach you how I like my coffee,” Harry winks playfully, “Or, perhaps, we will leave it to me to make morning coffees,” Harry gently pokes fun at me. 

I roll my eyes at him and I pour the milk into his cup, quite proud of myself for not managing to make a mess of things.   

♔♔♔

The warm breeze whistles through my hair and the sound of the ocean crashing against the shore becomes music to my ears. It has been a while since I have had the opportunity to stand on the beach without a care in the world, and without having to look over my shoulder to make sure nobody is taking pictures. For the first time in quite a long time, I have a sense of being normal. The sand nestles between my toes, I take a deep breath of the salty air as I tilt my head to the side and glance over at Harry. 

A smile spreads across his pink lips and he stares at me with awe in his eyes. Lord, I’m one lucky girl to get to stare back at the man I’m entirely in love with. We may have our ups and downs, we might not have a conventional relationship, but there’s no other man I’d want to be with, there’s nobody else I’d want to be standing on a beach with. 

Harry takes my hand and we wander closer to the water’s edge until the tip of my toes finally hit the tepid water. I let out a heavy breath, more so relieved and belatedly, happy. “I’d give anything to be able to feel like this more.” 

“Feel like what?” Harry questions, guiding us to stroll along the water's edge. 

I grin to myself, taking note of the birds soaring high over the ocean, “Like a bird,” I chuckle to myself, well aware my description is not ordinary, then again, I’m not ordinary either, “Free and happy,” I respond. “There’s no restraints, no duties, no photographers, I could run into the ocean with my clothes on and nobody would give a damn,” I gladly smile. 

Harry smirks and lets go of my hand, “Well, go on.” Harry gestures towards the water, “By all means, darling, enter the water with your clothes on, be a bird.” 

I shake my head and gesture for him to join me as I step into the water, loving the way it feels to have the sand move under my feet and the water dance around my calves, “Harry, join me.” 

Harry shakes his head, “Not a chance in hell, love.” Harry chuckles, his hands in his pockets as he stands at the edge, the water barely missing his toes. 

“Do you think I could've been a bird?” 

“Oh, god. No. Don’t—“ 

“Say it! Say I'm a bird,” I insist, well aware of what I’m doing. 

Harry brings his bottom lip between his teeth and he glances around. 

“Anastasia, you, my darling, are bonkers.” 

“Say I’m a bird!” 

“That would mean admitting I’ve watched a romantic movie.” Harry shakes his head, watching me as I shrug my shoulders and walk further to the sandbar the tide has exposed. 

I spin around, allowing my dress to dance around me. I glance over my shoulder and see Harry shuffling closer, his hands still in his pockets. 

My feet dance at the edge of the sand bar, thoroughly relishing the freedom, “Tell me.” 

“Tell you, what?” Harry questions, stepping closer to me. 

“Quote my favourite movie.” 

Harry rolls his eyes playfully, “I’d never do such thing.” 

I gasp, stepping away from him with a laugh escaping my lips, “Darling,” Harry laughs, reaching out and wrapping his hand around my wrist, causing me to laugh louder as I playfully attempt to pull away from him. Harry tenderly tugs on me and forces me to face him, “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird,” Harry recites the line and I draw my hair away from my face, still giggling like a schoolgirl. I beam at Harry and he smiles back at me, his eyes bright and full of more love than I could ever imagine. “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird. Anastasia, I’ll be anything you need me to be, and I’ll go anywhere I need to go. I’d walk to the end of the earth if it meant being with you; I’ll do everything that it takes, I’ll fight any battle thrown at me, I’ll fight for you and for us. I’ll protect you, at all costs. Darling, I love you, and I honestly couldn’t imagine this life without you.” Harry’s sweet words take me by surprise. 

Harry clears his throat and bites his lip as he gets down on one knee. 

I stare at him, stunned. Is this— is this happening? 

“It won’t be easy, but I promise to love you through everything. Princess Anastasia Annette Leanor, Duchess of Edinburgh, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?” 

As the man I’m madly in love with opens the ring box, I can’t help but think about the fact that it would be MY honour to marry him. He is my knight in shining armour, in more ways than one. He’s everything to me. Perhaps, I haven’t always been gracious to him, nor have I always made things easy. The monarch doesn’t make things easy, but this isn’t the monarch's decision. This is mine. For the first time in a long time, I feel free, and for the first time in a long time, I’m going against all traditions and rules; I’m going against the monarch. 

“Yes… Of course. Yes. Harry.” I can’t contain my excitement; how could I ever say no to a proper proposal? 

Harry slides the ring on my finger and for the first time in forever, everything is perfectly right in the world. Before I can blink, I’m wrapped in his arms and he’s spinning me around, “I love you,” he whispers, bringing me to a stop and placing me down. 

“I love you,” I whisper, gazing at him like he has hung the stars in the sky and moved all the oceans just for me. I lean up and kiss him, slowly and sweetly— nothing else in the world matters. 

[birlcholtz]

Bittydex??? (Also your bitty/holster and bittyrans hcs were works of art)

omg. the baking duo. i don’t think i’ve ever like seriously thought about them but NOW I AM AND I LOVE IT HERE GOES

dex is originally wary of bitty for a lot of reasons but a big one is that bitty is openly gay and cute and thus firmly jeopardizes dex’s ability to stay closeted/repress everything for his entire time in college. oh boy.

but of course, eventually he’s like y’know what fuck it whatever bitty’s cool i can do this

and as he gets to know bitty, it’s almost laughable how different they are, but dex eventually kind of internalizes the correlation between baking and being openly gay (for bitty) as a kind of... causation? like, maybe he can get more confident about himself if he embraces baking too. is this good logic? i actually have no idea dex is tired let him live

so anyway that’s what has him, only about a month into his first semester (listen everyone on the team is so goddamn supportive of bitty and dex sees how much he loves being here and!! he wants that too!!! so yes he gives up on the whole ‘repress’ thing very fast), poking his head into the kitchen when he hears bitty opening and closing the fridge in a pattern that means he’s getting out ingredients and asking if he wants help

bitty is all in favor of literally anything dex does that isn’t fighting with nursey and he’s also glad that dex is seeking him out, because come on bitty has heard from nursey about the adventure with the samwell republicans sticker and even though it’s gone now he can’t help being a little concerned?

so dex asking if he can help with the baking is good for both of them honestly

bitty immediately sets him to cutting up fruit and they talk a bit as they work but mostly it’s just kind of a comfortable quiet (not silence because bitty’s got some music playing, but quiet is different entirely)

bitty eventually finds out through some subtle comments on dex’s part that his family is absolutely rampant with toxic masculinity and homophobia and that for dex, literally baking in and of itself, not just slice and bake cookies but actually baking something from scratch and spending time in the kitchen willingly, is an act of rebellion

it’s a lot easier for dex to find out that bitty’s relationship with his parents is a tiny bit strained because he’s not out at home, because bitty talks about his mother so much that it’s easy to infer. sometimes he tells dex about something his father did that his mother told him about. he never seems to talk to his father though

so baking becomes a kind of... alliance, i guess? the two of them are united. bitty does have his suspicions about why, perhaps, dex is so keen on getting to know bitty in particular-- his comments about the homophobia in his family make bitty even more suspicious-- but he doesn’t say anything. that’s not for him to ask about.

(chowder and nursey know that dex bakes with bitty a lot. chowder is glad because it means the baked goods get produced faster and he’s also glad that dex is spending time with bitty because he always seems more relaxed afterwards and it really does help stop him and nursey from fighting. nursey is intrigued because he’d thought after taddy tour (and after the first couple weeks of their first year) that dex would avoid bitty like the plague. he’s curious enough to accept that maybe dex has hidden depths. that also helps with the fighting.)

when they go home for winter break, dex and bitty agree to contact each other if they need to vent or just talk to someone they can relax around. neither of them has any legit emergencies, but they do text a lot and call each other a few times. bitty sends a picture of a pie, dex responds with ‘god i wish it’s so weird not being in the kitchen all the time. my brother gives me weird looks’ and bitty immediately starts compiling recipes for them to make as soon as they’re back at samwell

dex fixes the oven for the first time of many and bitty is so thrilled that he just kind of throws his arms around dex, who freezes for a second before letting himself hug bitty too (honestly i don’t remember if this happens before or after winter break but either way. same thing applies)

and in spring semester dex becomes fully aware that he has a problem. which is that spending time in the kitchen has changed from a hope that it’ll help him feel able to be more open to just wanting to see bitty, and be around bitty, and hear bitty’s voice and the casual endearments he throws around like they’re nothing and the way he puts a tense hand on dex’s arm while they’re both watching the oven to see if it’s going to actually preheat, and his smile and compliments when dex does something right and the way he flicks water at dex right after he washes his hands to get him to laugh, and the way he slides on oven mitts with the same calm efficiency that he steps onto the ice for warmups and dex is fucked. okay?? he’s fucked. the whole reason he’d been wary of bitty in the beginning was because he was worried about falling for him and guess what??? he did

but at the same time, dex can’t make himself shove it down. he’s still not out at samwell, but he’s getting to a point where he feels like he might be comfortable with that. bitty is probably tied with chowder for being his closest friend. dex can’t find it in himself to push all of that away.

as for bitty, he’s gone from being pleasantly surprised that dex is a fairly quick learner in the kitchen to looking forward to baking with him. dex always relaxes when he’s there, and bitty is sure that dex doesn’t know this, but he’s beautiful when he’s not so goddamn stressed. but at the same time, bitty knows dex is Going Through It with regards to sexuality-- he’s gone from being suspicious that maybe dex isn’t straight to knowing it but still waiting for dex to say something himself. so he keeps those thoughts to himself but it’s nice to see dex smile. especially when bitty knows he caused that

also dex keeps fixing the oven over and over and bitty knows that dex bakes a lot too so like. he has selfish reasons to fix the oven? but dex will LEAP to fix the oven if something is wrong with it and when he figures it out he always gives bitty this relieved smile that bitty is finding makes him increasingly flustered.

in the midst of all of this, dex is consulting with the upperclassmen about the best kind of oven to get bitty for his birthday. it’s a little over a month away, but between jack, ransom, and dex, they’re probably going to be incredibly overprepared because it’s what they do

in early april, dex pushes a bowl of sliced cherries over to bitty and says, ‘i’m gay.’ and bitty leaves the cherries where they are and hugs dex as tightly as he can, because he knows how long it’s taken dex to be ready to say that and he knows that in not very long, they’re both going home to places where they don’t know if they can ever say that

they stand there like that for a while, and dex doesn’t cry, but he almost does, and that’s when he says, okay, let’s bake this pie. and bitty agrees. (when it’s cooled, they eat almost half of it themselves before telling anyone else there’s pie)

baking together feels just a tiny bit different after that. not bad-- not bad at all. just a bit different. dex coming out changes their dynamic a little, because it means bitty finally lets himself acknowledge that he’s kind of got a huge crush on him, and then bitty basically can’t stop the endearments from coming out of his mouth. he tries to keep it to things he also says to the rest of the team-- mostly ‘hon’ and such-- but dex catalogues every sweetheart that slips out, and he knows he blushes, and both of them can’t help but feel that they’re dancing around something

then bitty’s birthday arrives, and dex installs the oven as quickly as he can while still double- and triple-checking things, and he’s just standing up and packing his toolbox back up when bitty and nursey enter the kitchen, and dex can’t help but blush when bitty looks at him like he hung the moon

and then bitty hugs him and dex hugs him back so hard that bitty is lifted off of the ground, and the rest of the team looks at each other like are you seeing this too??? because literally none of them noticed anything except that dex likes baking almost as much as bitty does. nobody realized there might be another reason lol

and both of them, independently, think that this might be the moment. but then the moment passes, and then they’re taking finals and getting ready to go home for the summer, and dex and bitty make the same promise they did over winter break but there’s more of a sense of urgency about it.

at first, they call each other once a week, just to keep up. bitty learns dex has taken to hanging out with his high school sort of-girlfriend, who’s got super short hair now and introduces him to hayley kiyoko’s music, and his family probably thinks they’re dating again but mostly they just wander around when neither of them has work, or they hang out in each other’s rooms (with the doors open, because of household rules). in july, she whispers to dex about her girlfriend in new hampshire and dex, that night when both of them are at home, texts her about his... well, bitty. whatever he and bitty are to each other (he also shows her a picture of bitty and she’s like oh he’s cute and dex is like yeah he really is)

the first person dex sees when he gets back to campus that august is chowder, who’s on his way to the haus after walking with farmer to the volleyball house. they’d been on the same flight back and have spent the whole last week together, along with plenty of other visits and trips with each other over the whole summer, and dex’s whole chest aches with how much he wants that. and yeah, it’s different for chowder and farmer, who live an hour away from each other in california and can see each other basically whenever they want, but chowder talks about how much his sisters love farmer and how their families got together for the 4th of july and dex aches.

they get to the haus, and everyone who’s arrived has congregated in the kitchen, where bitty is making a strawberry rhubarb pie dex has made with him at least five times. it’s second nature to come into the kitchen and head straight for the counter. bitty passes him the filling ingredients without a word, but with a smile, and keeps going. (the rest of the team trade looks)

but dex feels daring. all that talking to chowder about farmer has made him envious. so later, when most of the team is in the living room chatting about their summers and bitty’s headed upstairs to plug his phone in, dex slips out of the living room, heads upstairs, and knocks on bitty’s door. and bitty opens it and puts a hand on dex’s arm almost automatically when he asks how his summer was, and maybe that’s why dex feels bold enough to say, ‘it was okay. but i missed you.’

and bitty smiles softly at him and says, ‘i missed you too.’

the next time they’re watching the oven to make sure it preheats-- the new oven is actually functional, so it’s more habit than anything-- dex feels bitty’s hand slip into his own, and he immediately looks at bitty, who’s determinedly looking at the oven, and squeezes his hand. and then bitty looks at him, and dex can’t help but smile

some headcanons:

dex is a master of identifying when someone is aiming to check bitty during a game and immediately just. getting in their way. he’s very obstinate

does dex enable bitty’s procrastibaking? more than he wants to. he’s fully aware when he gives in that he probably shouldn’t, but it’s very hard to keep bitty from doing something he wants to do

bitty always brings dex tea or hot chocolate or a snack if he’s studying or fighting with java in the computer lab. the other compsci majors are very jealous

bitty is also a great sounding board for dex when he’s trying to figure out how to solve problems. explaining the problem to someone who doesn’t know anything about coding is a time-honored tactic of programmers everywhere and bitty is always willing to listen

winter trips to murder stop ‘n shop inevitably result in bitty walking as close to dex as is physically possible. (’it’s COLD’ ‘sure it is’)

the kitchen becomes the place where people can automatically find both of them. they’re just there all the time

flannel stealing? flannel stealing. they always find their way back into dex’s possession soon enough, but not before bitty’s worn them enough that they smell like him

lardo gives her dibs to nursey because dex basically lives at the haus already anyway. he does still wind up converting the basement into another room though because he needs a place where he can get work done and any room that bitty’s in isn’t conducive to that. yes it still has a steam shower because dex is extra as fuck

with regard to fining the rest of the team, they absolutely have a good cop/bad cop routine worked out. who is which depends on the day

chowder: bitty’s officially gone mad with power. dex: yeah i kinda like it. chowder: keep it in your pants

[hannitizer]

To Have a Home Part 18

Summary: After Draco is found guilty of an attempted murder, he is  sentenced to the Lupin’s house with hopes he’ll finally understand what  it means to have a family. Only problem? Draco doesn’t want it.    

A/N: Hey Y’all! I’ve successfully survived my first few weeks of school! It’s going to be a lot, but you know what? It’s going to be okay. Anyways, here’s the next part of To Have a Home. As always, I hope you all enjoy!

Here’s Part Nineteen!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The breakfast they shared was delicious to say the least. Fred had blown them all away with his cooking skills, something even George seemed surprised about. But slowly, one by one, each member of the party left the Lupins’ house.

First was Sirius, who left with no fanfare. He simply stood up from the table, thanked Fred for the breakfast, and ran to the fireplace before Isla could yell at him for not including her in his thank you. 

Next was Isla. She gave Abigail one last hug and ruffled through Draco’s hair one more time. She promised everyone that she would return soon “and next time,” she said, throwing the floo powder into the fireplace, “I will have good news about your mother.” To this, Draco allowed himself to smile. Just a little. 

Finally there were Fred and George. They took their time saying their goodbyes to Draco, promising they were only one call away and if he ever needed anything, he knew where to find them. A part of Draco wished that they were going to stay there forever; that they would move in and help him face the Lupin’s. That he would be a little less alone in this house. 

That left the three of them sitting at the table: Draco, Remus and Abigail. They sat in silence for a while, no one daring to say even a word. If you looked at it from the outside, it might seem like there was peace at that table; that they were just a happy family finishing up their breakfast. That the fidgeting Draco had was simply because he was itching to go about his day. The smile plastered on Abigail’s face was meant to ease instead of hide. Or the stillness of Remus was a contended father, but they were far from it.    

Draco was fidgeting. His heart was racing, breaths coming in more and more shallow than they were a few moments ago. And was it suddenly hot in there? He felt like shedding his long-sleeved shirt in favor of nothingness. He was studying his hands with utmost care, avoiding looking at either of the Lupins. He couldn’t leave the table, at least not in a graceful manner. His crutches sat a few feet away, leaning against the breakfast bar. And, that blasted bracelet on his arm. A constant reminder of how pathetic he truly was. As if the crutches or boot wasn’t enough. He picked at it, hoping neither Lupin noticed. He wiped a bead of sweat off of his forehead. It must be very hot in this room, and the bracelet really was not helping him. 

And there was the itch in the back of his head telling him that it was worthless. He was worthless. Everyone thought that. Everyone knew that. How worthless could a person be until he was rubbed down to nothing? Now that itch was festering. 

His head snapped up when he heard Remus talking to him, but he couldn’t register what was being said. It wasn’t until he started getting up from the table and heading towards the back door that he realized what was being said. He was going out to the garden. Alone. With Remus. Abigail was handing him his crutches when his brain caught up with the rest of him. 

He shook slightly, his eyes glancing up to Abigail, a silent plea for her to follow. She gave him a reassuring nod, smiling slightly. It was a sign that he knew well; one that read everything was going to be alright, that at the end of the day, she still loved him. But with Remus…

“Come, Draco. I need to talk to you.” He stood at the door, holding it open. Expecting him to walk through with him, but Draco was shell-shocked. Numb, even. 

“Hey,” Abigail said, drawing his attention back to her. She leaned down to kiss the top of his head. In any other situation, Draco would have recoiled, taken aback by the physical contact, but he couldn’t find it in him to respond. He just took the crutches in his arms and, with the help of Abigail, got up and towards the door. 

“I’m right here, if you need anything Draco.” She paused as he made it to the door, hovering around the table. 

He took one last glance at the house, and then walked outside. Remus was beckoning him towards a garden of some sorts. It seemed peaceful enough; the flowers were all in full bloom, a myriad of different colors all jumbled together. 

Draco stopped just short of the garden, his crutches touching the outskirts of it. Remus sat in the middle of it, his fingers twirling around one of the flower’s stems. 

“This one is Abigail’s favorite.” He said, mostly to himself. “It’s called an Ausmas. It’s very pretty, don’t you think?” 

He picked it close to the base of the plant. With it, he gestured to the ground next to him. 

“Come here. I don’t want to hurt you, I just need to talk.” 

Every part of Draco was screaming to run. Drop the crutches and rush into the woods. Maybe he could make it far enough to get lost in there before Remus could find him. 

As if he could read his thoughts, Remus said, “These woods go out for miles and miles in every direction. Your bracelet will stop you from going that far, however. I think it’s spelled at… oh, fifty meters or so. I haven’t tested it, but I assume it’s like a wall stopping you. Now come.”

Draco felt himself move closer, and as if on auto-pilot, sit down next to Remus. He was far too close for comfort, but where else was he to go? He wrapped his arms around his legs, bringing them close to his body like he was a roly-poly. 

“You remind me of myself when I was younger.” Remus mused, laying the flower down on the ground next to him. “Shy, timid… Afraid of everything.” 

“I am not afraid of anything.” Draco’s mouth opened faster than he could stop himself. If Remus heard him, he decided not to react. His gaze was still dropped on the flower. He sighed, finally turning his attention to the shivering boy next to him. 

“Draco, I want to apologize for snapping… Are you okay? Draco, you’re shivering… Can you even hear me? Draco?” 

But his head was pounding, ears ringing out a bizarre melody. The world suddenly felt like it was coming down on top of him, heavy and hard. 

Before he could think, his head was being pushed in between his knees, the sun suddenly not as bright as before. 

“Draco, breath for me, okay? Can you do that?” 

And he did. At first, jaggedly, sucking in air that seemed scarce, but soon it started coming easier and easier to him. After a few moments, he dared to look up at Remus. He was watching him closely, but stayed where he originally was. 

“Draco, it’s okay to be afraid sometimes. For a while, I was scared of you.”

“Scared of me?” Draco tried to sense if he was lying. “I don’t know whether I should take that as a compliment.”

Remus didn’t react. “I’m sorry that I frightened you last night. It wasn’t my intention, but I was so angry and mad that I acted out.”

“It was an accident…”

“I know it was an accident now, but last night, I was distraught. I know you don’t know what it’s like, but Draco, without that wolfsbane potion, I lose myself. I can’t control anything I do… Anything I think. It’s like sitting in the backseat of my mind, watching myself do things I’d never do in my own free will…”

Draco could feel the tears coming. “Remus, I didn’t mean…”

“And I have a family I need to look after,” Remus continued, not hearing Draco’s remark, “If anything happened to Abigail, or to you, I don’t know what I’d do. If I ever hurt you Draco, I don’t know what I’d do.” He stopped, unclenching his hands. There were welts there now, not out of anger towards Draco, but himself. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been a good father, Draco. All I wanted to do was show you what a loving family is… What a loving dad is, and I feel like I’m failing.”

With that, Draco threw himself into Remus, wrapping his arms around him. Tears were flowing freely down his face; he wasn’t trying to hide it anymore. 

Remus, shocked, hugged him back. He was surprised at Draco’s response. It wasn’t everyday that his enemy’s child threw himself at you willingly, but if that’s what Draco needed, he was here for him. 

After a minute, Draco raised his head to look at Remus. 

“I’m sorry” was all he managed to get out before he hiccupped himself to tears again. He wanted so desperately for this to be his father. That he would look up again and see the long blonde hair and grey eyes of his father rather than the scarred face of Remus. That this was not a never ending nightmare. That he and his father would get up from the garden and walk back towards the Malfoy manor, to where his mother would be reading in the parlor and the house elves would be scampering around, going about their daily tasks, and yet…

Part of him was okay that it was Remus here with him. In fact, he would go so far as to say part of him wanted this. He wanted it to be Remus. He wanted to be at this house with him and Abigail. That this could possibly be his home.  

All of this was hurting his head: the question of what he really wanted. It made him shudder away from Remus, recoiling back into himself, clutching his head with both his hands. 

“All I want is to be your father, Draco,” Remus said, letting his hand drop on his shoulder. “More than just in the legal sense of the word. I know that it’ll take time for you to feel the same way; there’s so much that happened to you in the past month, but I want to know that whenever you’re ready to see me as your father, I’ll be right there waiting for you.” He bent over to plant a kiss on the top of his head. 

“I love you, Draco.” He stood up, extending his hand to Draco, which he accepted. 

“Now, should we pick some Ausmas for Abigail?”

[thesibyllinebooks]

The New Yorkers (Part 25)

Percy felt sick to his stomach as he looked at the lake. It was a sickly, bright green color. Chiron had explained the water was growing more and more toxic by the day. Luckily, the campers in the infirmary would be fine. But Percy couldn’t help but think about all the fish, plants, and naiads that were uprooted or worse, killed. It made him hate Zeus.  It also made him hate his father a tiny bit for putting the aquatic life in jeopardy. 

Annabeth squeezed his hand in sympathy. The look on her face was equally pained. “We’ll fix all this,” she whispered sincerely. Then louder, she said to Chiron, “this is ridiculous. And the smell, that can’t be healthy either.” The lake smelled like a vat of toxic waste. Fumes rose in spirals of curling green smoke.

The centaur nodded. “We’ve tried everything we can. The Demeter and Apollo children have been working overtime to discover a cure. But as you both know, godly curses are sometimes irreversible.” They kept walking. Percy looked around the grounds. He and Annabeth had revisited multiple times over the years. The camp more or less looked the same as it did when he’d been a camper there years ago. He remembered the much better times he had at camp- training with his friends, singing around the campfire, strawberry picking, kissing Annabeth at the bottom of the now poisoned lake... Not all of the memories were wonderful, though. They’d had to fight to defend that camp with their lives on more than one occasion. Percy had lost friends on those very grounds. He hated to think that more lives would be lost.

“But we can’t just let this happen,” Annabeth persisted. “I mean, I can’t imagine how sick you are of the gods acting like this. They’ve left you to babysit their kids for millennia.” Annabeth had spent half her life at Camp Half-Blood. Growing up, Chiron was the closest thing to a father she’d ever had. Chiron had done more to turn her into the person she was than either of her parents had. 

“Train them,” Chiron corrected her. “Though sometimes, there isn’t much of a difference.”

As they walked to the Big House, a couple campers waved at them. Percy was sure there wasn’t a single camper who hadn’t heard of him or Annabeth. He hated the celebrity status. After all, he’d just done his duty as a demigod, if it could even be called that. He hated to think any of the campers would put themselves in harm’s way just to live up to his reputation, especially if the oncoming war became a reality. None of it was worth it.

Chiron’s hooves clopped on the wooden porch. “I’m not going to beat around the bush any longer,” he said. “I know the two of you are here because you refuse to heed your parents’ advice and stay out of this.”

“How can we?” Annabeth responded, her expression turning dark. “We know what it’s like to be used by the gods. We’re not letting that happen to anyone else.” Percy nodded in agreement. 

Chiron gestured for them to take the conversation inside. “Yes, which is understandable, but you’re retired. You know how it is. There’s an entire new generation of demigods-”

“They’re kids,” Percy interrupted. He knew what it felt like to be a child at the whim of the gods. He didn’t wish it on his worst enemy, who coincidentally, were the gods at the moment.

“Quite a few demigods don’t even make it to your age,” Chiron continued. “That’s a blessing in itself. That you and Percy can be safe and happy-”

“My mother took that happiness away from me. You know how I felt my entire life. You know I felt like no one loved me. She didn’t care, and she let me feel that way again all because she didn’t want me to jump into her war. She didn’t have a problem with it before,” Annabeth insisted. 

A look of sympathy crossed Chiron’s face. “But she was correct. Even I’d be a fool to act like you wouldn’t do anything for Percy,” Chiron said. “I’ve witnessed it for years.”

“That doesn’t make it right,” Percy stepped in. “That’s our choice to make, not the gods’.” He looked to Annabeth. The fierce determination in her eyes was there. He nodded to her, letting her know it was time to share her plan with Chiron. 

“Chiron, I have a request,” Annabeth said. “It’s going to sound stupid but hear me out.”

Chiron looked like he wanted to sigh out of exhaustion. “Yes?”

“Move my siblings out of the Athena cabin,” Annabeth said. “There doesn’t need to be a Cabin Six anymore. They can stay in the Hermes cabin or the Ares cabin- or let them choose, it really doesn’t matter.”

Chiron’s eyebrows furrowed. His tail twitched like it was swatting an imaginary fly. “For what purpose?” he asked. 

“No more reverence to Athena,” Annabeth said firmly. “That’s where her center of power is strongest at camp. There shouldn’t be any more offerings to her at dinner, or to Zeus. No more using her battle strategies- the Ares kids have plenty-”

“Annabeth, fading the essence of a god isn’t easy work,” Chiron said simply. “Especially the two most prominent gods in the pantheon. It’s risky as well. Incurring the wrath of the gods could be dangerous.”

“It’ll be less dangerous the weaker they become,” Percy reasoned. “Annabeth and I went to Olympus. We asked them ourselves. They aren’t backing down. This is the only way to keep the campers safe.” 

The campers didn’t pay much homage to Zeus on a regular basis and with Jason and Thalia gone, his cabin was empty. But still, he was the King of the Gods, which held a good bit of weight. The Athena kids would be the bigger problem. Athena had multiple children at camp, and they revered their mother fiercely, maybe even more than Annabeth had at that age. 

“Just let me talk to them,” Annabeth said. “Everyone deserves a choice. This is what I feel like needs to be done but if they disagree, I’ll hear them out. I promise.” In truth, Annabeth hoped to all the gods (except Athena and Zeus) that her siblings wouldn’t argue. They were smart and logical, like her. If she explained the imminent danger they were in, they would have to understand, wouldn’t they? She hoped their fear of their mother didn’t outweigh their reasoning or self-preservation.

Chiron was silent for a long while. It was hard to tell what he was thinking. It was probably something along the lines of how sick and tired he was of the gods’ antics and involving their children.

“Frank is getting in touch with the praetors at Camp Jupiter. They’re going to empty out the temple to Jupiter. The Minerva temple well...” Percy trailed off. It was no secret that Athena was basically chopped liver to the Romans. At least that would make their work easier on that front.

“This is dangerous,” Chiron repeated. “But it’s not my job to put the campers at any further risk.

“Is that a yes?” Annabeth asked. If Percy squinted, he could see the tiniest bit of hope in her eyes. Percy couldn’t imagine making the decision to do the same to Poseidon. But, he was way closer to his father. Annabeth appeared determine to erase her mother at all costs. He wouldn’t dare ask, but he wondered how much of it was out of desire to prevent the war, and how much of it was personal.

Chiron waved his hand dismissively. “I’ll allow you to talk to them, not coerce them. If they agree, we’ll bring it up to the rest of the camp.” 

“That’s great,” Percy said to Annabeth. “Thanks, Chiron.”

Chiron nodded solemnly. “I’ll call an emergency meeting with Cabin Six. As dangerous and unprecedented as this is, I’d expect nothing less from you.”

“Of course,” Annabeth agreed. Her mind was already going a mile a minute, ready to convince her siblings to do what was necessary. After all, Athena may have been able to take Annabeth’s memory, but she couldn’t take any of their powers or skill away from them. The best she could do was remover her essence from any enchanted objects she blessed them with. And, other than her Yankees Cap which didn’t work anyway, Annabeth didn’t know of any. Athena could kill them, though. However, the weaker she became, the less likely that would be. 

Annabeth tried to decide the best route to convince her siblings. After all, only the majority of them would have to vote to cut ties with their mother. As long as she could get through to the counselor, her younger sister Sophia, hopefully the rest of the siblings would fall in line. Hopefully, they wouldn’t say one thing and then turn around an pray to their mother. That would certainly throw a wrench in her plans.

“Stay with me?” Annabeth asked Percy. Even though he didn’t like talking to people much, his demeanor was a lot calmer, which would be necessary during such a tense conversation. 

Percy nodded as if to say, duh. “Where else would I go?” he questioned. Annabeth smiled dumbly. Sometimes, she thought she was an idiot to forget that Percy would never willingly leave her side. 

Chiron looked between the two of them. The tiniest of smiles spread across his face. “Great, I’ll call them in now. And Annabeth? It’s admirable that you would make such a sacrifice in order to help the Camp.”

It wasn’t much of a sacrifice to Annabeth. After years of enduring her mother’s apathy, it felt a lot more like justice. 

[nyangibun]

GoT S08E02 Thoughts

So due to packing and getting my life sorted, I haven’t had time to watch the latest episode until today. Anyway, here are my thoughts on the episode!

Disclaimer: This is a Jonsa/Pol!Jon-goggled review so please just ignore this if you don’t like that stuff. It’s truly easy to just scroll past. 

Even though I expected it, I can’t help but feel so disappointed and annoyed by Dani. How can she lack such self-awareness? She’s sitting there condemning Jaime, a man she doesn’t even know, for the crime of killing her father when said father also murdered Rickard and Brandon Stark. She is acting as if she has undergone some tragic loss when she never met her father and Dani’s circumstances were entirely caused by her own family (although being hunted was Robert Baratheon’s). Jaime is not innocent by any means. There are plenty of crimes he committed he could be tried for; however, killing Aerys the Mad King was not one of them.

Dani also can’t just condemn a man for killing her father when her father was out there murdering innocent people, while a season ago asked Jon to not hold the crimes of her father against her. But then she also can’t say that and still go after the Iron Throne. Basically, her logic is all kinds of messed up. What it boils down to is what Dani wants she gets by fire and blood.

Brienne vouching for Jaime was also pretty unsurprising. I expected this too but damnit it still gave me all the Braime feels and I was loving it! 

Two things struck me about this scene though and one was that Brienne doesn’t address Dani, their supposed queen, but Sansa. It makes sense because Brienne is loyal to only Sansa and it’s her authority/leadership she follows. And the second was as Brienne was vouching for Jaime, Sansa’s face changes from being angry to immediately compassion and understanding, even to the point where it looked like she was holding back tears. Sansa doesn’t trust easily, with good reason, but the people she does trust, she does so wholeheartedly and with unwavering faith. If Brienne says Jaime is to be trusted, that he is an honourable man who helped save Sansa because of his promise to Catelyn, then there is no reason for Sansa to doubt that. All is not forgiven, I imagine, but if he has protected Brienne and stayed honourable to her mother, that’s all Sansa needs. 

I also like that Jon takes Sansa’s side. Although I think another factor of it was also simply what he said: they need all the men they could get. But Jon trusts Sansa’s judgment and if she is willing to pardon him then he will to, and that’s the nature of their partnership/relationship. This dynamic has come up so many times in the past 3 seasons. They fight and bicker but at the end of the day, no matter what, they’re a team.  

I wonder if Dani notices this too. Their dynamic is very much Lord and Lady of Winterfell, not in just the way they compliment each other as leaders but also visually. Additionally, this dynamic is also emphasised by the way others address both of them. They look to Sansa first, Jon second and Dani as an afterthought. For instance, after Jaime is pardoned, Sansa ups and leaves right away without excusing herself to Dani. Immediately after she does, Jon leaves. It could be said Jon is avoiding Dani so he leaves right away to avoid her but why have Sansa leave first and him right after? It looks like he is following after her so they can speak in private. The timing of it feels very pointed. If they wanted to point out that Jon was avoiding Dani, there was no need to have Sansa leave first, before everyone else.  

The scene with Tyrion and Dani feels very telling. I have always been of the opinion that sometime soon both Varys and Tyrion will become disillusioned by Dani and see her for who she is (Varys is already beginning to, probably). But what happens here is interesting: Dani basically asks Tyrion if he is a “traitor or fool?” He responds that he’s made mistakes, ie. suggesting he is the ‘fool’ and not a traitor. Throughout the rest of the episode, after Dani’s heart to heart with Jorah, she begins to ease off of Tyrion and tentatively trust him again to lead her to the Iron Throne. I feel like this emphasis and the initial question -- all of it is suggesting that Tyrion may, in fact, become a traitor to Dani. 

What makes me believe this, even more, is Tyrion’s conversation with Jaime. Although Jaime doesn’t say anything particularly negative about Dani, it is what he’s not saying that’s telling about how he truly feels about her and who she would become as queen. This isn’t the first time speculations over how good of a queen she would be have been brought up around Tyrion. In general, the topic of Dani as queen is a contentious one in any case for many characters in GoT but the fact that it is consistently brought up to Tyrion and he has to consistently defend her feels like it’s leading to a point where Tyrion won’t be able to defend her actions. He has thus far been justifying her decisions, making excuses and trying to convince others (and himself) that she will be a good and just queen, but Dani is going to do something soon that he won’t be able to explain away and that will be when he will have to reevaluate exactly what kind of world he is helping her build. 

But moving on... GENDRYA!! I did not expect this and I have doubts this will happen in the books, but shit, we still got Gendry and Arya getting down and dirty and I am here for it! Although with that said, this makes me worry about the fate of Gendry. I saw a post where someone mentioned this episode was the Starks saying goodbye to the people in their past (separate) lives. If such is the case, would Gendry live to see the end of this? I don’t know if Gendrya was ever a part of GRRM’s plans but I do feel that Gendry has a larger role to play. The fact that he is Robert Baratheon’s bastard hasn’t come up as a plot point at all since the Melissandre. He was supposed to keep his parentage a secret but he has willingly blabbed it to both Jon and Arya. There has to be something bigger that will involve Gendry so I don’t believe he’ll die in this battle. I do however think he might die for his parentage. A foil, perhaps, to Jon’s parentage reveal. 

Slight brief moment to squee at Proud Mama Brienne watching her son Podrick teaching someone how to fight. The duo I never knew I needed! 

I have to say that this episode has been Braime GOLD. Everything about their interactions have just hit my shippy heart in all the right way. Jaime telling Brienne that he came all the way here to “serve under her command” was basically a love confession. Am I wrong? I mean... please. 

Maybe it’s my Jonsa goggles, but I can’t help feeling like Dani and Jorah’s scene serves as a direct contrast to Jon and Dani later. Even in Season 7, they highlighted how Jorah and Dani say goodbye versus the lacklustre dismissive way Jon said goodbye to Dani. Here, they show the way Jorah looks at Dani and attempts to get her to listen to him, but you don’t have that with Jon and Dani at all. Their interactions are physical. There is no scene where they sit and talk about their problems, try to help each other/give advice. There is no sense that they are a team, whereas Jorah and Dani are (granted he is her subordinate but so is Jon) and Jon and Sansa are (an equal partnership). It’s just different and it’s obvious it is. 

Anyway, speaking of Sansa and Dani. There is a lot to unpack in their scene together. I feel like everything Sansa has had to learn about appeasing her captors has led her directly to Dani. Although Dani is not more intelligent than Cersei or Petyr or even Ramsay, she is volatile and unpredictable, which makes her more dangerous, especially considering the sheer power she wields. Sansa isn’t dumb enough to underestimate her. 

When she tells Dani that Jon loves her and men do stupid things for love, it’s actually the opposite. If we’re going by what Sansa has experienced, it hasn’t really been under the vein of “men doing stupid, terrible things for love”, it has been “women doing stupid, terrible things for love”. Cersei, for instance, has done horrible things in the name of love (for her children) and Sansa has seen this firsthand and had to endure those horrible things from her and her children (or rather Joffrey). Then you have Aunt Lysa who has done and would’ve done terrible things to Sansa in the name of love (for Petyr). And who else has Sansa encountered? Myranda. Her love for Ramsay has made her do seriously evil things and Sansa has witnessed and experienced all of this. The only time she has witnessed a man in love is Petyr (and his ‘love’ is questionable at best) but he hasn’t done terrible, horrible things for love. He has done terrible things for himself under the guise of love. Sansa knows this too. So when she is saying this to Dani, I don’t believe that she is actually talking about Jon at all. She is talking about Dani and she is worried for Jon, worried he is being manipulated by Dani and will pay the consequences for her love. Among that worry is also what I believe is jealousy. 

Look at the framing of the question. Dani is trying to make peace with Sansa; she is asking why exactly aren’t they seeing eye to eye as women (which is another thing that annoyed me because this idea that women must support all women is dumb and not feminist; women aren’t infallible to being evil or even just disagreeing on fundamental principles & future goals and that’s what you have here with Sansa and Dani). When Sansa doesn’t answer, there is a pause where the camera is focused on Sansa. She is clearly restraining herself. There is anguish there, so when Dani asks “your brother?”, it’s framed in a way that makes it sound like Dani is confronting Sansa about her feelings about her brother. While Sansa diverts the conversation, Dani does nail it on the head. There is tension between them because of Jon. Another point where they seem to be setting up a love triangle. 

There are actually quite a few lines from this scene that feels like misdirection and/or hints towards something else. Sansa saying “families are complicated” feels pointed considering how utterly complicated it really is and how clueless they both are to the extent of their complicated families entangled with each other. Then Dani saying “tell me who manipulated whom?” to emphasise her love for Jon felt like one of those tv trope moments like you never say “it can’t possibly get any worse than this” and in the next moment, it clearly does for the main characters. That line felt like that. As does Dani’s whole spiel about trusting Jon wholeheartedly and him being the second man for whom she does trust that way. Saying “he’s true to his word”. It all feels like an ominous foreshadowing. So imo, Pol!Jon is still well and truly alive. 

The ending between Sansa and Dani felt perfect to illustrate what I said above about women not needing to support each other to be considered ‘feminists’. Sansa and Dani are both truly strong and fearless leaders who have risen above the men who deemed them unfit for their gender. That is certainly something worth celebrating, but this is where the similarity ends. Fundamentally, Sansa and Dani have two completely, opposing goals and principles. Dani wants the Iron Throne, by all means, necessary and that includes total and complete control over the Seven Kingdoms. Sansa wants independence for her people and the North; for them to never have to bend the knee to a foreign ruler and go fight in someone else’s war. These two objectives conflict and Sansa is smart to remind Dani definitively that this is something she won’t budge on. Perhaps it will invite Dani’s ire in later episodes so maybe not too smart but as a leader, Sansa is making sure her people’s voices are heard.  

Moving forward to the next scene, I first have to say that the Theon and Sansa reunion hug was everything I ever wanted from this!! Their friendship has been something I’ve loved in GoT and I’ve been waiting for this for so long. I could feel the emotion between them and I have to applaud both Sophie and Alfie for their performances. 

But speaking of the scene itself, there is only one thing I’d like to point out, which is something I already touched upon. When it comes to authority in the North, Dani may have it in title but it’s Sansa who has the true power and authority. Theon greets Dani but he looks to only Sansa for permission to fight and defend Winterfell. 

Okay, so the reveal... I saw a lot of people saying that Jenny’s Song being sung in this episode suggests that Jon will give up his throne for Dani. But... no?? That’s not it. There is a beautiful meta somewhere out here about Jenny of Oldstones and her relation to Sansa Stark, so I suggest finding it if you can (or linking it if you have it). But essentially, this is my opinion: Jenny of Oldstones was from the Riverlands and Duncan Targaryen renounced his throne for her. All of the Stark children have a connection to the Riverlands through their Tully blood on Catelyn’s side, but Sansa has always been the Stark child that had the most connection to her Tully side. Visually, she has the Tully look (as did Robb, Bran, and Rickon) but she is also most visually paralleled to Catelyn (as well as quite literally being said to look similar to Catelyn). House Tully’s words “Family, Duty, Honour” are also most embodied through Sansa’s narrative arc. Therefore, this song could suggest instead that Jon, a Targaryen like Duncan, will renounce his throne for a non-Targaryen girl from the Riverlands, Sansa. 

I personally don’t think it means he’d renounced his throne for Dani. It doesn’t make sense for a Targaryen to renounce his throne for a Targaryen. Not to mention that Jenny’s Song and the history surrounding it is more than likely a song about the Prince That Was Promised, which we now know is Jon and not Dani. That difference will become a point of conflict between both Jon and Dani, as we are already given a glimpse of when Jon reveals his parentage to her. Dani’s whole identity has been founded on this idea that she was the last living Targaryen, the true heir to the Iron Throne, and when Melissandre came to see her, she also adopted the title of Prince(ss) That Was Promised in her mind. Dani’s foundation relies on being the ‘most special’ but here comes Jon, who is destroying every wall she had built around herself and not in the good way. It is telling after all that after the reveal the thing Dani focuses on isn’t that they are related but rather that Jon now has a claim to the Iron Throne. She is immediately suspicious and paranoid. Remember, Aerys the Mad King was not always mad. He was actually once generous and wise (had a ‘good heart’) but he began succumbing to his paranoia, believing those around him were out for his power and that led to his ultimate insanity. Dani instantly focusing on Jon’s claim to the throne rather than their relation or that she is no longer alone and has family is evidence of her growing paranoia. It had been building over the past seasons.  

That is mainly all I have to say but I do want to just point out some stuff I loved: 

- The Group Pow Wow!!! Yeah, that was adorable. I love every single character in that room and them all being there together was great.

- Brienne is finally knighted!! Tormund’s proud dumb face and Jaime knighting made my shippy heart cry happily!

- Lyanna Mormont, may I adopt you?? 

- The Bromance That Was Promised!! Looooove Ed, Jon and Sam so much!

- WE FINALLY SAW GHOST BUT JFC WHAT A SHITTY CAMEO. GIVE ME MORE GHOST!!!!  

- Overall, it was not bad. It’s just... we have 6 episodes and for 2 episodes, nothing really has happened except for the reveal. It’s a lot of moving parts which I know is needed but does that mean the next 4 will be super rushed?? 

[1899-newsboy-strike]

idea? Jack n Y/N were frenemies as ugly preteens. Y/Ns parents send her to study etiquette abroad. Jack is sad cuz he had a crush on her. Years pass and Jack becomes the skirt chaser we know him to be just in time for Y/N to return. Y/N is excited to meet him but bfore she can tell him who she is he uses his old dirty pickuplines like he would on any other girl. Lady Y/N doesnt like his new persona n rejects him. Jack then realises who she is n tries to make her trust him again

Frenemies - Jack Kelly Imagine

Warnings: none?

————————————————–

You stared at yourself in the mirror in your bedroom, you hadn’t been in your room for six years. “Y/N, why don’t you go buy your father and I a paper.” Your mother called out from the kitchen. “Yes mother!” You called out as you had put on your coat. You kissed your mother on the cheek as she handed you money, and you made your way to the streets. As you walked you couldn’t help but stare at a boy who looked the same age as you. You then realized that it was Jack, who you hadn’t talked to since you got back.

You made your way over to him to catch up, not knowing what was going to happen next. “Hi, I’ll take one paper pl-” You started as you held out your hand with the money but Jack had pushed your hand away. “For a pretty goil like you, it’s on da house. You can pay me back with a date.” He explained and your mood dropped as you had come with the intention of catching up with him. “I’ll pay, I wouldn’t want you to get the wrong ideas.” You explained as you placed the money in his hand and grabbed the paper from his hand. “Thank you, have a nice day Jack.” You said and you saw the realization flash on his face before you turned around and made your way home.

“Mother have you seen Jack Kelly lately?” You asked her as you sat down after handing your father the paper. “Yes, sweet boy. He’s changed a lot since you’ve left. You should go and visit him at that lodging house they have for the newsboys.” She explained making you smile. “He was actually the one I bought the paper from. He wasn’t being much of a gentleman.” You explained as you slouched down picking at your nails. “Sit up straight dear. Don’t pick at your nails. A few days back and you’re already forgetting everything you learned.” Your mother explained as she made you sit up straight and you let out a small apology. 

“He’s not a boy your father and I would want you to be with, but he is just a troubled young man. You should go talk to him again, he probably didn’t recognize you. It has been six years after all.” She explained making you sigh. “Mother I don’t think he is someone I would like to be acquainted with if he acted the way he did when he didn’t know who I was, but I will go and see all the shops, I haven’t seen them in a very long time.” You responded getting up and kissing her cheek as you made your way out the door once again.

You smiled as you walked by the flower shop and admired the flowers that were in the window. After a few second you walked away and noticed many newsies as you walked the streets of New York and you kindly declined their offers. You were walking by a newsie who couldn’t be more than eight years old and saw them staring at a near by fruit stand longingly making your heart clench. “What do you want? I’ll get if for you.” You asked as you crouched down next to them. “You’d do dat for me miss?” He asked excitedly making you laugh and nod your head. “Whatever you want.” You confirmed and he grabbed your hand making you stumble to stand up correctly as he pulled you toward the fruit stand. 

“One apple please.” You told the guy running the stand as you reached into your pocket for the money to pay him. “Thank you, have a nice day.” You thanked him as you handed him the money and grabbed the apple. You crouched down as you handed the boy the apple and he tackled you in a hug. “Thank ya miss.” He squeezed you before letting ago and running back to the corner he was at before and he bit into the apple. “Ya didn’t have ta do that.” You heard behind making you jump. You turned around and saw Jack making you sigh. “I wanted to.” You explained as you smoothed out your dress. “It’s been a while so I guess you don’t remember me, but I’m-” You started to introduce yourself as you held out your hand and Jack stopped you. “Y/N, I know. I mean I didn’t rememba you at first, but it took me a while ta recognize ya.” He explained making you shake your head. 

“You can still shake my hand you know, it would be a decent thing to do.” You explained and instead of listening to you he pulled you into a hug. “I missed ya Y/N.” Jack said as he held you. “I missed you too.” You explained and pulled away after a while. “Do ya want ta come meet da boys? Everyone should be headin’ back to da lodgin’ house soon.” He explained and you thought about it. “I didn’t tell my mother when I’d be back, so I guess it wouldn’t hurt to stay out a bit more and get some freedom. I haven’t had it for a while.” You smiled up at him. “Come on den, let’s go.” He explained as you both started walking to the lodging house and caught up from all the years.

“Jack what are ya doin’ back so early?” You heard someone ask as you both walked into the lodging house. “People just kept comin’ so I sold all da papes fast. Meet my old friend Y/N, she went ta some propa school or somethin’.” Jack explained making you almost roll your eyes but you caught yourself. “I didn’t go willingly.” You mumbled softly as the person walked over to you and held out his hand. “I’m Davey, it’s nice to meet ya.” He introduced himself making you smile. “It’s nice to meet you Davey, I’m Y/N.” You responded and before you knew it, the lodging house was filled with boys bouncing off the walls as they tried to introduce themselves to the girl that somehow made her way into the lodging house.

After meeting everyone Jack had pulled you away from everyone and helped you up to the penthouse. “Thank you.” You smiled up at him as his hand was still on your back since he was guiding you up the steps and you blushed. “How have you been Jack?” You asked as you looked around and admired the city from the high view. “I’s been good. We had a strike a few months ago.” He explained making you furrow your brows. “You did?” You asked as you looked over at him. “Yeah, we won, it’s helped some problems but there’s more boys now so that’s more ta take care of.” He explained making you nod.

“So, did ya get yaself a boyfriend?” Jack asked awkwardly making you stifle a laugh. “No, I just got back a few days ago. What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?” You asked looking over at him. “I had a goil a few months ago. I didn’t like her though. I ain’t tryna get ya ta like me or nothn’, but I liked ya ‘fore you left. It didn’t feel right when I was with da goil. I know it’s been six years but… I’s always kept dat crush on ya.” Jack explained making you blush. “You liked me? I thought you hated me.” You said as you looked at him.

“If ya let me, I’d like ta take ya out sometime.” Jack said after a while and you bit your lip. “Jack I would love to…” You started taking a pause. “But?” He asked and you took a deep breath. “I want to, and I’d like to, but my mother already said her and my father wouldn’t want me with a boy like you. I hate this you know? Six years being taught things I didn’t believe, trying to show my parents that it’s working to try and please them. I even catch myself thinking ways I don’t want to think. They’ll send me back if they think I didn’t learn well enough too.” You rubbed your face as you leaned against the edge of the building.

Jack stayed quiet trying to find the words to say as you stood there biting your lip thinking. “I’ll go out with you.” You said looking over at him. Jack’s eyes popped out of his. “Ya sure? Even afta all dat ya said.” He asked and you sighed nodding your head slowly. “My mother will accept it… my father will have to come around. I like you Jack, and I can see that you’re a good person. My parents are wrong about you being troubled, you’re just in a really bad situation.” You explained as you looked over to him. “Well come on, I’ll pick ya up tomorrow. Also Sammy wants ta hang out with da ‘really hot goil’ that bought him the apple.” Jack explained as he led you back to the steps.

“Hey Sammy, I brought Y/N to ya like promised.” Jack explained as you stood in front of the small boy. “So you’s da hot goil Sammy’s been talkin’ ‘bout.” You saw a blonde in front of you and he looked you up and down. “I see he got da hot part right.” He continued making your face go red. “It’s getting late, I should probably be heading home so my mom doesn’t worry.” You explained as you looked over to Jack. “Yeah, I’ll walk ya home.” Jack nodded as the both of you said good bye and walked toward your home. “That was Race.” Jack told you making you nod slowly. “Well let him know it was nice to meet him.” You explained and the rest of the walk was in comfortable silence. “So I’ll see ya tomorrow, ya can come to da lodgin’ house at seven and say hi ta da boys… Race especially.” Jack joked making you shove him as you had gotten to your door. “Thank you for walking me home. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You kissed his cheek and quickly made your way inside leaning against the door smiling.

[qualquercoisa945]

We See Things That Nobody Else Sees

AO3 Link

Title Inspiration: Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez

okay so this is all just a bunch of How Did The Kids Realize Their Dad Was An Asshole except eddie doesn't realize it quite yet

trigger warnings: cheating (shown on screen) and emotional abuse (mostly implied but still pretty clear it's what they're talking about)

Mary knew she shouldn’t be up and about by now. She knew she shouldn’t even be awake by now. But sometimes sleep didn’t come very easily for the young princess, and she found herself quietly wandering the halls of the castle to attempt to tire herself out enough so she could sleep.

This also meant she heard and saw courtiers out and about. Usually she could slip away before they saw her, and on the rare occasion they did notice her, she usually only ever got told to head back to her room, without any more consequences.

This also meant she knew a lot of the gossip that ran around court that they usually kept from its younger members, like Mary herself- the kind of gossip you murmur to your friend in the dark of night, with the door locked and having double checked to make sure no one would hear.

She also saw a lot of things meant only to those participating in it, but no one needed to know that.

Tonight seemed to be a relatively eventless night. She’d nearly been caught by one of the guards- Avery, she believed his name was- but ultimately was capable to slip away. She was on her way back to her room when she passed by the throne room. She frowned when she noticed the door was open, a faint light emanating for it indicating it hadn’t just been a case of her parents forgetting to close it.

“Relax, Mary. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, will it?” Mary frowned as she heard her father’s voice, walking closer as quietly as possible to hear better while her father spoke.

“I know, my lord, it is simply…” She recognized the second voice as well- Mary Boleyn, a relatively new courtier. She wondered what the two were doing together- she didn’t remember them having any sort of friendship, since Mary’s arrival at court hadn’t been that long ago. Why were they meeting alone then?

“Don’t you worry, my love. Catherine won’t hear a thing about this. No one will, if we’re quiet, and take the necessary precautions.” Her eyes widened at those words- they were far too similar to ones she’d heard being spoke while two courtiers shared more… intimate, moments, and very quickly she connected the dots.

She flinched as she heard her father’s heavy footsteps approach. As silently as possible, she pressed herself to the wall, using the angle the open door and the wall made to hide from him.

She stayed dead still and quiet, sucking in a breath and holding it when she noticed her father reach out towards the door handle, only releasing it once she was sure it was closed and he wasn’t standing next to it. She stayed there for a while, then proceeded on her way to her room, just as silent but twice as fast.

Still, it seemed the night wouldn’t end just yet for her. When she was about to start climbing the last flight of stairs up to her room, she was stopped by a hand resting on her shoulder. Turning around, she was met with her mum.

“Mi princesita, what are you doing up?” She didn’t sound mad, which was a relief- she’d seen her mum when she was angry, and it wasn’t nice. “It is much to late for you to be awake, let alone wandering around.” As she spoke, she gently pulled Mary up the stairs, leading her to her room.

“I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a walk.” She explained, taking her mum’s hand in her own and following her. “Helps make me more tired.”

“Well, next time I’d prefer you’d at least warn me, or one of my ladies in waiting, alright?” She nodded at her mum’s request, then stopped as she opened the door to her room. “What is it, Mary?”

“Is…” She hesitated, worried whether or not she should share this. “Is it normal for people to love more than one person?” She eventually mumbled, staring at the wooden floor.

She could almost feel her mum’s stare intensify, and for a moment she considered telling her to forget it, but before she could speak, her mum replied. “Why do you ask, mi princesita?”

“It’s just…” She sighed, finally looking up to meet her eyes. She didn’t seem mad, just… confused. “I heard dad and that new woman… Mary?” She waited for her mum to nod, showing she knew who she meant, then continued. “They were in the throne room. He called her “his love”. He only ever calls you that. Can people love more than one person? Is that normal?”

She watched her mum’s face, trying to figure out what she was feeling, but she stayed oddly calm. “That’s… complicated. There are different kinds of love. For example, I love you in one way, but I love your dad in another. Does that make sense?” Mary nodded, and her mum smiled, brushing  a stray bit of hair behind her ear.

“Clever girl. Just go rest, alright? I’ll talk to your father about this, it’s nothing you need to worry about.” Mary nodded, feeling more relaxed after her mother’s promises, and then they each went their own separate ways, Mary to sleep and her mum back down the stairs.

Of course, once she grew older she would find that what her father had done wasn’t normal, or alright. It certainly contributed to her growing distaste for her father, which was only heightened when he divorced her mother. And then once she was declared illegitimate… it was a recipe for disaster, and no one could blame her for holding a grudge.

Still, she stayed silent about it. Especially while Henry was king- she didn’t want to fall any more out of favor with him.

Elizabeth hadn’t even been 3 years old when her mother was beheaded. As a result, she had close to no memories of them together, but the few she did have had an inherent feeling of warmth, comfort, safety, attached to them.

Her memories of her parents together were also really fuzzy, but she had a vague memory that kept eating at her. One of her parents shouting at each other, presumably arguing. She also vaguely remembered being held during it. Had it been her mum? She hoped so, but she knew she had to be very small by then, so she wasn’t sure. And asking her father was definitely not an option.

And really, that wasn’t the question she truly wanted to ask. She was much more interested in figuring out whether how her father treated his wives was normal. She knew beheading them wasn’t, but… what about the others? The shouting, the ordering around… That had to be normal, right?

For years she had no one to turn to with these questions. That was, up until a few months after her tenth birthday, when her father remarried once more- this time, a woman named Catherine Parr.

At first, she’d assumed Catherine would’ve been like the others. Maybe she’d try to befriend her like Kath had, but she assumed that’d be the extent of it. But no- Elizabeth found herself being surprised as Catherine fought tooth and nail to bring both her and Mary back into the succession line- and she’d succeeded in it.

Elizabeth took a liking to her afterwards, beginning to spend more time with her. Not that they didn’t spend time together before, since Catherine made sure she was personally involved in both her and Edward’s education, but willingly this time.

And then, the arrest incident. Elizabeth was terrified when she first heard about it, thinking she’d lose yet another person to that god damn tower, and would have to add yet another name to her ever growing list of people she cared about that got beheaded. And yet, miraculously, she didn’t. Instead, Catherine managed to talk her way out of it. That only made Elizabeth look up to her more.

And then one day, the two were sitting outside by the lake on the castle grounds, and Elizabeth was listening to her ramble about whatever book she’d recently started reading. Her mind was elsewhere, however, her gaze focused on the water.

“Elizabeth, are you alright?” She blinked as Catherine rested a hand on her shoulder, turning to face her. “You seem distracted, is something bothering you?” Elizabeth hesitated, looking away once more.

“You know how dad can be… really loud and angry sometimes? Is that just how people show love?” The words were quietly mumbled out, Elizabeth herself barely feeling like she could speak them.

Catherine herself took a while to respond, which only served to make Elizabeth more worried. “He… has a lot going on, and he can’t always stay calm.” She began softly, reaching out and lightly squeezing Elizabeth’s hand. “But he does love you kids, and me. He just doesn’t always show it that well.”

Elizabeth nodded, leaning against her and dropping the subject. She felt Catherine’s arm move to wrap around her shoulders. “Just relax, yes? You don’t need to worry about it, I promise.” Elizabeth nodded once more, and the two sat there in comfortable silence.

But really, Elizabeth didn’t believe those words. She doubted that throwing someone away, especially when that someone was your child, was how you treated someone who you loved.

And the older she got, the more her believes were proven to be true. As she was hit by hardship after hardship- Thomas Seymour, losing Catherine, being locked up in the Tower of London, losing her brother, and then losing her sister, only to be thrown into the roll of queen- she found that people who truly loved each other didn’t leave each other to suffer, and certainly did not cause suffering to their loved ones intentionally.

Still, it had been a bit of a shock to finally accept that her father didn’t love her, or her siblings, or her mum, or any of her step mothers. When it hit her, it… it made her have to take a step back, and review essentially her entire life.

Still, she didn’t bring it up. By the time she’d realized it, Edward had died and Mary had fallen ill and had named Elizabeth as her heir, and she wasn’t going to put any more burdens on anyone else. She was the Queen now- she had to act like it.

Walking around the castle freely had taken some adjusting to. Edward was used to having to deal with courtiers following him around constantly, telling him to be careful, to not get hurt… And yet now, he could tell them “no” as much as possible, and they couldn’t talk back.

Because now he was the king.

It felt weird, to gain so much power at only nine years old. Two years later, however, and he felt like he was finally beginning to actually do a decent job of it.

Of course, getting people to listen took some time. And he obviously wasn’t making all decisions himself. But he had power now. He had a voice, and he could speak to his country and people would listen. That was nice.

Especially considering how much Edward grew up in the shadows. Sure, he’d been his father’s long awaited male heir, and had definitely grown up in the spotlight. Prince Edward Tudor, future King of England and Ireland. It had made him feel important.

And yet, he had his father’s reputation to live up to. That was a little scary, he admitted to himself as he walked down the hallways of the castle. His father had left big shoes for him to fill, and he knew he couldn’t afford to fail at that.

He stopped at a window, staring outside and shaking his head. “Keep it together, Edward.” He muttered to himself, leaning over to look out the window. He knew he had to keep up appearances. Now, he was King Edward VI, King of England and Ireland.

He had to support his people. He couldn’t let them look inside and see how scared he was of failing. That would make them worry, or worse- think he was unfit to rule. He was the last male Tudor heir, he had to ensure the family’s power stayed with the family.

That’s what his father had told him, anyways. And father was always right, right?

[forever-learning-witch]

Story time: Oceania talking love with a drow

Oceania was about 8 months pregnant when this incident happened. Also this is from a session of When Fandoms clash.... ALOT OF FANDOMS IN THIS. Oceania looked up from sipping her tea, "Yes I called for you Malekith. You mentioned the elvish divide was your fault. Did you ever think it's due to your attitude problem and arrogance that cause it?"  Malekith looked at the pregnant woman as he took a deep sigh "It was more of they thought I was usurping my younger brother. My adopted younger brother Malgus tried to sway the other lords but they claimed usurpation. They then claimed I was breaking the will of my father, things got worse when I was denied by Khaine the right to lead my people in the ritual. My attitude and arrogance developed from 5 centuries of being hated and denied my right"  Oceania sighed, "Well that attitude is going to be nonexistent if the negotiations with the elves are to succeed. Also holding a grudge for 500 years is very childish and realm breaking. Now I have stated I am willing to help however you will over me a favor if this succeeds."  He nodded as he was willing to listen surprisingly, "What is this favor then Oceania? What must I do once all of this is over?"  The favor will be if Drake does not want to take the throne. Your daughter will not take it either. Understood?" The favor wasn't for Oceania’s own gain but for the sake of her childhood friend one whom she always had his back.  Malekith thought about it for a moment. He was in deep thought "I can always hand it over to Malgus. He is well liked in in realm, a war hero. My adopted brother and his daughter is loved by all. I believe he will take the throne for the Phoenix king or my or his next child. His daughter will lead the drow.”  "Then we are in agreement then." Oceania said as she sipped her tea. "Though you mind humoring a pregnant woman and tell me how you fell in love with Anne?" Malekith chuckled as he remembered that day "We were lost in Athel Loren. She could have just escaped and left me to die yet she stayed there for me. Waiting till my adopted brother found me. It was after I fought the jabberwocky, when I was close with her in the fire I realized I felt something I never felt in my existence. Compassion, and love for someone. I never made a choice for myself, I followed my duty and orders. Never did I do what I wanted and that night... I did something I wanted to do. Falling for Anne was the first thing I ever done without a second thought of duty or being told what to do. My love for her is real."  "Love can make someone do  foolish things. However you still chose duty over love. Which you and I are different in that aspects. Believe it or not I didn't love that prince at first since duty and what needed to be done was a priority. Though being with him and talking with him I came to love him. Though despite everyone telling me no. I ran up to the North last night and had him set free.” Oceania said before rubbing her swollen stomach.  Due to the mask his surprise face was hidden, yet it was obvious from the way his head titled back he was surprised. He then responded "I wish to this day I chose love. I feared the well being of my race and therefore I took their needs over my own. I know I haven't been a real father to Drake, nor have I been acting like one since I saw him, but I do care for him.” "He doesn't think you do care. He thinks you care for more about your people and you're using him for your own peace of mind. You and Drake are similar in a multitude of ways. Personalities are close to identical. " Oceania paused to sip her tea before continuing. "Drake did not have an easy childhood. The orphanage he was in did not treat him well after they threw my mother into the nut house. He doesn't trust anyone but Rozi or I and sometimes he doesn't even trust us. The boy doesn't know what love is and chooses to avoid it. He saw more emotion from his mom than you. That why he thinks you never wanted him. "  Malekith sighed upon hearing that. 500 years of holding a grudge had changed him from the proud elf he was. He clenched his fist as he spoke "I believe now is the time I fix things with my son." "Mhmmm I suggest that though I can't promise he won't try to stab you. Also don't bring up his prostitution work it makes him mad."  Oceania said too calmly trying to gage how this drow king was going to react.  "He did what?!" He was surprised to hear his son was forced to do something like this, he was a prince of both a crime empire and an actual empire and this is how the world treated his son? Now he could see the similarities he had with his son. Both were hated by the world, the world turned them to monsters in their own right. As such, they became harden, yet now Malekith realized the wrongs that brought to his son.  "Oh no he does it willingly. It gets him information. Trust me i know its shocking. " Oceania said as she sipped her tea,"Now go see your son and try to fix things with him?"  Malekith nodded as he got up "Thank you for this talk Queen Oceania, you are the second mortal in 20 years to have spoken to me to change."  The woman looked up at him with a warm smile as she set her teacup down. ”The first mortal being your Anne?”

[gingermemequeen]

Regift (Eremika Week Day 5)

Eremika Week Day 5: Living Together/Family 

Summary: Mikasa has a shocking revelation one year prior to Eren’s demise. [MANGA SPOILERS] 

Rating: T | Words: 2813 | Read on: AO3  FF.net

A/N: You’d think I’d write some tooth-rotting fluff for the family prompt, but no, it’s raw, emotional angst that will most likely result in emotional turmoil. I like to make my readers suffer apparently. 

Regift:

“I’m pregnant,” Mikasa says simply as she leans into the doorway of Eren’s room. He sitting on his bed with his hands on his knees, staring up at her as she speaks.

She watches him stiffen as soon as the words leave her mouth and slowly angle his head downwards. Eren runs his rough, calloused fingers through the dark hair that’s been pulled back. Mikasa is quiet, watching him take the news in silence. He makes no sound, save for the faint sigh that echoes from his mouth.

A night of passion mixed with heartbreak and had led to this situation a month earlier. Both had been weary and distraught over the war with Marley and Eren’s fleeting life, and so they had both sought comfort in each other, trying to bring themselves pleasure in a world that lacked sense of that word altogether.

“I want to keep it,” Mikasa adds when Eren still hasn’t responded.

He finally glances up at her. Pain reflects in his light eyes, and Mikasa swears she can see the faintest glint of tears mixed in there as well. She takes a step forward, then pauses again when he exhales.

“Why?” Eren asks. “You know that I—”

“I know you only have a year left,” Mikasa interrupts. She takes the initiative and moves closer before sitting down on the edge of his bed beside him. Mikasa avoids eye-contact, staring forward at the blank wall ahead of her as she speaks.

“I’m selfish,” she says quietly. “The curse is going to take you from me too soon. And this…this baby—our child—is the last I have of you.”

“You don’t want to raise a child on your own,” Eren murmurs, refusing eye contact as well. “Besides, Captain Levi will be furious that you’re in this condition when a war is still going on. You’re one of our best soldiers.”

“I know,” Mikasa says. She glances down at her hands and folds them together as she thinks. That’s all she’s done the past few days since finding out. Think about the future that she truly wants.

“But we’ve lost a bit of our population already, and it’s time to start growing it anew,” Mikasa says after a pause. “I never wanted to be a soldier anyway.”

“What?”

“I only joined to protect you. I’ve done my duty as best as I can. But I’ve always wanted to be a mother and to have a peaceful little home of my own,” Mikasa says softly.

“But I can’t join you,” Eren sighs.

“I knew that dream would never come true. A part of me hoped, but—” she pauses, taking in another deep breath, “—but the curse changed all that.”

The conversation pauses as the two of them stare forward. Both are unmoving and deathly quiet. Then, Eren finally sighs and turns to look at her. Mikasa can clearly see the anguish in his green eyes now.

“You really want to do this?” he asks.

Mikasa nods her head slowly. She reaches a hand forward to stroke his cheek. Her fingers trace across the stubble growing there.

Eren grasps onto her arm and slowly moves it away from his face. Mikasa opens her mouth as if to defend herself, but in one quick motion, he embraces her and presses her tightly to his chest. Mikasa inhales sharply but relaxes as she feels him rest his head over her shoulder. His body is beginning to tremble as she feels his fingertips press deeply into her back.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he mutters again and again. She hears the choked cries rising in his throat each time he says it.

“Why are you sorry?” Mikasa asks quietly, her voice muffled from her mouth being pressed against his shoulder.

“I’ve done nothing but caused suffering to everyone around me.”

“Eren,” she says. She moves her hands up to run her fingers through his hair.

He removes his arms and pulls back to look at her. Eren’s eyes have become red and swollen with fresh tears.

“This makes me happy,” she tells him genuinely. “If I ever wanted to have children, I always wanted it to be with you.”

Eren stares at her, dumbfounded.

“I love you,” she says quietly, ignoring the heat rising in her cheeks. Mikasa looks away, embarrassed to say anymore, but Eren’s hand gently grasps under her chin and twists her face up towards him. His mouth descends onto her moments later.

The kiss is warm, gentle, and it feels Mikasa with all kinds of emotion. Even when they were making love, Mikasa felt that they both lacked that genuine connection. Only now does she realize how much he cares as he pulls away and stares at her, unblinking.

“I’ll do whatever I can for you,” he says softly. “I’ll protect you.”

It isn’t the reciprocation Mikasa expects, but she knows it’s Eren’s way of telling her how much he cares for her. His words mean the world to her.

“Thank you,” she whispers, almost breathily. One of her hands reaches up to feel the warm fabric of her scarf, a constant reminder that Eren will always be looking out for her.

The news does not sit well with Captain Levi or Commander Hange. Both are furious that a reckless act has lost them one of their best soldiers, but Mikasa defends herself, with the help of Eren, and she is soon dropped from the ranks and instructed to aid the Survey Corps in little ways in the meantime.

The others are shocked to hear the news and confused as to why Mikasa has so willingly accepted this fate, but Eren remains closer to her than ever before, and for that, Mikasa is grateful.

Armin pulls her aside one day and rests a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“I want you to know that I’ll aid you with the baby as best as I can, even if I only have so many years left as well.”

Mikasa grins at her childhood friend. “Thank you.”

“And I’m going to make sure that you’re not pushing yourself too hard like you normally do.”

Mikasa opens her mouth to protest, but she knows better. She’s grown bored only being allowed to do minor exercise and simple chores for the Survey Corps, but as she presses her hand to her growing abdomen, she knows it’s for the better.

“Is there a bump yet?” Armin asks, peering forward at her stomach.

Mikasa shrugs. “It’s difficult to see, but my clothes are fitting a little tighter than they used to. Don’t worry about me though. You all have a bigger mission at hand.”

“Nice try, but we’re all still looking out for you,” Armin warns as he walks away, his shoes clanking down the hallway.

Mikasa wants to believe that the pregnancy isn’t difficult, but it is. With a war still at hand, her colleagues are absent often, and she deals with the morning sickness and fatigue on her own. She often finds herself bored and tries to occupy herself with chores, but nothing is enough to keep her mind as sharp as she wants it. Mikasa can’t even be near Eren in battle anymore, though Armin has promised he'll keep a close eye.

But when the others are home for a short period, Mikasa is filled with love. Her friends bring her all the food and comfort she desires, and Eren stays especially close and talks to her about simple and stupid topics to bring both their minds off the war at hand and Eren’s inevitable demise.

Around four months, she finally begins to show, and the reality that she will be having a baby finally sets in. She sometimes traces her fingers up and down her stomach, imagining what her and Eren’s child will look like and who it will act like. Sometimes she smiles quietly to herself when she thinks these innocent thoughts, but other moments she feels the tears gather when she knows that Eren will barely have time to know his own child.

Her and Eren’s roles have reversed. He is the one constantly by her side when he is able to, checking to make sure she’s well-taken care of. At night, she often goes to his room and sleeps beside him. Her heart breaks a little every time she does so, knowing that it won’t be long before she can’t feel his arms holding her in sleep anymore.

One night, they sit in bed with only a candlelight illuminating the room. Eren presses his hand against her swollen stomach, gasping as he feels a kick against his palm.

Mikasa giggles as he moves his hand away in shock.

“I think the baby has your fiery attitude. It likes to kick me a lot,” Mikasa tells him.

“I hope not. I hope it’s more like you. It’ll be easier to handle,” Eren teases. He lifts her shirt up slowly and presses a kiss against her round stomach. Mikasa’s heart aches as he rubs a hand slowly across it. She thinks Eren would be a good father if given the chance to.

Eren sits back up and covers his mouth with his hand as a coughing fit ensues. When he pulls his hand away from his mouth, Mikasa can see the spots of blood coating his tan skin. He has begun to slowly show signs of degeneration. She can tell he’s more tired, even if he does his best to act as lively as possible.

Tears begin to spring from Mikasa’s eyes. Eren notices almost immediately and brings her head to his chest. She sobs into his shirt and clutches the thin fabric with her fist. A part of her knows this was always meant to happen, but she wishes for once this cruel reality didn’t have to be hers.

Eren presses a light kiss on top of her head and rubs a hand up and down her back. It does little to soothe her when she knows he has mere months left. Plans have already been made for when he will be eaten.

“I’m sorry,” Eren breathes.

Eren’s physical state continues to weaken as Mikasa’s stomach continues to grow. He still stays near her, and as he nears his final days, they are practically inseparable. He has been taken off the front lines and told to rest in the little bit of his lifetime remaining.

Eren is bedbound near days before Mikasa is set to give birth. She visits him often, even though her mobility has become more difficult. Eren’s mind is still sharp, but his body has endured too much over these past years.

Sometimes, she visits him when he is asleep and holds his hand while she strokes her stomach with the other. Mikasa knows Eren will not remember those visits when he wakes, but she will. She desperately wants to spend every last minute she can close to him in a desperate attempt to make more memories with him now more than ever.

Mikasa goes into labor early one morning and is rushed to the hospital wing. She keeps her eyes scanned for Eren, but she knows deep down that he will be too weak to leave his bed. So she endures childbirth alone.

Through a mixture of pain, tears, and blurred faces, Mikasa is brought back to the present when a baby’s wailing screams echo through the room.

“It’s a boy,” the doctor announces.

Mikasa’s chest heaves up and down as she catches her breath. She peers forward, exhausted yet excited, to meet her son. He is settled gently into her arms, and she presses him against her chest, listening to his cries softly fade.

She glances down at the newborn baby in her arms. This is her son, their child, and nothing will ever change that. Mikasa holds the infant close to her, feeling his chest rise and fall with each gentle breath. She already loves him more than anything else in the world.

When Mikasa is given the okay to leave the hospital a day later, she bundles her child up and heads down the hall toward Eren’s room. He must know already that she’s given birth. If her absence wasn’t enough to explain it, Armin or someone else must have told him.

She quietly knocks at his door and is relieved to hear a croaky, “Come in.”

Mikasa opens the door gently, careful not to wake the resting child in her arms. She spins around, finding Eren sitting up in bed. He looks worse than he did a week ago. His weight continues to drop, his eyes have nearly lost all their light, and his cheeks have become hollow, but the fact that he is sitting up in bed means he is trying to stay alive for as long as he can.

She can see the tears in Eren’s eyes before she even gets close to him.

“You had the baby,” he says.

Mikasa nods and pulls up a nearby chair to his bedside. Eren’s eyes twinkle as they fall onto his son.

“Would you like to hold him?” Mikasa asks, extending her arms forward.

Eren nods quietly and takes the baby into his arms. She watches him sigh as he gently cradles their child and leans back against his headboard.

“He looks like you,” Eren murmurs.

“If he wakes up, maybe he can show you his eyes,” Mikasa says. It is true their son’s hair is dark like his mother’s, but his eyes are as light as Eren’s. She could see Eren the first time she looked into them.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there,” Eren says as he continues holding the baby.

“I didn’t expect you to. I was fine. Everything went well,” Mikasa assures him.

Eren leans his head down to press a gentle kiss on the baby’s forehead. She frowns, knowing this will be one of the few interactions he will ever have with his son.

“I’m happy,” Eren says quietly. “I wish I could’ve lived in that peaceful house with you and raised a family together.”

Mikasa can feel the tears stinging her own cheeks now. “At least you got to see him before…” She buries her hands into her face, trying to hold back her cries.

“I love you,” Eren interrupts. Mikasa slowly peeks from behind her hands.

“I was too foolish to say it before,” Eren continues. His voice is becoming grainy now too. “I love both of you, and I’m sorry that I can’t do much else.”

“You’ve done more than enough for everyone on this island,” Mikasa shares. “You’ve done more than enough for me.”

Eren smiles weakly at her, then glances down as the baby in his arms begins to wake and squirm. Mikasa is about to reach forward to comfort her child, but Eren begins rocking the baby until his tears diminish.

“His eyes are the same as mine,” Eren realizes.

Mikasa laugh-cries and leans forward to kiss him. Eren meets her halfway to finish it. The kiss is wet with fresh tears, but it still achieves that level of softness and warmth that Mikasa will miss.

The infant begins to fuss between their arms mere moments later.

“He’s probably getting hungry,” she realizes.

“Come back when you can,” Eren tells her as she removes her son from his arms.

“I will,” Mikasa promises.

Eren kisses both Mikasa and his son on the forehead before Mikasa gently exits his bedroom, knowing that this will be one of the last visits she ever has with him.

Five days later, after frequent visits with Eren so that he can hold his son as often as he desires, Eren is finally scheduled to be eaten early in the morning.

Mikasa gives one last good-bye that night, then stays hidden in her room for most of the following day, holding her son close to her. When she is later told that Eren has passed and his presence lives on in someone else, she cries alone to herself. Mikasa tries to remain strong for her son’s sake, but she knows she has lost a part of herself in Eren’s death.

But when her eyes peer into the child she holds, she knows she has not lost Eren forever. While his memories may live on in someone else’s powers, she knows that his spirit truly lives in his son. Her son is the last thing Eren has left in this world and his last gift for Mikasa.

Mikasa slowly removes the scarf from her neck and wraps her baby up in it. He squirms slightly but settles down once the fabric is wrapped tightly around him. She can see his eyes already closing as he falls into a deep sleep.

“It’s warm, isn’t it?” she mutters softly as the infant rests in her arms.

A/N: I left it up to the reader's interpretation what the son's name is and who got Eren's powers...(mostly because I'm too lazy and busy writing six other stories to come up with all those details)

[anon-luv]

I’ll Never Be Her (JiminXReader) Pt.2

Pairing: Jimin X Reader

Genre: Angst/ Romance

Summary: You loved him with all your heart, but he could only give you half of his.

Jimin was the love of your life, your night in shining armor when she wasn’t around.

She was his ex girlfriend,  his first love, actually she was his many firsts and she kept coming back.

He had warned you she was his weakness, but you didn’t listen, because to you having him even if it was only partially was better than not having him at all.

At least for now.

Rated M: Sexual Scenes and Languages that might not be appropriate for all ages.

Word Count: 10.8K+

Author’s Note: SORRY I TOOK SO LONG!!! I have been working a lot, and to be honest I did not expect this chapter to come out so long.  I hope you guys enjoy the second part as much as you did the first. I hope it meets expectations. I am so thankful for all your beautiful messages and feedback. Keep sending them my way!! Only one more part to this fic!! Let me know what you think lovelys.

Also to  be honest when you all message me or like the story and stuff it encourages me to write lol. I LOVE ANONS hahaha

Minor Grammar mistakes possible(I am half asleep sorry !!) . I will edit more if needed.

I am so nervous to post this haha. LEAVE SOME LOVE!

PART1

Heartbreak.

You had heard rumors about the unmistakable pain that comes from that forsaken condition. The boundaries between the mental and physical pain blurred as your body weakens from the instability of emotions.

It had been a week. Just seven days, yet your whole being was already giving up on you. Your soul’s withdrawal from Jimin cursing you into a hellhole.

The nausea came in waves as you laid upon the bed you had barely had the energy to come out from. The dizziness that magnified everytime you closed your eyes, creating a similar effect as if you were stuck in the middle of the ocean on a wooden raft as a hurricane blew with category 5 winds.

Drunk you were not, actually, the mere thought of the bitter taste of it sent you right back to the toilet you had been practically glued on for the past four days.

“You need to eat something,” Jin said as he placed a bowl next to your temporary bed, “I brought you some chicken broth and saltine crackers”

“Thank you, but I think I should just go back to sleep” you replied weakly as you attempted to shoo him away with your hand.

“Stop being so bloody stubborn.” he replied ripping away the blankets now sending your body into a shock from the coldness in the room, “You need to eat. Going to work and coming home to head straight to bed is not healthy. I am worried. Please.”

You rolled your eyes at him, “Fine”

The warmth of the bowl felt amazing against your skin, you took a spoonful and smiled his way “Thank you Jin”

He smiled sadly at you, “You are welcome. I really do think you need to talk to Jimin though, he is hurting too (y/n). I went to go see him yesterday, he is not doing too well”

“Well neither am I, but I couldn’t stand by and watch any longer,” you said as tears once again spilled over your now hollowed cheeks.

“(y/n), stop stop, I am done talking. I don’t want to see you hurting. You were smiling a second ago, if I didn’t know any better I would assume you were pregnant” he said trying to make a small joke out of the situation.

Your eyes widened. Pregnant. The color drained from your face as a bit of bile rose up again from your throat. You swallowed. Jin’s clueless expression changed to one of equal horror as it clicked that just might be the reason you have been so sick lately as he saw your quick change in demeanor.

You set down the bowl and placed it beside you as you reached out for your cell phone.

38 unread messages and 27 missed calls. All from Jimin. He had been trying to reach you nonstop, but at this moment that did not matter. For the first time since you left you didn’t stop and linger on whether to respond back to his messages or not.

The calendar app was of more importance. You scrolled over through the dates, your last menstrual cycle was 2 months ago….all the commotion in your life leaving you no time to worry about mother nature and her monthly visits.

Jin peaked over your shoulder, “You know google says stress can sometimes mess around with your ...you know….thing”

You smiled weakly at him...stress….”Yes, it might just be stressed. I probably just need more sleep”

The room was silent after that, Jin had excused himself, quite uncomfortably, leaving you behind to your own thoughts to go get groceries. You laid down once again not trying to overthink the situation at hand, maybe you were just a bit late.

  Flashback 2 years and 4 months ago

 “It is on the house,” the broad-shouldered man said winking your way.

 “Oh, Thank you,” you said shyly, you were not used to getting attention from the opposite sex, especially this early. The sun hadn't even peaked out of the horizon and you were already making your way towards class. Morning lectures were not your favorite, but your procrastination had landed you in the only vacant spot in the last subject you needed to graduate, and much to your luck it was at 7:00 am.

 “Call me Jin my name is Seokjin, but don't thank me, pretty girl. That fellow over there with the weird orange hair is the one you should thank” he said as he leveled himself with you and pointed towards a two-seater table where a lone boy had his head completely buried in a book. Said boy didn’t look affected by your presence at all, actually he seemed rather absorbed in the pages he flipped through every couple seconds.

Jin was quite tall and upon closer inspection very handsome making you a stuttering mess, “ Yeah...yeah I’ll say thanks, I guess…” you said not wanting to be rude.

Jin winked at you as you made your way over to the orange hair man, and subconsciously formulating a conversation that would be short and to the point, that would include a good enough side comment sounding grateful for his act of kindness with an attached rejection if he had any ulterior motives. As you approached you noted he looked quite disheveled and in his hand was a neon yellow highlighter.

He looked like he was studying, but upon closer inspection, you realized his book looked more like a coloring book if anything with the amount of bright yellow markings and underlined text.

“You do know the purpose of that thing in your hand is to highlight only the imperative parts right??” You said making the man jump a bit in his seat  Your deep morning voice making it sound more like a rude statement rather than the playful teasing one you were aiming for.

“Excuse me??” He said looking up at you a bit caught off guard by your sudden presence.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so…..ugly and stuff….but like my voice in the morning does this thing where it sounds like an old man going through puberty all over again….and I meant it just in a teasing kinda way. My name is (y/n) by the way... I am sorry I tend to blabber, stutter, and make a complete idiot out of myself when I get nervous" you said as you dried your sweaty hand on your pants and then put it out there for him to shake.

He looked up with an amused glint in his eye, and then a smile made his way to his features completely dazzling you, "Jimin, nice to meet you, and don't worry about it. To be honest, that is quite cute. Why don't you take a seat??"

You looked at the empty seat in front of Jimin, debating whether seating down for a few minutes would be a good idea. You still had an hour to class, and Jimin's eye smile looked more inviting than chocolate cake, "Okay, I guess only for a little. Thank you....for the coffee and stuff"

"The coffee??" he asked looking clearly confused.

"Yeah, your friend over there said to thank you...wait....you didn't …” you said your eyes now wide with embarrassment as your cheeks tinted pink.

Jimin shook his head looking quite flustered himself, “I did not, but I mean…. I wish I could’ve??” he stated more like a question than a statement.

You both turned around to look at Jin who had been cleaning the same table for over 5 minutes now.

“I am sorry. He was probably just trying..He thinks I should you know….He likes to call himself Cupid”, Jimin said as he nervously scratched the back of his head.

You laughed out loud at the shyness of the boy, it was not his fault yet here he was turning redder than a tomato in front of you, “Don’t be shy, I am a gullible person it can happen to the best of us, and look at this we made ourselves a new friend right??”

Jimin nodded sending your way another one of his breathtaking smiles, ‘Are you always this positive??”

You shook your head rapidly, “Nope, especially this early in the morning, but today feels like a good day”

“Yep, it would be even better if I could actually retain any of this,” he said looking a bit frustrated at the notes in front of him.

You eyes his paper once again, and smiled brightly at him taking out your spiral notebook, “I told you it feels like a good day. Here you go, the notes are there, highlighted in different colors by categories”

“You are taking Advanced Literature too??” he asked as he excitedly skimmed through your notes.

“Yes, I am in the 4pm lecture,” you said smiling at the enthusiastic boy in front of you.

“Me too!! I haven’t seen you there, but then again there is like 200 students in the lecture hall at the same time. I feel awful for procrastinating on my studying for the test today” he said now looking completely devastated.

Seeing him slightly pout making your heart tug a bit, “How about I stay with you here and help you study?? I need the review anyway”

“Are you sure?? I don’t want to impose” he replied as he took a sip of the coffee and the cringing a bit making him look a hundred times cuter.

You took a moment to observe the man in front of you and before your mind could speak your heart did, “I am sure, plus whether it was indirectly or not you did hook it up with free coffee”

This had been the first time you ditched a class willingly, and you waited for the guilt to kick in making you overthink all the important notes you could’ve taken, but as you sat with Jimin giggling at his cute jokes, and talking about anything but the course material you realised it had been worth it.

“So, we should probably start heading out,” you said looking at your watch which indicated that it was almost 3:15 and you both had 30 minutes to get to class.

“Yeah, we should. Let me pay first” he replied running to the counter where Jin still eyed the both of you with a glint in his eye.

Jimin paced fast back to start picking up his scattered notes when you noticed Jin looking quite annoyed behind him.

You were about to question if everything was all right, but he beat you to the punch.

“Okay now, Adults you have been together for hours, and I have been patiently waiting for a phone number exchange if anything. So far all I have seen are awkward blushes, and lame ass flirty jokes, so can you all just you know write each other's number down so I can have peace.

Jimin’s face paled at the forwardness of his friend, you, on the contrary, felt quite bad for the position the boy had been put in.

“Just to let you know, we were about to leave together for class, and then I was going to ask him if he wanted to have dinner with me, thank you very much. I do not need a relationship guru for your information” you said sounding more confident than you were.

“Woah Jimin, this girl has balls and bites. I like her….Keep her” Jin said walking away leaving the both of you dumbfounded.

Jimin reacted quicker than you this time to put all the stuff inside his bag. You both walked quietly out of the cafe, but as soon as the door closed Jimin’s cheeky smile bloomed in your direction, “So, Dinner??”

 To say you overslept would be an understatement. The swelling along with the comforter’s red marks across your face was a clear giveaway.

You had tossed and turned for 30 minutes after Jin left, but dreamland was no longer accepting your admission.You rubbed your eyes roughly trying to ease the frustration of having to face the day with the constant thoughts in your brain running at about a thousand miles per hour. Why were you never good enough??

The reflection in the mirror had never been your best friend, you can’t count the hours you had spent from a very young age picking out flaws and finding a way to camouflage them. Most of the time your laziness won over your vanity, and that was one thing Jimin said he loved about you.

At closer inspection, you noted how much thinner your cheeks looked from a while back, along with the dark circles that framed your eyes, that despite your endless amount of sleep were more prominent than ever.

The hair that fell down in an unarranged manner from your head in a less than perfect way had always been your early morning biggest fight. Threading your fingers along the chaos to at least make yourself look more decent had proven to be a complete failure. Maybe, if your hair magically fell upon your shoulders like a yellow waterfall like Stephany things would have been different. Your self-image was poor, and you had never been one to accept a compliment gracefully from Jimin. Your put downs had become a self-defense mechanism, something Jimin always frowned upon, always answering back with a compliment that would blow you to the moon.

Attention seeker, that is what Jin had addressed your condition, but Jimin always knew better. He had seen you at your lowest when the tears fell down your face with frustration when your pants wouldn’t close and you had spent 4 hours non stop at the gym. Jimin had accepted you, and tried holding your hand through every episode of your lack of confidence.

Jimin had made you feel loved and cared for, but you had become selfish. The praise words that he whispered in your ears through the night as you both made love were screamed out loud for the world to hear about Stephany. He was not shy about the admiration for her, whereas with you he was more reserved. She was a goddess in his eyes. You could see it every time she talked and his tunnel vision focused on only her. Everything she did was compared to whatever lame attempt you could. One-upping her was out of the question for at the very moment your eyes landed on her you knew there was no competition. She had won a long time ago hands down.

What hurt the most was the fact that you didn’t have the courage to put up a  fight. Just like with everything else about JImin you had accepted her with arms wide open. She was a part of him whether you liked it or not.

Your hand traveled along your body to your bloated stomach. You had noticed a bit of cramping, but you never really paid much attention to it. You had been only craving crispy tacos with extra cheese this past week and had relentlessly blamed your fat ass for the now protruding muffin top. You caressed the top of it softly wondering if there was a little bean there like Jin had suggested. Just thinking of a mini Jimin running around calling you mom brought a smile to your face. Then reality hits and you are left feeling more alone than ever. Jimin and you were no longer. You had walked away. Had that been the right thing to do?? Yes. It had been. Even if it was the most painful thing you have had to endure in life you knew that you did not deserve being runner-up, you wanted to be someone’s one and only.

A knock on the door snapped you back to the present.

“(Y/N), I brought you something….. Are you okay in there??” Jin said from behind the door sounding concerned.

“I am all right, just give me a sec,” you said pulling down the shirt that had ridden up with the buddha rubbing you had been doing previously.

You cracked the door open for Jin to walk in.

“Did you vomit again??” he asked as he inspected his surroundings.

“Nope, just slight tummy discomfort, but so far the soup has been staying down” you replied as you gave him a thankful smile.

You had not paid close attention when he had come into the restroom, but now the plastic bag in his hand had been put up in the counter along with a jug of orange juice.

Jin’s face had turned crimson as you could see his eyes traveling from the objects to you looking a bit troubled.

“Spit it out Jinjin” you said eyeing his unusual flustered self.

“I saw this in that Juno Movie, and well...yeah,” he said as he started backing away out the door leaving you alone with the unknown items. With peaked interest, you looked inside the bag finding over 12 pregnancy tests from various brands.

“Wonderful” you whispered to yourself, “it isn't going to kill me to at least take one to have a peace of mind”

You chugged half a gallon of orange juice before your bladder had decided to cooperate with the task at hand. You pulled down your pants quickly, the sudden urge to pee becoming overwhelming. You quickly grabbed the two prepped sticks and peed on one and then quickly grabbed the other, and much to your surprise you were able to get both without getting any urine on your hand.

“Score!” You scram a bit louder than anticipated as you placed both sticks on the countertop.

Before you knew it, Jin’s head was popping in through the door looking quite panicked.

“What happened?!!” He said not really grasping the concept of privacy in the bathroom.

“Seokjin OUT!!” you scram causing him to realize his mistake.

He hurriedly closed the door as he repeatedly said “sorry” from the other side.

You giggled at his goofiness and once you were wiped clean and with your pants up, you let him in.

He paced in circles while you sat on the toilet seat tapping your foot anxiously as the minutes ticked by. For once in your two-year long friendship, you were both quiet. The phone timer beeped letting you know it was time. Jin held your hand as support as you nervously picked up one of the tests.

Jin’s arms were around you instantly “You are strong, independent, and full of life. Whether he saw it or not is not what matters, what truly matters is if you can see it. I will be there for you no matter what you choose. He is my best friend, but I know what an idiot he can be.” Tears fell from your eyes and Jin was quick to wipe them away, “It is a blessing and a curse to feel stuff so deeply. Chin up Girl, I got your back.”

 The clinic was way too cold for the short thin robe they had given you. The smell of disinfectant burned your nostrils, making the place feel even more intimidating. Other than the white monotonous walls, there were images plastered all over the walls showing the female reproductive system in different angles making you sick to your stomach. A diagram showing the various stages of birthing in a 3d model making you tremble with utter fear from the upcoming physical pain and changes your body would have to endure, and sadly you would have to go through it all on your own.

The door opened and a tall tan man came in looking quite handsome making you quickly scramble up from the previous open legged position the doctor’s assistant had placed you in. Your face quickly turning a dark shade of red.

The doctor smiled trying to make you feel a bit more comfortable with the current situation, but his rectangular grin only making you more self-aware about the exams that were to come.

“Hello Ms. Y/N, we need to run a few tests this evening to make sure everything is going well. My name is Dr. Kim. Can you please lay down for me and make yourself comfortable, we will be doing a sonogram to figure out how far along you are today”

You only nodded, not really sure how to respond with words.

“Would you like for me to call your partner in for the sono??” he asked innocently. You assumed the nurse had told him you had been accompanied by a man.

“No, it’s okay that’s my friend Jin, the father is not…..in the picture,” you said trying to sound unaffected yet you could still hear the sorrow in your voice as you said those words.

Dr.Kim looked apologetic, “I am sorry, I didn’t know…”

“Don’t worry about it, There was no way you could’ve known. I mean I didn’t see it coming and I was with the guy for two years” you said catching the doctor a bit off guard, “Sorry sorry, too much info”

Dr.Kim just threw another of his rectangular smiles your way, “ My turn to say Don’t worry about it, or him from what I have concluded in that one sentence. How about we get on with it. This gel might be a little cold ok?”

  Flashback

 You had been in a few dates with Jimin, and to be quite honest you had not expected yourself to be so drawn to such a character. He was clumsy, a bit disorganized, and he liked to be in control of the situations around him. He swept you off your feet so easily that once you had let him into your world he had conquered every corner with his eyesmile.

“So tell me again, what was your legit very first relationship?? You have this whole player vibe going on” you said drawing your words a little as the consumed wine started overpowering the blood in your veins, making the world around you a bit hazy.

“Me player?? Are you sure you are not talking about Jin?? To be quite honest, the only serious relationship I have had is when I dated my best childhood friend back in high school for like what seemed like forever...we keep in touch and stuff but she has her own family now” he said with eyes half-lidded obviously already affected from the alcohol as well “Her husband can be quite an asshole at times, but I can tell he loves her….I mean who wouldn’t love her”

“Sounds like you might still be whipped,” you said as you pretended to have a whip in your hand.

“Nahh not whipped, but she still gets to me at times you know…..” he said taking a large gulp of his wine glass leaving it empty.

He picked up the almost empty bottle and refilled his glass along with yours.

You stayed quiet inspecting his facial features. Jimin was very handsome with very pronounced cheekbones and chocolate eyes you could melt right into.You wanted to bite his neck and mark him as yours, but the fear of moving too fast and scaring him away kept you at bay.

The bluntness from the liquid courage you had allowed yourself to drown in kept making words spill out of your mouth like projectile vomiting, “Well, how many times have you had the privilege of falling in love??”

Jimin gave you a knowing side smirk. He knew you wanted him whether you were intoxicated or not. Drunk Jimin was a lot more carefree, you could tell just by the way he sat down with his legs wide open while his arm casually folded behind his head emphasizing his muscular arms. He raised a teasing eyebrow, “The smart question to ask would be, have you ever fallen out of love?? Falling out of love is harder than falling in love”

You took a sip of the remaining wine in your glass as you attempted to smirk back, “Ok then, Have you ever fallen out of love??”

He shook his head, “Nope” he said over popping his p.

“A smart girl would take that as a warning and back off immediately,” you said as you stood up slowly, His eyes traveled along with your figure as you made your way towards him. His figure looked relax against your black leather couch, and the temptation that had been building up along with your drunk promiscuity giving you the extra push of bravery to sit upon his well-defined thigh. You saw his eyes widen with surprise as you leaned even more forward pressing your ass directly upon his hardening bulge causing a smile of confidence to erupt on your face. You leaned in slowly toward his ear, close enough to surely graze it with every word that came out of your mouth, your hot breath tickling his skin causing goosebumps to arise, “Much to your luck, I am one of the smart ones that likes taking risks”

His eyes met yours, and before you knew it his lips were smashed against yours as his hands made their way to your waist as he gripped onto it for dear life. His nails digging with need and want as your figure rocked back and forth on his thigh hoping to ease the burning ache in your core.

His mouth left yours trailing open mouth kisses towards your hairline that bordered your ear, his hot breath now fanning the sensitive skin on your neck “Well aren’t I one lucky son of a bitch”

  A repeating static thump snapped you back to reality as your eyes glued themselves to the monitor that currently displayed what appeared to be circles and squiggles. Your eyebrows furrowed confused at the image, completely frightened that something might be wrong. Dr. Kim wiggled the wand he had placed in your stomach a little more and then the image switched into two unequal looking circles along with what looked like a jellybean. The thumping grew faster along with something that sounded like an echo.

A smile appeared automatically upon your face, “Is that my baby??”

Dr. Kim rectangular grin appeared lighting up the whole room with his cheerfulness, “Actually, those are your babies.”

  The dim light of the last rays of sun lit the way back to the place your feet had unconsciously dragged you several times before, but this time it was different. You knew where you were going. You knew you wanted to go back to him. After you had gotten a copy of your twins’ sonograms you had run out of the clinic without thinking about any repercussions. You needed him, now more than ever. A naive and hopeful part of you hoping that the growing miracles in your belly would light up a purpose in his heart to move on from what had been and run forward to embrace you and his future little family. You could already picture babies with his eyes and smile, they were going to be beautiful.  The chill in the air was dropping as the dew from the evening now pricked upon the skin on your face. The big hoodie that had once been his engulfing your frame, his scent still lingering strongly on the fabric warming you up in more ways than one way.

Your brain was still debating with your heart whether this was the right thing to do or not, but as your hand grazed the film paper on the pocket of the baggy hoodie your heart gained points only causing your feet to go on forward faster. The urge to jump into his arms and kiss his soft plump pink lips the reward you were looking forward to at the end of this journey.

Your goal was at arm’s reach. The park you had visited on several occasions during your evening walks and Nataly’s countless of visits was now in plain view. The grass looked greener than last time you had walked along this path.

The sound of a familiar giggle stopped you right on your tracks, the tree that had served as a shadow during the sizzling summer days serving now as a camouflage in order to scratch the itch of curiosity. The hoodie now covering your hair as you positioned your body to fit properly behind the tree so you wouldn’t be spotted.

Your eyes sought the source of the laugh that had triggered the uneasiness that was now clouding your previous judgment.

“You are it JIMIN!” you heard a high-pitched voice scream freezing you in place. Your heart shattering once again as you saw Jimin’s figure run around to the front of the slide as Stephany with Nataly in her lap made her way down the yellow trail only to be tackled by a careful soft hug from the man you had previously been running to. Your brain was now trying to take over your actions imploring you to go back to Jin’s and forget this stupid decision, but your masochistic stubborn heart prohibiting you to walk away. Jimin’s grin was bright, the happiness that radiated off of him as he twirled the little girl in circles as she giggled cutely. He was happy. That is all that should matter right?? He had moved on. You had been resenting him for not letting go of Stephany yet here you were holding on to him with a death grip. Missing him to you came like waves, and most of the days you felt like you were drowning. Some egotistical part of you was hoping to walk into a scene like the one Jin had painted of him suffering as if he was in the deepest level of hell without you.

That was not the case.

He was happy.

He was happy without you.

You were going to have to learn how to be happy without him as well.

You needed to be happy if not for you for the 4 little feet that will follow your footsteps in this life.

It was time to let Jimin go.

Once more you turned your back on the man you loved, but this time you had company. Rubbing your slightly swollen belly you took the first step towards your future without Jimin in it.

  Preggo pops were the best invention created by man, whoever said electricity or the internet had obviously never been pregnant. You had declared yourself an addict after Jin had given up on his so-called “home remedies” and caved in on buying some in the pharmacy on the way home. The days had seemed to fly by as you were consumed between work, finding a new apartment, and reading parenthood books Jin had been bringing home.

Jimin kept calling. Every day you’d wake up you would seek your phone to find missed calls and texts. There was an unknown fear within you that one day you would wake up to nothing. As much as you wanted to walk away from what had been Park Jimin you hated the idea of him moving on. The small part of him that you had claimed as yours was something you were not quite ready to give up. Those mornings you had spent in bed under the blankets kissing his face all over until you were blessed by his brown irises was one of many memories you visited at times where loneliness sneaked up on you. It had been one month, and even though the addiction of having him next to you was way long from over, you had found ways to deviate the cravings from his voice….his kisses….his hugs.

“Yellow’ Jin said as he begged once again for you to accompany him to the baby store, you hadn’t even found out the sex of the babies yet he had already gone to more than one shopping spree for nursery items, “We can get yellow neutral clothes please (y/n)” he said giving you puppy eyes with a lovely pout as an add-on.

“Fine, but as soon as I see you buy something overly glittery I am walking out of the store” you replied as you grabbed your bag. Your already small protruding belly forming a cute small bump. You were 16 weeks today. It was 4 weeks ago that you had been told you were pregnant and Jin had scolded you relentlessly due to your lack of self-awareness for going so far along with the pregnancy and not knowing about it. Prenatal vitamins and birthing books were dumped in your bed the night you had found out, a complimentary gift from your temporary roommate. He had been trying to hold conversations with your belly as well stating that his nephews/nieces need to be accustomed to his voice before birth so it can facilitate the situation if he ever were to babysit on his own.

“Also, your birthing classes start tomorrow at 8am, I know you hate mornings, but they were the cheapest ones I could find” he said practically dragging you into the store that had a giant pacifier as a logo, “We have 30 minutes to shop before we have to take off to your appointment. I am so excited to find out whether you are having dudes or dudettes”

“Jin they might not even be able to tell me the sex yet, it all depends on the positioning of the baby,” you said as you browsed through the ducky onesies on the sales rack.

“I am pretty sure they will not be shy about it and just flash the sonogram camera thing whether they have a peepee or not. I mean their father is Park Jimin, and that man barely freaking puts on a shirt and let me not get started on those tight motherfucking pants…...they leave nothing to the imagination.”

The mention of Jimin’s name forming a sour taste in your mouth, the sudden urge to ball your eyes smacking you like a freight train. Jin’s face distorted as he realized his mistake.

“No no no no no, sorry (y/n) please don’t cry….I will buy you ice cream after the appointment,” he replied trying to bribe you.

The cravings for sweet cheesecake with strawberries ice cream shooing away your urge to cry, “Fine but I get two scoops”

Jin just nodded as he put a comforting arm around your frame urging you towards the next aisle, both of you completely clueless of the set of brown eyes that have followed you both along since you entered the store.

 The fantasy that had been engraved in your head from a very young age of the future was modeled after a Disney movie. The house, job, family, and happy ending with everything and prince charming in real life was a mere figment of what society liked to claim as the norm. You tried to convince yourself over and over again that you could do this on your own, but in the mornings where your stomach decided to act up and take you straight to the toilet, you wished Jimin was right beside you holding your hair back as he would rub your back tenderly to soothe your burning esophagus. The one-sided pep talks you gave yourself had become a daily routine, and as your stomach grew the monotony of it had you desperately clinging onto your pillow screaming out your frustrations hoping Jin wouldn't be a witness of the mess that was you.

Your palms were sweaty with anticipation as you waited for Dr.Kim to come in. Jin had decided to stay outside claiming he was not very fond of medical offices. The door opened and an already smiling doctor came in, his happiness contagious as your own mouth formed into a grin.

“Are you ready for this??!” He said sounding like a cheerleader full of energy.

You picked up your shirt ready to be doused with the cold gel from the previous time.

He put on his circular glasses, scrunched up his sleeves, and right as the cold gel made contact with your skin the door opened wide.

The smiling doctor’s face contorted to one of annoyance, “What have I said about knocking??” His deep voice said sending a bit of chills down your spine. Your eyes snapped up to the figure that stood frozen in place by the door.

Surprise, happiness and hate alternatively, and complete disbelieve surged through your body. Jimin stood before you, his hair disheveled and shirt untucked, a slight smudge of blood on his collar.

He smiled nervously as he wiped his hands on his jeans, “Hi, I’m Jimin….the father?” Jimin said asking more than stating.

Dr.Kim turned to face you, the questioning in his eyes as clear as day, while on the contrary yours were muddled over between desire, fear, and aberration.

You nodded at Dr.Kim not quite sure if to trust your mouth to form coherent words.

Jimin took that as an invitation to walk in and sit on the empty seat beside you. The shift in the room was obvious to the point where Dr.Kim’s smile was not enough to lighten up the mood anymore.

Your heart was tugging you to acknowledge the man sitting next to you, the one you had been longing for weeks on end, but your brain had taken control as a defense mechanism and ignored your erratic heartbeat. Your eyes were solely focused on the monitor where you were once again going to see your two little nuggets. The wand was firmly pressing against your belly, the image on the screen this time was not in different shades of green, but instead had an orange tinge to it.

“This is called a 3d ultrasound, and this should help determine the biological sex of the babies,” Dr.Kim said as he stirred his hand around your belly. You could see a glimpse of Jimin leaning in closer to you and the monitor, but you still hadn't gathered enough emotional strength to look his way, much less make eye contact.

“Babies??” Jimin asked his eyes now staring at your belly openly.

Dr. Kim rolled his eyes at Jimin causing a small giggle to come out of your lips “Yeah as in plural”

The figures of two skinny babies popped up in the screen catching you by surprise, the image from last time was distorted and quite a challenge to decipher, but in this one, the babies looked less like blobs and more like actual tiny babies. The little arms and legs moved around wildly as if they were busting a move inside your stomach.

Tears formed unconsciously in your eyes, a warm hand fitting into yours, and just for a little bit you were going to let your heart take over. You allowed yourself to interlace your fingers around his softly enough to not make it harder for you when you would have to eventually let go.

Dr.Kim eyed your hands and gave you both a small smile, “ You see these lines here” he said pointing at the screen. Jimin and you nodded, “Baby A lady and gentleman is a girl”

Jimin squealed happily beside you as if the present situation of your relationship did not matter as his lips kissed your knuckles.

“Now baby B is being a bit shy, but…..” Dr.Kim said wiggling the wand looking object again, “ There you go….. Baby B…. Is a Boy”

“We are having a boy and a girl!!!” Jimin said no longer walking on eggshells as he captured your lips in a kiss. You froze not reciprocating, but Jimin didn't care he just rested his forehead against yours. You felt the skin tingle where his touch, but you were unsure of whether it was a positive reaction as flashbacks of him running around happily at the park came to mind. You let go of his hand and quickly faced the doctor trying to assimilate as if the rejected contact was just distancing for a question. Your hand dropped Jimin’s as if was made out of lava which he was quick to notice, unlike the oblivious Dr.Kim.

“But are they healthy??” You asked trying to make your tone sound leveled as if you could properly manage your emotions in the presence of Jimin.

“They both are as healthy as can be. Don't forget to eat properly and take your prenatal. I will see you back in 4 weeks. Twin pregnancies tend to be a bit more high risk than single, so make sure to keep in contact if anything feels out of the ordinary. My assistant up front will have a copy of your sonograms for you guys to take home. I hope you have a good day, and congrats on your baby boy and baby girl!”

Dr.Kim walked towards Jimin and shook his hand “Congrats, you have a beautiful family”

Jimin just smiled his eyes turning a slight shade of pink as he sniffled almost inaudibly, “I know. Thank you”

Dr. Kim just waved one last bye and left out the door leaving you both alone.

The realization of Jimin being here settling in and just like a bomb you started your internal countdown. You needed to get out of there before you exploded. You stood up and wiped your belly clean out of the sticky liquid. Not one word had been said since the doctor had stepped out, and even if you had rehearsed a planned script in case of a similar scenario happening you were at a blank. Your emotions tangling up inside, squeezing out any remaining air out of your lungs, making it hard to breathe. Jimin just stood in silence not really sure of how to proceed, he had definitely acted on impulse and the loving reunion he had imagined was blown over as soon as he entered the room and noticed your cold stare on him. He had fucked up, and even if he didn't quite understand what had triggered you to end things he knew he wanted you back.

You walked out of the room as soon as you had collected all your belongings and double checked you hadn't left anything behind. Jimin followed close, but did not say a word as you scheduled your next appointment, received the sonogram copies, and walked out of the building. Even if nothing was being said you could feel yourself growing more and more irritated with everything he did. Why did he make you feel like this? He had done nothing, yet you felt so small and worthless in his presence. The wound he had left had reopened and you had to muster all of your power to hold back your tears. At the same time though you wanted to run into his arms, kiss his mouth and nibble on his bottom lip, you wanted him sleeping next to you and have his hand rub your growing tummy as you welcomed sleep, but that was a fantasy…. That was a dream…

You walked out of the clinic fuming, ready to full on confront the betrayer known as Jin, only to be met by a bruised-up puppy face replacing his usual smug one.

“What happened to you??” You said as you pulled him out of the car to examine his busted nose and cheek closer. Jin closed his eyes with your soothing touch then quickly backed away looking at Jimin behind you.

“I can explain” you heard Jimin speak out finally.

You turned around to face him even more furious than before, “You better have a goddamn good explanation to why you beat your best friend up”

“I misinterpreted the whole situation. When I saw him with you at the store and then here….. I just thought the worse, but he explained, and we are good now” he said trying to reach out towards you.

You looked at him disbelievingly “We are good now??? Is that how it is??? We are anything but good Jimin. Actually, we have been bad from the start, but I have been blinded by my love for you. Making me a fool. I now have two little someones to be strong for. I am done waiting for you. I have always put you first, but to you, I was always on the sidelines.”

Jimin stepped forward trying to grasp your hand that had unconsciously turned into a firm fist. You backed away instantly.

“(Y/N), please just let me know what I can do to fix this…. fix us,” Jimin said taking a step once again towards you.

“Don't you get it Jimin??? I have given you two whole years to fix it. To fix yourself. I tried to give you all my love. My heart was in your fucking hands and you crushed and stomped on it every time Stephany called and you dropped me to go to her” you said wiping the tears in your face angrily, “ Let me go Jimin. I need you to let me go, so I can stop hurting and move on. I need to stop with the illusion that one day you will choose me over her. That you will love me more.”

Jimin was now in tears as he looked at you falling apart all because of him. You could see the internal struggle as he picked up his hand and dropped it several times, “but I love you more. I do….. I am sorry I didn't show it….but I love you (y/n) more than anything in this world please forgive me…. Please give me a chance….. Come back with me. We can paint the guest room as a nursery or even find a bigger apartment for our little family”

“No” you heard yourself say coldly not really wanting to process his words, for once everything that spilled out of his mouth was not of importance, “I am done Jimin. It takes more than just words and compliments to show someone you love them. You are not a five-year-old who can draw me a heart and make everything better.” You replied turning your back to him. You were about to walk towards Jin’s car when you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist. Tears falling against your bare shoulder.

“Please don't leave me again….please don't walk away” Jimin whispered continuously in your ear. Your walls were about to fall apart, you could feel yourself about to crumble. As soon as you felt your knees about to buckle in, from all the emotional stress being thrown at you, another pair of arms straightened you up and lightly pushed Jimin away.

“You are my best friend….you have been for years Jimin, but I need you to back off. You have caused enough damage with your stupid bullshit games. It takes more than a few sweet words to gain forgiveness. You don't have to tell her or scream out you love her, you need to show it. And so far, all you have displayed for her to see is how much of a fucking coward you are letting yourself be dragged along like a fucking puppy. When we first met (y/n) I knew she was special, and I knew she was what you needed to learn what something raw and real felt like…. But I was a fool. You have hurt her, and I am done watching. Jimin be a man, before someone else takes your place” Jin said as he took your small hand in his and walked you to the passenger door of his car helping you in. Jin walked back to where Jimin stood still frozen in place with a trail of tears traveling down his beautiful face. The ache in your heart growing with intensity from the incapability of soothing his pain. You wanted nothing more than to run out of the car and kiss Jimin’s pain away, but it was too late. There was no remedy for the broken heart that was buried within your chest, the antidote was the same poison that had damaged it in the first place, Jimin, and you were not strong enough to go through that again.

You could see Jin telling Jimin something as he patted his shoulder. Jimin's eyes found yours, but you were quick to turn away. Not even a few seconds later Jin came into the car, his bruised nose looking worse than it had been previously, your hands traveled once again to softly caress it, “idiot”

He chuckled, “Be nice or this idiot won't buy you the ice cream he owes you”

“Jin at this point you owe me a whole freaking ice cream shop, so shut up and hurry to the nearest creamery my kiddos are starving,” you said trying to hide the way your words wavered with unshed tears. You could feel Jimin’s gaze still on you, but you refused to give in this time.

  It was 8am, Jin was late and the irritation from the constant invasion of space from your birthing class instructor had you on the verge of yanking your hair out. She had been rubbing your belly so often that you were wondering how a genie had not appeared before you already. The place was crowded with several couples, some whom already had started breathing heavily in a synchronized manner in the mats. You sighed completely flag stabbed at the fact that you were unwillingly taking these cheesy classes only to be stood up by the person who signed you up for them in the first place. You bit your nails nervously as everyone took a seat in their assigned spots. You walked reluctantly to your own hot pink yoga mat and took out your phone angrily.

 Jin, you are so dead-

(y/n) 8:05

 The door of the classroom opened and once again to your surprise Jimin stood there wearing comfy basketball shorts, a white shirt, and a black snapback. To say he looked absolutely stunning when he dressed laid back was an understatement. The muscles from his abdomen could be clearly seen through the translucent white shirt as he made his way towards you.

“Sorry, I am late” he whispered as he sat beside you.

You took out your phone angrily once again.

 SEOKJIN YOU ARE DEAD MEAT X 2

(y/n) 8:07

 You turned to face Jimin now, he could tell you were about to detonate, but before you could cuss him right there and then the instructor started the lesson.

“Welcome Mommies and Daddies to Birthing 101. I hope you all are having a spectacular day. Let’s start from the top like many of you probably did to start this journey” the blond preppy instructor said as she winked an eye suggestively to the class.

Torture. This was going to be absolute torture.

30 minutes in and you already had successfully achieved the art of ignoring Jimin perfectly.

Lie. That was an absolute Lie. You were dying internally, the urge to slap him across the face then ride him till he filled you up with his hot seed was temptation at its best.

You had not gotten laid since Jimin, and from what you have read in several websites and books it is normal to be a horny pregnant woman….something to do with hormones.

Hormones…..it was their fault, not yours. You did not want Jimin. Your hormones did.

“(y/n), How far in between do your contractions have to be, to be classified as active labor?” the instructor asked clearly noticing your lack of attention.

You nervously bit your lip and were about to answer until Jimin took over, “3 minutes apart lasting 1 minute….but that is not what concerns me….what is this about her cervix opening 8-10 centimeters….and tearing down there?? Like is that even…….that is ….. Ow!”

The instructor giggled at Jimin’s reaction the jealous green monster inside of you about to jump out to tell the instructor to get her own fucking jokester, this idiot was yours. The thing though was that Jimin was not yours. Not anymore.

“Yes, that is correct. Fully dilated is 10 cm and sometimes if needed they will cut to allow more space for the baby. Don’t worry too much about it though, she doesn’t look very phased. You have a brave girl Jimin. Now this is the end, for now, see you again same time next week”

You stood up and took off faster than the road runner. Your feet working up a step to get away as fast as possible from Jimin, but much to your already sour luck he caught up with you and grasped your wrist.

“What are you doing??” you asked as you ripped away your wrist from his hand. The spot where his hand had touch craving more than a few seconds of contact.

“(y/n), please listen to me, I really want to make us work okay?? I love you, please give me another chance” he said as he once again dived in for your hand.

“Jimin, it’s not that easy for me. You are incapable of seeing what is wrong, and I am not in the best place right now” you said trying to be civil with the boy. He had just endured the worse lecture in his life, he deserved at least that, “What are you doing here??”

Jimin looked at you confused, “They are my babies too (Y/N), I want to be there for them and you. I keep remembering everything you told me, how I acted, and I am so ashamed of what I made you go through. You did not deserve that, and I am sorry. Please, one more chance. If I can’t make you happy I will personally find a way to kick my own balls. You deserve the world. Let me give it to you” he said as his arms encircled your waist. The heat of his body against yours bringing memories, some that you wanted to treasure and some that you much rather just throw away. He kissed your forehead softly and then the tip of your nose, “Everything is going to be alright, maybe not today, but eventually. Let me try”

Tired. You were tired of fighting with your heart. The tears that spilled over were a mixture of happy and sad ones. You couldn’t start this new chapter in your life if you kept re-reading the last page. Expectations that came in your relationship with Jimin had always been flexible due to Stephany, and you realized too late that by even attempting to have them you were setting yourself and Jimin up for failure.

“If I had treated you the way you had treated me, you would hate me. Just because I let you go, doesn’t mean I wanted to. One more chance Jimin, but please I ask of you……”

“I love you, and I will make damn sure I show you how much,” he said as he finally lowered his head and attempted to kiss your lips.

Your brain decided to function at that very moment, “No Jimin, wait. Not so fast, I will move back in with you and we will see from there okay??”

Jimin backed away a bit and nodded looking a bit disappointed, “Right now I will take anything I can get”

  To say things were awkward would be an understatement. Jimin had given you the master bedroom claiming you would be a lot more comfortable if you had your own private restroom. It had been two weeks and your relationship with Jimin felt strained. He was a complete gentleman making you breakfast and dinner without you asking. The initiative that had not been there before clearly made an appearance as he brought your favorite flowers or donuts, yet the more he did for you the more frightened you were to let him in. Sometimes at night when you tippy-toed your way to the kitchen, you made sure to check if the coast was clear, you didn’t know if your heart could handle seeing Jimin having a moment with Stephany. Your masochistic ears sometimes seeking the silence for the possibility of a secret conversation between the two of them exchanging an ‘I miss you’

Stephany was MIA. You noticed that the third week you had been back at your apartment. No calls, surprise visits, or mentions of her. The daily text messages that had become a routine activity a while back were no more. You needed a break from anything her, and finally, the heavens were listening.

Today the stress from work had gotten the best of you, a flood of tears accompanied you home. When the front door of your apartment opened to the face of a smiling Jin you jumped right into his arms, completely forgetting that it meant Jimin was in as well.

“Ohh no darling what happened to you??” Jin said as he patted your hair like a mother would to their crying child.

You hiccupped, “Would you believe me if I told you I already forgot what I was crying for in the first place??”

Jin shook his head at you while laughing, “You are even a bigger wreck than you were before, how is that even possible??”

You were about to argue back until you realized you had no clue why Jin was visiting, “What are you even doing here??”

“Thank you for the hospitality, actually I am here because Jimin did an oopsie I need to fix”

You pushed Jin away from the entrance and stomped your way into the living room where a distraught Jimin sat surrounded by light pink clothes. You recognized some as your previously white undergarments. Jimin looked frightened as he saw your presence now skimming through the disaster he had made.

“I am sorry. So sorry, please don't cry. Jin said you would probably cry all day long and I really don't want that. I'll fix them. I'll make them white again” He said trying to scoop all the clothes up causing even a bigger mess.

Before you knew it you were in a full-blown fit of giggles. Your sides aching as you saw Jimin’s bewildered face. You had not even smiled his way since you had been back and here you were looking similar to a hyena.

Jin walked towards Jimin assisting him in picking up the clothes that were sprawled out on the floor, “Yah Jimin, I’ll take care of this. How about you take (y/n) out for a date”

You were about to say no until you noticed the way Jin smirked towards Jimin. Jimin looked lost but did not hesitate to walk towards you to grab your hand and pull you through the door.

“We will be back later”, Jimin said as he pulled you away into the outside world.

 This was a setup. You were more than sure this had been an evil scheme on their behalf. Jimin had dragged you to watch a chick flick you had been wanting to see at the movies, and he magically already had tickets for the sold-out showing.

He bought you all of your favorite snacks and carried them all for you.

Pleasant, everything had been easy going to the point of where you let him hold your hand as you walked back to the apartment. The lights flashing from the city illuminating his side profile as if he was a fairy.

You were still completely head over heels in love with him. There was no way of denying the way your heartbeat went all erratic with every smile he threw your way.

You arrived to an empty apartment, the scent of roses and your favorite Chinese dish shocking you. As soon as the door closed you turned towards Jimin only to find him on one knee.

Your heart dropped.

No this couldn’t be happening.

“(y/n), I know I have messed up time and time again, but after having to go some time without you beside me I realized one thing…. I can’t be without you. I need you. I want to be with you forever. Love is a scary thing. It changes every day. It can disappear in the blink of an eye. But I am not scared of love when it comes to you. I am willing to take this risk with you, and I know I haven’t been good at demonstrating how much you mean to me, but I promise ...no I swear I will make that my life mission. Please…..be my wife…..give me the chance of making you happy for the rest of your life. I want to have the rest of my life with memories of us together. I love you. Please be my wife” Jimin said with tears in his eyes and a soft smile on his face as he pulled out the most beautiful rose shaped ring with a red ruby in the middle.

Tears filled your eyes blurring Jimin and the dreams you had of spending an eternity with him, “No” you choked out,

Your heart shattered as you saw him looking around the room helplessly, obviously trying to gather up words to formulate a plan b to get you to say yes.

“(Y/N), I love you… What can I do? please tell me what I can do??” Jimin said borderline falling apart in front of you. Tears had started falling from his gorgeous brown eyes, and his lips were extra swollen and rosy from the endless amount of nervous lip biting.

“Nothing Jimin, You don’t have to do this. Whether we are together or not they are still your babies. I will not keep them away from you. You are their dad as much as I am their mom” you said as you made your way to the couch. You couldn’t be near him right now. You needed space, but he didn’t seem to get it as he stood up and walked towards you.

“That is not it at all, I love you. I want to be married to you because I love YOU!” he said with a tinge of sadness and frustration in his voice. He ran his hand through his hair another nervous habit of his.

You looked into his eyes, the patience that you had been able to keep up from the moment he proposed evaporated. You grasped his face in-between your hands, and then you let it all out, “Jimin, no, you don’t love me. You half love me. You only fully love me when she is not around, and even then I am pretty sure every thought in your head is not about me. I am not the one for you Jimin, I never have been. Can’t you see that?? I am not enough. Maybe one day you will find a girl who will be good enough for you to steal away all the love you have within you and only have it for herself, no one else. Every time I saw you with her I acted like it was not a big deal when in reality it was breaking my heart. That isn’t living, that is suicidal. I felt like a part of me was dying every time I saw you smiling at her. Sometimes I wish you could read my mind so you could have a better understanding of what goes through it. Jimin I am not going to say yes because I know that as much as I want the rest of my life to be spent with you by my side….. I am not willing to do it unless I won’t have to share you with anyone else. I want to marry you Jimin. I have dreamed of marrying you for awhile, but I can’t….. not like this.”

 “(y/n), is just you… I swear ...just you” Jimin said between sobs.

You tore your eyes away from his and looked at the floor, “Ruby….why a ruby?”

“Your birthstone”, Jimin replied completely sure of his answer.

You smiled at him bitterly, “Sapphire…..mine is sapphire….. Stephany’s was a ruby”

Jimin looked down at the black box that he still had in his hands, “ I am sorry I’ll change it, I am not very knowledgeable about this kind of stuff. I am so sorry.  I didn’t mean it like that”

You looked back into his eyes and held his hand in yours, you breathed in deeply, “Jimin I love you”

“I love you too” he replied instantly.

“Jimin, how many times have you fallen out of love??” you said completely serious.  Your face emotionless.

Jimin looked into your eyes with a glint of guilt you could see masked through his brown irises.

His cellphone rang snapping you both out of the minute of silence that had been haunting the apartment.

He looked from his phone to you alternatively, he shifted on the couch uncomfortably as his phone call went to voicemail.

You stood up reluctantly giving him your back as you walked towards the room, your heart aching from the flat out rejection you had given him, and yet you still had strength enough to utter one more sentence, “You should call her back”