#also frozen pizza

[junkangelic]

what do y’all think about my headcanon that when andrew comes to live with the minyards aaron ends up cooking most of his meals for him. aaron doesn’t even ask he’s just used to cooking for himself anyway and he’s secretly thrilled to have a way to take care of his brother who’s acting like a starved shelter dog (affectionate). andrew would never admit it but his second favorite food after ice cream is aaron’s tomato soup and grilled cheese

[mildmayfoxe]

tricked myself into braving the grocery store this morning by envisioning in great detail the amazing breakfast sandwich i could make if only i had everything bagels extra sharp cheddar cheese and breakfast sausage patties and then came home and made the breakfast sandwich. dreams can come true

[pink-lemonadefairy]

[y-rhywbeth2]

Technically we could've kept the tadpoles post game in theory.

While it's probably a little different with Netherese magic getting involved, the tadpoles and the elder brains are not inherently connected (normally). A baby illithid can survive without an elder brain. The result is... a giant monster worm terrorising and consuming all it encounters, but the manipulative eldritch horror that tyrannises the mind flayers is not required for its existence and survival. The brain dying did not actually have to result in the tadpoles dying.

Furthermore, ceremorphosis as a health condition can be managed. I'd have to look it up again, but I believe it's restoration or something in that family of healing spells which resets the damage the tadpole doe. Keep on top of your castings and it won't eat your brain and squidface you. Remove the Netherbrain and its ability to auto-squid you and they're no longer such a danger. ...of course if you die and become a squid you need a miracle spell to bring you back, so it's a risky health condition.

[myrabbitistryingtokillme]

Picky eater rant of the night people ALWAYS assume that if a kid is “picky” it’ll mean they just don’t like healthy food. I didn’t like CHOCOLATE for YEARS because you know what? Chocolate simply isn’t that great. Grown adults tried to pressure me into liking chocolate bc apparently kids can’t jsut ‘not like chocolate’. I didn’t like chocolate until I stopped getting as overwhelmed by it. For years I didn’t eat most things chocolate bc chocolate is such an intense flavor that I simply just couldn’t stand it. Chocolate was just too much flavor. Im autistic, it took years for me to be able to eat things with a ton of flavor bc it was just too much for me. The same reason I didn’t like chocolate is why I didn’t like seasonings on my food. The idea of ‘healthy and unhealthy’ foods DOESNT EXIST to a child’s tastebuds. It exists to their brain, yeah! But a kid does not inherently go “this food is healthy therefore I hate it” and the idea that children being picky is in some way spiteful or out of being too spoilt to eat healthy food is INSANE to me and plainly WRONG. Whenever I see posts about people who actually give their kids grace and help them expand their pallets, it doesn’t take much to realize that these kids also don’t eat things like pizza(which I didn’t like much as a kid bc I didn’t like tomato sauce) and chocolate and other foods that are considered junk food. Why is there this idea that it’s a kids Vs adults thing when a kid simply has different tastebuds.

[echo-goes-mmm]

Anniversary Present (Oneshot)

My Writing Masterpost

Warnings: slight dubcon, manipulation, minor character death, blood, past stalking

“I’m hungry,” complained Victor. 

Henry glanced at the vampire, then into his side mirror. “I’m driving.”

“So pull over.”

“I can’t,” he protested. “There’s no place to park.” They had circled the lot once already, but there were no spots. If Victor hadn’t insisted on spending the weekend at the beach of all places, this wouldn’t have happened.

“It’s a Friday evening on a holiday,” he explained. “It’ll be a while.” Victor grumbled, but at least he seemed placated. 

It had been three years since Victor ‘claimed’ him like some sort of stalker, and Henry hadn’t been able to shake him. Now he was stuck with Victor, and sometimes he could fool himself into normalcy. Like some kind of fucked-up sitcom. See the vampire and his unwilling roommate, every evening at 7pm on FOX! Or something. Henry didn’t watch cable.

“Look,” said Victor, “there’s a spot.”

“Finally,” groaned Henry. Another car came down the aisle, and he put on the turn signal and waited for them to pass so he could pull in. But instead, the BMW swerved into the spot, nearly dinging him in the process. Asshole.

Victor hissed. 

“Don’t,” Henry said. “It’s literally okay.” 

Victor sighed. “Fine.” 

Eventually, they found a spot in another lot, but there was a fee. Henry grumbled as Victor drank an evening snack from him. What a jerk, and of course it was a BMW. Brand new, too. Henry thought of his 20 year old beater and tried not to be jealous.

Whatever.

Victor had made reservations to a nice restaurant on the boardwalk for the two of them, which was hilarious. Victor could eat human food, it just did nothing for him except taste good. He was always dragging Henry to fancy places.

The perks of having a rich vampire eat off him, he supposed.

Victor disappeared after paying for dinner, with a promise to meet him at the rental later. Typical. 

But Henry had a little cash to burn, and the boardwalk was fun. He ate frozen custard (peanut butter and chocolate) and looked at ridiculously priced swimsuits on sale. He watched people come in and out of novelty stores, and got himself a box of saltwater taffy. It was nice, he thought, as a charming family went into the amusement park.

Of course, the downside to this little vacation was Victor. He was going to do something this weekend, he could feel it. 

Henry was a snack, a little amusement that Victor liked to keep under his thumb.

Henry hated when Victor dragged home a meal.

He shuddered, the warm night air suddenly suffocating. He took another bite of his frozen custard and told himself not to think about it.

He got to the rental house hours later (after somehow mixing up where he’d parked) and Victor was there as promised. 

“So,” said Victor, “there’s this cute little diner in town. We should go there for breakfast.” 

“Yeah, sure.”

Victor frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I guess. Just tired.” 

“Oh. Well, the bedroom on the right is yours. Goodnight.” Suspicious.

“‘Night.” The drive was pretty draining, so Henry fell asleep quickly.

___________________

Victor dragged him to the diner around nine. He looked a little funny dressed in pants and a hoodie in this weather, but it was sunny out and, well, vampire.

Henry woke up in a much better mood than yesterday. He ordered a short stack of blueberry pancakes with a side of sausage and it was divine.

Victor bid him a good day after breakfast and went to sleep. Henry took the opportunity to spend the rest of the day at the beach. It was a great weather out, and he swam in the ocean a couple times before making it back to the rental. He even splurged and got some barbeque from a place on the boardwalk for lunch.

But soon the sun would be down, and Victor would be hungry. He headed back to the rental house.

After the feeding, he was more worn out than usual. He hadn’t been on a vacation in a while, and he’d forgotten how tiring it was to relax. He went to sleep soon after.

___________________

“Henry. Hey, Henry!” Victor whispered. He groaned and sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

“What?” Victor’s red eyes glowed down at him. Victor flashed him a toothy grin. He glanced at the clock. Midnight. And why could he smell pizza?

“I got you a present.” 

“Huh?” 

“Just come see!” Henry stumbled into the living room and flipped the switch.

“Oh my god!”

A guy was tied up and gagged in the middle of the floor. Pizza boxes sat on the table, with a bunch of booze and soda. The man made a frantic sound from behind the gag.

“What the fuck?” he said. Victor flopped on the couch. He titled his head and grinned.

“It’s the man who cut you off earlier. And I also got dinner and that novelty soda you like. The one that tastes like sour candy.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

Fuck. Again? Victor had never been caught before, but this was insane. 

Why was his life like this? Ugh. Whatever.

He crossed the room and took a slice of pizza. It was amazingly good, actually. It really was true that the best New York style pizza was in New Jersey. He ignored Mr. BMW struggling against the ropes.

He twisted off the cap to the soda and some vodka. He was gonna need it. Henry turned back to the scene to see Victor teasing Mr. BMW. Muffled shouts came from behind the gag.

Henry knew how scary it was, seeing a vampire for the first time. But he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. It was normal, now.

“I think he wants to say something,” grinned Victor. He plucked the gag from Mr. BMW.

“I- I’m so sorry,” he said, looking back and forth between them. “Please don’t kill me!” he sniffed. Henry shifted, uncomfortable.

“You’re not sorry,” snarled Victor, “You’re just sorry you got caught. Nobody gets to be an asshole to my human. Nobody.”

“It’s just a parking spot, Victor. Not a big deal.” Victor turned to him. He shrank back. 

“You don’t get to decide that,” he said. 

“What-”

“I’m making your life better. Remember that boss you hated? I took care of it. And now you don’t hate your job. This is for you, Henry.” He yanked the man’s hair, baring his neck. 

He sank his teeth into the man, drinking long and deep. Henry’s mind whirled. Had Victor really been killing off everyone who was mean to him? 

Victor finished, the man’s head lolling. 

“Look at him,” purred Victor, voice husky. “He’s still alive. Think he’ll chalk it up to a dream, or pass on to the next life?”

He came close, blood smeared over his mouth. He stepped right up to Henry, taking his chin in hand.

Henry whimpered.

“Don’t be scared,” cooed Victor against his lips. Victor kissed him, copper on his tongue. 

What was happening?

Victor pulled away, pupils blown. His cool hand came to rest on his ass.

“Victor-” he started, but for some reason he couldn’t, didn’t, pull away.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said. A curl of heat smoldered in Henry’s gut. “Three years,” continued Victor, “and I never told you that. Isn’t that strange?”

“Ye- yeah.” Victor pressed a kiss to his throat, mouthing up to just under his jaw.

“Wait-” he said, regaining himself. Victor paused, pulling away. “All those restaurants, all those presents, were- were they-”

“Dates? Yeah,” admitted Victor. “You needed a stronger hint.”

Fuck. He’d seen the way Victor looked at him, the way he waited in the car under a blanket for hours just for Henry to get off work. He thought it was just hunger, and it was, but it was more than that. And Victor was attractive, and mostly kind-

The dying man behind them groaned.

And it was too much. “I don’t want this,” he whispered. Victor stepped away, turning from him.

“Please,” said Henry, “I’m sorry-”

“No, you’re not,” said Victor. His heart sank. Victor was finally going to kill him. 

But then Victor turned, and he didn’t look mad at all. 

“It’s okay,” he said, stepping close again. And his eyes, they were so pretty now. So big and deep, and what was he thinking about? “You just need a little nudge.”

Oh yeah. 

Victor was attractive, and mostly kind, and took him to places he never could have afforded and-

He snorted. His life was already so goddamn weird.

“Sure, why not? It’s not like you’re going anywhere,” said Henry. “Might as well make the most of it.”

“Exactly what I was thinking,” agreed Victor. 

Victor kissed him again, and they fumbled their way to the couch. He wanted Victor, and he wanted him now, witness be damned.

The man was dying anyway.

___________________

Henry woke up the next morning in a great mood. Last night was just… incredible. It was so obvious, he couldn’t believe he missed it.

He snuggled back into Victor’s cool arms. 

Sure, it was fucked up, but who cared? Victor was hot and financially stable (aka rich as hell) and took care of him.

It just made sense.

Maybe he could get a nice car if he asked Victor.

___________________

He was a genius. Just a little nudge. Wasn’t even cheating, really. Charming never worked for so long.

Henry still had his personality the whole night, so it didn’t even count as Charming him. Just a tiny, itty bitty nudge, and his precious little human had finally given in to his wooing. They had a wonderful night of pizza, drinking, and sex. 

So good.

Draining that pesky little boyfriend four years ago had finally paid off. 

He was an asshole anyway.

taglist: @paintedpigeon1

[angelsdean]

me: anguished as i struggle to describe the perfect pizza slice, as if that's something that matters at all

[deepfriedseagullfeet]

sigh....i need to ask for money but i feel like i have nothing valuable to return.....my account is in the red bc i drained every cent i have into fixing my car and idk how im gonna afford food for the next two weeks until i get paid....i really dont know what i can do. if you want to help ill link my kofi and my etsy shop, fishie sticker sheet will be available soon if u guys want one, ill also list other seagull merch too. i can do commissions so if you want me to draw you something i can give u prices. uh. um. yeah i really dont want to ebeg so im really sorry i know theres a lot going on in the world as it is but if you have anything u can spare i would really really appreciate it

[whattraintracks]

90s Mikey 🤝 Rise Leon saying Indubitably (just because, you know, no reason, don't be suspicious)

[daughterofhecata]

The worst part of being an adult is having to figure out what to have for dinner every single day

[greaseonmymouth]

I started a gluten free pizza ranking list a couple of years ago (as one does) before I moved to the UK, and I’ve dug it up again to add all my observations about gluten free pizza in the UK and the verdict is: wow I cannot wait to move back to Denmark where none of the frozen gluten-free pizzas suck

For reference, the frozen gf pizzas ranked:

Denmark

Top tier

Dr. Oetker Ristorante senza glutine Mozzarella

Dr. Oetker Ristorante senza glutine Salame

Also nice

San Marco Speciale

San Marco Margherita

But chewy but otherwise nice

Rema1000 gluten- og laktosefri pizza margherita

Rema1000 gluten- og laktosefri pizza speciale

UK

Top tier

Dr. Oetker Ristorante senza glutine Mozzarella

Dr. Oetker Ristorante senza glutine Salame

If that’s the only option ok I guess

Goodfellas Salami

Goodfellas Margarita

Utterly fucking inedible

Kirsty's (all variants)

Schär (all variants)

[aintmyjewelry]

round 1 of food has been set out 🫡

[abortionado]

my phone reaches out to me every three weeks without fail like "your passwords have appeared in a data leak" and it really pisses me off like girl YOU are the one storing my passwords. i am entering my passwords into YOU. how about YOU store my passwords better and we wouldnt have to have this conversation

[council-of-beetroot]

Took Eddy's advice and made myself an actual meal

I actually used the vegetables I bought from the store!

[msvelawciraptor]

I thought, in a bid to have something snacky but have it be marginally healthier, I would try some cauliflower pretzels that they had at Sprouts. They do have the crunch. They do have the salt. Unfortunately, they also have an unmistakable cauliflower Funk that even mustard can't do anything about. Not worth the extra gram of fiber.

[autogeneity]

why do I have to make food in order to eat it