#pizzas are to be bought a small little local places

[angelsdean]

me: anguished as i struggle to describe the perfect pizza slice, as if that's something that matters at all

[copperbadge]

This is not to sniff at packaged food in any way, because cheap, uniform, nutritious, premade food is important and necessary. And despite what your local tiktok orthorexic may tell you, packaged food is still capable of providing solid nutrition.

That said, I've been making my own bread for about twenty years, and for the last ten or so it has often been easier to make bread than buy it, solely because I don't need to leave the house to do so, and I live alone so a decent loaf can last me a good ten days. Being able to make ones own bread in this modern era is a product of privilege -- the resources to buy the ingredients (especially high quality flour, not cheap), the time and space to bake, the stamina to knead or equipment to make kneading easier -- my breads improved a lot when I got a good stand mixer, and those aren't cheap. But also, to make a decent edible boule you can get by with flour, water, yeast, salt, and time. Throw in a little oil and you can make pizza crust; add in kneading and a bit of sugar and you have bagels.

It did somewhat change how I eat, because homemade bread is often a little difficult to make a sandwich with, but I was never a huge fan of sandos anyway. These days I often don't even make loaves -- I make rolls or bagels, or flatbreads.

But all of this is to say that because I'm now accustomed to eating my own bread, which is necessarily small-batch and produced without stabilizers that make commercial bread so soft and uniform, I am starting to struggle when I do buy bread because the flavor and texture often feel off. It's not that it's objectively bad food, but it's very different from what I'm used to, which is unpleasant. I've been aware of the issue for a while but previously even if the bread wasn't as good to me as my own, it was edible and convenient, so it was fine. Making your own hot dog buns is a pain in the ass.

I just bought a loaf of Italian bread, reasonably fresh, a brand I used to eat regularly, because I wasn't feeling up to baking anything. I've been making toast with it mostly. But yesterday morning -- admittedly while dealing with some nausea -- I bit into a sandwich I'd made with it (cashew butter and strawberry jam) and thought, "this feels like eating upholstery fabric."

I haven't been able to eat any more of it since. The soft, dense texture, the specific preservative flavor, the mouthfeel. I tried to eat some toast just now and had to spit it out because it felt like buttered brocade and I started to gag. I'm kind of mad about it, honestly.

The bread won't go to waste -- if I can't eat the rest of the bag I'll dry it out and crush it for breadcrumbs for fried chicken or a panade -- but it's both sad and funny that I have functionally baked myself into a corner where packaged bread is no longer even an option.

It feels like I'm becoming one of the middle-aged eccentrics I used to know when I was a kid -- older people or couples in my church, sometimes parents of my school friends, who were just kind of oddballs, hippie leftovers, what I still think of as Berkeley Weirdos (affectionate) even though Berkeley has long since gentrified. The lady who didn't have a functional oven or stove because she ate raw vegan or the family that converted their old station wagon to biofuel but kept the rear-facing back seats with no seatbelts and would give us death-defying rides to the community pool in them. I'm already growing my own basil because I eat an unlikely amount of pesto for one person. My signature potluck dishes are kiwi dip or egg-free meringues.

I don't mind, exactly. I loved the Berkeley Weirdos and the community they built for us kids. But it's definitely not a place I imagined ending up.

[whore-ibly-hot]

"Special Delivery."

Yan!Boarding school stoner (Tyler) x Fem reader

18+ Minors DNI

Warnings: P in V sex, yandere behavior, Dub-con, drugging, mentions of weed, class economic divide? Spying, obsession, stalking, general yanderes, mention of drugs, taking advantage.

"Come on, it'll be funny!" Tyler whines through the door, and all you can do is sigh. The schools premiere culinary student and local pothead is standing in the hallway just outside your dorm, boxed up thing of greasy breadsticks, chicken parm, and an oven fired pizza in hand. Hand brushing back his hair, he knocks his forehead lightly against the door. "Cmonnnnnnnn, if you don't let me in now, Carters gonna chase me off n' we won't be able to hang out at all, even without this-"

He's taken aback as the door swings open, revealing you in your late night garb, prepped for movie night. He's thrilled to see you, and immediately enters the spiel he had prepared. Dropping the pizza box a little lower over his crotch playfully, he raises his voice a bit so you have to let him in your room. "Hey, pizza delivery," he coos, "got an order for DORM 113!" He yells over his shoulder, prompting you to drag him in with an embarrassed groan. "Somebody called in for an extra large sausage?"

"Gross, keep it down!" You scold, letting him in as you shake your head. "What is wrong with you?" He shuffles in and sets down the food.

"What? Am I not good enough, you specifically asked for the Italian place to send their sexiest delivery guy."

"Oh, was he off tonight?" You ask, and Tyler slaps his hand over his chest in mock offense. Flopping onto your bed, feeling the worn, school-provided material squeak and rustle below your weight. You roll over to face him. "Well, despite you being fuckin gross, I'm sure the food is good. What did you bring?"

"Got some Chicken Parm, some soggy-ass buttery breadsticks, and my Tyler special." He proudly holds up the box.

"A new special? Seems like everytime we talk you've got a new signature special dish."

"Nah, this one is definetly the best my-my genius science man brain has come up with, dude!" He assures, flipping open the box. The smell of warm baked cheese and pizza wafts to your nose.

Smiling, you both take some bites of the pizza, topped with all sorts of odd things. It's nice, admittedly, it does taste good. "Thanks for coming over, Tyler. This food does all look amazing."

"Course, man. Anything for my favorite newbie." He assures. The pair of you tuck in to the food, gorging yourself on the delicious food.

"Where's Pez?" You ask curiously as you lean back on your bed, having chucked a paper plate away and cleaned up a bit. You don't want any clutter on Harrisons side of the dorm.

"Where do you think, man?" Tyler groans, scooting back. "He's got detention again. He wanted to smoke a fat one before class but I was like 'Nah, let's just take one of my bomb-ass pot brownies, cause I knew he'd get caught cause this grass he's been using lately has a crazy sce-"

"Tyler." You giggle, looking at him and he shrugs, putting his hands up.

"My bad, sorry, back on track. Anyways, like I said, he totally got caught, and now he doesn't get to chow down. Shoulda listened to me, man." He brags. After a moment, he sits back up and glances away. "So, listen, we've eaten and stuff, what do you wanna do now?" He asks, though you can see him tilting a head back to his bag. "Dessert?" He suggests.

"You didn't-" You say, as he gets a small baggie from his backpack and gives it to him. "I told you, Pez wanted to have that blunt, so I had some extra edibles, you know?" He explains. "Okay, I promise I put some good shit in here, some new strain I bought. Were gonna get kinda sleepy, but to be fair it could just be the pasta." You take one and do a silly little cheers motion before taking a bright of the dense, moist brownie.

"Its great." And it is. For a bit. After the brownie settles in your stomach, a new feeling begins settling in there too. Something warm, tingling. "Mhmm, uh, Tyler? Are you feeling okay?" Glancing at him, his tan skin is flushed, eyelids a little droopy.

"I dunno, man. I feel kinda funky, and not like, in a bad way?" He's laying down on your bed, chest fast against your pillows.

"Maybe something was off with that weed?" You ask, shaking your head and woozy standing. The room spins a bit, and the pleasurable throb in your waist continues. "Let's go to the nurse. We can lie and say we just ate something bad."

Tyler doesn't get up to follow you. "N-nah, I'm sure it's just the food settling, probably. Let's stay here." He whines.

"No, cmon, Tyler. We could get really sick-" You tug on his limp arm to get him to sit up, only to figure out why he was so hesitant. "Oh!" You immediately drop him.

"Told you. Don't think it's 'bad weed' doing this. Sorry." He admits, looking down.

"So we're like, on those gas station sex pills or something? You said this was supposed to be a relaxing strain!" You exclaim. "That it'd help us sleep!"

"I thought it would! You know, keep up all warm and fuzzy till we drifted off... the label said 'bed fever'." He trails off, and you immediately freeze.

"Tyler, that's not-"

"Aw, shit!" He smacks his forehead and drops his face into his hands. He's clearly embarrassed and still sporting an erection which he tries to hide as best he can in his loose shorts. "I wasn't even thinking, that isn't what that means at all, is it?" You shake your head. "Feel like such a perv. I'm sorry man, I ruined this. Uh, maybe there's a way online to reverse it."

You shake your head and sit next to him. "No, it's okay. I know you didn't mean to, and to be fair you were probably high when you bought this." He nods, brown eyes sad and wide as he looks at the floor. You gently brush his long black hair behind his ear, rubbing his arm. "Its okay, it really is. We... I know harrisons out for a game, we can hunker down in here 5ill it passes."

"I know what to do." Tyler perks up, smacking his knee as he does it with courage. He seems determined. "Let me make it up to you."

"What?" You exclaim. It's your turn to flush, cheeks reddening as you swallow. "I don't know what you mean-"

"Its not gonna go away, you said so yourself. And if Harrison isn't coming back, you shouldn't have to suffer cause I accidentally laced your shit." He grabs your hand and squeezes it with his soft but callous ones. Another goes to your head. "See, you're burning up just like me, man-"

"I'm really fine." You lie. If the weed wasn't having an effect, his desperate and caring words paired with his big hands on you certainly was.

"Nah. I know it's having an effect, I'm hard as a rock right now, never seen my dick this mad. I know you've gotta be jonesing for some friction right now, babe." He puts a hand just over your inner thigh, but doesn't go further. "We don't have to, but if you'd let me I'd focusing on making it good for you. Making it up to you for my mistake; no reason you should have to be sitting there with a wet fucking kitty between those legs aching for something good cause of my mistake and me not giving it to-"

"Okay!" You yell. "Okay, just stop talking like that, we can have sex. Just keep it down." You've never heard him speak that bluntly about sex, he's more of an innuendo guy, but the weed clearly is having an effect. Still, it's sweet he seems so worried about your pleasure right now.

"You won't regret it. I'm gonna make this good for both of us, I promise. Gonna out-" He pauses and laughs as he slips of his shorts, making you raise a brow. "Gonna put this extra large sausage to good use."

You scoff and smack his chest. "I'll just touch myself if you're gonna be corny while we do this." You warn as you undress, dropping panties down of your legs and kicking them across the room.

"I'm not against seeing that either, but this is about me making it up to you." He reminds you. You both don't even bother with your stops, your pussy is throbbing in a way that makes your legs shake, and Tyler's still attentive even in his state of arousal. "Lay down man, no reason to be sitting. Gonna wear out those pretty thighs before we even get down to it." He adjusts some pillows behind you so they can properly cradle you to look at him without straining you. He wraps your legs up around his waist, the very ends of his hair tickling your feet. His touch is firm, but he's clearly taking in the scene in a calculated way. You've only seen him focus this hard on his passion for cooking, though you suppose this moment has plenty of 'passion' too.

"How do you wanna play this?" He asks, and you tilt your head, confused and resisting just humping away at his front for any kind of stimulation. "I mean, I know I'm aching to get my dick in you, but this is about you. You want it slow, o-or fast, or I can even just eat you out, I hadn't thought about you not wanting me in-" He's rambling now, his focus melting to anxiety. You press a single finger to his lips, and it seems to calm himself a bit. He sighs and looks down sheepishly. "Sorry."

"I want you in. Not too fast, but set a good pace. I'll let you know what feels good. I'm not used to what I like when I'm on weird horny-weed."

He laughs, one hand adjusting his meaty tip against your folds. Just the feeling makes you twitch, and as much as you would usually like taking your time with something as... impressive as his cock, you're both enduring the full brunt of the aphrodisiac now. You let out a slight hiss at the sudden stretch as he pushes in, but the drug has ensured your well lubricated.

"Shit..." He groans, sinking further to sheathe himself in your heat. "God, you feel so wet, so fucking wet. Holy shit- i-is this okay?" Through his own pleasure, he's resisting the urge to just start pounding away to make sure he's not going to deep to quick.

"No, s' good." You confirm, let the feeling of his hot member getting settled in you wash over you. "You can move, maybe just... angle a bit? Up?" You grumble.

He nods, adjusting his angle as he begins to roll his hips in and out of your limp form. You moan, feeling his weeping tip almost immediately brush an electric spot deep within you. "Fuck, god, yeah, there. Mm, right up there. You're really good at this."

He smiles, sweetly burying his head against your neck as he instinctively kisses a tender spot. His hands steady your hips as he thrusts away. "I'm good at following instructions, man." He groans. "S' why I'm such a good cook."

You snort, he can't seem to stop cracking jokes, even when he's balls deep in you. It's not long before the knot in your stomach grows tighter.

"Tyler, baby-" You feel his length twitch at the pet name. "Think it's happening, think I'm about to finish-" he nods his head rapidly along to each of your words.

"Lemme cum too, yeah? Not inside, but lemme cum with you, please, please man-" He's begging. "You're just fucking gripping down on my shit, and I-"

"Its okay, I'm on the pill." The idea of finishing inside is what sends him over the edge. His hips pick up the pace, cock eagerly seeking out the spongy spot inside you that makes you cry out as he spurts one, then two hot streams of cum.

"Fuck, fuck yeah, right there-" You're ability to keep quiet for fear of nearby dorm students hearing you disappears as the knot inside you zaps away into a red-hot pulsing in your womb. Groaning, you both ride out the high till he collapses just over you, continuing to nibble and kiss at your neck as a string of curses and praises leaves his loose lips.

After a moment, when the weed and the sex high seem to have worn off, he grabs some napkins that came with the food, rather unceremoniously dabbing you clean before chucking them. "Water for the lady," he hands you a cup, and you smile weakly from where you've wallowed in your sheets.

He grabs his boxers and slides them back on before finishing the food clean up you had begun. "No, Tyler, let me help with that." You try to stand, but he just gently pushes you back down. "Nah. I brought it, I'll clean up. Besides, I'm sure you've never had a guy rail your guts like that before, and you need to rest." He puts his hands up with a cheeky grin. "I appreciate the compliment. Huffing, you just roll over.

"Just..." You pause. He turns from where he was at your door, trash bag in hand and tilts his head. "Just come lay down when you're done." Another smile adorns his face. "Of course, man." He smiles.

In the hallway, there's a small 'ping' from his phone that gets his attention. A contact with a rather childish photo of Pez holding up a middle finger pops up. He looks at the message.

"How'd it go?" The message reads. Tyler types back.

"Fine. We had a good time, she's real fucking sweet. A total babe, keeps a cute room."

Another 'ping'. "You know what I meant. The weed, I told you it was intense, I tried it once." The text reads. "Thought my dick would fall off. You didn't use too much, right?" Pez asks.

"Course not." Tyler responds, typing with one hand as he chucks a trash bag into the chute. "I'm good at following instructions."

[reiderwriter]

Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You🃏

Chapter 1 of That's What You Get

Next Chapter

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Word count: 5.2k

Summary: After three weeks on a case in Vegas and a particularly draining phone call from your mother, you decide to take Reid up on his offer to show you the sights of Las Vegas. When you wake up the next morning, you realise one of those sights was a 24hour Wedding Parlor, and that you're now Mrs. Reid.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, loss of memory, marriage (yeah that needs a warning), mommy issues, mentions of emotional abuse, implied sex scene, use of handcuffs in a sexual way, they theorize a possible creampie but I will neither confirm nor deny at this point, talk of contraception, no actual smut though, you guys are gonna have to wait for that. 18+ Minors DNI

A/N: The first chapter is here! Sorry for drawing you in with a silly little premise and then giving you mommy issues, I swear that after this chapter it's not bought up all that much. If you enjoy this chapter, you can sign up to the series taglist here, check out my masterlist and if you want leave a request! :D have fun reading!! ✨

Las Vegas, city of sin and entertainment capital of the world. Population approximately 600,000, home to the most famous casinos in the world, and unluckily for you, your latest unsub.

You’d been in Vegas for three weeks trying to hunt down this specific murderer, but now the case was all wrapped up and you could finally breathe, the weight of the stress you’d been carrying for almost a month now dissolving as you finally finished up the paperwork in the local precinct.

“Thank god that’s over. I cannot wait to be in bed with a good book and an empty head,” you groaned as you met the eyes of Penelope Garcia, your favorite tech analyst in the entire world and absolutely the only one you knew. She’d ended up having to join you on this case because some of the crime scenes just happened to be casinos that weren’t so happy sharing their data, but also didn’t want to be lumped with the warrant from the FBI. She’d been working between their offices and the precinct, and looked just as haggard as you felt.

“Oh, I feel you sister, this free travel experience thing is nice, but I would like to be back at my own perfect little desk hovel ASAP, thank you very much.” The two of you shared a small laugh, and then began collecting your stuff.

“Come on now, baby girl, you’re telling me that you don’t want to hit up the strip while we’re here? See the sights a little?”

“Sweet cheeks, I have been working from the most harrowing of surveillance units all week on that very strip. I have already seen the sights and they were not pretty, and definitely not worth using up my precious vacation time for.”

“Unfortunately Garcia, I don’t think you’ll be needing to use any of that vacation time to stay here,” Hotch announced as he walked in, and every member of your team snapped to attention to hear what he had to say. “I just got off the phone with Quantico, there’s a storm cloud moving in directly in our flight path and we haven’t been cleared for take off. They’re extending our stay by another day.”

“Shit,” you let out a silent curse, and noticed that your other team members didn’t seem all that happy about it either. JJ quickly excused herself from the room to call Will, Garcia let out a faux sob and fell back into her chair, and Rossi had the look of abject Italian disappointment on his face that he usually only got when you talked about your love of pineapple on pizza.

“How’s about that drink now, baby girl?” Derek Morgan teased, but it was half-hearted and you knew it. You were all desperate for bed, and you could only imagine the mistakes you would make if you went drinking now after the month you’d all just survived.

The only member of the team who didn’t seem put out quite yet was Reid, but you chalked that up to the fact that this place was his hometown.

“If you guys do change your mind, I know a bar downtown where you’re 34% less likely to be propositioned, robbed or over-charged.” He smiled over at you, and you couldn’t help but let out a giggle knowing the man was 100% serious.

“Dare I ask how you found that statistic, Reid?” Emily inquired from the other corner.

“One part actually reading the annual crime report, one part personal experience?” Reid replied, and you laughed again, unable to hold it back.

“Count me out, thank you,” you replied, and you could have sworn for a second you saw a flash of disappointment flash over his features, but you didn’t get the chance to question it, because a call was lighting up your phone screen.

You quickly excused yourself and moved to pick up the call from your mother.

“Mom, hey, what’s up?”

“What, I can’t check in on my daughter now for no reason?” you sighed and rubbed your temples, knowing exactly how this phone call was going to go, because it was how the last ten calls home had.

“Yes, mom, of course you can. How are you?”

“Terrible. Cindy’s daughter is getting married, and it’s all she’s talking about now. Can you believe it? The girl was absolutely wild when you were friends with her in high school and now she’s settling down with a lawyer of all people. Someone should warn that young man before he realises what he’s got himself into,” she scoffed on the other end of the line and you did your best to not get worked up. If you got angry it only made her more self-richeous.

“I know, Mom, Jessica sent me an invite, and I’m sure Trevor knows exactly what he’s getting into since they’ve been dating since high school.”

“Well, how was I supposed to know that? You never tell me anything.”

“I’m sorry, Mom, I’m in the middle of a case right now, can I call you back later?” You did your best to escape the conversation before it devolved into something you really didn’t want to talk about, like yourself, and more specifically your love life. But the gorgon had you frozen through the line and you weren’t about to make the mistake of hanging up on her.

“I’m sure your boss could spare you for five minutes, over-working you like he does. You haven’t had the time off to come and visit me since you got that fancy little job of yours, so you can do me this favor at least.”

“Sure, mom.” At times like this, you knew it was best to just let her talk and ride out the wave.

“And I’m sure you don’t even have time to date. Are you taking care of yourself, at least? Making sure you’re at least presentable, I hope? Its like I always say, you could meet your future husband in one of those precincts, you know. Get a big, strong man to take care of you.”

You had to resist the urge to throw your phone. You’d explained to your mother time and time again that you were perfectly content being the big, strong man for yourself, but there was absolutely no getting through to her. You received one of these phone calls everytime one of her friends or coworkers kids announced an engagement, got pregnant or bought a house, three things that she was desperate for you to do, as well. As soon as you saw the instagram post from Jessica you’d been counting down the days, almost thankful for your mothers lack of online presence.

“A crime scene isn’t exactly the most charming of meet cutes, Mom.”

“Well, then what about Virginia? There are some fine men working at the FBI surely. What about that one coworker of yours, what was his name?” Your heart-race increased for a moment, praying she wasn’t about to put a thought in your head that you wouldn’t be able to escape.

“Derek Morgan, was it? Now, that’s a fine young man.” This time you couldn’t stop the startled cry that came from your mouth. Sure, Morgan was an incredibly attractive man, but he’d joked around with you like a brother ever since you’d taken down your first unsub with the team. Your team was your family and your support system on the road, and they had your back on the case, so really, had your mother said anything, you’d have responded with incredulous guffawing. Hotch was like your dad, Rossi a fun Great-Uncle or something. You saw the sister’s you’d never had in JJ and Emily and of course Garcia was your best friend and you shared so many likes and dislikes that you regularly joked about being long-lost twins separated at birth. And Reid was Reid.

“Just give dating some thought, would you at least? The clock is ticking for you, you know.”

“Mom, I’m not even thirty yet. I’m in no rush.”

“That's what your Aunt Linda said, and look at her.” Your Aunt Linda was a perfectly content single woman in her late forties who had a high paying executive job, in NYC of all places, so yeah, you were in no rush at all.

“Listen, Mom, I’ve got to go, Hotch is calling me into the office to talk about some case files. I’ll speak to you later?”

“God, it’s like you don’t even want to talk to your mother for even five minutes. Go on, then, go do your big fancy job. Call me soon.”

“Yeah, Mom, I will.” And with that you finally hung up. Running a hand through your hair you paused for a breath for a second, closing your eyes and letting your hand just grip your hair for a second before releasing your breath for a second.

In the grand scheme of things, you knew that your mom wasn’t all that much to complain about. You and Emily had bonded over your respective mommy issues early in your time on the team, and you knew a lot of the other team members were either lacking some family member or the other, so you were just thankful that she was still around to annoy you, but god did she make it difficult sometimes.

Realising that any second, you’d have one profiler or the other come find you and ask you (with the best of intentions) what was wrong, you plastered a smile on your face and walked back into the office. You didn’t exactly want to relive that call anytime soon.

“Back so soon, Y/N? I thought that was your mom,” Morgan questioned you when you stepped back in.

“Yeah it was. One of my friends from highschool is getting married and you know how she loves to gossip.” You’d learnt early in the profession that you were in that the best way to hide something was to tell the truth about it for as long as you could, and then change the subject.

“Hey, Reid, you still up for a drink at that bar?” You looked hopefully at the man in the corner, and prayed noone would bring up your absolute change in attitude. “I was thinking a glass of wine or two after a successfully closed case couldn’t hurt, right?”

“Yeah, sure. You wanna head back to the hotel first and change, or do you want to go from here? Hotch said we’re free now until 2pm tomorrow.” You could see a questioning look from Morgan to your left, but you kept your vision focused on Reid, quietly thankful for the rest of the teams disinterest.

“Give me five to drop off my badge and gun in my room and freshen up a bit and we can be on our way. If this bar is bad though, Reid, you know I’m never letting you hear the end of it, right?”

“I ran the statistics, there’s only a 14% chance you’ll dislike it.”

“You know what’s scary is, I can’t even tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.”

–x–

Sarcasm or no, you had to admit, the bar he’d taken you to was pretty nice. It was a low-lit bar only a twenty minute taxi ride from your hotel and whilst it wasn’t exactly on the strip, it wasn’t so far out to be inconvenient. The best part about it was that it was lined with bookshelves, and each booth was blocked off by another, making it feel more like a library than a watering hole. You almost forgot you were in Vegas when you stepped in.

“Yeah, this is definitely a Spencer Reid place,” you said as you took the final swig of your wine, the glass you’d ordered on arrival having gone down easier than you’d expected.

“How so?” Spencer said as he returned to your table, carrying the replacement drinks he’d gone to order with him.

“Come on, Spencer. I’ve never seen the inside of your apartment but I’m sure it’s just this place with less furniture and more books.”

“Y/L/N, are you profiling me right now? Because that sounds pretty close to profiling?” Spencer teased and you rolled your eyes at him, grabbing your next drink from him and giving it a stir - the wine was good but at the price per glass you’d decided maybe cocktails were the thing for tonight.

“Besides, you did mention wanting to curl up with a book tonight, so I thought this bar was probably a good fit for you too.”

“Whose profiling who now, Doctor?” It was his turn to roll his eyes, and he took a sip of his drink. You knew he didn’t drink that often, but he seemed pretty open to the idea tonight, and you were absolutely glad for the company.

“Okay, I won’t profile if you don’t, but do you mind me asking you a question, Y/N?”

“Fire away,” you were playing with the stirrer in your cocktail, waiting for him to ask the question but he’d hesitated for a moment before speaking again, causing you to look up directly into his eyes.

“What’s going on with you and your mom? I don’t mean to pry and I didn’t overhear any of your call earlier or anything, but when you came in again you were all tense and you had that strained smile on your face. Then you suddenly changed your mind and decided we should get drinks so, I’m just guessing here, but you could probably do with talking about it, right?”

You let out a groan and let your head hang a bit. Yeah, you were starting to regret taking that role in the team of profilers. But at least Reid was sincere, and you knew his intentions were good. Of all the members of the team, you’d probably have described him as the safest. It was strange to think, considering all the comfort you found in your other friends, but there was just something so reassuring about Reid’s presence, the way most people overlooked him at first, how he could easily fall into his work and how you could see the cogs moving in his head as he made one genius leap to another that just made you think that everything was going to be okay if he was there.

So because it was him, you decided to talk.

“She’s just…She’s just a little much sometimes, you know?” He smiled back a knowing smile, but didn’t try to add anything and encouraged you to keep going.

“She’s been really persistent recently in bothering me about hitting some of lifes big milestones - marriage, kids, you know? And it always leaves me in a panic because though I’m pretty sure I want those things just yet, I don’t want the pressure of having them yet.” You swallowed the bile in your thoat and continued

“Everytime she says something, I feel bad that I don’t have them. And the way she talks about them its like they’re some kind of… of personal failure, that I’m not trying hard enough to catch a man or something, and I just wonder what if she’s right?” You start slow but you feel yourself gaining pace as you begin rambling, by the end you’re left wondering if Reid even caught any of that.

“I’m perfectly content living alone, but what if I’m secretly not, and I end up forty and alone and can’t even get a guy to look at me.”

“I can pretty confidently say that that’s not going to happen, Y/N.” Reid replied when you finally grabbed your drink ready to take another sip.

“How come?”

“You won’t have to put any effort into catching a man, Y/N.” Reid replied.

“You’re saying that because you’re my friend and you care about me Reid, of course you think that.”

“No, I’m saying that as an FBI Profiler that’s noticed the barman, the man on a date in the corner and the group of guys smoking outside the door eye you up since we’ve been here. And considering we’ve been doing paperwork all day, and the only change in your appearance since 8am this morning was the fresh coat of chapstick you put on while we were in the taxi, I’d think you hadn’t really put that much thought into what you look like right now.”

“You’re exaggerating,” and you really believe that, until you turn to look at the guy on the date and see him avert his gaze from you quickly, and you realise there might be something in what he’s saying.

“Okay, but that still doesn’t mean that I need or want to hear those things from my mother.”

“Y/N, take it from me, mother’s can be complicated.”

“God, I feel so stupid talking to you about something so trivial with my mom, I shouldn’t be doing that, we’re here to have fun.”

“Y/N, its okay. I can do the mommy issues talks, I’m perfectly qualified, but…” he trails off and grabs his drink for another sip and you find yourself hanging off his words begging for him to bring you more comfort and spoken caresses.

“But what, Reid?” you finally ask, as you realise he’s dragging this out on purpose to tease you a little.

“But how about a distraction instead? Have you ever been in a Las Vegas casino with a man that is banned from gambling in most of them?” He wiggled his eyebrows a little as he asked that and you giggled again, grateful for the reprieve from the serious talk.

“That doesn’t sound all that fun, Spencer.”

“Oh yeah, it’s not, but we could always use those vouchers we got as a token of appreciation earlier in the bars and drink some pretty fancy alcohol?”

“Spencer Reid, you are finally speaking my language.”

“I’m still speaking English Y/N, but if you wanted me to switch to russian or some other language, I could accommodate that depending on your linguistic preference.”

“It was a joke, Spence, now let’s get out of here.”

With that, he stood and dramatically offered you his hand like a gentleman, placing your hand in the crook of his elbow when you took it and guiding you swiftly out of the sweet bar. You were with Spencer, your safe friend, close work colleague and probably the least likely member of the BAU Team to get into trouble in a bar in Vegas. What’s the worst that could happen? You thought, as you took a final step out into the humid night air of Las Vegas.

–X–

The first thing you noticed in the morning was the pounding in your head, and it was pretty much the only thing you noticed for quite some time. When you managed to finally unglue your eyes, the second thing you noticed that this definitely wasn’t your room. The third thing you noticed was the gaping hole in your memories that explained how you possibly could’ve ended up wherever it was that you were. Or really any memories from the night before at all.

Letting out a quick groan you sit up in bed and take stock of your surroundings. Although the layout is different, you quickly recognise the interior matches the hotel you’ve been staying at, so you’re thankful that you’re at least somewhere relatively safe, and most likely in familiar company. The room looks to be neat on the whole, but there’s obvious signs of a drunken escapade strewn everwhere - two champagne flutes and a drained bottle, the contents of your purse spilt onto the chair in the corner, some random balloons in the corner you must have picked up somewhere in a drunken stupor, your clothes discarded in a trail to the bed.

That last one wakes you up a little bit more, and almost embarrassingly, you look down at yourself and see your lack of clothing, pulling the covers of the quilt closer to you as you feel yourself flush.

Fuck.

There’s a shifting in the bed next to you, and you look down in horror to see exactly which member of your team got you so plastered last night. You try to move to see who it is, but theres a tightness around your wrist and you’re pulled right back down into bed. You look down at your arm, and that’s when you realise you’re really screwed.

There, around your wrist and restraining you against the bed, is a set of handcuffs. FBI standard. The insinuation flames your face as you whip around to see which close friend and coworker you maybe - possibly - hooked up with last night, too embarrassed to look at your hand any more.

Luckily, your mystery man shifts again, and you catch sight of the nest of brown curls right before he turns over to see you, so when you finally meet the eye of Doctor Spencer Reid, you don’t scream in surprise.

“Y/N? What are you doi-” he cuts himself off as he lets his eyes trail down your body, quickly noticing your state of undress and pulling himself up into a seated position. He is similarly disrobed and it takes all of your strength to pull your gaze away from his bare chest to look literally anywhere else, your face practically flaming now.

“Spencer, would you mind helping me out over here?” you manage to squeak out quickly, as he does his best to avoid your eyes. “I seem to be a little stuck?”

That draws his attention back to you, and he finally notices the strange position of your arms and the handcuffs keeping you pinned to that spot in the bed.

“Shit, Y/N, I’m so sorry, fuck,” he quickly pulls on the pants he discarded by his side of the bed and scrambles over to you, tripping over once in his haste.

“Do you know where the key is?” you ask as he arrives at your side again, your free hand clutching the sheets over your breasts like your life depended on it.

“If that’s my pair they should be in the safe in the nightstand with my creds, give me a second to look.” After a second, he reaches the aforementioned safe box, pulling it open. He roots around inside it for a few seconds and then he spots something ad you watch the blood drain from his face.

“Spencer, what’s wrong?” you spit out quickly, tongue still heavy, and lips probably still swollen, from the night before, so you trip over the words a little. He pulls out the keys from the draw, and you let out a sigh of relief, but you’re still tense as he reaches back inside the draw and pulls out something else.

“Y/N, there wouldn’t happen to be a ring on that hand would there?” Spencer still isn’t looking at you, still staring intently at whatever else is in his hands. You try to angle your head to look, but between the restraints and the fact that Reid had turned his back to you couldn’t quite see what it was.

“What? No, I don’t wear a ring on this hand-” you cut yourself off abruptly as you look down and see it. There on the fourth finger of your left hand, the one that is still chained to the bed by your partners handcuffs, is a ring. There’s a ring on your ring finger. You just woke up in Las Vegas with no memory, in your coworkers room, naked, with a ring on your ring finger.

Your heart drops to your ass as you snap your head back around to Spencer, who finally works up the courage to look you in the eye.

“I think you should look at this” he stutters out and finally presents you with the other item he pulled out of the draw. Your jaw drops open and the pounding in your head turns into a continuous buzzing as you see yourself presented with a marriage liscence. Pinned to the corner with a paperclip is a polaroid picture, and you recognise yourself and your clothes from the night before, with the addition of a veil and bouquet, your arms slung around Reid’s neck as he pulls you in for what you can assume was a pretty passionate kiss.

“Y/N I think we got married last night.”

For a second you could’ve sworn your heart stopped. This was not happening, not to you, not right now. How stupidly drunk could you have gotten to have actually gone and married someone you weren’t even dating. And considering your current lack of clothing, it was dawning on you that you had probably done a little bit more than what was in that photo.

“Spencer unlock these handcuffs right now, so help me God,” you breathed deep and screwed your eyes shut, hoping that wihtout the distraction of the glaring lights you’d be able to remember some of what you’d done last night, but nothing came to you.

Reid, for what it was worth, got you unlocked quickly. You winced slightly as you pulled your arm away from the position it’d been in for however many hours.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry, I should have undone those last night, I don’t know why I didn’t, I’m usually pretty good at remembering stuff like that.” Reid rambled, running a hand through his hair and pacing slightly at your side of the bed. You pushed yourself up and watched him for a minute, just looking at this man who was now, probably, your husband.

Your husband.

You shook the thought from your head and cut his rambling off quickly.

“You put me in these?” you asked, just desperate for any clarification on any of the events of the last 24 hours, not fully grasping the implications of what you were asking until Reid was looking down at you with a flushed face and a mouth gaping like a fish, struggling to find the words to say.

“This is my hotel room. Those are my handcuffs… I kind of just assumed…” he trailed off the thought and you were right with him, the embarrassment heating your face just as much as it had his. You found it hard to meet his eyes the, and dropped yours to your lap.

“So you don’t remember, either?” You almost sighed in relief at that. If even a genius with an IQ of 187 and an eidetic memory was in this state after a night of drinking, then you really couldn’t be blamed for getting so drunk you married your coworker and most likely had some pretty kinky sex with him, remembering absolutely nothing on top of that at all.

“Do you need me to grab you something to wear?” he asked as he looked down at you, letting his gaze trail probably a little bit too low for a little bit too long. You grew heated under his stare, as your body reacted, and you realised how easy it must have been to fall underneath him last night if this was how you were feeling from just one look.

But you pulled yourself out of those thoughts quickly, and it seemed that so did he, as he began grabbing clothes from the floor and handing them to you, turning away as you started getting yourself into a semi-decent state.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” you heard Reid mumble to himself as he made his way around the side of the bed, and in your concern for him, you called out.

“Anything specific those curses were for, Spence? Because I know this isn’t exactly the most ideal situation, but four Spencer Reid swears in a row is a cause for concern.” You tried to joke, hoping to relieve some of the anxiety of your predicament.

“I can’t find…” he started and then dragged a hand over his face, trying to wipe the exhaustion from his eyes. “Y/N, I think we didn’t use protection.” You could see him panicking now, and for a second you thought of joining him too, but you crossed the room and grabbed his arms.

“Spencer, look at me, it’s fine. If we did end up… doing that, I’m on birth control, and we probably have time to grab something extra just to make sure, right?” he looked down at you then and after a moments hesitation, he wrapped his arms around you.

“I’m so sorry about all of this, I’m so stupid for suggesting we go to that casino bar last night, I don’t know what I was thinking. You even said last night that this wasn’t what you wanted for yourself, right now, god I’m an idiot, you don’t deserve this.” He buried his face in your neck and held you tight, and you pulled yours up to his back, rubbing circles into his skin slowly.

“Spencer, listen to me. I can think of noone I would have rather had a shotgun Vegas marriage with, okay? This isn’t your fault, we were both drunk, and I’m sure a Reid who was thinking straight could give me some kind of statistic about inhibitions dropping with a certain amount of alcohol.”

“A study in the United Kingdom found that there was an increase of risky sexual behavior in young people who had participated in binge drinking, including unprotected sex with a new partner and the use of emergency contraceptives and I’m not sure why I’m still talking when that was probably rhetorical, right?” You smiled at his panic, finding him just as endearing as ever, even in this predicament.

“What I’m saying, Spencer, is that we’re going to be okay. This isn’t the first time someone has gotten married in Vegas on a whim. Hell, this isn’t even the first time it’s happened to someone on our team. In a sense, this was a very traditional wedding.”

He groaned into your neck again and you laughed up at him. Sure, you were panicked still, but just having him in your arms there sharing his honest feelings with you instead of bottling it up and leaving you to deal with it on your own in your head too was doing you a world of good, and you found the words you used to reassure him soothing you, too, in turn.

“Here’s what we’re going to do. One, find the nearest pharmacy. Two, find whatever Elvis-inspired love shack wrote that marriage license and figure out if it’s actually legally binding. Three, avoid all of our coworkers until 2pm. How does that sound?”

Reid pulled himself out of your neck then, and you were almost sad at the loss of that warmth near you.

“It sounds like I made the smartest choice of a wife I was ever going to make,” he smiled down at you.

“Oh you got jokes now, Doc? I see.”

“Thought I should let you know all my deep dark secrets now we’re married.” You shared a laugh, and standing there amongst the debris of the night before, despite all the mistakes, you knew you were safe, and that the two of you would always be safe together.

🏷️ @sailortongue @bethanyhaas01 @reidscaffeine @high-functioning-cosplayer @average-sunflower @multifandom-on-the-side @anniewhalelover @prentissesredtanktop @abbyshmaby @academiareid @hugyourlungs @w-windy @babybluecakes @SwaggySagieWagie@reidandhotchsgirl @lover-of-books-and-tea @star0055 @Zaapsite @daddy-dotcom @bluecandycake

[pinkiemachine]

Cute Little Town Designed by Some Creative People Right Here on the Internet :3

My shop is a bakery called “Heavenly Helpings” where I make the cutest cakes, and brownies, and macarons, and eclairs, and pies, and strudels, and everything always smells like freshly baked bread, frosting, and custard—and there’s an upstairs where I live above the bakery :)

At the top of that street is “Uncle Stubby’s Ammo, Liquor, and Tackle shop XD”

Next door, someone submitted “a bookstore called Good Buddy! A pet friendly store that you bring your pet (well trained of course) and where you can read the buy books of any genre! There is also a small coffee shop inside that sells both great drinks and treats for your pets!”

The shop below mine is, “A guinea pig cafe 🥰 tubes and little hideouts run a long the walls with a lower area where people can pick up, pet, and feed the guinea pigs. These guinea pigs are super friendly and love to get treats 12/7. The outside has windows so people can see some of the tubes inside. The back yard has a huge garden to provide all the vegetables and fruit for them. Up stairs is where the owner and his family live.”

And below that, “My shop would be a craft/coffee shop😋 Lots of windows and twinkly lights, and the shop’s colors would be sage green, coral pink, and cream! (Basically colorful but peaceful 😌) It would have all kinds of craft supplies (clay, paint, paper, and chargers for Apple Pencils), and the drinks served could be named after artists and famous paintings! I don’t have a lot of good ideas for a fun name, so I’ll go with Crafts n’ Coffee for now (but that can change)”

Finally, there’s the World’s Market, where you can buy all sorts of things from around the world!

On the other side of the street, we have a gas station for blimps called, “The Descent Diesel”

And below that, “NICKNACKS AND DOODADS!! An antique place where you can find nicknacks, doodads, and trinkets. Ranging from very very tiny things to very LARGE. Ancients, antiques, modern, magical, you name it! Items can be bought or traded. Run by a very organized cat :D bro is not very forgiving if you make the place crash and burn.”

And below that, “A little magical musical theatre. There is a legend that the theatre is haunted by the ghost of an opera singer who never finished her song in one play, so now she sings it every night when the theatre is empty. She's not scary at all though and some people say she helped them find their way back home on very foggy nights. By day, the theatre is a very warm place where everyone feels welcome. Outside it looks a bit like a miniature gothic castle, but its walls are covered with warm, happy posters. It's close to the river and the owner of the theatre is a great friend of the otters from the river that come to the theatre sometimes. There are a lot of flowers in the windows that are not covered with posters.”

Beneath that is the cinema! “I only ever have the good stuff playing in my theater, the bad stuff can premiere in some other theater. Concessions offers popcorn and candy and pizza and hamburgers and spaghetti-- Because why not? And I sell plushies of the movies currently playing. I do annual film festivals to showcase the creations of local movie makers, their film gets to play for a couple of weeks (*and of course they recieve the profits from the ticket sales*).”

Ending with a VHS store :)

[morverenmaybewrites]

Hi! I'm so glad you're back, new chapter of Pizza girl was amazing as always, for me it's absolutely the best dc fic ever!

I especially love how the relationship between Jason and other characters feels heartbreakingly natural, how it isn't a case of "love magically cured trauma" but rather slowly and messyly opening up, and trying to heal with the help of right people at right time.

And as much as I cannot wait for Jason and pizza girl to have more straight up romantic shenanigans, I love how they started with gaining each other trust and building their friendship, I adore them as domestic buddies.

I have a question, if it isn't some kind of spoiler of course, at this point of the story, does Jason have (or wants to have) a life outside of his Red Hood persona? And I mean it half psychologically half practically (similarly to pizza girl, how does he earn money if being a vigilante isn't a source of income?)

But seriously, I find it heartbreaking that as much as he yearns for home, he still lives in safe houses, and I was so happy when he thought about asking Babs for help in looking for something more permanent for himself. And it fits into his fear of being traced of course, but got me thinking, in a more personal sense, does he have a motivations for living other than trying to make up for his mistakes as Arkham Knight?

Something like: does he realise that there's Red Hood who fights for those who can't do it for themselves, but there's also Jason who likes the smell of new books, has his favorite mug and favorite way of drinking coffee, has his favorite chair at the local library, who maybe has quiet and innocent dream to get a degree or his dream job and be loved and needed by someone?

Does he realise the second one exists and deserves to be cherished by him?

(Sorry if this ask is too much, I just now realised how long it got 😭 I will absolutely understand if you don't have time to answer this)

Anyway thank you for writing this amazing and captivating work, I can't wait for next chapters, whenever they'll be ready❤

In the meantime I hope you get time to rest and have fun! Stay safe!

This is a wonderful breakdown of Jason's character! To answer your question, does Jason have a life outside of his Red Hood persona? No. Does he want one? Unconsciously, the answer is yes, but I don't think he can acknowledge it right now. For years following the Joker's torture, he's pretty much been in survival mode, keeping himself alive by being obsessed with a singular goal. First, it was to kill the Joker and Batman, and then when he found out the Joker was dead, it was to kill Batman. Now, it's to seek redemption as the Red Hood. While he may have (somewhat) progressed from his days as the Arkham Knight, he's still clinging to the same unhealthy coping mechanisms. It's a little (or a lot) like depression. He's so focused on getting through today and the next day and the next day that there's little room for anything else. Hobbies and friends and a place to feel at home in sound nice, but they also sound absolutely unattainable. And he's lived with that mindset for so long that he's all but forgotten that there are different ways to live. That's where Jason's head is right now. Maybe one day, he'll progress enough that he'll be able to look around his safehouse, so sparse that it's no different from a prison cell, and he'll think to himself that he wants something more. And it doesn't have to be anything big. Nothing so grand as the Wayne Manor. Just a small place, maybe above a bookstore. Maybe in the beginning, it's not so different from his safehouses. Just a mattress on the floor and a bathroom. But then one day, he'll add something small. Some secondhand book he bought from the store for the change he had in his pocket. It's from an author he's never heard of before. The writing is a little clunky, but it's enough to pass the time while he's waiting for updates on his cases. Maybe he reads it next to his window, by the light of the flickering street lamps, trying not to grimace at the way the hard wood is digging into his back. Maybe one of his siblings or even the reader notices. She takes him to one of her favorite flea markets under the guise of buying a new rug. And he ends up taking back an armchair, so old that the stuffing is coming out in places. But he makes do, the way he always has, he washes away the accumulated dust and dirt, he patches up the holes, and he places it next to his window. Where the street lamp shines just enough light to read by, even if it often flickers. He opens his book, written by an author he's never heard of before. The writing is a little clunky in places. But for now, he thinks, it's enough. (And maybe he'll read until morning. And maybe he'll realize, or maybe not: that the Jason Todd who used to spend hours in the Wayne Manor library, who had a favorite armchair by the fire, is still in there, somewhere. And perhaps, he'll think--or perhaps not--that the Joker hasn't killed everything that he used to be. Perhaps there's still a little bit of Robin left in him.)

[sleepanonymous]

Did you have fun at lorna shora? 💝

I'm gonna use your ask to post my concert recap, Anon. Hope you don't mind 🖤 But yes I had an absolute blast. 100/10, I would do it all again, even the waiting around in the heat part.

Long-winded recap below the cut for anyone who cares 🖤 you do get rewarded with a low-effort meme though.

TLDR is I had an amazing night, and I'm probably getting another tattoo because of it.

Some pre-concert notes: at the suggestion of a friend, I used Waymo to get to and from my hotel in Phoenix. That was an experience. It’s nice not having a driver so I can bask in my antisocial tendencies but those cars are confident af. I guess they can technically see better/more than a human, and they're 100% focused on the road, so they also drive better than 75% of all the Uber/Lyft drivers I’ve had. 

Day of the concert, I got to the venue at 11:30 am and nobody was there except a vagrant, a plumber, and a concerned lady with the plumber. Later confirmed with the people in line that I was the first to show up and that’s kinda crazy to me? The difference in line culture between Sleep Token and Lorna Shore is insane. At noon I was told by security we couldn’t line up on the property until 4 pm (doors at 5 pm). I’m not a local, so I took that as go tf away, so I went to Mcdonalds a block away and watched Saint Maud on my phone in the middle of a lunch rush. This is how everyone needs to experience this movie btw. Definitely adds to the unsettling factor of the film.

Around 2 pm I walked back to the venue, thinking I could loiter at the pizza place next door. Instead I found a line near the back of the venue and I was number 12 (I recounted when we lined up outside the venue at 4pm and realized I was wrong when I said I was 15th). It was a high of 106F/41C and we were south facing, but my spot was thankfully under a few mesquite tree canopies. When we moved up at 4 pm I was under some misters on a patio which was a small haven since I lost my shade. I didn’t get sunburned, and barely got a tan.

I met some Sleep Token fans while in line and dying of heat stroke. We talked a bit about what it was like being on the barricade at their rituals. A couple of them had tried for tickets to the Phoenix ritual but weren’t able to get their hands on any. I was too afraid to tell them about Vessel looking at me during TNDNBTG (even though I have the video evidence from that one uploader, I’m still gaslighting myself about it lmao).

At 5 pm when doors opened, the venue separated the line into bags/no bags, so I essentially was the 3rd person inside (1st in the bag line). Snagged a spot on the barricade at center stage, slightly to stage left. Guy to my right drove over from Texas (he showed me a picture on his phone that he took of Will outside the venue like 2 hours before, literally just standing and chatting with a dude in a Spiderman outfit while the rest of us were melting in line. literal strangest thing I've ever seen in my life). The girl to my left ran some minor Instagram page, I had meant to ask for her handle but never got a chance. The dude behind me looked like a taller Jesse Pinkman sans beanie hat/baggy hoodie and he was really polite and also did his best to talk like Jesse after the comparison was made. There was also a dude and his girlfriend (he and Jesse Pinkman were pretty amazing at keeping me from getting squished 100% of the time from the pit) and the Sleep Token girlies who bought like seven shirts and somehow made it to the barricade. We all became temp besties. We also made friends with the security and helped hand out water cups during intermissions, had mosh pit practice and dance-offs, and got a crash course in the Sanguisugabogg murderball game.

Sanguisugabogg is 100% an amazing live band. I couldn’t get into them before hand, but after seeing them live I am now a casual fan. I wouldn’t mind seeing them live again. I survived the murderball game with little effort thanks to the barricade/people around me. But I did get accidentally acquainted with multiple security guy’s crotches (ducking for them to pick up crowd surfers). This actually became a theme for a bit until I figured out a wat to contort myself between the security when they jumped on the barricade. I guess two dudes got into a fight over the ball, and the band told them to take it to the sidewalk? Valid.

Kublai Khan were super fun on stage. Vocalist wore an Arizona belt buckle and he showed it off and the crowd were extra happy about it lol. Caught some neat footage at the end of Kublai’s set. I only rewatched about one minute of it to check how the audio/video settings were for later on in the night. I do know I caught footage of him looking like a disappointed dad though so that's amazing.

White Chapel was fucking LOUD yo. Sound Guys cranked the volume to 11 for them and Lorna. But I can now confirm that baby Ves’s piano improv from a couple weeks ago did have heavier breakdowns. This band was one of my last ex’s favorite bands (apparently he lives in Phx now, so there’s a good chance he was in the pit) and he was almost spot on in mimicking Phil’s vocals, so I haven’t really listened to them for 9+ years. Surprisingly I was familiar with about half their set, so I had a great time with that, despite the ex thing.

I am proud to say that I am the lucky survivor of four crowd surfers over my head at once. Security were amazing at handling that influx in such a small space/time span. It’s my fault for getting kicked in the face because I didn’t duck in time for one, (I was filming lol) but I didn’t get a bruise/swollen lip. Morning after edit: I actually have a lot of bruises but they’re on my arms from the barricade and not getting kicked in the face. I filmed White Chapel’s new song plus a couple others, I have no idea how well they turned out yet. Also there are three guitarists?! Things I did not know about the band.

Phil spoke the least out of all four frontmen. He introduced the new song, I think he asked us to open a circle pit once, thanked us at the end, and that was about it.

Lorna Shore came on really fucking quickly after White Chapel. Like 20ish minutes, I think? It was 9:20 pm on the dot. Those roadies were busting their asses. Idk what was up but it got really hot inside when Lorna took the stage, even with being on the barricade. I recorded five Lorna songs: Welcome Back, The Pain Remains Trilogy, and To the Hellfire.

At one point Will said something about being too dry from the desert heat (he was the only person to mention the heat) and I thankfully stopped myself from blurting out “bitch where?!” because I was currently drenched in sweat. I know he was talking about the 106F high plus the 9% humidity, but still.

Okay can we talk about Adam De Micco now? I need to talk about Adam De Micco. More specifically Adam eye contact. There was so much Adam eye contact. Like, bro was making eye contact with everyone on the barricade, so it wasn’t a special occurrence… but oh my god when I tell you there was eye contact there was eye contact.

Quick fact about me: I have this thing about smiling at strangers when I catch them looking at me (because I have chronic rbf, sometimes accidentally zone out and end up looking in the general direction of people, and asking “why are you looking at me?!” while possibly looking pissed off is generally too hostile for everyday occurrences).

So. Eye contact. The first time I realized he was looking at me and not around me, I internally panicked and automatically smiled at him. Thing is, it wasn’t one off. This man was staring into the souls of every person on the barricade. But because of my panic smile we’d just hold eye contact until he had to look down at his frets or I panicked and looked at Will or Austin. At one point, he and Andrew switched stage positions and Adam would still *hold eye contact me* from the other side of the stage. It got to the point where I was convinced maybe I had a busted lip from the crowd surfer incident or my makeup was fucked from the heat. Everything was fine when I got back to my hotel? Eyeshadow, eyeliner, and eyebrows hadn’t budged at all and my lips were a little faded but not bad. My hair wasn’t even as crazy as I thought. So does Adam just do that? I didn’t catch a glance from any of the rest of the band, or any of the guys in White Chapel, I think I remember the Kublai Vocalist or guitarist looking somewhere in my direction, and the Sanguisugabogg Vocalist was literally chatting with everyone between songs. But Adam took it upon himself to make me and everyone else on the barricade feel perceived, like it was his life mission or something.

I feel like… because Vessel looked at me once during TNDNBTG back in May and I got a tattoo because of it, that I now owe Adam a tattoo too? I am 100% overthinking this. But I’m also not even joking, I’ve been thinking about getting his sigil tattooed somewhere since I left the venue. I also followed him on Insta before I was out the doors. Anyway, emotional support from Will Ramos has ended. My new emotional support person is Adam De Micco. Yes, because of excessive eye contact.

Evening after addendum: Mother Token face reveal on Lorna’s Instagram. I’m tiny and I’m the only person paying attention to Moke, but at least I’m not sobbing like I was for Adam Rossi’s Euclid sneak-shot. Also yeah, the more I think about it, the more I'm probably gonna get that sigil tattooed (ref 👇). Might have to wait until after Xmas though, with the way money is flowing right now.

[chaletnz]

Bogotá to Neiva

It was an uneventful arrival to Bogotá, with an hour spent in the migration queue holding my boot in the plastic bag. Luckily my checked bag showed up too, but the rain cover had been destroyed. I picked up the local metro card Tu Llave at the little kiosk and then found the free airport bus to ride to my hotel for the night. I’d chosen a hotel close to the airport so I wouldn’t have to cross the heavy traffic of Bogotá the next morning to get my bus down to Neiva for my desert adventure. Once checked in, I dropped off my bag and headed back out to some kids on the street corner making pizza from their small cart. I bought a plain cheese pizza, bottle of water and lemon drink for less than $5 and how convenient that it was right outside the hotel! The security guards were a little bit confused when I was walking out at 10pm but smiled when I asked if they wanted anything to drink. I ate in the room while preparing everything to go down to Neiva tomorrow on a very long bus ride.

I had a great sleep in this fancy hotel, the first place in Colombia with hot water in the sink! The buffet breakfast was quite chaotic but the servers were very nice and the food was good. I had a plate of potatoes with sausages, bread rolls with jam, and pancakes with honey, and a fruit bowl with pineapple, melon and papaya. I also wrapped up a piece of banana bread and a croissant in a napkin to have as a snack on the bus later since I’d be on it for 5+ hours. The main reason I had chosen this hotel was to be close to the airport but also to be close to the bus station headed south. This hotel also was happy to store my big bag for me for a few days while I went down to Neiva to see the desert which made everything much easier for me, similar to how I stored my bag in Medellín while I went to Guatapé. I asked for a taxi to the bus station and they took me in the hotel van. I guess they assumed I didn’t understand any Spanish but I heard the driver calling the hotel as he drove to discuss what the fare should be. He was told $18k-20k but I was surprised then when he asked me for $24k as he dropped me off. I didn’t want to argue over $1 since they were looking after my bag so I just paid the higher amount assuming that he was taking a tip from it. Still, I had made it early to check in and use the bathroom and sit on the filthy seats of the waiting room. After the driver carried a howling cat inside the terminal we were all allowed to board the bus and I took a seat up top not realising that the seats were allocated so I ended up having to move to my seat down the bottom which was a single so that was good actually! The traffic was crazy, it took an hour to reach a second bus station to pick up more people, and then another hour to finally get out of Bogotá outskirts and onto the road south. Luckily this bus was not picking up random people on the sides of the road so I felt safe enough to leave my bag and use the (filthy) onboard toilet a couple times. When we finally arrived in Neiva (2 hours late) the traffic was gridlocked there too, I hopped into a taxi from the bus station and directed him to a mall near the hostel so I could get some food. He was a young kid of 18-20 years driving his heavily customised car, he’d fitted out a police siren and a megaphone that he was ripping as we drove down the road. He explained that there was a festival happening in Neiva this weekend which was why the traffic was so bad, but he was happy because there were lots a beautiful women walking around. The taxi ride was running the metre and I was a bit nervous for what the fare would end up being with all the traffic, but it wound up being 17k so I gave him 20k and he was chuffed with that. In the mall I did a loop to find the bathrooms and then made a beeline for the Frisby chicken place. The burger was really good but the chips and drink were a bit shit. I bought a few snacks and water for tomorrow’s tour and then made the 15 minute walk back to the hostel which was scary. It was dark and quiet in this neighbourhood and the houses were all locked inside cages like how they’d been in the outer Guayaquil area of Ecuador. I made it to the hostel though, and was stoked to find I had the room to myself for the night for my bed cost of about $10!

[zorilleerrant]

I think Jimmy has multiple handles, not all of them connected to each other. he has one that he started in school, for work, consisting exclusively of his own photos, carefully curated to best show off his work. only the pieces he's the proudest of, and then occasional pictures of prints in a home or gallery - most of these self-promotion, but he'll also share pictures from fans who've bought one of his prints. this is on his own website that he carefully maintains. it uses his real name and has contact information, and he takes commissions on occasion.

then he has the normal social media presence someone might expect from his age, using the same name across multiple sites, something cute but inoffensive. these also mostly consist of his own photos, but not nearly as carefully curated, just careful to make sure there's no drugs or nudity, anything that might cause trouble in the workplace, because he lists his professional website right there. a lot of the photos are blurry or badly framed, because they're mostly pictures of his friends, funny signs, cute dogs he saw on the beach. a lot of them get turned into reaction memes even though he only has a handful of followers, and he finds that funny. he doesn't really do a lot with those accounts, though, not even bothering with custom themes. his icons are all unedited selfies.

he has Flamebird, of course. he doesn't attach any of his other social media to it, and he doesn't advertise it anywhere else, but it's not like he makes it hard to find him. he's happy showing his face in his videos, even if most of them consist of footage of other things. there are some topics he'll avoid on there, so it doesn't come back to bite him, but he does his research, everything is as sourced as it can be, and he's not really worried about being accused of journalistic misconduct. he just doesn't want to attract controversy - or at least not based on his other work, because he does have a mirror running on every social media site he can find, as well as his own site.

the one he hides - not from his friends and family, who mostly follow it obsessively - is for that very reason. it's a food review blog. and people have opinions! it started out because he was trying out all the cheap options near school, and wanted somewhere to catalog them all to make recommendations to his fellow students. but he realized that all sorts of people want food that's quick and cheap, but still delicious, so he made a point of going around reviewing all the food trucks and fast food restaurants, anywhere but sitdown places really. prepackaged food from convenience stores, quick microwave meals (as long as they won't stink up the office), sometimes even popular recipes for packed lunch. the only dine-in restaurants he reviews are pizza places, because for some reason, his pizza reviews are the absolute most popular of them all. (he'll go in somewhere and order all dozen of their specials. he takes Clark. there are no leftovers.)

one day all of these collide. the founder of his favorite pizza place, now a small local franchise, is getting an award from the city for feeding everyone after a small disaster, and Jimmy is so excited to see it. so he goes to the ceremony - this guy isn't really famous, so there's only a handful of reporters and he gets a spot up front - and takes a bunch of pictures of this. one of them turns out gorgeous, so he carefully edits it and puts it up on his website - and the city finds it and gives him a small local artists' grant, with his own little ceremony. the pizza guy loves it, and orders a bunch of prints. Jimmy admits that's his favorite pizza joint, and they work it out so he gets rights to the photograph for advertising and such, and Jimmy gets free pizza for life. (don't worry, he promises not to reveal that Jimmy is a secret food reviewer, so restaurants don't treat him any different.) and then, of course, it turns out he saw a Flamebird video he was so happy to learn about, because he knows what's on it is true.

[ask-patton]

Hey dad! Good things today. ☺️ My family and I went to a local food festival tonight, one I look forward to every year. This year they had a new booth with some VERY tasty pizzas 🤤 and I grabbed a slice and wandered over to another stand. I was chatting with the girl running the booth and she mentioned she was smelling the pizza and drooling. I said she should grab a slice, because it was *so good* but she said she wouldn't get to because she couldn't leave the booth until the festival was over, and they'd be out by then.

I thought about it a while; I remember at one of my previous jobs there was a woman who I helped with some computer work, and she went after and got me a gift card to a local ice cream place I had said I really loved. It was years ago but I still remember how touched I was; I buzzed about it (literally!) for days after. I took the chance to pay it forward tonight - I bought the girl at the booth a slice of pizza, and I handed it to her and said to Pay it Forward. She was very happy and excited, and it made me really happy and excited too.

I don't always have a lot of money or a lot of means, but I really do feel like even one small act of kindness a day makes the whole big scary world a little better, and the little kindnesses seem so big to others in ways you could never imagine. I hope the rest of our FamILY, and the other anons like me, get something good happen to them this week. I hope we can all make the world a little less big and scary.

Thanks for being here for all of us, dad, cheering us up and cheering us on. We will Pay It Forward. 💜🐝

Hello again 🐝! This is just so sweet I could cry!! 🥹

Paying it forward is such a wonderful motto, and you made a very kind gesture today. Kindness really does goes a long way, and I hope it comes full-circle back to you!

Let's all do our best with what we have, and we can make the world that much more warm and friendly. ☺️💙

[cheapcheapfaker]

all i have been craving are the foods of my childhood but a lot of those are very difficult to acquire at this point. for example, as an after school snack one of my favorite things to eat were these twice baked mashed potato boats in these little blue paper sleeve cups. you got 2 in one package at the dollar store from the frozen section and the cheese ones were my favorite. but ive gone to all the dollar stores and even that cursed dollar general where most things are not a dollar and god even the dollar store is a dollar twenty-five nowadays and they’re nowhere to be found. I want buttered noodles but specifically the leftover dollar store egg noodles from last nights dinner sprayed with gobs of ‘i can’t believe its not butter’ and doctored up with the Italian spices, red pepper flakes and parm packets from the local pizza place and i wanna watch is spin slowly in the microwave in a red-tinged tupperware. I want a Celeste pizza on a metal round disc which i can still find but they got rid of the metal disc so the crust isn’t the same and instead of sixty-four cents they’re like, fuckin two bucks for the tiniest pizza in the world, and I ain’t payin that. I want a Wawa breakfast sandwich which i can get but would it be the same if it’s not the ones bought by my grandfather, who used to get up early to grab the paper and drive over in the crown vic to clear out the entire Wawa hot sandwich section by getting five hash browns and at least one of every type of sandwich like some sort of south jersey noah’s ark, even though only three people were eating? he’s gone now and I’m no longer eleven, twelve, thirteen waking up at ten am to “good morning, morning glory,” with the comics picked out and laid next to my plate and the shmorgasboard of pork roll and sausage and scrapple sandwiches. they don’t even have the small wawas anymore. i just made a bowl of cereal today. i’m still hungry.

[angeldcgs]

yesterday i posted some opens and today i come to you, good mutuals, with an offer to plot with any and all of my newer muses listed under the cut. most of them are a little whacky but there's something for everyone <3 give this a like if you're interested in any of them and i'll come to you to plot!!

the mcdermott family: based on the firefly family from h.ouse of 1.000 c.orpses (2003), the mcdermotts were a family of circus performers/carnies who owned and operated a local carnival in town. when travelers and townsfolk started going missing in alarming numbers, the cops started poking around the carnival and uncovered numerous bodies and other nightmarish finds, resulting in the majority of the mcdermotts either being locked up in prison for life, or slain in a deadly stand-off with the cops. these five are the only who remain in town, still carrying out their gruesome acts but on a much smaller scale, confined to a trailer park rather than their beloved carnival, as it was torched by the townsfolk following the arrests.

oberlin "obie" mcdermott (e.bon m.oss b.achrach fc)- he/him, 47, heterosexual, dominant, retired circus clown/junkyard owner (billy's brother, duncan, dolly, and mac's uncle)

billy mcdermott (k.yle g.allner fc)- he/him, 35, bisexual, dominant, mechanic/serial killer (obie's brother, duncan, dolly, and mac's uncle)

duncan mcdermott (h.arris d.ickinson fc)- he/him, 27, bisexual, dominant, drug dealer/serial killer (dolly's twin, mac's half brother)

dolly mcdermott (h.unter s.chafer fc)- she/her, 27, queer, switch, contortionist/serial killer (duncan's twin, mac's half sister)

mackenzie "mac" mcdermott (c.amila m.orrone fc)- she/her, 24, bisexual, dominant, robber/serial killer (duncan and dolly's half sister)

the dobbs brothers: raised in an abusive religious cult and kept separate from the rest of the world, the boys never learned how to live in modern society or be "normal" people until the feds broke up the organization and they were placed in foster care, but even then, it was a rough adjustment. zeke took to the change well, reveling in all the attention they were receiving from journalists and news outlets all looking to tell their story, while sammie still struggles adapting to this new world that's so diametrically opposed to the one he was raised in.

samson "sammie" dobbs (j.ohnny b.erchtold fc)- he/him, 26, bisexual (closeted), submissive, grocery store clerk

ezekiel "zeke" dobbs (f.red h.echinger fc)- he/him, 21, pansexual, submissive, pizza delivery guy

others:

kirby o'connell (m.argaret q.ualley fc)- she/her, 27, lesbian, switch, karaoke bar owner

your average everyday lovable lesbian fuckboy, think shane mccutcheon in the l word but a touch less brooding. bought an old run down bar for cheap at an auction with the intent of turning it into a queer friendly karaoke bar, but it turns out the former owner was using the bar as a front for a money laundering scheme, and now the criminal organization in charge of that is expecting her to continue to be involved.

louise "lou" walsh (t.alia r.yder fc)- she/her, 21, pansexual, switch, writer

a compulsive liar who's constructed an entire backstory for herself to better support her image as a "starving artist". really, she comes from an incredibly wealthy midwest family, the kind who own every building and every business in their small town, but that's not the kind of backstory that sells books.

[seedlessmuffins]

favourite part about british columbia? (that doesn't give away too much about u)

oh bestie i have so many you don’t even know!

vancouver bias aside, i love love love the lake cities of the interior, especially nelson and west kelowna. the kootneay lake and the okanagan are so nostalgic for me, i love it there.

honestly any vancouver beach i love, but sunset beach is my fav of all time! it’s also so crazy to me because it’s a white sand beach with palm trees in downtown van like that’s so silly. speaking of sunset beach, i miss going to granville island, the food there is so good and i love window shopping (i don’t have nearly enough money for anything there). i bought a recycled paper notebook there once and it was so pretty i ran out of pages but i keep it to look at

the ferry to the island is also underrated, especially when it’s sunny and you can see seals and whales? the views from the ferry are only matched by the sea to sky highway, another fav. my fav island is galiano, if you’ve never been it’s a perfect day trip it’s so small but so pretty and there lots of camping spots and farmers markets, and at the ferry terminal there’s a little wood fired pizza shop and a bookstore that i love.

and then honestly any local hike is the best, i love going on hikes with my friends especially in the morning the vibes are unmatched

if i had to pick one place though? garibaldi mountain 🥰

[enfyswanders]

Glasgow, Scotland: August 4-14, 2024

I had such plans for Glasgow and Edinburgh. I had multiple tickets to Edinburgh Fringe shows, I was going to attend a couple days of WorldCon, I bought a ticket for a bus tour of the highlands, I booked yet another high tea at a fancy place, I wanted to go to this bakery that puts swear words on their cookies, and I just wanted to explore both cities at length.

But none of that happened, because after taking a rest day following my travels on Monday, on Tuesday, August 6 I tested positive for COVID and spent the rest of my time in Scotland isolating in my hotel room. I assume I got it from the conference I spoke at the week prior, though I was very careful with masking.

So I spent 9 days feeling cruddy and isolating in my hotel room instead of seeing Scotland, which is a massive bummer.

Getting sick also necessitated my final Adventure in Doing Laundry being another pickup/delivery service, though this was a local service that was much cheaper than the one in Manchester, and they did same-day pickup and delivery, which was really nice. I'm thankful to the Rick Steves guide for recommending the Majestic Laundrette for this service.

I managed a couple brief, masked, walking/shopping excursions in Glasgow City Centre on days 7 and 8 of the infection and took a few photos. A small delight was seeing some bagpipe bands perform in the plaza next to my hotel, as part of the Piping Live! event running August 8-18.

Backing up, though, on my rest day August 5, before I got sick, I did have one adventure I'm quite pleased with.

The week prior, I hadn't eaten very well. Glastonbury has a number of excellent cafes, but they all close at 4 pm. For dinner, the options are pub food, fish & chips, takeaway Indian, and a couple expensive restaurants. So I mostly ate takeaway pizza and fish and chips all week. By the time I got to Glasgow, I wanted some good food.

In my Google Maps restaurant searches in Glasgow, I found a place called Six by Nico that was intriguing. Every six weeks, they have a new, fixed-price, six-course menu built around a theme. I booked a reservation for that night and holy crap was it amazing. Traveling solo for so long had really given me decision fatigue, and this was a great opportunity to walk into a restaurant, basically just say, "fuck me up," and be brought a bunch of food. No decisions necessary.

The menu was themed on the Amalfi Coast when I went.

Here's a better view of the courses I had:

Course 1 was Parmesan Polenta. My notes: "OMG there's a mushroom party in my mouth and everyone's invited. Is it soup? Is it foam with a bunch of mushrooms in it? Who cares, I need it in my face."

Course 2: Heirloom Tomato. My notes: "So many different tomato flavors, with bits of cream and olive. Love." I also got an Amalfi Breeze cocktail, which was super refreshing. Love the charred lime garnish.

Course 3: Spaghetti Nero. My notes: "So many fun textures. Little crunchies, creamy, and soft. Nice blend of flavors though I can't taste the chili."

Course 4: Black Pollock. My notes: "Have I ever had fish this perfectly cooked? Crunchy outside, perfectly hot and tender inside. Basil sauce surprisingly subtle. Zucchini is nice too."

Course 5: Trio of Pork. My notes: "This is the first time I've heard the phrase "ham jam." [My server described it as such, though the menu calls it "pancetta jam."] Pork 1 delightfully smoky, like good bacon. Ham jam surprisingly good, somewhere between a thick chutney and crumbled sausage in texture. Bacon-wrapped sausage(?) spicy but nice. Also, I'm getting really full and glad there's only dessert left after this."

Course 6: Delizia al Limone. No, that's not a stick of butter on the plate. My (bleary with oncoming food-coma) notes: "Cold, creamy, lemony, rich white chocolate fudge(?), so refreshing after the heavy pork"

So I'm glad I had one little adventure in Glasgow before I got sick.

One other nice thing was that my day passes for WorldCon included access to their online content, which was plentiful and enjoyable. I got to see several panels on interesting topics from the comfort of my hotel room. A particular favorite was one on Shakespeare, King James, and Scottish Witch Trials. They also had a lot of queer-focused content, which I appreciated.

Some random funny things:

New burlesque name just dropped.

2. I do not like how my coronation chicken on baguette sandwich was labeled.

3. The airsick bag on IcelandAir is...something.

I flew home August 14 from Glasgow to Rekjavik to Baltimore, N95 masked the whole way (I didn't even dare eat on the plane). The descents were murder on my poor ears, but I was very glad to be home, even if I had to isolate in the guest house for a couple days before I finally tested negative.

[moneyreview2070]

Demystifying the Stock Market | A Beginner's Guide to How It Works

So, you've heard about the stock market basics, and you're wondering, "What's the deal with it?" Well, you've come to the right place. In this blog post, we'll dive into the exciting world of Stock Market Basics and help you get a grasp of how it all works.

Stocks - The Heart of the Matter

First things first, let's get to the core of the stock market basics - stocks themselves. Stocks are like little pieces of a company that you can buy. You own a portion of the company when you own stock. It's almost like owning a piece of your favourite pizza, but instead, it's a piece of a business.

Unravelling the Mystery of Stock Prices

I know what you're thinking: "How are stock prices determined?" It's like a rollercoaster ride. These prices go up and down based on supply and Demand. An increase in demand for a stock results in a price increase. If folks want to sell, prices drop. Simple as that.

The Stock Market Playground

Imagine the stock market basics as a massive playground for investors. It's a place where buyers and sellers meet to exchange stocks. You don't need to be a billionaire to enter this playground - anyone can join the fun.

Stock Exchanges - Where the Action Happens

The playground itself has various sections, known as stock exchanges. The New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) and NASDAQ are like the popular hangout spots where the action takes place. Companies get listed on these exchanges, and their stocks are bought and sold here.

Bursting with Companies

These stock exchanges host a plethora of companies - big and small. From tech giants like Apple and Amazon to your local coffee shop, many businesses offer their stocks to the public. When you buy a stock, you're investing in the success of that company.

Why People Invest in Stocks

There are various motives behind stock investments. Here are a few common motivations:

Building Wealth: Investing in stocks can make your money grow over time.

Dividends: Some stocks pay you a dividend, which is like a little bonus for being a shareholder.

Retirement Planning: Many folks invest in stocks to secure their financial future.

Part Ownership: Owning a piece of your favourite companies can be pretty exciting.

[jahayla-parker]

Birthday Preference: Peter Parker x Reader , Tom Holland x Reader , Harrison Osterfield x Reader , Freddy Carter x Reader , Kaz Brekker x Reader , Jesper Fahey x Reader , Cardan Greenbriar x Reader , Austin Butler x Reader , Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

Description: blurbs and moodboards for each character/person on how you’d celebrate your birthday with them and how they’d celebrate their birthday with you.

Warnings: some slightly suggestive content I suppose

Peter Parker

Your birthday

Peter would go out of his way to ensure you had the best day! While he didn’t have a lot of money to spend on the day, he’d have saved up a decent amount to get you a gift and treats. He’d have purchased the item you’d had your eye on in the store window for nearly a month. He’d get pizza from either his work or your guys’ favorite place and teasingly put candles in it since it couldn’t decide on your favorite cake flavor.

His birthday

You’d of course make/buy him a spider man cake as an inside joke since only you knew his secret identity now. He’d be thrilled but also embarrassed by it. You got him a dog as you had seen him researching local rescues and animal shelters and researching which type of dog was the most protective. Little did you know that he was doing so in hopes to get you guys one to protect you when he was on patrol or otherwise not able to do so himself. But he adored the fact you knew him so well and picked the perfect dog. Plus it took a lot of pressure off him trying to do it alone.

Peter Parker Navigation/Masterlist

Tom Holland

Your birthday

Tom would want to spoil you everyday but especially on your birthday. As a result, you two agreed that you were okay spoiling the other on special days like birthdays and anniversaries. So, Tom would take you to an early dinner at your favorite restaurant. When you got back home, he’d secretly had Harry help him set up a surprise party for you. Your closest friends and family were invited and Tom had purchased an insane amount of decorations. After the party, he refused to let you help clean up and drew a relaxing bath for you while he cleaned up. Then you two would fall asleep cuddling in bed.

His birthday

As mentioned, you’d reached a compromise with Tom that you could spoil him on his birthday. As such, you bought him the best gift you could think of, even if it was a bit pricier than you would normally spend on such an item. You knew he had been working too hard lately so you arranged a relaxing night. You’d reserved a private theater for you and him to watch the latest blockbuster he wanted to see. Then you snuck out to a privately reserved rooftop bar for some food and drinks. After that, you arranged for Tom’s family to do a video call with him since they couldn’t meet until the week after. Once the call ended, Tom held you tightly as you went to sleep.

Tom Holland Navigation/Masterlist

Harrison Osterfield

Your birthday

We know Harrison likes to be extravagant and enjoys taking care of his loved ones. So, your birthday with him would be no different! He’d throw a large high end party with champagne, glitter, loads of friends, and your favorite cake. If you drink you’d likely end up needing him to carry you to bed that night after the party. If you don’t drink, Harrison would sense you becoming tired and conclude the party; joining you in bed to read for a bit before sleeping.

His birthday

Again, this boy can be very down to earth but also loves luxury things. So, if you two were away from home for his filming or other work projects, you’d celebrate in a more down to earth way. You’d still do the traditional birthday things like cake, candles, presents, etc. but then you’d find a relaxing location for lunch and just enjoy each other’s company. If you were home, you’d usually have a calm day like that on/around his birthday depending on how it landed. But since his birthday always landed on a US holiday, you also would have a party and on the tv you’d have it showing a feed to 4th of July celebrations in America so that you could watch the fireworks.

Harrison Osterfield Navigation/Masterlist

Freddy Carter

Your birthday

Freddy would take you on a trip, likely just a small getaway for the two of you to a cute nearby destination. You’d spend the day doing your favorite activities and he’d of course take tons of photos of you on your birthday. It would be a nice and calming day where you got to simply enjoy life.

His birthday

Freddy didn’t have many birthday parties growing up, not big ones anyways. He used to be very shy and reserved, only coming out of his shell around those he knew very well. So, now that he’d gotten much more comfortable around others, especially his costars, you would hold an annual birthday party.

You wanted him to be able to experience a traditional birthday party where he could be his outgoing and carefree self around his loved ones and friends. You opted for him to take the night off from taking photos, instead using his Polaroid yourself to document the night. He of course would steal the camera a few times to get photos of you and you with him.

Freddy Carter Navigation/Masterlist

Kaz Brekker (a bit long as backstory is needed to keep is as close to cannon as possible)

Your birthday

After Jordie, Kaz never cared for birthdays. He just treated them like every other day. However, when Inej noticed how personally you took it even before you and Kaz started dating, she lectured him on trying a little harder.

The wraith of course knew of Kaz’s hidden (even to himself at times) feelings towards you, so it was easy to get him to act more appropriately on your birthday.

He still wasn’t great at it, but the next year he at least addressed it; which he did each year since.

The year after that, you also found that a “mysterious and unknown” person left a small gift for you in your room. It was of course an item you’d been gazing at but hadn’t thought he’d noticed.

By the time you two became an unofficial couple, he’d taken to not only acknowledging your birthday and finally signing his name on the birthday gift, but also dedicating time to spend with just you.

Usually it would be in his office/room, but it was one of the rare times he’d leave his work alone and just be in the moment.

Once he was okay with labeling your relationship, he decided to tell you that as a gift in a way on your birthday.

As time went on, Kaz continued to try to make you see how much he cared about you and that your birthday was important to him because it was the reason you existed at all.

His birthday

Kaz never really celebrated his birthday. Even before his traumatic childhood, his family didn’t have a ton of time or money.

And now, the thought of the day often brought more memories of Jordie and how it was wrong for Kaz to celebrate a birthday when his brother couldn’t.

Therefore, when you entered his life and tried to find out his birthday he became very frustrated and tried to shut you out even more. He knew you were trying to be kind, but he didn’t feel he deserved it; nor was he sure he wanted it as it implied you cared for him which would put you in danger.

However, you were good at getting information, hence your whole role in the crows and in his life. So, you soon tracked it down, but never told anyone. If they knew, no one showed it.

You would often take food to Kaz’s office unprompted because he never took time to eat. So, you knew it wouldn’t look suspicious to do it on the day you now knew to be his birthday. As such, you made him a standard plate of dinner and departed from Your friend group for the night.

However, you first entered your room. You grabbed a small piece of cake you picked up from a bakery on the other side of Ketterdam very early that morning.

You didn’t want to push it by getting him a real gift right away, instead waiting to see how he responded to this. You then walked to his office, using your boot to knock softly since you had your hands full.

Kaz already knew it was you so he promptly signaled for you to enter.

He nodded appreciatively at you as you set the standard dinner plate on his desk as you always did.

While he hadn’t seen the other plate still in your hand yet, he sensed your nerves so he peered up from his notes in question.

He of course knew what day it was, but no one else should, so he was startled when he saw the cake in your hand.

Kaz glanced up to look into your eyes as he held a stoic expression but slightly raised his eyebrow to alert you to his thoughts.

You gave him a soft smile, “I was at the bakery… and umm.. the lady said it was on sale… so I got us all some for dessert”.

Kaz pressed his lips together as he steepled his hands together over his notes.

He sensed you were lying but he wasn’t sure if that was because you were lying or because part of him hopped you were.

Hating he already showed vulnerability in you having caught him off guard with the cake, he nodded again and allowed you to set it on his desk.

“Actually eat tonight Brekker” you teased as you exited his room.

When Kaz went to put the dishes in the kitchen, Nina stopped him.

“Two plates?” She glared, “and that one looks like it had something sweet on it. Did you eat my last waffle?! I was saving that!”

Kaz rolled his eyes, “I did not eat your precious waffle Zenik”.

“Then why the two plates hmm?” She interrogated.

Kaz groaned, stepping around her swiftly, “y/n brought me the dessert as well”.

“Dessert?” Nina gasped, spinning around to follow him.

“What dessert?!” She asked, offended she didn’t get any.

Kaz halted but didn’t turn around for a few seconds.

When he did, he asked, “You did not have dessert?”.

Nina crossed her arms over her chest, “no. There was no dessert. What game are you playing?”

Kaz’s eyes flickered to the stairway where y/n was standing with inej likely saying Goodnight.

He felt his lips curl slightly into what his body intended as a way to hide his desire to smile but likely appeared as a smirk.

He wasn’t sure why he was smiling, after all he doesn’t celebrate his birthday.

Perhaps you didn’t know, but he still felt smug over the idea that you’d only gotten him cake.

Plus, he knew given your skill, and the timing of it, that his earlier suspensions were likely true; you knew it was his birthday.

As vulnerable as he expected to feel at realizing that, he actually felt almost pleased.

You knew and yet you didn’t make him talk about it, question him on why he hadn’t told anyone, and you clearly understood he didn’t want to make a big deal of it.

He couldn’t express how much that meant to him, to have someone understand him so well and so effortlessly.

Kaz saw Inej smirk before muttering something to y/n but he didn’t look away.

Instead, he watched as your eyes scanned the room until they landed on him.

He relaxed into a faint smirk and nodded again.

You smiled widely and nodded back before giving him a small wave as you excused yourself for the night.

To say Kaz was up late that night wouldn’t be unheard of.

But he wasn’t working, instead he was thinking about what all of it meant and how to proceed.

Yet, in his traditional Kaz way of handling things, after the nonverbal acknowledgment between you two that night before you went to bed, he chose to act as if nothing happened.

However, the next year, he found another slice of cake on his desk; this time with a candle in it.

When you entered later you see if he’d eaten, he smirked and nodded towards the plate.

“You don’t need to talk about it. But I know what today is, and celebration or not, everyone deserves cake” you shrugged.

Since then, before and during your relationship, you and Kaz celebrated his birthday with full acknowledgement of the day (between you two at least).

The others still had no idea, and kaz preferred it that way.

In fact he was pleased that it had been you out of everyone who could’ve figured it out.

It also helped him explain to you a few years later why he hadn’t celebrated before.

And you guys worked together to help him accept that while he didn’t have to, he could celebrate his birthday still and that Jordie would’ve wanted him to.

As time went on, the celebration remained solely between you two and you took extreme precautions to protect his secret while still getting things back to his room to celebrate.

Over time you’d reached a point where instead of a slice of cake and a single candle, you’d been able to have him comfortable with a full (mini since it was just the two of you but still) cake and enough candles for his age.

He even soon let you get him a true gift on that day of the year; reluctantly of course, as he didn’t feel he needed any but knew it made you feel better to give him one.

He soon grew to not despise his birthday but instead cherish the alone time you two had on that day each year.

It was a type of domestic bliss he never expected to have, much less enjoy.

And he knew he never would have had it been anyone else but you.

Kaz Brekker Navigation/Masterlist

Jesper Fahey

Your birthday

Jesper rarely stepped away from the tables, let alone on a consistent basis. However, for your birthday he routinely took a break from gambling.

Although it wouldn’t last more than a day; you both knew that. He still dedicated that day to you, refusing to let the pull of the cards and kruge distract him from celebrating one of his favorite days; the day you were born.

He knew how much you loved his rings and clothes and loved how they looked on you.

But he didn’t feel it was enough to gift you something he already owned. So, he instead bought a matching set of your favorites of his for you.

If there were no heist coming up, he’d try to make a trip to Noyvi Zem with you. You didn’t have any family left but he did and Colm had taken you in as a daughter.

He’d often have a cake and birthday gifts ready when you two arrived.

If that wasn’t an option, he’d gauge your current mood and decide between throwing a party with the crows or having a private date night. Regardless of how it was spent, he made sure to show you how much he cared about the day and you.

His birthday

Jesper always spent at least part of his birthday gambling. However, now that you two were together, you offered to join him.

He was more than thrilled to not be alone, and even better, to have you keeping him company.

You would try a few rounds but unlike your boyfriend, you knew when to stop. You still stayed, now option to solely be his good luck charm.

Or so he called you, regardless of the outcome. To be fair, he was better when you were there, his desire to impress you making him notice more of the other patrons’ tells.

But even if he lost the hand, he would kiss your cheek as you sat on his thigh, his arms around you.

When you joked about you no longer being his good luck charm, he’d scoff and pull you closer to his chest, peppering kisses all over your face.

“You will always be my good luck charm beautiful. Just look at you, you’re glowing” he’d coo into your ear as he waited for the next round.

When you were able to pull him from the tables, you would guide him to the slat. You managed to get the others to help decorate while Jesper was out with you.

He’d of course drink far too much but he had the best night and hardly ever left your side despite his drunken behavior.

Jesper Fahey Navigation/Masterlist

Cardan Greenbriar

Your birthday

Cardan was not accustomed to celebrating birthdays given that residents of Elfhame normally lived far too long to have a reason. However, Cardan would never turn down the opportunity for a party.

Nor would he ever ignore the chance to spoil you, especially when custom dictated you couldn’t refuse the gifts.

So, when he was informed about the traditions surrounding birthdays, he went overboard.

He would throw a large party, wanting you to realize just how many people cared about you.

He’d have the staff decorate the whole castle, but often would go over and adjust things himself as he saw fit.

Cardan ensured your favorite foods and drinks, both from Elfhame and the human world, were present at the party.

After the party, he would guide you (blindfolded) to the library where he had arranged all of your gifts; over ninety-percent from him.

He would lean into the lounge chair as he watched you open each gift; explaining the ones not found in Elfhame.

Cardan would be overly thrilled to see how much you loved the personal gifts and letters he gave you.

However, despite having a great day, it wouldn’t end there.

He was not done maximizing his ability to spoil you.

Cardan drew a bath for the two of you and spend the evening reminding you how beautiful he found you.

His birthday

We all know Cardan loves a party, so while he was not used to celebrating his birthday, he wouldn’t resist your request to celebrate it.

There was plenty of alcohol, Elfhame delicacies, expensive decorations, an Alice in Wonderland themed treat table, and tons of guests.

He ignored most of them however, instead focusing on spending his night with his love.

Not caring that the guests were watching their king closely, Cardan would drag you onto the dance floor of the ballroom.

He began slow dancing with you, even though it did not match the music.

However, the music soon quickly changed to a slower beat as Cardan rested his head on your shoulder.

After the party you let Cardan open his gifts, him sometimes having to have your help understanding what some of them were since your human friends had sent them.

Just when he thought he’d opened them all he watched you slide a wrapped rectangular item across the bed to him.

He delicately -despite his drunken state- opened the gift as he sensed it was more important than the others.

Cardan gasped and his eyes watered as he looked down at a near-mint condition hardcover copy of Alice in Wonderland, “it’s beautiful y/n”.

You grinned and snuggled into his side, “it’s a first edition. Signed too”.

Cardan smiled and opened the cover, seeing the first edition stamp and the author’s signature.

He softly set it next to his bed, turning to pull you closer, “you spoil me too much”.

You knew he couldn’t lie, so he must’ve truly felt that way but you giggled and shook your head, “my beloved, I do no such thing. But, I’m not done”.

Cardan kept his arm around your waist as he watched you reach for your nightstand where another wrapped rectangle rested.

“My queen, you’ve already-“ he began, for the first time feeling as though he didn’t need anything more.

“Shh” you smiled, “or I’ll stop letting you spoil me on my birthday “.

Cardan immediately shut his lips tightly, making you laugh.

You leaned over, giving him a kiss until his lips were no longer in a dramatically thin line.

“Open it “ you said, placing the last gift on his lap.

He squeezed your hip and softly opened the item.

“It’s a collector’s edition” you grinned as Cardan’s eyes flickered over the unique coloring and design on this copy of his favorite book.

After carefully putting the books away, he made sure to show you how much he appreciated you and all you did for him that day.

Cardan Greenbriar Navigation/Masterlist

Austin Butler

Your birthday

Austin knew you didn’t get to have big parties growing up. So he took great care in planning extravagant parties for your birthday.

He would ensure it wasn’t tacky but instead tailored to your personality and likes.

He purchased your favorite champagne and invited as many of your friends as he could contact.

He’d rented out a nearby hotel to use their event hall for the night.

Without telling you why, he had you get dressed up and head out with him for the night.

When he saw the glee in your eyes when you learned of the surprise party, Austin knew he did well.

As the night went on, he noticed you had grown tired and excused the two of you.

He took her home, helping you wash the glitter out of your hair before tucking you into bed.

After he shut the house down, he cuddled into bed next to you, holding you tightly as you went to sleep.

His birthday

Austin was known for liking nice/fancier things and you knew his birthday was no exception.

However, he rarely had the time to make plans to celebrate given his work schedule.

So, you took it upon yourself to plan it.

You worked with his agent to ensure everything went smoothly and worked with Austin’s schedule.

He knew you were working on this as you often asked his opinions on the guest list or decorations.

Austin was very appreciative as he desired a nice night to relax and have fun but couldn’t make time to plan it.

The night went incredibly well and Austin couldn’t be happier.

Watching you dance while wearing the dress you knew was his favorite on you, Austin decided it was time to leave.

He made his way across the party and whispered to you that you guys needed to leave.

You weren’t sure why at first, but once you made it home Austin more than showed you why he needed to be alone with you.

Austin Butler Navigation/Masterlist

Nikolai Lantsov

Your birthday

Nikolai took every measure to make sure you had a wonderful birthday.

He enlisted all of his staff to take care of cleaning the palace top to bottom, making the guest rooms ready for company to stay in, trimming the gardens and sweeping the outdoor pathways.

Nikolai himself decorated while you slept in.

When he knew you’d be waking, he brought a tray of your favorite foods to you in bed.

“Good morning and happy birthday my dearest girl” he greeted, bending to kiss your forehead.

You whines as he pulled back, grabbing at his dress shirt and pulling him closer.

You smiled as you pressed your lips on his, his hand resting on your cheek.

“Morning” you breathed, taking a moment to smell the delicious food he’d brought.

Nikolai chuckled, fixing his shirt, “I’ve seen to it that the library is empty. So, when you’re done with breakfast, it is all yours. No David, no students, all yours”.

You beamed at him with excitement, “really?! Thank you Kolya! Will you be joining me?”

“It would be an honor” he smirked, “now eat”.

“You don’t have any meetings or con-“ you asked but he stopped you with a soft kiss.

“Not today y/n/n” he promised, grabbing your hand.

“Nik, no way Zoya is okay with you rescheduling” you teased, taking a bite of your breakfast.

He laughed and shook his head, his gorgeous hair moving swiftly from the action, “I didn’t reschedule, I reserved the day off”.

You blushed, pulling his hand to make him sit next to you, “I love you”.

He smiled, brushing hair from your eyes, “I love you too moya tsaritsa”.

Nikolai in fact did join you as you rummaged through the library for any books you hadn’t gotten the chance to read yet.

However, he was distracted by his nerves about the party.

He was hoping the party would also serve to get you more comfortable with the palace and your position in it.

Nikolai wasn’t unaware that this role was new to you, but he was always looking for ways to help ease the transition.

He was hopeful that tonight would allow you to relax and find joy in a more public room of the palace, enjoying yourself even while around the kingdom’s subjects.

Fortunately for him, despite your own nerves when learning of his planned event, you did enjoy yourself.

“Thank you for tonight my korol” you grinned, kissing his hand as was the appropriate ending to the night given your new status in the palace.

Nikolai smirked and snaked his arms around your waist, pulling you in for a proper kiss.

He laughed as your eyes widened as you pulled away and silently glanced around the room of guests, “I know lapushka, but this is our home, and I do not intend to behave differently within it; regardless of who is present”.

You blushed as your smile grew, burying your head in his chest.

Nikolai brushed your hair with his fingers, “happy birthday milaya, Ne koroleva!” (Happy birthday sweet girl, Long love the queen)

His birthday

You knew that his new title as king limited Nikolai’s chances to tailor as Sturmhond and enjoy the privateer side of him.

So, you made sure that he got that chance for at least a week each year, whatever week his birthday landed on.

He’d been resistant at first, fearful Ravkans would connect his disappearance with Sturmhond.

But when Zoya agreed with you that the citizens likely expected their King to be absent around a date such as his birthday, he agreed.

He still had his doubts about what his subjects would think, but he could never say no to you.

Much less when you were trying to do something for him.

Plus, he desperately needed time away from the palace and the pressures of being king.

He profusely thanked you as the two of you boarded the Volkvolny, both tailored as your privateer personas now.

You kissed his cheek, ruffling his now colored hair.

He rolled his eyes playfully, pulling you to him by your waist, “enjoying yourself?”

You giggled and shrugged, “I haven’t seen you like this in awhile is all koja “.

Nikolai blushed, the way he always did, tailored or not, when you complimented him.

“Hmm liking the tailored look more?” He teased.

You smacked his chest, “of course not, knock it off. You know better than that!”

Nikolai smirked his signature Sturmhond smirk but pressed his lips to the top of your head, “we should get out there love, I need to make sure we don’t crash”

You laughed and followed him out from his cabin on the ship and onto the main deck, watching as he directed the crew and adjusted the ship’s trajectory.

When he finished he smiled and waved you over, his arms wrapping around you tightly, “I needed this darling, thank you”.

Nikolai Lantsov Navigation/Masterlist

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Grishaverse Navigation/Masterlist

Six of Crows Navigation/Masterlist

Main Navigation/Masterlist (All My Works)

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