#all these guys are really neet | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chlix · 3 months ago

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juno

bf! minho x fem! reader: you have baby fever. your boyfriend wants to be with you forever. turns out you can kill 2 birds with 1 stone

genre: fluff, crack, suggestive (MDNI, explicit dialogue)

word count: 3.3k

warnings/tags: pregnancy scare, jokes about a breeding kink, marriage proposal, y/n is a little spoiled i gotta admit, this one is all over the place ya'll

a/n: minho's fic in my album series! this one is based on "juno". y/n is a LOT in this one but i found it way more fun and fitting to the song to write her that way rather than actually being down to earth and reasonable lol

You’re out at a mall with your friend Jia, having a lazy day shopping and eating overpriced food from the shops in the central plaza. It's been a while since you had time to bum around with her, and your boyfriend, Minho, had said he'd drive you there and take care of his own errands while he waited. He'd even handed you his second credit card and told you to get whatever you wanted, much to Jia's amusement. You wish you were more put off by him flaunting his money, but unfortunately you passed that point long ago. It's also due to the fact that his money is much appreciated at this point in your life. Currently, you’re a bit of a NEET; after you had to quit your last job, you’ve been doing little except sitting at home, attempting TikTok recipes, doing housework and fantasizing about having things like hobbies and life goals aside from marrying your boyfriend.

“That’s nothing new for you, though,” your friend Jia says. “You inherited the suburban princess aesthetic from your mother.”

“You say that as if we weren't raised on the same street” you say, words thick around the spoon of froyo in your mouth. “We’re both suburban princesses.”

Your eyes roam around the mall, people watching as you often do. Next to the frozen yogurt place you had just visited, there is a mother with her small toddler at the counter. The mother is stylishly dressed, in cute jeans and a red sweater, and her daughter matches perfectly in a tiny little red turtleneck and a corduroy pinafore press. She’s wearing little charms in her hair and has a backpack with a bunch of dangly charms that jingle as she fidgets. She is eyeing the froyo on the counter with big eyes as she waits for her mother to pay for it, ever so patient and polite. The cashier waves at her and the toddler waves back.

“Stopppp, look at them. Isn’t that girl so cute?”

Jia follows your eyeline to the mother and daughter at the froyo counter.

“She is. I love how her and mom are matching.”

“I can’t wait to have a little mini-me that I can wear matching outfits with.”

“You and I wear matching outfits all the time.”

“Yes, but I want to do it with someone cute.”

Jia’s eyes roll so hard that you know it must’ve hurt.

“Since when do you want kids, y/n?”

“Since always. Or I don’t know. Maybe I just was worried that it would be difficult? Or that I’d never find the right guy? But I think Minho would be a good father, so it’s kind of made me think about it again.”

“He seems like he’d be good with kids.”

“When we babysit my nephew, he’s really good with him. And he’s always been so attentive to me in everything, so I just know he would double down during pregnancy. He’d take bullets for me. He’d protect me, he’d bring me all my favorite foods he’d take care of me-”

“He really should be doing that all the time, not just when you’re pregnant. Like, what kind of cavewoman logic is this? Are you in heat or something?”

You take another bite of your froyo and savor it.

You’ve known Jia forever, and at this point her comments to you about your love life just go in one ear and out the other. She’s the one who introduced you to Minho, actually, so you’d thought maybe she’d spare you the lectures, but she seems to think your impulsivity would overrule Minho’s common sense. This isn’t you being impulsive, though. You’ve actually thought about it an embarrassing amount- the concept of Minho fathering your children. It’s not just some passing fancy.

When you’re thoroughly done enjoying your vanilla-passion fruit swirl, you deign to answer her.

“First of all, shut the fuck up. Second of all, no I’m not in heat. Is it so wrong to dream of motherhood? To yearn for something to care for?”

“You have three cats and seven potted plants.”

“I mean something that can love me back.”

“I’m telling Dori you said that.”

You ignore her, already lost in your little domestic fantasy. You could already imagine it. You could have a little girl who looked exactly like you. Or maybe just like you with Minho’s pretty eyes. You’ll develop all the “mom skills”, like sewing and kissing boo-boos and making baking soda volcanoes. And Minho would be there, giving her piggyback rides and pushing her on swing sets. He’d call both of you his “princesses” and you could take cute family photos for Christmas and mail them all your relatives. A perfect domestic life.

“Hello? Earth to y/n?”

You blink. Jia is looking at you with an exasperated expression.

“I’d ask you what you’re thinking about, but I already know.”

“Oh, really.”

“You only get that stupid expression on your face when you think about Minho.” Jia crumples up her trash and reaches behind her to throw it in a trash can. “Does he know you are having delusions of domesticity?”

“It’s not delusional. We’ve been together for like two years. We’ve talked about the future.”

“So he wants kids?”

“He wants whatever I want,” you say, and you can hear the lovesickness in your voice even before Jia lets out a long-suffering sigh.

“Go ask him to get you pregnant right now then. He seems like the type to think that’s really hot.”

“Everything I do is hot. I’m a catch. I’d look extra hot pregnant. Working so hard even when I’m just sitting around all day.”

“Your favorite activity.”

You wink cheekily. “Of course. You should give it a try sometime.”

“Give what a try?”

A familiar voice from behind you makes you perk up. You whip around to see your boyfriend in the flesh, coming up behind you. He’s finally arrived. His presence improves your mood by approximately one thousand percent. You can sit up straighter and breathe deeper. The sun shines brighter on your face. His pace is so leisurely that it’s driving you mad. You want to stand up and drag him closer to you, so that as much of you is touching you as possible. The meter between you feels like a nautical mile.

Christ, maybe you are in heat. You think it’s possible you’ve been permanently ovulating since you met Minho. Just seeing him coming has you contemplating breaking several civil laws.

Jia rats you out immediately. “We’re talking about pregnancy.”

“Oh.” Minho stops where he is, as if blocked by an invisible wall. “Is someone you know expecting?”

“Not yet,” Jia says.

“Jia,” you hiss.

Jia ignores you, revenge for forcing her to listen to you for the past half hour.

“Y/n thinks that pregnancy suits her lifestyle. She thinks she’d look hot pregnant. What’s your opinion on the topic?”

“Don’t answer that,” you tell him. “Jia, come on.”

Jia shrugs. “I don’t think it’s that crazy of a question. Your boyfriend should think you look hot all the time.”

“And I do,” Minho interjects, smiling slyly. “Especially right now, as you’re staring daggers at me.”

Jia leans up and stage whispers to Minho, eyes still trained on you. “She specifically said ‘extra hot’, just so you know.”

“I struggle to think she could get any hotter,” Minho says in answering stage whisper. “She’d look equally pretty frozen solid, or zombified.”

“You know the saying is ‘until death do us part?’ You don’t have to keep loving her as a zombie.”

You try to be annoyed but you’re too busy cheesing for it to have any effect. “Okay haha fun’s over. Take me home now.”

Jia boos you as Minho grabs your hand to help you off the bench.

“As you wish,” he says, and kisses your hand with a flourish.

“I’ve gotta get going too. See you later, y/n.” She stands up and grabs her bag, then pauses and turns back. “If you’re pregnant the next time I see you, I will kill you.”

“You seriously give me no credit.”

Jia gives you an absolutely withering look and walks off.

“I shouldn’t have even brought it up,” you say mournfully. “She’s gonna start keeping tabs on me.”

“We’ll lock our doors and windows,” Minho says, and presses a kiss to your hair. “Home?”

Later that night, you’re lying on the couch searching up pictures of baby clothes. You have an entire Pinterest board for your future baby, and today’s scene at the park has inspired you to add to the collection. You scroll through little images of kids in duck outfits and Hello Kitty themed socks, of cute little barrettes to put in their wispy bangs. Your kids are going to be so well-dressed. They’ll make the other toddlers at the daycare jealous, and maybe even the moms too.

That’s good, though. It’s important to learn how to deal with adversity from a young age.

Your daughter is gonna be so well socialized and assertive and thick-skinned, just like her parents. She’ll get such good grades and be very polite. And you’ll get to show up to parent teacher conferences as the hottest mom in the entire class, which will be good for your ego, and then you can pass that confidence down to your child. It’ll be perfect. Your life will be perfect. You can see it in such clear and vivid detail.

Minho passes by you on the way back from the bathroom and glances down at your phone.

“Baby clothes?”

You blink up at him. You’re not embarrassed at being caught, but you are a little annoyed that he’s interrupted your daydreaming with one of his gateway questions.

“Yes. Our future child has to be up on fashion trends.”

“The fashion trends will have changed by the time you have a baby to dress up.”

To your own surprise, your heart actually stutters with the reminder that you are currently not, in fact, with child.

“Don’t remind me,” you whine, rolling over to hide your face in the cushions. “Jia already lectured me today.”

“Lectured?”

You partially roll back over to look up at him. “She says that I’m being delusional for wanting a baby so badly.”

“How is wanting to be a mother delusional?”

“Right? And I told her like what are you talking about, we’ve already talked about the future, and we’re gonna have kids, and she just gave me this look.”

“Jia’s just looking out for you. She doesn’t want you to rush into things.”

“Jia is a cynic and a skeptic. She thinks we’re too young to have a baby.”

“Well, aren’t we?”

“Are we?” Your visions of being a MILF dance through your head. “I think having kids young would be cute.”

Now Minho looks skeptical. “Really? Since when.”

“Since I had a paradigm shift. I always knew I wanted them, in a vague sense. But now I know that I want to have them with you, specifically, so it’s been on my mind a lot more.”

“You want to have my kids?”

You bristle. “Well they’d be my kids, too, y’know.”

“I know that-”

“And who else’s kids would they be? Do you envision us breaking up?”

“Absolutely not,” Minho says. “You’re stuck with me forever.”

“Right. So then eventually I’ll be having your kids. I mean, if that’s okay with you.”

Minho sits down next to you on the couch. “That’s really what you want?”

“Yes?” A single pang of doubt flashes across your chest. “Do you not want that?”

“No, I do, baby. I’d love to have a family with you. I just want to be sure we’re on the same page, and we’ve thought it through.”

“Well, like you said, we’re still young.” Jia’s admonishment of not being married flashes through your mind. “But sometimes I see little kids in public, or on TV, and I think, God, I want a baby so bad. Y’know? I want to be pregnant. I want to glow like that, and everything.”

Something complicated passes over his face. A lightbulb goes off in your head. It’s the same expression that he had when Jia had mentioned to him the topic of your conversation.

“Oh my god. You actually do think I’d look hot pregnant.”

“Didn’t I say that at the mall?”

“No, you were teasing me. But now you’re being for real. You want to knock me up.”

Minho says nothing, but the tips of his ears redden. You shoot upright, delighted at the turn of events.

“Oh my god, you actually want to knock me up!”

“Would you rather I didn’t?”

“No! Of course not. I want to be the only girl you want, and I want you to want me in every way.”

“Well you are, and I do,” he says flatly. “Congratulations.”

“Congratulations is right,” you say. You’re giddy with energy. “Have you thought about it a bunch? Is that why you wanted me on the pill? So you could cum in me and indulge your breeding kink?”

“I don’t have a breeding kink.I just love you. There’s a difference.”

“You’ve said at least five times today you think I’d be hot while I’m pregnant,” you remind him. “Seems kind of breeding kink-ish to me.”

“You have spent the entire day fantasizing about having my kids. That’s the definition of a breeding kink.” Minho leans further into your space, and though his words are teasing, his tone is decidedly not. You feel heat start to run through you, and not from embarrassment. You scoot closer to him, pulled by magnetic forces beyond your comprehension.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just life planning. I’m making vision boards.” The lie is so flimsy your lips trip as you try to say it.

“Uh-huh. Right. Because you normally start breathing heavy when you make vision boards.”

“This is unfair. Of course I’ll get turned on when you start talking like this.”

“Like what?” he says, leaning even closer. You can feel his breath on your face, and a shiver goes down your spine.

“Like you’re going to fucking breed me.”

His smile is absolutely feline. “That can be arranged.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Baby, I want whatever you want.”

You grab onto his shoulders, tight. “Then take me to bed, hot stuff.”

His eyes darken. A hand comes up to your face, and he kisses you gently. He grabs you by the hand…

and of course, he gives you what you want.

Your period is a week late.

It’s actually Minho who notices and points it out, which causes you to freak out and call Jia, who freaks out worse than you and demands that you go to the store immediately and buy a test. You get three different brands, and also an entire chocolate cake which will either be for congratulations or for emotional support.

Minho waits outside the bathroom door, an encouraging presence as you try to calm yourself down enough to read the labels.

“Whatever happens, I’m here,” he tells you. You can’t tell whether he wants it to be positive or negative. You aren’t even sure what you want. Yes, you want a baby, yes, babymaking sex is hot and you want to keep having it whether it gets you knocked up or not, but you’re both still young, and he has a career, and your apartment doesn’t have a third bedroom so there’d be nowhere for the nursery that you’ve already meticulously planned out in your mind-

The timer goes off. You open your eyes and look down.

“Negative,” you say, loud enough for Minho to hear outside the door. “All of them.”

Minho doesn’t say anything. You let out a deep breath, tension falling out of you, and open the door. Minho is on the other side, expression cautious.

“Is it bad that I’m a little disappointed?” he says, and his tone is joking but the words stick in your chest because you agree. The relief you expected to feel is nowhere to be found.

“I hope not, because that makes two of us.”

He draws you into a hug, and you sink into him, processing all the events of the last hour.

“And I was all ready to start building a crib.”

You snort. “Picking up carpentry as a hobby?”

“A real father should work with their hands. I need thick, callused hands to hold my baby with, so they feel smaller and daintier by comparison.”

“Wild thing to say, honestly.”

“It works on you.”

You break free and shove him playfully. “You’re ridiculous. You’d be a good father even with your soft city boy hands.”

“You think so?” he says, his tone heavier than before. You don’t even hesitate.

“Yes. Any child would be lucky to have you as a father.” You sigh dramatically. “Unfortunately it seems my uterus didn’t pull through this time.”

Minho is silent for a moment. “Well. We could…try again.”

You stare at him. “Sorry?”

“I mean, you said I’d be a good father. You said you wished the test was positive. I want that too. Just because it didn’t work this time doesn’t mean that-”

“Wait. Wait wait wait wait. Are you serious?” You’re gob smacked. You can’t believe that your usually cautious boyfriend is proposing you have a baby right now.

“I’m serious,” he confirms. “You’d be such a good mom. And I know how much you want this.”

“And you think I’d look hot pregnant.”

“Obviously,” he says, without a hint of jest.

“But I’m- we’re so young, and I’m unemployed, and-”

“Sorry, were you planning on getting a job any time soon?”

Your cheeks heat up. “Oh shut up.”

“No, it’s perfect. You can be a loving stay-at-home mom. I’ll be the breadwinner.”

“Stop it. Stop talking this way. You’re- do you know how pissed my friends would be? What would I tell Jia? She almost bit my head off over the phone earlier, did you hear her? She was so pissed that I was thinking of motherhood instead of marriage-”

“Then let’s get married.”

“Don’t start.”

“Y/n, I’m not joking.”

You actually think you’re going to faint. Your heart is racing and you’re breaking out in a sweat. Is it hot in here? Did you forget to pay the AC bill this month?”

“Are you proposing to me right now?” You’re trying to joke but you’re breathless. “You’re proposing to me as a gimmick to get me to bear your children?”

Minho cringes. “Saying it like that makes me sound manipulative.”

“It’s kinda manipulative.”

“You’re the one who said you wanted to be married before having kids. And I want to do both of those things with you eventually, so why not now?”

Your vision is blurring. For a moment you worry you actually are fainting, but then you realize that you’re crying instead.

“Stop playing with me, Minho, I’m so serious.”

“I’m not playing with you. I actually already bought a ring, but I didn’t know if the timing was right. Like you said, we’re young, and I didn’t know how you felt about getting married so soon. So I thought I’d ask eventually but-”

You lunge forward and kiss him. If you’d felt stressed earlier while taking the test, that’s nothing compared to the depth of emotion you’re feeling now as you hold each other. It’s like joy is filling you up so much that you don’t know where your body behind and ends.

When you finally separate, Minho asks,

“Is that a yes?”

“You’re not proposing to me in our living room,” you tell him. “You have to ask me again. Later. Don’t even show me the ring. Wait, what color is it? You know I only wear gold.”

“You think I’d forget something like that? I’m going to be your husband. I know what jewelry you wear.”

If he wasn’t holding you up, you think you’d actually collapse to the ground from the way you absolutely swoon.

“Propose to me again and I’ll say yes. Right now, I need you to put a baby in me.”

“You want to walk down the aisle pregnant? Your dream wedding dress has a corset.”

“Oh my god, we’ll do it before I start showing, just fuck me, please!”

Minho doesn’t make you ask a third time.

#skz x reader #skz x you #skz imagines #lee know x reader #lee know x you #lee know imagines #another one under posts that are only funny to me lmfaoooo but this was SO fun to write #short n sweet album series

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hibiscuslovecandles · 4 months ago

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✿MY LOVE✿| BSD

Genre:Fluff,parenting,crack,GN!READER Warnings:Children,babies,not proofread,may be ooc,Let me know if there's any warning I missed! Featuring:Chuuya Nakahara, Edgar Allan Poe, Gin Akutagawa, Doppo Kunikida Note:My next headcanon post after this might come out pretty damn late, I've been a neet for 3 years and I'm being forced to get a job and get a drivers permit so it'll take awhile

🍷When you mentioned wanting to have kids while the two of you were watching a movie together cuddled up on the couch together while drinking wine nearly made him choke on his wine. You two had a good hour long conversation on the topic of kids.

🍷After waiting some time for Chuuya to be mentally prepared for the responsibilities that come with being a parent, he brought up the topic again. That's how you ended up becoming parents.

🍷When they were still a baby it was common to see Chuuya sitting on the playmat with them humoring the infants nonsense and making sure they didn't swallow anything that could kill them.

🍷Whenever the baby would cry in the middle of the night Chuuya always would insist that you stay in bed while he goes to check. 20 minutes would pass and you'd see Chuuya in the rocking chair of the nursery, baby in his arms, fast asleep.

🍷Will take so much pride if the baby says their first words in his presence. It doesn't need to be dada or anything any word and he has the most stupid smile you've ever seen on his face.

🍷Makes sure you and the baby are safe at all costs, the apartment is COMPLETELY baby proof, Chuuya is even mildly offended if you say he's doing too much.

🍷You don't know that Chuuya has a entire folder on his phone dedicated to you and the baby, you don't that these photos were even taken since they were all taken when you preoccupied with the baby like when you're giving them a bath or you building a sand castle with them at the beach, of course he has photos of the two most important people in his life.

🍷Chuuya was sadly….out on business when they took their first steps, when you two video called that night per routine you told him and Chuuya felt like shit for not being there for it….then there was the baby hitting the screen of your phone not quite understanding why Chuuya is inside a rectangle.

🍷When Chuuya returned the first thing he needed was to see his baby and when you placed the baby on the ground and he saw his baby waddle towards him, he wanted to cry, but he didn't it just holding his baby once they reached him.

🍷You are required to send him photos whenever you and the baby are doing something and he can't be there. Send him that photo of the baby on the swing set, send him the photo of the baby flipping through those baby books, send it!!!

🍷He has photos of all three of you together in his wallet. There's nothing he loves more.

🍷Was originally strongly against diaper duty but now takes it upon himself to do it.

🍷Reads all the ingredients used on the back of the baby food and makes sure nothing in the baby bottles you guys buy has any remotely harmful chemicals. He can't lose this one thing.

🍷And a baby grows into a child.

🍷Whenever he's scolding your child for doing something bad and he gets too frustrated he'll have you take the reigns since he wants to avoid taking his anger out on his child.

🍷Chuuya might not be around often due to his uh…position at work but once his kid starts developing interests he keeps those intact. His child into animals? Taking them to the zoo next week. His kid into sports? Signing them up for baseball as soon as possible.

🍷Whenever Chuuya feels like he missed out on something due to work he'll lay next to you in bed and ask you if he's a bad dad while just looking at the ceiling.

🍷Chuuya is the dad that his kid has no memory of ever seeing him cry when they get older. Mostly because he only really cries by himself and occasionally in your arms in bed.

🍷Has scared off multiple people he thinks were getting too close to his kid.

🍷You have a photo of a completely unbothered Chuuya sitting on the couch reading as your kid is practically climbing him with their blanket as a make shift cape.

🍷Chuuya is always there for whenever you need some you time and just need a break and is completely understanding. He'll take you out for a nice relaxing night out as a close friend of yours watches over your kid granted Chuuya was very hesitant to leave your kid. Not a single hair on their head will be hurt without someone dying.

🍷Whenever your kid comes home from school having a bad day they know they can tell Chuuya as he will hold them close and rub their back and whisper reassuring words as he listens.

🍷When the two of you got called by the school only you could go and pick up your kid since Chuuya was busy doing stuff. Your child got into a fight on the playground is what you told Chuuya when you got home and seeing him washing his hands of…stuff in the kitchen sink, Chuuya was proud of his kid, not for fighting that's bad, but for winning said fight.

🍷 “Did they win?”

🍷 “Not the point Chuuya.”

🍷 “I know but-”

🍷Will sit down and talk to them as to why fighting is wrong and why they shouldn't do it unless absolutely necessary his job doesn't count.

🍷Always tries his best to get your kid the best gift on their birthday. It's like a competition for you two just without any stakes.

🍷Chuuya puts your kid into private school for their entire life, only wanting the very best for your kid.

🍷You could be busy sitting with your kid helping them with their math homework at the dining table and you'll suddenly feel a pair of lips on your cheek. Chuuya returning from a uh…business trip earlier than expected and surprising the both of you!

🍷Chuuya will take a mental photo whenever he sees you and your child sleeping because your child was scared of the thunderstorm outside and wanted to sleep with you two. Seeing the way your child is curled up into your chest and you snoring away is a sight he'll cherish. He loves you two so much.

🦝When you mentioned kids to Poe you had to catch him when he fainted…..it took him quite awhile to warm up to the idea of kids mostly because he's worries if he'll be a good father, he was on board with kids after alot of time but you didn't mind, kids are alot of work and fragile so of course he's hesitant.

🦝The way it was brought up was when he cooking dinner and you were just getting home from work, he had been building up the courage all day so when he heard that front door open he yelled from the kitchen that he was ready for kids…you hadn't even taken off your shoes yet, when you entered the kitchen and asked him to repeat himself because what the fuck was that he was so embarrassed from how he mentioned the topic back up that he refused to even look at you.

🦝Poe had to be taught by you on how to hold a baby and when he looked down into his arms and he saw the warm, squishy, soft, mini human in the fluffy blanket he let out tears of joy, you couldn't really tell though since how hysterically he was crying.

🦝Despite him originally being WAY more opposed to having kids than you were he knows way more about babies than you, having read only the finest books on babies and honestly might mansplain at you about your baby.

🦝Should you leave your baby with a racoon?probably not but when you and Poe both are trying to figure out what's wrong with the bathroom sink there's Karl in the doorway giving your baby a bottle. You're so glad you got a picture of that.

🦝The first time Ranpo came face to face with your baby was when he was going to leech off you two again by crashing at your guy's place and when Poe opened the door he immediately noticed the baby crying in your arms trying to calm them down. Ranpo pushed past Poe just to poke. Poke at your baby and they stopped???

🦝Poe goes to those mommy support groups and it's honestly surreal to see him at the park with all his mom friends talking about their pediatricians.

🦝Whenever Poe makes a mistake like being too loud infront of the baby it keeps him up at night and him muttering about how your baby is going to cut him off as soon as possible and you have to put a stop to this thinking.

🦝Has a photo album dedicated to your baby's growth.

🦝Despite them being a baby and not being able to understand what's being said to them yet Poe reads them bed time stories.

🦝You were playing in the snow with your baby while Poe was inside working on his novel when they said their first words and you rushed inside, baby in arms, to get them repeat their words to Poe and when they do Poe snatched them from your arms and showered their face in so many kisses.

🦝The two of you turned your back from the baby for two seconds while adding a new wall decoration to the nursery when you guys hear Karl make a ear piercing squeal and when you two whipped around the last thing you two expected to see was your baby standing on Karl's tail- wait what. The moment was quickly over when your baby fell back on their bum and cried from how loud Karl was. The two of you were so happy for their first steps less happy about all the yelling but this'll be a fond memory in the future.

🦝Babyhood to childhood.

🦝Hes kind of a push over, if his child begs enough he will buy them whatever they want its usually up to you or Karl to slap some sense into him Karl in a more literal sense to make sure they don't grow up spoiled.

🦝Ranpo ends up being the uncle to sneak candy or a dollar to your kid whenever he sees them to which you scold him and your child. Considering how often Ranpo freeloads off you and Poe he might as well be another child.

🦝Poe is still in contact with the moms from his mom-baby classes and takes your child to play dates with the other moms children.

🦝On his desk are photos of your child on their birthday and a photo of you and him on your wedding day.

🦝Ranpo and Karl are a surprisingly good babysitting duo whenever you and Poe just want a night to yourselves because believe it or not having to make sure a fun sized human with the survival skills of a cabbage doesn't die can be stressful though you and Poe never find out all the hijinks that happen on those nights cause Ranpo bribes your kid to not say anything about the three of them getting lost in a city one hour from your home.

🦝He reads as many books and observes how you handle things whenever it comes to having to disciplining your child so that he can feel like a actually good parent, he looks up to you so much you don't even know.

🦝He still showers your child's face with kisses even if they do start getting embarrassed by it.

🦝He has taken it upon himself to homeschool your child, changing his schedule for his child, being very hands on like taking your kid outside for science lessons :)

🦝One time when Poe was busy writing he walked out his office to see you covered in scratches, you got them when you tried to get Karl to match clothes with your kid. Poe tended to your scratches.

🦝The horror that appeared on both your faces when you two noticed your child was in the bathroom for a weird amount of time so you guys went to check and they were cutting their own hair. Rest of their childhood from then on they had short hair.

🦝Multiple bags filled with clothes that your kid has grown out of that Poe refuses to get rid. Just reminds him of how tiny they used to be.

🦝Poe got into the habit of eating baby food when your kid was still a baby and only recently has stopped.

🦝Immediately hugged your child when they fell off their bike for the first time while learning.

🦝Poe likes answering questions about basic things that your child asks like why is the fridge light only on when you open it? Why can't he play right now? He just finds these questions about simple things that any adult understands amusing.

🦝Poe's heart gets all mushy whenever he sees you tucking your child in. He has it all.

🔪When you mentioned children to Gin while the two of you were making dinner together she froze in place, tears began to poke out of her eyes and it wasn't because of the onions she was cutting, she needed space and time to think it over and so you stepped back.

🔪You were suprised when months after you initially asked the question she gave a answer to your question while the two of you were on a ice skating date. You completely forgot about it so when she told you she thinks ready you were really confused. You aren't confused anymore now that you two are parents.

🔪You'll come home to a eerily silent house and just witness Gin sitting on the living room floor just watching your baby.

🔪Gin triple checks to make sure the car seat is secure before driving.

🔪Ryuunosuke has affections for your baby, after all their family and will protect them with his life, but has he ever supported the weight of the baby in his own two arms? Absolutely not. The closest he's got to holding them was using rashomon to take them when you forcibly handed the baby to him while you scrambled to turn the stove off after you realized you left it on and even them he put the baby on the ground next to him immediately.

🔪She is aware that the nature of her job might prevent her from spending time with you two so she always tries to keep things as snappy and clean as possible so she can make it home in time for dinner.

🔪Whenever you tired after taking care of the baby she'll gladly run you a nice bath and wash your back for you.

🔪You two have a entire manual prepared just in case you guys have to leave your baby with Ryuunosuke.

🔪Gin is very hesitant to give the baby any sugar but does feed them sugar every once in awhile for good behavior due to you convincing her.

🔪She gushes over your baby's first words, you were coming back from hanging out with friends and see her gently pinching your baby's cheeks and you don't even get to ask what's up when the baby repeats the word again.

🔪Prides herself in being the best mother ever.

🔪The baby was sleeping in bed with the two of you once and cried seeing Gin sleep with her eyes open. Fun memory years later, Not fun in the moment.

🔪You have a photo of her sleeping on the couch with the baby sleeping in the position as her under her arm, she'll never know you have this photo.

🔪A baby eventually turns into a child.

🔪Gin is the one who styles the kid’s hair.

🔪Has a photo of your kid on the first day of school as her lockscreen.

🔪Your kid is in public school, Gin just wants your kid to have a normal average average childhood.

🔪Takes everything her kid says very seriously, the kid could be talking about the most recent episode of their favorite show and she'll be listening intently.

🔪Please give her a head massage at the end of the day she deserves it considering her job and the kid.

🔪Whenever your kid does something bad Gin calmly sits down and explains why what the did was bad and why they shouldn't do it again ignore her job details .

🔪Your child's playdates just make Gin happy to see her child enjoy something she never did.

🔪If she gets home earlier than expected she'll help your kid with their homework.

🔪Your child has most definitely said “Eewwwww!” seeing you two slow dance together

🔪No one knows about you or your kid's existence. She stays private about it and wants to keep you two safe.

📒He was the one to mention kids to you when the two of you were getting ready for bed, he's financially and mentally ready to have a child are you? He handled the conversation with you with much care and if you ever got overwhelmed during the conversation he'd help calm you down.

📒Kunikida made sure to spend days talking about this subject with you since having a child is a life altering event. And now the life altering event is here.

📒He does those little baby leg exercises every morning before work so that your baby has enough leg strength for when they start walking.

📒Kunikida is not embarrassed to wear a baby carrier.

📒You were caught having one of the babies snacks and Kunikida snatched it away saying it was for the baby not you!

📒Doesn't mention you or the baby unless someone asks and when they do he talk about the two of you with so much pride.

📒When the day with the baby was particularly exhausting Kunikida will cup your face and tell you that you're doing a amazing job and only shower you with praise about how he admires your strength.

📒Kunikida and you were at the park having a picnic as a date together when you got a call from the family member that was baby sitting for the two of you that your baby took their first steps. Kunikida wanted to immediately get up and go see for himself but he didn't, this day was about you two celebrating your anniversary. When you guys went to pick up the baby though Kunikida cried on his knees when he saw the baby stumble on over to you two.

📒You were sitting on the bathroom sink recording Kunikida giving your baby a bath when they decided to say their first words, a shock to the both of you since they were months late to say their first words so the two of you just froze. Then you realized you got it on video and told Kunikida… he just smiled and gave your baby a kiss on the forehead and kept bathing them. This video is cherished.

📒You have all the gifts that Kunikida’s co-workers gave you guys on a shelf, some of them missed the assignment but it's the thought that counts though the crotchet stuffed cat by his co worker ‘Junichiro’ has to your favorite out the bunch.

📒You'll wake up in the middle of the night and realize Kunikida isn't there. Everytime you'll walk into the nursery and see him with the baby having fell asleep in the rocking chair.

📒Kunikida knows that his job requires him to do something life threatening things so he records his voice, talking about anything and everything talking about his schedule, how much he loves you and the baby, his time at work, just incase he doesn't end up coming home.

📒Luckily he made it to your babies childhood he still has voice messages just incase.

📒Instead of tying his kids shoes for them he decided to turn it into a lesson and teach then how to tie their own shoes.

📒Playdates are always held at your home because the other parents no for a fact that their kids are safe.

📒When your kid scraped their knee when they tripped over the pavement Kunikida was the first person on the scene.

📒You have a framed photo of your kid messily braiding Kunikida’s hair.

📒Might embarrass the kid but he doesn't care, his kid is required to bundle up as much as possible during winter.

📒Raising kid can be exhausting, he gets it, so. While your kid is being watched over at a family members house he takes the two of you to a nice planetarium date.

📒Your kid will activately be saying “Gross!” While you cover them in kisses.

📒Kunikida will take off his glasses for 000.1 seconds he'll look back and your kid took them.

📒Your kid cleans their own room and washes their own dishes.

📒…Good chance your kid had to help Ranpo get on the train before.

📒From the way you and your kid walk into the grocery store with blacked out sunglasses they probably thought you two were about to raid the place when in reality your kid just wanted to feel cool while getting their favorite snack.

📒Your kid always feels loved because every night before they close their eyes they see you and Kunikida telling them goodnight before the lights are out.

📒You feel loved. Kunikida doesn't fall asleep until he knows you two are asleep, just a safety thing.

Smoking and drinking beer with If I Die Young by The Band Perry while posting this lol

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd kunikida #bsd fluff #bsd gin #bsd chuuya #bsd edgar allan poe #bsd poe #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bsd imagines #chuuya x reader #kunikida x reader #gin akutagawa x reader #edgar allan poe x reader

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cravingpepsimax · 3 months ago

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ok no one asked but i did get a few likes + a rb on the post so here's my modern 30s ford

there are some important things to note about ford:

ford would've been born in the 90s

ford would still have been a friendless outcast

ford would still be intelligent and have an interest in the paranormal

there were approximately 45 million people using the internet back in 1996. the chances that the pines wouldn't have internet access at some point while ford was growing up is low. people who are lonely are more likely to use the internet frequently, since that's where they're getting a lot of their social interaction. filbrick would probably promote this, too -- he's focused on success and the internet's booming, he'd probably want his kid to be well-versed on internet stuff. hell, my parents have never been anywhere near filbrick's level, and they felt the same way, which is how i grew up with unrestricted internet access.

this is all to say that ford is -- at least in spirit -- a neet. not even your typical brand of chronically online, this guy regularly uses 4chan (specifically, i could see him liking the /sci/, /x/, and /tg/ boards).

think about it! so much internet shit comes from 4chan, it's inevitable that he'd immerse himself into it if he's online all the damn time and is interested in weird paranormal shit. i imagine stan's grown used to a lot of his 4chan weirdness atp

(to clarify -- this is pre-bill. ford just looks like that because he doesn't spend time taking care of himself. he lives in the basement. which reminds me: canon ford is literally a basement dweller isn't he LMAO)

the stancest implications are staggering, since 4chan is pretty cool with incest, if not outright pro-incest at certain points.

this also creates the hilarious feelings realization moment where stan's panicking, freaking the fuck out because oh my god he has feelings for his twin, while ford -- due to years, possibly a decade+ of 4chan use -- doesn't really gaf LMAO

#stancest #i don't have an actual name for this modern au take i've just been calling it the #neet ford au #idk if he's actually in grad school or not considering that he'd probably end up being very conspiratorial and anti-authority so i'm not #sure if he'd actually trust academic institutions at all #and would probably think any kind of research on the paranormal would be rejected outright

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dgrailwar · 7 months ago

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Round 2, Day 2 - MOONCANCER vs. AVENGER

"…The delivery guy was supposed to be here by now. I really don't wanna go outside and check… the outside world is dangerous… but I guess I'll have to give it my pico-best. So, one glance! Then we return to our hiding place, and never leave again. Zero social interaction, zero eye contact, zero conversation-- alright, let's go!"

She stepped outside, climbing up the basement steps and emerging in an alleyway. She looked around, before catching sight of someone. She pointed.

"Ohh, look… a handsome guy. He'd totally fit into an otome game… Forget it, I'm way outta his league, and you guys are too if you're hanging with a NEET. He probably wouldn't even notice--"

A moment passed, as the 'handsome man' in the alleyway caught sight of the MoonCancer… and smiled.

"Eh? Eh, eh, eeeeh? Wait a second-- look! He's approaching? He's smiling at me? Is it finally happening? My 'meet cute' romance flag?"

He was approaching. Slowly and carefully, as they locked eyes. They could both feel the mana in the air, dense and terrifying. Divinity clashing against something far darker.

"…An enemy Servant." The Avenger said, carefully. "And one of great magical power, I can feel it. As expected of an Extra-Class!"

"Geh-- Great magical power? M-M-Me?! Wait--!" You could see the color drain from the MoonCancer's face, as she slowly began to back up. "L-L-Listen, I'm really just hanging out-- I'm practically a civilian! I'm barely even a S-Servant! Can't you cut me some slack?"

"…No."

He drew a blade. A sword, roiling with bitter flames, as he pointed it towards her.

"Servant of the Holy Grail War. My Masters have given me the order to kill you, mademoiselle… and therefore, you will witness hell."

"See?! This is why going outside is dangerous! Every flag is a red flaaaaag!"

Ganesha: +7%

The Count of Monte Cristo: +4%

Both Ganesha and the Count gain a +1% boost due to their Defensive choices in the previous round!

Servant Skills:

Ganesha (MoonCancer)

Ganesha's defensive play was interrupted! Her skill boosts will reset next round!

Vinayaka (EX Rank): When 'Playing Defensively' gain a +5% bonus to scores, and you cannot be caught off guard. If you are unbothered, then this increases by 1% each time you are not attacked, resetting back to 5% once you're engaged in combat. However, this negates the inherent MoonCancer trait of ‘being unable to be targeted while Playing Defensively’. (Current boost: +6%)

Broken Tusk (B Rank): When engaged in a 1-on-1 confrontation (while not Playing Defensively), gain a +3% boost. Additionally, apply the MoonCancer Class Trait of 'not taking damage if there's a 3% difference in scores' to 1-on-1 battles as well. If Ganesha has been ‘Playing Defensively’ uninterrupted for 3 or more turns (in a row), when she goes on the offense, her attack bonus increases from 3% to 6% for that specific round. (Current defensive turn count: 1)

MOONCANCER-CLASS Servants are experts in manipulating the world and environment to take advantage. They cannot be targeted while 'Playing Defensively'. Additionally, when engaged in a Free-for-All, they gain a +3% boost, and if they score last place and there's at least a 3% difference in their score and 2nd place, they may avoid damage.

The Count of Monte Cristo (Avenger)

Determination of Steel (EX Rank): If Avenger is about to take a fatal wound, if there's at least a 3% difference in their score and the victor above him, he may avoid damage. When facing a single-target (1-on-1), he will gain a +3% boost.

Monte Cristo Mythologie: The King of the Cavern (C Rank): When battling enemies, his flames are like a poison. He reduces demerits against him by 3%, and when he is victorious against another, he inflicts a -2% demerit for their next round. This demerit increases by 2% by every 10% difference in scores.

AVENGER-CLASS Servants are vengeful by nature. The first time they are defeated by a Servant, they gain an automatic +2% bonus against that specific Servant, without needing to study them (but can in order to increase the bonus). They gain a permanent +3% bonus per wound they attain that will remain if the wound remains, but will disappear if the wound is healed.

#combat phase poll #team avenger #team mooncancer

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pointless-discourse · 9 months ago

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homestuck characters as related to trans stuff

head canon

JOHN EGBERT

closeted repping tgirl who will likely not realize she's trans until after 16

avoids mirrors, unhappy with appearance but tries to avoid looking at it

gets dressed in the dark

once she comes out she's gonna dress like the most hideous anime girl for the first few months

like goes HAM

her fav nerd shirts paired with a weird fucking skirt but eventually it looks really good just because of how much time she spends on it now that she likes how she looks

DAVE STRIDER

cool cis guy that will respect the pronouns

will treat people the same regardless of transness

goes down the transfem nonbinary any pronouns route in mid 20s

unfathomably chill

JADE HARLEY

divisive subject. either cool nerdy tgirl or closeted trans guy

tgirl jade puts a lot of effort into dressing for the sake of mirrors

doesn't necessarily look GOOD (ultranerd furry island social recluse) but she looks intresting

however tgirl jade doesn't voicetrain and not only is her voice kinda clocky but also very hoarse from lack of use

closeted transguy/transmasc nonbinary jade is very online and performative feminine stuff until he realizes in his late teens he's trans

does not learn what trans is until late teens, very in sheltered parts of the internet despite being very online

was out online years before he came out irl

third option: chill cis girl who, during

ROSE LALONDE

terf

no hate to rose she is one of my top three characters in all of homestuck but she is very terf vibes

she spends a lot of time "debating" with trans people online (harassment) and frequents a lot of terf forums

i think that after a few years of earth c and maybe meteorstuck she grows past it and eventually to her it's not a fight she's proud to be the lead general of but a phase she's really embarassed of, much like her other silly 13 year old traits

i also really like tgirl rose, not for character basis but i think its cool and i (obviously) love trans headcanons

KARKAT VANTAS

i am very divided between ftm and cis guy.

cis guy karkat is cool, he's very much just some guy who's comfortable in his "girly" hobbies and, while isn't really tied into his physical appearance, isn't dysphoric and is just a little insecure

however: humanstuck karkat will always be trans in my mind, just for the persecution bit, although i would also buy ethnically-middle-eastern adopted into a white american family karkat

he'd be a truscum or just kinda shitty to nonpassing trans people i think, we've seen how many alternian empire boots he licks so conforming to the status quo as a pick-me minority is not above him

again i think he would grow out of it in his later teen years/early 20s (like in the comic) but i don't ever see humanstuck karkat escaping the eternal shame that kind comes with being trans

ARADIA MEDIG0

ily weird unnerving tgirl aradia she is like so that to me. she reminds me of the boymoder NEET memes i see chronically online trans girls on reddit posting

but also i do equally enjoy weird girlboss cis girl aradia

either way she is far too etheral to be bothered with gender stuff

like you could come out to her with sixteen hard to pronounce xenos, pass so badly you unearth masculinity/feminity so prominent it burns to the touch, and she would not give a single fuck. and she would never mess up with pronouns and shit

tAVROS nITRAM

i see her as a hardcore deep deep in the closet repper tgirl as like a core part of my interpretations and yet i can never imagine her coming out

like i just see her boymoding forever

not really? like i think it would happen eventually i just can't visualize it

hypothetically i could see her being one of those cool goth girls named lilith but it seems very removed from the original starting point

2OLLUX CAPTOR

repping tgirl or amab nonbinary or just plain cis

either way still horrifically greasy and that will never change

there is no self reflection that will even vaguely incentivize sollux to maintain his hygeine

:33< NEPETA LEJION

cis girl

maybe comes out as ftm in 20s? if trans, i could also see nepeta repping till death

like just a weird cis girl who is like "oh, you're trans? just like in my warrior cats rp discord server!"

again, gives more of a fuck about gender than aradia but it is close

she just cares if you will listen to her talk about her ships and art

nepeta is the type of person where it might take her a while get the new name and stuff right

"HER PRONOUNS ARE THEY/THEM!"

but she would be your staunch defender

KANAYA MARYAM

eh? nothing strong here, i don't really have a hc for her

but there is a lot of mtf symbolism in the comic and i do enjoy that

like a socially awkward youngshit who's not out to many people because she can't really bring herself to correct people in public but still has a really passing voice even after first coming out

bad facial dysphoria

do like her as intersex. feels right

TEREZI PYROPE

nonbinary

no genders, all the genders, new genders, old primal genders, everything

both simultaneously afab and amab but not intersex?

the living embodiment of androgyny

probably has a very long list of neos/xenos but is any pronouns

you cannot misgender her. hes too cool.

VRISKAAAAAAAA SERK8!!!!!!!!

transgirl transgirl transgril

literally not even a headcanon at this point vriska is a trans girl and that is that!!!!!!!!

if you disagree im kickng your ass so hard it comes out of your mouth. your days are numbered and that number is 0. (not 8 :( )

EQUIUS

option one: cis gymbro chaser.

he sleeps with trans men to steal their t shots

in the streets he'll occasionally say the weird shit but i know he'd be crankin his hog to futa/cuntboy shit by night

option two: trans girl

never comes out because of insecurity but indulges in long hair and the occasional skirt in private and then feels really bad about it

option three: insane roided trans man

t gave him big muscles and big sex drive

option three poiont 5.

racist sexist homophobic nonbinary

like drops the most despicable shit in conversation and finsihes it off with "my pronouns are actually they/them), like one of those nazi femboys

GAMZEE MAKARA

does not gaf

cis (? idk) guy who is fine with any pronouns and crossdresses for fun

i guess not technically cis? but still identifies as a man when it comes down to it. like barely guy

FEFERI PEIXIES

cis girl who is a little infantilizing

if you're transfem she will give you makeup tips

but still a little hugboxy

"oh no you totally pass even though you're 8'100 and have a full beard! women come in all shapes and sizes!" (not shitting on the made up trans girl here, passing is fucking hard and it has no bearing on personal worth)

JANE CROCKER

jane is a repping/closeted trans man and you can pry this from my cold dead hands

the mustache? the projection onto only male figures?

also i think its fun with jane's ties to the girls-only fuchsiablood club that he ends up a dude

also st4t janeroxy my beloved

DIRK STRIDER

gonna be honest here no strong leanings

i am a firm believer that estrogen would save her but i dont really think of dirk as anywhere on the gender spectrum

maybe just cis dirk? i could buy cis dirk

JAKE ENGLISH

one one hand i would like the transmasc rep being not restricted to hairless twinks and i would enjoy ftm jake that way

transmasc nonbinary jake is an insane concept to me but i do find myself intrested

a little iffy on the trans headcanons (especially transmasc) because a big part of the concept of jake english is that he's a big strong man who takes on the literary role of an objectified girl character and having him be

ROXY LALONDE

ex twinkhon femboy now BDD gigapassoid

literally one of the most gorgeous trans women you will ever meet

creating e substitutes in her laboratory since age 12

again not even those most immersed in trans culture and the ways of clocking would be able to tell thats how good she is

her speaking patterns hail solely from those cutesy minecraft/unboxing youtubers she religiously watched as a small child

however she is fully convinced that she doesn't pass for shit so she believes that every genuine complement and people treating her like a woman is just them being nice

she'll attempt to boymode and go "stealth" in scenarios where she doesn't want to be visibly trans but it fucking backfires because everyone assumes she's ftm

DIRK STRIDER

trans man with literally no basis because my dirk-themed friend is also a trans man

4channer transman robotics nerd dirk my beloved

DAMARA MEGIDO

transfem ig? or cis woman

very girl adjacent

idk i dont think about the dancestors much

RUFIOH NITRAM

cis man

MAYBE trans man

i am also cool with that

MITUNA CAPTOR

cis man

MAYBE transfem nonbinary

KANKRI VANTAS

trans man because very few cis men were tumblr "SJW"s

and he reminds me of of some chronically online trans guys i used to hang around

also hes very fuckign petite and girls and feminend and twinky dinky and im just projecting my dysphoria onto him sorrie kankri fans

MEULIN LEJION

cis fujo girl

when she discovered trans men she was like 'YAAAAAS MPREG'

will respect your pronouns and shit but is VERY HORNY

lowkey chaser that will also date cis people

PORRIM MARYAM

two choices: cool goth transbian or lesbian terf

cool goth transbian is the nice one. first off, she looks a lot like some transfem transition goals ive seen online.

second, cool feminist could also be trans rights and trans people are kinda forced into being political

third, being flat as a board could also be interpreted as her just not having tits (tho she does seem like the type to DIY HRT)

TERF porrim (correct): first, a lot of "feminists" turn out to be bitchy to trans people

second, her activism for groups she's a part of and groups she likes is good, but she really infantilizes kankri, and considering that's the beforan equivalent of hemoracism, if trans people didn't fit her motto she would not hesitate to shit on them

LATULA PYROPE

cis girl. maybe she/they

ARANEA SERKET:

trans girl serkets trans girl serkets

would also buy cis girl that makes you wonder if she's actually a repressed ftm because some of her actions are a littttttttle suspicious

HORRUS ZAHHAK

cis man who ends up hanging out with a lot of trans women anyway due to shared intrests in hyperpop and furry stuff

again very respectful, very small chance that he's chaser-y

KURLOZ MAKARA

i honestly do not know and this isnt because i dont really care about his character, it just evades me

transcends gender

could be cis woman, fuck if i know. i'd buy that

all and neither a gender above our human comprehension

CRONUS AMPORA

trans man that proves tboys are real men because they can be just as creepy and awful as cis men

thinks him being trans means he's immune to all types of discrimination

uses it a pity point/to get out of stuff

MEENAH PEIXIES

maybe tgirl? idk

may just be cis

possibly transmasc nonbinary

tho i lean mostly towards cis woman whos gnc and actually cool with trans peopel (be aware she will still groom them tho)

equal opportunity grooming

CALLIOPE

technically transfem anyway because her body isn't sexed so shes kinda intersex

but even if she wasnt a cherub she would still be transfem anyway

chronically online transgirl who spends most of her time in internet spaces with cis girls of her same age

warrior cats fan

humanstuck calliope hung around the warrior cats girls since elementary and never left

CALIBORN

evil trans man

transmasc for same reasons as calliope

humanstuck caliborn avoided all female socialization because he didn't socialize and instead spent his formative years on 4chan

the nature of the /lgbt/ board probably gave him some shame about being ftm

DAD EGBERT and crocker as well, very similar people

cis man who is a staunch ally

MOM LALONDE

cis ally

she's trying? can't say anything more

will occasionally and unintentionally say some out of pocket shit about trans people she knows when drunk

will mess up the pronouns a lot because very scatterbrained

GRANPA HARLEY:

cis man who lowkey fetishizes trans people

straight but fucks non-passing transmen because he doesn't see them as men

trans women are some exotic fetish

if jade came out he would repair his ways tho

NANNA EGBERT

transphobic

not even a terf because she has beef with feminists

but again if john or jane came out she would badger them at first but her love would win out and she would change her views

BRO STRIDER

personally i see him as a cis man but i think trans man bro strider is cool and also an icon

DIRK'S BRO:

cis bisexual man who is cool with trans people

ROXY'S MOM:

cis woman who is in a fucked up evil messy situationship with a transgirl

will trans rights

GRANDMA ENGLISH:

either a. elder trans woman

or b. cis woman (a little nonbinary) who is accepting

does not know the terminology

"oh so you want to live as a woman now? alright, i suppose. i had a friend like that back in college"

HIC:

evil elder trans woman who has an illegal diy hrt empire

will sell out the trans community if it benefits her

grifter

LIL CAL

i dont know it s scary

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hanaybuns · 12 days ago

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see, i have so many ideas for the type of girls that the matsus should end up with based on their strengths and weaknesses, lemme explain:

Osomatsu: osomatsu is all issues... he doesn't really know who he is outside of the group, he's objectively very selfish at times, and he's somehow both a pervert and a coward when it comes to women. but at the end of the day, he's a laid back big bro who always knows the right thing to say to diffuse a situation. the girl he ends up with has to be the complete opposite. i want her to be high strung, very type A. she should be successful, her job gives her a lot of responsibility, but she's up to the task. she's not boring exactly, but she spends so much time working that she can't enjoy herself without feeling like she could be using the time more productively. osomatsu would flirt with her and ofc she's like "someone get this bum off of me." it starts as a one off thing, but he finds himself actually interested in this big boss lady. talking to her makes him almost actually want to improve, because he really gets a look at what a real leader is like. talking to him makes her admire his freedom and humor and helps her unwind. it's slow, but over time, osomatsu actually feels the need to chase her and try to win her over. in the process, osomatsu subtly changes for the better, as he tries to emulate the traits that he admires in her. i think they'd learn a lot from each other.

Karamatsu: karamatsu's issue is that he lives in this delusion where he's convinced that he's the coolest guy in the world and that everyone around him admires him to no end. as a result, he often struggles to say what he's really thinking and feeling (or listen to others) because he's trying to keep up his cool image. kara needs to end up with someone way cooler than him. just objectively this cool, badass girl. and she needs to be kinda blunt (like karamatsu). someone that can challenge him to really say what he's thinking and open up, but not rude to the point where she actually hurts him. see, she has to be the cool one, but not break the illusion for him that he's the cool one. she'd be someone who struggles to be vulnerable, and he can make her feel loved and cared for. she almost can't really believe that someone could forgive her and care about her despite all her rough edges and the mistakes she makes. but kara is like "i have 5 brothers who torment me relentlessly and i love them with all my heart, nothing you can do will ever make me stop loving you" karamatsu can use his karamatsuisms for romance and love, but she would force him to break away from them when he needs to articulate what he wants or doesn't want. i already wrote a scenario about this made up girl a while back, so you can check that out (please don't).

Choromatsu: ohhh choro-chan... see, choros issue is that he doesn't like women, he worships them. and thats all good and dandy in theory, but would make him really toxic in a relationship because he'll put the girl on an untouchable pedestal. he also lives in this perpetual sense of delusion where he's far more important and responsible than he actually is. see, he has to end up with someone very flawed and also blunt. she needs to be someone who can snap him out of this fantasy that women are these mystical creatures. unlike kara's girl, choro's girl is actually rude. i want her to be rude, messy, funny, and kinda a slob. but the key is that she's very pretty too, which makes this a very frustrating situation for choro. he'll try to tell her that she should act more like a lady, but she'll immediately snap back with "shut up, people with jobs don't listen to girlfriendless neets." and chorochan is miserable because his bros ask him if he likes this girl and he's like "NO she's sloppy and rude and annoying and she drives me up the wall but aaaaurrgghh i can't stop THINKING about her" they'll be really frustrated with each other at first, how can he/she think that he's/she's better than me??!! she's mad because despite being a neet, he actually is more responsible than she is. he's mad because despite being a slob, she actually has a job and contributes to society. but as they open up to each other, they start to appreciate each others characteristics and flaws. oh, and they're both nyaa fans

that's enough for now, i'll do the rest of these weirdos later

#osmt #ososan #karamatsu #osomatsu san #おそ松さん #karamatsu matsuno #choromatsu #osomatsu #no one is gonna see this lmao #but i had to speak my truth

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genericpuff · 1 year ago

Note

A while back you made a post mentioning Down to Earth is trash and I would like to here your take on it. No pressure on it I just like hearing your opinion on things. FYI I hate Kade lol

I did, and I've been meaning to post about it, but I've been taking some extra time to re-read as much as I can so that I could better collect my thoughts :' )

Now I will mention, I have not caught up to the most recent episodes. Most of my thoughts here will reflect the earliest parts of the series, as I didn't end up sticking with this one. So please take my criticisms as someone who just never got into this series for various reasons, not as someone who was incredibly into the comic and fell off it (like I am with LO). I will try to judge it and review it fairly based on that context.

Most of my issues with Down to Earth don't stem nearly as deep as my issues with LO, Let's Play, or even Big Ethel Energy. Frankly, I think the comic is 'fine', but I don't think it's necessarily all that good either, and the amount of attention it gets from the platform lends to the fact that I really think its success is due to a lot of generated hype. This is one of the other comics on the platform that gets a LOT of priority advertising, not quite as egregious as LO, but still a lot.

The short answer: I think the comic is just overrated and pretty basic in terms of its storytelling and art, and I don't think it's necessarily a good "romance" comic for some of the same reasons I don't think LO or Let's Play are good romance comics. I think the only reason I don't get quite as mad at it as I do with LO or BEE or LP is because (as far as I can tell) it's not really advertising itself as some feminist progressive piece of work. It's sorta just "what you see is what you get", and what you get isn't really all that great (for reasons listed below) but at least it doesn't try to sound smarter than it is most of the time. Read it the same way you would watch a fluff anime.

Moving into my long answer, I will say some of the things that were initially appealing about it: the art is very colorful and cutesy, the comedy (for the most part) is inoffensive and simple, and the story is really easy to pick up and get into.

That said, I do think some of those praises are also part of its weaknesses.

While the art gets better over time, there are certain aspects of its stylization that still feel very "baby's first webcomic" to me. Which is great if you're someone who's into that style, but when I read it, it never really stops feeling like a Canvas comic, if you catch my drift. Nothing really sets it apart from the flood of Merryweather-esque fan service comics that are in the Canvas section.

And boy, is there a LOT of fanservice in this comic. I think the main plot point itself is fanservice in and of itself - cutesy anime alien girl crashes on earth, and winds up living with the depressed NEET-like guy, shenanigans ensue from how "inexperienced" she is due to her alien status. Everything from the circumstances of this character's plot to how she's drawn screams "this is for people who like to read about small titty girls with big asses being put into a situation where they have to rely on a man". The comic takes many opportunities to draw the FL, Zaida, as wide as possible (and of course, the ML Kade loves this trait about her, it's one of the first thing he notices aside from the fact that she speaks an alien language and can do weird alien things like telepathy and flying).

Thankfully this does get a little better in the later episodes, you can tell the creator was struggling with anatomy in places and then honed their skills, but there are still times it regresses back to the extremely-pinched-waist-mega-badonker-hips look.

Don't get me wrong, having a protagonist with wide hips like this is all fine and dandy, but there's a point where you can tell it's purely for fanservice and that's definitely what the comic wants you to know from the starting gun. She fits perfectly into that "born sexy yesterday" trope that so many romance FL's do (cough Persephone cough) while also having that "uwu I'm so inexperienced :(((" vibe that you get from characters like Sam in Let's Play. Shit, Kade pretty much starts sexualizing her before he even knows what her deal is as a person. Does he even know how old she is? Is "she" even a "she", do these aliens have different concepts of gender identity or even different types of reproductive organs than what you would find on Earth?

Look, I get it that I'm probably WAY overthinking it, you can write comics about characters from other dimensions and planets without having to get into the nitty gritty of whether or not they have periods, that's fine. But the real problem is the fact that her being from another planet seems to be used purely for creating an infantilized character with extra steps who's easily laughed at for not knowing things (don't even get me started on how "alien" could be replaced with "someone who doesn't speak English or have access to modern devices" in a lot of this comic, but I feel like that's way too deep of a criticism to be pinning on something that's literally designed to be a quirky fanservice fluff comic.)

Like, you want an alien girl who looks human but still acts reasonably like an alien - while even tackling subjects that come with being an "outsider" - without making her act like a literal baby? Starfire from Teen Titans.

(granted, the whole "smooching to transfer information" thing is definitely a little weird in hindsight, and there are definitely moments of fanservice, but that's about as weird as it gets lmao you don't see Starfire acting like a literal toddler, she is smart and capable, she just isn't from Earth, which is the whole point of her characterization being parallel to that of what foreigners experience ! She's not stupid or incapable of taking care of herself, she's just not accustomed to life on Earth!)

Like, this is in one of the newer episodes and I just-

(I suddenly have to throw up-)

It really dials the creep factor of this whole relationship dynamic to 100 when they drive home just how "babylike" she is through panels like this. It's not really her being unaware of customs around her, it's just her being written as babylike as possible with the fact that she's an alien being used as justification.

But it really makes you think about Kade's intentions when he goes straight to buying lingerie for the girl he just met who's been forced to stay with him in his home. He doesn't even really make efforts to help her get on her own feet, he just accepts this as his fate and goes "welp I guess I gotta make sure I don't get fired from my job" because now he has to support the baby girl that landed in his backyard. So Zaida ends up having no agency as a result. It just feels like a contrived situation meant to force an unaware, vulnerable girl into being taken care of by a guy who's, frankly, a creep.

And boy, Kade is actually kind of a creepy scumbag.

Kade makes for a really uninteresting and frankly pathetic character, he's just sort of a whiny man baby and you just know if Zaida was an earthling who had spent time on this planet longer than a few days, she probably wouldn't put up with this shit LOL Like, deadass he basically threatens to harm her within the first few episodes of the comic-

Like, this is after she's ruined his Playstation or w/e, and it's just like DAMN girl, this is a RED FLAG. But of course, she's an alien girl who's ignorant about everything, so it creates that power dynamic where he basically has full reign to take advantage of her at any time. Ladies, if a guy says you shouldn't trust him, take him at his word.

Zaida's characterization is also very inconsistent between her being an alien and her just being an "uwu baby girl". Often times it just makes the whole "alien" thing feel like it's only there to justify writing yet another "I'm babyyyy" romance. Sometimes she's WAY more privy to things than you'd expect her to be and then other times she's doing the dumbest shit for laughs.

Now to be fair, she DOESN'T put up with his shit here, but the fact that the writing for Zaida is inconsistent makes scenes like Kade being a creep being more about the creator realizing they're leaning too hard into her being vulnerable to abuse and so they quickly have Zaida combat it with some strange amount of awareness despite the fact she's only been living with him for a few days... but not enough awareness to maybe realize this isn't a good living situation. Like, again, she may be able to speak English, but that doesn't mean she's fully aware of what Earthlings are like, so she's suddenly really smart about what it means to be taken advantage of by a human man even though everywhere else in the comic she's written like a toddler.

And of course, like many of these webtoons tend to do, they don't linger on the implications of this scene too long, so they quickly turn it into a punchline to ease the tension. Audience comfort restored.

And that brings us to the comedy. The "jokes" in this comic basically boil down to, "haha, the alien girl doesn't know how to take care of herself on Earth!" , which frankly, I think is just a very thin veil for infantilization. I mean, really, the fact that she's an alien doesn't even really matter in the world of this comic, it takes a while for the comic to even really give us a glimpse of what her life was like off Earth so most of the comic is just typical slice of life cutesy moments you'd find in literally any shoujo or romance webtoon. You could switch out the fact that she's an alien with her being from another dimension, or turn it into an isekai where she was the female character in Kade's favorite video game who suddenly got zapped into the real world, and it would make fundamentally zero difference.

They even sorta lampshade this fact but swiftly move on from it.

There's nothing really that makes her an "alien" in any unique or consequential way, she's just a carbon copy anime girl with pointy ears who could be replaced with any other trope from other romance subgenres like this. She can eat human food just fine, dress in human clothes, and as long as she wears a hat over her ears, she's literally indistinguishable from the humans around her.

I will add as well that there are a lot of little ways they hint towards the implied dynamic between these two, at least in the beginning. The whole "second rule: obey" bit, while passed off immediately after as a joke, feels like it was inserted there JUST to create that imbalanced power dynamic that so many "romance" webtoons rely on, similarly to LO and Let's Play. The fact that he corrects himself from this just feels like, again, lampshading.

And again, after this we do see Kade legitimately acting like a creep and he DOESN'T DO ANYTHING to help Zaida get her footing beyond paying for her room and board and telling her to mind her vocabulary, so this seems more like him trying to create a situation that's beneficial to him where he's effectively trapped this girl into relying on him.

They even lampshade this as well so that leads me to believe they're fully aware of this dynamic and how creepy it is, so they try and play it off as a "haha so funny" joke to ease the tension or create suspension of disbelief.

When it comes to the actual execution of punchlines, again, 90% of the jokes in this comic are "haha alien girl so stupid!"

(I will admit this scene did make me laugh, but it's telling that it was the only one that stood out to me for that because every other joke in this series is very mid and resorts to the same type of "haha she's a stupid alien girl" punchlines.)

(omg mental illness! so funny! /s)

If you really want comedy written around aliens describing human things in weird ways, then just go read Strange Planet. They're actually aliens and they're consistently funny through much smarter writing that doesn't rely purely on "lmao they're stupid because they're not from here". If anything the aliens in Strange Planet are way more welcoming and endearing to the concept of being a fish out of water than simply making them stupid for a punchline.

(i swear to christ, "crisscross flop disc" and "prohibit anxiety" are lines that have lived in my head rent free for like 3 years now, it never gets old and THAT'S how you know it's a good joke LMAO)

And the story, as mentioned, is easy to get into, but ultimately that winds up meaning it's not really all that well done. Like, it's fine! It's a cute comic to read if you're into this sort of thing, there are a lot of sweet little moments that feel good to read between Kade and Zaida, but ultimately because of the focus on the fluff, that's all it ends up feeling like - weekly doses of fluff. Even when it tries to have some semblance of plot, it's quickly undercut by fanservice. So it's just kinda boring and vapid.

Case in point, one of Kade's observations of Zaida is that she apparently looks "just like his ex girlfriend" who he still clearly hasn't gotten over, but we don't actually see even a hint of what his ex-girlfriend looks like until MULTIPLE episodes later after the "sparks" have already started being formed between him and Zaida.

Um... she doesn't really look like Zaida at all aside from them both being generic anime girls, but okay lol by that logic the girl he served at the store in Episode 7 also looks like Zaida.

So it kinda makes the whole relationship feel superficial, like he's only interested in her because she vaguely reminds him of his ex, and it's taking so long to get through any amount of plot through all the fluff that I can't be sure if they ever actually address this. I'd like to think they do eventually, though from what I've heard of the later episodes after his ex-girlfriend makes an appearance, it seems more like they go the LO route of making the two relationship "choices" just be complete opposites where one is actually sweet to the ML and the other is abusive JUST to make the sweet FL seem like the "better option". IDK, obviously my criticism of this is lukewarm because I haven't kept up on this comic in ages, but I have the sneaking suspicion the whole ex-girlfriend-the-ML-can't-get-over plotline isn't gonna be used for his development, just to further propel him and Zaida into a relationship - and by extension, manufactured drama to make their relationship more "interesting".

Overall, I don't think Down to Earth is anywhere near as egregious as Let's Play and LO, but it's definitely cut from the same cloth, and that's why it frustrates me to see it - alongside LO and Big Ethel Energy - being marketed as "new voices in romance".

(also real talk, it's so disingenuous for them to include LO in this "new voices in romance comics" panel when it's been around for so many years that everyone and their grandma who uses WT knows about the comic, if they aren't reading LO by now they REALLY don't want to. It's not "new", if anything it's one of the oldest ongoing webtoons on the platform and it REALLY needs to end already lmao)

Far be it from me to gatekeep an entire genre, but this brand of romance comic isn't really "romance". It's vapid fluff loaded up with egregious fanservice that's meant to give you a hit of dopamine every week, while never lingering on serious scenes for too long because they don't want you to realize just how imbalanced the relationship is between the two main characters. It's not quite as concerning as LO or Let's Play, but it does have a vibe that's really uncomfortable when you start to feel it. So having comics like these held up as the "golden standard" of romance is just... it's really telling as to what WT's priorities are and how unhealthy "romance" has become in mainstream media.

And if I can get a little "old man yelling at cloud" for a second, I miss when romance was sweet and soft and earnest and heartfelt. I think the only mainstream and successful romance webcomic (and it's not even an Originals!) that I've seen in the last several years that isn't loaded up with these problematic tropes is Heartstopper. Heartstopper is sweet and soft and earnest and heartfelt. Heartstopper is way more of a pillar for a healthy romance than what any of these "new voices in romance comics" can provide. It literally couldn't function as an Originals series because the definition of a WT romance comic would undercut the actual point of Heartstopper.

These unhealthy standards and dynamics that we've set in the romance genre have been so pervasive for years now and I really just wish they'd go away.

y'know what, this whole essay is really just a promo post for Heartstopper now, go read it-

#just go read heartstopper #webtoon critical #down to earth critical

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eternalchiyo · 1 month ago

Text

Happy Birthday, Shuu!

Summary: Chiyo and Yuma are known to not be each other's biggest fans. For Shuu, though, they are willing to share... maybe.

Pairing: Chiyo x Shuu x Yuma

❗Content Warning: This story has no plot whatsoever, only R18 content, semi-witty dialogue, a bit of blasphemy, and features my OC. If you don't like, don't read, thanks~❗

Shuu had no idea how in the world he had landed in this situation. One second, he was in the living room and the other he was back in his room sandwiched between two bodies — a tall one in front and a small one in the back. For a moment he started to think that he had died and landed in heaven, because there was no way Chiyo or Yuma were being borderline friendly with each other. But here he was, Yuma’s tongue in his mouth and Chiyo’s tits against his back. Besides, there was no way that he would ever go to heaven.

Two pairs of fangs grazed his neck and lips, one pair slower, more sensual, the other rough and almost bruising. Shuu groaned into the kiss, his hands grabbing the soft material of Yuma’s shirt. The taller man broke the kiss and smirked.

“Heh, I had no idea ya were actually so needy, NEET.” His lips traveled to Shuu’s left ear, the warm breath caressing the sensitive area; his raspy voice making him shudder.

“Shut up,” he said and latched his own lips onto Yuma’s neck, causing the latter to grab his waist and pull him closer. Shuu found his hands nice and big as they held him in place.

A breathy chuckle emerged from behind to Shuu’s right. Chiyo was gently tugging at his clothes, peeling the cardigan off his shoulders and pushing them towards the bed. Yuma seemed to get the hint because he pulled Shuu at the hem of his shirt, tugging it upwards quite unceremoniously. Much smaller, more delicate arms wrapped themselves around his lower torso, manicured fingers tracing the lines of his muscles before starting to work on his belt, hastily unbuckling it and palming him through the fabric of his pants. These guys really wasted no time, huh?

“Mmm… you’re so hard already, Shuu…” she purred against his shoulder blade and placed a wet kiss on it. Another shiver went down his spine at the feeling and he hummed.

Who wouldn’t be hard in such a situation?

Yuma yanked him by the arm, leaving Shuu sitting on the edge of the bed while he watched how Yuma started to undress. If he was being honest, he was a little overwhelmed. This all came as a surprise; nobody had filled him in beforehand that this random visit would turn into this!

Where was he supposed to look? To his left, his childhood best friend was currently throwing his clothes onto the couch, crazy abs on display. And on the other side was his girlfriend with her lace-covered ass up in the air as she picked up her skirt from the floor, neatly putting it away before making her way over to the bed. His mind was not fast enough to compute.

In a matter of seconds Yuma was back at his side again, helping Chiyo to get Shuu’s pants and boxers off him, freeing his dick finally. She knelt before him, pushing his legs apart and settling between them. The look on her face told him she definitely knew what she was doing to him.

He looked down at her and exhaled, leaning back on his arms. She looked so good with his cock next to her face. So good that he had to suppress the urge to just shove it into her mouth until she choked on it. Chiyo’s hand wrapped around the base before starting to gently stroke it. If only she would go harder, he thought. She could be such a tease. He began thrusting his hips upwards to match her pace, eyes already half lidded. This whole situation took him so much by surprise, even his body was overwhelmed.

Suddenly, a huge hand yanked his head back with lots of force, making Shuu groan in half a moan.

“Yer goin’ to ignore me?” he growled.

Yuma’s complaint made him smirk.

“I would never…” he said in a breathy laugh and the grip on his hair tightened. Maybe he’d just start whining like a bitch in heat if that kept up. At the same time, Chiyo traced her tongue flat up his shaft. Wet and warm and just so fucking good. His head strained against Yuma’s grip; he really wanted to see her suck him off, see her soft and pink lips wrapped around him as if it was the only thing she ever needed, but Yuma held him back, forcing him to turn his head to the side.

“Don’t look at her, look at me,” he groaned. And look he did; Yuma’s eyes were beautiful, the brown color almost gone with how dilated his pupils were. The little specks of green, however, still dancing there brightly. He was about to ask him to kiss him again, but his attention diverted again when he heard a dark and breathy chuckle from between his legs. At the same time, the warm and comfortable feeling of Chiyo wrapped around him disappeared, leaving him feel incomplete.

“Jealous?” The question was obviously targeted at Yuma, who had finally let go of Shuu’s hair, letting him sit back up normally. Chiyo’s warm breath hit the tip of his dick and made him squirm in pleasure.

“You’re the one hoggin’ all the interestin’ parts of him!”

Shuu snorted, he found that his face was also quite an interesting part of himself, but oh well.

“I bet you don’t even suck dick.”

“With you down there? Definitely not.”

Shuu watched the scene unfold before him in amusement. He knew these two would never stop bickering. It was surprising enough they had themselves under control enough to be making out with him at the same time. However, he would have never thought the object of their fight would be about who would suck his dick. Not that he would complain either way. He considered himself a winner no matter the outcome.

“But since yer so eager… let me help ya out,” Yuma said and grabbed a fistful of her hair now.

The girl let out a surprised yelp and Shuu’s eyes widened. “Are you okay?” he asked, voice tinted with worry.

He knew she was very sensitive to touch at the back of her head, but his friend might have not been aware. And the last thing he wanted was for her to suffer while trying to give him a good time. She shot him a reassuring gaze, nodding slightly.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. He’s just an idiot,” she said glaring at Yuma, whose demeanor and grip on her hair softened a little before he pushed her head forward, back up close in between Shuu’s legs.

“I hope ya don’t have a gag reflex, Sow… come on, open wide…”

Chiyo took a long breath and wetted her lips, before parting them, letting Yuma guide her onto the twitching cock in front of her. The moan Shuu let out was deep and guttural, he wasn’t even aware he was capable of such a sound. Her tongue wrapped around him so sinfully well; the way Yuma bobbed her head up and down allowing him to hit deeper than usual. Chiyo moaned and the back of her throat tightened around him. It made him moan as well, grabbing Yuma’s shoulder for support.

“Ya look wrecked already…” Yuma murmured into his ear while keeping Chiyo’s head firmly in place. The way she whined and swallowed made him shake. “Do ya like how she feels around your cock?”

He barely managed to nod; if this was going to go on, he’d come in no time. Something in Yuma’s eyes told him he knew. He withdrew Chiyo’s head from him instantly, much to Shuu’s dismay.

“Don’t look at me like that, ya wanna cum so soon already?”

Shuu only blew a stray strand out of his face, not answering verbally and choosing to glare at him half-heartedly instead. Chiyo stood up and joined him on his other side, nuzzling his neck.

“You want to have a go yourself after all?” she teased the other man.

“Tch, ya think a lil’ dick sucking scares me?” Yuma asked and motioned for Shuu to scoot backwards and lie down properly on the bed. At this point, he really had no energy left to put up a fight or complain, and why would he anyway? So he just settled against the pillows, Chiyo following suit, drowning his moan in a kiss while Yuma’s mouth almost swallowed him whole. As with everything else, he was rough, while Chiyo was softer. And he loved both.

He kneaded her tits through the lacey bra while they kissed. He would have loved to thrust his hips upward too, but Yuma held him in place with only one of his hands. Little mattered to Shuu when he was horny like that, but otherwise this might have made him feel pathetic as hell.

Chiyo kissed his temple and pulled away a little.

“Yuma… look at him…” she purred.

The warm feeling of Yumas mouth suddenly vanished, and he missed it almost instantly. Being denied like this for a second time made him whine.

“Shit, I thought ya looked wrecked before… but now…”

Shuu wondered how exactly he looked right now; whatever he looked like it must have had an effect on both Chiyo and Yuma – they looked ravenous.

Calloused fingertips glided over his sensitive dick, the harsh movement making him shiver, as Yuma’s hand worked him up and down. He was sure he would tip over the edge any moment now.

The soft smushing feeling of boobs caressed his side as Chiyo pressed closer, hands treading through his hair gently.

“Shuu…” she mused.

His hips bucked when she said his name like that. He could listen to that velvety voice for hours on end. This tone… it was like a private performance meant for his ears only. He wanted to record it, save it forever, so he could play it on repeat.

“Would you like to come for us?” she asked.

The answer was absolutely yes, please! He felt like sobbing and begging, but he still had enough pride left to just hum in agreement, whispering a soft ‘Yes’ instead.

Yuma’s big, warm hand was still working him, the strokes long and slow. What sweet torture. It frustrated him to no end! How was he deciding to start thinking about taking it slow now? Now, when Shuu really, really, really felt like coming.

“Yuma…” he growled in frustration earning himself a deep chuckle from the other male. Shuu lifted his head from between the valley of Chiyo’s breasts and glared at him, before his gaze dropped, watching his cock slide in and out between Yuma’s fingers, the tip of it appearing and disappearing again. It only made him more desperate.

“Yeah?” Yuma asked with a sly smirk, feigning ignorance.

“Don’t be like that…”

Turns out it was incredibly difficult to argue or make threats while the person you tried to stare down was also the one jerking you off. He probably didn’t look very menacing right now… how annoying.

Yuma’s gaze felt hot on his body; he still could see the beautiful green specs amidst the darkened pupils. Dangerously hypnotizing.

“How about you beg me for it?”

Shuu huffed, his left leg kicking the taller man slightly.

“How about you fucking make me come already?” he retorted.

Yuma caught his leg, restraining it with ease.

“Ya know, I definitely think ya can do better than that, but I really wanna see you lose yer shit, so imma be nice… this time anyway.”

He pushed Shuu’s leg to the side and leaned in further, his grip on him tightening again, hand moving faster, making Shuu gasp. He started to slowly see the appeal in being manhandled like that.

“Fuck—”

Shuu’s eyes shot open, and he jerked forwards, their foreheads almost touching. He was so close, he just needed to—

“Kiss me,” he choked out and grabbed Yuma by the back of his head, pulling him closer. Yuma’s fangs captured his lower lip, before his tongue invaded Shuu’s mouth and his mind went completely blank, his body shaking. The chapped lips that were pressed against his own swallowed every moan and groan, claiming them all as their own until there was nothing to get anymore.

Shuu slumped against the pillows, his breathing labored and eyelids heavy as he looked at the aftermath of what had just happened. He watched with interest how Yuma cleaned his hand with his tongue, getting a raised eyebrow and half a smirk as an answer. Turning his head towards Chiyo again, he could practically see the gears in her head turning as she looked between the two guys.

“I have an idea…” she eventually said and looked at Yuma.

He seemed to get whatever her idea was without her even needing to voice it, because he held out his hand towards her, pulling her towards him. She settled on his left thigh, straddling it. All of this happening at a perfect angle for Shuu to observe.

Yeah, this was definitely afterlife, he thought.

“You know, I don’t like you much,” she said to Yuma, “but he likes you and I feel like he’d want to see this…”

Yuma snorted. “Ya make it sound like I’m into ya, or somethin’…”

She just shrugged in response.

Her delicate hands traveled over Yuma’s broad shoulders, squeezing slightly before she angled her face and stuck her tongue out for him to suck on it. For a split second Shuu could see Yuma look at him in what he thought had to be amusement. Shouldn’t he be boiling with rage because someone else was touching what was his? Maybe if it was anybody else but his childhood friend this would have been the case, but like this? Seeing the two hottest people on earth make out with each other and hearing their mixed sounds of pleasure was incredibly arousing. Chiyo was practically dry-humping Yuma’s thigh while his hands cupped her ass. Shuu would have probably done the same in either position.

He sat up and scooted closer, his lips grazing the soft and pale shoulder of the young woman, making her jump. Merely watching wasn’t enough.

“You know…” he purred and looked up at Yuma, “if you play with her boobs, she’ll go insane…”

Yuma raised his eyebrows, interest piquet for sure, before he grabbed a handful of the soft flesh, kneading it through the lacy fabric. Her head immediately rolled back against Shuu, and she cried out, back arching, making Yuma chuckle darkly. Both sounds scratched something in the back of Shuu’s brain, making him want to hear it again and again.

He rested his head in the crook of her neck, watching intently as the other man teased her pretty mounds. Soon enough, Chiyo was a squirming and whining mess, just as expected. He smirked proudly, nuzzling her left ear. Yuma leaned in and sucked on the spot behind her right ear.

“Ya know… yer girlfriend is actually kinda hot…” he purred as he pulled her bra down just enough to free her tits. Her nipples were hard and pink, begging for more attention. Just perfect.

“Right…?” he smiled and kissed the ear on the other side, his fingers slipping underneath the fabric of the lacey panties, tugging on them from behind until he was sure they were rubbing against her clit.

“Sto— I’m— God, I’m gonna come if you keep going!” she whined. Shuu wasn’t sure if that was a protest or not, but knowing her, she was just pretending to be embarrassed by this anyway, so he didn’t stop.

“That’s the idea…” Shuu whispered into her ear and kept on kissing her neck while working her panties between her slick folds.

“Heheh, Sow, your squeaking noises are adorable. Keep going, hm?” Yuma’s voice was a low murmur before he wrapped his lips around one of her nipples, rolling the other one between his thumb and index finger.

All of this seemed to be too much for her, because Shuu felt her body tense and shiver almost immediately at the actions. A high-pitched cry left her lips as she came undone between the two of them. He caught her by the waist as she slumped backwards panting, skin slightly sweaty. His lips found the juncture of her neck and shoulders, where he trailed his tongue along the salty skin. Seeing as the bra didn’t even do its job anymore, Shuu swiftly unclasped it and threw it somewhere, tracing his fingers gently along the red lines that formed where the underwire had been before.

She sighed deeply, regaining her composure and sat back up, her eyes scanning the other man in front of her.

“For someone who claims to not be into me, you’re awfully hard right now,” she smirked.

“Yer one to talk, as if ya didn’t just wet my whole leg with yer horniness!” That probably was not a real complaint. At least Shuu wouldn’t see the reason why it would be.

Chiyo huffed.

“Well, in any case, I think we should be fair and take care of this too…”

She turned towards Shuu, who had been eyeing this part of Yuma’s body with interest for a while. Even while it was still covered up by underwear the arousal was painfully obvious.

“Shuu…” she said softly, “how do you feel about returning the favor and sucking him off?”

That caught him by surprise. Technically? Maybe he'd like to. But he had absolutely no clue how to properly do it, he previously only ever went down on women. Despite that, heat formed in the pit of his stomach.

“I…” he cleared his throat.

As if sensing his apprehension she quickly added: “You don’t have to if you don’t want to… but if you want to, I can help you.”

He looked back at Yuma, trying to gauge his stance on it. His friend’s expression softened as if to tell him that he didn’t mind either way. Shuu felt his cheeks grow hot at this.

Eventually, he nodded. “Alright.”

Chiyo beamed at him and patted the space behind them for Yuma to lie down. Shuu has never felt so awkward undressing someone in his life. A strange mix of excitement and nervousness flying through him as he slowly freed Yuma’s dick. His eyes were practically glued to it, much to Yuma’s amusement.

“Well that’s… bigger than expected,” Chiyo said but upon seeing Shuu’s intimidated expression quickly added: “but we can work with it.”

He wasn’t sure if he was reassured by this.

“I’ve got you, don’t worry…” she said and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek to calm his nerves a little. Then she scooted closer towards Yuma, reaching for his cock.

“Can I?”

Yuma nodded.

Shuu watched as she slowly stared pumping his length, getting it ready.

“Are ya just goin’ to stare at us or are ya actually plannin’ to join?” Yuma was teasing, but Shuu could feel the slight taunt in his voice, the sound of a challenge. He could not back down because of something as simple as a blowjob, right?

He could feel Chiyo grab his hand and gently squeeze it, smiling at him. The simple gesture made him relax significantly and he exhaled.

“I’ll guide you, don’t worry,” she said, beckoning him closer and putting her hand to the back of his head gently. Shuu’s heart pounded when he came face to face with the throbbing flesh.

Chiyo’s voice was soft and gentle in his ears while she told him what to do. There was something strange in the feeling of having his girlfriend instruct him on such a thing, but he couldn’t say he hated it. The way she praised him when he trailed his tongue along the whole length, spurred him on.

“That’s it, try the tip next,” she said and nudged Shuu’s head gently. As he followed the instructions, tongue gently running along the soft tip, he could feel Yuma tense slightly at the sensation.

“That’s good, right, Yuma?” the girl said, turning slightly.

Yuma only groaned in response and Shuu could see his eyes fluttering shut in pleasure, nodding, when he looked up at him briefly. A strange sense of pride washed over him at the sight.

“Y…yeah… is good…” Yuma panted, and Shuu smirked. It wasn’t that complicated after all, he thought, before parting his lips and taking him into his mouth. Staying still for a few seconds he allowed himself to get used to the feeling.

He could feel Yuma’s gaze burning on him as he tried to go lower, the way Chiyo gently played with his hair and massaged his scalp making him moan.

“Shit, that’s—”

Yuma’s hips jerked a little, taking Shuu by surprise. He had to be careful not to let out a cough.

“Tell him how good that makes you feel…” he heard Chiyo say to Yuma.

“Pretty sure he can guess that from how fuckin’ hard I am!”

“So? You’d be surprised by what a little encouragement can do.”

So even a situation like this did not stop them from bickering. He’d smirk if he could.

“Fuck, fine,” Yuma finally gave in. His hips bucked up slightly again when Shuu ran his tongue on the underside once more. “Hey, NEET, you can feel that right?”

The rough murmur of Yuma’s voice suddenly came closer, and he felt the mattress dip a little as Yuma shifted his weight to his arms. Their gazes met when Shuu looked up again, earning himself a groan from his friend.

With a triumphant look on his face, Shuu started to bob his head up and down slowly, Chiyo’s delicate hand helping him every once in a while. Soon he found a comfortable rhythm that had Yuma roll his head back and gasp. Shuu relished the sounds, his own body reacting strongly to them. He wanted to get him off so bad it hurt.

“That’s it, that’s it… don’t stop…”

Yuma’s words sounded almost desperate, and Shuu knew the other male must have been at least a little embarrassed about the fact that it was him of all people making him feel like this. He couldn’t help but feel satisfaction at this knowledge, it was as if he was completely lost in the moment. His only goal to draw out more of these sounds, to be the one to make this tall and strong guy fall apart, and with only his mouth no less.

The words that came out of Yuma’s mouth were mostly a string of incoherent affirmations and obscenities. It was so clear that he was almost there, struggling to keep it together. Shuu sped up his movements, suddenly feeling desperate himself. The air was thick with anticipation and desire.

“Fuck! Wait, wait, wait, wait!” Yuma’s voice was strained as he made Shuu retract his head.

The blonde frowned, slightly out of breath. Trying to breathe more steadily, he watched the other one also try to regain his composure. They both looked wrecked for sure.

“Let me fuck you properly…” Yuma finally said, his voice ragged and slightly hoarse.

Shuu’s eyes widened in surprise, but his own dick betrayed him by twitching in anticipation. Letting Yuma fuck him suddenly sounded really tempting actually.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Chiyo said again as she put her hand on his shoulder.

He looked at her reassuringly. “No, it’s fine, I want to,” he said.

Yuma shifted, letting Shuu take his place. Chiyo moved behind him, allowing Shuu to rest his head in her lap while Yuma was at the other end of the bed. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to relax for a second and steady his breathing.

“Where’s the lube?” Yuma then asked and Chiyo motioned towards the drawer in the bedside table.

“Did you bring the condoms?” she asked in return.

“Yeah, yeah…”

Shuu remained quiet during the exchange. In his head this situation was still surreal even after all this time. And it was only going to become even more real in a bit. But he wanted this, he really, really wanted this. He closed his eyes again as he waited for Yuma to get the items.

“Everything okay?” Chiyo’s gentle voice caressed his ears from above while she gently stroked his head.

He sighed, a slight smile playing at his lips. “Yeah… I’m fine.”

The woman above him hummed as her fingers traced down his arm, making him shiver a little. Her fingers came to a halt at his hand and tangled with his own.

“Squeeze my hand twice if you ever feel uncomfortable.”

He opened his eyes and was met with beautiful chartreuse staring at him intently, like the two most clear and most beautiful gems in a jewelry box. He hummed in agreement and pressed a kiss onto her knuckles.

Chiyo took the time to gently run her other hand down his body, briefly teasing his already throbbing dick. A soft moan escaped him, and he gently arched his body into her hand.

“You seem excited,” she teased.

“Can you fault me…?” he smirked, and she chuckled softly.

Yuma settled back down, throwing both the lube and a pack of condoms onto the soft bed sheets. Chiyo quickly dipped her head down and placed a gentle kiss on Shuu’s lips before she let Yuma take the lead again.

The taller man spread a generous amount of lube onto his hand while nudging Shuu’s legs open a bit wider. “It’s cold… don’t be surprised.”

Shuu nodded in response, his body tensing slightly at the knowledge of what was about to come. He took a few deeper breaths to calm down.

Yuma’s hand traveled lightly over Shuu’s abdomen and hard-on before making its way between his cheeks. The sensation was foreign, and it took a moment to completely accept it, but he quickly grew impatient.

“Hold on,” Chiyo said and grabbed a pillow, nudging it underneath his hips. “I think like this will be easier.”

Yuma nodded, a small smirk on his face as his eyes traveled along Shuu’s body in front of him. Chiyo’s hands moved along his upper body, relaxing him, as Yuma’s finger traced the sensitive area around Shuu’s entrance, applying gentle pressure every now and then.

Shuu forced his body to relax against the intrusion of the finger, the sensation both delicious and hurting a little. His body tensed more out of reflex than actual discomfort. The foreign feeling making his body heat up and a small moan escaping his mouth as he slowly grew accustomed to his body wrapped around Yuma’s digit.

“You’re doing great, Shuu…” Chiyo mused and squeezed his palm. “Right, Yuma?”

The look in Yuma’s eyes was hungry and dark with desire, but he managed to answer.

“Yeah… feels pretty good too…”

While saying this, he curled his finger inside of him, eyes scanning hungrily for Shuu’s response. A wave of pleasure washed over him, and he choked out a gasp, his back arching into the touch. Never would he have expected it to feel that good; he had to bite his lip to keep himself from whining pathetically.

He found himself pressing further into Yuma’s touch, his body craving more, to his own surprise. His mind was a complete mess; all he could think about was how he wanted more, it truly never was enough.

Yuma’s smirk grew wider as he retracted his finger briefly, only to press in with two. Shuu’s breath hitched again. This feeling of being filled and stretched almost overwhelming.

“What? Givin’ up already?” Yuma’s own voice was ragged, no doubt he was having a hard time holding on himself. “If ya can’t even take that, how d'ya want to take me?”

Shuu frowned at the taunting words. “Does it look like I’m giving up? Keep going.” His voice was a demanding, low growl, surprising even himself. Fuck, he was far gone and very desperate to sound like this.

Yuma hummed, slightly amused by this order. He kept moving his fingers slowly, stretching him further, making Shuu gasp and moan at the sensations before he slowly began adding a third one.

“You asked for more…”

Shuu’s body tensed and he groaned, feeling this stretch more than the past ones. The delicious mixture of pleasure and pain made his mind go foggy with need. It was a good kind of overwhelming, one that indeed left him wanting more.

Chiyo was still caressing his face and upper body as Yuma continued his ministrations. “Make sure to make him feel good, okay?” she said to the taller man.

Yuma nodded. “Don’t worry… that’s the plan.”

He stilled his fingers, allowing Shuu to adjust to them, before he continued to gently prepare the opening for more. His fingers curled and uncurled inside of him, his other hand tracing the area of his inner thigh, making him shiver. Shuu’s mind was completely consumed by the sensations; it was as if nothing outside this bed existed in his world, and he felt like he needed nothing else. And why would he? Everything that was important to him was already on it.

His breaths started to come in shorter and more irregular bursts, body trembling. He could feel the pleasure building in his stomach, his hand clinging onto Chiyo’s.

Then he suddenly felt awfully empty. He shifted upwards, ready to protest until he saw Yuma rolling a condom over his own aching cock. The sight making him moan instantly.

“Damn, yer impatient…” Yuma complained, though there was more amusement than venom in his voice. “Lay back and lemme do my thing.”

Shuu leaned back against the soft thighs with a huff, his eyes not leaving Yuma. Yuma’s eyes darted towards Chiyo for a second, waiting for her approval before he lined himself up and gently, slowly pushed the tip inside of him.

Shuu tensed, the sensation more powerful and intense than he anticipated. Pain and pleasure once again washed over him in a hot wave that made the two feelings indistinguishable.

“Ya okay over there?” Yuma asked, concern in his voice evident, which was rare.

Shuu nodded in response, words eluding him at this point. His body shook as Yuma pressed deeper, the pressure making him gasp and moan louder than he ever had tonight. It was almost too much to bear but he needed more, the sensory overload sending his mind into overdrive.

“It’s okay…” Chiyo whispered caressing his hair. He closed his eyes briefly, forcing himself to breathe steadily as he listened to her soft words of encouragement.

“You’re so fuckin’ tight…”

For some inexplicable reason this made Shuu’s hips twitch and his back arch, the way Yuma was pressing against his insides sending waves of pleasure through him already. He still found himself craving more, urging the other man to keep pushing into him.

With one more thrust Yuma was inside fully, his breathing ragged as he tried to steady himself. All of Shuu’s muscles were tense, making him moan loudly. Every single sensation was so strong, so good.

“Move...”

He didn’t recognize his own voice, this strange pleading, almost sobbing. Never in his life did he want something that badly.

“Fuck,” was all Yuma could retort as he started to thrust his hips slowly. This was not going to last too long; they both knew it. The way Yuma moved inside him had his body feeling electrified and as if he was burning up, his mind completely blank. He couldn’t form a single coherent thought if he tried. The way he was completely at Yuma’s mercy – he loved it!

His own moans and gasps mixed with Yuma’s ragged breaths as the sea of sensations threatened to swallow him whole. It was scary how willing he would be to just let it happen, too. Yet he couldn’t do anything but let Yuma take him, the movements now fast and rough, like everything about that man. He felt his own body tighten around him.

“Shit, I–”

Yuma’s voice tore him from the haze, and he looked up at him. His eyes were closed, and his brow furrowed. He looked so good, lost in pleasure. Shuu could feel him twitch inside of him, ready to burst.

“Fuck, I can’t— I’m gonna cum—”

The hips that had been driving into him stuttered and Yuma’s grip on Shuu tightened as he came with a growl, the big hands gripping him with so much force it would leave a bruise for sure.

Shuu’s eyes were wide as he felt him reach his peak, his own breath labored as he gasped. A slight tinge of disappointment at being left there unsatisfied, though, Yuma’s apologetic face made it a little better.

“Sorry…” he chuckled hoarsely.

Shuu let out a ragged breath in response. “It’s fine…” he gasped, “I just… I need…”

“Don’t worry, I have the perfect idea,” Yuma said and slowly pulled out, leaving Shuu empty and wanting once again. He was so close and on edge, he’d probably do anything the other came up with.

“Come here for a sec,” Yuma said and tugged on Chiyo’s arm, pushing her towards Shuu, her body hovering just above his aching need.

“Be a good toy and get yer boyfriend off for me, hm?” Yuma whispered darkly towards the young woman and pushed her down onto Shuu’s dick.

He couldn’t help the moan that left his lips as her softness enveloped him fully in one movement, nice and warm. He could do nothing about the insane pleasure that spread throughout his body, not that he even wanted to, but it was overwhelming once again. Hearing her loud gasp as Yuma plunged her down onto him made him jerk his hips upward.

He could see Yuma’s big hands grabbing her by the waist, moving her up and down in a rough motion, making her cry out needily. It really was as if she was a human-sized toy for his pleasure only. The motion was only like adding fuel to the fire that was burning inside of him.

Her fingernails digging into his shoulders made him groan in pleasure, his body starting to twitch.

“God, I… I can’t take much more…” he breathed, his hands finding the soft flesh of Chiyo’s thighs.

“You heard him, right, Sow? Make use of that tight, little pussy and make him cum,” Yuma groaned into her ear, fangs grazing the skin.

Fuck, who knew Yuma was good at talking like that? Though, it probably wouldn’t have mattered what he said with that husky tone of his, he’d come undone anyway. He was so close, so damn close, he just needed a little more, just a little push.

Yuma pushed the girl down on Shuu again, her boobs almost in his face, and started to rock her hips forward. She moaned and clenched around his cock desperately. He only hoped she’d last long enough to come with him. The way her whole body rubbed against his drove him closer and closer to his limit.

“That’s it, squeeze him…” Yuma said.

Chiyo was a moaning mess on top of him, he needed her religiously, except he didn’t really believe in God, neither did he think God would be very interested in this scene.

He bit into her chest, drawing some blood, making her cry out louder than before.

“Shuu! I’m gonna—”

Immediately, he sat up, snapping his hips upwards and holding her as close as he could. His dick was throbbing inside her wet and tight cavern, driving him crazy. Just a little more.

“Come with me,” he gasped into her ear.

She immediately tightened around him, starting to convulse and cry and sob. A tsunami of pure need crashed over him, completely taking over, making him reach that peak he had been chasing so desperately.

With one hand he held Chiyo close to himself, with the other he grabbed Yuma by the arm and pulled him closer, his lips crashing on his, making him swallow his moans just the way he did before.

The room filled with muffled moans and needy gasps for a while before Shuu pulled away, Chiyo’s body collapsed on top of him, Yuma leaning back on his arms with a satisfied sigh.

They were all completely spent, Shuu’s body heavy and mind a tired haze. He fell backwards onto the bed, closing his eyes, Chiyo still on top of him, catching her breath.

Eventually, she rolled off him and snuggled up to his side, patting the empty space on Shuu’s other side. He heard the poof and dip of the mattress when Yuma collapsed onto the bed next to them.

Shuu stayed still a little while longer, trying to find the composure he lost somewhere along the way. He felt exhausted, both physically and emotionally, drained completely by the events, that he still couldn’t quite compute. That happened, it’s been real, even though he wasn’t sure how he had ever deserved this kind of bliss.

Yuma turned onto his side, towards him, placing a wet and rough kiss on his jaw.

“Happy Birthday, you idiot.”

Chiyo pressed into him from the other side, her leg draping around one of his and her arm around his torso.

“Happy Birthday, Shuu,” she mused.

He smirked and let out a single breathy chuckle.

Oh, Happy Birthday, indeed.

A/N: Hi! Congrats if you've made it this far! The idea for this came to me more as a joke while I was musing hypothetical scenarios and the next second suddenly this happened- It's the first time for me writing a) relations between two guys and b) relations between three people; turns out it's actually quite hard to do so AND c) relations as seen from Shuu's POV. I tried being more vulgar in the way I described things from his perspective than when I would write from Chiyo's for example. Still, this was kinda fun to make and I like the banter between Yuma and Chiyo. Could this be better? For sure. Will this trio make a comeback? Who knows... I'm gonna hide now, byeeee!

#diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers oc #diahell #author pam #fanfiction #dialovers #pale lily #midnight butterfly #shuu sakamaki #yuma mukami #chiyo himura #(( well that happened... ))#((whats the ship name? ))#(( chuuma? ))

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