#neet ford au

[cravingpepsimax]

ok no one asked but i did get a few likes + a rb on the post so here's my modern 30s ford

there are some important things to note about ford:

ford would've been born in the 90s

ford would still have been a friendless outcast

ford would still be intelligent and have an interest in the paranormal

there were approximately 45 million people using the internet back in 1996. the chances that the pines wouldn't have internet access at some point while ford was growing up is low. people who are lonely are more likely to use the internet frequently, since that's where they're getting a lot of their social interaction. filbrick would probably promote this, too -- he's focused on success and the internet's booming, he'd probably want his kid to be well-versed on internet stuff. hell, my parents have never been anywhere near filbrick's level, and they felt the same way, which is how i grew up with unrestricted internet access.

this is all to say that ford is -- at least in spirit -- a neet. not even your typical brand of chronically online, this guy regularly uses 4chan (specifically, i could see him liking the /sci/, /x/, and /tg/ boards).

think about it! so much internet shit comes from 4chan, it's inevitable that he'd immerse himself into it if he's online all the damn time and is interested in weird paranormal shit. i imagine stan's grown used to a lot of his 4chan weirdness atp

(to clarify -- this is pre-bill. ford just looks like that because he doesn't spend time taking care of himself. he lives in the basement. which reminds me: canon ford is literally a basement dweller isn't he LMAO)

the stancest implications are staggering, since 4chan is pretty cool with incest, if not outright pro-incest at certain points.

this also creates the hilarious feelings realization moment where stan's panicking, freaking the fuck out because oh my god he has feelings for his twin, while ford -- due to years, possibly a decade+ of 4chan use -- doesn't really gaf LMAO

[randomnumbers751650]

Konosuba/Ace Combat AU

Meet Kazuma Satou, an Osean NEET mistaken by a pilot and tossed into a J35 Draken - having more than ten thousand hours in a flight simulator, he manages to pull it off somehow.

He’s assigned to the 420th Tactical Fighter Squadron from the 4th Air Division of the IUN International Squad, codename “Chomosuke Squadron”. He’s joined by three female pilots: Megumin, Darkness, and Aqua. His callsign is “Adventurer.”

Aqua - callsign: Goddess, Chomosuke 2. A woman from the Kingdom of Nordennavic, apparently she’s either nobility or royalty there - she was enlisted by her parents into the military (to get rid of her and try to teach her to not be spoiled). Whines a lot. She’s Chomosuke’s AWACS (they couldn’t afford their own AWACS due to the nature of Chomosuke’s Squadron missions), flying an EA-18 Growler. Her job is to provide support to the other three. She was the one who painted the Chomosuke Squadron’s emblem, a black cat spitting fire.

Megumin - callsign: Crimson Devil, Chomosuke 3: Refuses to reveal her nationality, in order to create a myth surround her (but if Kazuma sees her profile, he’ll see she’s Osean as well). She flies a heavily modified SU-37 Terminator, with no missiles or machine gun - just bombs and more bombs. She was the one who named the squadron.

Dustiness Ford Lalatina - callsign: Darkness, Chomosuke 4. A noblewoman from Shilage. She flies an A-10 Thunderbolt that, for some reason, can take much, much more punishment than a normal A-10 (it takes 10 or more missiles to shoot it down, and she enjoys being the squadron’s tank a lot). She doesn’t have missiles, instead going with rockets, to honor her ancestor from the Shilage Air Force who specialized in using rockets and saved the country in a war 50 years ago.

The squadron is terribly balanced: the only one that can properly engage enemy fighters is Kazuma (thankfully the Draken is a multirole), but this doesn’t stop Megumin, Darkness and Aqua from attacking. Yet, it’s up to Chomosuke 1 to lead the squadron to victory against impossible odds.

[cravingpepsimax]

Okay I actually love ford being a 4chan user (fordchan) i think /x/ is the perfect amount of free range odd phenomena shitposting and browsing he would be into

Imagine bill possessing him and trying to post freakily on 4chan, but the other anons are just like girl shut up

Redditor ford in the later years is also funny. What if he gets into an argument on his burner account about bigfoot and the other person starts roasting his comment history on r/incest

GAHAHAHSNDNDNDJDJNDNDLSAOJDNDM

fordchan… god i’m mad at myself for not coming up with that.

also funnily enough i wouldn’t doubt that multiple anons on /x/ would believe someone was an interdimensional dream demon, but they’d be so annoyed by bill that they’d tell him to fuck off. like okay obviously this lul randum edgelord isn’t actually a demon. however i do like to think ford finds out about bill from /x/ and goes to explore it because he is very very unwise

redditor ford is ALSO very funny. browsing the b/b posts on r/incest like “god i wish that was me”. however i did originally plan for this to be a mystery trio au, and i was gonna have fiddleford be a chronically online nerd — nothing ford-tier, of course — who was an avid redditor. *fiddleford voice* thanks for the gold, kind stranger! anyways ford would give fiddleford shit for being a redditor

anyways with fiddleford involved i imagined them all living in the shack and the three of them having these types of interactions:

[cravingpepsimax]

hey. tell us more about ford doing locktober.

oughh. okay so fair warning i did forget to take one of my meds so this won’t be as detailed as usual but i’ll try. i’ll do neet!ford and regular ford, since neet!ford was who the original post was abt but this ask doesn’t elaborate:

in my mind, neet!ford is a MASSIVE gooner. jackin’ it 24/7. so locktober is a delicious hell for him (i imagine he’s into chastity in general so it’s not entirely foreign LMAO). he uses a lot of toys to help him get off, since i’m pretty sure he’d go insane if he didn’t cum for a whole month (although, nnn is just around the corner, isn’t it? :)). i imagine he’s super into scent stuff and steals stan’s clothes often already, but he sniffs stan’s stuff even more than usual — it’s a bit harder to achieve orgasm when your cock is all locked up, after all! he needs every bit of help he can get

as for regular ford, i imagine if he was into chastity, he initially got into it post-betrayal. he was really just trying to do anything to get bill away from him, and, yk, chastity’s a virtue, and sure there’d be no real reason why chastity would help but it sure wouldn’t hurt, would it? well, obviously, it wouldn’t work, but he ended up actually… enjoying it. decades later, stan finds it, and bets he wouldn’t be able to last a month. ford scoffs, and accepts the deal, thinking that it’d be easy — he’s an old man, after all. but he hadn’t indulged his chastity kink in so long and having his cock trapped was such a tease. if stan had bet he wouldn’t be able to masturbate for a month, ford probably would’ve passed with flying colors — but THIS? oh, god, he loves it. he’s significantly less experienced than his neet counterpart when it comes to cumming in chastity, so stan ends up walking in on ford desperately using a toy to pound his own ass, precum pathetically dripping out of his cage, cock begging to be let out.

[cravingpepsimax]

neet ford if he somehow met canon ford

[cravingpepsimax]

Okay wait a minute. stan trolling ford Ken M style and they don’t even know it’s each other

stan: if they drill too deep underground, theyll hit the core and let out all the gravity

ford: No they won’t

GOD HE WOULD. HE 100% WOULD. i feel like stan would do that knowing it was ford (though, tbf, considering ford’s board usage, he might flip out and think this is a sign of him being gangstalked)

[cravingpepsimax]

…fuck it i’ll start being horny on sideblog. wanted to let y’all know that neet!ford is doing locktober