#all of these posts are shitty rants

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

september 2, 2021 1:00 a.m. grant's mind

🎵 did you learn to dream in the morning? abandon dreams in the afternoon? wait without a hope in the evening? did you stand there in the traces and let them feed you lies? did you trail along behind them wearing blinkers on your eyes? did you kiss the foot that kicked you? did you thank them for their scorn? did you ask for their forgiveness for the act of being born? 🎵

[ganondoodle]

actually, that new totk masterworks thing has the potential to direct my hatred somewhat away from the game and to itself instead

i have seen some early translations and while im not putting my faith into those so far like ... how can you make totk even worse, just stop!! stop! say its an AU and leave it!! its better for everyone!!

and it seems like its trying to tape botw and totk together with retcons and conflicting info, man just leave it beeeeeeeee

(like .. aside from the very concerning timeline mess they are messing with AGAIN, the thing about totk ganondorf actually being calamity gan all of the sudden??? what?? nothign in the game suggest that they are coneccted bc the damn game acts like botw didnt happen, it does everything it can to NOT connect ganondorf to clam gan and didnt they also say in an interview that they arent related?? and now its just the other way around again?? like that is making it all WORSE!!)

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

Writing Mordred is slowly making me realise I don’t actually hate him.

The more I think about it, the more I realise he’s just a traumatised child who felt trapped and ran out of options when every single person in his life who was supposed to help him failed in some way or others. Most in more than one way if we’re being honest.

The kid literally had no one to turn to when the girl he loved died and was openly hated by the guy he’s thought of as a god since he was a child.

Like let that sink in.

Merlin openly wished him dead, and Mordred literally worshipped the ground he walked on.

(I’m usually a Merlin apologist but bloody hell he fucked up at every opportunity when it came to Mordred)

Morgana was the exact opposite of his morals but wanted magic free, (at the cost of non magic users lives which is also problematic, but that’s a different conversation) so he didn’t stick around with her, but when Camelot no longer felt safe for him, he ran.

Which is definitely a trauma response considering how he grew up with the Druids and then whatever the fuck happened after he left them.

Arthur was the only person who was continuously good for him, saving him as a child and later becoming a brother/father figure, but then he killed Kara and Mordred had to watch another magic user be killed by Camelot except this time it was someone he truly believed was good. He didn’t see her attacking Arthur like she did, just that the king of Camelot was killing another magic user which was bound to bring up trauma that he hasn’t felt safe enough to unpack and heal from.

I have a lot more to say on this, but I’ve got to leave for work in a few minutes so I’ll come back and scream about it another time

Fucking Mordred though, poor kid. He really went through it.

[evostrashbin]

Every time I'm forced to deal with Elon's nonsense on twitter I just want to

[miraluking-respectfully]

felix being referred to more or less exclusively as "your soldier" in-game speaks to how little the writers put into his character beyond his noggin full of sith secrets & his relationship with the consular; still, i do find it kind of sweet and funny, in a way. he's not a republic soldier, not even your personal bodyguard; he's your soldier. the consular is a small nation-state in and of herself

[beesinspades]

trans question why is it so hard to find a name that sticks. I've tried 5 names over 8 years and they never stick. something always feels....off.

I tried Aaron, Bard, Jesse, Bee. Bee felt right for a while but it really was just a transition name that I used alongside the others. A shortened version of my deadname to make it easier for my family while I searched for The One. Now I don't like it anymore because it's not masc enough, especially now that I've started t.

For a long time I thought something felt off because those were all masculine names, and I wasn't a boy nor did I look like one (I know that's not required!! but it was to me. love you my fellow transmascs with fem names), and so I needed to find an unisex name. but I could never find one and the thought of my name being interpreted as feminine felt way more wrong (which is a big part of the reason why I let go of Jesse. in my country's language it sounds more like a girl's name). and I still think that's part of the issue....even though I'm now literally on t and LOOK masc and LOVE looking masc.

Now for over a year I've been trying another name, also masc, which everyone used for me at my internship place. and I do like it. I distinctly remember the moment I chose it. I was sitting at the dinner table and my dad was in the kitchen calling me bee and I was looking at my reflection in the winfow and once again thinking about how much I couldn't keep going like this and I needed a more masc name but I felt like I couldn't find any. and then it just flashed before my eyes and i thought "this is it. this is the one. holy fuck." and i couldn't stop smiling and felt such strong euphoria!! i immediately asked my friends to call me by that name.

but even then, I can't shake this feeling that I'm in a play and I'm an imposter and I might find a name that doesn't make me feel this way. so there's this feeling of wrongness even though I want this name to stick. I want to make this name mine.

It's also a name I got from a piece of media, and I think on top of the rest, I'm worried that once my hyperfixation fades, it'll feel even more wrong....even though I literally didn't pick the name for the character. I wasn't thinking of the character when I picked it. it's just I'd never heard that name until that character, whom I do love, but yeah I picked the name for the name, not as a connection to the character.

I think there's definitely some neurospiciness at play here as well. I've always had this issue that if something doesn't feel perfectly right, then it's no good and I can't get past it or it'll bug me forever. and it sucks because a name doesn't have to be the absolute perfect fit. there might always be a better name out there. it just has to be a name that fits me nicely enough and that I like responding to.

because of this I also still haven't asked my family to call me by that name. I'm scared they'll be like "but you already legally changed your name!" and "it's too masc it's hard getting used to" or that they'll tell me they don't like it or it doesn't fit me and it'll make my wrongness feelings worse. and what if I legally change my name again and then i still go through a name crisis!!!

anyway. sick of myself

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[yallemagne]

Me: *thinks of another aspect of Mrs. Westenra's horrid parenting* "AND ANOTHER THING---"

Lucy has her sleepwalking condition and Mrs. Westenra knows it is a problem and instead of approaching her daughter about it and assigning a maid or even hiring a medical professional to tend to Lucy, she first shirks all responsibility on her daughter's friend who was invited to a vacation, not a new unpaid job. And then, with the knowledge that Lucy is still sleepwalking post-vacation -- because there is no indication she has stopped, nor anything to give us the impression that Mrs. Westenra could rightfully assume she'd stopped -- she sends her daughter away when she comes to her asking to sleep in her bed.

What happened to the concern about Lucy leaving the house in her sleep? Huh? Is it somehow no longer a concern now that there isn't a literal cliff she could fall off of?? Is Lucy's health suddenly less important just because you have your death warrant and soon it won't be your problem??

HIRE A FUCKING DOCTOR YOU FUCKJGIOSMMRTGFDSF I'm SO MAD.

Are there any complications with letting Lucy sleep in her bed aside from just "I might die soon and I don't want her to know"? Does her heart condition perhaps cause problems in the night that would make it unwise to let Lucy share her bed? If so, this is the perfect time to explain to your daughter what is going on with your health and perhaps present a solution for both of you: a compromise. Perhaps pull up a cot beside your bed so she can sleep in the same room without it negatively affecting your health--

Oh, wait, that's something a good parent would do, and we're in a horror novel.

[russilton]

“They all take money to get there so what does it matter where the money comes from” is an astoundingly privileged take to have on sport. Holy false equivalency, Batman.

You can BOTH accept the reality of unethical money sources in sports, especially motorsport AND still criticise truly egregious sources and unfair advantages. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to agree that a 15/16 year old selling themselves and their body to corporate sponsors dependant on performance is VASTLY different to having a family member pay for your seat where you have the luxury of extra support. It doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to drive- it just means they’re privileged and you can’t argue away from it.

Whataboutism is right out of conservative playbooks and you all need to be able to recognise it. You can and should be able to have reasonable discussions about different issues without someone telling you “shut up because you’re bad too actually” bc it drags you into being apathetic about everything

[echo-stimmingrose]

I so desperately want to be this big multi-fandom person but I've been hyperfixated on the same thing for two years (PJO) and before that was a five year long hyperfixation for a series I don't post or read about anymore cause it makes me feel icky. Also getting into new fandoms makes me nervous cause I don't know how the people in the fandom are gonna be and I won't know anything about it going in, and it's always a fandom that's been around for years and I feel weird about joining it so late. It can also just be incredibly overwhelming, I so desperately want to be a marvel fan but the sheer amount of media there is to consume just makes me panic.

[slopdoughnut]

My bitchass cat- 80 ft up in a goddamn tree

It has been a day

[razrogue]

[itchose]

can people stop referring to Akilah as “the normal one” in ref to everyone else

[sportsthoughts]

.

[xceanlynx]

I'm getting really tired of the discourse that Ray's friends aren't responsible for their friend's actions and shouldn't have to take accountability.

I don't disagree with it. I actually pretty much agree 100%.

The thing is, you can't just pretend his illnesses (alcoholism and depression/suicidal tendencies) don't exist. You can't choose the good side of the friendship while ignoring someone's health and well being, being a fair-weather friend. If you can't put up with someone as ill as Ray (which is completely fair), DON'T BE FRIENDS WITH THEM.

Mew, Boston and Cheum do not have ANY obligation to take care of Ray and prevent him from doing shitty stuff. But FRIENDS don't just do what's obliged to them — people do stuff outside their obligation for the ones they love all the time. Of course taking care of someone like Ray isn't easy. He is an agressive, rage inducing and reckless person, a true criminal as well. So please, if you can't deal with it (again, TOTALLY FAIR! No one is expecting you sacrifice your entire life and well being for another), just end your friendship. Don't ignore all of that for the sake of the "benefits" you get from being friends.

Also, let's not forget how much of enablers they all are. Inviting him to bars basically every week? It's like inviting your severely lactose intolerant friend to a tour at the Milk, Cheese and Yogurt Factory. Mew is even worse, giving his drinks to Ray while also saying "I can't stop you anyway". No shit you can't. But you could at least not give him your shots, right?

And lastly, I cannot comprehend how huge Cheum's cognitive dissonance is. Why is it worth "saving Mew from Ray", but not saving Ray from himself? Why when Ray does drugs, it's Ray being an asshole, but when Mew does it (of his own volition), he is the damsel in distress? (and resorting to teaming up with Top!!!) Why one life is worth more than the other?

Like April said, Mew is a grown man. All scenes we've seen, he is the one asking for alcohol and cigarettes. He did drugs because he wanted to. It was MEW'S IDEA too. Let's not put all the blame on your mentally ill friend. Both of them are in the wrong here, Ray is being an enabler same as all of them, but let's not be hypocritical and forget Mew has agency just as Ray does (maybe even more since we know Ray is ill).

So let's stop pretending Boston, Mew and Cheum did nothing wrong/did their best. They absolutely did not.

And I do understand. I had and still have people around me suffering with addiction and being SHIT to everyone around them. But at one point we've got to make a choice: either you help them or you leave them. It's tougher than it sounds, but newsflash: that is life, and life is hard.

[a-dotrivenitupontop]

i think currently my sexuality depends on if we’re talking like wildest fantasies or realistic goals. because ideal scenario? zach woods probably. or at least ‘decent preferably-trans men who i get along with’. but if we’re talking like Actually Dating Someone In Real Life i’d prefer woman purely because the amount of guys in my shitty english town who aren’t complete dicks is absolutely minuscule. and if you filter that through ‘i share interests with’ and ‘actually available’ it basically becomes nothing. pretty sure if you add ‘trans’ in there the list goes into the negatives. so. ya. 🙃