#all of these could work! but idk which ones lol
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May I please request Aven playing with his twin babies??? (I always imagine him having boy and girl twins)
Like, imagine their tiny hands trying to grab his expensive trinkets and use them as teething toys (idk what they're called LOL) 💖💖
“Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart”
Summary: Aventurine finds himself caught in the simplest yet most precious game of them all: fatherhood. As he watches his twin babies playfully fight for his trinkets, he is overcome by a rare sense of joy and love and forgets his usual guarded ways. The twins bring out this part of him, an element of play which he has kept hidden for so long, reminding him that the gamble may not always be about wealth or power but about love and family and sometimes just the little things in life.
Tags: Dad!Aventurine, Family, Parenthood, Humor, Mischief, Love, Emotional Vulnerability, Joy.
A/N: searched it up and it's called teething toys (for babies), so you're correct! Don't worry :3
Aventurine had always been a man of risk—whether it was navigating the volatile corridors of power or placing a bet on an impossible con. But today, the stakes were far more personal, and far more precious.
He sat on a plush velvet armchair in the lavish sitting room of his estate, his usually composed features softened by a rare, unguarded smile. His children—his twin babies—played at his feet. The boy with his bright eyes and unruly hair laughed as he reached out for the small trinket that rested on the low table in front of his father. The girl, her dark eyes twinkling mischievously, was already doing her best to grab at the same piece of jewelry, her chubby fingers curling around the delicate gold chain.
They get him with a teasing, affectionate smile, the careful mask slipping in their presence. Aventurine thought himself a strategist: one reads the room and predicts the next move. This game of life has changed, though, when it comes to these two; his heart runs in an uncharted course.
"Ah, no, no," he crooned softly, reaching down to pull the gold necklace from their jaws, "That's not for you to chew on."
The boy whimpered softly, his huge eyes looking up at his father, while the girl beamed up at him as if plotting her next move. It was as if they were already working together—hard not to laugh at this. He had a feeling of something between alarm and endearment at the mischievous streak that mirrored his own.
"You two are already scheming," he said to himself, shaking his head. His eyes remained on their small hands, still reaching for anything they could grab. The girl grabbed the chip coin, clutching it in her chubby little fist. Aventurine's heart fluttered at how such small hands could hold such weight in his life.
"You know," he started, settling back in the chair as he absently fidgeted with his bracelet, "your parent would have a fit if they saw you two playing with my trinkets. They're far too expensive for you to be using them as teething toys."
But the two of them did not give up. The boy, not wanting to lose, managed to tug at a delicate gold ring on his father's wrist with a surprising strength in those baby fingers.
With a theatrical sigh, Aventurine carefully took off the ring, his voice playful yet firm. "If you keep this up, you'll ruin my reputation as the greatest gambler in the universe," he teased. "People will hear about the time I lost my ring to a toddler."
The twins giggled in perfect synchrony, their little voices harmonizing in the most innocent way yet having in their expressions mischief written. Perfect, the gamble paid off in the most wonderful of ways—though Aventurine would never admit how much a gamble fatherhood was truly.
As the boy squirmed closer now to pull at his father's choker, Aventurine couldn't resist. His usual wariness was forgotten in the glow of the moment, and he let them have their play. For the universe held no treasures to rival the joy he felt in their company.
"You little thieves," Aventurine laughed, hoisting the girl up onto his lap, her face breaking out into a grin that was at once his charm and her parent's warmth. The boy crawled up to his side, reaching for his father's face, as if trying to claim him entirely.
Aventurine’s heart fluttered again—this time, he didn’t even try to stop it. He was theirs, every last bit of him. And for once, he didn’t need to calculate the cost of that connection.
For this gamble, there was no risk at all.
#x reader#honkai star rail#hsr#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#hsr aventurine#aventurine x reader#hsr aventurine x reader#aventurine x you#dad!aventurine#family#parenthood#humor#mischief#love#emotional vulnerability#joy
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𝙃𝙚𝙭𝙚𝙙 <3
Side note can we talk about how this version of Viktor and hexcore (rainbow) Viktor are the best versions of him? Did bro say Glorious Ovulation because holyyyyyyyyyyyy 0///0
𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧: Viktor my beloved <3
𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: Just general romantic/some NSFW headcanons for my favorite boy. You can picture these with whichever Viktor you want (I guess), but I feel S1 Viktor fits best.
𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜: NSFW themes (edging, eating out, praise kink on both sides if you squint, public sex fantasies), AFAB reader (mostly intended to be fem! reader but I'll be extra careful for my nonbinary/ftm friends)
𝙍𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙨
First off, I wholeheartedly believe in asexual/gay Viktor, and I am 100% a JayVik shipper, but a girl can also dream that he's bisexual with a male preference. It's a stretch, I know.
That's what we get for liking our men fruity.
Absolutely adores acts of service (his favorite), but physical touch (like the forehead touch that zaunites do, and other subtle movements) and verbal reassurance are things that make him feel appreciated.
Not huge on displaying his affections anywhere but in private. Nobody would even know that you guys are together and he likes it that way. He already has enough eyes on him, though they're mainly on Jayce.
Not big on names either, and idk if Czech exists in the LoL universe (as saddening as it is). He sticks with mentioning you as his "partner," though a "love" will sometime slip out when the two of you are alone.
"Can you please pass me those notes, my love?" "Do you need any help, love? You look... frustrated." "My cane is all the way across the room, can you please bring it to me, my love?"
You have to try your damnedest to either get into his lab to see him or to get him to turn in for the night. He reasons that this research is vital to his well-being, but so is rest. It usually doesn't work, so you at least bring him something to eat/drink.
I look at that man and think "pathetic twink," but with his attitude/personality, I can actually see him as more of a dominant figure in a romantic relationship. He is very sassy, he is assertive, and he is blunt. He doesn't look like he'd be like that, so it's a welcome surprise.
Generally a patient partner and is perfectly fine with slow-moving relationships. Actually, he prefers them. Not only does he enjoy the feeling of quiet, calm yearning, but he sees no reason for turbulence if one is trying to create a lifelong connection (which is what he generally looks for).
Viktor is generally really thoughtful, and even when you don't think he's listening, he'll remember the events of your day with perfect accuracy and even the food you mentioned eating this morning. Even the way you phrase things, he has sharp memory and is very considerate and attentive.
𝙉𝙎𝙁𝙒 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙨
I headcanon that he is 100% a virgin
Switch, but top leaning. Let me explain.
Just as I said he was more dominant in romantic relationships, once he is comfortable with a partner, he also becomes more sexually dominant as well. This might take him a while but I SWEAR it's worth it.
Limited mobility hinders a lot of things he wishes he could do (he'd be more experimental if not for it). He gets really insecure about his body, so he needs lots and lots of reassurance. He sometimes psychs himself out and gets a little worried that he's leaving you unsatisfied.
More of a giver than a receiver, he takes more pleasure in feeling your fingers in his hair while he overstimulates you with his tongue. Very skilled for someone who has NEVER done that stuff.
He is such a sweet dom, mostly ever lets out whimpers and small moans, as well as pure, sweet compliments, or the very rare tease. However, if you ever hear him curse under his breath, you know it's good.
Prettiest fucked-out expression EVER, eyes rolled back, head thrown back, back arching, the whole shabang.
Mainly has you riding him, his face, etc. One time he told you that you didn't need to hover and it was okay for a LITTLE but then he found it difficult. He still loves to have you fully seated while he works his magic.
Into edging and is really cheeky about it. He'll make the most smug expressions while eating you out or... rather, stopping before you finish. Part of him likes seeing you struggle, it's funny to him.
Absolutely communication driven, but gets a bit more confident as the relationship progresses. He doesn't want to overstep, and wants to know what you want/don't want, but will make use of that knowledge later.
Cannot be coerced out of work with sex. Thanks for trying. Maybe when he gets home, but he's usually either sleeps at the lab or is too sleepy at home. It is an unwelcome distraction and it genuinely frustrates him.
Speaking of the lab, he does feel really flustered and ashamed to admit that he has fantasies about you sitting on the desk and him going at it-- tongue, dick, all of it. It isn't a huge thing for him, but it pops into his head every once in a while.
11/10 aftercare, though you wish your already debilitated partner wouldn't try to rush around after he exerted himself so much. He rushes around to get you cleaned up, make you tea, all of it. He insists on doing things for you first.
I hope I fed the Viktor enjoyers, I love you guys and hope you're doing well after the events of S2. Stay strong Viktor nation, and as for Jayce...?
Jaybe.
This is my first Arcane headcanon post and definitely not my last. :D
Thanks for reading! Rosey <3
#fanfiction#viktor arcane#viktor league of legends#viktor x reader#afab reader#female reader#writing#arcane#arcane x reader#arcane x female reader#arcane headcanon#arcane smut#viktor my beloved#I'm in love with a rockin twink who would under no circumstances ever like me back </3#arcane jesus#twink jesus#smut headcanons#smut fanfic#fanfic#headcanons post#headcanon
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Since the official art of them came out, I've seen some very hilarious takes about Yuuji and Sukuna. Some people coping HARD. "Yuuji is forcing him" Well gee, since when can he force Sukuna to do anything? Or is Sukuna that powerless against him? Even in Yuuji's domain, Sukuna didn't have to catch a damn crayfish or do archery, but he did, mind you all this happened BEFORE Yuuji said he could kill him (and even when this happened, he had support from Nobara). He's like, "ahggg fine I GUESS I can do this" lmao. In the official art, he's the one leading the dance. For what reason? Gege didn't have to draw them with their fingers intertwined, with Sukuna's arm around Yuuji's waist, and yet. Why have all this with the snow falling around them? (Yes the cat might be pandering, that's another valid reason) Right after we have the epilogue with Yuuji saying he still likes the snow and it's special to him?
"B-but he doesn't like Yuuji!" Well Sukuna called Yuuji by his full name when he was turning to dust. Have we forgotten that that's an indication that Sukuna respects someone/a sorcerer? Is it not significant going from "brat" to "Itadori Yuuji"? I'm guessing this does not apply to Yuuji then lmao. Also, I'm not saying Sukuna loves him or likes him like he loves, idk, fighting. But he at least recognized Yuuji. Another thing is that people forget that Sukuna usually says one thing and does another. Isn't this what Mahito implied? He literally called Sukuna a liar and he was like "Yeah so lmao". Their change/development is subtle, but it's there. Isn't the end of the fight an indication of this? Actually, Sukuna had an existencial crisis during this BECAUSE of Yuuji lol. For all his faults, I think some of Gege's strongest points in JJK are Yuuji and Sukuna. Sorry for the long rant btw!
Hi anon! Let me rant along with you!
I'm not on that app but I did see several posts here on Tumblr about how "there's suddenly so many skit shippers don't these ppl know that's a horrible ship" like bruh. Do you not realize Yuuji came from a brain inhabiting his mother's corpse? That Yuuji isn't even human? Are they not aware they're reading a work which isn't suitable for children?
Most are coping because sukuita is a problematic ship yet it's getting a lot of spotlight. Hell, Gege had drawn them dancing in the snow together on love day. "Yet they're related!! How could Gege :(". Well... they could lol. They clearly don't give a shit (and I say good for them!)
That's also the big issue to these ppl. Idk if they ship Yuuji with someone else and are mad that his "reincarnated uncle (grand uncle)" got the lovely romantic official art. Let's also not forget that Yuuji practically promised his forever to Sukuna. The finger that he's missing is literally the marriage finger. Am I to blame for that? Nope. Gege wrote it like that and I'm just pointing it out.
Dunno why that's stopping them from shipping their Yuuji ships. If canon's an issue, just focus on non-canon. No need to go shit on skit shippers lmfao
As for the arguments you've mentioned:
"Yuuji is forcing him"
Yuuji had also forced him to become so obsessed with tearing down his ideals and forced him to be in his close proximity while he's fighting him. He also forced him to call him brat and constantly think about him even while fighting others. The power Yuuji holds is, after all, that strong. He even forced him to change his own viewpoint and got him to hold his waist in that official art because he's now capable of using abilities which allow him to control Sukuna's actions. 👍
"B-but he doesn't like Yuuji!"
I think the right sentence is: he's obsessed with hating him so much so that it can't even be about hate anymore, it has to be that he's just in denial and that he loves him. There's a thin line between love and hate, after all. Who in their right mind spends so much time talking and thinking with delight about how someone-who-they-hate's abilities had improved? Who in their right mind changes their ways after their enemy confesses that they'd like to spend forever with them?
Their change/development is subtle, but it's there. Isn't the end of the fight an indication of this? Actually, Sukuna had an existencial crisis during this BECAUSE of Yuuji lol. For all his faults, I think some of Gege's strongest points in JJK are Yuuji and Sukuna. Sorry for the long rant btw!
Nice points and no need to be sorry, anon. It's hilarious how some ppl can't see it and are actively ignoring it lol. These two are tied to each other and are totally in love and to say otherwise is just ridiculous imo.
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I love your Sofia Falcone one shots and no one is writing for her for some reason. I'd like to request a bodyguard and client type ordeal. Us being a bodyguard for Sofia. Her best bodyguard while also being one of her only friends she trust after getting out of Arkham. They start to form feelings for each other despite the arrangement they're in making any follow through with it unprofessional, and also an element of Sofia never having feelings for another woman before. One scene you could have is bodyguard reader taking a bullet for Sofia, then sofia takes care of her wound which leads to an intimate moment. Of course other fears and stuff hold them both back, making for a slightly angsty and heartfelt confession of love to each other. Idk if this is a lot lol I don't usually request stuff.
Guarded Hearts
The narrow alleyway was steeped in an eerie silence, broken only by the distant hum of traffic that buzzed like a distant swarm of bees. Sofia Falcone stood beside the sleek, black car, her sharp, discerning eyes darting around the dimly lit surroundings, scrutinizing every shadow and flicker of movement. You trailed a step behind her, each muscle in your body coiled tightly, instinctively ready to spring into action at the slightest hint of danger. Being Sofia’s bodyguard was no ordinary job—it was a perpetual state of alertness, a relentless watch over a woman who had clawed her way up from the depths of Arkham, surviving against all odds.
You had earned her trust and respect, becoming her steadfast shield after the tumultuous ordeal that had marked her escape. On the surface, she presented a powerful facade, exuding confidence and authority, but you had learned to see the cracks beneath the surface. Sofia was a complex blend of vulnerability and danger; her strength often masked a deep-seated fear. Though she would never admit it, you sensed that she leaned on you more than she had ever leaned on anyone else in her life, seeking solace in your unwavering presence.
As the evening deepened and shadows danced under the flickering streetlights, an unease settled over you. The night air felt thick with unspoken threats. Suddenly, danger erupted like a storm—swift and unrelenting. A glint of metal caught your eye just in time, sending a jolt of adrenaline through your veins.
“Gun!” you shouted, urgency propelling you forward as you pushed Sofia down behind the car just moments before the sharp crack of a bullet shattered the silence.
Pain erupted in your side as the bullet found its mark, but the rush of adrenaline dulled the ache, propelling you into action. You returned fire, your hands steady as you aimed at the attacker, the shot ringing true as he dropped to the ground. The immediate threat was neutralized, but as the world around you began to blur and spin, you felt your strength waning.
“Stay down,” you barked, clutching your side, trying to suppress the wave of dizziness that threatened to overwhelm you.
But Sofia was not one to obey orders easily. With determination etched on her face, she rushed to your side, her hands finding the wound that was now seeping blood.
“You’re bleeding,” she said, her voice cracking in a way that made your heart ache. It was a sound you had never heard from her before—a blend of fear and desperation.
“I’ll be fine,” you managed to reply through gritted teeth, even as you felt the warmth of your own blood against your skin, the world tilting precariously around you.
Sofia didn’t wait for your assurance. In a flurry of urgency, she took control, barking orders at the driver to get you both out of the chaos and to safety. By the time you arrived at her penthouse, the adrenaline had begun to fade, and you felt each step grow heavier as she pulled you into the living room.
“Sit down,” she commanded, her tone leaving no room for argument.
You opened your mouth to protest, but she was already peeling back your jacket, her hands moving quickly and decisively as she examined the wound. She worked with a mix of efficiency and tenderness, cleaning the injury with trembling hands that belied her composed exterior.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” she murmured, her voice low, filled with an emotion you couldn't quite place.
“Taken a bullet for you?” you quipped, wincing as she applied pressure to the wound. “It’s literally my job.”
Her hands hesitated, and for a moment, the air was charged with unspoken words. Her gaze locked onto yours, intense and searching. “You’re more than just my bodyguard,” she said softly, the weight of her admission hanging heavily between you. “You know that.”
The gravity of her words settled over you like a warm blanket, igniting a flame of hope and fear in equal measure. For weeks, an unacknowledged tension had simmered beneath the surface of your professional relationship, a connection that neither of you had dared to address, wrapped in layers of duty and uncharted feelings.
“Sofia...” you began, your voice tentative, but she silenced you with a shake of her head, a plea for silence.
“I’ve never...” Her voice faltered, and she looked away, vulnerable and exposed. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Especially not a woman. It scares me.”
Your heart ached at her admission, an urge to comfort her swelling within you. Reaching out, you took her hand in yours, the warmth of her skin grounding you amidst the chaos.
“You don’t have to be scared,” you said gently, looking into her eyes with sincerity. “I’ve got you. Always.”
Sofia swallowed hard, her eyes glistening with unshed tears that threatened to spill over. Then, as if the weight of the moment became too much to bear, she leaned in, closing the distance between you. The kiss that followed was tentative at first—soft and hesitant—but it quickly deepened, infused with all the unspoken emotions that had been building between you.
When you finally broke apart, her forehead rested against yours, and you could feel the rapid beat of her heart against your own.
“This doesn’t change anything,” she whispered, her breath warm against your skin.
“Except everything,” you replied, a small, hopeful smile tugging at your lips.
The sound of your own labored breathing filled the car as Sofia sat rigid beside you. Her hand hovered uncertainly near yours, her usual mask of indifference cracking wide open.
"You shouldn't have done that," she murmured for the second time that night, her voice a ghost of its usual strength.
It wasn’t until you reached her penthouse and she insisted on tending to your wound herself that her composure finally snapped. The moment she saw the deep gash on your side, her hands began to tremble.
"You’re shaking," you teased weakly, your lips quirking in an attempt at humor.
Her glare should have been sharp, but instead, it was wet with unfallen tears. “This isn’t a joke. You could’ve died, and it would’ve been my fault.”
The words pierced through your chest deeper than the bullet had. Sofia, the unshakable queen of Gotham’s underworld, was falling apart in front of you.
“Hey.” You reached for her, gripping her wrist lightly. “I signed up for this. You didn’t force me.”
She shook her head violently, her long hair whipping around her like a tempest, refusing to meet your gaze. “Don’t. Don’t pretend this is just a job for you anymore.” Her voice cracked with emotion, each word trembling under the weight of something she couldn’t yet admit, something that hung between you like a storm cloud, dark and ominous. The air around you felt charged, electric with unspoken confessions and the fear of vulnerability.
Your breath hitched in your throat. You wanted to deny it, to brush it off with the professionalism you’d clung to for months like a life raft in turbulent waters. But there was no hiding from the truth—not when it hung between you, raw and unavoidable, a truth that threatened to shatter the carefully constructed barriers you both had erected.
“Look, I care about you, Sofia,” you said quietly, the admission slipping out almost involuntarily. “More than I should.”
The moment those words left your lips, the world around you seemed to fall away. Her eyes, which had been averted in refusal, finally met yours. They were brimming with unshed tears, glistening like fragile glass. “You think I don’t know that?” she replied, her voice breaking under the pressure of her emotions, a bitter laugh escaping her lips as if to mock the depth of the situation. “You’ve been the only person I can trust since I got out of that hellhole. But I—” She abruptly stopped herself, swallowing hard as if the truth had lodged in her throat, refusing to be voiced. “I’ve never felt this way before. Not for anyone. Not for a woman.”
The confession came out in a whisper, barely audible, and it felt like witnessing a dam burst open. Her walls, meticulously constructed to protect her, crumbled entirely, leaving her exposed and terrified, her vulnerability laid bare before you like an open book filled with unread pages.
“You don’t have to explain,” you said gently, your voice barely above a whisper, careful not to shatter the fragile moment. “Feelings don’t have rules. They just are.”
Sofia let out a shaky breath, her hands stilling against your side, searching for comfort and reassurance. “I can’t lose you,” she admitted, her eyes searching yours, desperate for affirmation. “Not to some stupid bullet. Not to anything.”
Your chest tightened at her words, the weight of her fear pressing down on you like a physical force. “You won’t,” you promised, though a heaviness settled in your heart, reminding you of how fragile your role truly was in this chaotic world. Every mission, every moment spent in the line of fire felt more precarious than ever, but her conviction lit a fire inside you that urged you to be strong.
Sofia’s hand slipped down to entwine with yours, her touch tentative but desperate, as if she feared you might vanish if she grasped you too tightly. “I hate that you’d risk your life for me. And I hate that I love you for it,” she confessed, her voice cracking on the last word, a single tear escaping her eye and tracing a path down her cheek. Without thinking, you reached up and brushed it away with your thumb, your touch lingering on her soft skin, feeling the warmth and the weight of the moment.
In the next breath, she surged forward, capturing your lips in a kiss that was anything but gentle. It was fierce and messy, a collision of emotions that held every unspoken word, every buried feeling you both had tried so hard to suppress. It was a kiss filled with urgency, as if you both were trying to convey everything you’d been too afraid to say.
When you finally pulled apart, her forehead pressed against yours, both of you panting from the intensity of the moment, the world around you faded into a soft blur. “This can’t work,” she whispered, though her grip on you didn’t falter, her fingers intertwining with yours as if anchoring you both to this fleeting reality.
“No,” you agreed, your voice trembling with the weight of unacknowledged truths. “But maybe it doesn’t have to. Not yet.”
#Sofia Falcone x Reader#Hurt/Comfort#Protective Bodyguard#Angst with a Happy Ending#Vulnerability#First-Time Feelings#Tender Moments#Bullet Wounds#Confession of Love#Fluff#Sofia Falcone x Female Reader#Caretaking Sofia#Light Banter#Rainy Day Comfort#ao3 fanfic#fanfic#romance#the penguin hbo#the penguin#thebatmanedit#sofia falcone#cristin milioti#sofia gigante#the penguin spoilers#dcedit#thepenguinedit#dcmultiverse#dcfilms#dc
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˖⋆࿐໋ friday 27th of december
⋆˙⟡
TW FOR THE END OF MY ENTRY !!!!! for pic of sfx blood makeup… T_T
friday hmmmm.. well that was yesterday… i woke up and weighed myself ! i was half a kg less then the day before that… so that was very relieving T_T do you guys like a picture of a guy in a bra ? it was the smallest size they have at the local store… i tried to make it look flattering… but i feel like im too fat too pull this whole… feminine man in a bra look off…
i got up and did god knows what and then ate breakfast !
breakfast :
1 slice of home made bread cut into 2 pieces, the smallest bit of zuivel spread on both, with some smoked salmon, and a bit of crushed salt and pepper (gamechanger)
half a small bowl of vanilla pudding that was left over… and what looks like a big blob of cinnamon
a cup of some kind of herbal tea with some lemon in it
the sandwich was GOOD ! the salt and pepper ontop and just the whole combo was very rich and flavourful,
(can i interrupt this by saying im writing this at work at 8 am and some fuckass came in and said so much with such little actual words and completely fried my brain COMPLETELY like omg ? ok back to what i was saying……)
the salt and the pepper ontop changed it from being a good breakfast to being a really enjoyable breakfast ! the bread is i think the best my moms ever made… i can’t exactly describe it… it was dense and maybe a bit… im not sure, not too dry… which i really like… its closer to one of those bread buns rather than a regular old slice of bread… and so thin too !
the tea was gross…. my mom put a bit too toooo much lemon… so much so it stopped being enjoyable and sour, and went straight to being bitter….
after eating, i felt replenished but also somewhat moody. i started on my treadmill having already collected 2k steps from just doing god knows what, and i was determined to get to 10 k… i kind of zoned out the 75 mins i was walking tbh… but the last 5 minutes were stressful cause my step counter absolutely REFUUUUSED to update and this kind of ticked me off… sighs… i needed 200 steps left so i manually counted them at a certain point and got off even if my step counter didn’t update… waah
then i layed in bed… probably fell half asleep at some point, then got up to eat AGAIN… fatty… you see yesterday i wanted to overeat a lot.. on… a lot… a lot… of food… everything you could think of… not only that but i didn’t smoke at all and had had 0 energy drinks (helps reduce appetite and also boosts energy obviously)
dinner :
1/4 of my bowl was filled with some goulash and maybe 10 pieces of that pasta ?
in a small bowl i had some more pasta, maybe another 10 pieces or so… and some vanilla sugar on it…
a small bowl with some salad
a banana mashed up and microwaved
the goulash is basically just meat left to simmer alllll day long on low in a special pot, making the meat very tender and soft and quite flavourful… but im not a fan of this dish when eating it with pasta… only with mashed potato… so i wasn’t feeling it, that’s why half my bowl is fucking empty lol
the sweet pasta thing, usually you’d also put sunflower oil on it, my mom always made it when i was a child, but ill rather swallow a gun whole than directly consume sunflower oil
the salad was leftovers, and the banana was me wanting something sweet idk. surprisingly good tasting to warm up a banana, i ate it with the sweet pasta and the warm banana made it more good… idk… maybe struggle meal ?
idk what i did, but i ate AGAIN cause i was going crazy i can’t recall what happened inbetween i think this was veeery shortly after dinner
snack :
one piece of dark chocolate, and 2 lotus cookies (came in a pack)
it was good, i felt guilty but it’s like i couldn’t be helped lol… atleast it was just a controlled portion and not just… like eating handfuls of everything in sight kind of deal… i’ve done that before soooo hey ! progress.. i would NOT consider this a binge or overeating
after this my mom asked if i wanted to go on a walk with me, and i thought YESSSS I SCORED !!!! i already had 10 k so it’ll only add onto my successes !!!! so we went on this huuuuuge walk… huge ! it was soooo cold like 2 degrees out… brrr
we went to the store and i got some stuff ! taco shells… and beans… i wanted tacos… ofc i will make them myself, you will see it in my blogpost tonight or tommorow… it depends… and it will be a struggle meal bcs im rlly autistic and specific about my food T_T i asked my friend if he can spare me the cost and he couldn’t… so im not chatting with him till later… he said by next week he’ll have 500 euro so he can talk to me then…
anyways when i got back i had something like 17-18 k ! i was so happy with myself even if i felt guilty… i went into bed and i started drawing again… while chewing on vitamin pills ? see i don’t know what happens when i really want to eat BAD why the fuck would you chew on that ??????
i completed the lineart completely by this point and sighed in relief… then i started colouring my characters first… first my favourite… hehe.. i coloured him in completely and then my second favourite, i half completed him… cause then i remembered i had work
i put my ipad away and i layed in bed and forced myself to go to bed… i went to sleep so early my parents weren’t even sleeping yet, so i could sleep with no headphones, no earbuds, just pure silence… infact it was so quiet i didn’t even put on a video… it was such a weird sleep
i remember having a nightmare but i can’t remember exactly what, most likely something with food or something like that you know ? T_T
that was my day !!! weirdly extensive… but im in one of those moooooods you know ?
ignore monday ew… this is what we call beaaaaaauifull consistency ~ i love it !! you see those beautiful numbers ????? i feel so good about it i kind of never want to be under 10 k again TwT
cals : 3 days binge free !!!! today was hard, but i only had controlled portions of everything, so i see it as a win… feel free to disagree tho… i do understand today was a BAD food day… i ate so much !!!!
steps : 18.6 k !!!
my obsession with this soundtrack needs to be studied LMFAO. this track makes me laugh bcs she’s always playing her stupid rpg when it plays going online with her teacher ??? that’s crazy ToT
TW scaaaaaaaaaaaaaars
bonus !!! TwT i thought these turned out sooo cute… the night before i wasn’t feeling so well, so i got some courage and cvt the inside of my arm… i had been wanting to for a long long time… it wasn’t so bad !!!! i started it off really carefully, but slowly did it more and more… by the end i had one last one at the top that showed a little bit of bubbles, just barely :3 those kinds are my favourite ever ~ they hurt soooooo good …
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#3d di3t#3d diary#4anorexi4#edbr#eedee tumblr#fat loss#pretty girls dont eat#thiinsp0#3d but not sheeren#tw 4n4rexia#tw cvt#tw sh related#tw sh destructive behaviour#tw b1nge#tw edtwt#tw an0rexia#tw ed ana#ana twt#tw ed implied#ed twt#tw skipping meals#tw disordered thoughts#tw 3d diet#tw 3d in the tags#tw 3d vent#tw a4a#tw ana bløg#tw ana rant#tw calories#tw ed not ed sheeren
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some alt janejames fcs;
violet brinson
Beatrice Kitsos
Millie Davis
Navia Robinson
Whitney Peak
#all of these could work! but idk which ones lol#im so attatched to my current crop tho :( i do wanna change odeya rush bc i want#an actress who doesnt just look like a gs'd version of james i#OC: Jane#story: life on mars
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yeah so this was insane
#i feel like too many people reduce this interaction to jason being like ‘lol same’#but idk :/#this chapter is from jason’s pov#and leading up to it he’s like ‘people keep walking on eggshells around me bc of the the michael varus stab wound’#and he hates it so when he goes on deck to help out with the storm#everyone’s like wtf except for percy#and jason states how much he appreciated percy not treating him like a sick kid#and i feel like it’s echoed in this sentiment where jason could say so many things like#‘you should never feel that way’ ‘im here if you need anything’#but he doesn’t make percy feel alone in his desire to just…. end it all#which ik for some people that doesn’t work but you’re not a character in hoo and percy is dealing with so much guilt#and he can’t tell annabeth bc she’s a main aspect of that guilt#and he doesn’t wanna guilt her more and he feels ashamed and when he describes this he feels weird for feeling it#so having jason this tough guy be like ‘yo i understand it bc i felt the same way#that’s gotta mean a lot to percy#also insane how jason who also struggles to display vulnerability#allows it in one of few times in this moment just so percy this guy he’s supposed to be jealous about#feels comforted and not alone in his guilt and shame#and also it’s just insane how jason’s wanting to kay em ess does not get talked about AT ALL#and just seeing his mom and the pressure of new rome getting to him#like this scene is insane and i’ll never shut up about it#also ignore me i’m just finishing my reread of hoo that took all summer#jason grace#percy jackson#pjo#ashla.txt
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You're still standing off to the side. Somehow, center stage has shifted from under your feet without you realizing, and you're standing in the wings, performing to no one.
Starring Role (Patreon)
#My art#ISaT#ISaT Spoilers#Siffrin#Loop#Technically - you know how it goes#Me when I relate to Siffrin: Oh no haha that's probably not great whoops haha#Me when I relate to Loop: Oh. Oh No.#Lenti has such a deathgrip on my ISaT opinions wtf how is she so powerful I thought my fave was Sif?? But I mean well-#Lol#Does this count as vent idk lol#It was fun to write tho :) Very easy! Done all at once!#As was drawing this! Also done all at once! And black and white is still really fun to work with hehe#I got to use some pretty cool outline/lineart tricks for this one yay :D#The original draft of the fic had a different title but ''Starring Role'' is kinda?? too perfect???#To the point where I looked around and I was like#Kinda shocked that there doesn't Seem? to be another fic with the same title?#Which is.........oddly relevantly thematic to this fic actually hahaha#Not to get too exacting about it but the whole thing of Loop feeling replaceable well#It would imply that other someones could do what they do better than them#What an odd refutation. Huh. Weird#Anyway - behind the scenes fun fact!#I actually really love the song Starring Role but I didn't think of it until after writing this#And now that I sing it to myself it's actually kinda perfect what the heck#So that's something to think about as well#Anyway if you're going to listen to it pls listen to the Axiom remix it is The version in my heart <3#The glitches and stutters are perfect.....#And the clock ticking?? Why is this song so ISaT I'm gonna think about this for a while now heck#Animatic in my head shower thought -core lol
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forgive me if you've been asked this before or if its annoying, but how did you learn to use colored pencils like that? your art is so special to me.
ty :) I took an art class for a few years where our teacher had us buy prismacolor pencils as one of the art supplies and had us use them kinda like paints, pressing down hard right away and blending the colors together. its not how youre supposed to use them she was just trying to teach us to use color and ig this was more to the point. I picked them up again years after i stopped going to that class just bc they were there and i wanted to play around w them a bit and ended up actually enjoying it when doing it on my own terms lol
#it was a weird class#it was just this russian lady doing private lessons in her house that my mom learned about somehow#I did NOT like those classes all we did was still life and they were hours long which is esp rough when im in high school and busy#and she wanted us to stand while working the whole time bc tradition i guess?#she did allow me to work sitting but thought i was lazy for it. idk dude i dont want to exhaust myself fast for no reason#standing is a lot more tiring than walking#i def did still benefit from those classes just from learning to accurately draw from life#did not like the teacher tho#on one hand shed paid for the art supplies for kids whos families were too poor to (and these are nice expensive supplies)#which is very nice#but on the other she was very homophobic and open about it#like when they legalized gay marriage she went on a rant about how horrible it is that they can adopt kids now#and also kind of racist#she was telling me how she got blocked from a facebook group bc she made a post asking if she could speak to a white person#and she didnt realize she was posting that publicly she thought it was a private message to the group owner#im honestly still not sure i heard/understood her correctly bc it was so bizzare and the only time i ever remember her being racist#she talked abt it like she genuienly was unaware it was racist#she described it as a misunderstanding bc she accidentally posted it publicly instead of privately#like it wouldnt have been racist to ask that at all#also one time she talked about how she saw demons in her home once#also she doesnt vaccinate her kids bc of microchips#she was like a walking russian stereotype lol#anyway heres some ink the artist lore
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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i love dead boy detectives to death, and hope with all my being that we can Somehow pull off getting it back (through netflix or otherwise)
but honestly if we cant? if we get stuck at where we are now forever? i honestly think ill miss the potential s2 soundtrack the most
#okay HEAR ME OUT#weve got Hundreds of fics! maybe thousands! (i havent checked the actual count)#which means more Cases and Interactions and Anything that we could get from a new season#weve got fanarts and fanartists Galore that capture So much So powerfully#which means we can Almost see anything weve not gotten!#but the sound track? the Absolute Bangers we already got from season 1? i dont know what we have to make up for that#like. ive got a playlist im working on with all the songs i can find while retwatching. and already the Power the music has is insane#first of all the songs are just So Good? but also i can imagine the show (or parts of it) just by listening to them#every time one of the songs come up randomly i get to think “oh yeah! this song! from this show i love!”#its like a little constant reminder of the incredible scenes and characters and just The Whole Show!#idk ik everyones feeling their own stuff about all of this but losing the same“type”or“feel”of music we could get is really hitting me lol#does anyone else get this? does anyone else feel the same?#anyways if anyones interested in the playlist i can post it here once ive finished it :D#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#save dead boy detectives#renew dead boy detectives#dbda#og
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Hello to the Buddyfight fandom it's been a hot minute but god do i miss this show and have been making fanart for it in the background so i thought i'd post to tumblr too ^^
I swear every year I end up coming back to this show and wishing that it kept going, that it got rebooted, that i could just erase my memories of this show and just watch it all over again from the beginning to enjoy everything once again from Tasuku's own sense of justice twisting against him to Gao's suffering of PTSD and how heartfelt it was handled.
There's something very special about this show that I haven't been able to find replicated elsewhere. It has the most perfect world to exist (so much so that i'd love to be isekai'd into it if i could!!!) and while i have my own gripes with it (hi S3+) i honestly sometimes wish i could go back to my high school years of watching this show just to relive it all again :'D
Anyways!!! I hope there's still people out there who enjoy this show even ten years later who'll like seeing new funny artwork for it!
I wanna add too that i'm hoping to create a rewrite of FCBF (ft. seasons 1-3 + Ace) or at least create more artwork for my interpretation of it and its world!
Because, sincerely, this show is one of the few that, for all its flaws, hasn't disappointed me in the years that've followed unlike many other things i've seen and i wanna try to keep the spirit of it alive while I can thanks to that. And if there are any fans still in existence who love it, i wanna provide some food while its once again in my orbit because damn do i adore this show <3 <3 <#
#it's been like a year but im back on my buddyfight kick again#and since im back feeling dejected about OC things again i might try and focus on buddyfight stuff for a bit :Dc#fcbf#future card buddyfight#buddyfight#Deathgaze Death Dragon#Noboru Kodo#Tasuku Ryuenji#Gao Mikado#Drumbunker Dragon#Sawblade Dragon is a funny little critter I made as part of Tasuku's deck in my AU that im writing#and the other two monsters you can just barely see in the last image are Gallows/a Buddy I gifted Sofia#because tbh Sofia really needed a Buddy#specifically a Star Dragon World one#though as of this point in my AU she doesn't have her Star Dragon buddy bc it doesn't “Exist” yet ofc#middlemost image is also an old art thing but a headcanon thing for those mystery kids bc i like them despite not being a fan of-#Sofia/Tasuku all that much (tho had more effort gone into the writing behind them i probably would have liked them tbh lol)#I mean who doesn't like the idea of a guy who was at her side specifically and worked with her to achieve the bad guys goals#ends up watching his precious Buddy be attacked by her which is what snaps him out of his corrupted mental state to finally realize he's in#the wrong#& then when he later meets her as enemies he suffers cognitive dissonance of both loathing and respect towards her which culminates in him-#holding a personal vendetta towards her while also recognizing her efforts as a former ally who helped him during his Disaster days#and so when he gets to the future and has to rely on her help and guidance he has to confront the fact they're two sides of the same coin#& that she's neither an ally nor enemy but a mirror to himself of what he could've been if he'd decided to take action outside of the law#i mean#there was a LOOOOOOT of missed potential between Tasuku & Sofia if the show really wanted to go down the route of implying they end up a-#couple in canon (ESPECIALLY compared to Tasuku/Gao where it's clear Tasuku cares deeply about Gao and doesn't give a damn about Sofia)#and idk i felt we were robbed of a lot of things that could have given chemistry between Sofia and Tasuku
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I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...
Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner
*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)
And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -
TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows
This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).
So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.
Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.
Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.
Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).
But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).
In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.
Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.
Now, doing the same thing for movies-
Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)
That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).
116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.
So, a for broader summary stuff..
I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.
If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.
ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.
I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0
#maybe this is my version of spotify wrapped lol.. Lifetime Media Google Doc Wrapped.. kind of.. except I'm not going over specific titles.#I can't do this with music since I rarely EVER look for new music or add to my Youtube To MP3 folder library as I just don't really#listen to music that often. When I'm working (the majority of when I seek background noise) I need like.. people's talking voices#for some reason. Just instruments and singing are not distracting enough to me to work as background noise because theyre#almost TOO in the background if that makes sense? like if I put music on then I just tune it out and it's virtually no different#than if I were daydreaming stream of consciousness thoughts in an entirely quiet room lol. And I can't really do it with books since#essentially 100% of what I read is non-fiction. usually about some specific subject or academic topic OR stuff like#1800s magazines or cookbooks or historical people's diaries. Which is not really.. the type of thing I would#rank as easily I guess? like 'ooh yeah putting the sociology textbook in my top 5 hee hee right next to the 1920s radio recipes book' lol.#Then for games... I just sadly dont play enough of them. I've been banned from new games as I've told myself I cant play anyting#long form (no rpgs or etc) until I actually finish MY OWN game first - to keep me from wasting time. so on average#I play... 0 new games a year. ToT... I do play the sims sometimes but that's really all (which is not a new game at all since#I've been playing it on and off for years). Thus I guess movies/TV are really the only things that make sense#to collect this sort of information on. I could do youtube videos I guess also but that seems kind of strange like...#giving a rating to every single video I watch in a ranked list lol.. Especially since I would say a good 85% of the time#they are exclusively background noise whilst I'm working on something or cleaning the house or etc. and not things I pay serious attention#to. There are only a few specific topics/types/creators of videos I watch where I'm ACTUALLY sitting in front of a screen paying#direct attention to the content (usually when it's educational or political things). Everything else is too mindless to even rank.#ANYWAY... ever analyzing my little hermit Weird Relationship To Media (in the sense of seemingly not processing or getting the same#things out of it as many other seem to). I think that can contribute sometimes to the whole difficulty socializing and stuff#since our culture is very centered around media consumption generally speaking. People want to talk about The New Movie that came#out or The Big TV Show Of The Year. and for me it's like.. highly likely I just plain have NOT seen it. Or if i have. statistically#I most likely was entirely ambivalent if not slightly negative towards it lol. Which just kind of takes the steam out of a 'fun' 'casual'#conversation and you seem like a bit of a bummer if most of your only feedback is either 'idk what that is' or 'oh yea... i did#see that one.... i didnt like it all that much though... I think it'd be better with elves in it.. and 7 hours longer..'' lol..#Which I am not disliking things in a 'grr i hate it bc its popular'/just to be contrarian way. I actually dislike that mindset/find it#silly (by striving so hard to be counterculture you are thus still defining yourself by the whims of external culture - just in the#opposite direction. but are still just as preoccupied with the mainstream (going against it) as everyone else. etc. lol..)) In my#case I think it IS just having niche hyperspecific tastes.. for example- it peeves me when cell phones are in media bc I dont want to be#reminded at ALL of the real world. so.. cross off anything set in modern times. so on & etc. Judging all things by these weird criteria lol
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ALSO I am learning how to teach very introverted students, something my natural skillset as a teacher does not help me with.
#one of my greatest tools in the toolkit of my teaching (imo) is that I am unpredictable#I will turn on a dime and I’ll share a thought from the depths of my soul or back of the pantry of my random opinions#that will make them laugh or hook them and they want to hear more#with a group of introverted students maybe they love to see it maybe they don’t but it doesn’t work for them to become engaged#they get so quiet and so still#and not in the good way that kind of happens but kind of just in the scared mouse kind of way#BUT. this past week I kind of had a breakthrough#I totally wasn’t planning on it but the moment was right so I talked to them about them being quiet and introverted (gently teasing them)!#and then I said ‘but do you like it when I just stand here and talk about the book’ and they were like ‘yeah! kind of the pressure is off’#and then I said ‘oh! that’s good to know. because when you’re quiet it makes me feel like you hate me’#(not realizing until I said it that that was the heart of the issue)#and they laughed in surprise (i didn’t say it in a way where I was putting that burden on them in a serious way)#and then I said ‘yeah last night I went home like ‘omg was that a stupid thing to say about Frank Churchill?? no one responded’#and then they kind of shriek-laughed at me and they were like noooooo#and then they said what if we gave you a thumbs up when you were done so you know we don’t hate you#and I said that would be great#and THEN a few days later I gave them an agenda for our discussion written out on the board#where I talked and they listened (I called it discussion with myself) and then they had questions to ponder and things to talk about#with each other. and a lot of time. and THEN I cold called them (they won’t volunteer)#but by that time they were so much more relaxed and they knew what we were doing#so they talked more! and it was so goooood#ALSO idk if it was them#or me who had changed but by the time I got to lecturing at them again#I could feel the quiet warmth that I could not before#(the absence of which is what makes speaking publicly instantly a torture to me l o l)#and it helped so much! like. they didn’t say much (some of them did the thumbs up)#but I had cleared the expectations for them and for me tbh and it helped. I was not waiting for a response from them so in fact I got more#of one. and best of all I could feel them feeling both the warmth and the power of Emma a little bit more#it is starting to click. anyway this is so much but y eah#I’ve been wrestling with this problem a l l year. cracking it in December lol
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hey
#so i've been dealing with some irl stuff recently#nothing too bad. it was just really frustrating and exhausting for me. and really putting a damper on my mood and my art#and i'm sorry if i've been acting a little weird or not saying too much or anything#or if i've been kinda inactive for the past few days#but i'll be okay!#i just wanted to let you guys know what's been kinda going on#i'm slowly working on something really sweet involving Hugo and Noa. so that's been making me feel better#i need something happy and soft between them lol#also! I've been playing The Quarry recently!#the writing is kinda stupid and almost all of the characters act like they don't have a brain. but that's what makes it so fun!#and i'm pretty sure the devs did that intentionally. to make it seem more like a campy monster flick#i'm really enjoying it so far! the werewolves are really cool!#also it's really funny to me how they just pop like balloons whenever they're transforming#i thought it was gonna be a slow transformation. but no. their skin just immediately explodes off#and then they somehow get it all back when they turn back into humans? idk how that works but it's pretty rad#also also! the thing with the tarot cards is really cool!#i missed a lot in the beginning because i didn't know what i was looking for#and the fortune teller lady in between chapters kept getting mad at me for not finding any#but i eventually started to get it! when the game decided to really put one in my face in chapter 3 lol#and the thing with the tarot cards representing the different characters in the game got me thinking about what card Noa would probably be#i think Seven of Swords would be right up her alley#because it's associated with deception. dishonesty. betrayal. and acting strategically#and it could also signify self-deception and confessions. which is all very true for her character#aaahh now i wanna make a tarot card design for her!#but that's an idea for another day#anyway sorry for sorta rambling a bit#i hope you all are doing okay
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thinking about chara and the implications of the line "chara hated humanity. why, they never said..." like ok i KNOW something was happening at home. chara baby you didn't deserve that shit i'm so glad you fell down a thousand feet in a cave hole and right into the arms of people who would keep you fed roof over your head and would never raise their hand against you. "eradicate humanity" you're 10 years old how about eradicating your shitfucked surface fam by calling cps first
#soda.txt#chara#(ok idk if this will work but LEEEENGTHY discussion of child abuse below)#ok listen hear me out on this- i know the initial interpretation is a sui attempt WHICH I ALSO AGREE WITH- BUT LISTEN#i believe there was something else going on leading to the whole ''eradicate humanity'' bit and the obvious answer is an unsafe homelife#well. at least for me.#being around people (or perhaps adults) who hurt you and make you feel unsafe in a place where you should be welcomed with open arms and-#a promise of care would probably make any child feel like all of humanity was (in simple terms) cruel and uncaring#so hearing about somewhere they could GET AWAY FROM THAT? of course they'd take that opportunity and run.#chara was just lucky enough to fall into a place that pulled them out of the ideology of ''all of humanity is cruel''#because the dreemurrs were kind and patient enough to take them in and give them a new family#and wouldn't anyone want that?#for the part of The Plan (the buttercups) i think.. i think that one was formed by the idea that chara felt obligated to-#pay the dreemurrs back for their kindness. not that the dreemurrs would have made them. just by their own mental code.#what better way to pay a kind family back- one that took you in and cared for you like one of their own- then by forming a plan to-#set their people free?#they've been stuck down there for so long. they've wanted to feel the sun for SO LONG. why not give yourself up to grant that dream?#idk if these thoughts are coherent. LOL sorry i kinda just started saying words huh#but its ok.#feel free to ask me questions ab my interp of chara btw teehee ^_^ i love talking about chara they're my favorite theyre so silly#ok now for the proper tags on this bitch#chara undertale#chara dreemurr#child abuse mention#suicide mention#tw child abuse#safeutdr#OH ANALYSIS TAG UHHH UMM#🧪lab notes
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