#all because Inej wants him without the armor

[thedesertpenguin]

Just thinking about how if we get the bathroom scene Kaz will have his gloves off and it will mirror the scene in episode 3 where he has his gloves on.

Like that’s cinema.

[whosthatfunkyrat]

Chapter 26 of Crooked Kingdom is so well written,

Literally it is a chapter of conflict. And I love that So much. Everything conflicts.

The way Kaz describes things, distance distorting, feeling too far and not far enough.

The way Inej makes him feel, her gentleness making him want to not be gentle.

His thoughts, the conflicting wants.

Helping/destroying

The way she looks at the world in contrast to how he does.

The way Kaz relies on Violence to help heal her. Direct opposites. He’s been so used to being dirty hands that he doesn’t know how to be gentle without relying on the experience of violence to help him.

Also the line “I can best this” in contrast to “he could not do this”

_______

|”creating a gap, feeling both regret and release as he broke contact with her skin”|

(Not pictured bc tumblr pic limit)

Feeling both regret and release when he stops touching her.

_______

| “He secured the knot. 𝘚𝘵𝘦𝘱 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬. He did not step back.” |

(Not pictured because tumblr pic limit)

Disregarding his own commands.

How the sickness is there, the need to run, but so is the need for something else (alluding to his longing to be close to her)

“Kaz thought he knew the language of pain intimately, but this ache was new.”

“After all she’d endured, he was the weak one.”

How it hurts for him to stand so close to her, but it also hurts to be so far away.

“ 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐’𝘮 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸 he thought wildly”

Despite the pain, he pushes himself close to her.

Him waiting for her to reject him, her accepting him.

His imagination running wild the moment he kisses her. Images of her, alive, well, images of love. Only to be replaced with images of loss, her dead body before him, eyes that were once filled with life replaced with coldness. He feels Disgust and longing twisting in him.

Kaz is always at battle with himself. His wants are constantly conflicting depending on what side of him is talking.

I think the reason the chapter conflicts with itself so much is because this is the first time we see inside Kaz’s head as he directly is confronted by his other self. Kaz Rietveld is the boy who wants to love. Who wants to beg Inej to stay. Who wants to kiss her. It was Rietveld who bent his head to her neck. It was Rietveld who wanted the net. It was Rietveld who took his gloves off. It’s Rietveld who keeps pulling on Brekker’s strings. Loosening him until he gives. Kaz cannot hold off his other self. He cannot hold off who he is deep down. The farm boy who was filled with wonder. Who is 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 filled with wonder every time he looks at Inej.

And what makes this stream of thought horrible- is that when you follow it, everything Rietveld does, everything he Wants, everything he tries- touching her- kissing her-

Every time Kaz tries- Rietveld dies again. In the harbor, with his brother’s body in his hands. Every time Kaz allows his softer side to take hold- he’s brutally murdered again. He drowns. And eventually what’s left standing is Brekker. Cruel and inhumane.

When Kaz kisses her neck, he gives into Rietveld. His mind is flooded with images of love, things he scarcely let himself imagine because he scarcely let himself Be Rietveld. Only when he hears her laugh, sees her smile, looks at her hair, her eyes, does his mind wander to the soft side- the tender side of himself. Only when he’s near Her does he wonder “what happens if I move closer?”.

He kisses her and desire corses through him, love corses through him. But then Rietveld dies at the harbor again. Her body turns into a corpse’s and all the lovely lively things about her die with all the same things in him.

He jumps back, and stops her when she tries to draw nearer. He becomes cruel again. Brekker. He snarls on about who he tortured, who he killed. He see’s her flinch and a pain goes through his heart because beneath the layers of Brekker he’s built atop his heart will Always be Rietveld trying to reach out.

He covers himself in a facade, a mask, layers of clothing, gloves, armor. Layers to protect the boy inside him, still raw and hurt and in need of warmth, in need of love. He has armor in more ways than just his gloves. He builds walls nearly impossible to scale. But Inej is The Wriath, and there is no wall she can’t scale, and no secret she can’t steal.

“Then you can steal my secrets too.”

The hard truth Kaz has to face is that no matter how hard he tries, he will Always Be Rietveld. Deep down he’s not a demon. He’s a human boy. He needs love, companionship, friends.

“Tell Jesper he’s missed… around the slat.”

He cannot face the world alone despite the reputation he builds around the lie that he can. He cannot keep from Loving Inej. No matter how hard he tries, no matter how scarcely he lets himself think about her- he always will eventually wind up thinking about her when he lets his guard down, let’s himself be human, even if it’s for but a moment when her hair is freed from its braid and the sunlight dances through the window behind her. When she laughs. There’s no way, no matter how inhuman he believes himself, he can keep himself from wanting human things to want. Everyone needs love. It doesn’t matter in what capacity you’re talking- everyone NEEDS it. Friendship, romance, companionship, a pet, a kind word from a stranger, opening the door for someone, any of those things- it’s human nature and there’s no avoiding it.

Kaz Brekker Thrives being called a demon. He thrives on the mystery, the myth, the cruelty. He breathes it in because he can’t survive without it. His reputation is quite literally all he has. And his friends are even a result of it. The violence Fuels him. And he’s gotten so reliant on it that he doesn’t know how to be anything else. He doesn’t know how to be anything for anyone unless it involves a scheme, a score, a bit of blood. He quite literally cannot help Inej with her bandages unless he thinks about it as if he were drawing a weapon on someone. Violence was easy.

But the truth is he cannot be Brekker solely.

And he cannot be solely Brekker happily or even contently because he knows Inej will not have him with his armor. So the only option he’s left with is to indulge in Rietveld. To let himself die again and again at that harbor, for her. To use her voice as a tether so that he may not die again. So that she may pull him out of the sea. So that Rietveld can live to give her the love he longs to. He NEEDS Rietveld because he IS Rietveld. And there is no reasoning behind it, no scheme he can concoct to keep his truest self away.

“Dirty hands would have cut his losses and moved on”

But still he says “I would come for you”

Still he reaches out, grabbing Inej’s hand, staying with her, desperately fighting back the waters.

Still, he catches her when she falls, holds her up with worry in his eyes.

Because he’s not JUST Brekker. He’s not JUST dirty hands. He cannot be. No matter how much his hurt self wants him to be. He has to fight to stay alive in the harbor every time he touches her, but he will. Over and over again. For her. For them. He has to.

I’m not suggesting Kaz has some sort of personality disorder or something-

I’m saying I think his past is who Inej sees behind the cruelty. She understands the language of pain intimately, and knows when someone is responding out of pain. I think she sees him for all he is, Brekker and Rietveld, and loves him. He isn’t two people- but one- a very hurt boy who behaves like one, who’s built his life on pain. He conflicts so much with himself because he KNOWS Rietveld was too weak to survive in the barrel. He knows he cannot let himself be too soft. His tell is his love for Inej, and when all that mattered was for him to keep his cool, he looked at her- and Van Eck took her from him. His life is the same story written again and again with a different victim of his love each time- and he’s afraid that should he love anyone, go soft for a second, he’ll lose them. But there’s no way to avoid loving people. There’s no possible way to keep from caring about his friends.

So his only option is to let them have him, have Rietveld.

His only option is to balance both sides of himself, Rietveld and Brekker.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[anxietycomments]

nononono you don’t understand. when Inej says “I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker”, she’s not saying that she will only have Kaz if he heals his trauma all by himself, she’s saying that she wants him to trust her, that she wants to help him, and help herself too!! She’s not just offering help to Kaz here, she’s acknowledging her own trauma with people touching her, her past in the menagerie!!! She’s saying I want us both to be ready to be at least a little intimate, or just heal together, because I don’t want us to destroy ourselves in a good relationship because of past traumas. She’s saying, let me help you, because I get it. Let me help you because you will help me in return. Let us be healthy, because I know we both want this. SHES NOT BEING MEAN GUYS SHES GJDJSJD

[jccatstudios]

I absolutely love your adapting of Six of Crows. What scene would you most be looking forward to illustrating?

Oooooooh that is quite the question. So many scenes to choose from. Before I make my big long list, just as a disclaimer, I'm only planning to finish Chapter 3 right now. Everything that comes after (especially scenes way later in the book) is up in the air. No promises with Chapter 4 either. Also, not including CK on this list because then I'd be writing all night. That being said... here are some scenes that instantly come to mind:

Matthias introduction! I enjoy his character more and more each time I read, and that fight with the wolves he has is such a great was to meet him and know what he's about. Also the scene where Inej trips him haha

Chapter 10: Inej. The Tante Heleen encounter is so visceral. There's a lot of scenes I wouldn't describe as fun to draw because of their content, but they'd be fun to draw in the sense that I'd have a fair amount of creative problem-solving to get the emotional effect across

Wesper tag team fight on the docks

Eyeball scene. Eyeball scene. Eyeball scene!!! Like imagine the impact panel: Kaz's and Oomen's silhouettes, white on a black background, a dynamic arc of blood between Kaz's hand and Oomen's face

Inej's interactions with Nina, Jesper, and Kaz on the boat. Especially the life debt scene

The little scene where they're passing the book binoculars around and Nina makes fun of Kaz? That part is so dear to me

Wagon scene and Kaz's backstory. Honestly, everyone's backstory. I'm a One Piece fan, what can I say

Inej climbing the incinerator shaft and realizing her dream!!!

Matthias's "betrayal." Absolutely legendary cliffhanger

Chapter 38: Kaz. Imagine a full splash page of him so far away, the rest of the page filled with just water, silent. And the feeding the crows scene! The lighting effects are incredible in my mind, trust on that one

Jesper, Inej, and Wylan piloting the tank! Never before have I wanted to draw mechanical details so badly

What would drawing Nina's POV be like when she's on parem? I envision lots of little panels detailing out all the things she can see and experience now

"I will have you without armor" but also the scene between Inej and Nina at the start of that chapter? I forgot about it on my first read, but I recently listened to that part again and it's so sweet

Pekka Rollins. I just want to draw him.

[romantichopelessly]

good evening. SaB s2 entirely misinterpreted the “how will you have me” scene by erasing Inej’s trauma prior to the scene.

without Inej’s trauma and own issues with touch established, “how will you have me” reads as “I want someone I will be able to kiss/have sex with/etc.” which is NOT what Inej meant by that.

In the books, her calling out Kaz’s gloves and armor and turned face is her pointing out his inability to be vulnerable, not his inability to have sex. It’s her pointing out that he cannot say “I love you” or even directly “I want to be with you”, and he isn’t showing any desire to work towards that. And she knows that she deserves better.

By the end of CK, Kaz and Inej can just barely hold hands, but that is enough for her, because he’s trying. She doesn’t want to surpass all his boundaries and have a physical relationship, she needs him to want her enough, respect her enough to value her over his comforts and hiding within his trauma.

But you know. “Sometimes you just need some skin on skin” or whatever the fuck these writers think.

[manikas-whims]

Reasons I despise Shadow and Bone

• Inej Ghafa in the books was an SA survivor and a girl who despite all that she went through, held hope close to her chest. Book Inej was so scared of the menagerie, she couldn't walk past it without the fear of being recaptured. She finally moved on from this fear when she choked Heleen at the Ice Court, stole her diamond choker and ran, calling her silks feathers. And finally believing that she was free after facing her fear, her abuser head on. So seeing the show Inej casually walk into the menagerie as well as merely shrugging upon hearing of Heleen's death this season, was not just extremely ooc but disrespectful and had zero depth.

• Kaz Brekker's disability was basically neglected this entire season and his cane treated like an accessory. Not only that they butchered the entire Kaz-Nikolai meeting in CK. Kaz would've immediately recognized Nikolai, like that was such a downgrade. Not to mention Nikolai threatening Kaz (and Jesper). Kaz wouldn't be threatened. Instead he'd make negotiations with Nikolai on his terms. Oh and most importantly, his entire backstory was rushed and played off like it was nothing serious. That intensity of two innocent small-town boys being tricked by an adult with agency and power, I couldn't feel it as much as I felt reading the books.

• Jesper Fahey's backstory is very emotional and beautiful. The memories with his mother and his coversations later on with his father, all lead up to him slowly accepting his grisha side more and embracing it. Embracing being a zowa. The show speed-ran through it and well, it lost its depth.

More importantly none of the backstory material makes much sense and lacks so much depth because there was nothing that lead to that development. The books, whatever transpires in SoC is what leads to and triggers their individual character developments. So any backstories stuffed in the show made no sense.

• Nina Zenik's bisexuality is completely erased by the show. Its like netflix is allergic to sapphics 😭

• Now Kanej! We got so much Kanej content we should be happy right? I agree. The scenes did give me a momentary high because those are some of my favorite parts of the books and its a blessing to be able to see them adapted on screen. Except, none of those scenes made sense, especially since season 1 barely hinted about some chemistry between the two and then season suddenly escalated all that slow burn into significant moments badly stashed into the show plot. I mean ofc we got the chapel scene and all but.. The whole wound patching-up scene was a pivotal moment in their relationship and it was completely downplayed in the show. And then there was also Kaz getting mad at Inej freeing some children from slavers? Like ofcourse even book Kaz would be slightly miffed but he wouldn't outright reprimand Inej and tell her she's off the team due to it, but thats what show Kaz did. And then after everything that happens, the sudden drop of “how will you have me” and the “without armor” dialogue completely did dirty to that moment. Like ofc she says “gloves on, fully clothed, head turned away so our lips never meet”. But in the books, Inej utters those words because of all the secrecy and lack of effort for pursuing a proper relationship between them. The “no armor” Inej says is addressed towards wanting him to be more open about himself (since Kaz knows basically everything about her, from her full name to how she was captured and ended up in Ketterdam) but Inej knows nothing about him, not even if Kaz Brekker is his real name. But the show made the “no armor” dialogue so bad. Its made Inej look so shallow as if she is merely speaking in terms of her physical wants.

Ohh and I did mention this in another post but everybody fucking knowing about Kaz's backstory? Everyone but Inej? The only person he actually tells in the books. Him even telling the fraction of stuff he tells Inej spoke volumes about their bond and how he trusted her enough to reveal this truth about himself. Show Kaz's past is revealed to Nina and Jesper casually walking in and listening??? WTF was that? And no Inej in thaf moment. Call it nitpicking but it was WRONG.

• Wesper has been reduced to the token gay couple of the show. Their sweet first encounter has been completely eradicated and they're turned into this typical trope of people who had a one night stand and accidentally met again. Their romance is so sexualised in the show, as many tend to do with queer ships (which is extremely disgusting imo). More importantly, we'll most likely never see the “no, not just girls” in that possible spin-off 🙂

• Ketterdam: the show has given no proper insight on Ketterdam. I bet most of the show only people don't understand much about the city and the gangs. I wonder if many even know whats a Dime Lion. And Pekka randomly having the stadwatch in cahoots with him was so shitty writing?

And these are just a few that i can remember right now. Also i don't want this post to get too long.

–» If you're one of those sheep fans, don't comment shit like “creators already told us its different from the books, so you shouldn't be mad” 🤪 cause I'll definitely delete your comment.

If you are one of those, scroll past this post. Cause what do y'all even mean? People can't freely discuss or criticize a piece of media now? STFU!

[evellynssocbrainrot]

An Important Notice

Almost every time I read a fanfic or see what people say on Tumblr and Pinterest, Inej is perceived as this perfect angel with no flaws and Kaz is the one who needs fixing.

This is really annoying.

Listen, people, Inej is amazing, don't get me wrong. She's one of the best characters in all of literature and I look up to her as a role model, but she's not perfect. She is not a saint or an angel, she's a human. Even she can be stubborn and arrogant from time to time. Let's not forget how she doubted Wylan's demo ability at the beginning of SOC. Her line, "I will have you without your armor, Kaz Brekker, or I will not have you at all," is iconic and I understand the meaning, but it's still a bit hypocritical when you think about it. She's telling Kaz to make himself vulnerable but it's not like she's that open about her own vulnerabilities either.

As for Kaz, the poor baby is almost always painted in the wrong light. He's the one with all the flaws, the one who doesn't deserve anything but misery, and the one who needs fixing. Even if he's just a character, I feel bad and think perhaps sometimes the Grishaverse fandom isn't fair to him. In the books, Kaz told Wylan how he shouldn't feel ashamed of his disability, VERBALLY said that he wanted to give himself up for the Crows, and didn't allow Jesper to use Parem even though it was a very efficient way to gain the victory. He even gave Nina Matthias's share of the kruge despite having the option to take it for himself.

And for Inej, the sweetheart did as much as he could. 😭

He was dead set on saving her at the beginning of CK and stopped at nothing until she was with him again. And his line, "I would have come for you, and if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you." He said he would crawl, CRAWL!! Fucking crawl to her, and knowing Kaz, he so would if he had to. And then he liquidated all, not some, all of his assets, every single cent, he gave it all up for her. To fully free her from the Menagerie. In the end, he bought her a ship, found her parents, and even went as far as taking off his gloves and holding her hand for a long time IN PUBLIC!!!! At the harbour where anyone could see. In fact, he's the reason why she's where she is in the first place. He got her out, gave her a knife, and made her dangerous. He gave her the freedom to grace the rooftops in the dead of night and haunt the streets. He gave her the option to leave if she wanted. HE LOVED HER TO THE POINT WHERE HE LET HER GO BECAUSE HER HAPPINESS AND DESIRES MATTER MORE TO HIM THAN HIS OWN!!!

He's not that bad okay. I know he's very flawed and traumatized, but he's got a very big heart, he just doesn't show it. He gave Jesper a place to go, provided Wylan with protection, and allowed Nina and Matthias to reunite. He formed the plans for the Ice Court and ended Van Eck and Pekka Rollins while doing his best to ensure that the Crows would stay alive. But still, he's the only one who has to fix himself. Some fans still think that he isn't worthy of Inej. Meanwhile, Inej is the perfect, flawless angel. I thought people didn't like a Mary Sue. And Inej isn't a Mary Sue, she has flaws, she has weak points, and she has things that she needs to work through as well.

For those of you who read all this, thank you for sparing some time.

[cameliawrites]

Kanej Fic Recs: The "Figuring Out Intimacy" Trope

If you're anything like me, you're a glutton for very specific fic tropes applied to your very favorite OTPs (and we all know my OTP of OTPs is kanej). To this end, ao3 tags are your best friend. When you see that delicious combination of tags like "emotional hurt/comfort" and "healing" and "pining" with some sort of moody, vaguely poetic title, that's the good shit right there. That is a MEAL, and you are about to feast.

Anyways. I'm getting off track.

I come to you today with more than just an offering to the potluck; I am here to open up the doors to the whole damn buffet. That's right - FIC RECS. Specifically, fic recs that scratch the particular itch for "post-canon fics where Kaz and Inej figure out how to touch each other, but really the Physical Armor is always symbolic of the Emotional Armor that they have to learn to lower if they hope to ever really Be Together." Do you know what I'm talking about? If you know, you know. It's kanej figuring out intimacy. It's touch, but it's about the way they touch each other's souls. It's a fandom-classic fic trope. FEAST AWAY. (And feel free to reblog and add any of your own favorites! This is certainly not an exhaustive list, just some favorites of mine that fit the bill.)

They're all complete, they're all canon compliant (I had to set some limitations because my list was getting out of hand lol), and they're listed in order of rating (T, M, etc.), but otherwise they're in no particular order, and the summaries and/or most of the excerpts are those provided by the authors on ao3!

Can We Stop? by thegoldenkneazle (Rated G, 220 words, drabble)

Excerpt:

Kaz immediately drew back, rolling over onto his side of the creaky bed to create space between them. “Are you okay?” he asked, dark eyebrows drawing together.

Every Time We Touch by Pokemon67 (Rated G, 1k words, oneshot)

Summary: "Inej hadn't been exaggerating. It wasn’t easy for her either."

Excerpt:

She couldn’t quite recall how they’d ended up here, in Kaz’s room, on his bed. She was perched on his legs, right in front of him, and if she raised her head she could look into his eyes count the little flecks of gold the light always teased to her were there. 

Uncharted Waters by insignificant457 (Rated T, 5k words, oneshot)

Summary: "One step on the long and winding road to intimacy."

Excerpt:

Perhaps Inej should be insulted that she’s been penciled into Kaz’s schedule, fit snugly in between a Crow Club shareholders’ meeting and a parley with the Liddies, but when it comes to taking steps forward in their relationship, romantic spontaneity is not exactly something they can afford.

Council of the Tides by blacktag189 (Rated T, 15k words, multichap)

Excerpt:

With each tiny step forward they made, the urgency to be pulled out to sea still built. She couldn't ignore the brutal truth in that - that no matter how much he gave her here...one day everything would align just right and she would leave. But today wasn't that day.

Discover the Rest by Silver_89 (Rated T, 4k words, oneshot) (note: restricted to ao3 account holders)

Summary: "Post Crooked Kingdom fic where Kaz and Inej have made some progress with touch but touch is not the only progress Inej wants to see from him. She wants to know him too."

Excerpt:

Inej didn’t share much about her time at the Menagerie...And yet she had shared that she struggled with touch too. He understood why. But she didn’t know why he was the same. I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all. It was time he tried taking it off.

All Flowers in Time (Bend Towards the Sun) by laurie_ipsum (Rated M, 10k words, multichap)

Summary: "Does this fandom need yet another Kaz and Inej figure out intimacy fic? Probably not, but I did it anyway."

Excerpt:

Kaz wants all his firsts. It’s written in his eyes, on his face, in every line of his body. She can tell it terrifies him. It terrifies her, too.

One Thousand and One Nights by Trogdor19 (Rated M, 11k words, multichap)

Summary: "One new touch, every night…"

Excerpt:

He dips his head, his cheekbone brushing against hers so quietly it’s like the way she moves. So silkily between shadows no one’s ever quite sure it happened. 'Wait for me,' he breathes. The letters barely given enough air to shape them.

The Trouble With Wanting by A_nonnie_mouse (Rated M, 6k words, oneshot, part of a series)

Summary: "Inej begins to reckon with her own armor so she can have what, and who, she wants."

Excerpt:

“Kaz.” She was frustrated at his self-deprecation. “Please understand. My mind wants you. My heart longs for you. My body…” She struggled for words, the shame rising again, threatening her eyes with tears. “My body isn’t entirely convinced something horrible isn’t going to happen again. This wasn’t because of you. You understand that, don’t you?” 

show me where my armor ends (show me where my skin begins) by kingsandqueensofthebarrel (Rated M, 25k words, oneshot)

Excerpt:

“You’re something I want, Wraith,” he says, his tone all business like. “And I don’t stop until I have what I want.” “That could have sounded romantic.” “It’s a fact.” She hums and squeezes his hand.

collision course by cameliawrites (Rated M, 10k words, oneshot) (shameless self-promotion)

Excerpt:

Inej adjusts to Kaz the way that winter adjusts to spring: she thaws, and thaws, and thaws—and then she utterly melts.

you're a bandit like me, eyes full of stars by sarathedreamer (Rated M, 54k words, multichap, part of a series)

Summary: "Kaz and Inej learning to be with one another after Crooked Kingdom (events in Rule of Wolves might be mentioned in later chapters but you'll be warned!) Basically a slow burn filled with angst and fluff, and little plot :)"

Excerpt:

She blushed and felt a smile tug at her lips, so she looked down at his hand, held up in front of her like an invitation. His fingers were barely shaking. Inej looked back up at his eyes, asking a silent question once more, and Kaz nodded after a short hesitation. She gently cupped his hand in hers, fascinated by the softness of it, by the way two of hers were not quite enough to hold one of his. No one but she could know how graceful Dirtyhands’ weapons were under his gloves, and that was another one of his secrets she would gladly keep close to her chest.

Things We Can Never Do by rainstormdragon (Rated E, 3k words, oneshot, part of a series)

Excerpt:

They had done this before more than once. First words, then their hands on their own bodies. Gasped encouragement and shared fantasies. “Tell me what you’d want to do,” he urged her, not moving even a hair’s breadth toward her, giving her the safety of the space between them. “Tell me what you’d want me to do.”

Closer by lilieswho (Rated E, 7k words, oneshot)

Excerpt:

There is a deep desire crawling under Inej’s skin. It’s a feeling she’s begun to grow used to by now — the feeling of wanting someone, wishing for their touch and hoping they wish for hers back. Not someone’s, no. Kaz’s.

If you've made it all the way to the end of this rec list (hi!! thanks!), you should absolutely reply to or reblog this post with your favorite "kanej figure out intimacy" fic, whether it's on this list or something else! :) Support your local organic pasture-raised fic authors, etc. etc.

[ninallthatjazz]

I am rewatching Shadow and Bone and I have so many thoughts about the Kanej wound dressing scene in S2E3 dkwbjdorbr it's one of the best scenes in the show imo.

The hesitant way Kaz enters the room, like he knows exactly that it will be hard for him to see Inej hurt and, more importantly, angry at him. He looks at the floor for a second to gather his courage before he speaks.

Mirroring Kaz in the first episode, Inej senses his presence before he makes himself known. She goes still for a second, staring straight ahead, before resuming what she is doing.

The trembling in Inej's voice on the line "you are gambling with our lives" because she is so furious and hurt and can just not understand why Kaz is not his usual level-headed, cold-hearted, calculated self. Kaz can be cruel and detached, but she knows how to work with that, she knows him. This is uncharted territory, and it terrifies her, especially because she will be right back where she started if this goes wrong.

Kaz immediately turning away when Inej starts to take off her blouse (despite the layers she wears underneath). I am wondering if it's more for her sake or if he doesn't trust himself to keep his desire for her locked away in the dark corner of his heart where he usually keeps it buried.

Kaz fighting to get out the words "Pekka Rollins killed my brother", breathing heavily like speaking those words are enough to make him drown.

Inej looking at him with fire in her eyes and saying in the most eerily calm voice "then we destroy him". He gave her a reason, and this is all she needed to trust in him and fight by his side.

Kaz looking up at those words like he can't believe that he heard correctly, like he has to make sure the hope growing in him is grounded in reality.

The resolve in his eyes when he starts walking towards her, hand shaking when he silently asks her to give him the cloth so he can clean her wound.

Inej's stunned look at his face, trying to read the situation. Is Kaz Brekker trying to take care of me? In a situation that requires touch?

Her little gasp when the cloth makes contact with her skin. I don't think pain is the cause.

Kaz trying so hard, but still clenching his jaw like he is biting steel, breathing fast, feeling the water rise.

The look they share after "was there no one to protect you?" saying that no, they were both alone then. But they are not alone any longer.

Inej's little arched brow and casual tone when she asks "do I have one?" (a tell). She wants to know if he sees her, her, who tried to be invisible most of the time. Him immediately giving an answer.

Her asking him to be vulnerable with her in return. "what's yours?" whispered in the intimite air between them.

Kaz trying desperately to keep his armor on by deflecting with the limp. Immediately losing it when she keeps looking at him (looking at his mouth) telling her what she wants to know, he would tell her everything, if she just keeps looking at him like that..

Inej understanding even without him saying it (I want you), leaning into him.

I could rewatch this another 100 times and I would still find new things. Freddy and Amita deserve all the awards for this incredibly nuanced performance.

[theincredibleprincess19]

Changes in S2 of S&B - Pros and Cons

What I liked: 

- Mal (as Sturmhond) going to find his own identity independent of Alina

- Alina keeping her powers and continuing her political role 

- The consequences of merzost when used to bring Mal back to life

- Inej with a sword- really just her whole relationship with Alina 

- Wesper starting as a one-night stand 

- Baghra’s death scene. One of the most well-acted in the show so far.

- Matthias’ plot in Hellgate- sweet Fierdan cellmate, beef with Pekka Rollins, and dog-whispering abilities, what’s not to love? 

- The whole side quest for the sword, especially Kanej moments and Wylan saving the day, as well as Durast bloodbending and Jesper’s encounter with his mother 

- Inej’s brother, who we find exists largely to narratively parallel Jordie. I’m cool with that because it is SUCH a good parallel. “I pray for him. For Jordie.” :(

What I didn’t:

- not including the final battle of Siege and Storm at the Little Palace, white-haired Alina, and all that comes with it

- Making Tolya (aroace) seem to have a crush on Inej. Which may develop into a relationship?? Ew on so many levels.

- Idk how to articulate my exact issue with it, but they handled the “I’ll have you without armor” scene wrong. It always felt more about emotional vulnerability to me, and the show made it seem like Inej wanted to have sex, which book Inej is no where near ready for. 

- Overall, I feel that several opportunities to address Inej’s trauma were overlooked

- David died too soon- I see why it was necessary to make Alina a member of the Triumvirate, but I feel like it did a disservice to Genya’s character development

- Nina dropping the pardon on the ground was stupid and she would never

[tough-n-dumb]

several sentence sunday

thank you for the tag, @dreamtigress!

this section comes pen, paper, and sea air which is the newest ficlet in my anthology "weave a lovers' tapestry"

There’s something to be said, Kaz has to admit, about Ketterdam in the early hours of the morning. And something good for once. It’s a wretched city, full of wretched people—himself included—but basked in the dawn light, the Barrel’s crooked rows of slouching buildings look almost charming; a child's set of dollhouses placed askew. The gray of the streets is interrupted by bright green weeds that peek from between the cobblestones, growing despite all odds. Even the dirty canal water seems to sparkle.  Or maybe this new revelation of beauty is simply because of the girl sitting beside him on the Slat’s slopping roof. Because of the way her shoulder bumps gently against his as she laughs. Because she is leaving today on the ship he bought her, and he can’t help but see her in everything she is leaving behind. A few bells later at the docks, Inej gives his hand—his bare hand—a quick squeeze and glances up at him, a smile on her face. Before he knows what she’s doing, she springs onto her tiptoes and grazes her lips against his cheek. When she pulls away, he’s sure his face is that of a boy’s again and he can feel a light blush spreading across the cheek she just kissed (she just kissed him).  She releases his hand and steps away before he can do something stupid like throw his arms around her and crush his lips to hers, never letting her go again. “I’ll write to you,” she says. He says he’ll do the same. * It’s difficult at first—putting his thoughts to paper. Sending her the information he collects on slavers and their routes is easy enough, yes, but he knows she wants more than perfunctory updates in the letters he sends, that she wants him without his armor—including bringing down the walls of his mind. So he tries. He writes things like, it’s harder to sleep knowing you’re not in the room beneath mine and I had dinner with Jesper and Wylan. Did you know Jesper can cook? I was surprised as well and even I miss you. I miss you in a way I’ve only ever missed my brother.  Kaz writes to her like his heart is a broken, bloody animal.  She doesn’t write back. 

if you enjoyed this, read the rest on AO3!

tagging (if you have anything you want to share but no pressure!) @cameliawrites @oneofthewednesdays @insignificant457

[catapparently]

Malina and or Kanej HCs pleaseeeeee

My boos I miss them all ty <333

Kanej Headcanons

I'll do Kanej because despite having read the books, I'm honestly not really familiar with Mal's character and therefore not likely to write something accurate.

Also sorry not sorry this is half angst because it's Kanej

First of all, they both think the other deserves someone better/more suited to them;

Inej knows that Kaz needs someone who'd be willing to be with him despite not being able to touch. He needs someone with patience and who wouldn't mind waiting forever for him.

On the other side, Kaz thinks Inej OVERALL deserves someone better than him, someone who would be able to hold her, comfort her, kiss her...

Despite that, if Inej ever gets approached romantically by another man, Kaz will beat him up later, threaten the dude's mother, then frame him for a murder Kaz committed and get him sent to Hellgate, far far away from Inej

Inej doesn't ever worry or get jealous over Kaz speaking to other girls because she knows he wouldn't be interested in a million years

Ok so we all remember when Inej said “I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.” and Kaz didn't budge, basically a silent painful rejection

Inej said that because she 99.99% knew that Kaz wouldn't instantly take off his "armor" for her

She WANTED him to "reject" her because her goal was to go hunt slavers, far far away from Kaz

Sure, they could send letters, but they could never be genuine in the letters lest someone intercepts them and finds out Kaz's weakness

As long as there wasn't an unspoken "rejection" between them, Inej wouldn't feel completely free to leave after the whole Ice court heist and all

Obviously she will still love him, but she needed a way to let go of that attachment enough to go and follow her dreams

Inej thinks about Kaz every single day since she left him

She's always reminded of him in every single thing she does or thinks;

"That's exactly what Kaz would say/do"

Inej goes to visit Kaz in Ketterdam whenever she passes by with her ship

Whenever she leaves again, Kaz sends her off with a pair of gloves or a coat of his

After the events in Rule of Wolves, when Zoya tasks Kaz with finding the heart of St. Feliks (I think that's the name?), Inej was the first person he asked for intel. Since she travels around so much she surely heard something

Of course, when he's going outside of Ketterdam for jobs or other stuff, Inej is the one who takes him on her ship. He wouldn't trust anyone else

Inej once said a few affectionate words in Suli to him and Kaz immediately searched through all of his contacts for someone to translate it for him

Inej once stole a wealthy slaver's fancy watch and brought it back to Kaz;

Not because Kaz needed yet another one but more as a symbol that she was still what Kaz made her.

When Kaz bought her the ship, he made the captain's room look like a better version of her room at the Slat so that she would always have a reminder of him and the Crows

Because her "magic slippers" got burnt while scaling the incinerator in SoC, Kaz got her a nice pair of more practical boots and commissioned yet another Fabrikator to modify the soles and make them excellent for climbing

Kaz made Wylan work on cannon blueprints until they were perfect and had them installed

He basically went all out with that ship

Inej got a little tattoo that said "the Crow" with "The Wraith" under it on her back despite her issue with branding

She didn't get it as a label, she got it as a reminder of who she was

"the Wraith" was everything the Menagerie's Suli lynx wasn't. For Inej, the tattoo was a symbol of her strength

Kaz didn't know

He found that out when one day, she came to visit him and was wearing a backless top;

He'd gotten (stolen) a necklace for her and she asked him to put it on for her;

At first Kaz was really hesitant but he *GASP* took off his gloves, and gently brushed her hair out of the way and that's when he saw the little tattoo

This man FROZE and didn't even realize his UNGLOVED index finger was tracing her bare skin along the lines of the tattoo

When he realized it he quickly stopped and hurriedly clasped the necklace around her neck

He still isn't over his touch aversion, but he's doing better. He still quickly stepped back though, putting some distance in between them

He noticed the faintest flush on Inej's cheeks and that's how he knew she still loved him, he felt relief in knowing so

These days, amongst Kaz's men, the Wraith is a myth. They don't know that Inej is gone, they think she's always there in the shadows, spying and reporting back to Kaz

Only the OGs know the truth

To Kaz, this was a way of forever having a piece of her within the gang

I hope these are to your liking!!! It's hard to write Kanej without angst

[eerna]

I think Inej's "I will have you without armor" scene is a good example of why you can't just randomly insert scenes from the source into an adaptation and call it a character arc. In the book, Kaz believes the only way to solve his issues is to brute force through them. When he tries to solve his touch repulsion, he does it by removing his gloves right away instead of dealing with the trauma that caused him to wear them in the first place, treating it as a physical failure instead of an emotional one. He isn't trying to solve his trauma, he wants to remove his "weakness". In fact, he is scared of letting go of the emotional damage done to him and reduces himself entirely to a "hurt guy looking for revenge who will destroy everything and everyone", since that's what has been keeping him going for years. Inej notices this, even if she doesn't have the full context. She witnesses him repeatedly trying to brute force his way through their relationship, opening up to her a bit only to shut her away the next second, because his only goal is to keep her by his side and not to actually heal himself. She understands his touch aversion is not just a physical thing, his gloves aren't just a way to cope with it, they are the symbol of everything that makes him a bad person - not his trauma, but the fact that he uses it as an excuse to hurt others. Inej herself has PTSD related to physical touch, but she doesn't let it define her, and she wants to heal and get over her past, so there is no way she could ever settle for a partner who is actively trying NOT to forget at the expense of hurting her and everyone around him. In the show, there is none of this buildup. We still don't know a single thing about Inej's trauma, except that one implied scene in s1 where she was scared of that dude touching her arm. She isn't even present for the wagon scene, which was supposed to be the first time Kaz was plainly suffering and in need of help. And Kaz is not running away from emotional responsibility - he has repeatedly told her how much she means to him, he tried to give her money to skip town, he got her indenture paid off, and all of that BEFORE this scene. So why is she saying it? What is the armor she is talking about?? It's word-for-word the same, but with none of the weight. It almost seems like it's literally just the gloves, just as all the bad-faith readers have been interpreting the scene for years, which makes me believe the writers went with that surface interpretation too and that's really sad

[agreysexualromantic]

Show thoughts on "I'll have you without your armor"

Can we all just pause and note the subtle performances that made this scene so fucking BEAUTIFUL.

Inej's love and compassion as she holds his gloved hand so gently. No judgement, no shame, so full of understanding. She knows that's he NEEDS his armor, and she doesn't judge him for it, but she also knows they can't be more with it. They just can't. It's heartbreaking and true. She knows how huge it is for Kaz to say he wants Inej, and she knows that he needs to heal before wanting can be enough.

And Kaz's little nod at the end there? Just that one dip of his chin and his eyes leaving hers.

Because he knows.

He knows exactly what Inej means. He knows that he's not really ready for them to be something more yet, for all that he wants her, for all that he finally got the words out of his mouth for the first fucking time, for all of that... He knows he's not ready yet.

He knows that trying to be more will only hurt Inej, and will only hurt him, because he's just not healed enough to prevent harm.

He knows. She knows. And they love each other so well they can let each other have the space they need to find their purpose and to heal.

Freddy and Amita understand these characters so deeply, and their performances in this scene are utterly captivating.

[magneticflower]

I think one of the things that really pulled me about Inej and Kaz is how it is just no secret they want each other. Not even to each other, not really. Even when Kaz tries to play it off (to convince her and himself) and upsets Inej, she doesn't truly believe he doesn't care. There's doubt, of course, but it's clear deep down she knows that the affection extends both ways. However, the thing that pulls me in most about it is the fact that even if they know, it's not enough to just want each other.

Inej refuses to just settle for the bare minimum, even when she knows it's all he can offer at that moment. She even tells him as much in a very raw moment on the boat where he finally opens up about his desires for her. And it's not to hurt him, she doesn't want to hurt him, but it is so that he knows that she doesn't want love with walls between them. She's wants to be open, to be honest, but she isn't going to be in a relationship that leaves her as the only one without her armor. She wants him too, she makes that clear, but she wants him without his armor because that's how she wants to be with him as well.

She wants to have someone to bare her soul to and to have that person do the same for her. To be able to be raw and honest with each other like they can with no one else because they are each other's safe harbor. She's got her own trauma, her own pain that tears at her from the inside, but she's willing to share it with someone else if they're willing to put in the work to do the same.

It's not like she expects it to instantaneous either. Vulnerability takes time, she knows that, but there's a difference between an offer of slow progression than none at all. Kaz wasn't offering her the chance at progression in their relationship that day, not really, he was just hoping that his feelings were enough to make her stay at his side--- to keep their routine, but she doesn't want that. She wants Kaz to be willing to give her more than that, to try like she was willing to try. When he tells her he wants her on the boat, she knows he isn't ready to give her that. She knows she isn't willing to settle for anything else, for his sake and for her own.

"I will have you without your armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all."

She lays out all the cards then. She wants him to dare to do it, to take the risk. His silence is deafening, but it says all that needs to be said. Kaz knows that he can't offer her what she wants, at least not then, and it's clear by the way his frustration at that reality encompasses the entirety of his being. He wants her, but even he knows he isn't ready to offer what she needs then. He let's her walk away. It's all he can do for her then.

He has a million schemes in his head on ways to make her stay even in that moment, but Kaz doesn't want to make Inej do anything. He believes himself to be epitome of greed, but the irony of it all is that he can't even allow his greed to snatch him what he wants most---- her. He wants her for all that she is, but especially because of what freedom looks like on her. He won't be the one to deprive her of that.

It may not seem like it, but these two have only bettered each other throughout their relationship. Not in the ways that one normally would expect, maybe not in ways that people would necessarily consider better, but their relationship has always helped elevate each other when needed. If they had just settled at that moment, settled for what could be offered right then because of want, they would no longer be like that. They would be stagnated. Inej knew that even if Kaz didn't quite understand it then, and she didn't want that for them. If they were to be together in a different way than they have been, if they were to take that leap, she would only do it if it made them better.

[dahlia-molinas]

the thing about shadow and bone is that it completely reduces both nina and inej to their love interests. nina only knows matthias for a few weeks in season 1, and in season two she is already declaring that he is the love of her life. which is honestly, fine, but the fact that every single thing she does thereafter is about matthias isn't fine. she is stripped of her own relationships with the crows, her sweet friendship with inej, her history as a ravkan soldier, and her trying to navigate the world as a grisha. other than a few quips here and there, her only roles in the story are to help bring kaz's plots to fruition, and to cry over matthias.

and then there's inej. season 1 of shadow and bone establishes her motivations early on- to find her family- but they never follow through with it. they try to explore her spirituality, but frankly its a perspective that lacks the nuance the books gave inej and her piousness. and in season 2, they abandon it all completely and inej only matters because of her feelings for kaz. no longer is she trying find her family, or help other victims of trafficking. she exists to help kaz's plans come to fruition and pine after him. the watered down dunyasha plotline that is her conflict with the taxidermist is weak and not enough. when being poisioned, while kaz's trauma and jesper's identity as a grisha is explored, inej dreams of her romance with kaz. why? why doesn't the show let inej come to terms with her trauma and her grief? when she refuses kaz- when they repeat the famous "without armor" line, it is misrepresented, because it seems like inej wants physical touch. the "armor" inej wants kaz to take off is the way he guards himself and doesn't allow inej to fully see him, the way he doesn't share his trauma and troubles with her. of all people, inej is the most understanding of kaz's struggles with touch. (which, by the way, is also something the show doesn't touch at all. because inej is a girlboss who was sex trafficked and raped but it doesnt affect her because she's a #girlboss) when she leaves at the end, it is not with the freedom she desires. she is still not the master of her own journey, she is not the captain of this ship.

both nina and inej deserve to be fully fleshed out characters. they have wonderful stories and a wonderful arc, and they are more than the men they care for.