#season 2 hit me in the face with all the kanej feels

[ninallthatjazz]

I am rewatching Shadow and Bone and I have so many thoughts about the Kanej wound dressing scene in S2E3 dkwbjdorbr it's one of the best scenes in the show imo.

The hesitant way Kaz enters the room, like he knows exactly that it will be hard for him to see Inej hurt and, more importantly, angry at him. He looks at the floor for a second to gather his courage before he speaks.

Mirroring Kaz in the first episode, Inej senses his presence before he makes himself known. She goes still for a second, staring straight ahead, before resuming what she is doing.

The trembling in Inej's voice on the line "you are gambling with our lives" because she is so furious and hurt and can just not understand why Kaz is not his usual level-headed, cold-hearted, calculated self. Kaz can be cruel and detached, but she knows how to work with that, she knows him. This is uncharted territory, and it terrifies her, especially because she will be right back where she started if this goes wrong.

Kaz immediately turning away when Inej starts to take off her blouse (despite the layers she wears underneath). I am wondering if it's more for her sake or if he doesn't trust himself to keep his desire for her locked away in the dark corner of his heart where he usually keeps it buried.

Kaz fighting to get out the words "Pekka Rollins killed my brother", breathing heavily like speaking those words are enough to make him drown.

Inej looking at him with fire in her eyes and saying in the most eerily calm voice "then we destroy him". He gave her a reason, and this is all she needed to trust in him and fight by his side.

Kaz looking up at those words like he can't believe that he heard correctly, like he has to make sure the hope growing in him is grounded in reality.

The resolve in his eyes when he starts walking towards her, hand shaking when he silently asks her to give him the cloth so he can clean her wound.

Inej's stunned look at his face, trying to read the situation. Is Kaz Brekker trying to take care of me? In a situation that requires touch?

Her little gasp when the cloth makes contact with her skin. I don't think pain is the cause.

Kaz trying so hard, but still clenching his jaw like he is biting steel, breathing fast, feeling the water rise.

The look they share after "was there no one to protect you?" saying that no, they were both alone then. But they are not alone any longer.

Inej's little arched brow and casual tone when she asks "do I have one?" (a tell). She wants to know if he sees her, her, who tried to be invisible most of the time. Him immediately giving an answer.

Her asking him to be vulnerable with her in return. "what's yours?" whispered in the intimite air between them.

Kaz trying desperately to keep his armor on by deflecting with the limp. Immediately losing it when she keeps looking at him (looking at his mouth) telling her what she wants to know, he would tell her everything, if she just keeps looking at him like that..

Inej understanding even without him saying it (I want you), leaning into him.

I could rewatch this another 100 times and I would still find new things. Freddy and Amita deserve all the awards for this incredibly nuanced performance.

[sxnctxxry]

I don't know how I will survive season 2.

I mean earlier this afternoon I was watching the first 7 mins while on a quick break in the middle of my uni library and I almost had a mental breakdown at the fact that pekka got the crow club, the project Kaz built by himself from the ground up with his own tears, sweat and blood, thinking of young Kaz fighting for every scrape of everything he ever had, and building his home and making a safe place for the dregs but mostly the crows, and pekka stealing everything again, all his achievements he built brick by brick toward his vengeance but also and most importantly his home, his safety but also the crows' home and safety too, his family even though he doesn't really want to admit it yet, he got swindled by pekka like Jordie did but he's much older than Jordie ever was, and this time he's the big brother figure as the leader, he was supposed to protect them, they were supposed to protect each others !!! Plus seeing Kaz's face at this realisation just made me go feral, I was literally crying, screaming and throwing up inside, and I wanted to hit my head on the table, honestly if I was home at that moment, you know I would have closed my computer and paced my room back and forth while throwing myself on the floor... I couldn't stop thinking about all of these implications but I tried to stay focused because I know that I'll have at least 10 hours of college classes as soon as the season will drop at 8 am and I'll have to wait to be able to watch it, so I got most of my work done to have my evening free tomorrow and not stay still the uni library closing time at midnight like I usually do almost every day... but you don't understand, I'm so emotionally attached to the crows and especially Kaz so how am I going to survive seeing his backstory on screen, plus kanej, Inej fighting for her own storyline, Jesper's backstory, Wylan's introduction, Nina's interactions with the other crows plus Matthias in hellgate, plus everything that will happen with the shadow and bone characters, like pls help...

I also think about the show only watchers, happily and lightheartedly starting s2 not ready to be hit by the traumatic backstory of the century, I mean even if some books fan don't know about jordie's and young kaz's casting, as soon as they will saw them on screen they will know it's over. I mean I was already spiralling from the 1s shot of kaz in the water from the trailer

Also the ref to six of crows when they said that no one was waiting to murder them when they came back while in Crooked kingdom they had the whole city against them awww...

Anyways, I'm so sorry for having a mental breakdown in questionable english in your ask box but I needed to share my feelings haha, I'll stop now don't worry ! Have fun watching the show, I hope you'll enjoy it !

oh bestie having to wait sucks. and yeah this season will emotionally destroy so many of us. at least we're all suffering together here :) and not gonna lie you made me tear up a bit about that analysis since i really did not want to dwell on anything before the show but ouch bestie, hope you enjoy it once you get the chance to watch it !!!