#against anything i’m just not fucking religious to things i don’t understand

[saltiecattoz]

i just realized there’s no way for people to know i’m a “furry” on instagram unless you looked at my carrd which means they read this:

… bro

uh oh the cracker conservative snowflakes found me on instagram 🙈 i’m so scared guys 🥺🥺🥺

[drdemonprince]

I grew up with abstinence-only sex education, and it did a real number on me. But I’ve shaken off enough of my old cultural programming to realize that the transmission of bacteria and viruses is a thing that sometimes just happens when animals come together, no matter how stringently we might try to prevent it.

I have gotten urinary tract infections when a stray microbe found its way into my urethra after sex. Lube and bodily fluids have disturbed my vagina’s pH and caused a yeast infection many times. So has wearing a bathing suit for too long without drying it, yet another “risk” worth the pleasures of swimming along the sea wall.

Once or twice I’ve had an outbreak of cold sores, just like 80% of humans. If I’m like most people, I probably caught oral herpes when I was very young, sharing a sippy cup or rolling around at a sleepover.

None of this makes me disgusting, irresponsible, evil, or dangerous to others. It just makes me a living creature that exists in close contact with other creatures. I believe I have a responsibility to get tested regularly, to alert people who have been close to me when I get sick, and to use preventative measures like condoms, PreP, vaccines, toys, and masks to prevent the spread of infections as best I can. But I never imagine I can lead a life without risk — or that such a life would even be desirable.

There is no such thing as completely “safe” sex. A friend of mine can’t use condoms because they give her bacterial vaginosis. She chooses instead to fuck raw and take PreP and get anything else she catches treated. A guy I know who masks and tests religiously caught COVID while fisting someone (with a gloved hand!) at an air-filtered party. HPV is so prevalent that most sexual wellness clinics don’t bother testing for it, and can’t do much for a patient if they do have it. Our bodies are teeming at all times with various endemic viruses and microbes that we will never have the power to purge.

Then there are the possible costs of not having sex — vaginal atrophy, pelvic floor weakening, reduced access to endorphins, loneliness, touch starvation, the despair of harboring dreams that one never dares try. I can’t decide for anyone else which dangers loom the largest, but for me a gonorrhea shot is a fair trade for the hours of leg-cramping, bed-staining, hypno-kinky sex that led to it. There’s no guarantee that the next time I have sex it will be anywhere near as much fun, but the potential keeps me throwing the dice.

I hear quite frequently from sexually inexperienced Autistic people who crave an intimate connection, but desperately wish to remain responsible and “safe.” They want there to be a set of iron-tight rules they can follow that will guarantee they remain a virtuous person who never hurts anyone’s feelings, and never catches any sexually transmitted infection.

I understand why they want someone to impose order onto an unpredictable, terrifying world. But I can’t give that certainty to them, nor can anyone. All I can suggest is that they be honest with themselves about what they want, inform themselves of the costs and benefits to pursuing their desires, and then venture forward — proudly welcoming the correct risks into their life, rather than trying to avoid any risks at all.

Life is nothing but a negotiation of risk. If a person has gender dysphoria and they want to combat it, they must risk a transition they could one day regret. If an abolitionist wants to take a stand against the police state, they must plan for the possibility of arrest or political repression. When we open our hearts to love, we expose ourselves to grief — our partners will keep changing and growing, sometimes away from us. Each step that we take forward in life closes off potential paths. There is no avoiding this.

Instead of chasing after the false promise of “safety,” trying to remain completely insulated from harm and challenge forever, we must get better at admitting risk into our lives.

I wrote about all about the messy business of risk mitigation, and how the pursuit of perfect safety is used to justify isolation, theft of bodily autonomy, and political repression. It's free to read (or have narrated to you by the app!) at drdevonprice.substack.com

[charmedreincarnation]

Hi Maya I was one of your first anons back in March and I manifested my dream life. i just wanted to share some things that helped me, and hope we can all pass some knowledge so we all get our desires life. I did, you did, and everyone reading this can and will so let’s all try to help out by sharing a little of our journey. I’ll never create a blog because tumblr is a mess, so I’ll just share them here bc I trust you as a creator and I hope you agree with what I’m saying. Even if you don’t these are my assumptions and my truth

il get into my methods in one second but users of tumblr there are only 4 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE LAW (Inspired heavily by you bc I used your blog religiously) I will say you’re kind of too nice and I wish I had someone to yell at me like this, and tell me to stop being a victim!!! So if it sounds aggressive it’s because it is in the best loving way possible.OKAY SO.

★you need to understand that you want to fulfill yourself in imagination because you don’t care about the desires only how you feel about it. Bare with me it sounds stupid I know. But I don’t care about men or how they feel about me. I just want to feel worshiped and love, and I could fulfill that in my imagination. I don’t care about money??? It’s fucking paper !!! I just want to feel secure and financially free and want the feeling of buying my favorite clothes without looking at the tag. I GOT THE SAME FEELING FROM PINTREST EVEN WHEN I WAS POOR GODDAMNIT. I didn’t care about getting all As in school when I’ve always believed school is not a representation of intelligence. I wanted to feel recognized adored and respected which I had to feel for myself in my mind before it projected. I don’t care about looking skinny, I just wanted to feel snatched, I wanted to be envied, and feel pretty. And in my mind everyone wanted to be me even when I was ugly and fat. BUT I DIDNT FEEL FAT. Even with no change in the 3D I had my desires. This applies to all your desires, and you really need to understand that.

★you can affirm,visualize, understand states, understand non dualism, use the Bible or Torah m, wall twerk and say “I AM THAT BITXH,” use sats YADADAA . No one cares it doesn’t matter. you don’t have to feel anything or, even believe in wth you’re doing. As long as you think that having it in imagination means it’s yours that’s all that matter. I’ve read so many teachers, Neville, Abraham, Abdullah, Edward art, paid coaches, and they all do different things but say the same thing. FAITH IS KEY. That’s all that matters. Don’t let anyone you otherwise or tell you what you have to do. All teachers were once students, all success stories were once struggled failures, all masters were once lost okay. You are god so have some faith in yourself.

★YOU ARE GOD. You know what a god is, you know how a god works, you know god can do anything with a snap of a finger, kill anyone with a thought, look anyway it wants, have anything everything and create whatever. You are an omnipotent loving creator so create and give yourself everything.

★you can’t over consume, you can think from lack of whatever, and doubt can’t hinder you unless you think it does. Having a desire does not mean you’re lacking or else having the wanting for it would mean that too no? When creators say that I want to slam my head against the wall. Even now I have all my desires and I still think about them constantly. Thinking of new clothes to buy with MY WEALTH, I think of new food to eat that won’t even affect my SNATCHED BODY, i find new places to try and explore bc MY SOCIAL CIRCLE IS HUGE AND IM SO LOVED, I think of new makeup up to try to enhance my GORGEOUS PRINCESS FACE. I think of it in the same way from when I didn’t have my desired (I always had them in imagination but you know what I mean.) so there is no thinking from lack, or else you’re always lacking it lmfao the fuck. Anyways I doubted my abilities up until I manifested my dream life. I was okay with it in imagination and whether it reflected or not it was my escape I was content with. DID YOU SEE THAT. I had doubts up until the very end, and it doesn’t mean shit unless you think it does. Just affirm having doubts and obsessions only speed up your results. That’s really all it is.

Now to my story if anyone cares. I won’t make a blog for reason number 2 and 3 listed above. That’s all you need but if you want more info for curiosity go for it. I know I was curious and that didn’t stop me from getting my dream life. Anyways I have the same story as about everyone else here. My life sucked, I found the law, and it worked! HOORAY!!! But how did I do it???? Easy peasy, in a couple of steps.

☞ I tattooed my four rules above in my mind. When fear and doubt emerged I sunk that shit like the titanic and went with my laws that I created. It’s literally called the law of assumption like come on, stop fighting with yourself when you assume and create reality.

☞I ignored anything that I didn’t agree with. Sometimes I’d get so mad and be like WHAT NO WHY WOULD THAT BLOGGER OR COACH OR ANON or whoever say that?? But am I dumb ??? each of us have our own reality our own bubbles. The fact that it works for them and not for me started to only motivate me more. It doesn’t work bc I assume sooo… sooo why not just assume the opposite and focus on my rules like they did. The law is always in effect and working. Either it’s in your favor or it’s not. It’s up to you

☞I used affirmations bc repetition is the only thing that works for my logical brain. Anything can change with repetition. It’s basic science. So in the morning and night time I would affirm. ONCE. Repetition meant for me doing it everyday and not wanting. The rest of my day was lived in my imaginations. And the affirmation was to remind me in my vulnerable state that I already have my desires. That’s why my affirmation was “I have my desires no matter what, and everything I do brings them to me faster than the speed of light” it was kind of funny and made me chuckle but I accepted it as facts. Look guys…

☞I didn’t repress myself. If I cried or yelled or told myself “FUCK YOU” it wasn’t me tf. It was the devil or something. Be like those Christian fuckers who when their child comes out as gay…it’s the devil within them or whatever. I would talk to myself, yell when doubt emerged and when my thoughts weren’t the ones I wanted. It wasn’t fucking me so get the fuck out I have my desires so who tf are you ??? It will feel weird but you’ll get used to it trust me. If you’re uncomfortable it’s working. Getting rid of bad habits and your comfort in dwelling in bad thoughts is uncomfortable but it’s worth it.

I manifested my dream life back in March. I LITERALLY WOKE WITH MY DREAM LIFE. A complete 180. I won’t talk about my past life bc I completely revised it and I’m the only one who remembers so for the most part it feels like a long nightmare that has past. I’ll just talk about what I changed instead because that’s the stuff we all want to hear. Anyways I’ll just post some of my list here.

♥ my life feels like the song rich kids by freak ocean

♥I’m a pretty spoiled princess who gets everything I want but I’m still kind

♥I revised my entire family from looks to personality to zodiac to religion and etc. i rewrote my story which included my family

♥I have natural admired intelligent

♥my family has a net worth of 500 million dollars, and my entire family stems from old money. (Think aristocrats not slave or colonization money)

♥I can play many instruments and speak many languages

♥ I am 5’2, 100 pounds, I have natural stunning vixen beauty, and the most desires body in the world. I’m the beauty standard and people either want to be me or date me. I am naturally skinny and have no worries about my weight, I have clear skin that only gets clearer with my skincare routine, and I have my desired personality where I’m kind but also don’t put up with any shit from anyone because I know I’m that bitch. I also have great style and embody a princess !

♥my life is a combination of my favorite watpadd stories, Gilmore girls, gossip girl, and mean girls.

♥ too many people pursue me I have too many options

♥I have a perfect school life, social life, family life, friend life, and people always wonder what I did to be “so lucky it’s unfair”

♥my family has multiple mansions in America, monoco,Australia, france, and China.

♥I’m a daddies and mommies money girl

♥I put myself first (I HAD SUFFERED TOO LONG I NEEDED A SOFT LIFE)

♥everyone’s purpose it to make my life easier and make me happier

♥I’m spoiled and privileged in every aspect of my life

♥I’m a master shifter, and manifester

♥I revised my age to 14. I was 18 and graduating but I wanted to redo high school how I had envisioned it all my life

♥I have a “cool mom” people are always jealous how lucky I am

♥I have my main estate in Hollywood hills with my family that’s in a gated, gorgeous, gate kept neighborhood. It is 30,000 sq feet with my dreams decor, dream cars, dream pets, dream house help, dream room with all my stuff saved on Pinterest including decor, furniture, clothes, shoes, makeup and skincare.

♥everything good in my life I have manifested and it’s too much to list. THERES NOT REASON FEAR OR WAIT. Do what you want and assume it still works and it will.

You honestly said it better than I could have. Literally every single one of these points are so valid :)!! I’m glad you think I inspired you love but all I did was allow you recognize your own godly abilities. I’m very proud of you, and have fun girl 🥹❤️

Also. “All teachers were once students, all success stories were once struggled failures, all masters were once lost okay. You are god so have some faith in yourself.” This one million times !!!!! Invest your faith into yourself more than anyone else and you’ll see how fast your reality conforms. I also adore your point about the state of lacking bc I never believed in that. If wanting your desires insinuates it’s not yours, we would have no thoughts since that’s where it all originates from. In fact Edward explains it pretty well.

When Edward looks at lack, he sees it as being something that is only brought about by the individual. He believes that your own actions, thoughts, and attitudes will bring about an artificial scarcity of resources. Edward says that this artificial lack of resources is not actually real—it exists only in our minds, as we focus on the things that we don’t have rather than the things that are available to us.

He believes that true lack only exists when someone has no access to resources—whether those resources be financial, physical, mental, or emotional. When someone has access to resources but they squander them or don’t use them to their advantage, it isn’t a lack of resources that is at fault—it is the individual’s personal choices and attitudes that create the feeling of lack. Same way we see attractive people feel ugly though they have women or men chasing them, modeling opportunities, and experience many examples of pretty privilege lol. You’re a hot girl.. you’re just not using it to your advantage, same way you have everything in imagination and access to anything yet… nothing bc of your own perceptions. That’s not lack. Simply inappropriate usage of recourse. A waste for better use of words.

[sweet-drmzzz]

wowowowow I’m finally doing a pinned post

Hiya!! My names are Z-Fey, and Faele (pronounced fey-elle)!! I am the host of a median collective, and this is my/our main blog. You can find our plural side blog here: @treehousearchive

I go by Fae/Zi/It/They pronouns, and idrc how the grammar around them works (so you could say “fae are a person with adhd” or “fae is a person with adhd.” Please use my neopronouns as much as, if not more than you use they/it

if you misgender me I’ll eat ur knees /hj

I am faekin and foxkin, and I’m absolutely amazing at it. Don’t try to disprove alterhuman shit. I won’t listen. Also keep any alterhuman discourse off this blog. All nonhumans are welcome here. Yes even physical ones. Yes even ones that truly believe they are an animal. Yes even mentally ill/delusional ones.

Collectively we are aspec and arospec. Afaik that goes for everyone in our collective but I could be wrong.

currently I don’t check my discord, if you need to reach me my asks and DMs on here are the fastest ways.

I use a lot of emoticons, abbreviations, and tone tags :3

tone tag key:

/lh- light hearted

/j- joking

/hj- half joking

/sarc- sarcasm

/nm- not mean

/nf- not forced

/gen- genuine

/aesth- aesthetic (used to describe aesthetic attraction. Ex. “He’s hot /aesth”

if I ever use one u don’t understand just ask! I’m more then willing to inform!

DNI:

Pedos. Like genuinely. Pedos maps etc fucking disgust me. Stay tf away from my blog

Zionist. Yeah nuhuh. If u support genocide I don’t want to talk to u.

Homophobes/Transphobes. I’m gay asf. I don’t think you want to be here.

Zoophiles. No. Just no.

Anti furry/Anti alterhuman. Once again. I’m a therian. Y would u want to be here???

Sexual/kink blogs. Nothing against you, have ur fun. Idrc. I’m just not comfy w that.

Anti-endos. I don’t want that negativity on my blog. All good vibes here.

If you demonize mental illnesses (like schizophrenia or npd) fuck off. If you use “delulu” or treat serious mental illnesses as silly little things fuck off.

Anti aro/aspec. This shouldn’t even be a thing? Just let people exist?

if I don’t like u I’ll block u.

With all due respect, which is none, leave me alone.

Tags!!

#Happy Fox Hours

Foxkin euphoria and just generally happy foxkin related stuff

#Happy Fae Hours

Second verse, same as the first but w fae stuff this time.

#Zi speak!!

text posts and me ranting

#Soda Spill

My writing. Includes poetry and short stories/snippets from bigger stories. (Please note that since originally making this I have stopped using the name Soda, as that has gone to one of my headmates. This tag may change soon.)

#Faele agrees

Rebolgs!! I might forget to tag my rebolgs. I’ll try my best but if I do my apologies.

#Sad bitch time

vents n stuff. Me being depressed.

Boundaries: mostly im fine with anything.

pls don’t tag me in angelic/religious stuff, or send it to me. Especially if it has eyes featured prominently.

uhh i feel like this shouldn’t need to be said but just in case: foxes are a game animal where I live. I already see my kind’s hides enough. Don’t show me pics of that.

just yk… if i ask u to quit do so please. There’s nothing rly big other than those two things that I can think of. Be nice.

My filter tag list is here. If you are intentionally rude and disrespectful about it you will be blocked.

I have a side blog for Will wood stuff called @willwooddaily

thank you for your time!!

(userbox by @/plural-userboxes)

[chuuyadelune]

now that i have recovered from the emotional shock of seeing *that* akutagawa scene from chapter 88 animated in HD 4K (i thought i’d have another week to emotionally prepare myself LMAO), i just wanna be a little bit of a nerd and say that i really liked the cinematography/composition this episode.

in particular, i really enjoyed the anime’s decision to draw visual parallels between this fight and previous fights (in particular, the fight against francis, which is important because it is the first time they worked together).

after all, this fight is the culmination of everything they’ve done together. from the combining of their abilities, coming to an understanding with each other, realising the potential of beast-beneath the moonlight-rashoumon… bringing back similar shots that were used in previous fights is SUPER effective at highlighting the parallels and how far they’ve come, in my humble opinion.

here are a few things i noticed:

- first of all, both of them activating their abilities one after another is an explicit nod to S2’s fight;

- the confrontation/conversation in the hallway from S2 (to an extent! they’re on the same sides, which caught my eye);

- akutagawa blowing up the engine room on the ship, and kyouka doing the same during the first fight between him and atsushi (S1);

- and a similar angle being used for black tiger claws / koukko zessou as a nod to the fight in the S3 finale.

the parallels — though maybe less explicit, *are* still there in the manga? like, the entire “structure” of the fight so to speak is very similar to the francis fight in S2 — akutagawa finding atsushi, taking place on a(n air)ship, breaking away from the fight to strategise before confronting the final boss (then, francis, and now, fukuchi) is undeniably a nod to that fight? i love that this is given its due in the anime as well.

another thing about the cinematography this episode i loved was them using the clock as being the indicator of fukuchi’s fuckass space-time sword doing its thing. that was a really nice touch, in my opinion; the cuts in between were jarring and disorienting and really helped put us into sskk’s shoes.

and as for the background design alongside the clock itself — there were a couple of things about them i enjoyed:

- the number of floors / levels of the ship in the back (5, as a nod to the five ways an angel decays, the DOA)

- the blue of the clock is meant to be reminiscent of fukuchi’s sword, i’d argue, with the way both of them pops out of the sunset/orangey-red lighting

- the clock’s design being super ornate and gold plated reminds me a *bit* of a tabernacle (where they keep unused eucharist in a church) — and thus brings up connotations of sacrifice. that white bridge-thing beneath the clock as well reminds me a lot of an altar, too (see the image above the last to see what exactly i’m referring to, because image limit)

okay, yeah, that one might be a bit of a stretch, sure. but its placement as being above them, combined with the two tables/boxes to the left and right of the ship’s bow (which looks very much like a cross, btw) gives it a distinctly religious, altar-kinda feel, i’d argue. and crosses have been used in S4 as symbolism as well!

(tbh, there could even be a bit more imagery i’m missing, because — the angels of the DOA refers specifically to the buddhist conception of an angel. i’m not too familiar with buddhist imagery, but i thought that this was worth pointing out regardless!)

the last thing i want to say is that the red and blue symbolism went CRAZY this episode. i don’t have much else to say because it was super obvious — they even reused the same “black tiger claws” shot from S3, after all — but i do wanna point out that the symbolism even went into the carpets. the fucking carpets.

like, the shift: it’s red when akutagawa’s leading the conversation but changes to blue after atsushi’s suggesting of the submersible as a strategy? i mean, i don’t know if this (or anything i’ve said, to be fair) was intentional or not, but it’s a cool detail anyway!

personally, i enjoyed this episode, the action was great, and all of this too was a really neat addition as well! and now… uh. we wait for the chaos to get worse i suppose !? (laughs nervously)

[thrashkink-coven]

I’m going to say this once. This might piss some of my followers off but I see that as a positive. If this post makes you mad you are more than free to unfollow me.

I’m going to try to make this as clear as possible.

I do not hate Christianity, I do not hate Yahweh, and I do not hate Jesus. I do not love Christianity, I do not love Yahweh, and I do not love Jesus.

These things exist in a realm that is outside of my influence. To be entirely honest, I don’t care about Christianity, or the ideas of Christianity. Christianity has no place nor impact on me, my craft, or my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I love history, theology, and the symbolism in all religions. I find the way that humans rationalize big concepts to be fascinating. I have nothing against Christianity as an existing religion- it is one that I do not subscribe to or necessarily agree with- but I do respect it as a faith. I equally respect Hinduism as a faith, as I respect the Jewish religion etc. There is too much beauty in religion to discount it completely.

If you are one of those Luciferians that croaks on and on about how much you hate Jesus and God, please just unfollow me or block me I don’t care. I don’t enjoy seeing anti-religious slander as much as I don’t enjoy seeing anti-pagan or anti-science slander. I am not a fan of echo chambers in any regard.

It is extremely obvious to me every time I see a rant written by someone who has never actually read the bible. It is frustrating, not as a Christian, but as someone who just loves theology, to see uneducated people taking so boldly about a religion they are not a part of and book they have hardly read the first page of. There are thousands of legitimate things about Christianity that deserve criticism, but if you are not educated on the topic, don’t talk so boldly about it. This applies to all things. I’m not going to make a post about how evil Muslims are because I hardly know the first thing about the Muslim faith. I’m not Muslim and I have absolutely no context for the things I’d be talking about. It is not my place whatsoever to cast those judgements because my judgements would be born or ignorance.

Listen, I understand that Christianity has basically fucked the entire world. I get it. I understand that Christians have stollen and bastardized basically everyone. I know. I understand that many of us have vengeful rageful religious trauma and have absolutely no tolerance for Christianity, I understand. I know it’s triggering. I know that Christianity is not in need of a defender from pagans, the point of this post is not to defend Christianity.

My point is that endlessly putting energy into actively hating the concepts of a religion that you’re not apart of is a waste of time. In my opinion that’s not liberation, your mind is still trapped within the confines of Christianity even if you’re mad about it, even if you think you’re rebelling against it- if you’re trapped within it, you can never effectively be free from it.

If your mind is still playing with dualistic concepts of good and bad, hell and heaven, then you are still a slave to the dualistic mindset, and that is the mindset that establishes Christianity.

I say this as someone with an extremely redically Christian family that kicked me out of my home at 18. I have literally been black sheeped, and I have no contact with any of my family because of their extremism towards religion. I have sat and listened to my parents tell me that I’m going to hell for being queer. I have been physically and emotionally abused. I was made homeless before I knew how to take care of myself in the name of that God. That God and his people have inspired many tearful nights.

I have many many reasons to be an avid hater of Christianity, but that wouldn’t do anything to satisfy me. Hating God and Jesus isn’t retribution for the abuse I suffered. More hatred and anger being thrown into this miserable mix isn’t going to set me free. True freedom is being able to say “this doesn’t serve me,” and being able to actually just walk away and find something that does.

My devotion to Lucifer or any of my deities has absolutely nothing to do with the Abrahamic God. I don’t worship Lucifer to “get back at God” and I don’t care how he feels about it whatsoever. It has nothing to do with him or anyone beyond me and Lucifer.

I personally do not worship Lucifer as Satan or the Anti-God. Nor do I use him as a placeholder for that God, or worship him as one would worship the Christian God. In most contexts, Yahweh and Christian forms of worship are completely irrelevant to me. I don’t think that I’m being such a bad little sinner when I pray to Lucifer instead of Yahweh. That idea implies that I still subscribe to concepts of heaven and hell, purity and sinners. Yahweh is not my concept of good, and Lucifer is not my concept of evil.

Many occultists and Luciferians that I am friends with have told me that at some point in their devotion, Lucifer has told them to essentially “forgive God”, and it always absolutely baffles people. I have had a very similar experience with him.

I challenge you to forgive God, but not in the Christian way.

I’ll say something very controversial that many Luciferians probably won’t agree with, and that’s fine.

I don’t think that Lucifer hates Yahweh. I don’t think he has any real negative opinions of him in general. They are two different entities with vastly different roles and purposes. The actions of their followers are not a reflection of their true nature. I don’t think the Sun hates Neptune, and I don’t think the river hates the moon. I severely doubt that Venus hates Yahweh, I believe that at one point human politics created an idea about good and evil that exists only in the minds of men. I don’t think that Mars hates Jupiter, and I doubt that Pluto hates Saturn. I don’t think these concepts translate on a universal scale.

When Lucifer says to “forgive God” I don’t think he’s talking about the colonial empire of Christianity that has stollen and destroyed, and I want to make it clear that I’m not telling you to forgive Christians and their terrible acts- you have no obligation to forgive these humans.

I think he’s talking more about the concept of God as The All Father of Goodness.

You don’t have to like him or his people to forgive him, to say “you’re not for me” and free yourself of his grasp. To allow yourself to define what goodness is to you outside of Yahweh and his predetermined rules.

Forgive God, but not in the Christian way. Do not forgive to give way to further abuse. Do not forgive because the abuse was okay. Do not forgive him because you’ll go to hell if you don’t.

Forgive to free yourself of the emotional trauma bond you have with this God, and then go find something better. Walk away with your grace.

I don’t think about Yahweh or his people most days. I don’t reserve any energy- be that positive or negative- in my mind or heart for him. I forgave him a long time ago, and now I walk away from him comfortably and happily knowing that I am headed towards something greater.

I don’t hate him, I don’t love him. I don’t need to feel these things about a God that is irrelevant to me.

[firecrackerhh]

Yeah, there is a difference, the problem is that you’re clearly fucking delusional and actually believe your horseshit ‘activism’ does anything and is good to pursue.

Anyone who legit believes that constantly shitting on a piece of media is ‘activism’ clearly does not know what actual activism entails.

You aren’t the savior of the world cus you hate ‘problematic media” you are not a martyr, you are not special, your shit fucking opinions are worthless because the foundation upon which said opinions stand is as easy to destroy as a house of cards. And yet you still continue your delusional warpath against people and media that don’t cause nearly the amount of harm that you do just by continuing your fucking harassment campaign.

I understand that this person is not in a position to do much actual on the grounds activism but that doesn’t mean they have to spread bullshit that does more harm than good. Maybe if they talked about shit that actually fucking mattered in the big scheme of things maybe my ire wouldn’t be so constant.

People are dying in fucking Palestine right now, there’s a fucking fascist uprising happening in this wretched country as we fucking speak, but sure, get mad at the big gay hell shows, that’s totally what you should be focusing on.

If the republicans banned all queer media do you think this bitch would think that’s a good thing somehow?What a tool. Bitch doesn’t even realize the talking points they use make them sound like the very people they despise.

Actually considering that angels don’t really have a ‘race’ cus they’re not human to begin with, I feel like people who bitch about this just don’t care for actual theology. Like they’re fucking angels dude. They are not limited by human concepts such as race or gender, like yeah St. Peter was a real dude but considering that in Viv’s version of heaven there’s like, multicolored furry angel creatures, be thankful she didn’t make Peter into a furry parrot or something.

She was never aiming for accuracy in the first place, get that through your concrete skull.

And it turns out the whole Peter at the gates of heaven thing isn’t even found in traditional religious art (wonder where that came from then) so if you really wanna bitch about not representing theology, you’re gonna have to bitch about every other piece of media that has Peter at the gates in general. But you won’t do that, because all the theology you probably know is from media depictions and little else because you don’t actually give a shit.

These people are so fucking boring dude.

“Waaah Viv depicts some of the deadly sins as good people, waaah Viv’s version of hell isn’t biblically accurate, waaaah Viv’s version of heaven isn’t accurate waaaaaaaah!!!!”

You people want the most obvious depictions of either heaven or hell imaginable, I’m sorry that Viv is a more creative person than you will ever be in your pathetic fucking life, I’m sorry you don’t think she deserves her success, but that’s life, get the fuck over yourselves already. Viv isn’t uniquely fucking evil and at this point anyone who thinks so needs a fucking psych evaluation or something, this shit ain’t healthy.

All these people have ever done is scream into the void, it’s pathetic.

🧨🔥~Firecracker out~🧨🔥

[papirouge]

What are your views on Catholics or very traditional Catholics? I’ve spoken with one guy who was and he believed that even women shouldn’t work and called it unbiblical. I mentioned the various women in the Bible that had businesses and worked but he didn’t really get it. I don’t get their animosity towards jobs too.

Because I’m poor and I’ve always had to work and women in my family never had money, we always had to work. Eventually I got him to admit that poor women should work (for no pay too) for rich women who should stay home and make babies. He lived a very sheltered life I learned. He didn’t even understand how taxes worked or how much things cost because he was still being taken care of by his very wealthy parents. Both of his parents were doctors too 🙄 he never needed a job or to go to school but only went to party. I think honestly he isn’t really Christian, he just feels so insecure and inadequate next to women who are business owners and educated so he’s Catholic to feel important. Because his world views and how he feels the world be is so ignorant

But I don’t pity him at all because he let it slip out that women with no family or friends to care for them should be prostitutes for men because prostitutes existed in Jesus time. And he still had the audacity to ask me why he was still single. It’s bad when you learn that even those hardcore traditional pick me catholic girls don’t want you 🫥

I always said I vibed more with Catholic women than I do with non Catholic ones.

I don't think being "very traditional" is remotely relevant to your relationship with God, so "very religious catholic/Christian" doesn't mean anything imo. Jesus broke several times "traditions" and negatively caught the attention of pharisees so I think this whold "traditionalist Christianity " that's quite en vogue rn is one huge misinterpretation of what Christianity really is.

And you're right, the Bible never portrayed women working negatively so male traditionalists beefing against women in the workforce shows that their grievance has more to do with their incelness and drive to control women, than a genuine will to follow the Bible.

I'm absolutely not surprised he lived a sheltered life and probably didn't witness women in his family working. But you know what's funny? It's that those people never seemingly connect why the Bible puts so much emphasis in helping the widow and old women with the fact that those women were depending on men for their survival and happened to be financially vulnerable once alone (with kids). You can bet men like the one you're talking about would not accept financially helping them because cOmMunIsm or something like that. They wanna prevent women from working but also refuse to deal with the (financial) consequences of women not working... And they have the audacity to blame feminism when feminism is one of the reasons falling into poverty once your husband dies/leaves is not a fatality for women. On that aspect, feminism represents a net positive for women, and that's why I'll never be an "anti feminist". Men didn't wait feminism to be piece of shit and abusing women out of their financial vulnerability. There's a reason female hysteria or poisoning your husband for social liberation were a bigger deal back then. "Life was easier when women didn't work uwu" anti feminists should go back to 1845, and shut the fuck up at this point.

Him painting prostitution as an alternative for poor women closes the deal about how this man wasn't Christian anyway. Their mask always slips off. Those men don't want Catholic pick mes either because they get a thril caging "liberal" women. That's the exotic bird syndrome. That's why they love porn and all this degrading stuff. Have you noticed how those dumb conservatives rage bait content sound like porn video title "blue haired SJW lady gets DESTROYED by based maga Chad" or shit like that. TRA do the same with 'terf' as well. They are obsessed humiliating them. They even profess their weird porn fantasies raping them...

[viksalos]

ok anyway i’m gonna draft this cus this might just be me getting mad about a thing that is very specific to me idk

basically i saw a post (and it really doesn’t matter who wrote it cus it’s more than a year old now and it didn’t even break 300 notes) which was making fun of people for claiming to have religious trauma when OP assumed they hadn’t been to X amount of catholic services. this by itself is a bit silly bc catholics gatekeeping religious trauma as being exclusive to them is obviously myopic, but one of the tags was like “you don’t have religious trauma you have ptsd from familial abuse that used religion against you” and im like. i fail to see how that’s not religious trauma?

like i’ve said before on this blog, my religious education was primarily reform jewish via my mom with smatterings of various christian denominations mostly via my dad; you could not measure any amount of “christian religious trauma” i have by continuous service attendance but like yeah my experience of christianity is still primarily one of punishment, alienation, antisemitism, supersessionism. and like sure, my dad is a dipshit who never stuck with anything for very long including going to any one church, so no that trauma does not include X hours of christian education or whatever. but boy oh boy did he still like weaponizing our “christian heritage” when i exhibited any proximity to judaism!

and i also feel like *part of* my difficulty with christianity is specifically not knowing what the fuck christians are talking about when they talk about concepts that are seemingly basic to them and having to piece it together after the fact from the random smattering of things i *do* know. and these concepts are just woven in the fabric of US society; everyone seems to understand them instinctively but me! or like i’ll be talking with my (ex-)christian friends about our various bad run-ins with christianity and then it’ll be my turn to talk and they’ll look at me like i have three heads because they can’t conceive of religious trauma that’s specifically centered around christian antisemitism. or i’ll be talking with my jewish friends and because *they* had a more rigorous or conservative jewish education, i won’t fit in with them either--and this too can be partially due to religious trauma on their part!

i guess the other thing too is, this post was kind of in keeping with a different post i saw about protestants appropriating catholic iconography when trying to make art about *their* religious trauma. and on the one hand it’s funny to me that we’re supposed to care about the trappings of a colonial institution being appropriated, on the other hand it’s funny as an outside observer cus i do think the iconography they listed as examples are more alike between catholicism and protestantism than they are different. like i remember some of the examples were stained glass and gothic churches (protestants also have those; i live in a city with many protestant gothic churches) and multi-eyed and winged angels (those are described in the tanakh; they are not exclusive to either of you).

and like maybe it’s corny but i do think they have become kind of signaling things for people with religious trauma to find each other and talk about their experiences. are these particular symbols necessarily 100% authentic to everyone’s experience? probably not, but 1.) they make cool art, and 2.) the looming and foreboding nature of some of these symbols (i’m thinking of the exteriors of gothic churches especially) can be evocative of the sense of alienation one feels when you’ve definitively decided you no longer want anything to do with the church, but it’s still ever present. imo these types are mad because they want exclusive use of the cool art symbolism more than they want to facilitate community. if you wanted to say that art symbolism is not a solid basis for a community, THAT would be an argument i’d respect, but that’s not what y’all said.

[dirtyhippypoet]

I turn 21 today

I obsess over the same thing every year on my birthday, time is a bitch.

I’m about to start my 22nd year but calling it my 21st, simple math, a very small difference, only 12 months. But those 12 months matter to me. It feels like I am always one step ahead but I’m constantly trying to catch up. I can feel my organs start to fail and my skin start to sag as I write this, but I can remember my 10th birthday party and how it felt to be there, I remember telling everyone I had been alive for a whole decade and how proud I was of that achievement, I remember the dreams I had then that I am still trying so hard to make come true 10 years later. It hasn’t been easy. I haven’t been easy.

Mom always told me I was a difficult teenager, she says this with the implication that she would rather burn in hell than have a conversation with me at 16. I don’t blame her, I have always had to be told not to do something twice or learn it the hard way.

It’s a problem with authority or a self-destructive pattern, I haven’t figured that one out yet.

When I was a kid I had a first communion, I didn’t understand what that truly meant, all I knew was that I could now eat the church cookies and that was exciting to me. I was gifted a glass angel after the event and was given very specific instructions to take it upstairs to my room and place it on my shelf away from the pile of books and clothes that I refuse to acknowledge, though the most important instruction was to simply not break this fragile gift. I didn’t understand what my mom was so worried about, it seemed like thick glass to me, I hadn’t yet discovered that I didn’t have the most gentle hands.

It’s not like I wanted to defy my mother, but I did want to question her, for some reason I always have.

I tapped the angel against the hardwood floors in our dining room and its head chipped off, it broke, just like my mom had told me it would if I was not careful with it. As its halo rolled across the ground, I began to understand my mother a little more. This is the first time I remember hearing the words “I told you so”, words that would follow me into adulthood as I continued to chip more and more pieces off of my angel, this angel being metaphorical but just as fragile.

I'm not particularly religious in any sense, and neither are my parents, but I did go to a catholic elementary school and attended church on special occasions. I think this was a means for my mother to please her mother rather than an attempt to have me follow God's plan. I don’t think I’ve experienced real religious trauma but rather religious defiance.

I heard all of the things you are not supposed to do, things god forbid and I made a list in my head and then I did all of them, you can probably assume this is what led to the hell fire rain of “I told you so”‘s and the acid shower of lessons I had to learn the hard way.

I’ve never been a natural at anything but being a little too emotional and a little too curious. I can tell what anyone is feeling just by the tone of their voice or the way they are holding their coffee mug because it’s a little bit different than they held it yesterday, it’s a little more angry and ridged and I’m scared if I say anything to them they might yell at me but I have to ask if they are mad at me or if I can do anything to help them feel better.

Sometimes I feel every emotion at once and it over-stimulates me. It makes my clothes itchy and my skin feel tight, it makes me very aware that my toes are touching and whatever that noise is in the next room can you make it stop because it’s driving me fucking crazy.

This is why I have to write everything down. I fill overpriced journals with poems of debt. I sit on a middle-aged man’s leather couch, pick the fluff off of the pillows, whisper to this stranger my life story, and let him dissect where all my sadness, rage, and dramatized reactions stem from.

The truth is, I am terrified to show my weaknesses, as if I don’t I wear them on the long sleeves that cover my scars and regretful tattoo decisions.

The truth is, I know where my poignancy comes from, it comes from my aversion to moving on and growing up. My refusal to get over anyone I’ve ever loved or anything that’s ever happened to me. The feeling of nostalgia eats me alive, but I choose to keep the details of those emotions between the scribbles of my notes and the cracks in those leather couches and I will never let anyone but my mother know that I am only being held together by cheap glue.

With every year I age, I feel this passion of defiance and curiosity grow stronger, yet I’m much better at controlling it, maybe that is self-awareness creeping in or just my frontal lobe deciding to make an entrance after being hot-boxed with green distraction most of my youth.

The truth is, I am still 16 years old yelling at my mother because she doesn’t understand me or my love life.

I am still 10 years old telling everybody I know that I am so proud to be getting older.

I am still at my first communion, eating those dry cookies, wearing a pretty dress, and breaking everything I touch.

I am glad I am here, at 21.

I am glad my mother told me so and I am glad my angel's head is only chipped and not shattered.

[hellfireclubpres]

Arm Candy

You were panting like a bitch in heat. Every single noise coming out of you controlled. Controlled by the one person you’d spent years hating. A hated so strong, so feral that when finally broke, the two of you became an entangled mess. One. The whole experience was that of a religious awakening. For sure, you thought you met God. Shook their hand. Kneeled before them. The things you were feeling, of that you couldn’t fully comprehend. The mixture of pure unadulterated pain and out right pleasure in the hands of somebody else went straight to your head. This is wrong. He’s waiting for me just inside and I’m here, you thought to yourself. Fighting back and forth. An angel on one shoulder, and the smug, sick, grin of none other than Eddie Munson on the other. Grabbing you by the throat, the way your boyfriend never would, and forced you on your knees. Worship me. You remember what lead to this moment, exactly how you ended up in the back of Eddie’s van, hands bound with the belt Eddie wore everyday. You were sick on the inside. Mentally fucked. So as the freak that was growling over the back of your neck like some kind of monster said freak defeated in his nerd game, you replayed the encounter in your head. As best you could.

“I don’t really understand why you continue to come here when all you do is walk around and never actually rent anything, Munson.” You huffed from behind the Family Video store counter, latest book on your list of reads tucked tightly in your hands, eyes peaking from above the book as you watched the town freak make his way to the counter. You truly couldn’t stand him. Disliked him to the highest degree. Not that you had a reason to, other than the basics. He was obnoxious. Expressive. Attention seeking. In your face. Need I go on? Eddie was everything you weren’t. You were shy. Soft spoken. Anxious all hours of the day. The only thing keeping you relatively calm working in the public was the ability to get lost in your books from time to time. Stories of fearless leaders. Those unafraid of life itself. Stories of those who looked danger in the face, winked at it and laughed like they’d heard the funniest joke in the world. You were not them. They were the sun and you were the moon. North and South pole.

“I need to rent something just to come in here now?” Eddie asked, his vision glued to a VHS cover. On it, a man with sharp talons, hand spread out of a person on a bed, red letters plastered on the bottom of the cardboard. Eddie adjusted his view from the tape, scanning the showroom floor behind fixing his gaze on you. You were disgusted. Truly and deeply repulsed. ‘Why did he have to come in here during my shift?’ Eddie abandoned the horror section, slowly making his way to the counter. He kept his gaze off of you during his slow stroll up to the front counter. Peering at the movies on the shelf that he’d pass by, almost as though he was actually interested. This was all a show, for you. A game he was starting. He knew you were watching him. Tracking his every move, and he’d be lying if he said his jeans weren’t growing tight at the attention.

“Well I don’t see a sign that states I have to rent something to be here.” He finally reaches the counter you’re standing behind, resting his forearms on top of it, resting his body lightly against the side of the register. You shifted your book in your hands slightly, now able to see Eddie’s face, if you decide to look up from the paper back. He’s drumming loudly against the wooden counter, keeping his eyes locked on you as he does so. He knows he’s annoying you. Wallowing in the buttons of yours he’s pushing. You’re seething by the new found proximity, though the counter is in between you, you can clearly make out different aspects of his face. Thin eyebrows slightly covered by dark bangs. Laugh lines lingering around his mouth. Small nose. Full lips. His smell. Some cheap cologne in a poor attempt at masking Marlboro Reds. The pack pultruding from his vest pocket. Your matching pack sitting pretty in your smock. You hated the closeness. Hated it even more when in the small depths of your mind, you were using all of your brain power to move the counter from between your bodies. 

“Plus, I know you like when I come around sweetheart, you’re too easy to read.” He smiled. Not the kind of smile that gave you butterflies and sent your heart aflame. No. The kind of smile that a beast flashes its prey right before devouring it whole. The kind of smile that was slow and gradual. Made your insides burn. Your hands shake. Your knees weak. ‘The fucking counter.’ “This isn’t a hang out Munson, this is a video rental stor-” 

“Then lets hang out. Lets finally sit and talk. Unpack all the unhealthy hatred you have towards me, see if I can change your mind, yeah?” Eddie’s eyes were practically undressing you, slowly analyzing your body. Taking in each item of clothing, sliding it off slowing and tossing it to the side. You felt small under his gaze. Like a wounded rabbit before a hungry dog. You squinted your eyes a bit, taking the request, unpacking it and working your brain around the words. Eddie wanted to hang out. To be alone. To find out why, on God’s green Earth, you couldn’t stand him. Like it was some fucking mystery. It was stupid. It was ridiculous. It was a horrible idea.

“A lot of people don’t like you Munson, we actually have a fan club, t-shirts and all.” He smiled, the same mile wide smile he always flashed you in school after making yet another fool of himself atop the lunch tables. He was putting on a show for everyone. For you. “Do you try to unpack everyone’s baggage? Try to get into the minds of those who dislike you and push their buttons just a little more?” 

“Only those that are worthy of unpacking.” 

You scoffed. ‘The fuck was that suppose to mean?’ You stood in silence, brows furrowed. Your mind in a million different places. 

“Tonight then. Hellfire’s done at 10, swing by the theater and we’ll talk, unless Carver needs you as arm candy for the game?” 

Flashing yet another smile that was surely causing your thighs to tighten, he pushed himself from the counter and made his way to the front door of the store. Only stopping to throw a, “And if you really didn’t want to go, you would have said no. See you then sweetheart.” Door shut behind him. The loud roar of his shit van starting up and you were speechless and practically soaked. Where did he get off on telling you what you were or were not doing? You were going to talk to him. Put him in his place and leave. That was it. 

[cto10121]

Twilight Clown Takes Special Edition - Stupid Romance Novel Focuses On Stupid Romance!1!!1

Another video whining about how great the Twilight lore is and how ~awful the romance is, and how to ~fix it. Well, I do know what needs to be fixed—clowns not understanding what romance is. And thus we feast, on nom nom nom

Bella Hate Dumb Round ♾️

I did not read thousands of pages of four books to be told this character, whom I know now like the back of my hand, has no personality. In fact—fuck it, homegirl has too much!!!! Plus a full on character arc from low self-worth and poverty to wealth and empowerment!!! Give me literally any situation and I could tell you, 100%, how Bella would react to it.

Clown OP: Bella is so selfish and narcissistic!!1!!1

Bella: *relieved that James tricked her and she is going to die instead of her mother* 😮‍💨

Also, Bella not wanting to live without Edward and doing reckless shit…is because she is in love with him. It’s literally passion. As soon as Edward comes back 99% of her reckless behaviors disappear. And of course she is not stupid enough to pick fights with actual vampires!!!

“I hate X about Twilight!!!1!!! I only saw the movies!!!” Not again…I’m not strong enough…

But the Lore!!! The Lore!!!!

If the upcoming show does this, that is the day it will be dead to me and pretty much all thinking audiences. There is literally no other plot in Twilight but the romance plot, and if you take that away and replace it with yet another vampire lore shit, then what is the difference between Twilight and, say, Vampire Diaries? Nothing, which would suck because VD was godawful trash (the books at least, but from what I’ve heard of the show…😒)

These clowns never realize that in many ways Bella and Edward’s relationship go against the religious paradigm as well and subvert typical gender roles and behaviors (the girl wanting sex, the boy wanting to abstain, the girl not wanting marriage, the boy wanting marriage).

Actually, had Meyer decided to go full-on lore and ditched the romance entirely that would have been more in line with her religion. Christianity of all kinds is savagely anti-sex and eroticism and adores magic, fantasy, and made-up histories. That is what it is made of, after all.

Oh, Clown OP. You just opened a big can of worms that is my detestation for how the utterly creepy purity culture shitshow that was the Buffy/Angel saga went down.

As far as I remember, Buffy/Angel started out okay, if not particularly inspiring—just your typical teen drama romance. But then Angel loses his soul after sleeping with Buffy and become evil. Because of course sex is dirty and nasty and evil, and if you sleep with someone you and/or your partner ~lose your morality and become depraved.

Now that subplot reeked of toxic purity culture and I will always hate, hate, hate Whedon for doing that bullshit. To this very day, I get so angry at this stupid plotline—they literally could have done anything else to separate the two and they chose this! Awful.

“I hate X about Twilight!!!1!!! I only saw the movies!!!” Reprise (Scherzo, petulante)

(As for the hybrid thing, technically Jacob is a hybrid as well. He and Renesmee both have supernatural and human characteristics! Definitely not bad in terms of a basis for a future relationship. But once again, the imprinting mechanism is biological.)

Jasper already turned his back to his violent (vampire) past and deserted the (vampire) war. That was his redemption arc—choosing peace over war. We don’t know his feelings towards his time as a Confederate, but given the parallels the narrative between the human war and the vampiric one—as well as the neutral and distant way he spoke of it—that his Confederate past is nothing he holds dear. Jasper out of all the Cullens is the most vampiric, so it makes little sense for him to still be the proud Confederate or remember his human life well.

Also. Breaking Dawn literally had Brazilian, Spanish, Russian, English, Irish, Romanian, and Middle Eastern vampires—on top of our American vampires, our Italian-Greek vampire royal family, and our Native American werewolves. Oh, and indigenous Latin American hybrids. You clearly have not read the books, Clown OP.

There are no other storylines. Alice’s story was over the moment James was killed. Rosalie already got revenge on her rapists. The Volturi are power-hungry opportunists, but they don’t act without provocation. James and Victoria and Laurent are random nomads. What other storyline, OP???

To Conclude, Once Again

Thank you.

[ouupwetty]

Also everyone knows how i feel about civil rights

And ppl act like I don’t care about diversity

Like, have you been in a space where you’re seen as beneath for being different, by you ethnicity, sexuality, gender

Diversity normalizes being different

And when you isolate someone due to aspects of them, that are just their identity, you dehumanize them

I cared a lot about intersectional feminism, i shouldn’t have to explain myself? Like if you get it, you get it

And you’re aware I know how anti-blackness exists in multiple cultures, and colorism, and you’re aware that I don’t like the idea of marginalizing others for being different

And yeah, I don’t believe in institutionalized racism for Caucasian people, but I also believe they face a lot of criticism due to white supremacy, it doesn’t represent all white people, but bc of it, ppl will use white guilt

Assuming that will also section people, and dehumanize or make you assume the worst about Simeon you don’t even know, they might even be more understanding about civil rights than me, more educated on it, like bc of being close minded based of off harmful biases, we subjugate groups of ppl

You are very much aware, that beauty is subjective, I like keeping an open mind, giving the benefit of doubt, and not being biased

I do that w everything

If someone comes from a broken home, they should have the opportunity to rebuild themselves, (no I’m not only talking about myself)

And like I can’t believe I have to bring this up to “prove who I am” but I can empathize w a homeless person, bc imagine losing everyone in your life, starving, not being able to shower, no shelter, everyday begging for money, and everyone treats you like shit, ofc you’d go into despair and on drugs, you can’t deal w reality, ppl dehumanize you

Like I asked them if they’re okay

I wish ppl can understand me better

I didn’t expect ppl to witness me speak to her, I didn’t expect anyone around me at all, I didn’t know I was being stalked, she had no shoes on, and if everyone treats you like shit everyday, you won’t be kindhearted anymore

I’m irresponsible, codependent, lazy, fucking gross, I’m a lot of shit

But im also not fucking heartless

I’m a poser sure, I’m closeted, I’m annoying and weird, but why would I try to get at someone when I don’t even know I’m being stalked

Let alone, basically go behind my partners back for a girl on tumblr

My sexuality is meant to be shared w only those who can respect it, and my values are genuine, like I was educated on civil rights for a while, and I had to unlearn things that were normalized

I’m not considerate to a random ass stranger, w literally, I don’t get anything out of it? It’s for their sake

Everyone needs a little looking after, like i even got yelled at, bc they thought I was taking forever to kick out the homeless person, I’m not cut throat

There are a lot of moments, that I don’t need to bring up, and bc I bring it up, it takes away the genuineness out of it

I’m stating that I value the Black Lives Matter movement, I value those who are suffering through capitalism, I value those who have been incarcerated, chipotle helped give employment to those who had been incarcerated, my previous manager was, and she also ended up committing suicide (a sob story ik the mean ppl are gonna say something)

I’m trying to prove my values to ppl, that aren’t just based off of the internet, but by personal experiences, I had a friend who was homeless for a while then his parents took him back in

So while everyone is upset, I had to go against my own values bc of arguments w my partner,

Like, the religious part, I don’t care what you believe in, I’m upset when you use your religion to ignore that I’m dealing w mental health struggles and sexual abuse

Or trying to coerce me into believing in something I don’t, coexisting is fine, I’m rude as shit sometimes, and I’m not trying to be, religion has helped ppl maintain their mental clarity, and they don’t fall into risky behaviors

I’m only offended over homophobia, and I’m very closeted due to that, I try to be hyper feminine, to make up for coming off as masculine

So while every person wants to think “I don’t know who I am”

You don’t know who I am

You don’t think I value certain things, I’m aware, I can be self-centered, and pitiful, and intense

You all don’t understand me, and you all underestimate me, you all constantly seek to over power me, when I don’t even have full on human rights

It’s not normal for me to shower and have sex in front of millions, it’s not normal for me to be hacked and to talk to the earth, it’s not normal to accuse me, just to violate me, it’s not normal at all for neighbors to harass me

So if you want to question what kind of person I am, I might not understand indirect slander, but it’s not like I wouldn’t make an effort to see where someone else is coming from. A “good person” is becoming more subjective now. Can you recognize your values against social influences? Can you recognize your mistakes? Are you willing to understand when it’s not about being right, but understanding when you are wrong?

“Who am I?” I know that, do you?

Like I assumed the worst about Lisa, I’m scared I made her suicidal, I’m scared I had an impact on her. She doesn’t deserve to be put in this position, and neither do I.

Like, I can argue w everyone forever, and just like in my relationship, I’ll be threatened if I’m angry, (people coughing outside my house) idk wtf is going on outside

I wouldn’t fucking harm him like that, I am a whore. But I wouldn’t do that shit. I’m literally innocent.

And given that im not heartless, or cut throat. I’m a cheater. Besides that

Why would I plan messaging all my friends, when I never planned to lose my virginity, I was on my period. I never planned on fucking anything. How would I plan on talking to aldrin? That’s his memories, how would I make Huey say happy birthday, or fucking message me asking “was it ever real between us” and adding me again? How would I fucking plan this shit? I would’ve fucking kept all of my social medias

I kept Snapchat for messages w Arnold

And photos

People are insane

You go off of me falsely admitting, or tripping over my words, and I’m dyslexic too

How would I plan something as I’m going through it? People won’t even look at all the evidence

Where is your logic

Also, there’s records of our texts, and there’s records of me and Huey talking, and me and Ricardo

When I move my head, I’m like here is the proof

I’ve showed it in so many ways, and I’ll continue.

Bc this is for the sake of ppl who DO get falsely accused, and this is for my sanity. I get violated every goddamn day. I’ve lost my sense of safety, my trust for others, and I’m homicidal (emotionally). Wouldn’t you resent the world bc they keep talking about you and watching you have sex. This isn’t fucking normal.

And to see the same ppl who violate me mock me, is a slap to the face. This is literal sexual abuse.

[cmx600-n-r2r]

Understanding cultural and religious influences within a community and surrounding a diagnosis is important. Acknowledging historical religious and cultural influences on a now medicalized phenomenon is important.

And yes, researchers are starting to take this into account. Things are changing, and people are paying attention.

Just like when researchers for Tourette’s didn’t believe In tic attacks until community members yelled at them to recognize this, researchers are doing the same with dissociative disorders.

I’m sick and tired as a disabled system who has gone through the medical system since we were a child, of the blatant ableism within syscourse.

I see so many of the same recycled and rehashed arguments used against each other. Instead of calling people in we are calling people out. Divide and conquer.

This is what the psychiatric system has been doing to us for decades, we have been discouraged from forming communities, meeting each other, and trusting each others experiences. And people within this community have the audacity to carry out this abuse with their own comrades.

I’m so done with the idea of research being infallible when even researchers understand and acknowledge in every god damn study that this isn’t the end to it, that this is one scenario in one space and time.

What you don’t realize is that this new generation of therapists and specialist for dissociative disorders are recognizing cultural origins and historical records of how this experience has effected our community over time.

The rigidity with which we self police community members instead of calling people in and trusting peoples own experiences and uniting to fight together against our own maltreatment in society, ESPECIALLY the medical community is ridiculous.

You defend the same system that has been enacting outright violence against us for centuries.

And you call yourself punk. You call yourself anarchist, you call yourself communists while leaving your comrades to suffer at the hands of your cyclical abuse.

You call yourself an ally to those who’s marginalized religious and cultural beliefs effect their experience, while actively harming them.

You acknowledge only a white Eurocentric idea of multiplicity/plurality, disability, mental health, and disregard anything that doesn’t fit that standard.

Step the fuck up and fight for your community instead of against it.

You are not saving anyone. Wake up.

[casspurrjoybell-18]

Mutual Desire - Chapter 69a

*Warning - Adult Content*  

"Damien."

Damien Clarke burst out of his thoughts when he heard the voice that he was certain didn't belong to Alexander Nabokov.

Someone had just called him and it wasn't the Russian man.

Damien turned his head and he nearly had a heart attack when he saw Craig standing a few feet from him and Nabokov.

"Craig?" Damien stammered, stunned and in shock.

The head nurse paid no attention to Damien, his cold blue eyes only on Nabokov, unsmiling.

"What are you doing here?" Damien stammered, confused.

"I was going to ask the same thing to the ‘friend’ who is with you," Craig said, the tone of his voice subtly hiding his coldness, his gaze remaining religiously on Nabokov.

Damien had been so disturbed by Craig's presence that he didn't notice that Nabokov had distanced himself from him and had taken a few steps towards Craig.

Fortunately for Damien, his ‘enemy/lover’ as well as his ex-boyfriend still remained at a reasonable distance from each other.

On the other hand, the tension was particularly palpable and it didn't bode well.

"I have some unfinished business to settle with Damien," the Russian man explained in a professional tone.

"Business that has to do with Nicolas's software?" Craig asked with a thin smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Damien didn't miss the sarcasm in his ex-boyfriend's tone and he knew Nabokov hadn't missed it as well, although he had no way of confirming it, since Nabokov was backing him.

"Among other things, yes," Nabokov replied simply.

Craig frowned.

"I don't think we've properly been introduced the first time we met," Craig said, his tone of voice a mixture of courtesy and acidity.

Nabokov took two steps forward as Damien watched the scene, completely shocked.

He couldn't understand how Nabokov managed to keep his cool under such circumstances and even less how Craig managed to stay calm.

It was obviously a nightmare that was happening on in front of him because it was all too surreal.

"I don't think so either," Nabokov confirmed.

"I am..."

"The one who’s fucking Damien behind my back?" Craig said sharply, cutting Nabokov off.

Although the conversation was now taking the direction it should have taken under such circumstances, Damien still didn't like the way it was going.

The last thing he needed was to have periods of high blood pressure and witnessing a conversation between Nabokov and Craig seemed to greatly help his blood pressure to rise above normal levels.

"Fucking? No. No, not yet," Nabokov said, his voice distant.

Damien would've given anything so that the conversation between Craig and Nabokov ended immediately or better yet that it never took place.

He wanted badly to embed himself in the discussion between the two men and to end it himself before it escalated but he was unable to even make a movement or speak.

He felt like he was witnessing in slow motion a car crash and there was nothing he could do to prevent it.

Damien's heart was pounding hard against his chest and he had this feeling of being the victim of a hostage-taking.

He remained motionless and completely helpless at the scene that unfolded before him.

"I don't know if you're aware but I'm Damien's boyfriend and I don't appreciate your relationship with my man," Craig said, a bitter trace in his voice. "So, I want you to stop seeing him immediately."

Craig's words had greatly dumbfounded Damien who didn't know what to think of them.

He certainly hadn't expected his ex-boyfriend to act like they hadn't broken up a few hours ago.

Either Craig had a short memory or had changed his mind about their recent breakup.

This last option was very possible and Damien should have been in cloud nine since it was exactly the miracle, he was hoping the minute Craig left his apartment a few hours ago.

Still, no joy at the great possibility that Craig intended to give him another chance manifested inside him.

He was too preoccupied with what was going on in front of him.

"I've only been living in the States for the last ten years, so if I'm mistaken please tell me but I thought the legal age is twenty-one and what I am at almost certain is that Damien is well above that age. So why are you making decisions for him?"

Damien Clark watched as Alexander Nabokov walked towards Craig as his heart pounded fiercely and continued to beat even when the Russian stopped walking a few centimetres from Craig.

Damien sensed, no, knew that things would soon take a turn for the worse by the intensely tense atmosphere in the air.

"It's not only my decision but also his. Damien doesn't want you in his life and neither do I. We’re a couple and there’s nothing you can do that will change that. He's mine and I won't let you have him," Craig asserted harshly, the expression on his face growing more and more austere and less civil.

‘Does he forgive me?’

This question burned Damien's lips but with great difficulty he kept it to himself.

Now was not the time to talk about this.

It was time for him to find a way to stop Craig and Nabokov from continuing their discussion disguised as hostile conversation before it took a drastic form.

"That's fair enough but I want to hear it from Damien himself, if you don't mind. I believe that what I am asking is not too demanding, is it?"

Nabokov didn't give Craig time to grant him this favor, as he turned to Damien and walked over to him.

Damien leaned his back on the door of his apartment, feeling like his legs would soon give up on him.

Damien's body language conveyed a kind of self-preservation with his two hands holding each of his elbows, as if he wanted to protect himself by creating a barrier with his arms.

Damien now had Nabokov's full attention on him and he knew it was the same for Craig without having to look at him.

He stared in front of him, not knowing where to lay his eyes or rather on whom.

Damien felt like he was going through the most embarrassing moment of his life.

He wanted to open the door of his apartment and run to take refuge there and escape from the prying eyes that were on him.

It didn't help when Nabokov moved even closer to him, their bodies almost touching.

Damien had no choice but to look up at the Russian and speak.

This was precisely what Craig and Nabokov expected of him, speak up and affirm for himself what he wanted and did not want.

It was time for Damien to finally make a choice between two men who both seemed to want him.

This realization hit him hard and he remained silent for an unknown amount of time.

It shouldn't have been be very long since neither Nabokov nor Craig signaled his silence to him.

Knowing that silence could be seen as an answer in itself, Damien finally decided to speak but he himself held back the words in his mouth when he noticed the arrival of two men in black suits, looking like they came out a Hollywood action movie.

Both newcomers were wearing glasses, so Damien couldn't make anything of their expression.

It didn't take long for Damien to guess that it was Nabokov's bodyguards who had just arrived.

The men didn't move and they stood aside, as if they were waiting for something.

Damien had to admit that their presence unsettled him because he wondered why Nabokov's henchmen had decided to show up now.

Was it because Craig was here?

Were they here to hurt Craig?

Damien started to fear the worst but he didn't show it.

Panicking was never going to help ease the tension.

Craig himself didn't seem to mind the arrival of the bodyguards anyway.

When the men had showed up, Craig had turned slightly to see what had seemed to attract Damien's attention before turning around a second later, the expression on his face blank, as if the presence of the two men didn't intimidate him at all and was completely normal.

Perhaps he had seen these men outside before entering the building.

It was possible and that would explain why he didn't seem confused by their presence like Damien was.

Nabokov hadn't taken his eyes off Damien, patiently waiting for a response from him.Damien had almost forgotten what had been said with all the distraction there had been.

The Russian wanted to hear him say with his own mouth that he didn't want him in life, as if Damien hadn't done that over and over again.

Who was Alexander Nabokov kidding?

[argumentativeaxolotl]

Thank you for adding to the discussion, but I would like to make it clear that by proshippers I didn’t mean the silly “yes let’s ship everyone! I love shipping” version- I understand how that gets lost in translation especially since I didn’t clear that up and that is on me. Yes I am younger so that means I unfortunately never get to see people who are actual proshippers that just want to see their silly slow burn fics and was instead taken over by a bunch of creeps. I meant the proshippers who are the extreme side who think it’s okay to ship minors and adults and glorify rape and incest and others of the sort and who get hella defensive when you say you’re uncomfortable and tell you to fuck off. The fic itself had an aged down character and I wasn’t comfortable with engaging with the extreme proshippers especially since for that far side of the fandom they have a lot of creeps on that far side that they choose to ignore. The fandom I wrote the fic for is mainly for younger audiences and I myself am younger, 17. I do not want to engage with possible pedophiles and groomers and it’s impossible to tell which extreme proshippers support that and who don’t since many of them get so defensive and horrible towards anyone when you say they have possible degenerates in their circles. They take any criticism as a personal attack towards them as a whole or towards them period.

As for the harassment, I did not harass anyone. By Ao3’s own standards I did not harass them. I changed the description like they requested and I haven’t actually gone after anyone. I’ve seen much much worse things said so I don’t understand why I’m getting all the flack here - if anything I feel people are more upset at the fact that what I said can have “religious connotations” and a lot of people are atheist or take anything anyone who is religious says as an insult or that they’re bigoted or something. And I have already admitted that what I have said was too far or rude. I have not threatened anyone nor have I done anything against them- simply told them to get lost since it wasn’t a fic for them and the fandom itself has more kids in it.

I was not having a “temper tantrum”. I do have a right to be upset and I do have a right to defend myself when someone says something to me. It’s quite hypocritical of people to say I’m harassing them when I really haven’t done anything aside from make a douchey comment and then suddenly I’m flooded with “yeh you deserved it! Hope you get banned jackass!” Or something. People are making me the victim by saying rude things and taking it out on me when- again- they could ignore it, move on, turn off the phone, block me, actually have a decent conversation with me, and other things.

As for the “too sensitive” part, yes some people are too sensitive. A lot of people online need to get a grip. But some people aren’t and some people already have a grip. People can just turn off the screen or “scroll if they don’t like”. Put down the phone or go to a different tab or go hang out with friends/family/pets. Or block me. God forbid I ask people who don’t like me to block me because then for whatever reason they get upset and angry at that instead and calling me entitled when it’s not entitled to ask for the same courtesy. It’s also not entitled to want peace and safety in my own space on a website unless I’m actively looking for porn or something. Ao3 themselves said I should block people I don’t like, but I don’t even know which accounts are who’s and who’s a creepy extreme proshipper and who’s a regular proshipper that just wants to see their favorite gays(mecore). And when I ask why can’t they block me instead since they know who I am I get radio silence. The people who insult me in return and who are messaging me about how I’m an asshole and should be banned(this is a one time offense and really nobody’s giving me an example of harassment or abuse and just saying I was rude and are taking my head straight to the curb ready to watch me bite it just because I don’t like extreme proshippers and made a rude comment) are the ones who are too sensitive and are taking it too far, going out of their way to constantly bash me and bring me down. Most people are so chronically online that they take offense to everything. Now the people who aren’t too sensitive would’ve been people who outright talked to me like you’re doing now and asking me calmly- in private or publicly- instead of mocking me or saying I deserved it. The people who are too sensitive are usually people online who can’t understand that it’s not an attack nor is it personal nor is it some horrible thing I’ve done telling them to get lost and making sure they know it’s not a place for them. If they had an issue with me or my fic they could have blocked me and could have taken other measures before going the extreme route and insulting me and reporting me for something pretty small. If they could find my tumblr just to insult me they could find my tumblr just to message me and ask me to change the description and why or ask me to clear the air. Many people have insulted me and I just closed my phone because it’s not that big of a deal especially since these people don’t know me and I don’t know them, only their “social media” self. Real victims of bullying and abuse in real life don’t have the option of closing their phone or they don’t realize they should because someone has groomed them or some other awful thing like that like being ganged up on for allegations that are false or something. I respect actual victims because they’ve gone through horrible things and luckily some have come out okay because they got the help they needed and I respect them because they’ve gone through things no person should go through, no child should go through, etc. it is unfair to compare real life abuse and bullying to what constitutes as bullying online unless it bleeds into the real world. Which clearly what I’ve done has not unless I end up dead tomorrow because someone on here shot me for my oh so horrible deeds.

Saying someone doesn’t deserve ao3 is very very dumb- it’s made for fandom and it’s made for proshippers, yes, but me saying I don’t want the proshippers near my works only hurts me in the end. As an author you usually want as many people as possible to read your work and sometimes you want feedback. If I actively say “hey no I don’t want proshippers to interact with my works” then that actively narrows down the audience and only harms me in the end. It’s not entitled of me nor is it rude of me or douchey of me to tell them get lost when- again- I can’t tell who’s who and who’s lost touch with reality and who thinks certain things are okay to say when in reality they’re not. I don’t wanna interact with actual pedos and the likes because I can’t tell which proshipper IS ONE or IS NOT ONE. The extreme vocal minority are the ones speaking over the quieter, more relaxed majority of that side of fandom and act like everything is dandy and that they’re not shielding real groomers and real felons. What the hell am I supposed to do when I can’t tell left from and right and which one is crazy as shit and ships incest and the other is normal and just wants to see gay people kiss? I’m sure many proshippers have read the fanfic anyway and just moved on with their lives because they don’t care that much. Because it’s not that deep. I can’t block the people I don’t want to interact with because I DON’T KNOW WHO IS WHO. You can hide on the internet. It’s not fair to call me an asshole and douche who doesn’t deserve to have ao3 when I’m trying to ensure my own safety and happiness and make sure no kids are groomed in my comments section or nobody’s saying creepy shit because it’s my space and I get to decide who does and doesn’t get to stay. I’m sure there’s someone I’ve interacted with who’s a creep but I’ll never know because they didn’t say creepy shit to me or in my comments to someone else. That means my space is still safe and I’ll keep making sure people are safe and that I myself am safe. Other authors should be responsible with their comments section. I know I try to be.

I’ve already changed the description of the fic and I’m not changing my mind for anything else. And if I’ve somehow insulted you I apologize, that wasn’t my intention.

putting a dni on a fic is dumb you got what you deserved 🤷

Can you explain to me WHY it’s dumb and WHY I got what I “deserved”? Plenty of other people legit bash and harass proshippers which I didn’t do. People have said worse things on more popular fanfics than my own. I did not harass anyone therefore I didn’t do what I was accused of. I don’t want to interact with proshippers so I make sure people know it’s not a fic for them and that it won’t be a “supportive” or “safe space” for them since I very clearly don’t support proshipping. It’s MY comment section and I’m going to make sure it’s a safe space for other people who aren’t proshippers or who are anti. If this prevents a stupid ass fucking ship war then so be it. I know I can’t control or dictate what other people do or say, but again, it’s my comment section and if someone says some weird creepy shit then I don’t want to interact with that and I doubt most people would want to either.

Genuinely curious as to why I would be “getting what I deserved” since I didn’t do shit and I’m the one essentially being “”””harassed”””” 💀