#twilight clownery

[cto10121]

Twilight Clown Takes—Part 11

Reddit tends to be much better with its Twilight takes than literally anywhere else, but you still get some clownery every now and again. A bit smarter than the usual fare, which is a nice change. But once again, we get BD ending whinging and other commonplaces. And so I eat! Om nom nom

“But Bella’s Career!!1!1”

*sighs, inserts the “don’t make me tap the sign” meme*

Twilight is a romance first, a coming-of-age YA story second. Of course, it’s going to focus on the love relationship(s) above all else! Even if Meyer personally shuddered at the thought of a housewife life, that wouldn’t change the fact that a romance book would focus on the fucking romance.

Hence, Bella’s career and social potential is not the point here—she is smart enough to succeed in most all her endeavors, and her social skills are fine. That has never been the problem. But she is limited by the fact that she comes from a working class, low-income background. No matter how smart she is, her opportunities will be limited. Classism 101.

So no, Bella could not have had “more with her life.” Her best-case scenario would have been to escape Forks and go to an affordable but mediocre college with plenty of grants and scholarships. Maybe get a good job, but then get screwed over by the 2008 crash and Covid. With Edward and the Cullens, though, she not only finds love and family, but money and even time is no longer a problem. She can go to university a million times as a vampire.

Also, it won’t fix the problem of Bella’s severe emotional neglect. She needs someone who will validate her. Without that support, Bella would be crippled emotionally and never progress. And therapy would be beyond her reach financially.

Meyer is an Austenite, so she understands the importance and impact of class and income on romance. She knew Bella’s character had to be a certain way in order to make the romance make sense. Hell, for Bella to even be attracted to Edward in the first place.

Team Jacob Fan Dumb

*studio audience groan* Not the goddamn khaki skirt again.

Bella is so damn passionate with Edward. Even in the beginning, she hugged him first thing in the morning (“Edward, you stayed!”), kissed him back during their first and second kisses, and is the one constantly pushing for sex. She fights with Edward about becoming a vampire and makes him promise not to give her presents for her birthday or graduation. She is furious with Edward for taking out her car’s engine, and when Edward gets Alice to kidnap her, Bella sends her growly “Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame by the time I’m done with you!1!!!” message. She cries when Edward plays her lullaby and sobs the night after they return from Italy because she thinks she is still dreaming. When Bella and Alice are reunited and Bella launches herself at her, Alice mentions she had forgotten how exuberant she is. In Eclipse, Bella was also willing to distract Victoria with her rock stunt.

With Jacob, Bella is also expressive, even more childish, but definitely not as passionate. She is angrier, not because she is more “alive” with Jacob, but because he constantly disregards her boundaries and consent. Bella is plenty alive with Edward—if she reads as more cautious as times, it’s because he’s a freakin’ vampire who could squash her like a bug. Hence, she tries not to make it harder for him than it already is.

Sanitized Imprinting

Clown OP: “This vampire imprinting plotline is too sanitized and not creepy enough!!1!”

Also Clown OP: *accurately details the reasons why many people think it is creepy*

We have no idea how Meyer will deal with the imprinting plotline when she finishes writing that Renesmee book. I have a feeling, though, that Jacob/Renesmee will have a lot of drama before they even get to a place of romance. For one thing, Edward and Bella themselves would never pressure Renesmee to accept Jacob. Hell, they struggled to come to terms with the imprinting and arguably never did—the imprinting drama was just subsumed by the Volturi drama. Once things do start going romantic, all of that drama will arise again.

Simping for the Movies

Edward yelling at Bella in the BD film was the worst OOC moment for me. It’s what broke Movie Edward for good (that, and the “spider monkey” shit).

Book Edward did not pretend Bella was fine, not even for a moment. He was literally in hell. Jacob was traumatized just by looking at him. But Edward knew that he could not force Bella to choose otherwise without breaking something fundamental about their relationship.

Also, Bella was NOT committing suicide. She had a plan. When the baby was out, she would immediately be turned into a vampire via Edward’s venom, which would heal her. It was an insanely risky plan that could have gone wrong in so many ways, but it wasn’t on blind faith.

The dumbass films neglected to write this, though, and so they broke Movie Bella. Fuck them all, and never, ever try to make the movies canon.

“Stephenie didn’t mean this positively—” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Edward and Carlisle—who, reminder, were hardcore Team Abort Fetus—are definitely framed sympathetically in the narrative. Jacob even does a 180 on his entire attitude just by speaking to Carlisle, who isn’t portrayed at all negatively for his stance. Alice, also one of the most sympathetic characters in the books, is also Team Abort Fetus.

And Edward’s suffering at Bella’s pain is one of the most heartbreaking things in the series. Even through Jacob’s POV (who is prejudiced!!!) it is framed that way. Occam’s Razor? Meyer definitely meant this positively.

Team Human Bella Fan Dumb

I disagree. Bella’s vampirism is not like a human adult life. It’s better.

Homegirl doesn’t have to sleep, only has seven years of raising Renesmee to adulthood, Renesmee herself skipped infancy, she is finally social equals with Edward, and she has gained his whole family as her own. Also, once again, she could go to college a million times.

With another man or even with Jacob, it would be pretty much business as usual for Bella, the exact same as with Renée and Charlie: Cooking, cleaning, and then the child-rearing. Those won’t heal Bella’s emotional neglect, but exacerbate it. Jacob has the advantage of protecting Bella physically from any and all dangers, but he would still require human comforts. And Jacob himself has proven he is no equalist/feminist.

The best case scenario for Bella, apart from therapy, would still be vampirism, and Meyer knew it. Bella herself is drawn to vampirism in ways she is not to the wolf shapeshifters. The BD endgame was not at all outdated; it was beyond clear that Bella would choose Edward always, and choosing Edward means choosing immortality.

And Jacob did want to imprint by the end. He even went to Seattle to look at girls, willing himself to imprint on any of them. Imprinting wasn’t even against his character by that point.

At the end of Eclipse, Bella absolutely does not accept herself yet. Her revelation was due to what she would be giving up re: humanity and accepting the cost.

In Breaking Dawn, she does not hang out with Jacob—he only returned for the wedding, and it was a complete surprise to Bella. Jacob returned on his own volition to Bella, who accepted him. And while Bella still retains some of her modesty, she finally describes herself as “a dark beauty” when she sees herself in her wedding dress. She also dresses up when she meets with Jenks. Those are not insignificant.

I think by that point, Bella finally does see herself as worthy of being with Edward, or at least accept that she has a powerful claim to him. She isn’t even jealous of Tanya anymore.

Based Takes

Bella is so well-written, you can give me any scenario and I could tell you how she would react to it. I’m not sure what happened on the Stewart/Hardwicke/Rosenberg front to destroy her character like this, but something did happen. Maybe it was a clusterfuck of all three.

[cto10121]

They’ve…literally…hung out and talked…so many times…?????

like are bella and edward even friends? like i mean this is in a “what are they actually doing when there’s no danger around?’ like my entire view of their relationship is Bella trying to be the perfect girlfriend for him (which she can’t because she’s literally a human caprisun) and Edward is overcompensating for his inability to connect with her on a human (no pun intended) level but i swear big dingus is always bagging on her interests (because classism)

[loser-of-hearts333]

no I don’t think you get it. I’m not a fan, I’m HAUNTED

[stormyoceans]

last twilight ending with bangkok run for the blind 2027 and mork asking day to marry him fr this time or OR!!!!!! day being the one to propose to mork to fully parallel aon and to really hammer home the fact that day chose mork since the very beginning and that he's gonna keep choosing him and crossing that line again and again without mork having to pull him over it im manifesting im actualizing im rearranging reality

[halosmoon]

The absolute gay panic 😭😭😭

[meganerin]

“No more loneliness, Little Day.”

[delusionalblfan]

finally i am here to talk about the end of twins the series. my last post but i need it

yes, it's very hard to forgive this clownery. i fell for twins not for the same reasons i fell for pit babe, last twilight or the sign, which is awesome because it's so good that different bl series exist. and you can have that one that balances it, that it's a safe zone - like twins was. it was a feel-good series, light-hearted, easygoing. until it wasn't. and i feel so wronged. i feel heartbroken and disappointed for varied reasons:

- it is unfitting that Sprite is like that. to the point of feeling odd, frustrated and almost confused that some things were happening. i guess the writers know him better (?) but it doesn't feel like it. and in the end he keeps going for the determined 'i like you i will flirt and we will date' without feeling honest guilt or even giving credit to First's feelings. is he someone this shallow? does he realise he seriously fucked up? and if this is the Sprite they were looking for, i hate him. it's a no no

- said enough about how frustrated i am towards the way they characterised First. and unfortunately the ending was as i expected, given the path they were going. it was so but so hard to watch it. almost unbearable. if they were looking for a 'oh so cute he gives in so easily', or a 'oh so whipped for Sprite', i did not feel it. just frustration and lack of sympathy for the choices

- the lack of development involving First and his father. in the finale the father says 'well done. i'm proud' and then problem solved and traumas from the past fixed? no no no

- lack of real communication between First and Zee. they just did not talk anymore and just played together? did they not have things to solve between them? so now they are kids that forget things without talking about them and problem solved? they are not kids. and as a viewer i needed that talk. it would make so much sense that they did it

- lack of more context on First's sister and what the fuck happened to her in the last episode. again... confusion and oddness and randomness. and they didn't even talk about it anymore. wtf

- Sprite, Zee and both parents eating together and just happiness and no real talk, not a sorry towards the kids that clearly suffered from a divorce, negligence and inexistent co-parenting

- all the hiding and lies and in the end only First ended up knowing about the switching? did the others also knew and i did not get it? no repercussion for Zee's future on volleyball given that someone else unlawfully played in his stead? needed so much more clarity on Zee and Sprite officially being two individuals and all the people close to them knowing

- lack of development of other stories (like Jack's family)... if you do not wish to give us more insight on those, don't make them up

[cto10121]

I’m just going to say it. Stephenie Meyer is too sophisticated a writer for many weak readers, including her fans.

[drogglethatjug]

I don't have a job. That's what.

What's stopping me from driving a clown car to work everyday?

[mikenewtonhateblog]

Since I am autistic I am going to claim this and anyone who tries to fight me can square up at the 7/11 parking lot at 4am:

Nessie is autistic bc she prefers to not speak allowed and instead show you her thoughts and images, is super smart and fast learning, and because it’ll make smeyer mad.

[the-motherfucking-tracys]

A GIFTED THEORY, EMBELLISHED BY ME, AN IDIOT

Alan is Scott's son. How does Scott look so young and yet have a son Alan's age? Simple. Scott is a vampire. J*ff told Alan he was kidnapped with Gordon to save him the heartbreak of knowing his brother, who is actually his dad, was a vampire. Scott also had a phase where he just moped around like Edward from Twilight. This phase has yet to end.

Original theory sent in by @janetm74

[stormyoceans]

I don't believe LT can fail. I can’t even imagine how it could fail. but if it does fail, I think our boys will get stuck in supporting roles in mediocre projects and never get out. there will be no events, concerns, mv. don't mind me. I’m lying in the hospital, scrolling through Twitter out of boredom and feeling sad.

hi, anon!!!!

first of all, i hope you're okay and that you're not at the hospital for anything serious!!! im sending you my best wishes, a very big hug and all the love!!!!

i honestly don't wanna make predictions on how last twilight is gonna fare because on one hand i don't wanna jinx it, and on the other if there's one thing i've learned in the past two years is that i have WILDLY different tastes from the majority of the fandom so i clearly have no idea what works for people and what doesn't ;;;;;;

i do think last twilight is a very ambitious project: it's an original script that focuses on a main character with disability, and that alone opens the show up to a lot of possible criticism, but that's exactly why it's also so important. im not gonna be a hypocrite and pretend one of the reasons i want last twilight to succeed isn't so jimmysea will finally get the recognition they deserve, but im fully aware that there's also something way bigger at stake here: the show gaining popularity would give a very clear message to GMMTV about diversity and representation and maybe slowly open up the industry to actors with disability as well

anyway, idk if this can be of any consolation but even IF last twilight doesn't become super popular, GMMTV is NEVER gonna be able to downplay or get rid of jimmysea AND IMMA SHOW YOU WHY

OUR BOYS BRING ALL THE DIRECTORS TO THE YARD AND THEY'RE LIKE CHEMISTRY LEVELS SO DERANGED WE'RE GONNA DIE IF WE DON'T GET TO PUT IT ON CAMERA

YOUR HONOR I REST MY CASE [MIC DROP]

[pack-the-pack]

Fuck it imma do it:

*This list does not include the shows I've dropped. Only the ones I finished and or am currently watching.

• Love by chance (Thai) Good!

• Until we meet again (Thai) 7/10 enjoyed the flashbacks a lot but the reincarnation couple was very boring.

• 2gether (Thai) 3/10 Didn't like it.

• We best love: No.1 for you (Taiwanese) 8/10 Very good, love me skme classic enemies-to friends-to lovers trope. Didn't like the beginning of the second season tho, so I didn't even bother watching it oop.

• Young Royals (Swedish) 3/10 meh. Technically not a Drama I know, but I'll just lump it together cause there's just 2 western "dramas" I've watched.

• Wish you (Korean) 2/10 Boring. So. Very. Boring.

• Semantic Error (Korean) 8/10. Just that fucking kiss. I cannot. No more dead fish kisses, may the Gods be hailed! Korea do better and make more like this one please.

• Bad Buddy (Thai) 10/10 GOAT. Perfection. Utter, flawless perfection, no need to say anything else.

• Enchanté (Thai) 2/10 Terrible easily the worse one so far.

• Sotus (Thai) okay 7/10, maybe 8. Liked it but the clichés kind of held it back for me. Tried reading the novel, but it was very bad and I couldn't actually read it. Still a classic tho.

• Sotus S (Thai) 8/10. Better than Sotus in my opinion, mostly because Arthit is very cute looking and behaving through most of it. Still lack of kissies in my humble opinion.

• I Told Sunset About You + Last Twilight in Phuket (Thai) 8/10, I liked Bas more than that bitch Tae. Sorry but this one is just kind of overrated for me y'all. I can honestly say that there's better in this list. Maybe not cinematographically speaking, because hands down this one is a masterpiece in that aspect. But man.... Do I fucking hate Tae 😂 Hence why I haven't watched I Promised You The Moon.

• Cherry Magic (Japanese) 9/10. would have been a 10 if it actually had a kiss. Just lots of fun. The acting is amazing for a Japanese drama (I said what I said). Adachi is just so funny to watch and he's just straight up adorable.

• Papa and Daddy - season 1 (Taiwanese) 5/10 it's okay-ish. Season 2's change of actor was a bit upsetting tho :(( I liked the original actor so much. I hope it was just a career choice and not because of something tragic tho...

• Old Fashioned Cupcake (Japanese) 8/10 really enjoyed it. Ending was so abrupt tho :(( wanted more of it.

• Kieta Hatsukoi (Japanese) 5/10 cute but could use some work. Honestly don't see that much chemestry in the main couple (I said what I sait pt.2).

• Mr. Unlucky has no choice but to kiss! (Japanese) 4/10 it starts great but it also ends abruptly and loses momentum. Wish there was more of it.

• Senpai, this can't be love (Japanese) 7/10 very cute, but there was a lack of romance and once again ended way too early.

• Cherry Blossoms after Winter (Korean) 7/10 really loved it and we all know it's more of a 6 than a 7, but my bias is strong for this one because it just caters to so many of my basic bitch cliché needs.

• Eien no Kino (Japanese - on going) So far I'd say it's a 6/10 though. I'm enjoying it, but not THAT much.

• Cherry Magic Movie (Japanese) 5/10 Dissapointing beyond words... That clownery of a "kiss" I... Just don't talk to me about this fucking movie.

• Heartstopper (English) 8/10. Very sweet, very cute, heartwarming, and Nick Nelson has my heart. Waiting at the edge of my sit for season 2.

• Choco Milk Shake (Korean) 7/10 the missed opportunity of that poly realtionship kills me every time.

• My School President (Thai) 9/10 so far. And honestly that may be a runner up to take Bad Buddy's spot as my favourite, it all depends on how it goes and how it ends because we're still on episode 11. But honestly so cute, so heartwarming and genuine. I love it beyond words.

• Moonlight Chicken (Thai) 8/10 I'm shook honestly. Didn't expect the stupid named one to be this good. Also didn't expect to like this main couple so much given I dropped ATOATS because I didn't like their chemestry on screen. Came for GeminiForth, stayed for the amazing directing and plot. Would recommend.

Should I post the list of BL dramas I've watched (with the score and brief one line reviews) and let people make me questions about it? A/B/O related or not? Cause honestly I just love these shoes so much, they make my day brighter and they make me forget about my problems a little every day, and I'd just like to talk to more people about it.

[hhuta]

shut up was he nOT trying to be funny ?1?1!1!1 he thinks thats how normal people talk?1?1?1?1??1 “CASUAL” ?????? THATS CLOWN BEHAVIOUR !!!

[emmettmccartycullen]

I trust one man and his name is Emmett McCarty Cullen

[volturialice]

skyping the extended clown fam for easter and they literally just had like a ten-minute conversation about bidets